#so it's definitely worth getting through

[melon-official]

She wails as though a part of her has died.

oh man. i picked up the sidestory to @just-a-carrot's five-arc horror epic a couple days ago and i'm so glad i did. i'll probably be talking nonstop and/or drawing about it for days

there's a handful of whiteboard doodles with other characters under the cut, but rly i just wanted to pay a homage to the scene that hit me the hardest... enjoy

#theres already PARAGRAPHS upon paragraphs in my partners dms over this freaking thing but like listen to me (jingle jingle) PAY ATTENTION #i feel like i have to add that visual novels arent really something i take interest in at all this one jus JUMPED me #i actually played the side piece (our cinderella) first + was so in love with the writing i went to check out the main story. worth it #and i DEFINITELY won't be able to fit everything i want to say in the tags but its so refreshing to read/play thru a novel where the protag #are regular ass adults. like middle class thirty year olds barely breaking even. and that still get sappy unapologetically. #need more stories like this fr #that aside it's been fucking crazy to look at iggy's character arc through his eyes considering yk.. everything. #theres no universal asexual experience or anything but sometimes there'd be a line in there that made me like. sit up and go damn what the #i did that. i do that. #it's. i cant explain it in depth in the tags its about the way topics are skirted around and the realization that something is #uncomfortable in a way you werent expecting it to be. or even on your radar. theres so much #ugh. im unwell. anyways. #dewdles #our wonderland #gidget bordelle #iggy maxwell #genzou #genzou ichihara #cecil- does cecil have a last name??? cecil. #blood #injury #ask to tag

[fernlessbastard]

hot take moment cwilbur is literally just psychotic as all hell and i think people got way too comfortable villianizing the shit out of a man who was clearly portraying signs of severe mental illness. cwilbur was like im so fucking paranoid and scared and i think everyone is out to get me and hurt me and ive spiralled to the point i cant reach out to the people closest to me because im so afraid and lost in this spiral and im having constant panic attacks and hurting myself because i dong know what to do with myself and the only way out for me is to die. and everybody was like EVIL MAN WHO ENJOYS HURTING OTHERS AND IS ABUSIVE ON PURPOSE AND A VILLAIN AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED AGAIN. and then he came back and was like im still deeply troubled and afraid but im desperately trying to make up for the wrongs i did in the past and the people i hurt in my own way and communication is really hard for me but i hope people know that im truely sorry and i love them. im going to try my hardest to fix this in the only way i know how and then respectfully remove myself from the situation because i feel thats the kindest thing i can do to the people ive hurt. and people were like ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER EVIL MAN ABUSER. like girl

Yeah no based true real no questions asked

I'd hope I manage to portray Wilbur the way he deserves in my content, cause that man is heavily bpd coded and he just needs therapy and someone who genuinely loves him but also can handle his bullshit (which has exclusively and reliably been Quackity like, canonically)

But yeah no completely agreed. The man has issues and has definitely fucked up a lot but at the end of the day he really does need love and care and patience, but also boundaries (and therapy and meds, obviously)

#i deeeefinitely have no reason to have strong feelings about bpd bitches deserving love and care and stability ha ha nooo it's definitely- #-not like I've been dating one for well over 4 years now and even though we've been through so much shit together and I still can't- #-understand why people with bpd and conditions that have similar symptoms are so demonised. It just makes no sense to me. #my bf is the love of my life and i can't imagine /not/ supporting it through all the splitting and episodes and all of that cause they're- #-absolutely worth everything #i don't know not to be too gay on main but tbf it's too late now anyway i think-- #is it unstable? sure. but it's also the most caring and loving person i've ever been close with and it always makes sure i'm ok #and it loves me so undeniably deeply no matter what purely for who i am #i've never had anyone care about me this much and this genuinely and this unconditionally - it'd always be what /they/ can get out of /me/ #but my boyfriend just cares about me - the actual me - no matter if i'm acting how it imagined i'd act. what matters is if i'm /me/ #listen bpd isn't sunshine and rainbows - we've been through some TERRIBLE shit (including s-cide attempts) #but when people claim it makes a relationship toxic/abusive it's so stupid cause ultimately with mutual love support and reassurance- #-and professional help you can have a genuinely happy and healthy life with someone with bpd #love isn't mean to be easy. it's meant to be safe and supportive and genuine but a relationship always takes effort and work on both sides #you should never sacrifice your well being of course! #but when love takes effort and extra care it doesn't inherently mean it's unhealthy or toxic or abusive. it just means you're people. #tldr if you love someone then don't care about some diagnosis - care about the actual perso. #ask #asks #ask fern #tntduo #dsmp #tnt duo #wilbur soot #quackity #quackbur #dream smp #tntblr #c!quackbur #c!tntduo

[good-beanswrites]

LCSYS ask again(undercover asker here hiiiiiaufhghghgn)thank you for responding!!!! ilovfe seeing your ideas theyre such good fuel in between trials❤️❤️

i was wondering how th prisoners would react to es’ usage of violence, like some of the younger prisoners complaining about it while the older are concerned because Hello Where did that stem from???? you cant tell me es’ “phew, i feel so much better” after hitting shidou didn’t send his mind racing a million miles per minute

ALSO curious about YONAH………… similar to how red’s violence towards es was scripted, was kotoko’s monologue about es being imperfect Also scripted, or was it on her own? yonah is probably my favourite voice drama of all time and I’m curious about how it would be interpreted in this au 🫶

Ah hello again! Thank you so much for reaching out -- every time I think I've covered everything you guys hit me with a new insane detail that makes my brain go brrrrr >:3

Because OMG I spent so much time thinking of the faked violence, I don't know why I never put as much attention on the flipside! I love the idea of Jackalope assuring them, "there will be no physical punishments. We'll talk about restraints but that's all fake. We'll make up injuries between trials but that's all fake. You don't have to worry about any real pain." And then this 15yo strolls up, interrogation one, ready to smack someone😅😅😅

Seriously though, I think it would come as a pretty big surprise to the group. They knew it was a possibility, but didn't think Es was that likely to attack, since they've made a few comments about being against violent punishments. Haruka comes back to mention the slap, and Yuno follows their instructions and says she also suffered violence, and the group is Shocked. I think it would just kill Fuuta that he wasn't allowed to hit back and avenge the others. He probably has the most complaints about the situation (and is insanely relieved that he get by in his own interrogation.) In a feeble attempt to get back at Es and make them feel bad, he encourages Muu to cry and make a big show about being afraid of them. Muu is frightened enough that it doesn't take much persuasion... I think Kotoko and unfortunately Amane wouldn't mind the threat, they both have lives in which authority showing power isn't out of place (and maybe Haruka?). Mahiru, too, thinks it's just the way a prison guard can run their prison if they want, though she's determined her charm will keep things running pleasantly.

Kazui reaches out asap* to question the legality of the experiment, since they're allowing children to get hit, even if by other children. There's a tangle of signatures and consent from everyone involved so it's okay, but the whole thing still rubs him the wrong way. He knew the experiment was a bit shady, but he(Though, this does make his first vd kind of funny -- instead of actually talking through his theories on the prison, now it feels like he's just egging Es on to see if they'll actually hit him...)

And I really like that idea that Shidou's dad instincts kick in (or maybe it's doctor instincts)! He'd understand if it was a child trying to play the role of an intimidating adult, but the way Es is doing things, the things they're saying, it all points to something deeper going on in Es' head. I can see him sitting down with the others and Jackalope to discuss. Of course Milgram gives him very little to work with, but this still kickstarts everyone's efforts to make sure Es is also taken care of post-Milgram.

*I just realized I'm still a bit fuzzy on communication during the trials. Jackalope can definitely get information to the prisoners (most commonly the 'voices' they're supposed to be hearing based on Es' notes, but also in case of emergency changes or things). I was picturing the prisoners unable to communicate outward until the trial ends, as it builds up the feeling of isolation and imprisonment. The issue is, I feel like Jackalope would want to keep that line open in case the prisoners had questions/issues with the experiment that affected their acting. So idk if the prisoners voice these concerns about Es mid-trial or they're forced to wait. I'll get back to you on that, hm

And Yonah!!

I wasn't avoiding spoilers, I actively looked for snippets here and there, but it was this ask that finally motivated me to sit down and watch it through -- and I'm SO GLAD I DID 👀 It's really well-written and wonderfully acted!! I'm floored with the whole thing omg

I really like the idea that the Milgram team instructed Kotoko to mention Es' imperfection to rattle them a bit, but left the specifics to her. Jackalope thought she'd just make some quick comment, and does a double take when he listens in on the interrogation and realizes she has a lot to say on Es and the way Milgram is run.

Jacklope told her to be harsh with Es, and she thought that was no problem at all. She felt those opinions strongly and wasn't going to go easy on the criticism just because they were a kid. She goes into the interrogation ready to stay completely put-together... and then surprises everyone and herself when Es' distress moves her to pull them into a tight hug and tell them everything's going to be alright ;---;

#milgram #es #ill have to peek back through the material but i definitely remember es saying they dont have to worry about violence #and also openly condemning kotoko and other violent reactions #so the sudden switch would get their gears turning 👀 #operation 'save es from whatever crap is going on' begins as early as t1 #more in line with canon than the au but capri had a thorough post about es' attacks and stuff with physical touch -- maybe i go peek at tha #i think theres more angst if the prisoners cant communicate with Anyone during the trials -- theyre completely sealed off #but i feel like it may cause more problems than its worth... but if its just a story i can just write those logistic problems away lol... #thank you for the ask!! i also need fuel between such long breaks of content so it makes me so happy to chat about this :D #and i appreciate the little nudge to watch yonah -- i can def see why its your favorite omg #that last moment i mentioned is SO important to me -- it reveals a huge part of kotoko that i think even she doesnt fully realize ;-; #tw child abuse #yonah spoilers #lights camera sing your sins

[doedipus]

a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

#I wrote a short story from her perspective over the holidays and then didn't know how to continue it #and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months #I forget if I posted about that #and then I've been picking through archive dot org for the last few weeks looking at this stuff #the last big rabbit hole was trying to get a better feel for era appropriate ts/tv subculture #the current one I'm looking at is how she would've gotten into language learning and how that would've worked #nettle has been prodding me about the setting thing lately so I've been thinking about that more too #probably the biggest hurdle by far is figuring out how I want to play that #and how I want the thing to be divided up #since the original coc scenario I'm developing this out of is centered on a flight from LA to honolulu #and the airport dungeon was definitely meant to be a hook for a larger campaign #some amount of it is going to cover protag lady's failed life in LA and some of it is going to be worse things happening in hawaii #but it's like. how much do I want to balance it one way or the other #and realistically how much does the aesthetics of 20th century air travel add to the story #besides me personally thinking it's compelling ofc #a lot of what I find compelling about hawaii is that it's an east/west cultural crossroads and realistically that's also true of socal #and I can wax poetic about socal as much as I want without worrying all that much about mishandling something #and there's also a lot of socal specific history along similar parallels to pull from that I'm more familiar with #I guess it comes down to whether curiosity re: 'doing it right' is enough of a motivator to do the increased amount of research #which I guess it has so far with the above character details. so hopefully that will continue #but it also feels like using machine translation a bit yknow. it's hard to know how effectively I'll be able to sanity check #although depending on where this goes I might be able to get other people involved to sensitivity read down the line #with most of the creative things I do I just have a tendency to always rely really heavily on figuring things out myself #I also want protag lady to have a Cool Car and idk how to get that from point a to point b narratively #this is like an entire second or third post's worth of tags but I don't feel like unfucking this so whatever. suffer. I guess.

[sydmarch]

anyway this is what i was actually trying to find. fucking thinking about this.

#NEED to know about their young adulthood. acele is described as 'late teens to early twenties' & we have no fucking clue how old evrart #is beyond 'around the same age as harry' which could mean anything when klaasje thinks hes 44 & kim thinks hes 56 #but i imagine they ARE actuslly very close in age bcus it'd just make sense wrt the timing of the revolution & all & yknow the parallels #so like they definitely could have been somewhere in their mid or late 20s when they came into power? & this 'at her age' as just a handful #of years before that? (choosing to just believe this line rather than taking it as him only trying to 'kids will be kids'ing away the drug #lab thing & making something up. so i can totally just like imagine lots of anger. at the state of things. about powerlessness. what do we #DO about it? probably getting into trouble & getting in fights for a long time. like leo says they ALWAYS came to help it wasn't just a one #off thing where they defended him it was just that one incident where the bullying stopped. bcus they beat him until he NEEDED STITCHES #like god i can just imagine their childhood & then the adolescent & young adult frustration & all of that coalescing into ok we WILL do #something to make things better. whatever it takes even. coming to the decision it's worth killing for #'your honor it's fine that my little meow meow had someone assassinated he had a bad childhood you see' #im chewing through concrete im throwing up im pacing my enclosure #anyway. me when i'm normal about the video game men #texticles #de #disco elysium #evrart

[stamineuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum]

made elly and lisa cosplays :3

#fyi i did do the kaneko lip you just can't see it #the uniforms were so annoying to make i went through too much LMAO #but they look so cute so i suppose the pain is worth it #btw i don't think i'm cosplaying p1 elly again just because of how heavy the wig was. p2 elly is on the table tho #i'll definitely wear the st hermelin uniform again though but with a lighter wig #i'm tired of making skirts but i also kinda wanna do tamaki in her karukozaka uniform. joker jun could also be fun #when i get a job i'll do it. i'll thrift some parts but fabric is still expensive. plus my sewing machine is a little broken lol #eriko kirishima #lisa silverman #megami ibunroku persona #persona 1 #persona 2 #cosplay

[quinn-of-aebradore]

Slowly but surely working on my Verinwulf fic! Have a snippet!

He doesn’t see Wulf for another month after that. The trees in Rexxentrum are largely bare of their leaves by that point and those that cling to their boughs have faded to shades of brown instead of the vibrant hues of flame Verin wishes he had come in time to see. The air is truly cold, the nipping bites of the late summer now a pleasant memory.

Pleasant memories are what Verin needs most now, what he hopes will best untangle the knot of rotting emotion that’s wrapped itself around his heart. Strong tattooed arms, the deep rumble of a Zemnian accent, the smell of incense—

Verin is so lost in thought that he nearly collides with Wulf as he leaves his house.

“Ach, watch where you are—” he puts a hand on Verin’s shoulder to move him backwards and then catches sight of his familiarly disguised face. “Verin.”

“Hey.” he breathes, leaning up to kiss him almost thoughtlessly.

Wulf lets him briefly, hand cradling his jaw one moment and pulling him off the next. “What are you doing here?” he asks, a furrow forming between his handsome brows.

There’s no bite to his words, only confusion and curiosity, but they still dig their teeth into the soft flesh of Verin's heart, sharp as his own fangs.

“I wanted to see you,” he says, falling back on the familiar in his heartache. “Isn’t that enough?”

#Verin is having a Very Hard Week so he maybe maybe made his brothers husband come get him. so he can cuddle said husbands ex boyfriend. #who he definitely hasn’t been having a Complicated friends w benefits thing with for like 12 years #Verin Thelyss my beloved. he needs so much self worth and so many cathartic breakdowns and a boyfriend to cuddle him through said breakdowns #critical role #verin thelyss #eadwulf grieve #verinwulf #verwulf #Quinn writes things

[sunsrefuge]

how much activity is required/expected for the discord?

im guessing this is about the lfg server?? it’s wisp’s server! so im no authority on it but i think there isn’t an activity requirement? i myself am very quiet in there, plus i have a low social battery & fatigue issues so im not available to help out much, but it’s never been an issue or anything!

its just a nice cozy little server for LFG reasons and sometimes fun little chats!! 💖 everyone’s very friendly, and most are willing to schedule a day/time if needed to get the most people in for something!

#eta: ​ALSO WISP if u see this and need to correct me on anything Just Correct Me!!💖 #aaa im so sorry this took me so long to get to!! i havent been on tumblr since yesterday JWKDND #but also yea questions about it should go to Wisp!! ;w; im just a lil friemb in there ahsubwjd #its very chill and cozy and lovely; definitely worth a look through and lurk if you’d like to!! #/rambling

[boysborntodie]

I think that Johnnyboy’s potential to complicated and messy is criminally untapped in fanon. Ponyboy ‘fucking sucks at feelings, both his own and of others, and can be a bitch’ Curtis and Johnny ‘imperfect victim with shit self-esteem’ Cade would definitely have their ups and downs

#which is normal!!! #and i think they’d be able to get through rough patches #but they definitely do have their bad and difficult moments #ponyboy gets better at feelings as the book goes on but progress isn’t linear and we see that he reverts back #and johnny doesn’t really stand up for himself with pony #or most people in general #and while pony would definitely realise his mistake and apologize #it would be an issue #they’re both also not super good at comforting the other #the other appreciates the effort but they don’t often feel better #(johnny remarking he prefers when his father hits him when darry hurt pony #and pony teling johnny not to kill himself) #i can see them getting better at it and learning to understand each other more later on but it’s something they’d struggle with #also one of the biggest points of conflict would be the fact pony’s someone pure and gold and destined to leave behind tulsa #while johnny sees himself so lacking and without worth in comparison #also johnny genuinely does see pony as a kid #that’s his bestie and they’re equals but johnny knows pony is immature and doesn’t know much about the world outside his bubble #pony is very much 14 while johnny’s been forced to grow up from a young age #the outsiders #johnny cade #se hinton #ponyboy curtis #johnnyboy

[merakiui]

you dreamt scara kissed you 😳😳😳 uuuu that's so sweet...

once I had a dream that azul gave me his credit card to use for some reason and I bought something really small (like worth 8 bucks or so) and ended up calling him on my phone and being super adamant that I would pay him back and how I really didn't want to spend anything in the first place. I remember he sounded really distracted and kind of hushed, so I asked if I called at a bad time or if he was busy to which he replied "....no, of course not. I'm completely free" turns out he was most definitely not free, and I called him while he was in a business meeting. and being the simp he is, he picked it up right away in front of everyone before leaving the room lmao

I wish I had more blorbo dreams esp romantic ones like you had with scara but my brain would rather it show me getting chased endlessly instead 👉👈

Holding that dream close to my heart!! <3 it was so sweet, too. We were holding eye contact for the longest time and he whispered, "Can I kiss you?" with the most sincere, softest expression ever and omg!!! It was a romantic film moment! >0<

Aaaa that's so cute!!!! Azul will always be a simp no matter where he is. (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) How generous of him to lend his credit card!!!! He is a sweetheart when he truly cares hehe!! I like that he will always choose you even when he's in a business meeting. Business is not nearly as important as answering a phone call from his crush. >:D

I wish I could have more romantic dreams as well! Although speaking of being chased, I do remember I had a dream where Floyd kept chasing me down and confessing over and over. I'm pretty sure that dream ended with lots of kisses lol. I am not immune to the love language of eels. There was also a vivid dream I had in which I pulled Halloween Jade back when I was fighting for my life trying to summon him, and when I logged into twst that morning (fully expecting to see Halloween Jade) I was disheartened to realize it had only happened in the dream. T_T

#twisted chit chat #dubioussupernova #i think i may have to write more fluff with scara after having that cute dream :D #he will definitely need it after the agony i will put him through in the upcoming mouchey fic #although i'm very tempted to write a plot in which a god (nahida) gives scaramouche a second chance after taking pity on him #so she allows him to redo his entire life #and he accepts her offer (though he scoffs at her sympathy) #but in his attempt to right wrongs and get proper successful revenge he loses the only one who truly cared for him (his darling) #and so now he has to go through this new version of his life in search of you #all while clinging to the hope that you'll recognize him and love him all over again #each time he finds himself unsuccessful nahida allows him to restart but things only get more obscure with every reset #and scara learns that revenge isn't worth it if he can't have love #it sounds more like angst than fluff but if i ever write it the ending will definitely be fluffy #scara deserves it <3 #aaaaa i'm rambling please excuse it orz

[mirror-ralsei]

THOUGHTS: Threat Level and TwistedSwd

This is just a quick connecting of a couple of dots: the “threat level” demarcated by backing out of deleting a file at the last minute, and the ThornRing only being acquired by aborting a Weird Route at the last minute. (Shoutout to HalfBreadChaos for pointing out both.)

Notably, keeping the ThornRing - that is, a last-second abortion of Chapter 2’s Weird Route - is required in order to craft the TwistedSwd. We know little about the TwistedSwd beyond that it’s “a strange blade” for Kris that lowers Trance (contrasted with the ThornRing itself, which increases Trance).

“Twisted” kind of reminds me of Chara’s line to us about “a perverted sentimentality,” especially in context. Chara is specifically talking to a player who completed a No Mercy run twice, something most players would not do.

This, to me, is a bit similar to the conditions required to keep the ThornRing, and therefore obtain the TwistedSwd: a very obscure and deliberate path, probably followed for the purpose of obtaining a specific result. In the double No Mercy player’s case, it’s probably to see what kind of dialogue might change. In the TwistedSwd player’s, it’s obviously to obtain the TwistedSwd.

There’s also one more use of “twisted.”

Flowey describes you as “more twisted than [him]” if you subscribe to the newsletter “just to see what would happen if you unsubscribed. This does seem to line up with the way “perverted” is used to describe us by Chara.

Even if that’s not the case, and there’s no parallel between these ideas, I think “threat” and “trance” will probably be some kind of Chekov’s Guns for plot purposes later, as will the TwistedSwd. And I definitely wonder, like others, if we might have to do some, well, twisted things to get a “good” or “true” outcome.

(Screenshot credit: 1 2 3)

#or maybe all of this means nothing because the way you get the twistedswd hasn't actually been implemented yet. who can say #but 'trance' and 'threat' are both two really really fascinating ideas #they could be completely unrelated however #though inb4 'toby would never reward you for videogame violence and wanton cruelty' #i mean. he definitely created the no mercy route. #i get where you're coming from but he very much did critique completionism through the no mercy route. #that was also 'rewarding' you with a bit of new lore and boss fights and other content and then asking you if it was really worth it #and he's definitely revisiting several deconstruction concepts from undertale in greater depth in deltarune eg. player avatars and control #so it's still possible he could have some interesting things he still wants to say about the nature of 'good routes' or 'evil routes' etc. #like. the comedic irony in queen's joke IS that yes it is bad if you become an evil villain in the process of trying to get a happy outcome #so i don't think it'd be unprecedented if he wanted to ask sthg like #'hey if you're a jerk to everyone but still do the legal minimum to acquire your desired Good End' #'would that be messed up or what'

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

with the caveat that i am not a computer scientist or in any way qualified to speak on machine learning. i think perhaps googles ai summaries are bad because nowadays when you google a question, most of the results are themselves already ai generated. which smells like. a real big problem to me. who is, again, a person who not qualified to smell it.

#i have been doing a lot of paint pouring art recently (perhaps i will post some someday) #and the biggest lesson i have learned is that #there's a hard cap on how many times you can reuse the same pile of paint. #after one pour you can easily collect the leftover paint and pour it over another canvas and it often looks really cool #but if you collect the paint after that one and repour it again #it will start to look pretty bad. #and if you repour THAT leftover paint . all the contrast & definition in your pour will have been turned to slop. #bc youve remixed it so many times that the original work & intent you put into colour selection technique etc etc #is pretty much irrelevant. and you just get mud on your canvas. #theres only so many times you can run things through the blender before they stop being worth anything. #anyways i think maybe these concepts are connected. computer science girlies if you are so inclined please tell me more. im chewing.

[ribbonbonny]

finally a specialty champiok stadium i really enjoyed doing fully ontype. Love fairies love gettin to use all my fairies I normally don’t

#can you trll what character i dont care for looking at the stats here. help #the fight w pal serena was the hardest. shes at 2/5. she pulled through tho! #lisia is actually only 1/5 but she did great #i was expecting a harder time w her and that team but she killed #i definitely couldve. used better units. i always get so caught up in saving them i just. mever use them #but ig this made it more challenging #i only went for 12.5k points though i cant be fucked to go to 15k #dont care to figure out parameters for it djsjfnd #i def could in regular champ stadium but jts not worth the effort of thinking abt what other parameters to turn on #12.5k gang for life. #ribbon plays pokemas

[turtlemagnum]

thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too

#a pretty significant plot point for one of my characters is heavily inspired by stuff my mom dealt with #i really hope i can properly convey the gravity of the topic. particularly with tact due to how poorly i've seen it handled #in my writing i try to approach any topic with the baseline amount of empathy that people deserve. i feel *a lot*. #i sincerely hope it comes through that i care so much about so much #a particularly hurtful exchange i recently had was me casually saying that i care about a lot of things and my grandpa almost accusitorily #asked “like what” #i'm generally pretty open about what's on my mind. i try to connect with people time and time again and so often do i get nothing in return #it makes it hard to go on. sometimes. #one day. i hope i'll meet someone who cares as much as i do. cares about me as much as i care about them. #if i meet even one it'll have all been worth it. #part of me feels like saying “i can't bear to live like this anymore”. but i can. and i have. i can bare a lot actually #i don't think i'd be alive if i couldn't #there's a lot wrong in the world right now. i can't bear to watch most of it. this of course makes me feel even more guilty #at the very least i've made a habit of clicking the arab dot org buttons daily. i can't handle watching but i can at least help. #in a small way. that is. #i definitely feel like i needed to get that out of my system. rambling is what i do. after all #i feel like i have an abnormally strong will to live. i remember coming very close to a suicide attempt once. the razor actually cut into my #wrist just a little bit. i very much wanted to die at that point. on an emotional level #but i just couldn't do it. i need to live. i just need to. it'll have all been worth it. eventually. #eventually.

[phoenixcatch7]

What I'd really love to see is a svsss au where shen yuan had the immense powers from saiki k.

Like, svsss is already a romcom of a guy shunted into a fantasy world with meta knowledge and immense power for no reason apart from 'make a happy ending' as a fairly thick veneer over an absolute hot mess of a tragedy with a happy ending, red flags galore, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to his fate of being abandoned by the people around him because of the circumstances he was 'born' into, but he's funny about it.

The disastrous life of saiki k is a fast paced crack comedy about a guy granted immense power for no reason with meta knowledge of the world as a thick veneer over something a little darker and traumatic with a happy ending, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to being ignored by the people around him because of the circumstances he was born into, but he's hilarious about it.

Now I don't think it should be a 1-1 transplant of saiki to the svsss world, but to imagine an sy with those powers who didn't manage to find loyal friends, who moved out to live alone as soon as possible to avoid issues with his powers, who gravitated to web novels because of their regular updates as opposed to being constantly spoiled for books with finished endings. An sy who despite his ridiculous levels of power died alone in a stupid way and woke up in a world filled with people who also had immense and varied powers, dealing with the prospect of immortality when his own powers are still constantly growing and interfering with his life, but be silly about it.

I want to see a sy with telepathy still failing to understand what lbhs deal is because of his own denial, a sy with the power to crush mountains with a finger trying not to blow down walls with a sneeze because someone put him on a mountain FILLED with plants in SPRING, an sy who deleted an entire country from the planet aged four trying to dodge overly enthusiastic maidens he keeps saving because he doesn't want to steal from the protagonist and also no, lady, please. Shen yuan sitting in the water prison absolutely deadpan as people try and scare him with 10 iq stories about the acid waterfalls. An sy who hares around the peak trying to avoid being spotted on valentines day as he redirects unwanted admirers and improves his disciples dates just so they can all have a good day.

An sqh who really, honestly truly doesn't know how pidw was made real, honest!! All he could do was see ghosts! It's not his fault the story he wrote to make rent turned into all of this!! But because you're here can you pretty please make some ice, I'm in desperate need of air con and my king hasn't showed up in weeks!

Sqq and sqh playing telepathic chess during boring meetings and sqq leaving him to suffer when sqh is asked a question even though he himself knows the answer.

Lbh trying everything to get shizuns attention and discovering his total weakness to his cooking. Like, will let you cheat in class levels of bribery.

Sqq stalking dourly through fields of aphrodisiac plant because he's raised his body temperature high enough to burn out any pollen before it gets too close and the system just despairing at getting this man to do something interesting.

Cat!sqq transforming back as fast as he can because he's got a meeting in half an hour and having to rush around trying to find something to cover the cat ears he didn't manage get rid of.

Shen qingqiu pulling out his limiters and dropping the mask to reveal a deity in the shape of a man, something crafted purely of psychic energy and burning fury, determined to hold maigu ridge together and keep the realms apart with his will alone, to save luo binghe if it killed him again. A shining aura stretching miles, glowing like a star, halting the earthquake with his bare hands.

Sqq seeing a bug and freaking out so hard he teleports to the northern demon realm and lands in a slushy pond, and sqh nearly giving him away because of how hard he's laughing.

#Like honestly the parallels are great #Long post #Sqq leaning hard into the aloof elegant scholar vibes because he still struggles to control his strength even with the limiters #He doesn't want to hurt anyone. #Sqh: please please tell me what my king is thinking right now he's been glaring at me all day! #Sqq (having been forced to hear an endless carnal monologue for hours from him): oh no not a chance. No way are you getting me involved. #Sqq: whatever insane thing you two have going on go ahead. Just don't involve anyone else in that EVER. #Sqh: bro 😭?! #Sqq: *makes a peace sign and goes invisible* #Sqh: BRO?!! Not even... Expensive northern import for the protagonist to cook with? #Sqq: *reappears with a pop* go on... #Sqh is salty he didn't get the godlike powers when he created the world they're in. Sqq tells him it isn't worth it #Being forced to see the past of an object with just a touch when you live in 5 million words of bad smut?? NO THANK YOU. #But both being espers AND from the same world they're still buddies (much to sqqs dismay). #Sqh is just barely outside sqqs telepathy range on an ding and lives in fear of him sensing him writing and catapulting himself #through the window at mach ten to beat him up. #Sqq every time he has to sit through a meeting with some corrupt official: thought crimes aren't real thought crimes don't count #Sqh: so how are you this bad at feelings. My guy you are an empath. #Sqq: shut up. #Lbh would definitely catch sqq doing something impossible or op and be so head over heels. He's like his father that way. #svsss #svsss au #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #scum villain's self saving system #scum villian self saving system #sqq #shang qinghua #sqh #svsss shen qingqiu

[hella1975]

my mum: you've been doing really good lately. every part of your life is really stable and you seem genuinely happy, it's great to see :)

me, who's felt like ive been going actually crazy bananas insane for months now: yeah haha

#sometimes i forget that 'being in total control of my emotions at all times' isn't just my cringe lore & is actually something im good at #like wdym my MUM said this. girl im experiencing horrors over here! #i got really offended by it? ilke i just smiled at her and agreed but inside i was like HELLOOOOO CAN ANYONE HEAR MEEEE #i just genuinely feel like i am so detached from myself and im entirely manipulative and i micromanage every facet of my personality #and change it day-to-day person-to-person and not in the Normal Human Way but in a crazy insane I Am Manipulating People Way #& it's a CONSCIOUS thing & like. idk who the real me is idk if there is a real me idk if id like her if i saw her idk if im a good person #but i look like im doing fine. i seem really stable and happy atm according to the person who knows me better than anyone #like that's the extent of my control on myself. even my mum cant tell. HUH #idk i feel like im being dramatic bc last week and this week ive definitely been feeling a lot better #and like maybe i was just having some sort of months-long episode but that doesnt negate the fact that while i was IN it no one could tell #not even the closest people to me that see me every day in the same house where im most vulnerable could tell #that's like. worrying surely. maybe. i think. whatever im just saying shit at this point #i always do this tho i go 'i fundamentally base my self-worth on how little i share vulnerability with people #and it's been a constant part of my personality since childhood that i dont talk about my feelings' and then i get SO pissed off #when people dont realise im going through shit. like girl what did you THINK was gonna happen. look inwards #hella goes home