#not too much and not too little but primarily not too much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

callingbridgerton · 2 days

Text

Is it any surprise that Colin "all or nothing" Bridgerton takes his time trying and failing to understand his feelings after the kiss?

I wrote a little bit about this in a comment on Reddit, but I think some of the frustration that we are hearing from people stems from Colin's lack of vocal processing throughout the first half of the season.

I'll admit that his development is subtle, and happens quietly, but I believe that was done on purpose. It needed to be quiet. For a couple reasons. Hear me out.

For the sake of the carriage scene, Pen needed to not know that Colin was falling for her. People are saying that they felt Colin's declaration felt rushed and sudden, but it was supposed to! His reveal needed to feel completely unexpected!

Penelope is supposed to be shocked by it. In order to believe her shock, we too needed to be a bit shocked. It helped so much with the intensity of the carriage scene. I believe Penelope saw Colin looking at her over the last few weeks, but he's kinda always done that? Only we are supposed to know that Colin feels any differently than normal. If we all had known solidly how Colin felt the whole time then we wouldn't have related to Pen's shock in the carrriage at all. She's shut off any hope of Colin feeling the same way. I think the brevity of the scenes where Colin is looking at her during balls and whatnot are done on purpose (through Pen's eyes). Not to beat a dead horse but the carriage scene really really (to me) wouldn't have felt the same if Colin had given Pen more signs. (And throughout all the criticisms, people seem to all agree that that scene was outstanding. But it doesn't exist in a vacuum!)

So much of what we see of Colin processing his feelings for Penelope is done through looks, facial expressions, body language, etc.

This is a bit unique from the other two seasons, in which Daphne and Anthony were both a bit more aware of what they were feeling (even if they were fighting it) and more obvious about it outwardly to others. Perhaps this is what people feel was missing in the build-up?

We do get some hints of Colin thinking about it and struggling with it as he talks to other people such as the Mondriches, Eloise when he thinks that they've spoken about the kiss, Benedict and Hyacinth after his dream, and later, Violet. But primarily, I think that Colin was simply still figuring it out.

And can we blame him? If I were as all-or-nothing as him, a feeling like I was falling in love with my best friend would scare me half to death. Beyond the initial confusion, he needs to be sure how he feels because once Colin knows what he wants he can't hold himself back from getting it.

I know a lot of people think Colin realizes how he feels immediately after the kiss. I could see that, for sure (and I know it's that way in the books and that Nicola said she thinks it's all in one moment), but ultimately I disagree. It of course jump starts everything (and I don't think anything would have happened without it) but I think that it really does happen more slowly, both before and after that. In the first 2 episodes, Colin is repeatedly affected by Penelope during their scenes. He doesn't overthink it, but it's there. Over episodes 3 and 4 Colin consistently tries and fails to understand what is happening to him, even going as far as to go back to the brothel to try to make it stop, but after kissing them both realizes it's just not the same. (One of my favorite moments was when he goes to kiss one of the ladies, pulls away, and looks dumbfounded after feeling nothing.)

In the last episode, when he's in his study thinking back on the hand-cut scene with Pen, he finally realizes he can't make this stop. In fact, he doesn't even want to. That is the moment everyone was waiting for. And no, it is not shoved in your face, nor in his. It's fast, like "Got it, okay, gotta go." All. Or. Nothing.

Hence Colin making his appearance at the ball, his utter lack of care for society rules in breaking up Pen and Lord Debling's dance. His tunnel vision (and speed, ha!) trying to get to Penelope in the carriage. When Colin knows what he wants he just goes for it. He always does this, as others have said, with Marina, with his investment and then takedown of Jack, with Pen.

If people are left frustrated by the lack of obviousness in Colin's realization, I think that's a little silly. If Colin had fully realized any earlier he would've been breaking things up much faster and it would've been a very different story. The pacing to me was perfect. And it made the pay-off so much more rewarding.

#polin #colin bridgerton #colin x penelope #penelope featherington #bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #i cant keep editing this so im just gonna post it

134 notes · View notes

ithaquasbbg · 1 day

Note

Hii could I request ithawua with a sick s/o?

Hell yeah 😈 as my username suggests, I love some Ithaqua

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Ithaqua | Night Watch with a sick s/o

Pairing : Ithaqua x reader

Tw : none

Notes : meow

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

|❄️| Ithaqua can be quite a mixed bag when it comes to sickness, primarily depending on how badly you’re sick and how he’s doing mentally at the time. Sometimes he can be quite calm about it, while others he can stress himself out about your health to the point of becoming sick himself.

|❄️| He’s really good at taking care of you while you’re sick, mimicking some things his mother did for him when he was young and doing them for you.

|❄️| Ithaqua will make sure you rest. He will keep you from going to your matches and even take the penalties for it if it means you’re able to recover. Hell, if he could keep you from leaving your bed until you were better, he probably would!

|❄️| His heightened amount of concern for you stems from a fear of losing another person close to him. After his mother, he is practically unable to stand the thought of losing you as well. Because of this, you’ll notice things like his hands shaking every so often and the way he doesn’t sleep in order to make sure you’re doing alright throughout the night, even if he’s relatively “calm” about you being sick. A lot of it is subconscious though, and he won’t even realize he had been that concerned about your condition until he releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding after you recover.

|❄️| He’s not necessarily the best cook in the world (Ithaqua can make edible food, but it doesn’t really taste delicious), but he will try his hardest to make some of his mothers soups for you and bring them to you so you don’t need to get out of bed.

|❄️| He is quite stubborn about asking for help, but if he does incredibly badly, he’ll swallow his pride (or lack thereof) and enlist another person in the manor to help him make the soup the next time.

|❄️| He wouldn’t want to ask for anyone’s help primarily because of his lack of trust in the others at the manor. If it was truly needed, he would ask for help, but much like how he is when it comes to cooking, he’d be incredibly reluctant to do so.

|❄️| After you recover, he’ll watch over you for a while to make sure you’re feeling alright (he watches over you constantly anyways, but now he at least has an excuse).

You look up at Ithaqua as he holds one of his hands to your forehead, noticing a little tremor in it as he pulls away. “You’re still running a fever, (name).” He frowns and gently nudges you to lay back down, much to your displeasure. “I have matches today, Ithaqua, I can’t lay in my bed all day.”

“(Name). I’m not letting you get out of bed while you’re sick.” Ithaqua looks concerned as he looks down at you, it had been three days since you had gotten sick and you had noticed his exhaustion growing due to the fact he hadn’t slept more than an hour since then. “I’ll lay down.” You start, “but only if you promise to rest as well, you need sleep too.”

He frowns, trying to hold back a scoff at the idea of allowing himself to rest while you were sick, but eventually gets under the covers next to you, resting his head on your chest as a way to listen to your heartbeat. Not long after, you hear light snoring coming from the blonde “Ithaqua?” You nudge him, realizing he had passed out while listening to your heartbeat.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

It’s been SO long since I wrote on here but hi!!!!!!! I chose this prompt because it felt like a good way to get myself back up and running

Also, thank you so much for the support on some of my posts!!

This is INSANE 😭😭 j never thought people would like my writing so much, thank you!!!!

#idv fandom #idv fanfic #idv headcanons #idv imagines #idv x reader #idv scenarios #idv matchup #idv ithaqua #idv night watch #identity v ithaqua #identity v night watch #night watch idv #ithaqua idv #ithaqua x reader #night watch

41 notes · View notes

browniesarethebest · 2 days

Note

Hi hiii, I'd read your Robin in a nest of bats a while ago, and found it again recently. Its, I'm my opinion, one of the best reverse Robin's au's out there. I'm not sure if it's a headcanon, but pretty much every Damian and Dick fic has damian sometimes calling Dick baba. Could you write a fic where Dick see's Damian as a father figure, and calls him dad in either Romani or Arabic?

Aw thank you! You got it!

Dick believed he was cursed to lose everyone he loved.

Maybe it was an exaggeration, but Dick had already experienced so much loss during his short life. After losing his parents, Dick thought there was nothing left to live for in this world. Thankfully, Bruce had been kind enough to take him in and give him a new family. He had siblings and aunts and uncles...

...and a father again.

The pain from losing his parents would never truly go away, but his new family's presence was able to soothe it, and Dick let himself believe that he could give his heart freely.

He should have known that nothing good lasts forever.

Dick didn't really remember the moment he was told that Bruce died. He remembers screaming and screaming and screaming, but other than that it's a blur. He remembered someone holding him, though he wasn't sure who. He just knew that the arms were strong and warm, and they were the one thing keeping him from falling to pieces, never to be put back together again.

There was a terrifying moment when he came back to himself where he wondered where he would go. He had no trust in the Gotham Family and Children Services, and they certainly had no love for him. There was no way Dick would get a third chance, and he knew that if he went back in their custody, he would certainly die.

Even if it was by his own hand-

Not to mention that Jason and Tim were also under the spotlight. Tim was a little safer since he was 17, and GFCS weren't really looking to find another place for him, but Jason was 13 and also prime for the taking.

Thankfully, Damian fought hard to keep them in the family. Dick had seen Damian angry before, but never like this. He could still see the social worker cowering as Damian ripped into them for even thinking of taking his brothers away. Dick had been hiding behind him, clinging to Damian for dear life. The rest of his family surrounded him, eyes shadowed as they glared at the social worker. The man practically ran from the Manor once it was clear that Damian was not letting them go.

Dick never mentioned the fear he had seen in Jason's eyes that day, and Jason never mentioned it either.

Dick had never really cared for Bruce's money before, but he was thankful for it when Damian hired the best lawyers available. It wasn't an easy fight, but the court was no match against the unstoppable force that was Damian, Steph, and Cass.

Even after being being told that he and Jason could stay with them, the Manor still received random "wellness checks" to make sure that they were being taken care of properly. It pissed Dick off to no end, but Steph explained that Bruce had gone through the very same thing when he had first started taking in kids. It didn't really make him feel better, but he figured that if Bruce had been fine, Damian would be fine too.

Dick's family was slowly falling apart around him. Tim had run off to prove that Bruce wasn't really dead, and Stephanie had followed after to make sure he didn't die. Jason was locking himself up in the library more and more, and he knew that Cass would often sneak in and sit with him as a silent support. Dick found himself gravitating towards Damian more and more, following the man around like a duckling as he put out metaphorical fires and worked on transferring everything to his and Steph's name.

With everyone else either gone or distracted, it was Damian who primarily took care of Dick. Despite how busy Damian was with his new responsibilities, he still made time for Dick. It was Damian who read to him when he asked. It was Damian's arms he woke up in after screaming himself awake from nightmares. It was Damian who held him while he cried for Bruce and took him out for ice cream after to try to make him feel better. It was Damian who made sure he still made it to school and ate three meals a day.

"You must keep your strength up," Damian said, hands on Dick's shoulders. "You have walked through Hell before, and you can do it again."

Dick's lip wobbled, "I don't know if I can. I'm tired, Dami."

His older brother squeezed his shoulders. "You will not be walking alone. You will never be alone again, not if I have anything to say about it."

The tears spilled over. "But you can't promise that! What if you die too?"

Damian's face spasmed for a moment before smoothing out. Dick didn't comment on it, still trying to keep himself together as best as he could.

His eyes widened in shock as he suddenly found Damian's arms around him, pulling him close to the man. He tensed up, unsure what to do.

"This will not be like the circus, Richard. Father and I have made sure of it. I won't say it's impossible that something will happen to me or our siblings, but even without us, you are not alone. Were anything to happen, multiple members of the Justice League, Timothy's Young Justice, and even Stephanie and Cassandra's Birds of Prey have volunteered to step up to take you in."

"Really?" Dick asked, breath hitching.

Damian pulled back, moving his hand up to cup the back of Dick's head. "Have I ever lied to you?"

Dick shook his head, too overwhelmed with love and relief to reply.

Dick knew that Damian was trying his best, going far out of his comfort zone to continue providing care and comfort to Dick. He was putting up such a strong front that it took Dick much longer than he believed it should have for him to realize that Damian was struggling too. Even after all the years living with Bruce, Damian still struggled with showing his emotions at times. Dick knew Damian believed he had to be the strong one for his siblings, but Dick thought the others sometimes forgot that Damian had lost his father too—his biological father.

Dick saw the cracks under Damian's shield one night when he went to Damian's room after a nightmare.

"Dami?" Dick whispered as he opened his older brother's door. Dick had expected his older brother to be asleep, but he was surprised to see Damian already sitting up and jerking in surprise at Dick's voice.

Damian cleared his throat and set something aside. "Ah, Richard."

Dick hesitated at the doorway. "Are you busy?"

Damian let out a breath and waved the boy over. "No. No, come in."

Dick climbed onto the bed and leaned against his older brother.

Damian glanced down at him. "Another nightmare?" Dick nodded silently, and Damian let out a sigh. "You can stay here tonight."

"Thanks, Dami." Dick's eyes drifted over to the item Damian had set aside. It looked like a picture frame. "What were you looking at?"

He felt Damian stiffen, and there was a beat of silence.

"...Did I say something wrong?"

"No! No." Dick flinched as Damian turned towards him. Dick still didn't look convinced, so Damian sighed and picked up the picture frame, holding it out for Dick to take.

It was a little difficult to see with only the light from Damian's lone lamp, but it looked like a much younger Bruce with a very young Damian. Dick swallowed back the sudden wave of tears and studied the photo closer. Damian looked to be about his age and was frowning in the picture while Bruce had a small smile on his face. Dick stared at the young Damian, resting his fingers on the glass above the boy's face.

"This was taken just a few months after I came to the Manor. I was still getting used to being with Father, but we had had a good day that day, and Alfred wanted to commemorate it."

"You look so grumpy. Were you always as grumpy as you are now?"

Damian rolled his eyes. "I suppose I was by your definition. Showing emotion often meant weakness in the League of Assassins, so I was taught to hide them. Even with Father's and everyone else's influence, that never really went away."

Dick beamed up at him. "That's okay! I like you just the way you are!"

Damian's eyes softened, and Dick couldn't help but feel proud that he could make Damian relax. "Thank you, Richard."

They both fell silent as they looked at the picture, before Dick spoke up again.

"Is hiding your emotions why you always call Bruce 'Father?' Did you always call him that?"

"Somewhat, yes. 'Father' is a less emotional word than 'Dad' or 'Tati' as you used with your own father, as well as any other word. It also showed the respect I felt for him as I had been raised on stories about him from my mother before meeting him when I was ten."

"So, you always called him that?"

Damian was silent for a moment. "...No. When I was very young, I would call him 'Baba' around my mother. It is the Arabic word for 'father.'"

Dick blinked before smiling. He wrapped his arms around Damian and closed his eyes, nearly falling asleep due to the late hour. "'Baba.' That sounds cool. Thanks for sharing with me, Dami."

"...You're welcome, Richard."

They fell asleep not long after that, both taking comfort in each other's presence.

Dick thought about that conversation a lot over the next few weeks. He and Damian continued to grow even closer. and Dick had a crisis as he realized he was starting to see Damian the same way he saw Bruce when he came to the Manor. Dick tried to deny it—Damian was his older brother, not a father figure—but Damian had taken on Bruce's role as his caretaker, and Dick could not deny that that had somewhat changed their dynamic.

Dick ended up avoiding Damian for a few days, wracked with guilt about replacing his dad and Bruce. He knew there was nothing wrong with seeing Damian as a father figure as he had worked through this guilt the first time it happened with Bruce (and a therapist), but he still couldn't help but feel this way.

It all came to a head when Dick was injured during patrol. One of Penguin's goons caught him by surprise and got a good hit in, resulting in Dick getting a concussion. Damian had rushed him back as soon as the Penguin had been captured, cursing the entire way. Dick wasn't sure he had ever heard Damian be so vulgar.

The ride back was a blur—one moment he was in the Batmobile and the next he was being tucked into bed by Damian. Dick squinted up at Damian, struggling to figure out what was happening, but Damian was being unusually gentle, and Dick was tempted to just lay back and enjoy it while he could.

"D'mi...?"

"Get some rest, Richard. You are suffering from a concussion, but you should feel better in the morning. I will be here to wake you every few hours to check on you."

Dick hummed. Sleep was quickly claiming him, and his bed felt so nice. If Dick closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that it was Bruce and not Damian. Dick felt a pang in his heart, but he was far too exhausted for it to have much effect.

"'Kay... Night, Baba..."

He heard Damian inhale sharply, but Dick was asleep before he could ask.

(When Damian tried to bring it up the next morning, Dick would have no idea what he was talking about.)

#reverse batfamily #anon #ask #my fic #dick grayson #damian wayne #robin #reverse robins #reverse robins au #reverse batfamily au #i feel evil #but not evil enough to change the ending #batman #batman fic

31 notes · View notes

cirtusmistress · 7 hours

Text

JJK Bridgerton Inspired HC’s - Toji Zenin

an: i usually write these in batches but my bestie asked for Toji so we’re doing Toji, fuck it

tw: sexual implications

genre: historical romance

AO3 Crosspost

Gojo, Geto, Nanami

🖤 Shamed Lord Toji Zenin and the Spinster 🖤

• Toji comes from a wealthy family who had graced the ton for generations. But he is the outcast of his family. He had been excommunicated after being caught in a scandal. He was exiled to one of the family's country houses, out of the eyes of the ton and high society.

• After some time he fell in love with a local townswoman. They married to the horror of his family. As if his shame could not grow. Soon his wife fell pregnant and they had their son, Megumi. But the throes of childbirth were too much. She died shortly after.

• Toji was unwilling to raise a son alone knowing fully well that Megumi had a chance at a good life. So he surrendered him to his family. He hasn’t seen him since and his family does not write.

• He fell into gambling, primarily horse race betting. Soon he had blown through the savings and monthly allowance his family permitted him. Soon he was cut off.

• He found the only way he could make money effectively was by doing tasks others would not. Plenty of people in the ton had those they wanted gone..

• Being a hitman was both a source of income and a ticket back into society. Not that Toji wished for it, but it was easier to get work from mindless noblemen with money to burn.

• It was on one of his hits that he actually met you. You were a spinster, a woman who had aged out of the eligible dating pool. Given most men wanted younger women with potential.

• Unfortunately for you the target he was after was in fact your carriage driver.. So the only way he could get to him, was to go through you.

• People stared incredibly hard as exile Toji Zenin and the local spinster took to the dancefloor. The waltz was.. Perfect. Elegant. Passionate. You were meant to be his cover and yet he was transfixed.

• He did in fact take out your driver. After he brought you home. And after you two spent a very long carriage ride together. Past your home. Twice. Once you were home in bed safe and sound, he did his work.

• He made sure to see you again. Running into you at balls. Showing up when you were in the park. Even being at the dressmaker when you were there! What a coincidence!

• You got to know one another. Apparently you were a very wealthy Viscountess. Well, would be. Your father had been withholding money from you until you bore a son. Like Toji you had a tendency to be flippant with money. However you were still very kind, loving, and accepting. Even when he confessed he had been married, and had a son.

• You told him you’d help get his son back if he so chose, but he refused. Even if he remarried there was little chance after all this time he could give Megumi a better life.

• But you married him anyway. And he loved you. He didn’t think he could love again, and yet you proved him wrong.

• And after a year, you were blessed with a son. Your title and income assured.

• Toji did manage to ween off his betting addiction. Though you two did go together from time to time.

• Ever so often he sees a black haired young Lord being coached by that moronic crowned prince.. And when the name Lord Fushiguro touches his ears, he smiles. And a part of his heart finally rests easy.

@ list: @xxsugarbones

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #toji x reader #toji fushigro x reader #toji zenin x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro #toji zenin #jjk toji #jjk fanfic #jjk hcs #bridgerton au

24 notes · View notes

spicysourchimken · 3 days

Note

So with the DP x DC “Corpses AU” thing, what type of worldbuilding about his corpses do you mean? Like, is it about how he deals with his numerous corpses or about the “why” of the many-corpse situation? I’m curious about both

Also, how long did it take for his parents to find out in this AU (assuming they have)? I feel like the corpses would make things kinda hard to hide, but idk

Oh I'm so glad you asked. The answer is Yes.

Why and How on the Corpses

Danny's corpse is the universe leveling itself out. Its the universe manifesting a counter balance to Danny's death, he's still alive, his heart still beats and he breaths and as Danny that's fine, he's able to tap into his more ghostly side freely while still breathing, still sleeping, functioning as a living person but a little bit off.

But as a ghost there's nothing to keep him human, bada bing bada boom corpse. It's acting as a tether or an anchor, its the thing keeping him stable. The more he transforms the more need there is for the corpses.

But there's also an upper limit on the corpses. Because as much as they are real, they were at one point humans- but they're also the universe fucking around with an anomaly. Normally it taps out at around 10 or 12 corpses, once Danny exceeds the Corpse Limit, the bodies spark and disintegrate (mimicking Danny's death via electrocution)

Also there are two main ways for Danny to get corpsed, either willingly but going ghost and dropping another body or by his human body getting too hurt or verging death where he forcefully gets kicked out. Danny is stuck in a state of liminality, he can't be more dead or more alive so he's gotta even out before he can go back to either form (meaning that Danny can also be forcefully turned into a human when his ghost form is beat to hell and back)

Reveal and Dealing With Corpses

His parents very much did find out and it did not go well. It's very in line with the thinking of 'Phantom is a ghost possessing the body of our son' taken to the absolute extreme. It. Genuinely took longer than Danny thought it would've, he did manage to finish high school or get a good way into 12th grade before he was caught.

Sam, Danny and Tucker upon first corpsing, did what normal teens did and panicked. Then Sam took over, eventually settle on using the old drums that the Fenton parents used to primarily store chemicals, it evolved as Danny needed to transform in different parts of Amity Park so they assigned dump sites for Danny to transform in so that Sam and Tucker could get there and take care of it, or so that Danny would know where to drag his own remains.

His parents found out by witnessing Phantom attempt to hide his own corpse, it went as well as can be expected.

In Gotham Danny is far more sloppy that he was in Amity Park, with his main way of dealing with it being Don't Die or Transform. Problem solved. If he has to actually deal with a body he makes sure its out of site and that at least his hands are frozen down so that nobody makes an attempt to move him before he's got a dump site prepared. He tends to prefer not to deal with the logistics of water burials but dumping them in the river is the best he's got at the moment the au takes place in, too bad the bats are faster than he is.

#Murder! Murder! Murder! au #tw corpses #tw death #tw corpse

20 notes · View notes

bongsavior · 7 months

Text

Man sometimes. I want to rip my hairs out. All of em

And then my flesh, and then

#anxiety #jealousy #and envy #those are all things i feel in my stomach and my head and my chest and my hands #and my neck #i'm scared #i don't like that i let people make me feel like this #i don't like that me being close means i get obsessive #i don't want to be that way !!!!!!!!! i want to be normal and talk to people i care about a normal amount #not too much and not too little but primarily not too much #i'm overbearing #that's why ''everyone i love goes away''#i'm crazy. bpd and audhd brain says ''share EVERYTHING with them all the time. oh and if your behaviors don't match they don't like you''#i don't think i ever learned how to act. i don't know how to be in a healthy relationship of any kind #i'm doing a lot better than i was a year ago. especially 5 years ago and when i was a lot younger #i'm getting better. but i'm so tired of feeling like the reason people's sudden shift in energy toward me is because i'm doing something #wrong #i'm so tired of feeling like i'm alone. why does it take an equally-obsessive ''you're my god'' type of partner for me to feel good #and safe. i only ever learned that obsession is how to love #i thought it was called love. but it's called obsession and it wreaks havoc on every type of relationship in my life #i don't think you feel the way i do at all #personal

0 notes

becauseplot · 8 months

Text

Penciled Lines

(Cross-posted on ao3, if you prefer to read it there. Reblogs still appreciated!)

Missa wakes up, and he thinks he might be doomed. This doesn’t scare him nearly as much as it should.

Missa is awake early—by his own metric, anyway. His nocturnal nature causes “early” for him to mean “early night” and not “early morning.” Regardless, “early” means that Philza is not asleep yet, still going through his nightly rituals. “Early” means that Philza is sitting up in (his? their?) the bed, pillows propped up behind him, notebook in his lap, sketching away.

And when Missa wakes up to the soft scritch-scratch of a charcoal pencil on textured paper, his forehead just so happens to be brushing Philza’s hip.

Missa can hardly breathe.

Oh no.

He knows that if he gives any indication that he is awake, Philza will stop sketching, close his notebook, shift himself over until he is politely seated on his side of the bed, and greet Missa with a friendly smile. Philza has done it before, when Missa wakes up early. That’s how Missa knows he’ll do it again.

Thus, Missa can hardly breathe—his breaths have to be the slow in-out of sleep. He can’t so much as twitch, either. He has to keep quiet and play dead or else he’ll be found out. Seen. Caught living the lie.

“Husband,” Philza calls him. They’re not married. They share a bed. They’re hardly ever in it at the same time. They have a son and a daughter. Neither of them know Missa very well. Philza has had an extra set of armor and a skull on his backpack for months, waiting for Missa. Missa doesn’t even know Philza’s last name.

Philza is a good man and a good friend—and Missa doesn't deserve him. Still, he takes what he can get. Curls around it. Hoarding every innocent kindness Philza extends like a starving creature: the generosity of a backpack fully stocked with equipment; the trust Philza places in Missa to watch the kids when he’s asleep; and now, the courtesy of not moving his hip from Missa’s forehead to ensure his “sleeping” isn’t disturbed. Missa clutches all of these little offerings in his greedy claws and hugs them into his chest, even as the guilt eats away at him.

Because, regardless of the lack of mutual feeling, he loves Philza. He loves him so, so much, and that is why he is doomed. He can’t afford to lose what little he has. He can’t cross that line.

So Missa lies beside Philza, forehead pressed against Philza’s hip, pretending to sleep so he can imagine that they’re not just lying in bed together, but lying in bed, together; and later, when Missa truly wakes, he will sit on his side of the bed and look at Philza’s face soft with sleep and think about how lucky he is that he still has a side-of-the-bed to begin with.

Missa doesn’t mean to drift off. When it starts to happen, he’s hopelessly torn between shaking himself awake and thus giving himself away, or remaining how he is, silently fending off the inevitable. In the end, Missa clings to that scritch-scratch sound of Philza’s pencil on the paper for as long as he can before the fog at last pulls him under.

Eventually, he dreams. In fact, he dreams of the calloused fingers he dreams of every night, hands like his own, an artist of Death, cradling and shading the contours of his face—a softness dashing charcoal across his jaw, and over his cheekbones, and perhaps on his lips, too, if he’s lucky. Defining every edge of him.

~*~

A deep sigh. Phil stops sketching as Missa shifts in his sleep. He tilts his head up so that the tip of his nose is now just nearly brushing against Phil’s hip. The motion disturbs the wild splay of his dark hair, revealing more of his face: eyelashes, cheeks, warmth. Tender blush of something Stygian and otherworldly. New.

Phil’s lips tilt upwards. He turns to a fresh page, and he starts again.

#qsmp #pissa #qsmpshipping #qsmp missa #qsmp philza #i hesitate to put main character tags bc it's shipping content but i think we're all p much okay with that?? we chill??? we chill thumbsup #my fics #ficlet #anyway would you believe me if i told you this took me a week to write. hhourgh.#i'll prolly make small edits as time goes by if i dont scrap this version entirely.#i really like it rn but we'll see how i feel abt it in like a couple hours or a day. the sheer number of times ive rewritten this hhhhh.#this little character/relationship study is primarily for me to try to work them out in my head.#so if this doesnt quite hit the exact vibe you know why.#im still getting acquainted w missa's character but i gotta start somewhere ya know #i didnt actually get to explore missa's feelings of inferiority as much as i wanted to but thats bc i found trying to tackle that As Well-#-as everything else saddled the fic/setting w too many Things and made it cumbersome and muddied the story being told.#so another time perhaps.#anyway i adore them. beloveds.

174 notes · View notes