#of control he feels about everything going on with maddie and chimney and the feeling that once again EVERYTHING is slipping away form him
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911 6x16 CODA
“You know Hen is just trying to protect Chim,” Eddie says when the silence has finally gotten ridiculous.
“I know,” Buck grunts in response, aggressively chopping the onions for tonight’s dinner.
It’d been easier with Chris around. His presence has the power to cheer Buck up immediately, or at the very least hide whatever’s bothering him. But as soon as Chris announced he was going to play in his room until dinner was ready, Eddie’d felt his kitchen’s temperature drop. And it’s not that Buck was pissed at him, not really, but it’s so unusual for Buck to be angry like this that he can’t ignore it longer than a couple seconds.
“But you’re still mad at her,” Eddie insists, taking a sip of his beer.
“I’m not.”
Eddie arches an eyebrow and waits until his silence prompts Buck to look up and receive the full judgement of his stare.
“I’m not! It’s just- it’s not fair, Eddie. I mean, sure, Maddie left once, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be happy,” Buck rants, gesturing around widely with the knife.
“That’s not what Hen was saying, Buck. She’s just… scared, that her best friend will get hurt again. If you were… I don’t know, trying to marry Abby or something, I’d probably be the same way.”
At the mention of Abby, Buck freezes. A flash of hurt crosses his features, and Eddie is thrown back to the night he met the woman, to the realization at this was the person who’d caused so much pain to the nicest person he knows. To the desire to fight and yell at her at that very moment because who could possibly do that to Buck, of all people, leave a mess of heartbreak and yearning behind for her own benefit? Oh, if he was Hen, he’d do far more than act ambivalent about the wedding.
“Maddie is not Abby,” Buck says, his voice deep and slow in a way that warns Eddie that he might have stepped on a line he didn’t mean to. “Maddie wasn’t finding herself and forgetting about Chimney, Eddie. She was scared, she was in pain, she was sick and lost… and she came back. Maddie always comes back. So- so what if she screwed up? That doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be loved.”
“Nobody is saying that, Buck,” he tries, placating. “Of course that’s not it. But you can’t blame Hen for being worried.”
“But she can blame Maddie?” Buck snaps, and though his voice is still controlled there’s a sharpness there so unusual that it makes Eddie pause. “You don’t get it, Eddie. You didn’t see- you guys met Maddie after she’d finally left Doug. And, yes, you saw how fucked up he was in the end, you saw the end of it… but none of you were there when they were together. None of you saw the actual worst part of it. I- I did.”
The way Buck’s voice shakes and his eyes shine with tears makes Eddie’s heart twist into a million knots. He feels like his watching a much younger and much more scared version of his best friend for an instant, a painful window to the past.
“I was there, Eddie. I saw Maddie waste away to almost nothing. I saw Doug pretending to love her, but only when everything was perfect, only when she didn’t screw up, I saw him punish her again, and again, and again, for the same mistake, never letting go of any of them. She was terrified of even the smallest screw up, because he’d take his love away if she did!”
“Buck,” Eddie says, gently “no one is punishing Maddie. Chim would never do that.”
“I know! Because Chim is great, and he loves her, Eddie, and she deserves that. They- fuck, they deserve to be happy after all they’ve been through.”
Buck’s knuckles are white around the trembling knife. Eddie puts a hand on top of his, gently guiding it down until Buck drops it.
“They do. They do deserve to be happy, Buck. You’re right.”
Buck cleans the tears on his face with his left hand, whispers damn onions under his breath. Eddie runs his thumb over Buck’s knuckles, soothingly, until his brain catches up to what he is doing. Slowly, regretfully, he pulls his hand away.
“I know Hen’s just looking after Chim,” Buck sighs, voice hoarse. Eddie pushes Buck’s beer closer, and is glad when he takes the offering. After a sip, he breaths. “I know why she’s worried. I’m- I’m not mad at her. I’m just-“
“You’re just mad. At all of it.”
Buck nods, looking down, and Eddie wishes he could move across the kitchen island and wrap him up in a hug. He doesn’t. He’s not sure why. It feels forbidden.
“You love your sister, Buck, and you want her to be happy.”
“And Chim. I love him too. I want them both to be happy.”
“They are happy. They have each other, and Jee, that’s all that matters. Marriage doesn’t mean immediate happiness, or a happy ever after, trust me on that one.”
Buck nods, still frowning as he slides the chopped onions into the frying pan.
“You’re right. Im- I’m sorry, it’s just-“
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Buck. You’re just looking out for the people you love.”
“And so is Hen,” Buck sighs, defeated.
“So is Hen,” Eddie nods. “You’re still allowed to be mad at her, if you want. Let yourself feel it.”
Finally, Buck looks up at him, with a small thankful smile that Eddie would burn entire cities for.
“Sorry for the grumpiness.”
“Don’t mention it, Buck. We want you here on your bad days, too.”
A glint of that same sadness that’d tainted Buck’s face earlier crosses his features. Eddie knows that Maddie isn’t the only one of the Buckley siblings struggling with the concept of unconditional love, of being deserving of it regardless of whether it’s easy or hard, if they are sunshine or rain, if they fix things or screw up.
“Is dinner ready?” Chris marches into the kitchen like a hurricane.
“Hey, bud!” Buck’s face morphs into that easy smile he saves for him and only him. “Nah, sorry, still have a bit to go. You wanna help?”
Christopher frowns up at them and Eddie prepares himself for one of his recent outburst of adolescence. Instead, Chris whispers “why are you crying?”
Buck’s face falls. He blinks at Chris, then at Eddie, who interjects quickly:
“You know how he gets when he chops onions.”
“Oh yeah, your eyes water a lot. It’s because they release something that hurts your eyes. But they say that if you put a wooden spoon between your teeth it helps.”
“They? Who is they?” Buck laughs.
“The internet.”
“Abuela says the same,” Eddie supplies and Chris looks absolutely triumphant because if Abuela says so it must be true.
“Alright then, I should try that next time,” Buck chuckles. “So, sous chef, wanna help me with this?”
“Yes, but let’s be fast because I’m hungry,” Chris quips, as Buck helps him up onto a chair.
Eddie watches them fall into their easy and happy rhythm and finally feels the tension in the kitchen dissipate. It’ll be alright. They’ve got each other and they have Chris. That’s all they need.
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The Buckley/Han family feud is one of my favorite things 911 has ever done. Everything about it, but especially the blocking.
When the conversation begins, both Albert and Buck are standing at opposite sides and separate ends of the table, though they are still very much in the middle. Their positioning represents the indecision from both of them on which sides to take (for Buck, that would be standing with his family vs. standing alone, and for Albert, that would be with his dad/stepmom vs. standing with Chimney and Maddie).
It's only after receiving his parents' (and especially his mother's) approval that Buck takes a stand on one end of the dividing line — with his family.
What's interesting about Albert and the Han's is that Albert doesn't pick a side when Chimney (who has, during this conversation, always remained firmly on the side of the Buckleys/his life/his family) calls out his dad's hypocrisy.
Albert only picks a side when Phillip steps in and condemns Sang for how he raised (or didn't raise) his sons. The timing of Albert's choice speaks to Albert's own feelings of loyalty, at the very least, and perceived betrayal by his LA family unit at the very worst. Sorry to all Han brother enjoyers, but they will be beefing for at least one or two more episodes, depending on how Buck's injury puts things into perspective.
One final other thing is the dialogue.
I know Chimney was intending to for the jugular when he talked about how his dad should approve of Buck's decision, but the comment was very... line drawn in the sand. As if the actual, physical representation of the line drawn in the sand wasn't clear enough.
For all Chimney's issues with and suspicions of the Buckley parents, his positioning here is abundantly clear. Because he's not standing with Philip and Margaret as his in-laws; he's standing on the side of what they represent: his life, his partner, his daughter, his family.
One final thing I want to point out is the setting. Behind Sang and Chimney's stepmom are nothing but blank walls and open doors. Sang himself is literally standing in the doorway, indicating his continued absence. Whereas behind Chimney are signs of life: warm light, a moving box, what looks like a board game box on the table.
This is home. This is his life. These are his choices.
Despite some of the dialogue, which I found to be overwhelmingly queer (though I know some will disagree), this scene is very defining in the sense that its focus is on Chimney making a stand against the man who belittled, neglected, and hurt him for 40+ years. It's on the same level to me as Eddie's conversation with his dad in 5x17: these two grown men, still boys at heart, taking control of their futures and rejecting the emotional violence their fathers have always laid at their feet. Even if 9-1-1 decides to go the redemption arc route with Sang (which I really hope they don't; there's nothing wrong with cutting toxic parents out of your life), this scene is really important in that it is a physical (and literal) representation of Chimney finding his voice.
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️
thanks spots ❤️ @wildlife4life sent me this as well! sorry it took so long for me to answer, but it no particular order here are five of my favorite fics i've written:
and i'm not good at winning fights anymore - my second fic in the fandom and probably one of my most popular ones. i didn't expect all the love it got and it made me feel so welcomed in the buddie fandom
[five times buck needs to feel eddie's heartbeat and the one time eddie needs to feel his]
gravity holds me down - the fic that was only supposed to be 5k and was born out of the silly need to utilize jonah going after the firefam more (which turned into a 15k angst piece cause i have no control over my life). so much fun to write though!
[“Whatever you do,” Hen’s voice is low, dark, “do not let him take Buck.”
Jonah can’t see them from where he’s standing, his back mostly turned as he flashes a light in one of the patient's eyes. Eddie shifts without thinking, blocking Buck and Christopher from view. Fuck the fire, Eddie thinks as he plants himself where he’s standing.]
blue skies - my savior baby/my sister's keeper smashed into the plot of 911 fic. this fic is my baby. my magnum opus. my love letter to buck breakdown feels.
[buck meets another savior baby and everything comes crashing down]
and some things you just can't speak about - the group therapy au! personally, i think this is my most well written fic. it took me so long to write this baby, but i really loved how it turned out.
[the 118 support group therapy au]
baby, you were my picket fence - accidental buddie proposal fic featuring human disaster evan buckley my beloved. i really enjoyed writing this fic it was so much fun and silly
[maddie wants to propose to chimney. she gets buck involved. buck can't tell anyone. he somehow proposes to eddie instead]
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Full moon bond or once upon a buddie intrigue me for wip asks if you’d like to share anything 😊
Because I admire you and your work so much, I will gladly share snippets from both!
Full moon bond is very popular today and I've answered a few more about it here. Here is another snippet:
Maddie and Chimney were the last to arrive, strolling up to the camp site looking slightly haggard and very tired. Jee was apparently going through another sleep regression period and lately super attached to both her parents.
Technically they didn't need to shift during the full moon due to being lynx shifters instead of wolves, but Chimney says that he's been joining full moon gatherings for so long now that he swears he can feel the pull of the moon just like a wolf. Maddie, having taken Chimney's bite, says she feels the same. Plus they're pack and the bond would be very inconvenient to ignore when they can feel the others had shifted and the thoughts that are being shared.
Maddie makes a beeline for Eddie the moment she notices him and Eddie braces himself. He knows exactly what she is going to speak to him about. Its the same conversation every full moon since her turning.
Brown eyes misty with concern, the female lynx plants herself in front of her brother's partner. Her gaze flickers away for a second, taking note of the magical markings around the campground. A deep breath in and Eddie suspects she's trying to catch a whiff of Buck's scent. Maddie recognizes the witch's work and she was probably hoping at the sight of it, that Buck had joined the shifters this full moon.
She becomes further disheartened when that is not the case and her saddened eyes return to Eddie. "He told me he was going to think about." She says softly.
Buck has been telling his sister that before every full moon since she took Chimney's bite. It was lie every time and only to have one less person pester the witch about joining the pack.
Slowly, Maddie reaches out and lets her fingers hover over Eddie's bare chest, glowing gold orbs tracing the geometric brand that marked him as Buck's mate in replacement for a bite. "I thought when you two mated, when he took you as his anchor Evan would..."
Evan would finally join the pack and be one with them all during the full moon. Yea, Eddie thought so too.
Once Upon a Buddie is much beloved and the first fic I actually created for buddie and I really hope to get back to it.
Hot deputy whipped his full attention towards the jailed man, causing Buck to take in sharp breath. The entire force of the deputy’s anger and attractiveness were slightly overwhelming and made him a little weak in the knees.
“Oh, you’re not?” Hot deputy growled and shivers went down Buck’s spine, imagining that same tone used in another less civilized situation. “Then what are you? Huh? Cus what I see is a stranger, an outsider from a big city driving my son around and feeding into his out-of-control imagination. Letting him believe that you are some sort of Prince!”
Buck jumped to his feet, “Hey man all I did was listen. I didn’t confirm or deny anything. And I drove him to a hospital, a safe haven where he told me his mother works!” He was getting tired of the being accused as some sort of child perv. “Christopher ran away on his own accord.”
“My son has no reason to run away!” the Deputy yelled.
“No one would listen to him! And when someone finally did, he was told he was crazy, making everything up. He felt alone, so he ran to find someone who would listen, who would maybe understand!”
The Deputy took several steps forward, fist clinching tight at his side, “Don’t act like you know my son!”
“Diaz that is enough!” Sheriff Grant jerked the Deputy back at the collar of his jacket before turning back to Buck, “You too Buckley.”
Buck threw his hands up in surrender and dropped back on the bed, “I’m done answering questions. Give me my phone call and corroborate my story. I want out of this town.”
WIP tag game
#ashley answers#wip tag game#my wip#buddie#buddie fic#evan buckley#eddie diaz#maddie buckley#werewolf eddie#witch buck#mates#ouat au#eddie is robin hood#deputy eddie#savior buck#magic
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Hello 🚩🚩🚩 anon here.
I do NOT post about the actors on 9-1-1 and I don't view their SM accounts because I'm not interested in them and I keep my blog posts strictly about the characters on the show. Please understand this isn't a hit against anyone who does since everyone is free to view and look at whatever and whomever they choose. If that's what someone wants to do with their spare time, then more power to them but it's imperative that people keep in mind there's a HUGE difference between a fictional character and a real person.
OS is not Buck, RG is not Eddie, AB is not Athena, PK is not Bobby, JLH is not Maddie, KC is not Chimney and AH is not Hen.
It's evident that somewhere along the way, all the keyboard bullies (people who hide behind their computer screens, type unsavory messages and fixate on a celebrity like they're friends) started to believe that they should have 24/7 access to actors' and actresses' lives when in fact they shouldn't because they DON'T know them at all.
I'll get off my soapbox now and get to the point of this ask.
As I mentioned in a previous anonymous ask, ABC is in the business of making a profit. They're a national network with a CEO who has to answer to their shareholders because they're the ones who invest (shareholder) or loan (debtholder) money to them so they can make money on Wall Street via dividends (investments) or interest payments (loans).
Now on to all the "theories" that have been sent to Erica as asks.
After reading through them, it seems that anons have gone from (please note these aren't direct quotes just paraphrases):
"OMG OS hired someone to handle his SM accounts"
to
"People in this fandom are the worst because they've made him take down his IG pictures"
or
"He's protecting his mental health"
While it's possible his reason for doing it could be any one of these, the truth is ONLY OS KNOWS WHY HE CHANGED HIS IG PROFILE!
The only thing anyone other than him knows with certainty is it's been changed but no one knows the reason why except for the person who changed it.
Speculation is usually wildly unfounded and one option I haven't read about why he changed it relates to his EMPLOYER, ABC. Let's be real here for a minute because sometimes an employer's restrictions, guidelines or policies and procedures cause people to make changes to their SM accounts. It's like this in certain industries (I know it's like that in the one I'm affiliated with) so my point is, ABC may have told the actors and actresses on 9-1-1 to limit their BTS content and it could be as simple as that and nothing else.
It's possible there's no deeper reason for this other than ABC wants to control what is and isn't released so viewers can't figure out what's going to happen in the 10 episodes that will be airing starting March 14th. Also, if speculators were paying attention to the limited teaser trailers that they've released so far, it's kind of obvious they don't want anyone to know anything about the upcoming season except for the cruise ship disaster.
Additionally, AB is the only person they're currently promoting so that's something else that should be taken into consideration.
Finally, the only thing I know about OS's SM habits is the stuff I've read here on 911blr and IIRC, he does interesting things with his SM accounts all the time. Like it's been posted that he'll delete all his pictures then reupload them or he'll erase everything and start over so maybe... just maybe, he's going through one of his "I feel like doing something different with my IG account phases" and that's all it is.
Either way, NO ONE knows what happened or caused him to change it but him so please, stop posting all these wild accusations without having any real FACTS!
Thanks anon for your ask/comments on the Oliver instagram mess. Very considerate of you.
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The 118 as mutants (no I haven't thought way too much about a superpowers au for them what are you talking about)
Chimney has cellular regeneration (how else did he survive the rebar with zero consequences)
Hen has a healing touch (paramedic and doctor!)
Athena has a voice of persuasion (it's how she gets literally everyone to listen)
Bobby has pyrokinesis (he got drunk and lost control and literally burned down the apartment)
Eddie has intangibility/phasing (idk why exactly, I have reasons for everyone else's powers. It would be very useful as a firefighter though, and he could still get shot because he didn't see it coming. Honestly I just got super attached to the idea and I can't get myself to change it)
Buck has the ability to use the abilities of anyone he's close to or comes into contact with (like Peter Petrelli from Heroes. It's hard on him because he feels like he doesn't have an identity of his own)
Maddie has precogniton (it's why she knew she couldn't leave Doug because she saw what he would do to her, etc. It only works with the close future)
Chris has technopathy (with technophobe Eddie as a dad, this is just extremely funny to me)
Michael has telepathy (which made the brain tumor even more terrifying because who knows what could happen with that)
May has adaptive muscle memory (which is why she's good at pretty much everything we've ever seen her attempt to do)
HELLO??? IM OBSESSED WITH YOU
legally you have to write this and legally you HAVE to let me be the first to read it. do u need a cheerleader? ill leave 20 comments in the document for u. i will be the wall u throw spaghetti at. intangibility is so APT for eddie bc he always feels like hes only partially there, the rest are so spot, on im going insane
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I’ve never sent in a prompt before to anyone or even just generally, but I was scrolling the buddie tag and saw your request for some! Perhaps it’s fate because you write angst with happy endings and I love to read those.
- anything to do with the grocery store scene, or the lawsuit, but buck not forgiving Eddie or Bobbie too early. I know this can be kinda controversial and some feel like there are enough of these stories, but when Eddie realizes how much the grocery store comment effected buck, and then has to work for bucks trust back, and then when it all comes together in the end, *chefs kiss* a lot of these stories have an apology and everything is back to normal but it would be cool to read one a bit more realistic where the hurt lingers and there’s broken trust. Buck doesn’t trust Bobby to treat him fairly or Eddie not to he’ll at him. Or be there for him at all. Maybe buck is going through something but doesn’t want to be exhausting or truly feel like 118 is a family at all even though they tell them he is and he doesn’t want their help or to be as open with them as he was before. Maybe he’s dating a guy or someone but won’t tell them anything person about himself?
- honestly the same as above, but for the punch. Even Maddie/chimney/Eddie working back to get forgiveness for how they all treated him. Eddie kinda swept it under the rug. Buck buck flinches when chimney is near him. Gets afraid when chimney gets loud or excited. Chimney is mad that buck is doing it but Eddie has his back or Eddie doesn’t understand either but he’s been in army and street fighting and it doesn’t seem like a big deal.
- ultimately anything where there’s a fight with Eddie/buck and maybe Eddie finally understands bucks side of things but he treated him poorly or overreacted and then they have to spend lots of angst time in therapy or just proving to each other they’ll have each others backs after they didn’t
- also love buck with secret kids or ones where they make assumptions about buck but he’s super smart or actually a dad, or especially when he leaves 118 and they’re all impressed with his new self.
- kind of adding to the above, buck leaves 118 and Eddie/118 sees him later and they have to put the work in for buck to even want to be in the same room as them
- I also feel like both Eddie and buck forgave their parents too fast. Angst where they’re a team in an established relationship is so amazing too. And they support each other in going through the realization one or both of their parents really aren’t that great after all and they don’t need them. Maybe everything is great until the wedding and then they realize oh they’re getting married and we thought you were just going through a phase and now homophobia has arrived. Maybe they’re also adopting a kid or buck’s pregnant and now this brings a huge change in the parents.
- also buddie vs Bobby or buddie vs chimney/118 after punch or just Eddie defending buck. Both of them leaving and being seen later by team and realizing they messed up. And of course not forgiving them too early. They have cute kids to protect from strangers ;)
- or Shannon always is some great angst. Her vs buddie! She wants back in their lives but buck is already living with them, and maybe it’s platonic at first but she keeps insisting they’re lying when they say they’re not together and she’s getting super pushy and threatening custody for Christopher and maybe Eddie says something hurtful because this is spinning out of control but then they figure it out in the middle of all that, but buck is hurt Eddie turned away from buck instead of turning towards and he’s not sure just because they love each other is enough to be together if lashing out at buck was his first instinct.
- anything with shifters! Buck’s a cat but Eddie’s a dog or wolf and they have to balance their instincts or maybe no one knows buck is one and it hurts Eddie’s feelings or buck acts certain ways because if it and it confuses people or he’s super impressive shifter and has to hide or no one would believe him anyway?
No idea if these are helpful but hopefully this sparks something to help with your boredom! :) thanks for reading these rambling thoughts even if they don’t turn into anything. Hope you have a great day!
I don't need your approval (but I would like it)
"Buck, please grab the sapre sheets from the closet." Eddie yelled in the living room.
Eddie continued dusting the furniture. He felt panic with his parents coming to visit for the first time since him and Buck got together. Also, Buck now lives with them.
Buck and Eddie finally pulled their heads out of their asses a year ago. Then Buck moved in like two months later. Eddie was the happiest he has ever been. He really loved Buck a lot.
The problem was Eddie's parents liked Buck when they met him a few brief times that they did. They didn't see Buck the way Eddie saw Buck. Buck was just some guy Eddie worked with to them. To Eddie, Buck was the missing piece in his life.
"Here Ed's. I grabbed Christopher's old Toy Story ones. Your parents don't deserve the one thousand count cotton sheets." Buck laid the sheets down on the edge of the couch. He unplugged the vacuum dropping the cord next to Eddie's feet.
"Also, I don't like you stressing so much about them coming. Babe everything is going to be okay even if I hate your parents and think they don't deserve another second of your time."
Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist from behind leaning his head over his shoulder. Buck placed a quick kiss to his check. Eddie gave him a smile but that still didn't relieve his nervousness.
Buck hated the Diaz's with a passion. Ever since Shannon died when Helena asked Eddie when he and Christopher were moving back. Shannon's body wasn't even in the ground yet. Buck stepped in removing Helena from the scene.
Then the day Eddie became an official firefighter, Ramon was worried more about if they would be able to catch the next flight out for work. Buck even on crutches was able to allow Eddie to pay no mind to his father's obsession with work.
What really sent Buck over the edge was not them coming to visit their son after the well collapse or the Tsunami but when Eddie got shot. They weren't there to support Eddie. No, they just wanted to take Christopher away.
The night they came to Eddie's house demanding to see their grandson even though it was way past bedtime made Buck furious. Him and Helena got into it. She demanded to know who he thought he was. Buck told her the one taking care of Chris. He told them to come back the next day after school and shut the door in her face.
After Buck and Eddie officially got together and they told each other more about their past Buck almost made them on the no fly list. Buck thought it was best to keep them in Texas like he kept his own family in Pennsylvania. Eddie couldn't do that with how close Christopher is to his grandparents.
"Remember Buck, this is for Chris. He wanted to see them and they promised to come visit more. So, please be on your best behavior."
"Hey, when am I not on my best behavior."
Eddie raised his eyebrow giving him a look.
"Okay, I promise to turn on the old Buckly charm."
Buck flashed him a killer smile with a wink. Eddie rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
"I think the Buckley charm has set sail after slamming the door on my Madre."
"Hey, I apologized to her at the party. I was under high stress. I thought I was going to lose you forever."
Eddie turned around. I'm Buck's arms wrapping his arms around his neck. He kissed his lips softly knowing they had many more to come.
"And you didn't. Now go change. Even though I do love you in grey sweats and a tank, this is not okay attire for dinner."
Buck turned around shaking his ass making his boyfriend laugh. Eddie slapped his ass, Buck jumped jogging to their room to change.
"Come" Buck said leaning out the door with no shirt on. Eddie shrugged his shoulders why not. Chris won't be home in another hour and his parents another two.
—--------------
All three boys stood in front of the door waiting for the bell to ring. They were dressed in their best looks.
Buck wore a red bottom down with tan pants and a tan jacket. Eddie said he was too dressed up. Buck assured him that if he had to be around Helena then he would be the best looking one I'm the room besides his babe.
Christopher was in a grey collared shirt and black pants. Chris wasn't happy because it was basically like he changed out of his school uniform and got right back into it.
Eddie stuck with his basic black button up. When he stepped out of the room dressed, Buck laughed. Buck told him this weekend they were going to get him new clothes. Even if Buck did love him in all black.
"Remember we are going to be on our best behaviors." Eddie said, giving Buck a look.
"Yes, Dad."
Eddie continued staring at Buck.
"What?" Buck asked, throwing his hands up in the air.
"You know what. Promise you will be nice."
"Hey, I promise to be the most lovely person ever. The second they say anything out of left field I won't back down." Buck intertwined his fingers with Eddie's staring deeply into his eyes.
"I've got your back."
"I know" Eddie mouthed as the doorbell rang.
Eddie took a deep breath and placed on a smile. Eddie opened the door to the faces of his parents.
"Hello, Edmundo." Ramon looked down at Eddie and Buck's hands.
Eddie followed his father's eyes. He wasn't sure what was going through his mind. He had a feeling he would find out at dinner.
"Christopher, look at how tall you've gotten." Helena wrapped Chris in a tight hug. Christopher smiled.
Helena straightened up to look at Buck and Eddie. Helena stared at her boy and his coworker. Her smile dropped from her face.
"Um, I didn't really understand why Buck was going to be at this dinner but now I can see why. Here Eddie it's nothing much but you know what your Tia always says you can't come to another person's house without a gift."
She handed him a little brown bag with some of his favorite candies only found in El Paso. This was sweet of Helena made a comment about Buck. It really seemed like she was trying.
"My sister is the same way. She always insists on bringing something over when she brings my niece. I always tell her she doesn't have to but then I get my favorite coffee so win win." Buck laughed, wrapping his arm around Helena's shoulders guiding them into the kitchen.
"How about you and Ramon take a seat while Eddie and I grab dinner? Chris wanna set the table."
—---------
"Did you notice dad not saying much? He also noticed our fingers." Eddie asked.
Buck shrugged, grabbing the bowel of salad.
"Whatever. If he wants to be weird let him. It's not like we are going to bang on top of the table during dinner."
Eddie knew Buck was right. This is father's issue if he even had one to deal with. Ramon never made comments about homosexuals. It almost seemed like he had no opinion but would he have one when it came to his own son.
"Babe, please unfrown your face. I see your worried eyes. I got this handled. Remember best behavior."
—--------------
"And then Eddie was chased after the goose. I told him it was never a good idea to look them in the eyes."
Ramon and Helena laughed at the story Buck told. The dinner was going really nice with catching up on life. Christopher talked about school. Buck and Eddie about work. Eddie's parents talked about home and his sister's. Eddie noted he really needed to call them later.
Eddie almost thought the questions about him and Buck wouldn't be brought up. His luck never seemed great.
"So, Eddie, when did you and Buck become a couple?" Ramon asked.
Eddie choked on his drink at his father's question. He was so thankful that Christopher was in bed for this part of the conversation.
Buck looked over at Eddie waiting for his answer. What was he going to tell his dad? Buck and him got drunk one night and slept together. Instead of running away from their feelings they agreed to date.
Ramon and Helena stared at him waiting for an answer. He could even feel Buck's eyes on him as well.
"Um. Um." Eddie stuttered. His heart was beating a little too fast. The air in his lungs was trapped in his chest. He knew he was having a panic attack.
Buck could feel his anxiety rising. Buck grabbed his hand, stabilizing Eddie. He could breathe again. Buck was his rock. Eddie brought their hands up to his mouth kissing Buck's.
"Thank you," he mouthed.
Buck gave him a smile.
"Eddie and I got together over a year ago. Your son is such a romantic. After one of our shifts he stood by my Jeep with a bouquet of flowers. Which between me and you I don't really like flowers but the thought counts. He asked me on a date to the beach where we played games and walked the boardwalk all night." Buck looked over at Eddie with a twinkle in his eyes.
"It was really sweet. Then I moved in here a month later because."
"Wait, you live here." Helena gasped. "Like Chris knows about you two. You just let this man in your son's life a month after dating him."
Eddie was taken back by that comment. Eddie knew Buck now for six years. Five before they even started dating. Less when he made him Chris's legal guardian. How could Helena even say that?
"Mom, I've known Buck since I moved here. Christopher has known Buck since we moved here. Buck and I were best friends before we even got together. So, I didn't just let this man in my son's life. My son let this man in his. He's his Buck and the love of my life." Eddie said proudly.
Helena couldn't wrap her head around this. There was Shannon, the mother that abandoned her family. Then there was Ana, the family Latina approved girl. Now this guy that seemed to fit right in.
"Buck, why would you choose Eddie? He has so much going on in his life. A single father, widower. A man with more trauma put together the most. You're young whg allow yourself to be wrapped up in Eddie's drama."
Buck was furious now by the words coming out of Helena's mouth. Why not Eddie? Eddie was the one thing that was missing in his life.
"Why wouldn't I choose Eddie? Eddie is such an amazing father, friend, partner, and now boyfriend. Now matter how much he has gone through he always came out from the other side stronger. Trust me I'm no saint. I come with drama too but guess what Eddie has helped me through it. If you can't see how wonderful Eddie is then maybe it is time for you to leave." Buck squared his jaw trying to control his anger.
"Plus from day one I have loved Christopher like he was mine. He is such an amazing kid. Eddie has always done right by him."
Helena smiled, clapping her hands. Buck and Eddie were taken back by the applause.
"Eddie, you finally found a good one."
Eddie gave his mom a perplexed look. He didn't understand what was going on. Did his parents actually like Buck and was okay with their son being gay.
"Buck is the person me and your father have always wanted for you. Someone you love all of you and sticks by your side when things get tough. So, Buck, I owe you an apology from two years ago. For not giving you a chance. I'm sorry I judged you. I can see you make our son very happy."
Buck was stunned and didn't know what to say. All the anger washed out of him. Buck finally received Diaz's blessing.
"So when's the wedding." Ramon asked.
Buck and Eddie gave each other a look. Both men had something up their sleeves but that was for another story.
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Finally! 6x15
Tax season, taxes are so weird. In the UK unless you are self-employed, the taxes just come out automatically. You don't need to put yourself through this whole thing.
Wait, if your paper records are gone that means you don't get audited? Doesn't the government monitor bank accounts and shizzle? I don't understand taxes.
Okay this dude is so weird. Did he wash his hands? Because I would seriously order a perp to wash their hands before I arrested them. I'd make a very bad cop.
Wtff???? He just??? Did he take something???
WAIT A SECOND! ARE Y'ALL GONNA TRY TO PUT ATHENA THROUGH SHIT????? NUH UH!!!! ATHENA GRANT NEEDS TO ENJOY HER LIFE!!!!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!!!!
Omg, eddie and chris at shannon's grave, my heart, my boys, also can gavin be any more adorable??? he is such a good actor
Lmao @ Bobby, was that your attitude as well a couple eps ago???? Don't think so boo.
Same chim, i'd but as much ice cream as i could if it was 50% off. Chimney basically saved the ice cream from being thrown away Maddie. Say thank you.
Lol, taxes. JEE YUN IS ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lmfao, 'papa jail', this kid man
Yes, call an accountant! Someone who knows what this shizzle is all about. RAVI IS STILL AROUND!!!!! Loving the whole lots of testosterone in the kitchen. Once again 911 showing that what is considered domestic work is not waiting on women. ALSO THAT COP WHO USED THAT THING TO BREAK THE DOOR WAS SO TINY AND SHE WAS SO COOL BARGING IN AND BREAKING DOORS!!!!!!!!
Eddie, you just can't control your heart eyes can you?
Basically, shell out and get an accountant.
'And that piece of advice is....' I guess we will never know. Le sad. Wait a sec, wasn't Marie dead? Why isn't anyone saying anything? I think I need to rewind. It is. What the hell is going on????
Lesson learned, heels are evil but will save your life.
Buck and Eddie in action is lovely to see. Ravi is hot as hell so confident. But seriously, isn't she the dead one?
Oh ffs.
Death Doula? What is that? I am judging. Very hard. This is weird to me. I am feeling weirded out.
Awwww Eddie. You feeling alone?
Okay, is it me or does Buck seem into Natalia more than she is into him? Oh, there's that spark. Death really interests you, huh? I'm weirded out by this girl. She likes death so much.
This whole thing is so weird to me and makes me uncomfortable. It feels like it's fetishising death. I am not okay with this so much.
CHRIS HAS HOMECOMING???? He is so grown up. 'We've got time' THESE ARE NOT EDDIE'S FAMOUS LAST WORDS!!!!!!!
Chim why you sizing everybody up??? It's not prison. Not yet. Omg the conspiracy. Tax fraud??? How why??? How??? Lmao genuine. Damn. They will let really get you on anything. OH MY GOD STOP TALKING. This IRS officer is so done with idjits.
Natalia weeeeeeirds me out. Why is Buck so into her??? What makes him attracted to her??? Is it because he has an odd relationship with death at the moment? This episode is weird. I'm uncomfortable with all of this.
I relate to eating in the office so much. Is CSI theme going to start playing anytime soon? OH SHIT. OH SHIT. OH SHIT. ATHENA IS GOING TO TRACK THIS POS DOWN! Athena was following good detective instincts, that's all. How did he take off the bracelet without ripping it apart? ATHENA IS AWESOME OKAY SHE JUST IS. Man, I'd love to have money. But honest money, not evil like this douche. Athena is such a badass. Lmao 'not again' same here. Try to get away now assface! Wait, is he now dead dead? For realsies?
Aw, she's died. That's sad.
Eddie. My poor bby.
I love jealous Eddie. Oh now I get the memes. Because like what the fuck indeed? What are the writers even trying to do? I need someone else's perspective on this conversation. I need @matan4il's perspective because I'm uncomfortable with this conversation as well and she can always make everything better.
Yes! Smart Madney.
MADNEY ARE GETTING MARRIED???????? OH MY GOD YAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also getting married for tax purposes is very true. My bff and her hubby mostly are in love but they also wanted those benefits.
AWWWWWWW CHRISTOPHER!!!!!!! HE IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! Throwback to Buck!!!!!!! Shannon and Chris!!! This is making me emotional!!!!! The fact that Eddie now feels comfortable enough to go to his parents last minute shows his progress. Also his mum is still being yah know.....
You're right Josh! Chimney is not Doug. Completely different situation.
OMG HE IS LOOKING AT RINGS?????? OMG.
Welp, it's over. This episode made me feel very uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to feel about any of it. Except that Chris and Jee are super cute.
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not yet (but someday soon)
(buddie) (1.4k) (read it on ao3)
@elvensorceress and @clusterbuck tagged me in seven sentence sunmonday... how about an entire fic instead?
Evan Buckley loves like no man Eddie’s ever met. He’s loud with it, practically shouts it from the rooftop, except– he doesn’t say it out loud. At least, not in so many words. Especially not since Taylor.
He’ll say it to Christopher, voice low and reverent, like he’s still not sure he’s allowed. He’ll say it to Jee-Yun too, high-pitched and giggly. He tells Maddie every time he gets the chance, Eddie knows, but the rest of them– Buck doesn’t tell them, he shows them.
He shows his love in wide grins and carefully concealed surprises; he shows it in remembered coffee orders and research binges, and by offering a hand before any of them ever has a chance to ask for help.
Buck doesn’t need words to express himself, not the way Eddie always has; the love he has for the people around him is brilliant and unmistakable and spills from his every pore. It’s one of the many (many) things Eddie’s come to realize he loves about him.
It’s also the reason Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee when Buck slings an arm around Hen’s shoulder after she beats him at Mario Kart and with a laugh says, “Love you, Hen.”
Hen smiles, soft and warm, and pat’s his hand. “Love you too, Buckaroo,” she replies. “Don’t think I’m going to go easy on you, though.”
Buck snorts and retrieves his controller from the coffee table. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he says.
And that’s the end of that, just a weird little blip on Eddie’s Buck-radar, except it keeps happening.
“Hey, uh, you know I love you, right Bobby?” Buck says, staring intently at the bell pepper he’s chopping.
Bobby looks up from his sauce, and Eddie would swear he’s a little misty-eyed. “I love you too, kid,” he says.
Buck meets his eye with a soft smile, and they both go back to cooking.
It’s weird, Eddie decides, but nice. It’s clearly making Buck happy, and at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.
Only– he says it to Chimney, next, and then Hen again, and then Albert the next time they see him. He even says it to Ravi who, honestly, they’ve only known him for like a year, and Eddie likes the kid but–
Maybe this is the kind of thing Eddie should bring up in therapy. It’s just– Buck’s said it to everyone except him, and for the life of him, Eddie can’t figure out why.
Have you considered asking him? The Frank-adjacent voice in his head suggests.
Eddie hates the Frank-adjacent voice. Especially when it’s right.
/
“Come over for dinner tonight?” Eddie asks, desperately trying to sound normal. It is normal! Buck’s at his house more often than the loft these days, and it’s decidedly Not Weird for Eddie to invite him over.
Except maybe it is, because Buck fixes him with a strange look and asks, “Everything okay, Eds?”
Eddie forces a shrug. “‘Course,” he says. “I just think Christopher’s tired of my cooking.”
Hiding behind your son? The Frank-adjacent voice asks, but Buck grins, so Eddie considers it a win.
“Wouldn’t want him to starve,” Buck jokes. “I’ll be there. Are we still out of tomato paste?”
Eddie resists the urge to thump his chest when his heart skips a beat at the word ‘we’. He feels– ridiculous, honestly. Like a fourteen year old with a crush, instead of a grown man who’s perfectly, reasonably in love with his best friend. “I, uh– yeah, I think so. Haven’t been to the store since we went on Monday.”
“Gotcha, I’ll pick some up on the way over. See you tonight, Diaz!” Buck shoulders his bag and winks. He winks.
And Eddie – yeah, Eddie’s blushing. As soon as Buck’s gone, he sticks his head in his locker and groans.
A weight settles next to him. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Hen asks.
Yeah. Eddie knows that.
/
“Honey, I’m home!” Buck calls as he lets himself in.
It’s a joke, Eddie knows it’s a joke, but it sends his pulse fluttering all the same. “In the kitchen,” he calls back, praying that his voice doesn’t sound too choked.
“Hey,” Buck says as he leans against the doorframe, softer and more genuine.
“Hey,” Eddie replies, and even that comes out a little breathless.
And how is he supposed to ask Buck about all the ‘I love you’s if he can’t even manage a normal conversation?
“You better not have touched the stove,” Buck murmurs, easy and fond in a way Eddie’d once been afraid they’d lost.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Eddie replies, laughing despite himself. He takes the bag of groceries from Buck and begins to unpack it, if for no other reason than to give his hands something to do.
He swears it wasn’t always like this. Even when he’d first realized his feelings for Buck ran a hell of a lot deeper than friendship, he’d been perfectly capable of maintaining the status quo. It’s just– ridiculous, actually, because now that Eddie’s heard Buck say it to everyone else, he’s kind of dying to hear it directed towards him. And apparently wanting that has opened the floodgates to wanting a whole bunch of other things, which Frank says is a good thing, but Eddie’s not so sure because what he really wants is to push Buck up against the wall and–
“What’s going on up here?” Buck asks, suddenly in front of him and tapping his index finger against Eddie’s temple. “You’ve been weird all day.”
Eddie’s instinct is to deflect, but he’d promised Buck and himself that he’d talk about the things that bother him so– “You keep telling everyone you love them,” he blurts.
Buck’s brow furrows, and he takes a step back. “And that’s… a bad thing?”
“No, god, of course not,” Eddie says, catching Buck’s wrist and tugging softly until Buck steps back into his space. “I just…”
A small frown appears on Buck’s lips. His head tips ever so slightly to the right. “Just what?” he asks.
“You keep telling everyone… except me.”
All at once, Buck’s expression turns impossibly fond. “I’ve been seeing Doctor Copeland again,” he says.
“I… know?”
Whatever face Eddie makes at the sudden change in subject must be interesting, because Buck laughs and lifts his hand to drag his thumb across the corner of Eddie’s lips. “I know you know,” he says. “I told her, recently, that sometimes it’s still hard to believe that the people I love, love me too.”
“Buck,” Eddie interrupts, unable to stop himself.
He laughs softly and wriggles his fingers until Eddie gets the message and releases his wrist so he can twine them together with his. “I know,” Buck says, and Eddie thinks yeah, maybe he does.
Eddie nods for him to continue.
“Anyway,” Buck says, “She said that it might help to have concrete reminders. And that if I told people how I felt about them–”
“They’d tell you the same,” Eddie finishes.
“Exactly,” Buck says. “She said it didn’t have to be anything serious, that I could just tell people casually. So, I did.”
“And it’s helping?” Eddie asks.
Buck ducks his head and grins. “Yeah, it’s helping.”
Eddie bites his lip. “I still don’t understand–”
“Why I haven’t said it to you?” Buck looks up from under his lashes.
“Yeah,” Eddie says, a little breathless.
“Two reasons,” Buck says, squeezing Eddie’s fingers.
Eddie squeezes back and waits for him to continue.
“One,” Buck says seriously, “I already believe in you. We– I think we’ve been through too much for me to ever doubt it.”
“I do, you know,” Eddie says, suddenly not caring what it might give away. Suddenly realizing there might not be anything left to be afraid of.
“I know,” Buck says.
“What’s two?”
“Two,” Buck says slowly, like he’s still chewing on the words, “Is that when I tell you how I feel… there’s not going to be anything casual about it.”
“Evan,” Eddie breathes, because that sounds a lot like the beginning of something Eddie’s only just begun to allow himself to want.
“Not yet,” Buck says, smiling a small little half-smile. “But soon?”
“Take your time,” Eddie replies, settling his free hand on Buck’s waist. “I’m not going anywhere.”
#lol I am 100% going to be late to a date bc I decided to post this rn oops#anywayyyyyy#911#911fic#911 fic#buddie#buddiefic#Evan buckley#Eddie diaz#Abbie writes#fic#userceecee#will rb for tags in a sec!
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I thought about the balcony scene from 5x04 a little too hard and it really is kind of laughable how this scene wouldn’t at all have fit in with Taylor? Imagine Taylor being the one to comfort Buck here instead of Eddie. I’m sure she’d have tried to be as comforting as she can, but she simply does not get Buck like Eddie does. She doesn’t know why Buck likes saving people and fixing things. She also doesn’t know Maddie and Chimney like Eddie does, the way Buck’s life is intertwined with theirs. Her advice in the very next episode when Buck tells her that Hen and Eddie are being weird and everyone might blame him for Chimney leaving, is to tell Buck that maybe not everything is about him. Look, objectively, she’s right. But it’s not the best advice for Buck at that moment, when it’s Maddie and Chim and Jee-Yun who have gone away, and given the dynamics of the firefam, Buck’s history of abandonment and how much control has been wrested from him and how he can’t fix any of these things. But Taylor just doesn’t get all that, and the contrast between Buck’s conversation with Eddie in the balcony and his conversation with Taylor in the kitchen is staggering.
Another point here is how with Taylor, Buck has never been shown to be as vulnerable as he is with Eddie. There is always that lingering sense we get in BT scenes that Buck isn’t been as open as he possibly can be. In contrast, in the balcony scene, Eddie gets to the bottom of Buck’s feelings (and Maddie’s and Chimney’s) in seconds, teases Buck a little to get him to crack a genuine smile, and takes care of him, all in one go. The bottomline really is that while there is no one way to portray closeness and familiarity in a relationship, if the idea of Buck being vulnerable and open with his girlfriend seems a little absurd and incomplete and out of place, then that really doesn’t seem good for either of them.
#sorry to bring taylor up here but remember how we all went: they didn't even give this scene to taylor#they couldn't because it would've looked very odd#another day another meta#okay see you tomorrow#buddie#911 fox#anti bt
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I thought people were exaggerating about the distance, but I've rewatched the whole show now and holy shit Buck and Eddie used to touch so much more. And it feels like the last time we had an innocent subconscious touch between them was in 5x01 when Eddie touched Buck's shoulder and back while at the air traffic control at LAX. Now I'm a pessimist who still doesn't see why people are so sure that buddie is becoming canon now, but like... the not touching thing must be intentional, RIGHT???
big yeah omg. i disagree a little that we barely saw them close this season, because there have definitely been a few moments here and there, but i do think that the moments where they choose to create and emphasize this distance between them are significant. the distance between them during the shooting, in the hospital where eddie tells buck about the will, on the balcony after chimney leaves, at the firehouse table as buck tells everyone he wants to put in for a transfer, in the waiting room of the hospital after the hostage situation, and as eddie tells everyone he’s leaving the 118...it always feels so marked and telling in the way that it’s done, and even more significant within the context of these scenes. and i think it’s also significant that this exaggerated distance only started with the shooting, as the shooting changed everything about their relationship, in ways they can’t even acknowledge yet (hence, some of the reason for this new distance).
but i find it really interesting how some scenes (unlike the waiting room scene after the hostage situation, for example) feel incredibly reminiscent of how things had been between them before the shooting, with them confiding in and reassuring each other, but now where they once would’ve been physically close (a la kitchen scene, or 3.06, or etc etc), they’re so far apart. it almost feels symbolic of the will, with them still trusting and loving each other unconditionally, but not letting themselves have what they truly want or to say the things they want to say. like - buck talks to eddie about how he thinks he failed both maddie and chimney and eddie meets him with a gentle understanding and reassurance, but he holds himself at a distance as he talks about someone who had always assumed the role of a caretaker needing help (as he looks at buck pointedly, as he literally takes care of buck in that same scene). and then an episode later he reassures buck that he’s stuck with them as buck talks about transferring, but he’s at the other end of the table. they’re still open and vulnerable with each other in these moments, but there’s this new feeling of holding back where they didn’t before. and AGAIN - very telling that this happens only after the shooting, where eddie reaches out for buck in what he thinks are his dying moments and where eddie’s blood paints buck’s face and where buck is paralyzed in terror as he watches eddie fall and where buck begs eddie to stay with him. too much was said in those moments, and neither of them are in a place where they’re ready to deal with anything it implied
and im going back a little bit, but there are still moments where things feel fine and where they close some of the distance between them (like for example, in 5.10 as they talk about christopher’s nightmares), but it’s almost always followed up by a moment that re-establishes that distance (in this case, the distance between them as eddie tells everyone he’s leaving the 118). and then there’s also their closeness in all of 5.06 that’s only bookmarked with a marked distance between them in the waiting room and them going home to separate houses despite the entire episode emphasizing the christopher and will of it all.
so yeah, all in all, i think it’s definitely intentional. like - nothing about blocking/directing is accidental, and everything that we see on our screens is for a reason. imo, the distance is just too great and too exaggerated to be anything but, and im so excited to see how it plays out in s5
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Just read this ask and answer and that ‘Buck has no idea the power he holds over Eddie’ hit me like a freight train because it’s such a constant theme.
it’s clear in how Buck is the first person Eddie seeks for advice on Christopher, or Ana, or even Shannon. Buck takes all of it as Eddie simply opening up to him, and he’s glad to be someone Eddie trusts enough to talk about his private life with, but he doesn’t get that Eddie is waiting for Buck’s input on everything. “You’re not gonna say anything?” when Shannon is back is actually “You think I’m fucking it all up?”, “I told my kid to believe in the Easter Bunny but now I gotta tell him none of it is real” is really “Where did I go wrong with that? Should have I been harsher with him?” and all the Ana stuff is self-explanatory.
When Buck tells Eddie he knows what not being loved back feels like, what he’s really saying is, “You’re acting like Abby and that’s not you. I know that’s not you because you would never do that to m- Ana.” And he believes it, really, but he also can’t help but remember how Abby never actually listened to him asking her to come back, she’s never seen how he was waiting for her for months, so why would Eddie, of all people, listen to him?
Except Eddie does, he breaks up with Ana and things between him and Buck- are stilted. And maybe none of them knows who’s supposed to lead now, because Eddie is a mess, traumatized and scared and waiting for something he’s not even sure is there, while Buck has never taken control of anything in his relationships, so he sure as hell won’t start now that Eddie is pulling away and Taylor says she loves him. That wouldn’t be fair.
It’s so beautiful how this whole arc points to Buck being the one who has to take the lead. Break up with Taylor, reconnect with Eddie, help Chimney and Maddie when they finally come back, heal his own wounds.
It’s giving everything.
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I’ve been thinking about this for a while…
Looking at all the posts made on Tumblr how it’s Eddie’s time and it’s finally about him dealing with PTSD, repression throughout season 5. But let me ask you, what if it’s not just Eddie? What if it is Buck and Eddie together? Revisiting their trauma, finally healing the wounds to build a healthy, open and trusting relationship.
▪️It all started with Buck receiving a message about the tsunami. We all remember tsunami, Buck alone with Chris on the pier, and then losing him... We have seen his anguish, his tears when he was delivering news about losing Christopher to Eddie. Now imagine him receiving a message about another one coming up. We can immediately hear the change in his voice, and his first thought was definitely Chris. Where’s Chris? Is he safe? In season 3 we haven’t seen the full extend of how tsunami affected Buck. However, we have seen how it affected Chris: nightmares, therapy, and later on, the effect the natural disaster had on Eddie.
▫️A guy in an air traffic centre who had a heart attack in 5x01. White shirt, curly hair. I think, as many of you noticed, it was a direct parallel to Buck’s outfit in 4x13. However, the last time Buck was wearing it, it was covered in blood. Eddie’s blood. When Eddie got shot, he didn’t even think it was him at first. He saw blood on Buck’s face, and clothes and his first instinct was to reach to him, to help. Later slipping in and out of consciousness, Eddie is in a fire truck; we see him looking at Buck, his face and clothes covered in blood and asking, Are you okay? and only after making sure he’s fine, passing out. And now this guy, laying unconscious, almost dead… we immediately notice how it affected Eddie. He himself is seconds from getting into a bad headspace and panicked state until Chimney takes his attention, and he’s reminded that he’s not on that street anymore. He’s back, working, and later when touching Buck’s shoulder, he grounds himself and makes sure that Buck’s also here, alive, with him.
▪️A guy with the shot wound in the shoulder, through-and-through in 5x03. Any words even needed here? A direct parallel to Eddie’s injury in 4x13. However, the guy’s got shot in the left shoulder, while Eddie’s injury is on the right one. We saw in 4x13-4x14 that even though Eddie was the one getting shot, Buck wasn’t handling it well either. He was blaming himself for what happened to Eddie, making himself a live target when rescuing the guy in 4x14 (Buck will always Buck). And we see the confirmation of his mental state being affected during in a conversation with Bobby No, I was the guy standing there who couldn’t do anything to protect him.
▫️Cheerleader girls in 5x04. Best friends. The first thing a girl says after she gains consciousness is Makayla (her best friend’s name). A direct parallel to Eddie and his first words after he got shot. The first thing he remembered and cared about was Buck. And his name was the first thing falling from his lips after he gained consciousness.
▪️The guy in 5x05 who was feeling under pressure to get fit after the quarantine. He tried to push himself, and it blew up in his face. Does it remind you of certain someone who pushed himself too far during the healing period and ended up in a hospital with a pulmonary embolism? Also, in 5x05 was Buck revisiting the lawsuit days. He felt helpless, out of control and blamed himself for everything that happened with Chim and Maddie. We can see his mental anguish starting at the end of 5x04 and going all the way throughout the 5x05.
▫️The hostage situation in 5x06. Buck and Eddie taken hostage together - joint trauma. Both of them are connected by the same denominator - Christopher. That is the thing prisoners use against both of them. Even though first they only threaten Eddie, later it’s Buck too. Eddie sacrifices himself and stays in the ambulance and in case things go south, Christopher will have Buck. At the same time, the hostage situation is a parallel to Buck’s trauma because he leaves Eddie alone in that ambulance. Once he hears shots he would be faced with the same situation he was in Eddie Begins and 4x13. Almost losing Eddie, thinking he’s dead. In both cases, he was helpless; he couldn’t protect Eddie and keep him safe.
▪️The guy buried alive in 5x07. Eddie being trapped underground was a traumatic experience for both Buck and Eddie. We all saw the breakdown of Buck and how he tried to dig Eddie with his bare hands. On Eddie’s side, we saw the effect the event had on him only a year later when he revealed the changes he made to his will.
As I said it’s only a theory, I may be right, I may be wrong. There will be a part 2&3 to this post after 5x13 and 5x18.
#911 on fox#911 fox#911#evan buckley#911 spoilers#911 series#911 show#evan buck buckely#edmundo diaz#eddie diaz#buck x eddie#eddie x buck#christopher diaz#buddie#911 speculation#911 theory#911 thoughts#5x06#911 5x06#5x07#911 5x07#d.e. writes#d.e. 911#d.e. buddie
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i want you by my side (so that i never feel alone)
(3.2k, rated T, complete)
read it on ao3
Eddie sits in his pew and tries to remind himself that he is in the lord’s house, and that he should really at least make an effort to keep his thoughts respectful.
It’s hard, though, when Buck is at the altar standing up as Maddie’s best man, wearing a suit that should honestly be illegal.
It’s only now, sitting in church trying not to blaspheme, that Eddie realises he’s become desensitised to Buck’s whole… everything. Buck in his firefighter uniform is a lot to take in, but Eddie’s trained himself to look past it. Mostly because he doesn’t ever want to have to explain to Bobby that he missed something on a call because he was distracted by the sight of Buck harnessed up for a rope rescue.
Buck at home—in his apartment or at the Diaz house, they’re practically synonymous anyway—is a whole other matter. Buck in old, faded t-shirts and comfortable sweats, in the LAFD hoodie they’ve been stealing back and forth for so long Eddie isn’t sure whose it was originally. It’s a different kind of intensity, a quiet one that stems from the knowledge that Buck doesn’t let many people see him like that, soft and a little dishevelled on a Saturday morning.
These are incarnations of Buck that Eddie has learned to live with, in the interest of remaining a functional human being capable of doing his job and caring for his son—the only two things on his list of priorities that manage to claw past his highly inconvenient unrequited feelings for his best friend.
But Buck in a suit? This is new, and Eddie’s defences are down. Eddie doesn’t have defences for this. He’s never seen Buck in a suit before.
Maybe he should have made Buck try the suit on at home first, so he could have gotten used to it in private.
Can you get sent to hell for thinking impure thoughts in church? Not that his thoughts are impure, exactly. He’s just thinking about the way the lines of the suit cling to Buck’s figure and highlight his broad shoulders, about the way Buck’s arms strain against the sleeves when he adjusts his cuffs, about the way the starched cotton would feel between his fingers as he unbuttoned Buck’s shirt… Okay, so he might be going to hell.
Eddie shakes his head. This is ridiculous. He’s a grown man, he can pull it together for the duration of a wedding ceremony.
Next to him, Christopher pokes his arm and looks at him curiously. “Dad? Are you okay?” he whispers.
Eddie swallows around the dryness in his throat. “I’m fine, buddy.”
“Why were you shaking your head?”
“I just—uh, forgot something I was supposed to do yesterday,” he whispers back. Forgot to mentally prepare himself for the sight of Buck in formalwear. “Don’t worry about it, just watch the ceremony. Look, I bet Chimney’s about to cry.”
The ceremony is just reaching the vows, and sure enough, as soon as Maddie starts reciting hers Chimney starts tearing up enough that it’s clearly visible to their seats near the back of the church.
This is good. If he focuses on Chimney’s quest to win the title of sappiest man alive, it’ll distract him from the public health hazard that is Buck in that suit.
“Is Chimney okay?” Christopher asks, and Eddie laughs under his breath and wraps an arm around his son.
“Yeah, he’s okay,” Eddie says and ducks down to kiss Christopher’s forehead. “He’s just really happy.”
One of Maddie’s first proclamations about the wedding was that she wanted to do away with any tradition that didn’t make sense to her, and the first thing to go was the separate table for the wedding party.
“Why would we invite all these people just to sit at a separate table all night?” she’d said, and nobody had been able to come up with a counterargument.
Then she’d gone one step further and decided to forego seating arrangements altogether. “Assigned seating is for middle schoolers and people who don’t like each other,” she’d said at Eddie’s kitchen table one night as Buck supposedly helped her plan the wedding. His helping mostly consisted of eating wedding cake samples, but Eddie was pretty sure Maddie wasn’t there for the manpower anyway. “And we’re neither of those things, so people can just sit with whoever they want.”
“I’m gonna be a middle schooler in the fall,” Christopher had pointed out, just serious enough that no one had quite known how to react. Then he’d grinned, and the kitchen had exploded into laughter.
“Good thing the wedding is in the summer, then,” Maddie said with a conspiratorial smile. “No assigned seats for you just yet.”
So when they get to the reception venue, instead of being exiled to the high table Buck is by their side almost immediately. Eddie doesn’t know how he does it, but Buck always seems to be able to find them in any crowd, effortless like gravity.
“I vote we find a table and set up camp,” Buck says.
Eddie nods, because Buck and his suit are in very close proximity and he isn’t entirely sure he’s capable of forming words right now.
He really needs to get a grip, or this is about to be a very long night.
“What do you think?” Buck asks Christopher, pointing at a table along one wall. “That one?”
Christopher agrees and they set off, carefully weaving through all of the dearly beloved who have gathered to witness and rejoice in Maddie and Chimney’s marriage.
“I figured you’d want to be by the wall,” Buck says, hanging back so Christopher doesn’t overhear. “You usually are.”
“I—yeah,” Eddie says, a little bewildered. He doesn’t remember ever actually talking to Buck about this. About the way that ever since the shooting, he can’t seem to make himself turn his back on crowds. He sits with his back to the wall whenever he can, and when he can’t—like in a church watching his friends get married—he sits as far back as he can, and glances over his shoulder every three seconds like his head is mounted on a swivel.
He’s never talked to Buck about it, but apparently Buck noticed anyway.
Their table, Eddie discovers, is also close to the open bar. He debates taking generous advantage of this fact in order to deal with the continued proximity of Buck and his suit, but—getting drunk would probably make it worse, actually. Drunk Eddie isn’t very good at filtering his thoughts.
Buck, however, doesn’t seem to have similar qualms, and by the time they’ve gotten through dinner, he’s bright-eyed and a little flushed.
Eddie loves Buck like this, tipsy and giggly and affectionate. He gets the feeling that Buck tries a little too hard to be taken seriously sometimes, but when he’s had a drink or three he lets his defences down.
“You should dance with me,” Buck says now, leaning so far into Eddie that his head is resting on his shoulder.
“It’s not dancing time yet,” Eddie says, fighting to ignore the thrill that runs through him at the idea of dancing with Buck. “There’s still speeches and cake first.” Buck, thankfully, had given his best man speech before any food or drinks were served, so Eddie doesn’t need to worry about Buck getting too drunk for it.
“Later, then,” Buck says, and makes no move to pick himself up off Eddie’s shoulder. “When it’s dancing time.”
“Sure,” Eddie agrees. “Later.” Then he wonders whether he can get out of it somehow, because there are a lot of people around and his self-control is already worn thin by Buck practically draping himself over him.
Buck puts a hand out, fumbling around like he’s looking for something until he finally lands on his wine glass. When Eddie looks down, Buck’s eyes are closed.
“Hey,” Eddie says, poking at Buck until he sits up straight again. “Have you been drinking enough water?”
Buck opens his eyes and squints at him. “I’m not that drunk, you know,” he informs Eddie.
“You sure about that?”
“Yeah,” Buck says, and touches his nose with alternating forefingers like a field sobriety test. “See? I’m just lazy.” Then he puts his head back on Eddie’s shoulder.
“Okay,” Eddie says, a warm rush of affection running through him. “You wanna do me a favour and drink this water anyway?”
“If you insist,” Buck says with a put-upon sigh, but he grins at Eddie so widely that water almost spills out around the edges of the glass.
It takes almost another hour for it to get to dancing time, and as soon as dancing starts, Buck is whisked away by partner after partner. It’s Maddie first, for the slightly altered tradition of the sister-brother dance, then it’s Hen, and then Chimney wants a turn, too. And Eddie can see why: Buck on the dance floor is joyous and carefree. He looks like he’s having fun, genuinely from the bottom of his heart, and like he’ll spread that joy to anyone who dances with him. It’s no wonder everyone wants a whirl.
Eddie desperately wants one, too, but something stops him every time he tries to get up and walk over to Buck. He’s worried that five seconds of dancing with Buck will give everything away, that everyone around them will be able to see exactly what he feels. That Buck will be able to see. He’s worried that if he dances with Buck he’ll read something into it that isn’t there, and then when Buck turns to the next partner with a grin and a little bow he’ll crush Eddie’s heart under his heel as he goes.
It’s a lot to put on just one dance, but Eddie’s always been good at overthinking.
So he stays at his table. The first time someone tries to get him to join the dancing he makes a vague gesture at Christopher, like the reason he isn’t dancing is that he has to stay and watch his kid. But then Hen and Denny come over to get Christopher to join the kids' dance circle they’ve got going on and Chris goes without a look back, taking Eddie’s only real excuse with him.
He manages to dodge the dancing for almost half an hour until Karen materialises at the end of their table and holds out her hand. It’s not a question so much as it is a declaration of what’s going to happen next. “Come on,” she says. “Can’t have you sitting here looking so gloomy at a wedding, people will start thinking you’re secretly in love with the bride.”
“I’m not—” Eddie starts, and Karen gives him a look that feels like it goes right through him.
“I know,” she says. “Wrong Buckley. Now come on.”
Eddie goes, because he doesn’t know what else to do.
He doesn’t know the song that’s playing, but it’s the kind of easy-listening music that always gets played at weddings, inoffensive and easy to dance to. It’s easy to take Karen’s hand and rest his other hand loosely on her waist, to sway around vaguely in time and in tune with the music.
It’s less easy to look at her after what she’d said, because looking at her means acknowledging it. But he looks anyway, and finds nothing but understanding in her eyes.
“Why don’t you just dance with him?” Karen asks. She doesn’t ask if she’d gotten it right, which Eddie takes to mean that he’s probably not as subtle as he’d hoped.
Eddie doesn’t say anything because he can’t quite put it into words, this certainty that dancing with Buck will be the beginning of the end, somehow. He doesn’t know how to explain that he wants to, more than anything, but the idea terrifies him because it feels too close to a confession for comfort.
“Okay,” Karen says. “What level of crisis are we talking about here? Is this a gay crisis? Or—bi crisis?”
“Bi crisis,” Eddie confirms. “I mean—it’s not that, but if it was. It would be a bi crisis.”
“Copy that. Okay, so what’s the crisis?”
“The crisis is that I’m in love with my best friend, and he’s—not,” Eddie mutters. It strikes him then that he’s never said it out loud before.
“What makes you think that?”
“Wouldn’t he have said something by now?” Eddie asks, and Karen looks at him like he’s a little slow.
“Have you said anything?” she asks.
“I—” Eddie starts, and finds he doesn’t know how to finish his sentence.
Karen smiles. “Just dance with him, Eddie.”
Eddie doesn’t end up dancing with Buck. He keeps trying to talk himself into it, but before he can get all the way there suddenly the banquet hall is emptying out. It’s just him and Buck, now—and Christopher, sleeping in a corner on a pile of spare tablecloths, because he’d insisted he was old enough to stay until the end and proved himself spectacularly wrong.
Buck is going from table to table, making sure none of the guests left anything behind. There’s still music playing—the DJ had gone home an hour ago, but she’d left a playlist on.
Just dance with him, Eddie.
Eddie takes a deep breath. It’s now or never.
Buck looks up when Eddie walks over to him, smiling the soft smile Eddie has only ever seen directed at himself or Christopher.
“Never got that dance,” Eddie says, hoping his voice doesn’t give away the fact that he has spent the past several hours thinking about it.
To his surprise, a blush spreads along Buck’s cheekbones. “No, I guess we didn’t.”
Wouldn’t he have said something by now?
Have you said anything?
There’s a moment where neither of them speaks. Like they’re weighing the options, like they know this isn’t the kind of dancing Buck meant—he’d been talking about a dance floor full of people, safety in numbers, jumping around to something more upbeat.
Then Buck raises an eyebrow and holds out his hand. “You did promise,” he says.
Technically, Eddie thinks, he hadn’t promised. All he’d said was sure. But as he takes Buck’s hand and steps closer, arguing the semantics couldn’t be further from his mind.
Buck is in his shirtsleeves, his jacket long since sacrificed to be Christopher’s blanket. Eddie spreads his fingers along the small of Buck’s back, and his shirt feels exactly like Eddie had imagined back in the church.
The music shifts just as they settle together, going from a soft pop ballad to something closer to a waltz. Buck takes a few halting steps, but it’s clear he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Eddie huffs a soft laugh under his breath. “Here, just follow my lead,” he says. He steers Buck, gentle pressure on his back, and counts steps out loud until Buck gets the hang of it.
Then they’re waltzing around the empty room, and once Eddie stops murmuring one-two-three one-two-three there’s nothing left between them but a couple of inches of air. It feels like nothing, and it feels like the Grand Canyon.
Buck looks up from where he’d been watching Eddie’s feet. “How come you know how to waltz?” he asks, whisper-quiet even though there’s no one else in the room to disturb.
“There are still things you don’t know about me,” Eddie says, equally quiet.
Buck narrows his eyes like he’s going to challenge that, but they’re interrupted by a door clanging open. It’s a teenager in a catering uniform, one Eddie vaguely recognises from throughout the night.
“Uh, sorry,” she says as Buck and Eddie spring apart, looking anywhere but at each other. “Just, we’re about to close up?”
“Sorry,” Buck says. “We’ll get out of your hair.” The girl disappears back through the door, and Buck turns to Eddie. “You get the kid, I’ll get our stuff?”
“Meet you at the car?”
“Race you,” Buck says, and Eddie grins.
Christopher is sleeping soundly enough that he barely stirs when Eddie picks him up, careful to keep him wrapped up in Buck’s jacket. He makes it to the car just as Buck approaches from the other direction, and they work together to get Christopher settled and buckled in without waking him up.
Eddie doesn’t have to ask if Buck is coming home with them. They don’t talk on the drive, mindful of the sleeping child in the back seat, but there’s a tension humming in the air, the feeling of something unfinished and unresolved.
Christopher doesn’t react when Eddie extracts him from the car and carries him to his room. Briefly, Eddie debates whether he should wake Christopher to brush his teeth, but—the kid’s already asleep, and pretty deep, from the sounds of it. Chances are waking him up now would do more harm than missing one night of brushing teeth.
Besides, he doesn’t want to risk Christopher waking up wired and refusing to go back to sleep. He doesn’t know exactly what’s going to happen when he goes back into the living room, back to Buck, but based on the way Buck had been looking at him in the banquet hall before they were interrupted, and the way Buck kept stealing glances at him on the drive home, he’s pretty sure something is.
And he’d thought he’d be nervous, if this day ever came, but all he feels is excitement starting to build somewhere in his stomach.
Buck is waiting for him in the living room, something like determination blazing in his eyes. “Hey,” he says. “Is this one of those things you think I don’t know about you?” He cups Eddie’s face and pulls him in, closer, pressing his entire body along Eddie’s before finally fitting their lips together.
Eddie kisses back instinctively, wrapping his arms around Buck to pull him closer. He feels simultaneously like he’s drowning in Buck and like Buck is his only supply of oxygen; he wants to keep getting closer and closer until he’s crawling inside Buck’s ribcage.
The need for real oxygen pries them apart eventually but they don’t go far, foreheads pressed together and their heavy, panting breaths mingling.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie asks. “If you knew?”
“I didn’t for sure,” Buck says. “Not until today.”
“What about today?”
“I saw the way you looked at me in the suit,” Buck smirks.
Eddie groans.
“Hey, all’s well that ends well,” Buck says, and leans in to kiss him again. Eddie loses track of how long they stand there in the middle of the room, getting to know each other in this new way, exploring with hands and tongues, marking time in hitched breaths and soft sighs.
When Buck eventually starts steering them towards the sofa, Eddie goes willingly. They collapse in a tangle of limbs, and Buck lands mostly on top of Eddie. Buck’s weight presses him down in a delicious way, and Buck’s every movement sends sparks skidding down Eddie’s spine. Buck wastes no time in taking advantage of his new position, shifting his hips against Eddie’s and grinning when Eddie lets out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan.
“Buck,” he hisses. “I’m—it’s been a while, I’m not gonna last long if—”
But Buck just grins above him. “Who said I’m trying to make it last long right now?” he says, grinding his hips in a slow, deliberate move. “We have the rest of our lives for that.”
#buddie fic#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#this is the buddie at a madney wedding fluff that i have been dreaming of for a month now#no this isn't what i said i'd write in september but the idea materialised in my head fully formed#what was i gonna do#not write it??#shush emma#emma writes
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evan “buck” buckley PLEASE N THANKS
My beloved...
Evan “Buck” Buckley
How I feel about this character
*clears throat*
I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR! I love Oliver’s subtle acting choices. I love how Buck is a perfect vehicle to combat the infestation of toxic masculinity in today’s media. I’ve loved him since day one when he walked up to that loft and ate an entire stalk of broccoli while getting yelled at by Bobby. I loved him at the first smirk when I said, “Oh okay. You have issues and I am here for it.” I love his growth. I love his journey. I loved Buck Begins. I love his baggage. I love his faults. I love his strengths. I love how his faults and strengths aren’t mutually exclusive. I love him. I love him. I loveeeee him.
All the people I ship romantically with this character
Eddie for number one. But even if Buddie doesn’t happen I would love to see Bi!Buck in general. But you know what? They’ve really also sold me on the Buck/Taylor thing. I don’t think I would like them to be endgame because I would rather have two different (straight presenting at least) gender besties that doesn’t end in romance but I’d be okay with going on a little FWB journey or just Buck and Taylor being chaotic besties.
My non-romantic OTP for this character
Here’s my take on his relationships with Maddie and Hen.
Now, let’s talk about Chimney. Buck and Chimney’s relationship from “hey, yo rebar head” and Chimney’s almost dismissiveness of Buck to that scene in the locker room in Buck Begins where Chimney is almost in complete agony over not only Maddie hurting but Buck as well? UGH! Because Chimney gets both their sides. He gets the pain. He gets the resentment and feelings of abandonment. He gets Maddie and Buck better than their own parents. And he had to sit and watch how Marge and Phil treated both of them. He had the dots and he got a front row seat to those dots being connected. I just.... UGH. I love their relationship so much.
We’ve already been gifted with so much Buck and Chim content this season but it just shows how far they’ve come.
My unpopular opinion about this character
I don’t think Buck was wrong to do the lawsuit. Sorry? I think it was ridiculous because there’s literally the union and everything that he could’ve gone to, to deal with it but I don’t think his reasonings behind going were wrong. Coming from a home that Buck did where you are a victim of emotional neglect, you don’t develop foundational building blocks that are necessary for decision making. I don’t think Buck ever truly knew how to speak up for himself or defend himself. I think Maddie did that for him growing up and then I think once she left, he was stuck with his parents who either ignored him or tore him down. Buck isn’t his best advocate. That doesn’t mean he’s a victim. In fact, he’s the opposite. He doesn’t see himself as a victim because his parents always invalidated him. Buck doesn’t think he’s allowed to be a victim (hence why he was so quick to move from his leg, the tsunami, the way his parents treated him) but trauma is trauma. It doesn’t matter what kind of house you live in or where you grew up or how much money you have or what gender you are. The hardest thing to do though, is to validate your own self and recognize that something needs to change. Buck was struggling to get his own sense of control back. In Buck’s mind, he went through this trauma (an event he had no control over), he worked hard to come back (something he did have control over), only to be set back once again by something he had no control over again. Only this time it was different because this time his sense of control was taken away by someone he knew and trusted.
Was the lawsuit stupid? Yes. Was Buck’s reasoning wrong? No.
Buck is constantly faced with a double standard in regards to his actions and he’s only just learning how to be his own defender in his late twenties through therapy. Take for example when he said to Taylor in the hallway “Hey, I’m likable.” That wasn’t Buck being delusional. That was Buck using a tool from therapy to be his own advocate and in that case, it didn’t work, which happens.
But the important thing to remember is that he’s trying.
A bad decision does not invalidate the real feelings behind it.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.
Bi!Buck but also I would like to see Buck recognizing that even though he wants to work things out with his parents, I would like him to realize that sometimes that just doesn’t work out. I think Margaret has had too much resentment for too long in regards to her kids and it shouldn’t be on Buck or Maddie to change that for her. If your children’s lives being threatened wasn’t enough for you to come around then therapy isn’t going to do much either.
Give Me A Character and I’ll Break Them Down
#evan 'buck' buckley#Maddie Buckley#Chimney Han#Oliver Stark#911 on fox#ask game#character ask game#buddie-buddie#answered
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5x13 - Fears & Thoughts
Hoo boy! What an episode!
So Maddie and Chimney are done. Wow, I gotta be honest, I didn't see that coming. Just another thing feeling out of sorts this season. But...I'm curious to see where this goes.
Gotta say, I am so happy we had a Buck and Maddie moment. Finally!!!!! And Uncle Buck and Jee-Yun is so cute!
Love how the fear emergencies didn't just revolve around actual phobias but the common theme seemed to be 'trapped'. From being trapped in a cage in the ocean, waiting for the sharks aka doom, to being encased in a huge web-thing, waiting to be eaten. The woman who had no fear and felt like she had no other alternative than to end things because she couldn't feel afraid anymore. Just the overall theme of feeling trapped. And this is the very same episode we see Buck feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place with Taylor moving in, Chim being scared about leaving Maddie alone with Jee-Yun, Maddie afraid to go near the bathtub until she forces herself to confront her fear, Eddie in therapy being asked what scares him and then us seeing him have a breakdown when he finds out all of the soldiers he saved were dead & confessing to Buck that he's afraid he will never feel normal again, Taylor saying she feels like Buck trapped her by asking her to move in with him so she won't leave, Albert talking about how his job isn't exactly what he thought it would be -- all of it is just related to this one overall theme and I am loving it.
I'm also loving how Taylor is forcing Buck to change to her couch. How the boxes are all over the place and "we'll just have to cull as we unpack, we probably have two of everything", and Taylor can't even find forks for her and Buck to eat their dinner.
Not gonna lie, I feel a bit bad for Taylor. I don't hate her character like some do but it's becoming increasingly obvious that this relationship isn't endgame. "No more lies" and Buck still has yet to tell her that the woman he kissed was the new firefighter in his firehouse. I wonder when she will find that out and what her reaction will be. And is it me or are they purposely making Taylor fade into the background and acting like a naive, lackadaisical girlfriend who bums around the apartment all day, typing away on her laptop, and humming as she goes about? She's felt very off herself (just more of this season's overall theme of being off) and I feel like 5x13 is where we started to see just a little bit of her true character shine through (once Buck told her). And Buck telling Maddie "I do love her. You know, she's been there for me through you guys leaving and everything"...I kind of wish I could be that court reporter that reads back to him what he said earlier in the season: "That's not how you talk about someone you're in love with." Buck, my man, can you hear me? This is your conscience speaking, stop dragging Taylor through this and realize this relationship isn't what you want! They're literally beginning to dismantle it in the show right before your very eyes!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Buck forcing his way into the room Eddie is locked in...what imagery! That coupled with "You're the guy who likes to fix things." I see you, 911. Very interesting analogy you got there.
Did Buck really just call Lucy Firefigher Donato? Didn't Buck try to figure out a new nickname for Eddie back when he arrived at the 118 even though he wasn't a fan at first? I know Buck is trying to put distance there with Lucy for obvious reasons but damn what a contrast they purposely gave us in this setup.
Not gonna lie, I really thought Buck and Eddie were going to hug when Buck saw Eddie sobbing on the floor, but my hopes were thwarted, dashed, went up in smoke. Buck's reaction to me felt slightly off. We've seen his reaction whenever Eddie is in physical danger but it almost seemed as if he didn't know what to do in the face of this breakdown. I know Eddie is usually the guy who keeps everything in control like Bobby has said, but I don't know...it just felt slightly off to me. But it was a great scene though! And of course, my heart hurt for Eddie. I truly hope by him opening up to Buck about this, by seeing that Frank was right about how when the box exploded it would not only affect him but everyone around him, that he truly takes care of himself and is more open-minded to the idea of him continuing therapy (and asking for help when needed). I also wonder if this is going to somehow lead into Eddie coming back to the 118 now that Buck knows what bad shape Eddie is in and why, especially with him being "the guy who likes to fix things" and being concerned about Chris.
I also think it's a very interesting sort of parallel that we have now of Eddie exploding on Ana and Bobby and the whole "I already apologized for that." All related to Eddie's anger and "I was upset." We've also seen him explode on Buck before, but the contrast there is that we saw Eddie work it out with him, we weren't just told about it. Very interesting, indeed.
I'm really curious to see what happens in the next episode. Gotta say I'm slowly starting to feel like my 911 is coming back, slowly but surely. 5A was a bit rough. Oh, and if I ever look up what all of the 1st episode animal symbolism is again for a future season, feel free to tell me to shut it. I will slap my own hands. I feel like I was stupid and predicted how out of step the 118 was going to be, how the family was going to break up, but I never anticipated just how much. I was excited seeing it come to fruition but then I immediately put the car in reverse, shaking my head and going "not this! not ever this!" as the season progressed.
So, I'm really glad that Maddie is back as is Chim, and we're starting to course correct a bit.
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