#needed a day or so to process this lmao

[mountsmason]

ᴍᴀꜱᴏɴ ᴍᴏᴜɴᴛ — ᴍᴀɴᴄʜᴇꜱᴛᴇʀ ᴜɴɪᴛᴇᴅ'ꜱ ɴᴇᴡ #7

#needed a day or so to process this lmao #he looks so happy #and that's all that matters really #hopefully he's treated better at his new club #mason mount #chels- #almost added the cheslea tag out of habit🥲 #manchester united #mountsmasongifs

[pup-pee]

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i havnt drawn in a little

#I 4GOT CISSIES EARRIGG BG S #HITS TVSLE AAAAAAAAAA IM 2 LAZY 2 GO BACK IM SRRY GORLIE :((( #just a kint of konbart as a treat 4 me ig #4every piercing kon has; the more pronouns she attains #if i explained my thought process whenever i draw kon it would just be hehehehehehheehheheheheehe #heart glasseess!!!! i need 2 find more fun glasses shapes 2 draw her in tbh tbh #i did light shading & my head starts hurting godAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i havent been on ib like a while & theres sm posts omg yummy im looking @ all my moots & kickin my feet omgg tehe #i need 2 try 2 sleep get rid of this headache b4 i continue 2 stare @ my screen tho….. i prolly wont i wanna talk im tired of bing sad LMAO #more kart 2 day ((literally prolly tmr)) #ive been thinking about aus sm this is so its so woahhhh #kon el #kart #puppee art #GAAAAHHHHHH I WANNA EXPLAIN MY STUPID HCS 4 Y I DRAW KON LIKE THISSS #i dont bc im 80% sure ill b ripped apart but like i love talking about them i love talking about kon sm #@ least i do 2 my doggie

[rotisseries]

inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth

#“rori all of these are your faves how can there be a bad answer” well I still have an internal ranking on some of these #and if all of you pick an option that I think pales in comparison to the others. well. hm #I know what's gonna sweep though because two of these are niche as hell and 4 maybe 5 of these are things you people don't follow me for #fun fact I actually had to scrape my brain to make sure I couldn't come up with any more #I am unintentionally very picky on what is a favorite apparentlyyyy #I also just don't watch/read enough stuff these days so there's that #AND I NEED LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO KNOW THEY'RE STICKING AROUND #so like. I have some options but I don't KNOWWW if they're sticking yet #but this feels like such a small poll lmao #also no sapphics on here this is actually cause I hate women- #NO. JOKING. zelink is here. I almost put gideon and harrow but I'm in a perpetual state of not having finished tlt #and I couldn't put nebetta and darya I was drawing the line at 2 tbos ships. well. actually. changed my mind #not editing these tags actually you guys can see my thought process #WAIT AND SAYMARI. FUCK. I LITERALLY MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THEM I LOVE THEMMM #ok. is 4 tbos ships too many. hmm #I said 2 of these are niche now four of these are niche it's really the “which tbos pairing is your fave” poll #THIS POLL IS SO FUNNY IT'S SO SELF INDULGENT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT AT LEAST ONE TBOS SHIP #I should add one more general one... #cause I do actually want genuine and varied answers I gotta give y'all options so they don't all pool at the first two #I also almost put ellie and abby on here.. that would've been so funny four popular 1 rarepair 3 super niche ships #ellie and abby are soooo interesting to me though so of course the thought of them having something horrible going on together compels me #and they are one of my 3 favorited ao3 tags... they deserve a place... #ok well while I debate on that I'm putting akutagawa and atsushi on here I admittedly have only had like two months of exposure to them #but it is enough I can tell they are so crazy to me #the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid

[invece-sto-sdraiato]

everyone's losing their shit at 'we love together' and a lot of random moments from the wttb ep, here I am not forming a single coherent thought since 'capybara capybara capybara' and nace's pure existence

#i mean... did i watch the video or not? #my brain just stopped functioning after realizing that nace jordan is indeed real #and i also am recently suffering from a case of serious bokris tunnel vision... #so their hug at the end of video is ingrained into my brain with permanent ink #imma need 3-4 business days to process this shit lmao #umm bye i need to go cry over jan peteh next #joker out

[autisticlee]

I know I need to "just do things by myself" like literally everyone tells me, but I really wish I had someone I can always ask to go places with me even if it's just to one store for one quick thing.

I barely have the ability to function enough to take care of myself daily. leaving the house for any reason is basically impossible most days. I don't have the energy and ability to drive, find the thing I need at a store, interact with people, and do the checkout dance, then drive home, all while acting "normal" (or appropriate/presentably human enough) in public with the added bonus of sensory overload. for most people, going to the store is one single task. that's all it is. for me, it's hundreds of simultaneously occurring steps I need to remember to do and maintain the entire time....

it's so hard to explain this to people. no one gets it. but i need someone else to do the human-ing for me and I just follow along. they drive, answer or ask questions and let focus be on them, lead me to the thing I need, let me copy them so I dont stand out with my weirdness...so many times i'll go to a store to get a few things alone. the sensory cacophony of everything hitting me at once makes me forget what I'm looking for, tunnel vision on the offending sensory input and can't see where i'm going, can't find things even if they're in the same place they've always been, i've run into people and things, knocking stuff over, because my body disconnects from my brain and it's hard to control. if people talk to me, I can't process their words or respond. I can't ask questions if I need to. i'll wander lost for way longer than I want to be there.

this whole time, i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably obvious because idk how to act "normal" or as expected when alone. so many times I come home without one or more of the things I needed from a store even if I had a list in hand.

I completely space out and dissociate way more often than i would like. not even stores when i need to go in and out quickly, but anywhere. if I try going to a thing that's supposed to be fun, like say a festival or aquarium or anything else, and I go alone because I don't have a friend to go with, I spend the whole time in a sensory overloaded, dissociative state, while being required to perform "normal human" rituals and masking. then get home, realizing I didn't enjoy it or retain much of it because my brain was overworking and i got exhausted as soon as i got there. i didnt get to relax and enjoy any of it because it was so much work and my brain shut down while there to try protecting itself. it's a whole brain exercise that exhausts me beyond belief. this whole time. i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably actually very obvious because idk how to act "normal" when alone and don't have someone to copy and follow.

if I have someone familiar with me, especially someone comfortable who i dont have to lead or entertain, I can ground myself better and focus more on them. I follow and copy them so I dont have the try as hard to be a human and think about doing human things. it's easier to copy someone doing the things than to try to think of the hundred steps you probably forgot and perform them alone. they always answer people so fast before I even processed half the words that were said to me.

it always surprises me when people do that. they'll answer a question before I even processed it was a question! I always need someone to be there for me to answer for me because i'm too slow, they get impatient, and/or I answer incorrectly, if i'm able to speak at all being semi-speaking. at least half the time if I do get words out, they don't hear me or mishear me. for example, just yesterday, I made my mom go to a new sushi restaurant with me. the waiter apparently asked if I was ready to pay, my mom was gesturing to me ans asking if im ready or something and the waiter was looking at me, but my brain couldn't make any of it out at all. I was staring between them like ???????? and gave up and just shook my head no. my brain was trying to figure it out and process anything at all, but i got incredibly confused and completely froze up. my mom answered "not yet" and they left. I was like, what was that about ? She said "they wanted you to pay now. you're ready to go right? now we have to wait again." I didn't get any of that, and if I was alone, that would have been even worse because I wasn't able to figure out anything or even say words. I need someone with me at all times to cover my perpetually lost and confused ass lmao

but it's also a struggle when the other person is like this too, puts too much attention on me, or expects me to lead us both. it causes the same effects as if i'm alone, plus the added bonus of needing to entertain and/or advocate/answer for and lead THEM, when I can't even do it for myself! I had a friend like that and it was annoying and immediately exhausting every time we hung out.

I don't know if any of this is making sense. i'm sure at least one person's gets it, though, right? how it's hard to consciously and appropriately act human in public when alone, but copying or hiding behind another person makes it easier than thinking about it all yourself, while sensory overload! if i can I just exist along with them and the focus isn't all on me like it is when i'm alone, it's a lot easier.

acting "normal" like a human, or basically what's "appropriate" in public spaces around others takes so much brain power that most people don't have to even think about! because it's automatic for them. so they can't fathom how much i'm struggling and it's so easy for them to say "just do it/you don't need help/you don't need someone to do it with or for you/you're being lazy!" plus adding on sensory overload you can't ignore, while everyone else is able to completely tune out and ignore the horrible lighting, the squeaky cart wheels, the crying babies and screaming kids, the 50 different conversations, the loud phone ring tone a few aisles over, the annoying music playing, someone dropping a box of something, crinkling of wrappers, the cash register beeps, the air being a bit too chilly, the annoying seam on your socks, the scratchy material of your jacket, the overly bright display of products, etc. everything all at once in great intensity. people who can ignore this don't know how lucky they are. they also don't understand what it feels like. it's exhausting.

i'm like a cave gremlin seeing light and the world for the first time ever, every time I leave my room. everything is confusing and overwhelming, but because i'm human shaped, everyone expects me to have the expected human behaviors and they freak out when i dont meet those standards. they don't care how difficult it is for me and how much i'm struggling. they won't help or accommodate me. it has to be my fault I made them uncomfortable.

exposure doesn't make it any better and arguably makes it worse because more sensory overload and more need to use my brain to overthink every word and movement I do, leading to a very deep exhaustion immediately 😫

this is why functioning labels or comparing me to my "good" days/experiences sucks and shouldn't happen. I often need help/support and people expect me to ~do it myself~ and refuse to help me so I struggle and fail to exist correctly.

#autistic #autism #lee rambles #actually autistic #neurodivergent #audhd #autism things #sensory processing disorder #sensory overstimulation #sensory overload #i copy pasted this from where i first typed it and somehow pasted it in the incorrect order because tumblr app is a nightmare #it kept jumping as i was trhing to paste so things pasted jn the wrong spots. but i *think* i fixed it. apologies if not lmao #its one of those days. where i wish to go a place and do a thing but have no one to ask so i will not go #i need a dedicated beat friend i can always ask who preferably has the same work schedule as me or flexible time #or become rich and hire someone to do things with me l m a o #why is tumblr app such a nightmare though why is it jumping around while i type #and why does it turn a whole paragraph italics when i only highlighted ONE WORD. #and dont even get me started on trying to rearrange pictures in a post lmao #this has been a rant within a rant #autism stuff

[seariii]

*getting out of bed stumbling* let's send the last couple gifts... (< Can barely open her eyes)

Also... I always forget how pretty it feels to gift things to others... Some have big reactions, some have smaller ones, but... Most of the time you get to see them happy, a small smile, a warm feeling.... That's beautiful... So beautiful

And Im still not used to the receiving gifts jajajaja and it's... So pretty... It's such a warm and gentle feeling but so so strong... "This was made for me, thinking about me" "this was chosen for me".... I'm... Heh...

Giving and receiving gifts is always so beautiful.... This is why I love Christmas, Valentine's, birthdays.... I'd love to actually bake everyone brownies... To give them little cards...

Also valentine's is so pretty because it's all about love! And at least where I live is literally called The Love and Friendship Day!!!! So I've always seen valentine's as a good day to show appreciation for friends ... *Happy sigh* I love Love

Jijiji as I was writing the notes, my brother knocked on my door and gave me a small cinnamoroll notepad and it's so cute... Such a cute day

Alr, now let's send those gifts

#OMG AS I WAS WRITING THIS I GOT A CALL FOR THE RANDOM EVENT THAT I NAMED ON MY SOFTWARE UPDATE #DUDE I JUST WOKE UP LMAO SO that was good because i was chill and didnt expect kt and im too sleepy to process stuff #but like was also really good because yesterday i wrote down everything i needed for this call #lets go #okay okay im done YAYYAYYAY #... the day i fall in love im gonna need someone to hold me back JAJAJAJAJAJA as to not spend everything in gifts #honestly... today does make me think about romantic love... and i do hope to experience the beauty of it some day #i dont feel like i need to rush it and im honestly a little scared because i dont see myself with someone on the future #(< wants to get married and have a family) #but... i dont feel like i should worry about it yet.... i dont know how all that works but im sure the right person will some day appear #seari talks

[essektheylyss]

Okay I did start handwriting again for the first time since high school and I've only done a bit thus far but I'm remembering how much less pressure it is, which is great because I really needed some lower pressure writing.

But also I'm realizing it's fascinating for reasons I could not have appreciated when I was a teenager because I was so new to writing and didn't really know what I was doing; specifically I've realized that I can really identity strengths and weaknesses based on what comes more naturally and what I have to really think about to remember to include. It's super neat!

For instance I am great at scene motion and where active elements are relative to each other. I'm good at dialogue flow. I really struggle with the balance of internal narration, and drop it a lot when it would be good for character but I don't currently need it for exposition. I will straight up need to add atmospheric elements in later, because I have entirely failed to account for things like weather even though my pov character started out on a small boat on a busy waterway used as an major thoroughfare in the middle of the night.

A lot of descriptions are overall lacking per my taste, because I tend to go back and add those small details as I get farther into a scene and nail down the setting and vibes. And it's easy and unobtrusive when I'm in a word processor, because I jump back a few lines, type the phrase I wanted, and go back to the end, and it only takes me a few seconds, whereas on paper I have to flip back and then try to wedge it in nicely enough that it's legible later.

It's super neat to analyze and I highly recommend it if only because it might tell you stuff about your process that are so autonomic that you haven't noticed them, and could help point toward stuff that you could make more seamless if you deliberately practice putting more active thought in to incorporate.

#if you don't want that then yanno. disregard and keep scrolling but i am a process improvement bitch lmao #megs is writing #I'm having SO much fun tho i used to love handwriting and it's not as efficient but it does just... flow #which i really needed #i can sustain a typed writing flow longer but i find it harder to get into it if I'm not already feeling the writing vibes #and like. i wrote ten pages the other day without even realizing it. fucking wild

[solarisposting]

i've been too depressed/sick/unrecovered* at different times, sometimes all at once, for months to really clean. but tonight i did a good first pass on the shower's walls and got the tap and faucet shining clean for the first time in god know how long!

#ann with an ie #*unrecovered from foot surgery that was on goddamn halloween #i only use my boot thing outside the house now and the crutch is obsolete! #i tried wearing a regular shoe for one day and it was awful #so we're getting there but it is a process #i just cancelled my third followup appointment though bc i son't need it! and cannot afford it lmao

[heraldofcrow]

My night in a nutshell

Sorry @Lore Council 💀

#video games have affected my emotions more than almost any other form of media with the exception of books and music #it’s legit crazy lmao #i’m glad tho because idk how to express darker emotions irl so i need SOMEWHERE to process #hence my instability xDD #bro i literally started crying when i saw the fire this time ahshshsb #it fucked me up #but i SHOULD be fine now….r-right? #*faceplants* #i will cope by focusing on the valentine’s day drawings <33 #lore council shenanigans #mutuals #CrowNotes

[alelelesimz]

my very well loved tamagotchi that i’ve had since 2005 :) i’ve moved so many times in my life and somehow this guy is still with me! it still works too, it just doesn’t have battery

#this fucker is older than some of u! #here’s a funny anecdote #i remember everyone’s tamagotchis would die at 2nd or 3rd gen #but i took SO MUCH care of it that i got mine to something like gen 15 and i was so proud of it #the day that it died i was in class #i couldn’t take it out cause they were banned but i still had mine with me obviously #so i checked it and i saw it was dead and the absolute dread i felt was crazy #i ran to the teacher to ask if i could go to the bathroom and locked myself in there in disbelief #i swear i have vivid memories of this shit #i was so shocked i didn’t know what to do #and i kept it paused till i went back home cause i needed to process this lmao #after that i never kept another tamagotchi for more than 3 gens cause i stopped caring

[anto-pops]

hi☺️ how are you?🫶🏻 I recently got an idea for a fic (I used to write but i’m honestly not satisfied with my works yet so i never posted anything) andd I was wondering if you have any tips maybe? Because I can’t stress enough how talented you are! (if you ever write a book pls let me know!!!) and i’d really appreciate some tips if you were willing to give me some🫶🏻 My ideas usually come in my mind visually, like i’m watching a film, and I struggle finding the right words to express what’s in my head and I’m not sure how to fix that😕 in my head it’s so intense and full of emotion and alive but when i’m writing… it’s a disaster I think🥲 anyway thank you in advance whether you decide to give me tips or not, i know it’s a lot to ask but I adore the way you write🫶🏻☀️

AKJFHDSKF THANK YOU LOVIE !!! This is so sweet and nice of you to say, I appreciate the kind words more than you know 💕

I would absolutely love to give you tips ! I've answered a few asks like this in the past, one of which you can find here just to save time and reiterate most of what I would say.

It sounds like you've got the overall plot of your story nailed down and you know what you want to write, so the best thing I would recommend for your visualizing tactic is to make an outline that can better depict the progression of the whole thing. I totally get wanting to just control c + control v your thoughts onto a page and be done with it, but that's where being patient with yourself comes in. The outline doesn't need to be followed to the letter (mine very rarely are), but it can really help you organize the order of events you're imagining in your head.

Take your time with describing the scenes in your story that build up to that final, pinnacle moment. It might seem like you're rambling, but in my personal experience the added attention there really pays off in the end. I always follow the 'show-not-tell' guideline when I write so there's less of me telling the readers what's going on and more of me showing it. An example would be a character's body language changing when they're uncomfortable, or icy wind leeching the warmth from their cheeks. Little things like that can add life to a story vs. simply stating "He was uncomfortable" or "She was cold".

Writing isn't a linear process for most people. There's ups and downs and lengthy breaks followed by intense, week long binges of word vomit, so definitely be kind to yourself and have fun with it ! If you need anything else feel free to shoot me another ask or DM me, I would be happy to help ! Have a great day and good luck my dear 💗

#asks #I need to start tagging my writing tips cause I hate to sound like a broken record and I mostly reiterate the things that work for me #at the end of the day though everyone is different and everyone has a process that works for them #I can't stress enough how helpful creating an outline or taking notes can be though #the hand kink fic had me handwriting four pages of notes that I kept next to me while typing the whole thing #and when all else fails just remember it took five months for me to finish the damn thing so you really can't do worse than that LMAO #please come back here if you need more help anon I can cater my advice to you specifically if I glean more info about your story <3 #writing tips

[kingproblem]

police officers open up ❤️🥺

#idk how tranquilizer darts other than movies #but if we can go to the moon we can find non lethal violent painful methods to detain someone who’s actually for real like legit #no questions asked threatening your life #my heart hurts #it’s like #don’t watch the news or any documentative media! #but like #fuck idk #another manic and tipsy rant #okay drunk #personal #lol #idk #fuck #yikes #blah #lmao #maybe one day god will #forgive me for my sins #police officer #acab #it’s so wild #like I need four years of schooling to process a wire and basic math but these bitches hold lives in their hands after x hours WTF

[chuuyanakaahara]

hmm. starting to realize my life might be better if I was medicated.

#but the process of getting actual diagnoses and stuff like that... i do not want to #even if adderall would honestly help me a fuckton #i rly need to get on going to get anxiety meds bcc my anxiety is so fuckign bad that even my straightline therapist didnt try to #tell me to work it out some other way than medication LMAO #summary: its been an exhausting couple of days. and i didnt even do anything. #cherri.txt

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao) #so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still) #plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say! #i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶 #bella talks

[jinhyun]

.

#no but what is it with people that feel entitled to have you do your job for them for free #like this dude that mind you is not even my friend has called me ten times since yesterday #there was this unknown number texting me on wsp saying hello and then wouldn't stop calling me throughout the day so i just ignored it #and then at night my cousin texted me saying that x person was trying to contact me and said i wouldn't answer #and i was like what do they want #and she was like 'legal advice' LIKE ?????? #i'm IN THE PROCESS of becoming a lawyer i'm not even one yet meaning i can't act like one and get paid for it #and sure i do help my friends and family with legal stuff for free bc i love them but like. people who aren't close to me i don't really #have to??? #it takes actual time out of my day to help them out #and to have this guy who just called me AGAIN today and now texted me like 20 minutes ago telling me to pick up my phone i mean??????? #idk what you need but either be willing to pay me or get an actual lawyer my dude i'm not obliged to do shit for you #i mean if he just texted me it'd be /fine/ ig but it's the fact that he's demanding to talk on the phone with me when i have anxiety and #hate talking on the phone #like just tell me what you want and go. i'll see whether i can help you out or not but just stop spamming meeeeeeee #i'm deleting this later i just needed to let it out JDÑSJDÑS i don't even wanna check my phone anymore lmao

[altruistic-meme]

i want to get started on the Full Hands List but i am waiting on my apartment people for scheduled maintenance and i don't really want to start until they leave but i also have no idea what time they'll make it to my apartment so we're just playing the waiting game now

#at my old apartment i was one of the first to get the maintenance bc my apartment number was just higher on the list #so it was usually around 10-11am #but im much further down now and idk how long it'll take #this isn't my FIRST TIME having the preventative maintenance in this apartment but the last times i just went to bed and got woken up #when they knocked #bc i was still on nights and i had no idea how long it'd be and didnt want to stay awake #and i did NOT check the time when they finally arrived #i just let them in and waited until they left so i could go back to sleep lmao #so #we'll see ig #I'm also splitting this into 3 days instead of don't all 3 seasons at once ill do a season a day #largely bc of time in general and how it's like. 12 hours of show. #and im be starting late today bc of *gestures at post* #but also it's going to be LONGER cus i have to pause every time hands shown up so i can note the timestamp #which ofc makes the whole process much. MUCH longer as seen with s3's preliminary run lmao #ough #I'm talking so much jdfjjsjd #also just my attebtion span is NOT great and i need to actually be WATCHING THE SCREEN THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME #and can't be checking my phone or anything #cus ill miss shots!!!! #i missed at least 2 on my og s1+s2 list and im sure i missed others #i also have to decide how to count the montages #cus there'll be like 2 shots of hands immediately one after the other in the montages #sigh #......... I'll probably count them separately. just for accurate numbers. #which ofc means that ALL of my bonus aren't QUITE right rn cuts ik i lumped montages together #lmao #oh this will be so much fun #shh ac #young royals