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schizosupport · 1 year

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So, how does being polyamorous and schizospec work for you?

In theory, I think polyamory is great and I started to require this of new partners which worked pretty well and help me to feel less trapped in relationships.

On the other hand, its seems quite hard to me to actually get multiple partners. As someone who is close enough to a cis-woman I tend to date only cis-men who show interest in me first, because its easy. I'm rarely interested long enough into people to start something and if I dont get quite strong positive feedback, I'm usually content with meeting them from time to time and fantasizing about a relationship.

Hi!

Hmm, how does being polyamorous and schizo spec work for me ... To be honest in a lot of ways I never thought about the intersection all that directly, though I have often thought about the intersection between polyamory and disability and neurodivergency, at least in my own case/cases.

And being that most of my disabilities are related to me being schizo spec, this certainly weighs in.

I have definitely found a tendency for neurodivergent people to thrive in polyamory, in my circles.. and I have a few theories for this..

First of all there's the fact that I just vibe better with other nd people, having a bunch of life experiences in common. So even if I was monogamous, I expect that my one partner would also be queer neurodivergent and/or disabled, because those are the people I'm most likely to connect with.

That said, non-monogamy is essential to all of my romantic relationships. For me this ties in with a couple of things. First of all, I'm not someone who has a super clear distinction between 'types of love', such as romantic vs. platonic. It's partially a choice, and there are differences, but I can't clearly conceptualise it. I'm deeply invested in the people I let into my 'circle'. Some of them are partners, others friends. But I love them intensely, I am very committed to helping them thrive, but I do not wish to be anyone's everything. Nor for anyone to be my everything.

To me, love tastes sweetest when shared. I don't like compulsive things and unspoken rules. Monogamy felt bad for me because it built on a number of unspoken assumptions. For example, when I suddenly found myself in a romantic relationship more or less for the first time at 22. And suddenly me and a friend of mine's fun little bonding activity of sexual fooling around turned into something that would be breaking an unspoken promise to this whole other person with nothing to do with that relationship. And it got me thinking further, in the same way, if I met another person that I fell for, I would have to break someone's heart.. mine or my previous partner.. It was so complicated and stressful to me, because even if I wasn't in love with anyone else, and me and that friend were just fooling around, the feeling of how -to me- inherently positive things had turned into inherently harmful shameful things that would hurt someone I loved, was horrible.

So next time I went into a relationship I did so with someone who had the same desire for nonmonogamy. We both ID'ed as ace at the time, and the relationship was/is explicitly a non-sexual romantic open relationship. We've been together since 2015. To me at the time the time, the important thing was that I had the option to engage with other people on that level if I wanted to, but I had no inherent desire to do so.

I've never pursued any relationship in my life (platonic or romantic) for the sake of the relationship, I've only ever pursued a specific person.

At a point I lost touch with/broke up with a close friend of mine, and I found that I was lacking some connection in my life. My gf is a person with low social energy, and it was never in the cards for them to fulfill all my social needs, and they had always been open about not having a desire to move in together or stuff like that. It was not fair for me to expect them to compromise themself just because I was lonely.

That's the point I started actively looking for people to connect with. I didn't have a clear idea on whether this would be platonic or romantic, but I desired more people to share my love with. During this time, I met a number of people who would go on to become very important people in my life. One became a romantic partner quickly, others later, some stayed friends, but they are all important people in my life today.

At this point in time I live with with two people (+alters), I'm still dating my gf from 2015 who lives alone, I have another remote qpp/gf and I have a couple of best friends.

And I don't think it's a coincidence that not a single person in this whole picture is neurotypical. I'm sure this is not universal, but to me and my partners, in a way, polyamory is also an accommodation.

We all have needs for support and needs for solitude and rest, that are above average. Gf of 2015 needs for solitude clash with my need for social support, so if we had to be everything for each other, the relationship could not last. Likewise, with the people I live with. Being three people, the likelihood that at least one of is functional to do The Thing is higher. If someone is having an extra bad time, the two others can take turns in providing care. We have different abilities and disabilities, and we can set up our life in a way so no one has to try to deal with the thing that they are worst at.

And that's just the practical aspects. Emotionally, I perceive a connection too. We all find the distinction between romantic and platonic nebulous, and we all don't like unspoken rules. So we thrive in a 'system' where a relationship label is just a word to simplify to outsiders, and where we work together to define the actual roles/rules inside the relationship together as we go along.

I don't know if that answers anything, sorry for the meandering walk through haha..

To anon I will say this.. It sounds like polyamory appeals to you, and it sounds like the idea of a relationship appeals to you, but it also sounds like you haven't really met anyone you want to do it with. Am I right?

I think it's great that you know yourself well enough to know that you would like your partner to be polyamorous or at least open to non-monogamy. But it's not enough of a requirement so to say. The most important requirement in a partner is that it's someone you would like to spend time with. Someone you want to care about and someone you want to open up with. If you are not personally invested in THE PERSON beyond the idea of a relationship with someone, I think you are right not to force yourself to put more energy into it.

If you meet someone who is personally interesting to you, where you are curious to learn more about them, to integrate them further into your life, then the motivation to deepen the relationship will likely come with it.

It could also be that you are like my OG gf, and the relationship you desire is in fact one in which you don't have to aspire to spend all your time with the person. It is not a lesser way to love someone - to take it slow and build trust and companionship over time. But there as well, if the desire to form the connection isn't there, then it might be that it's not the right person for you.

You said that you are close enough to a cis woman, so you just go out with the cis guys who approach you as such. I will say as a word of advice, that there are many sweet and respectful cis guys out there, but nevertheless your chance of finding the gem of a person that you will want to connect with over time, is smaller if your only sample is 'cis guys who write me first'. Not impossible, just smaller.

I don't know if you are into people of other gender configurations, but if you are, a trade secret is that most non-cis-guys struggle with reaching out first, and will likely be very interested in talking to you if you reach out first. This is also true of a bunch of cis guys actually, especially if they are shy or have low self esteem.

In any case, I think that taking an approach to dating where YOU are actively looking for people who you are curious to know more about, and reaching out to them, can be a good idea.

As someone perceived as a cis girl, often there is no shortage of cis guys reaching out to you, simply because 'he was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it aanymore obvious'. And they know 'women' get a lot of messages, so many take the approach of contacting as many as possible, hoping to hear back, but as a result they put less effort into finding the people they are most interested in (due to diminishing returns).

Therefor if you are presenting as a cis woman, especially in online dating, the path of least resistance is to write back to some of the guys who approach you first. But they make up a small sample of the people who would actually be interested in talking to you, and an even smaller sample of the people you would actually be interested in getting to know.

So my recommendation would be to focus less on wanting a relationship, and focus more on finding interesting people you would like to have in your life, and then see where things go from there.

Or if you find that you are actually happy with the current state of affairs, and that fantasizing about a deeper relationship without pursuing deeper relationships in reality is in fact how you like it at the moment, there's nothing inherently wrong with that at all.

I hope my answer was a little helpful. Best of wishes!

#polyamory #sex mention cw #dating

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rot-room · 10 months

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6-23-23

I feel like i am in a bad dream for the last 72 hrs. Im gonna share to document these trying times. Woke up so sick 2-3 nights ago (time does not exist rn). I thought it was usual anxiety/ssri symptoms but turned out to be much worse (food poisoning?) Was up all night on phone with mom. Next day i had shakes/chills/fever and body ache all over. Was too afraid to take my ssri for 2 days.

All of this is happening, and i was also following the news about the submarine, for some reason. Felt like a descent into insanity, me rotting in this room soaked in sweat and heart racing. Honestly, i have felt like that one scene in trainspotting:

Anxiety is unbearable because you start to fear the fear itself. The worst part of my illness aside from the crushing nausea and stomach distress was the fear that came with it. I have severe emetophobia. The worst part of my anxiety is that it never stops. I am constantly afraid. I am afraid of being afraid, i am afraid of losing control. It is a never-ending cycle. The last two nights i fell asleep with my mom on the line. Just to be safe. She yelled at me two days ago and i cried like a child. A sick child. Sobbing and shaking in pain and making it worse for myself and none of the 'grown ups' in my life being gentle with me while i feel like i wounded bird. i called the nurse hotline and she put me thru to a doctor. The nurse seemed like she thought i was dying. I did too, as i originally thought i had serotonin syndrome. The doctor was very nice, she told me i am Not dying, and i can keep taking my meds. I am grateful for the doctor on the phone for being gentle with me, as i was crying while we talked.

I have been playing a moth game to keep me distracted and i love it, nd i have become even more fascinated with caterpillars and moths

woke up last night at 3am having a panic attack. The worst part is, once i start having a panic attack i start to panic about how i am panicking.

My heart was beating so hard and i could anticipate the nausea and tingly face that would come with it but i knew if i kept this cycle up i will die. I can't even say for sure how much of my sickness was sickness and how much was a fear response. It all started to blend together into one big nightmare.

i thought for once, hey i will actually do something productive instead of crumbling apart like a million shards of broken short circuited machinery thats frantically thrashing and quivering and oozing toxic waste.

so i took some deep breaths. the 4-7-8 deep breaths. and miraculously within a few minutes my heart was slowing down. that really is the biggest culprit for me; the racing heart. It is the poisoned root that opens the pandoras box of symptoms. The nausea the shaking the salivating the tingling the hyperventilating. If i can slow the racing heart i can cut off those symptoms before they spiral out of control. And i stopped it. It was hard because i took gravol before and i was in a half-coma state. Trying to calm a panic attack while drowsy is very very scary. But i did it. And i had two other panic attacks today. And i stopped them myself. Now that i was so sick i feel like i stood in the gates of hell and the most comforting thing to tell myself when i am panicking is, "whats the worst that can happen?" Because the worst part of all of it, was the fear. The anxiety spiralling out of control. The sickness was horrible on its own but the fear only exacerbated it. I need to get a hold on it.

this battle with anxiety and panic disorder controls my life. sometimes more than other times. I dont keep many secrets and i am an open book, but nobody in my life except maybe my mother will ever know the extent to which my GAD and panic disorder and emetophobia(and presumably OCD) controls me. I am dying. I am dying at work i am dying when i am with my friends, when i am laughing i am dying when i am sleeping i am dying. Because of my fear and panic. I cannot do it anymore. I need to win. I can do it. I cannot spiral anymore. I am not alive i am surviving. I am more afraid and alert than a caveman hiding from predators millions of years ago. I feel everything constantly. All the pain all the fear i feel it all.

I have seen this photo more in the last three days than i have seen another human, eaten food, got out of bed,

When i look at this, i see a lovecraftian monster. I dont wanna talk about current events but sometimes things happen and i fixate on them when i am already in a dark place and this is one of them. Maybe its because i am so afraid right now, and i cant think of anything more terrifying than being in a tiny tube in the bottom of the ocean that implodes in on itself. The last three days i have been sick and i have not left my bed and i have not eaten and i have been scared to take my meds and i have gone back and forth from my bed and a cold shower. I have panicked so much. Such catastrophe, such fear. It lives inside of me. I dont know if i have anything poetic to say about the sub. I have just been morbidly obsessing over the situation and it felt like something i needed to mention in my memoir of the last fucked up three days. when i think of this transitional, dark time i will think of the sub, and vice versa. Rest in peace Suleman.

I watched Bound (1996) last night on the couch in the dark, it was on cable. I loved this movie so much. It felt like a light in the darkness. I hope one day i can have a girlfriend. I hope girls are real. That sure would be cool.

I hope i can get better. I really, really want to. If i do not stop being afraid i will die. I will die anyway but, the fear will kill me much too soon and very painfully. I cannot live like this forever. And i won't, because I am brave and i have lived to tell everything up until now. I will be okay. I will be okay. I will be okay. I love you, i forgive you, thank you.

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emile-hides · 3 years

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H*lding H*nds Imagines

I am once again making content for me and me alone because I have an unhealthy obsession for BNHA blond boys

BNHA Blond Boys X GN!Reader h*nd h*lding moments

Characters: All Might, Present Mic, Fatgum, Twice, Aoyama, Ojiro, Kaminari, Bakugo, Honenuki, Monoma, Mirio

All Might

Knuckle brush

You handed him things before

Stacks of papers to grade, coffee after a long day, a napkin when he goes into a coughing fit

But something about this time turns his face a deep red

He withdrew quickly, in a jerking manner that dragged more attention than you’re sure he meant it to

He cleared this throat and thanked you quietly before shuffling off

It took a few moments to really set on you

You’d made contact

Such little contact you’d barely even felt it

He was cold, his skin rough and calloused, wrinkled and dry

How you managed to notice so much with such brief contact is astounding

And also incomparable to how much he noticed

He’s thinking about it all day, glancing at where the contact was made, shuffling, flushing to himself, holding his knuckles to his lips

Do it on purpose next time you hand him a stack of papers and he’ll drop them

Present Mic

In a crowd

It’s LOUD

You and Hizashi are trying to get home after a live show

The crowd is huge and still hyped from the concert

The quarters are tight, the space is limited, and without his towering hair spike it’s hard to keep track of your loud blond

Eventually a strong clasp from a hand horribly decorated in rings, fingerless gloves, and black nail polish claps on your wrist as your continued to be pulled though a crowd

When the world finally starts to calm and you have room to breath his hand slides to connect to your palm

Fingers intertwine with yours as a series of “Y’all good?”s start, followed quickly by an excited narration of the chaos that just ensued

He’d taken your hand so causally you barely even noticed

The two of you walked in a much calmer crowd, hand in hand, as Hizashi randomly picked bystanders out of his vocal range and made up their life stories to tell you

Fatgum

Big hands

You laid idly on the couch in Fatgum’s office, the interns long sense gone home

A pile of paperwork blocked your view of your hard working hero as he sat at his desk

You slumped and slid off the couch, boredom rising as you phone lie dead on the table nearby

A loud groan drives a “Just a bit longer, gumdrop” from behind the piles of unfinished work, a bit longer could be years for all you cared

Sliding across the hardwood floor on your back, you found yourself beside Taishiro’s desk, looking up at him from an angle you were rather use to

He was focused, with a smile still on his face as he worked, writing with one hand, the other causually turning Takoyaki in the grill built into his desk

You sat up, watching quietly. He was typically pretty observant, but he may not yet have noticed your approach

When his hand stopped turning and released, you took your chance

Both your hands snatched his wrist, sitting up a bit to rest yourself on his lap, you examined his large palm

He chuckled, “What’cha doin’, cupcake?”

His hand was massive in your own, enough to make anyone feel like a child. It could engulf you, hold half your torso and still have a pinkie to spare

You pressed on his palm, he hummed and returned to work, leaving you to admire as you pleased

His knuckles were scarred, several gashes and scrapes from punching at materials harder than even his fat could handle

Old burns from cooking, white spots on his finger tips from a time before he learned patients

You leaned back on him, holding his hand in your own, and watched him work

He seemed much more blissed from your company

Twice

Not enough hands

Jin’s a very physical person

He hangs off you every chance he can get, coddling and loving on you

He finds it annoying

So it’s not surprise as you two settled down for a movie night he was instantly on your lap like a cat

He lays over you like a blanket, limbs tangled every which way, head on your chest, looking at you more than the movie

One of your hands lay idly by your head, that one he has his own over, fingers tangled messily, almost uncomfortably

His other arm trapped under you, a hug from below, resting also uncomfortably against your spine

Leaving your free hand to tangle in his hair, a rare sight to have his mask off, though it probably wouldn’t last the whole movie, it should be cherished until then

When you notice his staring at you more than the screen, you choose to join him

You slide your hand from his hair to his cheek, he leans into it with the most lovestruck puppydog look a man his age could muster

He then starts to fidget around, moving like he’s stuck

It doesn’t take long from there for him to start getting frustrated with himself, splitting an argument for two between just him

You gently lift his head to regain eye contact and ask what’s wrong

He nearly starts crying

“I want to hold your cheek too but I don’t have enough hands!!”

He’s not willing to remove your hand from his hold or pull his other arm out from under you to compromise his own needs

He does eventually start crying over his lack of extra limbs to love you with

Aoyama

Standing ovation

Roaring applause rippled thought the auditorium

It wasn’t a big show, or a big stage, but it was your first written play, and seeing it go over so well was enough to bring a tear to your eyes

You joined the audience in standing to applause as the actors took the stage for the final bow

Only the lead, your star, wasn’t there with them

You blinked once, twice, three times before panic set in

There’s no way Yuga Aoyama would miss the chance to stand center stage in a spotlight. If he wasn’t on stage something must have happened

You tried your best not to look around too fervently, not wanting to startle anyone else

When a hand clasped yours

“And let’s not forget the playwright~✨”

Before you could question how he said that with his mouth, you were dragged onto the stage by your previously mentioned star, with his own mic in hand you don’t remember giving him

He held your arm up above his head as he runway walked his way along the stage, you closely in toe

You were going to go on stage eventually but you’d planned to be a lot more quiet about it, when more people had left early not wanting to sit though the applause

But instead, here you were, center stage, hand held high like you’d just won a boxing match by your own and only Aoyama

How he could stand being this bright all the time way beyond you

For now though, it was rather nice

Ojiro

Lost and found

You stepped out of your class stretching, ready for a well deserved lunch break when you heard your classmates muttering

“Isn’t he from the hero course?”

“What’s he doing?”

Being nosy wasn’t usually your strong suit, but the mutterings has peaked your interest

You followed the eyes of those speaking to find a blond boy sitting in the floor of the hall, knees pulled to his chest to keep his legs from disrupting the flow of traffic, with his tail resting over his feet to protect them from being stepped on

He smiled and gave a light wave to your class as the dispersed

You alone approached him, curiosity peaking. Why was he sitting out here in the hall?

When question he very sheepishly answered, “I, uh.. I got lost on my way to class”

There was several things wrong with that

Number one being, he’d been at this school half a year now. He has one classroom, a big classroom, in the hero course. It’s not easy to miss??

Number two, it was noon. Lunchtime. He has one classroom. How long had he been lost???

These questions had answers and he was, while slightly embarrassed, happy to share he had, in fact, been lost all morning. Not just in finding his class, but also in finding the exit to the building, any teachers he knew, or his phone to call for help

You began to feel sorry for the guy, as this seemed to be a common occurrence in his daily life

With a sigh, you offered your hand to help him up

It was lunch, for all courses, so surely he’d see his hero course classmates in the cafeteria. No one turns up Lunchrush’s food after all

He smiled and took your hand, lifting himself from the floor with a thankyou

“I’m Ojiro, by the way. You are...?”

He was rather polite to talk to the entire walk, his grip on your hand was soft, gentle, and his smile never seemed to waver

Kaminari

Swing yer partner round and round

“Oh this is my JAM!”

Mina excitedly turned up your shitty little radio before kicking herself up off the floor, grabbing Sero all in one quick motion

The two danced horribly off beat, you quickly guess Mina had never heard this song before in her life, just wanted to get moving

“Come on you two, it’s dance break time!”

You found yourself enraptured with her energy, already forgetting the homework you all were doing

Kaminari took your hand much like how Mina took Sero’s and began to dance just as off beat and spuratic as queen pinkie had

You laughed, stumbling with every step, same as the others, the giggling energy filling a previously silent room

Denki’s fingers dug into your knuckles as he smirked, suddenly spinning on his heel and dragging you with him

The two of you became a tornado in your tiny dorm room, barely keeping from knocking into your tea table as you spun like a couple of children

You could hear Mina cheer and laugh, a brief glanced told you Sero was recording this silly moment

You looked across the way at your dance partner

Spinning, laughing his head off like this was the most fun he’d ever had, eyes closed, caring not for his surroundings

You decided to let go

The momentum sent you both toppling, you safely into Mina, who was more then ready to catch you

Denki got the much less desirable aforementioned tea table, which sent him toppling backwards over the also aforementioned homework

If you all could have laughed any louder, you would

Bakugo

Sweaty hands

You always knew when Bakugo was going to hold your hand

He may think he’s smooth, wiping his hand on the pocket of his pants before reaching behind himself to grab at you

But you’d always notice

It was a good indicator you were walking too slow for his liking, or the area up ahead was crowed, or that he simply felt you were too far away

You couldn’t initiate holding hands, when he didn’t actively want to be in contact he’d keep his hands shoved deep in his pockets

So you just had to wait for him to wipe himself off and reach for you

You were free to wrap yourself around his arm whenever, though

He’ll look pissed, but won’t say a word

And if you move away, he’ll wipe his hand on his pants, and offer it to you, a silent plea for you to come back

Honenuki

Magic hands

You stretched out over the couch of the 1-B common room with a whine, the rest of your class in a similar state

Training was hell today, sparing with class 1-A was never a joke, and with Monoma egging the whole game up to be more than it should have been, it all just escalated to a point you all wish it hadn’t

“Alright, next.”

Honenuki, a godsend, your blessed angel, helped Tsuburaba off the second common room couch, his typically wide eyes closed and relaxed as he wobbled his way across the room

You happily took his place, stretching out on your stomach before your classmate with the magic powers of massage

His hands pressed into your back and you instantly relaxed, letting out a low hum as you snuggled the pillow under your chin

Honenuki returned your hum, his hands pressing into all your tenses spots, almost instantly releasing them from their knots

You’d probably have fallen asleep, if it wasn’t over so fast

He had the entire class to get though after all, though he hated to rush an art form

You took his hand as he helped you stand, the actual minute of his touch enough to wobble your legs

Kissing his knuckle and thanking him for sharing his magic, you found yourself plopped peacefully on the couch beside Tsuburaba

Honenuki chuckled at you as he called next, happy to be of service

Monoma

He’s showing off

You’d known for a while now Monoma didn’t know how to shut the fuck up

He’d brag about anything, over anyone, to everyone

He’d always loudly bragged about how much better his class was, how much stronger his friendships were, how absolutely amazing his partner was

You being said partner didn’t make said bragging less annoying

The two of you had been together less than an hour and he was already boasting about your perfection to all who would hear

Some genuine, loving, almost gaggingly sweet comments

Others just to rub it in the face of class 1-A as much as possible

A week into this relationship and people were starting to think you must be come kind of god with how Monoma spoke about you

You’d been on two dates with the guy

Now here you were, holding his hand on the walk to class, and regretting every step

As every single person who passed must take note of the fact you were holding his hand

And also must be aware how blessed he is to be holding your hand in return

And really you started to understand the concerned look Kendo gave you when you told her you’d agreed to date Neito Monoma

Still his words were genuine, no matter how they came across, and he truly had a million and one things to say about you

So you could hold though the embarrassment his overexcited bragging may cause

He just wants to show you off

Mirio

Quietly

You sat by his bed side, holding gently to his limp hand

Moments ago he was inconsolable, crying and screaming his lungs out

His quirk gone

His teacher gone

Everything he worked so hard for seemed to vanish in an instant

His grip, still so strong, had left your hand bruised, circulation cut off

It wasn’t a concern you really had

Sleeping, his pain was still so obvious

Bags under his eyes, dried streaks of tears still down his keeps

And your hand still tightly gripped in his

What would happen next, where he would go, who you all would become

They were all problems for the future

Tomorrow you could work on a solution

Tonight, you could hold his hand

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thequeenindisguise · 3 years

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SOMEWHERE IN NEVERLAND (ICHIRUKI AU)

Here it is! My first and probably last entry for Ichiruki Month 2021... to be more specific, it’s for Day 11 with the prompt “What do you dream of?”

I think the last time I participated was like, what? Five years ago? Yikes. I didn’t even improve haha and okay, I know somewhere, sometime ago, someone has already done this AU though. And this was based off the amazing work of jon-lock from deviant art so this would look like crap next to his work. I mean I suck at coloring and at a bunch of other things, I know! But I just really felt like doing this.

I was actually thinking of writing a fic about it, but if I’m the one doing it, it’s probably going to be multi-chaptered and I just can’t commit to that. So if you know of any fics or fanart with the same theme, hope you can link them to me 😊 I’d really love to dive myself in them.

But despite saying that, it didn’t stop me from writing this silly one-shot called Somewhere In Neverland feel free to read and review there, if you have the time.

And now, if you read through all that, thank you so much for your time! Be safe, hope you enjoy the rest of your day and the rest of Ichiruki Month :D

And now for some more story time, you don’t need to read through this. It will be just me sharing some personal stuff… So feel free to move on with your life without this. Seriously. You can stop here if you just accidentally pressed the keep reading button, you are forgiven 😊

Oh… you’re still reading? Okay, then. So I’ve been really depressed lately, more on because my current job sucks, I just lost the opportunity to get my dream job, the pandemic’s still on-going and I just feel like nothing’s really going on with my life (T.T) I’m broke AF, it’s hard to fall asleep, my face is all pimply, I’ve gained a lot of weight and basically, this is just a low point for me.

Okay, I know that there are other people with much bigger problems than what I’m going through right now so I just try to deal with it on my own. I made a fanart, just to feel like I’m focusing on something and I actually finished the thing just to ease my mind of my worries. It was kinda therapeutic and I kind of like the feeling of actually accomplishing something. And I even mustered up the courage to join the discord server for IR. My anti-social ass was proud of that. I was even thinking of posting this fanart there just to show everyone that I really appreciate them for welcoming me but at the last minute I chickened out but ended up posting it here? I don’t know either. I’m weird like that. Even though everyone there seemed really fun and supportive, I just… didn’t want to ruin the vibe with my negative aura (the latest chapter was enough to trigger everyone. Didn’t wanna add to that).

Anyway, thinking about these past horrible days and listening to some really sad songs, because why not add to the drama? I was listening to one song about running away to “Neverland” and it got me thinking wouldn’t it be great if I were to just stay a kid forever? That way I wouldn’t have to deal with the pressures of adulthood. Then I thought about Wendy from Neverland and somehow I remembered that on that 2nd Disney movie, she grew up. And to confirm it, I just had to search for that clip on youtube. And yes, it was the part where Peter saw her as an adult and oh god, I kid you not, I started bawling. One, because I didn’t realize that I ship them… oops… and I wondered if Wendy, even as an adult, ever thought of what it’d be like if she had stayed in Neverland. Then I also found this deleted scene from the live action movie which showed Peter reuniting with her, hoping to take her back but he couldn’t anymore because she’s all grown up, and he was so heartbroken by it but then she introduces him to her daughter, with who he takes with him (weird? Maybe that was why it was deleted haha).

And so, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and as always I ended up thinking about Bleach and IR because of the new chapter and all (which wasn’t released yet back then). And I wondered what would it be like if they were in Peter pan and Wendy’s shoes—but first off, I didn’t think Ichigo would fit the role of not growing up because I don’t know, despite being a teen, he looked matured and kinda scary? Kids would never go with him. He’ll be better as the Grinch of Christmas because kids would probably feel like they’ll be bullied even though he’s a nice guy. And so I realize, oh it’s better if we switch them up and make Rukia Peter Pan because she’d be looking young forever while Ichigo grows old (which was what I was expecting from Bleach but somehow they all seem to be aging at the same time now, with all the marriages and the making babies or whatever) And to parallel the manga I realized that maybe having Ichigo live his life (in the world of the living) and have a family would probably be something that Rukia would be really proud of and would be happy to see (Okay, hold up. Just to be clear, I still don’t like the ending for so many other reasons but if it had to go down with Ichigo making a family WITHOUT Rukia then this better be the damn reason for it and that’s to protect him by making him live a normal and safe life before they reunite again in SS. I rest my case.).

And so I connect all this to Day 11 – What do you dream of? Because, well, since the prompt really is up to interpretation… it can be like a “dream” in life? Or just maybe a dream at night? Anyway, this is what I dreamt of literally. Again, I’ve been thinking about it all the time lately so I had to let it out. And of course, in relation to IR and in this AU setting, they probably dream of being together too (both in life and at night haha) <3

And that’s about it. I just want to leave this long message here so that when the time comes that I feel so much better, I’ll know what I was going through behind this not-so-good-but-a-little-better-than-my-other-works-so-far fanart and that one-shot that I tried my best to write despite my writing skills being very rusty, and know that it will be alright someday and that I’ll probably get through it whatever it was that I’m going through at this moment.

If you’ve reached until the end then wow. Bless your kind soul really and hope you have a great dinner and of course, thank you for lending me your ears or eyes (since you had to read). I may not know you but I really, really appreciate your time 😊

#deathberry #irmonth2021 #what do you dream of #IchiRuki #IchiRuki Forever #ichiruki month #ichiruki fanart #ichiruki fanfic #ichigo kurosaki #Rukia Kuchiki #my heart still aches #give me some love

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oh-katsuki · 2 years

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Hi, I need genuine advice, I hope you don't mind me asking this.

My moot suddenly blocked me on all social media, we have been friends for ages, nd we supported each other in everything, they were very close to me and our last conversation was normal, so I am feeling quite horrible, I am feeling so so hurt, so I was wondering, what would you do?

hi darlin' <33 i'm not exactly sure what's going on, but it could be a lot of different things.

first of all, i want to say that im sorry that's happening. that's a really tough situation to be in. I know how it feels and it really sucks.

your friend my be having a hard time right now and maybe needed to cut off communication for a little while. it's not exactly a healthy coping mechanism, but it's possible that they just need a little space and didn't know how to ask for it.

it's also incredibly popular that they felt the need to do it for mental health or well being reasons. for a lot of people, having mutuals / online friends is a great way to cope when things irl are hard, but it can also become a distraction from your life. i've had plenty of friends leave / block me / delete apps for that reason, rather than something personal.

honestly, im not sure what to tell you because i have no idea about the circumstances of your friendship and stuff like that is really nuanced because each person is entitled to their own feelings. i'd say just give it a bit of time and let things settle and if things haven't changed in a few days, reach out (if you can) and ask if there was anything you did to upset them, then listen if they tell you.

the most you can do for your friend right now is give some space and show them you care after having a little time to cool off. most of the time, we don't know every aspect of our friends' lives or emotions, so giving yourself and them a bit of time to process is a good thing.

but regardless of the outcome, it's going to be okay. you and your friend will be alright together or separate, even though it sucks right now.

i hope this helped and i hope things work out, nonnie <33

#[ 🏩 – chatting ]#this is such a crappy situation #i really do hope things get better and you guys can talk it out #but even if you don't #you're going to be okay #just do what you can for them now and take it one step at a time #[ ♠️ – advice ]

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descendantofthesparrow · 3 years

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Encore - POYW - Harry Hook x reader - Part 24 - Sisters

you and Harry woke up to loud knocks on Harry's room door, you had decided to stay the night at the ship since your room was just so damn warm and Harry's room was nice and cool. You glanced at the clock on Harry's wall and sighed, it seemed you had slept in a bit as the clock read 12:30 pm.

Harry sighed and sat up, standing from the bed and walking over to his door, creaking it open and yelping as he was pushed back by a blonde and red blur “Hi CJ” Harry grunted out, CJ laughing as she pushed off of him and skipped over to you, Harriet entering the room a moment later “Harriet, what do yeh want?”

“We’re stealing your fiancé, (y/n) get dressed, CJ keep Harry down” CJ leaped over your body and slammed down onto Harry, trapping him to the mattress.

“Oi!” Harry snapped, ripping his arm out of CJ’s grip and pushing her face, glaring at Harriet as she walked over to you and pulled you out of the bed “No! She's mine! Leave ‘er alone!”

CJ and Harriet shared a dangerous smile and CJ pinned Harry to the bed again “Quick get her dressed so we can escape!” Harry let out a snarl as you quietly laughed, grabbing a red shirt and black jeans. Stepping into your bathroom to quickly get dressed, popping your head back out to grab a bra and socks.

You sluggishly got dressed and stepped back out to the bedroom to put your shoes on, laughing again as Harriet and CJ held Harry down to the floor, CJ sitting on his back and arms as Harriet held down his legs.

“Okay okay, don’t kill him, he is a good pillow, and I’d rather not lose the warmth” Harry pouted at you as his sisters snickered and got off him.

“Oh, no ‘oh please don’t kill Harry, I love him’ or ‘please don’t kill Harry, I'd rather not lose him’ no all I get is ‘I’m a good pillow’? really?” you let out a quiet laugh and finished zipping up your boots, leaning down to kiss Harry's cheek and ruffling his hair.

“Yep, and I’ll be back later, bye!” CJ dragged you out of the room, Harriet closing the door behind her as Harry continued to pout.

A few hours later, you sat outside an ice cream parlor, spooning (fav ice cream) into your mouth as CJ sipped at her chocolate and mint shake with Oreos. Harriet walked out of the shop with her fresh waffle cone strawberry cheesecake and sat down next to you, licking her lips slightly.

“You’re welcome” you chuckled, smiling teasingly as Harriet glared at you before she stuck a spoon into the ice cream and shoved it in her mouth, CJ continuing to enjoy her shake. “So other than the reason you gave earlier” that being them just wanting to hang out because they hardly got to hang out with you “Why did you want to hang out with me today?”

“We have to pick up my suit and CJ’s dress from the tailor, thought you might want to see ‘em or something” Harriet muttered, keeping her eyes on her ice cream.

You hummed and nodded, you would like to see them, to make sure they worked with what you had planned. “Sounds fun, what time is pick up?”

Harriet pulled out her phone “at two, it's one now so we got about an hour but the place is pretty far away from here, so-“ Harriet turned to you and raised her brow “-you mind driving us there, after we finish?”

You nodded, spooning the last of your ice cream in your mouth and tossing the cup into the trash “Sure”

You couldn’t help the grin on your face as CJ stepped out of the dressing room, she admired herself in the tall mirror, spinning around and her scarlet skirt flaring with her. Her black top was detailed with lace and was separated from her high waisted skirt that stopped just above her knees. “Look’s amazing CJ, I think we picked the perfect one for you” you hummed, laughing as CJ bounded over to you and slammed into your side as she sat next to you.

“I think this is the first time she's worn a dress and actually liked it” Harriet huffed, smirking at you and CJ as CJ discovered the pockets on her skirt. The tailor came out from the back, handing Harriet a maroon and black suit and gesturing to the dressing room.

The tailor gave you and CJ a smile and went back to the front to tend to her other customers. You and CJ talked about the wedding plans as Harriet changed, and a few minutes later Harriet emerged from the dressing room. her suit jacket was maroon and her dress shirt and pants were black. CJ wolf-whistled, standing and bounding over to her sister, grinning up at her “Wow Hettie, you look amazing!”

Harriet gave a shy smile and nodded, looking down at her jacket and pulling down the sleeves “Thanks, I think it turned out good” you grinned and that and stood, walking over to the girls and tugging at the lapels of Harriet's jacket.

“It turned out great, it's perfect…thank you, both of you. I know we don’t really interact much but thank you for trusting me with your brother, I know how protective you both are over him” Harriet and CJ smiled, Harriet pulling you in for a side hug as CJ wrapped her arms around your waist.

“Thank you for taking care of him, I never thought he’d find someone like you, but I’m glad he did. I can't wait to call you our sister” CJ nodded in agreement, and squeezed your waist, pulling back and walking to the dressing room to change back into her clothes.

“Let's go get something to eat! Im starving!” You and Harriet shared a look and shook your heads.

“That’s CJ for ya, always hungry” Harriet laughed, sitting down on the couch and waiting for CJ to be done changing so she could do the same.

“yep…Taco Bell sound good?”

“Hell yeah”

Harry started as a cold sensation pressed against his cheek and he quickly sat up, looking behind him to see you, smiling down at him and holding a cup filled with Pepsi “I got Taco Bell for you” Harry grinned and took the soda, drawing his legs in from the couch to let you sit down next to him and taking the paper bag from you as you handed it to him.

“Thank yeh love” Harry purred, taking out the cheese rolls and humming, he hadn’t eaten yet that day so he was very happy to finally have something in his belly.

“You’re welcome~” you sang back, taking (food) out of the bag and unwrapping it, biting down on it and turning to pay attention to the tv, where Harry had turned on Captain America; The First Avenger. “Good choice”

Harry just hummed around his food, pulling you into his side and the two of you settled down to watch the movie.

“hard ta believe we’re getting married in twenty days” Harry chuckled, helping you put away the washed dishes from dinner. You stopped, looking up at the calendar on the wall and laughing.

May 2nd, wow it really was only twenty days from today. “Well how bout that” you murmured, closing the dishwasher and starting it, walking over to Harry and wrapping your arms around him, setting your chin on his shoulder “Only twenty days till you’re mine forever” Harry laughed and turned in your grip, pressing a soft kiss to your lips and nose.

“Only twenty days till I can finally call yeh Mrs. Hook” Harry purred back, lifting you off your feet and spinning you around, setting you back down and pressing one last kiss to your nose. “I love yeh” Harry whispered, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to yours.

“I love you too” you hummed back, kissing his jaw and slipping out of his arms, going over to the fridge grabbing two ice cream sandwiches, and tossing one to Harry, nodding towards the living room “one more movie?” Harry grinned and nodded, walking in and jumping over the couch, bouncing his leg as he waited for you.

“Oh, by the way,” Harry started, curling his arm around your shoulder as you sat next to him and curling into his side “All the invitations got sent out.” You perked up at that and swallowed down the bite of ice cream.

“Awesome! Did you keep one?“ Harry smirked and nodded, standing from the couch and walking into the kitchen, grabbing a card from the counter and walking back over to you, handing you the card and sitting down as you admired the invitation.

“I still love it, I think we picked a good design” Harry nodded in agreement, leaning over your shoulder slightly to look at the invitation.

The top was printed with watercolor waves at sunset, the bottom blocked with gold with white lettering detailing the date, time, and place of your wedding.

“only twenty days” Harry hummed, picking up the remote and turning on another movie, curling his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his side, smiling as you cuddled into him and rested your head in the crook of his neck. “twenty days” you echoed, raising your brow slightly as the movie began to play. “Hook?”

“aye…what it’s a good movie!”

-end of part 24-

Note; I was writing this on the 2nd so that’s why the fic says “twenty days” instead of nineteen

24 parts! Woow!!! And the next part will be on the 22nd! The wedding! After the wedding, this series will officially be finished and the OG part of your world will be over! 😊 thank you all so much for coming with me on this journey and sticking with me through my horrible 2018-2019 writing. Again I will be rewriting Part of your world and Reprise because I want to (and rewriting some parts of Encore because the first 10-15 parts are fucking awful) and I’ll be starting on it after I finish encore, but I probably won't start posting until Rewrite(AU) D3 is finished so im not working on a thousand stories at once.

So Part of your world 2.0 will be coming after Finale - Rewrite is concluded so I can focus solely on POYW 2.0 :3 again thank you all so much for reading and soon, Mr. and Mrs. Hook will soon be introduced~!!!

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@musicarose @verboetoperee

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@rintheemolion @thecaptainsgingersnap

@jatp-rules-my-life @imtryingthisout

#Descendents #descendants #disney descendants #harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #encore #part of your world #reprise #wedding prep chapters

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himbo-the-clown · 3 years

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Okay yes I’m Jewish Father Brown posting again but I don’t yet have the time/energy to write my Jewish Inspectors fic and I want to project my Jewish Feelings onto these men so hear me out

Not only are all the inspectors Jewish, but they all deal with being Jewish in a heavily Catholic post-war small village in a different way

Valentine:

He’s kind of come to terms with the fact that antisemitism is just... part of his life. It’s gonna happen. He won’t actively antagonise anyone or flaunt that he’s Jewish, but he’s also not about to pretend to be xtian either

Yes he’s an atheist, yes he’s Jewish, no those two aren’t incompatible and he will be pissy about it if you ask him how he can be both. He’ll answer you, sure, but he’ll make it Very Clear he doesn’t appreciate it

Generally, he’s Not Here To Educate the xtians about Judaism

When he first meets Sullivan there’s a sort of moment of Recognition. He makes sure as he’s leaving to drop a hint that he’s also Jewish. Just so Sullivan knows that he’ll at least mostly be safe there

Okay so side tangent Sid headcanon that will become relevant: Sid’s Jewish. He was sent away during the Blitz (I’m estimating based on vague calculations that he was about 15 or so at the time) to an xtian family, and when his parents died he just sort of had to stay. So he was raised xtian and was never allowed to acknowledge that he was Jewish. I mean, most people can sort of tell and he gets stereotyped a lot for it, but he doesn’t know why because he’s just totally oblivious and the family he stayed with were Very Insistent that he was a good xtian boy and not a Jew and he ended up pretty much forgetting. He’s kind of heard hints of it from his grandmother when he gets to see her, but she wasn’t in a position to raise him and she thinks he’s probably safer not knowing

Anyway Valentine is very protective over Sid cause he sees this young Jewish guy who doesn’t even know that he has a whole culture, a whole family of people all over the country. A family who are collectively grieving. Sid doesn’t know what horrors have befallen his people (he knows what happened, but not that they’re His People). Valentine’s heart aches a bit whenever he thinks about it and he sort of vows to protect Sid in his own gruff way.

Valentine is proud of being Jewish but in a very quiet way. He’s not going to change himself to fit xtian society but also he’s sensible enough to know it’s a pretty bad idea for him to be Too Loud about it in Kembleford

Sullivan:

Oh this man fakes everything. He has never been authentic a day in his life. He pretends to be xtian, he pretends to be cishet, he pretends to be neurotypical. Nothing about how this man presents himself is authentic

He’s valid though, he knows the dangers of being different and he’s not about to give people a reason to hurt him

He’s from the East End of London, so he’s actually not used to hiding his Judaism as much. He’s from a heavily Jewish community and he was terrified when he got transferred to a small village

Why does he wear so much hair gel? Curls. Big springy Jewish curls. He can’t let people see them. He’s very very very strict about having hair gel in any time he leaves the house. Enough hair gel to keep his hair straight, which is a lot

He’s sort of... trying. To pretend to be xtian. But he’s really not very good at it. Like I said, he grew up in a heavily Jewish neighbourhood, he doesn’t know much about xtians other than, y’know, all the times they’ve oppressed the Jews. So he sort of goes to church when he remembers and tries to copy everyone else, but it doesn’t work very well. And he’ll pretend to celebrate Christmas but it doesn’t make much sense to him and he’s very uncomfortable

Most of his hostility towards Father Brown is because of the big alarm bells that go off in his head when he sees a priest in general. At all times he’s half expecting the Father to start talking about the “hypocrites in the synagogue” or some other equally thinly veiled antisemitism. He’s had Bad Experiences, he’s traumatised, and he’s having a Very Bad Time

He’s half envious of Sid and half pities him. Part of him wishes he was as ignorant of antisemitism and Judaism as Sid is, part of him wishes that Sid was as painfully aware of it as he is. But all of him feels a weird attachment to Sid because they’re both queer nd Jews, even if Sid doesn’t know it

He also sort of hates the Father for hanging out with Sid because he’s heard all the stories of priests stealing Jewish children to raise them xtian and while it’s not Quite the same situation with Sid, it’s a painful sort of echo of it, and he just desperately wants to save Sid, to teach him about who he is. And because of this mental association, seeing Sid do anything xtian feels like a punch to the stomach for him because it reminds him that Sid doesn’t know he’s Jewish

He got this sort of painful gut wrenching feeling when he saw Sid dressed as a priest. Like he felt physically sick even once he realised it was just an undercover job. It just hit way too close to home, especially with Sid not even knowing he’s not xtian

He’s calmed down a lot and is less jumpy by the time he leaves. He even thinks it’s a little funny when he finds out that the man taking over for him is also Jewish. He thinks about Valentine, he thinks about himself, he thinks about Mallory, and he thinks about how they’re sort of like a family. Almost like three generations, like being the Inspector is a family business. It makes him feel kind of warm and fuzzy in a way he hasn’t felt since his last Passover back in London with his whole family sitting around the seder table, and he can’t wait to have Passover with them again soon

Mallory (beloved bastard man):

He leans into it hard

Yeah, he’s Jewish, and what the fuck do you plan to do about it?

Durham has never really been known for it’s Jewish community, so he’s more than used to being the only Jew around

Part of why he’s such a horrible little bastard man is that he’s come to just accept Jewish stereotypes. His thought process is a little something like “if you’re going to accuse me of it anyway, I might as well do it”

He’s a stubborn guy, so he just decides to embody all the stuff people think he should be. Sure he’ll be annoying and rude and immoral and promiscuous and weak and all the other horrible things xtians think a Jewish man is

No he will not participate in xtian things if he can help it. He will not go to church, he will not celebrate Christmas unless he has to, he will not call Father Brown “Father”

He calls him “padre” because he refuses to call a priest “Father” it’s just too weird and xtian to him

He does NOT like Sid. He hates Sid a lot. He kinda blames Sid for not working harder to hold on to his Judaism (he’s Not valid for this, but it’s how he feels)

Anyway I’m not saying any of this is Good, but like.......let me have my Bad Jewish Representation

Also I like to think he speaks Yiddish :3

Anyway, one day I’ll write my Jewish Inspectors fic

#דיברתי #father brown #rabbi brown #I know there's probably an audience of like 3 Jewish father brown fans but I can and will subject the whole fandom to my bullshit #not to project my own Jewish traumas onto them but like... that's exactly what I'm doing #the Jewish Inspectors fic WILL be heart wrenching but I emotionally need to write it for my own sake tbh

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Ducktales Treasure of the Golden Sun: Three Ducks of the Condor or Now with More Racism!

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to my look at Ducktales: Treasure of the Golden Suns!, the pilot episodes that started it all. This look was one of my patreon stretch goals. To explain them in case some of you aren’t familiar with patreon it’s essentially like a kickstarter stretch goal: every milestone I reach in my monthly earnings means a crop of reviews for you guys, with this being 10 and my review of the movie, and the goofy movies in two weeks and September respectively, being the 15 dollar one. So if you want reviews of the OTHER Ducktales mini series Time Is Money and Super DuckTales, then hop on aboard and help me reach my 20 dollar goal so I can keep making these reviews for a living and give you all more. Said goal also includes a Darkwing Duck review eveyr month AND a review of teh Danny Phantom special The ULtimate Enemy so hop on board HERE AT MY PATREON. Patrons also get exclusive reviews, access to my discord server (Though if anyone would be more intrersted in me making that public let me know), and to pick a short each time I do a birthday special for a character from Looney Tunes, Disney and Beyond. And next month is my boy Donald’s so since you all already sat out goofy NOW is the time.

So now my very necessary plug is out of the way, i’m very poor, we can get to the review proper:

When last we left off Scrooge and the Boys went on their first proper adventure together, heading to Central America to follow the map from the first episode and running into Dr.Claw El Capitan and his new best buddy Glomgold. Mild racisim, moonsoons and much better pacing ensued.

So join me under the cut as my boy Donald returns, some iconic characters are introduced in Webby, Launchpad and Beakly, though this series only made one of them iconic to be fair, and we get some more mild racisim because fuck my life. Onward to the cut!

So yeah as I’ve mentioned a few times now this episode had a content warning.. which was fair as there is some pretty cringy stuff in here but it had the side effect of me holding my breath until the racisim came up and whapped me in the face. So i’m keeping that tension up for you guys so I don’t have to suffer alone.

We open at the Mansion. Scrooge is trying to find a governess for the boys, but they keep scaring off all the clients because they don’t like the idea. And for once.. i’m on Scrooge’s side here. Yes I know there’s a sterotype of rich people hiring a nanny to not have to parent. and it’s sadly often true and it’d SEEM like Scrooge is doing that.. but really he just wants the boys to be safe. He’s fully grown to care for them and just wants someone cheap and responsible to look after them while he’s busy and clearly still makes time for them. As someone who is a former nanny, albeit for someone working class, I get that as much as you WANT to spend every moment with your kid you often can’t. I say all this because SO MANY kids movies and shows villianize parents for not spending time with their kid when their clearly just working to support them. There are nuanced exceptions to this and refreshingly Craig of the Creek has outright avoided this: JP’s mom is gone almost all the time due to working as an airline pilot, but while he clearly misses her he never resents her or guilts her over it, he understands sh’es supporting him and goes out of his way to make sure his friends can meet her. It’s really swee.t And while again I get it, this guys a billionare, most examples aren’t, Scrooge still really CAN’T stop working: He has more money than god and like most bilionares REALLY should give most of it to charity or to help with programs instead of hoarding it in a massive bin.. but he’s also got tons of companies, factories, investments... people COUNTING on him to make sure these are working correctly and keep their jobs. So yeah i’ts nice that the show isn’t demonizing scrooge for this or dosen’t even consider it: he’s getting help beacuse he needs it, that’s what’s important.

So while the boys widdle down the nannies, Scrooge talks to a renowned coin collector. He does show off his collection to the guy, but his main goal is naturally to show him the coin from last time. Turns out that naturally for a five part episode the treasure they lost last time was just a fraction of the real thing and the real titular treasure is a mythical horde even Scrooge, who normally has proved something out of myth is very real 5 times before breakfast, didn’t think existed.

Something I do love about this five parter is how every treasure hunt has ended up being important each piece of the puzzle leading to the next like any good treasure hunt. As for where this one leads the collector HAS heard of only one other coin like it, up in the Andes Mountains in a mysterious fortress whose mountain habitat and being a fortress makes it hard to get to and the owner is apparently a real piece of work.. but Scrooge isn’t afraid of a little hard work and is ready to go after it.. he just has to find a Nanny first.

And he does as there’s only one left: Mrs. Beakley, who we FINALLY meet after two episodes. Yeah for some weird reasont his episode choose to cram the rest of the major main and supporting cast into one episode.. it still works, they all still get great introductions it’s just weird to me when you have five episodes to not say introduce Launchpad last time.

But regardless as I said it’s a good intro.. despite the boys wilding a lasso and a snake.

Beakly is unphased and even dosen’t remotely fall for them trying to say she got the wrong name. And while Scrooge is a little impressed, he’s even more when she states she’ll work for free... with one condition: Free room and board for her and her grandaughter, Webby, who has been there the whole time and looking cute as a button. Scrooge is unsure but one minute of Webby being adorable later and he’s agreed. She can’t eat much right? He also hopes she’ll help the boys not be douchebags, unaware that their inherent poorly written sexisim means that was never going to work. And why yes I will call it out eveyr time it happens because it happens every time they have an episode together and only gets worse.

He goes to Gyro for help and Classic Gyro.. is utterly delightful. While I clearly have issues with Classic Scrooge, whose a greedy poorly aged asshat and the boys, who are sterotypes of male children, Gyro? He’s nice, friendlya nd eccentric, using a delightfully wakcky pogo hat thing to think and takes only a mintue to figure out how to solve a seemingly unsolvable problem and only needs a few hours to build his cool looking bird ship, using bird legs to offset the hard to sort out landing conditions. But since it’s a fancy bitch, it needs a pilot and i’m sure we all know where this is going...but since Carol Danver sis busy he has to go with Launchpad.

Launchpad’s intro is great, cheerful as he does a job testing a plane and naturally crashes it, and when thought dead walks out seconds later unharmed and jolly as ever. Scrooge is naturally terrified of the prospect of flying with him but dosen’t really have another choice “I hope my insurance is paid up.” Scrooge it’s you.. of course it isn't.

So with that our hero bids a farewell to the boys and ends up unteitonally coming off MASSIVELY unlikeable. No really he leaves them behind for their saftey despite needing help... and then upon finding out Donald is going to be on leave soon in the andes, and just assumes that YOU KNOW, he’d LIKE to go on a dangerous exausting adventure instead of actually get some rest after working in the goddamn navy and STILL dosen’t take the kids along despite having a very tearjerking farewell IN FRONT OF HIM that happened at most a month ago. Granted i’m suprised Donald is getting leave this soon.. but since I genuinely like to look into this sort of thing and the last time I didn’t I was correctly reminded Gulliver’s Travels was a satire.. and found out someone HAD actually watched the Jack Black movie. I only vaugely remember a trailer.. I thinkn it was a trailer? Maybe it was the middle part of a juinor novelzation where htey have all the photos? I really don’t know. I know almost every pokemon on sight but not where I saw pictures of a forgetable jack black movie, what a shock.

So long story short I DID google it. Here’s what I got

So given clealry more time has passed than we’ve seen on screen, enough time COULD have passed for Donald’s three day pass to kick in. So credit to the crew for actually thinking that out. They still get all the blame though for not only not seeing how bad not taking the kids to see the uncle whose like a father to them a month after he left when he CLEARLY can is bad, but how worse it is that the first break donald gets ina month.. is spent helping scrooge against his will on a life or death treasure hunt.

And I get WHY they wanted to try out having Donald on an adventure: he was in most of the carl barks material.... but I also dont’ get it as Launchpad was deisgned entirely to fill in for Donald when needed, we’re only three episodes into the series and this gives the wrong impression Donald will guest star a lot more. In practice while he still did get a meaty 8 episodes on the show including this one, 2 of which were cameos and the pilot only dosne’t count because of the exnteded slapstick sequence, and dosen’t appear at all after season 1, likely because Fenton’s introduction made him reduntant as he was an even more blatant Donald stand-in. It just feels weird to shove him into the pilot movie when we should be focusing on our main cast, epsecially with so many getting intorduced this episode. It woudl’ve made more sense for Gyro to be the third man instead and it woud’ve elmaited Scrooge’s uttelry horrible actions here of depriving his nephews of their surrogate father.

So Uncle Dickstick leaves with Launchpad to go abduct donald.... and tha’ts not me being funny, that’s what actually happens. Donald is singing out on leave.. with his superior... weirdly doing paper work outside on the flight deck.

And is angry at Donald because of him taking pictures and stuff and threatens him if he’s not back exactly in time... because look he’s on a boat with a bunch of sweaty men but as the most superior officer he can’t enjoy that so he has to get off SOMEHOW and ruining donald’s life just happens ot be a thing for him.

So yeah Scrooge straight up naps Donald via claw and Donald is angry, wondering, as you’d expect “What’s the big idea”.. and once Scrooge clairfies he did it.. still asks that because what the fuck. And the episode treats this as comical, as it does Launchpad not understanding Donald.. and don’t get me wrong you CAN make a good “I can’t understand Donald Duck” joke, the 2017 series made PLENTY. But said series also spoiled me as they did it with far more effort, while also still showing just how much it would suck to have everyone around you struggle to hear what you say and never listen to you. They actually cared abotu Donald’s well being where as this one thinks “Gee you knwo what would go great iwth a hard month’s naval work? MORE WORK HELPING YOUR UNCLE GET RICHER FOR NO PERSONAL BENIFIT AFTER HE KIDNAPS YOU”.

So our heroes.. and scrooge, head to Andes and find the temple and it’s here “Sigh” we met our antagonist. A Conquestador Douche who DOES have a name and it is on the wiki.. but is so generic and unlikeble I’m just going to keep calling him conquestador douche, whose introduced waving his sun coin around while the natives all bow to him because of the coin.

Welcome to the racisim! Admitely it’s not as bad as Treasure of the Lost Lamp, that’s a high bar to clear, but ti’s still not great to have the racist cliche of “character conquers a civilization because of they belivie he’s a messenger for their “silly” god”. And the saddest part is not that I didn’t notice this trope and how bad it was as a kid watching shows like this... but that as an ADULT about 4 years ago when I watched this episode how racist it and this trope in general was didn’t register to me at all. That.. really bothers me that it took me this long to pick up on things like this and i’m sorry for it.

That’s honestly WHY we need these warnings and WHY i’m so hard on this racisim: it wasn’t necessary, it could’ve been removed and you clearly just didn’t care or didn’t realize it was racist. And even acceptable for the time dosen’t work for anymore: I learned recently that the creators of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, both white, hired black writers..and actually LISTENED, looking to them for personal stories and to check them if one of the white staff wrote something that wasn’t true to the black experience. I know that sounds like the bare minimum but this was the early 90′s, that kind of thinking wasn’t hte norm like it is in most writer’s rooms now.. and sadly not ALL writer’s rooms. Not only that but just today I ran into a MST3K skit that lampooned this kind of bullshit from not long after this episode. People clearly knew better, the writers of this episode just didn’t’t care

So yeah, I get this was a kids show in the 80′s, I get the writing staff being almost all white.. but they still coudl’ve avoided cliche sterotypes and done something diffrent. It was was still wiithin white people like myselves power to actually think about something other htan themselves and we did not. So i’m never going to stop holding my own people accountable for just how BADLY we’ve fucked up in ways great and small because it still hasn’t stopped , likely never will so I won’t.

But yeah.... the tribe here are portrayed as ignorant, mindless dumbasses who blindly follow tradition and a clearly corrupt leader. It’s patronizingly stupid to assume just because a belief system is diffrent than yours a person will belieive anything. Religion CAN make people act stupid, the fact many people are homophobic simply because the bible, a centuries old document written and distrbuted by humans that could of been altered by people with a clear homophobic agenda, says they should be. But there’s the very clear very gross implication here that any god but the christian god is invalid and simplifies wonderful and well thought out myths and beliviefs from various cultures into “well they belivie in da sun god because of the shiny coin”. It’s gross, i’m glad it’s stopped and it’s VERY telling that the closest Ducktales 2017 came to this was the most dangerous game night which while a tad cringe inducing at least showed the tribe it used was clever, disposed the person they mistook for a god after it was clear he wasn’t one , and were wholly sympathetic.

Naturally Conquistadouche orders the tribe to attack Scrooge and it works briefly , though Scrogoe prepares to take on the ENTIRE villiage.. and given this is Scrooge and on this blog we’ve seen him take on an entire town before, and that was a more inexpericed less bastardly scrooge yeah their fucked, and only escape death because the coin falls out of scrooge’s coat when he tries to help donald who naturally injures himself trying to help.

And since as per white dumbass racist logic, the villiagers thought Conquistadipshit was a messenger of the gods because of his coin, they think the same of Scrooge, this causes them to stop and bow instead and protect scrooge when Conquistadumbass tries to attack our heroes. Their given a room for the night naturally.

Conquistadick demands they give him the coin and leave, but Scrooge has none of that: he has no reason to leave and has all the leverage so he instead demands to know wha’ts going on.

Turns out Conquisineart is the decdendant of one of the crew from the ship Scrooge found: their captain rain off with it, leaving two of his men behind, though both had the map to the rest of the treasure and split it: one left for the Arctic, the other stayed and did the whole racist god bit. And somehow despite all the time passing Conquistadoodoohead still has his half and Scrooge aranges a trade for the coin. And why yes their is the obvious problem of “what if Conquistascoobydoo say tells them he’s the true god and attacks scrooge like he ends up doing in the climax”. And Scrooge’s plan.. is to have the plane ready and to run to it, despite Launchpad not being a mechanic and saying as much. Instead of you know... stealing the guy’s coin while he’s asleep or something or just having launchpad, whose bigger and stronger and donald whose not bigger but is also stronger hold the guy while Scrooge steals his sun coin, then simply walks to the plane with the map, the coins and all the leverage. at worst the guy tries to do the same scheme without any coins and as the end of the episode shows, that wouldn’t have worked. He was stupid. Oh and the cherry on top of this shit sundae is scrooge objects to the guys tyranical rule.. but is okay with letting it keep going if he gets his coin and DOnlad, whose there for the deal, never call shim on it.

We then get a bit of Launchpad being forced off a cliff to ride a giant Condor...

Look this episode is filled with racisit sterotypes, a generic villian and Scrogoe being awful. I’ll take a fun sequence of Launchpad riding a condor, with Donald providing an assit with his camera by blinding the beast so Launchpad can ride him properly giving them more leverage now Launchpad is popular. And a deadline to fix things by tommorow.

The next day Launchapd and Donald have defied logic and their own tendency to screw up and fixed the bird, while Scrooge makes the deal.. and naturally it goes EXACTLY how you’d expect and Scrooge runs, though our real heroes get thigns running.

That’s when the people arrive on condors to persue, a fight insues yoru standard hero stuff.. not bad but given the racist context I can’t really enjoy it like Launchpad flying a condor.. which had some mild racisim in them making him do that as a ritual clearly deisgned to kill him but i’llt ake mild over pretty damn obvious. Eventually douchebag looses his coins, his ctizens abndon him. Happy end.

So with the map Scrooge decides to do the logical thing.... have launchpad drop him in the middle of the ocean in a raft and steer there

Launchpad takes Donald home in time and his superior is mad he dosen’t give him a proper salute.. even though he CLEARLY just got home and is diisorented from a crash. Launchpad makes a quip and this episode mercifully ends.

Final Thoughts:

This episode starts out okay.. but quickly goes downhill fast and steep. There are massive bits of racisim, massive leaps in logic, and massive amoutns of scrooge being a dick.. not his WORST in this series but it’s still bad. It’s just not very good. It’s the second worst episode of Ducktales i’ve seen, only held up by my boys Donald and Launchpad. This was miserable.

Next Time on Treasure of the Golden Suns: Our heroes head to the arctic for another offensive episode to rescue scrooge from his own stupidity. Next Time on this Blog: We return to Green Eggs and Ham and hop on a train as our raging bitchcanoe mother and daughter duo meat our ambigiouslyg ay duo at last.

See you at the next rainbow.

#ducktales #donald duck #scrooge mcduck #launchpad mcquack #huey duck #louie duck #dewey duck #bentina beakley #webby vanderquack #gyro gearloose #treasure of the golden suns

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redhairedfeistynerd · 4 years

Text

The Art of Folding Laundry

Pairing: singledad!Bucky x reader

Summary: A moment of silence is all Bucky needs.

Words: 1700

Warnings: Fluff, kids (Bucky’s kids)

A/N: This is part of my singledad!Bucky series.

Slivers of light are starting to peek through the wooden blinds in the family room, he knows he only has another hour or so before the girls wake up. They’ll poke their heads in, bleary eyed and asking him to make a special breakfast; most likely an omelet or waffles with fresh berries.

He takes a deep breath in and enjoys the silence. The few memories of quiet days rotating around his head, usually when the girls sleep or if they spend a night at a friend's house. Memories of life before fatherhood pop up from time to time. The battles, the carnage, the loneliness.

He doesn’t belong to that world anymore.

He’s part of a world that once had dirty diapers and burp cloths and now his world is full of hair braiding and unicorns.

And everything is calm during these wee hours of the morning.

The calmness, the eerie stillness around him before he would fire off a shot from his rifle. This, this was the calm that spread over him now, as he reached over to pull another towel into his hands. Corner to corner, fold, corners again, fold, and they better match up perfectly.

Add it to the pile.

Repeat.

Bucky found great comfort in folding the laundry.

Pick up another towel from the basket. Fold. Repeat. He often felt that it was therapeutic; his brain stopped running in circles, his thoughts generally focusing around the girls.

His girls.

He has a hard time remembering what life was like before them. They consume his thoughts most days. Every leaf that falls, every laugh he hears – he thinks of his girls.

Maybe he’s getting softer with each year that passes. There are no longer missions for him to go on; he gave that up long ago, when fatherhood became his number one job.

Piper came first; silently she fell into this world (and his arms) 8 years ago. He cut the cord and she was handed over to him first, her tiny eyes looked up and he swore that she knew he was her dad. Bucky had never felt love like that before and if anything, it got stronger as each day passed.

He pleaded for a second child and 15 months later, Riley was born. Oh, and did she come into this world screaming; red faced and hands in fists, punching at the cold air. Every day for the last 6 years has been an adventure with his younger daughter. She was the fire he needed, the motivation; his strength to keep going each day and to not give up.

He was forever in debt to his daughters for making him a better person.

And then there was you.

He couldn’t put a name to it yet, whatever it was that was going on.

Friend, confidant, oh he wishes he could up the ante. Lady friend, sweetheart, lover. He shouldn’t get so far ahead; his fantasies were pulling him deeper. He hadn’t even...

“OOF!”

The sudden shout and then feeling of sinking yanked him out of his dream-like state. He heard her giggles before he saw her limbs flailing from the centre of the laundry pile beside him on the couch.

“Daddy you had the goofiest look on your face and you were bitin’ at your lip and you didn’t even hear me do my sneak attack. I must be getting really good at the super spy stuff!” Riley laughed, pushing the wash cloths and towels to the floor.

Bucky tries to make a serious dad face at Riley but the washcloth resting on her strawberry blonde curls has his smiling ear to ear. “You goof,” he laughs, swiping the blue cloth off of her head.

“But I am the best super spy, right Pops? Better than Pip, right?” She crawls out of the pile and into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Yes, my sweet girl, even better than Pips. BUT she rules when it comes to listening to other people’s... CONVERSATIONS!” Bucky reaches his left arm behind the couch and scoops up his oldest daughter, who is so full of laughter than her face is turning red and tears and almost springing from her bright blue eyes.

“POPPPPPPS!! PUT. ME. DOWN!”

He knows this is the end of his alone time but it is also the beginning of a new day with his daughters –and nothing will ever top that.

He does wonder about you though. What are you doing this morning? Are you sleeping still? Maybe you are thinking about him as well. He watches Piper and Riley scamper off into the kitchen and hears the clank of the bowls and utensils that girls are taking out of the drawers. Once they are out of sight, he picks his phone up from the side table and opens up his messages. Last message, two days ago – he had wished you good luck before you went for your review at work. He should send you a quick text, see how things went. Maybe you wanted to come over for breakfast. He tapped a short message and sent it off, leaving it open for her to pop by anytime this morning.

Maybe she would fold laundry with him between giggles and quick kisses while the girls ran around in the back yard.

Maybe the girls could go by their friend's house and he could forget about the laundry and kiss you longer and brush the hair back from your face. You would shy away and hide behind it but he would want to see the way your eyes sparkled before and after his lips were on yours.

“Pops, can we have waffles? The yummy chocolate ones you make, please?” Riley asks pushing her face right into his.

“Yes, yes. How about you pull out the mix and set everything up on the counter, ok?”

“Sure thing,” she says, smiling wide, clearly happy that she can help Bucky and have her breakfast of choice.

The girls are silent as they scoop berries and whip cream into their mouths; their waffles have long been devoured (he has left two for you in the oven, he knows you how much you love them). There’s a quick tapping at the front door and it opens slowly, your voice shouting “Barnes family, I have come to eat all of your waffles! Where are you hiding them?”

Riley stands up on her chair shouting “In the oven! THE OVEN!”

“Oh Barnsey, trying to keep me away from my sweet waffles. I see how it is.” She walks towards where Bucky is sitting at the table and reaches out, tickling the back of neck and giggling.

He pretends to be annoyed and tries to brush her hands off of his neck but she is determined to make him squeal, maybe even scream. Standing up from his chair, her hands still trying to tickle him, he turns quickly and pretends he is going to lunge at her. His girls are quick though and wrap themselves around him, Riley has managed to cling to his right leg, while Piper is pulling his left arm and telling him she is stronger than his fancy arm. Their giggling is contagious and he can’t help but join in. Once their laughter seizes, he unwraps his youngest from him leg and sends them off to get washed and dressed for the day. They both hug y/n and set off upstairs to get changed.

She moves to the oven and reaches in with her bare hand to retrieve a waffle, instantly taking a bit of the warm square. “Oh, these are extra good today, did you put extra love in it for me,” she says winking at him and hopping down the steps to the family room. She takes one look at the laundry on the couch and floor and raises her left eyebrow. “Well Barnes, you sure know how to rile a girl up,” she says poking at the laundry on the couch. “Are these the kind of dates you have planned for me?”

Bucky just stares and keeps staring until he starts feeling a bit uncomfortable and he knows that you can tell because a smile is slowly forming on your lips. She moves forward and before he knows what you are doing (he would have been a horrible super soldier around you) you’ve tackled him down on the couch. He smirks and thinks that, this is where he wanted you in the first place and now that he has you here, what is he going to do with you. A week has passed since you had kissed, while lying in the backyard, staring at the clouds together. He’s pulled out of his thoughts when you shift above him, straddling him and staring back into his eyes.

“Well Barnes, do I get to kiss you now?” Her left eyebrow has lifted as the she speaks; he loves how she looks at the very moment and nods his head in response. “Good. A week was too long not being able to be this close to you.”

Oh, and does he ever want to be closer than this with you.

She leans down, her hair tickling his face right before their lips are touching, Bucky’s flesh hand moves to her side rubbing it softly and shifting her dress around. “Better not lift that too high Barnsey, you don’t want your girls to see anything.”

“That’s not, that’s not what I was tryin’ to...”

“I’m just trying to work you up, you goof. I know you wouldn’t even fathom doing something like that.” She leans runs a hand through his hair and leans down into another kiss.

He hears their feet, elephant like, bounding down the stairs and quickly shifts y/n off into the laundry pile that still remains on his couch. “Is this your way of telling me that you want me to finish folding your laundry? You could have just asked instead of throwing me into it,” she jokes.

Bucky chuckles at her smart-ass response and turns to catch Riley as she is about to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Ha! Not this time, sweet pea! I heard you thumping down the stairs like a wild animal!” He pulls his youngest into a big bear hug and kisses the top of her head. “Go get your shoes on and we’ll meet you in the backyard, ok?” He watches Riley run off to grab Piper and their shoes a nd when he turns back around to give y/n a quick kiss she whispers in his ear,

“So, what’s our next date? Are you going to teach me how to fluff the pillows on your bed?”

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes and you #bucky barnes and reader #singledad!bucky #bucky barnes fluff #my writing #redwrites

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itstheelvenjedi · 3 years

Text

TW: ableism, bullying, violence, very ranty, some ableist slurs (they’re not written out but they’re mentioned in-context/as I talk about what I’ve experienced over the years, fuck off, don’t be a clown)

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this weekend specifically, had a convo with dad in the car that ended up being sorta a little bit triggering ig that set it off.

No one ever talks about how alienating it is to grow up disabled. I’ve always been disabled, from the moment I was old enough to have memories of anything, my legs have been messed up. And it’s never gotten better, it’s only gotten worse. And even tho I wasn’t officially diagnosed till I was 21, I’ve always been neurodivergent growing up. But I didn’t have that diagnosis, so I grew up thinking that there was something horribly wrong with me. That it was my fault that I was hyper-interested in things that were “unimportant” to other prepubescent children my age and absolutely not interested in the other things (that was also the closet queer showing but that’s not as relevant to this particular talk post so I’m not gonna dwell on it) And no one likes to talk about what it’s like to deal with that. Because the truth is it’s a lot of SHIT.

How everyone’s default, whether abled people or even other disabled people is always “someone has it worse, stop making excuses so you don’t have to do stuff”

As if we enjoy not being able to do these things and it’s not, you know....incredibly dehumanising, upsetting and FRUSTRATING to not be able to do the simplest fucking thing for yourself without help. Cause unless you have money coming out your ass and can pay for any and all adaptations you need then you’re in trouble (I’ve been having these issues with the local ppl for years and I’m sick to death of it)

I KNOW the situation for SSI/SSDI or whatever it’s called in the states is worse and at least we have the NHS here, but that should not invalidate bad experiences that disabled people here have to go through too.

Like the people doing the “disability assessments” being a bunch of able-bodied pencil pushers who will sit there and tell you that “you’re not trying hard enough” to do something that they take for granted which is literally impossible for you and that’s the fucking point of it. Or that they do not seem to understand what the phrase “from birth” fucking means. It means I was born like this and I will DIE like this, jackass. So it’s not going to “need different care in 3 years time so you’ll have to do another assessment”

You know what’s more harmful for us? Having to re-apply with the same motherfucking information every 3 years, when nothing has changed. It’s stressful as fuck, and it’s humiliating as fuck too! I’m sick and tired of being told it’s “necessary” for me to have to basically take an exam every 3 years to “prove I struggle enough with my disability” just so I can get aid to pay for the help that I need to survive.

Trust me, I’d rather be fucking working a “proper” job too, but nobody wants to make allowances for my shortcomings and I’m done with making my pain and injuries worse than they already are just to please fucking ableds. I’m done with being a “volunteer” who’s expected to do part-time hours for no pay while I get verbally abused for “not doing a good enough job” because what I did was the best I’m physically able to fucking give you, Susan, I’m fucking crippled.

And for the most part I think I’m over the early trauma from my school years, but nobody ever talked about, or prepared me for, the physical and verbal abuse I’d endure from my classmates for shit I literally couldn’t control.

I still feel weird calling anybody a “friend” tbh, and it takes me a long time trusting people, because my “friends” during my formative years were just nice to my face so they could then get “more material” to take to the rest of the school so they could mock me and call me slurs (like the r word, the s word, and “weirdo” and “fucking freak”, and “the one who runs like an s-word horse”)

Or how I had to literally be taken out of PE/Gym lessons for my own fucking protection because the team that “lost” because they got “stuck with the fucking s word/r word freak” (me) lost, and I’d get the shit beaten out of me for....not being able bodied ig?? I’m sorry it’s so problematic for you, ableds. I hate it too.

I hate that I spent so much of my childhood with internalised ableism where I’d either feel like I shouldn’t exist at all, or I’d wish “my disability was worse and I’d be in a wheelchair, because then at least people would take me seriously and not hurt me as much”.

And I hate how nobody, but ESPECIALLY abled people, wants to acknowledge this shit. How the first response to disabled and disabled + ND people talking about the impact their symptoms have on their life is

“well someone else has it worse” or “well it’s not ACTUALLY that bad”

tw: capslock and cussing

_________________________________________________________

BITCH. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW, YOU’RE ABLE-BODIED, YOU’VE NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT THIS SHIT A DAY IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!! YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT HOW MUCH PAIN I’M IN 24/7 AND HOW IT ENTIRELY AFFECTS MY DAY-TO-DAY LIFE AND ABILITY TO DO SIMPLE THINGS LIKE FUCKING EAT, BATHE, EXERCISE, DRIVE AND EVEN SOCIALISE ETC. YOU DON’T. KNOW. SHIT.

_________________________________________________________

end of capslock

And the fact that my own dad is doing that shit, and gets arsey about it when I call him out on it, was very upsetting.

“It’s not your disability actually it’s the neurodivergence and if you just learnt to mask better you’d cope more”

as if my ND status has anything to do with my physical disability which causes me constant pain, even ON pain meds.

The pain meds don’t take the pain away, motherfucker, they just tamp it down to a level where it’s (most of the time) “managable” and I can still attempt to do things in spite of the pain. But it still takes effort, a lot of effort, way more effort than you, an able-bodied person, have to put into doing the same thing.

The best that I can give as a disabled person is never “good enough”, because abled people will always assume that because they can do something easily/without thinking about it, that anyone else can and anyone who says they can’t is just LAZY, or STUPID or BOTH

I could probably honestly go on and on about this a lot more but I’d be talking mostly in circles at this point so I’m gonna stop myself here.

OK to RB, other disabled people feel free to add to this. Ableds CAN (and are encouraged) to reblog too but KEEP YOUR FUCKING PIEHOLES CLOSED. Thank u

#long post #elven screams into the void #elven rants #tw: ableism #tw: bullying #tw: violence #tw: slurs #tw: ableist slurs #ask to tag #i think i got them all but if i've missed anything please ask and i'll add it #hi i'm very salty and i needed to infodump so have this ig #idk man #i'm salty/angry. very much so.#if anybody reblogs this and tags it as q slur i'm going to riot #don't you DARE

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gryphsdeadbones · 4 years

Note

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives.

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

#Anonymous #ask #jdb faq #ask to tag #long post

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rpbetter · 3 years

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Let me get this straight.. a roleplay resource/meme blog decide to screenshot someone's rules and call them out because of what they wrote? when obviously those who follow them could easily tell. Frist of all whatever rule someone wrote isn't there for one to go out of their way to bad mouth them. If there's something in a persons rule I don't like I'll be an adult and move the fuck on, not screenshot it and drag their name through the dirt. Christ! at this point I don't trust no one who runs those resource/meme blogs. They might hurt someone else with their nosy asses. And that Raven person needs to grow the hell up and stop playing the victim. Do something else with their life, stop living off the internet.

Yep, you've got Phase One down straight, Anon.

And the rest of what you've said is was what got multiple other people called out or differently aggressed at, that's what the response was to the rules being posted and...we're going to say opined on for the point of shaming.

You're right and they were right as well. It doesn't matter how strict or aggressive someone is in their rules, if you find that or anything else about them objectionable, that RPer is obviously not for you. That's a very important part of reading a RPer's rules, it isn't just about their reply speed, preferred topics, or tagging needs. It's also about gauging whether this is a person you're going to work out with or not based on both the actual rules themselves and how you feel about the way they're presented.

You just ascertain that, feel as annoyed or salty or even offended as you so desire, and move on. Like an adult.

It was never going to be that way, though, Raven specifically went to that blog to be a nuisance and call them out. They were already invested in doing so from a perspective of having decided this RPer was being ableist because a post that reflected the statements made in those rules far more nicely and more applicable to their followers was taken that way. Somehow. Raven took it upon themselves to ignore that the mun did make multiple statements regarding the entire thing, including polite ones when their post wasn't being reblogged with maximum hostility and accusations and constant throwing around of the statement "full stop" like lol please, take your own advice. Because, yep, full stop it's valid to have whatever opinion you do, it isn't valid to jump on someone's post like that and be upset when they aren't nice to you about it.

Also took it upon themselves to ignore that the mun is also autistic, which was the crux of Raven being a dick about it. This isn't fair to ND people, you're being ableist, it is my holy mission to decide who and what is ableist, broker no discussion from anyone that doesn't support my behavior, because I'm autistic and this upsets me personally. Probably because that mun doesn't repeatedly make it a big deal on their blog and on their every PSA. Making a not wild assumption there, since I don't either, and I was also an ableist swine for disagreeing. At the same time that I like myself too much, I hate ND people lol if you figure that one out, let me know.

That's been a lot of the issue here. Many if not most of the muns they ended up doing the most damage to are mentally ill, autistic, chronically ill, and so on. It was fully irrelevant to Raven and Co, despite all of them espousing that we never know what is going on in the lives of others.

That's why we really need to just feel whatever we're feeling and not interact instead of going on a crusade.

As you said, this RPer's mutuals, writing partners, and friends were all quite aware of their rules. Those rules have existed for the better part of four or five years as they are today, the people who have chosen to interact are on the same page with them, and it must be working out well. After all, Rules Mun was so deep in enjoying their hobby that it took a random, concerned, good resource/help blog they reblog from often telling them that their rules were being drug around the RPC quite a bit after the fact for them to know. I'd say that would probably mean their interactions and friendships weren't exactly negatively impacted by their tone.

And those people, as well as former writing partners and mutuals-in-law very much did know it was that mun's rules, yeah. You really have shot yourself in the foot when RPers with some animosity between each other take issue with what you've done to one of them, and that did actually happen as well. People knew.

Furthermore, since that mun didn't know for some time, even if they had been inclined to change the rules to appear like it wasn't them for the sake of anonymity, it wouldn't have been hard to find them. It was still identical to how it appeared Raven's posts (yes, posts, multiple), the mun was already getting shit for their PSA from the same group, and like everyone else, has an identifiable pattern in their OOC speech. They were quite identifiable.

In no way was not just dropping the URL doing anyone any favors. It was just keeping that mun from going directly to Raven and being the polar opposite of myself in the way I tried to address it. Like everything else, it was Raven insulating Raven while trying to incite bullying and bullshit.

Sadly, I agree with you on the meme/resource blogs. I can think of such a small handful of them that I feel are trustworthy adults not interested in stirring up trouble. I'd love to recommend them, but at this point, I'm really afraid of mentioning anyone directly in a positive way. I would feel so horrible if I said, "hey, everyone, the following meme muns are helpful, have a great reputation, and are very nice people, please give them a follow if you haven't already" and it ended up in them losing followers or gaining harassment because I said it.

I don't reblog many memes because that isn't my primary function here, but when I do find those that I feel are very unique, helpful to muse development, and so on, I don't reblog from sources that give me red flags. So, that's probably a good clue!

I'm just sorry this is such an environment of mistrust and bad will, it so easily can be otherwise by doing precisely as you've said. We've all a right to having issues with things, we even have the right to argue with each other, but we don't have the right to turn it into bullying and mob rule. When you have a blog that isn't your more private space of a RP blog, you're taking on a responsibility to be a bit better than giving in to our actual worst inclinations. It's just even worse because this entire experience proves that there are far more RPers here who feel the way you do. It really is a comparative handful of muns out there pulling this kind of shit, but unfortunately, that's all it takes when they're engaging in full-time harassment campaigns and extremely loud about it.

Thanks for being one of the many adults here, Anon! I promise you're not as alone as it seems. We all just tend to be far quieter.

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #drama cw

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