#my other artistic skills are a flop

[raven-writes-fanfic]

Thanks to this post from @gay-jewish-bucky, I couldn't stop thinking about making a dumb fanvid. So have this (poorly put-together) homage to Stucky and Sk8er Boi.

#stucky #stevebucky #steve x bucky #fanvid #it's so bad guys #based on sk8er boi #why did I spend so many hours making something so bad? #this is why I stick with writing #my other artistic skills are a flop #raven rambles

[bishonenspit]

posting your artwork publically can be so rewarding and so motivating but most of the time it just results in psychological turmoil inflicted on yourself

#like oh my god girl help #im so sad and over my confidence to do with my art being paper thin and fragile but nothing changes no matter how much i like a piece #i hate the idea that artists only draw for interaction bc i definitely do not do that id have to be stupid to with the stuff i draw #but i also hate the idea that artists shouldn't want interaction on their work? like it's a very human emotion to want your work to be seen? #i just wish people liked my stuff more truly. im aware my style is specific and to a particular taste and ik that my work isn't the like #high flawless standard of most traditional art that gets posted. like ik that and like god i wish i had that skill level but i don't!! #i like what i do tho i just wish it felt like a lot of other people did idk maybe that's vain or something. I don't know!! #i wish i did digital art but i hate working digital lol #ppl don't believe me when i say that digital art is preferred over traditional online but i rlly believe it's true #and if your traditional art does well it's at the level of digital art flawlessness #im simultaneously like im too young to be crazy good like other people online but also im too old to be on the path to getting good. yk #i blame it on a small fandom sometimes but that's unfair bc art within small fandoms still does really well #idk i think im just a flop probably but also i think im insecure. schrodinger's online artist crisis #anyways sorry ignore this im just running my mouth don't pity reblog my shit or anything i don't want that #idk what i want but it's not that lmao #i think i want to be better at art and i want people to like my art. which i have like minimal control over. #being an artist is fun until the turmoil sets in

[the-s1lly-corner]

Maybe a TADC X reader who loves either drawing or crocheting?

If you can’t it’s totally okay and I hope you have a good day/night <3

TADC cast x reader who drawing/crocheting!

Flip flopping between art and crochet for each character!

Writing these while I have some brief downtime! Sobs my feet hurt sm

CAINE:

Loves hovering over your shoulder in the air while you're working on art! Not in the annoying way that people do when they hover and watch your every move, literally watching you draw and having the nerve to ask if they can take your sketch and finish it (totally not ranting about personal experience)

Well

It can be a little irritating, but caine just loves how fluid you look when you get in your zone

Keeps every drawing youve given him within arms length. Probably keeps it in his hat. Comically has loads of storage in his hat

POMNI:

Crochet! You try to get pomni into it but she fails so so bad and has a tangled mess of material. Oooo please domt take her hands in yours and guide them on what to do that totally wont make the poor jesters soul part with her body I prooooomise

Gets so excited when she manages to make a simple thing, like a bee plush? Idk I love crochet bees, sm

RAGATHA:

I already headcannon ragatha to knit, sew, and crochet! So perhaps you two sit down and do dates where you guys make something for one another? Or perhaps, for a twist to keep everyones pieces unique, imagine you're new to crocheting and ragatha is helping you make stuff! I think thats a cute idea, me thinks

JAX:

Very bad at both but similar to caine likes watching you do either of the two. Now is he interested to learn either? No I dont think so, but he wouldnt make fun of you for your hobbies and he would join you if you offered or asked him to join you

Very bad at both.. probably gets a little salty that this is something hes not skilled in for once/hj

KINGER:

Make him crochet bugs please please please hes gonna keep them all on his bed/inside his pillow fort!! He always holds one in his hands while hes walking around

Very nice very silly I love him sm

Gives them all names and never forgets the names

ZOOBLE:

You guys sometimes draw together, but zooble is more so a.. musical artist, imo. Idk they give me musician vibes that I cant quite explain... loves keeping any art of you make of them in their room, probably tapes them all over the walls in a unneat fashion

GANGLE:

You and her draw a lot together! In fact that's what brought you two together! It's nice to have someone around who cares about you and shares your passion, I think... very nice.. honestly it's very refreshing for gangle to finally have someone! You guys gifts each other paintings and lil crafts and I think that's cute. Art dates

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

[plothooksinc]

Assuming you don't have an excess of NRFTW prompts already, mayhaps a missing scene of Mikey confronting Leo about that "Don't kill yourself for a corpse" line? Because I just *know* he had a lot of feelings about that, diversion or no. 👀👀

Me: That should be pretty straightforward Me: ...only now I want to address some other stuff, so-- /17 pages later

The Jupiter Jim figurines that April had put on the bedside stand were gone, replaced by a tray of Mikey’s paints, and Draxum’s (lab? Secret lair? He insisted it wasn’t a castle--) place was dead silent.

They were moving today. Donnie had declared their new residence-to-be hygienically and structurally sound enough to begin the shift over, but Leo was still benched. And Mikey was also benched—unfairly, as far as he was concerned, but Draxum had pushed for him to stay out of the heavy lifting.

(“There’s being able to lift a pound or two, and there’s being able to shift furniture and boxes. It’s a world of difference,” the old goat had said patiently. “Yes, you’re doing much better, but don’t try your luck.”

“But I can use my chains, they won’t weigh—”

“Ahhh, yes. Your chains. With your mystic energy. And what have we said about using your mystic energy?”)

Donnie had told him outright to be thankful he had an excuse to sit this out. But it was Raph who mollified him by pointing out that leaving Leo here entirely on his own probably wouldn’t be the greatest of ideas. Both because he was still hurt and might need help, would be feeling kind of useless and in need of morale—and because a lonely and bored Leo was often a dumb Leo, and if he would listen to anyone and just stay put, it was gonna be Mikey.

And fair. Sometimes Leo definitely required a Delicate Touch.

Today, he’d apply one of a different kind.

Leo’s shell was a mess of fibreglass patches and newly sealed cracks still fragile in some places—Donnie had come up with a thin protective cover for the bulk of them, but the whole look wasn’t pretty and his brother was self-conscious about it. Not that he’d said as much, but the fact that he pulled the blanket right up over it even when it was warm spoke volumes.

Also, Mikey’s fingers itched every time he looked at it. He wanted to make it look awesome. Hence--

“Give me some suggestions?” Leo said. “You’re the artist.”

“Could do a cool dragon?”

“Mmm. Yeah.”

Well, that was noncommittal. He thought Leo would like a dragon. Mikey frowned. “You know I’ll paint whatever you want. I don’t care what it is.”

Leo chuckled. “Well, that’s way open to abuse.”

“I’m serious!”

“Hmm.”

And he was quiet again. This time, Mikey frowned at him. Was it time for morale boosts already? It seemed a bit early--

“Hey.”

“Mmm, yeah, I’m thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“Thinking abooout… how I can abuse your mad painting skills?”

“Leo.”

“Seriously, what if I got you to draw, like, a terrible cartoon of Barry falling off a roof or something.”

“...really?”

“You did say anything.”

Mikey narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “I mean sure, if that’s what you really want.” Though it was such a cheap shot he didn’t think Leo even tried with that one; it felt more like misdirection. “Didn’t know you were so obsessed with him you wanted a reminder painted on you, but—”

“Oh pizza supreme, ew.” Leo shuddered, mashing his face into the pillow. “When you put it like that—”

“So what are you thinking about?”

“Rude.”

“Answer the question, Leon.”

“Ruder. No privacy. Maybe I’m thinking that I miss pizza.”

“You get some tomorrow.”

“What about now?” he whined.

“Leo?”

“Miguel.”

“Do you not want me to paint your shell?” Leo hesitated, and Mikey squinted at him. “We don’t have to.”

“...it’s not that,” Leo muttered, muffled by the pillow. “I do, but…”

Time to pull out the big guns. He flopped onto the bed next to him, offering his best puppy eyes and trembling lip when Leo shifted to face him. “Do you think I’ll do a bad job?”

“What?” Leo pulled back a little, looking panicked. “Of course not! You’re amazing, I just—”

Mikey grinned at him cheerfully. And then stuck his tongue out for good measure.

“—who taught you how to weaponise that, seriously.”

“You did.”

Leo swallowed a laugh. “Okay, okay. Fine. Give me your hand.”

“Huh?”

His brother held out a hand, beckoning, and Mikey obliged him by taking it. Leo instantly turned his hand over, pushing gently along the joints. “That hurt?”

...oh. That’s what was going on. It said a lot that Mikey hadn’t even thought about injury stress; his arms had been behaving themselves for days now. It was possible, he guessed.

On the other hand, he hadn’t painted in weeks. He missed it. And he wanted Leo to like his shell. So he pulled back, deliberately shaking his hands out and wiggling his fingers, smiling wryly as Leo winced. “Promise I’m good. In more ways than one, baby!”

“Yeah, but what if it starts hurting halfway through?” Leo made a face. “Then I’ll be stuck with half a dragon or something and probably, like, the lamer part. There’ll be a dragon’s ass on my shell and everyone’ll make fun of me.”

Mikey sighed, seeing the whining for the thinly disguised concern it was. It was touching, but he could feel the annoyance starting to bubble up. Of all of them, Leo was the one that generally didn’t baby him. He managed a smile. “We do that already.”

“Shh, let me live in denial. Anywhizzle--”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t ready,” he said, sharper than he intended. (Probably because that wasn’t entirely true—okay, he hadn’t given any thought to it before this, but after reflection, he was pretty sure--)

“You sure about that?”

Leo said it...lightly. For the most part.

Maybe Mikey just imagined the strain underneath, or maybe it was because he was already riled, but the doubtful look on his brother’s face made him bristle defensively. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?” Leo paused. “Nothing, I’m just kidding around.”

“You sure about that?”

And this time Leo frowned at Mikey’s mocking tone and shifted gingerly to face him more directly, hugging a pillow to his chest. “Whoa, okay, I honestly didn’t mean anything by it, I’m just… making sure.”

“Why?”

“...you seriously have to ask?”

“Yeah, actually,” Mikey said flatly, fingers tapping a rhythm on the protective sheet. He just wanted to paint. “I’m more than okay. I’m fine, Leo.”

“Annnd you’ve said that before.”

“I—” He paused.

(“Fine! Just fine. You?”

“Fine. Just fine.”)

Again, oh.

(“You’re both liars and I don’t see why you bother.”)

Mikey let a breath out. Sure, okay. He still felt tetchy about this, but Leo had a point. But it took two to have that conversation, and if they were gonna talk about recklessness--

--and oh, for the third time. He got it now, why he was so hair-trigger irritated. There was a ninja damned elephant in the room.

One thing at a time.

“It’s just painting,” Mikey said finally, voice even. “It’s not like I’m using any kind of mystic mojo and I can stop any time it starts to hurt. I can paint something that can be done in pieces, no dragon asses necessary.”

Leo blinked at him, and then mustered up a lopsided smile. “I dunno. What if dragon asses are my thing?”

He could take that offer for what it was; Leo attempting to walk their conversation back from an edge. For a moment, Mikey was tempted. He just wanted to do something nice for his brother and artistic and prove he could still--

Still paint. He could. He had no trouble at dinner, no trouble lugging Dad’s casserole, and now Leo was making him second guess himself when Leo was absolutely the biggest hypocrite in the room for this kinda thing.

“...Angelo?”

And man, now his brother wouldn’t even let him second guess himself in peace! Rude. He leaned forward to rummage through his paints, voice flat. “What.”

“...hey.” Hesitant and soft. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, like, belittle you, that’s not what this is about.”

“That’s a big word for you.” As soon as he said it—heard the snap of his words leave his mouth—Mikey cringed. Especially as Leo stilled on the bed, then sank down into the pillows again, face blank. Okay, he didn’t deserve that. If Mikey didn’t want to be babied, he shouldn’t be a brat.

So he gave an overly long, dramatic Mermista-style groan and flopped back down on his back next to his brother. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m just… I’m frustrated. It’s been a while. And you were the last person I expected this from!”

“I get it,” Leo said quietly. “You got stuck here on babysitting duty, you’re already feeling left out.”

“That’s not it. Well, not all of it.” He hesitated, stretching his hands up to link behind his head, voice innocent. “Um… I was so caught up in the euphoria of being able to paint your shell that for a minute I lived in a world where mystic backlash didn’t exist…?”

There was a long moment of silence.

And then Mikey grinned a little as Leo raised his head to glare at him. “You did not just apple juice meme at me.”

“I sure did, Leon. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

“Ask you nicely to brain yourself with a pillow,” Leo said grumpily. “I’m keeping count, you know.”

“Oh, I bet.”

They lay there in companionable silence.

“I was looking forward to it, too.” Leo said after a while. “I mean, I even let you put the sheet down. It’s only after that we—look, we both forgot, okay? And then I panicked, because I’m not meant to forget that kind of thing. What if you get hurt because I encouraged you?”

“Hmm.” Okay, that was a fair, kind of dumb but standard Leo reaction. “I kind of get it, except for the part where you’re not responsible for my life choices.”

“Yeah, but I’m enabling them. Raph would—”

“Raph would get exasperated at me for pulling a dumb stunt! This isn’t like… being out fighting bad guys and for some reason your plan means I have to hurt myself painting.”

“Close enough,” Leo said, barely audible.

Mikey shifted up onto his elbows, looking at him in disbelief. “I’m sorry, what? Did I hear that correctly?”

“Mmf.” Leo dropped his face back into the pillow. “Sorry. Forget it, I’m just—”

“Oh no, we are not forgetting it, son.” Mikey sat back up again, folding his arms like a disapproving parent. “Seriously? Are we doing this now?”

“Can we go back to the part where you were going to paint, like, something easy and—”

“Hell no. Leo.” Mikey poked him in the shoulder-- the good one, because he wasn’t a complete jerk. “I don’t remember any point where you had a say in my portal choices. Oh, wait! Yes I do! And your say was dumb and I ignored it—”

Leo blinked at him, baffled. “You-- what? I never—”

“Aha!” Mikey pointed at him triumphantly. “You can’t have it both ways. Either you’re responsible or you’re not, which is it?”

“No, I’m seriously lost,” Leo said blankly. “Putting aside the whole responsibility or feeling guilt or whatever, I get it, we’ll come back to that (maybehopefullynever) but when did you ignore me? I don’t remember saying anything to you about portals.”

For a moment, Mikey was just. Speechless. Because he could infer two things from that, and he hated both of them. One, that Leo had absolutely talked about his portals, just not with him. And two…

“You don’t remember,” he said, irritation shifting into genuine anger. His voice rose with every word. “The warehouse? That cheap action hero line you threw at me while you were hanging like so much netted roadkill? ‘Doesn’t ring a bell?’ Seriously!?”

Recognition dawned on Leo’s face, and he mouthed something silently—a sentence that he recognised because it had been on Mikey’s mind, on and off, that he’d muttered to himself in the bathroom sometimes, that he couldn’t decide whether it was a cool line or something Leo needed to be slapped for, and that he’d decided to maybe just try and let it go until Leo--

--did this. Forgot it.

Like it didn’t matter.

Don’t kill yourself for a corpse.

“Mikey,” Leo said faintly, and a helpless, placating smile twitched at the corners of his mouth for a moment before it faded under Mikey’s glare. “That was just stalling.”

“Was it?”

“Yes!” he snapped. “That wasn’t a-- I thought you knew! Do you really think I’d just encourage you to throw my life away when help was very clearly gonna be on the way?”

Annnd there it was. Because yeah, actually. Leo had put his finger on it precisely without meaning to, and Mikey surged up off the bed. “You’ve done it before, Leo! Once is maybe stalling, but this is a pattern, and—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa—”

“Don’t whoa whoa whoa me!” Mikey bared his teeth. And his next words were pitched high and dramatic, hand to forehead. “’Don’t kill yourself for a corpse!’ ‘Casey, when I get to the other side, close that door!’ Actually yeah, now that I think about it, if you hadn’t been such a dumbass, I—”

Oh.

Oh, shit, way too far. Leo flinched as if struck, but he stayed staring at Mikey, eyes dark and shoulders hunched. Making himself small like he deserved it, when Mikey had been trying to point out his arms weren’t his responsibility. Good job, going the exact opposite direction.

“...fuck,” he whispered.

In a perfect world, Leo would blackmail him with threats to tell Raph about his swearing at this point. But his big brother said nothing, watching him in deathly silence.

Mikey covered his face. He was angry. He’d crossed a line. And for a long, yawning moment, he held still, hoping Leo would—snap back at him, or shove him off the bed, or be just as much a jerk back, like he’d been with Raph before the invasion, or that time at the pizzeria, or--

It was so quiet.

Oh, pizza supreme. “Leo,” he said, muffled into his hands. “I’m--”

Leo laughed, and Mikey snapped his head up in mix of confusion and dread, because that was not the correct response. But Leo’s giggling was brittle, and while he was lounging on the pillows like he was so entertained, he was staring past Mikey like he wasn’t there. Something curdled in his gut. “Leo…?”

“You can’t have it both ways, mi hermano,” Leo said, and his tone was so absolutely curated smartass that Mikey cringed. “Either I’m responsible or I’m not, which is it?”

“Don’t,” Mikey said tightly, “Throw my words back at me.”

“Why not? Seems to be a common thing today.”

“You know it’s not what I meant!”

“Seems we got a lot of that going around, too.”

Leo’s humour faded—what there was of it—and now he just looked tired. He shifted awkwardly onto his side to face away from Mikey. “Sorry,” he muttered. “You’re gonna have to tell Raph you weren’t the best choice for the whole morale thing. He’ll understand.”

Words chosen to hurt. They lost their bite when delivered so expressionlessly, and Mikey swallowed against a stupid, stupid desire to cry, because now he was angry and frustrated and guilty and a little heartbroken, and dammit, this was so important, he couldn’t let it slide, but he…

...kinda got why Raph and Leo were at each other’s throats all the time.

He wasn’t going to be the same.

“I have three doctorates,” he muttered.

And waited. For Leo to snort, to cut him down and say sure, and I have a medical degree. With stickers. Which makes it better than yours.

But Leo said nothing. After a moment, he hitched the blanket up to wrap over his shell again, and that felt more like a dismissal than anything else.

Mikey curled his hands into fists. Clenched them hard, just because he could. Because it didn’t hurt anymore, not like before. “I have three doctorates,” he repeated flatly, “And I probably should be taking my own advice, huh. You want more words thrown back at you? I’m not yelling at you because I’m mad. I’m—I’m freaking terrified, Leo! Because you nearly died like three times in the last couple weeks, and two of those times you just kind of… leaned right into it, and I don’t—don’t want there to be a fourth time—”

“You think I do?”

Leo’s response was barely audible, but his head had tilted back just enough for Mikey to know he was paying attention. And man, it was getting harder not to just burst into tears, but then Leo would probably either have to shift into comfort mode (and everything would get derailed) or he’d ignore Mikey entirely and that would feel worse. He compromised by flopping back onto the bed, curling up against Leo’s blankets, and found his voice again. He’d say what he had to say first.

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “That’s why, okay? I just—you just seem to keep going for the option that gets you dead lately. You can’t do that to us.”

“I mean, apparently I can,” Leo murmured bitterly. “Seeing as I’ve done it twice.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s not funny.”

“Yeah, well. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“...I don’t know what I want you to say, either.” Nothing felt right.

“Okay, here’s a start,” Leo said flatly. “If you think I’m trying to throw my life away—”

“No!”

“If you don’t think that, what exactly are you accusing me of?”

“I’m not! I’m—” His voice cracked, and Mikey bit off another curse under his breath. And then went fuck it and vanished into the cool dark of his shell, so he wouldn’t have to stare at Leo’s back any more. So Leo wouldn’t turn and catch his tears that were falling without his permission because he cried at the drop of a hat and--

“I’m just scared.”

There was a pause, and a creak of the bed. And a long silence.

Mikey sniffled as quietly as he could.

Another creak.

Then Leo’s voice sounded closer, a little more gentle.

“I had a nightmare about you.”

He blinked. That wasn’t what he expected.

“Uh-- I kind of know?” He remembered the details vividly enough-- the warehouse, Sister Krang snapping his neck, way awful. But this was after the warehouse, so--

“Raph told you?” Leo said in confusion. “I mean, I never gave him the details...”

--that wasn’t right. Mikey peered out from his shell to see Leo peering back, and his brother gave him a tiny smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was encouraging. “No, I, um… remember how we mind melded at the warehouse? It kind of stuck around during all your fever dreams.”

“Oh.” Leo frowned. “I don’t really remember those.”

“Good,” Mikey said fervently. “Don’t. They’re awful.”

“Heh. Sorry.”

“Not your fault.” He sank back into his shell, but he felt a little better. Leo wasn’t being so cold. He hated it when Leo was cold. “So this was another dream…?”

“...yeah. It was a while ago, right after you showed me your arms that first time. Before… Raph.”

Oh, right. Before everything went to hell. (Again. Hah.)

“I dreamt about you opening the portal,” Leo went on quietly, “And you were trying to save me, and you kind of… just broke apart. Shattered to pieces. And I had to watch that, and the portal closed, and I-- I was stuck and you were—”

Oh.

(If he had a nickel for every time he’d thought oh in the last ten minutes--)

“I didn’t want to be there, Mikey. I promise, I really, really enjoy, you know, being alive. I love you guys! I’m not secretly harbouring a death wish, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice was a lot quieter.

“But that terror—it goes both ways, you know?”

He felt Leo lay hands on his shell and try to lift him into a hug.

Which was… very sweet until reality kicked in and he popped back out in alarm just in time to see his big brother go pale.

“Oh my god, Leo!” He scrambled out fully, wiping at his face before he helped Leo settle back, and he couldn’t help the faintly hysterical giggle. “You really are a dumbass.”

“...I did it on purpose to get you to come out…?” Leo’s voice was wheezy, and he gave Mikey a watery smile.

“Liar.”

“Okay, you got me.” He wilted against the pillows. “But not about the important stuff, okay?”

“Idiot,” Mikey muttered without heat. He patted at Leo’s shoulder. “Need meds?”

“...nah. It’s actually not too bad, I just need a minute.”

“Okay.” He paused. Argument maybe averted, but… he wasn’t done. He could just do this a little less meanly. Especially if Leo was willing to talk to him.

“I do believe you,” he said after a moment, because that was important.

“Okay, good.”

“So… you did the whole heroic cool death wish line because you were scared I was gonna get hurt?”

Leo huffed in amusement, but his tiny smile faded. “Mostly, yeah. I was trying to buy you time. And my first attempt just got you hurt more, so… I went the rage route.”

Oh yeah. Leo asking for permission to treat his wounds. That had gone poorly, to say the least. Mikey smiled weakly. “Well, you picked a winner. I got so mad at you.” He still was, but it felt a little better, to pick at this.

“Yeah, well, the Bubblegum Bitch ran on murder and spite. I figured she’d love to see us screaming at each other. And…”

He hesitated.

“And?” Mikey prompted.

Leo closed his eyes. “I didn’t think I could handle watching you open a portal to... that place. Not with the damage it did the first time. Not ever again because of me. I’m not the only one who nearly died here, y’know.”

Mikey frowned. “I didn’t—”

“Don’t try that with me, Mikey.”

He shut his mouth with a snap. Took a deep breath, because he wasn’t going to yell again, and this was… a softer kind of hurt. He got it. He was starting to get Leo. So he had to continue.

“You think I could handle watching you die because I didn’t open one?” He was proud of how even his voice was. Hah. The doctor was back in session. “You said it yourself, terror goes both ways. Stalling can only go so far. By definition!”

“Okay, at this point we’re gonna end up going in circles,” Leo said dryly. “They’re both valid points, okay? But if you can understand why you risked your life in there, can you get why I’d do the same?”

“...because we’re both idiots?” he muttered.

Leo snorted a faint laugh. And Mikey finally grinned at him, before sobering. Because…

“What about before?”

Leo’s face shuttered blank so fast he almost regretted asking.

Almost.

Especially as the look broke a moment later under a lazy smile, which set his teeth on edge. “You’re gonna have to narrow it down a bit, little bro.”

Okay. If he was gonna be like that.

“Mhm, mm-hmm.” Mikey nodded, shifting enough to sit cross-legged on the bed, and pretended to write into a notebook. “Patient very sensitive on this subject, a little too late on deflecting comment and accompanying I am full of shit smile…”

“Oh, for-- you can’t doctor me, you don’t have your stupid doctor glasses.”

“Patient deflecting more… by making… immersion-breaking jokes—” He broke off and mimed looking over a pair of imaginary glasses at Leo and grinned cheekily through the churning in his gut. Two could play at this game. “All our stuff is packed. You’re gonna have to pretend, bro.”

“I don’t want to,” Leo said flatly, smile gone. “I’m not in the mood for imaginary doctors today. Can’t you just be Mikey?”

“I don’t know, can I?” Mikey retorted, voice still even. Never mind he probably still had drying tear tracks on his face. “Because apparently you can’t talk to Mikey.”

“I can talk to you just fine!”

“Without babying me.”

“I’m not—”

“Or lying. You know exactly what ‘before’ I’m talking about! I mean, how often do you throw yourself through one way portals, anyway?”

“As Dee would say, approximately never, because I can honestly say I’ve never thrown myself through a one way portal in my—”

Mikey slammed his hand down on the bedside stand so hard his paint bottles shook, two of them outright teetering and falling off the edge. Leo flinched back, sentence unfinished, his expression frozen somewhere between jackass and terrified.

“Really?” he hissed. “You’re gonna deflect now by splitting hairs?”

Leo blinked, mouth still hanging open for a moment before he collected himself. “Very professional observation,” he said faintly, voice shaking. “You should write that down in your imaginary notebook! Also, I’m pretty sure therapists aren’t meant to terrify their patients. You could lose your imaginary license and then where would we be?”

Mikey stared at him, face dark and arms folded. “And now you’re deflecting by pissing me off.”

Leo held his stare for maybe three seconds before he broke and rolled away—gingerly, clearly painfully—to face the wall again. “’m sorry. I really just wanna… I don’t know. Get my shell painted. Can we talk about this some other day?”

Mikey sucked in a breath, loudly and obnoxiously, because he wanted Leo to know he was angry. Then he rolled to collect the bottles that had fallen to the floor. The red one hadn’t been closed properly and he winced at the flecks on Draxum’s carpet. Maybe they could claim it was blood. He’d probably be less outraged, all things considered.

He knew as well as Leo there would be no other day. If this didn’t get talked about now, he’d be looking forward to Leo making sure they weren’t in the same room alone together for weeks. He was angry enough he wondered spitefully for a moment if he should beat him to it and ignore his lying ass like a--

...like a wound up little brother who was easily riled by someone who knew exactly which buttons to press. Sure, Leo would feel like shit about it, but Leo would also be relieved. Dodged that therapist bullet, right? Enough time would pass it would be too hard to bring up again.

Until the next time he pulled this stunt. (Leo wasn’t a cat, he didn’t have nine freaking lives--)

“Was there really no other way?” he asked bluntly.

Leo hunched in on himself with a faint hiss, and Mikey sat there behind him, his arms full of paint, and wondered how far to push. He wanted to know. Leo had said there was no death wish, and Mikey believed him about his reasoning in the warehouse. If it wasn’t for how Leo shut him down immediately when he asked more directly, he’d have let this go. There was something he was missing.

He had to push the right way, though. Demanding answers from a traumatised person was, okay, maybe not the best strategy? And Leo was absolutely traumatised, no matter how many shit eating grins he’d thrown over the last few weeks while being half dead. (And then half dead again.) He’d come back out of Mikey’s portal a complete mess and hadn’t talked about it since. Krang Prime had been terrifying before his only target had been his brother.

And Leo had deliberately locked himself in with a murderous alien because…

Hero moves are totally your style.

...because that’s what heroes do?

Bullshit.

“How’s your hand?”

Leo’s question took him by surprise—and hurt besides, with how colourless his tone was. Mikey frowned at him before he looked down at his hands, and—right. Probably losing his temper and hitting furniture wasn’t very, uh, wise. But he flexed his fingers, answering in a subdued voice. “Fine.”

...he had an idea. Take a page out of Leo’s book, lure him in with less threatening subjects. Mikey paused, biting his lip, knowing this could also backfire-- but if it did, it would be less devastating than the direct route. He could try again later.

So he sighed. “And… fine. I’ll let it go.”

“For now, huh.”

“...forever, if you need me to. I just—wanted to understand,” he said, turning away to start stacking the paint bottles neatly on the dresser again. “I know we weren’t there to help, and I’m sorry—”

“Do not apologise for that,” Leo cut in sharply. “You got slammed into free fall and nearly died. What kind of jerk do you think I am?”

“But Raph had to come after us and you were alone.” And that hurt to remember. His hands trembled. “And then you didn’t even warn us. You didn’t even say goodbye. You just jumped straight to—”

“There wasn’t time for anything else,” Leo whispered. “At least, I didn’t think there was. Okay?”

--that was progress. Mikey leaned forward eagerly, ready to push for more detail-- and then hesitated. He’d just said he would let it go.

So he made himself shut up and sit there quietly, hands in his lap, fingers curled inward so he didn’t fidget.

And waited.

“...Yeah, I keep thinking now about other stuff I might have been able to do,” Leo said finally. “And like, it’s all maybes and what ifs and maybe none of it would have worked and maybe some of it would have, but there wasn’t any time, and I’m not-- I mean, it’s easy to come up with stuff after. I still don’t know if I could have made a better choice. Okay? I just did… I did what I had to. It wasn’t some grand gesture or, like, ‘oh no, this is all my fault, I’ll throw my life away to fix it,’ it was-- we’d never get another chance, and I couldn’t live with what would happen if we lost.”

…

Right, so there was a lot to unpack there.

“You think the invasion is your fault?” he asked cautiously.

“Not… really,” Leo said, and Mikey wished he’d turn around again so he could see his brother’s face. “Like, you know, I get it. The Foot and the Krang are more to blame for this than me, but I was stupid. So there’s fault, and then there’s responsibility. If I hadn’t messed around and lost the key, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten this far. But I guess I don’t know that for sure?”

That sounded very much like someone had already had a go at him about this. His money would be on Donnie. What Mikey wanted to know, though, was whether Leo really meant it or whether he was just rattling off someone else’s argument.

“You also got the key back,” he pointed out, and Leo snorted.

“Yeah,” he said flatly. “At Raph’s expense.”

Mikey winced-- okay yeah, wrong tack to take. There was a lot he could say there about the fact that Raph was also capable of making his own choices, and he already knew Raph would prefer the whole temporary possession and scarred eye and shell over a dead brother. Just as he knew he would never, ever convince Leo of that, because they were all the same in that regard. It was hard, watching someone get hurt trying to protect you.

So hard. Mikey knew.

“Did you…” He paused, swallowed. Curled up on the bed itself, his shell to Leo’s, knees up to his chest. Maybe this was easier. “Did you think you had to make up for it? Is that why?”

He wasn’t sure if Leo’s soft huff of amusement was a good or a bad sign. “I already said. No death wishes.” His tone was more gentle than cutting, so that was hopeful. “Not on the alien ship, not in the warehouse. Just let it go.”

That wasn’t actually an answer to the question. Guilt could make you do so much stupid shit, and Leo still wanted him to drop it, which means there was more to this--

I couldn’t live with what would happen if we lost.

Mikey blinked.

“I need an oh jar,” he muttered.

“...yeah, because that makes sense.”

“Leo,” Mikey said evenly. “What did Casey say to you?”

There was a brief silence, and then Leo responded with genuine confusion. “Okay, that one you really are gonna have to narrow down—”

“About the future he came from.”

And from the way he heard Leo’s breath stutter to a halt, Mikey had his answer.

---------

He waited. Long enough to hear Leo unfreeze, breathing slow with just the faintest hint of shakiness. Long enough that he finally evened out, and Mikey kept still while he did it, not even touching him, back to back. He wanted to-- wanted to kind of turn and latch onto Leo and hug him, but from this angle he’d end up hurting a whole lot more than he’d help, so… in the end, he just gave him space.

Somewhere down the hall, one of Draxum’s clocks chimed.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Dumb question.”

“Hmm. Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that one. Will you please talk about it?”

“What’s the point?” Leo was barely audible. “It’s over now, not gonna happen. We just need to look after the one person it did happen for.”

“I think Casey’d disagree.”

“Casey has enough on his plate.”

“Well, he’s not here right now anyway. If there’s no point, why don’t you tell me?”

“Already covered that I don’t want to.”

The thing is, just by not telling him, Leo had basically confirmed for Mikey some pretty obvious key factors. This time he deliberately quashed the irritation at the thought of being babied. He got it. He did.

“So,” he said slowly, eventually, “I’m gonna assume you’re trying to protect me. Or us. From horrible, terrible, no good, bad future knowledge. Am I right?”

Leo’s silence was confirmation enough.

Mikey took a deep breath. Okay. He had it now. He hoped. (He also didn’t hope, because it was so bleak, but--)

“You know,” he said quietly, voice deliberately oh so casual, “When someone, like, drops in from some futuuure timeline—add reverb—to change the course of history, it kinda means that whichever future he came from is a lost cause. That much is obvious, you know?”

Silence.

Mikey sat up, glancing down at the huddle that was his brother.

“I know Donnie dies,” he said, and watched Leo flinch. He knew how Donnie died. That part, he would leave out just in case. “Raph woulda died before all of us. April—”

He stopped. The point was made and he was being cruel enough already. “I know I was still there at the end. So were you. Because we were the ones who sent him here.”

“Yeah,” Leo said quietly. “You opened a portal through time. Pretty amazing, bro.”

He smiled at that, a little sadly. “I know, right?”

“Be more amazing if you’d survived doing it.”

He’d figured as much, but hearing it still sent a sliver of nausea through him. And if Leo had known that much, the nightmares about Mikey shattering would just have been icing on the cake. And--

And--

“Everyone died,” he said, eyes wide. “Everyone. Except you.”

The way Leo tried to curl into himself at that could not be healthy for his injuries. This time Mikey did reach out, both hands patting at his brother’s shoulder tentatively before he latched on, trying to discourage the pretzeling. “Lee—”

“I know.”

“It didn’t happen!”

“I know!” Leo snapped. “Because I made sure it couldn’t!”

Mikey let go-- half startled by the outburst, half taken by surprise when Leo threw him off, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Also not a good idea because Leo had barely managed standing earlier, so what the hell he thought he was doing-- but apparently he was content to sit on the edge of the mattress, using his good arm to keep himself propped up, his entire body curled away from his little brother.

Well. Too bad. Mikey crawled over the bed to sit next to him. And when Leo didn’t move away again, he huffed and wormed his way under that arm, offering a better support. Leo was rigid against him, but he didn’t flinch or try to push him away, so.

Win. Such as it was.

“I get it,” Mikey whispered.

“I didn’t want you to.”

“Yeah… I don’t get that part.”

“Because it’s—” Leo broke off, darting a look at him before he turned away. “It’s all I could think of. I made a big speech about how we could change the future after all, and then when you guys got knocked down, all I could think was that we’d tried so hard, and we still lost, and—and I thought-- I wasn’t thinking. I mean I was, but it was stupid and—”

He hadn’t heard Leo stammer around the point like this in a long time, and Mikey tipped his head against his shoulder, wrapping his arms around Leo’s. “s’not stupid, bro. Like—it’s a high stress situation, y’know? D’you think me or Donnie or Raph were coming up with super logical plans while we were raining into Staten Island? You know how that place drains your smarts away.”

That got a laugh out of Leo, at least, a half hiccupped one, and he shifted a little closer. He didn’t relax; Mikey could feel the tension practically vibrating through him, and he knew what was coming. He could probably cut to the chase now and sum it up for Leo in points so he didn’t have to.

He waited. It was better that way.

“I just...didn’t.” Leo said finally. “Didn’t—want to go through that. You know, I wasn’t being heroic or a martyr or whatever, I was being a coward, okay? Because Casey told me everyone died in the future—everyone—and I thought: if we lose here, I’m gonna have to live that future. You know, twenty years in a war we’re gonna lose so slowly, watching everyone die one by one until I’m the only one left, and I was terrified and I can’t—I can’t, Mikey, if it’s a choice between me and literally everyone else, you can’t ask me to watch everyone die—”

And his voice cracked and Leo shut up, and Mikey carefully shuffled up onto his knees and curled his arms around his brother’s neck and held on. Leo planted his face in the crook of Mikey’s neck, shoulders trembling.

But when he spoke, his voice was small, but very dry. “This is gonna be real painful in about thirty seconds, just warning—”

“Then shut the hell up and get back on the bed, idiot.”

Leo sniffled, voice even tinier. “Yes, Dr Therapist, sir.”

“Good boy.”

“Don’t tell the others?”

“Doctor patient confidentiality.”

“’kay. Good.”

Leo turned away, shuffling back onto the bed to collapse onto the pillows. Mikey hovered, not really sure what to do next. Did he leave him alone? Give him space? He’d normally just drape himself on Leo’s shell, but that wasn’t exactly a good idea, so--

The question was answered for him when Leo waved a hand in his general direction, looking for a limb to grab, and Mikey helpfully gave him an arm-- and was yanked down beside his brother who curled around him like he was a teddy bear, hiding his face again. Mikey wheezed, a faint mix of relief and amusement. “Oh, okay, it’s gonna be like this—”

“Shh,” Leo said, muffled and sodden-sounding. “Therapy’s over.”

The face against his neck was wet. Mikey held still for a moment, swallowing against his own tears, and then gave a small sigh, putting a hand on Leo’s head.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I guess it is.”

---------

They lay there for a while. Mikey was perfectly content to be used as a teddy bear and kept his mouth shut, letting Leo get it out of his system, running his thumb over the ridges of the blue mask as his brother shook apart so quietly. As if he were ashamed of letting go. Or maybe it was just the fact that he was crying on his little brother. Mikey supposed that was breaking some kind of sibling hierarchy or some shit. Whatever.

He hadn’t really meant for the afternoon to go this way—it was kind of the opposite of a morale boost—but if this was the weight that his brother had been carrying around, better to deal with it now. Especially when nobody else was around to overhear.

(...he wasn’t really sure the others shouldn’t know about this. But unless it became an issue, for now, he’d do as Leo asked.)

“You’re not a coward, you know,” he said, much later. He doubted it was hours. He’d only heard Barry’s clock once. But Leo had stopped his ninja stealth crying into the crook of Mikey’s neck, so it was time.

“Mmm, ‘kay.”

“Don’t mmm ’kay me.” Mikey poked him. “I’m serious. I mean, what do you think a hero’s motivations are, anyway? They’re not doing it for the sake of looking all fancy for the camera. Or if they are, they’re not really a hero. They’re like-- that guy from Megamind, what’shisface, the Nice Guy—”

“Hal Stewart.”

“Exactly. And they don’t run around thinking, like—” He let go of Leo for a moment to air quote, even though Leo hadn’t resurfaced, not really. “’Egads, what is the most noble thing I can do at this exact point in time?’ Real heroes aren’t like… comic book heroes.”

Leo huffed a little against him. “You’re lucky I’m emotionally vulnerable right now or I’d have to throw hands.”

Mikey grinned. There he was. “Better keep you emotionally vulnerable then.”

“A supervillain move if I ever heard one.”

“That’s me, baby! I’m so lucky I have all these moral brothers to guide me to the side of the light.”

“Plus Donnie.”

“Oh yeah, plus that guy. I guess.”

This time, the huff sounded more like a laugh. Mikey snuggled in closer, gave him a moment to relax, and then made his next point, as softly as he could.

“Why do you think Raph protected you?”

He felt the jolt go through Leo at that—felt a little guilty, it was kind of an ambush—but his brother was only rigid against him for a moment before relaxing again by degrees, and Mikey was relieved. Leo’s brain was online. And when Leo answered, he sounded more confused than upset.

“Because he’s a big brother? Because he saw me screw up and he didn’t want me getting hurt?”

“Mhm, mhm. Scared for you, right? Would rather take the fall than watch you get skewered?”

“...yeah.”

Oh, the guilt laden into that word. He couldn’t do much about that, except maybe push him and Raph together to talk it out at some point. “I see. So Raph’s a coward?”

“Wait, what?” Leo pulled back to stare at him in affront, eyes swollen and mask damp and not bothering to hide it in the least. “Raph’s the bravest one here, why would you—”

“My, my. Would you look at those double standards.” Mikey tsked at him, and waited for the penny to drop. And Leo was just as smart as Donnie, in his own way; it took him a bare second to frown and lean back, squinting at him, mouth half open like he was trying and failing to come up with an argument. “It’s not cowardly to protect the people you care about. It’s, like, the opposite. You did it in a really reckless way and yeah, maybe there was a better way, but if anyone tries to accuse you of cowardice, I’m gonna throw hands. That includes you, bee tee dubs.”

Leo blinked, and Mikey could practically see the calculation flashing across his expression. He wasn’t surprised when Leo all-out pouted at him. “Oh, I see how it is. Picking on an injured turtle when he’s down.”

Mikey gave him a flat look that said I know what you’re doing.

Leo’s pout turned into a sheepish smile. “Okay, okay,” he said. “I’ll keep any such thoughts of cowardice to myself then, wallow in them when your back is turned—”

Mikey swatted at him with a glare. “You won’t think them at all! Leonardo—” And paused as Leo’s smile sharpened into a grin, his reddened eyes bright with genuine humour. “Ohhh, someone’s feeling better! Good.” He smiled sweetly back, then pushed Leo’s face away from him with a hand. “But for serious, you might be kinda dumb sometimes, but you are like. The bravest coolest brother—”

“Mmm, I still think Raph is the bravest. I humbly accept coolest, though.”

“I’ll allow it.” He watched Leo another moment, then pulled away to scramble carefully over him for the bedside table, reasonably sure the crisis was over. “You still up to painting?”

There was a pause. Leo’s face screwed up hesitantly. “...you sure? I mean, not because of your hands, but—”

“We still got time.” He flipped a paintbrush up and deftly spun it between his fingers, giving Leo a pointed look. “And I hate not finishing an art piece once I start.”

“Have we started, though?” Leo said mildly. But he was already obediently shuffling back onto his stomach, propping the pillows up beneath his elbows.

“Therapy is art.”

“I’m not sure that’s correct.”

“I’m the one with the doctorates, shush now.”

“But you’re—”

“Uh-buh-buh-buh—” Mikey settled by Leo’s side, bonking his head gently with his brush. And time for one last ambush question. “Leo. If we’d still been up there with you at the end, do you think it might have gone differently?”

To his great relief, Leo didn’t even flinch at that one—he merely tilted his head, humming thoughtfully. Mikey gave him time, fishing through his bottles until he could find the right colours to make the mix he wanted.

If he was holding his breath a little, well… that wasn’t important. Turtles could hold their breath for a very long time.

“Hard to say,” Leo said softly. “But I’d like to think so. I mean, I could barely get him through the portal on my own. But the four of us definitely had him off balance for a while there, right? If we were all still up there… I mean. Let’s face it. We’re so much stronger together.”

Mikey sighed with relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Leo about the death wish thing, but hearing it summed up like that made him feel a lot better. Especially when Leo frowned and twisted to catch his eye. “You better not feel guilty about that part, by the way.”

“Guilty? Nah.” He did a little, but Mikey also knew they’d done their best. “Bad that you got left on your own, yeah. We’re a team! It was hard...you know.” He smiled a little weakly. “Not being up there with you.”

“It was hard watching you fall.” Leo relaxed, letting his head drop onto the pillows. “Don’t tell him, but I was so glad when Raph got on the line, even if he was mad at me. It meant you guys had all got down safely.”

“He wasn’t mad,” Mikey pointed out.

“...I know. Bad choice of words.” Leo took a breath, sighed it out, sounding sleepy. “Scared.”

“Scary day.”

“Tell me about it. Wait, on second thought, don’t.” Leo waved a hand at him, not looking up. “Better idea. Tell me what you’re gonna paint instead.”

Yeah, time to change subject. Mikey hummed thoughtfully at him, leaning down off the bed to collect his tray. “I’m thinking… flowers.”

“Flowers, huh.”

“Yeah.” He traced dark edges of Leo’s repaired shell with the very tip of his brush, watching his brother carefully to see if it bothered him. When Leo didn’t move, he shifted back to mix paints. “They’ll be great at masking the damage, and if I have to stop for any reason, it won’t look weird. I’m thinking, hmm… marigolds, petunias… what’s a good red flower that isn’t a rose…”

Was that too pointed a comment? Probably. He grinned, counting the seconds until Leo lifted his head again, shifting to squint at him with suspicion.

“...red, orange, and purple?”

“Yeah,” he said innocently. “Great colour combo, don’t you think?”

“I feel you’re trying to tell me something.”

“Of course I am, dummy.” Mikey smiled at him. The sweetest, most sunshine smile he had at his disposal. “It’s a reminder that we’ve always got your back, no matter what.”

Leo stared back at him with an expression that was—just for a moment, probably against his will—fragile.

Then he turned sharply back away to stare at the wall, giving a snort. “More like you’re always on my back, you mush-dispenser.”

Mikey bit back his laugh at that. Leo could have that one; let him save some face, just this once. “It’s not too late for a dragon’s ass, you know.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Barry could be riding on it!”

“Mikey—”

“And throwing you off it to your doom—”

“Oh my god, that’s low, you monster—”

“Actually I think it’s high, it wouldn’t be much of a doom otherwise, c’mon, Leo, keep up.”

“I’m gonna duct tape you inside your shell and play you like bongos for a week straight.”

“Looking forward to it! I’ll mark my calendar!” But Leo was shaking with laughter now. Mikey tapped the end of the brush on his shell in warning, and Leo obligingly tried to keep still, switching to a yawn instead. “I would never, don’t worry. Tired?”

“A little.”

“Then sleep. I’ll be here. I’ll wake you when it’s done.”

“...kay.” Leo snuggled into the pillows without arguing, and his next words were heavily muffled and more a tired mumble than anything else. “Lvvyou.”

Mikey paused. Then smiled a little, putting a hand on his shell for a moment. “Lvvyou too, bro.”

“Oh, shush.”

He cackled at that, but said nothing, listening to Leo’s breaths even out.

He knew Leo pretty well—enough to wonder how much Leo still hadn’t told him, diverting with jokes and sassy comments about wallowing in cowardice. But this was a start. And a relief. If nothing else, Leo had been genuine about his motivations, both at the warehouse and at the portal. Terror and love, nothing more, nothing less. Mikey flexed his hands out, testing them one last time, looking at the fading welts still criss-crossing up his arms.

He could relate.

#rottmnt #rottmnt fic #no rest for the weary #(adjacent) #nekotsuki #this fought me tooth and nail #and was initially longer until I ran screaming at it with a hacksaw #I hope it's okay <3

[pjsk-writin]

can i kindly request toya, akito and rui with an s/o that is a graphic designer(????) with all the time in their hands, and so they make nearly all of the 2DMV’s that each group have instead of getting an actual job just so that they can stay snug at home?? they never rest tho, so the boys have trick them into getting a good nights sleep, and guess what, it works!! 😋😋

this just came up in my head right now so i dashed over here to request this! i dont mind if you add tsukasa at all either, you can do whatever you want <33

have a great day!

AWW THIS IS CUTE....as someone who does animations and stays up really late to finish them this request is so me fr. but ill do all the guys, i hope you have a great day too!! <3

♡ GRAPHIC DESIGNER - Toya Aoyagi, Akito Shinonome, Rui Kamishiro and Tsukasa Tenma x Reader

Toya:

Toya is definitely impressed by your skills, I mean, the MVs always turn out amazing-

He thinks it's kind of funny whenever he comes home and you're just snug under some blankets, working away on an animation

Of course, he's concerned about your wellbeing, sending you messages every other hour to make sure you're taking care of yourself

He's even more concerned by your apparent lack of care towards resting. You need to rest, seriously...

"...Hey babe." "Hm?" "I'll read you that one story you like if you take a nap." Cue you flopping into your blankets-

He refuses to let you work on anything until you rest. He does end up reading to you though, and kisses your forehead once you're asleep <3

Akito:

Akito is definitely amazed by your skills! He just finds it funny that he's surrounded by two stubborn artists-

He knows you prefer to be snug at home, but he at the very least wants you to go outside and do something

This leads to him taking you out to Vivid Street often. It helps to hear the music live, because then you get to have more ideas for animations!

Speaking of animations, he respects your passion, he always has! But, he knows you've crossed a line when he catches you sleeping on your drawing device-

"Okay, that's it." "What do you mean?-" "I'm not taking you to see our practices until you get some damn rest."

Whether or not you comply at first, he will quite literally hold you down so that you take a nap. At the very least, you get to sleep in his arms!

Rui:

Rui LOVES watching you make the MVs, and gives you pointers and suggestions every now and then

Also finds it amusing how much you prefer to be snug at home, he knows that he can be the same way when it comes to robotics

Speaking of robotics, he likes to bring his kits whenever he hangs out with you, and you two just sit there, lost in your own worlds

He's all too aware of how easy it is to lose yourself in what you're making and skip out on sleep, so he acts as a personal reminder for you

"If you promise me you'll go to bed, I'll let you help me plan our next show!" "Didn't you tell Emu something like that already?" "True, but you get the special priority!"

You do have to put up with his crazy ideas, but it'd definitely be worth it to see the combination of your ideas on stage!

Tsukasa:

Tsukasa appreciates art quite a bit, and is blown away by everything you make!

He respects your wants to be snug at home, however he does not stand for his favorite costar not going out and enjoying the day!

He'll take you out to everyday places, and although he manages to make a ruckus every single time, he also points out various designs and things he believes you can incorporate in your MVs!

He's used to making sure the people he cares about are in tip top shape, so he also does something about your refusal to rest

"Desperate times call for desperate measure, my dear costar!" "Huh-" He then proceeds to snatch up your drawing device-

He saves your project and then flops down on top of you, refusing to move until you sleep. He probably would have cuddled you until you fell asleep anyway, so it's inevitable-

#pjsk x reader #project sekai x reader #toya aoyagi x reader #aoyagi toya x reader #akito shinonome x reader #shinonome akito x reader #rui kamishiro x reader #kamishiro rui x reader #tsukasa tenma x reader #tenma tsukasa x reader

[adiduck]

For more kisses: 5, 28, 44? 🥰

Three in one! Here we go!

Send me a kiss for SaintSpy May~~

-

5. Kiss on the wrist; 28, Kissing through tears; 44. Slow kiss

“You’re staring,” Jude says without looking up from his notebook. He’s smiling, so Ethan’s pretty sure he doesn’t mind. Jude’s hair isn’t really long, but it’s just a bit longer than usual today—Ethan’s partner keeps complaining that he needs a haircut. It’s falling out of the gel he used to just keep it off his forehead, flopping forward slightly in a way that keeps making Ethan want to brush it away. There’s a smudge of charcoal on his cheek and up onto the bridge of his nose, too, from when he itched absently at it earlier.

“I’m enjoying the artwork,” Ethan corrects, teasing, and Jude snorts and looks up, eyes dancing, expressive mouth utterly failing to hide the smile tugging at the corners. He flips the charcoal stick through his fingers as their eyes meet—a little show.

“If you don’t draw something, the art instructor at this event is going to come back over and frown at you again,” Jude points out.

Ethan reaches over and catches Jude’s clever hand, bringing it up to drop a kiss on Jude’s relatively clean wrist—over his pulse—before releasing him again. “I’m finished,” he says, very primly.

Jude raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Oh,” Ethan says. “I drew the baby from that Madonna and child over there.” He gestures vaguely at the Renaissance painting behind them, featuring one of those babies that actively looks like a sixty-year-old man. “You want more wine?”

“I want to see your picture,” Jude says. He sets his own pad and charcoal down carefully—he’s been pouring over a different painting for the last two hours, the light and shadows blooming dark under his hands as the instructor comes over and makes lots of interesting sounds at him about the different medium, the way he’s portraying shapes.

Ethan rolls his eyes. “It’s really nothing,” he says. “I just drew it so she’d leave me alone.”

“You are the one who selected this date venue,” Jude reminds him, grinning. That’s true, Ethan has to admit. He hadn’t done it for himself, though—an art meetup in a local museum with an instructor to observe and complimentary bottles of wine had seemed right up Ethan’s lover’s alley, and watching Jude be happy and artistic had been right up Ethan’s. “Let me see the picture, Ethan.”

Ethan sighs. “Don’t laugh,” he warns.

“I refuse to make any such promises.”

Ethan resigns himself to his fate, and passes over the pad.

Jude immediately cracks up. “Oh my god, Ethan!”

“My artistic skills lie in a a very specific area—”

“It’s a mug shot,” Jude says, and dissolves back into laughter.

It is a mug shot. Ethan sighs and waits very patiently for Jude to be done. Considering the slow collapse Jude is doing into Ethan’s shoulder, he suspects it’s going to take a while.

“That’s it, get it out,” Ethan says, and can’t help but smile along. “Feel your feelings.”

“Do you—do you know this baby—” Jude says, and then snorts inelegantly and falls right back into giggling.

“Take your time,” Ethan says.

“Armed and dangerous—”

“He looks like he’s sixty,” Ethan says. “That’s very suspicious.”

Jude chokes on a laugh and melts into hysterics, curled into Ethan’s shoulder as he laughs. There are tears in his eyes. The other museum-goers are looking at them disapprovingly.

Ethan couldn’t give any less of a shit if he tried, frankly. “He wraps another arm around Jude’s shoulders to hold him upright, makes very reassuring faces at the instructor followed by a shrug.

“This—is my favorite piece of artwork in the world,” Jude declares finally. “I love it.”

“It’s all yours, sweetheart,” Ethan drawls. “Do with it what you will.”

Jude sits up and captures Ethan’s lips in a long, slow kiss. Ethan brushes one of the tears off his cheek, letting it smear the charcoal a little. “You will regret that,” Jude warns, but he’s smiling fit to burst, now, and Ethan cannot bring it in himself to agree.

“I wait in eager anticipation,” he says, and Jude smiles at him, and pulls him into another kiss. There are probably some new ones buried in this for their list. Ethan will count them later.

The drawing vanishes sometime between when the kiss starts and ends, and Ethan gets frowned at by the instructor for failing yet again to draw something when she finally makes her way over.

And years later, in a house by the sea outside Valencia, Spain, it will reappear in a frankly ridiculous frame, carefully preserved and unsmudged.

“Oh my god,” Ethan will say, as his partner cracks the fuck up from the doorway. “What the fuck. Did you actually keep this?”

“Bite your tongue,” his lover will say. “That is my favorite piece of artwork. I feel it really captures the artist’s feelings and intent—”

“Awareness that he can only draw mug shots and an impatient need to get the drawing over with?” Ethan will drawl.

“Yes precisely,” his partner will say, and then he will kiss him, and kiss him, and kiss him.

-

#adi is a writer #100 Kisses Challenge #SaintSpy May #saintspy #Ethan Hunt #Simon Templar #Ethan Hunt x Simon Templar

[nyamcattt]

Omg I love your art so much I'm more of a proof and numbers person so I really struggle with the freedom of art when I try to make it any tips you can give me pretty please?

omg thank you??!? 😳

hmmm i'm assuming you meant numbers like, social media numbers? it's hard to deal with that in this current state of the internet, especially when you want to pursue art professionally the non traditional way, or to use online space to get to the traditional routes. the creative industry is a bit cooked rn.

i gotta admit it was easier when i was pursuing a different career and my income didn't hinge on how my art is doing online!! you just draw for yourself and draw whatever you like.

it's in the name itself, when it comes to freedom of art, you gotta let it go wild, be free, experiment with medium, try new compositions, new concepts, try what the others are doing, put random things together, they don't even have to make sense or have a specific meaning. but of course it won't always do well, especially when it comes to "proof" or "numbers".

you can chase numbers. however, you won't grow as an artist if you don't get out of your comfort zone, or out of what is liked and expected from you. professionals who are hiring artists want to see fresh and unique work.

it's easy to say "don't worry about what others think" but the reality is, to make it out there, you need an audience, and a substantial amount of people have to like your work for your to take off and reach the right people.

my tip is try to find balance. try pushing yourself to try something new in one or two aspects of your drawing. let's say you know people would like the piece if you draw a fanart, or from a art challenge, then try something new in other aspects of it, maybe try a new color palette, experiment with brush and textures, try different angles, lightings, style, add your own twist to the concept, etc. whatever it is, push yourself to try something new, one at a time.

MOST IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, remember and internalize this: this silly social media numbers game is not indicative of the quality of your work. these numbers depend on so many factors, while skill and ideas are part of them, there are also networking, marketing, presentation, consistency, and lots of LUCK.

so if a piece you're proud of "flops" don't nitpick it, don't be scared to do it again. it's discouraging, yes, but your overall growth as an artist is more important than just online numbers in the long run. others might not see it instantly, but if you are proud of it, that means you are going into the right direction!

#anonymous #art tips #idk if you wanted a lengthy answer but i couldn't make it shorter without getting the idea across #i do make art professionally in the fine arts scene too and went to school for it #so they drilled more about the why of art making into our brains so i have pretty solid foundations on why and what i wanna make #watching my illustration only peers was rough because the ego of some professors and industry professionals is CRAZY #especially on young and aspiring illustrators #it's easier said than done but at its foundation.. it is about what you want to make and show to others

[limeinaltime]

Quick Update

Hello. It's me.

So yeah, I, have been going through a weird rut where I draw stuff but don't want to post it, and a lot of fandom-related things (especially for Murder Drones, my god this fandom) have made me hesitant to post the refs and drawings I have done. I also have no had the energy to make a lot of full pieces despite wanting to, and I've mostly been doing sketches alongside working on TAOME's revision as well as the first chapter of Act 6.

Luckily I do want to post more so I'll try to eventually, but for now, TAOME's revisions are coming along nicely. Dialogue has been refined and added, characterization and interactions are still being refined and fleshed out, and I've been picking at all the little typos and errors I've been finding. I do want to try and finish before I take a trip later this month, but if not, at the very latest I do want to finish before the next 4/13, which will mark the second anniversary of this fic being made public! It might probably be that since I want to make this fic as high-quality as possible, but that brings me to the other reason why I've mostly just been reblogging and posting the occasional babble or ask.

I haven't been having fun with my art and writing.

Everything I've been making feels like a pressure I put on myself to get better, and I do want to deal with that before I start being more active on social media. With the influx of AI, studio drama and just everything happening in the world, I have felt both unhappy and unable to really create much of anything without feeling this pit, and being friends with or at least looking up to so many amazing artists, I think that daunting feeling of a skill gap has finally really sunk in. I don't want my work to be just rewarding. I want it to be fun.

So yeah, I will try to post some refs for the characters I have managed to work on as well as some sketches, and as for the fic, well

I'm really excited to work on Act 6. It's partially what I've been building up to for the past almost-two years, and it is a very big part of the plot. Like, one of the major plot sequences is this entire act. This does admittedly make me nervous, but then again, maybe it shouldn't. This is, at its core, an OC/Canon fic. I am supposed to be having fun with it. I'm allowed to hype it up. This is also the passion project that I have put my heart and soul into for most of my time in college. I don't want it to flop, and yet in a way, I feel like that want has sucked the fun out of making it.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing going forward, and the future isn't a given. The revisions will be posted with the start of Act 6 at some point, I can promise you that, and while I don't have any big pieces to post, I will definitely try to post more refs and the sketches I've done.

Btw I also have a Toyhouse that I've finally started utilizing so if you want to see some of the art and refs I've done, you can head over there too.

That's pretty much it. Remember to do your daily clicks, be healthy, support the oppressed and tell the oppressors to shove it up their asses, and have a good day :)

[unfriendlyamazon]

creative talents of the ygos

yugi - fanfiction, fanart (he's not the best at either but he's earnest), also loves a magic act and i've never stopped thinking about the au where he's a drag magician, i think he knows a lot about fashion and modifies his own clothes so he's a fairly skilled sewer

joey - actually really good artist copies pictures of shoes out of magazines probably draws gundams or something obv posts saucy duel monsters fanart (bnf among panther warrior stans), i do want to write him as a sculptor too probably has a lot of fun with any creative endeavor, obsessed with joey loving cooking i think he gets really into it later

tristan - drag (won't elaborate), also plays the guitar (knows at least 3 chords) and sings (badly, but he does it goofy so it works), actually a pretty good dancer, happy homemaker and can cook a whole barbeque pig for his friends

anzu - dance, obvs, she wants to train to be a dancer and is going to school for it, but i think she's also got an eye for fashion and can size anyone up just by looking at them, she's great at makeup and it's makeover city for everyone

ryou - loves making models and painting things, i think likes three dimensional art a lot and probably also sculpts, i could see them getting into metal engraving too, though that might be low key triggering

duke - what can't duke do? they're not a great singer but can do a metal or rock voice really well, loves coming up with concepts for games and collaborating with the artist, loves makeup, probably also modifies their clothes (they're an original), also a drag artist in my head

serenity - i usually picture serenity as a writer, most of the time i give her an academic career so it's probably a lot of academic writing but i think she could get into it in other ways, terrible cook, burns microwave mac n cheese

seto - terrible artist, like can't draw a stick figure bad, but obv he's an amazing coder and i think he would be on neocities making his bewd shrine page, also an eye for fashion and loves being ostentatious with it, i flip flop on whether he can cook or not depending on the au and what i want him to do but i think baking in particular would appeal to him

mai - fashion, makeup, hair, obv, look at her, and i think she's been sewing her own clothes since she skipped out on her parents, her creativity is more sneaky since she's head to be creative a lot in her life, and you'd be amazed at what she can do.... but can't cook worth a damn

isis - not a lot to do in a tomb under the ground for most of your life but i really see her into needlework, embroideries, probably spends a lot of time doing anthropological research into traditional fiber thread art

zigfried - theater, opera, musicals (cannot act, or sing, or sew)

#ygo #headcanons #add your own

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #10

Batman: Gotham Knights #2 written by Devin Grayson, pencils by Dale Eaglesham

We're finally out of No Man's Land! Gotham's no longer cut off from the rest of the country, and the city is largely rebuilt already - even though that should have taken many years. But it's not like the lasting effects of the year-long mega crossover vanished completely, there were still stories here and there in the months following the end of NML that still referenced the events of the story, like this one. It's a one off story, focused on Bruce & Cassandra - specifically his perception of her - by the same writer and artist as the The Batman Chronicles #18, which we looked at earlier. I wasn't a huge fan of the story in that issue, but I thought they handled Cass alright, which has me feeling optimistic going in.

The basic set up is pretty straight forward. NML is over, but records of who died and who survived in Gotham - especially among people who were homeless to begin with - are still extremely spotty, and a crew of slave traders have kidnapped a bunch of people to sell overseas... which is a very 'conservative conspiracy theorist' take on what human trafficking looks like, but whatever. Bruce and Cass track down which ship the people are on, but not until it's off shore, and before they can get to it there's an explosion onboard and the ship starts to sink, after which it's a race against time to rescue the ship's crew, the traffickers, and the victims alike.

As with the Chronicles issue, I do mostly like how Eaglesham draws Cass in costume. I think it'd be better served with the bigger, chonky belt pouches that can flare out or flop around to help convey motion and better break up the overall black form, but whatever, this is mostly good. He's also really good at rendering a variety of faces and body types, much as in the group shot above. About my only complaint is that he can go a bit overboard in detailing big veiny muscles. It's ok on his Arkham-game style, hulking meat wall version of Batman. Not my preferred take on Bruce aesthetically, but that's more a matter of taste. But he occasionally goes overboard on Cass's musculature too, and it doesn't work as well on her.

Now, a Bat hero storming a room full of guys is normal everyday fare, but Batman hanging back in the doorway and shouting "WAIT!" tells us that we're supposed to read Cass as being careless and impulsive here. Which touches on multiple important aspects of her character - her combat skills make her near unbeatable in a fight with normal human opponents, which in turn makes her overconfident in a way that can come back to bite her in a world where aliens and super-people exist

Anyway, this issue is focused on a different contributing factor to Cass's recklessness - guilt. Cass killed someone, a sin that can never be taken back. She feels deep down that the only way to make up for that is to give her own life in return - not just to save other lives, but to dedicate the rest of her entire life to doing so, to eventually lose her life in the attempt. This death wish makes Cass not just willing but seemingly eager to take on lethal risks - in ways that jeopardize not just her own life but potentially also those she works with or tries to protect.

Batman doesn't know what exactly it is that Cass feels guilty about - if he did then this version of Bruce wouldn't be so willing to let her wear his symbol - but he does understand recklessness and guilt and death wishes - his core motivation is as much about survivor's guilt as it is about vengeance. And as such, he believes that this is an internal conflict for Cass. It isn't something he can save her from, she needs to save herself, and that will mean letting Cass endanger herself in ways that others would absolutely find unacceptable.

That first panel there is the one I was talking about when I mentioned Eaglesham sometimes going overboard on Cass's musculature.

Brick shithouse Cass aside, this is good stuff. So good that we'll be seeing it again. This exact dynamic - Cass struggling with a guilt-fueled death wish, Batman letting her face death in order to confront and overcome that wish, and others judging Bruce to be callous and even abusive for letting a teenage girl under his care endanger herself that way - will play out again in a more expanded form in Cass's ongoing title.

I honestly have only two really minor complaints about how Grayson writes Cass here. The first is that it's just a bit too monotone dark and serious. The story is high danger action emergency through much of it, but we could have had a bit more lighthearted tone early on before they get to the boat. If not a sense of Cass having fun, then at least of her trying too hard to impress Bruce or something, or Bruce giving her some small word of praise and show her being overly excited over it. Something. Cass has these darker aspects to her character, but she's not all downer all the time. This misery is a burden she carries, not who she is.

The other minor complaint is a lot of this characterization is coming to us from those narration blocks. It's not that Cass's feelings /aren't/ being shown. You can really feel Cass's desperation in that top panel as Bruce slips away, abandoning her to face her ghosts alone, or her misery in the center right panel, her head buried in her arms, unable to escape the memory of killing someone. That's good angst, there! The left panel with water and wreckage crashing down on her, the last panel with Cass small and trapped... the art here is fantastic, but the text all over this page is distracting from the emotion and getting in the way of feeling what this character is going through. The narration is mostly fine throughout the issue, good even, but imo this page in particular would have been stronger without it.

The boat captain calls Bruce out for leaving Cass behind, and while he defends his choice, Eaglesham does an excellent job conveying how pained and conflicted he is over this choice.

I mean, obviously she's going to make it at the last moment, but Grayson drags it out for a whole extra page, and I can't complain at all, because the way Eaglesham puts all of the emotions on Bruce's face there is just very good. You can see how much he cares about Cassandra, despite how short a time he's known her. In her core personality and her internal struggles, Cass is very much like Bruce, arguably more so than any of his other proteges. Or, at least, this version of Cass was the most like this version of Bruce. It's part of why Bruce is willing to let her go to these extremes, he believes it's what she needs because he believes it's what he needed, he trusts her to persevere through impossible odds because he trusts that he would persevere through the same. From the very start, Cass very much feels like Bruce's daughter, for better and worse.

We do at least end on a bit of a brighter moment. You have to imagine Barbara was watching Titanic in the tower recently.

All in all, good stuff. The kind of thing that will define Cass's book. A low fantasy/street level story concept, with normal human antagonists and stakes rather than colorful supervillains and city or world-scale action. This focus opens the space to delve deep into the characters' emotions, motivations, and internal conflicts, and a particular focus on the relationship between Bruce and Cass.

Big goofy dramatic superheroics are fun and good, but it's this angsty, layered character business that caught my attention and got me to care about Cassandra in the first place.

#batgirl #cassandra cain #sception reads cassandra cain #batman #bruce wayne

[starmonsterrr]

Introducing: Undertale self-insert #102480124 • (Update 2.1 - Doppelganger Form redesign!)

HELLO PEOPLE

I may have disappeared for a maybe long while

And that is because of 3 reasons:

Ink appreciation server

running @ink-selfship-shenanigans (surprise surprise it's me)

And school just started a week ago (which is more recent but i guess that may have added)

Except there is a 4th one and that is,,,,,,, I MAY have been working on a little Undertale AU,,,,, and then made an OC out of it,,,,

The AU will get it's own post and i'll reveal as much info as needed at the moment to explain who even is this new character that will be one of my faces on this blog (because i'm gonna have 2 OCs representing me. yeah- second one's design is still W.I.P (nevermind this is future me i finished the design but i might make a separate post for it))

And HERE IT COMES

(NOTE: RELY ON DOPPELGANGER FORM REF'S SOUL REF INSTEAD OF THE STAR FORM'S. ALSO THE STAR FORM DESIGN REWORK IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS)

A FURRY. What's cringier (affectionate /gen) than an Undertale self-insert in mid 2023? A FURRY Undertale self-insert that can shapeshift (WOW OP WHAT A MARY SUE) and exists for SELFSHIPPING

YEAH

THAT'S IT

TH- THAT'S THE CREATURE

And speaking of selfshipping if you scroll in my blog for a bit you might notice that i very much like Ink

and also reminder that I run a blog that has the purpose of feeding Ink simps

So uh I think you get what i'm trying to say

It might take me a little while (or until i get asks about it) for me to open up about the selfship shenanigans, but meanwhile, here are some bits of explanations and stuff!

which AU is this menace from?

OuterRenaissance. It's still being fleshed out (asks would help a lot), and I plan to later on make an outcode expanded version, and even have some basic stuff for that version. But in simple words it's Outertale but in addition of the space themes, i added themes of the Renaissance historical period, as it brought great advances to science; including astronomy!

what the flop is a star-born monster????

I have a post explaining exactly this!

(also, Io can shapeshift out of this appearance because shapeshifting powers)

Backstory???

Its AU died (destroyed by Error), and it almost did too, but i possessed it and fused my soul over time with its own using my creator powers and it is now technically a walking corpse puppeteered by me so I can interact with the UTMV, while also forcing it to change its form into the Doppelganger form; giving it the ability to, well, shapeshift. Also ink snas selfship shenanigans i haven't properly written yet (yooo two walking corpses that love eachother!!!!!1!!!1). that's the fewest words i can put it in

IS THAT A 'THE STARRY NIGHT' REFERENCE???

Yes. Yes it is. and fun fact: the ship between Io and Ink is named exactly that. The Starry Night. how clever of me, i should get a prize

Does it have a personality?

Yup. I just don't know how to describe personalities, but here's an attempt at that.

Io is a passionate artist, but struggles with some degree of perfectionism driven by the pride of its art skills which are, by far, its best ability. It also tends to be (sometimes dangerously) kind-hearted at others. It might act one of two ways in social spaces: kind of awkward, not talking much, OR ABSOLUTE MENACE as in SUPER SILLY. No in-between.

Also, it is a quick learner, and could be considered quite intelligent. Thing is ... It carried over speech from the Renaissance time period and is still adapting to modern words. A bit of an overthinker too, which can lead to communication issues, and tends to plan elaborate strategies to perform the simplest of things...sometimes not even following them.

Pronouns/gender identity?

Io, like me, goes by it/its pronouns and identifies as non-binary! (Subject to change as I occasionally explore my gender identity)

And here's some trivia to finish this off!

Io, due to being puppeteered by me; a Creator, also has the powers of one, but either doesn't use the powers at all or uses them in subtle ways to try and steer things to its/my favour. It may sometimes disguise it as "art magic" shown in these doodles i made a bit ago:

also. autism. i'm autistic and because i take control of this critter i'm dragging it into the spectrum.

And I think that's everything that comes to mind right now! Thank you for listening to this bunch of rambling that i did not beta read prior to posting.

#cringe warning: undertale (multiverse) self insert made for self-shipping and also potentially a mary sue #Also reminder that the block button exists #i don't care about cringe anymore #just wanna have fun #corv rambles about lore #corv's OCs #one mention of OuterRenaissance so like #because it's like one or two mentions i'm not really tagging it as an Undertale AU #undertale au #i lied #Corv's OuterRenaissance mentions #Corv's OuterRenaissance #undertale au oc #undertale oc #utmv oc #original character #oc

[fly-sky-high-bug-games]

I took screenshots of these last night with intention to go like "haha look at the note numbers it's funny cuz the sketch took me 5min!"

But to go less self memey and more constructive about this, I wanna point out how the context of the drawing tends to matter more than the level of skill

Of course, take this with a grain of salt, it's just numbers on the internet but if you also check the responses on both drawings you can tell in which the folks were more invested

A lot of folks will see a cute beetle browsing the phone with a clear context, as well as my addition comment which is positive to only get a positive response back

The illustration on the other hand holds a rather specific context that's not as universal as it relates to a specific event so despite the amount of details and work put into it, the fact that a lot of people won't know the true context of it is why it's not going to "touch" a lot viewers

And that's okay! Some works are going to be like that, personal or not. Sometimes the context will be for just yourself or specific group of people or a fandom or everyone and that's all fine!

I'm saying this mainly to tell artists to not self guilt trip over their own work if it "flops" (i hate that term in the context of sharing art online aaaa). This goes hand in hand with both how the skill is used and not just how much you have it as well as how it's always going to be how it clicks for the viewers if it even does, given that it's all subjective.

If you wanna make it then make it but also keep in mind not all has to have a universal context and if it does the skill level really isn't the issue. Just make stuff you wanna make!

#sky rambles #heck it i'm tossing this 2 cents #take it as you will but take it

[chibigaia-art]

I started posting my art online after a lot of debate, but I’m still really nervous about it. It’s a hard-to-justify feeling, my fears feel really unrealistic, but I can’t seem to shake it off. How did you feel when you started posting your art online? Were you nervous, or were you pretty chill about it? Any suggestions on how to be less nervous about having a presence online?

It's been too many years since I started posting art online but I can tell you that I was really nervous and sometimes I still am? I think it mostly depends by what I'm posting and/or how much effort I put into it, as well as the website I'm posting to because let me tell you, posting on twt and IG drives me up the wall while posting stuff on tumblr feels like putting down an offering and watching a couple like minded gremlins come take a piece of it and maybe keys mash while doing so ( + all the irl ppl i know that follow me on tumblr ARE on tumblr, so they know the level of cringe they're getting, while on IG i have classmates, family members and others that follow me so it puts a further dent into how much I want to share,,)

So my personal experience is that it feels easier as I started posting more and more, but it's still hard to post some stuff because I feel like I'm being perceived too much, ykno? And that's probably the scary part, besides the obvious 'oh man what if this flops'

I don't really have any advice about having a presence online because sometimes I feel like I barely have one and I'm just doing my thing in my corner of the internet, so I'd suggest just trying to have fun with it? I'm way too sleep deprived to elaborate decently on this but I think wanting to share what you created is something very human and being nervous about it is normal because, even in the stupidest of meme redraws, you put part of yourself in it, with your time, skills, small stylistic choices etc

Also I can guarantee you that if you share something of yours online you'll probably end up with some other artist friends that will make the process and sharing a bit easier (and more fun imo) so uuuh good luck anon!!! And if you're afraid of hitting that post button: queue the post or close the app/tab as soon as you post, then come back a day later or something, trust me on that

#Chibiblabbing #I hope it makes sense somehow but I'm v sleep deprived help orz

[whoreforharlow]

Yall already know i had to come be a hater to my favorite white boy lol

Jack really lacks marketing skills. This is the most J Cole/Kendrick Lamar, "I don't gotta show face to my fans for them to show out", kind of energy that I don't think he's earned to put out. Like he does little to no promotion for his music, his movie, his drink, but like is expecting a surge of support...but he's definitely not built the reputation for it. CHTKMY kinda flopped as his sophomore album, and that had tons more marketing and anticipation. He's dropping a random album in the middle of whenever, and I don't really think people are expecting greatness from it. Like his feature on Mockingbird Valley wasn't stellar, so like I'm not really super excited for this album.

I've always been bothered by Jack being reclusive as an artist, knowing that yes he deserves privacy, 1000000%, but him giving -10 interaction with his fandom in what is still the growing stages of his career gives off GOAT energy, which logistically, this man cannot be a certifiable GOAT in hip hop. Like he can maintain a personal and professional boundary while still interacting with fans that doesnt compromise his privacy and personal life. Honestly he can drop off once he's solidified himself on the throne like Cole and Kendrick, I'm not saying he's gotta be a instawarrior like Drake, and he can literally disappear without a trace, but you gotta earn that kind of unwavering support with unwavering quality. There is no chance of disappointment when it comes to Kendrick or Cole or Drake or Wayne or Jay or any of the rappers who've earned their spot/title. I almost think it's cocky and arrogant of Jack to see himself as equals to them in that aspect: that drop off and pop up energy, but popping up with mediocre music 🤷🏽‍♀️. Like I'm almost disappointed for younger Jack because he really wanted it and older Jack is kinda dropping the ball. Perhaps his desires changed and he's not as hungry?

I think it stems from that one Drake interview where Drake says he feels like he can't do the "drop off, pop up" thing with his fanbase like Cole and Kendrick, and I wonder if Jack is trying to get ahead of that? Idk, I just feel like he's gotta do better with fan interaction and building his brand better, especially to at least show his appreciation to his fans online.

I'm sad to say that I'm more excited for Jack Harlow fanfics to drop than this man's actual music 😅 like I'm more into the idea of this man lol, he's my favorite face claim at this point 😂

I am super excited for WMCJ, from the trailer it looks great. I'm glad he's into acting, I'm sorry to say it, it seems he's a better actor than rapper 😬

It's crazy because I really liked his older stuff. Like up until TWTAS, which I wasn't the biggest fan of, but I thought was decent for his freshman album. I think Jack's music lacks story, or something to connect to. Like even if he held onto the "white man in rap" narrative, it would give more of a story. His music just seems themeless, and I think that's why I'm growing tired of it. Mockingbird Valley really fell through for me, feeling like it's the same as all his other songs. There really isn't much development in his pen and idk if that's because he's been co-signed by the greats on CHTKMY, or what, but I expect more.

#jack harlow #jackman album

[cchickki]

OC Dani infodump

Long time coming for my friends in the Uncharted Discord, sorry it took forever

under the cut because there's a lot lol

"disclaimer" below:

okay first Dani is from my uncharted fanfiction series. originally started in 2016 my first story finished in 2017 where i had planned to make a sequel but didn't start it until this year. the original story and the sequel follow the events of Uncharted 4 and The Lost Legacy, the AU follows uncharted 4 during the prison in Panama but doesn't follow the same timeline.

go to resources:

the original story from fanfiction.net: (x)

part ii of the original story: (x)

new au: (x)

more about Dani including fanart drawn by other artists: (x)

photograph inspirations I used for Dani: (x)

me and a friend of mine back when uncharted 4 first came out helped me create Dani. note: we were two very mentally ill girlies, so a lot of the themes can get very heavy. a lot of trauma so trigger warning!

okay now onto Dani:

name: Danielle "Dani" Adler (married last name)

age: in the original story she's a couple years younger than Rafe, so in her early 30s. in the AU she is the same age as him, so born in the 1970s. (Rafe is estimated to be 35-38 in during the events of Uncharted 4)

ethnicity: Peruvian (mother's side) / Italian-American (father's side)

birthplace: around/outside of Pisac, Peru

zodiac (sun): Pisces

eye color: brown

hair color: dark brown/black

*Her parents met while her father was in Peru investigating the Inca ruins. Her father is how you'd describe Sully or Nate in the same profession.*

more random facts about Dani:

Dani is a martial artist practitioner of soo bahk do (she's a skilled fighter)

Not a good climber

Spanish is her first language, but she speaks multiple languages

She’s left handed

Missing her left ring and middle finger (original story)

Area of study: Ancient East Asian/Buddhist Art - also Inca Empire

how she got involved with the adlers

Dani's father, while decent at his job of artifact collecting, often had issues with biting off more than he could chew. coupled with gambling problems and double-crossing, he would find himself in hot water more than once. He was recruited by the Adlers for his expertise when Dani was a baby. The Adlers became his main clients, but he would borrow a lot from them, so a debt had to be settled.

My old friend and I are huge fans of Titanic, so picture Cal and Rose for this next part. Took heavy inspiration from their relationship in the movie without even realizing it at first lol.

Dani isn't given much choice and has to wed Rafe. Their marriage is more of a "business transaction" how I would describe it. Although they grew up together and do genuinely get along, there isn't exactly romantic feelings there.

In the main/original story they have two children.

Holden Adler (son, deceased)

Vera Adler (daughter)

What drove the final wedge in their marriage was the death of Holden. To put it briefly from one of the chapters in the story: He died tragically in an accident under Rafe's care. Dani fled hiding and becoming estranged. To protect her daughter her cousin Sophie has custody.

Their relationship in the AU will be a bit different.

Dani's personality:

indecisive

emotional

"unreliable narrator"

book smart

Those are the main words that come to mind while describing Dani. Obviously traumatized from different events in her life, she often has issues with regulating her emotions and cries easily. Most of her life has been out of her control so she often listens to others when they tell her to do something (within reason) and can be easily persuaded and can flip-flop.

She keeps peoples at arms length at first, but once she befriends them and builds a relationship she tends to give them the benefit of the doubt. Very empathic, she can feel when the tone and mood shifts without anything being spoken.

Since Dani was pretty much groomed into the thief/artifact seeker lifestyle, she specializes in that, specifically in ancient East Asian arts and history. She would go on "jobs" because she either had to pay off her father's debts or because the Adlers wanted their hands on something.

Her focus can also wane due to her traits of suicidal ideation and fear from scary loan sharks (amongst other things). Because of this she can be both physically and emotionally absent as a parent, especially after the death of Holden it was extremely difficult for her to cope.

In the original story and the sequel, Dani narrates the story from her point of view and leaves a lot about her past, her motives, and even keeps certain things like her children a secret from the reader and the characters in the story. That's why I labeled her as an unreliable narrator.

She’s currently living with her cousin and daughter in the Philippines, making being an active parent her main priority.

Dani's relationship with Sam:

Working on doing a more in-depth analysis of their relationship with the new AU.

Sam and Dani get along well from the start. Both emotional, they sometimes clash, but there's no denying their attraction to each other. Dani loves how he was able to find freedom in his life, and how passionate he is about Henry Avery (for example), and that he actually likes what he's doing, it's not a forced chore or just a job to him. Sam likes to flirt with Dani a lot, and she doesn't know how to really respond to it.

Unsure how to label their relationship, they kind of have a friends with benefits thing going on? Dani's convinced she has real feelings for him, but her lack of experience with actual healthy relationships might have her perspective warped.

in conclusion

Dani is a complex and deeply flawed character who experienced a lot of trauma, and doesn't often regulate her emotions in the healthiest ways. She is going through a lot of growth and is coming back mentally stronger than ever, the first step was finally cutting off her parents and making peace with Rafe (kinda) before his death (in the first story). In my original efforts to keep her as authentic/real as possible, and to prevent her from being a "Mary Sue" (super outdated term now that I don't agree with) I might have went a little too hard on displaying her weaknesses in an attempt to keep her more grounded. I had a lot of feedback from the community at the time that seemed in favor of this, so I kept going. I'm going to be taking a slightly different approach in the AU, but I'm going to keep her mostly the same.

I don't know what to say, I love flawed characters and Dani is my broken baby.

#oc dani #my art #my fanfiction

[herssian]

For unpopular artists like me, how do I start? I began drawing around February, but I haven't been able to gain followers yet. How should I promote my artwork in order to gain recognition?

consistently post your work on multiple platforms but if it's too draining to keep up for a sliver of recognition, if that, drop said platform and move to greener pastures (hahah nooo don't directly mention instagram aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). said greener pastures like tumblr, twitter, deviantart, artstation, are not that green either, yet we are but hungry cows stuck to preordained fields and there's only so much we can do lest we starve

have a healthy balance between drawing popular things and things you love. if the two coincide, you've hit the jackpot. if you don't want to draw what's hot and scalding this month, draw what you love. yes, even exclusively. but draw it

original art won't get immediate attention unless you have a stroke of luck. HOWEVER, original art makes the world go round so if you have it, draw it, post it, talk about it. some of us enjoy original content even if we don’t understand it

engage with other creators but don't do it as a means to get something in return. follow, like, comment on the works you truly enjoy and inspire you--do not use other artists as a means to get their attention and then rinse and repeat in hopes you'll gain an audience this way. it's super shitty to do to someone and have done to you (which will, eventually, happen to you but you can block, ignore, call their mother so she can shame them)

“where’s the bullet point addressing the skill level and talent” it doesn’t matter

“but if i’m good--” it doesn’t

actually

matter

lol

the better your art gets will get more recognition, yes, but it’s not a given. your doodle might garner more attention than all of your Louvre-deserving pieces combined. people want entertainment--fully rendered pores may or may not strike someone’s fancy. you can’t do anything about it but keep working on your craft and better yourself despite the possible numbers or lack thereof. it’s an advantage to your arsenal as an artist to be better at what you do, both if you plan on going professional or not

the internet isn’t fair to artists. it was ever so slightly, narrowly, barely, microscopically more a decade ago but it’s even worse now because in truth we have no dedicated place to share our art. you might be the most creative, talented, resourceful creator on the web, and you may or may not still flop horribly. AND YET, keep drawing and sharing. i cannot stress this enough

don’t be a dick to people even if you get popular :(

i sincerely wish you the best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ฅ⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́)و ̑̑

#asks #anonymous #/ long post