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theambitiouswoman · 9 months

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Hi! I'm not sure if you've done one before, and if you have, feel free to ignore this, I'll find the post, but do you have any tips on how to start your self love journey? I've been struggling from the beginning of the way and I've made some progress but I feel like it's not enough. And I'm not sure exactly where to go. I read so many posts on self care and self love but I don't know which to start with cause they all seem like something people who've been on that journey for a long time are doing. I guess I'm saying I'm lost and not sure where to start or continue 😅

How To Start Your Self Love Journey 🥰❤️‍🩹

1. Accept yourself and realize that you are worthy of self love: When you learn to love yourself, you won't feel scared of what others think about you, and you'll be able to embrace who you are. Figure out what you like and what you dislike. Create boundaries and learn your love language. This part of the self love journey is crucial. I recommend that everyone takes the time to figure out who they are and learn how to accept themselves.

2. Affirmations: Start using positive statements can help your brain think in a happier way. Even if you don't believe them at first, saying them repeatedly can make you start believing. Choose some positive statements and say them often. Write them on sticky notes and put them around your home.

3. Do Things You Love: No matter how busy you are, set aside time for activities you enjoy. Whether it's a short trip or reading a favorite author's book, prioritize things that make you happy.

The idea is to take charge and actively shape a life that brings you happiness, rather than settling for one that doesn't. Treat yourself kindly and give yourself the wonderful gift of a life filled with happiness.

4. Take Care of Your Body: A good 30 minutes of exercising can change your whole day and mood. Aside from exercising, you should change your diet to healthier options. The foods you eat affect your mood and energy. Don't forget to rest too.

5. Quit The Negative Self Talk: Self-talk is basically how we talk to ourselves. We tend to be really hard on ourselves. I wrote a post about it recently here. I suggest trying to find proof for your thoughts and questioning them. In short, focus on how you speak to yourself. Many of our thoughts are extreme or very black and white. Most of these thoughts aren't even original, our minds pick up so much throughout the day. Almost always, people project their own insecurities, values, fears, and opinions onto us. Treat yourself kindly.

6. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others: Comparison is the fastest way to bring yourself down. It doesn’t matter what other people are doing or how far they’ve come. Everyone works at his own pace. Everyone is unique, and no uniqueness is better than the other.

7. Don't Care What Others Think: This isn't just about rejecting criticism; it's also about not becoming too focused on compliments. Your value isn't determined by others' opinions. Don't rely on external sources to validate yourself. Your worth comes from within.

8. Forgive And Let Go: With emotional pain, we often extend our suffering by clutching onto negative emotions like guilt, shame, and resentment, sometimes indefinitely. Rather than releasing these emotions, we cling to them, replaying hurtful moments repeatedly, hoping the person who hurt us will feel the same pain. Yet, harboring resentment is akin to consuming poison and expecting our enemy to suffer. Clinging to bitterness doesn't alter anything; it merely confines us to our pain.

Forgiveness liberates us—it's about us, not the person we're forgiving. Prioritizing our well-being over being right, it takes responsibility for our happiness instead of placing it in someone else's hands. Happiness trumps being right. Freedom often hinges on picking happiness over being right. When someone makes a mistake, it can be more satisfying to let them believe they're right and move on, rather than stewing over it. Reflect on someone who irked you three years ago. Can you even recall them now? If so, does it still provoke irritation? If not, why invest energy in something you'll forget in a year or two? Once you genuinely forgive, release it entirely. Forgiveness involves moving beyond resentment, focusing on positive actions and intentions instead.

9. Start a Gratitude Journal: A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. You attract more good things in your life by being grateful for what you already have. Understanding what gratitude is can help you on your self love journey because of how you appreciate what you already have. Especially when we are in a place where we are only focused on the negative things in our life.

10. Practice Small Acts of Kindness For Yourself: Treat yourself to outings and buy things that make you happy. Set aside money for little things you enjoy. Remember, even the small gestures towards ourselves matter.

I suggest forming the habit of creating habits that lead you toward your desired life. A book I recommend is "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. It shows how habits can be positive or negative, and how doing something small daily can lead to significant outcomes.

11. Surround Yourself With Positivity: Watch motivational videos, and follow accounts promoting self-love and body positivity on social media, and unfollow those who make you feel bad. In real life too. Keep a Pinterest board with uplifting quotes. Use positivity to counter negativity. Aim to be realistic with your thoughts instead of assuming the worst. Focus on positive outcomes, and if that's hard, start with neutral thoughts.

Don't go to extremes with forced positivity. Aim for practical positivity. For instance, you might not be the absolute best, but you're a hard worker and your best is valuable. You might not excel at something today, but you can improve over time through effort.

12. Do A Lot of Self Reflecting: Write in your journal. Spend time alone. This is how you really understand yourself. Challenge your insecurities and the things you imagine about others. Figure out if you're accepting less than you deserve or if you're moving towards improvement.

13. Get To Know Yourself: The journey to personal growth begins with recognizing and embracing your true self before you start building and improving.

You can learn more about yourself by pondering these questions:

Am I Content with My Current Activities?

What Do I Want to Do?

Can I Turn My Passion into Reality?

By understanding yourself, including your values, priorities, motivations, sources of satisfaction, and abilities, you can discover your true desires and drive personal growth.

14. Realize That Going on A Self Love Journey Is Not Easy: Embarking on a journey of self-love involves a lot of heartache and healing. You might come across various self-love activities and advice, but the key is understanding that it requires dedication and effort. It's not a simple task. There will be moments when you feel like you've wasted a lot of time, prompting you to reevaluate your approach. There will be times when you believe you're making progress, only to realize there's more to work on. It's essential to recognize that you're taking significant steps to unlearn old habits and make changes.

My suggestion is to genuinely take a moment to understand that self-love is a commitment. It's like building a muscle that needs regular exercise. Think of it as tending to a plant that requires consistent care. Recognize that self-love isn't always about positivity; there are challenges to overcome as well. It's a realistic journey that involves ups and downs, rather than just an easy path of happiness.

15. Discover Your Purpose: Discovering your purpose can bring more happiness and fulfillment to your life. Each of us possesses unique talents and gifts to contribute to the world. When you share what you're meant to give, you align with your best self. Follow what feels right to you. You don't have to have it all figured out.

16. Take Action: Instead of getting stuck in overthinking and planning every detail perfectly, take action. Even if you're unsure, take that first step. You don't need a complete roadmap; just follow the path that feels right and see where it leads you. Your initial step might not instantly lead you to your dream scenario, but it could serve as a foundation. Regardless of where you find yourself, value your current position. Understand that every action you take along your journey contributes to your ultimate destination.

17. Don't Start Everything Anew: You don't have to build your ideal life completely from scratch. Observe what others are doing that deeply resonates with you and brings you a sense of vitality. Is it their well-structured routine, their freedom from routines, or perhaps their ability to travel extensively? The more precisely you identify the elements that ignite your passion, the easier it becomes to visualize and shape your own desired life.

18. Act As If: Embrace the "fake it till you make it" approach. Hold the belief that whatever you desire is attainable, even if there's no current proof of its possibility. Behave as though it's already unfolding and remain receptive to opportunities that guide you toward your objective.

19. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People: You tend to adopt the mindset of those you spend the most time with. Avoid people who bring negativity, and instead, connect with individuals who view the world as abundant. Invest more time with those whose thinking you aspire to emulate. If you're lacking inspiring connections, seek out new friendships.

20. Give: Giving is one of our greatest joys. When we have faith in the abundant nature of our universe and freely offer, we elevate our energy and create an opportunity to receive abundance in return. When we withhold because of distrust in abundance, we inadvertently attract the very scarcity we wish to avoid. The universe operates on a balance of action and reaction, like inhaling and exhaling, giving and receiving. Hence, the more you give, the more you open yourself to receiving, and vice versa.

21. Gratitude In Real Life: Gratitude goes beyond mere politeness of saying "thank you" when given something. True gratitude involves being aware of and profoundly valuing the numerous blessings in your life. Since gratitude generates positive emotions, it elevates your energy to a high frequency, attracting more positive feeling

22. Change Your Story: The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives greatly. Often, we hold onto untrue beliefs like "I lack money" or "I'm not capable," which blinds us to the many possibilities and chances around us. To reshape your life, begin by realizing that you are the author of your life. When you decide to draft a better script, your life becomes more meaningful. To let go of old narratives, first, be aware of them. If there's something you want to do but haven't, ask why. What's stopping you? Every story you tell serves a purpose, whether it's healthy or not. For instance, if you believe you're depressed, you might avoid exerting yourself and receive attention. We often prioritize the benefits of our stories over our actual desires. Comfort becomes more important than seizing control of our lives.

Once you identify old stories and their hidden gains, compose fresh, empowering narratives. To make these new stories your reality, focus on them. Embrace the happiness and excitement they bring. Use them as affirmations, repeating them until they replace the old tales entirely.

Self love can lead to you to big personal transformations.

You'll treat yourself with greater compassion and understanding. Your self-support and ability to forgive will bring a sense of calmness. Embracing self love enables you to truly live and embrace each moment. Through it, you'll have more love to give to others, improving your relationships. You become the architect of your own happiness.

#self love journey #self love #self development #self improvement #self care #self worth #self help #self esteem #love yourself first #personal improvement #personal development

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licorice-lips · 5 months

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In the past few days, I've seen an increasing amount of comments about how Suzanne Collins pushed a narrative in The Hunger Games about "both sides being equally bad" because of her representation of Coin and Snow being the same, someone going as far as saying Katniss was being manipulated by Coin, therefore, making her words against the Capital less true. And that really bothered me.

I strongly disagree with those people but I can see where they're coming from and that point of view has two reasons to be so widely spread:

The first of them is Snow and Coin being "different sides of the same coin" (pun intended). Both are driven by the same thing, which is the hunger for power and it's true that Coin tries to manipulate Katniss. However, just like Snow, she's unable to, that's the reason why Coin is so set on killing Katniss in the second film (and the book, but it's less obvious there).

But that's the thing: Katniss (just like Lucy Gray) won't be contained because her compassion for the struggling people under the oppression of the Capital and her hatred against this oppression shines through every time someone - even herself - tries to contain those traits.

Katniss is a representation of what the people from the districts really are - people both compassionate and filled with hatred against the oppressive system that shackles them to fear. Her own existence validates that the district's fight is a fair one, one that means the freedom of all Panem, as they claim. The fact that Coin is a part of the revolution does not make it less valid, it just comes to show that we have to be careful about choosing our leaders and that they, alone, don't mean anything:

It's really important to understand that the people responsible for the dismantling of the Capital were not Coin and District 13, but all of the Districts organized together, people who didn't have the exact same values or vision of what a freed Panem would look like but know the Capital cannot continue to oppress them. THEY are the revolution, THEY are the ones who killed Snow, THEY are the ones who did the fighting, THEY are the ones who took the Capital, and to me, it's insulting to resume their fight and their hopes for a better Panem on Coin and her own selfish goals.

Especially not when they are the reason why Coin dies at the end: once she tries to show her hands, she is immediately shot down (pun intended) because Katniss - as do others, like Plutarch - recognizes they're trading six for half a dozen (and I don't know if that's an English expression, but I think its meaning is obvious) if they allow Coin to spread her wings. The revolution didn't happen because of Coin, it happened because people saw in Katniss a symbol of hope, driving them into action, and the fact that District 13 - and Coin - appeared months after the beginning of it doesn't invalidate their fight in any way.

The second point is closely tied to the first and it's the strong anti-violence and anti-war narrative in both the books and the films. And I'll have to be very careful treading this one because I don't want you to think I condone war or violence but it's a really fine thread I'm going to walk by right now:

It's undeniable that the war itself is treated in the books as something terrible, both sides (first point) use violence as a means to an end, this end being the victory of their own side. But that's inevitable in war: there will be violence, and there will be unspeakable things done to "the other side", and there will be war crimes being committed. And we are so culturally infected by the idea of resolving anything by "love" and of a unique hero who will free us all, that talking about violence as a valid response to oppression is quickly rejected.

Again: I do not think violence should be the immediate answer to political problems, of course not. But when we talk about the oppression that's been committed continuously against a group of people through a large period of time, especially when their diplomacy and cries aren't being heard, why shouldn't violence be the answer? What other response there is? Go quietly into the good night? I don't think any of us would want that, not for ourselves and not for the ones we love, and not for the ones who make our communities.

There's a really good book - The Wretched of the Earth, by Frantz Fanon - that explores violence as more than a valid response to oppression, but a necessary one. Although I do think diplomacy should be tried and other resources should be exhausted before violence and war, I also think they are a valid response to oppression, especially because the oppressors are so vicious.

But returning to the books, even when violence and war are valid, like in the revolution, they are still extremely ugly and traumatizing, especially when we need - as the oppressed ones - to keep our humanity so we don't end up becoming the oppressors. So it's natural that the violence narrated in Collin's books, especially the violence committed by the revolution, seems like it passes the message that both sides are just as bad - something like the narrative, you lose your reasoning when your response is violence.

However, what makes Katniss's and the District's fight for freedom from the Capital's oppressive regime valid is not their lack of violence or their integrity (it's war, and it's not likely that, as a soldier, you maintain it), but the very fact that they are the oppressed ones. Victims should not and are not perfect, they never will be - children being as close to it as we can go. But that doesn't make their fight less valid.

Of course, there is a limit, and that's perfectly captured by Gale: hatred without compassion, blind rage, and dehumanizing of your enemy. That's when violence is no longer valid in fighting oppression, not because of its lack of morals but because of the danger it represents to the innocent they're trying to free.

And yes, I thought a lot about Palestine writing this.

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caffeine-clouds · 1 year

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What Your Favourite Sonic Ship Says About you! (Part 2)

(Sonuckles, Sonaze, Sonilver) (Part 1 is here - yes, this is the one with Sonadow) FULL DISCLAIMER: Shipping is a hot topic of debate, but this post is lighthearted fun! I'm a multi-shipper, I love most of these ships - and I can see why some people like the dynamics that I might not. This is not a bashing post, this is fun time. So, without further ado-

Sonuckles

So you took Knuxouge off of the shelf, took it to the counter - and you said: "Hey, can I get this kind of dynamic but reduce the amount of fighting and sexual tension a bit to instead replace it with a more friendly rivalry... also make it gay and uhhhh... can you also throw in just a fuckton of bromance? Your entire stock of it?" The result was thusly - Sonuckles. The rivalry dynamic of Sonadow is also appealing to you, but you just prefer dynamics on the healthier side. But does that mean you don't like angst? Fuck no, you love angst. In fact, you won't shut up about how Knuckles is one of the most tragic characters in the series to literally anyone who will listen. You just want good things for the red boy, and that means giving him a boyfriend - and that's so valid. And it makes perfect sense to you, right? Opposites attract - Sonic the freedom-loving hero who's always running free, and Knuckles - the sturdy rock, chained to his island. They're good for each other, aren't they? Sonic encourages Knuckles to get out there and live, while Knuckles teaches Sonic to slow down sometimes and take more responsibility. They improve each other, just like any good ship does. As far as Ao3 goes... you're a hurt/comfort person, right? And honestly, angst and fluff - you can take both on. You're either new to this ship, or you've been here a while and you're just so fucking stunned at the amount of fuel 2022 ended up giving you, but you are so happy either way. For you, there's no greater time to be a Sonic fan.... Anyway, sun and moon symbolism - am I right? Sonaze

Honestly? I think you're fucking based. The more I look at this one, the more it just makes sense. I see you, I absolutely see where your headspace is at. You are a person with taste and class, okay? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This ship is like - the pistachio ice cream of Sonic ships. To an outsider - it might seem strange, but as they grow older and wiser - they'll have an appreciation for it. Again - Sonic, free as the wind - cocky and chaotic, paired with the more rigid and formal Blaze? Again, it's the similar appeal of opposites attract - and you prefer a ship where they don't beat each other up as a ritual. And just like Sonuckles - they bring out the best in each other, and encourage each other to try different lifestyles and values. A pair of mutual respect, both can kick ass - and that Blaze/Percival blush in Black Knight? That is all the source of your joy. You still aren't over the Rush series, and you keep returning to see the end of the first Rush game. I looked on Ao3 for tagged Sonaze fics for the sake of this post and you only have 77? Absolutely criminal, I say. You poor shippers are starved, especially with the lack of Blaze content you're getting in canon. You poor things. Let's hope things get better. But let's think about your favourite tropes for a second... destined/star-crossed lovers, is it? Forbidden romance too? You are a fluff enjoyer but you'll occassionally dabble in some bittersweet endings. Seriously, I'm not exactly a strong shipper of this one - but the fic potential this ship has that isn't acted upon baffles me. Like - Sonic and Blaze struggling to navigate a love across entire dimensions? Blaze being a princess, and despite loving her - Sonic wants nothing to do with the royal life? UGH! I came up with that in a literal minute, so the lack of fan content you have? Abysmal. We need to do better. Sonilver

I... apologise in advance because this one I'm not quite so familiar with. Like, I knew this ship existed but I wasn't so aware of it's popularity. Like, there are more Sonilver fics on Ao3 than there are Sonaze - that fascinates me. Although I do have to wonder how many of those are Sonic, Shadow, and Silver poly fics... I'm trying to figure out the appeal and my best guess is that rivalries are nice and all but just not your personal cup of tea - your cup of tea, when it comes to gay hedgehogs ships - is wholesome - and you need a lot of it. What's better than one dork? Two dorks - and that's what this ship gives you. It has everything you need to be happy - and I understand. I get you. But honestly, it's so hard to deduce what your Ao3 preferences are - I do feel as though you are a bit of a wild card. However I do feel as though you're a fluff, hurt/comfort kind of person - for the most part. Either way, you're probably a cool person irl. This ship has flew straight past my radar which means you probably aren't vocal in shipping debates - which means you're not obnoxious. So congratulations on being cool, and so dang self-assured in your preferences. As with Sonaze shippers, I would like to sincerely apologise - because you are also snubbed in the content department.

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic discussion #sonic ships #sonuckles #soknux #sonaze #sonilver

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fuutaenjoyer · 10 months

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milgram oceangate

i don’t know man i’m mentally ill and cannot consume anything without immediately thinking about milgram so here it is

not proofread btw

“waaaahh.. Muu’s scared…” sobs rang out through the submarine as Muu clutched onto Harukas arm, sniffling dramatically and certainly not doing anything to help with the current predicament, especially the steadily dwindling supply of oxygen.

Although, that being said, Haruka wasn’t in a much better situation. whether it was his empathy of seeing Muu so distraught, or maybe he had finally found value in his own life, he was sniffling quietly, white knuckling the fabric of Muu’s uniform. “i’m sorry.. i’m sorry muu, i’m so sorry..” he repeatedly apologised, practically folding in on himself as he curled up, probably trying to block out the reality of the situation.

kazui sighed, massaging his brow as if his biggest issue was an oncoming headache, and not the fact that he was stranded at the bottom of the ocean. “now now you two, i’m sure we’ll be fine.. ah, and you using up all of the oxygen really isn’t gonna make the situation any better..” his voice was tired, and although he didn’t sound particularly annoyed, or scared, for that matter. actually, he sounded more bemused than anything, having already attempted to start a game of cards about three separate times since they’d received the news they were stranded.

“ugh, as if you’re not using just as much oxygen.. i mean, out of everyone here, you’re definitely the largest.” yuno retorted, biting her thumb and shooting him a glare. her usual bubbly attitude had disappeared roughly half an hour into being stranded, and she was now effectively brooding, not seeming too worried about the prospect of death, but more annoyed that when she did die it would be in a glorified pringles can.

“well, that’s not very nice.” kazui exhaled, doing his best old man pout, before a grin took over his face. “well, if i’m already using so much oxygen, i’m sure no one would mind if i have a smoke?”

yunos expression twisted into one of clear amusement as mahiru gasped next to her, leaning over her and shaking her head very dramatically. “no! you can’t do that! if you did then we really might die!”

“we’re already going to die.” amane shot from across the submarine, legs crossed neatly. “instead of worrying about surviving, you should all start praying to see if a last ditch effort can keep you out of hell. not that i have much hope for you, though.”

“aah, amane-chan, you really shouldn’t be so pessimistic.” shidous smile was tired, however that wasn’t really anything new. his smile was twitching a small amount, serving as the only sign that the situation was getting to him at all. he opened his mouth to say something out, when a rather pathetic whining sound came from the floor next to him.

as if on cue, everyone turned to look at where mikoto was tied up on the floor, tears in his eyes as he attempted to plead for his freedom through the gag.

“don’t you think we could let him out..?” mahiru asked tentatively, averting her gaze in pity.

kotoko shook her head, arms cross in defiance, glaring at his rather helpless figure. “nope. no way. this guys crazy, y’know? if we let him go he might go batshit and try to destroy the submarine, or something, killing all of us.”

“well, if we’re all going to die—“ yuno began to speak, voice flat, before she was interrupted.

“we’re not all gonna die! they’ve sent out search parties for us! they’ve got to— we’re gonna get rescued!” fuuta insisted. although he wasn’t openly crying like muu and haruka, his pale complexion and the fact that he’d threatened to throw up on 5 separate occasions was enough to show that he wasn’t taking the situation well.

yet again, mikoto made another noise, wriggling to look up at fuuta with pleading eyes. fuuta grimaced in response, mumbling an apology under his breath. “cmon, man, you know there’s nothing i can do..”

“we could at least take his gag off..?” mahiru offered, gnawing on her bottom lip.

“no way!” muu shouted tearfully, gasping for breath. “wh- what if he uses up all of the o- the oxygen?!” she sniffs and tightens her grip on haruka, who starts sniffling even louder at her words.

“says you!” fuuta shouted in response, his own voice a little wobbly. “i didn’t even wanna get on this stupid thing! y’know, as soon as we get out of here i’m calling a lawyer!” he declared as he turned to look at es accusingly.

speaking of, es was sitting at the far end of the submarine, white knuckling the xbox controller that fuuta had loaned from his very own gaming setup and staring directly at jackalope.

the group feel silent as they waited for some sort of response, expecting es to defend themself, at least.

“mm. i know.” they murmured, nodding as they spoke, not taking their gaze off of jackalope.

“you know?! then why the hell did you take us on this thing?!” fuuta snapped, clearly not happy with the response.

finally, es looked up, expression unemotive as always. “can you be quiet for a moment? i’m trying to listen to jackalope.”

another brief period of silence descended, with even muu and haruka falling quiet, before muus sobbing picked up once again, this time even more anguished. “our only hope is talking to a rabbit!” she wailed, tilting her head back and sobbing loudly, shaking haruka as she did so.

“n- no way..” fuuta mumbled, shakily lifting a hand over his mouth. “we’re all gonna die… no way…..”

mikoto shuffled across the floor, resting his head against fuutas leg, perhaps in an attempt to comfort him, but more likely in an attempt to wriggle himself free.

“our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name..” amane pressed her palms together, closing her eyes and continuing to pray.

“amane, i really don’t think this is the time—“ shidou began to speak.

“oh my god.. i’m gonna die before ever getting married!” mahiru exclaimed, joining muu and haruka in wailing loudly, clutching onto yuno who patted her head with a limited amount of sympathy.

“look at it this way, marriage is for losers.” she nodded wisely, to which mahiru only began to cry louder.

kazui spoke up against the cacophony of sobs, an easy smile still fixed on his face. “so, how about some black jack?”

“i refuse to die with these idiots!” kotoko snapped, climbing to her feet and hoisting a bat over her shoulder.

“wah— hey, where did she get that from?!” fuuta exclaimed, shuffling back words and staring up at her in a mix of shock and terror. mikoto clearly shared the sentiment from his muffled yell, although it was impossible to make out much more.

it was only when kotoko started walking towards the singular window that everyone else realised what she was planning to do.

“kotoko, no! we’ll all die!” shidou attempted to reason as he stumbled to his feet, his legs no doubt having gone numb from sitting down for so long.

kotoko lifted the bat up, expression determined, before swinging it at the window.

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #haruka sakurai #shidou kirisaki #kazui mukuhara #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #kotoko yuzuriha #mikoto kayano #amane momose

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jabberwock-the-lemur · 1 year

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Sburb Aspects and The Fear Entities - TMA x Homestuck (spoilers ahead!!!)

I love the style of hyper-flexible mythology used by both Homestuck and The Magnus Archives: power systems and personality types are all well and good, but stories are elevated so much when those are combined with structures of the world's metaphysical nature. Few stories do it nearly as great as these two (and if you know any on their level please offer those recommendations!).

That said, I think there's a lot of overlap between their systems. Nothing is 1-to-1, of course, the numbers don't match up and they try to map out different types of concept (one explicitly about fear, the other dubiously about storytelling & other stuff maybe): however, some concepts are similarly touched on between the systems. I intend to explore these links in this post.

(again, spoilers ahead for both stories!)

and a long LOOONG post up ahead!

Now, I'll explain the obvious ones first for each, then touch on some of the less expected matches.

BREATH

The Lonely: First, I hope this one is clear. The Breath aspect is very explicitly about detachment. If its opposite Blood is about attachment and community, Breath touches on isolation and lacking a place. See how HS's Egbert values their friends throughout the comic, but once it ends they become a shut-in. The fog aesthetic also fits the wind theme.

The Vast: Speaking of a wind theme, those who follow The Vast have a more positive view on Breath's detachment, and value their freedom very highly. See how Mike Crew lashes out at Jon when he feels John disrespect his desires and then proceeds to make him feel Lots Of Quick Movement (how Breathy!). Now, onto the weird ones.

The Desolation: Why link The Fire Entity with The Wind Aspect? Well, if The Lonely applies for having no attachments, then The Desolation applies for being the pain of losing those attachments. See how its agents target the homes and families of its victims, leaving them with nothing, cold and shelterless after the fire wanes.

The Hunt: Breath is the aspect of Direction/Motivation and Movement, and The Hunt is all about perpetual chase and goal-seeking.

The Stranger: Breath is associated with levity & humour & magic/clownery, like The Stranger's circus aesthetic. Not to mention The Stranger's penchant for wayward vagabonds (haha), those with no place to call home and always on the move.

BLOOD

The Buried: Things that these two have in common: duty/crushing responsibility/obligation, pacts/promises/transactions, bondage/shackles, metal/soil/the element of earth, and basically everything else.

The Corruption: Penned in some ways as opposing The Lonely, it's also known as The Swarm and The Hive. It's about NEVER being alone, losing your individuality, etc. Also opposed to The Desolation.

The Flesh: Well, Blood is the aspect of the Purely Physical, the Material, the reality of our form, and The Flesh focuses on the idea that we are naught but meat with no spirit. Plus, y'know, blood & viscera imagery doesn't hurt. (okay it probably HURTS but y'know!)

The Hunt: This fear's literally pseudonymised as "Blood"! Touched on in a couple of episodes, The Hunt's domain expands into the fear of the pack turning if you take a wrong step, so you better damn well conform or else!

The Slaughter: Us Vs Them. Conflict is nothing without opposition, and your side matters more than anything in war. You have a duty, and if you neglect your obligations, blood will be spilled.

The Web: Everyone's connected, everyone has a role to play, no man is an island and all actions affect everyone. The Web's domain over addiction could be linked to Blood's claim on dependency... Also, rope bondage?

SPACE

The Vast: Dimension & distance & depth, size & scale, the universe as an ocean, the incomprehensible vastness of reality. These two are so deeply similar, conceptually.

The Lonely: In Calliope and Jade's discussion on the nature of reality, it is revealed that the path of the Spacebound is especially prone to loneliness. Recall the isolation of every Space player before entering the game, and "MAG 57: Personal Space".

The Corruption: Space is biology and growth, and while I can't remember any specific Corruption statements on motherhood I can easily imagine a woman birthing a plague of worms and beetles (or perhaps frogs!), and doting on her "children". It feels like a statement that *should* have happened somehow, it's just so obvious a version of Corruption's themes, y'know?

The Eye: "Those bound to the aspect of Space are, as the name suggests, concerned with the big picture. They are patient, masters of the art of ‘wait-and-see’, and are inclined to take things as they come." Space is the most passive aspect, while The Eye is arguably the most passive Entity (beside The End).

The Extinction: The Spacebound hold an "understanding that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before. To this effect, they tend to be innovators, concerned with creation and redemption. Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful."

TIME

The End: Time's the aspect of endings, conclusion and death. Next.

The Slaughter: Music, rhythm, regularity. Pressure, aggression, action. Different vibes, but surprisingly high overlap.

The Hunt: Was debating whether this was appropriate, since Time values destination over journey while Hunt values the chase over the catch. However, even with this difference, they both hold dominion over unstoppable forces and strict determination.

The Web: How can your free will matter in a clockwork universe? We see Dave struggle with his agency, knowing that only his actions in the Alpha timeline matters. Time loops are very Webbish.

The Extinction: Time is also about what comes next, after the end. Progress, technology, change and eternity are the nature of Time & The Extinction. Out with the old, in with the new.

LIGHT

The Eye: Knowledge, information, sight & light, being noticed whether you like it or not, sorting things into neat discrete categories, focus & clarity & attention. They're the same damn thing! This is the Light of Rose, Doc Scratch and Aranea

The Web: Light players struggle with agency, whether there's any greater meaning, any purpose, any master plan behind life. Well, if The Mother of Puppets has her way, EVERYONE can have a purpose and contribute to her master plan! (Might not be a nice plan, but hey.) This is the Light of the Serket sisters, Vriska & Aranea.

The Hunt: Part of Lights sway over knowledge is its dominion on exploration, discovery, seeking. These aren't *traditional* Hunt symbols but they're certainly present in the text, see most of the Hunters in South America.

VOID

The Dark: Okay, I shouldn't need to explain the link between these two. Obscurity, concealment, secrecy, mystery, the cold, water symbolism, emptiness (especially in space), deaf/blind/losing senses, and literal darkness/shadow? They're basically the same!

The End: The domain of non-existence.

The Flesh: Void, like Blood, deals with the physical world and denies greater divine purpose. Lends itself well to hedonism and empiricism. See Equius and his huge muscles.

The Spiral/Stranger: Falsification of senses and reality, deceit and blurriness, obsession and obstruction. Distortion & Unknowing.

The Vast: Deals with cosmic insignificance, as does Void. See also the ocean imagery.

The Extinction: Again, the idea that we don't matter, and a return to a blank canvas for something new.

HEART

The Lonely: Being alone with yourself, no outside interaction to speak of, longing for love? SO Heart-coded it's unreal.

The End: Heart deeply values The Self Being A Thing That Exists, thus fear of The End must affect it worse than maybe any other aspect.

The Flesh: I'm thinking of body dysmorphia here, the idea that your physical identity doesn't match your Truest Self. See Jared Hopworth's gym, and the perfection its members strive for.

The Hunt: Known as one of the most primal Fears, the Hunt taps into our base, bestial nature more than any other. Heart presides over base instinct, and is associated with animal imagery

The Stranger: "Who will you be, with a name or three, and a stranger's face worn wrong?" - Identity issues are a whole thing. Deals with things not being what they "should", messing with presentation and souls.

MIND

The Spiral: Mind = Sense, equally in terms of logic and perception. The Spiral distorts logic and perception equally. Mind is also about dishonesty to the self, and you can hopefully see the link to Es Mentiras a.k.a. "It Is Lies" there. See The Distortion's identity crisis.

The Web: Mind is also about Choice, of karma, the interconnectivity of everything and thorough planning. The Web is the entity of weaving plans, interconnectivity and the questioning of your own agency and choices.

The Buried: Perhaps a bit tenuous, but Mind touches on karma and I see that as being "trapped by your choices".

LIFE

The Corruption: Uncontrolled growth and biological imagery. I see Life less as bugs (though they're still viable symbols, just less obvious ones!), and more as plant overgrowth, encroaching mold.

The Flesh/Hunt: Life is about consumption, food and domination, the assimilation of the weak to the strong, growth at no expense. Following your desires with no obstacles, fashioning yourself how you see fit. If Aspects had true name like TMA entities, Life could be the "It Will Eat & Grow".

The Extinction: Even without us, life will find a way. Nature shall reclaim all. Isn't it beautiful? Poetic?

DOOM

The Desolation: Pain, searing flame, loss, and sacrifice. Very very Doom.

The Corruption: Rot, disease and decay. Very very Doom.

The Buried: Restriction, limitations, etc. Very very Doom.

The Flesh: Oh my GOODNESS, those factory-farming episodes are DISTURBING. The utter helplessness, the looming tyranny of machines, the exploitation of your body before and after death... SO very VERY Doom. Recall the tragedy of The Ψiioniic Helmsman.

The Web: Fate, predetermination, bondage and learned helplessness. You get the drill by now.

The Extinction: Fossil fuels, factory farming, deforestation, political terrorism... Continuing on our path, Doom and Extinction as synonyms would be inevitable unless things change.

HOPE

The Spiral: "I am the throat of delusion incarnate" - every Hope player ever. Belief, whether in truth or falsehood, is the domain of Hope. I would also like to draw attention to the spoiling of belief, hope, faith and delusion in the "Desecrated Host" two-parter.

The Corruption: Hope is about a different kind of growth than Life but growth nonetheless, and Hope also touches on love as a form of desire. Corruption statements have a heavy emphasis on love, see "MAG 157: Love Bombing" (also features a literal cult belief system!!!)

The Extinction: The Catastrophic Change need not be so catastrophic, if we rebuild after. If Rage shatters glass, Hope will make a mosaic of it. If life as we know it ends, who's to say what comes next can't be better?

RAGE

The Stranger: Carnival, theatre and circus, masks and mannequins. The doubt of everything you encounter is what Rage is all about!!! It's perfect, honestly.

The Slaughter: Aggression, rabidity, anger, unpredictable violence, (in) justice, overhaul of the natural order. Dionysian madness, Pt. 1.

The Desolation: Hope is potential, Rage opposes Hope, and Desolation is the destruction of potential. Rage is happy to see (some parts of) the world burn. The aspect also touches on physical pain, and intensity of emotion.

The Flesh: Carnival, literally "farewell to meat", is the major symbol of Rage as mentioned already. Another case of Flesh's rejection of divine faith, manifesting Rage as Doubt (skepticism and empiricism).

The Hunt: Single-minded dogged determination, the denial of other possibilities in pursuit of The Undeniable Root, the unbreakable truth. PURE adrenaline. Fangs and horns and claws are also very Rage-y vibes.

The Spiral: Doubt of the senses, doubt of the self, doubt at its core. Dionysian madness, Pt. 2.

The Extinction: The Rage-bound are prone to believe that our world is unjust, unstable and unsustainable. All that's needed for everything to crumble is a little shake-up.

* Final Wrap-Up:

The Aspects connected to the most fears are Void and Rage, tied at 7. Makes sense, since the unknown is so central to horror and Rage is literally the aspect of fear! Of course half the fears would connect to either of those.

Doom & Blood tie second at 6 each (also sensibly scary). Mind, Light & Hope tie last at 3 each. The rest all have 4-5.

The Fears which line up with the most Aspects are Extinction at 7 then Hunt and Flesh each with 6 - half of the whole Aspect wheel!!! Funny how it's arguably the most primal Fear and the two most recent Entities which are most prominent.

The Dark alone aligns with just 1 Aspect and The Eye, funnily enough, has a mere 2. I can't really see them as anything else when they are SO similar in concept to Void and Light (though I did come around to Spaceye in the end).

Phe-YEW. Now THAT was a long post, anda took a while to write (presumably to read too!)

So now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna use my discoveries to help myself write a D&D campaign!

(Feel free to rb/comment w/ any of your own connections, if there's any in the table I didn't explain, and any links you think I missed or that don't fit here (I was mostly trying to think of what Fear the aspect would INSTILL, not what the Aspect-bound would be scared of since that would mostly be the opposite aspect's territory, but some of these might start to slide into aversion a bit. Also! I was thinking of connecting Buried to TIme or Space, but eventually decided Hunt and Eye fit them better. Maybe you can connect it better than I could?)) (^_^)c

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randomidiocyncrazies · 1 year

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Huh, I gotta say I hadn't considered the sleeper agent brainwashing angle. I feel like it would've been telegraphed more if that kind of tech/method was available, but at the same time I could believe it if Suletta does turn out to be literally brainwashed.

I personally hope it doesn't turn out like that—imo there wasn't enough set-up so it feels a bit random for me, and I think taking Suletta's agency/culpability away does a major disservice of the themes—but I am not familiar enough with the main writer's style to predict if he'd go for it.

I think people are free to speculate that Prospera literally brainwashed her, and the writer can justify it retroactively... BUT from a thematic standpoint, I think Suletta has to be accountable for her choices and actions. (Or as responsible as someone who was groomed from childhood is accountable for the choices they make—she technically has the freedom to make choices, but we know her 'freedom' is limited and her choices aren't necessarily informed, since she was manipulated by Propera for the goal to carry out her revenge.) If it was just straight up brainwashing/mind control, it entirely removes Suetta's agency from the entire situation. I think the narrative loses nuance if you can basically say Suletta literally isn't responsible at all. Sure, she'll still feel guilt once she breaks free of the brainwashing, and there's a compelling narrative in processing the violation of her identity/agency, but imo it flattens her character into just a victim who literally had no choice.

A literal brainwashing narrative usually ends with the victim breaking free from it eventually; imo it’s a far more perilous and painful journey to realize you’ve actively participated in some really fucked up shit out of your own free will* and start working on improving yourself. Letting Suletta have (some degree) of agency in this situation heightens the horror/heartbreak of the situation. She chooses to cheerfully dehumanize another person—she acts like she squished a bug, not a person—as long as she feels justified in doing so. After all, that guy was going to kill Miorine, right? She saved someone she loves, right? That person was a bad guy, right? Enemies want to hurt the people she loves, so they're evil, and she doesn't have to think of them as normal people, right? (And dehumanization of the 'other', such as enemy combatants, is a problem in real life as well.)

It’s tragic not just because Suletta killed a guy violently—he was going to kill Miorine, and he's an enemy combatant in an armed conflict, so killing him made sense in tge situation—but specifically because she seemed to have stopped seeing her opponents as human beings. It’s unsettling because we know she’s a shy girl who wants to do the right thing that we’ve been rooting for in these past 11 episodes. To see that idealistic girl choosing to accept her mother’s philosophy and stop seeing other people as human, when it’s crystal clear that her mom is just using her and twisting her into a tool, hurts a lot.

And speaking of tools... a ‘brainwashed agent’ narrative certainly is one way to explore the theme of tools—a tool has no agency—and the classic “breaking out of mind control” story can be really uplifting and compelling. Reconnecting with your old values, finding the true self within your current state, throwing off someone else’s control to reclaim your boundaries and agency is extremely cool and sexy. But with the hellscape capitalist corpocracy setting, I feel like showing the dehumanization and tool-ification of people (especially minors) without literal brainwashing seems more in line with the show’s social commentary? Those with power and authority can coerce those without easily, and people even willingly** become tools of their own free will in order to survive.

then again, I’ve been completely wrong about these things before. and like I said, narratives about breaking out of brainwashing can be very compelling as well!

*or as much ‘free will’ someone who was groomed and manipulated from childhood can have, anyway.

** to the extent that someone who has no other real choice can have free will, anyway.

#replies #knowledgeseeker01 #gwitch spoilers #gwitch meta #gwitch #gundam

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bg3ficreviews · 1 month

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Hi! Can you explain how you are going to review fics? I have a few I would like to recommend, but what criteria are you basing your review/critiques on? Like what are you looking for in order to share fics recommended to you?

How true to character it is? If it's canon to events in game? Writing style or techniques?

I think something like your page can be good, it's just vague what you mean by review and I would love some clarity before I recommend anything.

Hello Cerudinae! Apologies for the delay in getting back to you - we have had many asks in our inbox over the last few days, and we are trying our best to keep up with them all and catch up.

As we have mentioned in some other posts, we are currently compiling a general FAQ document to answer questions readers and fanfic authors may have around what our plans are. It is a work in progress, as we are adding questions (and answers) over time as we consult with the writing community. You can read them here, and they should answer some of your questions already. In terms of your questions regarding how "true to character" or in line with canon a given fic is - we absolutely do not look at these as defining criteria in reviews. We respect and value the freedom that writing fan fiction gives authors, and we respect everyone's headcanons. If anything, our primary interest centres around just how creative and interestingly diverse fan fiction can be - we do not want to put anyone in a box of conformity. That has never been and will never be our goal. Our primary goal is to support fanfic authors and celebrate their work and creativity - not to break anyone down or to dissuade them from writing and creating what they love. Doing so would be the very antithesis of our motivations and what we hope to achieve. We hope this response eases your mind somewhat, but if you do have further questions please don't hesitate to ask. Please do keep in mind that we are fanfic authors and hobbyists ourselves, and only started this endeavour a few days ago. We are learning as we go, but we are doing and will do our utmost to support our fellow authors as best we can.

All the best, The BG3 Fic Reviews team

#bg3ficreviews asks answered #bg3ficreviews info post #bg3ficreviews faq

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entomolog-t · 11 months

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Hi sorry, saw your trope ask game and wanted to give my two cents about escapism with it

I know theres a ton of G/t stuff with borrowers, but to me thats always the best escapism since its like...both being able to be protected yet also being able to be independent if that makes sense? Like, if I want I can just be protected and live with a human I like, but also with where I come from I have just enough skills or experiences to be and feel independent

...oh and throw in some fearplay too, sure, why not lol

Hope this makes some sense. If not sorry

Last one before I konk out for the night.

Ah yes! A wonderful point! Borrowers as a whole tend to show and value a great deal of freedom an independence, but depending on the context might also be used to show how difficult independence can be, the yearning for security, or how fragile freedom can be.

Power dynamics are interesting, because they are so deeply multi-faceted. Some may wish to give up control, others may want a feeling of safety, or a variety of other aspects. In particular, I see that a lot of G/t has a yearning for safety and care (possibly with an easing of ones own responsibilities, being taken care of) while still valuing ones personhood and freedom.

Many individuals with a heavy amount of responsibilities or limited amount of personal energy tend to gravitate to wishing to be a borrower; one who lives a difficult life only to be found by a human who offers them sanctuary and care. I think its interesting to note that the size difference usually emphasizes that this is not a burden to the Giant, and it is in fact easy and enjoyable for them to care for the borrower.

This form of escapism suggests an individual yearns to be cared for, and frankly, don't we all. It is human nature to long for someone who takes pleasure in caring for us. Fear to fluff dynamics in my opinion are highly concentrated primal archetypes of building trust. New person = scary/danger, they show they are willing to value my feelings/safety/boundaries = exchange in power.

One thing I would recommend is looking for what you personally find most compelling for building trust in G/t scenarios. For example;

Giant does not touch the tiny

Giant listens to tiny's boundaries

Giant is soothing

Giant provides resources

and analyze it sort of like you are looking for your love language, except in this exercise, we are looking to see what you look for to trust someone, why it has value to you, and why that aspect may be missing in your current life.

Example; Giant is soothing to the tiny despite their fear. They are patient and gentle. In this example you may find trust in words of affirmation, and clear caring gestures to support those words. Why do you value that? In this theoretical example, maybe you grew up quickly, were always responsible and praised for it. Being in control is what you feel like gives you value, so being cared for and comforted when afraid might suggest your value is intrinsic to you, and not your emotional state or level of self control.

#g/t #giant/tiny #g/t shitpost #g/t prompts #g/t community #G/t tropes #G/t trope psychology

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minileena-sfw · 10 months

Text

Zookeeper - part 14

CW: Manipulation, suicide attempt, political discussion, brief mention of sexual assault

So… CW list a mile long. BUT! This is still one of my favourite chapters I’ve written of this story. I really hope y’all like it 🥰

If you maybe aren’t comfy with reading it, a summary can be found here. Enjoy!

I was rudely awakened to the sound of a phone ringing.

I supposed that one of the few good things about living in a zoo is that you get to choose your own sleep schedule. Sure, you’d get the occasional person flicking the glass early in the morning, but the ringtone of the phone was, honestly, considerably worse.

With a huff, I sat up on my pillow and watched as Evelyn reached forwards to answer the call.

The human had set me up on the floor, in front of her nightstand. She let me sleep on a spare pillow.

I… had conflicted feelings about her.

She was my tool for escaping. She was my friend. These two facts could and did remain true at the same time. I was slowly working on letting my guard down, relaxing myself into conversation and trying hard not to intentionally choose the responses that would benefit me the most.

I hated that I was still aware of them, though. Because yes, with every single sentence I spoke, I knew what the correct thing to say would be. I knew precisely what vocabulary to use to elicit the responses I wanted. I didn’t think I would ever stop being aware of that. The best I could do was to choose the responses I wanted to choose, regardless of whether or not they’d be the most beneficial.

I think I’m slowly getting better at it.

Evelyn answered the call with furrowed brows. “Jasper?” She put the call on speakerphone for me.

“Evelyn, what the hell were you thinking?”

Fuck.

“I… what? What do you mean?” Evelyn asked, with a painfully obvious hint of concern in her voice.

“I got called in early to deal with the mess you and your parvinnet left here. I’m betting you’ll get a call from Bonnie pretty soon, too.”

I had just started working on treating Evelyn like a friend, too. Now she had to become a tool again. Fucking Jasper.

Okay, so… loyalties. Evelyn tried to cover for me on instinct. That was a good sign. If her feelings towards me and her employers hadn’t changed throughout the last three weeks, then I was pretty safe. I didn’t have any guarantee of that, though, since throughout the past three weeks, I haven’t been able to work on strengthening her resolve to free me due to being constantly surveilled. If those feelings hadn’t degraded, though, she’d value me and my freedom over her job. Would she deal with being arrested for me, though? Legally, I am the property of the zoo, and I’m valuable at that. She committed a theft for my sake. Would she give me back just to get out of being charged?

“I… J-Jasper, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Oh, sweet Evelyn. It’s time to give up now. We can’t lie our way out of this one anymore.

“I listened to the whole conversation you had with it,” Jasper sighed, exasperation dripping from his voice. “You helped it get out. I heard you talking about the cameras—and for the record, yes, the cameras wipe footage every twenty-one days, but they start indexing at zero, not one. You made your move a day too early.”

I supposed she was already caught red-handed. Hopefully she’d agree that there was no need to bring us both down if she had already been exposed. And she respected me enough to not hand me over for something as small as a more lenient charge, right? But what if she would, for example, be fined if she handed me over and arrested if she didn’t? How deep did the loyalty go? I supposed that this was only relevant if rational thought were a factor, and I could absolutely just manipulate the situation around that. Evelyn was in panic mode right now, and I could exploit it if necessary—tell her to let me go now, promise to meet back up with her later. If I stress urgency, she might make a decision before thinking about the ramifications of it, and I could remove myself from the situation before she could realize that she’d be fucking herself over by letting me—

“Don’t worry, the footage is gone and I’m not reporting it,” Jasper sighed.

I…

Huh.

…What??

“Don’t know what the fuck was going through your head there, but I’m not super inclined to let you get arrested,” he continued. “Obviously if someone questions me about it I’ll throw you under the bus, which you deserve for being a fucking idiot. Oh, and by the way, you’re a fucking idiot.”

“Prick,” I muttered to myself.

“Is that the fucking parvinnet on the line!?” Jasper hissed.

Evelyn gave me a look.

“I didn’t think the mic would pick that up!” I protested. “Besides, it’s not like it matters. He already knows pretty much everything, the only thing that changed is that he knows where I am now. I guess the worst he could do is come over and kidnap me and then bring me back to the zoo, but that would barely even benefit him, so I think we’re fine.”

“I can’t believe you let a goddamn rodent talk you into committing a felony,” Jasper groaned.

“I’m not a fucking rodent,” I spat. “And now that I can finally talk back to you without consequences, fuck you. You are the biggest piece of shit on this god forsaken planet, and I will spend the rest of my life praying to any god or deity that will listen to make your every waking moment a living hell.”

“Christ, Layna,” Evelyn breathed.

“Oh my god, you named it,” Jasper muttered.

“My mother named me,” I spat back. “The last time I got to hear my own fucking name was as she and my sister screamed it at me when I was ripped away from them and sent to spend the rest of my life in a cage with the world’s worst company.”

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Jasper huffed. “I’ll cover for you, Evelyn, but I’m coming over later so that we can have a talk about this. You’re my friend, and I’m genuinely worried about you. I would say that we’ll talk at work, but Bonnie’s pretty pissed and she’s definitely gonna fire you, so I guess I’ll come by this evening. And then we’re gonna talk about… god, we’re gonna talk about how you made friends with a wild animal and then let it talk you into breaking it out of a zoo.”

“I’m assuming this is non-negotiable,” Evelyn sighed. “Fine. See you in a bit.”

“One last ‘fuck you’ for the road?” I offered before the line went dead.

“Oh my god I hate him so much,” I sighed. “That felt so good…” One more deep breath. “Anyways, wanna prepare what you’re gonna say for when he comes?”

Evelyn held her forehead in her palms, elbows propped up on her knees as she hunched over. “Why would I need to prepare? I don’t need a script, I just need to be honest with him. Make him see who you really are.”

Hoo boy.

My poor, naïve Evelyn…

“Alright, how do I put this,” I muttered to myself, eliciting a cocked eyebrow from Evelyn. “Have you ever tried to talk someone out of bigotry on Twitter?”

Evelyn’s brows furrowed, her expression ripe with confusion. “I… what? What does this have to do with anything?”

“I mean, I thought it was a pretty clear comparison, but I guess I’ll go a little slower,” I huffed. “When you spend three and a half years with literally nothing to do with your time aside from watching people, you get pretty good at figuring out what makes said people tick. And, y’know, I’ve spent more time with Jasper than I have literally any other human, so I know what pushes his buttons pretty well. I used to just use it to piss him off because it was funny and I didn’t exactly have an iPhone in my cage, but apparently the knowledge is gonna be useful today.

“Jasper does not respond to sympathy. You heard him shrug off that little comment I made about my sister like it meant nothing to him, didn’t you? I tried that angle with him for months after I was first caught. It got me nowhere. Then I tried the logic angle. It also didn’t get me anywhere. I tried to open up discussions with him, try to really, genuinely get him to ponder the definition of personhood and sapience like you did after, like, three days of knowing me. It didn’t work.

“Jasper doesn’t define personhood in those terms. He doesn’t think of what defines a sapient being worthy of rights and respect by things like logic, reason or emotion. He defines ‘a person’ as ‘a member of the human race.’ There is zero wiggle room, no matter how many sob stories I feed him, no matter how much I point out how illogical it is for him to completely disregard my speech capabilities and obvious level of emotional and personal nuance. You can’t talk him into it. His beliefs are set in hard-cast stone. Hence the comparison to a MAGA nutjob on Twitter—you can tell them that Trump has a sexual allegations list a hundred miles long and has literally been held liable for it, but they’ll just spit in your face and say that it doesn’t count because it was a civil trial and not a criminal one. You can continue on that thread, pointing out other horrible things he’s done, his racist practices, his political blunders, etcetera, but they don’t listen to facts and reason. They are pro-Trump and no amount of yelling and screaming and showing facts and articles and lawsuits is going to change that.

“So the approach we’re gonna have to take to get him to back the fuck off is more than likely not gonna involve any of those things in your impending conversation with him. I think it’s really sweet that you wanna just speak from the heart and hope that your friendship with him is strong enough to ‘show him the light’ or whatever, but the world doesn’t work that way. He doesn’t work that way. We’re gonna have to come up with something else, and it’s a very good idea for us to talk about it beforehand.”

Evelyn was quiet for a bit.

God, she’s so cute and naïve. The thought nearly made me visibly smile. I suppressed the urge, though.

“You’re really good at that,” Evelyn finally decided.

“I spent three and a half years without the opportunity to hone many other skills, so yeah, I suppose I am pretty damn good at analyzing people and figuring out their ticks,” I agreed.

“How did you know about that stuff?” Evelyn asked. “The… the twitter stuff, and the Trump stuff?”

I grimaced. “I, uh… stole an iPhone after someone dropped it on their walk home,” I admitted. “Obviously I didn’t know the passcode, but punching in the wrong one a couple dozen times till it offered to erase everything worked well enough to get me a blank slate and a safari page. It was 2016 by the time I got a handle on the whole ‘literacy’ thing, so… yeah. A very interesting time to get into your species’ politics. And kinda funny to keep up to date with from in the zoo—I guess there was a pandemic that somehow got politicized? You people are weird. But anyways, you’re latching onto the wrong details of what I said. So…” I prompted. “Thoughts? Ideas? I had three years to work on him and got nowhere, but maybe with the presence of someone he actually considers a person, things will go better. As long as we make the correct approaches.”

As Evelyn thought of ways to make Jasper fuck off, I considered my own moves from here. Technically, it wasn’t the end of the world if this conversation didn’t go well. The whole reason it’s happening in the first place is because Jasper cares enough about Evelyn to cover her ass, and since she’s covering my ass, the ass-covering carries over. The only nightmare outcome would be this conversation going so bad that Jasper suddenly decides to turn us both into the authorities, but… I literally can’t think of anything Evelyn could say to fuck things up that horribly. We should be largely fine, at least in the short term.

“I… I can’t think of anything,” Evelyn admitted, breaking me out of my train of thought. “It’s… how am I supposed to get him to care about you if there’s nothing I can do to get him to care about you? It’s a paradox!”

“It is,” I agreed. “That’s why getting him to care about me isn’t the goal.”

Evelyn’s brows furrowed. “It isn’t?”

“I never said that it was,” I confirmed. “Frankly, I don’t like him enough to wanna put in the effort of bashing my head against that particular brick wall. The goal is to make him fuck off and leave me alone. He’s incapable of giving a shit about me, but I don’t need him to. The ideal situation is one where he just washes his hands of any involvement in this. Forgets you and I exist and moves on with his life. Unfortunately, he cares too much about you to ever leave me the fuck alone, since I’m kinda bound to you for now. Obviously, the clearest path forwards from there would be to unbound myself from you, but unfortunately I like you, so the efficient method of just severing all ties and leaving you is… not desirable.”

Actually, no. It’s not just ‘not desirable.’ It’s unacceptable. It would be losing. I refuse to lose to Jasper. I’m not giving up an inch of this hard-fought slice of peace I have spent three years clawing for. Evelyn is mine.

…Oh. Uh. Shit. Very problematic thought process there, brain. I would be thinking hard about that later.

“I, uh,” Evelyn said with a cocked eyebrow. “I don’t know if I should be offended that you just insinuated that the fact that you care about me is a logistical issue, but… I… guess it proves you care about me in the first place..?”

Oh, fuckin whoops. There’s a reason I usually keep this monologue internal. Lemme just do some damage control here.

“E-Evelyn, I… I’m in analysis mode here,” I reassured. “My affection towards you obviously isn’t as surface level as just… a thing that I have. That’s not what my emotions are to me. That’s not what you are to me. You’re… more important than that,” I said with a smile. “I’m just thinking in a logical context right now, I promise.”

“I-it was just a little joke, don’t worry,” Evelyn reassured me, though I knew she felt relieved. “I don’t actually think you treat your emotions as assets to be used in some kind of game.”

Ha. If only she knew. I’ve been working hard to stop treating everything I see as an asset, and I could almost have believed it was going well before Jasper called.

“You, uh… you don’t, right?”

I realized just a little too late that I never responded to that. “Oh, no, of course I don’t,” I lied. “Sorry, just… got lost in thought again.”

Evelyn just nodded. Then, after another quick pause; “And, you… you don’t treat anyone else’s emotions like assets, too, right? Like… how often is this kind of stuff going through your head? Do… do you ever get into ‘analysis mode’ with me..?”

Oh, god. I really don’t want to lie to Evelyn, and if I’m being honest, I had been thinking for a while about telling her that I intentionally manipulated her, but I wanted to wait a little bit for the right time. No, not now, it’s not time for that yet. For now, though… I could answer her question without lying, right?

“Evelyn,” I said, taking a step closer to the giant. “How I feel—”

Evelyn’s phone rang again. With one last concerned look in my direction—shit, that’s a bad sign, isn’t it?—she checked the caller ID.

“Bonnie,” she said. “Uh… okay, lemme just get fired real quick before we keep going here.”

As Evelyn listened to her manager chew her out for being the only zookeeper in years to be so incompetent as to let out an exhibit, I considered whether or not it was worth it to just… run.

She was onto me, after all. I could see it in her eyes, in her posture. I spoke my train of thought aloud, and she saw me for what I really am—a sociopath who plans every interaction and manipulates them into favourable situations. She listened to me thinking about how best to do it to Jasper, and realized that it was very likely that I had employed a similar method in my conversations with her. I had no control over how she would react to this. I was planning on talking her down and convincing her that I’m not a sociopath, but if it didn’t go well… I wouldn’t surrender my hard-fought freedom. I would bolt.

I planned out an escape route. The curtain to the open window was floor-length, and therefore in reach. I could climb up and run out, then… shit. I’m pretty sure I could survive if I just jumped straight down to the ground, even though I’m on the second floor. I don’t have enough mass to work up the momentum it would take to cause any appreciable damage by falling. But… I had never exactly had a strong desire to test that at any point throughout my life, and I wasn’t ecstatic at the prospect of trying it without knowing for certain.

This was all just a backup plan, though. It’s okay if it’s kind of terrible—hopefully, it won’t come to that. And god, I really hoped it didn’t. I really, really like Evelyn. I don’t want her to hate me. I just want a normal friendship with her.

And… friends talk to each other.

The instincts that had spent three years embedding themselves in the fibers of my being screamed at me for entertaining this line of thought. This is a delicate situation. Now is not the time to be honest with her. I’m a helpless animal, and I didn’t have the luxury of treating this situation like a human would. My life is at stake.

And yet…

Friends talk to each other.

“In any other situation, I’d probably be crying after a call like that,” Evelyn muttered as she hung up. “Strange how saving a life negates the anxiety of frivolous things like summer income. Anyways…” The human set her phone back down on her nightstand. “Layna. I… I didn’t mean to insinuate—“

“For all intents and purposes, I intentionally emotionally manipulated you into feeling guilty for my captivity and coerced you into helping me escape by spending time with you for the purpose of fostering affection so that I could abuse it—and you—to break free,” I blurted, tears welling in my eyes.

I took note of how Evelyn’s shock softened just the smallest amount as she saw my lip quiver. In response, I waited an extra few seconds before biting down on it, giving her more time to see it and foster feelings of pity for me.

…I’m a monster.

I’m a fucking monster.

My legs were tense, ready to sprint to the window the moment her rage overtook her, preparing for the fallout of losing my most valuable asset.

I hate this.

I don’t want to think of Evelyn that way.

I want to be friends with her.

I want to sob into her chest while she holds me in cupped hands, a reassuring finger running down my back as she calms me down and tells me that it’s all okay now, that I’m safe now, that I never need to think about these kinds of things again.

I wish I was a person.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered pathetically.

I stifled my sobbing. My instincts told me to use them, to cry loudly so she’d pity me more. I refused those instincts. I clamped down on my desire to wail. I wouldn’t entertain my manipulative tendencies right now—Evelyn deserved that much from me.

“Was any of it real?” Evelyn asked, and for once, I couldn’t parse her tone. I couldn’t find any anger, nor could I find forgiveness.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I… I want it to have been. But I don’t know anymore. I…” I considered what I wanted to say next. My heart wanted to speak those words, but… my instincts told me they’d foster more pity. That when I spoke them, my chances of keeping this asset would increase. I didn’t want to listen to those instincts.

I had promised myself I would listen to my heart for Evelyn, though. It didn’t matter that my manipulative instincts agreed with it, right? It didn’t matter that I was aware of the positive effects it would have. My heart told me to say it, and so I said it.

“I don’t remember how to see people as people anymore,” I whispered, voice quivering. “I don’t remember how to have a conversation with someone without subconsciously steering things in a favourable direction for me. How to talk to someone without ulterior motives. It’s… it’s been too long since I’ve just talked, and those skills have atrophied.”

“Layna…” Evelyn breathed.

“I don’t want to know these things anymore,” I choked out. “I don’t want to be constantly aware that every little quiver of my voice makes you pity me. I want that little voice in my head telling me to abuse it and sob for you so you’ll feel more responsible for my wellbeing to go away. But it won’t, because I’ve listened to it for three years and I don’t know how to turn it off anymore.”

My knees quivered and threatened to buckle, but I kept them locked. I still might need to run.

“I just want to be your friend,” I whispered pathetically. “But I can’t stop thinking of you as a tool.”

Evelyn sat up in her bed. Her face grew far enough away from me that it was a blur to my nearsightedness. I couldn’t read her intentions.

And so when the giant’s hand descended down, I assumed the worst and ran for the window.

“Wh— Layna!” Evelyn called after me, but my legs pumped without any intention of slowing down. I reached the curtain in an instant, immediately jumping to start climbing. The tears in my eyes blurred my vision, and I missed a handhold in the fabric, slipping for just a moment before regaining my grip.

That moment was enough for Evelyn to react. She shot towards the window, scrambling to close it before I could throw myself out. I immediately doubled back and ran for the door to her bedroom, hoping to escape that way.

The door was only open a crack, and so all Evelyn had to do to block off my way out was slam it an inch, blocking off my last chance of never having to see the inside of that cage again.

My breaths grew more shallow, my movements more erratic. I didn’t have an out in this situation. I was so fucking close to finally being free, and I messed it up at the last goddamn second. Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut? Now I had zero control over the situation. I couldn’t say anything to convince her to stop—she already knew all my tactics, because I told her all of them.

I can’t go back there.

I can’t go back to that cage!!!

I started searching wildly for another way out. A hole in the wall, a secret door, a fucking portal to another dimension, anything to gain a foothold, to control something about this situation. I came up with nothing.

My legs fell out from under me. I shot back up, but my knees still quivered with terror, threatening to buckle again. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My heart pounded through my chest, and I was certain it had somehow broken my ribs, because nothing else could possibly have caused that pain. I fell again, my limbs betraying me as I looked up at Evelyn, shaky arms keeping me propped up as I tried to crawl backwards away from her.

“Please don’t hurt me!” I cried. “Please don’t take me back!!! I can’t go back!!! I won’t go back!!!”

I’d sooner die.

My wrist shot up to my mouth, and my jaws prepared to clamp down on my veins.

I won’t go back.

Giant fingers pried my limbs away, denying me of any bodily autonomy. I struggled and squirmed and cried, but those fingers kept me locked in place.

Evelyn brought me closer to her face, and even through the blurring of both my nearsightedness and the tears in my eyes, I could make out her expression.

It… it wasn’t anger.

It was grief.

I was held against her chest, fingers still keeping my limbs secure to prevent me from hurting myself. I sobbed uncontrollably into her chest.

“I can’t go back!” I wailed.

“You’re not going back,” Evelyn said softly. “You’re never going to have to see that tank again. I promise you that.”

My frail body quivered in her grip.

“Are you gonna kill me?” I sobbed.

“Oh my god,” Evelyn whispered, her voice quivering. “Layna… sweet Layna… It’s okay, honey, no one’s going to hurt you. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again as long as I live.”

She’s… not mad.

She’s crying.

For me.

“I’m a monster,” I reminded her.

“You’re a victim,” Evelyn corrected. “You’re… you’re a broken woman who has suffered too much heartache for one person to ever have to bear. It’s not your fault that your coping mechanisms are harmful to yourself. And… and to me.”

She let out a shaky sigh, trying in vain to calm her breathing. Her finger ran down my back in an attempt to soothe me.

“You were forced into a corner,” she continued, “and… and I was your way out. You were in there for so long… I’m so sorry, Layna…”

“I don’t deserve this,” I reminded her. “I spent my days thinking about ways to emotionally abuse you. Trying to get you to feel horrible and depressed so you’d save me. At every given chance, I chose the path that would make you hate yourself, and I did it on purpose.”

“I deserved to hate myself for what I was doing to you,” Evelyn replied. “I’m glad you made me feel the way I did, even if I would’ve preferred less malice and obfuscation.”

“I still don’t know how to see you as a person,” I cut in. “I still see you and your emotions as tools I can use. I… I’m a sociopath.”

“I want to help you stop,” she responded without hesitation. “I want to teach you to treat people as people. I want for you to think of me as your friend. I want to help you heal. Because you’re not a sociopath, Layna. You’re hurt.”

“I’m just going to keep using you,” I said. “I’m going to use this. I’m already thinking of ways I could take advantage of it. How I could manipulate you into thinking I’m healing to lower your guard.”

“Layna. Was it a good idea to tell me that? From the perspective of a manipulator, I mean.”

I hesitated for a moment.

“It was a horrible idea to let you know what my plans could be,” I admitted.

“So why did you tell me?”

I already knew the answer, of course.

“…Because I promised myself I would tell you what felt right, and not what benefited me the most,” I whispered. “Because I want to get better. I want to be your friend.”

“You are my friend,” Evelyn said, and I shattered.

Evelyn kept shushing and softly petting my head as I screamed into her chest. She took it in stride, continuing to reassure me and tell me everything was gonna be okay.

“Friends help each other,” Evelyn promised. “I’m gonna help you.”

Sobs wreaked through my chest hard enough to hurt, strong enough that my lungs burned from lack of air.

I shattered, and Evelyn held all the pieces together in one place as I wailed.

In the palms of her hands.

The one place that I couldn’t reconcile… for I simultaneously had no control over myself, and all the control in the world.

#size k!nk #giant/tiny #leena-stories

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