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delusioninabox · 9 months

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Daily #2,516! Entering my ✨ self-confident ✨ and ✨ blessed to be boring ✨ era.

#daily #comic strip #comic #personal #me #that is growth #who knew #not me #but happy to be here #no regrets and etc #the mortifying ordeal of knowing yourself

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jetskisonyourmoat · 13 days

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‘What have you learned from watching your performance?’

[X]

First of all Nick will always be the funniest of the Monkeys for me, he’s just so effortlessly funny. He fully predicted the way Alex performs now with the facial expressions, the foot on the monitor and the back bends.

Secondly, the thought of Alex watching the Apollo performance they are talking about and cringing at his own stage banter between songs makes me feel a bit sad. Because he’s so sweet and funny during that show! And people during ‘The Car’ tour complained a lot about his lack of crowd interaction and I feel like that’s probably because in the back of his mind he’s constantly thinking about whether he’s talking too much.

#I definitely feel like over the years he’s become more self censored #in what he says and how he talks there’s now a lot more hesitation and #I feel like he’s constantly placing barriers between who he is and what he lets us see #masking etc but also actively regretting the younger less filtered version of himself #matt helders #jamie cook #richard ayoade #nick o malley #alex turner #arctic monkeys

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mysunfreckle · 2 months

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I was rereading the correspondence included in Pride and Prejudice, and I'm always amused by the "Yours, etc." used at the end of several of the letters simply because it was too much work to write it out the sign off in full. But what really gets me is that Mr. Collins letter to Mr. Bennet at Lydia's elopement is the only one to end with:

"I am, dear sir," etc., etc.

Like Austen is physically tapping you on the shoulder, going: "look, I'm not going to write out any of these commonplace civilities, but I do need you to know that Mr. Collins uses much much more of them"

#pride and prejudice #jane austen #austen #sunfreckle's scribbles #there is one other double 'etc.' in the novel #to indicate that Bingley is Very Very Civil and profuse in regretting that he has to decline an invitation to dinner #and that he'd love to come at any other time #because apparantly there are no people so verbose as a bingley in love and a collins keeping up a correspondence

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strangersteddierthings · 10 months

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The Response

Part Two of The Interview [Part One] [Ao3]

With no exact time given by Robin, Eddie's left to kill time. He drags himself from the YouTube spiral to try and track down Steve on social media. After two hours, he concludes that either Steve has his (and official Corroded Coffin's) socials blocked, or Steve just doesn't have any. He's a bit baffled that people can even find Steve to send hate mail to him.

He shoots a text to Gareth. Can you find Steve on any socials?

He gets an instant reply.

DO NOT CONTACT!!!

WAIT FOR RESPONSE

DONOT MAKE THISS WORSE MUNSON

Eddie frowns down at his phone but doesn't argue. He probably would make it worse. He sends back 'k' and looks back to the laptop. Watches it auto-refresh but Robin's feed hasn't changed.

God, what will Steve have to say?

It's mostly true, that Eddie hasn't thought about Steve in years. That's been deliberate. Eddie was so furious back then. Robin wasn't wrong about him venting his feelings into a song, but how was he supposed to know Hey Steve would be the song the catch the ear of the people? And yeah, the lyrics are very unflattering.

A lot of their first songs were filled with rage. The whole first album is just their collective high school experiences. Songs about growing up in Hawkins and how shit that was for them, a song about Eddie's complicated feelings towards his dad, songs about dungeons and dragons disguised as fantasy ballads, things like that. And, of course, Hey Steve.

He can admit that years ago he reevaluated the lyrics and found it to be more harsh than was warranted. But he figured there was no point worrying about that. People exaggerate in songs all the time. The song is out, people still plead for it to be played during encore performances. Eddie hadn't thought it was hurting anyone to play it.

Hey Steve had taken Eddie less than two days to write. He did almost nothing for those two days except write. Fuck. He was still just a dumb kid when he wrote it, barely graduated high school. And the reason for writing it...

Eddie had know Steve wasn't out to his parents when he'd asked Steve to essentially runaway with him. Steve had worried about things like money, and living situations, and getting food. It had all sounded like excuses to Eddie back then. Like Steve was picking the safety of Hawkins and his parents' house over going out into the world to be with Eddie freely.

They'd fought about it. The worst fight they'd ever had. Yet, here Eddie is, a decade later and unable to recall anything that was actually said. Just a summary of that conversation exists in his mind, now. Steve wanting to wait. To save more money now that his hours at the grocery store would be changing from part time to full with him no longer being in school and able to work the morning shifts. Wait to get his car fully transferred to his name from his parents.

All things that adult Eddie can now see as reasonable. Jesus Fucking Christ. He remembers he'd given Steve some sort of ultimatum. He was leaving on the last Grey Hound from Hawkins to Indy. Steve could meet him at the bus stop or stay, but Eddie was going, with or without him.

Steve had shouted back. He knows they just got louder and nastier until Steve finally told him that he would be going without him, then, because they were over. Even as angry as Eddie had been, he'd held out hope. But that last bus left Hawkins with Eddie on it and no sign of Steve in sight.

So Eddie did what he did best. Channeled that hurt into anger and wrote a song. Never in a million years did he think that, in the very first bar they played at in Indy, they'd meet a man who wanted to take a chance with them and get them a demo. All they needed to do was get from Indy to LA. Eddie had a van and the motivation. The next year of his life was too busy for him to even think, much less worry about Steve and his breakup.

Well, that was a lie. He thought about it constantly and shoved the thoughts aside as quickly as they came. Easier to do when he had no way to check up on Steve. He left Hawkins with no laptop and a pay-per-text flip phone he'd bought at a gas station. Wayne tried his best to provide for Eddie, and that meant they'd had one cell phone between the two, and Eddie had insisted that Wayne keep it.

By the time he got a laptop and internet, Steve had blocked him on Facebook and Twitter. That was the conclusion Eddie had come to when he finally worked up the nerve to swallow his pride and apologize and couldn't find Steve on either platform. Another thing that had filled Eddie with anger and hurt. Steve had broken up with him and then made sure Eddie couldn't reach back out.

Now he wonders, did Steve block him, or did Steve delete his socials to stop the hate mail?

Eddie feels nauseous.

Fuck!

What's worse is that, before the fight, Eddie had been so sure he was in love with Steve. But how can he say that with how quickly he dropped him? With how he's acted ever since? He could justify it to himself when he was still freshly broken up with and hurting but that faded away as fame took over.

Hard to be sad about not having a boyfriend when there were plenty of people lining up to be with him.

He pulls himself from his head to look at the laptop. A new tweet shows on Robin's screen and he scrambled to turn off the auto-refresher.

It's a short tweet, and Eddie sees she's changed her name as well.

Clicking the link takes him to a YouTube video.

It starts with the camera slightly jiggling, presumably from someone hitting record. It's been set up in a recording studio. A stool in front of a mic that's suspended from the ceiling is the only thing in the frame.

"Alright, dingus, last chance to change your mind about this," Robin's voice is picked up from off screen.

"You can't talk me out of this," says a male voice, and without any thought about it, Eddie's hand flings out and slaps the space bar, pausing the video. His heart is pounding, and he has to take a few deep breaths. That was Steve's voice. Of course, it was Steve's voice, it's his statement video, but hearing it again. Hearing it spoken softly but determined.

Swallowing feels difficult. Eddie's last memory of Steve's voice was screaming. This is... this is the Steve he never thought he'd hear again, and hasn't realized how much he desperately wanted to. With shaking hands, he presses play again.

Steve steps into frame, takes a seat on the stool. He looks in the direction of the camera, and Eddie has to pause again, to take him in. His hair is longer than it was in high school, the ends of it touching his shoulders. He's got it pulled up in a half updo, keeping the hair out of his face. His face is familiar and yet so different. He certainly looks older but not in a bad way. The biggest difference is his nose; it's not as straight as it once was, like it's been broken and healed wrong. His strong, square face is as handsome as it ever was, perhaps more so now. Eddie's eyes are drawn to the two moles on his cheek; his eyes have always been drawn there. It was his favorite place to kiss Steve.

He's wearing light wash jeans and a deep blue Henley. And fuck if it doesn't make him look good.

Eddie unpauses again, and waits to hear the retribution he deserves.

"This good, Robin?"

"Yeah, you're perfectly in frame."

"Good. Uhh, hi. I'm Steve. Robin told me that there was a lot of fuss regarding a certain Corroded Coffin song, and that people wanted to hear from me. Which is wild 'cause like, I'm just some guy and I don't really have much to say-" Steve is saying, with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Steve!" Robin interrupts him, "I just had to help you move because someone threw a brick through your window! What do-"

"Okay! I get it! But that's not Corroded Coffin's fault. They do that whole anti-bullying thing! It's not like they don't address harassment and bullying. I-" Steve cuts off, seeming to remember he's on camera. His face turns pink. "We can argue this later. Uhh, anyway. There is something I want to say to Eddie Munson, so I hope he's watching."

He makes a 'give it to me' gesture and Robin enters frame, handing him an acoustic guitar. "I thought I'd answer using the one thing Eddie understands best. Music. So, uh, I wrote this song with Robin's help. Lyrics are mine but the melody is Robin. The song doesn't have a title but, uh, okay. Here it goes."

And then, Steve starts to sing, looking down at the guitar for correct finger placement more than singing into the mic but it picks him up well regardless.

"Do you think I'd give up? That this might've shook the love from me? Or that I was on the brink? How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily? Now that it's done There's not one thing that I would change My life was a storm, since I was born. How could I fear any hurricane? If someone asked me at the end I'll tell them put me back in it-" Eddie is sitting down, and still he feels the floor fall out from under him.

"-Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah If I could hold you for a minute Darling, I'd go through it again, ah, ah."

Eddie doesn't hear the rest of the song because of the blood pounding in his ears. This can't be- it doesn't mean- after all this time? After everything that's happened, everything Eddie let happen, unintentionally or not.

His phone buzzes against his leg. He ignores it in favor of restarting the video and listening to the video from the start. He listens to the whole song and it ends without anything else. Once Steve's strummed the last chord, he just stands up, walks to the camera and the video ends.

He restarts the video again, and again, and again. Hears Steve sing How could you think I'd scare so easily and I would do it again if I could hold you for a minute and though I know my heart would break I'd tell them put me back in it.

It's through the tenth, or eleventh, playback that his phone buzzes again and he fumbles to answer blindly, unable to pull his eyes away from Steve on the screen of his laptop.

"Gare- It's not- what did I do Gare? Everything I thought Steve would have to say never came close to what he just sang. I can't- I don't know what to do," Eddie sobs into the phone.

There's a pause of silence before what is very much not Gareth's voice says, "Well, dammit Munson. I was calling to rip you a new one but you're already crying."

It takes Eddie a moment to place the voice, "Robin?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Robin says. "I think Steve's let you off easily, but I also know I kick a hornet's nest with my interview so I think we should work on getting this cleared up, both publicly and privately."

"How did you get my num-"

"Gareth. Keep up, Munson. I'd like us to be able to call off each other's fans. Your PR team and whoever you employee to do that anti-bullying campaign have done a pretty good job so far in telling people to back off, politely. Helps that Jeff has been on top of this from the beginning. Honestly, I think the best decision you've ever made in your life was making Jeff the front man of your band and not yourself. He's much more pleasant to talk to, and so good with people."

"Robin!" Eddie has to shout because Robin keeps saying words and they don't make sense. "What?"

He hears a sign from the other end of the phone. "You are annoying. You know that, Munson? I'll work with Gareth to get this done. I think we should be seen together, publicly. Maybe getting a coffee. So everyone knows we've made up, or whatever it is Gareth and I decide is happening. We should also meet up privately. There's a lot to talk about."

"I'm so confused."

"Nothing new. Now, when are you free to get on a plane to Pendleton, Oregon?"

"Pendleton?"

"Munson!" Robin snaps, "we just established that you live in a perpetual state of confusion. Instead of questioning me, how about you answer my questions. Now, when are you free?"

"Anytime."

"Smart answer. Get your ass to Pendleton by the morning of the twenty-third. I'll work with Gareth for all the other concerns. He's easier to deal with."

"Can I ask one follow up question at least!?"

"You just did but I'll allow one more before I hang up."

"Why Pendleton?"

"It's the nearest airport to our destination. I am not having a private conversation with you in California. I don't want to be caught speaking to you until Gareth and I have a chance to work out the details."

And then Robin hangs up.

Eddie leans forward and restarts the video on his laptop before looking up plane tickets. Fixing things with Robin might be the first step in ever getting try and, he doesn't know, apologize to Steve? Maybe even have a conversation one day.

He doesn't deserve that chance, he thinks, but he's a bad enough person to want it anyway.

#steddie #my fic #the interview #the song steve sings is Francesca by Hozier #i dont do taglists so i linked to ao3 where u can subscribe and get updates #i feel like eddies an unreliable narrator so im adding that tag on ao3 #the boy has got NO CLUE what is happening at any point in time ever #hes just a ball of guilt and regret #also i didn't clarify in the fic because i couldn't find a good way to fit it in #but gareth is not an active CC member‚ he's the PR manager #he used to be in the band but quit to finish college and be a family man #Jeff is the front man so he does the interviews/public appearances/etc #Eddie used to but like rockstar life hit him hard and he had to let someone else take that role

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moonshynecybin · 1 month

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I’m doing a press conference binge and I just watched misano 2018 and it was basically just couples counciling for rosquez with Marc looking like he’s about to cry. And during this binge I have discovered Marc has zero poker face like it was not existent even before sepang 2015 but like the micro expressions that escape him are amazing like I think it was COTA 2017 vale was talking about how zarco was aggresive and so on and so on and Marc’s just there with a raised eyebrow being like fr like he had no chill and no poker face like before sepang 2015 the poker face wasn’t needed it just meant that everyone everywhere was aware that he was just lovesick for vale but post sepang he’s just micro expressions all over the place and really fake smiles just like I’m totally fine this is my normal state of being.

a list of gifsets of marc having emotions and/or absolutely no poker face. love a man trying really hard to suppress his emotions and often failing! no notes. fellow capricorn moons rise up.

austin 2017: radical acts of malicious faggotry (eyebrow raise)

phillip island disqualification 2013. girl is hanging on to his mature-for-his-age persona with his fingernails lmaooo

sepang 2015: we've all seen them. the confused smile. the glance at jorge to see what he thinks is happening. the disbelieved blinking. the dawning realization vale isnt joking, and then his whole face just kind of. sets. freezes on a smile you can tell isnt real. lets all hold hands and take another look together. dishonorable mention to immediately post presscon where he is a hot girl in DISTRESS and it makes me feel physically ill and actually sick

vale category!!! this fucking face journey in 2017. hello. embarassing. also embarrassing. in the less fun side theres the horrific, self-aware little laugh in qatar this year when they make him choose between vale and jorge PLUS his reaction (one word little answers) when max verstappen brought up vale's move to car racing

we should also never forget! that marc is a canonical CRIER, which i LOVE. homie has cried on the podium and post race for sachsenring 2021 yes, but also in his documentary, and leaving honda (a LOT) like he WILL cry he cant keep that in at ALL

#i also love that he never seems embarrassed by his emotions. yeah man post that instagram story of yourself crying i love youuuuu #he never apologizes for loving vale either like he doesnt regret it he says those were some good years...#one of the crazier things hes ever said tbh #hes also very rarely angry. like yeah on track he can turn on killer mode but rarely is it ever angry mode. with a vale sized exception etc #motogp #callie speaks #asks #rosquez #when he is trying to go poker face its just a brittle smile. like the bezz stuff he was annoyed there lol

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ephemeraljellyfish · 2 months

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I know I've been going on and on about rhetoric, but I think too many people take what they read at face value. And that's how you wind up uncritically absorbing information that you don't understand, just because it makes you feel some type of way. Usually, an innocuous tumblr post is not always worth interrogating, but when there are accusations of sexual harassment thrown at a specific marginalized group of people, is it not worth interrogating why? Or I dunno, maybe people should actually see what the accused group are actually saying before sweeping judgements are made?

I've seen posts explicitly blaming "transandrophobia truthers" circling. And with the disgusting mass harassment anon, I don't blame people for being outraged at the contents of the ask at all. It was viscerally repulsive. And I think it's more than appropriate to share those feelings of disgust or violation with those who received harassment, but when the message suddenly shifts to "this is all those transandrophobia truthers' faults," you have to ask yourself how did we get here? If you encounter a post discussing REAL transmisogynistic harassment anons and then it takes some leap of unsubstantiated logic where suddenly "transandrophobia truthers" are the main culprits of said transmisogyny from an ANONYMOUS ask, you need to go back and read that post again to see if it makes sense. You need to know the context if you're going to be coming to the same conclusions (in this case: "fuck those transmisogynistic transandrophobia truthers"). Are there really transandrophobia-centered blogs defending or agreeing with the horrid anon? On my end, I don't fucking see any.

People have to ask themselves what others want when they refer to a group of (not even all trans men/masc) queer people as "transandrophobia truthers" or "transandrodorks." Are they purposefully trying to rile you up? Are they trying to make it so so obvious that they're right? Are you nodding along with the confidence with which words are being said or the actual contents? Are there all the correct buzzwords? Do you feel guilty, angry, sad? Is there evidence of said accusations? Is one person's belief acting as a stand-in for a whole group's? Are people really saying that? In those words? What's the context?

I can go on, but you get the idea.

#transandrophobia #broken record etc.#but i'm tired and i have no qualms about hitting that post button tonight (may regret this later)

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alarrylarrie · 1 year

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I’m just…

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in

I can see you're lonely down there

Don't you know that I am right here?

She said, "Give me a day or two"

Wishing I could be there for ya

Listennnnn. You don’t want me to do this lol. It’s a CONSTANT theme. I could talk about this for DAYS.

All of Holding on to Heartache? “I called you twice but then regretted it, and changed my number…??!!”

This is a conversation they’ve been having since 1D days, but more pointedly now that they’re solo. HS1? “Even my phone misses your call, by the way.” Fine Line- “it’s hard for me to come home and be so lonely.” Walls- “I cut you off because I didn’t know no better” and basically ALL of Defenceless lol. Don’t even get me started on Faith In The Future.

#there’s so many more #I could write a ducking book #and THATS WHAT I MEAN when I say if they want me to stop thinking they’re together #they should stop writing shit that’s basically A CALL AND RESPONSE in every. single. goddamn. album.#and like #themes of loss and loneliness and regret #and heartbreak and etc etc are such common themes in songs #hell Niall will have/has had some #but it’s just not the same #for every one Harry has #Louis has one as well #they’re intricate and layered and a photograph of their relationship in moments in time #it’s….#well besides being ducking wild #it’s gross is what it is

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