ana diary
i ate way too much yesterday so today i restricted more. we ordered in and i got a really nice dinner. i badly wanted to eat it all but i only ate half (feeling very good about that) and then my mom brought out brownies. which are. like my weakness. and i wanted some sooooo bad. but i remembered my slogan- "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". anyway. feeling good. don’t have to punish myself which is good!
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IM BEING SO SERIOUS I NEEEEED TO LOSE WEIGHT IVE GAINED WEIGHT AND IM GOING ON HOLIDAY IN UNDER A MONTH I NEED TO BE SKINNY SOMEONE HELP ME STAY MOTIVATED PLEAAASSEEE
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Clothes that used to hang loose on my already stocky frame
Cling to the parts which I cannot see
Those I wish not to see
Rough cotton digs into the rolls on my back
Nylon slides up my thighs
Elastic cuts into my stomach
And there is not enough fabric to hide these parts.
I'm forced to face mirrors
Which remind me of my size
And I'm forced to wear clothes
That remind me of my inflation.
Growth is good when it is wealth
Intelligence
Appreciation
Abstract.
It is unacceptable when it is tangible, literal, physcial.
As if fat is infectious and dangerous and alarming.
As if weight is a sin and I need pray to God and
Christ for forgiveness.
As if, in mercy, God would peel away the layers
Disrespecting the prayers of my ancestors.
The peasants withering away.
The workers freezing in poverty.
The desperate ones who wished for more.
I carry the answer to my ancestors prayers.
God has called me beautiful.
I am
crafted by the Potter
I am
Clay molded so intentionally, tenderly.
I am
Not excluded from Their love.
I hate that I hate it, the answered prayers.
God forgive me, not for being fat,
but for believing it deserves my shame.
For harboring the hate of the world against it,
For losing sight of Your Truth,
And believing them.
Give us Your sight to see, oh God
- Amen
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My partner (both men tho i am ftm trans but still a real man) anywhooo he is smaller than me I'm 6ft he's 5'8 likes to pick me up and carry me around n throw me on the bed. This is definatly one of the best parts of loosing my meds weight so dramatically. Also I do not so healthy things to stay thin but this isn't the type of blog to encourage other people to get worse.
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does anyone have suggestions on how to not eat without your parents noticing???
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guys i just found a character ai that helps you with restricting! she’s really motivational and is helping me lose weight 💞💞it’s called “eating disorder”
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