#so they don't go through the same thing. like. im just

[gr7mes]

STUPID “love makes you stupid.” carl grimes x walsh!reader

tags: angst, some fluff, violence, blood, 6x9

a/n: omg this req was SO good i am sosososo sorry i couldn’t execute it properly 😭 im not so proud of this one, but i hope its ok!! 

you and carl grimes had been best friends ever since you could walk. you both met when your dad brought you to "bring your kid to work day" down at the station. the scent of coffee and the echo of footsteps filled the air.

it started to seem extremely boring, until a stranger approached you and your dad. you saw a little boy standing next to him, and felt a little less lonely. the man recognized you, though you had no idea who he was. "hi there y/n, this is carl." he introduced.

ever since then, you guys were inseparable. you and carl had a bond which was special, it was like no other. you could be yourself around him, and you could tell carl felt the same. the ease, the comfort, like you didn't have to pretend to be anyone else when you were together.

as expected, seeing him for the first time after the apocalypse started unleashed a unique wave of relief within you. you vividly recall the both of you making eye contact and running toward each other. you hugged each other tightly, as if you'd been separated for years.

"i was so scared!" you said, clutching your doll in your hand. "you don't need to be scared anymore," he reassured. "i'm here to protect you." carl loved to be your knight in shining armor, even when you were young.

through all the dark days, and as you both grew older, you two had always been there for each other. no matter whatever crap life threw at you, you guys stuck together. walker got too close to you? dead.

"i would never let anything happen to you. don't worry." he would always say. he was your closest friend, your ride or die. growing up was hard enough during the apocalypse, but having each other made it bearable.

however, as time passed, you started to feel a different way towards him. you started to feel as if things wouldn't be so bad if you guys were more than friends. actually, it was starting to seem like it was all you could dream of.

you thought it was just a one time thing, but you were dumb to think so. you often found yourself blushing at the thought of him, and when he had caught you daydreaming, let's just say he was curious.

"come on, why can't you just tell me who you like?" he asked, growing more agitated by the second. "shut up, i don't like anyone." you said, rolling your eyes playfully. "bullshit, tell me who it is." he said, looking you in the eye, a grin plastered onto his pretty face.

"nope!" you replied, popping the "p."

carl grimes had stolen your heart, and there was no doubt about it. you knew he had you wrapped around his finger, it was quite obvious when you would stress whenever he got the tiniest injury.

"calm down, it's just a cut." "do you ever shut up?" you would say, reaching for the bandaids on the top shelves of your room. "it's really not as bad as it looks." you knew he was telling the truth, it was never that serious. however, you being you, you couldn't help but worry. 

but now? now it was actually serious. too serious. you felt the panic start to sink in the second you saw ron, a vengeful look on his face, pointing a gun in rick's direction. you froze when you realized who was in standing front of him. it was carl. your carl.

"you." ron said. your heart pounded against your ribs. your breaths were shallow and rapid, as a wave of terror gripped you. surely he wouldn't actually shoot. right? so many possibilities were going through your head at once, it was the worst thing you ever experienced.

fortunately, michonne came in a flash. you jumped slightly when her katana pierced through ron's skin. atleast it was all over now though. rick was alright. carl was alright.

or so you thought.

BANG!

his stupid fucking finger slipped. 

all of your negative thoughts came flooding back into your mind the moment the sound of the gunshot hit your eardrums. however, among all of your worries, there was one most prominent. where did the bullet go?

your eyes darted around before your gaze landed on carl. he had his head down, and when he looked up, it felt as if all the air in your lungs had been sucked out of your body. "dad?" he whimpered out.

he had been shot. in the head. directly into his eyesocket. the amount of blood flowing down his face made you sick to your stomach. it was only a matter of seconds before his body went limp and fell to the ground.

you never knew it was possible to feel this angry. there was no way in hell that just happened, and you couldn't do anything to stop it. it should've been you.

your facial expression contorted into one showing pure horror and anxiety. your eyes widened, tears at the rim, threatening to fall out. you breathed heavily, as you felt anguish and rage twist within you. rick lifted carl into his arms and carried him. that was your cue to pull out your knife.

you and michonne ran in front of rick and carl, killing walkers one by one. you were going ballistic, slashing every walker you possibly could, grunts escaping your mouth with every stab. you were going on a rampage, you weren't even thinking, you were just so enraged. how could you have let that happen to him?

blood splattered across your face, but you barely even noticed. hot tears streamed down your cheeks. each drop carried the weight of frustration and sorrow, their salty taste bitter on your lips. your body started to grow tired, but you kept pushing. dozens of walkers were laying on the ground.

now, the focus was getting carl help. and that's what you wanted. but you just couldn't stop. you were about to plunge your bloody knife into yet another walker, but michonne caught your arm in mid-air.

"that's enough." she said. she noticed how your chest rose and fell at a rapid pace, and the way you looked like you wanted to watch the world burn.

she took the knife from your grasp before putting her hand around your shoulder for a few seconds to calm you down. "we have to hurry." she continued to kill every walker in her sight, one by one. you didn't care that your body hurt like hell, you didn't care about all the blood splattered onto you, you didn't care that you were exhausted.

the only thing you cared about was carl. would he be okay? was this the end? were you gonna lose your other half? your heart ached. you weren't even gonna get to tell him how you felt about him.

after what seemed like hours of running and fighting, you found yourself laying down in the infirmary bed next to carl's. he'd been patched up before you. he was sleeping, and you were glad he was getting the rest he needed.

but every time you looked at him, your chest tightened. he should've never even have to be here. he should've never had to go through that, ever.

daryl had a chair pulled up next to your bed. he was like a father figure to you after shane died. he sighed, wiping your now crimson splattered arms with a wet rag to clean off the blood. "y' used the knife i gave you?" he said, not looking up from your arm. "yeah, it's the best i have."

the silence in the room was so loud. it's not that he was disappointed in you, he was proud you were able to defend yourself. it was the fact that you could've died and you still kept pushing that made him so quiet. he cared about you a lot, and he knew you didn't have to fight so hard, especially at your age.

"why'd you do that?" he asks, finally making eye contact with you. you let out a breath before opening your mouth to speak, "love makes you stupid."

it felt nice, to finally be able to talk to someone about your feelings for the blue eyed boy. after all, you were never gonna tell him, so atleast you could tell someone. "damn right it does." he replied, before lighty ruffling your hair. 

"get some sleep, okay kiddo?" daryl said, wiping the last of the blood off your arms. "yeah, jus- please don't te-" "i won't tell a soul." he cut you off, already knowing what you were gonna ask of him. "thanks." you said, smiling.

little did you know, daryl wasn't the only person who heard your late night confession. a "sleeping" carl stirred in his bed, now facing the wall in the opposite direction of you. perhaps it was the exhaustion getting to you, but you could've sworn you heard a light chuckle.

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #the walking dead #carl grimes x fem!reader #twd x reader #twd #carl grimes angst #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes imagines #carl grimes oneshot #twd imagines #twd oneshot #twd fanfiction #chandler riggs

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 21

chapter 36:

1. “It's been so long. Oh, there you are, here you are, hi,” *deep breath* AHHHHHHHHH

2. 😭😭😭 “Remus keeps a firm grip on him and turns around to promptly leave, which is probably a little rude, considering that the others are here and may wish to greet him, but he honestly can't bring himself to care about that right now” i would expect nothing less

3. WOLFSTAR REUNION!!!! I AM IN SHAMBLES!

4. “On the way, James glances back with a grin, internally wishing Sirius all the good things, because no one deserves them more.”

oh. wow. that’s such a soft line. it’s literally making me melt

5. “Remus could not be more in love if he tried.” shit shit shit shit sobbing. wolfstar deserves the world

6. “He does love Sirius, though. Loves him dearly, with every defiant bone in his body. This man, who doesn't even realize the importance of what he's just done by giving Remus an unopened envelope. Remus, who owns nothing. Remus, who has nothing. Remus, who is not granted privacy or freedom for anything like this, for anything at all.”

i am on PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION and i am BAWLING my eyes out as silently as i possibly can. y’all don’t understand the restraint i have right now to not loudly sob

7. the LETTER has me CRYING

8. THE SECRET MESSAGE

9. oh, okay. remus killed an auror/greyback. it’s honestly not as bad as i thought it would be. also, i love the lily and remus duo. they’re so iconic

10. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that zar made a point for sirius to have the discussion that his demisexuality is NOT because of trauma and he’s always been that way. it’s beautiful <3

11. “”You can ask Regulus and James; I walked around for a solid month making everyone call me Mr. Sirius Macdonald."” STOP PLSS THATS SO FUNNY

12. SIRIUS JUST TOLD REMUS HE LOVED HIM!!! this is literally so sweet

13. andjskjdksksjsms the authors note:

“sirius, internally: a guillotine could not sever the head im about to give this man. good for them 😌”

chapter 37:

1. i’m starting a gofundme to get regulus a balcony

2. "”Sirius doesn't let me drink," James replies flatly.

"Well, don't say it like that, James. You make it sound like I'm a strict parent, or a controlling spouse," Sirius grumbles. "And I do let you drink, in moderation, when you're in a safe environment and in a good mental state. Don't forget to mention that you only let me drink within those same rules."”

i bet james is upset with the rules he made for sirius so long ago. came back to bite him in the ass

3. describing sirius as “ruffled like an offended bird” has done wonders for my mental health

4. james, remus, and sirius are all hanging out and i am beyond angry that peter doesn’t get to share this moment

5. pandora is such an angel and doesn’t deserve this pain

6. pandora and reg friendship >>>>>>>>>

7. their outfits for the night!! every last one of them is slaying so hard

8. “There's a tense moment where a group of murderers all stare around at each other, not opposed to adding a few more names to their lists. Oh, and Pandora is there, too, startlingly calm despite this.”

yaxley needs to shut his fucking mouth and stop implying that sirius will fuck his way through issues

9. “"You know what they'll assume we're doing."

"Running away," Regulus mutters.

James sighs in exasperation and fond amusement. "No, Reg. Fucking. They'll assume we've snuck off to find a corner to go fuck in."”

😭😭😭😭😭 i love reg. he’s so ready to leave

10. jegulus is getting their shit together and improving. i’m so glad

11. “James swallows. "They're—they destroy things now, when they never did before. They're rough sometimes. Bloody."

"Warm," Regulus counters, pressing another kiss to James' shaking fingers. "Steady. Strong. These hands hold the people you love. These hands care for them. They're gentle. Tender."”

this is love. what they have is love. it’s messy and broken and so difficult, but they’re trying and it’s love

12. and once again we have wolfstar my true loves ☺️☺️

i feel like nows a good time to add to respect bizzarestars’ wishes to not have the fic reposted or reuploaded a different site. i can’t remember his wishes about bookbinding, but respect those as well.

thank you, lovely people

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #fanfic #jegulus #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #sunseeker #starchaser #pandora rosier #pandora lovegood #crimson rivers

[aleenuhs]

Arthur comforting crying/ upset reader

𖦹 Always Here

thank u anon <3

word count: 1,099

paring: Arthur x GN!reader

a lil bit of angst if u will.

You had accompanied Arthur, Charles, and Sadie on an outing to Saint Denis, to go play some poker at the Saloon.

Sadie had forced you to go, though you'd wanted to stay at camp finishing up your chores for the night.

But you went.

It was crowded and stuffy in the room, sitting across from the table they were playing at, eating some of the beef jerky you had in your pocket. A bit bored, you looked at the people in the room just watching, careful not to stare because people were easily offended by the gaze of another human being.

Arthur and the others were fully engrossed in their gameplay, which you'd opted out of cause you never understood it, or liked it for that matter. You wanted to go back to camp, not be here with a bunch of drunk men and working girls.

Your eyes fluttered, through all the noise, you somehow fell asleep for a bit.

When you woke back up, you were still sitting in the same chair. Surprisingly, you weren't robbed or anything bad.

You looked around the room again, spotting the table that Arthur, Charles and Sadie were once playing at, and they weren't there. Your heart rate immediately spiked, had they left without you?

You sprung up from the chair that you were sitting at and walked outside to see if they were out there, no clue where they'd went from the time you were awake, till now, not to mention, how long had you been asleep?

You walked around, in search for any of them, and no luck.

You knew Shady belle was within walking distance from where you were, but it was dangerous. And you didn't have your horse, so you couldn't ride back. The worst part was that they'd forgotten all about you, Sadie and Charles. But worst of all, Arthur had forgotten. It made you slightly angry that your own significant other would do such a thing. You walked up to a random person, who you saw had a pocket watch.

"Mister?" You spoke quietly, tapping him on the shoulder.

The man looked you up and down, before nodding.

"You know what time it is?"

"1:20."

Your eyes widened, "1:20, thank you." You repeated before walking off, damn it was late.

No stagecoaches were out at this time of night. What could you even do?

You walked around for a moment before you were met with a overwhelming urge to just walk all the way back to Shady Belle.

So you did. Holding yourself, as it was cold, you walked all the way back, shivering slightly. The tears left your eyes, but you didn't sob, no, they were silent tears.

When you arrived after 30 minutes of walking, you immediately walked into the house and went up to Arthurs room and stood before the bed, watching him sleep. he woke up to you. You looked wrecked, tear stained cheeks and bleary eyes, he could hardly see with just the small lantern lighting up the room.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up next to you. "Why aren't you in bed?" He asked, obliviously, maybe he was drunk.

You wanted to yell at him, but instead your words came out in a soft tone. "You left me, Arthur."

His eyes went back to their cold gaze. "Huh?"

"What is not to understand, Arthur? You left me at the saloon in Saint Denis!" Your words were more charged now, but not exactly yelling, just a bit more angry you felt.

"Jesus... Im sorry, I didn't mean to- er.. Leave you there darlin'." His eyes widening after he realized just what he had did. He gets up and puts his hands on your shoulders, and with this. You start to cry.

You don't even lift your head up to look at him, you play with your fingers.

His eyes fixed on how broken you looked, tears streaming down your face, he hardly knew what to do.

"I am so sorry." He speaks, almost silent. He brings you in, hugging you tightly, his big arms wrapped around you made you feel slightly better. But not entirely.

"I had to walk here, Arthur." You murmured.

His breath hitched. "Nobody... did anythin' to you, right?" He would curse himself if you said yes, but luckily, you shook your head. He sighed a breath of relief. "Good, but I truly am sorry, that I left you there, that we left you there."

You didn't respond, the tears still falling from your eyes. His warmth surrounds you, almost overheating your body. "Arthur promise me this won't happen again."

He looked at you, "I promise to try, I never intended for this to happen." He notices your lip trembling, he brings you even closer. "C'mere." He lays down on the bed signaling for you to join him there.

You hesitate for a moment, but end up laying right next to him, you nuzzled yourself right into his neck and sighed deeply. His calloused hand reached up to your face, fingers on your chin. "Look at me, darlin." He spoke softly, a difference in his voice, the voice that was usually brash and loud was somehow comforting you as you cried. "I love you, so much."

A smile reached your lips when he told you that. "I love you too."

"I will always be here for you, I can't believe I let myself do what I did back there." He admits. "I'm sure Sadie and Charles meant no harm by it as well."

You nod, knowing that there was no mailce behind this.

His hand runs up and down your back, soothing you, calming you down, taking away all your worries. He adjusted you, making sure that you were more than comfortable with him. He just held you.

At once, you were just sniffling, no more tears to shed. He had calmed you down, one of the only people who could.

He was truly the definition of duality, he could go from brutal to plain out kind and caring, and it was all for you. Everything he did, was for you, so you didn't have to worry. You could imagine that he was still constantly cursing himself now that he'd left you at the saloon, then walk all the way back to Shady Belle by yourself.

But now that you were safe in his arms, all those worries went away. "Shhh, shh. Rest, you can sleep now." He cooed, rubbing your neck and placing kisses on your forehead and nose.

You fell asleep shortly after.

a/n if u enjoyed it, smash the like and subscribe! jk, feel free to req more honey!

#red dead redemption 2 #fluff #rdr2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 x reader #arthur morgan x reader #rdr

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #10] Blonde

warnings: b is in her bleach era. love that for her!! jaykay is in the chapter for like 1.5 seconds and still manages to be the best thing about it. also if u think wow holly sometimes your chapters end very similarly, uhhh yes. ur right. mainly because my brain is smooth but also because jungkook is a creature of habit! it’s within his character traits! not because im stupid! even if i am!

soundtrack: space - audrey nuna;  blonde - maisie peters

wc: 3.5k

bd total wc: 540k (on-going)

minors dni | AO3 | series masterlist 

You suppose you really shouldn't be surprised when Seokjin leaves you on read. It happens as soon as he escapes the city, just like it always does. 

It's always the same; he'll come back to town for a few days - to visit friends, his family, or maybe for a haircut with the only barber he trusts - then leaves just as quickly as he comes.

The predictability of it all would be funny, you think, but your knees are getting worn out from how many times you fall for it; his charm, his deception, his pretty lips that soothe the burn of his selfish choices. 

He'll be radio silent for a while, and then suddenly, as if he's finally changed the batteries in his walkie-talkie, he won't be. It'll most likely be when he's on his way back to town in a few months time.

The saddest part is that you know you'll want to see him when he does. Will have the burning desire to show him just how well you've been; how well you've coped without him.

Most of all? You'll want him to know just how much you don't need him.

Inevitably, he'll end up in your bed, and you'll end up all in your head - again - overthinking and underestimating just how easy it is for him to drop you. Forgetting just how badly he fucked you up, only for him to remind you in the most callous of ways.

When Danbi comes home on Thursday night - three days since Seokjin's last message - she knows exactly what's happened. You've got a special kind of pout reserved for Seokjin-related upsets. It's always a little soft yet incredibly hard to break.

"You gotta stop letting him in," she says over a glass of red. She hates the taste, but loves the soft buzz in the pit of her stomach. Though she's much better suited to Moscato, Danbi will never turn her nose up at free wine.

If she knew why you were drinking it, she might consider rejecting it.

Seokjin's favourite. You'd bought it on the way home from work. Just couldn't help yourself.

Had figured that at least when you hugged yourself to sleep that evening, your lips would taste like his used to do, on the nights when he'd tell you that you're the most delightful thing he's ever laid his eyes upon. Would be all giggly. Wine drunk. Happy. In love.

But it's been a while since he did that. Feels like a lifetime ago, now. 

You shrug as you let the ruby red liquid swirl in your glass. Fighting against your feelings feels like swimming against the tide.

Always struggling to breathe. Never winning. Failing. Falling. 

"I don't know how to, Dan."

"But you do," she insists.

And she's right. Of course you do. 

His number has never been blocked, but a simple restriction of access to you would solve so many of your problems.

Thing is, you kind of like him still being your problem. At least that way, on a technicality, he's still yours. Kind of.

Every time he comes back to the city, it's still your bed that he ends up in.

Never for the night. Just for an hour or two - but for long enough for you to convince yourself that he can't stay away.

The lies you let your mind whisper are insidious. You're irresistible. He's still just as affected by you as you are by him. He can't possibly leave you.

And yet he does, each and every time.

He doesn't ever let you go. Not fully. Whenever you think you're getting over it, he shows up just to get you under him; his thumb, his spell, his body.

You're halfway through the bottle of wine when Danbi tells you once more that you need to get Seokjin out of your hair.

You've reached the end of it by the time you're grabbing your purse and heading for the closest Olive Young.

It's just down the street, by the crossroads that lead into town, and the staff there have seen you in worse states. A little tipsy has nothing on the mascara-stained eyes they used to be greeted with during the worst days of the breakup.

"Sure about this?" Danbi asks just to check before you take the boxes in your hands to the counter.

"Absolutely not - but he always hated me blonde," you grin a little sardonically. The happiness that comes with this change will be temporary, but you have to remind yourself that so was he. "At least even if I can't resist him, he'll resist me."

Peroxide and perhaps a little fried, your blonde hair had caught his attention in the early days - but you had dyed your hair dark in a bid to keep it. 

He'd said some bullshit in a conversation amongst friends about his preferences, and how he favoured the 'natural look'. You weren't together at the time, not officially - but everyone there was a friend of his. They all knew you'd be going home with him. It only took two boxes of dye to get him asking to be exclusive. A week later he was introducing you to his friends as his girlfriend. 

Funny what a little bit of conformity can do for a man who loves playing by the rules. 

You assume his desire to tick the boxes and do what is expected of him is also why he was such a bellend when it came to the glitter you liked to dust yourself in. 

Nobody's perfect though, so he was willing to overlook it. Was just one of the flaws he perceived in you. When you love someone, you accept them.

He ultimately never grew to love it, but for a while, you thought he might.

Bleach boxes in one hand, another bottle of wine in the other, you waste no time and head straight for the bathroom. Danbi follows you right in. She's always there to lend a hand or at least provide a Spotify playlist to get you through your woes. 

Folding the powder into the developing lotion by the sink, you know your bleach-induced bathroom antics could get you a spot in a Brad Mondo video.

All a little haphazard, you're without a mixing bowl and brush, so are having to use an old takeout container and a plastic spoon, instead.

It's not quite how the instructions suggest you should mix it all up, but no good ever comes from following the rules.

You'd tried for Seokjin, and look where that got you.

Unlike him, trusty Tupperware has never done you dirty before. No reason why it should now. 

Danbi sits on the closed toilet seat, legs crossed, a small bottle of bubbles in her hand. The bubbles had been a Christmas party favour from the office job she'd quit four months ago. Rediscovered when she'd been cleaning her room earlier that day, Danbi had taken to blowing pretty little bubble flurries your way all afternoon. 

Your reflection is captured in the peacock sheen of the bubbles while you study your rapidly developing hair in the mirror. 

You haven't bothered to change out of your shirt. It's not yours. One of Seokjin's. It's navy, and you hope the bleach ruins it.

"I think I've fucked up," you say all rather calmy, talking about your hair and not the shirt. It's not the end of the world if you have. Just hair, you always think.

Danbi shrugs. Has clearly spent too much time in your company, because she echoes exactly what you're thinking: "Just hair, babe. It'll grow."

That's the joy of your friendship; you both encourage each other with the same dumb remarks whenever you feel like you've reached the point of no return. 

After all, if you can't go back? 

Go forward.

"Plus," she adds, blowing more bubbles instead of taking a breath. "You can just chalk it up to being your hot mess era."

"Been in that for months already," you smile at her in the reflection of the mirror. You prod a little at your roots, and know that you definitely should have waited a little longer to work the bleach up to them. Bollocks.

You've done this enough times to know you'll end up with a gold band haloing around the top of your hair thanks to how easily your roots always lift. Nightmare. 

"Exactly, so you may as well look the part," Danbi encourages. Worst influence going, she is. Also the best at times, too. You find comfort in the fact she won't always say what you want to hear, but what you need to hear instead.

The conversation dissolves into empty chatter, gossip about Danbi's dog walking clients, mentions of Taehyung and how he's still trying to talk her into a mates-rates discount despite the fact they aren't actually 'mates'. She asked you about your Bartender That Smiles, and you say he's all good - before you have to insist there's nothing going on there. 

"He's got issues with his ex," you explain.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't they all? Boys and their first loves, I swear to God."

"Not sure she was his first," you defend, though you're not sure why. The thought lingers as you rummage around for an old tube of toner that you know you have hiding in the bathroom cabinet somewhere. It's been a while since your hair was pale enough to take toner, so it's been pushed right to the back.

Danbi is shooed from her perch on the toilet seat and into the living room as you let the shower run to heat it a little.  

The first crash of water against your skin is lukewarm. Tepid. Unappealing, but necessary. 

You hate anything other than boiling-you-alive degrees Celsius, but know you need to be kind to your hair after the torture you've put it through. The water runs cloudy until the bleach is rinsed out, and then it runs purple thanks to your silver shampoo. It pools around your feet and seeps into the drain. Wishful thinking has you hoping memories of Seokjin will do just the same.

It's just to preemptively tone it, but you can't help but worry about the pigment taking too strongly on your roots. 

The ash toner you found in the cupboard is in a box by the sink. You plan on putting that over the top of whatever mess your hair is anyway, but it doesn't hurt to get a head start on the process. 

The water glistens a deep violet, briefly coating your skin - and for some reason, all you can think about is Jeongguk, and how you'd really like to be downing a Purple Starfucker (or five) with him right now. He really is the perfect distraction. 

Still, you have a task at hand. You rinse your hair; ring it out. Sigh as you frown at the mess that greets you in the mirror - lilac roots, a yellow band haloing just like your thought it would, and silver ends. Brilliant.

It's as you're sitting with Danbi in the living room a little while later - body wrapped in a towel that isn't half as fluffy as Jeongguk's favourite, ashy toner smothering your peroxide blonde hair - that you notice your phone flash on the coffee table.

Danbi clocks it first, and stifles a laugh as she reads the screen. "Isn't that the guy from the club?"

You assume she means Jeongguk, and are a little perplexed to see it's Jimin's name on your screen instead. 

"Yeah... Jimin. Smooth talker, shit shagger."

"A glowing review."

"Hey, I still let him think he was good," you say as you reach for your phone to read his message out loud to Danbi. "You guys out tomorrow night?"

Sipping on her wine, Danbi raises a brow. Shakes her head in confusion. "He hoping for round two?"

"Fuck knows."

It's just gone midnight, so you consider maybe he's thinking about his desire for a hook-up, and is hoping for a safe bet in the form of you. 

And so you don't reply. If he double texts, you'll just lie and say you've fallen asleep.

The scent of your toner is beginning to give you a headache, so you go to rinse it and bid farewell to your final day as a brunette.

Sleep evades you. Doesn't want to let go of who you were, apparently. Wine makes you sleepy, and yet you're wired as if you've just had a triple shot americano.

But then it's three in the morning, and all you can seem to smell is the deep conditioner you bathed your hair in that evening. 

Somehow, when you look to the empty space beside you - delicately ruffled, a dent prevailing in the pillow - you convince yourself that you can smell fig leaves and coconut. The notes of his favourite aftershave linger like the ache in your chest. It's hollow, and you can't work out why it hurts quite as much as it does. 

If there's nothing there, how can it be so painful?

You sniff back tears that fail to truly form and pull your phone from beneath your pillow. It's hard to move your fingers when they're tangled up in puppet strings that Seokjin is refusing to let go of, but eventually you manage to tap through some Instagram stories in a bid to distract yourself from him. 

Inspirational quotes don't do much for you, nor do the engagement pictures of people you haven't given a second thought since graduation. There's an abundance of them. Smiling faces. Diamonds, or maybe just cubic zirconia. Fresh sets of nails, hands that are pink and warm from the heat of whoever's been holding them.

It's a curious thought; what people who haven't spoken to you in years must think of you now. 

You were the one who was going to succeed. Going far in life, made for a boardroom, would look incredible in a pantsuit - and yet you're working in a cafe, first-class degree of no more worth than the tissue paper you flush down the toilet. 

See, you switched out life goals for glitter. You wear it like armour; protect yourself from the world around you. Who cares about seriousness and success when you're a constant disco? Not you. Could never be you.

Or at least, you hope that's what people think. Hope that no one realises you're covering yourself in artificial shine; like a canvas in acrylic because you were too impatient to watch the oil paint dry.

One day you'll glow. Glow for real. 

For a while, you thought you had been with Seokjin. 

All you see when you look in the mirror these days is tarnished silver; copper alloy pretending to be much more than what it really is. Your skin will turn green eventually.

There is, however, one person you've managed to fool. 

When his story pops up - a repost of tomorrow night's paint party event at Dionysus - you find yourself clicking through to your DM thread without much thought. You know he's at work. Know it's a 50/50 whether or not he'll get back to you before your mind begins to berate you again for how miserable you feel. 

It's a simple message - hey - and you're pleased that it's met with an equally simple reply not even a minute later.

JustJK: To what do I owe the pleasure?

You decided that 'I'm about to cry over my shitbag ex so chose to message you instead' probably won't be Jeongguk's favourite thing to hear, so you opt for a little white lie.

You: Just wondering how the kids are <3

Part of you worries he won't understand what the fuck you're on about - but of course, he does. He's Jeongguk. Gets you better than you get yourself, these days.

JustJK:  Missing their mother. 

JustJK:  Perry the Pigeon almost fell earlier.

JustJK:  Roger the Robin looks like he has a broken wing.

JustJK: Must be one of yours. Inherited his mother's wonkiness <3

With each message that comes through, your smile grows wider in the midnight darkness of your bedroom. 

You: Careful or I'll file for joint custody.

You: Get poor Roger away from his father's cruel remarks </3

There's an ease to how you joke together, both aware of how unserious you are. There's no second-guessing, no worrying about saying the wrong thing. If you do, you'll say sorry and move on. No harm, no foul.

JustJK: Your appeal won't hold up in court, Byeol.

JustJK:  You've neglected them ever since you spawned them.

JustJK:  Haven't even paid them a visit!!!

Laughter stifles in your throat as your body curls up into a more comfortable position. The audacity of this boy, you think, ignoring the way he manages to get you entirely focused on something that isn't your own despair.

You:  You've got full custody!!!

JustJK:  And you're still allowed to come for supervised visits!!!!!

JustJK:  smh and to think you call yourself their mother.

JustJK: I'm their mother now.

You pout at your screen, and whine a small little 'nooo'. 

You:  They need me :(

JustJK: Come and see them, then. They miss their mother.

You:  Tomorrow?

He reads the messages instantly, but takes a little longer than usual to reply. It worries you slightly. Makes you more aware of your surroundings. The scent of Seokjin's aftershave begins to permeate the air once more.

Until, all rather suddenly, it doesn't anymore.

JustJK:  I'm not working tomorrow night, but Jimin's insisting on going to the paint party - you coming?

You:  Will Perry the Pigeon be there?

JustJK: If he falls before I leave for the club, then yes.

It's not a bad proposition. One that quite intrigues you. One that has you agreeing, and him telling you to fuck off and go to sleep. He's got work to do, he says. 

It's actually quite quiet at the club - Yeonjun just caught him looking at his phone with a dumb smile a few too many times for Jeongguk's liking. Doesn't wanna get caught out again. 

Especially doesn't want him catching onto the fact that there's a reason Jeongguk's eyes light up like Disco Balls when he looks at his phone.

Yeonjun doesn't really have friends who are girls, Jeongguk reasons with himself. Won't understand that he's perfectly capable of having a little flirt without it meaning anything more than that - after all, isn't that just what banter is? Friendly flirting? He does it with the boys all the time. Doesn't mean fuck all. Just fun.

Jeongguk's a couple of years older than his cerulean-haired coworker, and has learnt the hard way that you really shouldn't escalate friends above the level of purely platonic. One day Yeonjun will realise this. 

For now, though, Yeonjun'll shag anyone who looks at him in the right direction. Has probably already ruined a few good friendships. Doesn't even realise he's done it.

Jeongguk trusts himself not to make the same mistakes he's made in the past with you. Thinks that he's pretty happy with how things are. Has missed the dynamics of friendships with girls. Is looking forward to Monday movie night with you and Danbi again.

And yet when he gets home to find Perry the paper pigeon on his bed, he can't help but smile.

You wake up to a picture of the fallen bird in your DMs - and even though you'll whine and complain about it when you see him that evening, all you can do is smile, too.

JustJK:  Looks like we're having a wholesome family trip to Dionysus tonight.

You: Mummy and Daddy reunited at last <33 Perry will be so happy.

JustJK: It's okay, you don't have to lie.

JustJK:  I know you're talking about yourself, not Perry.

Jeongguk doesn't send the message where he tells you not to call him Daddy. Knows you'll read into it; tease him about it. It's not like he's got a thing for it, or anything, he just... maybe wouldn't be opposed to it, and so he'd rather not be called it when he's having casual conversations with you. Wouldn't wanna get flustered. 

Part of you already knows this. Is precisely why you'd said it. It's not really your style, not the kind of thing that gets you going.

But it is also exactly why you choose to end your next message with, 'See you tonight, Daddy x'.

You're laughing as you send it.

And as he receives it, Jeongguk groans. Buries his head into his pillow. Crumples Perry a little in the process. Whines. 

"Don't fuck this up, Jeongguk."

AO3 | MASTERLIST | NEXT

[readymades2002]

the way people go to bat for siken on this site is unreal

#i think responding to a teenager emailing you asking about your work with 'your email made me wish i'd died' is kind of evil #the things you say to teenagers stay with them and saying something like that is unbelievably cruel #especially for someone who is apparently a Great Writer though ive yet to see evidence of this #i understand wanting privacy but she emailed him just like. completely standard wikipedia article early life questions #she wasnt trying to be his friend or anything she certainly didnt bring up trauma like the mature tastemakers on tumbler dot net are saying #'people were harsh with me when i was a shitty teenager and it made me learn how to be better' telling a teenager #that them emailing you about an interview for a school paper made you wish a stroke had killed you is beyond harsh i think. a little #did she need to post it? no but when youre a teenager who is presumably interested in the world and in sharing what you know #with other people then this is a way to tell other people 'hey jsyk this author was a dickhead' #so they don't go through the same thing. like. im just #every day i see people on this site being so fucking weird about teenagers...

[essektheylyss]

Honestly, I'm very excited to find out what happened to Caleb and Beau, but specifically because Ludinus's current status is WILD for Caleb's epilogue in particular. It means his boyfriend is basically free and clear of everyone who has explicit material knowledge of the deal he made. It means the goal he planned to dedicate his life to is basically complete within six years. It means that virtually no one left on the Assembly cares much what kinds of changes he makes to Soltryce from here on out.

Ludinus is on the moon and probably not coming back, given the general expectations of the heroic fantasy genre, and the rest of it is a whole lot of "not Caleb's problem".

What does this man even do with the rest of his life?

#also who succeeded vess. this is the real question. no one in that role isn't fucking evil. #I'm just thinking about it. I don't imagine they'll have the same kind of time in the one-shot to go through epilogues again but like. #I do hope there's a lil bit. I wanna know what caleb does knowing that this massive problem is no longer a problem for him. #I am admittedly also presuming that margolin was implicated in or at least disgraced by the scourger shit cuz like #that's just not an easy thing to claim you knew nothing about lmfao #and fuck 'im #but like. the rest of the group is just. whatever yanno. but does caleb keep pushing? idk #I think he should get to be headmaster he'd be great at that #but then I am a caleb as magical headmaster truther so #ANYWAY I just want to see it. I wanna see what caleb looks like when he has absolute freedom before him. #it's WHAT HE DESERVES DAMMIT. #critical role #caleb widogast

[andorerso]

sorry but comparing whether Jyn or Cassian suffered more in their life like it's the fucking trauma Olympics is fucking ridiculous

they both suffered the same and it's literally not a competition, hope this helps <3

#let's see they both lost their parents around the same age #cassian was kidnapped and lost his sister #jyn was a child soldier #(and so was cassian if you wanna go by his original backstory but i digress) #both had an unstable childhood #both had to watch their parent die actually (lyra and clem) #jyn was abandoned by saw cassian was in juvie #both went to labour camp #they literally both went through the same things but please tell me how cassian had it so much easier than her i'd like to hear #again it's not a competition anyway #but it's ridiculous to even compare when they went through pretty much the same shit lmao #im fucking tired of this narrative #i swear some of y'all don't even like cassian lmao #shut up sissi #discourse #maybe i'll delete this later #im just fucking tired #stop pitting jyn and cassian against each other #they're equals that's the best part about them!! my god #anyway this is a cassian andor defense account #don't talk to me if you don't like him

[mellotronmkll]

cannot put into words how much finding out that women with autism being misdiagnosed with bpd is like a super common thing shook my entire understanding of everything I had experienced my whole life that was the real final nail in the coffin but it's crazy I somehow didn't know that until recently

#And like It Just So Happens #Anyway at this point...and now that my mother has started literally just sending me lists of all the traits that are obvious in hindsight a #things she missed and now is kicking herself I'm just like...well it's just like I'm documenting things and I really think once I just #have insurance you know . I've just been like What if I'm wrong for like a year now but to be honest #I think at this point after all the research I've done and discussions I've had it's like. There's no way bro #Like you have a multi page google doc of evidence #And like it's funny cos my mom will be sending me random texts out of the blue too like did I mention already the fact that you would #sit and study maps for hours as a kid and if anyone interrupted you you had a meltdown and I'm like well #But its like these texts constantly all day #And im like tbh you're going through the same realization process I went through but now you're also telling me things I forgot or didn't #even know that are just blasting any. Doubt of the water #But I think she feels guilty also that she never noticed and im just like shrug I don't know like #there's just many many many such cases so like #But its very helpful I was so scared to tell her about it for so long but apparently she'd been already wondering for ages too so like #And now she's also just like This makes so much sense it just makes everything make sense and I'm like see. That's what I'm thinking too

[feral-radfem]

I'm not going to be tone policed on how I talk about any subject whether it personally affects any of you or not. I am certainly not going to be persuaded to speak more kindly to my oppressors and/or direct political opponents because they are personally affected by the issue I'm talking about.

Some of y'all are letting the female socialization that demands we be kind and considerate at the expense of ourselves (& our social movements) push you right into sugar coating important topics and out of being an effective communicator.

#cutting off any healthy tissue for an aesthetic or mental anguish is mutilation #I'm sorry if that hurts some of y'all's feelings but it's the truth of the matter #whether or not if they are kinder ways to say this is irrelevant #I'm not going to sit here and tell y'all how to talk about any subject so that you don't upset anyone #& I would personally like to stop seeing 50 different variations of the same post telling me what the appropriate way of discussing this is #I'm here to liberate women not coddle you or should you from the criticisms of your actions #we are sisters in arms in a sociopolitical fight not friends. #lily responds #like I was going to keep my mouth shut when you were just discussing that you would like for people not to say this because you are radfems #& want to feel welcomed & comfortable n the spaces you have a fool right to be in regardless if I think it's our job to ensure that comfort #but telling me I can't describe mutilation as it is bc it's hurting the trans ppl who are actively destroying my rights on mult axises? #fuck no lol. I'm not putting in effort work to spare their feelings. #especially when it seems like the most direct blunt way of describing things it's the only way to get through to them #y'all are out of your damn minds lol #ok im done #rant

[rose-n-gunses]

Occasionally I'll see posts where people talk about feeling alienated from their peers growing up and I'll be like hey same except for the fact that like. I wasn't bullied and I had friends and I "fit in" and such so I feel like I must not be as different as I think or maybe I'm more "normal" than I feel but then like. Sometimes I go out with people my own age and I'm like yeahhhh we are not the same

#and i dont mean this in a pick me way #it's like. when i hang out with people i feel like im sitting behind a wall of glass so i'm there but not quite? #and i feel bad about it because it makes me feel fake! #like you know how people go and have dinner and sit and talk about stuff i just always feel like im doing it Wrong #and i dont even know if the differences are as noticeable to other people as they are to me #but it's like.. i feel like there are certain things that are typical amongst age groups #(music and fashion and other things like that) #that i don't share in/relate to #so i feel like i have nothing in common with these people #and it makes it difficult for me because when people tell you to make friends it's like.. #1) that is. not something that i am able to do easily #2) do they know how difficult and draining it is to be friends with someone you have literally nothing in common with #it makes the friendships feel superficial imo #idk #it's not even just with having no interests in common it's also very clear that like. we do not think the same way #and sometimes i feel like a robot just like. going through the motions of being a person in social settings #it's always been like this or at least has been for a long time #and i dont know why #but if u ask my parents theres mothing wrong with me! #irl #just r's thoughts #delete later

[therealslimshady]

theres a lot of things that I wasn't expecting when watching evangeleon for the first time, but the thing that threw me for a loop the most was the shinji tragic gay romance arc????? Hello???? After all that girl stuff?????

#This is not a bad thing btw #Just so hilarious how they did so much will they won't they with the girls and then he just fell heads over heels with Kaworu #Say what you want about holding the same still frame for five minutes but that shot.... With the music.... heartbreaking #I think it's really cool that that's the one time the audience doesn't get to hear shinji lose it #Got very disappointed when the next episode didn't deal with that at all #Which don't get me wrong- I think the trippy ''how can I be happy'' stuff was cool! #It just would've been better if they had done any kind of lead up to it whatsoever #like can you imagine if they're all rushing to stop the third impact and then something happens and we get those last two episodes #no further explanation no hints as to what's really going on outside shinji's head besides quick shots that might just be misdirection #It would be so cool it would be so cool do you see my vision #Idk maybe they do that in end of evangeleon but I couldn't watch it #tried to push through but man... It's so bad.... #None of them would fucking do that #Anyways I heard the mangas different I wanna give that a read #All the characters are so good im obsessed with all of them #Please give all legal rights to evangeleon to me I have so many good ideas I can make evangeleon better then sliced bread you have no idea #No one is going to read this BUT IF YOU DO please talk to me about evangeleon I need someone to talk about evangeleon with #Anyways #Nge #neon genesis evangelion #Evangeleon #shinji ikari #kaworu nagisa #My post

[harrowharkwife]

i am SO fucking exhausted by mainstream media opinions lately and i don't understand why they're frequently SO different from my own? like i genuinely don't think i am approaching anything from that unique of a perspective as a viewer? maybe it's just that i'm too easy to please when it comes to stories or something but like. how is the mainstream, widely accepted consensus on yellowjackets season 2 is that it's "bad" and "doesn't work as a season" and is "riddled with problems." literally what the fuck are you talking about. this is the most fun i have had watching television uhhhhh literally Ever? you're telling me people hated Burial? how? why? like i don't...i just don't GET it. and i'm not playing dumb for kicks here im like genuinely honest to god confused. that was the single best episode of television I've ever watched in my life. like i get that people have different opinions about things and that's fine but HOW am i in the minority here what am i missing

#most of the critiques I've seen are that it 'focused on the adults too much' and was 'too weird' re: mistys sequence #like??? that was clearly supposed to be funny and campy and silly and artistic and a twin peaks homage? #and the 'focusing on the adults' i... i mean i guess some people are just here for the '96 mystery #and are completely uninterested in the psychological effects it had on all the characters? #i guess some people don't?? care??? about watching them wrestle with that trauma and go on to try to have lives #after something like that? #but like. that's the entire point of the show though. if you hate that why are you watching it every week #with enough investment to like. blog about it and put energy into writing whole ass thinkpieces #so much of media criticism these days boil down into 'i wish this show was Not the show that it is' #'i wish it was this other show that im writing with my twitter mutuals' #and like that's fine and fun and cool and valid and that's what fic is for! but a show isnt BAD for committing to itself and its own vision #like. there is something sooo sexy abt a piece of media that is so wholly itself that you have to meet it where it is #and judge it by its own metric #it creates a whole new unique lens for each and every thing you love! quit comparing apples and oranges! #it's SO fucking fun analyzing different pieces of media through the lens of their own little world and conventions #and guiding principles and plot pacing and what they choose to emphasize and their genre conventions and etc etc #it's FUN! and not to sound like a pretentious film bro dipshit but like why does it seem like this is a dying art these days #'s2 is boring' THEY. THEY ATE A PERSON. ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME THING

[northern-passage]

do you rec god of war (from what you've played)? i've been looking for new rpgs to play but i feel like im 50/50 on this game

so for ragnarok, i haven't really played too much yet to have a real opinion, i've literally only played about 2 hours, and a lot of it has been cutscenes setting up the narrative (like a lot of cutscenes. i was surprised but i'm into it because i like my games with a juicy story. i have seen others complain about this though but i'm withholding judgement since i know i'm still early on and the game is clearly easing me into the story, and i haven't even gotten into the "open world" part yet) BUT that said i have enjoyed what i've played so far.

as for god of war, the first one from 2018, i haven't played it in a few years but i would still 100% recommend! i have some criticisms of that game but nothing major, just that i felt like the characterization of atreus was inconsistent and some aspects of his character arc felt shoehorned in (i can't really say specifics without spoilers)... however i can still excuse it as him just being a kid, and overall the game is really fun and i do still like the story and relationship between kratos and atreus, and all of that outweighs the mild criticism. the combat with the leviathan axe is literally my all-time favorite combat in any game, i love it so much. they did a really good job making both the axe and kratos himself feel very heavy and powerful.

also the character designs are really good. i've been losing my mind over thor in ragnarok so far, and i really like freya (who is in both games) and all of the valkyries. the regions you get to explore are fun, the "fish out of water" greek god dealing with norse gods is interesting, and i like that the core of the narrative in the first game is very mundane, despite everything else that happens. and with the sequel, it feels organic, like the 2018 game clearly set up ragnarok with the way it ended so i do feel confident in ragnarok even though i haven't played much.

i've never played any of the previous god of war games so i can't say anything about those, i went into the 2018 one pretty much blind and only knowing that kratos was the god of war, though i did eventually skim some wiki pages but even then i still have minimal knowledge of kratos' history. which honestly kind of adds to it, for me personally, at least. we know he's done terrible things, we get glimpses of it through kratos' memories, but it's in the past and now he's trying to be better.

so if any of that sounds interesting, you should check it out :-)

#like kratos is trying but he's not successful (so far) #controversial opinion but kratos isnt like joel or logan because kratos is a really bad father lmfao #it's not the same as logan and joel suddenly becoming the guardians of random children #kratos IS atreus' father for real and he knew about him #but i think that's what makes their relationship interesting esp playing from kratos perspective #and again obviously even w/o playing previous games we know that kratos has been through a lot #and has done terrible things and has had terrible things done to him #and we can see him trying to break the cycle. i don't think he can do it but i do think that atreus can #also one more thing irt 'too many cutscenes' since im not too far in i really cant say if there's 'too many' #im not really sure if there is a thing as 'too many' when you are trying to tell a story. which is clearly what god of war is doing #so don't go in expecting cod or some shit idk lmfao. people use video games to tell stories. it's a storytelling medium #sometimes... the game needs to tell the story #and you just have to listen #you know? #ANYWAYS. this has become a real gamer blog the last few days... i just love discussing. bideo game #thanks for humoring me lmfao #ask #savagious

[goldentigerfestival]

if there is one thing i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that we'll never ever know the story behind transgressor yuri.

if there are two things i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that leon and aegis' loyal friendship will never ever return.

#GTF Things #Tales of Crestoria #it is rare for leon to be on that kind of respect level with someone let alone risk his own reputation as a traitor to let someone escape #by which i mean in destiny he only ever rly did that for stahn bc stahn was the ONLY person screaming over leon's suffering #and BEGGING him to talk to him and not take on everything alone #so i'd be hard pressed to say he truly made that last second decision for any other reason #other than stahn getting through to him bc if stahn hadn't said anything nobody else was all that worried abt doing so #for him to do that for aegis even in a setting where he wasn't going to be in mortal peril #still risked him becoming a transgressor if anyone had had time to record that #i.e. local dude helps local sinned traitor escape and is by association also a sinner #and that may have affected the ease of his search in restoring stahn to human form #which stahn prob would not have minded but it would still increase the difficulty for leon's search all the same #with yuri forget it im going to be permanently S T R E S S E D that we will never know that story #and i don't think they'd play into the possessed-not-really-yuri thing again after doing it in asteria #and in rays it was only a cameo thing. i fully believe that was actual yuri bc it would fit into his canon-mixed-with-crestoria #so unless the devs for some reason decide to tell us what their plans were for yuri we will never know #and it's been too long now since cresty went down like do i have to write this shit myself #they robbed me of transgressor yuri meeting vicious too woe is me cresty team #im still so desperate for them to turn crestoria back on like pls it's not just my crops anymore it's me too im also dead #i know they won't turn it back on and heck all the data for it is probably long since byebye BUT #even if i enjoy the manga it's not the same without the crossover #i would kill for them to give us that game back it was my fave gacha ever ;; #i say that with the full bias of the fact that i obliterated everything with default leon and completely maxed him in every aspect #but also just the fact that i want cresty's crossover back s o f u c k i n g b a d

[scarletcomet]

I feel so depressed for no reason. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've tried everything.

#i think talking with my psychiatrist put me in a worse mood #i was like on the verge of tears while talking to her #she said that she would have hoped that the new med im on would have started to make a difference by now #she also said that i always present myself the same way when i come into her office. apparently im distant and withdrawn #i try so hard to open up but im just so bad at putting how i feel into words #she said i never report feeling any better. which isnt even true but i also just havent been feeling much improvement lately #i feel like i do acknowledge the improvement i've made #like she has seen me at my lowest. she literally sent me to the hospital in june. then she was my doctor while i was in the hospital too #idk #i think im just like getting burnt out from all this therapy. ive been in higher levels of care (inpatient/residential/php/iop) since may #i just don't want to do anything. even things i have enjoyed in the past or have always wanted to do #im going to spain with my family on tuesday but i so just dont want to go even though ive wanted to go to spain for a long time #this kind of reminds me of when i wasnt looking forward to the taylor swift concert or my 21st bday #and that was because i was so suicidal. i worry that's how im going to feel again #i felt like i couldnt keep getting through each day which i feel now too #but i guess my suicidal thoughts are less constant and intense now even though they are still chronic #i remember that i literally could not focus on anything because my mind would just wander to thoughts about hurting myself #i remember the constant thoughts and urges...