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tanoraqui · 4 years

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tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

#mdzs #the untamed #ficlet #my fic #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi #(not actually here much; rip)#wen ning #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang yanli #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wen qing

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winryofresembool · 4 years

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Edwin fic: New Year Wishes

Summary: Ed and Winry celebrating the New Year in a Rush Valley way and getting mentally ready for their first child

A/N: fashionably late again! This fic had some parts that didn’t want to go my way but I think I finally managed to get it into a readable form! The “Lantern Festival” was inspired by the similar events happening in Japan, mainly because the author of the fic (aka me) doesn’t really like the regular way of celebrating New Year. Also, thanks @criis55, one of your messages really inspired me to finish the final part of this fic! (Also, disclaimer, I have written preg!Win fics before so... if some things sound familiar to my more long time readers... I’m sorry)

Words: 1500+

Genre: floof, minor hurt/comfort (everyone is shook)

Warnings: Ed’s thoughts start flying a little bit too fast in one part but that’s all (some swearing too but that’s to be expected from Ed)

....

”Winry, are you sure you want to go to the festival in that condition?”

Ed and Winry were preparing to leave for the annual lantern festival of Rush Valley, organized in honor of the starting year. However, Ed was concerned. Winry was already 8 months pregnant with their first child, and even though she didn’t want to admit it, Ed knew the pregnancy was being hard on her, both mentally and physically. She hated feeling useless, which she ultimately felt if she had to cut her work short because of back pains or other pregnancy related issues. In the evenings Ed tried to soothe her all the while rubbing her sore muscles. When Ed some nights claimed he was too tired to massage her, Winry reminded him it was technically his fault she was in that condition, so he had no other choice but to do what his wife said. But in his head Ed admitted that it was fair enough; she was carrying a miracle of life inside her, after all.

Not to Ed’s surprise, she didn’t appreciate his question: “Yes, Ed, I can still walk. Or would you rather carry the whale me in town?”

“Hey, remember what we talked about your size?” Ed frowned, crossing his arms. “You’re just fine that way! And I’d carry you if you really wanted me to.”

Winry was softened by Ed’s words. “Okay. Thanks.” She lowered her hand on his shoulder before adding: “You know, you’ve been so supportive the past few months… It’s been more helpful to me than you probably realize.”

“Isn’t that the whole point of ‘for better or for worse?’” Ed questioned. “I promised to be supportive to you in all the situations.”

“You’re right.” Winry nodded. “I really appreciate it, Ed. But honestly, you don’t have to worry about me. I can do this one walk just fine.”

“Okay. I believe you. But let me know if you want to come back home early or something.”

“Fine. I will,” Winry accepted and that was the end of that discussion.

…

15 minutes later the couple was ready to leave to the festival. Before going to see the lantern display, though, they stopped by a food stand for some Xingese food – Winry’s latest craving – and sat down to enjoy their meals.

“This is almost like what we ate during our honeymoon!” Winry exclaimed as she kept stuffing more rice and chicken into her mouth. “Brings back some memories.”

“Yeah, it does,” Ed smirked at the thought of their honeymoon. “Those were some good times…”

“Hey! We’re in public! Do you really want everyone to hear about the weird kinks you have?” Winry raised her eyebrows warningly.

Ed was about to say that he didn’t care but decided to play along instead: “Fine. Maybe not this time. Speaking of Xing, though, I wonder how Al is doing right now.”

“He’s probably watching the fireworks with Mei. Maybe they are planning their trip here already.” Winry could easily picture the two of them shyly sitting on a picnic blanket next to each other and reaching for the other one’s hand. Something she and Ed couldn’t do without having at least one bickering contest before that.

“I wonder when those two will finally get together… I mean, most of Al’s phone calls consist of things she has said or done…” Ed seemed to have followed her track of thoughts.

“Well, I’m sure it will still take Al less time than you,” Winry laughed. “You once accidentally told me that you had liked me since you were like 12, but you didn’t confess your feelings until you - sort of - proposed me 2 years ago.”

“Hey, I had other things in my mind back then,” Ed said defensively.

“Yeah, I know. I was just teasing,” Winry tried to calm Ed down. “I’m glad you did propose, though! Otherwise, we may not be in this situation now,” she rubbed her belly happily. Despite the inconveniences the pregnancy caused, she was still beyond excited for the new life they had created.

“Yeah… weird how things work out sometimes… 4 years ago I would have never imagined being here right now,” Ed noted, subtly putting his hand on Winry’s stomach for a moment.

“Are you… happy?” Winry asked carefully, putting her hand over his. “That this happened?”

“Beats having to fight the Homunculi for sure!” Ed exclaimed with a grin. Winry slapped him on the shoulder with a menu for ruining the moment.

“Don’t joke when I’m trying to make a serious question.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Ed said fast. “Of course I’m happy. And I’m not saying this just because you attacked me with that menu. I’m genuinely excited – and maybe a little scared – about this new page in our lives. I’m scared because… I didn’t have a proper dad figure in most of my life, so how do I know how to be a dad? But I’m excited because I know you’re gonna be an awesome mother and help me through it.”

Winry was both pleased and annoyed with his answer. “Hey, give yourself some credit. I know you won’t repeat your father’s mistakes. The most important thing you can do is to just be there for him. For us.”

“Yeah, you are right, I would never do what he did…,” Ed agreed, more convinced after hearing Winry’s words. “Thanks.”

“No problem! But we should probably go to check those lanterns now before it gets too crowded,” Winry noted, taking her tray from the table.

“Yeah, let’s do that!”

Soon the couple was at what was called the ‘wish spot’. There the visitors could write down some wishes or resolutions for the starting year on a piece of paper, and those would be attached to the lanterns with electric lights inside them down the lane.

“Do you know what you are gonna write?” Winry asked curiously when Ed took his piece of paper and moved to the closest empty spot. He considered her question for a moment.

“I feel like there’s not that much that I need right now…” Suddenly he looked down, his face turning unusually serious. “But I wish that everything goes well with the labor and both you and the baby get to be healthy…”

“Oh… are you worried about it? The labor, I mean?” Winry asked, surprised. Even though she had noticed that Ed had definitely been more attentive to her lately and hadn’t allowed her to do anything that could be considered risky, he had never brought his thoughts regarding the birth of the baby up.

“Well… can you blame me?” Ed pointed out a bit defensively. “You know what happened to my mum…”

“Oh, Ed… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize until now why feel so strongly about my health… But remember, the medical care these days is far better than it used to be when we were born, and I also have my granny to help me… It’s gonna be fine. As a future mother I have a strong gut feeling about it,” Winry said soothingly.

“How can you feel so confident about it? You’re the one who’s carrying the baby!” Ed asked, mildly shocked by Winry’s calm reaction.

“After… seeing certain things…” She was referring to her parents’ deaths and the bloody Ed that Al in armor carried to their house when Ed was only 11, and somehow he understood that even without the words. “… You kinda learn to live day by day. That it’s not worth it to dwell on something that could happen when you could keep going and enjoy the good things in life. Of course I’m sometimes nervous too, but I know that what happens is out of my control and we just have to trust that everything goes well. And I do trust. How could I not when my baby daddy has even punched the god in the face, or that’s at least what he claims.” Winry said the last sentence mostly to amuse Ed, but it worked. The worry disappeared from his face, making space for his signature grin. He wrapped his arm around her back and in a moment of whim (like he’d call it) he gave her a kiss on her forehead.

“You’re the best, did you know that? But what about your wish?” he remembered.

“My wish is that Al and Mei will arrive here soon so my husband sometimes leaves me alone in my workshop…” Winry answered jokingly. “For real, though, I too wish we’ll all get to be happy and healthy, but I may write down something else… After all, you’d probably be ready to kick the Truth’s ass again for us if needed, right?

“Hell yeah I would!” Ed exclaimed, bumping his fist in the air and causing Winry to laugh.

After that the couple focused on writing their wishes down (Winry blushing slightly at hers and refusing to show Ed), but when they left the wish spot to watch the lanterns from a calmer place, hands intertwining under the coats, both were feeling more confident, and very excited to see their firstborn.

#edwin #edward elric #winry rockbell #edxwin #fullmetal alchemist #my fics #pls let me know what you think!

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wanna1things · 7 years

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Private Investigator/Detective!Ren AU

Genre;; detective!au i guess and PI!au which are my absolute FAVE aus i love police shows +++ FLUFF??

Warnings;; none i mean not that i know of there's mention of a robbery & kidnapping so?

Pairing;; Choi Minki/Ren x reader

Summary;; Minki is an annoying PI who keeps solving the case before the police even find a single lead, that is, until you two meet…

Style;; bullet point because i am not in the MOOD TO WRITE FULLY -- gender neutral + stuff

Word Count; 3071

So;; this is my first AU that I’m posting and it’s one that i’ve wanted to write for a long time so!! I hope that it’s good and that yall enjoy it; i love minki so i really wanted to do this uhh watch when half on my aus on here are minki stuff lmao bye; idk;; uhhh lets goooo

there is not a single human on the police force that doesn’t despise the annoying PI choi Minki or,, ‘Ren’ as he likes to be called

dumb name right (not i love you Minki i’m sorry)

he somehow always manages to get to the scene of a crime before the police even know the crime has occurred like… how??

he's always rubbing it into their faces when they turn up as he’s leaving with bags of evidence like

‘oh you’re a bit late aren’t you??’

anyway

you’re a new detective on the police force straight out of police school or whatever;; specialised in profiling ooh go you!!

everyone kind of;; treats you badly because uhh newbie makes the tea and coffee that's their job??

but they still spill all the tea about Minki to you because he is CONSTANTLY aggravating them and refusing to work with the police;;

it takes 2 weeks for them to even invite you along to a case;;

a woman in her 90s who lived with her 20 year old granddaughter had her sapphire pendant stolen while she was in the house how sad :( poor granny

and when you get there,, guess who is there

you’re right, it's ‘private investigator Ren’ wow who’d’ve guessed??

you shuffle into the room following your colleagues and straight away you look at him and realise wow;; this guy is;;; beautiful how come they mentioned how annoying he is and not how beautiful this man is??

it doesn't take long for him to realise you’re staring at him mainly because all of your colleagues are scrambling to collect what’s left of the evidence while you’re just,, stood still like a rock (uhh medusa beauty much??)

so,, as he stuffs his notebook into his pocket he walks over to you and hands you… his business card

‘call me anytime’

he nods as he slips the card into your hand,,, WINKING, and then he leaves lol

CONTROL YOURSELF

you just give him a look like ;; what;; and get on with your work but… that darn beautiful man is on your mind gO AWAY Minki FFFFF

I mean that is until the next day when you wake up to an angry phone call because…

the uncooperative PI Ren has rang the police force and asked to speak to,, well what seems to be,, you??

I mean he described you as ‘that new detective that looked like a rabbit in the headlights and had no idea what they were doing but seemed to really enjoy staring at my face’ is he wrong tho i think not

So;; you rise out of bed because wow your co worker seemed mad and you do nOT WANT TO MISS OUT ON THIS OPPORTUNITY

Mainly because you wanted to find out how the hell he could solve things so fast but

Also because uhh he is a beautiful specimen who would turn that down??

as you turn up to work the whole office is just staring at you;;

you can hear people you’ve never spoken to just;; talking about you like

‘why does Ren want to speak to the newbie??? Out of all of us they’re the most useless;;’

like ouch;;

you don’t even know yourself why he picked you like?? nobody else in your department acknowledges you why is he ?? asking for you??

but you continue on your way to the conference room where hopefully Ren is waiting unless that's a whole ass hoax;; i mean nah he's not that mean

as soon as you enter the room he stands up and just straight up announces that he's solved the case

and you're just standing there shocked like what the hell nobody here even has a clue who’s done it there are no leads??

and he walks over to you,, grabs you by the hand and sits you down beside him where he has a file in front of him and just whispers

‘overwrite the cctv for this room when we’re done because i’m going to tell you exactly how i solved this.’

woAH THERE A SECOND

why is he revealing his secrets to you of all people???

is this some sort of game?? is he going to tell you incorrect details?? what is this???

while you're lost in your thoughts he just taps your shoulder and explains

‘your coworkers looked like they hate you;; and that's not nice… i’m going to help you to prove them wrong’

Hold up

The notoriously annoying and aggravating CHOI Minki is helping you out???? what

I mean you’re not going to argue this is the chance of a lifetime

‘But…’

Uh oh

‘There's one condition, you can't tell anyone i’m helping you out and i’ll only speak to you about a case. If you tell anyone else about this you won’t see the sun shine ever again’

Says that last bit with a smile like uh woah okay

Bit threatening there Minki

Of course you accept graciously, it’s not as though you actually speak to your colleagues except asking how they like their tea

And so the partnership ensues

he explains how he originally pursued the idea that it was an inside job, the granddaughter stole the pendant,, which makes sense because it all happened while the grandmother was in the house and she was in debt because of her student loan (ugh i feel you girl) but… it all seems a bit too convenient

so,, he decided to look into the granddaughter

and it turned out her recently dumped ex-boyfriend was in major debt from a gambling problem and needed to pay it off asap or some bad guys would be after him

and of course, an ex-boyfriend would know where spare keys are etc and maybe even where the pendant was

and his fingerprints wouldn't be out of place in the house because;; well he dated the granddaughter so

and so he went over to the ex-boyfriend's house and caught him with the darned pendant in his hands;; sneaky boy

and you are sat there like ?? this is so simple how dumb is the police force that they can't keep up with this??

obviously you express this to Minki who laughs and agrees with you wholeheartedly like lmao dumb colleagues am i right

and from that point onwards you two are like secret partners in crime;; you always work together on cases after everyone else has gone home in a little cafe in between his office and the police hq

and you keep solving crimes with his help and its!! Really fun!!

That is until about 3 weeks into the agreement when there's a massive kidnapping case that even Minki can't solve,, people keep being kidnapped for 48 hours then returned with no memory of what happened??

It's even more odd because;; it seems to always be the people he's close to who are getting kidnapped;;

First it was his old school friend, Aron, then it was his first girlfriend, Areum,,

And he just can't find a single lead??

Funny fact is that the police actually have him as a suspect uhh

but after a hard day of;; trying to interview the public to work out the identity of the kidnapper he smoothly invites you out like

‘Hey its like 10pm and we’ve not eaten since like 12 do you want to grab a bite to eat on me??’

and he takes you to this little fancy bakery about 10 minutes from where you were

and it's adorable they have pastries shaped like pokemon and stuff bLESS

he recommends these cute little croissant-style things that are a peachy colour and are filled with peach jam (they have these in a bakery near me they're AMAZING)

he pays for you and you sit at the bar by the window looking out at the road and just eating in silence before Minki turns to you and speaks up

‘y/n there’s a little secret i have to tell you~’

‘uh okay go ahead??’

‘don’t you want to know why i chose to work only with you?’

well of course you reply ‘yes??!!’ because that has been confusing you for the past few weeks??

and he then explains he was in the same position as you;; he used to be a detective in the police force and was treated the same way;;

he always could work out who’d done the crime but nobody else listened to him and they always prosecuted the ‘’easy target’’ which is terrible omg how corrupt

but

‘You’re different, you remind me of myself and i want to give you the help you need to rise to the top and end this’

‘But won’t that mean you’d lose your job??’

‘Definitely not;; private investigator Ren will never go out of business!!’

He smiles that cute ass big smile and his eyes go like crescent moons and you swear you feel your heart jump a little and you realise oh my god the way his eyes light up and his cute lil cheeks are completely adorable oh my god has he always been this loveable and cute whats going on;;

You’re getting ahead of yourself this relationship is strictly professional… right??

You finish the lil pastry and you open your flask of hot chocolate and offer a little to Minki

‘i ;; only have one cup?? But do you want a little??’ and he smiles so wIDE and just grabs the cup out of your hands and downs it like a shot what the hell

You take it back off him and fill up your own because ok if you don't have some now he will probably finish your whole flask in one second lmao

Oo no you got a little bit of hot chocolate on your nossseeee wyd???

you suddenly just notice Minki is staring intently at your face like ??? is there something on my face??

yes there is

He leans in WAY TO CLOSE and you feel your heartbeat just speed up to supersonic speed like oh my god this beautiful face is getting closer and closer whAT IS HAPPENING

He just wipes the bit of hot chocolate of your nose with the tip of his finger and licks it off smiling at you the whole time

Oh my

Be still your beating heart

That hurt but woah okay what is this feeling

Excuse me but

I think you have a little crush on Minki ;)))))))))))))))))))))

Anyway so yall go home get some schleep and food and stuff

And you keep meeting up every day of the week and you gradually realise that yeah;; you definitely have feelings for this beautiful guy

But

that's awkward?? Yall are just working together and Minki’s been dropping hints that this case will probably be the last yall work together

and you can’t explain how much that hurts like if you could you’d want to keep this case going forever but you gotta solve it

That's until it's week 4 of solving the case,, week 7 of yall working together as partners

And suddenly, one of Minki’s best friends jonghyun just disappears

Like the others he returns after 48 hours with little to no memory of what happened but this time

He turns up at Minki’s apartment when you both are there

Yall are watching a film to relax after the long day of work and you're both sharing some cup ramen (goals)

And he just knocks loudly on the door

You get up to answer it but Minki waves you to sit back down so,, you do,, and you continue your lovely noodles

Jonghyun walks in oddly calm and passes a small folded note to Minki

And whatever the hell is in this note is bad news

Minki straight away drops the note saying only ‘i knew it’ and he speeds out of the door to god knows where, dropping the note on the floor in his rush

Jonghyun just mumbles a ‘hello y/n’ towards you and slips out of the front door behind Minki,, presumably to follow him but who knows

you completely miss the fact that despite you’ve never met this guy he,,, knows your name?? But ;) who told him and why eh??

and tbh you are confused out of your mind like what the hELL DOES THAT NOTE SAY

so despite the fact that it might be considered ‘nosy’ you walk over to the door and pick up the note and it reads only one sentence

‘Your love comes next, i won’t let them go.’

Ok who is his love

Does Minki have a girlfriend or boyfriend?? Are they the next target?? Oh my gOD ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH A GUY THAT'S TAKEN

Wait what

In love

Now you realise you love Minki? Good one

You decide not to follow him and instead you just collect your stuff together and head home

The next morning Minki turns up at your door with some flowers to apologise for running off from the sleepover party;;

you just take them sheepishly, shoving them in a vase before leaving with him

the walk is awkward to say the least like uhh

Neither of you say a word and when Minki tries to start a conversation all you can think about is how jealous you are of this partner like;; they get Minki this beautiful man lucky asssssss

He basically doesn't leave your side the whole day

You visit jonghyun and ask him some questions about his kidnapper but;; of course he remembers nothing;; but he nudges Minki while you're making notes and whispers something in Minki’s ear

Sounded suspiciously like ‘is this your plan’

Minki nodded in response who knows what that means you certainly don't (yes you blind)

But it's getting a bit suffocating because;; every 5 seconds you're reminded of this person;; that Minki obviously cares about;; and it's sad y'know you love him and now it's unrequited

So you take a step outside with your lil water bottle not bothering to say anything to Minki or jonghyun who seem to be deep in conversation

As you’re sipping that nice, cool flavoured water (mmm i love flavoured water yes) something covers your nose and mouth and your vision starts to go

You can feel yourself being dragged somewhere,, into a van maybe??

And the last thing you hear before your consciousness fades is Minki shouting ‘why?!’ and then… nothing

When you wake up youre in a shifty ass warehouse

someone's tied you to a pole in a seated position but not very well because ha you can still move a little

someone walks out of the shadows and you immediately recognise them as one of the guys from the police force;;

Okay what??

He crouches down in front of you and laughs in your face

‘You and Ren had a wonderful act going didn't you? You love working with someone who disrupts the status quo. In fact, you love him don't you? Everyone can tell. But you two are a problem. If you actually solve a case, it takes too long. I only care about numbers, not who is innocent or guilty. You shouldn’t care either but… you and Ren are obviously the same. Both annoying little brats. You lovebirds should get a room, preferably as far away from the police force as possible.’

this guy is crazy

he is saying almost the exact thing Minki was talking about before? When he said about why he wanted to help you? Yikes

He leans forward to put the rag over your mouth again to knock you out but before he can the door to the warehouse flies open

And guess who is there

It's your boy Mink

i‘Detective Chief Inspector Lee.. there is no need to get innocent people caught up in your stupid games.’

The DCI just scoffs and leans down again to your level, smirking as he places a knife against your neck

‘This so-called innocent idiot is only here because of you, why did you take such a liking to them? You’re lovestruck and it's obviously blinding your judgement. You know i’m right really…’

Minki looks straight into your eyes and wow okay he has definitely been crying look how red his eyes are and those bags under his beautiful eyes;; oh no

You smile at him and wink and you just see this confused look flash across the DCI’s face,, like lmao why you winking tf is your name park jihoon

Suddenly you lift up your legs and kick the DCI to the floor and Minki kicks away his knife, pulling his hands behind his back and putting on the handcuffs quickly;;

He subdues him fully and then comes over, untied the ropes around your wrists and quickly pulling you into his chest and hugging you hard

And all these emotions overcome both of you and you're just both there;; crying into each others shoulders aw

And you feel it's kind of the right moment to confess like now or never so uhh here goes

‘Hey Minki you know I-’

‘Dont worry, I know and I feel the same way’

hOOLD UP unless you misunderstood that Minki… likes you too okay that makes sense from what the DCI said lmao okay

WAIT YOU'RE HIS LOVE FROM THE LETTER HOLD ON

You feel his arms untangle themselves from you as he leans back and just looks into your eyes before softly pressing his lips against yours and your feelings are confirmed yes;

;It's like fireworks omg cheesy but yes it was meant to be you’re so happy you got dragged along to that case that one day;;

Anyway that DCI is pissed because of the PDA going on in front of him so yall have to s t o p and get this dude back to the police station uhhh

UH SO TIME SKIP

Yall are like couple goals;;

You get promoted to the DCI’s position mainly because Minki’s friend is this Police Chief Hwang;; and Minki agrees to cooperate fully with police investigations but only when its with you uhh bless up

Honestly everyone is jealous of you all of the newbies pray for another annoying PI to appear just so they can experience a love story as cute as yours god bless;;;

;And yall hold the record for most crimes solved!! You go guys!! Power couple alert!!

And yes thats all i have it's 2am i am going this is soft i love Minki thank appreciate my boy

lol i hope this wasn’t terrible i wrote it all so late at night i’ll proof read it tomorrow morning but enjoy;; its 3am nearly now

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motiveandthemeans · 6 years

Photo

Prologue: History Always Repeats Itself

A pair of sea glass green eyes surveyed the London skyline; taking in her sights, smells and sounds. Cataloguing the different bus routes and tube stations, the families pushing prams, the couples holding hands and Rugby players prowling from bar to bar. The oppressively hot afternoon had given way to a gentle summer breeze, teasing her dark auburn locks.

It had been a riotous day, full of celebration and merriment. Her best friend had just graduated medical school and has agreed to take run of Watson & Watson Surgery, the practice her father and mother started together. The rooftop of 221 B Baker Street was a welcomed escape from the downstairs festivities.

“You’re not fooling anyone, you know. I know you’re upset I’ve taken up at surgery.”

Amelia Elizabeth Anne Holmes looked over her shoulder at her blonde counterpart. “Mmmmm, do you now, Watson? How very astute of you. Must be some sort of record.”

“No, no we agreed!” Rosamund replied, walking to stand beside her leggy friend. “I need to hone my practice before we go traipsing across London solving crimes and getting ourselves in sticky situations.”

The brunette scoffed, crossing her arms with a pout. “Where is your sense of adventure, Rosie? You can’t honestly tell me the idea doesn’t appeal to you. We’ve been solving crimes together since we were seven and eight years old.”

“Yes and if it wasn’t for Greg Lestrade, God rest his soul, we’d probably been arrested by 11 and where would we be then?” The good doctor replied triumphantly, downing the rest of her champagne.

Amelia’s bow lips frowned. “That’s completely irrelevant. We cannot entertain hypotheticals, we must examine our lives as they are before us.”

“Mercy you sound like your father.” Rosie laughed, slinging her arms across her brunette friend’s shoulders a bit drunkenly. “Don’t fret, Holmes. It’ll all work out.”

“Ever the optimist, Watson.”

“C’mon, our mothers are drunk and I have a feeling our fathers are eager to get them home.” Rosie laughed, taking her friend by the arm and dragging her away from the rooftop garden.

“I distinctly remember the last time that happened I ended up with a baby brother.” Amelia grumbled, elegant long strides outpacing Rosie’s petite steps.

Rosie Watson groaned, burying her head in her hands. It was 12:05 on her 295th day at Watson & Watson Surgery and she was already weighing the benefits of strangling herself with a stethoscope versus continuing on with the next impending case of strep throat or chlamydia.

“Rosie, dear, your twelve o’clock, Mr. Clarke, is here.” Heather, the medical assistant said in her sing-song tone. “Says he’s got ‘hot pins in his pecker when he pisses.’”

She gave her a tight smile. “Great. Thanks a lot Heather. Be there is a jig.”

Heather shut the door to her office and Rosie let out an exasperated sigh and rested her forehead against the desk. She went into medical school with the notion of excitement and joy at the idea of being a doctor. Her father always gushed about how rewarding it was to be there for a person at their lowest point. She understood paying her dues, but was this all really worth it? Graduated top of her class, with honors. All for the Chlap?

“Ah, Watson.” A new voice interjected into her train of thought. “Love what you’ve done with the office. Very…”

“Quaint?”

“Small.” Amelia scrunched her nose up, settling in the chair across from her. “Or cozy, which ever you prefer.”

“What do you want, Mia?” the young doctor grumbled. “If you’re trying to snag a prescription for morphine, I’d remind you we do them electronically now. So your knack for forgery had now been antiquated.”

“Oh please, like that would stop me.” She replied nonchalantly. “I need your help. I’ve come across a rather curious case that is out of my range of knowledge.”

“Please tell me you didn’t flirt with the pathology students again to gain access to Bart’s morgue? You know your mother hates when you do that.” Rosie admonished, standing to put on her fancy white coat, a gift from her parents upon passing boards.

Her dark haired friend smirked. “Ask no questions, I will tell no lies.”

“Cheeky, Holmes…” Rosie flipped open her iPad, reviewing her patient chart. “Well, what’s the question? And be quick about it. I’m betting Mr. Clarke’s got a nasty case of Trichomonas.”

“Riveting.” Amelia said dismissively. “Suppose a man was found dead on a pool deck in the middle of the hottest summer in 20 years, who upon examination was found to have died of hypothermia. Time of death is around 2 in the afternoon.”

Rosie raised a quizzical brow and tried to bite back a grin that for all the world reminded Amelia of her Aunt Mary. “Do you have any other information?”

“Perhaps. Interested?”

“No. I’m perfectly content in learning my chosen trade of medicine but you won’t leave until I give you my opinion so let’s just get on with it.”

Amelia produced a file seemingly out of thin air.

“Hmmmm, hematocrit is increased by five percent, plasma potassium levels are definitely out of range, glucose below 40…all labs point towards hypothermia.” Rosie said. “So how does a person die during the hottest part of the day, on a public pool deck, of cold stress?”

“Still not intrigued, Rosamund?”

Rosie stared down the taunting look in her best friend’s sea green eyes. “No. But if I were you I’d look into blood recently stolen from the blood bank.”

“Why is that?”

“He’s on the transplant list, waiting on a kidney.” She said. “Perhaps there was something haywire with his dialysis.”

“Curious case indeed! But who would want a special education instructor dead?” Amelia mused with morbid glee. “Oh yes, this case in improving by the hour!”

“Improving? The man’s still dead, Mia!”

“Yes well that’s not really the point though is it?” Amelia replied. “Come along, Watson. There’s work to be done.”

“Mia, I have a job. I can’t just drop everything and leave! It’s patient abandonment.”

“As you wish. I’ll keep you informed of my progress.” The brunette said placidly, walking out of the office. “Give my best to Mr. Clarke!”

“You’re welcome!” Rosie called after the closing door. With another angry huff, she gathered her things and prepared for her appointment with Mr. Clarke.

She looked at the clock: 12: 13. The day just wouldn’t end.

Amelia Holmes paced the length of 221 B Baker Street. She knew that the victim, Mr. Halliwell, had been killed by one of the medical professionals he’d come into contact with. Only the nurse who had administered the blood in dialysis swore up and down that she’d warmed the blood before administration. Amelia had seen no lie her eyes.

“I’m sorry, but why am I here?” Her youngest brother, Theodore, asked confusedly from the couch where he was reading a textbook on mammalian anatomy.

“Because I need inspiration.”

“On why someone’s been murdered?”

“Obviously…” She drawled as if it was the most obvious conclusion in the world.

“When was the last time you ate?” He asked off handedly. “Mummy will be terribly cross if you start losing weight again.”

“Your point?”

“Well, I go back to university in the September. I can’t be in three places at once, keeping an eye on you is a full time job in that of itself.”

Mia frowned. “I’m going to miss having you here.”

Teddy gave her a sweet smile. “You’re just saying that because I make better tea than you do.”

“Figured it out, have you?” She smarted back with a wink. “Well, in any case it seems I’m in need of a flatmate.”

“It’s twins!” A new voice said triumphantly. “I know it!”

Amelia looked over at the doorway to see a flushed Rosie, still in the smart clothes she’d worn to surgery. “Don’t you have work? It’s only 4 o’clock. Your last patient isn’t till six.”

“He’s got a twin brother that’s been sleeping with his wife.” Rosie continued. “I went to the school where he works, she’s not exactly bereaved by the loss of her husband of 36 years and she looked awfully cozy with his brother at the funeral. I followed them to a posh French restaurant just down the road. They’d only started on wine when I left.”

“You went to the funeral?” The youngest Holmes asked, bewildered at her audacity.

“It’s never twins, Watson.” Amelia deadpanned. “Have you learned nothing from Sherlock?”

“You can call him Dad, you know.” Teddy said amusedly, setting aside his book and moving to the kitchen to start tea. The apartment looked much the same as it had when Sherlock and John had lived there, except the kitchen table that had once occupied lab equipment now played host to several monitors, CPU’s, laptops and GPS.

“I prefer to call father by his name when working in a professional capacity.” She said retrieving her black Chanel bag and Burberry trench. “Don’t wait up Theodore!”

“I never do!” He called back. Amelia smiled at her brother’s cheek.

“Wait, you’re not suggesting we actually stalk them?” Rosie replied indignantly.

“You followed them to a funeral and you think going to the same restaurant is over stepping bounds?”

“Well, girl’s gotta have a code.” She shrugged.

“Come along, Watson.” The consulting detective smirked. “The game is on.”

“Well, that was quite invigorating!” Amelia announced loudly, an exhausted Rosie dragging her feet into Baker Street at 2 am. “I never would have suspected the wife would be in cahoots with the sister-in-law to kill the husbands for a measly state pension.”

“If I were writing a blog, I’d entitle this case A Study in Fuchsia.” The blond yawned. “I’m beat. I’ll sleep in Granny’s room.”

“It’s too bad we didn’t run into Cedric.” Amelia waggled her brows salaciously.

Rosie rolled her eyes. “I’m over that childhood infatuation.”

“Whatever you say.” Amelia intoned.

They stood quietly in the entryway, the heaviness of the situation palpable.

“Look, Amelia. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to quit surgery. It was a one off.”

Amelia nodded. “Goodnight, Rosie.”

“Night, Mia.”

Amelia walked out of 221 B at 3pm the next afternoon, having not slept for quite some time while on the case. In the chair that had once been occupied by her father, Rosamund Mary Watson sat drinking tea and reading her iPad, dressed in ironed clothes and fresh make-up. She spied several suitcases by the door, though they weren’t Teddy’s luggage.

“Ms. Holmes, I hear you’re in need of a flatmate.” She said, setting the tea cup down.

“Word travels fast.” Mia grinned. “Could be handy having a doctor around.”

“Is there a vacancy?” Rosie teased with a sly grin. “I hear every consulting detective needs a physician with a penchant for writing.”

#sherlock x molly #Sherlolly #sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #molly hooper #parent!lock #rosie watson #mary watson #john watson #should i continue?#tell me what you think

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cantolopejeevas · 7 years

Note

okay now for the three boys I always obsess over! Daniel: 3, 6, 12, 25, and 49; Daniyal: 4, 7, 16, 23, and 45; and Mortar: 9, 18, 19, 22, 24, 33, and 38 (hopefully this isn't too much!!!)

I’ll be putting this one under a read-more ‘cause it’s quite a bit~

Daniel

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

Daniel had a pretty good childhood. His best memories are probably ones where he’s playing games with his parents, or maybe the ones where he’s chattering on about his favorite characters to his school friends. I think his worst memory would probably involve him getting into some kind of trouble. I’m sure he’s gotten detention at least a couple times for doodling Inky on the back of his math tests, haha.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

He was a pretty decent student, if sometimes a little stubborn and wanting to do things his way. He finished school with decent grades and got a four year degree in journalism, with a minor in communication. He enjoyed english and music classes mostly- until he got to high school and english class turned into reading a bunch of long-winded books from guys that died well before his time. He probably hated math the most, even though he was decent at it. It didn’t interest him, so he saw it as a waste of time after a certain point.

12. What is their favourite food?

Probably some sort of bullshit fancy pasta with a light garlic butter sauce and lots of veggies and shrimp. Healthy, but also somewhat tasty. I dunno, I had this exact meal at a restaurant once and it seemed very Daniel.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Daniel has a more dry sense of humor, so he’s more likely to find sarcasm and the like funny. He’s also a fan of clever word play, which he tries to incorporate into his show from time to time. His sense of humor isn’t that great, as he’s very bitter and tends to take things a little too personally. And he’s not purposefully funny most of the time, but he does have these nihilistic moods and sayings that are unintentionally funny.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

His most valued object would probably be the SNES or the little tape recorder he had as a kid (both of which are in the collection room). He’s very very sentimental, and he likes to keep records of all his memories somewhere in his house. In fact, he even used to keep a video diary! As for something he takes everywhere, its less that he has to and more that it just happens to be that way, but he has a photo taken right after the very first episode of his show that he keeps in his wallet, tucked behind his driver’s license.

Daniyal

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Daniyal knew both of his parents, and got along with them both pretty well. He was more familiar with his father, though, since his mother was an amateur adventurer and would go out for most of the day looking for treasure and whatnot. But he’s got good memories working on the farm with his dad, or when he was younger being taken on small adventures finding rupees under rocks with his mom. As for bad memories, he would sometimes mess something up on the farm and disappoint his dad from time to time, or he’d see his mom come home from an adventure that went wrong and see how hurt she got.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

He had a few friends as a kid, but really only one or two stayed with him into adulthood. You know, until his village got attacked and they died. And then he got warped to a different world, so even if they had survived he still wouldn’t have been able to stay friends with them. But he’s got lots of wonderful friends now, so it’s all good~

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

Lowkey, he collect shiny rocks (especially red, blue, and green ones) because he thinks they can be used as currency, and when he tries to use them to buy something, someone (*cough*Andy*cough*) has to stop him, haha. So he keeps them at home, probably in a little chest or something.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

He has a good long-term memory, but his short-term memory isn’t the best. Especially if someone asks him to do something that he’s never done before, he’ll almost immediately forget whatever instructions they gave him and just panic. But he can still tell you in detail the layout of his village, including who lived where and did what. And he’s better with faces than he is names, because most of the names he comes across nowadays are weird-sounding to him, haha.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Generally, other people see him as a well-meaning and kind, if very cowardly, person. Sometimes his forgetfulness and ignorance is seen as idiocy by certain people, but he does leave a mostly good impression even on them. This is essentially how he sees himself too, although he’s far more likely to downplay his kindness and put more emphasis on his cowardice. His self-esteem does get a little better though~

Mortar

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

I almost wanna make a joke about how he’s a furry who’s in love with a sheepy boy, but I’m not gonna, hahaha. He does tend to like animals more than people though, especially stray dogs and cats. They understand the struggle of life, so he feels a sort of solidarity with them. And generally those same strays tend to like him too. I’m sure that’s the main source of affection he gives and receives until he meets Cookie.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Mortar loves comedy. His favorite kinds of comedy are either really silly bullshit kinda stuff, or really dark humor. If something can make him laugh, it;s guaranteed to be his favorite thing of the week, haha. I also think he’s a fan of horror stuff, but only in a public setting so he can watch everyone else be scaredy-cats.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Probably sci-fi? But like a very niche kind of sci-fi. He likes space stuff and what-not, but if it’s biology based science-fiction he’ll get real pissed real quick, because he’d instantly just be like, “That’s not how that works????? The human body can’t do that!!! I would know, I’ve cut into thousands of ‘em!!!”

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

He probably likes to call people fuckheads, assholes, motherfuckers, and occasionally “botched goods”. He insults people for getting in his way, or fucking around with him, Cookie, or his business. He’ll bitch to their face, behind their back, and over their recently-stopped-beating heart as he pawns it off to a customer.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

He’s probably got a more nocturnal sleeping pattern than most. It’s hard to steal organs in the daylight, you know? If he snores, it’s probably very soft, and maybe can’t really be heard unless you’re listening for it. And he likes to sleep on soft things, but he’s capable of sleeping just about anywhere.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

He probably wears plain boxers most of the time. He doesn’t really care about what his underwear looks like, he’ll just grab whatever and wear it. Though I’m sure sometimes he goes commando ‘cause why the hell not? He likes to live on the edge.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

He admires innocence in others. In the “you haven’t seen the worst shit this world has to offer, so you’re still full of hope and you’re still nice” kind of way. And he doesn’t wish for talents, necessarily, because he thinks he’s almost perfect the way he is, but for opportunities. Like I’m sure he wants to go to college or something and get a degree that he can rub in people’s faces, but being a world-class criminal that never had any sort of schooling kinda gets in the way of that.

#oc talk #daniel #daniyal #mortar #oc ask meme #confused-snail #bae

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viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

What we learned from the Golden Globes: Meryl Streep always wins and Ryan Gosling never fails

The curtain has fallen on this years ceremony and heres our key takeaways, including the best anti-Trump speech, the wittiest mention of syphilis and what it all means for next months Oscars

Theres no stopping La La Land, the post-truth underdog

Right from the start, which saw Jimmy Fallons opening skit entirely devoted to a spoof of La La Land, it was obvious Damien Chazelles hymn to Hollywood had converted the 90-odd members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association men and women who had left their homelands to travel to La La Land and pen their own hymns to Hollywood.

But just how faithful the converts proved couldnt quite be predicted: the film took seven gongs over the evening (best song, best score, best director, best screenplay, best actor, best actress, best comedy or musical), beating the likes of One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest to make new record.

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone with their awards. Photograph: Kevork Djansezian/NBC/(Credit too long, see caption)

So how did they do it? Especially when some of the awards (such as screenplay) were felt by some to be a bit optimistic? Well, that opening sequence was also significant, because it showed that La La Land is a lot easier to parody than, say, Moonlight (black gay man in Miami struggles with sexuality and addict mother) and Manchester by the Sea (gloomy janitor returns home after the death of his brother to grapple with previous family tragedy) and may end up with a lot more cultural currency, even significance, as a result.

That the Globes split their categories (drama and comedy or musical) naturally favours movies such as Chazelles, but, as Benjamin Lee pointed out in his liveblog, every La La acceptance speech also pushed the notion of the movie as an underdog a crazy mad idea and a wild punt for the studio to back.

But remember: this is a romance starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, directed by a man whose most recent movie won three Oscars, and which like Argo and The Artist strokes that hand that feeds it. But, whatever works.

Unless its the actual underdog

La La Lands main rival, Barry Jenkinss Moonlight, went into the race with nearly the same number of nominations, and came away with just one win. But what a win: best drama. The fact it was robbed in the supporting actor category (where Mahershala Ali lost out to Aaron Taylor-Johnson) may even help its chances going forward for what we now have is a genuine underdog (albeit one thats so far picked up 120 awards) with a little outraged momentum behind it (thought #JusticeForMoonlight felt a bit of a trending punt). The last movie to take just best drama at the Globes? Best picture Oscar winner 12 Years a Slave

Congratulations can still come with a bouquet of barbed wire

Despite significant wins for actors of colour actors this year, there were slightly fewer than expected (see Ali), and efforts to forget the #OscarsSoWhite controversy were undermined by not one, but two, people (George Bushs daughter, Michael Keaton) conflating the names of the two big nominated movies featuring black actors. Fences are still visible; perhaps Figures still arent, quite.

Meryl 2020

Meryl Streep attacks Donald Trump in Golden Globes speech

Can a blonde white woman in her late 60s defeat Donald Trump? If anyone can, Meryl can. Her speech picking up the Cecil B DeMille lifetime achievement award was easily the runaway moment of the night: impassioned, funny, fearless and picking up perhaps the prize dreadful moment in the president-elects campaign: his mocking of a disabled reporter on the campaign trail.

It kind of broke my heart, and I saw it, and I still cant get it out of my head because it wasnt in a movie. It was real life. And this instinct to humiliate when its modelled by someone in the public platform by someone powerful, it filters down into everybodys life because it kind of gives permission for other people to do the same thing.

Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use definition to bully others, we all lose.

Trump duly responded, not on Twitter, but by telling the New York Times he hadnt watched the show but was not surprised that the liberal movie people ridiculed him. Sad!

Hugh Laurie for VP

A shock choice for supporting actor in a drama series over favourite John Lithgow for that other great statesman, Churchill but Laurie made up for it with a pitch-perfect address, which preceded Streeps and lamented that this was likely the last Globes ceremony. Accepting the prize on behalf of psychopathic billionaires everywhere, Laurie said:

I dont mean to be gloomy, its just that it has the words Hollywood, Foreign and Press in the title. I just dont know I also think to some Republicans, even the word association is slightly sketchy.

Viola Davis for secretary of state

A controversial one this, not because she aced the supporting actress performance for which she won her prize, nor for her great speech, nor even her composed anti-Trump rant backstage:

Viola Davis makes powerful anti-Trump speech backstage at Golden Globes

But for allowing us all to get a glimpse of the real Streep, sharing a strange food-shaming incident in her introduction to the great woman.

Streep: Whatd you do last night, Viola?

Davis: Oh, I cooked an apple pie.

Streep: Did you use Pippin apples?

Davis: Pippin apples, What the hell is Pippin apples? I used Granny Smith apples.

Streep: Did you make your own crust?

Davis: No, I used store-bought crust. Thats what I did.

Streep: Then you didnt make an apple pie, Viola.

Davis: Well, thats because I spent all my time making collard greens! I make the best collard greens. I use smoked turkey, chicken stock and my special BBQ sauce.

Streep: Well, they dont taste right unless you use ham hocks. If you dont use ham hocks, it doesnt taste the same.

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Accidents can happen, thank God

In what looked like one of the most locked-down ceremonies in years, a couple of bona fide surprises leapt out. The first with the HFPAs love for Paul Verhoevens hot-potato rape revenge comedy Elle a movie previously deemed too controversial for major acclaim. But it took not just best foreign language film (over the more politically safe Toni Erdmann) but also best actress for Isabelle Huppert: now a major Oscar contender, leaving both previous frontrunners (Natalie Portman and Emma Stone), fretting into their frocks.

The second shocker also showcased the Globess more offbeat taste: two big wins (best comedy series, best actor for Donald Glover) for Atlanta, about the citys rap scene. The Globes can be notoriously wacky this time round, in a good way.

We need to pin our hopes on the other Jimmy

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Fallon had a lot to live up to. In part because Amy Poehler and Tina Fey set such a high benchmark for this gig a couple of years back; also because Fallon patsied to Trump on his chatshow a couple of months back. But despite a few early digs at the president-elect, he failed to deliver. Most glaring was his inability to competently wing it when the teleprompter broke. All such issues were highlighted by the brilliance of some of the presenters, in particular Kristen Wiig, who having stolen the showin 2013 with her Will Ferrell double act, repeated the trick this time with Steve Carell. Can fellow talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel top it at the Oscars next month? Probably.

Heartthrobs are called heartthrobs for a reason

Ryan Goslings best actor speech saw peak metrosexual pin-up this year: losing nominees Ryan Reynolds and Andrew Garfield shared a snog, while Gosling further confirmed his dreaminess at the podium. He ended his speech by paying tribute to his lady Eva Mendes for looking after their daughter and her brother (who had cancer, and to whose memory he dedicated the prize) while she was pregnant with their second child and he was off twinkling his toes on La La Land. So, sweetheart, thank you.

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Tom Hiddleston, meanwhile, went full humanitarian, closing with a story about a recent trip to South Sudan with the UN Childrens Fund and dedicating his prize to aid workers everywhere. The weird cuts to Christian Slater and the kids from Stranger Things didnt help, but it was still stirring stuff.

The Brits are coming! But so is Netflix

Hiddleston won for The Night Manager, the Beebs big hit of the night gongs also for Laurie and Olivia Colman but the series-which-should-have-been-made-by-the-BBC-but-wasnt took best TV series (drama) and best actress (for Claire Foy). After the anti-climatic hoohah around Netflixs first big film production, Beasts of No Nation, the streaming service finally made good. Lucky, given The Crown still has five very expensive series still to fund and run.

Real actors are never off

Lithgow backstage with Claire Foy and Peter Morgan. Photograph: Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

Greatest ad-lib of the night? Probably John Lithgow, who channelled Churchill with aplomb in the press room. Being told his fly was undone, Lithgow quoted back the great cigar-chomper: Its not a problem. A dead bird never leaves its nest. The runners-up prize goes to Hugh Grant, wrongly leaked as the winner of best actor (comedy or musical), who describes the plot of Florence Foster Jenkins as, accurately enough, about a woman slowly dying of syphilis.