#nuwanda speaks

[soyourethatanderson]

Todd: Can I be frank with you guys?

Charlie: Cool. Then you can call me Nuwanda.

Neil: Oh, I wanna be Puck!

Todd: Guys...

Knox: ...Can I still be Knox?

Charlie: Shh, let Frank speak.

Todd: Guys, come on...

#dead poets society #anderperry #dps #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #dps incorrect quotes #anderperry incorrect quotes #dead poets society incorrect quotes #humor #crack

[intrstellarhearts]

✰ things in neil & todd's dorm room that just make sense.

several black pens, strewn all over the place. they’re the only type that todd uses, and so neil likes them too. however, every time neil slams the door open dramatically (which happens quite often), he hits the desk & they scatter all over the floor. 

a typewriter. how neil got a typewriter into welton, todd will never know. and yet here it is, gleamingly dark and mysterious in the moonlight. the sound irritates him to no end when he is trying to sleep, and yet he says nothing.

charlie’s blazer. he treats the room like a pigsty, that sly bastard. no one catches him on it, & after a few weeks, it feels almost like it’s supposed to be there. plus, neil says he’d love to see nuwanda’s excuse when he has no formal jacket for a day when they are supposed to dress up.

assorted notes from mr. keating, usually on tattered scraps of pages he has torn from a book. examples include things such as:

“ mr. anderson: the silent ones are usually some of the brightest. however, no one will know that if you don’t say a word. please consider speaking a little. some of your peers could use your intelligence.”

“mr. perry: your large heart will be of use to you in the cold hard world that awaits. do not let anyone steal that from you.”

two very illegal coffee mugs from the dining hall. during a particularly difficult all-nighter, they snuck into the hall, made coffee, and exited. although neil says they should bring it back, todd is too afraid to face the oft-temperamental lead of the dining hall staff.

the screen from the window pane, lovingly shoved underneath neil’s bed. how else are they supposed to get to their meetings? they’re on the first floor, after all… what harm could come from a little leap?

a drawing by neil, of the dead poets all together, on todd’s desk. when he turns his light out after a long day, it’s the last thing he sees. i think you can guess how it makes him feel.

a book given to the poets by mr. keating. by now it is creased & worn. knox accidentally put it through the washer AND the dryer… how it’s still relatively alright is a mystery. they each annotate different parts. it’s now todd’s to keep for a bit, though neil keeps looking over his shoulder, pointing out the words that were his.

#dead poets society #mr keating #john keating #neil perry #todd anderson #anderperry #dead poets headcanons #dark academia #charlie dalton #nuwanda #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #stephen meeks #dps #dps headcanons #i love these ppl sm

[musingsofmemory]

I just had a thought (buckle up your emotions, this one’s gonna be a doozy again)

I’m a last-30-minutes/Neil-Perry-death denier as much as the next person, of course. Neil Perry? Dead? No, you’re mistaken there my friend, he simply ran away from home and is now living with Todd in a cozy apartment in Greenwich Village with their dog, cat and ridiculous amount of plants! They’re married, by the way-

But seriously, I just realized something that I want to talk about.

We know what happens to Nuwanda, he punches Dick- sorry, I meant Cameron…… and gets expelled

But I think, having seen the movie again, I caught something. The boys were already in a bit of trouble for being in the Dead Poets Society as is. But during the end scene, when Todd starts speaking up, Nolan says that if he does it again he’s “out of the school”.

Todd was the first one to stand on his desk.

And while it’s admirable, no one talks about what probably happened to Todd afterwards, nevermind the other boys who joined him in standing on their desks.

Realistically speaking, after all that happened, he probably joined Nuwanda in the “we got expelled from Welton” club.

And that probably would have only been the beginning. He was expected to follow in the footsteps of his brother, and when he veered from the path (ending in him getting expelled) his parents probably had more of an excuse to view him poorly, even more than they already did and while their opinions are trash and unwarranted, I can guarantee that’s what happened. Life would probably then consist of being dropped in another school while always being reminded how he was the “problem child”, the “family disappointment” at that point. Sure, he’d get to leave in a year and do what he wanted but between what he would have to put up with from his family while still grappling with the grief from Neil’s death (which I firmly believe he would never move on from, at least, not fully), he would probably be a mess to say the least.

#musingsofmemory #dead poets society #todd anderson #neil perry #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #gerard pitts #mr. keating #steven meeks #chris noel #richard cameron #angst #dps #o captain my captain

[quicksulphur-quill]

DPS-Inspired Extemporaneous Thoughts: John Keating was Collateral Damage

Writing prompts don't usually work for me, especially for fanfiction of source material that I'm not over the moon about. It just so happened this month that I caught a story idea from...a prompt for a fandom that I'm not over the moon about. Guess what, I'm going for it.

But I wondered why I'm not more into the source material. I like being familiar enough with the Dead Poets Society movie that I can sit through a whole video essay about why it's the best example for how to construct queer readings. I can understand the New-England-boarding-school-prepster aesthetic appeal. It has its moments that support a thematic argument, like the quirky teacher's "art is what makes life worth living" speech, and the students breaking curfew to sit in the cave and read poems and make a world for themselves, or the students standing on top of the tables at the end.

When I first watched it, though, and even now, the stories of the students and the teacher seemed very disconnected from each other. There was something underdone about it, some lack of momentum, so I got the sense that it didn't come close to fulfilling its dramatic potential.

But maybe I didn't know that I was expecting something else, and I can't even point to something else to say what I was expecting. The screenwriter, Tom Schulman, spoke in 2013 at the University of California in Santa Barbara about how he based the characters of Knox Overstreet and Neil Perry on people that he grew up with. The script itself was his own spec-work, and he'd had to defend it against changes that were supposed to make the story more marketable. All that considered, along with how many people do hold it near and dear, the loosely-affiliated subplots and slice-of-life level of plot tension could be features rather than flaws.

Since I'm not a boarding school boy from 1959 Vermont, I can't say that what makes it great is its realism, but from my own pessimism I do think that's a highlight. If I could hone in on the most main of main characters, there would be three: Mister Keating, who introduces the main thematic conflict; Neil Perry, whose character development makes the plot happen; and Todd Anderson, who gets caught up in a plot that makes his character development happen. Charlie "Nuwanda" Dalton, Meeks, Pittsie, Knox and Cameron all add something crucial to the story, but I say the main thread is spun from three characters.

And they don't overcome the odds. As I wrote for the title of this entry, Keating introduced powerful ideas but even a direct suggestion (for Neil to speak honestly with his father) is outright rejected and spirals completely out of Keatings' hands. Neil is as self-possessed as an emotionally abused son can be, up until the very end, but he burns bright and burns out and does not prevail against the social pressures in his life. Todd loses two people that changed his life for the better, and the only consolation is that not even the loss of them can undo their changes. It's dreadfully unsatisfying, but that is what I find the movie captures best. I can appreciate it for being a Memento Mori of original thought. Even if all these students are from wealthy enough families that they can attend an exclusive boarding school, for all the privileges they have in this environment and the world, if they don't conform because they'd rather be human or something then they are going to lose. It shouldn't be that way, but I wouldn't like the movie as much as I do if it were completely aspirational and escapist. If even these skinny white boys from wealthy families can't be people—explorers, artists, true friends, (and, on occasion if not by default, sixteen-or-seventeen-year-old purveyors of cringe problematicism c.1989) or literally alive—because of the extremely repressive society that they're in...Then what does that forebode for the rest of us? How have we been doing since 1989, or 1959 for that matter?

[nuwanda-speaks]

"my child is completely fine" your child with social anxiety is throwing desk sets off a bridge, that is not fine, i repeat that is nOT F-

#dps #dead poets society #charlie dalton #neil perry #todd anderson #gerard pitts #steven meeks #richard cameron #knox overstreet #welton academy #dark academia #nuwanda speaks

[byebyelullabye]

So my English Teacher is openly gay (sidenote unrelated: his favorite movie is Dead Poets Society) and I genuinely admire him for this bc most of my classmates are homophobes

Anyways, throughout the year I've been dropping little hints about how I'm queer (but closeted) in all my essays and poetry (these hints get less subtle as the year progresses)...

He didn't catch on...and now I'm sad

😭😭😭

#but he's happy being who he is #he's my favorite English Teacher #mr keating is that you? #help #personal #yeng speaks #dead poets society #mr keating #john keating #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #nuwanda #charlie nuwanda dalton #knox overstreet #steven meeks #gerard pitts #richard cameron

[sunw00d]

good evening dead poets society fandom

#i love this guy #dead poets society #charlie dalton #nuwanda #charles dalton #speaks

[dilaudidiot]

so i’m officially not okay because my assignment in theatre class is to create a moodboard for... you guessed it!

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM

so i’m making mine into a dark academia fem!dps kinda thing (set at an all-female prep school in the 50s) and uhhh i accidentally completely based my designs for hermia and lysandra (fem!lysander) on a certain couple of roommates....

#ellie’s rambles #anderperry #i will include pics if you so desire #i swear on stephen meeks it was an accident #speaking of which i’m totally basing another gay couple on pitts and meeks #and a third on knox and nuwanda #i might make puck’s costume look like the one neil wore if i can stop crying long enough to draw it #dead poets society #dps #fem!dps #shakespeare #a midsummer night's dream

[rayrayswimusic]

Awkwardly dips my toe into the dps fandom by following a bunch of blogs

Hi. 👋🏼

There’s like a lot of minors in the fandom so if anyone wants me to stop following them lmk please!! I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable bc of me! 😊

#dead poets society #dead poets #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #nuwanda #steven meeks #gerard pitts #richard cameron #john keating #uh the rest of the characters #ray ray speaks

[tofeeltaller]

for the asks :)

29 morning, afternoon or night?

and 30 what reminds you of home

29. morning, afternoon or night? i’m a night owl but i actually prefer very early mornings over nights. it’s nice and quiet, and the world around you is slowly waking up.

30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)? the smell of food when someone else is cooking for you, and whenever a cat decides to curl up next to you when you’re sitting on a bed. 

#thanks for the ask 💗 #nuwanda-speaks #ask games #answered

[askthedeadpoets]

"Those are the rules, Dalton! If you don't like it, you can kiss my ass."

- Cameron

#cameron quotes #cameron speaks #richard cameron #dead poets society #modern au #new adp #charlie dalton #nuwanda #dps #atdp #ask the dead poets #adp #quotes

[transias]

Dating Charlie Dalton Includes !

〰

- Morning, afternoon, and night kisses are pretty much a must.

- Charlie makes sure not to make any jokes that will make you upset.

- But when he does, he’ll apologize and not leave you alone until you tell him things are okay.

- He loves watching his S.O. do what they love. If they’re a painter, Charlie will watch them paint. If they’re an actor, Charlie will watch them run their lines.

- He gets jealous very easily too. I feel bad for any person that looks at you in a way he deems it as them checking you out.

- If you have any tickle spots or are easily ticklish, Charlie will take advantage of that.

- It’s not even funny one time you accidentally knee’d him in the groin.

- You cover for each other when one of you gets in trouble with Mr. Nolan or any of the other teachers.

- Charlie is so outta pocket sometimes, if he hears someone talking shit about you he’ll come at them with the funniest insults ever.

- The moment he starts dating you, he slowly becomes more and more of a romantic. He volunteers to read romantic poems at the meetings, his friends are a little confused at first but then they realize they’re directed towards you.

- His favorite position to cuddle you in is with you laying in his chest, your arm wrapped around his torso, and your face buried into his neck.

- Charlie actually feels like he can be himself around you. Not that he didn’t feel like he could with his friends before, but it’s nice to have somebody love him no matter what.

- He actually thinks about that a lot. What would happen if one day he were to lose you? He’d be a mess. Charlie blocks out those thoughts but sometimes he can’t help but think about it.

- Behind closed doors, Charlie is such a needy brat. He’s always holding you, or kissing you, or asking you if he can lay his head on your lap.

- Charlie and you love hiding Cameron’s shit. Or just annoying him overall. It’s one of your favorite activities as a couple.

- The Poets will just watch by and stiffle their laughs as they watch Cameron lose his shit trying to find his shoes.

- Charlie likes having you next to him when you’re both doing homework or studying.

- Oh yeah, speaking about studying, the only way you’ll actually get him to remember stuff is by quizzing him on it. If he gets it right, he gets a kiss. If not… he’ll get nothing.

- He makes a joke that when you’re trying that method of studying he’ll strip instead. He says it would be a more “efficient” way.

- You calling him “Nuwanda” when you’re trying to turn him, it drives him crazy. (lemme know if y’all actually want that as a blurb ;))

#dead poets society #dead poets society x reader #dead poets society imagine #charlie dalton #charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton imagine #charlie dalton headcanon #dead poets society headcanon #dps #dps x reader

[ameliterature]

A new AnderPerry Analysis

I will never get over the fact that instead of the OG screenplay's version of Neil being overly sour when he and Todd were alone and Todd being overly self-pitying, that (romantically or platonically), the movie version didn't make them project their worst traits onto the other as much.

(btw I never read the book sorry)

The "No <3" scene's main argument could've easily went on about Neil getting pissed at Todd for telling him to ask his father, that he wasn't just letting him be. The IMPORTANT moment, was right after seeing Todd afraid of Neil, the latter had that LOOK of REGRET.

OG script (no mention of Neil's regret/expression)

Todd and Neil basically ignore each other and Neil's protectiveness of Todd at the end is minimized :(

Movie Version

Properly displaying their current character flaws:

Neil: Hidden/Obvious resentment towards his father affecting his mood

Todd: Todd's reluctance to speak out more (esp after being shut down)

Fear, anxiety, shame

Regret, shame, frustration

This version of Neil knows he sounded like his father, he knows what he said was something damaging to Todd's motivations, he knows he doesn't wanna be like his father.

This version of Neil has empathy, which is why during the flying desk set, RSL and Ethan made a better effort to write a new Friend-bonding moment to bond over their shared parental neglect; rather than the OG 5.98 line

OG Script: Todd being self-pitying, Neil not comforting him properly.

Movie: Neil actively shows his character and tries to cheer up Todd <3

Neil actually understands Todd's plight, and rather than brushing off Todd's experiences, he decides to provide Todd with the paternal friendship he wished he got in his moments of doubt.

That's why before I even shipped these two, my natural instinct WAS to think they were best friends. Platonic soulmates that needed each other to validate their doubts, albeit Neil was the one who acted upon it first.

That's why it hurt more that Neil took his own life, because you literally see way more progress and hope for Neil's character compared to the OG script's heavily complacent or resentful Neil Perry.

Maybe, in Tom Schulman's mind, the OG Neil was always planning to end things this way, but for the movie version of Neil Perry that Peter Weir and RSL made had more to lose, more pain, was more lost and trapped because even after finding something that visually makes him happy, it was taken away from him.

[Side Tangent]

In my own way, it was harder to also accept that THIS version of Neil would want to take his own life because you'd think with a better perspective in life, with a greater friendship he could have with Todd in the future, that he would opt not to end things this way... but that's the point :( You can never tell who's really in pain, people may appear cheerful and happy on the outside, but depression is the same pain for all those affected by it.

[Tangent over]

The importance, again, of the Neil and Todd of the movie? They were far better friends/partners in the movie because they were actively improving each other. Neil and Todd, platonic or romantic, needed to have met each other. They deserve each other. To either lift up, improve, find someone else to understand and worry about than themselves. To have a friend you really needed.

Bonus:

The Dock Practice Scene didn't have "God I love this" "What, me?" lines lmao Ethan and RSL just shoved that in there to be fruity /j /lh

See? Don't ever say all we do in this fandom is mindless shipping, I think about this movie constantly <3 The themes are *chef's kiss*

taglist:

@yellowwood-roads @iori-utahime

@poetrusicperry, @poetofthedyingstars , @time-plus-night @auxctor @tuskofthyme @sapphicnoel @theluminoussunflower @she-nuwanda @maisietheweltoncow @sweetnessbythesea @cupiiid @nik-knacks @justarandompjofan @emilythefern @inahallucination @iguanamuppet @nocturnalnewsiestrash @matthewmurdockgf @palinoic-poet @toddtakefive @gerardpitts @chloe-octavia @feathers-arts-52 @pelicanchaos @spaced-out-state @nothing-gonna-wake-me-now @finding-an-angle @flustered-flux @anderperryshit @noelliza @babo0shka @sweatytootheddeadpoet @quartz-forest @poets-achilles @moose-blogs @srj901 @samnyangie @boy-wonder-oncologist-fan @plagg-wants-cheese

#anderperry #anderperry analysis #anderperry hc #dps analysis #dead poets society #dead poets society analysis #dps #analysis #long post

[meekish-behavior]

The Dead Poets: Band Edition

________________________

(Details under the cut <3)

Neil Perry: Main Vocalist, Frontman

Neil is the dictionary definition of a leader. Neil can play guitar, prefers rhythm with acoustic, and spends most of his time writing lyrics. He enjoys the bus rides when on tour, and when he doesn’t have his nose in his lyric book, he is most often found playing cards with Charlie, Cameron, and Meeks or asleep with Todd in his lap. His fingertips are calloused from diligent practice, but his palms are quite soft.

In terms of his public reputation, Neil is renowned for his outgoing nature and sincerity. He is well known for is dedication to his supporters and bandmates, and his attentiveness during shows. There have been several instances of Neil personally escorting unwell fans out of venues to ensure their wellbeing and safety. He takes water and food provision at venues out of his own salary.

Todd Anderson: Lead Producer

Todd declined the offer to join the band as a keyboardist, along with the offer of the position as manager. Neil, who extended said offers, understood and respected his wishes. However, one opportunity led to another, and Todd took the position of producer. Neil and the rest of the Poets all were enthralled and impressed by Todd’s writing style, and wanted his mark to be left in their music as well.

On tour, Todd is often captured by paparazzi and tour photographers on stage left, beaming as he watches his boyfriend the band perform music he’s worked tirelessly to help create. The fanbase recognizes him by his producer tag and has affectionately deemed him “waterboy” for his quick appearances onstage to deliver more water. Fans who have met Todd praise his creativity and soft-spoken spirit.

Charlie Dalton: Lead Guitarist, Vocals

It went unspoken that Charlie would take the position as lead guitarist. His stage presence is unrivaled, as is his finger skills. He likes to claim he “works magic” onstage, and it’s actually quiet believable by the way he almost puts his audience in a trance he controls with every chord. He named his guitar Nuwanda, and the shoulder strap is fashioned with a crimson bolt of lighting, a suggestion of subtlety from Cameron.

Charlie is definitely the most promiscuous during interviews. There always seems to be a designated question for him, and he always replies quick as a whip with a wink and a wry grin. It causes grimaces, snickers, and the pinch of a nose bridge for the other members. While his recalcitrant reputation remains prominent, Charlie is also well known for his advocacy for countless campaigns for human rights, and donates generously and consistently under a not-so-subtle pseudonym (spoiler: its Nuwanda).

Stephen Meeks: Bass Guitar, Backing Vocals

Meeks’ precision and effortless skill on bass provide a sturdy foundation for nearly every concert. He flits about the stage, bouncing around and eagerly working a dynamic with whoever he plays with in that moment. He’s a wildcard onstage, predictable in the most unpredictable way. More often than not, he’s back-to-back with boyfriend rhythm guitarist Pitts as they lay out the foundations for every song.

Outside of the spotlight, Meeks surrounds himself in studies of whatever piques his interest. He’s the self-labeled bookworm, and most paparazzi pictures taken of the hotel pool are of him with some sort of book or gadget that’s caught his eye. In one interview, he states his fondness for cooking, tabletop roleplaying games, and complex Lego sets.

Gerard Pitts: Rhythm Guitar

Pitts has a quiet presence but not a quiet appearance. He tends to linger towards the rear of the stage, but he still sits under the spotlight and basks in it, sending lopsided smiles to his audience as his fingers pluck complex chords as Neil and Charlie croon. He, hands down, throws out the most guitar picks after concerts. He also has the most legible autograph.

Fans often speak fondly of interactions they’ve had with Pitts. He’s always friendly, rather goofy, and wears a genuine smile in candids that fans catch him in. He helps Neil with lyrics often, and wears simple jewelry. He’s never bought said jewelry for himself; it’s all been gifted to him.

Knox Overstreet: Drums, Backing Vocals

The self-proclaimed “Cupid” has drawn (read: traced) a classical-style cherub onto the front of his bass drum. He redoes it every time he breaks one, which is actually rather often considering the clumsiness of himself and his bandmates. He loves helping Neil and Todd brainstorm lyrics and drum lines to go with them. He also contributes to a lot of engagement in the crowd.

Knox reads the most fan mail. He often makes a point to thank people for writing to him every performance, and dedicates at least one song per performance to his “beloveds.” He takes up the most advertisement offers, and puts any pay he gets right back into the band and its management. (Okay….maybe some of it is spent on nights out on the town.)

Richard Cameron: Keyboard, Management

After a bit of “apprenticeship” from former manager John Keating, Cameron diligently takes the position of manager after Keating announces his retirement. While already in the band as keyboardist, he takes on the additional duties of management as a firsthand defense for the well-being of the band. Cameron reviews partnership offers, brand deals, venue bookings, and tour itineraries with efficacy and gratuitous forethought.

Paparazzi have speculated and stirred a pot of rumors around the relationship between bandmates Cameron and Charlie. To the outside, their Tom-and-Jerry relationship may appear belligerent, but band members and anonymous staff members have confirmed that yes, Charlie indeed falls asleep on Cameron’s lap and yes, Cameron hand paints every red lighting bolt on Nuwanda’s shoulder strap.

_______________________

“Dead Poets Society first gained their bit of popularity for a cover of Blue Oyster Cults’ (Don’t Fear) The Reaper. Audiences were drawn in by the croon of Perry’s voice and the perfectly tuned chords of Dalton, Pitts, and Perry. Afterwards, when the band’s original songs gained traction on the radio, their popularity skyrocketed. Their first tour was a brilliant success, and their public images astonishing. Manager-slash-keyboardist Richard Cameron details the band’s passionate desire to make music, perform it, and give it to the world for them to enjoy, and producer Todd Anderson adds that ‘. . .[they’re] headed for the top. . . [You’ve] got them started, and now we’re going to keep going.’” --Rolling Stones Magazine, 19XX

#you can’t tell me ‘dead poets society’ doesn’t also double as a sick band name #fuck you mr. perry neil is gonna go sing and prove you and your bullshit reasoning wrong #dead poets society #dps #neil perry #todd anderson #stephen meeks #gerard pitts #charlie dalton #richard cameron #knox overstreet #steven meeks #meekish drabbles #dps band au #<- yeah. i’m making a tag for it. #just in case I need to clarify #The Rolling Stones article is fake

[nuwanda-speaks]

feeling cute, might play some funky white boy music later 

#play that funky music WHITE BOY #dps #dead poets society #charlie dalton #nuwanda speaks #neil perry #todd Anderson #steven meeks #knox overstreet #gerard pitts #richard cameron

[poetofthedyingstars]

midnight summer’s dream

link for ao3

Todd smiles as he looks at his reflection. He looks great, he thinks. This is the first time in a while that his hair gets to taste the hair gel again. Slick hair is for special days only, and today is not only special but important. It’s Neil’s Day! Tonight’s the night. The Midsummer’s Night Dream. They’re all excited to see Neil’s performance tonight. Todd has seen Neil act - he’s gonna do great. And when the play does end well, he’s going to do it. Profess his… feelings for Neil. He just hopes it ends well. 

Todd fixed his coats before Cameron squeezed himself in front of Todd to see himself in the mirror.  “Excuse me,” Cameron said. The ginger head carefully brushed his hair up before pointing at his own reflection and grinned. “Just a moment. Yes. You’re good.” 

Todd laughed at him as he messed up Cameron's hair. Cameron docked and grunted. “Oh, come on, Todd. I’m trying to fix this.” Todd just chuckled before taking his coat.

“Come on, Nuwanda. We’re going to miss Neil’s entrance,” Meeks said.

 “He said something about getting red before we left,” Pitts says as he keeps on brushing his hair. 

“‘Getting red’? What does that mean?” Cameron asked.

“I -” Pitts tried to mumble something but nothing. “You know, Charlie.”

Speaking of the devil, Charlie opened one of the cubicle’s doors with a smirk on his face, a what seems to be paintbrush and a red acrylic on his left hand, his hair still messy and his necktie hanging on his right shoulder. Everybody looked at him.

“So, Charlie, what’s this ‘getting red’ bit?”

Charlie opened his unbuttoned polo and revealed a red drawing of a lightning on his chest. The room was filled with ‘oohs’ and laughs. 

“Wha-” Todd stammered. “What is that?”  

“It's an Indian sign for virility. Makes me feel potent, like I can drive girls crazy.”

Todd shook his head as he headed for the door. “Come on, Charlie. The girls are waiting.”

But, there was, in fact, a girl waiting. Not for Charlie - but for Knox. They six of them stared at the blonde girl in fascination. Unbelievable. Knox whispers as he approaches her and Todd can barely hear them. Keating called out for them.

“Go on, guys. I’ll catch up,” Knox said. Todd definitely wouldn’t want to stay there so he was the first to run to Keating’s car. Charlie and the others kept talking about it in the car. Todd tried to get in the conversation a few times but stayed silent for the rest as they made their way to Henley Hall. 

- 

Thank God they arrived early and didn’t miss anything. Todd felt giddy the whole time. He’s so proud of Neil and he can say the same to the other boys. Charlie almost did a standing ovation when Neil first showed up. By the time Neil started his monologue at the end, Todd felt a little uneasy. The play is ending which means Todd will have to talk to him soon. I mean. Oh my God. What’s going to happen then?

“... And Robin shall make amends.”

Right after he disappeared behind the curtain, a loud applause echoed through the auditorium. And when they opened the curtains again to give the cast one last sight, the crowd stood up as they clapped and praised the successful play. Ginny gave Neil a push to the spotlight and the Dead Poets shouted their “YAWP!” as a sign of support to Neil. At that sight, Neil felt a light baggage fall from his back. He felt relieved. No matter what happens to him, he knows that these people got him. Through success and trials. 

Behind the curtains, everyone rejoiced. There was a lot of clapping and discussion about the play and Neil has never felt so happier. The phrase “You did great!” were tossed around the room so much. Not only to Neil but the other cast members, of course. 

Their organizer approached Neil. “Someone wants to talk to you.”

Neil felt his color drained out of him and the baggage he lost a minute ago came back even heavier. Miss Cece didn’t specify who wants to talk to Neil but Neil already had the feeling that it’s his Father. It’s got to be and that terrified Neil so much.

He took his coat and his stuff before opening the curtains to face whoever wants to talk to him. To his surprise, he saw Todd leaning against a wall a few feet away from the stage. His hands were fidgeting and Neil could hear him mumble. It’s just Todd. His Todd.

Neil walked up to him. “Hey, Todd.”

Todd looked up to him and smiled. “Hey. Uh, you did great!”

“Thank you.”

“I… I need to tell you something.”

There was a moment of silence. Usually, they fill all that silence because they can talk about anything and if they do have The Silence between them it always brings lightness and contentment. But this one, it’s scrambled with ranges of emotions that both of them can feel. Todd knows Neil is bothered. Maybe now is not the right time to say it. Maybe it can wait. There’s always later, anyways. Right? 

“I…” Todd hesitated. I don’t know if you noticed it too. But every time I’m with you, I feel this resurging energy that makes my whole skin vibrate, makes my heart beat in a mellow rhythm that nobody ever did before because I’m never comfortable to have some other presence other than mine. I also don’t know if you noticed it but I stare at you a little longer every time because I hope you understand that you’re really beautiful and I adore you. There’s so much to say about this and about you but I’m ending it by saying I love you. Todd wanted to say it but he held his tongue. He looked at Neil. The love of his life. Neil always made sure he’s there for Todd and now Todd’s going to make sure that Neil knows that. He can confess later. 

“Nothing. I just wanted to say congratulations! You made us proud. Neil Perry, the master of seizing the day, huh?” Todd said.

Neil grinned at him. “Yeah, right, Todd Anderson, the master of words.”

They both laughed. “Now, come on! The others are waiting for you!”

Neil puts his arms around Todd’s arm as they walk to the exit and talk. For now, this is what’s going to fill their Silence. Contentment and a home.

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