#should I have been doing my homework instead?

[sunnywalnut]

One thing I really hate about the "autism is my super power" archetype is that it REALLY makes me feel inadequate when people compare me to these guys.

Like Sheldon Cooper or the guy from The Good Doctor. They're all successful, cishet white men. They've been through college at a young age, and sure. I was gifted in certain classes. But in others? I couldn't concentrate. It was too loud. Or too many people. Or too bright. Or too whatever.

My "superpower" wasn't math or history. It was memorizing dog breeds and calling them out on the street. Or finishing two novels in one day.

But it wasn't recognized as a superpower.

It was "recognized" as me correcting people on the average lifespan of whatever dog I had at the time. Or the things that the breed usually liked versus what somebody else thought they did. Or me sneaking glimpses of my book during class, and reading underneath my desk. It was me ignoring my elementary teacher when she called us for rug time because I was finishing the chapter of my story and couldn't put it down as easily.

And sure. They encouraged my reading. And I've gotten into a couple advanced classes that I otherwise wouldn't have been in.

But in the others I was still struggling.

I had one thing going for me and that one thing wasn't enough to propel me five grades ahead like it "should have."

I was the smart kid. Because I could memorize formulas and definitions in science and math class. Everyone was in awe of my low A's and high B's. But I wasn't a prodigy.

Just because I could memorize things didn't mean it was easy to learn.

Learning was the hard part.

And that's what nobody got.

How could I be struggling, if all this time I was getting near perfect scores?

Even after my diagnosis. I never was allowed out of class to take tests. Even when allergy season hit and I bombed a test because the boy behind me was sniffling up a ruckus. I was told I could retake it. To study next time and do better.

I never really learned how to study.

Studying was overwhelming. So I didn't do it. Nobody cared.

After all. I was getting near perfect scores.

Homework took hours. Four of them, to be exact. I never knew why. It was always so much easier in class.

But now I know it was because I have ADHD. And I was burnt out.

So I barely had free time after school.

Except for art.

Art was always there for me. I could always take the time to do something. And it was easier to put down, even if it was incomplete. Because I knew I could go back to it. I didn't have to pull out and reconstruct everything again, like a puzzle. I could go right back to where I started. And that was wonderful.

So I became good at it.

I became great.

Everyone loved it. The praise, the encouragement, the delight was almost too much to bear. I learned to crave it.

And yet.

Everyone was still surprised.

When I told them I wanted to be an artist.

Because apparently.

Your "superpower" is only good if it makes you money.

And who would invest in art?

Instead of being a doctor?

The answer is me.

It's always me.

I'm the mediocre autistic person with a difficult niche.

I don't have a superpower. Or a college degree. Or baby pictures of me playing the violin.

But I'm autistic.

Isn't that enough?

Where are the people like me in the media?

I can go outside and find at least three different Neurodiverse people like me in my town. But nearly NONE in the media.

Why is that?

Do we not exist to you?

Or are we only tolerable when we've done something "productive"?

I don't have a superpower.

But that shouldn't make me less than.

I don't know why it does.

#actually autistic #autism representation #autism awareness #autism #autism acceptance #i'm autistic. #autistic adult #autistic artist #autistic experiences #autistic things #autistic

[lordchinnychin]

Okay so in my Computer Applications class we learned about conditional formatting in Excel, where you can change the color of a cell by inputting certain values.

We're supposed to use it to model heat gradients in metals, but I found a better application:

FROG ART

#frogs #Excel #i spent like an hour doing this #should I have been doing my homework instead? #absolutely #do I regret it? #absolutely not #frog art #pixel art

[itscherryterry-again]

And I said: I do not want to be great, I want to be loved.

– Sue Zhao

#THE binghe quote #are u kidding #incredible how I shouldnt have been drawing this at all #my best work is when I legitimately should not be doing it instead of homework #luo binghe #svsss #shen qingqiu #bingqiu #mxtx #scum villian self saving system #the endless abyss scene has such pretty colors on the donghua

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

community pilot breakdown/analysis so far

#sorry for being so incredibly inactive #me when I’m taking 14 classes #(send help) #should be doing homework or practicing or organizing shit but. no I want to do this instead #been sitting in my fucking google drive for seven hundred days probably #anyway hopefully I’m almost done now bc I want to have some. (Academic) Discussions™ with y’all #should be fun #once again I think I’ve made my tags significantly longer than twice my actual caption so that’s good #😀👍🏻 #ok bye #community #nbc community #community nbc #media analysis #community analysis

[suits-of-woe]

is anyone going to talk about the blatant antonio/bassanio/portia parallels in the andrei/goncharov/katya dynamic and how scorsese literally said in interviews that he wanted certain scenes to have a shakespearean feel to them or do i have to write the meta myself

#i mean it's not an exact match obviously. portia my detested katya the love of my life #BUT LIKE. THERE ARE PARALLELS. THE REALIZATION THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE DEVOTED TO SOMEONE ELSE THAN HE IS TO YOU #but the realization coming too late when your lives are already too intertwined to be able to just leave #and so her taking things into her own hands. following her husband into that dangerous world even when he probably wouldn't want her to #even when he almost certainly wouldn't do the same for her and she KNOWS it because she SEES where his true loyalties lie. AND YET!!!! #also fuck antonio lives but he really is so andrei in some ways #the repressed emotion of it all. trying so hard to keep it together around goncharov but the facade finally cracking #that post about andrei seeing himself as a hunted animal is literally so antonio i can't handle it #also i know we're all enjoying this movie for its homoeroticism and it's not nearly as bad as merchant in its politics #but we should still talk about the fact that some of it is Not Great #wrote this post instead of doing my homework. sorry i'm having too much fun #goncharov #unreality

[whoatemyshoe]

"just google it" "do your own homework" "google is free" "find it yourself the information is out there"

but they are. they are asking people who have that information, for the information. they are doing their homework by reaching out and asking people questions. just because it's not typed on a search bar, doesn't mean it's any less of putting an effort to finding things out.

like i'm sorry people in the past refused/ridiculed you when you asked them for help. doesn't mean you have to be like them tho. why is learning through human interaction rejected in favour of isolated learning?

#my posts #rants #im part of the organising team for the women's march in my city #and someone interested to join the march was asking public transport directions to the march #the immediately response from the social media team in our group chat was to berate that person for being lazy/not doing their homework #like sure the transit map is available on the website #but anyone who takes public transport in my city KNOWS that the trains and maps are unreliable in so many ways #i was exploring a different line yesterday and got on the wrong train despite being on the correct platform #and i take public transport regularly and have a good sense of direction but the public transport here isnt designed to be user friendly #if they had to ask which line they should interchange at you KNOW they are clueless and probably terrified of the public transportation her #and yet as organisers they refuse to make it easier for people to participate at a march no one owes us to attend #they just gave them a link and asked them to figure it out themselves #i am very familiar with that route and i just KNOW the interchange is confusing and large enough that beginner commuters will get lost #and you know what could happen if someone struggles to navigate public transport? they probably would just go home instead #they blame the education system for producing youngsters who are spoon fed #girl the older generation said the exact same thing about your generation pls #your misdirected anger is being projected at the victim of this system instead of at the actual problem #which is what i've been observing from career activists around me and more #you claim to fight for the people #but the very people you're fighting for are asking you for help #yet you refuse to help them unless it's through significant policies or drastic systemic changes #your fight is conditional and only convenient for you but you refuse to admit it and then pretend the opposite #the moment they decided that they would 'teach them a lesson' indirectly by forcing them to figure out their own routes #they've already fallen into that activist trap of thinking they are above everyone else and that they are here to teach people how to #be a better person according to their standards because they know better by being more involved in activism and are better educated #instead of putting themselves in the girl's shoes and not assuming the worst of people as the default #maybe that girl is new in town and is unfamiliar with public transport here #maybe they had a bad experience getting lost before and wanted someone experienced to share some commuting tips to avoid getting lost #maybe she would rather pull her teeth out than try to figure out the route with unreliable mountains of information online #maybe she has executive dysfunction that makes filtering through tons of information to find that ONE route very daunting

[llumimoon]

me when me when I want to draw gay ppl but my wrist hurts

#cal rambles #i should take a break but also I’m on spring break and I finally have time to draw 🥺 #i say as if I haven’t been busting out art pieces on weekdays instead of doing my homework

[bogunicorn]

you know, as time goes on, there are characters and storylines in DA that i really didn't vibe with at first but that i really like now. i got older, my tastes changed, the way i look at things in general has shifted.

but the one thing that i haven't evolved out of hating is fenris in the blue wraith comic. i hate it. i hate iiiiiiit. i hate the character writing. i dislike the art style. i loathe his haircut. i hate that rather than allow fenris to have demonstrated growth and think fondly of his time with his friends in kirkwall, they decided to have him go "people are nice until they don't need you and then they fuck off again", like, christ, did the writer not at minimum watched a handful of the shitbillion gameplay and cutscene and banter videos that fenris is in, like it's one thing if you get contracted to write this comic and you don't have time to play the game but it is not that hard to watch a couple youtube videos even if fenris is hawke's rival he makes friends regardless alkadsfkljhdasfew

i hate it so much that i genuinely hope that fenris doesn't appear in DA4, because i don't want to see this version of the character in a mainstream installment and i don't know how much communication there is wrt:characterization between the people writing the comics and the people who'd be writing his hypothetical cameo appearance in the game. let him stay in the comics where i can ignore him, please.

#bog post #fenris #anti fenris #fenris critical #not even critical of the character in general #anti blue wraith #blue wraith critical #i'm doing my best with these tags guys #just... ugh #UGH #i wanted to like blue wraith so much but i actually hate it #i don't really jive with any of the comics after the alistair ones except magekiller #bc i didn't have to have read a bunch of other different titles to get the story of magekiller #it had a coherent beginning middle and end that i didn't need to do fucking homework to follow #same issue i have with limited run crossovers in marvel #where you can buy every issue of that one storyline sure #but also fuck you if you didn't drop a ton of money on all this other shit first #if bioware wanted us to buy all the comics in order like a proper series #the names of the runs should have been *arc titles* instead of *comic titles* #and just kept them all in the same concurrent series #there's no indication when you buy blue wraith that it isn't a storyline that stands on its own #if you haven't read the previous stuff with the like 3 other main characters #and aren't already up to speed on what THEY'RE doing #it's fucking nonsense #stay salty

[moreghoulsandghosts]

frankie airo

Redraw of this image:

#frank iero #mcr #my chemical romance #i should have been doing homework #but I drew him instead #no regrets

[isfjmel-phleg]

Oh no. Thunderstorm, and I still haven't done the dishes. Whatever shall I do. Guess they'll just have to be a tomorrow problem. Alas, alas. Going to bed without having washed a single dish today. The worst.

#random personal stuff #sarcasm mode #I got most of my packing done for the trip on Friday #should have been cranking out some analysis for you #I have SO MUCH analysis to do and so many things to reply to #...but I am braindead tonight and watched TV instead #tomorrow's not looking great either unless I get a huge burst of energy and clarity #anyway I WILL do the homework eventually but sleeping is important and I haven't done enough of that so good night #rain and thunder will be nice to fall asleep to

[smallfry15005]

#There is sadly no she/they #I thought about adding my oc but decided against it #titanfall #apex predators #titanfall jack cooper #titanfall ash #richter titanfall #slone titanfall #titanfall kane #kuben blisk #titanfall viper #Jack doesn't want to be here #This was a lot harder to make than it should have been #I made this instead of doing homework

[lordchinnychin]

Okay so in my Computer Applications class we learned about conditional formatting in Excel, where you can change the color of a cell by inputting certain values.

We're supposed to use it to model heat gradients in metals, but I found a better application:

FROG ART

#frogs #Excel #i spent like an hour doing this #should I have been doing my homework instead? #absolutely #do I regret it? #absolutely not #frog art #pixel art

[pepprs]

ok mutuals be honest. should i “break up” w my counselor over these texts yes or no

#purrs #i don’t have the spoons to type much let alone reply to anybody ESPECIALLY not him bc this fucking pissed me off so bad i have been too #angry to reply. like what the fuck is this. im going through a hard time right now so why are you judging me for wanting us to talk about #that instead of me doing your stupid little homework assignment. i just feel so judged by him all the time and i can’t work up the courage #to tell him or end things. but i am actually dreading talking abt this new development / topic w him anyways bc the last time we talked abt #it he judged and pushed me so hard and i got SOOOOO angry but also maybe he was right and just saying thigns i didn’t want to hear and then #his supervisor got sick and he said he had this plan for us to do the erikson thing and we’ve barely started it and i feel so bad bc i #genuinely think it could work but i just don’t mesh well with him. but it’s like i should give it a try and stick it out bc there’s only a f #few months left and what if things get better. and also ihavent given him any indication of how unhappy ive been w him as my counselor and i #don’t want to spring it on him out of nowhere. but no we’ve been working together since October and i don’t feel seen or supported by him at #all an di know i have to leave bc i deserve better but things are so bad rn and my brain has been broken all weekend and i just don’t have t #the strength and idk what to reply or if i should but i think everyone is probably gonna say i need to leave him and i think you’d be right. #delete later #i truly do not have the mental capacity to rn but if u go thru my other purrs posts i talk abt some of the shit he’s done that has just been #building and building and i know i need to do smth about it bc it’s not okay. but im so scared.

[ikyw-t]

I do relate to olivia rodrigo in some ways for example I did have nightmares each week (every day for months) after that phone call in may (march). I fantasize (once every other blue moon) about a time where you're a little fucking sorry. except I do not hold my undying love (there is not even an iota of love, if there ever was) like a grudge and also I will never ever forgive bc you were indeed filled with vitriol. and unfortunately I also cannot let it go. it was six months (three years) of torture. I did NOT love you truly and I cannot laugh at the stupidity. I may have made some real big mistakes but you do indeed make the worst one look fine. like..............

#sorry i know this is cringe and something i should just journal about #ive just had a very shitty day and also kinda week #ive just been tired and lethargic for no clear reason for the past five days and it's very frustrating #bc i have homework due tomorrow that ive barely made any progress on #and i kinda rly need an A in this class to maintain my gpa. so if one bad week means i tank this assignment and get a B in this class #oh dread. unspeakable unsurmountable dread #also i went on a walk in the park w my mom which i haven't done in a bit and i just was unable to stop thinking #about my high school demon of a boyfriend who lives nearby. altho he literally never goes outside i sometimes get rly freaked out #and panicky that i might see him and have to deal with him again. like he did call (AND TEXT?!?🤢) me last march #and i was having nightmares for months after and feeling so paranoid that he might randomly show up at my house one day #bc that's the kind of shit he used to do regularly when we were dating to keep me from breaking up w him #and like ughhhhhhhhhh it just makes me so upset bc he literally would have the audacity. #it's just upsetting. i am soooo nonviolent as a person but when i think of him i suddenly feel not very nonviolent #again my apologies i know this should be journaled about instead. sorry u had to see all this #feel free not to read these tags like this is just for me. apologies. #while im here some other songs that make me think of him include would've could've should've. atw10 but only the terrible parts #uhh better by myself by hey violet is incredibly on the nose #also it's actually just a rly great song. also get out of my life by little hurt. okay im done now. #gonna go find something funny and cute to watch. maybe little witch academia. #sorry if u read all this 😵‍💫

[adlibitur]

havin a terrible day so far, time to blaze it and do my math homework for the next couple weeks for ✨comfort✨

#family woes really hitting me today #will instead shift that focus to the nice weather and doing my math homework in advance bc it SHOULD all be review #the depression has just been coming back which is probably related to lowering my testosterone but i cant actually stop it because #i dont have ovaries anymore and if you didnt know your ovaries make testosterone too #everything always is all at once sigh

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

in-school-suspension was honestly so extremely funny because i had undiagnosed Problems Disorder and unironically i LOVED being sent to ISS.

average day of ISS (sent there for 3 days because i was late to a class three times within a 9-week period):

arrive at school and say a silly dramatic farewell to my besties

stop at each of my classrooms to receive makeup work from my teachers which always ends up being some bullshit worksheet or textbook busywork

arrive at ISS portable and go through the daily rigamarole intro of "you are Bad and you should Feel Bad. welcome to Bad Class, a confirmation that you will never make anything of your life, you horrid creature. you are not allowed to speak, eat, or feel joy. no doodling or reading, if you don't have makeup work or homework i will assign busywork to you. fuck you. *spits*"

spend the next 4 hours doing my busywork. it is QUIET. i can CONCENTRATE. the work gets DONE EARLY.

the work only took 2 hours maximum, i spend the other 2 hours writing fanfiction manually in a composition book pretending that I'm doing textbook work. i am having the time of my life.

our lunch time is the 10 minutes between the two lunch periods. there is no line, because there's only ever 5-15 ISS students. i get to EAT instead of STANDING IN A LINE for half an hour and only having 4 minutes to scarf down my garbage.

at the end of lunch, we are led in a big duck line through the school and we each get to stop off at our usual classes and pick up work to do. i already did this in the morning, so i use my time to say hi to my friends and figure out what the homework will be tonight.

for the last 2 hours of the day i do my homework. IT GETS DONE. this is the ONLY time during high school where homework gets done. zero exaggeration. i never did homework unless i was actively in a classroom with no choice but to do homework.

we get the usual outro of "this has been your day in Bad Class, because you're a Bad Child. some of you will be here tomorrow, some of you will not, but i'll see you again in a couple of weeks, because you are Bad and will always be Bad."

the school day is over, i did not encounter any of my bullies, i did not have to 'participate in class'. i got all of my work done and then some. i got to work on my fanfics. i hang out with my friends after school and talk to others on myspace/facebook.

it is the best three days i have in recent memory.

i will be there again, probably on purpose.

#op #high school was a miserable experience but also SO funny