#my mom fucking hated him btw she got so mad whenever i got him out

[collieii]

getting vash the arts education he deserves

#vash the stampede #trigun #i was going to take my teru vash but it came in the mail the day after i left for my trip so. i had to settle #still very disgruntled about it but what can you do #these are very bad pics im sorry #but as you can imagine it's really embarrassing pulling a funko pop out in the middle of a crowded art gallery #so i was in a bit of a rush #my mom fucking hated him btw she got so mad whenever i got him out #but i persisted #i'm doing it for the bit mom you wouldn't understand #(the bit is a crippling addiction to an anime/manga series from 20 years ago) #.lieii #these may be the only pictures ever taken of a vash funko pop with classic european works of art....

[freyrmichokolatte]

Soulmate trio Parenthood headcanons

Iruma

Can't cook in a kitchen but he does know how to cook in a fire pit.

He HATES and will definitely not order his kids because of how his parents used to treat him as their servant.

Is normally in the middle during cuddle/sleeping times (because of how Clara and Alice love him).

Makes horrible dad jokes that you just might go to the doctor (Clara loves them tho).

Would go to Shichirou and maybe Kalego for Dad tips as he see's them as his Father figures.

Would tell them survival tips and strategies in case of emergencies.

Has multiple sleeping potions that he got from Momonoki and Shichirou in case Sullivan spoils his kids to much.

"Iruma: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" "Everyone else: *hideous sobbing*"

Alice

CAN cook but still can't cook fish to live.

Awkward dad who makes awkward dad jokes that nobody gets.

Will turn anyone into crispy meat for dinner if they touch his kids, wife, and husband in an inappropriate way.

His mother spoils his children so much he might riot.

He doesn't look like it but has the most Dadest energy out of Iruma and him.

Makes the best magic tricks to entertain his family.

Brainstorm his spouses and kids to everyone and everything.

"Alice, with Clara's cannonball on his side: Who ever decided to hurt my kids, come out so I can peacefully break your legs"

Clara

The family adores her cooking.

Got her mom's mom energy.

She's the first non-retired akudol who has kids and is working for Devimuse agency. (Mrs. Valac is very happy [she used to be an akudol btw})

Plays with the kids any time and any day.

The Valac family is happy they got new members.

They would sometimes play in her Toy-Box whenever they have the chance.

Gives the best cuddles and kisses.

Clara's disappointed/mad at you? Good luck with that then.

Her lullaby will never get old no matter what your age is <3

She WILL go apeshit to anyone if something happened to her spouses and kids.

No she will not seduce them for revenge that's for her husbands and her husbands' only. Instead, she'll use a fucking bazooka.

Raim is so proud of her.

"Clara, in a fight together with the Misfits: It's time to use my secret weapon!" "Clara: *Pulls out a fucking Gatling Gun out of her pocket* Get down bitch."

#clara valac #valac clara #alice asmodeus #asmodeus alice #iruma suzuki #suzuki iruma #mairuma #m!ik #wtds!ik #soulmete trio

[anir-lol]

Sebastian HCs when he was younger mostly cause I probably won't draw any of this lol

I'm just gonna be putting a warning here cause I'm gonna be talking about this stuff so

Death warning and Smoking warning

Alright first off his dad is dead

Died when Sebastian was like 3

How'd he die? Smoking

Already had fucked up lungs before, him smoking a bunch made it worse

He was stressed as hell when Sebastian was born, but still wanted to quit for him and Robin

He couldn't do it though...

You bet when she found out Sebastian smokes it worried her a shit ton

Sebastian started smoking when he was 18

Robin would go out of her way to look for the cigarette packs and throw them out

Really pissed off Sebastian since he was an adult and brought it all himself

Eventually after a few fights Robin stops throwing them out, but still sometimes tell him off when she sees it

Sebastian and his dad used to watch Sebastian's favorite show until 10pm

He even went out to buy a plush of his favorite character from the show

The plush was a bright green frog

Still keeps it close by even being older

It's the one thing Sebastian sees as something left of his dad, so he hugs it each time when he's sad over him (or sad in general)

Sebastian found him dead when he went out to go get his dad to watch his favorite show together

He was just lying there on the bed... With a cigarette on the floor

Sebastian didn't know any better, just thought he was sleeping

He just climbed and sat down on the bed and turned on the show, mad his dad was "sleeping"

Robin came home 3 hours later from hanging out with her friends to see Sebastian just sleeping on the bed next to his dad

She broke down reallllllly badly

Robin moved cause she couldn't handle being there with everything reminding her of her husband

Robin and Sebastian's dad worked on the house together when it was literally tearing down together, so she really couldn't be in the house

Even more that she was sleeping almost exactly where her husband died in the bed

Robin and Jodi knew each other in ZuZu city, so Sebastian and Sam basically grew up together

Robin got the idea of moving to Stardew Valley from Jodi

Both Robin and Jodi moved at the same time

Robin met Demetrius when she moved there and Sebastian already disliked him lol

Cause Sebastian didn't really understand the concept of death at the time, he kept thinking Demetrius was replacing his dad

Robin had to go and seriously talk to him about it, and for the longest it really affected him

When Sebastian was 4 Robin and Demetrius got married, and he was 5 they had Maru

When Maru came they had to make Sebastian's room into Maru's room, it made Sebastian really upset to start living in the basement

They also changed the living room to a scientist room for Demetrius, which upseted Sebastian even more

Sebastian and Maru actually got a long really well when they were younger

Whenever Demetrius started showing favoritism towards Maru and telling Sebastian a bunch of stuff he didn't like is when he started disliking both of them

Would listen to his mom a lot more than Demetrius when he was younger

Sebastian and Sam made friends with Abigail in the valley when he was 8, Sam was 9, and Abigail was 7

Pierre didn't want Abigail hanging out with them that young but fuck you Pierre she still did anyways 😩

So young and Lewis already hated them all lol

Sebastian has ginger hair just like Robin, and has light freckles too

Absolutely hates that summer shows his freckles more

Robin dyed her hair black once and Sebastian really wanted his hair dyed black too, so she let him get it dyed for him

Only seen black hair ever since lol

Whenever Sebastian got his motorcycle, the first place he went on it was his dad's grave

He learns a lot more of his dad from Robin mostly and rarely Jodi whenever she talk to Sebastian since it was such a young age for him when he died

Always wishes he got closer to his dad, even though he knew I'd hurt him more

Whenever he gets with the farmer, once they're really close he takes them to see his dad (if they wanted to)

He's really the only one to go out to buy flowers to put on his dad's grave

Sometimes Robin would ask him to go put some flowers for her that she brought

Whenever something he feels important happens in his life (whether being good of bad) he goes out to his dad's grave and talks to him about it

Always wonders how much different life would be with his dad still around

He one time saw and felt his dad's ghost hugging him and really freaked him out-

Especially cause he didn't even smoked anything

He tells this to the farmer once

The farmer tells him that they also see their grandfather in their dreams rating their farm and he's just like "wait is this shit normal????"

I don't do HCs stuff too btw, I just wanted to dump some of my Sebastian HC stuff lol and sorry if it's a bit dark too, I know the dad part is a bit messed up so uh-

#sdv #sdv sebastian #stardew valley sebastian #sdv headcanons

[swimfuel]

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

#humanstuck #vantas family #.

[nahoyaglock]

Frobi selfship headcannons

!!sfw!!

shigabi, tenfro, fronaka, frobishima, inuobi, frokuto, aobi, frotani, fromi, ushibi, frobinoya, katsubi hcs

a/n: sorry for these long ass headcanons, i hope yall enjoy them tho?? also sorry for the reoccurring mention of my terrible paranoia </3 im going through a hard time w it rn, pls excuse me

reblogs on selfship posts are super appreciated!

shigabi

video games

i am his baby! he has a soft spot for me :3

lets me sit in his lap while he plays video games

hc that shigaraki is a twitch streamer instead of a villain and he streams with me on his lap

messy hair, black headset, pajama pants and a black hoodie vs pink tank top, white skirt, pink bows and a fuzzy blanket

we own cats named wario and waluigi >:3

we play ow and animal crossing together

he plays shooters and horror games while i play otome games and rhythm games

watching happy feet and cuddling, lets me lay between his legs as he plays with my hair

calls me brat and baby

cooks me seafood

some days i want him to baby me, other days we go run around at 4am

teases me bc of my height, leanes down to give me kisses

randomly tugs on my hair and pretends he didnt do it throught the day

i kick his ugly ass ankles /j

tenfro

baking, cuddling, horror movies and videos games 24/7

both bullied so we confine in each other and comfrt the other well

hes very caring so he always checks in, even when i seem fine

notices my mood changes

"do you need a hug?" and just hugs me bc he knows i do

he likes to rest his head on my chest when he rants to me

booping noses and interlocked hands ♡

ushijima gives us rides everywhere

their manager, so i have to make sure tendou does well

the other team members are happy im dating tendou, especially ushijima

sitting with tendou on the bus to their matches

kisses and hugs after every match and practice match

lets me wear his jersey bc he hates when other guys look at me

one time terushima tried to flirt w me and he made ushi scare him away

fronaka

hand on ass always.

tries to fight any guy that even comes near me

me, ryu and noya, the trio !

walks me to class with his arm around my waist

basically bestfriends to lovers so we spemd all our time together like we did before we were dating

still a slight kiyoko simp but lmao so am i, we admire her beauty together

brags to the team about me, telling them random things about me

"frobis favorite food are clams!" crosses gis arms proudly

"ryuu, you dumbass" insert me slapping the back of his bald head

saeko teasing him and telling him to treat me well

says "hey bae" and probably uses the devil emoji ajxjzjx

plays with my hair, he loves my curls :D

we prolly have a dog, small dog bc ooi dogs scary,, D:

frobishima

always has an arm around me

denki bestie af !

also one that i can relate to so we can share our experiences and comfort each other

top kin so we get along very well and have alot of the same interests

movie nights w/ the bakusquad

cuddling kiri the whole time and making the rest of them feel single

he likes to pinch my shoulder to get my attention

big smiles and playful biting :D

he probably has alot of my clothes left at his house bc i like wearing his shirts

insert kiri cooking while i back hug him <3

likes to princess carry me, and carries me when im sleepy

thigh kisses bc he loves them alot <3

best an comforting, sings me to sleepy and helps me when i have really bad paranoia </3

true loml

inuobi

walk to school together everyday

sometimes we race

brings me a breakfast bar, sometimes his mom makes me a morning snack too

little pecks and hand holding

we're like two energetic puppies in a relationship

i always attend his games and cheer for him and the boys

insert kuroo, tora, kenma, and kai acting like my dads

me and inu doing puppy eyes for little spoon, he usually gives in and takes big spoon

lots compliments and blushing

"inu, y-you look cute today"

"frobi, you look s-stunning"

comfort buddies!

convinces the coach to let me ride on the bus with them to tournaments

sleppys babies on the back of the bus

members have pictures of us sleeping

sharing a blanket that kai gave to us bc the bus was cold and sharing a scarf that inuoka bought me for winter

frokuto

if hes sad, im sad :( if im sad, hes sad :(((

my energy beam, my number one, my ace 🥺

he loves to hold my small hands in his big ones, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb

he'd walk around at tournaments, big star bo with his tiny cute girlfriend

saru, komi, and konoha give me headpats

bo pouts because they didnt guve him head pats

many pats for the ace!! :D

during lunch i hang w him and akaashi, akaashi having to deal w me and bos shenanigans

lowkey, we probably bring him stress

me and bo go on night time adventures, he drives us <3

brings home ramen after a long day of practice

when hes sad he cries into my chest and i play with his hair

"its okay bo, your still my ace" kisses and more kisses and more kisses

he loves to hold my thumbs and kiss my wrists

always looks for me when he has a match, sees me cheering the loudest for him <3

hes my baby, he'll smiles at me and ill cry

aobi

listener

he lets me talk about my interests and day, i let him talk about his

loves to be supportive, my shoulder to lean on

we take public transportation after school to get to our house

he lets me lean against him and sleep, tired from a long day, he'll wrap his large arm around me

he opened up after a while and smiles more, sometimes he'll lightly giggle, one time i made him laugh for 5 whole mins

hes so golden in my eyes, lake dates, he likes to just walk with me

treats me to food whenever we go out

i help him be more open and push him to be himself, but i respect his boundaries !!!

if he feels uncomfortable he'll poke my back gently

i take him away from the uncomfortable situation and ask what was wrong so that it doesnt happen again

people ask why im dating him bc hes "scary"

my response is a punch to the face

jkjk, its none of their business why, but its bc hes very sweet and kind hearted, who couldn't love an angel like my nobu? :]

frotani

complicated hc?? i have like two ways it could go, my top is def still me being a shiratorizawa girl bc lmao canon !!

met him through levy, (@bigger-simp-than-kazuichi) aoba johsais manager

she introduced me to her besyies, kyo and yahaba

"hey, you're the one they call mad dog?" he hates that now but responds with "yes, im mad dog."

levy invites me to alot of their events if im not busy, lowkey oikawa is salty bc im shiratorizawas manager

kyotani stays at my side, we talk about our days and his live for volleyball

we exchange numbers and he messages me at night, we have hour long conversations till one of us falls asleep

late night calls, he just grumbles and scoffs at anything i say and he just waits for me to sleep before hanging up

confesses to me at a match infront of my team, i just kissed him in response

he visits me whenever he can, and brings me food and gifts

imagine aoba johsai vs shiratorizawa, rip kyo lmao ushi get his ass /j

kyotani likes to hold mt hands and wrap my in his jacket and scarf

barks at anyone who bothers me, loves when i sit on his lap btw

fromi

komi will pick me up over his shoulder and drag me to the room when he wants cuddles

loves horror movies, horror movie marathons any time of the year

he likes and kiss my jaw and hold my thumbs

calls me short when he's not that much taller than me

we curse at each other every 5 minutes

insert sarukui climbing through our windows atleast once a month to have a movie marathon with us

komi likes to slap my head

we probably play fight all the time, definently turns into something more intense

akaashi and konoha break us up and me and komi will be confused

"whats wrong? We were just playing"

"yall were strangling each other"

"we're fineee~"

chaotic, we always look like were fighting or arguing

"fuck you, i hate you" "fuck you too bitch"

holds hands and deep kisses the next second

akaashi lowkey hates dealing with us, bokuto loves us skxj

ushibi

shira and hayato convinced me to join at their manager

the original shiratorizawa manager, ceo of the company 😎

they introduced me to the team, and they took a liking to me

ushijima was by my side alot, helped me with my job and carrying thing especially

he was so kind and even spoke to me, asked if i ate, if i slept well, if i needed anything

didn't realize it was different from what he normally was like until tendou asked about it

one time ushi was walking me home and i asked him about it, but he was definently confused

"i, guess so. your attractive and have a good personality. i would date you."

hes so blunt, awkwardly blunt

so we,, started dating, and now he really never leaves my side

i got haterz bc im THE ushiwakas bby girl 🙈

gives me headpats and kisses before everymatch

lets me wear his team jacket, huge on my small figure

he enjoys our height difference, he thinks i look cute when i look up at him :3

teaches me how to play volleyball, even smiles when i land a good serve

patches me up whenever i get hurt, slight frown if i ever fall

hes,, kinda fatherly? a person w no dad calling someone fatherly sjcjxj lmao 🙈🙈

nurturing and caring, ushi i will kiss you, probably calls me by my full name, fro, manager, baby, and sometimes even brat

frobinoya

hes woke, i just know it

all the characters prolly woke but hes woke asf!!

we run around, literally our whole relationship is mainly just running around and being wild

arcade hangouts after school/practice

he loves arcade games so much, and so do i

we take off guard pictures of each other, also chaotic and blurry pictures

he'll kick me in the butt, que me chasing him till i run out of breath

he likes to support my interests, loves to watch me practice dancing

we wear cat ears and maid outfits and take pictures in his room at like 5am when the sun rises

videos of us kissing and cuddling in his gallery

posts on insta to make ryuu jealous

buys me cute skirts bc he knows i love to look pretty for him !!

im his pretty kitty ♡♡

likes to call me his girly~ and his serotonin

holds my hand whenever im feeling sad and strokes my cheek with his thumb

lowkey has a good voice, sings heather to me while he nuzzles his nose into my jaw

katsubi

random kisses throughout the day

pinky holding bc he likes my small hands

leans over me when he wants a kiss

gets teased by the squad and just endures it bc he likes the way i giggle when they do

head pats ! lots :3

likes to show off infront of class 1-b by holding me close and kissing me

brings me lunches he cooked and likes to feed me

always finds an excuse to be on my team for training or being my training buddy

barks at anyone who tries to train with me /j

walking me to school and home, even brings me over

mitsuki loves it whenever i come over and makes cookies when i do

katsuki helps her make the cookies D: so precious

never kisses infront of his parents bc he doesnt want to deal with their teasing and nagging

sings ballads, will sing me to sleep, probably listens to rap and rnb, some rock, but will sing me some khalid since he knows i love him

probably sung me "can i be him" one night when my paranoia got bad <//3

i laid on his chest and he ran his fingertips up and down my back, singing softly to me until i fell asleep

forehead kiss before he drifted to sleep as well, katsuuuu :( <3

@kekozume @nekosvno

#self ships #shigabi #tenfro #fronaka #frobishima #inuobi #frokuto #aobi #frotani #fromi #ushibi #frobinoya #katsubi #frobis.💿

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol 21

"What do you have there?"

"A knife!"

"NO-"

That's probably all I can say about this one lmao

Kyo's still thinking back to when he met Kyoko, and how he felt about her as a kid. It was strange to him, in a way, but very welcoming, because unlike the majority of people around him, she treated him like a spunky kiddo(that's what she called him because he never told her his name) who seemed to have a hard life, but still seemed nice. In other words, Kyoko treated him kindly, something that Kyo had only experienced with Kazuma, which is extremely heartbreaking, oh my god.

But that only made what happened later hurt that much more, when she died. He heard her say that she won't forgive him, and those words have stuck with him to this day. After Kyoko's death, Kazuma took Kyo to the mountains, "to train". There wasn't much training, honestly, because Kyo was thrown into the depths of just,, self-hatred, mourning, regret, all of it. The only way he could get out of it was to place blame elsewhere, and that elsewhere was Yuki. It was easy, to be expected, almost encouraged in a way. It's not even that Yuki did anything in particular (I doubt they were even around each other enough for Yuki to actually do anything to Kyo), it's just that it was easier. And that helped Kyo enough that Kazuma let him return back home, which is around the time that Tohru showed up at Shigure's house, and the start of the series. When Kyo first saw Tohru, he couldn't believe it. He just wasn't allowed to forget what had happened, was he? It was interesting, in a way, to finally meet the girl that Kyoko was always talking about, to finally hear her voice rather than a picture, anecdotes, and a lonesome dinner. But it also hurt. In the end, he says he won't forgive himself, and he doesn't expect Tohru to forgive him either, for holding all of this back.

Tohru doesn't like that though, only having those two options: to forgive or not. It's really not that simple. She doubts that her mom meant that, "I won't forgive you", because she wasn't that kind of person, and even if she did mean it, Tohru's going against it, because her love for Kyo overpowers her love for her mom. She screams at him that she loves him, regardless of all of that. It doesn't matter dude! He can't believe it though, and he runs off, with Yuki, who overheard a portion of all of this, chasing after Kyo, with the spirit of "jfc you fucking moron get back here".

Oh remember Akito? And how she was thinking about Tohru? And how she has a knife? Well, she just entered the chat. 🔪🔪

She enters the chat by vaguely saying that the curse is breaking, to Tohru, who at the moment is partially occupied with thinking how fucking miserable Kyo looked before he ran off, but now Akito's here. (That sounds bad, like a "now Tohru has to deal with Akito 🙄" thing, that's not really what I mean. Tohru's just going through a few things at the moment) She asks Tohru if she's happy now, now that Akito has became the outsider, the loner, the bad guy, after waltzing into her life (and the lives of the Sohmas) and completely disrupting it, without a speck of dirt on her hands. Tohru's putting two and two together and steps toward Akito, asking if she was there the whole time (at this point Tohru did not know Akito had a knife), and oh jeez Akito just slashed at Tohru. Despite Akito yelling at Tohru to stay back, Tohru starts thinking of things through Akito's lens, how this whole time, Akito must have been so lonely. She was marveled for being God, but because of that (and her lashing out but hush), no one ever wanted to be around her. She was told that she was above everyone else, and she treated them as such, and they did the same back to her.

Tohru mentioned how Akito always spoke of permanence, because it was the only thing that Akito ever had to hold onto. Akito lashes out at that (i don't think she cut Tohru, but Tohru does end up having two cuts, so i think this was the second, both times they were just on her arms), saying that Tohru doesn't know what she's talking about, she won't fall for Tohru's crap! She can't be won over by nice little words like everyone else (are you sure about that dude). Tohru doesn't really deny it, she agrees that she is dirty, and bad. She wished for her own permanence, to forever be with her mom, but that didn't and couldn't happen. She says that realizing this is very lonely, realizing that you can't make anything stay, you can't grab onto it with all your might and beg for it to stay, it will move on in its own time. This ends up further upsetting Akito, thinking back to Akira and what he said to her as a child. She screams that she doesn't want to be left behind, alone in this huge world of strangers who don't know or care about about, or need her. She's terrified, and she says there's no saying that someone could ever love her, she'll be all alone when the curse breaks. Tohru then offers to be her friend. (Honestly this scene is kinda heartbreaking for me, seeing Tohru all scuffed up with tears in her eyes, offering to be Akito's friend. This girl does so fucking much all the time, regardless of the fact that she just heard that the boy she loves was involved in some way to her mother's death, her personal crisis of Kyo becoming more important to her than Kyoko, and now she's cut up and bloody, probably soaked through by the rain, trying to console a thoroughly upset Akito, like,, jfc Tohru)

Akito smacks Tohru's outstretched hand, saying she's mocking her, that when Akito starts to get upset, she'll get irritated, when Akito complains, she'll get mad, she'll hate Akito, she'll abandon her, but Tohru just puts out a hand, offering to be Akito's friend regardless. And once Akito realizes that Tohru would totally be there for her if she needed Tohru, Tohru literally falls off a cliff. Kinda. Do you remember back in the beginning of the series when Shigure mentioned that the ground is kinda unstable, and that's why there was a landslide? This is the same kind of thing, the ground crumbled underneath Tohru, and she fell. The first time I read that scene, I wasn't entirely sure if it was a metaphorical thing or not. It was not.

After Tohru fell, Akito just started screaming (fair enough, honestly), screaming for someone to come help, anyone! Shigure and Yuki come (and off in the undisclosed distance, Kyo also hears the cries), and Shigure actually asks Akito if she pushed Tohru off. Akito manages to explain what happens, and Yuki calls an ambulance. Shigure takes Akito back to the house, and a little bit later Kyo comes back to the house, and overhears Shigure explaining things to Hatori over the phone, and fuckin bolts over to where Tohru is. She's unconscious, scuffed, with cuts and blood on her, and holy shit, remember that one dream Kyo had a while back? Yeah, well, this looks wayyy too close for comfort to that dream, and Kyo's pretty freaked out. Distantly, Tohru can hear him crying, and she's just like, "Don't cry, it'll be okay, there's no reason to cry." She thought about how she worried that her love for Kyo ended up hurting him, and she was sorry for that, but she couldn't help it. It's revealed that Tohru fell in love with Kyo around the time of the Dark Form/True Form thing was going down, I think when Kazuma first showed up. She wishes for Kyo to be able to live a full life, even if it's hard, even if they aren't together. (Very emotional stuff, really.)

The next day, Yuki sees Tohru's grandfather at the hospital (who is visiting Tohru as well), and he asks about "that orange-headed boy", and Yuki says he was just an idiot that has bad timing, and he made Tohru cry. He can make her happy better than anyone, and he did that. He stopped himself short, but Tohru's grandfather was like, "About that," and presumably told Yuki to fucking brawl with Kyo, because that's exactly what he did after hearing from Haru that Kyo didn't try to see to Tohru. Before the fists went flying, Yuki asked Kyo about it, and Kyo said it was for the better, that all he'd do was hurt Tohru further. He couldn't protect Tohru when she needed it, he didn't want to do further harm.

Now the scene has shifted to the hospital, with two people being stuck in bed: Tohru and Kureno. Kyo tries to see Tohru, to apologize, to talk, something, but Hanajima and Uotani are not having it. Hanajima points out that apologizing wouldn't even mean anything, because Tohru doesn't blame Kyo for anything that happened. Hanajima says that there's other things that Kyo needs to do before he can see Tohru. Certain Things, and honestly I'm not sure if she was just bullshitting and using her ominousness to her advantage or if she actually knew something, but Kyo agreed (internally, anyway): there was something he had to do before seeing Tohru again.

Yuki might as well have said that was complete and utter bullshit, who does Kyo fuckin think he is? A goddamn superhero, able to fly in the second Tohru's in trouble? Doesn't he see the way Tohru acts around him? The way she smiles whenever he's near? Kyo's shocked by that, but he doesn't like the way Yuki said it, so he asked why couldn't Yuki do it (this is actually out of order but shh), he's already so perfect and shit. Basically, he's finally saying that he has always envied Yuki, because it just seemed like he got everything that Kyo wanted, especially when they were kids. Through the flying kicks and punches, Yuki says the same thing, but in the end, he can only be himself, same thing for Kyo. Neither of them (or anyone else) can be anything other than themselves, and sometimes there are things that only one person can do. In this case, only Kyo can kinda,, make her happy, I guess. I think that was the implication, which is nice. Kyo then goes off to see Tohru at the hospital, but the visiting hours are over, but y'know it's the thought that counts, right?

(Meanwhile) (btw how many times do these kinda things wreck Shigure's house like can they not take these things outside or something)

On the part of Uotani and Hanajima (and really everyone else who is visiting Tohru at this time), there's another level to keeping Kyo out: it's that everyone kinda knows that Tohru might be a little messed up if she did see Kyo again so soon after that whole shpeal that happened before Akito showed up. Tohru had a bomb dropped on her, and then she helped Akito calm down, and then she fell off a cliff; she didn't have any time to process the things that Kyo told her, especially that last line of his, the whole, "I'm disillusioned" thing, which all the significance that I personally can find within it is that he said that he wouldn't be disillusioned when Tohru was telling him about her father, but there really seems to be a bigger thing here that I'm not getting, idk. Anyway, there's that whole mess as well. Besides from that, there also seems to be this idea, I guess, that once Tohru is around Kyo again, they won't really be apart, so this is kinda like the last few moments with just Tohru? Or something? Hanajima and Uotani were talking about how Kyo's gonna "steal Tohru away", and seeing as Tohru is their close friend, I suppose it makes sense, from a selfish perspective (but not in a bad way), that they would want to "have" Tohru as long as they could.

Meanwhile (y'know that 60s Batman scene transition thing? That's always what I imagine when I write that, with the music included. Imagine how annoying it'd be if I put in a gif of it every time), Akito is having a Struggle Moment. She's at the hospital, and holy fuck is she guilty about stabbing Kureno, which is nice she totally should be it'd be really concerning if she wasn't, and Momiji pops up and asks if Akito came to see Kureno or Tohru (oof that guilt it's now been doubled), and Akito bursts out with confusion: why doesn't Kureno blame her?! He could've (should've-- wait what) blamed her, gotten angry, something?? Momiji says that it's because Kureno and Tohru (because Akito also visits Tohru) are that kind of stupid: they just don't blame people for things, they're always allowing for forgiveness. So why question it, why not just accept that Kureno isn't angry at her, isn't blaming her, just accept the kindness.

Akito thinks back on when she visited Kureno, and he asked her if she was okay. She thinks that if she had said she wasn't, that Kureno would have gone back to her side, and stayed with her, despite what she had done to him. He would stay with her until she no longer needed him, because he just has that kind of unselfish kindness. This kindness, in retrospect, doesn't make Akito feel much better though, as she thinks (realizes?) that she's basically been killing him, this whole time (before the stabbing, of course). No apology could fix this, no matter what Kureno would say, Akito wouldn't ever stop feeling bad for what she had said and done, not to him but to the other Juunishi as well (I suppose the Sohma family as a whole, honestly). Momiji just says that Akito has to take care of Kureno from now on, and to make sure that she doesn't do something like this again. Then he tells Akito a story (i don't get to hear it and that makes me quite sad ngl) and later Akito visits Tohru. But that'll be talked about later. Now we're talking about

(60s Batman transition sound) Yuki! And the other people in the student council. Kakeru mentions how the school is abuzz with what happened to Tohru, and how rumor has it that Kyo's the one who got her in the hospital. (Yuki doesn't really deny that, btw) Unsurprisingly, it's not really something that he has talked about, seeing as it's not very casual conversation, and it is a bit of a downer, but he realizes that he's not too upset by it. (By that I mean the overall recent series of events, not solely Tohru's accident) I guess violence is the answer, sometimes.

Kimi then asks what Yuki's relationship with Tohru even is, and Kakeru, unfiltered as usual, just drops, "She's like his mom, in his mind" as if that wasn't something that Yuki was struggling with for a long time??? Whatever dude, but one day Yuki'll probably have his revenge. At any rate, there were a lot of shots to Machi doing her thing, so if it wasn't already clear from the story so far, Yuki likes Machi. If you hadn't picked that up, it's a whole thing.

Anyway, later on Yuki and Kakeru are looking for get-well gifts for Tohru, and Kakeru just straight up says, "If I don't know what to give to someone, I'll just choose something I like, so that if they don't like it, I can take it, and I'll like it," which, as it turns out, Machi does the same thing. (That comes later but it's the not most important thing so shh) After getting a gift, Kakeru says that he's going to visit Tohru, but he insists on doing it alone, and so Yuki wanders off, walking down the street (he's makin his way downtown, walkin fast, faces pass), and he thinks about how, when he was in big crowds, he used to wonder, if he disappeared, would anyone really notice? Now though, that's not really a worry. He knows that there is at least one person who would notice, who would be worried if he disappeared. And holy shmow, he just found the perfect gift for her! He calls up Machi, and they meet up at a train station, I think, I'm pretty sure it's a train station idk I've never been in one, and it turns out that she got a gift for him as well. (It's fertilizer, remember back to that scene, with the,, yeah. Ok.)

The gift is a big Mogeta doll (probably like a stuffed animal), like the one that Ayame had in his shop, except he had the gall to write on it? Machi said that it was a limited exclusive item, but Yuki managed to find it (for a fair price too, apparently), and she really likes it. She says she'd like to thank Tohru for what she's done to help Yuki become who he is presently, that she's really glad that she was able to meet Yuki, because without him, she definitely wouldn't be the person she is today. It was some super soft stuff, there were plenty of "aw"s when I read that whole interaction. They're so fucking cute, it's great.

Anyway, other than Kakeru asking Hatori what he ate to look that handsome (which is something I still can't get over), there wasn't much else to the book, so I'll finally end this (I took several days in between writing this it's inexcusable). Yay ✨✨

#seriously though i do like machi and yuki's relationship it's so nice #if asked i'd do a very bad job of explaining it so i'll leave that to the essay analysists but yeah i like them a lot #i should probably just get straight into the tags #anyway #tohru honda #yuki sohma #kyo sohma #kyoko honda #shigure sohma #akito sohma #kureno sohma #hanajima saki #uotani arisa #momiji sohma #kakeru kuragi #machi kuragi #fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket vol 21 #fruits basket volume 21

[zetheweirdo]

Welcome to part 2 of how Ze rants on why she hates her mom sometimes.

(Pink is mom, purple is me)

Okay, so update on the friend first of all:

He isn’t genderfluid rather a trans boy. There was a misunderstanding between the two of us. He told his parents and they are a bit.. iffy abt it.

Anyways, so I told my parents that yesterday morning and to use he/him pronouns for him from now on.

They were initially like ok whatever. But my mom had that trademark ‘I am so fucking worried for no reason face.’

I have other friends that are LGBTQ+ btw, my other best irl friend is pan and many other identities as once. And my mom knows that they are pan.

Not to mention my many LGBTQ+ online friends and/of coworkers she doesn’t know exist.

So one day we’re just walking at a publix store later that day and my mom says this:

“Are you cis?”

Easy question, I say yes. I am AFAB, and I identify as female. Therefore I am a cis person.

“N-no, are you a cishet?”

I answer “I don’t know”. Because I barely know my sexuality. Like at all. (I know I am ace-spec however, but idk where)

And she gets. So mad. She wasn’t yelling but she was lecturing me about how she can’t live with society these days and labels. Also how she hates my friends. Like, what? The transmasc friend is my only friend in my after school group, I would be screwed without him. The other LGBT irl friend is my emotional support friend. Again, would be screwed without her as well.

Like what?? What is wrong with you letting people be who they fucking ARE!?

And then she acts me who I am attracted to. I say

“I don’t know, But I’m pretty sure all the ‘crushes’ I’ve ever had were fake, so most likely nobody.”

like a fucking idiot.

“Do you want to have a family?”

“Yes, I want kids.”

“No, I mean a family with a husband.”

“Why does that matter?”

“Because it would be so much better to have a husband around.”

I don’t rlly reply to that because I was just sick of her shit.

“You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

.......

................

ARE YOU

FUCKING

KIDDING ME.

IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

Aaaaughhhhhhh

And then she BRINGS UP ONE OF MY FRIENDS OUT OF NOWHERE.

(I am censoring deadnaming and using the wrong pronouns cuz that makes me sick.)

“*censored* is just confused, do *censored* really think *censored* is a boy?”

“Yes, because he is one, and his mind was born that way.”

“Born that way, schmorn that way, *censored*’s sick in the head.”

“No, he’s not. It’s who he is and I would want you to respect him”

“Do you really think this is normal??”

“Yes. Yes I do.”

We were just.. silent for a while and it never got brought up again.

But mom.. why. I explained to you some things and I can explain more but all ya gotta do is complain and be a fucking Karen abt this... just let my friends be. Yes they’re young but that doesn’t mean they can be themselves.

Also, my mom mocked me for not wanting to be hugged w/o consent, and yelled at me for having things I forgot were there and for being “messy”. (When it looked fine to me.) So yes. Mom. Shut the fuck up.

She doesn’t even understand boundaries. We have an argument, I’m pissed, it blows over. I need to spend time alone. I don’t want you mocking me or my comfort characters. Ok? (I have a self-made Kaito Momota poster in my room and she was also mocking it.)

This is why I don’t tell you about my job, my friends, my anything. Cuz whenever I do open up to you you act like this....

EDIT: SHE JUST GUILT-TRIPPED ME-

Whenever she does smth wrong and I get pissed she says.

“I guess you deserve a better mom.”

I NEVER EVER reply to that shit via text. I reassure her otherwise irl.

Just.. what’s the point. I don’t understand. Own up to ur mistakes. And she just said I didn’t care. I just don’t like her guilt-tripping me???

Edit edit: she owned up to her mistake.. of guilt-tripping.. and nothing else.

#ze talks #tw vent #vent mention #tw transphobia #transphobia mention #tw aphobia #aphobia mention

[namelessstoryteller]

I'm not like her other friends

Recently got a message from friend I'm calling Linn. Linn was my first friend when I started High School, and I made friends with Anna and Joe, who were her childhood friends, and a chick I chatted to in homeroom named Freda, who was Linn's bff.

Two events started the downfall from me getting kicked out of this group. I felt like a taxi driver while driving Linn and Freda around on Halloween, and mentioned to Linn, hey I don't like being a third wheel afterwards. So whenever she brought up hanging out with Freda, as I was the only friend with a car, I always rejected it. The second was I brought us tickets to Impractical Jokers, our fav show that was touring in our town that year. She agreed to pay me back the 70 over time. This was the only time I ever asked her for money in the 6 to 7 years of friendship.

Linn never had much money so I hung with her and brought the tickets, the food, and the events. I hung out with her because I could always make her laugh and loved our shared interests.

However, turns out everything that was said, was shared between Joe, Freda, family, and others. I got a bf and wanted to ask her yknow girl/perverted questions, I wanted a conversation about this stuff with her as we been friends for years and I only knew her attempts at relationships. I made her feel uncomfortable with this open conversation. I apologized but I learned this was shared with everyone and I was a bad friend for not noticing the signs.

A group chat was formed later on, with Joe, Freda, Linn, rando, and a chick named Iris. I knew Iris but I really don't know what side she was on throughout this whole thing, she had conversations with both of us and sent me screenshots from Linn, so I suspect she did the same for Linn. I made a comment, like "what up b*tches" and that fucking broke Freda. Apparently I hated her and it was aimed at her. And Im insensitive (which is a bit true but I have said worst, and Linn brings this up a lot later on).

I wanted an overnight hangout for spring break, I invited Linn, Joe, his gf, Anna, Iris. Linn knew I smoked and drank, but due to the friend group, I was never planning on bringing those items along. They didnt know I only invited them, my bestie, and a HS friend. Only Iris ever drank. Only my bestie smoked.

After hearing no, I gave up and just went to the hotel with my best friend and our HS friend. I had a good time playing uno. But Linn asked to hang that night and I told her I was doing this as I had planned a long time ago.

Apparently I got blocked from the friend group (i had it muted so I never noticed), i only noticed when I got invited back and saw the messages.

"That's so messed up of you S to leave one of your real friends whose been there for you" said iris.

It been planned for a long time, it was even planned with everyone in mind.

"I don't wanna start anything bc she'll just try 2 play the victim lol" "I don't trust her with alcohol and weed. But now I kinda don't trust her with a lot of things" "I mean if you look how Savannah grew up, you see why she is the way she is...." "I didn't like her mom the moment I saw her"

No, I had party friends and a pothead cousin. The mom comment is because my mom smokes cigarettes and Linn hated the smell and called her mom to leave my house. And I moved to my grandparents years later.

"She's reckless and tbh I'm sorry to say this but she is also kind of a hoe" said Joe. The same guy who wanted me to sleep with him when I had a bf for over a year. And he even said if I slept with him (while having a gf) that he would put in a good word. Linn agrees "I only want to find a bf and sleep with him. Not sleep with the whole town"

"Ig when I hang with her again I don't want drama but I have 2 talk 2 her maybe steer her on the right path maybe she's secretly sad. And puts her pain into weed and drinking"

No, when Im sad, I talk to you or my bestie, but then that gets shared to everyone so I stopped talking to you about my feelings.

I don't remember when this happened, but I made a comment about her oversized bra as she had tiny chachas. My mistake. Everyone has body issues, and that was hers, and I spent an hour apologizing as sometimes I do run my mouth. I just felt like the bra didn't mean much if it wasnt padded, but just there for air for her body type.

Through months of talking. Getting mad at each other. Stopped talking. Unfriending each other. Of how Im not like her other friends. We agreed on a movie. I sent her a msg at 10am asking if 10pm was a good time to go see a random movie, she read the message. I never got a message back until 9pm saying she was ready. I told her, dude message me sooner I thought you ignored me and got ready for bed. And she got mad I didn't tell her I got ready for bed while she was prepared to go out. I said it's a movie we can reschedule, it's too late to drive to her home and movies especially when it's opening night. This, of course, got her mad. I said Im sorry for the miscommunication on my part.

I heard back from her 3 days later, 4 days before the Impractical Jokers. "Are you still taking me to Impractical jokers?" At this point, I'm over these issues and her so I finally stood for a battle.

I replied, "Linn, how things are looking like right now, probably not. And I don't really feel bad since it wasnt paid." I told her I didn't want to because she more focus on the tickets when we still had last arguement.

She had 5 dollars, I told her at least 25 (not even half the price but it was something) or least try to pay me in small amounts. She said she was saving up for something so 15 at most, and I repiled like you tried saving up for these tickets.

She said "Ur like my only friend who wants me 2 pay back a concert ticket. Everyone else has brought it out of just being nice. But I did agree to pay back $70 which tbh is too much. So I said $15 but Idek bc rn I have $5" "U want me 2 ask ppl hey can u give me money bc my friend wants me 2 pay her back 4 a concert? They aint gonna do that Bc they're gonna say that's ur friend's problem"

It's your problem, Linn. Not mine.

She said this should be her bday gift, and when I brought up how much I spent on her throughout the years, she said "you never had to and Plus u should kinda do that out of being a good friend not do it 4 money btw....but now ik not 2 ask u 4 shit bc ur gonna want me 2 pay u back 4 it. I wouldn't want u 2 pay me back but that's just me 💁💁"

She msg me on my phone. Went through the cycle of her saying hey I can make payments now, and me saying it's too late since I already invited someone else, "Im money hungry/i never apologized", she had family issues and is broke, stop bringing up things in the past she already apologized for (when she brought up things I apologized for). How she kept me as a friend, how loyal she was, when all of her friends and family told her to drop me, who knew every single bad detail about me, every bad secret. Yes, this came up a lot during our disputes. Even when I told her I didn't care what her friends thought cuz I wanted just us talking.

I thought we liked to hang out together, but maybe it was just me who enjoyed those times. She always wanted someone else there. Anna, Iris and Joe I was okay with just in small amounts because of gas. Plus, those guys never had money either and I can only pay for so many. Maybe I was her friend because I had a car and okay with spending money.

So yes, I'm the bad apple. I've been living with the same guy for the last two and a half years, clean from weed for the last one and a half (bf told his dad he would stay clean, i only smoked because i was always offered some by others), drinking once a month.

And then Linn messaged me on my bday, happy birthday we should hang out with anna she misses you!

Uhuh. Sure. Maybe someday.

Sorry I had to rant since apparently I always saw myself as the victim. I did fuck up with the uncomfortable questions and bra comment. I felt I had these conversations with my other friends, so why not with the friend I had for the longest. But the movie ticket, like come on seriously?

Tl;dr toxic friendship turned bad, got witchhunted by my "friends" and money hungry for a ticket I brought.

#toxicity #toxic #broke bish #bad friends #insensitive #argument #heart break #bullies #witchhunt #seriously #toxic friends #toxic friendships

[lokibannerpool]

Update on the Mun

so i have been lurking on here for a while, not really doing any drafts or replies. I’m not abandoning this blog and these muses, I just haven’t had the motivation lately to be active on this account. I have been active on my other blogs for the most part. you can find me on @forcedintoperfection @thevirginandthefool @worldsfastestpredator @strongestcullen  @zorii-unknown and/or @brokenprincessofasgard  

Now for the shitstorm that is my life right now.

If you’re basically homeless and you know it clap your hands  *clap clap*

So we (by we I mean my mom, little brother and I) finally got evicted for reals like around Feburary-ish. My mom’s bright idea for temporary living was to move in with the worst person possible, her crazy ass aunt (on my grandpa’s side). 

Not only was the move stressful, but living here is terrible, and most of that is because my mother’s aunt (i have disowned her so no she’s not my great aunt) is doing everything in her power to make us feel unwelcome. Before I go into details, let me point out that my brother refused to come stay here because he has never felt welcome in this house, so he’s staying with family from our grandmother’s side (still crazy, but slightly more reasonable). And although I technically still have a room there, I did not stay because they hate animals and the great aunt that lives there once told me that if she could make it up the stairs to our old apartment she’d kill my cats. Later she denied it, but yeah... that’s the kind of crazy on that side’ of the family.

I was going to take my cats and live in a hotel from paycheck to paycheck. i had done the math and i could afford 7 days from one paycheck if i literally didn’t buy anything else, and the hotel had free breakfast i didn’t have to worry about food at least if i could save some of the breakfast for lunch then probably do dinner at a family member’s house. (yeah not the best plan but for me if I’m giving up my cats to a shelter I’m giving up on life. plus hotel accepted animals and was legit cheaper than a putting them in a pet hotel which would have been 22 a night per cat... i have 5 cats and a part time job) BUT low and behold my mother pulls some strings with the aunt (only after catching me crying on eviction day because I didn’t know what to do with my babies) and suddenly I can keep the cats as long as they stay in the basement. Not ideal, but more affordable for me so I take it.

Now back to the hell house I’m trapped in.

1) It took a while to move everything in, but I think we were almost full settled in by a Friday or Saturday night. On the Monday (which was like day 3 of living there) my mother’s aunt not only called me repeatedly on my phone, she kept yelling my name from the first floor. When I finally become conscious enough to go see what she wants, she is telling me that I sleep too much, It’s ridiculous how much I sleep, I need to go get a job, I’m not going to sleep my life away in HER house, yada yada, then she goes on about how by my age she was living on her own and paying off her own car (both were confirmed to be lies by sources that were alive at that time. crazy bitch was still sleeping in the bed with her mother at 22).. Now maybe you think that’s not so bad? but I forgot to mention one little detail. 

It was only 8:10 AM  and I had class at 10 am.

My alarm clock was literally set to go off 20 minutes from that time. Not only was it early as fuck, but I had a class to go to so it wasn’t like i was going to be staying in the house all day. SHE KNEW I HAD CLASS, THAT WAS WHAT PISSED ME OFF THE MOST. I had literally been discussing my classes with her for weeks prior to even moving in with her. Another thing that interested me was how she conveniently waited until my mother had left to start harassing me. anyway, so i get dressed because im mad as hell by this point, and i get ready to leave in under 15 minutes so we’re around 8:30am by this point. When I get downstairs she is demanding that I come into her room, and against my better judgement I do but I’m in no mood to talk. She takes one look at my face and asks me “why are you pissed off?”  As if she didn’t know why. I don’t want to curse her out because I wasn’t raised to do things like that so i keep my mouth shut. She keeps trying to get me to talk, and at this point angry tears that I have been trying so hard to hold back are falling and she tells me I’m being dramatic and I’m over reacting. I tell her I have to go to class more than once and she’s still demanding that I sit and talk with her, so I just walk out.    She calls my phone more than once but I don’t answer because I am a) driving and b) still mad as hell. she leaves voicemails. 1 saying that im being overreacting and stuff. the second comes a few hours later with a fake apology after she apparently talked to my mother. I later find out that she lied to my mom and told her that she forgot I had school, yet when I was not trying to talk to her she was telling me i had 2 hours before i had to be in class.. so yeah and that was only the start of day 3 of living there.

2) Fast forward a few days because in this family, we apparently just go on like nothing happened after conflicts like this. My mom comes to me in the morning and warns me that the aunt had threatened to call the human society to take my cats away because I ‘don’t spend enough time with them’. Which pissed off my mom as much as me because she’s seen what I’ve done for these cats in the past 2 years. (especially with Brenda, who is a rescue stray I took in after she was covered in tape by strangers and either dropped at our door or she limped her way up the stairs to us for help, and the two litters of kittens she had in our apartment) 

The aunt confronts me about this after I come down to feed them by asking me “do you really want the cats” and then telling me not to get an attitude when I say “of course I do” rather defensively. She tells me the b.s. she told my mom to which i point out that we literally just got here, i have classes 5 days a week and work 7 days a week. Plus, she’s usually sleep when I come in after work so she doesn’t see me dragging my aching body (still sore from doing the brunt of the moving) down to the basement to replace the food and water and spend time with them before I go to bed and I would literally be sleeping down there if it wasn’t for my mom nagging me about my health (which tbh comes second to the cats in my opinion but she disagrees). She doesn’t seem all that convinced, and my anxiety was through the roof for the longest because i wasn’t sure if i was going to come back to a cat-less basement after work. 

My therapist has been having an earful btw. Literally the week before I knew we were being evicted I spent most of a session trying to find something to talk to her about and now I have at least one new problem ever week. 

3) This woman has no respect for me or my mother. She’s verbally attacked my mother and berated her more than once. (today included) and at one point accused my mom of using her father for money(who died only 2 years prior, and who is the only one who took responsibility for making all the funeral arrangements and is still struggling to pay that bill because no one else wanted to help). This is sidetracking a little, but my mom did a lot for my grandfather. Brought his medical supplies with a loan she had taken out from her job, literally came to wash him up multiple times because his in house nurse wasn’t doing it, and pretty much ran every errand he asked for her and if she couldn’t do it she had me do it for her... so yeah to say she was using him was really fucked up and it really hurt my mom.

3.5) One morning (last week) i literally caught her and her ‘tenant’ (aka her brother’s ex girlfriend who he left for his wife 2 years ago and refuses to leave his family’s home) talking shit about me and my mom. How we’re dirty,  my mom walks too loud, complaining about us having mini conversations late at night (which only happened once), calling my mom fat, and saying that she’s not  ‘dainty’ and ‘feminine’ enough and they don’t know how she kept a man for so long... really just talking trash while im standing at the top of the stairs listening. I wait until they finish to say anything and they’re not even ashamed or apologetic. The aunt literally says “good. now you can tell your mom what i said” after  i said i heard just about all of it. She seemed offended when I refused to be her messenger. She then tried to talk shit about my mom to me, going as far to tell me that my mother a ‘fat slob’. And because I don’t want to be kicked out before we find a place, I have to bite my tongue and just walk away while she purposely baits me and tells me to ‘speak my mind’. 

There is so much more I could write about, like how she (a woman who has never had a cat in her life) is always telling me how to take care of my cats like I don’t know what I’m doing, yet she’s basing this all off the dog she had (but didn’t really want or take care of) over 10 years ago.  Or how she likes to try to provoke me or my mom (but mostly me because I’m the easier target I guess) whenever she’s bored. The fact that she forced cable boxes on us, then demanded my mom pay her $400 for the installation of the cable despite us both making it very clear we didn’t want it. How she’s always trying to say someone is trying to use her as if my mom isn’t paying $800 a month for two little ass rooms and a bathroom/kitchen we have to share with two other people And sooo much more. 

I’ve ended up self harming for the first time in about two-ish years while staying here. My suicidal thoughts are  happening very often and honestly I’ve turned to drinking my feelings away when I’m not cutting them away. I’ve literally been so stressed that my period disappeared for like 3 months (no im not pregnant. gotta be sexually active to get pregnant so yes its stress) and I’m pretty sure I’m developing some sort of repressed anger issues that I should probably mention to my therapist but I keep forgetting. 

So that’s pretty much what’s been going on in my life lately. 

And I don’t know how to end this so... there

#ooc #mun problems #mun rant #negativity tw #suicide tw #self harm tw #alcohol tw

[shsl-nishishi-blog]

Please Believe Victims!

Something that people don't seem to understand is that it's extremely difficult to prove sexual assault. Everyone being like "bUt WhErE iS tHe PrOoF?!" doesn't seem to understand that. The fact that there was even SOME pictures of people clearly looking uncomfortable in his embrace is honestly more proof than a lot of people usually have when trying to prove sexual assault. And the fact that there's a lot of people saying things, their stories, is another thing. I've never had any experience with Vic. I've met him once, he gave me off vibes, that was it. BUT I want to talk about my own experience being sexually assaulted, and I want to explain why it's so difficult to prove. Again, this is not a Vic story. I don't want to say the name of this person. I'm not comfortable saying his name publicly. He knows a lot of people in the anime community and cosplay community. He knows very popular cosplayers, he's friends with people who staff/run conventions. No, he's not some famous guy. His following isn't giant, but he just knows a lot of important people. That aside, here we go. I met this guy when I was 17, and I finally cut ties with him a bit after my 21st birthday. We met at a cosplay gathering, I was cosplaying Jin from Blazblue. He approached me because he knew of Blazblue, and we were having a nice chat about it. I barely knew this guy, but man I was super delighted to meet a fellow Blazblue fan. I don't exactly remember who he was cosplaying, but I'm 90% sure it was Xemnas from Kingdom Hearts. I also want to mention I believe he was 21 or 22 at the time; so an adult. Nothing uncomfortable happened, until we were all called for group photos. All the cosplayers at the gathering went over for photos, us included. A bit after the photos, when we were more alone (one of my friends was also there), he grabbed my ass. And not just once, a few times. He spanked me too. I didn't really know what to do, I was surprised, terrified, I looked clearly uncomfortable, but I really didn't say anything. I kinda just pretended it didn't happen. I really hoped I'd never see this guy again, but I kept seeing him at cosplay gatherings. There was one gathering around Christmas that same year, I was in my really shitty magnemite gijinka cosplay, and he just kept spanking me so many times. I told him to stop at that point. Not only was it uncomfortable, but it hurt, it startled me each time too. I don't like getting startled. He started to pout and act like he should be pitted, and it genuinely made me angry. I tried to avoid a lot of gatherings for a bit, but then there was this Homestuck one my friend and I went to. I was never into Homestuck, but we just decided to go. I went as Sougo from Gintama, but in a kigurumi (since my full cosplay didn't arrive yet). And that guy was there, so was his girlfriend (who btw was underage at the time). For a good amount of the gathering, he was okay. I thought "yeah, maybe he's finally gonna stop." We all hung out because we didn't really fit in with the Homestucks. A bit later on in the gathering, he had his hand behind my back, and he was trying to sneakily undo my bra strap. Thank god I caught him + thank god I was wearing ace bandages for binding (NOTE: don't use ace bandages to bind!). So like :/ He also would message me on facebook, and I was scared.. So I put myself in a relationship with a fictional character (Gray Fullbuster, because I used to be mad thirsty for him). That didn't work for obvious reasons, so I turned my chat off, so it looked like I was offline. >> obviously...didn't work.. After that gathering, I'd see him at cons. Thank GOD at least that one year, he was busy running around. I didn't have to deal with him. My friend's birthday came around, and I guess he was invited or something. I don't 100% remember everything from that day, but I was cosplaying gijinka shaymin. After the birthday gathering, we went over to Ihop (might have been Denny's, but they're super similar so). And he sat next to me (of course). I was put in a very uncomfortable situation. I have my phone on me, he asked for my number, and I was too scared to say no. I did say "I rarely text, so I don't think there's a point." He obviously didn't care. We exchanged numbers. The entire time we were eating, he kept texting me stuff. I ignored it, and he'd be like "hey check your text". He asked for nudes, and I whispered "I'm not that kinda person". and he kept whisper begging me "just one little peek? just one?" and don't worry, I never sent it to him. Also unfortunately, this was on a very old flip phone. idk where it is or how I can recover these text messages (or if it's even possible), but if anyone knows how, please tell me. Then there was a summer gathering. I guess my friends and one of his friends were really uncomfortable with his behavior towards me, and all decided to team up to confront him about it. I guess he had this weird fixation on me for whatever reason. There's stuff I still don't know about the conversation they all had, idk everything his friend knew (btw this friend of his is still a very good friend of mine, bless his soul). So I was there when this confrontation happened, he was like "sorry, I'll never do it again." I said "it's okay, I forgive you." Because I'm an anxious wreck and hate conflict. OBVIOUSLY, this wasn't the last of it. It got a whole the worse. So after my 18th birthday, there was an end of the summer gathering. I was in my Sougo cosplay. I was playing Pokemon on the grass, and he came over. (btw he did grope me a few times throughout the day, but I honestly can't fucking remember each time he groped me throughout the time I knew him, so I'm just telling significant parts of the story). And he tried to touch in between my legs. I clearly remember that time, I said "no". It was in a small voice, but I said it, he heard it, and he didn't stop. Also something I forgot to mention. He'd often call me sexy an be like "I want to kiss you" or "I want to have sex with you" whenever less people were around, and it was so uncomfortable. Thankfully, one of my guy friends at the time saw and came over. He was like "Hey, you're playing Pokemon, right? Can you show me your Pokemon?" and he pulled me away, and asked if I was okay, promised to stick with me for the rest of the gathering. There was going to be a party afterwards, which I said no to, but that gross man tried to convince my friend to go (and since she was going home with me, I had to stick with her). But that guy friend helped me convince her not to go. That whole situation is something I'll never forget, and I'm so happy this guy friend was there. But it just kept getting worse. << gonna flash forward to when I was in college, because this was when a lot of the bad stuff started happening. I was really depressed when I started college. I mean like a lot of people are? I felt like I was undeserving, I was sad I wasn't a kid anymore, and I was terrified of being an adult. I'd cry a lot in the car before class. I didn't really talk to people at school. I felt super mega alone all the time. Like when you're in high school, you get to see friends every single day, but since I knew no one, well.. :/ That and I was way too anxious to talk to anyone unless approached first (surprise surprise, I'm still this way Dx ) Anyways, the only time I'd get to see friends was sometimes on weekends, it wasn't too often at first, since my friends were all super busy and stuff. I saw that gross person at a cosplay gathering, I was cosplayed as Chihiro from Danganronpa. And like.. he wasn't be really weird to me. He was being nice, normal, nothing creepy. And I got comfortable. We started messaging a little bit on facebook, and he wasn't being weird. I thought he changed. And for a few times after, he wasn't doing anything weird either. My dumbass agreed to hang out with him and his girlfriend, and even then, even the first few times, it was a completely normal hangout. I thought he might have grew out of that. Because I genuinely believe people can change, but it was all a lie. I believe he was trying to pull me in, get me comfortable, so that I would lower my guard. He even would pay for my food, despite me insisting I could. He'd also pay for things I'd try to buy on my own, and refused to take my money. I thought "wow, he's being a nice person." Eventually, he started making sexual jokes. I thought nothing of it, but that should have been a huge red flag. He eventually started touching me again, even with his girlfriend around. She never did a thing about it, but maybe she was scared (btw same girlfriend I mentioned earlier. The one he dated when she was underage; she was the same age as me). Touching like.. he'd grope my boobs, my ass, slide his hand between my legs, try to reach under my shirt/pants. He'd say so often "I want to have sex with you", "I want to have a threesome". and would ask me what my fetishes were (never said it), and just like.. super gross stuff. But I was a big dumbass. I stuck with this for years. Dealt with it because he was nice to me. I'd think "well, it wasn't happening all the time, so if it happened, it would be over within a minute probably". Whenever he'd do something, I'd freeze up outta fear and count in my head. Sometimes it lasted 10 seconds, sometimes a few minutes. I dealt with it because he was nice to me, and I was so insecure. My mom and grandma didn't know about this at all. Once my mom almost found out. She saw a weird facebook message on my laptop while I wasn't in the room (I left messages open on my screen), and she asked me. I lied to her, and she kept asking. I kept lying and convinced her it was just a joke. I remember this one thing he told me, I was 20. He was talking about someone he used to be friends with. How he'd do this stuff to her, and she'd just pretend like it wasn't happening too. He told me he thought it was cute how I'd get all stiff and act like it wasn't happening. That's really fucking disgusting. He started getting upset with me because I made some more friends, and we started hanging out, he wasn't invited of course. Especially my second year of AX. Oh gosh I also witnessed him verbally abusing his girlfriend, but I won't go into that right now. But it was terrifying. I witnessed it happen a few times. And idk if I ever publicly talked about my triggers. But angry screaming is very triggering to me, so erhdcj. Anyways, after my 21st birthday, my friend and I went to a mini convention. There was a contest, I misunderstood what she said and thought she wanted me to keep the whole thing a secret from everyone. So I told no one where I was going, I was even like "hey mom, my friend and I are gonna go to LT!" and she was like "Cool". So that whole day was a bunch of fun. One of our friends took pictures and posted it, and that gross man (who wasn't there, didn't know I was going) messaged me a sad face. I genuinely didn't know what was wrong, so I asked him. He was very angry that I didn't tell him where I was going, like that was something I was supposed to do. This anger scared me, so I distanced myself for a bit. He started purposely doing things on social media to make me upset, one including my fb name being reported (still convinced it was him, because the fact that it didn't happen until this is just so strange). Then there was this event I was supposed to host that came up. I was.. terrified he was gonna go, so terrified I had an anxiety attack in my room. And my mom came into this worried, and that was the day I told her everything, all the stuff that man did. And god I was terrified she wasn't going to believe me, that she was going to get angry at me, but when she gently pulled me into her arms and hugged me close.. it was.. a very nice feeling. I didn't go to the gathering, another friend of mine hosted it for me instead. And then a convention months later happened. Previously I talked to his girlfriend about it. and she was being an apologist for him. He tried to approach me at the con, I walked away. He messaged me, and I officially cut ties with him. Despite no longer having ties with that terrible human being. I'd see him at so many events. And he'd purposely do things to make me uncomfortable. Like waving at me, or going up to people who were close by me. He even tried to recently friend my noncosplay fb, which I forgot to block him on. *DEEP BREATH* And I never reported him. I was afraid to. I thought about it so many times, but I thought "wow, what proof do I even have?" I have a few weird facebook messages, but those could have easily just been pushed aside because they really weren't much. I don't have pictures of him doing anything. I don't have video. There was witnesses, yes. But that's just someone's word, yeah? He also knew so many people, so many important people.. So many sexual assault cases are like this. People are too afraid to report because they're scared they won't be believed (I mean, look at how many people who are calling those who're coming out about Vic liars?). Because when victims look around, all they see are the various situations in which people try to report someone, and they're not believed. Companies, communities, authorities not taking them seriously. In so many sexual assault cases, there's not going to be video proof, picture proof, voice recordings, screenshots, etc. It's usually just someone's word, someone's experience. And I get that's not much, but consider this. When there's SO MANY PEOPLE saying the same fucking thing about someone, such as in Vic's case, that's a giant red flag. And when things are being said for years, that's not enough? LOOK AT HOW MANY PEOPLE CAME FORWARD ABOUT VIC! LOOK HOW LONG THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR!!! In my case, with the person I was talking about in my story, the gross man.. I've heard people have reported him to con staff, people have tried to say things (he's done stuff to a lot of people), but nothing has ever happened. No punishment, nothing. He's nice to people on the surface. He's good at talking. He's made people happy. I'm sure there's people who'd be like "wow _____ did nothing wrong because he's so nice to me uwu". He knows a lot of people. I've heard he's also ruined people too. What's the point of all this? Yes, Vic is good at playing nice. He knows how to say things people want to hear, he knows how to act in such a way so that he looks like a good guy. I mean, why else would there be so many posts in the #KickVic tag of people being like "Vic did nothing wrong. Here's a picture of me and Vic hugging uwu he's so nice." I want to end this by saying.. Sometimes the nicest people turn out to be the worst people. And I get it's something hard to take in, I get it's hard not to be in denial. But the proof is out there. I know it's not video proof or stuff like that, but the voices of so many people screaming about this for over a decade should be enough. Why the fuck would THAT many people, voice actors included, spend over a decade plotting his downfall? That shit doesn't make sense. Like seriously.. the amount of people who've been coming out about Vic Lasagna is a lot, and it's been going on for over a decade. Think about that.

#kickvic #metoo

[kane-and-griffin]

Hey! So I know that you're the most famous person of the kabby fandom (and I love you btw) so there's something I need to tell you. I've seen a lot of people from the kabby fandom (which I am a part of it) getting mad whenever someone on twitter doesn't like Kane or Abby, saying that it's because they are ageist which I think is really annoying (like they start going off on them almost every time ) 1/2

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if they don’t like a character it’s not necessarily bc they’re ageist. I think that this is the reason a lot of people don’t like us so (if you agree with me ofc) could you maybe pass the word? I love you btw you’re an amazing person and your ff are the best 😘 2/2             

Okay.  So.  

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I have a lot of thoughts, some of which may notbe the thoughts you were hoping that I would have.  I do want to thank you for your very sweet words, but I also want to address a few things about this askI find extremely frustrating, not with the intent of making you feel bad butbecause I think there are some big conversations here worth having in a broadercontext.

First and foremost, and this is something most ofyou have heard me reiterate many times, I am a strong advocate of peopleaddressing their problems with each other directly.  If you saw someone on Twitter accuse someoneof being ageist and you disagree, that’s fair to say!  Social media is a free and open exchange ofideas.  Also, if you’re a member of theKabby fandom, and you witness another member of the Kabby fandom engaging inbad internet behavior, call them out!  It’salways better for communities to go collect their own people when they crossthe line rather than expecting others to do it. If your fellow fan tweets something mean, call it out.  We all need to do our part to shut that stuffdown and make the fandom a better place. But the right forum for that is to bring it up with the person whoactually said or did the thing you’re upset about, and not to bring it to acompletely unrelated party.

Which brings me to my second point: I’m extremelyuncomfortable being addressed as though I speak for the entirety of the Kabbyfandom.  I don’t.  No one person does.  Fandoms are communities made of individualpeople who have shared interests, but there’s no hierarchy. I don’t want to bethe Bad Fandom Behavior Police. This is especially frustrating when I getasks where one member of the fandom comes to Kabby Mom about something anothermember of the fandom did … especially when it’s something I wasn’t part ofand didn’t witness.  

And that, my dear Anon, is the big problem that I’mhaving with this request.  I don’t haveany idea what incident you’re referring to, what was said, by whom, to whom, orwhat the context was.  You’re asking meto agree with you that somebody was out of line, and that, quote, “that’s whypeople don’t like us.”  But I can’t grantthat premise without knowing what you’re talking about.  

(Also, by the way, I would urge you to let go ofspending too much time caring about whether other fandoms like us.  I can assure you, most of them honestly probablyaren’t thinking about us that much.)  

If I understand the situation correctly, and ifwe’re referring to a real incident and not a hypothetical, you’re saying that PersonA tweeted something negative about Kabby and Person B said “that’s ageist.”  You, Anon, believe that Person A was not being ageist, that Person B overreacted,and that B is the one whose behavior is the problem.  And that’s certainly one possibility.  But the other possibility is that maybePerson A was being ageist but neither Person A nor you have recognizedit.

And I cannot make that determination for you,because you haven’t told me anything concrete, and I wasn’t there.

I am also a thirty-six-year-old woman in a fandomfull of teenagers and if you are not thirty-six then it is entirely possiblethat you and I are seeing the concept of ageism from two very different andincompatible points of view in the first place.

That being said, if you want my opinion, here is my opinion.

First, there really is no excuse for being a jerk onthe internet, no matter what you disagree about.  There will always be people who love thingsyou hate and hate things you love and ship things you find incomprehensible andreject headcanons you treat as gospel, because we all fandom in our ownways.  So if you’re asking me, shouldKabby shippers get a pass on being jerks to non-Kabby shippers just because I,personally, ship Kabby, my answer to that is, “of course not, that is insane.”  Disagreement and discussion are always okay;Twitter is a public forum, and if someone voices an opinion, you get to haveyour own opinion about it.  But being ajerk is never okay.  

In general, I am a strong proponent of stayingin your lane. I’m a pretty ruthless curator of my Twitter and Tumblr feeds, soI don’t follow anyone who talks shit about Kane or Abby (I have a one-strikeblock policy with this), and I recommend this approach to everyone.  Make your social media feed your happy place.

Now, there are lots of people in the fandom who don’tlike, or simply don’t care for, Kane and/or Abby.  There are probably plenty of reasons forthis, and not, not every single one of these reasons is inherently ageist. HOWEVER!The fact that you did not see the comment in question as being ageist does not actually mean it was not ageistor that the person who called them out was wrong for doing so.  

Ageism is hardwired into the very fabric of oursociety – like misogny and heterosexism and racism – and just like with thoseother -isms, most of the time when we serenely think that we are guiltless ofit, we are lying to ourselves. And that goes for internalized prejudices,too.  This stuff is ingrained in us from birth. In general, the sameway I am inherently suspicious of white people saying “I AM ZERO PERCENTRACIST” and men saying “I AM THE MOST FEMINIST MAN TO EVER MAN”, I tend to takewith a grain of salt the words of people much younger than me talking about ageism in this fandom because I actually see it a lot.

And fam, we need to talk about the differencebetween fandom discourse about Abby and fandom discourse about Kane.

Now, your mileage may vary, but I will say thatin my personal experience, when I stumble upon someone who does like Abby but doesn’t likeKane, I agree that it frequently has its roots in reasons which are notinherently, automatically ageist.  Ittends to be rooted rather clearly in plot. More often than not, they’re still tripping up over something he did in aprevious season that they can’t get past. (We should probably save the conversation about our fandom’s selectiveforgiveness problem for another time.)  Theycan’t get past the Culling, or arresting/shocklashing/attempting to float Abby,or being too hard on Bellamy, or losing the election to Pike by choosing toally with the Grounders, or floating Aurora or Jake, or just in general being amega-dick in the pilot.  And that’sfine!  I mean I feel like you’re missingout by giving his four-season character development arc short shrift andignoring the way all the terrible things he’s done in the past shaped him intoa better person once he confronted them, but whatever!  The point is that, you’re right, thatreasoning is not, in and of itself, inherently ageist.  That’s not to say that there aren’t any fanswho straight-up just don’t like him because they think old guys are boring, forthe most part, when I see people dislike Kane, it’s a reaction to something that he did.

But we actually do need to talk about ageism andAbby in this fandom.  Because it is a big fucking problem. 

The problem with ageism and Abby is that moreoften than not, from what I’ve seen, when people dislike Abby, it’s a reactionto who and what she is.  It is absolutely impossible to separate itfrom internalized misogyny and the way older women are systematically devaluedby our culture in ways that sometimes we can’t even see as ageist, because they’rejust hardwired into us. 

Sure, every once in awhile you get an easy one,and someone whines on Twitter about “gross old person sex,” and then you canpoint to it very clearly, and nobody will dispute that we’re talking aboutageism here.  But it’s often so muchmurkier than that.  Ageism can look likea lot of different things, many of which you’ll believe are completelyunrelated.

Ageism can look like fans who show up in thecomments of the writers’ room Twitter and Instagram when they post pictures ofthe adults to say “nobody cares about them, post [whoever I personally stan themost] instead.”

Ageism can look like gifset after gifset featuring “leading ladies of The 100″ where they include Fox and Maya and Charlotte, but not Abby (who has second billing in the cast after Clarke).

Ageism can look like a blanket refusal, under inany situation where Clarke and Abby are at odds, to grant that Abby might havea point, even when the narrative is clearlytelling us that Clarke is the character at fault. The tendency within thisfandom for young girls who closely identify with Clarke to graft their own momfrustrations onto Abby is virtually never-ending, and it can be hard to sift throughthe the complex intersection of ageism and misogyny that makes it impossiblefor them not to see mothers as human beings who are interesting, who are wise,who are right, who know things their children do not, who are sexual, who areallowed to make mistakes, who deserve screen time and plot agency, who are justas vital to the story as the teenagers.

Ageism can look like giving Clarke sole creditfor establishing peace with the Grounders through Lexa, when in fact it wasKane who made the first contact with her and got her to offer the treaty in thefirst place, and it was Abby turning Lincoln from a Reaper back into himselfagain that cemented the alliance.

Ageism can look like shutting down Kabby shippersgleefully enjoying headcanons about bunker baby theory because Abby is “too oldto have a baby” – a misconception that has permeated so deeply into our culturethat we have all internalized the belief that no woman is supposed to have ababy over the age of 35 as though it is inarguable scientific fact, even thoughit may interest you to know thatis a myth.  (“What? How did I notknow that that was a myth?” BECAUSE OUR ENTIRE SOCIETY IS AGEIST TOWARDS WOMENAND THE STUDY THAT GAVE US 35 AS THE MAGIC STOP NUMBER IS FROM LIKE THE 1700’S,THAT’S HOW FEW FUCKS THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY GIVES ABOUT UP-TO-DATE RESEARCH ON THEHEALTH OF OLDER WOMEN)

Ageism can look like a fan who ships all thenon-canon ships … except Doctor Mechanic, because it’s “gross” and “Abby isbasically her mom.”  The inherentdesexualization of age-difference relationships is often rooted in ageism.  You don’t have to ship it!  But if you insist that no one should ship it, then there may be some ageism in the rootsof your ship-shaming.

My point here, dear Anon, is that if you arelooking for someone to tell you, “you’re right, Kabby shippers overreact aboutageism in this fandom,” you are barking up the wrong tree, because from where Istand, as a woman far closer to Abby’s age than Clarke’s, I’m going to venturethat we don’t talk about ageism enough.  And like many -isms in our society, if itdoesn’t appear to you to be that big a problem, that may be because it doesn’tapply to you.  (Yet.)

Now, to be clear – before someone sends me anangry rebuttal to this – not in a million years am I saying that it makes you inherently ageist if you don’t shipKabby.  Just like it doesn’t make you inherentlyhomophobic if you don’t like Lexa or inherently racist if you don’t like Bellamy or inherentlymisogynist if you don’t like Clarke.  Butall squares are rectangles, even if not all rectangles are squares.  By which I mean that, contained within thegroup of people who don’t ship Kabby, there is a lot of ageism, just as,contained within the group of people who hate Bellamy, there’s a lot ofproblematic racial shit, and it means we need to have a clearer understandingof where those lines are so that we recognize the ugly stuff when it shows upon our timeline and call it out when we see it.

#Anonymous #From the Inbox #kabby #marcus kane #abby griffin #metas and headcanons #the 100 #the 100 meta #ageism #fandom ageism #kabby mom is old and tired y'all

[alffamilysquad-blog]

ALF - Squad Headcanons

Chapter 2.1: Families

Let’s continue with the Family of our beloved K, shall we?

K is really secretive about them he’s pretty secretive about his personal life in general

Reeeaaally secretive

“K, tell me about your family.” - “I.....have one.”

He doesn’t answer any questions about them

The Gang jokes that he murdered them or something and K just stares wordlessly at them

They are frightened

Tbh, at first no one really buys it except Silver 

He starts behaving weird around K because “HE COULD BE A MURDERER”

“Ollie stop, what could K possibly have done.” - “Tell me one personal fact you know about him.” - “Oh my god.”

They start an operation to find out what happened to K’s family

They subtly start asking questions about them more like Silver screaming “Where did you hide the bodies?!” over Dinner

At that point, K has probably had enough and introduces them

Surprise, surprise, he actually has a functional Family

His Parents dote on him

They’re really sweet but also embarassing

“Oh, is this the cute animal rights group you’re always telling us about?” - “Mom”

They immediately pull out the baby pictures

He’s all rebellious and shit and they’re just like: “You do you Sweetie!”

“I’m going to destroy corporate evil today.” - “Good for you honey, bring a sweater.”

His Parents are called Seong (the Dad) and Dae (the Mum) But feel free to correct us if anything’s wrong with those names, because we don’t know shit about Korean names or Korea in general 

And they love gardening

They start giving Silver giant baskets of Vegetables to bring home with him whenever they visit

(Then they give Blond another Basket in case Silver runs out)

K’s Family is huge btw

And for some reason they are always at his Parent’s house

He has lots of Baby Cousins and the second the Gang arrives, they make him play games

He’s surprisingly good with kids (at least with his cousins because they love him for some reason) cue to Jay drooling in the background

They’re like: “Let’s play ALF! I’ll be a puppy!” and K is totally embarassed

They immediately love the ALF Gang

They love Jay because he’s so sweet and he immediately starts playing with the children

And Blond charms everyone’s parents instantly

They actually think that Red is K’s Girlfriend for a sec which leads to Red declaring that she’s “very much gay, no thank you”

His whole Family is just really open and friendly in general and he’s the awkward one

Except his cousin Jaime

She’s the edgy, emo, Tumblr-Girl Cousin who’s always on her phone

She’s the other odd one out in the Family so K loves her, but she’s weirded out by him

But of course she’s as loved by the Family as K is, so they’re encouraging of her too

She just doesn’t appreciate it as much

Jaime: *coming into the room wearing all black with red hair and some fake piercings* “You look good today, Sweetie!” - “....I hate this fucking Family.”

She likes swearing in general

Her actual name is Lauren but she prefers to be called Jaime because Lauren is too old-fashioned for her taste

“Prefers” - If you call her Lauren and you’re not one of the adults in the Family, you have a death wish

Upon meeting the Gang (more precisely Jay) the first time, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is: “You look like the fucking Onceler.”

 But she says it in Korean, so Jay looks at K expectingly and K has to make up something

“......she says nice to meet you.”

She’s shittalking the Gang in Korean the whole time they’re there tbh

They sometimes hear their names and Red and Platinum totally know what’s up but Jay just thinks she’s saying nice things

She’s mostly just asking when JK will finally bang while smiling politely at Jay (who’s happy that K’s very polite, little cousin likes him)

Jaime nicknames Jay as Onceler btw

Once Jay finds out what Jaime has been actually saying, he’s mad at K for not telling him the truth while K is having War Flashbacks to all the times she told the two of them to “Fuck already” in Korean

And that one time Jaime got Jay a shirt that said “How bad am I” in Korean but told him that it meant: “’Animals are our Equals’ :)))))))”

He regrets nothing

But even tho the ALF knows now that K’s Family is not dead, there are still so many layers of mystery to them

It’s hard to make out how everyone is actually related (even K isn’t sure sometimes)

For example, there’s this one guy they all call Uncle but no one really knows how exactly he belongs to the Family

He’s just there

That’s about it! Those are our thoughts on K’s Family! (I’m actually lying, there’s more - there’s always more - but adding those things too would make this post way too long, so it’ll have to wait until they get a post of their own.

As always, feel free to ask us about certain stuff, we love to talk about Okja! as you can probably see lmao

Stay tuned for the other Families as well. Next up: The Kingstons.

#okja #alf #alf headcanons #K #The Kims #alf - family squad

[grundalucious075-blog]

Shit that Happens at Work #1

God, this past Sunday just wasn't my day.

I actually don't hate the people I work with (my husband included), but this Sunday was possibly one of my worst.

(Side note: we're VERY busy on Sundays)

Let's start with the morning bullshit. There's a baker who has a car and he's usually cool with getting McDonald's for me in the am. I always get 2 or more hash browns because them bitches are AMAZING. I got my husband something too, because I'm nice and I love him (and I was SWIMMING in cash at the time). So he leaves then comes back with McDonald's. A few momenta after this, one of my co-workers comments "Y'know what's funny? That Rich (not his name) is willing to get you and Ian food from McDonald's, yet won't get us something from Starbucks--or even offers to get us something as well."

This made me feel bad. It made me feel GUILTY just for making sure I had food in the morning. She said she wasn't mad at me, but my hubby was the only one who understood that I have a MAJOR guilt complex (thanks to my mother). But I tried to let it roll off my back, and move on.

Fast-forward to a few hours later. Co-worker from earlier (whom I will refer to as Bri) was complaining about how hungry she was. Another co-worker (who I will call Kelly amd is Rich's wife) added the comment "Yeah, because she didn't get McDonald's this morning!"

I was FURIOUS. I told Kelly "Okay, you need to back off about it. I already feel bad. If you have an issue with YOUR husband, then YOU need to talk to him about it."

At this point, I had pretty much let it slode, amd wasn't gonna bring it up again. I don't like petty bullshit like that. I don't have the time nor energy for that shit. My hubby (who I will call Kel) got upset as well. Then, I catch him giving Bri shit for it, which in turn makes her salty and grumpy as fuck. That's when Bri's mom (who I will call Nana) clocks in and starts helping with the huge line of customers. Bri starts complaining to Nana AND Red (her red-headed "bestie" who clocked in an hour beforehand) about the whole thing.

All the while, almost NOBODY has either noticed or cared about how it was making me feel, and the one person in my corner had just effectively made things worse.

Fast forward another hour or so. We're slammed. I'm still feeling like shit. I can barely focus.

Then...I get this one customer.

I recgnoize her. She usually comes in every few months or so, but whenever she does, if my hubby doesn't help her (or someone white), then she gets an attitude.

I'm half black, btw.

I ended up being the one to help her. She asked for about a dozen bagels or so (bagged up separately). She then asked about our tuna sandwiches. She asked for the cheese to be melted onto the bread before we put the tuna on it (she didn't specify how). Our toaster flips bagels over as they come out, therefore, we can't melt cheese on them without the use of a microwave. Just as I was finished with her sandwich, she asks Kel "Did she just microwave that?" At first, he ignored her, because she wasn't his customer, so I answered "Yeah. You wanted the cheese melted, right?"

"Yeah, but not in the microwave. I wanted the cheese and the bagel ran through the toaster, otherwise, the bread will get all soggy."

"Ma'am I can't do that. The cheese will melt, and might break the toaster. Our toaster isn't built like that. Plus, the toaster flips the bagels as they come out. The cheese will get ruined."

She proceeded to argue with me, prompting Kel and the baker (who was in the front at the time) to back me up and confirm my statement. She then said "Fine, whatever. I don't want it."

I was very annoyed. I just got done making this sandwich VERY SPECIFICALLY for you, then you turn your nose up at it? Thanks. Fuck you too.

So I toss tye sandwich and politely asks if she wants anything else. She told me no. I rang her up, she paid, she left.

Ten minutes later, she was back. Turns out, I gave her salt sticks instead of onion sticks. I could've swore she said salt, but whatever. I replace her bagels (still being as polite as I could) and tell her to have a nice day.

Fifteen minutes go by. She's back AGAIN. She asks somebody to see the manager/boss. She starts talking to him, and I KNOW it's nothing good. She claims that I gave her the WORST attitude that I could ever give a person. She wanted ALL of her bagels replaced. Didn't want ANY of them, because I gave them to her. The boss tries to talk her down and replaces the bagels. She leaves in a huff.

At this point, I'm shaking, crying silently, and REALLY wanting to kill myself. All of my coworkers and the baker were all trying to assure me that I had done nothing wrong. The boss never talked one-on-one about it with me, but I think he knows that cunt's paytern, too.

Remember when I brought up how she preferred to be served by my husband or someone white? Kel is half-Korean. I noticed her attitude and her actions and brought it up to Kel. He suspects that she was racist. I'm pretty sure she was, too. Racist against what? Probably blacks. She always seems to give me the hardest time, and I do look equally black and white.

Still, it was a nightmare. I hate customer service. Enough said.

#work #work stories #work stuff #customer service #bagel #bagel shop #bagel deli #bagel talks #dayjob #day job #shitty customers #racist customers #petty coworkers #petty complaints

[v-writings]

Ignore this if you want but I really need to rant or else I feel like I'll combust. I'm currently babysitting six kids. Yep, all six of 'em. Three of them are my sibling and the other three are just family friends and I should really be working rn but oh god I need a break. I'm so close to losing my shit (more than I already have) at these kids because they've made a mess of the entire house. Now, not all of them are driving me up the walls but it's my own brother, who's FOURTEEN btw (Part 1)

who's stressing me out. Now, we all have chores (just me and my siblings) I go do the groceries, clean the basement and also feed these kids, then my two sisters clean the kitchen area, and all he has to do is clean up his own bedroom. Now, compared to all of our work, his is literally nothing. But now he refuses to do it. He refuses to move from in front of his game console and has taken to basically berate me in front of his friends. I'm just so done. And when I call him outhe gets so defensive! It almost looks like he's close to hitting me. And that infuriates me that he thinks that. I wouldn't ever lay a hand on him and I ASK him to do what he's asked, he suddenly gets all high and mighty in front his friends. He's berating me like I'm some sort of fucking chew toy for him to showcase his fucking alpha-ness in front of his friends.I can't deal with him anymore. I'm literally shaking rn and Idk what to do.I'm just so done. I've already been going through a hard time just TODAY and I don't wanna deal with this asshole who's somehow miraculously related to me. I'm going to stop ranting now. You've probably heard enough. 

i’m so sorry i didn’t answer this sooner! honestly i really feel you bc............. i can relate. my sister was exactly like that when we had to do our chores and she never did hers bc she knew i was going to do them for her if she refused to do them bc i didn’t want my mom to get upset bc she was already stressed as it was. so she just sat down and answered “yeah” or “yeah i’m coming” whenever i reminded her of what she had to do and when my mom was like 15 minutes away from coming home i was like YOU NEED TO DO YOUR SHIT and she got so fucking angry and yelled at me and i yelled back and it was the fucking worst and there was literally nothing i could do to stop it bc my mom talked to her and she said she was going change that and she never did tbh. sorry i don’t think i’m being really helpful but can’t you talk to a parent or something who can fucking put him in his place? there’s nothing i hate more than that honestly bc i fucking lived it and it makes me so angry and with you it’s worse bc it’s a fucking boy trying to prove something to his friends and FUCK I’M SO MAD JUST BY THINKING ABOUT WHAT IT MUST FEEL LIKE FOR YOU

i’m sorry i can’t do more and i really hope things work out for you ♥

#anonymous #ask

[sleepymarmot]

MEA liveblog #7

Spoilers!

Multiplayer

This interface is a mess. I move my mouse onto "exit lobby" and it turns into "kick player". Buttons just jump around and transform all the time.

And the APEX mission shit needs to be fixed. When you select a mission to play, don't direct me to lobbies who play the same enemy/map/difficulty but not as the mission! Join lobby, see "custom", exit lobby, select "custom game", re-select mission, join, end up in the same lobby, rinse, repeat...

At least I can end up second when I join on wave 5 as a human vanguard lol

F Human Vanguard card!

Tempest

Non-custom weapons of different rank shouldn't exist as separate items in the inventory! Unlocking a higher rank should upgrade the old item like in ME3! This stupid inventory system exists solely because of crafting! If you need inventory limits so much, let them apply only to the crafted items! I've already complained about rewards being lost with no warning if the inventory is full and it's still bullshit! 

I crafted the N7 chestpiece! 25% shield on kill (of course), 5% damage resistance, 2% shield restoration, 2% health&shield regen speed, 2% max shield. I called it "N7 Slayer X". And turns out, it was dad's armor...

Oh right, it needs a new color scheme!

Havarl

I like this ex-STG, he's talking properly.

I don't like the sound effect from Annihilation -- it's like water in my ears!

Hey Peebs, how do you immediately know where the next piece is as soon as we pick the current one?

Kadara

Here's the bar fight. Animation is not bad but has no energy.

Told the asari dancer that I'm done here and she needs to talk to the dude herself, but the quest still sends me back to him -_-

Tempest

So, Kesh was adopted?

Okay, Kalinda is 100% Marjolaine. Peebee's personal storyline is even more copy-pasted from Leliana than Drack's is copypasted from Wrex.

Aya

So many sidequests again!

The Moshae's words about the definition of victory! That's the smartest thing I've heard in this game in hours.

It's really weird to hear her talk so sweetly to me... When we first met she didn’t seem to like me.

When Vetra said people were staring at her, I couldn't resist suggesting they're just all in love...

I suggested taking people who sold their Aya slots onto the Nexus. That's not even charity -- the same ambassador gave me a task to convince angara to come there anyway! So this would kill two birds with one stone.

For the visitor who wanted contact with his family, I had to reload. The options didn't even seem too different... Got it right for the other two: gave an honest professional answer about health issues, and a confident casual answer about finding work.

Great, now I have to head back into the city to buy stuff... This is literally a fetch quest lol

Eos

Omg, the Architect is in orbit now!

The Roekaar fight in an old settlement was very chaotic and fun with Flamethrower/ED/Lance, though it'd probably be easier to just charge

Tempest

Aaaand Jaal gives me his loyalty mission. It's funny that I'm going to do my own love interest's mission last...

Jaal's LM

I continue to be unimpressed with the Roekaar being pure antagonists. :/

Didn't shoot the guy, told Jaal he was badass.

Why are loyalty missions so short?

BTW Ryder just looks wrong in N7 armor... She's not Shepard, that's not her allegiance or her story.

Tempest

Jaal, just as we're leaving Havarl you decided to invite me for a visit down there?

Turian ark

Avitus has very stylish armor

For fuck's sake, Bioware, why do you hate gay men so much?

I convinced Avitus to take the mantle. It was a very sentimental decision for Ryder -- because her situation is very similar. Her SAM and the connection he had with her father are unique, but she didn't think of that in that moment.

Nexus

"Better to find your wings as you fly" Easy for you to say, Sarissa, your predecessor wasn't a loved one

Tempest

I'd agree with Peebee about relationship and baggage, but of course I felt obligated to take the romantic option

(I don’t think there’s an option to agree with her, though, so it’s only for the best)

Voeld

Liam, Vetra, don't fight!

Whoops, sorry for leaving you to die in the purification field, Vetra

...I liked the old color scheme better. Green light looks more alien, but less pretty.

Nexus

Final memory -- here we go!

My theory was that the Archon was somehow Ellen, but that made so little sense I didn't even write it down :D This is simpler.

BTW there's finally Shepard's gender we had to select in the beginning -- in translated subtitles :D Didn't hear it even once in the audio -- could it be Bioware actually took their foreign audience into consideration? :O

Honestly, it's weird that the Reapers info is so secret... From the OT I got the impression that Shepard was yelling about it to everyone at every opportunity...

Fine, fine, you made me emotional with Liara's message.

Shit, I was expecting this decision...

I feel pretty sad now. That's all?

Peebee's LM

Oh, so that's why she lives in an escape pod :D I thought this was only a characterization thing, not a Chekhov's gun!

I said I wasn't mad, though I was a bit. But I mean Ryder *is* mad but also having the time of her life so...

Shit I just shot Kalinda instinctively lmao

Ok I replayed the entire sequence and Idk. This is really the hardest choice in the game...

I'm tempted to say "Yes, literally" :D

Since it's so hard to reaload, it's fair game to watch videos before deciding for myself. Okay, "Yes, literally" is way too harsh.

Alright, this Ryder is not going to make Peebee sad, but I've already planned a Renegade-ish playthrough with a Ryder who values knowledge over everything, so... :D

(Btw, I love that MEA's brand of a more ruthless protagonist is not "uncontrollable brute" but "intellectual snob". As tedious as this game is, I'm already super eager to play character who has those values & takes urgency of tasks seriously.)

This mission is enjoyable and the choice feels maybe the most meaningful... But it has all the classic Mass Effect problems. Kalinda sends a shitload of people to murder us, we murder them, but when she's helpless and we have a finger on the trigger all of that suddenly doesn't matter. Sidonis all over again. Sure, murdering people begging for help is bad in a lot of ways, but she did just try to kill us, a lot of times... Plus, why the fuck can't Ryder jump over and catch the Remnant thing?! That needed to be a second, Paragon interrupt after the Renegade "shoot her." And Ryder is a goddamn biotic, as is Peebee, as is Kalinda! Peebee, Pull is your first goddamn skill! It'd actually be completely plausible if the artifact had shields and/or armor and therefore immune to Pull or Singularity -- but not giving the characters even an idea to try is just stupid!

Tempest

Inviting Peebee to live with together made me revisit my room and inspired me to make some changes. You know what, I'm going to play music in my quarters and change into the short-sleeved pajamas. It's my own ship, why do I walk around it in street clothes? The jacket is stylish but too much to wear at home. I wish we had a "formal" outift for Nexus/Aya/other hubs in addition to the "casual" clothes we wear on the ship.

Shit I went to read someone's post about Peebee's LM and caught a spoilers about the romance post-LM

Addison is right, getting pregnant in that situation was irresponsible

Ah the continuity in this game. "Found more outposts"? I have every possible outpost and all planets at 100%!

"On hold: Place an outpost" bitch where

Voeld

What, there's still a cold hazard?! What was the point of the vault, then?!

Whoa, so the angara believe exaltation not just kills their people but destroys their immortal souls? Wow! That should have been said by a major character during the main story, not by an easily missed NPC!

Oh great, I died and the game refuses to load the last autosave

Dear game. Why did you create four autosaves for the same second. All glitched. Half hour of gameplay lost... God please let the last manual save work. I was sure I saved in between, but just now my PC decided that we still have daylight savings clock change when we do not, and the timestamps on all recent saves are messed up. This especially sucks because I'm trying to rush Peebee's romance because I don't know when the sex scene comes up but I want to make sure it's not when my mom is home while I play it on her PC lol

Tempest

Fuck, that was cute! And Peebee did tackle Ryder, as promised! :D I wonder what she says through Zap in the platonic version...

Addison please don't say the baby screams "like a banshee". I fucking jumped.

"Before you say anything: no PDAs" :D

Level 50! Time to craft myself a powerful new Dhan. I've been running with rank three all this time...

I love that whenever you ask about Kalinda and then return to the general dialogue tree you say "Let's talk about something else" and Peebee responds "YES. Please."

Voeld

Alright, so: the kett leaders are dissatisfied with the Archon because he hasn't reported to them recently, the communication with the kett homeworld(?) might be disrupted in general and the Scourge might be to blame.

Tempest

Damn, SAM has a pretty insightful speech about death! The only thing that can't be rationalized after experiencing it, which is why it fascinates. I actually haven't heard it explained this way before.

My movie night quest hasn't progressed since I brought Jaal his device...

Eos

Ryder watching and playing football with two giant guns floating near her hips... omg

Elaaden/Kadara

What? I'm completely confused by all these identical salarians.

I don't understand this choice. He promises to give us the intel if we let him go... what proof do we have besides his word? And how would arresting him stop us from getting intel from his computer etc?

Reloaded to see both options, chose to arrest him

Havarl

I'm not hugging Jaal's mother wtf

Ryder has surprisingly good facial animation when Jaal shows his mementos

In theory Ryder should like Jaal for being such a nerd but the only thing he makes me feel is mild irritation. His interest in "taking things apart" is an informed quality just like his supposed emotional openness. It's not reflected in his dialogue or storyline at all.

And now I'm finished with all quests in the ally category. I wanted to finish the game asap, but now that we know the patch is coming on Thursday, I'll wait for it.

Multiplayer

Extracted from Silver for the first time as Human Vanguard (level 8, rank IV)! It was against Remnant, so Observers and Destroyers were the only problem. Nullifiers are ridiculously easy for a melee character -- like Ravagers, but without acid.

Got Krogan Vanguard from a pack. Will I have to tolerate the Rage overlay?

The first game with Kroguard was going well, he's got a stong melee even though he's slow... and then wave 6/upload/Kett killed us all :(

Completely unrelated to anything, but I just realized that if you pick the romantic option in the escape pod with Peebee, they don't actually have sex. Call me stupid because that's what Peebee's initial condition is, but I thought Ryder's response changed her mind! When Ryder said "Let's not rush things" I interpreted and meant it in the emotional sense, as "It'd be dishonest to hide that I have a crush on you, but you don't owe me anything, and if you don't ready for a Serious Relationship and Grand Romance yet that's fine because I'm not either, so let's just hook up and leave reflection for later" -- which I thought was pretty sweet and interesting? Because this whole relationship to me was built on the fascinating contrast between Peebee's emotional reservations and casual/flirty attitude, and conversely, on Ryder very consciously respecting Peebee's emotional space. Maybe I just fundamentally don't understand sex and romance lmao. But if character A propositions character B, character B says they have feelings for character A, and the scene promptly fades to black, I assume they do the do because that's how these things are filmed? Only in comparison with the other option, which is actually pretty explicit, it became obvious to me that's not what the director meant. I'm pretty disappointed because I thought it was a good subversion of Jack's "either sex or romance" thing in ME2. And it messes with my headcanon/characterization... I guess I'll have to retcon it into one of the two options. I'll probably go with casual, not romantic in that case. But I just read that Peebee will tell you she's glad you said no, so... :/

Multiplayer

Failed a Silver APEX mission agains the Remnant as a human vanguard :(

Got an asari sentinel!

The patch is here, but I can't launch the game now :( This needs some work.

Ugh, I stop playing for two days and have no motivation to pick the game up again...

#mass effect #mea spoilers #blah blah blah

[empoweringmyselftosurvive-blog]

Step 1: Open Up & Ask For Help

So I got my appointment around 1:20 and went in. Checked in and Dr. Waggley actually called be back before I could even fill out half of the paperwork. So we went to his office and I told him that I had been to see him once before a few months back (come to find out it was back on April 13th) and so we went over the stuff we had talked about back then. When he opened my file, he saw the paper with my 'score' on it and his eyes got huge and his tone was legitimately full of shock when he said, "Oh, you're a 26!!” I was like yeaaahhhh... And I'm actually worse now than I was then.. He was like oh my. So we talked a while. We discussed what I thought about how I am and everything. I mentioned doing a little research about bipolar/manic depression (which is the same thing btw) and he was impressed that I had learned so much about the different types and that I had truly given this a lot of thought. We talked about my 'alters' and he was ENTHRALLED by the fact that I not only have alters but also communicate with them and am aware of them. That I have so many fractured alters that protect me in so many different ways. He really talked to me about that, and made me feel so....normal about it. I actually laughed at one point and he was confused and asked why I was laughing at him. I was like, "Because the only other professional I've ever mentioned my 'alter(s)' to pretty much told me I was stupid because that's not even a real thing. I actually asked him why he had a doctorate in psychology then." He thought that was funny, too. But he said he believes me because he mainly worked with trauma cases until a few years ago. And that a lot of trauma cases have splintered 'protectors' as their way of coping and surviving the things they have been through, So he believes that I do, in fact, have more than one alter. One to protect me when I don't want to eat, so she eats for me. One to protect me when I don't have it in me to get up and keep going, so she gets up and goes for me. One to hold me together when I too weak to hold myself together. One to care for Lillian when I don't have it in me to do what needs to be done for her. And that I am the CORE 'alter'. The one that they all surround to protect and keep alive and going as best they can. And then there is the alter that 'mothers' all of us. And I believe that 'alter' is Luckie. I truly do. And he was truly amazed. He even asked me to invite Luckie out to talk to him. Made sure to inform me, and them, that we were all welcome to open up and speak and work on things TOGETHER. He really just…understood. He didn't make me feel ignorant or insane or stupid at all. It was…nice. He did the 'score' test again though, right before I left, and I actually went UP. I'm the highest score I can be now. From a 26 to a 27. He also had me create a verbal contract with him that I would NOT try to kill myself. Because if I do, then he will not treat me anymore (after getting me to a safe place) because he refuses to work harder at helping me than I do. And that only makes sense. He asked me if I had a plan about killing myself. I said yes. He asked me what it is. I told him....

I would take Lillian to mom and mommas, I'd go home and send you and Magnus a message telling you how much I love you both and how sorry I am. I would leave a letter for Lillian for when she gets old enough to understand and start asking questions about where he mama is, and I would just.....go. I thought about just walking into the lake and lying there until I no longer existed. I decided on pills though. That if I ever truly go through with it, then I will just simply take too many pills and overdose on whatever I have around at the time.

Then he asked me what stopped me the few times I have attempted here lately. I didn't even think about it, I just spoke. "Lillian. I refuse to look down on her in twenty years and see her in the same place that I am in right now. Abandoned by her mama, and at such a young age before she could even understand, and just completely fucked up and blaming herself because of my weakness. Thinking she wasn't good enough for her mama's love and hating herself for it and feeling worthless and unloved and uncared for simply because even her MAMA didn't find her worthy of love and affection and attention and time. That drugs were worth more than she was." He nodded and said that was good, because that is a very powerful reason and he believes that it is enough for me to not actually follow through. One of the questions asks how often I feel like I would be better off dead or have thoughts of harming myself. I said all the time. Nearly every single minute. He asked me when that feeling started. I told him I don't remember a time I DIDN'T feel like that. He got me to really concentrate and focus and think about it. I really did. I thought about it and it came back to when I was about three or four and momma had dropped me off at some 'friends' home and told me she would be back for me soon and didn't come back until days later. I had felt so abandoned and lost and confused. Because why did my mommy just do that? If she loved me, why would she just take me to someone I didn't know at all and just leave like that. Didn't call or anything (as far as I can recall anyway), just left and went off to do who knows what until she finally came back. Only to take me somewhere else and repeat it over and over again. It is one of the first memories I have of my momma. And it hurts me so much to think about it. He asked me to let that little three year old girl have a voice and when I did (after some trouble convincing myself that it was actually okie to let those emotions in for a moment) she really helped me understand that I have been waiting for my momma to come pick me up for twenty two years now. If not longer. And he told me I need to work on letting go. I need to be the momma that I never had. I have to pick myself up and raise myself because I can't spend my entire life as that little three years old girl, crying and waiting for momma to come back for me, because she is never going to do that. Not now. It has been much too long and even if she does finally come back for me, she will never find the same little girl that she left in that home twenty two years ago. So why should I keep myself locked in that home anymore? I have to cope with that loss, and I have to come to the understanding that I am my own mother now. And I have to just do my best not to repeat her mistake by causing the same pain for my own little girl.

He really helped me realize that I just need to open up more. At least to myself. He gave me some 'homework' actually. To read, write, and game more often. Whenever I feel an episode coming on, or one happens without warning, to just sit down and read, or write, or play a game and score my feelings and emotions before and after. To see how my hobbies help and to help me find a better, more healthy form of coping other than the smoking (I told him about it and he wasn't like GO YOU but he wasn't mad. Just asked how often and all and swore it stayed between the two of us.) He said that he believes that my waiting for my momma to pick me up is also my way of waiting for the love I never received when I was younger. Like, yeah, I did get parental love from my grandparents, but I was never allowed to feel that true bond that can only be found between a mother and her child, you know? And I have to give myself that love now. Because no one can ever fill that hole inside of my being, but only I can come close to filling that gap.

#whatsupdoc #first appointment #next one on the 18th #step one of many #i can do this #i have to #therapy #depression #anxiety #trauma #bipolar #mental health #mood disorders