#no because why does this go SO HARD

[zootopiathingz]

Nintendo: ok we need music for the final battle in Mario Galaxy. It can be dramatic but it is a kids game so it doesn’t need to be that intense-

The mf who made this:

#Youtube #no because why does this go SO HARD #like if you listened to this would you really believe it came from a mario game?? #super mario galaxy #mario soundtracks #nintendo music #goddamn the music in this game is unmatched #we need a motif of this in the next mario movie

[kittyandco]

does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

#i get so upset when i think about it for too long; i'm there for them now but there was nothing i could do; wanna go back and protect them #i'm like this with everyone i care about (real and fictional) and sometimes it's hard #it's about hans this time. i just can't believe all the things that happened to him #no wonder he's terrible! no one cared about him! why should he care! all he knows is pain and neglect! except from me! #i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved #they all used him up til he was nothing and that's all he knows #i can't even read certain parts of a frozen heart again because i just cried so much the first time... he didn't deserve that #no one does #and then the comics detailing it all even FURTHER #he was like any other innocent kid and seeing that progression hurt so much. i could get into the details but ugh #hux's age of resistance comic did the same thing. i can't even look at the first 2 pages; it's too much. i just want to hold him #anyway... i'm fine :') i've made a post like this before but i'm feeling it so hard right now #self ship

[otaku553]

Procrastination doodles of sabo for the king sabo au :)

#one piece #sabo #king sabo au #I wonder sometimes if I keep thinking about this au because i like putting my blorbo through crushing existential nightmares #something something. it must feel so wrong to him. to be born like this and know that he’s not suppose to be there #but not having the memories of times in the wild with his brothers to contextualize why he feels wrong or where he’s supposed to be instead #directionless. knowing that he has to exist for some reason but not the reason that everyone around him tells him he should exist for #and continuing to try to bridge the cognitive dissonance through fallacy after fallacy until he is in too deep to escape #anyways. thinking about Him #Him is the academia mentality of ‘just keep going and you’ll eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel’ #‘because you’ve tried so hard to get here and surely you must belong here because you’re so academically highly-achieving’ #does that make sense? maybe the parallel is a bit of a reach. I could write an essay about it tbh #I love this au lmao it’s both a lot of projecting and a great chance to be like ‘god I can make him so much worse’

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

so im listening to the potd audio commentary and jodie's talking about covid restrictions and filming flux and how the restrictions were more intense at the start of filming (was that end of 2020/start of 2021?) and she says "by the time we finished, we could hug" and damn they took that opportunity didnt they

#itS OnLY BeEn A dAy FoR tHe DOcToR wHY dOeS ShE hUg YaZ LikE ThAt #well maybe sometimes you havent been able to hug your friends for six months because of a pandemic have you thought about that dfhkgjhkjgh #i make myself guilty of this too tho i forget about covid all the time #or not forget im the only one in my town still wearing a fucking mask but like #i find it hard to factor in here #bc i dont know when they filmed + theres no covid in dwniverse #or you know. this part of it #but like you dont SEE anyone wearing masks and idk #in like quarantaine times you'd get these visceral reactions to crowd shots on tv right? #but personally ive lost that #i dont go into public places without a mask but everybody else does so like the visual of crowds has become nrmal again #dont think theres crowds in doctor who but like #it doesnt Register so viscerally if people are stnading close to each other #at least to me

[uncanny-tranny]

At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.

If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.

So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.

#gender nonconformity #gnc #queer #like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit #there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness... #...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral' #and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences #like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+ #i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong #and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood #it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism #while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE #i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people... #...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics #may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down #i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity #which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly' #i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me #made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this) #why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg #i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.

[corvidcall]

whenever someone is describing any piece of media and they say "it didnt need to to this hard" it does drive me a little batty. what do you MEAN they didnt have to to this hard. the reason you make art is to go as hard as you possibly can in that moment.

"oh wow they COULD have just given me slop that wasnt even good! but instead they decided to put effort in!!!" yeah bud. why would they have bothered otherwise. especially funny because i most recently saw someone saying it about Animorphs of all things. the fuck you mean KA Applegate didnt have to go that hard for Animorphs. that was the whole POINT of Animorphs. why would she bother writing Animorphs if it didn't go as hard as it did?

idk its a little weird to me! a little silly. why would i make art at all if i wasnt gonna put my whole pussy into it? i would have instead just done nothing.

#anime life #i get it a little bit for like. commercial art. like why does the music for this corporate training video go so hard #but the answer is. because the person who made it was a composer. who probably liked making music. and wanted the music they made to be good

[biblically-accurate-dca]

these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p

i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess

#my art #probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags #im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile #im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me #why doesnt the 🌞&🌜 fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that #their entire character is meant to parallel her #there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that #🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other #there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves #🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there #the entire 6am ending sequence ??? #literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content #and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen #and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more #appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume #.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her. #its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot #i just think theyre an interesting character 😭 and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD #anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now

[fromtheseventhhell]

Do you ever think about how Arya being left-handed most likely had an impact on her needlework and other tasks? And how she needed special attention not only because she wasn't as naturally gifted as her sister but because the way she was being taught fundamentally didn't work for her? And how instead of being given the attention she needed she was instead held to an unfair standard by her teacher and used as a measure for bad behavior? And how this all impacted her self-esteem and her views on being a Lady?

#arya stark #septa mordane #catelyn stark #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #I think about this all the normal amount I'm definitely not obsessed with Arya and her internal conflict on being a lady #I'm not saying her being left-handed is the sole reason she was bad at those tasks but I do think it had an impact #that's why it gets pointed out by Syrio and how it will impact her swordplay...it has an impact on the way she does things #Arya not being able to fit in kills me because she genuinely tried to be the Lady that her family wanted #she was literally trying her best to do tasks that didn't come naturally and she was constantly told she wasn't good enough #if her family hadn't forced the issue and been so hard on her it would've been so much easier for her to do what was expected of her #it's just so fascinating and one of my favorite internal conflicts...I can't wait to see the resolution #so many people try and make Arya the problem but she was literally 9 years old #and her behavior in canon isn't the disruptive wild child people portray her to be she was doing her best that just wasn't enough for some #she was frustrated because her work wasn't as good as her sisters and her teacher mother and sister made sure she knew it #of course that's going to impact her views self-esteem and behavior #like no she was not a burden that her /poor/ mother and teacher suffered through lol

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

my greatest achievement in DA2 is maxing out Carver's friendship

and all it took was begrudgingly kissing a little templar ass in act 1 because Carver didn't want to plan a prison break if my Hawke got his ass arrested for being stupid.

#carver hawke #dragon age #dragon age 2 #da2 #well that and he didn't want leandra gamlen and himself to also get arrested for harboring an apostate but you get me #carver hawke loves his sibling and doesn't want them to get taken away that's why he's such an ass and approves of 'pro-templar' choices #in act 1 he's not pro-templar himself but kissing a little templar ass is how you avoid being arrested #'why yes cullen you are so right the templars are so cool and sexy' my hawke says through gritted teeth for that +5 friendship #look i love him okay he's my favorite and i will go the extra mile to make him happy and it's worth it for how much softer can be later on #honestly maxing out his friendship isn't hard if you're aware of what quests you're bringing him on and make him a grey warden #oh but you do need the legacy dlc otherwise you can't fully max friendship out... you can still get enough to change his dialogue/attitude #also like... we the player know hawke won't be arrested like they're not in any actual dangers from the templars as the playable character #but carver doesn't know that and neither does hawke so the templars *are* a real threat to them #and it's incredibly reckless to purposely piss off templars AND selfish because it's not just hawke that'll be arrested it's their family #for harboring them like we witness templars going after people hiding apostates soooo..... #i'm just saying that carver isn't irrational or just being an ass to personally annoy you okay he has cause #also once carver's a warden and ed has money and the estate THEN he's way more open about telling the templars to piss off #sigh one day i'll sit down and write an essay about carver.... one day

[astranauticus]

stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3

#arknights #asto speaks #not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too #thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like #maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you #it just gets to me. i guess. #jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating* #just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy #but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination #god. what a Character #i love jordi so much like genuinely #i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him #the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy #gently holds #for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server #cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out #and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD #in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro #because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him #and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that #thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*. #this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him #side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore #i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like #i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow #ak #iberiaposting

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

I am once again going down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out the ages of the Gallifrey characters

#idk why my brain gets so caught up on this but it does #I’m also talking like start of gallifrey because I’m not getting into all that for them now #what bothers me the most is that we’ve got basically nothing on Narvin #I can’t remember for sure but I don’t even think we know what regeneration he’s on #I don’t think it would be hard to assume his first but also it could not be #like for brax we know he’s older than the doctor so that puts him at at least 1000 #and romana is around 600 years younger than the doctor so she’d be around 400 #and then I’m going with 50 ish for leela because we don’t know her actual age so I’m using Louise jamesons age plus the time she spent #married to andred #also with romana that’s assuming that her and the doctor experienced the same amount of time in between them traveling together and the #start of gallifrey #I guess that could also count for brax too but whatever #for narvin what we’ve got is that he was above the rank of a junior agent under vansell during the time of the fourth doctor #(at least probably) #so we can make the assumption that he wasn’t fresh out of the academy/cia training #which makes me inclined to say that he’s older than romana #but that’s really all I’ve got on him #doctor who #gallifrey #romana #irving braxiatel #narvin #leela #clearly this is a subject I am normal about #if anyone else makes it this far in my rant and has any insights I’d love to hear them

[brown-little-robin]

あ

#Robin processes emotions on main #already I am struggling with studying Japanese #not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that #but with this horrible kind of anxiety #I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up. #this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough #it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY. #it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's— #hhhhhhhhhhhh #it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much #and I don't know HOW to learn it #I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going #going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker....... #I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS #No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!! #WAH!!!! #I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards #I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime #it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out #Robin learns Japanese

[powdermelonkeg]

First drawing of Crowdsourced Durge, aka Daggerroot. It's been AWHILE since I last picked up a tablet in proper, but I think this is a decent drawing to start with (also thank you to @too-many-blorbos for helping me with posing)

Details below the cut:

In-game appearance

Crowd-decided details:

I am romancing Gale

This is a Resisting Dark Urge playthrough

They're a middle-aged, nonbinary, deep gnome Way of Shadows monk

On top of their Durge skills (Intimidation/Medicine), they're also proficient in Insight and Stealth

Chaotic Neutral-Good Alignment: Impulsive, acts in the interest of friends only, can be easily persuaded to do the right thing by said friends, but seldom ever the wrong thing. Doesn't care what friends get up to unless it negatively impacts other friends. Strong sense of wanting to rectify past mistakes, but refuses to be told the "correct" way to do so. Thinks stealing from/killing/spiting evil characters is justified because "they deserved it."

Flaws: Blunt/has no filter, contrary for the sake of being contrary, weirdly prejudiced against elves (due to repressed Ketheric spite)

Good Qualities: Loves animals, unfailingly loyal, good at bartering and haggling

Quirks: Takes a trophy from each memorable kill, incredibly horny, will try anything (potions, strange food, licking the spider, Loviatar's blessing) at least once

Memory Loss Side Effects: Thinks everyone else has the Urge but Durge is just bad at controlling it, doesn't know cannibalism isn't normal, doesn't know what sex is

STR 9/DEX 17/CON 12/INT 10/WIS 12/CHA 15

Imposed rule: Short rest after every fight, and long rest when out of short rests

Additional fun facts:

Their name is Daggerroot. They picked their name as they were combing the beach for supplies, recognized a single sprig of it, and the lore around it came to mind: "Known as 'the executioner's garnish', this herb flourishes in blood-fed soil and has flavoured countless final meals." For some reason, the description brought them amusement. Both "Dagger" and "Root" are acceptable nicknames, though most people tend towards the former.

They're the group medic. This is why they're in charge. Because they have such a good medical knowledge due to struck out Dark Urge memories, they've assumed "surgeon" was their profession before being tadpoled. And, I mean, they're not wrong...

There's something just not-quite-right about them, visually. They LOOK a lot like a deep gnome, and to someone who doesn't know deep gnomes well, they are one. But to deep gnomes, they have a very uncanny valley effect to them.

Their dream guardian is identical to them. This is going to do LEAGUES for their trust in this person, with a fair share of existential crises on top of it. "If you're not what's causing the urges...that means I am. I'll listen to whatever you say, because you're clearly my better half."

Monk class backstory:

They killed their foster family as a young child before Sceleritas found them. Because they were out of control then, and now had the eyes of everyone in the Bhaal temple on them, they adopted monastic tendencies (gifted kid + fear)

That deep-seated fear of loss of control still persists in current form Durge (based on the canon origin monologue: "Injured beyond repair, I know nothing besides this: I must resist the Dark Urge, lest is consume my mind.") and leads to sticking with Monk as their class at the start of BG3

Bonus points, they gained admiration from peers in the temple for killing people bare-handed

#why are they barefoot? because they hate shoes #the guardian reveal is going to GUT them #also this ruleset for behavior is going to be fantastic for storycrafting #it is my sincere hope that i have enough spoons to draw dagger more often. and to improve while doing so #there's a hint to their identity in their outfit; i took a tiny bit of liberties #also i gave them bloody plum dye because default does not vibe thank you very much #vitiligo is hard to draw. i need to get better at it. practice makes perfect #bg3 #crowdsourced durge #daggerroot durge #the dark urge #also screw hands #i think the next thing I'll practice is expressions. both for the expressions themselves and to practice getting their face right #my art #real coffee hours #holy shit it's 4 am

[imminent-danger-came]

MK: "No way! I may not understand your irrational love of noodles, or working hard, or being angry all the time—but you are always there when I need you, so it's time for me to return the favor! Because Pigsy's Noodles, are noodles worth fighting for!"

(2x04 Sweet'n Sour)

-

Subodhi: "Zhu Bajie was a stubborn one too." Pigsy: "Oh! So you think we're the same just cause we're pigs huh, bet you think I'm just a disgusting little monster too." Subodhi: "Zhu Bajie had his vices, however, like all the companions he grew up. He struggled the most, but he worked hard, not unlike yourself. Although he didn't start out this way, in time he became a deeply caring and protective creature, and a powerful ally—one of the best in fact. The heart you have in abundance, the power? Why, you've barely scratched the surface of your potential! And that's saying something."

(4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids)

-

Gettin' emotional over my favorite hard working Pig man.

#Thinking too hard about s2 pigsy rn don't mind me #Like. In 2x03 he definitely does feel he can rely on MK. But by the end of 2x04 he knows he can #So then going from 2x03 ''Classic MK. Goofs off and screws around all day!'' to ''You've earned a break kid'' in 2x07 #To then chewing SWK out in 2x10 on behalf of MK #Growth #Also omg in 2x04....is that MK being their for a friend when they need him??? 3x10 and 4x02 anyone #Actually Tang in this ep too. ''Some day I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' #And here he was being someone Pigsy could depend on #Really I think that's tang's motivation in 2x02 too #What I mean when I say this show is so well thought out #Like. Pigsy was closed off until Subodhi mentioned how he ''works hard'' because that's something Pigsy really values #Could even relate ''the heart you have in abundance. The power? Why you've only scratched the surface!'' to 1x09 #''You're hearts in the right place bud! We can work on the rest.'' #Like. Don't look at me #Pigsy had a mini Zhu Bajie arc in s1 and the first half of s2 send tweet #*Pulls out conspiracy board* MK Mei Tang and Pigsy are all dynamic characters. They change in distinct ways #Sandy however is very static (with the exception of resolving to fight in s3) and while there is nothing wrong with a static character #I THINK SANDY IS WRITTEN THIS WAY FOR A PLOT REASON. SUBODHI POINTED IT OUT IN 4x09. #AND HERE'S WHY OG SANDY IS CURRENT SANDY- #lmk #lmk parallels #lego monkie kid #lmk Pigsy #hmmmm. s4 dadsy fr fr

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[lunarharp]

little bit of modern au (SPOILERS for the zelda game.)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #zelda totk spoilers #thus ends the orufrey playing on their switches saga. oh modern au...the place where everything is pretty much ok. Yes i have joycon drift. #hey literally why do ppl leave private replies on twt. not priv qrts. that's like..fine. Whatever. but priv replies...who r u talkin to. #once i posted a comic about writing that went REALLY far before i deleted it and got 400+ qrts and someone left a string of private replies #Yeah go off king. What is the point #what does it mean. what does it all mean. <- me at all times looking at the internet in my puter and understanding nothing and just leaving #i'm obsessed with how i said that qifrey doesnt really 'identify' with link so it's hard for him to play games like this #but he cooks food and sleeps as if things are real. Oh what a mysterious fellow...my darling..meanwhile once again oru plays normally #qifrey: I don't really know who zelda is so... sorry that happened to her...bye.. Oh my stomach must be rumbling by now! #if you haven't seen the other parts to this saga he ended up caring abt zelda because he pretended to himself that she is oru. Princess Oru #i play more like qifrey btw. totk was really good