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not-close-to-straight · 4 years

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The Thing About You (Winteriron)

So this is for @ceealaina who lets me text me random horny-for-bucky things at all hours of the night and is also nice enough to not only answer, but also not to judge (which she should, cos after my after midnight texts are FUNKY) I love you muchly and I’m glad we fangirl together.

THERE’S MORE WINTERIRON ON MY MASTERLIST

***************

“Okay so here’s the thing about Bucky.” Tony dragged a chair up to the kitchen table and turned it around so he could sit backwards, arms crossed on the back rest and chin propped comfortably. “The thing about Bucky is-- Steve, are you listening?”

“No, I’m not listening.” Steve snapped the newspaper open pointedly. “Because I’m catching up on current events and political happenings, as well as perusing coupons and having a chuckle at the funny pages. I am not listening to you wax weird about my best friend.”

“First of all, I’m waxing poetic about Bucky.” Tony huffed. “And second of all, my god you are an old man. You’re gonna have a ‘chuckle’ at the funny pages? Nobody talks like that.”

“Bucky talks like that, because he’s every bit as old as I am.” the Captain replied calmly. “In fact, he’s older than I am. So there’s a thing about Bucky, Tony. He’s ancient and its weird that you’re interested in someone sixty years older than you.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed, his jaw setting in irritation. “You know... for someone who wears spandex and glitter while running around with a frisbee, you are the least fun ever.”

“Well at least my spandex and frisbee proves I’m not trying to over compensate for anything.” Steve turned a page and raised a knowing eyebrow. “Unlike the one person on the team who armors up in a flying suit that is at least eight inches taller than him. Hows that compensating going, Tony?”

“I....” Tony huffed again. “Well I-- I’m six feet tall! I am!”

“You’re maybe five and a half feet tall, Tony. Natasha calls you pocket sized when you’re not around.” Steve turned another page. “And by the way, I don’t wear glitter. It’s just the natural sparkle of my eyes and the healthy glow of my rosy cheeks.”

“Should’ve left you as a Capsicle.” Tony threw his hands up in the air and stalked away. “I’ll talk to someone else about Bucky!”

“Oh thank God.”

***************

“So here’s the thing about Bucky.” Tony leaned against the side of the ring and watched Natasha obliterate a training dummy. “I can’t tell if I like his hands or if I just have a robot kink. Because that’s weird right? I build robots and sorta fly around in one, so having that sorta kink would be weird but also understandable, and since Bucky’s left hand is--”

“Okay.” Tasha pushed her hair out of her eyes and blew out a breath. “Tony, if you’re gonna sit here and talk about all the nasty stuff you want to do to Bucky’s hand, you’re gonna have to let me hit you. I can’t listen to this without punching something.”

“Okay, that’s fair.” He ducked under the ropes and picked up a set of gloves, motioning for her to start. “So I mean, not all that weird I’m into robotic things? Have you heard the noise his arm makes when he flexes? I wish I could make my armor make that noise but then again I feel like I’d have a boner all the time so-- OOOPH!”

Stunned and wheezing, Tony blinked up at Natasha from the ground. “Did you just knee me in the back of the head? How is that even possible?”

“Sorry.” she reached down to help him back up. “Men talk about boners and the knees start flying. Can’t help it.”

“Okay but seriously, how is that possible?” Tony smoothed down the back of his severely damaged hairstyle. “No B-words, I get it. Anyway, the thing about Bucky is that sometimes I think he’s purposefully doing things left handed so I will stare. Is that crazy? How would I even know that?”

“Well.” Natasha’s foot kicked out and damn near decimated Tony’s tummy. “You could use your words like a grown ass man and talk to him instead of letting me beat the crap outta you mid conversation.”

“I feel like you could also not try to disembowel me.” Tony pointed out. “Just-- just a thought. Disemboweling isn’t real conducive for conversation.”

“Creeping on Bucky around corners isn’t real conducive for conversation either.” she retorted. “I’m going to choke you out between my thighs now, okay?”

“Huh.” Tony looked down at himself in interest. “Look at that. Both robotic appendages and threats of death by thigh pop the proverbial B-word. Who knew?”

“I love you very much.” Natasha took him down with embarrassingly little effort, then smacked a loud kiss onto Tony’s lips as he tried to recover from his head bouncing off the mat. “Please go talk to Bucky. Stop talking to us about him, okay? Be an adult about this. You’re forty years old.”

“And pocket sized, apparently?” Tony challenged, and Tasha muttered something vaguely threatening about Steve in response. “Okay. I’ll see you later. And I love you too.”

***************

“So here’s the thing about Bucky.” Tony pushed that weird perpetual motion thing off Pepper’s desk and lay out on the surface, legs dangling off the edge and feet kicking in the air. “He has amazing thighs. Like amazing. And I’ll fully admit I didn’t know I had a thing for thighs before meeting him? But Tasha just threatened to strangle me with hers and that was way hotter than it should have been so maybe I’ve always been in to them? When we were together, was I into your thighs?”

“Tony.” Pepper did one of those sighs that sounded like it came from the very depths of her soul. “I’m waiting for a all from an international client. Could we maybe talk about how you’re in love with quite possibly the most dangerous person in the world later?”

“We could, but I’m already laying on your desk and I think Tasha cracked one of my ribs so I’ll probably be laying here all day. It’s a little hard to breathe.”

“Get off my desk, Tony.”

“Not until you tell me if you like Bucky’s thighs too.” Tony maintained. “Is it just a me thing? Or is it like, a universal Bucky thing where everyone likes watching him squat?”

“Okay.” Another one of those sighs. “If I tell you how I feel about Bucky squatting, will you leave me in peace so we don’t lose this very important client?”

“...yes?”

“I like to watch Bucky squat because his butt is frankly, ridiculous.” the redhead admitted. “The thigh thing is a you thing though, I don’t know if it’s cos you’re short and are just jealous of long legs--”

“I AM SIX FEET TALL!”

“Aw sweetie, we slept together remember? You’re actually a few inches shorter than me.” Pepper wrinkled up her nose teasingly. “And since we agreed you’d leave once I talked about Bucky’s butt, would you please get out of here so I can work?”

“Fine.” Tony grumbled and groaned and whined a little as he rolled off the desk. “I’ll find someone else to talk to.”

**************

“Brucie bear.” Tony pillowed his chin on Bruce’s shoulder, cuddling close to his favorite genius. “Listen. The thing about Bucky is--”

“I’m holding a laser and I’ll use it to cut your nose off if you breathe down my neck about Bucky’s hair.” Bruce said flatly. “Don’t test me, Tony. I sat through your ‘thing about Bucky’ speech last week when you waxed weird about how his scowl turns you on and whether or not that is some reflection on your issues with authority and really just a plea from your inner self for some structure and discipline.”

“You got all that from my ‘Bucky’s frown makes me feel like a subby bottom’ spiel?” Tony’s eyebrows all but flew off his forehead. “I was going more for, ‘maybe he’ll turn me over those Thighs of Destruction of spank me’ but now I’m worried my inner self is pleading for structure and discipline.”

“Tony, I’m warning you. Laser. Nose. Stop talking.”

“Okay but the thing about Bucky is that he’d make an excellent Dom, right?” he decided. “Firm and you know... huge.. and I’m pretty sure he could-- EEK!”

The laser swept through the air close enough to singe Tony’s curls and he backpedaled into another table shrieking, “BRUCE!”

“I warned you.” Bruce went back to his work. “And for the record, you do need structure and discipline. No one would ever argue that point.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

**************

“Here’s the thing about Bucky.” Tony stole a big handful of popcorn from Clint’s bowl and shoved it all into his mouth. “He calls me all these nicknames, right? And it shouldn’t be half as cute as it is because I don’t like nicknames. Sam called Steve honey the other day and I actually threw a book at him. But Bucky called me sweet thing last night and I think I melted a little bit.”

“Yeah?” Clint had mastered the art of playing Mario Kart one handed while cramming snacks into his mouth with the other and somehow carrying on a conversation all at the same time. “Had to go upstairs and change your panties, huh?”

"WHAT?!”

“Oh please.” Clint emptied a pack of Skittles into his mouth and kept right on going. “It’s not like you two are subtle. Bucky called you sweet thing and you squeaked and sorta crossed your legs and then disappeared upstairs. We all assumed you had to change ye olde tighty whiteys.”

“Okay well.” Tony cleared his throat. “What I did upstairs isn’t important. The thing about Bucky is he’s the first person that could do you know... that... to me without even trying. I feel like a teenager with a crush. Like if I was fifteen again I’d probably do something embarrassing in my pants if he looked at me for two long.”

“Yeah, I totally get it.” Another pack of Skittles disappeared into the bottomless pit called Clint Barton. “Sometimes he gets to lookin’ all intense and sorta soft all at the same time and you don’t know whether you should stare back or blow right up cos it’s too much, right?”

“Yes!” Tony shouted. “Yes! Finally someone gets it!”

“Or like sometimes he puts all that dumb hair up in a bun and gives himself those ‘accidental on purpose’ bangs that are somehow super sexy hanging down into his eyes?”

“YES!” Tony could have cried in relief. “Yes, holy crap. He does that! It’s crazy hot!”

“And then how he folds him arms and smolders at you? Is he pissed off? Is he massively turned on? Who knows!”

“Oh my god.” Tony grabbed at more popcorn and nearly shouted around it, “Everyone acts like I’m crazy talking about him like this but you see it too!”

“Totally see it, Tony baby.”

“Yeah, cos the thing about Bucky is he’s insanely and sort of unfairly burly and fierce! I shouldn’t want to hear him growl! What even is that?! Where did that thought come from? Who growls and why would I find that sexy? And also, the other thing about Bucky is--”

“-- that he’s standing behind you and has been for at least ten minutes.” Clint turned off the game and smecked a kiss to Tony’s cheek. “Good luck, man. Bucky, I’ll give you two the room cos I feel like things are about to get gross.”

“Ummmm.....” it was the worlds longest minute of silence as Tony sat stock still on the couch, eyes wide enough to hurt, his lungs definitely not working partly from Natasha’s workout early and partly because he was trying to just die right there so he wouldn’t have to face Bucky after saying all of... all of that.

“You gonna turn around and look at me? Or make me have th’conversation with the back of your head?” Bucky sounded like he was wearing his most lethal smolder and Tony felt a blush start somewhere around his toe nails and turn him scarlet clear to his scalp.

“Uh, listen.” He rotated very slowly on the couch, bracing himself for what was sure to be Captain America levels of disapproval. Bucky was from the forties, after all, and no one did disapproval like members of the greatest generation.

“Listen, I don’t know how much of that you heard. But I wasn’t trying to be weird or anything.” Tony flinched away from the knowing in those blue eyes, fully wanting to fold in on himself and just disappear. “Probably shouldn’t have been shouting about wanting to hear you growl or whatever but it doesn’t have to be--”

“I heard you’ve been talking about me.” Bucky interrupted and Tony flinched again. “Been chattin’ everyone up about all the different things about me?”

“Fuck my life, this is the worst conversation I’ve ever had.” Tony muttered. “Seriously Bucky just listen. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I don’t really have a filter? And I say whatever I want to say to whoever happens to be around but that doesn’t mean that I really want to--”

He thought about he’d blurted out to Rhodey during their phone call at lunch. “-- climb you like a tree. Or hear you growl. That’s not a real thing. That’s not-- it doesn’t have to be a thing, I was just talking and--”

“You know the thing about you, baby doll?” Bucky came around the couch and pulled Tony up to standing, the glint in his gaze sharpening in anticipation when the brunette shuddered as their bodies brushed together. “The thing about you is that you talk a whole lot when you’re nervous and tryna cover it up, but you don’t got a reason to be nervous right now, alright?”

“Well I--”

“The thing about you, Tony is that a fella would be real dumb to pass up the chance to get you alone.” Silver fingers brushed over Tony’s cheek then slid into his hair and Tony had to work really really hard not to make the sort of noise that meant his underwear needed changed when all the plates in Bucky’s arm shifted and realigned so the big soldier could tug lightly at the loose curls.

“The thing about you, sugar.” Bucky stepped closer and lowered his voice to what was damn near a growl and whoops there Tony went trying not to melt into a vaguely billionaire shaped puddle. “Is you got the sorta lips that keep a man up at night wonderin’ just how they taste and how good they’d look stretched around my uh--”

Bucky wet his lips and grinned when Tony eep!ed a little in shock.

“Thing about you, Tony.” Their mouths brushed just barely, not even a real kiss but damn it if Tony didn’t grab onto those stupidly big shoulders for dear life anyway. “Thing about you is I’ve been hearing all the things you like about me and it seems like we should have a talk.”

“A talk.” Tony repeated hopefully. “A talk about-- about more things that involve kissing?”

“Think we should have a talk about how the things you like about me fit into the things I like about you.” Bucky decided. “And yeah, sweet thing, I think that should involve a whole lotta kissin’. That alright with you?”

“Uh yeah, here’s the thing about me, Buck.” Tony cleared his throat and stood on his toes-- the only time in the world he’d admit he was fucking short, thank you very much-- “I will always be just fine with anything involving your mouth, okay?”

“Well that’s real good, then.” Bucky’s smile had no business being so filthy. “Cos the thing about me is that I got all sorts of ideas on exactly how to use my tongue.”

***************

“OW!” Steve shouted when a book came flying through the living room and ricocheted off his head. “What the hell!”

“Snitches get stitches!” Natasha hissed, popping up from behind the couch and scaring the Captain half to death. “Why’d you tell Tony I call him pocket sized!”

“He kept saying he was six feet tall and accusing me of wearing glitter!” Steve rubbed at the back of his head and scowled at the tiny spy. “I had to say something!”

“You could have not told him my code name for him though!” Natasha vaulted neatly over the couch and burrowed into Steve’s side. “And by the way, you do definitely wear glitter. I’ve seen Sam dust it onto your cheeks before an interview. Don’t pretend he doesn’t, I’ll break out the video footage.”

“It’s only glitter every once in a while.” Steve’s scowl deepened, then deepened again when Clint came along and asked, “Are we talking about Cap wearing glitter and Sam like, tenderly brushing it on his face? Cos that’s about the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.”

“IT’S NOT--” Steve stopped talking abruptly, his jaw just about dislocating when Bucky came walking backwards into the room, holding onto Tony with both hands and smiling down at the little brunette as Tony murmured--

“The thing about you Bucky is that your dick game is amazing.”

“Yeah well the thing about you doll, is that your ass is made for takin’ it.” Bucky murmured back, and Clint made a horrified sort of noise when Tony only made smoochy noises and returned, “Well the thing about you baby is that you have incredible thighs and I think you should put me right over them and spank me.”

“Thing ‘bout you kitten is--”

“GOD DAMN IT YOU TWO!” Another book, this one courtesy of Bruce who lobbed what was basically a dictionary at Bucky’s back. “I already kicked you out of the lab, don’t make me ban you from the Tower, JARVIS already listens to me, I swear I’ll do it!”

“Bruce is mad.” Tony giggled, and Bucky clutched him up tighter. “We should do this somewhere else where we can get naked again.”

“The thing about you, Tony.” Bucky drawled and palmed low over that ridiculous butt. “Is that you always got the best ideas. Lead the way.”

Tony flashed a triumphant smile at the room over his shoulder and Bruce grumbled, “The thing about me? Is that I will Hulk out and smash them if they don’t get less gross soon.”

“Yeah, I second that.”

“Absolutely.”

“Nah, I think it’s cute.” Clint disagreed. “They kiss and tell each other everything they like about each other? It’s adorable. Bucky gets to be soft and sweet, Tony gets to be spoiled and everything. Adorable.”

“Uh huh.” Nat sounded unimpressed. “What’s the real reason you’re pro- that mess?”

Clint pursed his lips stubbornly and only when Steve gave his most disapproving throat-clear did he admit, “I texted Sam about it and we’ve got a bet for how long it takes Tony to propose to Bucky. I said ten days tops, He thinks it will be a week.”

“Six.” Natasha disagreed, and pulled a fifty from her pocket. “Tony’s never gone more than a week without doing something absolutely bonkers. It will be six days.”

“Damn it.” Steve rummaged around for some cash too. “It will be four days, because Bucky’s been stupid about Tony for at least a year and he’s on this weird kick about seizing the day and never letting an opportunity slip by.”

“Tomorrow.” Bruce said from his chair. “Bucky’s going to slip up and say something about how he likes that Tony is spontaneous and Tony’s going to say ‘hey you know what would be really spontaneous’? and the jet will take off and they’ll go to Vegas.”

“...what?”

“... what?!”

“Fifty bucks says I’m right.” he shrugged. “Just wait and see.”

************

Later that night, Bucky rolled to his side and ran his left hand down Tony’s back, along the bump of his spine and up and over the curve of his rear. “You know one’a my favorite things about you, Tony?”

“Wazzat?” Tony was fucked out and drooling, barely coherent against the pillows. “Gonna say somethin’ bout my butt again?”

“Always.” Bucky grinned and so did Tony. “But I was gonna say the best thing about you is how spontaneous you are. You always got good ideas and then your eyes light up all pretty and you get this gorgeous smile and then you’re off runnin’ to do whatever th’hell you thought of. Maybe now I’ll get to be a part of it all, huh?”

“Whatever you want, babe.” Tony scooched over and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s lips, then his eyes lit up and his mouth curved up in a smile-- “Hey you know what would be really spontaneous....?”

*******************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER!

*******************

@ceealaina @izziebladez @cwar1864 @hausoffro @lookuplaughing @tonystarkisanangel @multishippinglife @girlnic @iam93percentstardust @water-colouredmemories @paranormalmoonlight5 @igotloki @moosette05 @wayward-student-philosopher @kaz-brekkers-gloves @atomicfandombomb@1fuckingshitup69 @agentlokii @ships-galore

#ncts fics #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes

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henryfcknbowers · 4 years

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TEXTS: HENRY ✉️️ BELCH

SUMMARY: Just random bullshit. A little talk about the carnival. A little talk about growing weed. The carnival is in San Francisco, Henry got there just a day ago.

Henry: Yo.

Reg: Hey man. Sup?

Henry:

Nothin'. I know you're busy and shit, I'm just bored. There ain't nothin' to do in yer trailer and I ain't used to sittin' still for so long.

Reg: You’re all good, I get ya. I mean, do you wanna come work with me? I can talk to the HBIC, I’ll bet she’d be fine with it. Or, if you ain’t interested in what I do, there’s lots of other shit around.

Henry:

What do you do, exactly?

Reg: I deal with all things concessions. Gettin the machines up and runnin in the mornings. Getting all the popcorn popped and cotton candy premade. Making sure we’ve got enough candied apples and funnel cake batter. I help out where they need me, if the lines get too long, taking orders and shit. It ain’t glamorous or nothin but it’s chill, and nobody bothers ya.

Henry: I guess I could help ya. You helped me on the farm. Doesn't sound too hard.

Reg: If you wanna, you’re welcome. I want ya to be able to do somethin you enjoy here. If that ain’t your thing I get it. There’s animals and shit, but that loser Hanlon works over there. If you were interested in maintenance or helpin with the rides and machinery you could talk to Patrick Curtis, he can always use good guys. But you know I ain’t gonna say no to you bein with me either.

Henry: I don't wanna talk to anyone else, I'll stick with you. Fuck that loser Hanlon, and fuck the other guy too, for now. You really like it here, huh? You seem to know all the people.

Reg: Cool. You’ll probably have to meet Ms. Kirsch, she runs this whole dog and pony show. But, she’s cool, I think. And you know I’ll vouch for ya. Yeah. I mean like I said, it ain’t exactly glamorous but when have I ever needed that? I got a roof and a paycheck. Good enough for me. Yeah, you get to know these people, pretty much living with em. But it’s different than normal. Nobody asks questions about shit. It’s like...Everybody just knows the rules. Don’t ask don’t tell.

Henry: That don't sound too bad. I mean, I can deal. I'll stick with you for now, we'll worry about what I do for ...permanent, later. Lemme guess, she's the authority 'round here? Tells bitches what to do and shit? At least nobody's gonna ask me shit. I ain't answerin'.

Henry: It's weird. Watchin' you work a regular job thing.September 30, 2020

Reg: Is it?

Henry: Yeah. You're good at it.

Reg: Well that's...Thanks, Hen. Believe it or not, I do actually try here. Don't wanna fuck it up, ya know? Especially knowin' I don't...I mean other than you, I ain't exactly got much else.

Henry: So you ain't runnin' the place like we were at home. Doin' whatever ya want. Yer followin' the rules and makin' nice.

Henry: You know the losers are here.

Reg: I may not be runnin the whole show, but I'm runnin somethin. That's good enough, for now. I've only been here 6 months, I don't wanna stir the pot too much, just yet. Not til I've made it clear I'm essential and shit. I'm tryin to be strategic about shit.

Reg: Yeah. I know. I was waitin' on you to say somethin. Hanlon was here when I got here. Beaverly, too. Tits just got here, though, and boy does he think he's hot shit.

Henry: You run into him? He say somethin' to you?

Henry: It's always you with the brain. I just wanna beat some ass. This is fuckin' weird. I'm waitin' for a campfire and everyone to start singing.

Reg: Not really. I said some shit to him, he thought he might get cute back. I think some of that brain got lost with the weight. Anyway, not a big thing. He'll get his, I know it.

Reg: Nah. You're the real brains of any operation we're into. I wouldn't follow ya if that wasn't true. And, you're gonna be waitin a while if that's what you're lookin for. We might all be polite and shit, but that don't mean this is some kinda hippie dippie shit.

Henry: Yer right, he is gonna get his.

Henry: Yer just butterin' me up. I make the rules, I make the orders, I run the show but you always call me on it when I'm runnin' in half cocked. And you knew how to keep us outta trouble. You found this place too. Seems pretty hippie dippie to me. I dunno how everyone just lives with everyone else.

Reg: How'd I know that was comin?

Reg: Nah, you know I wouldn't do that to ya Hen. I mean it. You're smart as fuck. Everyone needs a little...Perspective sometimes. Everyone. That I do try at. Y'all don't always make that easy. Which is fine. I do love a challenge. To be honest with ya, sometimes I think it's more like this place found me. Sure, it might look that way. But it only works cause we all mind our own.

Henry: 'Cause ya know me. I'll take care of it.

Henry: If you say so. Shit's fuckin' weird. And it feels like I've got snakes in my veins, I can't just sit here. I dunno what to fuckin' do with myself. You think it found you? How so? I guess. I'm still ready to swing if anyone so much as bumps into me.

Reg: I know ya will, Hen. You're good like that.

Reg: Man, you've gotta chill. I know what you need.

Henry: He'll fuckin' regret whatever he said.

Henry: What do I need?

Reg: Hen...

Reg: Here, open that little top drawer right there. It's where I keep the 'stash'. Light one of those puppies right on up, and enjoy.

Henry: Nobody says shit to you. Not a single damn thing. Least of all him-- maybe I'll finish that little piece of art on his ugly gut, only this time the goal will be HUGGINS. Make sure he fuckin' remembers.

Henry: Holy fuckin' shit, yer a lifesaver. You do know what I need. You don't gotta tell me twice.

Reg: You're incredible.

I've got you, Hen. always. Even if ya don't think so. I'll always take care of ya.

Henry: He should know better.

Henry: Yer the only one I might believe that from. People are shit. I don't need 'em anyway. You growin' or somethin'?

#the bowers gang #henry bowers #reginald huggins #belch huggins #it rp #texts: all #texts: belch huggins

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thirstyforbishiesimagines · 5 years

Note

I just wanted to say, I love your fics! They are so adorbable! Anyway... I was wondering if I could grab some Zion x Reader (already established relationship preferrably) where Reader always does stupid shit like eat random stuff off the floor, LiCk OtHeR pEoPlE, and other dumb stuff and one day they're just laying on the blanket together snuggled up and Reader just asks, "What do you think happens if we bit a zombie? DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE CURE?!" please and thanks!^^

Hereee it is Anon~ Thank you so much, and thanks for being so patient too! Hope you enjoy reader’s quirkiness hahaha xx

Weirdo - Zion POV x Reader

* image from LucyDreams, Dangerous Fellows

Word Count: 1,802

General / Fluff

Warning: Profanity

Yesss… Some fucking down time for once.

I wrap my arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders as we patrol around the school, pressing gently into my side; she sighs in content. The halls were quiet; no zombies, no useless fighting, no whining complaints. The moment felt perfect.

That was… Until (Y/N) spotted something on the floor ahead.

Leaving my side in an instant, she cheerfully skips over to investigate – picking up the unknown object with no hesitation whatsoever. She holds up a half-eaten, UNWRAPPED candy bar excitedly, and it was then that I realised her intentions.

Shit! Not again!

“LOOK ZION! FREE FOOD!”

“WAIT! STOP!”

I yell out, but it was too late. She had already popped the abandoned treat into her mouth; chewing happily before slapping her hands against both sides of her cheeks and jumping up and down in pure joy.

I couldn’t help but face palm at her spontaneous action, to put it nicely. It wasn’t the first time she had eaten off the ground; but somehow, I still hoped that she’d listen to me and at least think about the hazards.

“Babe… I have a spare, unopened one in my pocket! You didn’t have to eat from the fucking floor… again.” Sighing heavily, I make my way towards her satisfied form.

“I’m not gonna leave a perfectly good candy bar out in the open. What if it gets stepped on?” She protests; looking at me incredulously, as if I had just committed an offensive act. “Food is valuable Hon; beggars can’t be choosers!”

Sticking her tongue out playfully, I roll my eyes; knowing better than to try and lecture her once more.

“Okay, well… Remind me NOT to kiss you ‘til you brush your teeth.”

(Y/N)’s expression darkens mischievously, eyeing me down like a predator about to pounce. “Awwww whyyy? Just kiss me now!”

She then begins bolting towards me. Unsure of whether I needed to fight or flight, my body hesitates to move.

Eyes wide, sweating uncontrollably; I search for an escape route. However, it was too late. She leaps onto me with great force, knocking the wind out of me as we tumble onto the floor.

“Ow… The hell babe! What am I? A piece of meat or something?!”

Giggling triumphantly from my peeved expression, she cuddles me tight; nuzzling her face against my chest before commanding, “KISSES!”

I chuckle lightly, shaking my head in defeat.

Lifting her chin up to face me, she grins cheekily as our eyes meet.

Dammit! She’s too adorable, there’s no winning her!

“Ahh, fine!”

I give in – kissing her gently, her lips; as intoxicating as ever. Pulling away, I tilt my head slightly in wonder. “Huh… Sweet.”

“Right?!” She beams proudly.

“Doesn’t mean you can keep eating off the floors.” I remind her, wishful thinking at this point.

Covering her ears, she gets up swiftly and continues down the hall – pretending not to hear me as she sings annoyingly loud.

“La la la laaaa~ I can’t heeaaar youuuu. AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! OHHHHHHHHH~”

Out of all the references she could’ve made…

I burst out hysterically at her heavily exaggerated pirate accent, clutching my stomach in pain from laughter.

Damn, she got me. Cute ass weirdo.

Where the hell is she?

Searching in room after room, I try to locate (Y/N) for today’s supply run. As I pass by the classroom of 1-C, the distinct colour of (h/c) catches my eye from the window of the door. Immediately recognising the back of (Y/N)’s head, I turn toward the entrance.

“Hey babe, let’s go!” I call out as I slide the door open. “Lawrence and Ethan are waiti-”

My words stop short as I’m met with the shocking scene of (Y/N) leaning down, face to face with Judy; head slightly tilted to the right – Judy’s vibrant giggles igniting an intense jealousy within me.

“OH, HELL NO!” I roar, racing over with every intention of breaking up this ‘kiss’.

As I marched over to their intimate act, the scenario that I was greeted with was… baffling. A kiss would’ve been much less confusing as this.

Really… what was I thinking? A kiss? This was (Y/N) we were talking about here. As if it’d be something as cliché as a kiss… Nope! Instead, my stunning girlfriend was enthusiastically licking her auburn-haired friend on the cheek – like a starved puppy.

“That tickles (Y/N)!” Judy titters in glee.

Mouth agape, I stand frozen in absolute shock; not knowing how to respond, or even process the odd visual before me. It was then that she finally stops; turning her head slowly towards an unsuspecting Eugene who was lying upon two desks, eyes closed and enjoying the music from his headphones – absolutely clueless. Creeping up slow, she crouches down beside her target before giving the side of his face a long, uncomfortable to watch, lick.

Eugene’s eyes then snap open in complete shock, flinching away so hard that he falls off the desks; lying flat upon the floor.

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY?!” He yells, blushing furiously as he vigorously wipes at his cheek.

(Y/N) leans over, offering her hand out toward him as a peace offering and smiling innocently. Eugene hesitates, but eventually grabs her hand. “Oh uh, thanks?”

Pulling him up to his feet, she swiftly lifts his hand to her face and drags her tongue along his knuckles.

“STOP THAT ALREADY!!!” Now, as crimson as ever, Eugene snatches his hand back and sprints out the door in mortification – too weirded out and scared to witness what she’d do next if he were to stay.

Hearing a soft, gentle chuckle from across the room, (Y/N) snaps her head towards the noise. I turn to see Harry now awkwardly laughing under the intense stare of my girlfriend, as she eyed her next victim.

Ok, the day had barely begun and I’m already feeling exhausted… things are getting way outta hand in here.

Poor Harry is sweating bullets.

Placing a hand upon her shoulder, (Y/N) jolts in response – breaking her out of her trance.

“Babe, I think that’s enough now…”

I take a quick glance at Harry. Sighing in relief, he mouths a ‘thank you’ and I subtly nod back, glad to have saved a fellow comrade from (Y/N)’s pursuit of… what exactly?

“What the hell are you doing anyway?”

Wiping the drool that had trickled from the side of her mouth, she looks up at me with eyes full of curiosity. “I wanted to understand why zombies were so obsessed with our flesh!”

Now, I’m quite used to her crazy antics, but this… this was a whole new level of crazy. I decide to drop the subject, too mentally fried to do anything else but leave already.

“Right… well, did you get your answer? Can we go now?”

She taps her index finger upon her chin before flashing a dorky grin. “Yeah, I’m satisfied with my findings.”

“Your findings?”

“Yup! They taste different!” She exclaims in a matter-of-fact tone before casually making her way out the door.

Rubbing the back of my head, I follow after her – at a complete loss with how to calm down the constant tornado that she was.

“Never a dull moment with this one…” I chuckle under my breath.

Hmm, now this is more like it.

I breathe in deep, appreciating the serene ambience as my lover is wrapped within my arms upon the messy sheets. Snuggling close and enjoying each other’s company, we wait in my room, letting the others gather for dinner in 1-C before making our way there.

As much as I love how energetic and quirky (Y/N) is, it’s nice to have a break from all of her recent shenanigans.

“What do you think happens if we bite a zombie? DO YOU THINK THAT’S THE CURE?!”

(Y/N) raises her head to meet my gaze, her eyes sparkling with ambition.

…I spoke too soon.

“I highly doubt that.”

A burning desire to test out her new theory; she begins to rise from my embrace, “We’ll never know if we don’t at least try!”

“NO!”

Frantic, I pull her back down and hold her locked tight against my chest, “For my sake, can you PLEASE stop doing shit that could get you killed?!”

Attempting to wriggle out of my firm hold, she whines, “Come onnn, Zion! There’s no point in living if you don’t spice things up a bit!”

“If you die, there’s no point in living if you’re no longer with me anyways!”

I couldn’t help but pout at her constant neglect for her safety.

Breaking out in a fit of laughter, she pinches my cheeks playfully, “Awww cutie… Never realised you were so sappy, Zion!”

Feeling heat rise upon my cheeks, I look away – avoiding her wicked stare.

“Shut up dummy…” I grumble grumpily.

(Y/N) giggles sweetly before placing a light kiss on my nose. “I’m sorry babe, I’m not going anywhere.”

Wrapping her arms around me once more, she finally settles back into my embrace.

“Anyways, something hilarious happened on my way here.”

“Oh yeah?” I reply eagerly, welcoming any opportunity to change the subject.

“I heard multiple voices coming from 1-C calling me a ‘weirdo’.” She titters light-heartedly, completely unfazed. I, however, was fuming.

“THEY WHAT?!”

Oh… you bastards are gonna fucking GET IT!

Consumed by rage, I hastily jump to my feet.

“Wait, where are you going?” (Y/N) questions in perplexity.

“To have a little talk. No one gets away with insulting my girl!”

Gesturing for me to return with her hand, she chuckles; brushing off the severity of the issue. “Oh, it’s fine! Don’t you call me a weirdo all the time?”

“That’s different!” Fuelled with fury, I bolt out the door.

“Wait! Zion, come back!” She yells after me, however, the anger numbs my ears; causing me to zone out her plea.

How could she simply laugh it off as they make fun of her?! No. Not her. Not when she’s with ME.

Slamming the door open, not bothering to look around the room; I inhale deep. “WHO’S SAYING SHIT ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND?!”

No one responds, they all stare at me in shock, completely frozen from the fear of being caught.

“No one’s allowed to call (Y/N) a weirdo but me, you hear?! She’s my weirdo!”

Hearing light footsteps stop behind me, I turn back and see (Y/N) looking up at me with utter love and affection as she blushes profusely. My gaze on her softens, as she heart-warmingly smiles – completely touched.

“Mine…” I trail off, as I drown in her gorgeous (e/c) orbs.

Yes, she may do some stupid shit, but I was equally as weird. Weird, for loving someone as much as I do with (Y/N)… and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Guess I’m the real weirdo here.

A/N: If no one picked up on my SpongeBob reference or sang the rest of the lyrics, I’ll be very, VERY sad… 😂

x mod luna

144 notes · View notes

staliasjeronica · 5 years

Text

Riverdale 3.11 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- MY BOYS SWEET PEA AND FANGS ❤️😍

- Does Jughead think his own father is as fucking stupid as he is? Like, not only are you incapable of being discreet and therefore able to force Tall Boy to just get a bus ticket using a gun… but people would have noticed that? But I’m glad that there’s a sheriff who’ll help out the one group of people that has always been fucked over by the government… even though I still don’t get why Sheriff Keller couldn’t just get his job back lol (but I am here for the FP and Hermione team up because it mirrors Jeronica)

- wAIT FP WAS SITTING ABOVE TALL BOY? THAT’S DISGUSTING. And I don’t know how long its been but couldn’t he have smelled him? Also I love that instead of burying him and then throwing a random ass party, he just… didn’t do that.

- I don’t know why Jughead emphasizing that Betty is his girlfriend is funny to me. It’s almost like he’s like “my girlfriend… yeah… I’m dating her. Right. Not the girl I want to be dating, Veronica. Betty. I’m Betty’s boyfriend.”

- Betty talking to her dad… about Penelope Blossom… about getting away with murder… BITCH YOUR DAD IS IN JAIL FOR MURDERING PEOPLE YOU FUCKING BAFFOON

- I know that my boy Archie is dealing with a lot of shit but like they’re totally going to make him almost as insufferable as Betty aren’t they? They better fucking not

- “A hell of a good looking one just walked through my door” Okay they’re clearly getting bored with Bughead and are slowly integrating Jeronica and I am so fucking here for it!!!! I can’t wait for Jeronica to work together!!!

- We all know that with how Veronica really is, she would eavesdrop on her parents but instead the writers make her interrupt at the worst moments like really???

- The two people Veronica and Jughead mentioned… they were a married couple sooooo EXCELLANCE

- See… THIS is why Jughead is NOT an investigator (same with Betty and Bughead) YOU DON’T JUST FUCKING ASK THE QUESTION YOU TRY TO GET IT OUT OF THEM WITHOUT ASKING DIRECTLY YOU STUPID FUCK

- Hermione, a grown ass adult, actually giving Jughead information is not realistic, especially handing him files that Sheriff Minetta gave her. Like… if I were her I’d play his journaling off as a joke and just say “yeah he was cheating so get out of my office bc I don’t want to think about this shit right now”

- HERMIONE SHADING BETTY I’M SO HERE FOR IT

- Fred I love you and I’m glad you’re caring about your son but that was… not the way to handle it.

- NANA ROSE FUCKING LOOKING AT BETTY LIKE “bitch why the fuck are you here?” IS SO GREAT

- TONI COMING TO CHERYL’S RESCUE. TONI ASKING IF EVERYTHING WAS OKAY, AND CHERYL FINALLY BEING DONE WITH BETTY’S SHIT AND CALLING HER A GNAT I’M HOLLERING

- Also Betty is low key afraid of Toni!!! The look she had when Toni came in? She knows that Toni would never allow her to fuck with Cheryl

- MY BOYS AGAIN. But all of this could have been avoided if you had just buried him like you were supposed to. Also, it bothers me how he only treats Sweet Pea and Fangs as his lap dogs. He’s having Sweet Pea tail someone (yet from what I’ve seen Jughead goes with him so there’s no reason to force Sweet Pea to but whatever it’s more screen time for my baby

- BROOOOOOOOO SMITHERS AND REGGIE TEAM UP LET’S FUCKING GO

- See, again, why Betty isn’t an investigator… she knocks and nobody answers so she’s just like “let’s go”

- THAT GIF I SAID WAS ACTUALLY CUTE OF BUGHEAD WAS THEM REALIZING THAT PENELOPE WAS IN THE SEX CLUB LMFAOOOOOO

- Betty thinking that Penelope is exploiting these girls who are willingly doing this as if she never had that disgusting dominant dark Betty phase fuck outta here with your hypocrisy Betty (and Jughead, I’m still bitter about Choni being kicked out)

- Don’t most guys smile lovingly after they kiss their girlfriend and watch them walk away? mmhm much to think about. ALSO THANK GOD FOR DR. CURDLE I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH DETECTIVE (more like defective) BUGHEAD

- JOSIE SINGING YAS BITCH! Now just stop bringing her in just to sing and give her a fucking storyline!

- Wait so Veronica is actually selling alcohol now? How? And when? I know that thing from the casino happened but I just figured they switched back to mocktails… damn…

- Wow I actually almost forgot that Reggie and Archie used to be friends… like… sure I get throwing him out for his own good but not having any emotion when the guard slams him down on the counter? Reggie would have been like “now wait a sec…” but they want to make it seem like Josie is the only one who cares huh. STILL THO ARCHOSIE RISE

- JUGHEAD CALLED VERONICA A PRETTY GIRL. JERONICA RISE

- REGGIE HELPING OUT VERONICA YES PLEASE. Ugh I love Veggie… And yes I use that in a non-anti way unlike people who called Swosie SweetPussy

- AND YET AGAIN WHY BETTY ISN’T A DETECTIVE. STOP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT YOU HAVE ON THEM.

- Betty really is acting like her dad isn’t the black hood huh…

- PENELOPE BROUGHT UP HER DELIVERING CHIC TO HIS DEATH HELL YEAH. I mean that’s good but she’s still shit

- SWEET PEA!!!!!!!!

- God can’t people stay dead? Like the only person we want to see back are Midge, Ben and Dilton, and Joaquin! Joaquin you could have brought back by having Swangs fake his death to get away from the Gargoyle Gang but nooooo you really kill off your POC LGBT character…

- FP shooting Hiram because Hermione asked JERONCIA PARALLELS (asking them to do something for the other)

- Hermione crossing FP? Why would you do this? But also for some reason I don’t fully believe it…

- FALICE FALICE FALICE FALICE FALICE!!!

- But why does Alice only seem herself in front of FP? Like in front of her daughter she’s crazy and brainwashed but not in front of FP… why?

- Also why does Hermione even want to frame FP? Like what’s the reason?

- Veronica Lodge confused at Reggie’s Bad Boys 2 reference? OOC BUT IDC IT WAS KINDA CUTE SOMEHOW

- I love Veggie but I don’t like how Veronica is mostly treating him as a side piece, as her bodyguard than a potential boyfriend.

- YOU CAN’T JUST ASK REGGIE TO BREAK INTO A FUCKING PRISON BY HIMSELF

- After all that’s happened… why would you let Archie go see Hiram? Alone? Or even at all? And also she did have every right to think that he would shoot her father bc… I mean… he has said that he’d kill her father like multiple times but whatever

- Oh so now that he’s not dating your daughter you don’t want to kill him? Fuck you, Hiram.

- DO! NOT! TRUST! HIRAM! FUCKING! LODGE!

- The couple that burns drugs and will probably get high from the fumes is a couple that stays together!

- “There’s only one person who Betty can talk to about the revelation Penelope Blossom revealed to her” *is imagining Archie, the only person Betty opens up to and shit* *sees her and her fucking serial killer father* STOP MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE A GOOD GUY. HE IS NOT A GOOD GUY. I love how Betty said she doesn’t want to be bad like him, or be associated with him… but is now visiting him. Also, what kind of prison would allow a serial killer visitation rights?

- This is Betty, again, going down a dark side and it’s probably going to make her even more insufferable and Bughead even more toxic as Jughead fucks away her thoughts of being dark and shit. sigh iT’S GETTING OLD RIVERDALE STOP NO ONE LIKES THIS

- “Maybe not every murderer is guilty” BITCH YOU LITERALLY— this better be when Jughead has enough and fucking breaks up with her Jesus Christ I hate Betty so fucking much

- Well of course it’s not black and white but NOBODY deserves to die (However certain crimes that I shall not name because it may trigger somebody are totally okay)

- “Oh, how ya feeling, Red?” BTICH ARCHOSIE RISE I LOVE THEM UWU

- Although I don’t like how Josie told Sweet Pea that she couldn’t date during school because she wanted to focus on her career and now the writers are heavily pointing towards an Archosie romance…

- Well Hermione that’s your client’s problem. That’s why you don’t pay for things in advance.

- Watch Jughead not use that money for the Serpents.

- MORE JERONICA MOMENTS UWUUUUUU

#Riverdale #Riverdale 3.11 #Veronica Lodge #Jughead Jones #Archie Andrews #Betty Cooper #Josie McCoy #Reggie Mantle #Sweet Pea #Fangs Fogarty #Swangs #Jeronica #Vughead #Veggie #reggieronnie #anti bughead #Riverdale The Red Dahlia

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five-hour-anxiety · 6 years

Text

depresssion vlog 😥😴👎💭🏳️ | The Theory Of Real Activity | thursday vlogs

Taglist: @zerogettie @spacevirgil@tree4life25@thebiggestnaturaldisaster @pailettehazel@jordandobbertin@thecityofthefireflies @the-fabulous-kimball@azuranightsong@virmillion @erlenmeyertrash @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @the-sanders-sides @punch-you-with-friendship@captaincantatrice@clovenpinetree @jughead-is-canonically-aroace@aplaceinthevoid@that-random-fandom-girl @zennyo

Word Count: 4431

Warnings: depression and talks of anxiety

Pairings: platonic prinxiety, platonic logicality, platonic analogical

Summary: Virgil is in the middle of a spiral and the back to back bad days are making it hard to function. He texts a few friends for help, and this is the result.

Designated Nerd: Virgil, it has been some time since I’ve heard from you. Are you feeling well?

Me: i mean, am i ever fine

Designated Nerd: Well that is indeed worrying. Is there anything I can do for you, or would you rather I contact our more… emotional friends? Do you need me to come visit?

Me: no, i dont want anyone over right now. this is gonna sound so stupid but,,, could u tell me what u do when ur upset

Designated Nerd: If it helps, of course. I tend to listen to stimulating music and take hot showers. Please try to brush your teeth sometime soon as well, as hygiene is something that we all tend to be lax with in these states.

Me: i should have expected advice like that

Designated Nerd: Is it not useful? I apologize.

Me: o no, its good. thx lo

Designated Nerd: Anytime Virgil. Do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything else.

***

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hey panic at the everywhere, u still breathing

Me: wow didnt kno u cared that much

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: of course i care u ass how u doing

Me: i mean im not dead. thats a fucking victory dude can i get a hell yeah

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hell fucking yeah bro im proud of u

Me: hey while ur here,,,, how do u deal with ur bad days.

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: poorly

Me: damn dude

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: yeah well thats life but i also light candles and fucking moisturize. unlike u u heathen

Me: thanks u fucking prick

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hate u too u asshole c u this weekend~

***

Pat-Dad: hey kiddo!! haven’t heard a peep outta you lately, just wanna make sure you’re still okay!!

Me: im not okay, actually. but im glad u texted bc i have a q for u

Pat-Dad: anything for you kiddo, tell me how i can help!! :)

Me: wat do u do on bad days. like, how do u deal with the shitty emotions

Pat-Dad: language kiddo.

Me: hellcrab.png

Pat-Dad: i dont have the profanity manatee on me so just pretend i sent that. anyway! i like to watch a bunch of funny shows and sit around in my favorite clothes! gotta feel good somehow!! and like, a lot of pillows are involved.

Me: is this permission to turn my living room into a pillow fort

Pat-Dad: absolutely!!! but make sure you eat something today kiddo,,, making food is gonna be better than takeout btw. Feels good to have made something, trick the brian into enjoying the food more.

Me: brian

Pat-Dad: *brain, oh hush up

Me: thanks 4 the help. <3 u

Pat-Dad: anytime kiddo!!!! :) <3 love you more!!!!!

***

“Welcome back to the Theory of Real Activity -- today’s vlog: not what you all signed up for.” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. “As I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, or at least the twitter crew has, I haven’t been as active on the channel lately. And I’m sorry about that, but I think I’m ready to talk about why now.

“As many of you know, I have depression and anxiety. No way around it, there’s the truth. Often, these diseases prevent me from functioning like a healthy person would. That’s what’s been happening to me for the last few months. I’ve had a hard time getting up and dragging myself anywhere, much less making new content for all of you. Talking to friends via text is really hard too, so Twitter is something I can’t deal with either.

“And I know a lot of you out there are the same way -- heck, when I do use Twitter and the likes, I see messages like that all the time. And I’m happy I’m able to help you all through those days when I can. But I can’t always be around to make stuff like that, so today I’m gonna talk you guys through helping yourselves when the days get bad and the voices get loud, okay?

“But don’t let the start of this video fool you -- this isn’t a ‘oh we’re all gonna be okay if we just believe!’ kinda thing. Because there’s a lot of those. Don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful messages and I really appreciate them, but I don’t think we need another one right now. What’s the point in trying to be motivated when the energy just isn’t there? I don’t know about any of you, but I almost feel worse when I watch those because I know whoever is on the other side of the screen wants me to work for happiness and I just… can’t. I can’t do it when I’m that low. So, no, this is not one of those videos.

“This is something completely different, I really hope it clicks with a few of you.”

The camera switches out of selfie mode to reveal a table full of shopping bags. Virgil laughs off-screen and there’s the sound of papers shuffling.

“Ladies, Gents, and everyone beyond the binary welcome to ‘How to Kinda Cope with Shit Brains’, starring yours truly. Let’s begin, shall we?”

***

“Logan, you didn’t tell me you were uploading a video today! What’s this one about?” Patton squealed, clicking on the notification. Logan peered over his shoulder, trying to make out the display behind layers of smudges and a few cracks.

“I- I did not upload a video today as Thursdays are typically reserved for anything Virgil wishes to post. That’s why there have not been any midweek videos recently.” Logan pulled out his own phone, giving up on Patton’s, and quickly unlocked the screen. “There is no one else with access to the account, so who- oh never mind. That is clearly something of Virgil’s creation.”

“My goodness, he sure loves emojis, huh?” Patton giggled, reaching into his pockets. Logan groaned something like ‘you have no idea’ and pulled out a screen cloth for Patton. The younger man took it and quickly cleaned off his screen before pulling out his earbuds

“Do you wanna watch it together?” He asked, dangling them in front of Logan. Logan stared at him, grimacing.

“Do you know how unsanitary sharing earphones is, Patton? I have a split connector in my bag, allow me to retrieve it and we shall view it together.”

***

“So, I have compiled a list of things my friends do when they’re having bad days, as well as a few activities of my own, and we’re gonna test them. I’ll take note of how I feel before I start, do the activities, and then I’ll rate them by how I feel afterward. And if that sounds complicated, it is! Kinda. Logan says it’s the proper way to test things, by having a starting point and an end point, so go ask him? I don’t know, he’s always talking about control groups and I don’t know about any of you but I don’t want to make myself have bad days back to back just so I can test a bunch of things ‘fairly’.

“Anyway, first up: Roman’s list. He- he actually didn’t have much to say, just “moisturize bitch’ so I just pulled ideas from what he normally does on off-days. Sorry, Ro, but you brought this upon yourself.”

Virgil reaches into the bag marked “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” and fishes out a bottle of something pink, as well as a purple container of lotion and a green candle.

“I know for a fact Roman prefers grapefruit face wash, so that’s what we got here,” he shakes the pink bottle, “so we can gift this to him when we’re done here. And we have a bottle of lavender-scented lotion to go with it. I read somewhere that lavender helps with anxiety or something, but like,” he points at the camera, “it just smells good, and I am not ashamed to admit to that. Don’t read too much into this.

“I also bought a scented candle, because that’s the only other thing Roman offered advice-wise. I fact-checked this one, and apparently good scents are supposed to help you think more clearly? Or something. I don’t know, I read the article at four in the morning, there’s not much I can really remember about it. Four am Virgil is really bad at retaining information.”

The camera jostles as Virgil picks it up and walks into his bathroom. “Uh, just for like, the starting point? The best way to describe this type of anxiety is the buzzing and tensing of your muscles and the tightness in your chest. There’s nothing I want more than to dive under my bed sheets and sleep until tomorrow and try again later.

“But I’m going to do this, so wish me luck.” He mutters, turning the tap on and grabbing a washcloth. The screen cuts away to black as an upbeat nineties song plays, and the text on the screen reads ‘Roman’s results’.

“So,” Virgil starts, his face covered in white foam, “this stuff kinda burns? Roman, what the hell is wrong with you, you like this stuff? Ugh. Also, just so everyone knows, the smell of artificial grapefruit and lavender do not mix. Like separate, they are really good smells but just… don’t mix them together. It’s a really bad idea. We may have to do my list next so I can let the house air out for a while. As it is, I didn’t even try to light the candle, we do not need to add spearmint to this stink bomb.

“Beyond that? The face wash is definitely waking me up. I feel a little more ‘oh hey, I’m a person’ that I did before so, yeah. This wasn’t a total bust. And my skin is soft! I understand the appeal of moisturizing now! Roman, how dare you keep this a secret from me?” Virgil laughs, rubbing his hands together. “Holy shit I feel like a million bucks. I am keeping the lotion, you can take this demon face scrub.” Virgil reaches off screen and picks up the pink bottle, scanning the back panel of text.

“So overall, I’d say Roman’s tactics work. You just gotta like, make sure you get complimentary smells so you don’t stink yourself out of your house,” He says, still reading the bottle, “And you should definitely read the instructions on the bottles because this,” He holds up the pink bottle, “says to wash off after a few minutes, and it’s been ten. I’m gonna go get this off my face now.”

***

“Babe, you seriously didn’t read the instructions?” Roman howled, throwing his head back into the couch. He could hear Virgil scoff from the kitchen.

“Excuse me, but I thought it was like one of those face masks you leave on for half an hour! How was I supposed to know!” He asked, walking back into the room and plopping down beside Roman. “They look the same when you put them on, and you have a few long-lasting ones that smell like grapefruit! I had no way of knowing!”

“You could’ve called, man. I would have helped you!” Roman lifted his arm, inviting Virgil to crawl under it. He took it and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s chest. “You bought face scrub, which is definitely not the same thing. Both are good though! Just, not that same.”

“Yeah, well, I know that now,” Virgil muttered, burying his head in Roman’s hoodie.

“We can do actual face masks after this if you want.” Roman offered, picking his phone back up. “Your pores could really benefit from one.”

“You’re a dick. Turn that thing off.”

“Love you too, bastard, but there’s no way in hell I’m turning this off.”

***

The camera cuts again, and this time Virgil is in his bedroom. The window is open, and the sound of passing cars is almost inaudible but still present. His peach walls are bathed in a warm glow of the setting sun, a light breeze pushing his bangs up every so often.

“Okay so, next up is Patton’s list. As per my own ‘rules’, I’m feeling mentally exhausted and ready to check the fuck out right now. But despite this, I’m actually… really excited for this one? It involves food, there’s no way this can go poorly.”

The video cuts to footage of Virgil screaming as food on the stove erupts into flame. The 1812 Overture is playing the background. Whatever was in the pan is no longer food, as the burnt sustenance is bubbling in an ominous manner. The oven mitt is no longer on Virgil’s hand and is instead in a smoky heap on the kitchen counter.

“No way this can go poorly” Virgil’s voice echoes as he runs off camera screaming. He returns with a fire extinguisher, the lens becoming jammed with foam just before the video cuts back to Virgil in his room eating Chinese takeout.

“Okay so. It turns out it can go poorly. Patton said that making sure you eat, like, actual food and not six servings of chocolate cake with a glass of cherry coke on the side is supposed to help with the depression thing but like. It definitely didn’t help with the anxiety. Something about the food you worked to make tasting better?

“So, I cheated and ordered take out. But hey! This stuff has got a bunch of veggies in it, so I think I won this round. Moving on,” Virgil puts the food down and leans down to grab something off the floor, “Patton also recommended watching some shows that I know I enjoy, so let’s do that next.” Virgil puts on the purple headphones he had grabbed and pulled his laptop onto his lap. He clicks off the light on his desk and plunges the room into darkness with only his computer light illuminating his face.

“We’re watching the entirety of the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Halloween episodes, so be prepared for a highlight reel of that while I stuff my face with rice.” He twirls his finger around in a ‘roll film’ motion and kicks his feet up on the desk.

The camera cuts to a black screen once more, the same upbeat music playing in the background. The text now read’s “Patton’s results”.

The next few minutes is a series of clips strung together, many of them consisting of Virgil mouthing the lines along with the characters, and screeching with laughter. The last one shows him crying into his takeout, mumbling about how much he loves the relationship between Jake and Amy. He had taken his feet down from the desk at some point, now curled into his chair and bundled in his hoodie almost entirely.

The video cuts away to a slightly more composed Virgil, who is now cuddling a pillow and scraping the bottom of the takeout box. His eye makeup had run down his face over the last few hours and he looked unnaturally pale in the weird lighting.

“Yeah that uh,” He coughs awkwardly, “that worked. Ten out of three Patton, way to go. Got my brain to shut up for like, I don’t know, two hours?” He takes a deep breath and puts the takeout container on the desk. “It’s late, I think I’m gonna just do Logan’s and I’s lists tomorrow.”

***

“Should I be concerned that he set the kitchen on fire and didn’t call anyone?” Patton whispered, pausing the video. “Why didn’t he call anyone? Did he get burned?”

“I do not think you speeding to his house would have done any good, Patton, as he got the fire out by himself. That being said,” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, “he is not allowed to cook for game night. Ever. What was he even trying to make?”

“He can join me in the kitchen ban, then. The store-bought cookie club just gained a new member.”

“God help us if you ever cook together. I’d have to take out a loan for a new apartment. I already cannot pay my student loans, I fear the possibility of adding to my life debt.” Logan shuddered, reaching over to unpause the video.

***

“Okay, good morning internet. It’s buttcrack early outside, I don’t even think the sun is up yet? That’s good, actually, and I’ll get to why later.

“So, all that’s left is Logan and I’s lists, and to be honest? Logan may have already won the whole thing, looking at this on paper. He actually cares about like, not dying by germs or some shit.,I can guarantee his list will be practical. I gotta go set some stuff up for my list, so hang tight.” The screen cuts to a slightly more awake Virgil.

He grins and gives a tiny wave before tapping the screen to switch the camera and show a hammock.

“So, I’m next. I’m also gonna save Logan’s advice for the end of the video so you guys watch this whole thing. Give people an incentive for sticking around. Because I can see the stats on this, I know half of you like, exit the video halfway through. Stay for the whole thing, dammit, I need the ad money.” He laughs, gently putting the camera down. The screen shows a new sunrise, one full of soft purples and oranges. Above the sun and its halo are a few stars that have yet to go out for the day, barely visible behind the hazy clouds. Virgil picks the camera back up, the footage shaky.

The camera stills to a shot of Virgil’s legs, the hammock swaying gently in the breeze. A few frogs can be heard singing in the background and Virgil hums a few notes. His voice is low as he speaks, still rough from sleep.

“Again, to follow my own rules: I feel so awful I don’t even want to talk about it, guys. Sorry.” Virgil is quiet for a while longer, the occasional whispered lyric picked up by the microphone. Eventually, he speaks once more, a lighter tone to his voice.

“Sure, this looks peaceful, but if you could all hear what kind of music I’m listening to right now, you’d be calling my therapist. Hey, Paul, I apologize my bro, but wow are you not gonna like me the next time I’m in.

“So yeah, my list is just ‘get sun and get songs’. You Gucci fam, just stay out here until you either feel good or get cold. Probably gonna be the last one but, hey, you tried. Gold star. Bring a blanket if you wanna aim for the best possible outcome.”

The camera cuts again, this time looking down from what is assumed to be a porch. The sky is dark once more, and the only source of light is a small candle.

“Huh. What do you know, the candle works after all. Spearmint -- the poor man’s anti-anxiety. You know, I actually looked that up. Spearmint is supposed to be a good stress reliever and some kind of mood booster. The more you know, huh?”

***

“Virgil, what the hell does that mean?” Roman chuckled, rubbing Virgil’s arm.

“It means that when I’m panicking at work I just pop in a breath mint and BAM I am suddenly closer to reality than I was ten seconds ago.”

“Do I wanna know how you discovered that?”

“I had a hangry panic attack in high school and the only thing I had to eat in my bag were breath mints I was meaning to gift to you.”

“Oh, that’s pretty- hey.”

“You could still use some, man. Keep your nasty breath away from me.”

Roman just hummed, looking at Virgil from the corner of his eyes. He smiled softly, his eyes sad and concerned. Pulling him closer, he unpaused the video and listened as he continued to hold his friend.

***

“And last but certainly not least, is the list of the late, great Logan. He’s not dead. He’s just always late to dinner dates. Like a pretentious nerd, his excuses are ‘oh, I was studying’, ‘oh, I had an exam’, or ‘Patton set the kitchen on fire again, call 911’. What an ass.

“Anyway. This list, which doesn’t have a cool name because Logan is against emojis and stuff, just has like, five items on it. In order that is: brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes, wash your hair, put on some socks, and the last one is a surprise. Because it really took me off guard and I need you all to be as surprised as I was.

“And right now, I just feel apathetic. In case someone gets upset that I didn’t mention I felt going into this, I just feel apathetic.”

The video cuts away to Virgil’s bathroom once more, and the leftover mess from the other day can be seen in the sink.

“Uh. Just, just ignore that mess. You know what it’s from, I don’t feel bad about that. Anyway, teeth brushing. Let me just find the toothpaste…

“You know, I can’t remember if I bought toothpaste at the store. Of all the crap I bought, don’t think toothpaste made it into the bin. So, let’s just see if I still have any of the travel samples from the dentist.”

Virgil riffles through his cabinets, pulling out items such as combs, hair dye, bleach, and a bottle of pills. He hums for a second, before crouching down to look under the sink.

“I feel like, and I could be the only one who experiences this, I feel like anything that gets put under the sink will never see the light of day. So maybe I won’t be brushing my teeth today- wait. Wait! Oh gosh, thank you Jesus- there’s a- there is a bottle in the back there, but I can’t reach it. Outta my way, makeup kit, I got teeth to be cleaned!”

Virgil pops back into view, holding up a half used mini bottle of toothpaste. It’s the kid’s kind, that tastes like berries and bubblegum. He uncaps it and starts to squeeze it out onto his toothbrush buts stops short.

“Why the hell are there sparkles in this thing? That- isn’t that a, like, choking hazard or some shit? Okay, sorry Logan, teeth brushing is not happening in this video. I think you’d agree with me on this. When you get to this point in the video, feel free to add toothpaste to our shopping list.”

***

“Jokes on you, Virgil, I added it yesterday when I spent the night and had to use that monstrosity.”

“I use that stuff all the time, Logan, there’s nothing wrong with it! Look at me, I’m perfectly fine!”

“That’s… that’s a, uh, great point Patton. Explains a lot.”

***

“Okay, so next on the list was clean clothes. I’m doing that off camera, you nasties, so hang tight for a word from our sponsors.”

The screen is black, with white text reading “crofters plz sponsor us logan is desperate.”

Virgil reappears, in the same hoodie and shirt. He smirks, pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor.

“Ha, I own two of these hoodies and three of these shirts. I am a cartoon character, y’all will never see me in a different outfit. You can dream, but my job is to crush those dreams.” He makes a fist as he says this, laughing through his teeth as he tries to appear tough.

The camera cuts again, this time showing Virgil singing into a hairbrush while a towel is wrapped around his head. The scene doesn’t last long, as we are once again taken back to Virgil’s bedroom where he is set up with a laptop. This time he’s on his bed and the curtains are drawn.

“It said to wash your hair, and you can’t wash hair without serenading the monsters living behind the shower curtains we all feared when we were little. Just because we aren’t afraid of them doesn’t mean they aren’t real!

“Anyway, this is the last part of Logan’s list. It’s actually really sweet? Like, I am a grown ass man, and I am not ashamed to say I sobbed over this.” He continues, voice starting to tremor.

Virgil spins his laptop around to show a YouTube video that’s about half an hour long. The title reads, ‘the best of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street’. Virgil sniffs real fast, raking a fist over his eyes.

“He uh, he knew these guys were my heroes growing up. And he knew it would cheer me up. Guess w-hat man,” Virgil sniffs again, “It- it worked like a fu-fucking charm. I uh, I’m actually feeling things after going through your list, so like. Nice work, I guess, I owe you dinner. Like, dinner at a restaurant, not a cooking dinner because I don’t want to poison you.

“Ahem. Anyway. That’s the best thing in this whole video, you win Logan. And that about wraps up the Thursday vlog. Thanks for listening everyone, here’s the obligatory ‘we’re gonna be okay’ message, because as corny as that is -- it’s true. Find yourself a Bert to go with your Ernie and it’ll be okay. Maybe throw in an Elmo or a Zoey if you wanna round out the group. And my metaphor is getting too complicated, so! Virgil out! See you this weekend for the next Theory of Real Activity -- Logan and I are joined by Patton this time and we get into wild shit this week, let me tell you.”

***

“Well, what are we still waiting around here for?” Patton asked, turning his phone off. He disconnected the earbuds, stuffing his haphazardly into his front pocket. Logan winced at the sight, and quickly but carefully wound his up into their case.

“I’ll text Virgil to make sure he knows to expect us. Patton, if you could text Roman?” Logan asks, standing up and smoothing out his shirt. Patton nods, already poking away at his phone.

Me: Greetings, Virgil. Patton and I are on our way over to your house if that is okay?

Virgil Jackson: cant tell you no, you practically live here

Me: Yes, well, that is true. Is there anything I should bring with us?

Virgil Jackson: would it be lame to say a hug

Me: Not at all. If there is anything this group is good for, it’s hugging and crying. The occasional yelling, but that could go either way.

Virgil Jackson: whatever nerd, get over here already

#sanders sides fic #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #prinxiety #logicality #analogical #ali writes #its another vlog fic sue me #i wanted to you all can fight me later #the theory of real activity

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jon-daddy-dominus · 3 years

Text

Kitten's Collar

Chapter, 35

I said, "I was just thinking about how deeply in love with you I am." Clint repeated.

Alexis's eyes popped wide, and her mouth dropped open, causing chocolatey drool to dribble from her mouth. Quickly wiping her mouth with her hand, smearing the brown liquid across her cheek, she garbled, her mother still full of candy. "Shud da fug um!"

Clint just smiled.

Swallowing hard to get the candy down, and quickly clearing her throat. Her eyes turned to puddles as she stammered. "Wait, really?"

"Yes, really." He smiled.

"Seriously? Like, you're for real, deeply in love with me?" She whimpered, her lower lip trembling.

"Yes, Kitten. I am really, seriously, like, for real, deeply, madly, truly in love with you... And the huge brown streak across your cheek that looks like baby shit!" Clint smiled, lovingly.

Bursting into tears, and wiping her mouth in her sleeve, Alexis threw her arms around him, tackling Clint to the blanket, and planting a long deep, passionate kiss on his lips, before crying. "I love you too! So, so much! You don't even know! I've wanted to tell you so many times, but I was so scared you didn't feel the same way, and I thought if I told you, you might think I was moving too fast, and not want to be with me anymore."

"Kitten, ALL I want to do, is be with you. Hell, i was terrified to tell you, because I've never really felt like I deserved to be loved. I've always had this idea in my head that I'm unlovable, and that anyone who claims to love me, was just saying it, and was eventually going to leave me. And I felt like if I told you how I really feel, you were going to realize how much better you could do, and break my heart. But then I was worried that if I didn't tell you, you might think I wasn't serious about being with you, and leave because I was wasting your time. And the thought of you leaving because I was too afraid to tell you I love you made me realize that I couldn't take that chance."

"Baby, I love you so much! And it feels so good to finally be able to tell you, and I just want you to know, that you're NEVER getting rid of me now." Alexis smiled, wiping the tears from her face.

Staring deep into her eyes, Clint nodded, "I feel exactly the same way, sweetheart."

"We missed the sunset." Alexis laughed.

"That's okay sweetheart. You're far more beautiful than any sunset that I've ever seen." Clint smiled, taking her into his arms again.

"Its getting kinda chilly out, can we go home now? I mean, can we go back yo the house?" She corrected herself.

"No, sweetheart. You were right the first time. My house doesn't even feel like home when you're not around. So yes. Let's go home Kitten."

They packed up their things, and began walking back to the house. As they reached the edge of the yard, Alexis's phone began to ping as it began picking up the Wi-Fi signal.

Mom - ****Alex I need to talk to you call me when you get this****

****Me and Troy got into it again and he's kickin me out baby I need somewhere to stay tonight****

**** Alex I need you to come get me my car won't start and I gotta get outta here he's showin his ass again****

****Alexis I really need you to come get me baby. You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important****

"Shit!" Alexis grumbled.

"What's wrong?" Clint asked.

"Momma and her boyfriend got in a fight, and she wants me to go get her so she can stay with me at the apartment."

"I can take you, if you want me to." Clint offered.

"I really don't feel like this shit tonight. I'm just so sick of her drama."

"Sweetheart, that's your mom. If she's in trouble let's go get her and take her to your apartment."

"No, you don't understand. If she stays at the apartment, I have to stay at the apartment. Because first she's gonna wanna tell me ALL the bullshit that's taken place with her and dumbass over the last month, then She's gonna want me to drink with her so she can "forget about it, and calm her nerves" then She's going to analyze my life and tell me ALL the things I'm doing wrong, then She's gonna want to call one of her other "friends" and end up partying all night and fuckin some random dude on my couch, and I just don't wanna deal with that shit tonight." She continued grumbling.

"Oh."

"Yeah... It's alot."

"What if we brought her here instead? Maybe she wouldn't try any of that shit if she was here, because it's someone else's house." He offered.

"HA! You obviously don't know Shelly Tate very well, huh? She don't give a shit who's house it is. She has no consideration for others and their property." Alexis laughed.

"Come on Alexis. She can't be THAT bad."

"Oh, you don't think so, huh? Okay, then. Let's go pick up Shelly." Alexis laughed, turning toward Clints truck.

"It's the trailer park up here on the left." Alexis grinned sarcastically. "You're gonna learn today, Mister."

Clint turned into the the mobile home park, and immediately spotted an attractive middle aged women pulling loose bricks from the outter edges of an old flower garden, and flinging them as hard as she could at man who was ducking in, and out from behind a small pick-up truck, trying to avoid being hit.

"Oh look. There's my sweet momma now." Alexis groaned, shaking her head.

"Hu... that's interesting." Clint mumbled.

"What?" Alexis asked.

"I've never seen anyone play baseball with bricks before." Clint chuckled.

"Shut up." Alexis rolled her eyes, and smiled to herself.

"But the way she's winging those things, we might be able to get her on with the Braves next season." He joked.

Half singing, Alexis bobbed her head around. "You're not fun-ny!"

Turning into the driveway, Clint chuckled. "Oh, come on. That's a little funny."

Alexis didn't say anything back as she opened the door and slid off the seat, and out of the truck.

As Alexis rounded the front of the truck, Shelly turned to look her direction with a brick still in her hand, trying to figure out who they were, but was blinded by the headlights.

Still unable to clearly see wgo it was, when she noticed the silhouette coming her way was a woman, she screamed. "Who's that Troy? The little whore you been fucking?" Then reared back and flinging the brick, barely missing Alexis's head, and smacking Clints windshield, causing it to shatter all across the lower passenger corner.

"What the fuck, Momma?" Alexis yelled.

"Alex?" She grumbled, "That ain't your car."

"No shit, Momma! You just busted my boyfriend windshield, with your damn hissy fit."

Completely calm, like nothing had even happened Shelly threw her arms out and hugged Alexis. "I'm sorry baby, I figured it was one of his little whores, comin to get her..." she paused for second, and screamed, "ASS STOMPED!"

"No, just me. Comin to keep you outta jail... again." Alexis looked toward the man peaking over the top of the little truck. "Hey Troy."

"Hey Alex." The man answered timidly.

"Fuck you, Troy!" Shelly screamed. "Don't talk to my daughter, you piece of shit!"

"Get in the truck Momma."

Clint cautiously made his way over to where Alexis was talking to her mother, and stuck out his hand to introduce himself. "Ms.Tate, I'm Clint, nice to meet you."

Looking up at him, a huge smile appeared on Shelley's face, as she quickly grabbed his hand. "It's nice to meet you too, Goodlookin!"

"Back off, Momma." Alexis growled.

"Calm down baby, I'm just sayin, hello."

"No, you're flirtin, when we should be leavin. Now get in the truck." She snapped.

Widening her eyes, and bobbing her head back and forth at Alexis, Shelly made a face and agreed. "Alright, let's go."

As they turned to leave, Alexis shouted, "Bye Troy!"

"Bye Alex." He shouted back.

"Fuck you Troy!" Shelly yelled opening the back door of the truck.

"Momma stop it." Alexis snapped.

As they pulled out if the trailer park, Shelly leaned up between the seats, and said. "This is a nice truck Clint. How long you had it?"

Before he could say anything, Alexis snapped. "It was alot nicer before some crazy bitch busted his windshield with a brick!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry bout that. I normally don't act like that, but he had me so mad..."

"HA!" Alexis laughed out loud.

"What are you laughin about?" Shelly asked.

"You normally don't act like that???" Alexis repeated, astonished by her exaggeration.

"Stop it Alex! You gonna have this man thinkin I'm some kinda nut job."

"Momma! You ARE a fuckin nut job!"

"Alexis, don't talk to your momma like that." Clint chimed in.

"Thank you!" Shelly grinned from the backseat.

"And Nut job... pipe down." He continued.

Alexis burst into laughter.

"Excuse me?" Shelly yelled. "Who do you think you are? You don't even know me!"

"No Ma'm, you're right. I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure standing in the driveway at seven thirty at night, flinging bricks at random vehicles, because you're arguing with your boyfriend, definitely qualifies as some "nut job" behavior. So, I guess what I'm saying Ms. Shelly is, if you don't want people thinking you're "some kind of nut job" you might want to consider a change in behavior." Clint responded.

"For your information, Asshole! I wasn't "flinging bricks at random vehicles" I was flinging bricks at my boyfriend, and his vehicle." Shelly snapped.

The truck fell dead silent for a minute, before Shelly continued. "And his house... And that nosey bitch Tracy, from next door... And her cocker spaniel..."

After another few seconds of silence, they all burst into laughter, as Shelly stated. "Fuck... I guess I am kind of a "nut job".

"Momma, you just gotta stop showin your ass every time somebody makes you a little mad."

"I don't "show my ass" every time somebody makes me mad." Shelly replied.

"What about when we lived on Wells st. And you confronted Ms. Campbell about sprayin weed killer on her side of the fence cause you said it killed your rose bush?"

"What are you talkin about? I didn't show my ass with Ms. Campbell."

"Momma! You sprayed a seventy year old woman with a water hose, and made her fall in the ditch!" Alexis exclaimed.

"Well... She should be more careful about who she calls a "drunk whore". Shelly grumbled, pressing her lips together, and cutting her eyes to the ceiling, before snapping. "And that bitch DID kill my roses!"

"Momma, you killed that rose bush the week before, when you poured a gallon of bleach on it, cause, you were drunk, and "tHat soRrY aSS DAviD pLaNteD iT" and he cheated on you with Mary from the bar." Alexis laughed.

"I did not!" Shelly yelled.

"Yes you did, cause you yelled at me when I tried to stop you. Cause I said it was my roses, cause I helped David plant them."

"Well... I don't remember that." Shelly mumbled, peering out the window.

"Uhh... Cause you were drunk!" Alexis laughed, again.

"Oh, hush Alexis! You act like you never got drunk and did something stupid. You're gonna have Robert thinking I'm a bad momma!"

Whipping around in her seat, Alexis laughed. "Who the fuck is Robert?"

"Your boyfriend. Ain't that his name?" Shelly said, pointing at Clint.

"Clint, momma. His name is Clint. How the hell'd you get Robert out of Clint? They don't even sound alike!"

"Just leave me alone, Alexis. I'm upset, and I've had a couple of glasses of wine. You know what I meant. You're gonna have Clint thinking I'm a bad momma or something." Shelly griped.

"A couple of glasses? And by that, do you mean you've killed off a box of wine?" She laughed.

"No. That's not what I meant. Why are you being so hateful to me?" Shelly whined.

"I'm not being hateful. I'm just not gonna condone your bad behavior."

"Where the hell are we going?" Shelly asked, as Clint turned onto his driveway.

"I'm stayin at Clints house tonight, so you're just gonna have to stay here, cause I ain't driving all the way back to my apartment."

"I don't even know this guy Alexis. I don't wanna stay here." Shelly whispered.

"Well, then maybe you should have called Taylor to come get you." She snapped.

"She got shitin with me, and went back to her daddy's the other night."

"Imagine that." Alexis quipped.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin, I'm just not all that surprised." Alexis said.

"Well, what was I supposed to do, Alexis? Just keep my opinion to myself, when I walked in and caught her snortin coke off the kitchen table? I'm her momma, I had to say something."

"I don't know momma. Taylor's been nothin but trouble since she was fifteen, and it's only getting worse."

"Don't talk about your sister like that Alexis. She's had a hard life."

"Boo-fuckin-hoo! Haven't we all? You don't hear me complaining, or stayin drunk, or jacked up on anything, now do ya?"

"Well, here we are." Clint blurted out as he put the truck in park.

As they walked inside, Shelly looked around for a minute before chiming. "This is a nice house. I love the flooring, and the wood entertainment center."

"Thank you." Clint replied. "I did most of it myself, but some of it's store bought."

"Wow! That's pretty impressive." Shelly stated, leaning over and hugging Alexis from the side. "My baby done got her a handyman."

"Clints very talented. He fixes things, he works hard, he writes, he paints, he sings, and he's really goid to me!" Alexis smiled.

"Uh oh... if he does all of that, he might be compensatin for somethin." Shelly laughed.

"Believe me. THAT is definitely NOT the case." Alexis grinned sarcastically.

"Oh it's like that?" Shelly asked raising her eyebrows and smiling.

"Mmhmm, and you can stay the fuck away from him." Alexis grinned, before whispering. "Ya ole ho."

Dropping her mouth open, Shelly made a face like she was shocked, before playfully slapping Alexis on the arm. "You better stop."

Pretending not to hear them, Clint walked to his room, and took a spare pillow, and blanket from the closet.

"Alex, you really think I'd try to mess with your boyfriend?" Shelly asked.

0 notes

lattetimes · 6 years

Text

So How About Them New Episodes, Ammirite Ladies??

here’s what i thought of the new episodes via live reactions as i watching them!

overall, it was kinda underwhelming but there were parts that i really did like! and if you liked these episodes, that’s awesome!

MAYOR DEWEY WINS

was this title a reference to the movie/book John Dies at the End, cause if so then i’m shocked i caught that

apparently it is, would you look at that. btw i kinda liked the movie.

damn, Sadie took this hard. and Steven never told Lars’ parents. so i guess Sadie has to do that herself.

why tf does Steven care if Dewey wins?!

OH, IT’S BECAUSE HE DON’T WANT SHIT TO CHANGE AND HE THINKS HAVING A NEW MAYOR WOULD BE BAD WTF DEWEY DOES NOTHING

ok wow, there’s only 24 people in Beach City and he never noticed that Lars was gone!?

“is that why the donut shop was closed?”

“we’ll hire a new donut boy!” DEWEY. DUDE. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

“high school mayor” lmao

how did he run unopposed for 10 years!?

LARS’ MOM KEEPS A SHITTON OF TOMATOES IN HER PURSE SHE READY TO THROW DOWN ALL THE TIME

i don’t like that Steven is so adamant on Dewey winning.

jesus, Steven, let Nanefua win. she’s obviously the better person for the job

“i’m done pointing my finger at you, and now i direct all my fingers on both my hands to the citizens” top 10 anime deaths

NANEFUA WINS, OH MY GOD YES

STEVEN, DUDE, REALLY?! LEAVE CONNIE ALONE!

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i need to get a new job” 2018 mood tbh

episode rating: 2 tomatoes out of 5. i can’t stand Steven in this episode at all. but hey, NANEFUA WON!!!!!!

RAISING THE BARN

....was Lapis’ main concern that Steven dropped his phone on Homeworld? not the fact that he was... idk... ON HOMEWORLD?!

ok Lapis is ready to bail immediately and tbh i dont blame her

did she just uproot the entire bard wtf?!

BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

episode rating: 1.5 barns out of 5. BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

GEMCATION

^ mfw Amethyst basically spat an egg out her mouth (it was kinda gross)

well. Greg got some kinda house.... still don’t get why the crew is so against having Greg get a house

also, where’s Peridot?

“remove all shoes before entering” Pearl fucking THROWS A RANDOM ASS PAIR OF SHOES

OKAY PEARL SCREAMING “PARTY GUY, NO!” WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY

S H O W M E P A R T Y G U Y Y O U C O W A R D S

“Steven, you should join me. become a raisin” ok Garnet

did. did Steven completely cut Garnet off as she was talking about Pink Diamond and the Gem War with the whole, “yeah, yeah, i get it, Mom. i already heard this story” kinda thing? B R U H that ain’t okay

AND GARNET JUST SHUTS UP AND WAS LIKE “good, you understand”

PEARL WAS GONNA STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOME HUGE THING AFTER HER “THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN” LINE AND HE CUTS HER OFF WITH “CONNIE HATES ME”

WHY COULDN’T STEVEN AT LEAST TELL THESE FOUR THAT HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT CONNIE HATING HIM?!

I’M KINDA GETTING SICK OF SEEING STEVEN MOPE LIKE THIS FOR 3 EPISODES STRAIGHT AND I HOPE HE DOESN’T KEEP THIS UP FOR THE NEXT 2

OH NO, PLEASE DISREGARD ALL OF THE MESSED UP THINGS YOU SAW ON HOMEWORLD CAUSE CONNIE IS (rightfully) UPSET WITH YOU. LARS D I E D.

GUITAR DAD SAVES THE DAY

i love Greg Universe

how would you not notice if you aren’t getting any service on your phone? your phone tells you when you’re getting service or not

bruh you almost made your dad drive off a cliff for you to get phone service

Greg Universe is a ride or die kinda guy

this ending shot is cute, i’ll give you that.

episode rating: 2 party guys out of 5. Party Guy should’ve bitten Steven’s phone and his shit attitude. also PEARL WTF ARE YOU TELL US ALREADY

BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN

Connie i miss you

“of the three things i have to do in the sink now, this is the one i least mind you seeing” B R U H

Peridot listens to country music, this is disgusting

HOLY SHIT AMETHYST IS TOSSIN’ PERIDOT AROUND LIKE SHE WEIGHS NOTHING AND I’M CRACKING UP

“can i bring my music?” “NO.” damn Amethyst you already threw Peri around like she ain’t nothin’, let her bring her music if it’ll help her

aaaay, they’re in the train again!

dang, Peri really loved the barn.

i kinda like that Amethyst is going around trying to figure out which member of the Famethyst came out of which part of the Kindergarten. kinda cute.

so everything is seriously determined by the nutrition, right down to the style of a Gem’s hair? ...huh. iron deposits determine hair styles.

damn, Peri went with a sucker punch to the gut with her little speech about how Kindergartens kill off life and are just “lifeless husks” once all the Gems are done being formed. and Amethyst feels awful about it, dang.

ok. there’s a flower growin’ in the Kindergarten, and that should technically be impossible due to all of the nutrients in this one area being used up. this could be interesting.

ok, so now the trio is gonna farm & see what happens. ok, ok, i can roll with this i guess.

FARMING MONTAGE

look at them flowers

they proud

don’t make Peri live here

why the flamingo thingy taller than both of them

gods i didn’t need to see Steven happily showering

they’re talking about how the flowers are probs gonna look beautiful i bet they all died, they’re too positive about this. $5 them flowers are dead.

them flowers are dead,

...now they’re arguing, cause Peri blew up on them. alright. this ain’t good.

aaaaaaaaaaaand Peri crushed the original flower that grew here. both Steven & Amethyst made pained whimpers. ok. this ain’t good.

oh it’s a Gem creature- haven’t seen one of those in a while!

IT ATE PERIDOT HOLY FUCK

SMOKEY QUARTZ IS BACK

ngl i like Smokey’s theme music

btw there’s no dialogue from Smokey, just a quick 2 second thing

Peri doesn’t reform with a star on her

ok, that was kinda cute. and having a technician that also likes gardening is cute too

episode rating: 3.5 dead sunflowers outta 5. it was an okay episode & i did like it.

SADIE KILLER

heh, i get it. cause lady killer.

oh god, that looks bad

WHY IS THAT MOP SO BIG

instead of reading off a long-ass list to the overly worked employee, just hand Sadie the list so she won’t fuck up?

“and a coffee. hold the coffee.” same tbh

oh. he’s in a band with the Cool Kids. WE GET TO SEE THE COOL KIDS!

“...i hope he [Lars] is safe and all, but working all these shifts by myself has been a huge drag” GIRL, LARS DIED IN SPACE AND IS STILL THERE

Steven stealing all the napkins is something i’d do tbh

man, i love the Cool Kids

is my girl Jenny rockin’ the bass? aaaaaaaaaaay!

Sour Cream, what the HECK IS RAP-A-BILLY?

“Doo-doo. Butt. The government corrupts” Buck is the voice of this generation

welcome to EB Games

they... they admitted to following her home from work....

“doo-doo. i think i broke your bed” Buck wtf

also, i guess them watching all of Sadie’s horror movies gave them inspiration to do that weird donut-brain-eating song. weird.

“we are the working dead, and we lurch for minimum wage” same Sadie

......ok, she’s freaking everyone out. and they look uncomfortable. Sadie, seriously stop. they’re concerned.

...she. put lipstick on her eyes.

see, if she wasn’t freakin’ everyone out with this, i’d say this song is a bop.

ok they’re fine now & thought it was lit ok cool cool cool. i ain’t a big fan of the lyrics tbh, but i do like the song.

“aww, doo-doo”

ok so Steven’s askin’ for advice on how to write horror-themed songs from Sadie. how about LARS DIED ON HOMEWORLD

SADIE’S ADVICE IS:

LOSE YOUR LIFE TO A BORING JOB

LOSE THE ONE PERSON YOU WERE CLOSE TO

LOSE YOUR MIND WORKIN A TON OF SHIFTS

GIRL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Steven puttin’ Sadie on blast, good lord he just sang an accidental roast tryin’ to sing shit like she does

HE STOLE ALL THE NAPKINS AGAIN

“you can’t help being cute no more than i can help being cool” Buck, you’re a blessing

“yoooooo, what if this is all a dream?” Buck, wtf?

oh. Sadie’s goin’ with them. okay.

OH. SHE QUIT HER JOB. UM. OKAY?

episode rating: 3 funky riffs out of 5. Buck Dewey is great.

KEVIN PARTY

I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS EPISODE, BUT IMMA DO IT ANYWAY

DIDN’T EVEN START THE EPISODE AND I STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

let’s just get this over with...

why’d Steven wait this long to track down Lion?!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, here he is......

gods, i still hate him

stop being gross to kids, leave Steven and Connie alone ya freak

at least he knows they use they/them pronouns.

how did he find out where Connie is? doesn’t she live far away from Beach City? did he track down these two kids just to “invite” Stevonnie?!

“no one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party” i sure as fuck would

lmao Kevin has an old phone

“your name’s Steven? weird, i thought your name was Clarence” OI, DON’T INSULT CLARENCE LIKE THAT

rude, Steven brought snacks and ya just toss ‘em into the void?

ok. he’s creepily obsessed with Stevonnie cause apparently they make parties and shit like that hella fun. um. stop? being obsessed with kids??

WTF WHY IS LION AT THE PARTY

Connie actually showed up. and had Lion the entire time. that’s. super fucked up. Lion is the ONLY way to get to Lars directly!

and also, there’s TWO KIDS AT A PARTY WITH OLDER PEOPLE?! NO ONE BUT DERRICK QUESTIONS THIS?

Kevin’s gonna try to get them to talk to each other... so they can form Stevonnie... so his party won’t suck...

also, he keeps calling them 7-year-olds........ siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, ok Kevin.

KEVIN YOU IDIOT LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER SO HE CAN SAY SORRY DON’T GIVE HIM YOUR “COOL GUY” BULLSHIT

“i need those old people to whisper my name when they die” tbh goals

“who’s Sabina?” Kevin got all red in the face and almost lost his cool

so Kevin’s gonna try to make Steven look like he’s moved on from Connie or some shit. this won’t end well.

NO, NOT DERRICK’S JACKET

now we get a montage of 2 kids being uncomfortable surrounded by older people at a party they should’t be at, ok.

at least Connie looks cute. and she got a haircut! so cute!

NOT CUTE NOT CUTE NOT CUTE

GOD, I HATE KEVIN

Steven, what are you doing?

STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ok, quick recap cause i didn’t mention this: Kevin thought Steven & Connie were dating, so, Connie only went to the party to see if Steven’s okay and if they could talk. Steven decided to follow Kevin’s advice for some reason, and Connie thinks Steve’s new BFF is Kevin, and Kevin has no concept of what friends are.

so. Connie didn’t text Steven cause she preferred talking face to face about this, and that texting him wasn’t good enough to work out these issues. very fair point. still don’t get why you legit stole Lion from him, but the not texting back thing makes complete sense.

ok, she rode Lion to his house while Steven, Greg & the Gems were away (the episode Gemcation). and that’s when she bumped into Kevin and got the invite. ok. now Kevin is slightly less creepy, but still disgusting nonetheless.

oh, yay! they’re talking it out! and Steven isn’t disregarding Connie’s anger!

yay! they’re friends again!

don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie.

LMAO GET FUCKED, KEVIN, THEY AIN’T FORMIN’ STEVONNIE

episode rating: 1 Lion out of 5. least fave episode, tbh. but hey, we got Connie back!

#su spoilers #su leaks #su criticism #su critical #spilled latte

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years

Text

ishqbaaz 14.09.17 lb

it’s so strange to not have anika around. like... the ghar/room/show actually seems khaali khaali. i didn’t feel like this when nakuul went on vacay. hence proved that surbhi is the actual jaan of this show. 😌😌😌

itne dino baad yeh banda kuch kaam kar raha hai, yeh rudra ka bachcha woh bhi nahi karne dega. 😒😒😒

i’m already giggling at shivaay’s face. 😂😂😂

“yeh waali problem thodi ajeeb hai.”

bhaiyya is intrigued. 😯😯😯

“it’s about my... performance, bhaiyya.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THE HIGH PITCHED “HUHHHH?!?!!?” SHIVAAY LET OUT HAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣

“mujhe bhavya ko prove karna hai!!!” “kya?” “KI MAIN BACHCHA NAHI HOON! MAIN MARD HOON! PAR MUJHSE KUCH HO NAHI RAHA!!!!!!”

hahahaha shivaay’s like I LOVE YOU BABY BRO BUT I REALLY DON’T NEED TO KNOW THIS 😫😫😫😫

love that even in between the convo, shivaay did that standard hindu gesture of reverence to the dropped file, and indicated to rudra to do the same. like, it’s just an inbuilt habit for me to do that to books/paper/people if i accidentally touch them with my foot. it was suchhhhhh a hard thing to explain to white people when i was in usa. 😐😐😐

hahahahahaha poor shivaaaaay. such a jhatka he’s getting this early in the morninggggg. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

LMAO ANIKA KYA BATAYEGI... TUNE KUCH KIYA KAHAN HAI BATAANE KO. 😆😆😆

“main chahta hoon jaise anika bhaabi khush hai, waise bhavya bhi khush rahe.”

lolololololol trust me rudy, any “khushi” she’s getting isn’t from your bhaiyya here. *cough* apna haath, jagannaath. *cough*

lmaoooo shivaay is FREAKING the fuckkkkkk outtttt 🤣🤣🤣🤣

okkkkkkk finalllllllllly. matter is clear.

HIS RELIEFFFFFFFFFFF HAHAHA

waise i feel so bad for boys if they can’t discuss such things with each other. this is why i am so overwhelmingly relieved to be a woman and have girl friends i can talk about everything from my period flow to lord knows what ever the fuck else weird shit my body is up to that day. 😗😗😕😕😕

bhaiyya is just confirming, ki... sachhhh mein “uss area” mein issues thodi hai? 😟😟😟

“tujhe koiiiiii problem nahi hai, i am so happy!!!!! TU MUJH PE GAYA HAI!”

ew! yeh bhi koi genetic trait hai proud hone waali? lord. men. ugh. 🙄🙄🙄

eh le, bulbul is just in her standard kapde? shivaay told you to look hottttttttttt, girl!

godddd that stupidass kurtaaaa of his. exhibition ke din toh dhang ke kapde pehenta, om!!! 😣😣😣

i haven’t seen om look this animated in foreverrrrrrrr. 😕😕😕

he looks so happy to see her! awwwwwwwww, my heart! 😍😍😍

is he holding his hand out to her? please don’t be gesturing to something behind her!!! PLEASE! MY HEART WON’T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. 😯😯😯

ok no, it IS to her. thank god.

is she dreaming all this? oh god is this a dream? MY HEART WON’T BE ABLE TO TAKE THAT EITHER. 😯😯😯😯😯

i can’t stop freaking out. coz i know SOMETHING has to go wrong so everyyyy damn action of his is seeming shady to me. 😖😖😖

WAIT WHAT? IS THIS A FUCKING DREAM OR NOTTTT I NEED IT TO BE CONFIRMED THIS ISN’T A DREAM COZ I HONESTLY FEEL LIKE IMMA THROW UP RIGHT NOW 😫😫😫🤢🤢🤢😥😥😥

YUP. KNEW IT.

ok don’t tell me bulbul is feeling insecure coz the other ladies are in western. comeeee on girl, you look good!

ok shivaay please, just give us a get rich quick scheme, we don’t have time for a whole MBA course from you rn.

the amount of times shivaay has had to clarify that’s he’s NOT SUGGESTING RUDRA DABBLE WITH PROSTITUTION is amazing. 😐😐😐

“create a need” - wow, spoken like a true MBA asshole. i would know. i’m one of them.

bhaiyya is still oddly fixated on rudra’s plumbing. FUCKING LET IT GO SHIVAAY. TU APNE SEX LIFE KI SOCH. APNA TOH KUCH HO NAHI RAHA EK SAAL SE, RUDY KE LIYE BADA PARESHAAN HAI... FUCKING IDIOT. 🙄🙄🙄

back to bulbul. girl hold that head up high, you’re the most beautiful human being in this room by a factor of 10. 😌😌😌

oh boy is she going to get insecure seeing om talk to the girl in the blue dress? 😬😬😬

oh ho bulbul, omki bhi toh desi chirota banke aaya hai. no need to be overly paranoid. just chill. 😶😶😶

her anxiety is ramping up MY anxiety.

ok vrinda’s acting is hella bad and killing me. behen, lines ratta maare hai, theek hai, but aise elocution mein poem ki tarah kyun jhaad rahi ho?

ok bulbul, he didn’t even knowww you were here. 😦😦😦

OK VRINDA YOU BITCH, DON’T YOU MAKE THAT SNOTTY FACE AT MY GIRL. 😠😠😠

oh god. what evennnnnnn is this idiot going to do? apne saare gym equipment kabaadi ko bech raha hai kya? 😐😐😐

lmaooooooo i love these two idiots.

bhavya honestlyyyy, do you not have anything better to do in life? like... sultan’s still loose... SVETLANA’S STILL IN THE HOUSE... MATLAB, KUCH TOH KAAM KARLE, MERI BEHEN. 😗😗😗

using govt. services and resources for personal use. nice.

wow. chubby’s a good marketer.

OK FUCK OFF YOU FAT SHAMING ASSHOLE. 😐😐😐

ok rudra, stop being mean to chubby. he’s the only one helping you out right now.

omfg chubby is so cute “training karna hai toh mujhe contact karna, i’m a ready punching bag” what a cupcake. 😭😭😭😭

ok om, don’t be an asshole to her. please don’t be an asshole. 😣😣😣

this is.... gauri. (............................)

oh just a random woman named gauri standing next to you huh??? 😒😒😒😒😒😒

ok, come the fuck on, why would gauri be awkward about shaking hands? kuchhhhh bhi. awaiii making the character look like a country bumpkin when she’s not! 🙄🙄🙄

why are ppl willing to pay TWICE the price rudra is starting at for a USED punching bag? kya chutiya log hai. 😣😣😣

omg, flashback to baby rudra and shivaay.

ok they messed up the ages of the kids tho. shivaay’s 10 - 11 years older than rudra. the shivaay should be at 20ish, given that the baby rudra looks 10ish.

aw, rudra was bullied for being chubbbbby. 🙁🙁🙁

ok very abrupt end to that scene. damnit, show me more of my boys as babies! i wanna see overly serious and business minded baby shivaay!

awwwwwwww no, why’d you selll thaaaaaaat rudraaaaaaaa?!?! 😥😥😥😥

also god bless chubby. what a good friend. i love him. 💘💘💘

did he make the 25k?????

ohhhhhhh boy, press is being intrusive assholes as usual.

OMFG WHAT NONSENSE, THE PRESS WOULD NEVER LAUGH LIKE THAT AT SOMEONE ASKING TO BE SPOKEN TO IN HINDI. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK EVEN???????? 😑😑😑😑

what stupidassssss questions. and i don’t wanna watch this scene it’s giving me tooooo much michmichiiiiii

ok i’m fwding coz i actually CANNOT handle it. i hate when they make such BS issues outta nowhere. 😫😫😫😤😤😤😤

lol rudra ke 25k aaaye nahi ke paise maangne waale bhi aa gaye. welcome to adulthood, rudy! 🤑🤑🤑🤑

ok om to the rescueeeee.

damnnnn, assertiveKara is hottttt as hell. 😍😍😍😍

from assertiveKara to just an ASS in 2 seconds flat. ugh, whyyyyy om? 😩😩😩😩😩

blah blah blah ruvya nonsense, fwding, coz i really don’t care.

bitchy vrinda’s back. and being a bitchy again. 😤😤😤

YAAAAAAAAAS OM! TELL HER OFF! DEFEND YOUR WIFE! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

woulda been nice if you would have done it when she was still here though. sigh.

wow, one ruvya scene that didn’t make me cringe and want to dieeeeeee.😯😯😯😯

AAAAAAAAAAND THEY RUINED IT WITH A SONG SEQUENCE. LORD WHYYYYYYYYYYYY. UGH. FWDING.

... IS THAT BHAVYA’S ISSUE? THAT SHE’S 4 YEARS OLDER? SIS, THAT’S THE LEASTTTTTTTTTT OF THE ISSUES IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. 😕😕😕

oh gauriiiii. my babyyyyyyyy. noooooo. *hugs her super-tight*

OH THANK GOD. SHIVAAY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIVAAY IS HERE!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

shivaay and anika are the only ones from this family of circus freaks that deserve gauri’s blessed presence in their life. only they REALLLLLLY care about her. fuck all the rest of you oberois.

if one year ago, you’d have told me that SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI sits on the floor to talk to and comfort this random non NKK-possessing girl who managed to find herself in this house through the strangest of circumstances, i would have told you that you were out of your godforsaken mind. but *sigh* i’m so happy at all the fates that conspired to bring these two into each others’ lives. 😪😪😪😪✨✨✨✨

SHIVAAY, TALKING ABOUT HOW SOCIETY IS FUCKED UP FOR JUDGING PEOPLE ON THE LANGUAGE THEY SPEAK. I AM DESTROYEDDDD. THE GROWTH THIS MAN HAS UNDERGONEEEE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ok i am legit crying at him adamantly telling her that there could never be a girl more perfect for om. fuck, my hearttttttttttttt. 😭😭😭😭😭

“main sab theek kar doonga, gauri.”

aaaaaand now i’m weeping. like loud heaving sobs. great. 😭😭😭😭😭

ok don’t show me this ruvya garbage after the perfection that was that shivRi scene. like, honestly, I DO NOT FUCKING CARE.

whut? billu’s getting champi? other people are allowed to touch his hair now???? 😐😐😐😐

billu, i hope you’re using that phone to sext. or you know... TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. YOU STUPID FUCK. 😩😩😩😩

ooooohhhh, billu’s getting inspired by dadi’s old-school romance stories.

ok please dadi, stop singing. please. 😬😬😬

lmao shivaay’s like dadi you sing even worse than meeee. which is true. she’s that terrible. 😆😆😆😆

ugh such cute.

lol dadi’s embarrassing billllu with her lovey doveyyy nonsense. 😅😅😅

ugh. pinkyyyyy. god knows what khichdi she’s pakoing now. 😒😒😒

wow, dadi just came down strong on pinky. ek chaanta toh already pada hai, don’t force dadi to bust out the belan. 😧😧😧😧

rudra seems to be going through jekyll and hyde kinda issues here. okaaaay??? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

what’s tejjjjjjj up to now?

i looooooooooooove his shirts man. i love them alllll. 😊😊😊

buddhon ka romance. 😏😏😏

but wow, first time i’m seeing tej seeming contrite. please god, reform his character. i don’t like having to hate mahesh thakur, who has the most positive, puppy dog-ish face ever. 😌😌😌

dangggggggggg svetlanaaaa, why so pretty?! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

lol billu’s ~~DEMANDS~~ for the paper to write his premmmm patraaaa on. 🙄🙄🙄

LMAO DADI CAUGHT HIMMMMM. DADI LET THE POOR BOY LIIIIVE. 😆😆😆

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #140917 ib lb

19 notes · View notes

bloody-hellsing · 7 years

Text

So I watched the 1998 version of The Phantom of the Opera

and I decided to write down my thoughts as I did so. God, it was such a horrible movie, and if you read through this you can tell how much I really think so. I progressively got more angry and done with it as I watched, hahaha. This is really long, very grammatically incorrect, unorganized and unedited, but venting to Notepad like this really helped me to get through that damn movie. So, if you’d like, you can check under the cut to read what I thought throughout the movie.

what the fuck

what is this rat doing

how the fuck did this rat have enough strength to pull the baby out of the water

why do the rats care

how do they care

WHAT THE FUCK

THAT CHILD GRABBED THE RAT

stop

Why did this child bond with the rats. How. How did this happen. Can rats bond with people like that? I didn't think they could actually think that way

why is the wall leaking and why would he keep hitting it

same

oooo he just got fucked lol

HOW DID HIS WHOLE UPPER HALF GET FUCKED UP LIKE THAT WHAT THE HELL

WHAT THE HELLIS THAT THE PHANTOM WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

OH MY GOD WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA WHY

is she gonna start singing just because she's alone

I was right

called it

ooo there he is is he gonna fall in love with her

he's weird

the face she made was funny

what is she doing

wait are those her nipples

I think I can see her nipples through her dress

what the fuck

ugh the movie's only nine minutes in

who the fuck is that

I'd turn right around like fuck that

what the hell

ok no he didn't say anything

he's creepy

is that Erik.

is his name even Erik in this or just the phantom? eehh I'm just gonna call him Erik it's easier

shouldn't he be... deformed? a bit??

no go away

this is very weird

why?

oooo because he isn't supposed to be there

how the fuck is she gonna "hear your thoughts" wtf

ok bitch is she talking to herself

is she crazy

oh my god

this person is gonna die becuase that rat got killed huh

this man is very unsanitary wtf

lol me

what is he doing

why did he just grab the mouse trap dumbass

eewwww why are the rats biting him and why is he just screaming like fucking do something about it

that was random

he's gonna become ratman now

eheh

lol I'm the girl hanging out with Christine

is she Meg?

Are they talking about Raoul? Did he send her those roses?

I'M CARLOTTA

it sounds like Carlotta is singing "Raoul" it's funny like same

what the fuck is Christine "hearing" Erik? The fuck

Is she talking to him thourgh her mind? The hell? She seems fucking crazy omg

Ok Christine is fucking crazy I think that the phantom is just a figment of her imagination and she's just psycho

that man is dirty

why is he specifically the rat exterminatior why cant he be a regular janitor

eww why are there so many rats and why the fuck does he keep the tails? nasty ass

these two men must think he's insane

EW HIS HAND IS FUCKED AAHHH GROSS IM TRYING TO EAT SNACKS FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT

lol "shit" me hahaha

"strange things have been happening" naw everone is just fucking nuts

I don't wanna watch this movie anymore but I guess I gotta finish now

ugh Erik is so fucking creepy

did he just sniff her

HER FEMALE SMELL?? WHAT THE FUCK

he's sniffing her scarf and I'm fucking uncomfortable

his nose is big. and pointed.

I want him to leave

oh thank god he did

I'm the dude thats just swinging down from random ropes

was he watching them

they werent quite that subtle anyways

ooo he found a secret passage he gonna die

WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST GRABBED A LADY BY HER BOTTOM STOP IT

why is she ok with this how well do they know each other

ooo are they in box five

who is this guy who is just interviewing people and taking notes I wasnt paying attention when he came in

"shhh let's go now" lol me @ this movie

Alfred seems very annoying

his voice isn't fitting with his lips and face and look it's really weird

the lady's talking is weird in that same way too

hmmm they think there's treasure and they want it they're probably gonna die

TITS AH TITS JUST HAPPENED

that was... interesting

what the hell is going on now where are we what is this place why is there a party

umm that guy talking in the background to the little girls is super creepy

there's a lot of creepy people here

AH THAT GUYS FACE WHAT THE HELL HE'S SO CREEPY

WAIT FUCK IS HE RAOUL OH FUCK NO NO PLEASE

he seems awkward it's weird

lol she doesn't like roses rekt @ him

did that lady just storm out why is she so randomly butthurt

be the brother she never had? he just got friendzoned lol

uh oh they gon die

I really don't think there's any treasure guys

uh oh the rats heard them are they going to somehow tell Erik

ewww so many rats

wait are they telling him that they're there

how the fuck

how many rats do you think were used in this movie

HE JUST GOT SNATCHED UP WHAT THE FUCK

wait there really is a treasure

WHAATTT he just outted his girlfriend that asshole

HE JUST FUCKING CALLED HIMSELF A RAT WHAT THE FUCK

I'm calling him Ratman now

Alfred just died haaaaaa get rekt

I'm her scream oMG

she's just making a whole bunch of bad decisions rn

what's dripping

if there's a jumpscare I swear to god

I admire her trying to cover her tracks but she about to die

how the fuck did she even get stuck and how does he not hear her she's being loud

she's stupid

he's stupid

this movie is stupid

I'm angry lol

what the fuck is that face on the wall

I ACTUALLY HAD TO PAUSE THE FUCKING MOVIE WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HE BITING HER TOUNGE IS HE TRYING TO RIP IT OUT OF HER MOUTH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID THE ACTORS AGREE TO DO THIS AAAAHHHH NOOOOO WHAT THE FUUUUCCCCKKK AAAHHHH THAT'S SO GROOOSSS IM SHAKING FUUUCCKKKK

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO HER TOUNGE NO FUCK

you know that noise Tina Belcher makes that uncomfortable "uuhhhhh" noise welL YOU SHOULD FUCKING HERE MY RIGHT NOW MY LORD

FUCK THIS MOVIE

lol she just hit this dude with a chair, like, if only I could do that to this fucking move

did he say "you're wrong" or did he call him a rug

is this dude having a heart attack wtf

lol "he's dying" in the most calm way haha me

what the fuck is this motherfucker imagining right now my lord

fuck this guy is weird

*idubbbz voice* I wanna die

ewww I don't wanna see in this bitches throat ugh

why did this bitch scream ugh stfu

Christine makes funny faces when she sings and looks around weirdly it's funny

her face lol her eyes are like buldging

oo Ratmans here

she fuckin died

haha

why'd she pass out though

there are so many people standing around her like back tf up guys

I'm her like whimpering like me @ this movie

lol I'm the doctor

he has funny hair

god why does Christine make such funny/weird faces

fuck off Raoul you're fucking weird

how the fuck did Ratman get there

ugh he's so creepy he needs to fuck off as well

ugh this movie need to fuck off

why am I watching this

uh oh now Raoul's gonna die haha

idek if that's Raoul wait a sec I'm gonna look it up

ya it's him... I think. I'm just gonna keep going with that it is

dear god how am I only forty-four minutes in

he boutta die

ah nvm he didn't

lol he someone just called him Raoul I should've just waited

wait he has a brother

I'm so behind

WHAT THE FUCK THERE ARE NAKED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK WHY AHHHH PENIS AHHH BOOBS AHHHH WHY IS HAPPENING I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

I can't omg I really really want to stop watching this movie but I must continue... it's hard though

I don't get why these dudes are fighting

I'm so done with this movie

what is this bitch doing with her tounge

wait, Christine?

she's fucked up lol

god she's so creepy here

why is everyone in this movie so fucking creepy

wait it's not Christine

Rose Velvetlips? The fuck kinda name is that

what why'd he get so angry with her he was the one who was wrong. asshole.

he needs to calm the fuck down

lol he almost headbutted his brother

is this all because he was friendzoned?

what the fuck this creepy dude need to leave these little girls alone

oh my god what the fuck he's so fucking creepy

like for real is he a pedophile

god fuck this movie

I hope he dies

like comeon Ratman pull through and actually kill someone who deserves to be killed for once

this poor little girl

oh my god I'm so scared for her

I can hear the rats

omg this guy is so fucking creepy fucking stop it

yaass Ratman fuck him up

eww I mean thanks but like I didn't need to see that

comeone don't kill the girl please

just let her leave

no don't console her just let her leave dammit

oh thank god thank you Ratman

that'll probably be the only ok part of this movie, the pedophile dies and Ratman is nice to a child

ugh this asshole slapped her Ratman kill that fucker too

let's just turn this movie into him killing assholes who are mean to others who don't deserve it

ewwww I hope they're not really cutting rats tale that's gross and mean

dumb bitch don't touch the fire

ooo I don't like the way he said Christine the mics picked it up weird and it tingled in my ears ugh it gave me shivers like please no

how tf does she know where he is

I feel like he may kill her at some point, like, he thinks he loves her but she'll probably just die

what kind of dr. seuss kinda fucking machine is that

that's fucked up

why do they take so much pleasure from killing these rats so horribly

fucking psychos

lol they wrecked and got rekt

THIS FUCKERS HEAD JUST GOT CUT OFF OMG

karma's a bitch

soooo what was the point of that 'cause now we're just back to Christine

nearly an hour in... suprised I've made it this far...

wow it's so luxurious tf

she's gonna accidentally scare him

ah no he knew she was there

no I don't wanna hear her scream

lol this tune doesn't go with the scene

ewww that face he's making

she looks so fucking weird

I don't like this angle

WTF WHO IS THIS NAKED BITCH LYING ON A BED

OH NO IT'S CHRISTINE AND NOW RATMAN IS HERE ARE THEY FUCKING

WHAT THE FUCK THIS HAPPENED SO SUDDENLY

FUCK THIS FUCKING MOVIE

FUCK

AAAHHHH I MADE A BAD DECISION

FUCK

I WANNA GO HOME

I could've done without that, fuck

what the fuck is the river of time and space

fuck you

fuck Christine

fuck the rats

ugh

I want to die

oh look its that creepy rat exterminator bitch

oh he's gone again

Raouls back

is he gonna go looking for her

ugh take a hint and leave

is that fly fake it's so weird

I never could get fly scenes

how do they film them

you can't train a fly, can you?

I wouldn't think so

oo this bitch found a secret passage

what the fuck is the exterminator doing

where is he going

why do I not believe that Christine is actually good at playing the organ

this is all so wrong

none of it is right

ugh

this is so weird

she wouldn't listen to him and he instantly got angry omg gtg bitch leave him

lol "I hate you and I hate this place" she sounds like a teenager

wait how old is she supposed to be

ooo she just stomped on some rats he's gonna get angry at her

does this bitch really have fake moles

Carlotta you fake bitch

hahaha

she just spit that water on the table

he just called her a fat cow that's mean but her reaction was funny

lol she thinks it's the other dude

hmmm I think Carlotta is actually the only character in this I like

she don't take shit from noone

this dude just walked out and now he's screaming for her

is he dying

he doesn't sound too urgent but I think that he's supposed to be

#badacting lol

but that could be said for most of the cast

how many times is she gonna say Mark

is that dude whos dying named Mark

who tf is Mark

eh it's probably him

uh oh Ratman's a-lurkin she aboutta die

ewwwww he bit her ear ugh stop that's gross

omg what the fuck is he doing to her boob

stop

AH FUCK YOU RATMAN THAT WAS UNECESSARY

if I were Carlotta I would get the fuck outta there

you would never see me in that fucking opera house again

lol her mole is on her nose now

aww her poor boob

that's gotta hurt

Ratman is gross

oh comeone just let Ratman have his way just leave Carlotta

like do you want to die

god how long until this movie is over

about twenty minutes left ugh

did they ever find mark

lol he's goin ham at that chandelier

they all boutta get fucked

why is his hair so long I just realized this

I was so caught up on his face not being deformed

but it's like weirdly floating majestically as he hacks at the chandelier

ugh fuck this

lol Carlotta's face as she watches the chandelier start to break is me

her scream is me

so many people just got fucked

rekt at them

poor them

wait Carlotta boutta die

LOL THAT GREENSCREEN HAAAA

oo she just got knocked over the head with that weird ass statue

how is she not dead

her hair looks funny lol

god Raoul leeeaavvveee

I hate this movie

I feel like Ratman is gonna end up killing her

Christine is gonna die if she keeps doing this

Ratman you need to stop

oh look it's the exterminator again

OH MY GOD RATMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP

THIS IS RAPE

FUCK YOU RATMAN

oh my god I need to stop watching this movie

I was warned but it truly is so fucking terrible oh my god

thank god it's nearly over

Christine honestly try to leave like idk how but get the fuck outta there

oh wait if he catches her he may kill her

omg I don't know what to do aaahhhh

like I don't like this Christine but I feel bad for her and I want her to live

she's snoopin around, like, be careful Christine

ewww so many rats

he's just sitting there covered in rats, petting rats

lol she is disgusted, she is me

wait what the fuck

why is he taking his shirt off

OH MY GOD

I SAW THAT YOU GUYS WERE CALLING HIM RATFUCKER BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHY

IS HE ACTUALLY GONNA FUCK THE RATS

WHAT THE FUCK

oh good he got up please say he didn't fuck the rats my lord aaaahhhh

I'm gonna need to see a fucking therapist after this

how did Raoul get there

this is stupid I thought she friendzoned him and got with Ratman but now that she knows that he fucks rats she's all calling Raoul her love in shit what the fuck Christine choose which fucked up guy you want and go, fuCK

oh the mirror

why is Ratman cuddling her shoes, weird fucker

what the fuck does that mean Raoul

what the fuck does that mean Christine

their convorsation is confusing

haha Ratmans there listening to their convo

ha he's crying

god that was a gross, horrible kiss

lol Ratman crying is me @ this movie, fuck

the way this one dude is talking is so bad, like his acting is so bad

why is she just so suddenly with Raoul

god back to this exterminator for a fucking second, now he's gone. WHERE THIS FUCK IS IT GOING WITH HIM JUST PLAY HIS FATE AND MOVE THE FUCK ON

so how is Ratman going to fuck this up

lol is that him clapping? haaa Ratman bitter af

ah theres the exterminator finally fuck

AHHH HE ABOUTTA CALL HER OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE FOR FUCKING RATMAN AHAAAA

HE DIIIIDDDD HAAAAAA

rekt at Christine haaaaa

what the fuck Ratman just flew out of nowhere

the dude with the notepad is just following everyone chasing Christine and Ratman and is taking notes I like him he's funny, he's me

DOWN ONCE MORE TO THE DUNGEON OF MY BLACK DESPAIR

he's so ugly

oh goddammit Ratman stop it

yaaasss Christine hit him with a rock, get it bitch

lol it took Raoul like twenty seconds to realize he was being called for

"forgive me" lol you ain't sorry Christine

what the fuck is she just going with it or is she actually going with him what the fuck Christine make up your fUCKING MIND

eight minutes left, thank gOd

oooo are they gonna have a sword fight 'cause I hope so

lol did noone know that these people had been dead and missing this whole time

lol Christine lowkey dying

oh wait Raoul grabbed a gun not a sword dammit I wanted them to duel

yaasss Raoul shot Ratman

what the fuck Christine she's upset over Ratman being shot fuck is she with Raoul or Ratman like I know it's hard for you to chose which fucked up man you want but just go with one

what now they're all leaving together

what the fuck

ugh

I'm so fucking confused

ooo this guy has a sword I hope he duels Ratman

lol Christine is so distraught over leaving Ratman, like, a) why and b) if you really wanted to get to him you should just fucking jump in the water and swim to him, or can you not swim? fuck

lol he got shot rekt at him

the rats are angry

he's retaliating

wait he just got shot again

how is he still up and running

and he just got stabbed

how is he still going

lol obviously she likes Ratman more Raoul should just dump her ass in the river and get outta there quicker

they've barely gotten anywhere, like I said, dump her ass

how is he still alive

they're calling for eachother

he wants her back

tell Raoul to turn around or dUMP HER ASS IN THE RIVER

like seriously, again, can she not swim? did I miss something??

ahaaaaa Ratman just got stabbed

HE JUST FELL SO DRAMATICALLY INTO THE WATER HAAAAA

lol his ring fell off her finger what kinda stupid ass symbolism shit

I think the rats are crying

it ended on her crying

wait now there are shots of the theater. like I care.

I think someone was talking but I wasn't listening lol oh well

thank gOD this stupid fucking movie is over. I just wasted so much time that could've been put to use doing something better, like feeding birds, or doing charity work, or watching the 25th anniversary edition

I’ve yet to read the book (I just got it so I’m going to soon) but I really hope that it’s nothing like this

tbh I think Love Never Dies was better and Christine fucking dies in that one

k bye movie I’m gonna go do something productive thanks for the uncomfortable time

*ALSO I just wanted to quickly add that I saw that there was a mask pictured on the movies poster but I didn’t see one mask in this movie so like, yeah, fuck you movie

#phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #thoughts #spoilers #poto #tpoto

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