#remember when i said i hate experimenting?

[ingravinoveritas]

Bonus clip of Michael on the WTAWTAW podcast talking about his experiences with gender expression as a teenager in Port Talbot and mentioning his crush on John Taylor again. Transcript of notable highlights below:

Michael: "So when I was 12, 13--early '80s, the time that Allie is talking about--and I saw girls with lip gloss and wearing rah-rah skirts and leg warmers and stuff, [whispers] and I was a little bit jealous. Course, never said that, never said that. In Port Talbot if I'd mentioned that, my life would've been hell. But I do remember being quite...attracted by the trappings. A lot of trappings for girls. We didn't have stuff like that for boys. There were rituals for girls, doing your makeup, doing your hair." Michael: "I mean, my first crush--I said this on a thing I did called The Assembly recently--my first crush was a man called--ah, John Taylor from Duran Duran. Ohh, he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The way I processed it was, like, I'm gonna try and look like John Taylor, try and make my hair like John Taylor." Michael: "And they always used to have a bit of lip gloss going on, didn't they? Those New Romantics. But like I say, I couldn't really try that out in Port Talbot."

This goes directly back to things I have written about on my blog previously, about Michael having these feelings and not being able to express them because of where he grew up and the hateful climate that Section 28 fostered. This is why it is so difficult for someone of Michael's generation to label themselves, because none of that is lightly shaken off.

Even hearing the way Michael talks about it in the podcast, you can tell that this is not a joke, but a longing for something that he still remembers so vividly, because it meant so much to him at the time, and still does. Also, Michael has now mentioned his crush on John Taylor twice in the span of two months after not saying anything about it for years, and if that doesn't tell you where his heart and mind are right now, I'm not sure what does. Neither he nor David need a formal announcement to make it clear who they are, because they've already been telling us...

#michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #where there's a will there's a wake #can we please stop calling him straight now? #i think Michael has been telling us exactly who he is for a long time now #between all of the film roles he's played and talking about his attractions to men in real life #Michael is not hiding #even if he doesn't label it specifically #also there is an actual chapter of a Michael/David fic that involves them putting on makeup #and it's damn near identical to what he says here about liking the ritual of it #and i am losing my goddamn mind #let people be who they are #david is lowkey bi and michael is highkey bi #podcast #discourse

[sirius-romsys]

Things people can't seem to get through their damned heads.

Since Jackie did this, I might as well too.

Persecutors are "evil alters". No. They are not. Just because they're a persecutor doesn't mean they're evil, and shouldn't be treated as such, as it will make it worse. And in our experience, typically it is a trauma response, not actually having genuine hate for us.

All alters with like you if you're friends/dating one/some. No! Especially in a bigger system such as ourselves, not every alter will like you, maybe they'll tolerate you for the sake of the others, but you are not entitled to every alter in a system, especially if they have specifically said they don't like you, or do not want to engage with you.

Alters are different people stuck in the same body. No, every alter is part of one person, split into different pieces. Like it or not, at the end of the day, alters are not different people, yes, they can have different personalities, but that doesn't mean they're different people. This is why systems should hold responsibility for what their alters do/say.

Endos are valid. No, they are not. Plurality is proven to be a response to severe trauma, and cannot be caused any other way. You may not remember some/most of this trauma, and this does not invalidate your experience, and does not make you an endo. Endos, get help please, if you want to be a system there's likely something wrong with you. And while I do believe some 'endos' are systems who've been groomed/are in denial, most 'endos' are invalid, and need therapy.

Having a clear head when switching invalidates you. No, it does not. Everyone is different, and sometimes it depends on the day, typically we have a severe amount of amnesia when switching, but some days we don't have any amnesia at all.

Having an alter from a bad source is problematic. No, it is not. You cannot control when an alter forms, or where they are sourced from. Sometimes an alter can be from a piece of media you don't watch/read/etc.

Having an alter of an object/place can't happen. Wrong. As I said previously, you can't control the source of an alter, or when they form. We have a Texas alter, and we've never been there, it just appeared.

Self-diagnosing is invalid. No. Self diagnosis is very valid, because many people cannot afford an actual diagnosis, or cannot get a diagnosis for their own safety. This doesn't even have to be about plurality, for example, if you're diagnosed with autism you cannot move to some places in the world, and sometimes you're not allowed to adopt a child if you have it.

Have a good day y'all, and remember, I'm open for questions (I need questions I'm so bored.)

#endos dni #tw amnesia #dissociative system #plural community #system stuff #actually a system #endos get help #anti endo #endos fuck off #endos are ableist #endos arent valid #endos aren't real #system host #system safe #plural system #traumagenic system #did system #osdd safe #osddid #did osdd #did safe #did alter #did host #actually did #tw opinion

[noirrest]

someone please take my ipad away. it is 12am on a school night. my bedtime is at 8.

#remember when i said i hate experimenting? #i dont. apparently. #grim's art #fierce deity #loz #legend of zelda #loz fierce deity #legend of zelda fierce deity #majora's mask

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[fluffypichu876]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

not my sunbro...

damn you miyazaki...

#i'm so sorry my friend... it was for your sake... #given that this is dark souls i should have seen it coming but man... #HIS DEATH DIALOGUE NOOO #you should have found your sun my friend... #not a fucking bug #SERIOUSLY SOLAIRE DYING BECAUSE OF A BUG??????? #were you that desperate? #oh god i feel terrible #later i had to go to anor londo to try to find something and seeing that area around the bonfire completely desolate without solaire there #it was so fucking depressing #AND I SAW LIKE 3 DIFFERENT MESSAGES SAYING 'tears?' LIKE YEAH NO SHIT #so i left one too :') #*sigh* i miss him already #i keep letting characters die and now firelink shrine is more of a grave than a nice safe sanctuary to chat with npcs #(haha funny there's an actual graveyard there haha oh god) #ouch i just remembered that i kinda let larentius hollow #god he was so nice too #he literally trusted me with a part of himself dude wth i feel horrible #the fromsoft experience™ #i remember when i felt terrible for getting the immortal severance ending in sekiro #NOT MY BOI KURO DAMNIT #and wolf becoming a sculptor like the proof of an endless cycle of suffering that i failed to break... #god i hate that ending #*sigh* back to ds1 at least siegmeyer is still alive and jolly as ever #except he met me at firelink and said he was going somewhere and now i'm terrified that's he's just gonna die too ahahahahahah help #NOT YOU TOO ONIONBRO STAY ALIVE OR I'LL... I'LL KILL YOU #...sorry for venting in the tags #AND THE WORST OFFENDER IS THAT I HAD TO KILL HIM MYSELF FUCK #i'm so sorry my friend... my sunbro... #dark souls

[spokelseskladden]

no but actually, when I was like 16 I decided to get in deep with the cult, like fanatically deep. Donating my entire allowance and dedicating myself to biweekly bible study deep. Mainly because I had deluded myself into thinking that if only I could become a perfect jehovah’s witness, god would heal my crippling gender dysphoria by either taking pity on me and simply give me a dick and testosterone for the low price of my freedom and dignity, or alternatively taking it away all together and let me live my life blissfully as a cis woman for all eternity in paradise. The latter never sounded appealing to me, and I’m not going to pretend that the blatant sexism within the cult wasn’t a part of it at all, but even if you removed it, I still didn’t particularly care for having tits. I did realize that the former alternative probably wasn’t likely to happen in the end, and that’s probably one of the big reasons I never could admit to actually just being a guy, even though it was kinda obvious. Cause when you know you can’t ever have something, it’s easier to pretend you never wanted it in the first place, lol

#ex jw #isn't it funny that I even entertained the idea of fucking JEHOVAH giving me top surgery or some shit? #dude are you daft? the babykiller who hates the gays? You really think THAT GUY would support trans rights? #also. my OG mutuals probably remembers me sort of coming out as nonbinary back then‚ and i want you to know that I was not #practically everything I ever said about my gender back then wasn't real and I KNEW it wasn't real. I was just scared as fuck lol #cause I couldn't open that can of worms and then close it again. and like yeah. experimenting with gender can be great and important #but I wasn't experimenting‚ I knew it wasn't completely right from the moment I said it and idk. I want that out in the open I guess lol #funny thing is I kinda did that thing AGAIN not that far back when I was like oh yeah any pronouns goes :) oh no it's they/them achtually #oh now im he/they and oh I just want to define anything and blah blah blah #and I was sitting there and I just asked myself what the hell I was doing cause you're a grown ass man and you KNOW you're spewing bullshit #like i thought i would keep things ambigous but in hindsight. the url i had and having my other name in my bio was kinda stupid #in my defence i didn't think about my url and i still don't really mind my legal name so lol #but i realized i was just pussyfooting around everything and i'm tired of it so yeah! #anyway. look at me revealing my fucking lore here. i've gotten way off track and idk what i was trying to get to #if you read this far you get like. knowledge about me you probably didn't want #you're welcome i guess? idk lol #insert drive through meme or something

[junipum]

i love kutner i love kutner i love kutner so much, the patients do, his team do (though they're not the most mushy gushy), his parents do, he's literally the perfectest ever and he so me fr

#at least in my memory his parents are loving but i could totally be fathoming that out of my sheer desire for him to experience no bad #5x08 #great kutner ep i love him #have i said that? i love him #soooo much #lawrence kutner #house md #hate crimes md #i don’t remember when THE episode is so if its this one oh lord but <333333

[milo-is-rambling]

Now why the hell do I have such intensely realistic dreams I had to wake up and stare at the ceiling for like ten minutes to make sure I was alive.

#me 🤝 having dreams where everyone is mad at me and also I'm having a near death experience and everyone is still mad at me #literally had a dream that I was riding a bike and got hit by a car and woke up in the hospital then felt like shit but was okay enough and #then in my dream I was like hmm I wanna go to a gas station to get snacks bc that's why I was biking in the first place and so I drove to a #random gas station and came back to my car after getting snacks and there was a fucking mountain lion inside my car that immediately pounced #on me and started trying to bite my face and no one would fucking help me at all #it was terrifying and I literally like argued with my mom in the dream and she said all this personal horrible shit and didn't care at all #that I was hit by a car and then I went to the gas station and millie was there and she was mad at me for not going on some trip with her #and her family even tho I was like nah dude I was like JUST hit by a car this morning bro I don't wanna go to Connecticut with u and ur fam #and even the gas station clerk was mad at me for some reason and he tried to charge me a hundred dollars for a pack of icebreakers and a #box of strawberries like dude what the fuck is wrong with my brain but I remember every fucking detail of it like why is my brain so evil #my brain will be like hmm time to dream... let's think about exactly how it would feel to almost die once and then be mauled by a big cat #like why in my dreams do I feel everything that happens to me. why did I feel my broken nose and he blood dripping down my face and the road #burn across my body why are my dreams like yeah u can smell the mountain lions breath as you're trying to hit it with ur purse and it's like #drooling on ur face cause it's trying to wrap it's jaws around your entire head #like bruh. hey brain. did I really need that today? did I really need two near death experiences in one dream? and also everyone hates me? #was that really necessary brain? my brain also had the audacity to set the dream in New Hampshire during winter. why would I be riding a #bike in the middle of winter and then be slammed into the road and then be attacked by a lion what message is that trying to tell me exactly #when I woke up I literally touched my nose to make sure it wasn't broken thats how fucking real my dreams are I hate it #anyways I'm mad at my brain for having hyper realistic dreams where I'm in pain physically and emotionally

[whatudottu]

Okay, so, big news:

Recently Keyan Carlile managed to get his hands on the original version of the TFA Season 4 pitch document (the one where Blackarachnia was the primary antagonist and the season was largely set on Cybertron) and shared it with the world.

And, you’re never gonna believe this: turns out that Blackarachnia experimenting on Blitzwing was never the original intent of the TFA writers and it alongside the whole “being a Triple Changer automatically makes you crazy” concept only came about because Hasbro demanded a Triple Changer Megatron and the writers needed to come with an excuse as to why Megatron would return to Earth.

Meaning that there is at least an 80% chance that Bot Experiment!Blitzwing might have been the direction the writers originally wanted to go if they had the chance to delve deeper into the other Decepticons’ backstories.

(I’m not joking the document is confirmed to be 100% genuine. Look it up yourself if you don’t believe me)

Damn that dang Hasbro and it's desire to mimic the simultaneously running bayverse movies and their Megatron essentialism, we could've got some main villain Blackarachnia that focuses on her shift in opinion on being techno-organic for the worse 😞 something something the continued rejection of her form (especially from her old Autobot friends that never went back or are presently disgusted) yada yada the spiraling need to fix or perhaps understand her frame twisting into 'fuck you assholes techno-organics for the win', if Blackarachnia was destined to be a hypocrite it would fit if she soon after stopped being one even if out of spite rather than being how she is in the show with implied triple changer energon on her hands.

Even if the triple changer insanity was added later to explain why in the hell Megatron would ever want to go back to Earth when he's already BACK ON CYBERTRON with an easy to manipulate, eager to please and ultimately desperate for attention asshole that is Sentinel Prime right in his grasp - so willing is the big chinned buffoon to approach and mock the fallen 'Con leader that he doesn't notice he's walked right into the leader's control - Blitzwing still would have all the reason to be traumatised the scrap out of from a drastic frame modification to the loss of the other 'Con TCs when the first and last at the time perhaps triple changer experiment.

If the original intention for season 4 was going for villain 'not responsible for Blitzwing's 3 modes' Blackarachnia and all the way in the opening episode she and Blitz were already at each other's throat, maybe Blitzwing just caught some rancid 'Autobot scientist' vibes that ended with a mutated youngling.

#ask #anonymous #blackarachnia #tfa blackarachnia #blitzwing #tfa blitzwing #transformers #tfa #maccadam #i suppose if that's how season 4 was originally pitched as maybe what i saw (the techno-organic experiment making sense for her to do) #(rather than the tc experiment) may be what was meant to be #if blitz and arachnia had a friendship- clearly it wasn't enough to handle being gagged at by her oldest but ex-friendship #if blitz and arachnia didn't bond over 'unique (beloathed)'- maybe it was a result of programed biases about what a bot should be #where blitzwing was just about as freak as her as her own body- taking it in a far more 'you are wrong' way than a 'i understand you' #where blitzwing was just about as freak as she sees her own body- taking it in a far more 'you are wrong' way over an 'we are wrong' way #sorta like that one thing going around- ba: i'm going through some shit- bw: ah what's wrong- ba: shut the fuck up- bw: okay rude? #i don't remember what it said but something something self-loathing yada yada lashing out at those with traits you hate about yourself #one of them is about 'not being able to move on from a broken friendship' #the other is about 'pushing everyone away even when they try to understand ain't too great chief' #so depends on what flavour you like #(hmm thinking about how ba in scenario 1 could be the clingy to bw's trust issues- she hasn't seen sentinel in forever so maybe she was- #holding onto hope that her other old friend was actually more active in saving her- turns out she was wrong)

[jewishvitya]

A pro-Palestine Jew on tiktok asked those of us who were raised pro-Israel, what got us to change our minds on Palestine. I made a video to answer (with my voice, not my face), and a few people watched it and found some value in it. I'm putting this here too. I communicate through text better than voice.

So I feel repetitive for saying this at this point, but I grew up in the West Bank settlements. I wrote this post to give an example of the extent to which Palestinians are dehumanized there.

Where I live now, I meet Palestinians in day to day life. Israeli Arab citizens living their lives. In the West Bank, it was nothing like that. Over there, I only saw them through the electric fence, and the hostility between us and Palestinians was tangible.

When you're a child being brought into the situation, you don't experience the context, you don't experience the history, you don't know why they're hostile to you. You just feel "these people hate me, they don't want me to exist." And that bubble was my reality. So when I was taught in school that everything we did was in self defense, that our military is special and uniquely ethical because it's the only defensive military in the world - that made sense to me. It slotted neatly into the reality I knew.

One of the first things to burst the bubble for me was when I spoke to an old Israeli man and he was talking about his trauma from battle. I don't remember what he said, but it hit me wrong. It conflicted with the history as I understood it. So I was a bit desperate to make it make sense again, and I said, "But everything we did was in self defense, right?"

He kinda looked at me, couldn't understand at all why I was upset, and he went, "We destroyed whole villages. Of course we did. It was war, that's what you do."

And that casual "of course" stuck with me. I had to look into it more.

I couldn't look at more accurate history, and not at accounts by Palestinians, I was too primed against these sources to trust them. The community I grew up in had an anti-intellectual element to it where scholars weren't trusted about things like this.

So what really solidified this for me, was seeing Palestinian culture.

Because part of the story that Israel tells us to justify everything, is that Palestinians are not a distinct group of people, they're just Arabs. They belong to the nations around us. They insist on being here because they want to deny us a homeland. The Palestinian identity exists to hurt us. This, because the idea of displacing them and taking over their lands doesn't sound like stealing, if this was never theirs and they're only pretending because they want to deprive us.

But then foods, dances, clothing, embroidery, the Palestinian dialect. These things are history. They don't pop into existence just because you hate Jews and they're trying to move here. How gorgeous is the Palestinian thobe? How stunning is tatreez in general? And when I saw specific patterns belonging to different regions of Palestine?

All of these painted for me a rich shared life of a group of people, and countered the narrative that the Palestininian identity was fabricated to hurt us. It taught me that, whatever we call them, whatever they call themselves, they have a history in this land, they have a right to it, they have a connection to it that we can't override with our own.

I started having conversations with leftist friends. Confronting the fact that the borders of the occupied territories are arbitrary and every Israeli city was taken from them. In one of those conversations, I was encouraged to rethink how I imagine peace.

This also goes back to schooling. Because they drilled into us, we're the ones who want peace, they're the ones who keep fighting, they're just so dedicated to death and killing and they won't leave us alone.

In high school, we had a stadium event with a speaker who was telling us about a person who defected from Hamas, converted to Christianity and became a Shin Bet agent. Pretty sure you can read this in the book "Son of Hamas." A lot of my friends read the book, I didn't read it, I only know what I was told in that lecture. I guess they couldn't risk us missing out on the indoctrination if we chose not to read it.

One of the things they told us was how he thought, we've been fighting with them for so long, Israelis must have a culture around the glorification of violence. And he looked for that in music. He looked for songs about war. And for a while he just couldn't find any, but when he did, he translated it more fully, and he found out the song was about an end to wars. And this, according to the story as I was told it, was one of the things that convinced him. If you know know the current trending Israeli "war anthem," you know this flimsy reasoning doesn't work.

Back then, my friend encouraged me to think more critically about how we as Israelis envision peace, as the absence of resistance. And how self-centered it is. They can be suffering under our occupation, but as long as it doesn't reach us, that's called peace. So of course we want it and they don't.

Unless we're willing to work to change the situation entirely, our calls for peace are just "please stop fighting back against the harm we cause you."

In this video, Shlomo Yitzchak shares how he changed his mind. His story is much more interesting than mine, and he's much more eloquent telling it. He mentions how he was taught to fear Palestinians. An automatic thought, "If I go with you, you'll kill me." I was taught this too. I was taught that, if I'm in a taxi, I should be looking at the driver's name. And if that name is Arab, I should watch the road and the route he's taking, to be prepared in case he wants to take me somewhere to kill me. Just a random person trying to work. For years it stayed a habit, I'd automatically look at the driver's name. Even after knowing that I want to align myself with liberation, justice, and equality. It was a process of unlearning.

On October, not long after the current escalation of violence, I had to take a taxi again. A Jewish driver stopped and told me he'll take me, "so an Arab doesn't get you." Israeli Jews are so comfortable saying things like this to each other. My neighbors discussed a Palestinian employee, with one saying "We should tell him not to come anymore, that we want to hire a Jew." The second answered, "No, he'll say it's discrimination," like it would be so ridiculous of him. And the first just shrugged, "So we don't have to tell him why." They didn't go through with it, but they were so casual about this conversation.

In the Torah, we're told to treat those who are foreign to us well, because we know what it's like to be the foreigner. Fighting back against oppression is the natural human thing to do. We know it because we lived it. And as soon as I looked at things from this angle, it wasn't really a choice of what to support.

#riki babbles #I had this in my drafts for ages and I was like 'not the time' but a friend encouraged me to share so here it is #palestine

[batfamfixation]

Actually? Fuck all of the people trying to gatekeep comic book characters that exist in other media. Acting like people can only form opinions about characters based on the comics is bullshit. If someone likes the Teen Titans because of the TV show instead of taking the time to read the thousands of comics "required" to be a "real fan" of those characters, good for them. If someone likes the Young Justice or Justice League cartoons and wants to talk about their love of those characters, they should. If Batman from Batman the Animated Series is a person's favorite version of Batman and their comfort character, GOOD FOR THEM.

This need to gatekeep comic book characters that appear in other media is fucking gross. If someone loves Batman and says he's a great guy because of how he's depicted outside of modern comics, then they're not a "fake" Batman fan, they just love a version of Batman that you don't care about. The same goes for all of the other DC shows and movies. People are allowed to love versions of characters that exist outside of comics and call themselves a fan of that character.

Stop. Gatekeeping. Fictional. Characters

#Are there any fandoms that aren't toxic? Please? #Growing up I experienced misogyny for liking media that fanboys considered to be theirs #(looking at you ⭐ Wars fandom) #I didn't experience misogyny in the Harry Potter fandom before the series ended but then JK R0wling ruined that herself #fucking with the spelling of fandoms so they don't show up in those tags #I felt fetishized and objectified in anime fan spaces (am lesbian) #Comic book fandoms used to be dominated by misogynistic white guys who didn't believe women who said they liked comics #Remember when we used to criticize guys who wanted women to prove they were “real” fans???? #Why are women now doing that? #So many women fought to be a part of fandom spaces just to turn around and join in on the gatekeeping #Setting rules on who can call themselves a fan #Stop #Please #I'm so tired of going to character and comic books tags just to see people gatekeeping what iterations and ships are acceptable #This fandom is full of so much hate that I'm losing my love of comic books #I planned on binging Roy's comics #but the die-hard Arrowf@m fans “us vs the Batfam” mentality is ruining the character for me #and from what I've seen of Roy's Titan run I relate to him a lot and absolutely planned on making him my next comfort character #and I really need fucking comfort right now

[empyrangel]

you hating the harbingers except for scara is a little hypocritical and the way you say arle’s stans are bad? like as if scara fans aren’t just as bad? girl almost every genshin character have horrible stans. well i’m not surprised, you just have a thing for characters who look like little boys. i think it’s also ridiculous to be so uptight about morals in a video game like damn you’re boring and you’re probably an outcast irl

Gonna assume you’re not the same anon from yesterday cause at least they seemed to have good intentions.

Pretty fucking ballsy for you to try to claim moral superiority here when you admitted to stalking my blog like a creep, called me a pedophile for no reason, and then threw desperate insults at me. If you think that being short and having a round face makes someone a child, then you’ll be pleased to know that I have those features, thus making me a child, meaning I can’t be a pedophile. Oh wait, that logic doesn’t make any fucking sense. Adults will have “childish” traits sometimes. Cope. The characters I like are adults whether you like it or not. I like younger feminine men, that’s my type, and I’m not ashamed of it. Sorry I’m not into dilfs (of which this game has 0) or whatever but idc.

I’m fully aware that most characters have their undesirable fans. These fans are, at worst, really fucking annoying. Arle’s fans are, on average, abuse apologists. Not comparable in the slightest. And honestly, Scara’s Chinese haters have done more actual harm than his batshit stans.

It’s not hypocritical to like Wanderer but not the rest of the harbingers, you’d know that if you knew my reasons instead of just assuming them. Arle is a cult leader and child abuser, Signora’s only done everything she’s done because she was weak and couldn’t cope with the same grief everyone else in Teyvat was feeling without becoming a terrorist, Dottore is annoying and he preformed those experiments on Collei, Childe is just really fucking obnoxious with how he acts like he’s friends with the traveler after all he’s done. I like Wanderer because he reminds me of an oc I have. I don’t even like him romantically.

So yeah, assumptions, on top of strawmans, on top of second grade insults, real solid argument you have there, bud.

I have no reason to care that you think I’m boring. You personally sent me an angry rant because I made one or two posts simply voicing my personal opinions on a public social media site by saying mean things about your blorbos in the form of memes, that didn’t have anything to do with you, and that you could have just blocked me for. And on top of that, you’re too much of a coward to show your face while doing it! That’s pathetic.

Oh, and it’s pretty hypocritical of you to say I’m the one being “uptight about morals in a video game” for not wanting to interact with real life abuse apologists, when you’re the one who insinuated I was a pedophile for liking a collection of pixels. Just saying.

#i’m just here for immoral support ✨ #is this my first real anon hate? #I can’t remember #I haven’t gotten asks in a while but usually when they’re negative it’s just entitled people mad that I made a post that doesn’t encompass #their personal experience or someone who saw a one-off comment I left on someone else’s post about a subject I don’t really even care about #and felt the need to tell me what’s what #anyway I said in my last ask I wanted to piss people like this off and clearly I did so I’d say I’m happy #anon hate #tw anon hate

[catmask]

it also made me very sad at one point one of the kids said her dad was being hateful towards drag queens and that he had a very skewed/incorrect view of what a drag queen was and wouldnt listen to her and told her she was “too naive” when she tried to explain

and i replied “if i remember correctly when youre at this age it seems adults will wave off any of your life experiences even if they lack their own because they refuse to see those younger than them as their own people” and EVERY SINGLE KID AT THE TABLE turned and said EXACTLY

and i was like. oh. so i wasnt alone in that. but also. i dont have to BE that. im not doing that. im listening and actually talking to them. i hope that there are older people in their life doing the same.

um. i dont know how to say. please listen to the children in your life. its true sometimes youll know better but, often times they have perspectives we may miss and dismissing them hurts everyone in the end. we have so much we can share and learn together.

#txt #scratchpost

[myfandomhalf]

Lol I just received my very first anonymous hate ask! Not sure if they knew I could block them? I really wasn’t kidding when I said I just wanna have a nice time online 😭😭 I will block ANYONE being rude to me I’m not even gonna bother to reply bc all you want is attention and I’m not gonna give anyone the benefit of the doubt either if your first attempt at speaking to me is literally cursing at me and just being horrendous. I will block you with a quickness. If you want to have a civil conversation that’s one thing but otherwise keep it moving. This is also the first and only time I will address anonymous hate, any more hate in the future and I will just block you and move on.

#btw I’ve been involved in fandom for YEARS and I’ve never received hate until now #that should tell you how insane those people are #anyway I literally could not care less #anonymous if you go out of your way to get on another blog to see this lol I literally just #saw the message #rolled my eyes #and then blocked you #I don’t even remember what it said anymore but I know it was stupid #and also #i can post whatever i want #this is MY blog #if you don’t like it pls just block me and continue on your merry way #I promise the fandom experience is so much better when you just don’t see the people you don’t agree with

[andivmg]

My experience with Luke (Punz)

CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent

I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.

this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.

If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.

So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.

Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.

In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.

Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.

Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.

He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.

There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.

Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.

On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.

I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.

I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.

#sorry if the formatting is all over the place