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#of customers when i need to do stuff in the back
deerlottie · 2 days
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dealer!nat 🤭🤭🤭
buying from her for once and she smirks and tells you she should be the first person you smoke with.
shotgunning with nat and her placing a hand around your neck as she pulls you close. other hand on your lower back under your shirt or on your upper thigh.
her giving you discounts or just shit for free as long as you makeout with her.
taking you to deals with her and getting pissed (jealous) and fucking you in her car if someone looks at you
+bonus. her and van both being dealers and fucking you together. ororor shauna being a regular customer of nats (to get her mind off of jackie) and nat owes shauna some weed but doesn’t have any at the time and shauna says she won’t do shit as long as shauna can fuck you
++bonus. shotgunning with dealer!nat and stoner!lottie.
she gives you The best stuff the first time. you were originally just gonna have some gummies, but she talked you into smoking. telling you to come over to hers so you can do it in private. ur so nervous but she reassures you she'll be ur sitter for ur first time (she definitely yells NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE when ur freaking out 😭😭) BUT you have a good time on it and come back for more. she tests out some new strains on you and it always ends up with dry humping and a make out sesh.
rival dealers!vanat...van telling u they got the good shit and fucking ur brains out and it slips out when ur with nat, so ofc she gets jealous and wants to fuck you in front of van ;3 which just ends up with you being fucked by both of them.
tbh i need to be fucked by all of them at the same time while high... nat owes them ALL some shit and they're perfectly fine with their payment being you ;3 them forcing you to smoke until ur drooling and just a dumb little thing for them to use <3 thinking about lottie lowkey kidnapping u for a few days because she gets obsessed with the taste of you and u and her dont leave her room for DAYSSS and urjust like a twitching roach on her bed from how much she's fucked u
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hi!! i saw you were doing matchups! (i really love your work btw❤️)
a little about me:
- 5’4, she/her, Black, im pretty small, no ass no tiddies (okay a little tiddy but. theyre small.) just vibes LOL
- personality wise, i’m very quiet, more of a listener, unless you get me talking about something im super interested in. im a bit of a space cadet, pretty forgetful & distractable but I try my best to pay attention, and I write down important things about people I care about to help me remember things. i’ve been told I have a bit of a RBF, but I become very bubbly once i’m comfy with someone. also I love to laugh, once i’m comfy I tend to make a lot of jokes with people.
- hobbies: crochet, cooking, gaming (I love a good visual novel or an RPG, depends on my mood), & reading books & comics/manga
- im a programmer for work, so im very into coding/tech
- style: I have to “dress up” for work, so during the day im in pretty basic office attire, a blouse + skirt combo or some nice pants, maybe a dress if its nice out. I love gimmicky/cute accessories, so I have lots of earrings shaped like frogs, vegetables, butterflies, etc, I love me some cutsey stuff. but my preferred state of being is pretty casual/comfy, usually a crop top or a hoodie + sweatpants/baggy jeans.
IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG
You sound absolutely adorable
I am going purely based on vibes 🔮 buttttt I think you would look absolutely cute with🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁
Suguru Geto!!
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I feel like since Sugu is also quiet and a good listener you two would work really well together. I really think he prefers a bubbly and cute partner and he wouldn’t mind guiding you and reminding you of things bc bro you’re his baby girl😭
I think he’s one of the characters that also prefers someone shorter than him and he’d find your height difference and overall physical differences to be adorable. He’s definitely picking you up and slinging you over his shoulder if you catch an attitude with him.
I don’t know why but I’m really thinking cult era Suguru😭 if he calls you a monkey you better pop his ass tho🤨 cause we don’t play that around here
I’m thinking cult era particularly since he’s making a lot of money and he’d definitely want to fund your hobbies and need for cute things. His card is your card. I could also see him getting you a lot of custom kimonos because you gotta match his fly bbg😭
He’s buying you the nicest computer on the market for your coding and gaming. No you can not refuse, he will make you take it.
His casual style is also very comfortable as we’ve seen in the manga/anime so when he’s not before his followers I think you two would have a lot of matching sweatsuits and pajamas inside the house.
Activites you do together…
•I’m seeing a lot of parallel play, after a long day of killing people he just wants to curl up in bed with you while you two read🥰
•he’s taking you anywhere you want to go on rainbow dragon. You just gotta say the word, you could be in Paris for your lunch break and back at the office with ten minutes to spare���
•shopping!!! This man is completely at your service, you just gotta take his card while he holds your bags.
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rhondafromhr · 2 days
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Expanding on my “the Monroes adopt Max and he becomes an even worse person” AU
- they take him in not long after he turns sixteen. His dad dies in some kind of freak accident, it makes the news and Linda recognizes the name because she knows everything there is to know about the history of the Honey Queen pageant and his mom won about ten years ago. She also knows that, like every other winner of that pageant, she left Hatchetfield and never looked back, meaning Max is completely alone now. She’s not sure why she cares about this complete stranger, but her heart breaks for him not having a loving home and she decides she can provide that. She’s a great mother, after all, and they already have four beautiful boys, what’s one more? Gerald isn’t as invested at first, but he agrees to it because he supports Linda in basically anything she wants to do.
-Linda keeps trying to give him expensive new things to cheer him up and make him feel like part of the family and she doesn’t understand why he’s reluctant to accept them. His dad was the type to act like providing basic needs (food, housing, etc) was a huge burden and always came with strings attached, saying stuff like “I put a roof over your head, I pay all your sports fees and you couldn’t even win that game?”. She and Gerald eventually figure it out and the next time Linda gives him something, she makes sure to tell him he doesn’t have to take it if he doesn’t want to, but it’s a gift that they got for him because they like him and they’re glad he’s here. That makes him smile for the first time since he moved in. He tells her that he’s glad he’s there, too.
-they try to stick him in an expensive private school, but he wants to stay at Hatchetfield High because he doesn’t want to give up his power there. They go back and forth over it for a few weeks and during that time, someone overhears them discussing it while out for dinner. This leads to a rumor going around school that Max is leaving and it gives all the nerds so much false hope that things could get better. In the end, they let him stay. There’s not a lot Linda and Gerald can’t get away with, but even they’re not willing to risk pulling the star quarterback out of school and making the Nighthawks lose to Clivesdale.
-Pete, Ruth and Richie do end up transferring out to get the hell away from him when he starts becoming even more of a menace, as impossible as that seems. Richie begs Paul to let him finish out high school at Sycamore and Paul reluctantly helps him get a variance. He joins the anime club and the swim team there. Sycamore isn’t as cliquey as Hatchetfield High and a lot of the kids who go there are just as “weird” as he is, so he’s actually kind of popular there and he’s much happier. Ruth starts doing online school. Being away from the constant bullying, her anxiety starts to get better and her confidence improves. She joins a local theater troupe for teens, makes tons of new friends there and lands her first ensemble role. Pete just works his ass off and graduates early, then goes off to UCLA (he gets his own CaliforMIA reprise). Lex and Hannah make it to California in this universe too because why the hell not and Pete ends up being their roommate. I just think he and Lex would be an iconic duo. They’d hate each other at first (she’s a retail worker and Pete’s canonically a rude customer, natural enemies) but then they’d start vibing and the levels of snark would be off the charts.
-When Linda and Gerald see how Max is struggling in school, they hire a tutor for him and his grades actually improve a little. He’s still a nightmare to deal with and doesn’t try that hard, but they pay this tutor such an extravagant amount that they’re willing to put up with just about anything. Just for funsies, maybe the tutor is Ziggy. Idk could be a fun comedic pairing and I like to think Ziggs is smarter than they let on and tutors on the side so their only stream of income won’t be drug dealing - they don’t want people getting suspicious of how they’re making a living.
-Linda and Gerald start going to every single football game with the boys. The whole family is decked out in an obnoxious amount of Nighthawks gear and they cheer for Max louder than anybody else. Max pretends not to care, but he secretly loves it. They’re proud of him and it’s not conditional on whether he wins or not. They prioritize him, clearing their schedules so they can come to the games and always show up when they say they’re going to. His dad never did that for him.
-Max injures his knee during one of these games and he insists he’s fine, but the coach forces him to sit out for the rest of it. He’s worried Linda and Gerald are going to be mad at him for not playing or think he’s weak for not toughing it out, but they’re both just worried about him and want to make sure he’s okay. When they get home, Gerald makes him stay off of it and ice it. Linda fusses over him and his new brothers keep him entertained while he’s laid up on the couch.
-every so often, the school calls the Monroes and tries to talk to them about a bullying incident. It’s pretty rare because Max is the star football player and the administration doesn’t really care what he does, but if it’s a particularly violent one they’ll at least make a half-assed attempt to address it for appearances’ sake. Gerald tells them “if you have that much of a problem with it YOU do something about it.” Linda then reminds them that if they do, their generous donations to the school just might dry up. Whenever Max comes home after, Gerald just laughs about it and claps him on the back, then says something along the lines of “That’s my boy, keeping those nerds in line!” Obviously, this only encourages him more.
-Linda decides to impart her wisdom on him and show him that brute force isn’t the only way to keep people in line and get what he wants. She and Gerald start to teach Max more creative, underhanded ways to hurt people and encourage him to use their wealth and connections to his full advantage. As they say, what’s the point of having money if you’re not going to enjoy it?
-As part of this lesson, Gerald fondly recounts what Linda did to that girl’s skis in that competition back in college and how it was the moment he knew she was the one. He goes on about how hot, successful and smart she is and says that Max should take her advice because she knows what she’s talking about. Max can’t put it into words, but there’s something so healing about seeing the way Gerald and Linda love and support each other. Maybe seeing this modeled teaches him how to have (somewhat) healthy romantic relationships down the line and he and Grace eventually get together and have a similar “horrible to everyone else, loving and supportive to each other/enabling to each other’s bad behavior” dynamic.
-When Max joins the family for dinner with Roman and hears the way he talks to Linda, he can’t control his temper and tells him he doesn’t care who he is, he’s going to smash his face in if he doesn’t shut the fuck up because nobody talks to Linda like that. Gerald, of course, is absolutely delighted. Linda half heartedly scolds him, but is secretly so touched that he stood up for her like that. She and Gerald discuss it, decide Max deserves a little reward and buy him a brand new Range Rover.
-After the incident with Roman, Linda tells Max that he just might be her new favorite. River overhears and this ignites a lifelong, largely one-sided sibling rivalry with Max. He starts kind of emulating Max’s bad behavior and lashing out at school to try and get Linda’s attention and when that doesn’t work, he becomes a huge overachiever instead as a way to distinguish himself from Max and make himself feel superior since Max isn’t very academically gifted. He does genuinely study and work hard but he also pulls every dirty trick imaginable to sabotage any other students standing in his way (some…unfortunate things end up happening to his competition for a few scholastic awards and the one student who’s ahead of him for valedictorian his senior year). Linda’s proud of him and showers him with praise, but all he can think about is that moment Max displaced him as the favorite. He wonders if anything he does will ever be good enough to earn that spot back.
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shushposting · 2 days
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intersexValentino, chastity devices, dub-con, self-dubcon, self-piv, overstimulation, toxic and horny
Short thing for @cyberrat @arc-after-dark and some awesome anons from whump Valentino getting railed by his own prehensile dick discussions
https://www.tumblr.com/cyberrat/752016261412700160/val-considers-sleeping-in-a-chastity-belt-to-give
.o.
When Vox unplugs from work for the night the lights in Valentino's room are already out. Only the pink wash of Vee Tower's lights and his own dim screen guide him to the bed where he hears gasping and the sound of something rhythmic and wet.
"I thought you’d be asleep by now. Having fun?" Vox asks into the dark as he shrugs out of his clothes.
The answer comes on a choked, sobbing gasp "No"
“”No”?”Vox's hums, screen brightens as he crawls up on the stupidly large bed to see the moth's face.
Tears stain and mat the fine, thin fur around his eyes, down his cheeks, from the corner of his eyes to his temples. The pillows and sheets are a wreck from trying to find a position where he could close his legs tight enough to block his prehensile cock out of his cunt before giving up and laying spread out and defeated as he is now. The circles under his eyes are so dark, making him look haggard, exhausted, and weak.
“I can’t- it won’t- goddammit I can’t make it stop” Valentino shouts through his teeth, gripping and tearing at the sheets.
“I know. Poor baby.” He coos, petting a cum slick, trembling thigh.
And he does know. He’s watched it build all day leaned back in his chair with his hand down the front of his pressed slacks. The nervous glances Valentino kept directing down at himself as he crossed and uncrossed his legs, calling for constant breaks to go in the back and bend over his vanity to get railed by his own restless cock, fumbling at his toy rack trying to find something anything to stuff in his pussy that his dick couldn't slip in beside hoping it would give up. It never did.
The obscene, wet rhythm quickens, the moth hiccupping punched out little 'no no no no's as his lower hands shoot down to grab at his cock. But the damn thing is rooted right where it wants to be, curling upwards hard and anchoring against the strangling grip. Whether he wants it or not- and fuck he doesn't- Valentino cums, biting into the ball of one hand, sobbing and shouting as another orgasm is wrung out of him.
Vox spreads a hand across Valentino's shivering belly, petting the tight muscles beneath that bunch and cramp in the aftershocks. "Breathe, Val. Breathe."
He doesn't. He can’t. The air won't come, between his hand clenched in his teeth and the sobbing all he can manage is choked hiccups.
Vox gently pries the hand out of his mouth "Do you want your cage?"
Val hates the device even though they'd had it custom fitted for him so it was as comfortable as it could be. The vulnerability of admitting he needed a cage to control his own body was too humiliating- too terrifying. Even brought to tears and his pussy overworked and raw he looks like he wants to say no, even starts to shake his head.
But then his eyes go wide, fat tears welling up while his lower hands scrabble between his legs again. It's not done. There's not much movement of the shaft that Vox can see other than lazy wriggling, but he knows better. He's had that insatiable thing inside more times than he can count, he knows what it's up to.
And yes, with his screen casting shadows down the length of the moth's body, he can just make it out. The pushing, the digging, making just the slightest bump low on his pelvis. Valentino's cock roots hard against his prostate, pushing against the nerves in a loop of it's own pleasure.
Valentino's breath hitches on a sob and he covers his face behind his hands, "..get it.. Vox fuck please I'm losing my goddamn mind."
"Shh I know, I've got you. Daddy's going to fix it." The cage is conveniently lying in 'fun drawer' of the nightstand, kept easily within Vox's reach.
Vox moves from Val's side to between his legs, stretching out on his stomach and pushing his thighs apart. The media overlord replaces Valentino's grip on his cock with his own, hushing the distressed whimpering as he pumps the base slowly, trying to ease it out bit by bit. Cum froths around the shaft and drips from the moth's swollen pussy, pulling out before driving back in stubbornly. He rubs and teases but an unsatisfying hand job is not enough to tempt it out. He holds Valentino's wide, teary eyes as he teases his tongue along his stretched pussy where the moth's cock is buried.
"Oh fuck" Valentino jerks, the tips of his wings flapping loud against the bed as he grabs at Vox's monitor "no wait goddamit Vox wait-"
Cables wind around the moth's hands before they can shove his screen away and hold them oh so terribly gently "Hush, baby, let me work. You want it out don’t you?”
Val's lip wobbles pitifully before biting down on it and turning his face into his neck fluff.
"There's my good boy."
Vox lowers his head again and gets to work. He licks hot and wet down the length of Valentino's cock, alternating between laying sucking kisses and dipping his tongue into his pussy to follow along the throbbing veins. It writhes, fucking into the soft cushion of it's favorite hole and arching back for the attention of Vox's static-laced tongue.
While Valentino is damn near wailing, Vox is cooing at his cock like a pet. Sweetly scolding it for what a naughty thing it was making a mess he had to clean up. Mummering over the slick skin for it to be good and come out to play, ignoring the choked, humiliated pleas to "not talk to it like a dog". But, like a dog, it wriggles and slides out excitedly- wagging- for Vox's attention.
It leaves a wet trail across Vox's screen as it tries to find the tongue it wanted to play with. The media demon lets it slide into his mouth and curl with his tongue, sucking on it- kissing it not unlike the way he kisses Valentino.
"Papi" He feels the cables shift, looking up to see the moth pulling at the slack to cover his face.
Vox fakes a hum of sympathy and slowly pops off, "It's almost over, Val. You're doing so good. You need to calm down so it'll fit in the cage, yeah? You can give me just one more can't you?"
"No no no I can't-" Valentino babbles, his legs clenching around his partner's shoulders, sharp claws and feathered fur of moth feet scrabbling at his sides
"You can, baby, I know you can. One more and we can lock you up and you can go to sleep. I'll make it quick." Vox promises, pumping two fingers into Val's fucked out cunt and swallows his cock again.
The high-pitched wail is insectoid, a grinding chirrup in the undertone. Vox feels the cock bulge in his throat, watches the short fur up the length of his long body stand on end, and tastes demonic power on his tongue. For a moment he wonders if Val will turn, let the overwhelming sensations push him too far, snap his restraint on his true form. Now that would be a sight. That monster cowed and whimpering like a heating bitch on it's own cock. He files that idea away in his wish list folder for later.
But the moment passes and the flare of power fades. Valentino goes kitten weak, simpering and mouthing at his own hands, pink saliva making a wet mess of his fingers. Vox rewards him by curling his fingers inside that sweet, swollen pussy, fingering low vibrating shocks into his nerves until the moth is howling and slick drips down his wrist. The cock in his throat flexes in little uncoordinated jerks, so so close.
"Give it up for me, Val." He croons through his speakers as he sucks harder, static sparking on his tongue and down his throat, knowing it was too much, "Let go."
He does, sobbing and choking on Vox's name like a prayer for mercy.
It's a prayer he feels gracious enough to answer. Whispering how good Val had been for him he pulls off and out to hold the cock, lazy in it's afterglow, and pats down the rucked sheets for the chastity cage. It goes on easy with so much slick and cum on Valentino's skin and on Vox's fingers. When it locks with a click Valentino shudders, still sniffling pitifully but for the first time since he left for the studio that morning the tension eases and the tense lines of his long limbs go loose.
"You did so good for me," Vox tells him, gathering his moth up and moving him to the other side of the bed and off of the soaked sheets. He'd call Kitty in to change the bed tomorrow.
"Y'didn't answer my calls." Valentino slurs accusingly as he drags Vox down on the bed with him. His face pinches and a few more tears well when he rolls onto his side, leg spasming when it puts too much pressure between his legs.
Vox cups the back of one long thigh and eases it over his own hips, letting it rest on him so Val could cuddle closer, head laying heavy on his shoulder. "I was so busy, baby, I didn't know you needed me."
He did. But where was the fun in rescuing his princess if he wasn't sobbing and desperate? He'd make it up to him tomorrow, call off work, take him out to eat, to shop, let him be a pillow princess for a few days and he'd be forgiven.
As Valentino's breathing goes deep and even Vox finally ends the recording. He reaches down to palm his own cock and starts the video over again starting from this morning when he'd tipped a drop or two of love potion into Val's coffee.
.o.
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gauntghoul · 6 months
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1hr left til my weekend and i just started my period
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mattodore · 4 months
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very slowly getting somewhere with ria... also fangs <3
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vulturetime · 2 days
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two world travelers sit on a mound that was once a grave in order to take a breath. which is to say that the second world traveler sits down and the other one stays standing, watching the second with a singular, discerning eye.
"the view is nice from here," the second world traveler says, but the first does not move their gaze.
"do not think that this is a truce," the first starts.
the second snorts. "if this is not a truce, then why aren't you catching me?"
the first stays still and the second, still looking off into the distance, smiles softly.
"stop that."
"i can smile at the beauty of the world, can i not?"
"if the only thing you do is keep smiling, you'll bleed out before the sun rises."
"and?"
the first lets out a slow breath and their body starts to shudder. "are you stupid? are you daft? you'd rather die and stay smiling than grit your teeth and live another day?"
"i've done what i can," the second says, and the grin is wavering. "i dropped my supplies in the run. your lot shut down communications. i have a tourniquet in place, but that's all i can do. i don't have anything else."
the second winces and then moves to tighten the makeshift tourniquet. the two of them are silent for a long time.
"when i die," the second says quietly, "i want to feel glad. whether you're my executioner or witness, i don't care. i want to smile one last time."
the first scoffs and then, with halting motions, sits down.
when the sun rises, there is only the first world traveler, sitting alone by a mound that was once a grave. and leading away from them, light, limping imprints, soon hidden by the wind tousling the grass.
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dewitty1 · 4 months
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Saturday Six (Stuff)
Haven't done one of these in a while. Just been blah lately. Life is just trucking along. No work really. I've been finishing up tax/accounting stuff. (。-ω-)ノ
Had a huge fight with Dad (the parents, but mom was mostly trying to mediate, ha) about money and jobs. Boomers obviously have no clue about the job market, especially here. You can't just "network" and get a job. And a lot of employers don't want to hire someone who's had/has their own business. Sigh... I'm sofa king tired of life sometimes. (;*´Д`)ノ
Leeloo continues to be a nut, but she's also adorable.o(^・x・^)o
Trying to stay positive in this environment is so hard, especially after this week. And when you're not really a positive person anyway, ugh. Yeah...(⑅ ‘﹃’ )
I really hate that the supportive TV families that I watched growing up messed me up. Because I don't have that.(’-’*)
It's been really rainy here lately. I like it because at least it matches the mood/vibe I've got going on. (︶︹︺)
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zaggyzoo · 8 months
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another crazy day at work 👍
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sentient-cloud · 1 year
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Ugh plans for disability pride month include I have a doctors appointment and maybe I’ll finally bring up my pain (horrifying, especially as a fat person and especially with a doctor who still hasn’t put me on my adhd meds I previously had yet. Maybe I’ll also ask about those because help.) trying to get a therapist and also. Making that phone call begging the state to not cut my assistance benefits and to believe me when I say i don’t work due to health + mental health reasons at the moment (negative hopes)
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un-pearable · 1 year
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it’s hard work sailing the high seas to set up me and my dad’s shared retro handheld with playable games but i do it with pride (gift for his birthday)
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aspieragus · 2 years
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i honestly have so many arguments i could tell my boss in order to make my work performance better because i have a genuine interest in most of what i do there but then i listen to the voice of reason in the back of my head that tells me “hey bud, this is retail, you’re getting minimum wage but your only advantage is that you get tips sometimes” and now i’m planning to quit and hopefully let this entire store crash and burn
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I have a burning knot in my stomach right now🥺
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i love the online community and the culture but being part of the terminally online gang is really having more cons than pros
#debating what im gonna do now#im still gonna post stuff here sure but only on my computer maybe? like im seriously considering deleting the app from my phone#plus im thinking of actually like. making a schedule for myself#thats a lot harder in practice though because if im not gonna be on my phone then im gonne be doing a slee of random activities#the which i cant really predict#like yes yes yes having everything on my day mapped out and all my activities ready sounds so good#but i know that when the time comes for me to sit down and do something ill be like ''actually what if i like did something else''#im also gonna see if i can manage to get my hands on a portable cd player or something to minimize what i use my phone for#ideally id have an ipod cus that sounds cool but i have zero clue if you need itunes to use it#can i just like? download shit onto it? please#im also seriously considering going back to swimming#or. something. my mom told me weightlifting is soo perfect for me cus i like doing suff alone but i have anxiety and also cant wok out -#without someones help cus im that weak#im really not athletic ok. like i suck really hard at everything athletics. i dont know why im even considering going back to swimming#im mostly just wanting to do something like that so my mom stops bothering me about physical activities#maybe i can go on daily walks...#i have the hobbies that i like. enjoy doing too#like dnd and drawing and writting and playing my guitar and (more recently) miniature stuff#im planning on customizing a dollhouse i have ! but the theme hasnt really been set yet augh#i think im gonna drop athleticism and focus on my nerd shit#and yeah im gonna delete the tumblr app from my phone so no more posts throughout the day#i have one more week of break before classes come back and its oe week to get a strong daily guideline for my days#txt
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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HSJFKDKSK I MISS PLAYING FFXIV
#— says me when i literally just played it two days ago#fr tho listening to stormblood ost feels just especially nostalgic#it reminds me of all the things of ffxiv that i used to love (and still do!) so much#and all the things i miss :(#like doing ivalice raids was such a treasure#and beast tribes ! i used to be so consistent w them i have nearly all my beast tribes maxed out !#i've been slacking on arr (i did max out the ixali tho) + i haven't even started on endwalker#pls ameliance is the only custom delivery i haven't maxed out. i haven't even unlocked her T_T#before endwalker came out i was nearly maxed on a lot of classes and stuff despite only playing for half a year#in summer months i remember playing so consistently. i spent a lot of time actually having fun w my friends iirc#school started more stress combined#thinking on back then damn younger me really needed a hug T_T#wtf does that say about me now when i'm struggling w very similar things as back then 🤨#my notes from back then are just as sad as now hhhhh#'social life sucks' 'bottling my emotions' 'too little time' 'missing out' 'no motivation' 'i cant write anymore'#'so many possibilities paths and regrets' 'curiosity breaks me' 'yearning for the past'#huh reading the ff quotes i also have written here are so embarrassing#anyways more from me back in november 'my mood seings are on a whole other level these days huh' haha#'finding that inspo to write again but i still cant find the words' 'when i can write again ill know that my im fines arent lies anymore'#'i want to be a pillar for those around me but how can i be when i can't even support myself properly?'#'you want to be there for others but... god you dont even have yourself put together. but it makes you smile so much when you help others.'#'its alright to be selfish sometimes you know? to admit that you feel overwhelmed'#'caught up in the past. catching up in the present. thinking about the future'#i have a lot written down here ah reading the old things i write feels so comforting. i still feel the same way as i do from ages ago#'just lose yourself to music and to the silence... you're in that moment all alone and it feels so nice'#no wtf i'm reading all this rn and even when i'm in pain i write in a somewhat poetic way ouch it hurts me and leaves me vulnerable?#NOOO I WAS GNA DO SMTH AN HOUR AHO BJT I FORGOT oops#time to pull myself out of this daydream i can mull over my thoughts again later. now it's time to move and be fucking productive#my muscles ache actually can i just go back to sleep T_T#my arm actually rlly hurts rn idk why but my sleepy ass has the urge to do smth stupid instead of rest
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 months
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Can’t tell if I actually genuinely think this job interview tomorrow is a bad idea, or I’m just trying to convince myself it is because I don’t want to do it
#it’s an online interview so i think cancelling wouldn’t be too much of a dick move because presumably this person is interviewing all day#but i’ve already told people about it so they’ll be like ‘hey how did the interview go :)’ and i don’t want to say i cancelled it#but. look this place gives me bad vibes#the business isn’t even open yet so i’ll be one of the first staff hired and chances are i’ll be hauling stuff all over the place#and helping set up. and that just sounds annoying and difficult#plus i thought it was just retail but i looked it up and they have a bar??? which means they probably saw my bartending & barista experience#and that’s why they want me. these people are not going to let me sit down and uhhhh i have an arthritic knee. i need to sit down#also the employment satisfaction reviews are really terrible#i’m talking like; people mentioning they were getting abuse from customers and still weren’t allowed to ban them#but comparable businesses would absolutely ban those type of customers on the first instance#at this place they just let them stay though and you have to serve them even if they’re clearly abusive and not in their right mind#i also saw that you get asked complex mathematical questions in the interview and listen. my brain is mostly fog right now#every single one of my prescription meds is clashing with one of the others and making me sleep 10 hours a day#and my brain feels like a tired soup even if i have slept 10 hours#(or 9. or 8. or 7. it’s basically a 24/7 thing)#suffice to say i don’t think i’m going to be doing fucking mathematics#also it’s a teams interview and i hate them. although it is kind of nice to not have to take the train for half an hour just to be rejected#OH THAT’S THE OTHER THING. they open at 8:30 and it takes me half an hour to get there#so if they want me in right at opening i still need to get a bus at like 7:50. but more likely it’ll be way earlier than that#soooooo it’s not actually much better than my previous job where i was getting up at 6 to get a train at 7:10 to get to college at 8#to sit around for an hour or more waiting for class to start. 🧐#i know i live out in the back of the back of beyond and i will therefore have some stupid commutes. but come ON#and if i work the closing shift instead there literally isn’t a bus late enough to facilitate that for me. they stop at 8pm. when will i win#i’m just going to send an email cancelling it even though it’s the middle of the night and then i’m going to withdraw my interest on indeed#and then i’m going to bed#and if anyone asks; they made me do maths in the interview so i burst into tears and started eating the drywall#personal
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