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#reading with your own brain
howtokillavampire · 16 days
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do you ever see fanart so tasty that you are then obligated to join the fandom and spend all of your waking hours learning the lore behind the characters, or is that not a universal experience?
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andoutofharm · 14 days
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the way patrick talks about the way pete thinks is so beautiful
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whathorselegs · 1 month
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I am sick and bedridden, I have been retired to the west wing, please, I kindly request your BSD fic recs to weather this storm
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gunthermunch · 9 months
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a mini lookbook for a mini stripes lover🪄
1. hair || hat || coat || gloves || shoes 11 tights (ep) 2. hair || hat (ep) || dress || backpack || socks || shoes 3. hair || overalls || purse || rainboots || socks (ep) 4. hair || wizard hat || dress || gloves || boots || tights (ep)
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vasito-de-leche · 2 months
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;R1999 - Self-Aware AU
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Headcanons about an Alternate Universe in which everyone knows they're living inside a videogame. However, Vertin is the only one aware of the entity inhabiting her own mind, the real conductor - the "Player".
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this is one of my favorite AUs to slap on whatever media I'm into so here we are <3 not sure if anyone's done this already, but PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE link me if you've seen any other ppl write for this AU! this one and any actor AUs are my absolute fave
this is just a word vomit introduction for fun, to get the basic ideas out of my head, so I can start writing for characters individually!
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Okay, okay! First of all, some context for the AU before I go deranged overexplaining my HCs!
Aside from the "Storm", there is something else that haunts the people of this world: the fact that their lives are nothing but a simulacrum, part of a game.
The requirements to obtain this "self-awareness" is unknown. Those within the Foundation believe it's related to their respective "roles", that only the main and relevant characters are given the chance to fully open their eyes to the truth. Those within Manus Vindictae claim that one must be strong enough to break through the fog of complacency and their assigned scripts, to have their full potential unleashed and obtain true liberation. Either way, similar to the "Storm", this is a well-kept secret for a very good reason - everyone wants to have the upperhand.
There is one outlier to this whole system. Vertin is not only aware of the truth of this world, but also of her duty as the eyes and hands of the "Player". She must experience it all for their sake. Or rather, whatever she experiences will be the story that the Player will see.
This applies to her suitcase, the place where the Player's influence increases tenfold, bending everything and everyone to their will through her own body and voice. The longer one stays within her suitcase - or within her general vicinity - the easier it is for them to become self-aware.
How does one become "self-aware" and what does it entail?
The requirements and the catalyst for a character to become self-aware are still a mystery. But that's mostly because I specifically wanted to keep them as vague as possible, to allow some flexibility for NPCs and other characters outside of Vertin's suitcase.
The whole process of gaining sentience or self-awareness is mostly described as waking up from a nightmare, or a very, very realistic dream. It's like a switch, something that happens in a second without any warnings whatsoever.
I like to think that most of the people who wake up are easy to spot, because it's a jarring experience and panicking is the most normal reaction - but that they're often taken care of by the Foundation or recruited by Manus Vindictae.
The levels of awareness also depend heavily on each individual - some only know that nothing is truly real, that everything they've done up until that point was just a carefully scripted lie, the most basic realization. Others can understand the rules that govern this game and use them to their advantage, either through observation and study or just inherently.
Overall, the experience of being sentient varies as well, with some describing a disconnect from their body, while others feel exactly the opposite. Again, keeping it pretty vague so that people can fill in with their own ideas!
I'll talk about Vertin's case in detail when we get to her specific bullet point, but the same way the Player is able to experience the "story" through her eyes, she's able to see the same things they do - this includes the UI, the menus and everything you can interact with in-game.
Vertin as a character and a vessel for the Player.
The most common thing I've seen in self-aware AUs in my years of fandom is to turn the player stand-in (the main character that serves for the player to experience the story through and/or project onto, depending on the genre of the game) into an obstacle, one that keeps the characters from truly interacting with the Player, capital P.
The second most common thing I've seen is to simply ignore the existence of this player stand-in and replace it with the Player themself, either through isekai methods or thanks to the customization the game allows, etc etc.
When it comes to Vertin in this AU, I know I want her to retain her role as the center of everything, instead of being sidelined by the Player. She's THE Timekeeper, after all.
There's still some details I'm trying to iron out, like whether she's always been self-aware or if she became self-aware at some point during her childhood at the St. Pavlov Foundation. But I like to think that her relationship to the Player is a parallel to her immunity to the "Storm" - neither of these two things are inherently good nor bad. Surviving the "Storm" is helpful, sure, but it's painful for her. Having an entity like the "Player" haunting her is scary, sure, but it can be an advantage. It's a matter of how she utilizes the assets she was given, since her adaptability and determination are big aspects of her character. Vertin makes up for her mediocre arcane skills with unconventional plans and strategies.
But this isn't to say that Vertin isn't affected by the presence of the Player. Ironically, she's the one person whose freedom is limited. During battles, her skills and Tuning are available to you, they can also prove to be vital to win a fight, but in the end you're still the one calling the shots and choosing when her friends get to attack. You're the one choosing the layout of the Wilderness. You're the one picking which one of her friends deserves to become stronger.
In the last bullet point I mentioned that some characters can understand the rules of the game - Vertin is the most extreme case, as she can see the same UI as you do. She learns the way you like to fight your battles, your own strategies, she can see this and more.
Overall it's a very complex dynamic. It's not as easy as saying that she likes or dislikes you, that she considers you a friend or foe. You're part of her, you influence each other in many aspects and are stuck together for reasons she can't even fathom. While you may be able to read her thoughts most of the time, she becomes invisible once you enter the suitcase - the main menu of the game. Sure, the character you selected to greet you every day is actually talking to her, not you, but she's out of your view and therefore, out of our range. That's when Vertin wonders the sort of person that you are, if you care about her friends as much as she does. Are you playing just to be entertained? Are you invested in these events? Will you be there for her until the end of her story?
Another detail I like to think about is that Vertin is the only one who knows your name. Because at the very beginning, you were asked to input a name and she was there.
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[screenshot was taken from this video, since it's the first one I could find that showed this specific part of the game lol]
Well, "your name" not quite right - she knows that whatever you wrote there is the name linked to your account, at least. And that's the name she knows you as.
Those who take residence in Vertin's suitcase or spend prolonged amounts of time with her, growing closer to her and all, end up becoming self-aware. This is a direct side-effect of your presence.
I like to think that characters who reach the 100% Bond can begin to sense the Player, to see the world in a similar way as Vertin does. Maybe even feel their presence EXACTLY like Vertin does whenever there's a battle. There is someone else on the other side of this screen, the fourth wall, who watches over them.
To some, it's hard to differentiate Vertin from the Player, as they just go hand in hand - but Sonetto, for example, has the easiest time telling the two apart.
On the subject of freedom and acting out of script.
The Foundation, Manus Vindictae, Laplace... It doesn't matter if they're self-aware and acting outside of what their script dictates, because they're missing one key ingredient: you. No one else but Vertin and her group knows about your existence, after all.
They don't know that the only story that matters is the one that Vertin is part of. The one that the Player gets to see and read and experience. And because the game gives you a very limited view into the lives of these characters, you don't know what neither Arcana nor Constantine do behind the scenes. You and Vertin don't see that, therefore, it never truly mattered.
Those most likely to start "acting out" are the troublemakers within Vertin's suitcase. Characters who are too curious for their own good, who are more susceptible to supernatural entities, who are just too impulsive - they would start to test the limits and see how far they can go, how much they can interact with the Player. Can the game be broken should they end up shattering the fourth wall? Is there a way for the Player to communicate with them? What will happen to Vertin?
I like to think that Vertin probably supports this, as she's rather curious herself, prone to questioning everything. She would also like to learn more about the Player, to truly tear into the game and see the full extent of your influence and her freedom.
Sometimes, Regulus and X will change their usual voicelines, just enough to be noticeable if one pays enough attention. Characters like Sotheby or Leilani might slip up and address the Player, rather than Vertin. Lilya, Pavia, Bkornblume have new animations and different expressions, ones you've never seen before - they stare ahead, as if searching for something, and then smirk or hum to themselves, deep in thought, like they realized something you're not privy of.
Sometimes, if you leave them as your selected assistant on the main menu, you can catch them muttering to themselves - idle quotes you never heard enough, about the outside world. Diggers does this the most, it's almost embarassing how easy it is to catch him talking nonsense, followed by Sonetto. If you leave Medicine Pocket alone for too long, you might come back to a screen covered in weird scratch marks.
On the subject of these characters being curious about the outside world and all, I think that a good chunk of them are generally content with the way things are?
We have to remember that in-universe, they're arcanists displaced from their respective eras. Their best chance at surviving is siding with Vertin, and if Vertin is content with the way things are, then there's no point in trying to disrupt what they have right now. They're curious enough to prod, but only as far as Vertin allows it.
And I think that's it for the word vomit!
There are some details I didn't know where to fit in, like the possibility of the fourth wall slowly dissipating the more time the Player invests in the game, leading to some characters being able to directly hear you if you talk while playing and whatnot. Or what would happen should someone outside of Vertin's suitcase figure out the existence of the Player, let alone interact with you in some way.
Or the concept of death being meaningless, unless it was pre-established by the game itself.
In Borderlands, there's this game mechanic where you can just be revived over and over and pay a percentage of your money as a fee, even though the canon that's established is that you play through the whole story without dying a SINGLE time - because the revival mechanics aren't canon. There's the divide between story and gameplay. That's pretty much the standard. But what about the deaths in battles in R1999? The amount of times I died to 1.3's UTTU's Flash Gathering is insane. How do self-aware characters feel about this, now that they know that they're bound to die over and over and be brought back because you have to do your Pneuma Analysis or reach the final stage of Limbo?
But that's pretty much it for now, I think I got most thoughts out of my system! Thank you for reading!
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l832 · 11 months
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umihoshi-art · 10 months
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Clora Clemons and her Swallow Patronus.
based on this post. Clora is property of @choccy-milky and is the only Hogwarts MC I will ever love. (I stole her look. and her name. and replayed the entire damn thing for 25 levels now;;;) Sebastion Sallow is property of Clora.
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cobaltfluff · 1 month
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so i started playing persona 4
where are the QoL features
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cirrus-grey · 2 months
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Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck the goddamn music-
I don't know the name for the technique but there's this thing that was in there that's the string players, like, tapping the instrument with the bow to create a more percussive sound and normally I wouldn't think too much of it but I swear to god it sounded like creeping spider legs. During the case set at Hill Top Road. With the very obvious references to the Buried and the Stranger and all the rest. Which dropped about a hundred Achives references including Jon's fucking name???
I have always respected the soundscaping they do at Rusty Quill but they're really going above and beyond for this show.
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hiraganasakura · 3 months
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Hi so me being me I've decided to hyperanalyze the conversation Qrow and Raven had in Higanbana practically line by line bcus I have Many Thoughts and this is the best way I can think of to get them all out. If you can't tell I'm absolutely obsessed with these two. Btw.
Thanks to the RWBY wiki for providing transcripts for every episode, otherwise I definitely would have missed smth despite having just watched this scene recently lol
I put it under the read more for easier scrolling due to how long this post got!
I immediately noticed smth in the very first lines of the interaction:
Raven: "Hello, brother." Qrow: "...Raven."
You'll notice throughout the whole conversation that Raven never calls Qrow by his name, only condescendingly referring to him as "brother" this one time and never calling him anything else. Meanwhile, Qrow directly refers to Raven a total of three times throughout the conversation, and only one doesn't call Raven by her name (which we'll get to shortly)
On the other hand, Qrow doesn't bother with even so much as a greeting beyond simply stating Raven's name
It's different ways of communicating their distance. While Raven holds her relationship with Qrow over his head — never once, even outside of this scene, does she call him "brother" with affection iirc, only derision and condescension — Qrow doesn't seem to rly know how to greet her. He hesitates before saying her name and approaching her, as if trying to assess the situation before acting
Qrow: "So, what do you want?" Raven: "A girl can't just catch up with her family?" Qrow: "She can, but you're not. Now how 'bout we get on with it? Unless you plan on keeping these [drinks] comin'."
Again, Raven seems to bring up her familial ties with Qrow as a tactic to get him to do what she wants — in this case, stick around to talk to her despite him not seeming to rly want to. Frankly, it feels manipulative. We're gonna put a pin in this for now and come back to it in just a moment
Additionally, Qrow already knows that Raven's not just here for a friendly chat between two siblings, and sees right thru her facade that it is. Raven is here bcus she wants smth from him. But interestingly, it is Raven in V5 that says, in an almost frustrated/disappointed tone, "Family. Only coming around when they need something." There's another pin; keep both in mind
Raven: "Does she have it?" Qrow: "...Did you know Yang lost her arm?" Raven: "That's not—" Qrow: "Rhetorical question, I know you know. It's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist." Raven: "I saved her." Qrow: "Once. Because that was your rule, right? Real 'Mom of the Year' material, sis."
Qrow dodges Raven's question about the Relic and instead brings up her hypocrisy in how she treats family. And it's a good point. Here she is lording her siblingship with Qrow over his head while simultaneously defending and upholding her rule that she is only obligated to help her own daughter a single time. Another pinpoint on our little conspiracy board
Also, here's the one time in this conversation Qrow refers to Raven as "sis". Like Raven's use of "brother", Qrow's use of "sis" is very pointed and with intent. But it's not to manipulate Raven, it's a snarky jab meant to rly hammer home Qrow's point
Raven: "I told you Beacon would fall, and it did. I told you Ozpin would fail, and he has. Now you tell me. Does. Salem. Have it?" Qrow: "I thought you weren't interested in all of that." Raven: "I just want to know what we are up against." Qrow: "And which 'we' are you referring to?"
A few things of note here. At some point in the past, Raven expressed an outright disinterest in Ozpin's inner circle, at least to Qrow. Qrow also feels excluded in the "we" Raven mentions being against Salem. To me, there seems to be a distinct possibility here that it wasn't that Raven felt personally disinterested in Ozpin's operations, but that she somehow felt excluded and feigned a lack of interest in order to protect herself. An idea that is further supported in my eyes by the following dialogue:
Qrow: "You should come back, Raven. The only way we'd beat her is by working together. All of us." Raven: "You're the one who left. The tribe raised us, and you turned your back on them." Qrow: "They were killers and thieves." Raven: "They were your family." Qrow: "You have a very skewed perception of that word."
And there it is. Raven's problem is laid out here for us, loud and clear: She feels like she was the one abandoned, not the one running away. She says it outright! "You're the one who left." To her, Qrow is the traitor, the one who left their family behind. If you ask Qrow (or, for that matter, Tai, Yang, and even Summer based on the scene in V9), it's the opposite
Bcus they have different definitions of family
Another thing to pin (I promise this will all become clear soon)
Raven: "I lead our people now. And as leader, I will do everything in my power to ensure our survival." Qrow: "I saw. The people of Shion saw, too." Raven: "The weak die. The strong live. Those are the rules." Qrow: "Well, you've certainly got someone strong on your side. I've seen the damage." Raven: "We couldn't have known the Grimm would set in as quickly as they did." Qrow: "I'm not talking about the Grimm. And I'm not talking about you, either."
Notice Raven's shift from "the tribe" to "our people". More of that guilt tripping!
Additionally, Raven is *obsessed* with rules. One save. The weak die, the strong live. Raven lives and breathes rules, even seemingly arbitrary ones. Guess what this is? Another pin!
Raven: "If you don't know where the Relic is, then we have nothing left to talk about." Qrow: "I don't know where the Spring Maiden is, either, but if you do, I need you to tell me." Raven: "And why would I do that?" Qrow: "Because without her, we're all going to die." Raven: "...And which 'we' are you referring to?"
Qrow's "either" here implies that he also doesn't know where the Crown of Choice is, which is... interesting. He's one of Ozpin's closest lieutenants, and is in the dark on where Beacon's Relic is? Wherever it is, it is such a closely kept secret that even Ozpin's best spy doesn't know where it is (maybe so that in the event Qrow gets captured by Salem he can't be forced into giving her the information?)
Meanwhile, Raven's "And why would I [tell you]?" implies that she does know who the Spring Maiden is (obviously. Raven's the Spring Maiden lol) but refuses to disclose to Qrow
A lantern sputters out after Qrow says "Without [Spring] we're all going to die." Now, I genuinely can't remember if this is headcanon or canon, but iirc Misfortune seems to act up when Qrow's upset. He's clearly tired of this little game of dancing around topics that Raven's been playing with him
And once again, Raven indicates a feeling of exclusion from Qrow's life in the iconic final line. She gets the final word in before leaving
We've finally reached the end of the conversation. Now what does all of this tell us?
And here is where all of those pins I wrote down are relevant. As I mentioned, the twins view family very differently
Qrow's view is pretty obvious: he views family as the ppl in his life who matter most to him. Unlike Raven, he does not view the tribe as family despite the fact that they raised him, disgustedly referring to them as "killers and thieves". It's implied that he was, in fact, neglected and/or likely abused by the Branwen tribe, saying in V6C4, "No one wanted me... I was cursed..." further explaining his distaste for them. Furthermore, despite not being related to Ruby by blood, they clearly consider one another family throughout the series, and he even seems closer to her than he seems to his niece who's actually blood related to him (I personally headcanon that he keeps more of a distance from Yang bcus she reminds him too much of Raven, who he feels abandoned and hurt by, but that's neither here nor there). Bloodlines and debts are secondary compared to loyalty, if they're considered at all. He is obviously furious that Raven only insists on saving Yang once and never directly interacting with her beyond that, despite Raven constantly guilting Qrow over abandoning his so-called "family" of the tribe. And yet. And yet. He still offers Raven a place back in his life, even if only to unite against Salem
Raven's view, to me, has been an enigma for a while. But after hyperanalyzing this conversation, after noting down all of those points of interest, I feel like I've finally cracked the code. Raven views family as an obligation, an exchange that always has an ulterior motive behind it. She seeks out Qrow only bcus she desires smth from him despite showing distaste when someone does the same to her; condescendingly calls Qrow "brother" more than his actual name and calls the tribe their "family" to try guilting him into doing what she wants; and feels fierce loyalty to the tribe but barely interacts with her daughter, only seeming to count one of the two as true family. She views the concept of family with cynicism and seems to feel an obligation to the tribe, as if she "owes" them for raising her
I think the two's perceptions of what defines family are all to do with the way the tribe treated both of them. This crosses a bit into headcanon territory, but as you can see by the above quotes and analysis, I rly don't think I'm just making it up entirely
As I already mentioned, I think it's implied that the Branwen tribe neglected/abused Qrow. In fact, we could probably blame their treatment of him for the deep self-loathing he has due to his "cursed" Semblance. But what about Raven?
Well, it's simple: I think she was abused, too, just in a different way. While Qrow was likely shown and told on a consistent basis that he was unwanted, unloved, undeserving of good things, Raven may have been shown and told she was wanted, loved, and deserving of good things... if she did what the tribe told her. If she repaid them for raising her and her brother, for being her "family". The way she uses her familial ties with Qrow as almost blackmail may be exactly the way the tribe treated her. Her obsession with following rules may stem from the fact that she had to follow the rules the tribe set for her in order to be accepted and deemed worth smth
As for her distance from Yang... honestly, I wonder if Raven is aware that Yang deserves better and keeps her distance as her way of doing that. When Summer confronts Raven in the V9 scene, Raven says, "...You're better at that life. Better than I was." She seems to have a fear and insecurity about being a good family member, a good mother, and maybe that's why she fled. Maybe she was scared of being like her abusers due to how she emulates them as a self-preservation tactic in so many other ways. Not entirely sure about this point tho
And I think too this is why the twins don't rly understand one another. They may have been unaware of the different ways in which the other was treated. Qrow, constantly unwanted and loathed, can't understand why Raven sticks around with the tribe; Raven, who obeyed the tribe and, in doing so, garnered enough of their favor to even eventually become leader, can't understand why Qrow can't just be "good", earn respect, and stay
This dissonance between the two experiences may also be completely intentional on the part of the tribe; abusers will often eliminate their targets' support systems in order to make them completely reliant on the abuser, so it's highly likely that the wedge was intentionally driven between the two siblings so that they could not find support in one another. This would also tie into why the twins seem to feel excluded from one another's lives and abandoned by one another: bcus they were made to feel that way by their common abusers, and did nothing to challenge these assumptions bcus they saw no reason to — and only seemed to keep proving one another right if they did
Which rly has some disturbing implications about how the Branwen tribe works. Like, do they just pick orphaned kids up off the street and abuse them into being perfect little bandits, molded to be of the greatest possible use and discarded if they're deemed worthless? Plus Qrow says his Semblance is how he got his name, which implies that the tribe also renames the kids they scoop up (possibly as a form of control or a way to make sure they can't be tracked down by any remaining family)? Plus there's the whole thing where Qrow and Raven were originally sent to Beacon to learn how to kill Huntsmen, which carries with it the implication that the Branwen tribe grooms literal orphan children into becoming stone-hearted murderers? What. The heck.
And if I'm right, if the Branwen tribe is that severely abusive, then like... wow, no wonder Qrow and Raven are Like That. They're both very deeply hurt people expressing it in different ways
I was considering adding their conversation at the Battle of Haven to this post, but I think that would be better as its own thing. Also I haven't gotten there on my rewatch yet so I may miss some details if I try to analyze it rn; it's better to wait overall methinks
But I have reached the point of my rewatch where we see Weiss and Whitley interact, and I think it would be very efficient to sum up what Qrow and Raven's relationship seems to be by using those siblings as a point of reference. Qrow = Weiss, actively trying to break free from and fight back against their abusers in different ways, while Raven = Whitley, continuing to do as their abusers want and have wanted as a method of self-preservation. Only, unlike Weiss and Whitley, Qrow and Raven have yet to come to a point where they can understand one another. I think that's a good way to briefly summarize the uh. Absolutely massive post this is.
In conclusion, I may have cracked the majority of the Branwen twins' pre-Beacon backstory purely by hyperanalyzing a single conversation. Oopsies
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gearbroth · 1 year
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[concept-dump] Space-au - (main(?) Antagonist) Skal, enemy of sun and mentor to iron
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ride-a-dromedary · 5 months
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The way Halsin approves whenever you're silly or play along with children really has me going through it right now.
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funpuddle · 3 months
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Hey I'm not sure if you're tongue in cheek or satirical about Oney Plays and Smiling Friends but the people behind and involved in them are a bunch of racists. Like just looking at the shit that O'Neil and PsychicPebbles have done in the past and do now is real shitty. And I'm pretty sure they are friends with straight up neonazis aswell
If you're gonna send this over smiling friends (not even gonna address Oneyplays because that hasnt been anything but a joke to me for years) for the weird people that work on it then I'd hope you aren't a fan of Steven universe or Adventure time or OKKO or Rick and Morty or like literally everything popular for all the lolicons or abusive or racist or off-putting people that work on those too. I've never given them any money and I don't think jokes making fun of them indicate I fundamentally agree with them. The animation industry is full of wackjobs. That comes with the territory and you're never gonna find a morally pure crew. If you're gonna be a true leftist about it then ditch the IP law fundamentalism and see the art these people make can be recontextualized and remade and sculpted into whatever you want out of it. And also, it's good to look at/read/watch shit by people you disagree with or else you'll never develop critical thinking skills!! Your brain will get lethargic never having to even think of challenging a narrative! Never having to read between the lines and see how the creator injects parts of themselves into their work, never learning arguments against their worldview. Challenging your own beliefs will make them stronger in the end
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pop-punklouis · 5 months
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lollytea · 11 months
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"there's a bit where hunters life falls apart" HELLO?? MISS TEA ELABORATE (if you please)
Alright. Walk with me. Let's talk.
(Potentially triggering content ahead.)
So imagine you're a teenage boy. Around 17-18. Imagine you're out in public and you've snuck away somewhere discreet to make out with your girlfriend, who you utterly adore.
Someone catches the two of you in the act and snaps a picture. If you were a normal teenage boy and she was a normal teenage girl, this would be a little embarrassing at worst.
But neither of you are normal. So that one little picture means the end of the world for you both.
Since you were little, you've been taught that you have to work extra hard to keep your secrets, because the whole world wants to know them. The whole world is obsessed with you and you should be grateful. However, there are certain things about you that could tarnish your golden reputation so you need to do whatever it takes to keep them to yourself.
And if they find out and make a mockery out of you, it's your own damn fault.
Don't say Uncle didn't warn you.
Do not tell the world the secret to your lean build and muscled limbs. If they found out about the ballet, the rumors would swirl. You don't want them thinking you're gay, do you?
Because you're not gay.
At least not entirely. But they can't know about that either.
Do not tell the world about your Diva Tantrums. About how even insignificant things like the stage lights being too bright or your costume being a weird texture can lead to you having a complete episode on set. You don't want them thinking you have a mental disorder, do you?
Because you don't have a mental disorder. You're perfectly sane. It's just hard to explain why silly things bother you so much.
However, if a rumor goes around that earns you positive attention, then by God, you encourage it.
You are not dating your co-star Emira Blight. Actually you're pretty sure Emira Blight hates your guts.
But neither of you are allowed to say that. It's good publicity for both of you. So you're kinda shackled to each other.
Neither of you are obliged to claim you're dating. But you're not allowed to deny it either. It's the speculation that keeps the interest alive.
She seems like a nice girl but she feels a lot of resentment towards you because all of her magazine/red carpet interviews are questions about you and her relationship with you. For some reason.
"Sexism," Says your girlfriend when you tell her about it. This explains a lot.
Your girlfriend knows a lot about sexism. She knows a lot about various types of prejudice. She deals with at least 4 of them on a regular basis.
She's tough though. Tough as a tree. But she's young too. Young and sensitive. It wears her down, all of this. It really does.
Like you, your girlfriend lives in the spotlight. Unlike you, she's a rather divisive person. A lot of people in Hollywood don't like her for stupid reasons.
You love her though. You love her to pieces.
She's a little like you and you're a little like her. You trust her enough to tell her your secrets. She knows about the ballet. She knows about the way you sometimes look at boys. She knows that your brain does not operate the way it should.
But she loves you. She loves you to pieces.
The little trail of kisses that she leaves down the slope of your nose makes you like it more.
You've always been insecure about your large hooked nose. It makes you a little less marketable so it sometimes sabotages your chance at booking roles.
You're no Edric Blight, that's for damn sure. Button nosed bastard.
But your girlfriend cups your face in her hands and calls you her prettyboy and it makes you melt every time.
It's the nose thing. And the teeth thing. And the hooded eye thing. You'll never be the most attractive young actor in Hollywood.
But you're not doing badly, all things considered.
Especially when it comes to how you are treated compared to your girlfriend.
"The perks of being a slim white man," She says jokingly, cuddling up against your chest.
"Also nepotism," You reply.
Your girlfriend makes you like yourself in a way you've always had to fake.
She also fakes a lot. She fakes confidence when it's not really there. She fakes cheerfulness and nonchalance when she really wants to burst into tears.
So you're determined to make her like herself too.
It took a long time for her to let you hold her. She was afraid you'd notice how soft her body is.
But when you're kissing her neck on that day, you're squeezing her thighs and she squeaks and giggles. Because you're tickling her and not because her thighs are off limits.
You're allowed to touch her now without reservations. Because she trusts you wholeheartedly. Thank God.
You promise you're always going to be there for her. She promises the same for you.
You promise that whatever happens, you'll figure it out together.
You're not allowed to tell the world that your girlfriend is your girlfriend.
There's a few reasons for this. The first being that this is your first relationship. It's hers too. Neither of you really know what you're doing at first but you certainly don't want millions of eyes watching you both awkwardly try to navigate romance.
But the second reason is what really matters here.
If people found out, they would be really really really mean to her.
"I look weird standing next to you," She murmurs. "Nothing like Emira,"
Whenever you tell her that she's the prettiest girl in existence, she grins, flipping her hair. "I know!"
But that's only in the privacy of your dressing room. When it's just you and her and you both feel safe. It's when she steps back out into the spotlight that all that confidence fizzles away.
But it's been a while since you started dating and honestly, it's getting exhausting. A little sad too.
One time you were both at the zoo. A few of the cast members of Hexside and Golden Guard were there too so it wasn't suspicious that you were out in public together.
Your girlfriend saw another teenage boy thread his fingers through those of the girl beside him, happy and carefree. In broad daylight too! But nobody cared about those two kids dating. Because the whole world wasn't watching them.
She had to go slip away somewhere quiet and wipe away a few tears before anybody saw her.
It's not fun living like this. Always nervously glancing over your shoulder. Always checking yourself to make sure you're not smiling too warmly at the girl you are hopelessly weak for. It's extremely draining to live in paranoia.
The two of you have been talking and you're thinking about going public. Not because you want the whole world in your business but after the initial burst of attention, it'll probably calm down.
If anything, you just want people to not care. Indifference is all you could ask for.
But public indifference is a privilege that people like you don't get.
Things have changed over the last year. Your girlfriend is way more popular than she used to be. She has a dedicated fanbase. So....maybe people will be nice?
You're hopeful. So is she.
The picture is snapped.
The picture spreads.
The world knows.
And people are not nice.
This is the part you don't want to talk about. Describing it in detail is painful.
Things were said about your girlfriend that hurts to think about.
And it's because of you. If it hadn't been your stupid face she was kissing, you wouldn't hear her uneven breath over the phone as she tries to keep herself from crying.
The two of you stay up for hours, trying to figure out what to do next and are essentially just talking in circles until your throat hurts.
Neither of you know what to do next. So you give up and call it a night and promise to think about it some more in the morning.
You sleep for 3 hours and when you regain consciousness at 5am you find a long string of notifications on your phone.
Texts from your girlfriend.
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Wait.
No.
These aren't texts from your girlfriend.
You don't have a girlfriend.
You reply immediately.
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You stand up. You get dressed. You go to work.
At some point you're obliged to be out in public.
You're swarmed by a crowd of cameras with people attached. Questions are hurled at you.
They ask about her.
You black out.
You break someone's nose.
You get punished.
You've never been punished to such an extreme extent before but you understand why.
You have spent a lifetime being perfected by your Uncle. Your image is spotless. You're a polite, charasmatic young actor with an admirable dedication to your Christian faith.
You're considered a role model by many.
And what have you done?
You've ruined it.
You're ruined everything.
The rumors are already erupting in the distance like a mushroom cloud and it's only going to get worse.
Within days, you're somebody else in the world's eyes.
You're a troubled teen star.
You're ignorant.
You're aggressive.
You're violent.
You've lost your way.
Don't you know that children look up to you?
Why would you do something like this?
You're pretty sure it lasted days. Or maybe weeks. But it was endless to you.
It's your wardrobe stylist that discovers the bruises before your attendant can sneak you to the makeup artists (who are apparently great at keeping their mouths shut.)
You and the wardrobe stylist have become close. He likes you a lot more than he used to.
The bruises alarm him.
"I'm sorry," He apologizes but doesn't elaborate. You don't ask.
What happens next is a very long arduous blur.
You're in a contract. This is significant.
There's lawyers involved. The wardrobe stylist fights tooth and nail to get these lawyers.
There are litigations.
You're required to talk about your relationship with your Uncle in painful detail. It's necessary. But there's always a hand on your back to keep you anchored to reality.
You're 18 now. This is also significant.
One thing happens after another.
Until one day you wake up, emancipated.
Your Uncle is no longer your legal guardian.
You're not an actor anymore.
Thank God.
This is good for you, you know that. You wouldn't have lived to see 21 if this had carried on.
But....who are you now?
You're nobody.
You live with the man who saved your life in a nondescript house he bought in a nondescript neighbourhood.
You think it will be nothing but smooth sailing from here. But it's not.
You don't know how to be nobody. You've never been nobody before. You have to adjust.
You've always been discouraged from eating and now you can barely keep down a whole meal. It takes time.
You usually operate on 5 or less hours of sleep so you struggle to stay unconscious the whole night. That takes time too.
Sometimes you think you're fine but you're not.
It's scary not knowing who you are anymore. And when you get scared, you tend to get angry.
You fight with everyone when you're in one of these moods. You fight with the man you live with.
You fight with the woman next door who treats you like her own son.
You fight with her two daughters. The one who also lost her girlfriend around the same time you did. The one who's become your best friend in the world.
You fight with the other daughter. The one who has scars like yours and had a breakdown when you yelled at her and you hated yourself for weeks.
You never knew you were so mean.
Maybe the things people said about you were right.
You have a therapist now. The man you live with arranged it.
The therapist has to come to your house for sessions because you can only go as far as the end of your block.
You have agoraphobia now, apparently. Being out in public makes you have some nasty panic attacks.
The thought of being photographed is enough to make you spiral.
You haven't left that neighbourhood in months.
You miss her.
You also miss your best friend, but he's cut you off too.
It was nothing personal. It's just...you were always a trio. But she's made it clear that seeing you again would hurt. Thinking about you hurts. Having any lingering trace of you in her life would hurt.
He decided that it would be better if he didn't have contact with you either. He was going to stick by her side.
You're proud of him. And thankful that she always has him looking out for her.
You can't bear the thought of them seeing you like this anyway.
Things are bad.
But it's always worse before it gets better.
And it does get better.
It just takes time.
You're 19, going on 20 and your ribs no longer poke out jaggedly against your flesh.
There's fat on your stomach.
Your face is less gaunt. Your skin less sallow looking.
You like to read.
You like to sew.
There's a gym downtown that you like to go to, with a large studio on the floor where you can practise ballet.
You and your family often have barbecues in your backyard when it's warm out.
Sometimes you like to sit by your open window for hours and listen to the birds. There's a bluejay that really likes you.
You're 19, going on 20 and you're lying in the grass as the sun lulls you to sleep.
It's getting you, you can feel it. But you can still hear the birds, the breeze, the kids yelling from three doors down.
And then you hear it.
But you almost don't believe it.
It's a voice that you're advised to avoid.
It crops up on television sometimes and it hurts to listen to.
That being said, you still torture yourself by not reaching for the remote control right away.
You're desperate for that voice to fill your ears again. You know that you might be weak enough to beg for it.
But it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
The voice is soft, tentatively so. And the single word wobbles like she's about to cry.
But as shattered as it sounds, it's a word that you utterly adore on her lips.
"Hunter?"
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inkyweenus · 8 months
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Thinking about time travel and all the secrets Lu Guang is keeping. And how long he's been keeping them.
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And also what his limitations are... because I don't think he knows as much as he thinks he knows.
I've got a lot of thoughts and a lot of questions. I tried to organize them in the hopes to maybe work out some ideas, but it got a bit... Much. Weigh in if you have thoughts because...I'm clearly vibrating in place wanting to talk about this. But anyway, here we go.
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How is the present affected by future dives into the past? (Alternate timelines or pre-determined track)
This section is basically me asking a lot of questions that might just be writing holes or maybe not and we just don't find out for, like, 6 years. And that's fine. I'm here for it, I just need to sort out all these theories in my head.
In S1E9, LG looks into the surveillance photo and sees CXS on the solo dive. Is this because CXS was currently in the photo? Is it because CXS had already done the solo dive and so LG was seeing the affected photo? Is it because CXS was always going to go into the photo, so LG saw the past that always was going to be?
When Liu Min called from Xu Shanshan's phone, was it because CXS was always going to set up the meeting? What if CXS hadn't come to that conclusion and didn't reveal himself in Shanshan's body? Would the call have never happened? Does Lu Guang allow this huge "deviation" because he saw it was supposed to happen? Did he lie about what he saw in the photo? Was his elevated concern in that moment he claimed was about CXS's potential mental state while of going into his friend's potentially dying body actually about CXS starting the game? Is he just as clueless as everyone else and now everything is spiralling?
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Chen Xiao. Chen Xiao, Chen Xiao. Oh man. "Nothing will be affected" my ass Lu Guang. Pretty sure you created an entire person that didn't previously exist from that mission. Sure, all the people that were supposed to die in the earthquake died, but Chen Xiao did NOT have a wedding ring on when he came to the photoshop to hire them. He was a miserable man with regrets he couldn't move past, including missing his "first love." Now, I get that first loves have a lot of weight, but he's like 30+ and so desperate... this is not a man who looks at his wedding ring with care and sings his son to sleep. But he becomes that. Where did that child come from?!?
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Just because the 12 hours after the photo are the same doesn't mean that the 12 years after it are. Lingering resentment--or the lack thereof-- is a strong shaping force. Also. Chen Xiao's lack of regrets from a successful mission means that he never would have hired them to dive in the first place. So to make it full circle, Chen Xiao "returns" to the photo shop (for the first time?) to have CXS develop the photos he took himself on the camera he saved from the wreckage...And, I have to assume from the implication of a new timeline, THAT is how they get paid for the job. How much are they charging to develop film? Was it worth it??
Does LG even know about this kind of change? Is it just too far out of his range to see? He didn't seem to know about Emma until he saw the news, so maybe he's limited in what he can see, but he found that article pretty fast, so maybe he knew something was happening. It's hard to know.
What are the extent of LG's powers? Is he from the future?
He always says not to ask about the "past or future." I assumed this meant the future of the past that CXS was currently in, but what if he also means the future of the present that we're currently seeing? Can he see the future of the present he's in now?
In season 1, he knew that CXS would appear as himself when he dove into the surveillance camera footage. How? It was obviously CXS's first time doing that, but maybe not LG's. If it was his first time, how did he know?
We recently learned that he can see the present through surveillance footage the same way he does looking at footage of the past. Does this mean he can also see 12 hours into the future? It's 20:44 when LG unlocks Chen Bin's phone, so it's probably around 21:00 when he uses his powers. Does he know how things will unfold? Does he see the twins moving through the building? Does he realize there are two of them?
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He's obviously been up to something this whole season: watching the clock, hiding photos, opening up stitches without much physical effort beyond using his powers... 🤔
My current crack theory is that LG reopening his stitches while using his powers to watch the fight is actually related to him escaping and/or jumping off the boat to free CXS. I'm not sure how because it's definitely more than 12 hours between the events, but something is up.
It's not surprising to me that CXS and Wang Juan were controlled through touch. The moment Li Tianxi reached out her hand to shake CXS's I yelled at my TV. It looked too similar to LG reaching out to start a dive.
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And I yelled even louder when she made contact
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CXS can dive on his own and LG can see into a photo on his own. The physical touch only connects their minds, it's not necessary to activate the powers. Could LG touch CXS and communicate telepathically without diving into a photo if they had an activation touch? Does LJ need a time travel element to get into CXS's head?
I think Li Tianchen's powers at least are touch related because when he touched Xixi, CXS lost his connection with LG. But I think there may be something else going on with the twins. I'm just not sure what I think yet. We wouldn't know if one was possessing the other because their eyes are the same.
How do the powers manifest, and what does that mean for Lu Guang's backstory?
I think we saw the moment when Li Tianxi and/or Li Tianchen acquire powers. Was it a predisposition that unlocked during a highly traumatic moment or did it just manifest somehow from an extreme desire to take control of the situation?
Li Tianxi was a child who wanted to communicate and be present but felt trapped in her over stimulated body. Li Tianchen was a boy with strong ideals and a sense of protectiveness... without the strength of an adult body to follow through with that protection. While they were holding the photo, huddled together in close physical contact after Tianchen's head injury, one of them or the combined force of them was able to 1.) take over their mother's body and 2.) blank out Xixi's mind to the point of cutting CXS's connection with LG and eventually the whole photo. But something went very wrong along the way. Maybe some signals were crossed.
CXS is a highly empathetic person. He feels so much for everyone and wants to connect with people emotionally. And his powers reflect that. We know CXS has probably at some point had a strong enough desire to go back in time, if anything to see his parents.
What, then, do the circumstances look like for a logical, emotionally reserved--but deeply caring--person to acquire powers to see snapshots of the past? What would drive him to want to change the past so much that he manifests these powers?
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We know CXS had never done a dive without LG before he temporarily went rogue in S1E9... because he didn't know he could do it until he tried.
We know S1E1 isn't the first time they dive. CXS nags LG about having heard the rules a hyperbolic amount of times. So the powers aren't new at this point. But I don't think they both had powers before they met. So how and when did they get their powers? Was it when they met? When they travelled abroad? After some accident or something?
LG just shows up in CXS's life unannounced. Twice. And that's how they got close. Was it just the random fated meeting of soulmates as per fiction standards or did LG intentionally seek out CXS for more timey-wimey reasons? Did meeting LG activate CXS's powers? Did they experience something together to have compatible abilities? Did LG already have his and teach CXS how to manifest his own? How much did LG already know before he picked up that basketball?
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I have this other crack theory that I absolutely hate and don't want to be true at all and almost certainly isn't, but, like...what if if LG and CXS are actually the same person from different timelines. Like LG is a version of CXS that doesn't get to have familial love and maybe experiences too much trauma, and he goes back in time to give himself some semblance of a home and a set of rules to hone his powers without altering the timeline that he's actively changing. They're intentionally written to be two halves of a whole, and there's been more than one joke made about LG being a ghost or not existing. I hate it. But it's in my head.
One last question for today... because I have to wonder:
Who makes the rules?
Has LG just read enough books to feel knowledgeable about how time travel works? Is he from the future trying to maintain a desired outcome? Are they following the rules of a third party who's orchestrating the flow of events from a distance? Are they... Leaving their fates to the ones who aren't in control?
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