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jobrookekarev · 3 years

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One Step Forward and Three Steps Back: Chapter Three

Chapter Three of Six

Words: 3060

Chapter Summary: Jo is taking to the hospital and the reality of what happened sinks in for Alex and Stephanie.

Summary: Jo wants to marry Alex more than anything, there’s just a few hoops she has to jump through before she can make that a reality. When she finally takes the plunge to free herself from her past, it all comes back to haunt her.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson, Jo Wilson/Paul Stadler (Past).

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson, Stephanie Edwards, Paul Stadler, Meredith Grey, Miranda Bailey, Ben Warren.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences,

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Physical Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Assault. Medical, Hospital, and ER.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

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Stephanie left to lead the paramedics into the building and listed off Jo’s stats to Kevin and Nicole as they came into the Loft with the gurney.

“Is this the guy that attacked her?” Kevin said, looking at him with disdain as he leaned down to check him over.

“Yeah,” Stephanie mumbled, looking back at Jo as Nicole knelt down beside her.

“Okay, let's take her first. The second ambulance should be here soon. Are you two okay riding with?” Nicole asked, looking over at them as she grabbed the board.

Alex and Stephanie both nodded as they helped Nicole get Jo up and onto the gurney. Another ambulance came for him, Stephanie wasn’t sure what to call him. Jo never said his name, not that he deserved one. She spared him one last glance before she helped Nicole and Alex push Jo’s gurney and out of the loft.

The ambulance ride was quiet. Nicole gave Jo some pain meds and other drugs that knocked her out, and she attached a bag to the end of Jo’s tube. Alex tucked the blanket around her and held her hand. Stephanie saw a few tears escape his eyes as she fought back tears of her own.

They arrived at Grey-Sloan in a matter of minutes and Cross and another resident met them in the ambulance bay.

“Oh my God, what happened,” Cross asked, pausing as he looked down at Jo on the stretcher, despite how Nicole was listing off Jo's stats and injuries.

They wheeled her into trauma room one, and Stephanie and Alex reached for a fresh pair of gloves as they began to work on Jo and ordered the interns around. “Let's get x-rays in a portable ultrasound to check the blood flow in the carotid arteries on the left and the right. Page Avery and Amelia, I don’t want whoever's on call for Neuro. Jo deserves the best.”

“Oh my God, what happened,” Warren said as he and Bailey walked into the room, pausing at the end of the bed.

“Possible collapsed trachea as well as other crush injuries to the spine, and possible compromised blood flow to the left carotid artery,” Stephanie said as she attached the monitors to Jo's chest.

“Okay, both you and Karev need to step away from her right now,” Bailey said, walking up the side of the stretcher and putting her hand on Alex's arm.

“No, I'm not sitting on the sidelines, it's Jo!” Alex insisted, gripping the railing of Jo's bed not taking his eyes off of her.

“I can see that, Alex, and I can also see that you are in no state to be here,” Bailey said back, putting his hand on his chest. “We are going to take good care of Jo.”

“Listen to Dr. Bailey,” Warren said, backing her up and looking over at Alex. “Jo’s stable and her vital signs are good. She's in good hands and we will update you as often as we can.”

“Dr. Bailey, we have another patient. Should I take them to trauma room two?” One of the nurses asked as Stephanie watched the gurney with Jo's abusive husband roll by.

“Yes, and page whoever's on call,” Bailey said as the nurse left. “Cross get him out of here.”

Alex reluctantly let Cross push him out of the room, his eyes never leaving Jo until the door slide close in front of him.

“Edwards, I need you next door to assess the patient that just came in,” Bailey said as she looked over Jo.

“No.”

Stephanie looked down at Jo's neck, seeing her unconscious in front of her with the black and blue bruising that he caused. She knew she'd kill him in anger if she went next door, despite her vow to do no harm.

“No,” Bailey said, outraged that one of her doctors defined her orders.

“That's the asshole that did this to her.”

“Okay,” Bailey said, nodding at her before she gave Warren and Cross the order to go next door.

……………………………………………………………………

Alex stood outside in the hall, staring at the trauma room where Cross pushed him out. They had drawn the curtains around it so that he couldn’t see anything. Alex couldn't move. He just stood there in the middle of the ER. He stumbled back into another nurse who gave him a strange look and politely told him to move out of the way. Alex walked over to the hall between the trauma rooms. It was a little quieter there than in the middle of the ER and he still stared at the room where Jo was.

He walked until his back was pressed against the wall and his knees gave out as he slid down to sit on the floor. The weight of the night and the realization of what had happened finally dawned upon him as he had nothing to keep his mind or his hands occupied. Sitting there in the hall, everything that just happened replayed in his mind. The image of Jo on the floor with his hands around her neck was frozen behind his eyelids. It was the most frightening thing Alex had ever seen. The thought that he could lose her finally hits him.

There was a tightness in his chest and he could barely breathe. All he could think about was Jo. He knew she was stable. He knew she was alive, but he was a doctor, and he knew how things could change in an instant. Before he even realized it, heavy tears fell down his cheeks as he started crying. Heavy sobs shook his shoulders as he put a hand over his face and cried.

He cried harder than he had in a long time, and his tears streaked down his cheeks in hot angry rivers. If he hadn't been there. If he hadn't come back. He doesn't want to think about what would have happened to Jo or to Stephanie if he hadn't been there. If that guy, that asshole had shown up. All because of what? Because he wanted Jo to marry him, because he wouldn't take her no for an answer, because he thought getting married was more important than just being with her. Looking back now, it all seemed so insignificant compared to the thought of losing her, truly losing her.

His hands formed into fists as his anger ran hot again. Anger at himself for what he had said to her that morning, for leaving her alone, and for thinking about never coming back. His hands hurt for the first time in hours as he looked down at them to see the bruising on his knuckles. He had reacted out of pure instinct as he ran over and punched the guy. His only thought was of getting him off of Jo as quickly as possible.

He let his anger fuel him, and at first, he thought he was doing it just so the guy would stay down, but he kept punching long after the man's eyes had swelled closed and he had grown limp in Alex's hands. Stephanie had to scream at him to get his attention, and as he looked back, he realized he left Jo gasping for air. He should have helped her, but instead, he kept punching, and he was lucky Jo didn’t asphyxiate.

He let his rage feel him. He left Jo to die and chose to go after her attacker rather than help her. That scared him. The same anger that had filled him now was the same anger he had when he was standing over his father's at sixteen-year-old. Alex could have killed his father then, and he could have killed this man now. If that guy ever dared look at Jo again, he knew he wouldn't hesitate too, because even though Alex didn't know the full story, he knew he had to protect Jo. There was both Justice and Injustice in those actions, revenge for the hands they had laid upon others and to the extreme that others had to pull him away had not been for Stephanie tonight. Had it had not been for his mother screaming at him when he was sixteen, who knows how long he would have kept going.

Alex knew that somehow this man knew Jo and that there was a reason behind why he attacked her, but Alex didn't care. Jo didn't deserve that. Nobody did, but he couldn't get answers until Stephanie stepped out of the room. Alex wouldn't drag her away from Jo, not when she needed her. Jo needed someone looking after her, someone who loved her, and if it couldn’t be him, he was glad that it was Stephanie.

Alex couldn't sit there in that hallway alone anymore, so he pulled out his phone. He had grabbed it before they left and put it in his back pocket. Meredith's number was the only one he thought of and she answered within a few rings.

“Hey, Alex. What's up?” Meredith asked in a happy tone, sound the upbeat wedding music in the background.

“It's Jo,” That was all Alex was able to say before he started sobbing again, mumbling to Meredith through his tears. “There was a guy in the loft. I woke up because I heard the plant fall over. I thought that Jo or Stephanie had tripped over it, but there was this guy, and he was on top of her. I didn't even think about it, I, I just went at him…”

“Alex, slow down, slow down, slow down. Take a breath.” Meredith said as Alex did as she instructed despite the lump in his throat. “What happened to Jo?”

“I woke up, and there was a man in our Loft on top of her. He was choking her. I just punched him. I had to get him off of her.” Alex shook his head. He should have just punched him once and then helped Jo. “But she wasn't breathing, Meredith, she couldn't breathe. Stephanie had to intubate her. We're at the hospital now, and Jo’s stable, but she wasn't breathing, Mer.”

“Okay, I'm on my way,” Meredith said and he could hear her moving around. “I'll bring Rigs with me and we will take care of Jo, okay.”

Alex could only nod, but he knew Meredith understood.

“Okay, I'm going to hang up now, but I'll be there soon.”

Alex nodded again, and she hung up, but he still held the phone against his ear. He watched the trauma room and watched Avery enter. Everything was just muffled voices, and he couldn't make out what anyone was saying, but still, he watched the room for any sign that Jo was okay or not.

……………………………………………………………………

“I'm here,” Jackson said, walking into the room and approaching the bed. “Is that Jo? What the hell?”

“Looks like tracheal occlusion injuries with compression of both carotid arteries. She was conscious and alert at the scene and was breathing on her own despite how Dr. Edwards was forced to intubate her. Neuro has been by and has signed off. We’re keeping an eye on the injuries to her carotid artery. The blood flow wasn't too compromised, but we're keeping an eye on the crush injuries to her chest. She’s got two broken ribs, the 3rd and 4th on the left. Neuro said there were no spinal fractures on the x-rays, but we're still waiting for a head and neck CT and MRI,” Bailey said, ever steady as she held the Carotid doppler and double checked the blood flow to Jo’s left carotid artery.

Jackson seemed taken aback, but nonetheless, he continued with his examination as he looked over the x-rays. “I want those scans as soon as possible. X-rays look good, with no damage or perforations to the lungs, but there’s a lot of swelling in her neck. Do we have labs?”

“Not yet,” Bailey answered, setting the doppler down and carefully cleaning the jell off of Jo’s neck.

“Okay, well, she appears stable for now, but I’d like to do a bronchoscopy and maybe an upper gastrointestinal endoscopy, but let's see what the labs and scans say,” Jackson said as he looked up to check Jo’s oxygenation levels. “Who did this?”

Stephanie could feel his eyes on her and she just looked down at Jo. She looked so peaceful. Stephanie had cleaned up the little scratches on her neck, but they were insignificant compared to the bruising that colored the skin of her neck and chest. The rest of her face and body was unmarked, but she was unconscious and intubated, unable to breathe without the tube that might be permanent.

“The guy next door,” Stephanie said, not taking her eyes off of Jo. Even though she was stable for now, Stephanie couldn't take her eyes off of her unconscious friend.

“The guy in the next trauma room. The guy whose face I just fixed, the guy who I'm about to operate on as well. He did this to Jo?”

“Yes.”

“You were there. What happened?” Jackson asked as both he and Bailey looked at Stephanie.

“He attacked her. I don't know how he got into the Loft, I just woke up, and he was on top of her. Alex, he got him off, but Jo couldn't breathe. She kept scratching at her neck and gasping for air.”

Stephanie had seen a lot of things in life, but nothing like this, nothing like the act of violence she had witnessed against her best friend. The image of Jo on the floor of the Loft and the way she sounded as she gasped for air, like the wind through a haunted house, replayed in her mind.

They had a girl's night and watched the horror movie just a few days ago. The two of them had curled up on the couch in the Loft with pizza and beer. Jo had curled into her side and hid her face in Stephanie’s shoulder at every jump scare. Meanwhile, Stephanie had made fun of the way the characters has screamed as the wind shifted through the house like a howling wolf. Little did she know that that sound would haunt her now. She sat down and trailed her fingers down Jo’s cheek, brushing her hair out of her face.

“Make sure that you keep him as far away from her as possible. I’ll call the police and have security cuff him to the bed. As soon as we get her labs back, see if you need to have her transferred up to the OR for the bronchoscopy, upper gastrointestinal endoscopy and have cardo on standby for anything else. I'm going to go page security Stephanie, can you stay with her until another general surgeon gets here?” Bailey asked, stripping off her gloves.

Stephanie didn't know how she could be so steady in a situation like this, but she was glad someone was in charge and knew what to do.

“I'm not going anywhere,” Stephanie said, staring down at Jo as she grabbed her hand and sat down at her bedside.

Jackson nodded, and Bailey gave Jo one last glance. A look of concern crossed her face, but only for a moment before she schooled her features and walked out. Stephanie reached out and put her hand on Jo's cheek, her skin was warm and soft, and she was alive.

“Stephanie,” Jackson said in his affectionate tone that he still had for her. Over the years, they had become friends again, but Stephanie didn't want his affection now.

“I should change her into a gown. Can you step out and go get Alex? He's out in the hall. He’ll want to see her and get an update,” Stephanie said quickly as she stripped off her gloves and wiped her face. She turned away from Jo, for the first time reaching around to the drawer where they kept the hospital gowns.

“Yeah,” Jackson said, before he left, the sound of the doors opening and closing was the only thing Stephanie heard signaling his departure.

There wasn't much to take off, just the blanket they had put around Jo’s legs, and the shirt she was wearing that was still open so they could keep an eye on her heart and lungs. Stephanie still remembered how his knee pushed into Jo’s chest, and she was careful not to cause Jo any more pain as she undressed her. Stephanie cut the shirt off and put the gown on Jo before she cut off her bralette before bragging the blanket. Jackson and Alex appeared in the doorway as Jackson gave Alex a rundown of Jo’s status and her plan of care.

“I didn't want to roll her over to tie the gown,” Stephanie said as she brought the blanket back up and tucked it around Jo’s stomach and legs.

Alex nodded as he perched on the stool on the other side of the bed. He grabbed Jo’s hand, holding it close to his lips. Stephanie looked up and she could tell that he had been crying as the tears were still there on his cheeks.

“I need to go check her labs and have an OR on stand by. I should probably check on April too. Are you two okay here?”

They both only nodded as they stared down at Jo, and Jackson left again, leaving them alone. Stephanie looked up at Alex, and she knew he had a million questions for her, but he just looked down at Jo. He put his hand on her cheek and brushed away the streaks of her mascara with his thumb as he also held her hand close to his chest. He was completely focused on Jo. The questions would have to wait.

Things grew quiet as the only sound in the room was the beeping of the heart monitors above them and the other machine that was breathing for her. The monitors were strangely comforting. Stephanie had gotten used to them as a doctor. Watching over patience and staring at the monitors until it was all she could hear when she closed her eyes. The sounds of the monitors meant that Jo’s heart was beating and she was breathing. With each passing moment, she healed. So, for now, the two of them held her hands and watched over her.

#jo wilson #alex karev #jolex #grey's anatomy #jolex fanfic #grey's anatomy fanfic #otp: home and heart #my work #my writing #my fanfiction #meredith grey #miranda bailey #ben warren

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lifeofkaze · 3 years

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When Stars Ignite - Chapter 14

HPHM Rockstar AU

A/N: Katriona Cassopeia (in mention) belongs to the gorgeous @kc-and-oc

General Warning: This whole fic has a general warning of being NSFW / 18+. We will give specific warnings for every chapter in itself, but several adult themes will be more or less present in every chapter, may it be explicitly or in mention. These include sexual topics, drug abuse, (ab)use of alcohol, smoking and a whole lot of cursing.

Specific Warning:

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Find the masterpost here, the previous chapter here and the next one here. The songs featured before every chapter can be found on this pretty badass playlist here.

~~~

This work is a collaboration with @the-al-chemist

Taglist: @slytherindisaster @carewyncromwell @night-rhea @thatravenpuffwitch

Man, we were killin' time We were young and restless We needed to unwind I guess nothin' can last forever Forever, no… ~ Bryan Adams - Summer of ‘69 ~

Much to his relief, Orion’s fear of having been discovered seemed to prove unwarranted. Skye was a direct person, never shy to speak her mind; if she had truly seen something not meant for her eyes during the interview, Orion was sure she’d have already come and spoken to either of them.

But nothing of the sort had happened. She had acted just like she always did and his first surge of worry had died down again. Sometimes even the most focused mind was prone to being tricked and, as he had to admit to himself, focus was something he found himself lacking in these days.

It wasn’t only because of Lizzie’s teasing getting riskier that he found his mind wandering more often than not. Ever since the show they were meant to be playing for the children from the foster system had shown its face on the horizon, an ever present restlessness had been growing in Orion.

Dreams that he had pushed to the edges of his mind a long time ago had started haunting him again; they kept coming back whenever they held an event stirring the buried memories of his childhood. He loved seeing the light in the children’s faces when they were spending time with them; he knew it was a rare sight, after all. The emotional mess Orion carried back with him afterwards was the dark side of the coin, however.

The charity event was scheduled for the next day; they were to play a small acoustic set for the children in the afternoon and their regular show only a few hours later on top. To keep their spirits high before the double load, Ethan had scheduled a day off for them.

The weather was still uncharacteristically hot and so most of the band and crew had found themselves at the small pool on the rooftop of their hotel. Much to everyone’s surprise, even Artemis had joined them.

Charlie had followed Skye’s advice to take Artemis for drinks a few days prior. He had been unusually tight-lipped about it when they had asked him how it had gone down.

“It was good,” he had shrugged, “told you she’s not as bad as you all think.”

While the young pyro tech still kept her distance from the rest of them, Orion had seen her chatting with Charlie outside of their work on stage since then. He was glad she seemed to be taking a step into the right direction, lowering her armour even for the tiniest bit.

But Artemis’ tentative attempts at integrating herself with their group lounging by the pool were counteracted as soon as she took her shirt off. Everett audibly wolf-whistled at her black bikini with surprisingly colourful patterns crisscrossing it. Her withering glare was met with a lewd grin as Artemis picked up her stuff and dumped it on the deckchair farthest away from them.

Lizzie gave Everett a smack on the back of his head. “Well done, Ev, you’ve scared her away. I wanted to have a chat with her.”

Everett looked at her over the rim of his sunglasses. “I’m not stopping you. Two beauties in bikinis getting close? Who would I be to object? You could rub her back with sunscreen.”

He laughed to himself. “If Artemis isn’t up for it, I’m always here for you, gorgeous.”

A hint of the same irritation Orion felt flickered over Lizzie’s face. “You’re a real mood today.”

She got up from her own deckchair and started over in Artemis’ direction anyway, but was stopped by Charlie catching onto her wrist.

“Woah, where are you going, little rockstar?”

“Go and talk to Artemis, see if I can convince her to come over if Ev shuts up.” She gave the singer lounging in his chair a dark look.

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Charlie said and pulled her down next to him. “Trust me, if you push her you’ll be the one scaring her away. She’ll come over if she wants to.”

Lizzie opened her mouth to object but Charlie shook his head. “You can’t force her, sunshine.”

“Fine,” Lizzie snorted, not pleased by the situation, “so what’re we gonna do now?” She nodded in the direction of the pool. “Anyone up for a round of water polo?”

Everett declined, preferring to seek a better place to tan, while Merula did the opposite and withdrew to the shade with a book. So it was Charlie, Lizzie, Andre and Skye who made their way to the water. Orion would have joined them, but he was preoccupied with some ideas that had been floating around in his head since that morning; he wanted to write them down before he’d forget them.

He was lying on his stomach on his deckchair, notebook open in front of him, but found it hard to concentrate. The match of water polo going on in the pool had turned into some kind of wrestling match, like it always did eventually. Lizzie and Skye were sitting on Charlie’s and Andre’s shoulders respectively, trying to knock the other into the water; a lot of giggling and shouting was involved as they fought for the upper hand.

What really distracted him though, was the way the sunlight was refracting in the water droplets on Lizzie’s skin when she moved. It let her slender body shimmer, her tan she always got so quickly in the summer months a beautiful contrast to the vibrant red of her bikini. Her wet hair looked a lot darker than it actually was and it was clinging to her back.

Skye almost managed to knock her off Charlie’s shoulder and Lizzie laughed as she righted herself again. It was the kind of laugh that made her stand out amongst all the others, bright and captivating. It gave her an aura that was impossible to escape, drawing eyes whenever she entered a scene. She had the ability to light up a whole room with her smile, as fresh and beautiful as a sunrise.

“I’d say I’m 95.9 % sure what you’re staring at, my friend,” Orion suddenly heard the voice of Murphy next to him, “or should I rather say who?”

Orion tried not to let his surprise show; he had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard his best friend approach. “Your meaning is obscure to me,” he answered evasively. “I’m simply trying to work here.”

Murphy couldn’t hide his smirk. “When you’re working, your attention is usually 87.5 % focused on your work, more if no one is distracting you. Four out of five times you don’t even react when spoken to.” He glanced down at the mostly blank page of Orion’s notebook. “Today I’d say your focus is reduced to abysmal 30.9 %.” Never missing a detail, his eyes flicked to the still on-going wrestling match in the pool.

With a sigh, Orion closed his notebook and rested his head on his arms. Murphy was far too observant to be lied to, but he didn’t have to know all the details either.

He indicated their laughing friends with a slight nod of his head. “It is good that our friends are having a great time, it strengthens their bond of friendship. But they are making a lot of noise, it’s bound to draw attention.”

The dismissive sound Murphy was making clearly showed that he wasn’t buying it. “It’s obvious they’re distracting you. But from what I’ve seen, 95.5 % of the time you’ve spent looking at them were devoted to one of the pairs, and while I do have to admit that Andre’s new gold bangles are surprisingly flashy and apparently water resistant, I highly doubt it was him that drew your attention, same goes for Skye, although her hair usually is an eye catcher, I’ll give you that. That leaves Charlie and dear Lizzie, and last time I checked, you weren’t one for redheads, that’s more my thing. Not that I want to say I find Charlie particularly attractive, although some might say so, but I digress. So only one option remains, and as the one and only master of logical deductions, the great Sherlock Holmes, once said, ‘Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable…”

“...must be the truth’,” Orion finished with a sigh. “I know the quote. You're quoting numbers all day every day, do you really feel the need to go into literature as well now?"

Ignoring him, Murphy was grinning from ear to ear, clearly satisfied with his conclusions. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Orion wasn’t answering immediately; he didn’t like Murphy’s prying at all. “Are you done, Detective McNully?”

“Fine, don’t answer me then, I don’t need confirmation,” Murphy snorted. “The stats never lie, my friend.”

Orion rolled his eyes, hoping Murphy wouldn’t delve into another one of his statistical sprees. Although he was right in that his numbers were seldom wrong, Orion himself preferred a more open-minded view of his surroundings to Murphy’s cold, analytical observations; especially, if these observations were directed at his own behaviour.

But of course, Murphy wasn’t deterred. “To the attentive observer, which of course you know that I am, all the facts are there. Eight out of ten times your mood changes for the better when Lizzie enters the room. Seven out of ten times she starts smiling when she looks at you. You two look at each other during shows and soundtracks 46.4 % more often than at the others and yes, I factored out the times when you need to because of the cues she’s giving you, thanks a lot for asking. You hug each other at the end of the shows significantly longer as well. When you leave the backstage area, you’re never leaving together but almost always in close succession.”

The blond sound technician crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Are you really sure there isn’t anything you want to tell me?”

Orion was more than a little shocked at all the facts Murphy had just thrown at him. “I had no idea it was that obvious.”

Murphy shrugged, a sly smile appearing on his face. “Only to me. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and my above average observational skills, which of course not everyone possesses, solved 82.3 % of the mystery.”

“What’s with the rest?”

“What I can offer in facts, I sometimes lack in interpreting. Katriona connected the dots.”

“Obviously,” Orion sighed.

“So, what’s the deal with you two? Are you dating?” A frown appeared on Murphy’s face. “I thought you had a clause about this in your contracts. Ethan’s not going to like this.”

Orion vehemently shook his head. “No, you got that wrong. We’re not dating, everything is just like it has always been. We’re just enjoying additional pastimes, which - I’ll give you that - may exceed a regular friendship.”

He looked at Murphy intently. “No one besides you knows about this, and I would appreciate it if it stayed that way.”

Murphy made a non-committal sound. “Of course this doesn’t include Katriona.”

“As if any of us could keep a secret from her.”

“I normally don’t go for absolutes but that’s 100 % true,” Murphy laughed. He looked at Orion curiously. “So how long has this thing between you and Lizzie been going on now?”

“A while,” Orion answered evasively.

“The definition of ‘a while’ ranges from two weeks to up to a year. Judging by my numbers, it’s definitely not the former. Doesn’t sound like a short lived fling to me.”

“I wouldn’t call it a fling,” Orion said; it was surprisingly hard to put what was going on between them into words. “But we’re definitely not emotionally involved with each other. It’s not a matter of the heart, more of a physical extension built on the base of our friendship.”

Murphy leaned back into his wheelchair and grinned. “The old classic, friends with benefits.”

“If that’s the label you want to stick on it.”

Murphy hummed in response, following Orion’s gaze to the pool again. His voice was quieter when he spoke this time. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? We are both on the same page about it.”

“Just saying, things like these seldomly work out as well as they start. Approximately 89.6 % of physical relationships end in chaos, tears or both.”

The memory of his own initial worry emerged in the back of Orion’s mind. He watched as Skye gave Lizzie a final push that sent her toppling from Charlie’s shoulders. She shrieked before she crashed into the water, but was already laughing again when she resurfaced; Orion firmly pushed his concerns away.

“It won’t escalate with us,” he said. “Both of us value our friendship, and the fate of Equinox even more so. We’ve established very clear rules. I appreciate your worries, but they are misplaced.”

“As much as I love rules for the structure they’re bringing, rules can easily be broken,” Murphy said. “Just be careful, okay? Mixing friendship with sex can be a lot of fun but the devil’s in the detail.”

They both watched Lizzie climbing out of the pool and heading over into their direction. When she passed Everett, he pulled down his sunglasses and watched after her, his eyes very slowly travelling up and down her body. He said something to her Orion couldn’t hear, but Lizzie only rolled her eyes, shot something back and continued on her way. Murphy's eyes flicked from her to Orion.

“Aren’t you bothered with Ev hitting on her?”

Orion shrugged. “Why would I? She’s not my girlfriend, and she can perfectly handle herself, as you’ve just seen.”

“That she undoubtedly can,” Murphy laughed, “I’ll better be off now and leave you two alone. I wonder where my beautiful wife is. I haven’t seen her in quite a while now.”

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #harry potter hogwarts mystery #orion amari #murphy mcnully #lizzie jameson #lizion #rockstar au #when stars ignite #wsi #besties collaborate

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popculty · 3 years

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52 Films by Women: 2020 Edition

Another annual challenge complete!

Last year, I focused on diversifying my list. This year I kept that intention but focused on watching more non-American films and films from the 20th century. Specifically, I sought out Agnès Varda’s entire filmography, after her death in 2019. (I was not disappointed - What a filmmaking legend we lost.)

I also kept a film log for the first time and have included some of my thoughts on several films from that log. I made a point of including reviews both positive and negative, because I think it’s important to acknowledge the variability and breadth of the canon, so as not to put every film directed by a woman on a pedestal. (Although movies directed by women must clear a much higher bar to be greenlit, meaning generally higher quality...But that’s an essay for another day :)

* = directed by a woman of color

bold = fave

1. The Rhythm Section (2020) dir. Reed Morano - Not as good as it could have been, given Morano’s proven skill behind the camera, but also not nearly as bad as the critics made it out to be. And unbelievably refreshing to see a female revenge story not driven by sexual assault or the loss of a husband/child.

2. Cléo de 5 à 7 (1962) dir. Agnès Varda - If you ever wanted to take a real-time tour of Paris circa 1960, this is the film for you.

3. Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig - Still my favorite Little Women adaptation. I will re-watch it every year and cry.

4. Varda by Agnès (2019) dir. Agnès Varda & Didier Rouget

5. Booksmart (2019) dir. Olivia Wilde - An instant classic high school comedy romp that subverts all the gross tropes of its 1980s predecessors.

6. Girls of the Sun (2018) dir. Eva Husson

7. Blue My Mind (2017) dir. Lisa Brühlmann

8. Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma - Believe the hype. This film is a master thesis on the female gaze, and also just really effing gorgeous.

9. Belle Epine (2010) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

10. Vamps (2012) dir. Amy Heckerling - With Krysten Ritter and Alicia Silverstone as modern-day vampires, I was so ready for this movie. But it feels like a bad stage play or a sit-com that’s missing a laugh-track. Bummer.

11. *Birds of Prey (2020) dir. Cathy Yan - Where has this movie been all our lives?? Skip the next onslaught of Snyder-verse grim-darkery and give me two more of these STAT!

12. She’s Missing (2019) dir. Alexandra McGuinness

13. The Mustang (2019) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnere - Trigger warning for the “protagonist” repeatedly punching a horse in the chest. I noped right out of there.

14. Monster (2003) dir. Patty Jenkins – I first watched this movie when I was probably too young and haven’t revisited it since. The rape scene traumatized me as a kid, but as an adult I appreciate how that trauma is not the center of the movie, or even of Aileen’s life. Everyone still talks about how Charlize “went ugly” for this role, but the biggest transformation here isn’t aesthetic, it’s physical – the way Theron replicates Wuernos’ mannerisms, way of speaking, and physicality. That’s why she won the Oscar. I also love that Jenkins calls the film “Monster” (which everyone labels Aileen), but then actually uses it to tell the story of how she fell in love with a woman when she was at her lowest, and that saved her. That’s kind of beautiful, and I’m glad I re-watched it so that I could see the story in that light, instead of the general memory I had of it being a good, feel-bad movie. It’s so much more than that.

15. Water Lilies (2007) dir. Céline Sciamma – Sciamma’s screenwriting and directorial debut, the first in her trilogy on youth, is as painfully beautiful as its sequels (Tomboy and Girlhood). It’s also one of the rare films that explores the overlap of queerness and girl friendships.

16. The Trouble with Angels (1966) dir. Ida Lupino – Movies about shenanigan-based female friendships are such rare delights. Rosalind Russel is divine as Mother Superior, and Hayley Mills as “scathingly brilliant” as the pranks she plays on her. Ida Lupino’s skill as an editor only enhances her directing, providing some truly iconic visual gags to complement dialogue snappy enough for Gilmore Girls.

17. Vagabond (1985) dir. Agnès Varda – Shot with a haunting realism, this film has no qualms about its heroine’s inevitable, unceremonious death, which it opens with, matter-of-factly, before retracing her final (literal) steps to the road-side ditch she ends up in. (I’m partly convinced said heroine was the inspiration for Sarah Manning in Orphan Black.)

18. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (1977) dir. Agnès Varda – Probably my favorite classic Varda, this film feels incredibly personal. It’s essentially a love story about two best friends with very different lives. For an indie made in the ‘70s, the diversity, scope, and themes of the film are impressive. Even if the second half a drags a bit, the first half is absolute perfection, engaging the viewer immediately, and clipping along, sprinkling in some great original songs that were way progressive for their time (about abortion, female bodily autonomy, etc) and could still be considered “bangers” today.

19. Emma (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

20. Black Panthers (1969) dir. Agnès Varda

21. Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema - When the world was ending (i.e. the pandemic hit) this was the first movie I turned to - a quiet, meditative story of two sisters (Elliot Page and Evan Rachel Wood) surviving off the land after a sudden global blackout. Four years later, it’s still one of my favorite book-to-screen adaptations. I fondly remember speaking with director Patricia Rozema at the 2016 Chicago Critics Film Festival after a screening, her love for the source material and desire to “get it right” so apparent. I assured her then, and reaffirm now, that she really did.

22. City of Trees (2019) dir. Alexandra Swarens

23. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) dir. Eliza Hittmann - To call this a harrowing and deeply personal journey of a sixteen-year-old who must cross state lines to get an abortion would be accurate, but incomplete. It is a story so much bigger than that, about the myriad ways women’s bodies and boundaries are constantly violated.

24. Paradise Hills (2019) dir. Alice Waddington

25. *Eve’s Bayou (1996) dir. Kasi Lemmons – I’ve been meaning to watch Kasi Lemmons’ directorial debut for many years now, and I’m so glad I finally have, because it fully deserves its icon status, beyond being one of the first major films directed by a black woman. Baby Jurnee Smollett's talent was immediately recognizable, and she has reminded us of it in Birds of Prey and Lovecraft Country this year. If merit was genuinely a factor for Oscar contenders, she would have taken home gold at eleven years old. Beasts of the Southern Wild has been one of my all-time favorites, but now I realize that most of my appreciation for that movie actually goes to Lemmons for blazing the trail with her story of a young black girl from the bayou first. It’s also a surprisingly dark story about memory and abuse and familial relationships that cross lines - really gutsy and surprising themes, especially for the ‘90s.

26. Blow the Man Down (2019) dir. Bridget Savage Cole & Danielle Krudy - Come and get your sea shanty fix!

27. Touchy Feely (2013) dir. Lynn Shelton - R.I.P. :(

28. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (2020) dir. Madeleine Parry - If you thought Gadsby couldn’t follow up 2018′s sensational Nanette with a comedy special just as sharp and hilarious, you would have been sorely mistaken.

29. Girlhood (2013) dir. Céline Sciamma

30. Breathe (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent

31. *A Dry White Season (1989) dir. Euzhan Palcy

32. Laggies (2014) dir. Lynn Shelton

33. *The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood – Everything I’ve ever wanted in an action movie: Immortal gays, Charlize Theron wielding a labrys (battle axe), kinetic fight choreography I haven’t seen since the last Bond movie…Watched it twice, then devoured the comics it was adapted from, and I gotta say: in the hands of black women, it eclipses the source material. Cannot wait for the just-announced sequel.

34. Morvern Callar (2002) dir. Lynn Ramsay

35. Shirley (2020) dir. Josephine Decker

36. *Radioactive (2019) dir. Marjane Satrapi – The story is obviously well worth telling and the narrative structure – weaving in the future consequences of Curie’s discoveries – is clever, but a bit awkwardly executed and overly manipulative. There are glimpses of real brilliance throughout, but it feels as if the director’s vision was not fully realized, to my great disappointment. Nonetheless, I appreciated seeing Marie Curie's story being told by a female director and embodied by the always wonderful Rosamund Pike.

37. *The Half of It (2020) dir. Alice Wu - I feel like a real scrooge for saying this, but this movie did nothing for me. Nothing about it felt fresh, authentic or relatable. A real disappointment from the filmmaker behind the wlw classic Saving Face.

38. Mouthpiece (2018) dir. Patricia Rozema - I am absolutely floored. One of those films that makes you fall in love with the art form all over again. Patricia Rozema continues to prove herself one of the most creatively ambitious and insightful directors of our time, with this melancholic meditation on maternal grief and a woman’s duality.

39. Summerland (2020) dir. Jessica Swale - The rare period wlw love story that is not a) all-white or b) tragedy porn. Just lovely.

40. *The Last Thing He Wanted (2020) dir. Dee Rees – As rumored, a mess. Even by the end, I still couldn’t tell you who any of the characters are. Dee, we know you’re so much better than this! (see: Mudbound, Pariah)

41. *Cuties (2020) dir. Maïmouna Doucouré – I watched this film to 1) support a black woman director who has been getting death threats for her work and 2) see what all the fuss is about. While I do think there were possibly some directorial choices that could have saved quite a bit of the pearl-clutching, overall, I didn’t find it overly-exploitative or gross, as many (who obviously haven’t actually watched the film) have labeled it. It certainly does give me pause, though, and makes me wonder whether children can ever be put in front of a camera without it exploiting or causing harm to them in some way. It also makes one consider the blurry line between being a critique versus being an example. File this one under complicated, for sure.

42. A Call to Spy (2019) Lydia Dean Pilcher – An incredible true story of female spies during WWII that perfectly satisfied my itch for British period drama/spy thriller and taught me so much herstory I didn’t know.

43. Kajillionaire (2020) dir. Miranda July - I was lucky enough to attend the (virtual) premiere of this film, followed by an insightful cast/director Q&A, which only made me appreciate it more. July's offbeat dark comedy about a family of con artists is queerer and more heartfelt than it has any right to be, and a needed reprieve in a year of almost entirely white wlw stories. The family's shenanigans are the hook, but it's the budding relationship between Old Dolio (an almost unrecognizable Evan Rachel Wood) and aspiring grifter Melanie (the luminous Gina Rodriguez) that is the heart of the story.

44. Misbehaviour (2020) dir. Philippa Lowthorpe – Again, teaching me herstory I didn’t know, about how the Women’s Liberation Movement stormed the 1970 Miss World Pageant. Keira Knightley and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s characters have a conversation in a bathroom at the end of the film that perfectly eviscerates well-meaning yet ignorant white feminism, without ever pitting women against each other - a feat I didn’t think was possible. I also didn’t think it was possible to critique the male gaze without showing it (*ahem Cuties, Bombshell, etc*), but this again, invents a way to do it. Bless women directors.

45. *All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) dir. Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortes – 2020’s 13th. Thank god for Stacey Abrams, that is all.

46. *The 40-Year-Old Version (2020) dir. Radha Blank – This scene right here? I felt that in my soul. This whole film is so good and funny and heartfelt and relatable to any artist trying to walk that tightrope of “making it” while not selling their soul to make it. My only initial semi-note was that it’s a little long, but after hearing Radha Blank talk about how she fought for the two-hour run-time as a way of reclaiming space for older black women, I take it back. She’s right: Let black women take up space. Let her movie be as long as she wants it to be. GOOD FOR HER.

47. Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea Duvall - Hoooo boy. What was marketed as the first lesbian Christmas rom-com is actually a horror movie for anyone who’s ever had to come out. Throw in casual racism and a toxic relationship treated as otp, and it’s YIKES on so many levels. Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, and an autistic-coded Jane are the only (underused) highlights.

48. *Monkey Beach (2020) dir. Loretta Todd

49. *Little Chief (2020) dir. Erica Tremblay – A short film part of the 2020 Red Nation Film Festival, it’s a perfect eleven minutes that I wish had gone on longer, if only to bask in Lily Gladstone in a leading role.

50. First Cow (2019) dir. Kelly Reichardt – I know Kelly Reichardt’s style, so I’ll admit-- even as I was preparing for an excellent film, I was also reaching for my phone, planning on only half paying attention during all the inevitable 30-second shots of grass blowing in the wind. (And yes, there are plenty of those.) But twenty minutes in, my phone was set aside and forgotten, as I am getting sucked into this beautiful story about two frontiersman trying to live their best domestic life.There is only one word to describe this film and that is: PURE. I’ve never seen such a tender platonic relationship between men on screen before, and it’s not lost on me that it took a woman to show us that tenderness. Reichardt gives us two men brought together by fate, and kept together by a shared dream and the simple pleasure of not being alone in such a hard world; two men who spend their days cooking, trapping, baking, and dreaming of a better life; two men who don’t say much, but feel everything for each other. The world would be a much better place if men showed us this kind of vulnerability and friendship toward each other. Oh, and it’s also a brutal take-down of capitalism and the myth of the American Dream!

51. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) dir. Patty Jenkins - My most-anticipated film for the past two years was...well, a mixed bag, to say the least. Too many thoughts on it for a blog post, so stay tuned for the upcoming podcast ep where we go all in ;)

52. *Selah and the Spades (2019) dir. Tayarisha Poe

I hope this gives you some ideas to kick off your new year with a resolution to support more female directors!

What were your favorite women-directed movies of last year? Let me know in the tags, comments, or asks!

#finally finished this #52 films by women #2020 #writing #movies #movie reviews #orig

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mamthew · 4 years

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A Final Fantasy Ranking

Over the course of the quarantine, and because I had such a good time with the Final Fantasy VII Remake, I've ended up blazing through a ton of Final Fantasy games. Since April, I've played IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XII, and XIII. 6, 7, 9, and 10 I'd beaten before. 4, 12, and 13 I'd played to some capacity before. 5 and 8 were completely new experiences. I had no interest in going further back than IV, since it was the first one to really put any effort into character work, and I didn't play either MMO because MMOs don't really appeal to me (I'm planning to try XIV whenever this new update drops that makes the story mode more accessible, but it keeps getting pushed back so oh well). I also didn't replay XV because I've played XV three times and watched other people play it in its entirety twice, so I have a much better handle on it than any other game in the series.

Anyway, I didn't really have any plans for what I'd do with this, besides get a better understanding of the series as a whole, but I was kinda inspired to do my own Final Fantasy ranking. I'll probably be a bit more detailed than I should be because I tend to overanalyze my media and end up having too much to say. I’m actually not placing VII Remake in this ranking half because I regard it as a spinoff and half because it’s not yet a complete story, even though Part 1 is unquestionably a complete game. If I were to put it somewhere, it would probably be close to the top, possibly even in second place. Also worth noting that this is gonna have SPOILERS for every game I discuss here. I really just wanna use this as a place to nail down some of my thoughts on these games, so they’re pretty stream of consciousness and I didn’t bother avoiding any details from the plots.

10: Final Fantasy VIII.

I don’t think there’s another game in the series with a more obvious corporate hand in it than VIII. It’s kinda the Fant4stic of FF games; there are the bones of a substantive game in there somewhere, but every aspect of the game is such a bald attempt at checking off a 1999 list of “things gamers want” that the whole affair feels hollow and sickening. A major trend I’ve noticed throughout this series is the extent to which FFVII’s success pushed the architects of almost every subsequent game to try to recapture whatever it was that worked about VII, and VIII got the worst of it. It’s got the sullen guy with a special sword. It’s got the sci-fi. It’s got the terrorists with hearts of gold fighting against an oppressive state. It’s got the train scenes. It’s got the case(s) of amnesia that hides the true premise of the story. It’s got the ability to give any character any loadout.

Besides that, they kinda crammed in just a bunch of stuff popular with kids at the time. Jurassic Park? It’s in there. Beauty and the Beast? Here’s the ballroom scene. Hunchback of Notre Dame? Here’s that carnival. Alien? Now you’re alone on a spaceship running away from a horror monster. Saving Private Ryan? The party shares brains with war veterans and dreams of their experiences at war I guess. Half of anime? It’s all about a high school for mercenaries and the party is trying to get back in time for the school festival. Fandom culture? Zines are a collectible item, and each one you find adds an update to Selphie's Geocities page. It also has astronauts, and transformers, and a haunted castle, and a prison break, and Rome, and Alpine Wakanda, and war crimes, and lion cubs that have attained enlightenment, and there’s almost no connective tissue from one idea to the next.

Also the junction system is convoluted and terrible, using magic makes your stats worse, all enemies level up every time you do, and I couldn’t tell you which character excelled in what stats. The characters were all very flat, and the first time I felt like I was seeing the characters interact in ways that helped me to understand them was in the cutscene that plays during the end credits.

Also the female lead’s role in the story changes entirely with no warning every five hours or so. She’s a terrorist, oh no she’s aristocracy in the country she’s terroristing against, oh no she’s jealous of the others because they grew up together and she didn’t, oh no she’s Sandra Bullock in Gravity, oh no she’s the villain and it’s too dangerous to let her out, oh no it’s actually fine and they were bad for locking her up.

It’s an absolute disaster of a game. However, the music and background art is absolutely beautiful. Maybe they never gave me a good enough reason to be in an evil time traveling haunted castle, but damn is it a gorgeous rendering of an evil time traveling haunted castle.

9: Final Fantasy XII.

I’ve known for years that FFXII had issues in development. The writers came up with a story for it, and execs got scared because there were no young characters and they’d convinced themselves that young protagonists are what makes games sell. So two more characters - Vaan and Penelo - were added, one was framed as the protagonist of the story, and the entire story was rewritten so it could feasibly be from his perspective.

While the two characters they added are egregiously tangential to the plot, XII honestly has no protagonist. The writers originally wanted Basch to be the protagonist, but his entire arc is really just following Ashe around and being sad about his evil twin. Ashe is probably the most important to the story, but doesn’t have much presence for a good chunk of the story, and makes her most character-defining choice offscreen before having it stolen from her by a side character. Balthier has the largest presence in the story, and is most closely related to most of the events of the story, but has pretty much no role in the ending.

Honestly, if I were writing FFXII and told it needed a young protagonist, I would have aged up and expanded the role of Larsa, the brother of the main villain, who shows up as a temporary party member from time to time. The entire game is about family ties, and a journey spotlighting Larsa could have involved his learning about Ashe, Basch, Balthier and Fran’s family situations and using their experiences to grapple with his own. Damn, now I’m sitting here thinking about how good that could have been.

As it is, the game feels disjointed and aimless, and the ending is so bad it’s farcical. When I reached the ending, I watched Basch and Ashe forgive Basch’s evil twin for his villainy rampage, harking back to the moment earlier in the game when Ashe turned down the chance to gain powers that would have allowed her to avenge her country because she realized that those powers could also drive her to hurt innocents in the crossfire. In this moment, I realized how Vaan fit in as the protagonist of the game. “Oh, he’s going to realize that violence begets violence, and that he must break the cycle by forgiving Vayne for the death of his brother. He’s going to let go of that hatred he’s been trying to push onto someone for so long, and it’ll finally allow him to heal.” I realized that even though the road to this point was rocky, the writers had managed to craft a satisfying ending from the seemingly disparate pieces of this uneven plot.

And then Vaan picked up a sword and screamed AAAAAAAAAAA and charged Vayne down and stabbed him, and Vayne turned into a shrapnel robot dragon and exploded all the star wars ships and I threw my controller aside and laughed uncontrollably while my characters beat him up and completed the game on their own without any further input from me.

Oh yeah, the battle system is also incredibly boring. Instead of battling, the player writes up an AI script for each character, then lets them act based on those scripts. I would straight up put the controller down and watch youtube videos whenever a group of enemies showed up. I was pretty excited about the job system, but then there didn’t really feel like much of a difference between jobs, and my characters all behaved pretty much the same as each other.

The hands-off battle system, unfocused story, lethargic voice acting, and tuneless music all left me pretty uninvested in the whole affair. The art style and locations are beautiful, though, and it did make me want to eventually check out some of the Tactics games, which take place in the same universe but are supposed to have excellent stories and gameplay.

8: Final Fantasy XIII.

I’m not sure I’ve ever had two such opposing opinions of a game’s story vs. its gameplay. This game is the only one that plays with a bunch of story elements from FFIX, which did a lot to endear it to me. It’s sort of a game in which the protagonists are Kuja, the villain of IX. Like Kuja, they are created as tools by an uncaring god for the purpose of fighting against one world on behalf of another world, and are subsequently forced to grapple with the horrors of having an artificially shortened lifespan.

The story actually has a lot of Leftist themes, too. The gods of that universe spread ideology among the populace, and the people unquestioningly believe these false stories, as the gods have provided for them for as long as there has been written history. Much of the character arcs center on the characters being forcibly removed from their places within those ideological frameworks and having to unlearn what they’d always believed to be objectively true about the world.

So the story actually is pretty good, but it’s held back by some really clumsy storytelling; it constantly uses undefined jargon, has almost no side characters with which it might flesh out the world, actively fights against players trying to glean information from environmental details, and maintains (at least for me) a weird disconnect between the characters in the gameplay and the characters in the cutscenes. I think this partly stems from Square’s original failed plan for FFXIII to be the first game in a much larger series of games sharing themes and major story details. Despite these issues, however, the characters are all likeable and (mostly) believable, and their interactions are grounded in real emotional weight even while their universe feels intangible.

This all got dragged down by the gameplay, which is total dogshit. It’s got the worst battle system I think I’ve seen in an RPG. The game only stops being doggedly, unflinchingly linear about thirty hours in, the whole game took me about fifty hours, and I spent the last fifteen hours beating my head against each individual battle, waiting until the system hiccuped long enough to accidentally slide me a win. That meant I had about a five hour window of euphoric play, convinced that I actually loved this game, thrilled with every new experience it gave me, and excited to see what would happen next. I guess those five hours are what pushed this game over XII in my ranking.

7: Final Fantasy V.

Until FFXV, this game was the last of the “Warriors of Light” games, in which the game follows a party of four set characters for its entirety. To this day, it’s the last of the “Warriors of Light” games to let the player customize which character holds which roles through the job system.

FFV’s job system is the reason to play the game. Its story is mediocre, and its characters are all fairly flat, but there’s something viscerally satisfying about building party members up in jobs that might enhance the role they ultimately will fill. For my mage character, I maxed out Black Mage, Blue Mage, Mystic Knight, Summoner, and Geomancer. Then at the end, I switched her to a Freelancer with Black Magic and Summoning, and she kept all the passive skills for those jobs and also the highest stats across those jobs.

It was super fun and kind of a shift of focus for me, since I tend to place story above anything else in games. Despite the story not being special, though, the game’s writing is actually a ton of fun. It’s definitely got the most comic relief in the series, and I came away loving Gilgamesh as much as everyone else does.

And while it’s nothing special graphically, it does have some really cool enemy designs, and the final boss design is one of the most memorable ones they’ve ever done. Which is impressive because I keep having to look up Exdeath’s name because the character himself is super forgettable.

6: Final Fantasy IV.

This wasn’t the first game in the series to feature actual characters with names and depth, but I have no interest in playing FFII, so it might as well be. I actually played the DS Remake for this game, so it definitely had some quality of life improvements, like full 3d characters and maps, voice acting, an updated script, the ability to actually see the ATB gauge, and the ability to switch to other characters whose turns are ready without using a turn.

Apparently one thing the remake didn’t do was rebalance the difficulty for more modern sensibilities. Instead, this remake is...harder? It requires more grinding than the original? Why??

Either way, though, the story is actually solid! The game opens on its protagonist, Cecil, committing a war crime on the orders of his king, who raised him as a child. The first ten hours of so of the game follows Cecil as he tries to understand why he was ordered to kill so many innocents, turns his back on his country, and works to redeem himself.

This arc is reinforced by the game mechanics, too, which is super clever. His redemption is marked by a change in job from a Dark Knight to a Paladin, which also resets his level. For a time, his life is considerably harder because he’s finding his footing as a new person, which is marked by battles which had been easy becoming much harder for the player for a time.

This game places storytelling over gameplay more than I think any other game in the series. Each character is locked into a job, which I much prefer in my RPGs to games where characters function pretty much interchangeably. I dunno if it’s because I cut my RPG teeth on Tales, but it really bugs me when I can give Tifa the exact same loadout as Barret. I want the lives of the characters to bleed into their functions as gameplay devices.

However, the developers clearly had a ton of different jobs they wanted to add to their game, but hadn’t figured out how to allow for the player to switch in and out party members in standby. To fix this, they increased the in-battle party to five characters rather than or four (or the later constantly frustrating three), rotated the roster a ton, and had a ton of characters who straight up leave permanently. One character dies and never comes back. Two characters die and only are revived after it’s too late to rejoin the party. Four characters end up too injured to continue traveling.

This let the developers make a ton of jobs, but it doesn’t let the player exploit these jobs to their fullest. Characters’ stats reflect their role in the story, as well. One character is quickly aging out of adventuring, so his magic stats increase on levels, but his attack and defense stats actually decrease, signifying his failing body. Another character has already achieved some form of enlightenment, so he gains no stats when he levels up at all. The purpose of IV is the story, over any other aspect of the game, which makes it even more mindboggling that the remake would have increased the difficulty.

Besides that, the biggest issue I had with this game was the overbearing constant drama of it. While there were a few more lighthearted parts, they were mostly relegated to NPC dialogue and sidequests. The characters in this game don’t become friends so much as they become companions who bonded over shared tragedies, and this makes for quite a few scenes of every character separately wallowing in their own immeasurable sadness. I played FFV directly after this game and the light story and jokey dialogue was a much-needed palette cleanser.

5: Final Fantasy VI.

Before the unexpected success of FFVII irreparably changed the franchise, Square constantly mixed up the story formula for the series. IV, V and VI all handled their stories really differently from each other, and what I remember of III also felt fairly different from the games that came after.

Every game from VII on had a very clear protagonist (except XII, whose botched protagonist was still clearly marketed as the protagonist). The concept of the Dissidia crossover series is built on the idea that every FF has a protagonist at the center of its story. FFVI’s Dissidia character is Terra, but Terra is not the protagonist of FFVI.

Apparently while developing FFVI, the directors decided they didn’t want the game to have a clear protagonist, so they asked the staff to staff to submit concepts for characters, and they’d use as many as they could. This game has fourteen characters, each with their own fun gameplay gimmick in battles. Three of the characters are secret, and one can permanently die halfway through if the player takes the wrong actions. Of these fourteen characters, the main story heavily revolves around 3-6 of them, while five more have substantial character arcs.

There’s kind of a schism in the fandom over whether this game or VII is the best one in the series, and I can see why; this game is absolutely fascinating. No other game in the series has done what this game did, which means it’s one of the two FF games I really want to see remade after they complete this VII remake.

The first half is very linear. It breaks the beginning party into three pieces, then sends each character to a different continent, where they meet more characters and build their own parties before everyone reunites. Once the story has taken the player everywhere in the world, the apocalypse hits. The villain’s evil plan succeeds and tears the entire world apart.

The second half of the game picks up a year later with one character finally getting a raft and escaping the island on which she’s been marooned. In this half, the player navigates the world, which has all the same locations, but in completely different parts of the map. The driving factor for much of the second half is to learn from incidental dialogue where each party member has gone in this new world, to track them down, and to try to fix some of the bad that’s been done to the world before finally stopping the villain who destroyed it.

It’s unique and clever and occasionally legitimately tugs at the heartstrings some, which is impressive for a poorly translated SNES game. The final dungeon is a masterpiece all on its own. It requires the player to make three parties of up to four characters, then send them in and switch between them as new roads open. This way, the game manages to feel like an ensemble piece up to the very end.

4: Final Fantasy VII.

As I previously mentioned, there’s kind of a schism in the fandom over whether FFVI or FFVII is the best game in the series. Neither is the best game in the series. FFVII is better than FFVI. Oops.

When I was first drafting up this list, it was before I’d reached my replays of VI or VII, and I tentatively placed them next to each other, with the strong assumption that I’d end up placing VI a bit higher than VII, since it has so many strongly differentiated characters with solid story arcs, beautiful artwork, great music, etc. etc. Then I reached FFVII and not even four hours in, I realized it would have to be higher on my list than VI.

VI has a better battle system, its characters are much more differentiated by their gameplay, its character sprites have aged much better than VII’s character models, and it has four party members in battles instead of three. But I couldn’t overlook VII’s gorgeous artwork, sharp character work, and character-driven story. In the end, I had to give it the edge.

VII is a strange beast. It simultaneously really holds up and has aged horribly. The story is excellent and I love the characters, but the actual line-to-line writing is pretty bad, making the whole experience of the game a bit like swimming upstream; you’re getting somewhere good, but the age of the game is still pushing you back the best it can. Similarly, the background artwork is fantastic and gives the game locations a sense of place incomparable to anything that had come before it, but the character models are so low-poly that the two are constantly at odds with each other.

Still, the game is more a good game than it is an old one. I think it’s managed to duck the absurd level of hype around it by actually being very different from what the most popular images of it make it out to be, if that makes sense. The super futuristic techno-dystopia city only makes up a very small portion of the larger game, and most newcomers to the game won’t have seen Junon, or Corel, or Cosmo Canyon. Heck, I didn’t know Cait Sith or Red XIII were characters before I played the game for the first time. One of the many reasons I’m excited for the rest of this remake is to see newcomers to the story learning just how much variety there is to the world, events, and characters of this game.

FFVII also began (and pulled off really well) a number of storytelling trends that continued in subsequent games in the series. Obviously, almost every game since this one has a clear protagonist with a cool sword for cosplayers to recreate, and an androgynous villain whose story is closely linked to the protagonist (or one villain who is linked to the protagonist and a second one whose purpose is to look like Sephiroth), but it’s started broader, more quality shifts, too.

FFVII is the first game in the series to try to give all its characters arcs based on a similar theme, for example, a trend that has helped give it and future games a sense of thematic unity, especially in IX, X, and XV. Heck, that trend was why I almost came around on XII before they nuked it. It was also the first game in the series to have a real ending, rather than closing out with essentially a curtain call featuring all the party members, like they did in IV through VI (and I assume earlier).

Another common feature of FF games that it didn’t start with VII but certainly was canonized with it was the mid-game plot twist tying the protagonist to both the villain and the larger story. FFIV had this as well, of course, but I feel like the orphanage twist in VIII, the Zanarkand dream twist in X, and the time skip twist in XV were all meant to recall VII’s twist of Cloud’s…very complex existence (IX’s two worlds twist actually is a clear homage to IV, but it’d be hard to argue that Zidane’s connection to Kuja - and the character of Kuja generally - weren’t more influenced by VII).

2: Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy XV.

Sorry, this one is a two-fer. I’m not gonna spend too much time on why I placed these two together in the #2 spot (I wrote a long thing on it here, if you’re interested). In summary, the games kinda mirror each other, in story and design. Each game can be seen in the negative space of what the other game leaves out, and at the end, the characters react to similar situations in completely opposite ways. For this reason, and that they’re of comparable quality, I think they’re best viewed as companion pieces.

FFX was the first mainline Final Fantasy game I ever completed, six years late. It was the first FF game with voice acting and many fully modeled locations. It also kinda marks the beginning of the series’ constant changes to the battle system.

That’s not to say the previous games’ battle systems didn’t also differ from each other, but they all had the same setup, with levels and an ATB gauge. This was the first game since III not to have any real-time element to its battle system, nor numbered levels gained through experience points. Since X, no two FF battle systems have been remotely comparable, which is cool and innovative and keeps things fresh, but also means I’ve been starved for just a regular ATB FF game for too long.

In many ways, FFX feels like a bridge between the PS1 games and the later games. It feels much more streamlined than VII, VIII, or IX, in terms of both storytelling and design. The game is very linear, pushing the player from one area to the next and not allowing much backtracking until the very end. It also loses the aging look of the PS1 games’ menus and UI, finally updating the classic font and the blue menus with white borders to fully modernized and sleek graphics.

However, movement still feels very similar to movement in VIII and IX, the music definitely evokes the PS1 games more than the later games, and most locations are portrayed with beautifully painted backgrounds, rather than modeled in (which I actually prefer, and I was glad to see that VII Remake has gone back to that in some places).

Voice acting in this game is phenomenal for 2001, and honestly on par with many contemporary games. I can’t think of a voice actor for the main cast who didn’t do a great job. Tidus’s narration, especially, is emotional and evocative in all the right ways. Grounding the plot in a very personal story about Tidus’s difficulty coming to terms with and proving himself to his abusive father keeps the story relatable and real.

Something interesting about my experience with X is that because it was my first Final Fantasy game, I thought for a very long time that the series was about organized religion, and the ways it is used to justify evil acts. This might be the only game of the ones I’ve played that is about organized religion, or even prominently features a religious doctrine, which really sets it apart from the rest of the series.

The game’s thematic unity is on point, even if there is a scene where they state the central themes a bit too plainly. Every character, and even the entire universe of the story, is held back by the past, and every subplot and the main plot revolves around finding ways to move forward and leave the past behind.

I love FFXV. It feels like a return to form after XII and XIII. It’s also probably the furthest any game in the series has strayed from the original formula. Battles are entirely real-time, and the game is a straightforward action game. There is very little time spent with menus, and even the leveling system has been stripped down to a few skill trees. It’s immediately obvious that the game was originally created to be a spinoff, not a main title.

FFXV is also probably too much a product of the current era of microtransactions and payment plans. The full story is spread out across *deep breath* a feature film, an anime series, an anime OVA, a standalone demo, two console games, four DLC story chapters, a multiplayer side game, a VR fishing game, four phone games (though really three phone games because A New Empire straight up isn't in that universe and also is terrible), an expansion including several entirely new dungeons, and finally a novel set to release sometime this year. That’s a whole lot of story. I’ve not played the phone games or the VR fishing game, or read the novel yet, but I’ve experienced all the rest.

But I also played FFXV when it first released, before any patches, before I knew there was a film, just the game all on its own. So you can believe me when I say that without any supplementary material, the game is still great.

It goes back to the FFI, II, III, V “Warriors of Light” system, where the party has four characters who do not change at all throughout the game. While this bugged me at first, I soon came to appreciate having a story where almost all character interactions involved these four characters. It meant I came to understand them well enough to feel like they were my friends, too. Most characterization in this game is understated, presented through small shared moments, dialogue, and body language as they travel the world together. Much like X, the overarching story might be expansive and far-reaching, but the real show is in the personal journeys the friends have.

Much of the first half of the game is spent exploring an open world, driving along the road and getting out of the car for pit stops or to explore the forests nearby. This is one of the very few games where I don’t mind just exploring an area without the promise of an upgrade or a new scene, just to see what’s around the corner, or to hear whatever banter the characters might engage in next.

The entire world of this game is gorgeous, and the orchestrated music is some of the best they’ve ever done. The main plot is beautiful, too. It’s bittersweet and emotional, with a charismatic villain and a twist that blew me away the first time I reached it.

The supplementary material is also mostly really quality. I’d recommend the Royal Edition over the original edition for sure, and to watch Kingsglaive as well. The anime series is quick and fairly fun, and Comrades expands on the universe in some great ways, but neither has as much bearing on the overall plot as the DLC chapters and Kingsglaive. I’m so in love with the DLC chapters, actually, that two years ago I wrote a piece just on how much Episode Ignis affected me (here if you care).

This is definitely getting long, so I guess I’ll move on after saying I’m upset that they patched Chapter 13 to make it easier, and I’m angry at everyone who complained that Chapter 13 was too hard. It was a brilliant piece of storytelling through game mechanics, and it’s mostly been stripped of all that, now.

1: Final Fantasy IX.

It’s IX. It was always IX. I actually did come into this with an open mind, wondering if one of the new games I’d experience (IV, V, VIII, XII, XIII) might end up hitting me harder than Final Fantasy IX, but as I replayed my favorite game in the series I quickly realized that wouldn’t be happening.

There are only a handful of games that make me cry. IX is one of two without voice acting. There are several songs from IX that make me tear up just when I hear them.

The story of the black mages gaining sentience, learning that they can die, and trying to force themselves back into being puppets just to lose that knowledge really moves me. The same goes for the story of Dagger no longer recognizing her mother, setting out to find a place to belong, learning that her birth family is long dead, then watching her mother return to her old self a moment before losing her forever. And Zidane’s story, where he has nowhere to call home, finally discovers the circumstances of his birth, and realizes that had he stayed in his birthplace, he would have become a much worse person than he ultimately did.

More than any other, though, Vivi’s story will always stick with me. He was found as a soulless husk by Quan, a creature with the intention of fattening him up and eating him, but each of them awoke something in the other, and Quan ended up raising Vivi as his grandson. When Quan passed, a rudderless Vivi went to the city to find a new home, and eventually learned he was created as a weapon. Other weapons had also gained sentience, but none had the worldliness that Vivi had gained from his loving relationship with Quan. When Vivi discovers that most weapons like him die after only a few months, he grapples with the possibility that he may die at any time, and eventually decides that he can only take control of what life he has by living each moment to the fullest. He ends up becoming an example for the other weapons to follow.

FFIX is a game about belonging: both yearning to have somewhere to belong and learning that the place where you think you belong is actually toxic and harmful to you. Even the menu theme is a tune called “A Place to Call Home.”

IX ran counter to the trends of the series in a number of ways. It was a return to high fantasy after the more sci-fi VII and VIII, and was also much more lighthearted than those games, while still being heartfelt and occasionally bittersweet. Gameplay-wise, it locked each of its characters into a single job, gave them designs based on their jobs, brought back four-character parties, and introduced a skill system in which characters learn skills from equipment. It also had a much softer, less realistic art style, and mostly avoided the attempts to recapture VII that have plagued most other subsequent titles (besides Kuja’s design, I guess).

The story is also structured so well. It regularly shifts perspective for the first thirty hours, allowing the player to spend ample time with each of the party members, and shaking up character combinations for fun new interactions. It introduced a system similar to the skits from Tales games, showing the player often humorous vignettes of what’s happening to other characters at the time. Once the characters have all come together in one party, the game has earned the sense that all of them (except for the criminally underexplored Amarant) have become a family.

The supporting cast are a blast as well. Zidane’s thief troupe (who double as a theater troupe) are likeable and fun. Kuja’s villain arc allows him to be sympathetic without losing his edge. The black mages are tragic without being overdone.

The development team for this game put so much more work into this game than they had to. The background artwork was all made in such high-definition resolutions that the act of downscaling them to fit in the game removed details. Uematsu traveled to Europe to make sure he’d get the feel of the soundtrack right, and has said it’s his favorite score he’s ever done. Sakaguchi, the creator of Final Fantasy, says IX is his favorite game in the series.

FFIX is one of the two games I would like them to remake after they finish the VII Remake, but I’m terrified they’ll mess it up in some way. Honestly, the game’s only flaws (which I do desperately want them to fix) are a lack of voice acting, the underdeveloped party member Amarant (and to a lesser extent Freya), the dissonance of Beatrix never getting punished in any way for her hand in a genocide, and the fact that very few of the sidequests are story-related because so many of the smaller story details that would normally be relegated to sidequests are covered in the main plot.

Despite the danger, though, I think revisiting IX is absolutely essential moving forward. It represents so much of what made older games like IV and VI great, and its story is much more grounded in real emotion than many current Square stories tend to be. Remaking VII will be good for getting VII out of Square’s system. Remaking IX would be good for putting IX back into Square’s system.

Here’s a IX song as a reward for getting this far. I’m gonna go listen to it and tear up again.

#final fantasy #final fantasy iv #final fantasy v #final fantasy vi #final fantasy vii #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy viii #final fantasy ix #final fantasy x #final fantasy xii #final fantasy xiii #final fantasy xv

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colubrina · 5 years

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Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I still absolutely adore your writing. I've read both the pretense and the wrong strain and all the others and have but the darkness alters on my to read list (seriously so excited. I love the first chapter or two that I saw on Tumblr). I just haven't had the chance to sit down and read due to being swamped at work. I promise I'm still here though and will continue to read everything you put out, just maybe in a less binge reading manner. ☺️

It will be there. At my one chapter/week rate, I expect it to be done in 4ish more months.

And, really, PLEASE do not take my poking at my stats as any kind of pressure or expectation. I knew going into this story that it would be not a hit. It’s weird. It’s dark. The style is experimental. I mean, second person. I’m still fascinated to see it playing out. And, of course, the spectre of “this is why you can’t get an agent for your original work, it’s just not compelling enough to make a reader have to keep turning the pages” is always haunting me even though my original stuff isn’t nearly as odd. Maybe it should be. Maybe if I could bring that same energy to my own worlds, I’d have something closer to special. EVIL BRAIN DEMONS GO WAY!

*shakes head*

I do promise dramione ends up together in a HEA in Darkness. The world might be burning, but they’ll get their personal shit worked out.

#Anonymous

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arnoldjaime13 · 3 years

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Blog Tour- BATTLE OF THE BULLIES by @FenyxBlueInk With An Excerpt & #Giveaway! @RockstarBkTours

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the BATTLE OF THE BULLIES by Fenyx Blue Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

About the Book:

Title: BATTLE OF THE BULLIES

Author: Fenyx Blue

Pub. Date: October 28, 2020

Publisher: Wisdom Works

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Pages: 313

Find it: Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle, TBD, Bookshop.org

Read for FREE With A Kindle Unlimited Subscription!

Ebony, Eris, and Emani Robertson have been through so much more than most high school freshmen. When they were younger, they survived a school shooting that killed their friend and left their oldest sister unable to speak. After giving homeschooling a try, they enroll in a promising new academy, hoping for the best.The Robertsons soon discover, however, that their new classmates are anything but kind. A mysterious group of bullies known as the Dimes rules the hallways and spreads fear everywhere they go. All three sisters end up being targets of the gang and have to find a way to defend themselves.The triplets couldn’t be more different, but their loyalty to each other and to their school never fails. Along with diverse group of friends, the Robertsons do everything they can to uncover the identity of the Dimes and restore order to the school.As if their lives weren’t complicated enough, they also get sucked in to a much bigger game—discovering who was responsible for the attack on their old school. Can they bring down the Dimes and bring the murderer to justice, all while trying to make it through ninth grade?

Praise for BATTLE OF THE BULLIES: “Bullying is a topic that needs to continue to be discussed, and I’m so happy to see these types of stories being written. This was an interesting mix of high school drama, bullying, and sisterly relationships.”― She Just Loves Books

“As someone who dealt with many bullies in school, I was a little nervous about reading this, but knew I needed to. I honestly wish I'd been able to read this book back then. It might be a young adult book, but it has a depth and complexity to it that I wasn't expecting. Bullies, racism, friendship, love, and family populate this story. I highly recommend this to any teens struggling with bullies and to anyone who has dealt with them in the past.” ―Goodreads Review “Tackling violence in schools is a challenge, but Battle of the Bullies does so with strong, optimistic characters that embrace life a refuse to take a back seat in conflict.” ―A Dream Within A Dream

Excerpt:

An excerpt from Anonymous

I can’t be late.

If I’m late, they won’t let me in. I’ll be disqualified. This is the year I win. I can’t be disqualified.

I glance in the mirror and adjust my heather gray hood, slide on my black sunglasses, tug on my gloves, and step out of the car. According to my navigation system, this vacant house is my destination, and I have arrived. Eight cars are already here.

The white FOR SALE sign in the lawn gives me some comfort that we may be safe here, but this annual meeting is risky. Having all of us in one place tonight could mean revealing our identities to outsiders. Anonymity is our strongest weapon. We can never lose it.

I glance at the cars, trying to match them to possible members in my mind. One license plate reads QT PIE. How can we be a secret organization with our cars on display like this? How can we remain secret if members refuse to be discreet?

My phone says 9:59 p.m. I throw it in the back seat where it slides under my AP Physics book. I have to be inside this house by 10:01 p.m. Forget force, mass, or acceleration. I need to run.

Ten steps. I climb ten more giant steps, sliding into the room as the clock hand clicks into place.

10:01.

A girl locks the door behind me.

An envelope with my pseudonym written on it is on my chair. I am the ninth girl to sit down. I resist the urge to sit at the head of the table, but inside I know this is where I deserve to sit.

One year of effort comes down to this moment. I did my best. Ten people dropped out of school because of me. No one at this table should be able to beat that stat.

Last year, tears fell because of me! Terror reigned because of me! Break ups, friendships lost, hearts broken….all due to me! But will it be enough to be Number One?

About Fenyx Blue:

If author Fenyx Blue actually had a tattoo, it would be a heart. Ms. Blue has written every book with love. Blue is a teacher, coach, mentor, and motivational speaker focused on women and youth empowerment. She has written a young adult novel about bullying entitled Who Failed Johnny?, a poetry book about purpose named The Blue Ink Movement, and a children's book about the power of a solid father daughter relationship called Worth the Weight.

Fenyx believes in service to the community. After being chosen as teacher of the year for her school district, she continued to mentor teenagers and facilitate discussions about controversial topics like drugs, sex, violence, cyberbullying and mental health. She has been a guest poet for several women's retreats and workshops and loves the energy she receives from a live audience.

Throughout her years as an educator and youth ministry leader, Blue created Team Bully-Free Forever, a poetry team for her school, and a mentoring group called D.I.V.A.S to address the needs of young people. She is dedicated to teaching the next generation to follow their dreams and feels it is her mission to equip them for the future. Ms. Fenyx Blue is a proud mother of three beautiful children who inspire her to write each day.

You can follow Ms. Fenyx Blue @FenyxBlueInk on Instagram and Youtube.

Giveaway Details:

1 winner will win a $10 Amazon GC, International.

1 winner will win a $10 Starbucks GC, International.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Tour Schedule:

Week One:

5/17/2021

Drunk On Pop

Excerpt

5/18/2021

Jill Piscitello

Excerpt

5/19/2021

YA Books Central

Pre-made Guest Post

5/20/2021

Living in a Bookworld

Pre-made Guest Post

5/21/2021

Rajiv's Reviews

Review

5/22/2021

BookHounds YA

Interview

Week Two:

5/23/2021

Two Chicks on Books

Excerpt

5/24/2021

Haunted By Books

Review

5/25/2021

Lifestyle of Me

Review

5/26/2021

The Reading Wordsmith

Review

5/27/2021

Lady Hawkeye

Pre-made Guest Post

5/28/2021

Fyrekatz Blog

Review

5/29/2021

Chrikaru Reads

Review

Week Three:

5/30/2021

Midnightbooklover

IG Spotlight

5/31/2021

whatissheupto

Review

6/1/2021

Diary Of A Bookgirl

Review

6/2/2021

Here's to Happy Endings

Review

6/3/2021

Jenguerdy

Review

6/4/2021

Momfluenster

Review

6/5/2021

Jaime's World

Excerpt

Week Four:

6/6/2021

The Keysmash Blog

Review

6/7/2021

Musing of Souls

Review

6/8/2021

Amani's Reviews

Review

6/9/2021

Fire & Ice

Review

6/10/2021

two points of interest

Review

6/11/2021

@pagesofyellow

Review

0 notes

sarking · 6 years

Text

AO3 Writer Meme! Not entirely AO3-specific, but a good way to kill... I think this took me like three hours? So it’s a good way to avoid actually writing.

Thirty-three questions and answers under the cut, along with a handy list of the questions so you don’t have to delete my answers when you write your own. Because I care, dammit.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

It’s my name! Or at least parts of it squished together, thanks to a high school computer class.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)?

I somewhat object to calling anything other than kudos or comments feedback, but:

Most bookmarks: Two Out of Three (Ain’t Bad) (53 bookmarks)

Most subscriptions: Blood Brothers (2 subscriptions) (wtf it’s been complete since 2003, please go away)

Most hits: Two Out of Three (Ain’t Bad) (4,545 hits)

Most kudos: Two Out of Three (Ain't Bad) (340 kudos)

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I didn’t want something specific to one of my fandoms, so it’s a person sitting at a desk in front of windows or sliding glass doors.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

My regulars -- who also happen to be my favorites -- are pretty much whatever friends I happen to share the fic’s fandom with.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Open it Back Up and Let it Bleed by missparker is one I revisit with some frequency. It’s a comfort read. And Internal Affairs by Telanu is one I read every, idk, four months or so. It puts my feels through the wringer, but it in the best possible way.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I’m subscribed to six stories and have 217 bookmarks, many of which are external works.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Hi, my name is Sarken and I am HIGH SCHOOL AU TRASH. But I also just kind of diverge from canon or ignore the bits I don’t like at will. I’ve been doing this too long to give a fuck.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Sixteen.

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

I was nervous about getting judged for The Old-Fashioned Way, but I said fuck it and posted it anyway. After some exasperated hand-holding. But, okay, I’ll fess up: Brenda/Sharon daddy kink has haunted me ever since I wrote Wake Up Call. I don’t know how it would work; I just know I want it.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d like to:

write faster

be more descriptive

just once know how to resolve a story once I finish throwing problems at my characters

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Hm, good question! Popular ships, I guess, but not necessarily in big fandoms. And there are always exceptions.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

195, apparently, all of them complete. I thought it was 197 for some reason, though. I don’t know if it’s me being mistaken or if it’s Elasticsearch having issues. I’m not invested in finding out.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

It’s adorable the way this assumes I have a writing program. I have Scrivener, LibreOffice, TextEdit, and I sometimes use Google Docs or Draft or just write in a notebook. Let’s just ballpark it at 50 unposted and unfinished stories and leave it at that.

PS. Thank you to whoever originally wrote these questions for saying “writing program” and not “AO3 Drafts.” DON’T WRITE YOUR SHIT ON AO3, KIDS. I BEG YOU, SUPPORT BEGS YOU, THE POSTING FORM BEGS YOU.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

In my head, right up until the moment I have to write it, at which point I write six paragraphs over four months and then lose interest.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yes! Quite a few, really, but the only one on AO3 is Keith and Rachel Getting Married. I love co-writing. When you get stuck, you just throw it at someone else! It’s perfect.

16. How did you discover AO3?

Remember when Naomi first proposed it? Yeah, then. Probably through the old metafandom community on LiveJournal. I requested my invitation the day it went into open beta.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Someday, you should definitely ask me about all the BNFs who work on AO3.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

That... that is a thing people do?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I’m sure someone said something very nice to me in late 90s or early 00s M*A*S*H message board fandom.

Actually, wait, yes! There was a M*A*S*H writer who went by the name Lilith (sometimes with two Ls) whose fic I absolutely adored, and she befriended me. She wrote with me! It was amazing to my little 12 or 13 year-old self.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Fake it til you make it, by which I mean, “Don’t be down on your writing in your summary or beginning notes.” It’s okay to have doubts, but no one except you (and your beta, if you have one) needs to know. That’s what memes like this are for.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I sometimes try to plot them out, but it rarely goes well. Of course, sometimes I try to figure them out as I go, but that also rarely goes well. If it needs that level of thought, I’m probably screwed.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

There was that time I defiled the sanctity of political RPF fandom, but other than that, no. I’ve gotten some meh comments I had nfc how to reply to, so I didn’t, but that’s basically it.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Not really, but that has more to do with the fact I rarely venture outside my comfort zone.

Although... you know what’s really miserable to write? Dancing. I always think it’ll be great and it’s always the worst.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Two big ones, which is why I have written what seems like nothing this year.

the only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage, aka the AU where Brenda is appointed Chief and Sharon is her Media Liaison (she’s being punished a little bit) and her Chief of Staff (she’s being rewarded). (Look, Sharon holds at least three different positions simultaneously in canon, so whatever, I’ll give her as many jobs as I want, too.) It’s effectively a season seven AU that asks, “What if the lawsuit went down while Brenda was Chief and Sharon was fucking her?” Then I throw in Jack Raydor as Brenda’s lawyer, sprinkle it with Sharon getting to have actual feelings about Brenda’s behavior, and stir, causing it to explode all over my kitchen, and I am left with no idea how to clean up this mess.

Cake by the Ocean, aka the one where it’s spring 2016 and Sharon and Brenda are attending Catholic School and going to their senior prom, damn it, because it is 2017 and we all deserve ridiculous happy stories.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I don’t really plan, as we’ve established, but I do tend to write more than one thing at a time. If I don’t, I get grumpy and bored.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Write words for fic. I fail at this pretty often, though. Maybe I need a number.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

I didn’t know how to use paragraphs when I first started. So, yes, I think I’m a little better now. Nineteen goddamn years later.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Today, I think it’s Wake Up Call. It’s silly and I’m fond of it and have no regrets.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

remote and islanded places. It’s fine, but no story should cause anyone the amount of pain and suffering that caused me. I look at it and I get angry.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Able to string together a plot and follow through on writing it.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

I have a hard time finding my rhythm with Brenda and Sharon, but I’m still going to say dialogue.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Doing it. Also, killing your darlings. I waste more time trying to talk myself into deleting things... (I like to think it wouldn’t be so hard, maybe, if I could write faster.)

33. Why do you write?

Because it gets crowded if I don’t get some of the stories out of my head. Because I read other people’s stories, so I might as well give back. Because it’s a good way to make friends. And most of all, because I don’t know how not to write -- I’ve done it since I could spell the word “cat.”

Question list:

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? 2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback (bookmarks, subscriptions, hits, kudos)? 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? 4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) 9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? 15. Have you ever co-authored a story? 16. How did you discover AO3? 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 24. What story(s) are you working on now? 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? 27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? 28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written? 29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written? 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? 31. What is the easiest thing about writing? 32. What is the hardest thing about writing? 33. Why do you write?

#writing

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maliciouslycreative · 7 years

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2016 Writing Round Up Meme

Ok I was tagged by @jhoomwrites to do this a while ago. I kind of didn’t want to... like man I was looking at everyone else’s and they are so amazing and I did not do a lot in comparison. And I know y’all are going to swoop in now and tell me that I’m amazing and I did good and yes, you are all very right. Still doesn’t change the fact that I feel embarrassed. But you know what, I’m not going to do myself any good hiding away in my writer burrow.

Total 2016 Word Count: 7,185 This is only what I posted. I did wayyy more writing but nearly everything is sitting around the 75% complete point. I didn’t include my super late rare challenge fic as that got posted on the 4th of January. And I do have another short fic I finished during nanowrimo that I never got around to posting since December was nuts. Also someone remind me to post that dcj hot chocolate story on AO3 because by the time I finish this I will have forgotten.

Total 2016 Pages Edited: many. so many.

Total 2016 AO3 Hits: 836

Other Account Stats for 2016 (AO3): User Subscriptions: 3 Kudos: 82 Comment Threads: 6 Bookmarks: 6 Subscriptions: 5

Links and Titles to 2016 Works: That One Time Autocorrect Was Actually Correct (Destiel) one shot I Can’t Get Bi Without You (Dean/Castiel/Inias) in progress All Hot For Marshmallows (Dean/Castiel/Jimmy) one shot

Favorite Fic: I Can’t Get Bi, definitely. Like yah right now I’m pretty sure it’s just me and @rosemoonweaver enjoying it but fuck I am so glad she convinced me to just go for it. I’m going to totally finish this story in the upcoming year too.

Hardest Fic: THAT ALHGALJSDFhGLJAKSDING RARE PAIR FIC. Like this haunted me every day. I had a nightmare about it. I rewrote and garbaged so much of that story. I was also like never home during December so when I had an idea I had to wait until super late at night to do it and by then I was dead. If you want to know what I’m screaming about you can read it here.

Do you plan to take prompts in 2017? Probably. I have 0 self control. I’m susceptible to peer pressure when writing...

What was the best thing about 2016? That I wrote the most I have since like 2008. Yah I posted some stuff in 2010 but that was for the most part stuff I had previously finished that just needed to be typed up/edited. I did nanowrimo (which yah I didn’t do great but I wrote 29/30 days and finished some short fics so that was pretty great). So yah I’m going to take this year as me building back up to writing more. Also apparently now the only music I can listen to while writing is (dark) techno or metal with no vocals or sung in languages other than english. Also! Also @rosemoonweaver because she’s talked me off more than a few ledges and lets me bounce ideas off of her and may be responsible for half my “to write” list.

What was the worst thing about 2016? I got frustrated at myself a lot. I have all these ideas and need to get them down but fuck if I can figure out how to do it without driving myself insane. But this is a learning process and it’ll get better with time.

Any last thoughts for 2016? This was honestly such a year of struggle. I used to write sooooo much fanfic but then had a lot of stupid shit happen in my life and I got out of it (the tl;dr is don’t pick asshole boys over fanfic). Posting in this fandom is also so weird to me. When I last wrote it was for a small fandom (Beyblade) and there we posted like 1 slash fic for every 20 OC/canon fic. There we kind of just read anything that was not a notp and commented on it and we all knew each other. Supernatural is like this vast abyss and it is just so easy to get swallowed up. I was like the Queen of Crack Ships back then so at least I’m happy to have surrounded myself with all you awesome rare pair shippers now. You guys are the best. I look forward to crying over rare pairs and poly ships with you all over the next year.

Not gonna tag anyone because I’m like 99% sure everyone else has done it. But if you haven’t please do! And don’t feel embarrassed. I’m already embarrassed enough for the both of us.

#writing meme #stacey writes #my writing #i love you guys seriously #thanks for being there for me #jhoomwrites

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directsportsdaily-blog · 7 years

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The MLB Sucks!

Major League Baseball is slowly sliding into a pit of complete and total irrelevancy. You’d think the sport would be in a great position after the Cubs World Series win, however the MLB has failed to capitalize on the new found success of its once beloved perennial losers. The league has continued season after season to lose the mind share of casual fans. I’m willing to bet if you asked the average person on the street today most wouldn’t even know that the MLB season has even started.

Let me start this discussion with my personal baseball opening week story. So throughout my entire life I’ve watched opening day for baseball on a Monday, but for some reason there were three games on Sunday that I had no idea were going on until it was too late for me to watch them. The next day I realize I can’t miss work in order to watch my favorite team the Tigers open things up in Chicago, so I plan a media blackout in order to watch the replay after I get off. However, weather caused a game cancellation. So that brings us to Friday, I have the day off from work and its Opening Day in Detroit. I completely forget about the game come 1st pitch and end up missing the entire. ‘Whatever there are other games to watch to satiate my baseball palette, right? Wrong. I checked through my entire upcoming television guide and there are no more televised MLB games on for the rest of the day. Heck I even found college baseball between Texas and Oklahoma, but no MLB. And this is the experience for me a former hardcore fan trying to come back to the sport and making slight efforts to go out my way to find it and consume it. Imagine what the experience is for the casual fan or someone attempting to get into the sport for the first time.

As the MLB struggled through the fallout of the steroids era, it has failed to establish an identity here in what is a very different world. We all know that the NFL has established itself as “America’s Game” and our new pastime stealing that title right from baseball. And the NBA has built itself on putting its stars front and center and turning them into larger than life pop culture icons. But where does that leave baseball in all this? It seems as if in the past 15 years we’ve seen baseball go from a solid number two position behind football as the top sport, to now there starting to lose ground to the NHL in order to hang on to the number three spot. I find myself hearing Conor McDavid’s name come up almost as much as Mike Trout.

The MLB has failed to establish stars out of its players, managers and teams. Let’s do a quick comparison to other leagues and their marketing. The NFL has it’s star quarterbacks like Brady and Manning but beyond that it does a great job of promoting great teams like the Atlanta Offense or the Seattle Defense. Why don’t we ever talk about big time defense units that bailout pitching for example? Who even has the best defense in baseball? I honestly have no idea, but I can tell you the Cowboys have the best offensive line in football. The NBA takes a different approach by putting their superstars front and center. But who are the LeBron James and Russell Westbrook of the MLB? Clearly Mike Trout and Kris Bryant, but those aren’t names the average person knows. There are so many marketable names from Noah Syndegaard to Bryce Harper but the MLB just doesn’t get it done in terms of making them household names. Heck Crosby and Ovechkin are bigger names in a less popular sport. Federer and Nadal, Spieth and McIlroy, Messi and Ronaldo, the list goes on and on of sports with bigger name stars than baseball. Taking a page from college sports, rivalries could help, but outside of the Yanks and the Sox, there almost are none. The Cubs and Cardinals have a small one and so do the Giants and Dodgers. But what if you’re a Mariners or Rockies fan? And where are the larger than life managers? A lot of them are actually still there we just don’t hear about them as often. They’ve muzzled to certain extent. We need more hat throwing tirades!

We’re knee deep in the digital age and people have the least amount of free time they’ve ever had. The MLB hasn’t done much to embrace this either, however to be fair no league truly has. But it seems as if baseball has done the least in this realm. It is a sport that leans so heavily on tradition and that seems to be its biggest fault. There is a shift in culture that MLB has failed to shift with. People of Generation Y and X need three main things from the content they consume. They need it to be quick, easy to find and give them a sense of accomplishment after viewing. The MLB has failed to produce on all three of these accounts.

Let’s start with quick. One thing that has worked to save the NFL to a certain extent is the RedZone channel. Whether you’re a Scott Hanson person or an Andrew Siciliano person, Red Zone has become the number one way for many of us to consume football. So I want to watch all the big plays from every game as they happen. It’s the compromise many of us thought impossible until the NFL figured it out with Red Zone. Where is baseball’s equivalent? I’ve tossed around the idea with some friends of a thing called MLB Final Pitch. Wherein you’d get whip around coverage from every game going on at the time, prioritizing at bats where there are runners on and further from there at bats that are deeper in the count. How would this work in practice? Probably not well, but hey it’s an idea.

Moving on to easy find and consume. So unlike the NFL streaming games is relatively easy and hassle free, with a hard emphasis on relatively. Cord cutting is growing around the country as people are beginning to consume the majority of their content through the internet and many are quickly parting with increasingly antiquated cable subscriptions. Hulu, Netflix and Amazon Prime Video are set to dominate living room time along with other video streaming services like YouTube and Twitch. MLB TV premium is supposed to be baseball’s way of not conceding to much ground in that area but like all of the major sports streaming services it falls way short. From the exclusion of local games to the ridiculous price point, MLB TV premium doesn’t do much to convince me to cancel my HBO Now in order to see the action on the diamond. People have the more money to spend on entertainment now than they’ve had in the past decade. However we live in a post financial crisis world and purchasing decisions tough. Spending roughly $10/month on Netflix or $20/month MLB TV premium isn’t a tough decision at all except for the most die hard baseball fans. This barrier to entry is such a turnoff for most people and throw in the fact that if you live near your favorite team (as many of us do) the games you want to see most aren’t available to you. And I’ve already explained how to difficult the MLB is making to watch games on cable lately.

So that brings us to whether or not you can feel accomplished after watching an MLB game, whether or not it was time well spent to see this glorified game of rounders. This is tough for baseball and there is no easy solution to make every 1 of the 162 games in a season feel meaningful. However, I think you can do it by shortening the season. Now hold on all you purists! I’m not talking about shortening the number of games. I’m talking about shortening the amount of real world time the season takes. I’m talking about a four month baseball blitz from May to August. I’m talking about dropping down to one level minor leagues, expanding major league rosters to twice their size and playing double headers almost everyday. Now it would seem like this works against strengthening the value of each individual game but if your team as made twice as much headway one way or another at the end of the day, it helps appeal to our ever shortening attention spans.

Now this plan would be dramatic and probably has a ton of negative externalities I couldn’t even begin to imagine. I realize baseball is a very stat driven league and that would screw that up because players would play in much fewer games individually and it would difficult to promote the games stars when you wouldn’t have the same amount of certainty that your top players would be playing in any particular game you’re trying sell tickets to. However, here’s a few advantages for owners, fans and players alike:

More day and night games means it’s easier to schedule a trip to the ballpark around your schedule. Also for the growing number of us that work nights more day games means we can catch at least half the action from our favorite teams because not everyone is sitting at home at 7:05pm or 1:05 pm on a Sunday.

The MLB doesn’t have to compete with football and an August World Series would do way better in terms of viewership than it does now in the extremely crowded sporting month of October.

Baseball Managers probably have the least amount of impact of any head coach on his particular sport. Forcing an increase in the amount they have to consider player scheduling would go a long way in undoing this.

For fans of teams that are clearly not making the playoffs August and September are pointless but with the expanded rosters you could see more playing time for big time prospects coming up through the ranks. It gives more an opportunity to find bright spots in lost seasons and not have them drag on for so long.

Now I realize a lot of the changes I propose are drastic and I’m sure there are some half measure that could probably work better. However, it’s clear that change is needed in the MLB and fast. This is a key time for the MLB. It’s clear that given the landscape of sports right now that football is set to take a major hit over the next few decades as player safety continues to haunt the NFL. The NBA is skyrocketing in popularity and shows no sign of slowing down. And the NHL is starting to expand to new markets. The ball is your court baseball and stagnation is not the winning play call.

#Major League Baseball #MLB #Detroit Tigers #Chicago White Sox #Chicago Cubs #World Series #Mike Trout #Kris Bryant #Opening Day #Opening Week #MLB TV Premium #162 games #Bryce Harper #Noah Syndegaard #Manny Machado

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