#real depression project

[lovealexhunt]

source: realdepressionproject on Instagram

Please remember to be kind and understanding to all, you don't know what someone is facing beneath the surface. 💖

#This! #realdepressionproject #real depression project #tw: depression #mental health #please be kind to all #you never know what someone is feeling

[withacapitalp]

Out of This World

Read it on AO3 instead

Tw: Depression

There was a black hole inside of Steve. 

He would lie down flat on his back in the living room. The stone floor beneath him would pull his mind down from wherever it liked to drift to, and he would be able to focus enough to  stare at the ceiling, put his hands on his stomach, and breathe deep into the sensation. 

When things got really bad, it was like he could physically feel it. A dark mass that spread out from his core and swallowed everything around it. If he flipped over to lie on his stomach and press his cheek to the cold marble, then it would sprout out of his back like demon wings, menacing and grim. 

He had never told anyone about it, but he was sure everyone knew. That was the thing about black holes, they dragged everything towards them. He was a magnetic person, people were drawn to him, but when they got close and saw that there was nothing inside, they ran. The empty expanse living in Steve was terrifying. 

He was the only one who couldn’t escape himself. 

No matter what he did, inevitably he would be reminded of what was inside of him. He could try to be happy, but he had to remember it wouldn’t last. 

Steve could mess around with the kids, dance along to the radio with Robin, try and love the people who chose to stay with everything he had, but the black hole would always return. It would suck up whatever joy he had tried to grow, making it disappear in the blink of an eye, lost to whatever cosmos existed beyond the gnawing hunger in Steve’s stomach. 

It was like it was starving, like he was starving, but not for food. There was nothing Steve could give to make it go away, nothing that would satiate whatever was stuck inside of him. There was just the all encompassing need to have more, to get something that would kill the loneliness that lived there. 

And, when the people around him realized that they really couldn’t make that black hole go away, they left. They ran to keep themselves from getting pulled in, and Steve couldn’t blame them. He had spent most of his life trying to run from himself. 

Even now, lying in bed with Eddie late on Sunday morning, he could feel the first nudges of gravity shifting, the quiet stirrings of empty space needing to be acknowledged. 

There was a black hole living inside of Steve, and nothing he could do to change that.  

“God I swear it’s like you’re the sun,” Eddie sleepily whispered against his chest, unknowingly cutting straight through the icy black tendrils starting to creep up Steve’s spine. 

“The sun?” Steve said, feeling something finally touch the cold dark thing living in his stomach. 

“You just keep us alive and warm, don’t you Stevie?” Eddie mumbled, still half asleep, “Pull everyone into your orbit and make sure none of us go flying off into space alone,” 

Eddie was already starting to snore by the time Steve jogged himself out of his stunned silence enough to kiss the top of his boyfriend’s head and whisper a reverent declaration of love. 

Sometimes Steve felt like there was a black hole living inside of him.

And sometimes he was reminded not everyone saw it that way. 

#tw: depression #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #steddie #steddie ficlet #steddie fic #stranger things #st4 #st #Steve harrington has ptsd #Steve harrington has depression #Am I projecting? #Ohhhh yeah #nah it's a real weird night lads #((You miss ONE day of meds and it's like oh yeah no I remember why I take these)) #Anywho #This probably isn't my best writing but it just kind of clawed its way out of my chest #So here we are #Yeah I'm having an interesting one #It'll pass #Thigns always do #but till then at least I have good ol Stevie to use as my metaphorical little me #Liam speaks up #Writing(withacapitalW)

[xerith-42]

dude. xerith. idk if you saw my reblog of madcatlad’s post, BUT. they cooked. the issue on the table: nether withdrawals. i’m insane about this.

very much exploring the idea of the calling being more about fighting the addiction that is the nether itself for shadow knights, rather than purely the aggression part.

thoughts? musings?

Oh Cinn, oh Cinn you've brought my attention to something beautiful.

Little known fact about me because I'm still pretty decent about over sharing on the internet, addiction is something I've actually thrown hands with before. The idea of the Calling as an addiction to the Nether?? Now that's a concept I can latch onto.

I think that there could be ways to satiate withdrawal, but not in an exactly helpful way. The Calling is in Shadow Knights brains like "Oooh you wanna kill your loved ones and come back to the Nether soooo bad." But minor acts of violence and arson can make it shut up. Enough bloodshed, such as what happens at the Werewolf Wedding, is enough to make it so a knight isn't drawn to the idea of killing their loved one anymore because the urge for blood has been answered. Of course... Most Shadow Knights fighting the call aren't exactly happy when something like the Werewolf Wedding happens to them.

As for the urge of the Nether, they could always try to answer that with things that are like the Nether or remind them of it. Sitting by a fire, setting things on fire, sitting in a pool of hot water that can at least try and simulate lava, setting things on fire, existing in the bitter dry heat of an Arizonan morning, or setting things on fire. The Calling always responds best to the most violent solution, and even while trying to satiate it, it's still pulling at the mental strings of a knight to make the most violent decisions possible.

That idea of being able to sit by a fire instead of setting something ablaze really sucks for Knights who might have been traumatized by the Nether and struggle to be around fire for very long as a result, Laurance.

A lot of moments of a premature Shadow Knight lashing out aren't necessarily because the Calling is making them want to kill, it's because it's making them want to go back to something they know is bad for them. It's a drug that they've overdosed on and are trying to run away from still present in their veins and urging them to take another dose, regardless of its lethality. That kind of mental gymnastics and battle wears down at a person even when they aren't actively fighting. Even if they aren't in their head fighting the Calling and it's urges, it's still there. They still think about it.

Laurance doesn't want to go back to The Nether. He would rather die again than go back there. But when he sees the frame of a portal, when he's nearby one that's unstable, he has to fight. He has to fight his body and its urge to go back to that hell. Just one hit will make him feel better. Just a chance to touch netherack and breathe that ashy air will soothe his worries. Because being reminded of the Nether, even if it causes a trauma response, does cause a part of his brain to feel good. The Calling sees fire and gives him a shot of dopamine and excitement.

Wouldn't it just be so nice if he went back? If he didn't have to feel this constant drain? If he was in the Nether then the Calling would shut up, right? Wouldn't it be so amazing to just feel this good all the time? He's already dead, what damage can be done to his body afterwards?

Of course the Calling has two components, both addictive. One is of course the urge to go to the Nether. The other is that urge to kill your loved one and gain immortality. Doing one only makes the other feel stronger. Oh, you sat next to a Nether portal and made it so you're now comfortable in the over world? Bet you wanna kill your lord right about now, huh?

What's that, you actually killed your lord? Well, don't you just wanna come home to the Nether where you're surrounded by people who have all done the same and won't hate you for it? Go on, you know you want to.

Like everything else, it comes down to the Shadow Kings need to control. If he can make Shadow Knights into addicts of stuff directly associated with him, they'll be more loyal. They'll serve him to get a fix of bloodshed and hell fire. They'll come running back to him after ruining their lives for his enjoyment, and they'll fall at his feet for the chance to become a higher up in their army. He deprives them of everything they ever could have had and calls it freedom.

#not to like #get real personal #but I have been falling back into some of my vices due to an ongoing depressive episode #so being able to project this onto my favorite block shaped brain worms is really nice #hope you liked what I cooked up Cinn #you usually do :) #minecraft diaries #aphblr #text post #laurance zvahl #mcd #answering asks #minecraft diaries laurance #mcd laurance #shadow knights

[sunnykeysmash]

Mac and the beliefs that influence his actions

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #analysis #parallels #babyboy always trying to atone for the original sin of being born and thinking every single punishment is deserved #and that punishment just means god is smiting him for being born #he doesn't even need to believe in curses because according to god. being born is his curse. and hes just destined for punishment #all of this plus the mac as the jumper meta making me real depressed im ngl #''what mac is the jumper meta?'' well ok so mac day the bridge. ''id kill myself too if i had that clowns name'' project badass tape SIXTEEN #ahah this sitcom is so funny guys #if this post needs some kinda tag warning tell me cuz i never tag stuff so idk if it's warranted here lol um #mac mcdonald

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

Another unforeseen frustration in my quest to find a romance novel I actually like: a huge chunk of college romances are written by people who have clearly never been to college.

#i can’t take this shit seriously #colleges don’t have clicks #no one cares of you are a virgin #no one cares how you dress #i took every single exam in pajamas #the real weirdos skateboard down the quad with a canoe oar #posers who think they are weird for liking books don’t get invited places #i’ve gotten more pressure to drink at a single one of my mom’s book club meetings #that my entire four years of college #when are you doing class work? #have you ever had to write even an undergraduate essay? #Do you know how long those take? #why are classes just called ‘english’ #and not something like ‘Literature of the Great Depression’ #Why is the professor asking the class if they predicted the two leads falling in love? #and not i don’t know any actual analysis!? #and why doesn’t anyone talk about their classes outside of them? #me and my friends loved discussing our lessons #both those from my department and from other majors #no talking out a project you’re having trouble with? #no struggling with the transition from high school essay writing to college level? #No stories about your favorite professors? #no gaining perspectives from a different major? #clubs? hangouts? soccer on the tennis courts at 3am? #i thought i would like these because i loved college and miss it #but these are all just high school without a bell #plus they’re mostly just bad in other ways too #i think I’m done with this genre #booklr

[gaylactic-fire]

I feel like a lot of art I put genuine effort into nowadays just gets shoved away

#fires posts #ramblings #vent #negative #Ik art is not number. Ik being proud of my creations (which I am) is more important #But I cannot tell you how much it hurts when a real passion project gets as much notes as some random doodle #That's half the reason I quit that goofy rav//io blog. Bc it was depressing me! #I feel like people only care about my art if it makes them laugh #which is understandable. and I know I often put effort into my jokey stuff #but just once I wish something that wasn't a doodle and has no punchline got some love #thank you mutuals and blog regulars who always rb my stuff. You guys r the only thing keeping me going I swear

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[chillykitty]

concept art for an amv idea i had

#the cure for depression is combining all three of your SpIns into one thing #and also making the focus the character you kin #mlp #sanders sides #tss x mlp au #chi art #i am working on the storyboard but considering this is the most comforty of comfort projects im gonna be real chill about this #and it may never be finished #i dont care im doing this to get out of? burn out? depressive episode? good question i dont know actually #i didnt forget rare's sash shhh what are you talking about #mlp x tss au

[meloncat030]

SO UMMMM HAS ANYONE SEEN THE SAD TSUKASA CARD THIS MORNING? NO? JUST ME?!

#project sekai #wonderland showtime #tsukasa tenma #tenma tsukasa #BRO REAL TSUKASA ANGST #WHY IS IT ON THIS ANGLE HE LOOKS LIKE MAFUYU’s JACKPOT GIRL CARD????? #OH GOD HOW IS THIS A CUTE CARD HES DEPRESSED AF!

[averbaldumpingground]

Welcome back, nice to see a post from you again. Hope you are well 🙂

Thank you, that is very kind of you. I've actually been on here this whole time, mostly lurking. :)

#I haven't really written anything since sometime in late February though. #And didn't post most of what I wrote between New Years and whenever my actual real writing break started. #But this felt like a thing I should post. #I haven't been much of a functioning human being outside of my job for a very long time though. #So I owe some people some VERY delayed craft projects. #And the depression has been here for the past 25+ years and will continue to be here. #But my prompt box *is* open. #Might take me A While to respond. #And there are still some things I refuse to write. #But I'm around. Ish. #For now.

[apelcini]

babygirl i can get emotional about dead people i don’t have even a fifth degree connection to

#this post is about specifically my special interest in forensic identification #but also if you have an interest niche enough to misconstrue this as you then im mentally high fiving you #except for hamilton fans. go read a book #go read something by bell hooks or toni morrison #idk I’m real overtired with this animation project and this existential depression #there are people who are smarter and less sleep deprived than me who can give you some pointers #elisha dot thought #does and disappearances

[dropoutfailure]

Mishka has that incest autism where he disregards social norms and wants to fuck his dad, because he knows and trusts him and finds him hot, who even cares what anyone thinks. going outside and developing a connection with some total stranger is too stressful. and futile. nobody can measure up to his dad anyway. very not worth the effort.

smh, why is he like this 😔 I ask, while writing him and projecting weird shit onto him to get it out get it out out OUT of my fucking head

#dadson ocs #ocs #mishka aka august #heh. I do not trust my dad so I would never do this #the main thing I'm projecting real hard is the depression and social isolation and lack of rizz and childish fear of strangers #like I'm really bad at dating apps #some guys are very into me and I'm into them too!! but fellas.. I can't keep a conversation going so it doesn't go anywhere #inspired by some post about t4t siscon autism #the dadson autism #is that ableist... nah im autistic I have the ''create terrible representation'' pass #I have GOT to go outside and get a chubby dilf boyfriend with thick facial hair. that would fix me #I mean it wouldn't but it would be nice..........

[daughterofhecata]

1 for the dad AU, 5, 18 & 26? 😘

[fic writer asks]

1. Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]

Sadly only have very few songs for the dad AU. Mainly it's "The Kid I Used to Know" and "Sob Story" by Arrested Youth and "Face to Face" by Citizen Soldier. Yeah, it's pretty Skinny-centric, but lbr the whole thing is Skinny centric, so 🤷‍♂️

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

Okay, I can only do "I'll *probably* not get around to this" because I have an ADHD brain and talking about it might lead directly to me starting to write it, but there was a post going around a while ago about how Peter probably has Cotta's private number saved under 'Jeffrey' or something so it's less obvious how often he calls Cotta for help - he just sends 'Jeffrey' his location. Which lead to the plot bunny of Bob or Justus catching Peter (they're all college age at that point ofc) sexting with 'Jeffrey' and Peter being very, very relieved about the fact he still hasn't changed the contact name.

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

Excuse me. You of all people should be aware of the amount of words I have posted in the last five years?!

But I did reread "Necessary Tragedies" earlier because I mentioned it a few times today, and not to brag but "Konjunktive heilen keine Wunden. (Die Zeit übrigens auch nicht.)" does still fuck.

26. Is there something you’ve written that you would never want your family to see?

Well. A lot of the porn, obviously. Especially not the kinky porn where my own personal kinks are only very thinly disguised. But for a more serious answer, my brother has read "out of hell" and would also be allowed to read "suffering is just suffering" if he wanted to, but I absolutely do not want my parents to see that because idk if they're ready for that conversation.

#the conversation being: how you missed your oldest child being sucidally depressed for ten years and apparently didn't notice a thing. #they would also not be allowed to read another fic i might never finish #because i'm projecting a lot of my feelings towards them on peter's relatio ship to his parents in that one. #anyway sorry for going dark #thanks for playing <3 #gonna be real i still think i did really well in necessary tragedies stylistically. #ask #crazy-walls

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

The first time i heard Martin say that he thinks the lonely always had him i thought he was just saying that to get Jon to leave faster but. God. We've all spiraled over how Martin had to spend over a week trapped alone in his apartment by Jane and nobody came to check on him which. Still hurts a lot. But on top of that he stayed in the archive hiding from the worms, cut off from the outside world, and then he ended up running for his life all alone in the tunnels during the attack, and he found Gertrude's body and had to deal with that by himself!!! God!!!!! And then after ALL THAT he feels GUILTY that he left Jon and Tim behind. He's not even resentful that he was alone during all of that he just accepts it. No wonder he asked Jon if he was real when he was trying to save Martin from the lonely, up until then nobody has tried to save him! He's had to deal with everything by himself!!!

#tma spoilers #tma #tma martin blackwood #the magnus archives #the magnus archives spoilers #i can't stop spiraling over the idea of Martin hoping SO fucking badly that someone would help him and reach out but it just never happens #and how the lonely might've even faked Jon coming to save him so that's why he couldn't tell if Jon was real or not #shit man just shit. ouch owie #and he's so used to being alone that he draws himself into his own domain in s5 because he can't handle being around someone who genuinely- #loves and cares about him for too long because it feels weird. it's more comfortable being alone. #< me projecting possibly #i love martin so much nobody is doing it like him i get so depressed thinking about him

[skittidyne]

It's been two months!! How are you feeling? How are sales going? Have you found a name for a sequel? What can we do to help?

you're very sweet anon!

i just checked the sales (that i can easily access) because i haven't for awhile, and not after that book blog tour i tried, and it only serves to remind me that ingramspark is very confusing with their sales reports.

BUT. if i'm doing my math correctly and ingramspark isn't doing something really stupid, then i've very much broken triple digits on my sales!

not only that, but WOAH NELLY WHAT IS THIS

i... actually don't know what that is. it can't be just my books, because i only have one available through them. but it seems hard to believe that it's #2 overall?? i'm not selling that much. (yet!!) but it makes for a really neat screenshot to take! it also gave me a little gold ribbon on my book thumbnail :'3

i have NOT found a title, and i hate that Very Much, but that's also something i can't ask for outside advice on because holy legality batman.

THAT SAID. here is a list of ways to help your local skitty author with her local guides to the supernatural:

REVIEW. review my books on amazon and goodreads and wherever else you want!

TELL PEOPLE TO BUY MY BOOK! friends, family, libraries, your boss who is cool with queer content and swearing, and maybe your influencer cat who makes more money than you or i will ever dream of!

send asks! i love asks! and again: you're very sweet, anon :> these fill me with warm fuzzies and the support needed to scowl my way through editing for preptober

make fanart! make fanfic! make SOMETHING. i know a lot of people are like "i can't make anything ;O;" but trust me. y'all can. go make natalie's mashed potatoes! make a playlist! make the vorpal sword! crochet a unicorn! hunt an afanc! find a taxidermied jackalope to take promo pics with! talk about it on social media (and tag me; i'll talk back)! everything that fandom does generates hype for a series, and weird things are great.

i'll be looking for beta readers and ARC reviewer/readers in coming months, so do one of those! or both! (i think you can be both? i don't see why not?)

help me figure out a way to get the cool promo pictures i took on my fancy camera onto my laptop because i only just have realized that my stupid laptop doesn't even have a normal-sized SD card port

seriously tho, keep sending asks. questions, comments, liveblogs, predictions, anything! (except title name ideas, because if you come up with a really cool one, i can't use it, and then i'll be peeved i can't use it.)

stream distractible & go my favorite sports team on podcast sites so i can partake of markiplier's onlyfans. that will support me A Lot.

#almost two months! #weird how time passes #overall i'm feeling fine just the unemployment depression and the isolation of living in a small town #and the EDITING HELL that i'm still stuck in #actually it'd be really cool if someone made nat's mashed potato recipe #i only know the vague idea of it and i am NOT a recipe maker #but seriously tho you can make SO MUCH MORE than fanart or fanfic for something you love #(and i hope that stuff is my stuff) #i've seen jewelry for pedestal and someone COSPLAYED A TENGU in bbac era! not to mention 'normal' but no less impressive cosplays! #there is actually a Real Weapon made for this series but said weapon hasn't appeared yet #you could also foist strange mythological things on me! #or offer to be a sensitivity reader or language helper! #there's so much you can do to help an overly ambitious skitty with an overly ambitious writing project #OH you can also be my friend on nanowrimo site and do that with me #always do nanowrimo with me #how to put the romance back in necromancy

[non-un-topo]

At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer

#i noticed every summer i get progressively worse lol #like not in terms of writing but in terms of everything else goin on in my head #i mean if anyone is craving some dark and depressing shit i've got bits and pieces here #it's like i'm writing for an audience even in my own mind. can't finish anything because it's __ __ __ etc and my niche is too niche. #did my last fic really burn me out that much?? i mean it was basically 30 thousand words and there was a LOT packed into it #maybe i should finally respond to comments and i'll feel better. #something's been going on with me for the past couple months (maybe longer) and i'm just annoyed ALL the time #feel like i want to give up everything and stop talking to everyone. ((it could be my out of whack hormones mind)) #so if i haven't been as active and haven't drawn or written much that's why. i'm pulling away and curling in like an atrophied limb. #my brain is just permanently in school mode. i can feel it gearing up for the oncoming year that's going to be super intense. #like would it even matter if i post any more work before september? idk why i can never seem to chill or take a break for even a minute. #i still have drawing projects i want to finish at least! taking me literally all summer because of surprise health problems. #partner was consoling me about how i feel for writing '''weird''' stuff with almost no focus on romance #saying that SOMEbody has to write what i write so that should keep me going. i just tell myself that it could be worse - #- i could be primarily a femslash writer. they are the real heroes and they get no respect. #idk why i'm getting so angsty #i think i might be romance/sex repulsed atm. not in real life at all but in fandom. i'm bored of it. and i'm bored of conversations about i #i'm sure i'll change my mind in what two weeks or so. #maybe i'll try to write something original #i have things in my ask box i should respond to. like asks about my writing. i just haven't been feeling well #so i haven't had the right brain to respond :( but i see the asks and i'm grateful <3 #anyway peace and love