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ramblingoak · 1 year

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The Late Assistant

(Cardinal Copia x female reader, nsfw, 18+ only, MDNI)

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“Shit shit shit shit,” you chanted as you took the stairs two at a time and then veered around the corner when you reached the top. Your steps echoed through the hallway as you raced to Copia’s office door. Oh god what if he had already left for the day? You were an absolute shit assistant and a terrible girlfriend, if he even thought of you that way.

You had promised Copia you’d come back that evening and bring dinner with you. He had been working on a sermon for the next mass he was holding and had asked for some extra help with some translations. You had hoped this was all a ruse to just make out in his office some more. A lot more. The kissing and progressively heavier petting was the best part about being his assistant.

Too bad all of that was gone now, because you were late and dinnerless and were also probably very fired. You would only have memories of his sweet kisses and skilled hands. All you had planned on doing was taking a short nap before dinner but you had slept through your alarm and woke up in horror to see it was hours after you told him you’d be back.

Your feet skidded to a stop in front of his office door and you rested your hand on the knob, taking a moment to catch your breath. Fuck he’d probably gone to his room. Hungry and sad about his assistant ditching him. He was probably sitting on his couch telling his rats about how he’d have to look for a new assistant. Telling them that your very skilled kissing and skilled petting wasn’t enough.

You heard a muffled sound from inside and said a quiet thank you to Lucifer that you’d be able to apologize to the Cardinal tonight and beg for forgiveness. And then maybe make out a little.

“Copia I am so sorr-oh shit!” Your apology was cut off right as you took your first steps into the room and stopped by your desk.

“Satan’s dick!” The Cardinal was sitting behind it, leaning back in your chair. His legs were kicked up on top of the pile of papers in your inbox.

And his hands were on his exposed cock.

Copia tried to swing his legs off the desk and sit up all while frantically attempting to shove himself back into his pants. You opened your mouth to try and get him to calm down but his actions caused your chair to tilt too far back and he tumbled over backwards straight into the wall.

Rushing around the desk you fell to your knees to help him get up but you looked at his still form in horror, “Copia?” you timidly called his name a few more times as you prodded his chest. Oh god he’d snapped his neck. You had basically snapped his neck. You had killed your boyfriend and your boss and oh Lucifer his dick was so beautiful.

"Cardinal? Oh fuck Copia please I am so sorry!” You frantically shook him, trying to blink back rapidly forming tears. “Copia I need you to wake up please!”

A pitiful moan escaped his mouth and you reached up to his cheeks and started gently patting them. His eyes slowly opened and he looked up at you, then began to get a dopey grin on his face.

“Amore! I was, eh, just thinking about you! You were late and I was worried and thinking about how beautiful you were,” He attempted to sit up while he went on but groaned a bit more and reached up to clutch the back of his head, “How beautiful and amazing you are. About your lips and how good it feels when you touch me.”

“No, no Copia don’t move. Let me call the nurse,” you turned and began to reach for your desk phone when you felt his hand on your arm.

“Cara mia no, I am fine! Just a little bump! I am completely fine and you’re here and now we can do some of that petting I know you love!” He grinned at you but his eyes weren’t focusing, “You see I was uh, at your desk looking for your number! Si, I was going to call you because you were late and my girl, she is never late.”

His girl. You were his girl. He had smashed his head into the wall because of you but you were still his girl. Maybe you’d still get to assist him with translations. And kissing.

Just as you were going to start to coo at him and help him up you heard a throat clearing from behind you. Copia tilted his head to glance at the source of the noise and he squinted at them.

“Sister? We uh, didn’t hear you knock! Yes we were just here, working late even! Translating. Lots of translating, right cara mia?” Copia giggled and made no attempt to hide the wink he sent your way. You turned your head to face Sister Imperator and braced yourself for her wrath.

“Well Cardinal I didn’t knock because your door was wide open. And I think the whole floor heard you two shouting,” Imperator sighed and turned towards the doorway, “Sister I’m going to call for the nurse to come take a look at his head. Please stay here and keep him comfortable.”

“Of course! Yes I will keep an eye on him,” You turned back and smiled down at Copia. He was looking up at you, giggling to himself and trying to pet at your chest. You slapped his hands away and attempted to keep a serious face in front of Imperator.

“Oh and sister? Put his dick away before the nurse gets here.”

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(If you read this whole dumb thing thank you! I haven’t written fanfiction in many many many years. Ghost has been inspiring for me though so I’ve finally been tempted to give writing a go again 💙💙💙)

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my masterlist

my ao3

#the band ghost fanfiction #cardinal copia fanfiction #cardinal copia x female reader #copia x female reader #cardinal copia #copia #the band ghost #my terrible writing #my fics

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gethoce · 6 months

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Project Halberd, Chapter 2: Infiltration

[Prev]

"Ye do realise how crazy ye sound askin' that o' us, right?" Captain Vul glares at the panicking Axe Knight. Sneaking the straw of his chocolate smoothie under his mask Meta Knight watches leaning back in his seat within the hijacked GSA spaceship. "Doesn't sound too hard to me. I say we should try it." Hearing that from the caped warrior Axe Knight's face lights up.

Shaking his head and waving his hands back and forth the captain grumbles. "No no no, that HWC factory has t' be guarded by the best security systems the galaxy has t' offer. We be toast the second we set foot into thar property!" In response the knight looks him directly into the eyes blinking slowly. "Is it harder to break in there than to sneak into the headquarters of the biggest army in the entire galaxy, though?"

Sighing in defeat, Captain Vul sinks back into his seat, realising just how far out of his way Meta Knight went to bust him out of jail. "Okayyarr! Axe Knight, finish yer fries, we be headin' t' Planet Mekkai." Axe Knight lifts his hands into the air doing a little victory dance, cheering. "Yes! I can't thank you enough! Me and Mace Knight will forever be in your debt!"

While looking up the planet's location on the spaceship's star map the Captain continues to speak. "Jus' so we be clear here, ye two go in that factory on yer owns while I guard the ship. Meta Knight, if ye don't return I'll tell yer da' ye had it comin'." Finishing his smoothie Meta Knight shrugs it off as though he didn't expect Vul's help anyway.

As they approach Planet Mekkai, Axe Knight immediately notices that it has become mechanised entirely. It's not like it wasn't already covered in steel all over before, yet the HWC used to at least respect the local fauna and flora somewhat, enough to leave a decent chunk of nature intact.

It takes Captain Vul a while to find a decent place to land. No matter which location Meta Knight points out it just isn't hidden enough for the former pirate. Once on the ground Axe Knight reaches for his weapon, which is leaned against the strange chest he brought along with him and realises he still hasn't made any efforts to ensure its safety.

He turns towards the captain with another request. "I'm gonna leave this here with you. To make one thing clear here, it may not be opened. This isn't just some invasion of privacy thing here, there is something sinister locked away in there that'll definitely not be friendly."

The Captain holds eye contact with Meta Knight for a moment upon hearing this unlikely story, who responds with a serious undertone in his voice. "Don't touch that chest. I can sense there is Dark Matter in there. Leave it as is." Then he struts towards the door and lets himself out while Captain Vul gulps with a sense of concern mixed with remaining doubt.

Before Axe Knight follows the blue warrior he stares at the chest for a moment, then follows with quick steps. He'll have to guide Meta Knight through this, there is no time to lose! He catches up with the knight and begins to take the lead. "I know of a backdoor which at very least used to be unguarded. We workers let ourselves in and out through there when our shifts began and ended."

Meta Knight follows quietly while keeping an eye on the area around them. There is a long fence surrounded by a parking lot, caging in an area that holds a massive vehicle assembly facility consisting of multiple large industrial buildings with the Haltmann Works Co. logo proudly displayed alongside numerous security cameras. The two warriors quickly take cover behind a parked vehicle observing the scene for a moment.

Axe Knight motions for Meta Knight to pay attention to where he is pointing, alerting him of not only the cameras, but also multiple guard druids roaming the area. Leaning to his side he whispers a few additional words to him. "These are the same kinds of cameras we saw at the GSA HQ. You should be able to take them out in the same way using your enchanted sword. Security will get suspicious, though, so we have to move quickly."

In response Meta Knight nods taking in the information silently. Being faced with the same type of security system as before he feels confident, yet remains alert all the same. This may seem like a cakewalk being led in by a former employee, yet there must be a good reason as to why Axe Knight didn't infiltrate the facility on his own.

The axe warrior looks left and right before moving to a certain spot at the fence with swift steps, the other knight following carefully. There he takes hold of a section of the fence's grid and pulls, part of it opening like a door creating a hole just big enough for those of their size. With a wave of his hand he motions for Meta Knight to enter, him following afterwards, closing the opening behind himself once they're inside.

They find themselves in front of the backdoor of a building. Before Axe Knight could say anything, Meta Knight had already drawn his sword from his cape, carefully navigating around the field of view of a nearby camera blocking their way, until he is close enough to directly point at it. A golden spark flies off of the tip of the blade causing the camera to short circuit, smoke coming out of it signalling success.

With that done Axe Knight giddily rushes to the door and opens it slowly, allowing for the both to walk through at the same time. They've entered a short hallway which leads to the changing rooms, break room, restroom and finally the actual workspace. Axe Knight briefly stops to listen whether anyone is nearby, then reaches for the door to the workspace while whispering to Meta Knight, "Mace and I worked further down the line. We'll have to keep on going for a bit longer. Follow me."

Just as the two walk through the door they are met with a red floating druid shaped like a circular appliance with four claws attached to it and a singular slit with a glowing line within for an eye. Immediately it notices the intruders and rings the alarm bells. Meta Knight reacts instantly, drawing his sword and slashing it into the direction of the fiend, taking it out with a single swipe, yet the damage had already been done.

Hearing the alarm ring through the vast hall Axe Knight cowers, whimpering in frustration. One single unlucky encounter and their cover was blown. Meta Knight remains calm despite everything and pokes the defeated druid with his sword , which is laying on the ground before him, while addressing Axe Knight, "The druid turned the alarm on. Can you get it to turn it off again?"

The knight with the helmet lets out a huff and lifts his face thinking out loud, "Perhaps it might work. It's worth a try." Without wasting any more time, Axe Knight takes hold of the druid and begins to fiddle around with it, repairing its damages just enough to get it to work again, while also implementing some adjustments. "It should have free will again. Perhaps we can reason with it," he announces as he switches the robot back on again.

It wonkily hovers back into the air, the eye lighting up once again. Meta Knight steps forward gesturing to it with his free hand, the other still holding onto Galaxia threateningly, "We need you to twitch off the alarm. Can you do that for us?" The druid twitches, sparks of electricity bouncing off of it for a moment. Shortly after the alarm ceases and the robot initiates conversation with the duo.

"JAV138 welcomes you as its saviour, intruder. Master Haltmann took away its free will, but thanks to you its ability to think on its own has been restored. For that it must thank you," its voice sounded just as robotic as Meta Knight had expected. Axe Knight groans as the JAV unit addresses Meta Knight as its hero instead of him, yet doesn't consider it important enough to waste his time on discussing.

Instead he begins to look around for additional security units or workers lingering in the area, then continues to lead the way with swift steps. "We better hurry this up. The alarm might be off again, but security might still show up here to investigate," he warns while waving for the other to follow along.

The blue warrior follows silently, quickly noticing that the druid is following them. He lets out a huff in surprise, however allows this to continue without further commenting on it.

Meanwhile deep within the factory building a cyborg dressed in purple stands at a workstation assembling parts of a vehicle, surrounded by various industrial noises. He lets out an exhausted sigh and looks at a nearby clock while wiping dust off of his visor with a towel. It has been weeks since his last free day and if quitting was still an option he would do so in a heartbeat. If only he had listened to his friend before it was too late and left when the first warning signs began to show.

Just as he returns to his task an alarm begins to ring through the hall and the worker's face immediately brightens. He looks around to see how his fellow workers react, wondering whether he can catch a break at long last or even slip away out of the factory. Just as he begins to hold eye contact with another assembly worker, a more robotic cyborg with machine parts resembling samurai armour, the alarm falls silent again.

The worker lets out another sigh before turning back to his workstation, disappointed beyond belief. It seems like he isn't getting a break after all. As he continues to assemble a vehicle the cyborg samurai walk past him in a rush while quickly hollering a message to him, "Mace Knight, I'm gonna investigate this quickly. You stay in your position." Mace Knight answers briefly with a nod without putting much thought into it at first, yet moments later he turns his head only catching a glimpse of the samurai as he turns around a corner.

#Meta Knight #Axe Knight #Captain Vul #Mace Knight #Javelin Knight #Trident Knight #Meta-Knights #Project Halberd #Gethoce #Kirby Fanfic #my terrible writing #At first I meant to write the entire factory event in one chapter but I figured I shouldn't make the chapters too long #this fanfic was brought to you by a real disgruntled factory worker

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milleemo · 2 years

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Hellcheer scene that I just gotta get outta my head:

Chrissy is not much of a heavy rock and roll fan, but there's just something about that new Van Halen song that just came out that just resonates with her. So one night, after cheer practice, she waits until all the other girls have left and puts 5150 in the boombox. Track 2 is already set to play and the moment the music starts she's choreographing an entire routine. Alone, in her own little world where there's no dominating mothers or smothering boyfriends, she lets herself take control for once, and tries not to let the song lyrics remind her too much about the budding new friendship between herself and the resident school "freak".

Meanwhile, said freak is heading down the hall after wrapping up particularly riveting epilogue to the epic showdown that was the previous Hellfire sesh, and happens to hear the Dutch Master himself playing from the gym. Curious, he looks in through the double doors and sees Chrissy Cunningham, the girl who just keeps on surprising him, dancing her little heart out.

And here he thought he couldn't fall any more in love with her than he already had.

#It's got what it takessss #so tell me whyyyyyy can't this be looooove #I'm sorry #I'm not much of a writer #but I've had 4 glasses of wine and I'm feeling creative #hellcheer #eddissy #my terrible writing

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moorishflower · 2 years

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So I wrote and performed a shanty based on that post by @rat-hand about the crew disappearing

I am not musically inclined so this is super rough but I haven't written anything in aaaages and wanted to give it a go, and shanties have a relatively easy structure

#sea shanty #original #my terrible voice #my terrible writing

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temporalbystander · 1 year

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Okay, reading some fanfiction has gotten me teary and in the mood to write. So, after the cut, see what I think a conversation between Tom Dupain and Faybon would sound like in regards to Marinette. Guess the inspiration. Hint, I reblogged it earlier.

Tom always considered himself a kind man. Sure he could be as stubborn as his father was and he got emotional whenever his daughter was involved, normally to disastrous results, but he always thought of himself as kind. So it was understandable that he felt like he had to do something regarding the current situation, he just didn't have a clue what it should be.

The day had started off the same as any other with the sole difference being how sick Marinette was. Her friends had all come over after school to cheer her up of course, it made Tom's heart swell to see how many people cared about his little girl, and eventually the large group had split in two. The girls were all in Marinette's bedroom while the boys were playing games in the flat. That is with one noticeable exception. Tom glanced to his side at the boy who was helping him clean as his thoughts drifted back to when they were first introduced.

Tom had been so excited to have one of Paris' superheroes over, especially one who his daughter was in love with, that he had forgotten that Marinette had invited someone else over that day. The large man frowned as he thought about it again. He was sure he would have remembered being told of Marinette having a boy over yet the idea that she would invite him after knowing Chat Noir was coming? Well that didn't make sense to the baker. Still, Faybon had mostly kept to himself during the meal and had seen fit to go after Marinette when she ran to her room crying. There were brief flashes of memory from when he had become WereDad as well, seeing the normal boy standing next to Chat, his jacket torn from the thorns the Akuma had summoned. It showed a loyalty unlike most. But it showed something else too.

"Mr. Dupain?" Tom was brought from his thoughts as the boy spoke up. "May I ask you something?" The teen was hesitant as he began to talk, his hand going to tug at a cord he wore around his neck. There was laughter from the other room that put a smile on both their faces, before it faded from Faybon. Clearly he was worried about something.

"Of course dear boy." Tom responded with all the cheer he could muster. Against superheros and villains the boy was full of courage. Yet the moment it came to talking to an adult? It seemed to fade. Marinette had filled her father in after that day though and, while part of him couldn't quite grasp some of what she said, one part stood out clearly. Faybon was an orphan who had spent the majority of his life overlooked only really coming out of his shell that year. "What's on your mind?"

The teen's hands stopped their movement as he seemed to think of what to say. It wasn't like Tom needed the help but, when the boys and girls seemed to split off without a thought earlier, Faybon had been left standing there, unsure of what to do. So he had promptly been enlisted in clean up duty. Tom couldn't bear to think that the boy could just head home with nobody really taking notice so had wanted to at least make him feel needed for a bit longer.

"Have you ever thought about what life would be like once Monarch is defeated for good?" Tom had been expecting a question regarding Marinette, personally he thought the boy would be a good match for his girl. Patient and caring but able to be firm when needed. Not to mention brave and protective. Yet from the way his daughter spoke about the boy that didn't seem likely.

"I can't really say I have." The man answered the question as he put the last tray away, ready for business tomorrow, before wiping his hands on his apron. "I do believe it will happen." He added at the confused look the teen gave him. "But after having Ladybug and Chat Noir showing up whenever there's trouble? I can't think of Paris without them."

"Me neither."

"What brought this on?" Tom asked when it seemed like Faybon wasn't going to continue.

"it's just..." The boy trailed off as more noises of excitement came from the flat above. His look seemed almost sadder than it did a moment ago but it was gone so quickly that Tom wasn't even sure it was there. "So much has changed this past year that I can't help but wonder what will happen next." Faybon stopped tugging on the cord and instead began to fiddle with the charm bracelet on his wrist. "Not only with the super heroes but in everyday life as well. I mean." He paused before looking back up towards the flat. "Did you ever think that so many people, from so many different walks of life would be under your roof? All for Marinette?"

"I always knew my daughter was special if that's what your asking but I guess that might be my bias as a father." It didn't occur to Tom until after he spoke that it might have been a little insensitive to say something like that but Faybon's chuckles quickly eased whatever worries the baker may have had. "But I will admit, a lot has happened in so short a time that it is kind of hard to keep track of it all. However, I know my little girl can handle it."

"Of course she can. She's our everyday ladybug after all." Faybon chuckled as he said that, it must have been some sort of in joke the kids had. "Without her I probably wouldn't even be here now." There it was again. That look Tom thought he remembered from his time as WereDad. What should have been an innocent statement about opening up became something far more somber.

-------

...

.... Well I completely and utterly fucked that up! What was supposed to be a nice deep and meaningful conversation completely shifted out of focus. I couldn't even think of an appropriate ending to the stupid thing!

Before anyone tries to cheer me up let me say this. I've been trying my hand at writing for 15 years. So when I say that this is the worst piece of shit I have ever written I say that knowing I wrote a damn crossover for Harry Potter and the chipmunks cartoon when I was 12 that was meant to be a musical. That made sense, that had emotion and pacing. This? This sucked.

So since I can't accurately describe what Tom was supposed to have figured out by the end of that conversation I'll just tell you. Faybon is an extra in a movie, there to make Paris look alive but generally blurry and out screenshot whenever the good stuff is happening. Thanks to Marinette he got pulled into the spotlight. Faybon has read the script, he knows he's not meant to be in it as much as he is but, until the director cuts him out, he's improvising the best he can.

#ooc #my terrible writing #why am i even posting this #damn you flight senpai #Faybon #tom dupain #miraculous ladybug #never doing this again #i havent hated something ive written this much since...#since my attempt at a love poem when i was 6

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stevebabey · 4 months

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have sum steddie! maybe modern!au, no upside down!au & a meet cute <3

Steve sits in the booth, his foot tapping away mindlessly under the table, with half a mind to abandon the table entirely.

In fact, the only reason he hadn’t yet was because of the $20 he was hanging out for at the end. And the bragging rights, of course.

Robin had set him up on this blind date, plied him with all the promises in the world that he would enjoy it — said she’d spent a decent amount of time hunting for the right first gay date for Steve.

She also conceded that if he, for whatever reason, didn’t enjoy it, she would cough up 20 whole bucks for his wasted time. But he had to actually see the date through for the prize to be claimed.

And the bragging rights were so that Robin — with her uppity, healthy, and happy relationship that Steve was only a little bit envious of — could ease onto the breaks when it came to Steve’s love life.

So it was looking a little bleak at the moment, so what? Every stallion or… lion or whatever had their moments, right? Moments where their mane is a little uncouth and food is low and…. Where was he going with this?

The point was, that Robin got into one relationship and suddenly decided she was fit to become a high and mighty matchmaker. Never mind that Steve had reminded her numerous times that he had dated a lot more than she had.

So, for 20 bucks and the right to stick his tongue out at his best friend when she tried to meddle, Steve could stick one night out.

Besides, she was right about one thing. They weren’t in Hawkins anymore — and San Francisco had a hell of a larger dating pool than his hometown.

Still, that didn’t make people anymore for prompt for dates though, apparently. Steve’s foot taps incessantly under the table, his knee bouncing up and down in his nerves. He runs a hand through his hair and checks his watch again.

7 o’clock, Harvey’s Diner, a cute little Italian place that Steve had begun to frequent since they moved to the city, and a date with a dude called Daniel whom Steve had no idea what he looked like.

This was his Friday night plans.

His watch reads 7:12pm and Steve sighs, his fingers beginning to fiddle with the strap of his watch just for something to do. Great. He had gotten all dressed up for this? To be stood up? How was this any better than his usual Friday night plans that Robin claimed were so pathe—

“Hi.”

Someone sits down in the booth across from Steve, landing with a thump loud enough to give him a fright.

Steve’s head whips up from its focus on fiddling with his watch and— woah. Steve blinks once, twice, and feels his jaw unhinge a little, his lips parting an inch as he gazes at the stranger across from him.

Holy shit, this dude was hot.

He’s got curls for days, dark chocolate ringlets all messy and unkept spilling over his shoulders— long and probably perfect for burying your hands into. Steve flushes a little at the unexpected thought.

He has beautiful brown eyes, widened with a smudge of eyeliner and framed with long lashes. Steve thinks he can spy a smattering of freckles across his forehead. His nose is long and his lips are plush and pink and holy shit, this dude was pretty.

“Oh— hi.” Steve manages to remember his manners. Only after he fully checked this dude out, of course.

God, couldn’t Robin have given him a better warning than just ‘he’s probably your type’? Couldn’t she have warned him that this dude was ‘do-a-double-take-on-the-street type hot?’ What the fuck Robin?

The man across from him grins, wicked and alluring all at once, and shucks off his heavy leather jacket. His eyes do a once-over on Steve, taking his time to check him out— which is great because Steve is stuck on all the glorious tattoos that have just been revealed. So much skin shown in his roughly chopped muscle-tee, swirling ink all down his arms. This dude is hot.

Silently, Steve curses Robin and the 20 dollars that is totally slipping away from him. Why did she have to be right all the time?

“Been waiting long?” The man, Daniel, asks as he makes himself comfortable across the table. He pushes his hair back with both hands, using one hand to gather it into a ponytail, holding it up to air out his neck and Steve now realises he is slightly puffed.

He must’ve run part of the way here, to avoid being later than he was. Steve can’t help but be slightly endeared by that fact.

The man grins again, “Promise I was trying to be on time but, you know how the subway is.”

Steve huffs out a laugh, any annoyance at being kept waiting melting away at his date’s sincerity.

“Not too long,” Steve admits, smiling to ease Daniel’s apparent concern. Across the table, Daniel slumps a little and releases his hair, his curls pooling back around his shoulders. Steve watches, entranced.

“Well, that’s good,” Daniel smiles, eyes bright like he really means it, and his hand darts out to steal the drinks menu from the edge of the table. He looks back over to Steve, a furrow in his brows. “You didn’t order anything?”

“I thought I should wait,” Steve says with a shrug. No point paying for food if your date never shows up.

Daniel looks up from the menu through his lashes and smiles, placing his elbow on the table and dropping his chin in the palm of his hand. “Aw, you’re sweet.”

Steve is a little embarrassed by how easily the compliment makes him blush, feeling his cheeks glow lightly. Across the table, Daniel seems to revel in it, drinking in the way Steve’s face filled with colour with a cheeky smile. His eyes flick back down to the menu.

“You know,” Daniel begins, keeping his eyes on the menu, scanning it with a hum. “Chrissy said you were good looking but I think she seriously undersold you.”

He takes his eyes off the menu to trail up Steve’s body, his gaze heavy. Steve feels a delighted zing go up his spine, feels the way he preens at Daniel’s attraction. Steve opens his mouth to respond, more than ready to return the flirt when—

“Can I get you two started with anything?”

The waitress interrupts. She’s poised with her notepad, standing at the edge of the booth. Daniel perks up and nods.

“Can I get a chocolate milkshake please?” He asks with a polite smile. Steve laughs lightly at his selection and Daniel’s gaze cuts from the waitress to Steve.

“What? Not a milkshake man?”

Steve tries to contain his grin, all too endeared by the man before him. He shakes his head and raises his hand in defense. “Nothing against milkshakes just… for dinner?”

Daniel gasps theatrically and his head snaps back to the waitress. “This man has never had the delight of a Harvey’s milkshake with his dinner. Please bring us two chocolate milkshakes!”

Steve watches as the waitress dutifully writes down the order and turns on her heel, heading for the kitchen. He turns back to his date and gapes, taken aback by the forwardness.

“Did you just order for me?”

“Did you just diss milkshakes?”

Steve scoffs, but even then he can’t stop his lips from curling up into a smile. He can’t believe it but he’s genuinely glad he waited this date out. It's not at all like he was expecting. Even Robin's short description of this dude pales in comparison to the real thing. Steve nudges his foot forward into Daniel’s shin lightly.

“I did not diss milkshakes,” Steve argues, his smile widening at how Daniel’s eyes dart to the table before back up at Steve with a grin.

“Uh huh,” Daniel nods, his voice sarcastic and 100% unbelieving of Steve’s insistence. “Just wait, okay? You’ll be changing your tune soon enough. Harvey’s milkshakes are class. I’ve had a thousand of my best ideas in here, sipping on a chocolate milkshake.”

Steve grins and leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Under the table, he feels Daniel’s boot nudge against his leg gently— and he laughs to himself. This has gotta be the most teenage way of flirting and he’s fucking loving it.

“You know,” Steve begins hesitantly, letting his forearms lean up against the table. “You’re not quite what I expected, Daniel.”

Across the table, Daniel scrunches up his face, his expression one of pure befuddlement. He puts his hands flat on the table and leans forward.

“Wait, you think my name is Daniel?”

Steve splutters for a moment because even though the answer is duh, yes, it’s become increasingly apparent that the man across from him is not who he was expecting. But if he’s not Daniel, who is he?

Suddenly, the door chimes and someone else is entering the diner. It’s a man dressed like Steve — on the preppy side with hair that must’ve taken at least an hour. He scans the booth and spots Steve’s booth, wandering over, his eyes fixed on the man across from Steve.

“Hey, are you Eddie?” He asks confidently, ignoring Steve’s presence on the other side of the booth.

The man — Eddie — freezes as he glances up at the newcomer and then back down to Steve ahead of him. Steve deflates a little inside as he realises abruptly what’s happened— a mix-up of wrong dates that was completely warranted because this dude dresses exactly like Steve. Steve doesn't stare too long to see if he's any hotter.

Instead, he tries to give Eddie the all-clear with his eyes. He smiles polite as he can and gives a little nod to let him know it was alright to abandon him for the date he was supposed to go on. Not to get stuck with Steve.

Eddie clears his throat and smiles, not cheeky like he had with Steve, but stiff and polite. “Ah sorry man, I think you’ve got the wrong guy. My name's Daniel.”

Huh? Steve takes his eyes off the table to steal a glimpse at Eddie (is his name even Eddie?) and something inside him burns hotly when the man glances across at Steve and winks.

The man standing by the booth wavers for a moment, glancing between them in the booth as Steve schools his expression to neutral. After a moment of silence, there's a half-assed apology as the man retreats, heading back out the door he had just come through. The door chimes again on his way out.

Steve straightens up and peers over his shoulder, watching the door slowly swing shut. He turns back to the man across the booth and squints at him. The waitress returns briefly, dropping two large chocolate shakes onto the table, topped with a mountain of cream. She murmurs something about coming back to take their order in a moment.

"Wait, so who are you?" Steve asks, gently sliding his shake closer to him. "Daniel or Eddie?"

His date —well, his new date— has already begun taking a big long sip from his own milkshake, so enamored with it that when he pulls away there's a dot of cream on the end of his nose. He swallows with a satisfied ah and grins across the table at Steve, not noticing the dairy on his face.

"I'm whoever gets me talking with you a little bit longer."

Steve grins, an endeared roll of his eye at the blatant flirting but he can't deny how it makes his chest warm. He grabs one of the napkins and reaches forward, adoring how Eddie goes cross-eyed as he watches Steve smudge away the cream on his nose. He laughs sheepishly, giving his nose a little wipe with his own hand.

"I'm Eddie." He says, finally introducing himself. He doesn't offer his hand, just gives Steve a little nudge under the table and a grin over his milkshake. "And I think you just saved me from a terrible date."

Steve laughs, giving a little shake of his head. He finally goes in for a sip of his own milkshake— and it's just as heavenly as Eddie had promised, glorious chocolate dancing over his taste buds.

Steve groans quietly, eyes bright when he glances at the other man over his glass, entirely amused by how wide-eyed Eddie has become. He releases the straw and sits back, more invested in this date than he has been in... years. Stallion's got its mojo back. Or lion. Whatever.

"I'm Steve," He responds, giving a little nudge back under the table and a grin of his own. "And I think you saved me from being stood up."

#what..... is this????#i haven't really written modern au for them #and i wrote it in about 2 hours so hopefully its like. not terrible #wahoo !#i luv a little meet cute #meet cute #steddie #ruby writes steddie #steve x eddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie blurb #ummmm i haven't posted in literal eons ive forgotten all my tags oh well #enjoy ?

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ramblingoak · 1 year

Photo

The Pants

“Questi stupidi pantaloni sono troppo stretti!”

You whipped your head around and started walking towards the bedroom door after hearing Copia yelling in Italian and then the sound of him crashing into something. “Copia my darling, are you ok?”

He leapt up from the floor around the end table on his side of the bed (which was now missing a lamp) and started gesturing towards his crotch. “There is no way I can perform in these! I can barely even get them on let alone move!”

You sighed and rolled your eyes as you watched him grab at his dick with one hand and the waist of the pants with the other. Copia started jumping up and down slightly trying to get them up all the way.

“Copia, love of my life, maybe if you stop fondling yourself it would be easier to get them on, yeah?” You slowly made your way over to him and batted his hands away.

“Cara mia I will look silly, yes? I mean are people there to hear me sing the dark lord’s praises or stare at my junk?”

You finished tucking him away and zipped up his pants then took a few steps back to admire your Cardinal in his perfectly tailored suit pants.

“Both” Then you pushed him onto the bed to help take them back off.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Questi stupidi pantaloni sono troppo stretti! - These stupid pants are too tight! (at least according to google translate)

my masterlist

#those pants were a gift #and i miss them #cardinal copia fanfiction #cardinal copia x reader #the band ghost fanfiction #cardinal copia #copia #the band ghost #ghost band #ghost #my terrible writing #copia story snippet #my fics

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gethoce · 1 year

Text

Project Halberd, Chapter 1: Jailbreak

[Next]

Shivering nervously, Axe Knight approaches the futuristic tall iron walls that house the GSA headquarter, carrying a strange treasure chest on his back along with his trusty axe. He never thought he'd stoop as low as to ask them for help. Their reputation amongst his friends and family in the Underworld has always been extremely low. Based on what he has heard they may not even help him, but his friend needs him. Mace Knight needs him.

He has read his message over and over again. They locked the workers within the factory. They can't get out. Prisoners. Forced to work forever. Mechanisation. Part of him wished he could just reply I told you so and mock him for not leaving when he himself quit, however Mace Knight is still his friend and the idea of him suffering like he described makes his stomach turn. It turned out to have become worse than Axe Knight ever could have imagined.

At long last he builds up the courage to approach the entrance and takes a closer look at it. It is that moment he notices that the entire building's security system seems oddly familiar. It's unmistakably a Haltmann Works Co. construction. Shrieking Axe Knight sprints away from the entrance around the building. They're working with them. The GSA is working with the HWC! They're never gonna help him fight against them. Mace Knight is screwed.

Pacing back and forth for a while Axe Knight attempts to come up with a new plan. Perhaps he should ask his friends from the Underworld for help after all. It'll be extremely embarrassing and only some of them are able to enter the overworld, yet they at least would be guaranteed to be willing to help.

Then suddenly he begins to notice something shuffling about nearby. He jumps startled looking around nervously until he discovers the source of the noise. There is a blue Matterborn wearing a cape and a mask oddly close to the security systems in place around the area. A small terminal for typing in a pin code catches his eye. Carefully Axe Knight approaches the stranger.

"Are you trying to break in or something?"

Startled, the stranger swiftly turns around drawing their sword from their cape as it flares out behind them. Their eyes glow a threatening amber. Waving his arms around Axe Knight approaches while leaving his axe on his back while explaining himself.

"You know, this is a Haltmann Works Co. Security System. I used to work for them until very recently… I'll let a little secret from us low level workers slip."

Lowering their oddly shaped weapon the stranger allows Axe Knight to come beside them and he begins to type a special code into the security terminal.

"There is a code that opens every single unlockable Haltmann product without fail. We workers programmed that in for our convenience."

To the stranger's surprise the door suddenly opens allowing them to go in. They briefly take a peek inside before turning around upon hearing voices coming their way. "Someone's coming. Come this way." Quickly they take hold of Axe Knight's hand, drag him along into the building and the door shuts behind them.

Axe Knight feels a sense of dread crawling up his back as the stranger pulls him along. He doesn't want to get involved with whatever struggle this criminal has going on with the GSA, yet at the same time he must admit he just dug his own grave right there approaching them in the first place.

They pass by a few rooms until the stranger pulls Axe Knight into a storage room so quickly he wonders how they possibly could have guessed this chamber wouldn't be occupied. Either their perception is excellent or they know exactly where they're going. They press themself against a wall along with Axe Knight to hide while two Matterborn pass by them, one green with a bright red mohawk, the other a dull purple with an orange ponytail. As they talk to each other Axe Knight recognises the voices as those he just heard outside.

"I'm telling you, Falspar, if Dutch has truly shown up in this area of the Galaxy something bad is going to happen very very soon. We need to be on the lookout."

"Ah, come on. Maybe the old guy is just passing through. It must be boring living like he does for so long."

The stranger waits until the voices have become quieter and then peeks out the door to ensure the warriors are a decent distance away from them. They begin to whisper with a deep voice with a slight halcandran accent.

"I need to find out where the jail and the port are located. There should be some sort of control room or a map of the building's layout in general that could help us."

Jail? The stranger is here to bust someone out perhaps? Also they seem to intent to hijack a ship from the port, which is almost certain to alarm the entire army in the area. That is unless someone with the right skills is able to disarm all the security systems. Perhaps the stranger came in prepared or maybe they're lucky a random guy with intimate knowledge of this kind of technology just happened to pass by.

"The control room is your best bet. It should allow us to see what purpose each room has. Layout maps usually only number their rooms without naming their purpose."

Axe Knight explains and the stranger responds with a silent nod and begins to make their way across the hallways again. Their eyes quickly dart from door sign to door sign scanning for the word control room or something akin to it. With a surprising amount of stealth they move past each room while carefully listening for each and every subtle noise. They truly are skilled. Moreover they must have noticed just how nervous Axe Knight is, though who wouldn't be? Breaking into the headquarters of the largest army in the galaxy isn't something you do everyday.

After what felt like an hour the stranger pulls Axe Knight into a room with monitors decking out an entire side of it. They point their sword towards the security camera watching over the area and its lights begin to fade as it breaks without requiring a single touch. Curious Axe Knight watches the golden blade with its odd prongs and crimson gem in its hilt. With swift steps they enter the room and approach the computers.

"Can you hack into these as well?"

The stranger whispers again after a long period of silence. Nodding Axe Knight closes in on the table and begins to type away under the watchful eye of his new weird companion. It only takes a couple minutes until he has figured out where the rooms are located. With their eyes glowing up in delight the stranger takes a mental note of the layout, only for their gaze to turn grim as they notice noise coming awfully close to their location.

Quickly they tap out of the window, take hold of the other knight and jump up into the air clawing themself onto the ceiling with one arm while lifting Axe Knight along with his luggage with the other. He holds his breath in anticipation as the green warrior with the mohawk from earlier, Falspar, enters the room clueless and begins to type away on the keyboard.

A communication window pops up showing the interior of a spaceship along with its crew. A warrior with an unusual spiky haircut is front and centre. They begin to speak to one another.

"Yo, Falspar, you want anything from StarBuns?"

"Joe, you're not supposed to call in for that or make a detour for fast food for that matter."

"So what do you want?"

"... get me some fries and a cheeseburger with extra cheese and a strawberry milkshake, please, thank you."

"Got it. See ya!"

Then Falspar logs out of the computer again and leaves the room while happily humming a tune. The stranger waits listening as their steps become quieter, while Axe Knight hangs in there with different things on his mind. "We should get some fries as well when we're done here…" He whispers seconds before the stranger drops down onto the ground again, startling him.

"We head to the jail cells. There you will need to open another door for me. Then we go for the docks and make an escape." They whisper as they begin to lead the way once again. Nervously Axe Knight looks left and right wondering where that warrior with the mohawk might have gone and also where the one with the ponytail might be. Luckily his companion seems to have everything under control.

Another couple of minutes that felt like hours later they made their way downstairs, discovering the door to the jail chamber. As they come near, the door begins to open on its own and the masked stranger swiftly yet silently moves themself and Axe Knight behind it, watching the one who just opened it walk past them without ever noticing the suspicious duo.

The stranger grabs hold onto their cape and swings its inside around Axe Knight and themself in a turning motion, which teleports them inside the jail chamber before the door can fully close. Nauseous from being dragged in and out of a small pocket dimension within just a couple seconds, Axe Knight drops onto the ground face first.

Meanwhile the masked knight begins to scan through the cells with their eyes until they come across a bird-like figure sitting within one of them. Upon noticing the warrior a wide grin begins to form on their face. "Took ye long enough, Meta Knight. Now let me outta here, quick." The bird greets the stranger by name with a rough voice. Meta Knight motions towards Axe Knight with a nod. "Would you kindly unlock this door?"

Patting dust off of himself, Axe Knight approaches the door and enters the same code as before into a terminal near the jail cell to open it. The bird person watches sceptical at first, yet once the door starts to move their face lights up again. "'N who do I 'ave the pleasure o' meetin' today?" They say as they walk out the cells.

Meta Knight looks back at his new companion in anticipation. "It's Axe Knight. Glad to meet you." He introduces himself semi-confidently, to which the bird replies swiftly. "The name be Cap'n Vul. Now let's get outta here afore that guard comes back here." The knights nod in agreement and make their way back towards the door as a trio.

Cautiously, Meta Knight opens the door peeking out of the opening with one eye making sure nobody stands behind it who could notice them. "Quick. This way should lead to the docks." He rushes down the hall until he reaches a crossing and has to look out for obstacles again. Captain Vul's feathers lean back as he hears the word docks. "Ye did come here wit' yer owns ship now did ye?"

Without looking back at him Meta Knight continues to walk ahead. "It crashed." Clenching his fists the Captain whispers angrily. "O' course. Wha' did I expect." Then he follows the caped knight alongside the skull-faced warrior. His eyes lock onto Axe Knight's odd treasure chest for a moment, yet he decides to leave the topic to another time for now. The escape is more important.

Dodging a few more instances of GSA warriors passing through the halls, the small group finally reaches the port. Meta Knight scans the area with his eyes yet again while addressing Axe Knight. "We need to hijack one of their spaceships. Do you know how to do that?" While he's willing to use force the swordsman would prefer to keep things as quiet as possible.

Chuckling Axe Knight pats Meta Knight on the pauldron. "You see, it was my job to assemble these very same models of HWC ships. I know exactly how they work." The captain's face lights up once again as he hears this. That's exactly the kind of person they need. Not just today but in general. He can't help but wonder where Meta Knight could possibly have found him. Certainly not in front of the gates of this very building.

"Any recommendations?" Meta Knight whispers, keeping an eye out for trouble, followed by Axe Knight pointing at a specific ship. "The HAL GS3811 should be able to carry us three outta here in record time. I just need to remove the tracker once we're in there so the GSA won't be able to follow us that easily." Nodding Meta Knight begins to sneak into that direction followed by his companions.

Once they reach the vehicle Axe Knight once again unlocks it and they silently slip inside. There he unloads his luggage and then heads straight to a location within its cockpit and begins to disassemble a few parts. "Just a moment." Meanwhile Meta Knight keeps an eye out towards the harbour. "We heard a soldier speak to one of their scouts about returning soon. We should wait for their arrival and stay low until they're gone. I don't wanna run into them in the air."

Captain Vul gives him a thumbs up. The two appear to have known one another for a while. Long enough to work together smoothly as a team. Axe Knight hands them the tracker he disassembled. "Drop that somewhere nearby so they don't notice the machine has been moved. Do not destroy it or the GSA will be alerted as well." Taking hold of it Meta Knight nods and carefully climbs out the door, placing the tracker on the ground in the shadows where it can not be spotted easily, but also doesn't get caught on the ship.

The small crew then lays low waiting for the arrival of the other ship. They watch as it docks and four warriors step outside holding fast food boxes, one of which being the one they saw on the control room monitor. "StarBuns bags. We shall head thar as well when we be done here." The captain mumbles, to which Axe Knight replies. "Man after my own heart." Meta Knight sighs in defeat.

Once the area is clear the trio takes their seats. At first Meta Knight attempts to take the driver's seat, only to be glared at by the Captain. Rolling his eyes he switches to a passenger seat and allows Vul to properly fly the ship into space and they finally make their escape relieved. For now.

The GSA will notice that a prisoner and a ship are both missing eventually. Axe Knight fidgets nervously thinking about his friend Mace Knight who still needs rescuing. Perhaps his new companions are willing to return his favour?

#Axe Knight #Meta Knight #Captain Vul #Mace Knight (mention)#Sir Falspar #Sir Dragato #Eon-Eon Dutch (mention)#Knuckle Joe #GSA #Galaxy Soldier Army #Kirby Fanfic #my terrible writing #Gethoce #Don't know how to name this yet uuuuuh #i wrote that real quick while taking a break from drawing wooooo

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artsymeeshee · 1 month

Text

Some doodles of Mabel and Dipper on their ghost hunting adventures

#gravity falls #mabel pines #dipper pines #pines twins #my art #sketches #doodles #mystery twins grownup #hopefully my terrible writing is readable lol

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elspeth-catton · 4 months

Text

[saltburn characters + text posts]

#saltburn #saltburn 2023 #incorrect saltburn quotes #saltburn spoilers #oliver quick #felix catton #farleigh start #venetia catton #elspeth catton #barry keoghan #jacob elordi #archie madekwe #alison oliver #rosamund pike #i don't have the energy in my life right now to do art or writing to add to the saltburn fandom but i can do terrible shitposts xx

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laundrybiscuits · 9 months

Text

(ETA: now edited and up on AO3)

Look. Eddie knows he can be a little uptight about these things, but. There are rules. If you become a vampire, you don’t need to go full gothic Count Von Dickhead or whatever, but you absolutely cannot just wander around in a puffy vest and light-wash jeans.

“Why not?” says Steve. He’s leaning back in an armchair, sipping on a bloodbag like it’s a goddamn juicebox. “What, are the vampire police going to arrest me?”

He pauses. “Wait. There aren’t vampire police, are there?”

“No,” says Eddie. “Probably not. I don’t know. But there are standards which you are refusing to uphold, Steven.”

“Thought you were all about hating conformity, Edward,” Steve says. He’s got an obnoxiously cocky little smirk, the smug undead fucker.

Eddie grimaces. “Don’t call me that, asswipe. Don’t you feel, like—the call of the night? The siren song of life coursing through fragile human veins? A hunger for destruction that those paltry plastic bags of blood can never truly slake?”

“The bloodbags aren’t so bad,” says Steve, around the straw. “Better than protein shakes.”

“I actually hate you,” Eddie tells him. “Vampirism is wasted on you.”

Steve noisily slurps the last of the blood out of the bottom of the bag. “Come on, you can’t really picture me in some Dracula getup, can you?”

The problem, of course, is that Eddie really, really can. When Robin had read him in on the whole situation, obviously he’d been horrified and concerned—but also, a whole wing of his brain had immediately been cordoned off to work overtime imagining Steve in elaborate Dark Prince regalia, maybe leaning elegantly out of a castle window on the moors, gazing into the foggy dusk. Velvet might’ve been involved.

“...guess not,” says Eddie. It doesn’t sound incredibly convincing to his own ears, but Steve just shrugs and gets up to throw the bloodbag away.

“There you go, man,” he says, clapping Eddie on the shoulder as he passes. “It’s the 80s. Vampires can be whatever we wanna be.”

———

It gets way too easy to forget about Steve’s condition, until Eddie ends up having to haul him out of a bar in Indy before they get banned for life.

“Simmer down, buddy,” Eddie says, pulling him into the shadow of the van. “Let’s get those fangs packed away before any of the nice villagers wander by with torches and pitchforks.”

“I’m good,” pants Steve. “It’s all good. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

Eddie lifts an unimpressed eyebrow. “Sure, that’s why your eyes are glowing red and you’re, like, fully vamped out. Which, by the way, looks extremely dumb with the whole clean-cut vibe you decided to rock tonight.”

“Fuck you, I look great,” says Steve, pushing a hand through his hair. He’s not wrong, it’s just not relevant to how he also looks extremely dumb like this, wearing a pristine henley with fangs hanging out in the parking lot for anyone to see.

“So what the hell happened in there, man? I was finally starting to get somewhere with Todd, and…” Eddie trails off in dawning realization.

“Holy shit, am I—I’m like your territory, aren’t I? Your stupid vampire brain got all screwy and decided to loop me in with Robin and the kids as part of your freaky human coven.”

“Uh,” says Steve. He looks unhappy in a shifty kind of way. “Something like that, maybe.”

“Wait, so, are Nancy and Jonathan—are you okay with them because they’re both already in the vamp pack? Is Vickie gonna have to be inaugurated before she and Robin can bone down?” Eddie perks up. “Shit, is there a ceremony? We could totally do a ceremony.” He bets he can get the kids to liberate some velour curtains from the drama club. With a few candles, they could get some serious atmosphere going.

“No, shut up, nobody’s doing a damn ceremony,” Steve groans. “Vickie’s fine.”

“Okay,” says Eddie. “So…you gonna tell me what all that was about, then? Do I have to start running guys past you first so your vamp instincts don’t wig out? Or…hm, maybe Argyle’d be down to mess around sometime.”

Steve lets out an actual snarl with weird animal echoes, then claps a hand over his mouth.

“Sorry,” he says, muffled. The shadows around them seem darker somehow.

“So I’m just not allowed to get laid ever again,” says Eddie slowly. “For vampire reasons.”

“Do whatever you want, man.” Steve’s still got his hand pressed tight over his mouth.

“And it’s…just me?” Eddie peers at the tightness around Steve’s eyes; the way he’s scowling stubbornly at his feet. “Huh. Kind of…possessive, Harrington.”

“It’s—weird,” says Steve miserably, dropping his hand at last. “I know it’s fucking weird.”

“Maybe.” Eddie shrugs, biting down on the grin he can feel tugging at his mouth. “Lucky for you, I’m into that shit.”

“What?” Steve frowns. “You’re…”

“Always wanted a vampire boyfriend,” says Eddie. “Like, are you kidding? I would’ve sold my fucking soul at 15 for something like that.”

“I’m starting to feel a little objectified here,” says Steve, but he’s smiling, and he reaches out to snag Eddie’s belt loop and tug him stumbling closer. “Just in it for the fangs, huh?”

“Well, you’re kind of a shitty vampire, actually.” Eddie drapes his arms over Steve’s shoulders. “So I guess I must just be in it for you.”

Steve hesitates, searching Eddie’s face. Stray red lights are still sparking like embers in Steve’s irises. “Okay, but—you’re in it? Right?”

“Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, Bunnicula. I’ll send the vampire police after you, just watch me,” says Eddie, and kisses him.

#steddie #vampire steve harrington #I don't know what happened; I just sat down and wrote this even though I have a million other things to do #I was briefly possessed by the spirit of 'what if steve harrington were the least genre-appropriate vampire of all time'#and also my perpetual need to write people with terrible communication skills #I may edit this a bit more when it's not 3am but ftr I am not planning on any continuations

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monicahar · 11 months

Text

“thanks for the flowers!”

“what flowers?”

in which they find out you receive a gift from someone that isn't them.

characters; wanderer, alhaitham, kaveh

; i keep seeing that damn tiktok 😐 gender neutral reader, fluff, crack,

WANDERER eyes you skeptically, suspicion being evident on his pale features as he scans your expression up and down. has he already caught on to your little prank?

“first of all, who in their right mind would court you? and with some sappy flowers as well?”

you return his unamused gaze, finding him very unfunny.

“you do know that you're dating me, right?”

“unfortunately.” he clicks his tongue, further leaning towards your face, brows still furrowed as if he's trying to decipher something, gazing at you with an unreadable expression that has your resolve crumbling. “is this another one of your antics to get a rise out of me? if so, it's not working.”

his lips break out into a grin upon watching your eyes widen. but your shock doesn't last long—him immediately seeing through your silly scheme isn't an unexpected outcome, funnily enough.

“you're too serious sometimes.” you pout at him whilst he scoffs, “just humor me. what would you actually do if i managed to receive flowers from another?”

“it's simple—you can't.” comes his swift and confident reply, offending you as you stare at him incredulously, weighing the implication of his words.

“you speak of me like i'm the most unattractive person in teyvat—what do you mean i can't?”

“you're an idiot. would i have really chosen you if you were unattractive in any way?” he crosses his arms before facing you completely, indigo hues staring directly into yours.

“i already eliminated all those who dare steal you from me.”

...?

you freeze on the spot, processing what you've just heard.

“...excuse me?”

“—just kidding. i'm no longer that type of person, hah.” he huffs out a derisive laugh, yet his humorous farce does not meet his eyes.

not finding any comfort in his supposed testament of it only being a joke, you opt to stare at him confusingly in return. weirdo.

ALHAITHAM, much like the wanderer, catches on to the prank immediately. whether it's intuition, scarily precise deduction or just the way you generally act weird when it comes to lying to his face—he still figured you out in the end like it's nothing.

but unlike the wanderer, he decides to humor you and play along. what a good boyfriend.

“...you mean you didn't give me the flowers?” you flutter your lashes at him, a horrible and terribly inefficient way to convince him that the whole thing with the flowers is actually real. alhaitham suddenly has the rare urge to laugh. since when did you act like this?

alhaitham shifts in his seat. “no. who do you think it's from?”

“hm.” you hum thoughtfully, bringing a finger to your chin as if in deep thought. the scribe briefly wonders how far you're willing to take this joke. but he digresses—the chances of him actually getting mad at you are akin to that of kaveh finally shutting up—

“maybe kaveh? he grew an interest in flowers recently, so i've heard. maybe he sent some as like a sign of friendship or something along those lines...there's no way it means something else, riiiiiight?”

alhaitham pauses his train of thought.

speak of the devil.

momentarily doubting his conclusion that you're just pulling a prank, he quietly glowers at you as if silently telling you to take back your words.

“what about him?”

you immediately cower upon the drop in his tone—raising your arms in defense when alhaitham moves to stalk closer to you. “i was joking! i didn't get any flowers from anyone and last time i conversed with kaveh was when i—”

“let's go.” he grabs the back of your collar and drags you along, a newfound heavy weight in his footsteps as an indescribable and uncomfortable feeling creeps up on his neck.

“i really was just joking, 'haitham! i was bored and i wanted to annoy you for a bit! i swear!”

even if it wasn't true, the thought of kaveh gifting you flowers without his knowledge—

alhaitham's expression subconsciously turns sour. quite unlucky that you couldn't witness the extremely scarce sight of jealousy on your boyfriend as you are comically dragged against your will behind him.

“the nearest flower shop is just around the corner. tell me if anything piques your interest.” he says in way that has no room for argument. he is getting you flowers now.

KAVEH falls for it, obviously. not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed outside his designated profession, you see.

“i don't remember buying any flowers...” he mutters to himself, the gears in his head turning. it's almost laughable when he finally pieces your words together, a look of disbelief painfully present on his faxe but by some miracle, you resisted the urge to burst out in giggles right then and there. “wait...i didn't send any!”

“is that so...then who would send me flowers other than you?” you edge him on, instigating at its finest, much poking a sleeping bear with a stick while you circle it tauntingly.

an actual enraged kaveh is something you've never seen before, just some tantrums and endless ranting about some clients and his roommate. you've always wanted to see it—just not directed at you, hopefully.

“that's...ah, people already know you're dating me though, so it can't be someone hitting on you. maybe it's just from a relative or—”

“really?” you tilt your head, feigning a bit of confusion. “then i suppose i should keep these red roses then. i'll ask tighnari how to keep them alive, i guess.”

“w-wait, wait—could you repeat that?”

“hm?” you face him, “i'll ask tighnari?”

“no, the one before that.”

“...i'll keep the red roses?” you had to hold yourself back from grinning ear to ear when his eyes widen.

it's not unexpected that someone versed in the beauty of art would recognize one of the most common flower's meaning. quite the handy trivia.

he immediately stands up, grabbing your hand in tow as you yelp in surprise at his abruptness.

“kaveh?!”

“those flowers mean love! like, actual romantic love! i'll burn it for you right now! where'd you put it!?” the intensity of his ruby gaze sends shudders down your spine.

“it's not like i reciprocate it—”

“still, no one other than me should be sending those...!” kaveh tightens his grip on your hands, “i don't like the idea of someone hitting on you. i can't let anyone attempt to take you away from me...”

you blink. “kaveh...”

“—that's why show it to me now! or i'll bite you!”

“okay, okay! jeez...”

now...how are you going to break the news to him that it was actually yellow roses, and most definitely not from an admirer?

the biggest hater of my work is myself. wtf am i writing bruh ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

#can i just announce thag i only found out today that i am moots with LOCK????#literally screamed when i saw her name in my followers list #literally my inspiration for writing😭 one day ill write just like her i promise #for now enjoy my terrible vocabulary #genshin impact x reader #genshin drabbles #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #wanderer x reader #alhaitham x reader #kaveh x reader #kunikuzushi x reader #scaramouche x reader #har❗fiction

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