#solving it with a little bit of violence but ultimately everyone is alive and well and it's over in like 20 mins before they go about the

[ruporas]

☀️

[ID: Digital illustration in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. It’s two 3 panel comics that illustrates the same sequence. The first focuses on Vash. In the first panel, he’s in a hurried motion with a worried expression. In the second, he’s stopped, huffing a breath out as he’s scanning for Wolfwood (not pictured). In the final panel, he breaks out into a relieved smile, eyes lighting up with warm cheeks.

The second comic focuses on Wolfwood. In the first panel, he’s looking downwards to the right with a cigarette in his mouth, wearing a neutral expression. On his face are notable scratch marks to indicate him being in a fight prior. In the second panel, he turns towards the viewer, lifting his head as he notices Vash (as from the previous sequence). In the final panel, he smiles warmly with teeth and holds up a peace sign. END ID]

[ID: Sketchy black and white drawings of Vash and Wolfwood, continuing off the comic. Wolfwood’s back is to the viewer while Vash’s profile can be seen, now by Wolfwood’s side. He has a bright smile as he says to Wolfwood, “You’re safe!” Wolfwood responses, bearing a grin too, “Who do ya think yer talking to? ‘Course I am. Look, I got them alive.” He points to two figures who are tied up and have comically large head bumps. Vash looks to them with an uncertain expression as he says, “Oh! You did, huh… Are you sure they’re alive?” Wolfwood, with a more irritated expression, responds “What, didn’t think I could do it?” Vash says, “No, no! I knew you could!” and pats Wolfwood on the cheek and his head comfortingly. END ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #vw running around towns doing little odd jobs and getting caught up in townsfolk conflict when someone gets taken hostage or smth... #solving it with a little bit of violence but ultimately everyone is alive and well and it's over in like 20 mins before they go about the #rest of their day. i feel like that kind of mundanity or chaos if something that vash is a little used to but probably not wolfwood #i dont think he'd be getting dragged out on assassination quests like every 2 days prior to vash but i also think he'd have left towns #quickly. chatted with townsfolk but ultimately stayed in his lonesome. had more time to stew in his own thoughts and when he does get a job #to kill it's something that weighs on his mind for days. regardless of how chaotic is with vash i like to think it's a lot more healing #then what he's been accustomed to. at the end of the day they get a few scuffs and brusies but theyre alive!!! and no lives were lost #and theyre within reach of each other and get to chat about the stupid shit vash dragged them into. in another life wolfwood would #probably be happy doing just that #ruporas art

[asturlavi]

oh boy, do i have wonderful beast oda/odazai info for you all since this may just be my favorite chapter in all of beast. it clarified a lot about oda's state in this au, and how sad it truly is, especially with all that dazai has done to ensure that oda's safety is certain

before i start, this was initially intended to be a quirky little twitter thread that’s supposed to be kicked off with a badly drawn doodle of something meme. the thread was supposed to be about how wonderfully dumb odasaku can be and how annoyingly frustrating dazai is in the latest beast chapter... and then it slowly devolved into a crudely written essay about small discoveries i’ve made that most likely haven’t been pointed out before, so i recommend that anyone interested in either oda or odazai to check this out 

so i finally got around to reading the new beast chapter and seeing how odasaku constantly devalues himself and finds that he's lesser than the average person is… sad. its been said that him and ranpo are the stars of the ada, every mission trivial with their cooperation, and yet he doesn't see any of that. thinks he struck luck when it came to his entrance exam, which he specifies that it wasn't as a result of his own skills. his inferiority complex is embedded so deep that despite his achievements, he doesn't at all believe he has any worth as a human.

i'm just a tired, ordinary man like you could find anywhere. a third-rate detective, as unexceptional as a fallen cigarette butt on the road.

and his entrance exam was just like dazai's: the azure messenger case, which we all know wasn't at all a walk in the park. one mistake, and it would spell disaster for the city that the ada was trying to protect. no--not just the city, it would also mean the end of the ada as we know it. despite it all, he resolved it much to his own surprise, and it was all thanks to an "unexpected" gift. and that gift? who would it be other than from dazai himself? 

beast light novel ch. 3

(also, this is a shaky claim at best but I feel as if oda fully holds the capabilities to solve the case alone, but dazai knew that with odasaku's persistent feelings of self-doubt, along with his lack of some of the vivacity that dazai held to weasel his way through to information, the outcome of success wouldn’t be guaranteed. and so, dazai lent him something to ensure his success)

and yet, oda is blind to see truly how much intellect and skill he possesses. he doesn't realize how integral he was to the quest of the azure messenger, doesn't acknowledge that without him these orphans would have either slipped into a life of crime, gone to a downtrodden orphanage, or simply passed away, and he doesn't know that despite it all, he's one of the purest characters in the story, even with the darkness that will forever cling to him, a reminder of the violence that marred his past.

not to mention that oda, in one way or another, effectively analyzed the current situation that they're stuck in. he noted that if things currently go the way they're going, no matter what akutagawa achieves, him and his sister are doomed. so, oda brilliantly decided to go after the port mafia itself to prepare for this possibility, and it's nothing short of genius. and dazai plays along with this… because it is oda, after all. 

and everything dazai did, everything he sacrificed, it was all for oda.

now to the underlying tragedy of this chapter. take a look at this panel: 

ever since then, i've been making a living by solving requests that come to the detective agency.

i provide for the orphans

i drink coffee.

i gamble a bit on days off.

at night, i write a novel in the kitchen. 

that's my life.

nothing unusual, right? you'd think that odasaku was satisfied with life, since he has everything he had ever wished for. but in all actuality, he still lacks one important thing.

and that's friendship.

his words sounded so… empty. achieving ones dreams is but one aspect of life that brings one gratification, but doesn't necessarily mean it would guarantee lasting happiness. (think of famous actors or celebrities that spiral into depression even after they've achieved their dreams).

in that panel, he says he cares for the orphans, gambles, and writes alone in his spare time, but not a word of spending time with friends… something he had in the root universe, something that was lost to him in this one.

and he says this all with his face blacked out, as if he's somewhat implicitly dissatisfied (while the kid's faces are present, not at all concealed).

with dazai, he found peace in a place where peace is rare to find. They both completely put their guard down with each other around, and dazai can relax his overly speculative mind with oda. and they understood each other, a level of understanding rare to come by. dazai with his dark jokes easily flies past oda's ears because that's what they are, harmless jokes. and oda with his blunt honesty, which dazai cherishes and never prods him for it.

dazai also saw things in oda that oda was blind to. dazai saw a world of beauty in oda, the ray of light beneath a cloudy sky. he saw both intelligence and wisdom, kindness and generosity. and most of all, he trusted oda, despite dazai’s natural inclination to distrust.

and what oda saw in dazai was vulnerability. despite the front that dazai puts, he can be kind, even empathetic, when the situation calls for it. dazai once gave akutagawa a decision to turn his back against dazai’s offer to join the port mafia, when logic points to the fact that he didn't have to, but wanted to.

dazai also consistently gives atsushi words of advice and shows understanding when dazai was under no obligation to, such as atsushi facing the loss of his previous caretaker. dazai gave atsushi genuine advice, not laced with any malice or ill intent. dazai had even left atsushi to grieve alone, fully understanding that atsushi needed to pour his emotions out in private. there’s more than enough instances of dazai showing this side of himself in both the light novels and manga, but it seems to sometimes be brushed aside. even though the main cast of characters always dismissed this side of dazai, oda has always known that this side of dazai was his truest self.

oda and dazai also talked endlessly about trivial things, calling each other daily for two hours for no reason other than that they each enjoy one another's company. it's pure, wholesome love. they had a mutual trust and understanding between one another, which ango, another friend of theirs, severely lacked in his friendship with them.

oda's dream was to write, gone unfulfilled in the root universe, but he died happily knowing that the one he cares for is living in the path of light. dazai's was to find a reason to live, which he found in oda, and continues to use this as motivation long after oda passed.

in beast, dazai's dream was cut short, ultimately leading to his demise at the end. after all, his one reason to live is now robbed from him. however, oda's dreams have become a reality, but can one really say he achieved happiness? he has the orphans, his children, but they will never understand him like dazai had. he has peace, but is it the form of peace he wanted? spending time alone, on things like gambling, while endlessly mulling how he has no one to spend this time with?

and writing, his one true wish that dazai made absolutely sure to make a reality. but was it worth it, at the cost of a friend who brought happiness and reprieve when everyone else failed to?

i thought of this tale as a matter of equivalent exchange, you lose one life in exchange for another. the scales do remain somewhat balanced, but not over a matter of lives. it's over a matter of personal sacrifices, ones only known to us readers.

and i say "somewhat" because in the root universe, dazai remembered oda when he was alive, so well that dazai can recall memories to near perfection. but oda had completely forgotten dazai in beast, chasing after absent memories and deluding himself into thinking his life is perfect, while numbing himself from the aching hole of loneliness that consumes him inside.

also, oda is surely happy spending time with the children, but what about his lonesome hours? who is he going to spend that time with, in a world without dazai, the only person who understood him and his oddities?

ah, and remember this moment in the root universe? 

now, take a look at this again. no, look closer 

odasaku wasn’t merely gambling for the sake of it, he was gambling on a horse race. and before dazai was arrested in the root universe, he was seen doing just that. 

now, why would odasaku do this? he surely doesn’t seem the type to gamble away his money on something as silly as horse races, because what does someone gain while they pour their money into something so senseless? 

and the only reason i could arrive to is that dazai must have dragged him along to one. dazai is a port mafia executive, with more money than he knows what to do with and a boatload of depression. money probably disinterests him as much as life does, and he used gambling to kill two birds with one stone: ridding of money he doesn’t need, and distracting him from his boredom (and depression). 

and it doesn’t end there. remember when dazai in dead apple had visited bar lupin to pay his regards to odasaku, while reliving a pleasant memory dazai had with him? and he did this because he was preparing for a quest that may result in with the loss of his life, psyching himself up for what’s to come. this is probably bordering on speculation, but i believe that that’s precisely what he did once again in the horse races. dazai paid a visit to a place that oda and him had frequented, to prepare for another dangerous quest. 

also, note that immediately after exiting bar lupin in dead apple, dazai was confronted by ango, which kicked off the start of dazai’s plans. a similar thing happens in the manga, dazai spending time in a place that he and oda had gone to, this time the horse races, and his plan whirls into motion as jono arrests him. i think these similarities are deliberate, in order to establish their significance to dazai and oda. 

this long winded explanation’s purpose was only for me to go back to this panel once again, and say that everything oda spoke about doing, from spending time with his kids, to brewing coffee, to betting on horse races, and to writing in the kitchen, were all moments he had with dazai. 

and see that he has an extra chair that sits unused in the kitchen? at first, i thought it was there for the sake of being there. then, it slowly dawned on me that odasaku and dazai had noted in the dark era light novel that they made a habit of visiting each other, so it wouldn’t be illogical to conclude that it was a chair meant for dazai. a place where he can spend some private moments together with oda underneath the dimly lit kitchen, drinking in the scent of odasaku’s coffee and talking about things that distracts them from their troubles while odasaku whittles away at his manuscript. 

and one last thing before i end this out of sheer laziness, take a look at this photograph of oda from the final moments of the beast light novel.

as oda stated in the manga and light novel, he worked on his manuscript alone in the kitchen... but in the photograph, he wasn’t alone. he’s posing for a picture. relaxed, poised, as if entertaining the one taking the photo. and besides, wasn’t it dazai who insisted on taking photographs in bar lupin with ango and oda in dark era? he must have done the same in that very moment in the beast universe, but this time in anticipation of oda forgetting him. 

in the end, it seems oda and dazai left each other in similar ways, foolishly believing they've sacrificed their lives for each other to better the other's life, but all they did was create worlds where the feeling of happiness will be lost to both respective parties, while also resigning each other to a life of loneliness.

they've forgotten about their one happiness that stems from just being around one another, listening to the soothing tune of jazz playing softly as they talk into the night, the world lost to them as they're absorbed in one another's presence.

it seems like their story is a tragedy of what happens when you love someone too much, to the point that you delude yourself into thinking you're but a tool for their happiness, and with you gone, nothing will change.

but things did change, didn't they?

#odazai #bsd #bungo stray dogs #oda sakunosuke #osamu dazai #bsd beast #i'm never doing this again

[kalinara]

Dream Show 2.0

It’s time for the second annual “Dream Show Challenge”!

The rules are a little different this year: we were given someone else’s dreamshow cast from last year and asked to make a new show.

Since it’s very possible to end up with a cast list full of names we don’t recognize, we were allowed one trade.

This is my cast:

Jeff Goldblum, Jennifer Connelly, Alan Tudyk, Mandip Gil, Lee Pace, Elliot Page, and Matt Berry.

Since at the time I started this, I had no idea who Matt Berry was, I decided to trade him out for a different white British comedian: Jack Whitehall.

So now I present to you:

The Gates of Kallipolis

Synopsis:  When Lydia Nowlan receives an invitation from her estranged uncle, she has no idea what to expect.  She had no idea that she had an uncle.  And she certainly had no idea that he had invented a working time machine.  

But Dr. Nowlan called her for a reason.  Time is behaving strangely, and there are people scattered through time who need their help to get home.

Characters:

Lydia Nowlan - Jennifer Connelly (2021 CE): For as long as she remembers, Lydia Nowlan never had much in the way of a life.  She worked, she slept, and she worked again  She had no time for things like friends or family, even pets.  But now her work is completed and she has no idea what to do next.  Fortunately, a mysterious letter from a long lost uncle comes at just the right time.

Dr. Mark Nowlan - Jeff Goldblum (2021 CE):  Lydia’s estranged uncle.  An experienced time traveler with a temperament that makes Lydia look like a people person, Dr. Nowlan is in over his head.  But fortunately, he’s not in this alone anymore.

Bibi Khunza - Mandip Gil (c. 1550 CE):  Widow of a king, mother to another, Bibi Khunza knows how to fight and how to rule.  But as to how this sixteenth century Indian warrior princess ended up at the center of a witchhunt in seventeenth century rural England is a really interesting question.  Especially since she’s not the only one lost.

Augustus Cole - Elliot Page (1875 CE):  The life of a chimney sweep in Victorian London is a hard one, but Augustus Cole knows exactly how to translate those skills to something a bit more lucrative: cat burglary.  And never let it be said that the man will miss an opportunity: a futuristic sailing ship is the perfect place for a bit of breaking and entering.  But what’s that about an iceberg?

Xavion Knox - Lee Pace (2320 CE):  Grown in a lab, built for war, Xavion Knox has known very little except violence.  He hasn’t cared much about anything since the death of his partner, but perhaps that will change now that the man’s stuck in the distant past, reliant on a couple of barely competent time travelers to get home.  Wherever that is.

Zeta-5 - Jack Whitehall (2440 CE): An Alien.  Zeta knows his science.  He knows his technology.  He knows the intellectual capability of humanity, and he damn well knows that time travel is impossible.  But try telling that to Mark and Lydia Nowlan.  (He has.  Many times.)

Grok - Alan Tudyk (c. 190,000 BCE):  The manservant of Dr. Nowlan, and human being who predates any recognizable culture or society.  He may even predate the development of spoken language, or at least any language that the translator can recognize.  Because of his communication difficulties, he has yet to provide Dr. Nowlan with sufficient information to get him home.  He seems happy enough where he is, and well, good help is hard to find.

--

Important Concepts for the Show:

The Reese-Hartnell Effect:  It is impossible for a living being to be in two places at once.  Because of this, it is very important that a time traveler never “cross their time stream”, meaning they should never visit a time when they themselves are alive.  If at any point, a time traveler ends up in the same time period as their past or future self, they will merge together.  

In the best case scenario, the knowledge and memories of the future self will remain with the past self, allowing the time traveler to make any desired changes to his own future.

In the worst case scenario, the time traveler’s mind is completely obliterated.

The Ultimate Translator: Lydia Nowlan’s life work.  The great translator is somehow able to take spoken language from any point in time and enable it to be understood by any time traveler in the vicinity.  Because of his origins, Grok is unable to use the translator.  Instead, he communicates through gestures, pictures, expressions, and occasional broken English.

Origin Time: In order to return a lost time traveler, the machine must be calibrated with the exact time and place that the traveler disappeared from, down to the nanosecond.  Too soon, and the time traveler risks the Reese-Hartnell effect destroying their mind.  Too late, and the resulting gap of “non-existence” could create catastrophic effects down the timestream.  

The Time Machine: Dr. Nowlan’s invention.  The Time Machine is not a ship, but rather a stationary set of silver gates that open into a pre-set location.  The gates can be concealed but not closed while the machine is in use.

--

Episodes:

Episode 1 -  Witchhunt (1645 CE)

Lydia Nowlan, linguist and engineer, has just finished her life’s work.  She unwinds by answering an invitation from her estranged uncle.  When she arrives, she finds a surprisingly high tech laboratory, a strange device and her uncle nowhere to be found.  She is startled by the sudden appearance of Grok, her uncle’s assistant, and accidently activates the device, which turns out to be a time machine.

Lydia finds herself in medieval England, where her strange appearance and even stranger knowledge quickly makes her the target of a witchhunt.  But she isn’t the only time traveler at risk.  She meets fellow prisoner, Bibi Khunza, and the unlikely allies work together to escape.  Lydia’s uncle, Dr. Nowlan, comes to find her, bringing with him a time-lost space marine and a lot of questions.

The foursome, assisted by Lydia’s invention, agree to work together and find out what’s causing all these time disturbances and try to find a way to return everyone home.

Episode 2 - the Titanic (1911 CE)

Lydia’s invention continues to facilitate communication between our heroes, with the exception of the caveman, Grok.  They investigate another anomaly, this time aboard the HMS Titanic, where they meet the Victorian, Augustus Cole.  Khunza encounters some racism, which does not end well for the racists, while Lydia repeatedly attempts to warn about impending doom, and learns the regrettable lesson that some things can’t be changed.  She is introduced to the concept of the “Reese-Hartnell Effect” which prevents any time traveler from being able to make multiple attempts to influence the timestream.

As the now fivesome return back to Dr. Nowlan’s lab, they meet Zeta-5, an alien from the far future, who is very armed, and very insistent that he be returned home.

Episode 3 - Ancient Greece (399 BCE)

A comedy of errors involving Zeta-5’s weapon (actually a zoological inseminator) and the time machine sends most of the crew to ancient Greece.  Dr. Nowlan has an interesting conversation with Socrates, while Xavion gets to punch Plato in the face.  Khunza and Augustus find unlikely common ground as they solve a Philosophical Conspiracy.

Meanwhile, back home, Lydia, Zeta-5 and Grok have to find a way to repair the time machine and get the others back.

Episode 4 - Utopian Dreams (3505 CE)

The concept of utopia comes up again, when Dr. Nowlan takes the crew to the futuristic city of Kallipolis.  The peaceful surroundings inspire introspection: Khunza revealing her desperation to reunite with her young child, while Augustus and Xavion admit that they don’t have much of a home to return to.  Lydia has a cryptic encounter.

Nowlan’s plans to access the Kallipolitan Hall of Records is thwarted when a sudden insurrection scatters the crew to the four winds.

Episode 5 - Dystopian Nightmares (3505 CE)

Loyalist factions capture Lydia and Xavion.  Augustus gets to plan the heist of any number of centuries to get them out, while Zeta-5 discovers his inner revolutionary.

Lydia’s interrogation has some particular after effects that lead to some shocking revelations: namely, both she and her “uncle” were members of the Kallipolitan Time Agency, but her mind had been destroyed by the Reese-Hartnell Effect.  Dr. Nowlan had set everything up in an attempt to restore her to herself.

Episode 6 - Finale (???)

Dr. Nowlan has fled into the timestream having accomplished his goal but at the cost of his career and reputation, and possibly his life, should the Time Agents track him down.  Lydia and the others race to find him first, engaging in a merry game of chase and sabotage against their rival pursuers.

Dr. Nowlan does ultimately surrender himself into Lydia’s custody, but reveals that his notes have been destroyed in the chaos, meaning that now he genuinely can’t return anyone home.  Lydia must reconstruct his work, which she does, with some unexpected assistance: the caveman Grok.  He had observed most of Dr. Nowlan’s work and actually comprehends a lot more than anyone realizes.  The crew are finally sent home...for the most part.

Bibi Khunza returns to her kingdom and her son, and is able to resume her Regency without much incident.

Augustus Cole does not return home to Victorian England.  Instead, seeking a new challenge, he appears in Khunza’s court and is welcomed as a new “foreign advisor.”

There was a “miscalculation” and Xavion Knox is not returned to his own time, but rather six months earlier, to the incident of his partner’s death.  Due to the Reese-Hartnell Effect, Xavion has an opportunity to save the man that he loves and he doesn’t intend to waste it.  And this time, he won’t be alone.

Zeta-5, citing his race’s long lifespan, decides to go to Xavion’s time instead of his own.  He realizes that there is a very good chance that the Reese-Hartnell Effect will come into effect in about fifty years, but it might be interesting to live his life again from infancy onward.

Dr. Nowlan is serving out his sentence at the Kallipolitan Time Agency.  He’s treated well and receives many visitors.  He is, by all accounts, quite content.

Lydia Nowlan has received tacit approval to continue her linguistic studies across the timestream.  She is accompanied in this effort by her new partner, Grok.

--

Bonus:

As this is a Rip Chat challenge, of course I have slipped Arthur Darvill in here somewhere.  He has been cast as Dr. Pierce Draxton, head of the Kallipolitan Time Agency.  Because the man’s played a rebel.  Now I’d like to see him actually in charge.

#dream show #dream show challenge #rip chat challenge

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

Fake FBI Agents? Sam x Reader  (With lots of Dean)

A/N: Hello! Yes, I am alive but I’ve been hella busy with work, as some of you know. And then, I got my second COVID shot and had a BAD reaction to it so I’m trying to recover.

This story is based off my real job working for at my local police department, which I’ll be celebrating 6 months at this month! I thought it would be funny if I could tell that Sam and Dean were fake FBI agents based off looking at their badges because I do see and interact with real FBI agents occasionally. 

I also met a Texas Ranger not too long ago and even though he was *much* older than me, he was *very* attractive. Not like Jared’s Cordell Walker but still. 

Hope everyone enjoys this and all feedback is welcome!

Warnings: FLUFF, series level violence, angst, pining, blood, serious injuries, series level monsters, lots of pain but the fluff makes up for it.

Word Count: 5, 981

Masterlist of all Masterlists| Supernatural Masterlist

Working for a police department was quite a unique experience. On a daily basis, you got to see the worst in people. From assaults to thefts, stolen vehicles, and homicides, there was never a dull moment when you had to work to help the public. Even with not being on the emergency side of the police department, you were still helping people and were trying to solve all their problems when they couldn’t seem to handle them on their own. Growing up, wanting to help people was always a priority for you but you never thought that would be fulfilled working in law enforcement. Sure, there were times when it would get super overwhelming with the constant phone calls and reports you would have to take over the phone and/or in person, and if you were left on a shift alone, it was that much more challenging. But ultimately, you did enjoy what you did because you felt as though you were being an important part of your community, whether you were acknowledged for it or not. And, who wouldn’t want to look at those cute police officers all day long? Just a small amount of time spent chit-chatting with them as you handed them over the keys to their vehicles for their shifts, still seemed cool. Who doesn’t appreciate a man in uniform? One night, as you were working alone, you had two, albeit very attractive men, come into the lobby of the department and came to the window to speak with you. 

“Hi, how can I help y’all?” You ask, looking to the shorter of the two men. 

“Yeah, we’re here about a case. I’m Agent Tyler, this is my partner Agent Perry, with the FBI.” The man said, as he pulled out his FBI badge, his partner followed his lead.

You stood from your desk to walk over to the window to see their badges, and upon closer inspection, you discovered they were fake. Immediately, you started laughing, causing the two men to just stare at you with a shared look of confusion. 

“What’s so funny ma’am?” The taller of the two asked. 

“Y’all aren’t from the FBI,” You said, laughing harder as your sides began to hurt. 

“Um, yeah, we are, didn’t you see our badges?” Agent “Tyler,” said to you, flashing his badge again. 

“Yes, I saw your fake FBI badges,” you said, eyeing the men suspiciously. 

“How did you know?” Agent “Perry,” asked. 

“Because this is a police department. We have a local FBI office and I have dealt with them several times since I’ve worked here. We’re trained to spot real and fakes badges and from my training, these two are definitely fake,” you said, smirking smugly. 

“Damn, she’s good, Sammy,” the shorter one said. 

“So, what do you two really want?” You ask, cocking your eyebrow up to further question the men. 

“Okay, here’s the truth. I’m Sam, this here’s my brother Dean, we’re in town to investigate a string of disappearances that have been going on over the past week-and-a-half. Do you know anything about them?”  The taller one, Sam, said to you, giving a sad, puppy-dog look as he spoke. 

“Of course I do. Police department remember? I can’t begin to tell y’all how many missing person reports our agency has been taking during that time. At least close to thirty and that’s a huge number for a town of about 100,000 people,” you say, shaking your head in disbelief. 

“Well, what’s been reported?” The shorter one, Dean, asked. 

“I can’t share that information with you but what I can do is call over to dispatch and see if they can send an officer up here to speak with y’all?” 

“Okay, that’d be great,”  Sam said.

“Alright y’all have a seat and I’ll see about getting an officer over here to help y’all out,” you say, turning around to head back to your desk. 

The two men sat in chairs beside one another as you called over to dispatch to set up an officer to come speak to the guys. 

“Well, officers are currently 10-6 (busy) so it may be a while before they’re able to get out there,” the dispatcher informs you. 

“Okay, I’ll let them know, thanks. Sam, Dean?” You call to the guys as both their heads turn to look at you. “All our officers are busy with other calls at the moment but someone should be up here soon to speak to you,” 

“Great, thanks a lot sweetheart,” Dean said, winking at you but you just ignore him. 

Almost an hour later, an officer was dispatched and on his way to speak to the men, much to their happiness. 

“Hey, sorry for keeping y’all waiting, I’m officer King, how can I help y’all?” The officer said, shaking hands with both Sam and Dean. 

“Well first of all you should give that young lady behind that desk there a raise because she’s doing a wonderful job,” Dean stated, shooting another wink in your direction. Officer King just laughs as Sam groans beside Dean and takes over-explaining. 

“We work for a podcast that reports unsolved cases and we just wanted to see if you had any information you could give us,” Sam explained. 

“Sure, why don’t y’all come back to my office and we can discuss this,” Officer King said, nodding to you before he led the men back to his office. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About half an hour later, the boys had come out to the lobby and over to the counter again. 

“What can I do for y’all?” You ask. 

“Well, we just wanted to thank you for your help but also wanted to ask if you wanted to be included in this story because we heard your sister was reported missing?” Sam asked. 

“Um, yeah, yeah she was. But no, I don’t mind talking about it, if y’all think you might be able to help,” you say. “I don’t get off until 11 tonight but I’m off tomorrow so I can meet y’all somewhere then and we can go over this.” 

“Great. Where can we meet you?” Dean asked. 

“Why not right back here say 10 am?” You suggested, not confident in trusting them to meet you anywhere else. 

“Easy enough. See you tomorrow,” Dean said, shooting a quick wink your way before Sam just smiled and nodded to you. 

The rest of the shift went by without too much excitement going on from your side of the screen, but the officers you could see from the call screen, they were dealing with quite a bit of incidents around town.

That night, you kept to your normal routine of driving home and quickly locking up behind you before you let your dog outside and made a quick meal for dinner as you searched for something to watch on Netflix. Your mind wandered off to the two brothers you met earlier that night. It seemed weird how they came up to the desk and just started asking a lot of questions. Most people have complaints or need to make some form of a report but these two? They were strange, to say the least, but they weren’t too bad to look at, especially Sam. He towed above you from the opposite side of the window and although he couldn’t touch you, he seemed rather intimidating. On the one hand, his eyes were soft but his height and the muscles that protrude from his arms made him a little scary. On the other hand, you thought about what it would be like to have him push you against a wall and have his way with you. You shudder at the thought; you don’t even know the man! I think it’s time for bed. You thought to yourself, trying to wish anyway whatever thoughts you were thinking to yourself but the last thing you thought as you shut your eyes for the night, was the name; Sam. 

The next morning, you woke up and got yourself ready for meeting the brothers. You weren’t sure what exactly to expect but you did know you were looking forward to seeing them again. But it was odd to you; why would two strangers from God knows where come to your small town to investigate a string of disappearances? Who were these brothers? Whatever their story was, you decided to proceed to meet with them cautiously, because if there’s one thing you’ve learned from working for the police department; you can’t trust people’s stories. Gathering your things together, you got in your car and drove back down to the station where you almost immediately saw the two strangers leaning against a beautiful classic car, seemingly waiting for you. You would be lying if you said your heart was beating erratically. Something seemed weird about the brothers so you reached in your bag to secure the small handgun you kept there just in case. 

“Hey guys,” you say, letting go of the gun but remembering it was still there. 

“Hey,” Sam said, giving you a tight smile.

“Okay, so what do y’all wanna know?” You ask, looking between the brothers who just share a glance. 

“Well, why don’t you start with your name?” Dean said. 

“Oh, right, I’m (y/n). Nice meeting y’all properly,” You say.

“You too, (Y/N). How long have you been working for the police department?” Sam questioned. 

“Just about a year now,” you state, walking over to a picnic table and throwing your legs under the table, the brothers sitting opposite of you. 

“Have you ever seen any kind of activity like this before? This many disappearances?” 

“No, never. We’ve had a few years where it was close to this but this year is on a completely different level. Our officers have never seen this kind of activity either, nor the detectives. Even those who’ve worked for the department the longest said they’ve never encountered an invisible monster on this large a scale in a long time,” you say, not believing the recent incidents that had been happening in your jurisdiction. 

“Is there anything these cases have  in common?” Dean asks.

“Not that I’ve seen but you should definitely talk to detectives because they know more about that kind of thing than I do.”

“How about the families of the victims? Anything seem similar to you?” 

“You know, there is something similar with the victims’ families. They all come from upper-class backgrounds. We have two wealthier neighborhoods in town and all the victims are living in those neighborhoods,” you say. 

“That’s interesting. Any reason that may be?” Dean said to Sam like he would know the answer. 

“Not really but I do have some ideas of what this might be,” Sam said.

“What do you mean you might know what this is? Y’all aren’t even from here nor have even seen the reports!”

“Should we tell her?” Sam asked. 

“I think we can trust her plus with the way you’ve been looking at her, I think she should know,” Dean said, causing his brother’s cheeks to turn red. 

“Tell me what? How has Sam been looking at me?” You asked, not sure which was more important right now. 

“We’re hunters and we don’t mean animals. We hunt monsters, like the ones you hear about in books or on TV. They’re real; all of them. And we hunt them, kill them, to protect the country,”

 Sam explained like it was the easiest explanation for anyone to hear in the world. 

“What? Monsters? Like made-up monsters? Like werewolves? Vampires? Ghosts? Those are real?” You ask.

“Every one of them. Plus so many others and we kill them. They attack humans, we kill them,” Dean said, with the most serious expressions you’ve ever seen. 

“Wha-why are you telling me this? I-I don’t understand, monsters. They’re real? And y’all hunt them, kill them, to protect people?” You ask, repeating the info the brothers just told you. 

“Yes and we think there might be one of those monsters here in town that could be causing this many disappearances,” Sam added. 

“Why did y’all ask me about this? Why not anyone else? This-this is a lot,” You say.

“Because you were the only one willing to talk to us about this. No one else said anything about the disappearances.” Dean said. 

You just looked between the two brothers, nothing spoken, but you nodded and agreed to help in any way you could.

“So you said you may know what this is? What do you think it is?” You asked, looking to Sam, who slowly made eye contact with you. 

“Sounds like sirens,” Sam said.

“What are sirens?” You ask, never hearing of that kind of monster before. 

“They’re creatures with the ability to change its appearance, kind of like a shapeshifter, but these guys get into people’s heads and make them think they’re the ‘perfect person for them. It makes me think that sirens have been luring people out of the town as if they were promising people in town something they’ve always wanted but never had. It would explain all the disappearances,” Sam explained. 

“What do they look like so we have an idea of what to look for?” You ask.

“Well that’s just it, kid, you can’t tell what they look like unless you cast their reflection onto a mirror. They typically look like whoever they take the form of but when you see them through a mirror, they have like blackened eyes, like a demon, but a mouth that looks like it’s stitched shut,” Dean answers you, slightly scaring you.

“Y’all don’t need me to help out with this, do you? Like, go with you on the hunt? Cause I really don’t think I should be there,” You say, your stomach-churning as the thought of these creatures plague your mind. 

“No sweetheart, you’ve done more than enough to help us with this case. You gave us a lot of useful information that we’ll need to locate these predators. All you need to worry about is keeping your pretty little self safe at home,” Dean said, winking at you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the boys were preparing to go out on their hunt, you couldn’t help but keep your eyes fixated on Sam. He was still doing some research, he said he wanted to get some last-minute information on the town you lived in and the kind of people he would have to encounter who the Sirens had “possessed,” yet something about the way he focused, was captivating all your attention. 

“Is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class (y/l/n)?” He asked in a teasing voice, breaking you from the concentration you held.

“I’ve never seen anyone research like you do. You’re very dedicated to your work and it shows. Plus, you get a very serious look on your face, and your eyebrows kind of scrunch together when you’re really concentrating; it’s rather cute,” you say, and although you weren't so sure how he’d react, the light pink color that begun to spread over his tanned cheeks gave you all the answers you needed. 

“Well, I can’t say I ever heard that one before and most people don’t use “cute” as a means to describe me, but I find it flattering, so thank you,” he says, giving you a shy smile.

“I take it that not very many people compliment you,” you state. 

“If people get compliment me, it’s because of my hunting skills or some information I found ended up being useful or I saved someone’s life, but the way I look as I concentrate on my work and definitely because I’m ‘cute,’ yeah I don’t hear that often,” he shakes his head but with a giant smile plastered across his face. 

“Hey, you have dimples, those are cute too,” you compliment him again, causing the shade of red on his cheeks to darken. “And by that reaction, I’m guessing a lot of people don’t compliment you on your dimples either, do they?” 

“Actually that one I hear all the time, but it’s still sweet of you to say, so thank you,” he says, smiling down at you. 

“Well I think that’s about enough chick-flick moments I can handle for one day,” Dean said, suddenly appearing in the doorway to the library, surprising you and Sam. “You ready Sammy?” He asks his younger brother who quickly clears his throat and gets up, shutting his laptop and throwing it in a backpack. 

“Yep, all set,” he says. 

“Okay (y/n) so you gonna be okay just laying low for a little bit while we go gank these sons of bitches?” Dean asks. 

“Yeah, I have a hot date with Netflix, popcorn, and comfy pillows and PJs for the night. I’ll be good,” you say.

“Well if you need anything, we left our numbers down here for you and we’ll come back and let you know what our outcome was since this is your town and you helped give us information on this case,” Dean said, giving you a slip of paper before he climbs behind the wheel of his sleek black classic car. 

Sam, who remained standing in front of you for a minute, waited until the door slammed shut before he spoke up. 

“As Dean said, if anything happens, just, don’t hesitate to call and we’ll be there. I uh, would hate to see something happen to you,” he said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

“Is Sam Winchester paying me a compliment now? From what I’ve heard, that’s not common for you,” you said. 

“What you heard?” He asks, worry filling his tone. “Who-who did you talk to?” 

“No one silly but you don’t think I didn’t research y’all when you came to town? Believe it or not, there is a national name file for both of you and I’ve read about a lot of the time officers have been after you. Remember, I work for a police department; I can find out a lot about your demons,” you said, grinning at the man who still stood before you but suddenly seemed a bit smaller at that moment.

“Oh, that’s pretty smart and also kind of scary. Guess we can’t lie to you after all,” he says. 

“Nope, because I always have a way of finding out the truth, plus “poses as fake FBI agents” came up as reasons why police officers need to be careful with you two. Although they haven’t had any run-ins with y’all in a long time,” you add, smirking at the stunned expression on the youngest Winchester’s face. 

“Oh uh, yeah, we’ve been trying not to get into too much trouble lately, well at least not getting arrested,” he says.

“Yeah, I read about the few times that happened,” you add with a wink.

“Okay, so I’m going to go mostly cause I’m a bit scared now but there’s also not the best thoughts going through my head right now, so we’ll talk soon, okay?” He asks and when he sees you nod your understanding, he nods quickly back to you and hurries off to his brother’s car, and climbs into the passenger seat. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                                           Sam’s POV

“Hey, you okay there, Sammy? I haven’t seen you that uptight about a girl in, well I don’t know long,” Dean says, smirking when he sees whatever look is on my face right now.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” I lie, knowing damn well what he was trying to get out of me. 

“Really? Cause it seemed like (y/n) was getting to you a bit back there,”

“No, she’s, she’s fine,” I say, trying to end this discussion. 

“Yeah, but are you?” He asks. 

“So I’m thinking when we get there, we should go right in, guns blazing and everything. No time to waste today,” I say, hoping desperately Dean would just drop the topic of (y/n) so we could focus on our case, and luckily he did. 

There wasn’t anything wrong with (y/n), quite the opposite actually, and that was the problem. She was so infuriating, knowing that she could find out every little secret Dean and I had in the last, shit I don’t know how many years, and the fact she was so smug about it; who does she think she is?! Is she even allowed to do that? Like can’t employees of the police department get in trouble for looking up information about people? Well, maybe not, because they need to know what kind of people they have to deal with but like I told her before, we can’t hide anything from her! Not that I want to or anything but there are certain parts of this job I don’t think she should have to know about. Then again, we did tell her about what we really do out for a living so I can’t imagine too much more information would be bad for her to know. I just can’t see her knowing every little detail about our lives! I mean, yeah we’ve only known her for a couple of days since we came to town but already I can tell she is so sweet and so pure in certain things. I can’t imagine her reaction to some of the stories we could tell her. Wait am I saying? She works for a freaking police department; she probably hears horror stories on a regular basis! She may be sweet but I bet she’s more tough than she makes people believe.

“Earth to Sammy! Come in Sammy!” Dean says, bringing my attention back to him.

“Huh?” I say, looking at him.

“I said, are you ready? We’re here.” 

I looked around where Baby stopped and saw we were in fact, there.

“Oh, yeah, I’m ready,” I say, opening the door to get out, gun ready at my side. We walked to the house where the last disappearance occurred and slowly made our way inside. The house was a mess,  documents and files thrown across the floor, books and their shelves broken down; it looked like a tornado blew through here. Just as we made our way further in the house, up to the bedrooms, some lady came out of nowhere and tried to stab me but thankfully Dean heard her before I did so he was able to shoot her before she got to me.

“Thanks,” I say before having to turn and fight off another Siren who went for me again, Dean fighting off his own. 

This went on for a while until we figured we killed them all and we could head back to meet with (y/n) until my phone started to ring. 

“Hello?” I ask when I answer the phone.

“Sam?” A small voice asks. 

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” She sounded scared; my senses going into overdrive. 

“I-I need help. I don’t know where I am but...something happened….” She says, sounding like she was crying.

“Okay (y/n) where are you? What do you see around you?” I ask and Dean comes closer to my side. 

“Um, it’s dark and I can’t see too much. I-I’m sorry,” she says, crying again.

“Hey, no, don’t you apologize. You did nothing wrong. What do you remember?” 

“Um, I was just sitting in the apartment living as I told you I was going to do and then someone got inside and then I blacked out and when I woke up, I was here. I-I think I’m tied up and I’m in a lot of pain. I-I don’t know what happened Sam but I’m scared,” she sounds so helpless at this point. 

“Hey, baby, listen to me alright, you’re going to be okay, okay? Dean and I are going to come to find you and we’re going to fix you up well, I promise,” I say, trying to calm her down. I know she’s scared but I hope I can settle her down a bit. 

“Okay and Sam, hurry, please?” She asks, more desperate than before. 

“We will, we’re on our way now. I’m going to stay on the phone with you so we can try to see if we can tell where you’re at okay?” I look to Dean who immediately takes my silent signal and rushes out the door and right out to the car. We jump in and race to figure out where (y/n) may be. I can hear (y/n)’s breathing get quieter and I’m afraid if she falls asleep, she won’t wake up.

“(y/n) can you hear me? Hey, I need you to talk to me, okay? I need you to keep talking,” I say as I keep trying to hear for any background noise to see if we could tell where she was. 

“I really don’t have anything to say,” she says, her voice fragile.

“You never told me, why you chose to work for the police department,” I say, trying to see if that would get her talking. 

“Well I needed a-another job and-a job as a-dispatcher came out so I-went to apply-and I-I ended up-getting that job-but with m-my training it-it became too-too hard so I transferred-to where I am n-now.” 

“That’s good,” I say, smiling at her, even though I knew she couldn’t see it.

“Yeah I-I also wanted t-to help people,” she adds. 

“I bet, you’re so good at helping people and I’m so proud of you,” I say, trying my hardest not to get upset myself. I can’t say for certain what I feel right now for (y/n) but I do know I care about her and I told her, I would hate it if anything happened to her and I don’t take that lightly. 

“Sam, it-it hurts,” she says, and my heart breaks a little more when I hear just how uncomfortable she is. 

“I know baby, but it’ll be over soon; I promise,” 

“S-Sam?” She asks. 

“Yeah?” 

“Why-why do you keep calling m-me baby?” Damn, she may be in agony but she still picked up on that. 

“You’ve caught that huh? Well, you are my baby,” I admit. 

“But wouldn’t that mean I-I’m your girl?” 

“You are my girl.” 

“But we-we aren’t dating!”

“I know, but I want to change that,” I say.

“Really? You-you want to d-date me?” I can hear the tiniest bit of hope arise in her tone so I continue to talk about it. 

“Of course I do! Ever since we met, I was immediately attracted to you. I thought you were so beautiful and you had a bit of an attitude too. But I thought it was cute. And then you have a bit of an accent and whenever you say y’all, you sound like a true Texas girl and it makes me smile. I know you said at one point, you weren’t from here longer than 6 years but you seem to be a Texan to me and it’s very attractive. I want to take you out and get to know you better; you have no idea how much I wish I could be there to hold you right now,” I exhale, everything finally coming out about how I was feeling. The line remained silent and I began to panic until I heard, 

“I feel the same about you, Sam,” she said, clear as day. 

“Well, why don’t you keep fighting to stay alive so I can take you on that date and give you all the hugs and cuddles you deserve?” 

“That sounds great,” she said before a blood-curdling scream pierced my eardrums. 

“(Y/N)?!” And with that, the line dropped. “Dean, we have to find her!” I grow weary as I feel the acceleration of Baby set forth by Dean. I tried to track whatever phone (y/n) had called from and was able to find out the last known location.

“Okay so the phone is pinging from up the road about two miles; she can’t be too far away,” I tell Dean, more determined than ever to find her. 

“We’ll find her Sammy; I know we will.” Dean tries his hardest to help ease my worries but the sound of her scream is taunting me. 

When we got to the location the phone was pinging from, there wasn’t much but an old house that appeared to have been partially burned down a few years ago. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to use this house as any means of suspicious activities but I can’t understand people. I jump out of the car and rush inside, holding my gun out in front of me, ready to shoot anyone who crosses my path. 

“(Y/N)?!” I yell out when I’m inside the house, Dean close behind me. 

“Sam!” I hear a voice yell back at me and I rush towards where the voice was coming from. 

“Dean!” I yell, as I’m almost attacked by a Siren but Dean shoots it before it gets to me. 

“Go find her, Sam, I got this,” Dean says and I rush off to find (Y/N).

“(Y/N)?” I call out again and am met with her reply, sounding a lot closer. When I turn the corner into another room, I see her tied to a table, in nothing but her bra and underwear, and blood dripping down from her abdomen. I rush over to her and immediately start untying her restraints. 

“Sam?” A small voice squeaks out and two big (y/e/c) eyes land on me. 

“Hey pretty girl, you got some pretty nasty injuries here. I’m going to get you untied and I’ll take you back to your place and fix you up, okay?” I say as calmly as I can. I know she’s very fragile, just like she was on the phone, but I work diligently to set her free. Once I get the last restraint undone, I slowly and cautiously lift her under her arms and legs and carry her bridal out of the house and out to the car. She groans when I gently place her in the back seat but before I could walk away, she grabs my hand. 

“Will you stay back here with me, please?” Well, how was I going to say no to that?

“Of course pretty girl,” I say, climbing in and sitting beside. I lay her head on my lap, stroking her hair and having her hold a towel on her stomach. 

“So I’m a pretty girl now, huh?” She asks, looking up at me. I smile down at her, blushing just a bit at her comment.

“Well I thought baby was a little too romantic right now and since we haven’t even gone on a date yet, I figured pretty girl had just enough effectiveness but not too much into the romantic side of things,” I explain.

“I like these nicknames you’re using for me; they’re sweet,” she says.

“I’m surprised you’re even able to pay attention to what I’m calling you or not in your state right now,” I say.

“Hey, just because I’m hurt doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate when a very attractive man compliments me. Hell, if I had more strength, I’d probably kiss you right now.” 

“I can help with that,” I say, gently tilting her head a bit further back so I could easily kiss her. And I did but I held back a bit for fear I would hurt her more. So I left a small yet powerful, I’d hope, kiss on her lips, with a small taste of blood behind it. I looked up to see Dean grin at us through the rearview mirror, ignoring whatever he was hinting at, but I couldn’t help the small smile that played on my lips. 

We decline to take (Y/N) back to her house for fear something like this would happen to her again. She put up no fight, not that she really could if she wanted to, but I felt better about it because now, I wasn’t going to let her out of my sight. Because last time I did that, she ended up hurt, and it was my fault because I left her alone. 

Back in the room, I give up my bed as Dean helps me lower her so we could get a good look at her. The shirt she was wearing had a rather large stain of blood on one side so the only way to get to the injury was to cut the fabric away from her. I grab a pair of scissors and right before I begin to cut, I hear her cry out,

“No Sam, it-it hurts!” She says as she wiggles around on the bed, trying to escape the pain. 

“I know pretty girl, but you need to trust me. We have to cut this shirt off because your injury is too severe; it’ll hurt worse if we don’t cut it, okay?” 

She nods her head and I take her hand in mine, as I give the scissors to Dean, who slowly begins to cut her shirt, careful around her injury, and I can tell just by the look on her face, she is in a lot of pain. There’s nothing I would rather do than switch places with her but that is not possible. So I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss it tenderly, reassuring her that I would never leave her.

“Alright Sam, we’re going to have to disinfect this and stitch her up,” Dean says, giving me a somber expression. 

“Yeah, okay,” I said, nodding to him.

“Will you hold her down? It’s going to hurt and I got a towel for her to bite down on,” Dean says.

I look down at the girl lying helplessly beside me and she looks so sad and afraid but I knew it had to be done. “It’s going to be okay, baby, I’m going to be right here the whole time,” I say to her as Dean pours some whiskey on the injury. It was a good thing we had that towel because I couldn’t bear to hear the entirety of her screams. Just her muffled cries broke my heart to the point I began to cry with her. She did not deserve this; she did nothing wrong. As quickly as he could, Dean began on the stitches, sowing her up remarkably fast. 

“She’s done,” Dean says. 

“Great,” I say, helping him clean up but a groan from (y/n) stops me. 

“Sam?” She says, sweat glistening her body. 

“I’m right here,” I say, coming back to her side. 

“Lay with me?” I couldn’t say no so I moved the sheets aside and crawled in next to her. 

“Thank you for saving me, Sam,” She whispers after Dean decided to leave the room to get some food and medicine for (y/n). 

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, (y/n).” 

“Do you really like me, more than a friend I mean?” She asks

“I do. In a short amount of time, I’ve grown to care about you and your well-being. I want to do anything to make you happy and to protect you,”

“So does this count as a date then?” She asks, in all seriousness, and I just laugh.

“Oh no sweetheart, I will go all out for a date with you. Nothing is too much for my girl unless you say so. And I don’t see either one of us being hurt,” I say. 

We both laugh until (y/n) begins to groan again. “No, it hurts to laugh,” she says, as we both still laugh.

“Stop making me laugh,” She whines. 

“I can’t help it, sweet girl, I love the sound of your laugh,” I say, leaning down to kiss her temple. 

“Well I can’t wait until you can kiss me properly,” she says. 

“Believe me, pretty girl, it’s all I think about but until then, you get better, then I’ll kiss you like you deserve to be kissed.” 

“Well then, I can’t wait.” 

Taglist: @tloveswriting @calaofnoldor @thinkinghardhardlythinking @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2 @angeredcrow @spnjediavenger @440mxs-wife @fandom-princess-forevermore @sam-winchester-admiration-league @thwiso @lyarr24 @grace15ella @deansmyapplepie @akshi8278 @baby1967impala @suckmysupernatural @slutforfics

#Sam Winchester #sam girls #sam and dean #sam girl #sam x reader #sam x y/n #sam x you #Sam fluff #Sam angst #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural family #supernatural fandom #dean winchester #police #police department #officers #fbi #sirens #monsters #hunters

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: The Sun Sets

Author: @magioftheseas

For: @bidoofgodofdestruction

Pairings/Characters: KomaHina (other characters are just mentioned but you get some dr1 kids + Matsuda)

Rating/Warnings: T+ (violence, gore, murder, despair)

Prompt: “AU where Hajime didn’t become Kamukura, but he’s still ultimate despair, and Nagito and him spend time together”

Author’s notes: I love the idea of Despair!Hinata so much so I got really excited. What a rich fountain of potential! This is how it turned out. As much as I really wanted to dig in, I didn’t want to go too far with such a dark prompt, so it’s…a respectable 3.25K word length. There’s references to a certain song throughout because I’m sorry. (It’s from the Tangled animated series.)

He wasn’t a bad person. It wasn’t his fault. Everything he did—they deserved.

All he wanted was to stand proud. All he wanted was to be important. He had tried everything, he even studied his ass off and what did that get him?

It wasn’t his fault. He’s the villain, he’s sunk down to the lowest he can go, but it’s fine. This is just what happens when people get treated the way he did.

This fucker didn’t even get a chance to beg for mercy before Hinata brought down the bat. Again. Again. Again. It’s what they got for spitting on him, and it was what they deserved.

Hinata was panting, and the helmet was getting uncomfortable. Dropping the bat, it clattered against the ground, smearing the broken concrete with the same red as the sky above. Shaking, Hinata hoisted off the unwieldy Monokuma head off his own, and he was seized with the impulse to fling that to the ground too and stomp it into bits.

He gets halfway there, but is stopped by a lilting giggle.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You’ll just hurt your foot.”

It’s true that the helmet is barely scratched. Hinata still kicks it, and it goes rolling until it smacks into the wall, right next to the fresh corpse. He doesn’t turn. He just waits until slim arms wrap about his waist and a head of fluffy white hair settles on his shoulder. A cold chain presses into his back.

“If you want to break it, you should use a metal pipe.” Komaeda Nagito giggles. “We can find another one. It’s no big deal.”

Hinata inhaled sharply.

“Is there even a point to keep wearing this stupid thing?”

“I don’t know.” Komaeda hummed. “Do you want to keep wearing it?”

He pushes Komaeda away so that he can pick up the helmet. He brushes off the dust, but doesn’t put it on, instead carrying it limply. He does look at the corpse once more, at the dark uniform that reminds him of when he had been a disposable reserve.

Well. He was still disposable even if he wasn’t a reserve anymore.

“Come on, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda cajoles cheerfully. “Let’s leave this body for the crows and go someplace nicer.”

“Guess there’s no reason not to,” Hinata muttered, pausing when Komaeda knelt down to pick up his bat. He gives an experimental swing at the air, and beams at him. Hinata’s lips simply pull into a straight line. “Let’s go, Komaeda.”

Komaeda frowned at him.

“You know I don’t answer to that anymore.”

“Komaeda Nagito,” he insisted. “We’re either going or we’re not.”

Komaeda sighed.

“I swear… I definitely spoil you way too much, Hinata-kun.”

–

It had been Enoshima Junko who opened his eyes, but the reason why he was there was because of Komaeda Nagito.

A so-called Ultimate Luck, Hinata had heard of him here and there. He was infamous even among the reserves for his creepy and condescending attitude. Komaeda would’ve been torn to literal pieces by his class if they ever got the chance, Hinata was sure of that.

As for his own feelings… They’re complicated.

Komaeda had found him among the corpses of the rest of the reserve course. Komaeda had stared down at him and wondered aloud, “Good luck? Or bad luck?”

He had knelt down, all wide-eyed curiosity.

“Hey. Can you hear me?”

Hinata had nothing else at the time. He had, in fact, been prepared to die with everyone else. But he hadn’t. Even a deity wouldn’t know why he had taken Komaeda’s hand that day. Especially when even Enoshima Junko looked disappointed he was still alive.

Komaeda is…not his only friend, per say, but probably the one he’s most used to associating with of Ultimate Despair. His madness is less overwhelming, more underlying, in the twisted edges of serene smiles and the small catches of breath between laughter. In some ways, he’s easiest to deal with.

That doesn’t mean Hinata can let his guard down. Even when lead to an open space, with dead leaves crunching under their feet and not a speck of other life in sight. This place used to be a park, going by the long rusted and crumbled heap that used to be a bench.

“Did you want to talk?”

“I just happened to stumble across you, that’s all,” Komaeda says, poking his cheek. “Are you doing okay? You’re getting a bit reckless.”

“What does that matter?”

“Hmm.” Komaeda pursed his lips. “Is this about Ikusaba-san? Aha, it’s pretty pitiful, right? Ikusaba-san really thought that hateful girl was someone she could trust. Someone she knew better than anyone else. And yet, she was so surprised when she was discarded without a second thought! Ehehe.” Komaeda clapped. “Such despair! What a fitting end to her miserable existence!”

“Matsuda had been the same way,” Hinata muttered. “Gave everything to her only to be thrown away like trash. Maybe the rest of the reserve course had the right idea.”

It’s only a matter of time before I get stomped to pieces, too.

“It wouldn’t be despairing if you died right now after all that’s happened,” Komaeda said. “Just disappointing. So, you should stay alive, Hinata-kun. Alright?”

“Fine.” It’s a half-hearted grunt of a reply, but Hinata had been facetious before. With how much spite he had, to die now would be nothing more than a shame. “It’s not about Ikusaba. I didn’t know her; why would I care about what happened to her?”

“Because under Hinata-kun’s brusque exterior lies a soft heart of gold!” Komaeda exclaimed, hands up and open.

Hinata stared at him. At the red of the sky. At the dead trees. Once again at Komaeda’s plastic smiling face.

“It’s a joke,” he chirped, that smile cracking a little before expanding. His gaze flickers between Hinata’s unimpressed gaze and the Monokuma helmet in his hands. “But you have been acting up lately. I can’t help but worry.”

An Ultimate is worried about me.

He wonders how his idiot past self would’ve felt about that. When it had been Enoshima feigning concern, she made him feel important. Significant. Valued in how tired, angry, and aggravated he was with everything. It had all been a farce, of course. Enoshima didn’t give a shit about him.

But, Komaeda was sincere to a fault. He had no need to trick him. He didn’t even need Hinata around.

Well. There was one reason Komaeda might want him around.

“Are you lonely, Komaeda?” Despite the words, Hinata’s aware of how dull his tone is. It almost sounded bored, and he can’t say what his actual feelings on the matter are. If he feels anything at all. “Do you want me to stay the night?”

Komaeda sighed at him, unimpressed.

“You’re so annoyingly defiant. Haven’t figured out your place at all.”

“I don’t have one,” Hinata reminded him coldly. “My use as a reserve dried up the second Hope’s Peak fell to despair. And any use I had as a despair was negligible to begin with. You just keep me around because you’re lonely.”

“I don’t keep you,” Komaeda huffed, playing with the chain around his own neck. “You’re not a dog, Hinata-kun.”

I’ve been told differently in the past.

“You didn’t answer my question, Komaeda.”

Komaeda turned away, nose upturned.

“And I don’t plan on answering at all.”

“Alright.” Hinata didn’t miss a beat. “I’ll stay with you, then.”

Komaeda stiffens. Red touches his cheeks, but it’s not the red of despair. The way Komaeda trembles, however, may be akin to it.

Hinata just takes his hand. Squeezes. It could even be considered a romantic gesture, but to suggest Hinata’s capable of such a thing anymore is laughable. He’s barely human at this point, worn down to nothing more than impulses and irritability. Little more than an animal, really.

Even animals seek companionship. That doesn’t necessarily mean they feel love towards that companion.

–

The two of them are huddled together for the first class trial. Komaeda watches avidly as Naegi Makoto struggles to defend himself, as Kirigiri Kyouko speaks up with her findings, as Maizono Sayaka’s plans are brought to light. Hinata does stare at Naegi’s face when he finds out, taking in the betrayal and disbelief.

“It’s his own fault for trusting so easily in this situation,” he found himself saying. “He’s just asking to be used and abused.”

“It’s still such a shame about Maizono-san,” Komaeda said. “Such a bright presence. She could’ve turned out so much better.”

“They were all tricked so easily by Enoshima in the first place,” Hinata muttered. “Even I knew she wasn’t a good person from our interactions. These idiots happily locked themselves with a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Komaeda elbows him.

“You shouldn’t be so dismissive towards your underclassmen.”

Hinata gives him a look but says nothing more. He just watches. Watches as their so-called underclassmen ‘solve’ the murder, watches as they sentence Kuwata Leon to death.

Hinata remembers that Souda had worked on every machination to be used for execution. He had been especially proud of Kuwata’s because, apparently, the two of them had been friends at one point. Hinata wasn’t surprised from watching Kuwata. Him and Souda had a lot in common.

And what did that get him?

“How unpleasant,” Komaeda sighed. “Kuwata-kun really was unfortunate.”

Komaeda almost sounds distant, and when Hinata watches him, he notes a flicker of something. Darker, curious, intent—a malicious flicker that rose to attention whenever that Naegi’s face was on screen.

“I really thought Naegi-kun would die first,” Komaeda says then, voice low. “But—I guess his own luck is not to be trifled with.”

No, Hinata thought. Maizono Sayaka just couldn’t bring herself to kill him after all the support he showed her. She settled for framing him instead.

Both lucky and unlucky, he supposed, and decided he didn’t want to think further on the matter. It didn’t matter. It didn’t. Enoshima was just going to kill all of them anyway once she made her point, and then… And then…

I guess the Future Foundation will finally crumble with them.

–

“It makes you angry, doesn’t it?”

“It drives you crazy, doesn’t it?”

“Aren’t you tired of being looked down upon? Stepped on? Being tossed aside like dirt?”

“I feel bad for you! So! I’ll let you destroy the world with me!”

He had suspected from the start that Enoshima Junko wasn’t a good person. She was grating and obnoxious, always in your face and shrill when she got annoyed. But the funny thing about being desperate is that you find yourself seeking validation even from people who get under your skin. People who drive you mad—encouraging more and more madness.

He wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same for Komaeda. If she had driven him the same way. Komaeda had claimed to hate her, passionately at that, but he shared the same fixation as everyone else.

She was too compelling to have anything but that effect. Something like that.

Although, really, Hinata knows he was just looking for excuses. He had been miserable and angry from the start, and she fueled the fire. Even if she hadn’t been there, he still…

…I’d still be trying to destroy myself.

Komaeda is sleeping comfortably on his chest. Komaeda often had nightmares and just the presence of another person was enough to keep him soothed. It’s pitiful. Seriously. Komaeda reminds him of himself and it really pisses him off.

And yet, even if he’d strangle his old self in a heartbeat, he can’t lay a hand on Komaeda. He’d have an easier time swinging a bat at Enoshima’s head. It was bizarre. It was uncomfortable. It had nothing to do with compassion or sympathy. It sure as shit had nothing to do with gratitude or obligation.

He just—doesn’t feel that way towards Komaeda specifically. He hates himself more than words can begin to convey. But he doesn’t hate Komaeda. His feelings towards Komaeda are complicated. Indifference. Apathy. Passivity. Nothing. But also…a pull. Like magnets drawn together.

Animals seeking company based purely on instinct.

Komaeda murmurs a string of nonsense, rubbing his face unconsciously into Hinata’s sternum. He smears drool. It’s disgusting, except Hinata doesn’t really care. It’s not any better or worse than being covered in someone’s blood, after all.

Tomorrow, there’ll be a new broadcast of their once underclassmen. That Naegi who Komaeda watched so intently has smartened up a little, given that he’s making some intelligent allies. Even then—Enoshima had outsmarted all of them. It’s still only a matter of time. Only a matter of time.

–

And then. That time never came.

–

“Hinata-kun? Can you hear me? Are you alright? Are you still moody? Aha. Well, it’s not like I don’t understand.”

Komaeda laughs, settling beside him like any friend would.

“Who would’ve thought? The one who took down that hateful girl was someone so, so—so normal. So unassuming. An Ultimate Lucky who wasn’t even that lucky.” Komaeda nudges him like he should be in on the joke this world has become. “Isn’t that underwhelming? Isn’t that depressing? I hated her more than anything and I never even… Naegi-kun didn’t even hate her, Hinata-kun. He still wanted her to live. He didn’t even hate her.”

“What a joke,” Hinata muttered darkly. “A total fucking nobody like that…? Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Komaeda sighed, head tilted back. “I was taken by total surprise.”

You watched him intently, though. You knew that kid. You must have felt towards him some kinda way—

And that just made Hinata angrier.

“Let’s go back to Hope’s Peak,” Komaeda chirped. “Let’s see if we can catch them.”

Let’s see if we can kill them.

“I suppose we should at least set up a proper funeral for that hateful girl and for Ikusaba-san as well,” Komaeda went on, eyes twinkling in the shadows. “Don’t you think so, too?”

Hinata doesn’t answer. Truth be told, he can’t begin to care about that. Not when he’s still fuming, still gritting his teeth, still grinding the molars to dust.

“You’ll give yourself a headache,” Komaeda scolds lightly.

Hinata bit his tongue.

“Y’know,” Komaeda goes on conversationally. “If a lackluster Ultimate Lucky is capable of that, I wonder what you’re capable of.”

In the next second, Hinata gripped him by the throat. Komaeda isn’t even startled, much less afraid. He just keeps smiling up at Hinata, curious and bright-eyed.

“Naegi-kun did have his precious classmates,” Komaeda murmurs, trailing his fingers along Hinata’s knuckles. “You don’t have anyone.”

Hinata stares at him before sighing, shaking his head as he released the other.

“I have you,” he muttered, gruff and cold.

“Oh!” Komaeda laughed. “That’s worse than nothing!”

–

Komaeda’s all kinds of chirpy and cheerful when they reach Hope’s Peak. He skitters about, excitable and nostalgic, yammering on and on about things that occurred, both on the broadcast and back when they had been in school. Hinata, for obvious reasons, had never been in the old main building, so he just listened half-heartedly as he trailed his fingers along the wall.

“And there was site of the first killing game!” Komaeda exclaims at one point. “Did you know? Hope’s Peak experimented on one of the reserves to make the Ultimate Everything.”

“I did know,” Hinata retorted. “I was one of the candidates.”

“E-Eh?! Really?! You never said that before!” Komaeda gasped. “What was it like? Was it utterly miserable and full of despair?!”

I didn’t know the full ramifications. What changed was—

“This is what’s going to happen to you,” Matsuda had snapped, smacking the desk where the files laid. “Is this really what you want?”

There were other candidates. Given how he had never been picked above others before, Hinata still wondered why Matsuda even bothered.

“Hinata-kun?”

He supposed it was for the same reason this guy bothered.

“It wasn’t really anything, Komaeda.”

Komaeda hums, even as he doesn’t hide his annoyance at being called by name.

“You cheated death twice, I suppose, considering what happened to that unfortunate little experiment. Aha, maybe you should have won the lottery instead.” He chuckles at the thought. “Aah, the thought of just dying alone on a hospital bed is so despairing! But I wouldn’t know if this is much better.”

Komaeda is faced away from him, skipping on ahead. Hinata follows without another word, all the way until they get to the stairs. The helmet weighs heavier and heavier with every step downward. Finally, they’re at the trial room. Komaeda looks around with blatant fascination. He quickened his pace to get to the bloodied mess that still stunk up the stale air about it.

Komaeda sighs oh so happily, rummaging through his case for his tools as Hinata slinks up behind him silently.

“How lucky,” he croons. “The hand is still in-tact…!”

Komaeda has a bit of trouble getting the chainsaw to start. He huffs, irritated.

“Urgh, why now…? Why when my greatest enemy is—?!”

Thwack.

Hinata didn’t hit him that hard with his bat, of course. Komaeda still dropped like a rock with a weak groan. Hinata swings down again, crushing the chainsaw to bits.

“H-Hi… Hi…”

Weakly, Komaeda tries to reach out, both for him and for the busted tool.

“W-Wh…”

“Sorry,” Hinata said, and he sets aside a device that makes Komaeda’s eyes grow hopelessly large. “Took this without asking. If you don’t forgive me, that’s fine.”

Komaeda makes a strangled sound of despair. When Hinata hoists him up, Komaeda flails in protest, screaming and clawing at his helmet until his fingernails break and blood is smeared over the dark metal. It doesn’t even slow Hinata down in carrying him out, and Komaeda can’t even stop him from detonating the bomb once they’re far enough.

–

Rather childishly, Komaeda is turned away from him, pretending he isn’t there even as he bandages up Komaeda’s fingers.

After a while, Komaeda announced, loudly and contemptuously, “My head hurts.”

“I’m surprised you’re still conscious,” Hinata remarked. “You’re hardier than you look.”

Komaeda scowled but shut his mouth firmly. It didn’t last for long.

“The others…are going to want you dead for what you did, Hinata-kun. And they’re going to blame me, too. How tremendously unfortunate.”

Hinata couldn’t care less about that. He had already figured he might as well make the world his enemy when he became the villain.

The remnants…the future foundation… It doesn’t matter who stands in my way. They’re all parasites as far as I’m concerned. Yes. Even him. We’d all be better off without any of them.

“She’s gone,” Komaeda whispered, then. His eyes fell shut. His breath hitches. “She’s really gone.”

Hinata discards his helmet once more. He scoots close, wrapping his arms around Komaeda’s shoulders and pulling him flush, back to Hinata’s chest. Komaeda stiffens as Hinata nuzzles into his hair.

You know it too, don’t you?

“Komaeda.”

“Stop,” Komaeda groaned, struggling a pitiful amount before slumping. “Don’t call me by name. Even if I did answer to it, I don’t want to hear it fall from your filthy reserve mouth.”

“Komaeda.”

You feel the same as me. We’re similar, after all.

Komaeda whines as Hinata breathes in. Hinata pulls back, turning Komaeda towards him and squeezing his shoulders.

“Komaeda,” he says, looking deeply into the other’s gaze. “Let’s destroy this world. All of it. All of it. Let’s destroy everything. Hope, despair—and the future.”

Komaeda stares back.

“Hi…nata-kun…?”

The sun sets on a new age, one without her. It’s still just as wretched, and Hinata’s as ready as he’ll ever be for it.

#komahina #komahina secret #fanfiction

[igobythenameheisenger]

The Platform, personal film review Skip or Stream? Stream!! 8.5/10 This film’s premiere on Netflix perfectly coincides with the time it’s more relevant— these months going on with the pandemic. Prescript— It’s not some film you can watch with snacks on. At least I lost my appetite. The Platform is a sci-fi/thriller concept/metaphor film (like parasite but as open as Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! when it comes to story telling, it goes beyond imagination to get the message across). Only this time, it’s satirized. It’s about the separation of classes, the rampant inequality of our modern life. Through its metaphors, the film introduces the floors as people’s classes. A tray of food is provided for all but it comes from the top, all the way down where of course, the masses at the late bottom of the building has no more food left because people on the upper floors consumed every bit of it. What they’re only left with is each other and hunger, which ultimately leads to violence. What’s interesting here is how the film tells us that there is more than enough food (say money, land, rights) to go around down to the lower floors, but overconsumption easily rules people when they know everything has a deadline (monthly switching of random floors). The pace was not as speedy as Uncut Gems but it took all the time it needed to get the feelings right in your skin. I just panted a bit on the change of mood it brought me though— humor, disgust, terror, relief (sometimes?), and back to terror, and most especially, hopelessness. The finale was left open. Even when it was conclusive that they somehow succeeded— it didn’t really show what actually happened. I think ultimately because in reality, we aren’t there yet. They didn’t show how because there was nothing to show. But what I got about the child being the message was because, people (even the admins) didn’t believe there could possibly be a 16 y.o. below anywhere in the platform - esp someone that was alive and well-fed in the bottom most floor. That it was even possible for that kid to be alive (and innocent and uncorrupt) amidst all the chaos and everybody believing they need violence to survive. And what they did with the child wasn’t shown in the ending, because that’s what we’re supposed to really solve. The film embodies the current class differences and if there was a solution to this, we would’ve figured it out already. But there’s not (hence not shown). And up to date, we’re still jammed (with the pandemic coming into picture, the hoarding, the VIP testings— this is apropos now more than ever). The ending was put there not for us to understand or interpret, but so WE could actually think of a solution, so we could search for that little girl in this cruel society, and only then we would be able to satisfy the closing of the film. It wasn’t a closing with meaning, it was blank “how” we needed to answer ourselves.
Deep diving to the story— you can skip this if you’re not in for SPOILERS. The protagonist, Goreng volunteered to be imprisoned inside a vertical tower with 333 floors (it’s not easy to imagine since it’s architecturally impossible in the real world), where the only source of food is coming from a platform— some sort of block of cement coming from floor 0 down to floor 333 (funny how x2 per pax is 666). The platform is packed with delicious cuisine (which were specifically favorites of the people who came/brought in as prisoners— yes, I said came in because there were actually volunteers that wanted in so they could get something in return, like a diploma). Once a day it lowers through the layers of the tower allowing the inmates of each floor (2 pax each level) to get their fill. You get the point— those at the top get to stuff their cheeks with as much food as they can, and those at the bottom left with shattered glasses and empty bowls and plates. But the interesting thing here is, every month, the inmates are drugged and taken to a new floor, randomly picked. First month you could be starving at the bottom, and the next month— who knows, you could be the ones stepping on freshly baked cakes— worst is if you belong to 100+ floors down, where there’s absolutely no food left. So with each floor having 2 inmates and nothing to eat, what do we make of that? It’s a complete transparency of the current situation (I’d say in our country but it’s all over the world ESP today)— those at the top has nothing to worry about, while the bottom tenants eat each other alive. And the fact that everything has a deadline forcing each individual to take as much as they can, while it’s there. Sounds familiar? (Toilet paper, masks, alcohol, ring any bells?) Eventually, Goreng, being an idealist, wanted to destroy the way the system works by giving everyone only the part of the food they need. It was revealed by one of his floormates that the food was actually enough for all floors even when it doesn’t seem like it. And that’s only because people at the top couldn’t stop their greed about consuming so much more than they need, leaving people below starving and violent. Baharat, his floormate is also an idealist and wanted to climb to top most floor by asking the tenants above them to grab his rope. It gets complicated when they even started asking him a lot of things including who his God is (religion conflicts) and said they’d help him and instead, shits on his face when he tries to climb. Realizing they don’t have a chance at the people above, Goreng and Baharat decided they could work together into Goreng’s original goal, feeding everyone fairly by getting into the platform (with very good intentions) as it descends each floor. They were also planning to go up with it to send a message, like a rebellion as it ascends every after it reaches all the floors. This starts off okay but ultimately becomes gore when they start to see floors where people have already engaged in murder and cannibalism for survival’s sake. This stains their innocence and leads them to kill other tenants off for survival as well. There’s this one character— mother, who was seemingly looking for her lost boy by going down the platform every once in a while, but dies in the latter part of the film. The child however, who turns out to be a girl btw, meets Goreng in the end, at the 333rd floor. It’s unclear how and why the child is down there esp when one of the tenants specifically said they weren’t letting 16 years old and under in the facility. It seems that the mother’s repeated descent on the platform wasn’t an attempt to find her child, but to ensure the food reached the bottom floor to feed and protect her child by keeping her there. When they realized she was the one they should send up as a clear message (not sure about this but I think is— she’s the message that there doesn’t have to be violence? Because she was pure? Unharmed, innocent, and even healthy, despite being at the last floor. And something that nobody believes is possible— both the fact that there’s a child in a facility and that her being there without violence to survive, that’s why she was the right message?) like in real life? She was the symbol that we don’t all have to be like this to each other to survive, I wasn’t sure if they were talking about hope but I think (and hope) so? And it was also then I realized, it’s on us to understand and figure out how to get her? How to get “the message” across and change the system? Hence, why it was open ended and what happened wasn’t shown at the end, because there was no really knowing what happened to something that isn’t happening yet— irl. It was the shoe’s way of shoeing its audience that hey, this is possible if only we all cooperate. There doesn’t have to be violence and dead bodies, if we learn to give we can beat the system. And not showing how the system took her in the end is a hint that we haven’t gotten there yet, and that’s for us to figure out. Also my take on the mother was pretty much how I see it in Mother! movie— she was really mother earth preserving hope. And with people’s greed and selfishness, she was eventually murdered brutally. And in our case, she is being treated that way now, sadly. We’re all almost like Goreng, who finds out how the system works and tries to fight it but is being hopelessly corrupted in the process. Those at the top never even consider giving up excesses and just know how to take and take as much, and the bottom masses are too busy surviving to even consider reason— no matter what that meant. If this isn’t the greatest interpretation of how the world works, I don’t know what is.

#Platform #Theplatform #The platform #Review #film #movie #netflix

[reformedkingsmanagent]

Let’s talk.

So I’m currently replaying The Last of Us Part II.

Full game spoilers below (also I wrote too much so be ready for a rambling essay as well)

As I’ve said before, I really don’t understand what is “weak” about this story. I’m already picking up minor things with Abby that I couldn’t have necessarily noticed the first time around. 

[imagine an abby gif here because apparently there aren’t any with the tumblr search and I’m just ready to post this]

When we see her, she’s dreaming, and it’s not a good dream. We now know it was likely of the SLC hospital corridor, where she discovers her father dead (that we play through a few times later on). Clearly she is still haunted by it. 

I noticed this next thing once I figured out what her tie to Joel was, but obviously the reason why she’s so hyper-muscular is because she’s been constantly training with one eventual goal in mind: killing Joel. She’s seen his work and knows it would be a fight, so she focuses her time and effort on the preparation for this moment, should it ever come. 

One thing we get to see later on with Abby is that killing Joel didn’t suddenly solve all her problems. It likely really wasn’t worth it over all. But not being blinded by rage and revenge allowed her to become involved with two Seraphites, Seraphites she likely would have immediately killed if she wasn’t walking around essentially purposeless. 

Her dreams don’t stop, and they get worse before they get better. But she gets reminded of her original purpose as a Firefly, and she’s able to embrace her father again, alive.

Ellie suffers from something similar, but she hasn’t gotten her revenge yet. She’s still consumed by what was consuming Abby at the start of the game. Ellie behaved much the same as Abby when she abandoned Jesse to pursue Abby directly (like when Abby kept insisting that this is what everyone wanted, Joel’s long and protracted torture). 

It’s the same thing that doesn’t allow her to be satisfied in what should’ve been an idyllic, productive life with Dina and JJ. When Tommy returns and reminds her of her desire for “justice” and revenge and provides her with an outlet for it, she jumps at it. She never would’ve been satisfied without resolving what she thought she couldn’t live without dealing with. Even with the cost being so high, she can’t help it (or really, she’s choosing not to help herself get over it).

Her rage is what drives her to Santa Barbara, and it’s what keeps her going when she’s essentially a dead woman walking, a grievous wound in her side and almost no fight left. She should’ve stopped ages ago, but that blind fury just keeps her going. 

We eventually see Ellie grow in a way that is different from Abby. Abby got to have her revenge and had to realize it didn’t really help her get over her father’s death like she thought or expected. She found something with Yara and Lev that used to be gone. Lev seems like her conscience in a way. An innocent in all this, he forces Abby to reconsider all her assumed biases in relation to the Seraphites and even the WLF. 

Ellie, however, ultimately never gets her revenge, because she eventually realizes it’s not worth it before she gets to that point. We see a flash of Joel that isn’t dead, and it’s not entirely clear to me yet what shifted, but possibly seeing the fight completely gone from Abby and forcing her to do it anyway may have made her realize how one sided this became. Abby was broken, and Ellie was very nearly there herself. I’ll be thinking about this for a while still to figure out what I think happened. But that’s Ellie’s growth. She stops herself.

She grew into a menacing figure like Joel or Tommy, using their tactics because she felt like she needed to (which is probably what they told themselves too), but eventually realized the error of that. It probably didn’t feel good to try to kill someone who didn’t care about the fight or rivalry anymore. 

All I’m trying to say here is obviously this isn’t a weak story if there’s this much discourse possible. You can say you don’t like the themes, or wish it was about something else, but that doesn’t make it trash. I fully expected to hate this Abby character (as what got spoiled for me besides Joel’s death was how much people seemed to dislike her), but honestly I love watching her growth. She’s a foil to Joel more than a foil to Ellie, and I think it’s super interesting to watch. She cares about Lev the way Joel came to care about Ellie, and I don’t understand what the hang up is. 

As a last note, Lev is the soul of this game and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I adore him and it hurts every time I remind myself how young he is. Just like Ellie used to be. Ellie’s encounter with David was heartbreaking, and Lev had to deal with his own mother’s blind rage towards him. I can’t imagine what that was like and honestly I’m a little glad we didn’t have to watch such hate happen and only encountered the aftermath (which was difficult enough).

There’s a reason the main screen becomes Abby and Lev’s boat beached on the shore of Catalina Island once you finish the game. 

More than willing to discuss this massive game with whoever. But don’t yell about it if your only encounter with the “weak” story is some leaks. If you’ve never played a Naughty Dog game I can almost forgive you for rushing to judgment on the game because of the leak of cutscenes, but in case you didn’t know, about 80% of the game is actual gameplay. There is the combination of environmental storytelling, character banter and interactions, and the physical stress of actually playing through the game that you will never understand from a leak tied to cutscenes (or skimming through a let’s play). 

If these leaks never happened, I fully believe people would’ve been miles more receptive to Abby as a whole. But instead, people made judgments based on the leaks and refused to budge from them once the game actually released because who ever wants to admit they’re wrong? And then of course once it became clear that a majority of critics did not agree with them, they review-bombed on Metacritic and turned to being disgusting to game journalists and reviewers, insisting Sony paid them for that perfect score. (Seeing Huber from Easy Allies open up on how hard it’s been to deal with was super depressing. Why can’t people be better?) It’s absurd and it’s always been a conspiracy-type argument that holds no water, but people still bring it out when it suits them. 

As for Joel, remember Tess? “We’re shitty people Joel, it’s been that way for a long time.” Why are people so surprised about Joel’s eventual fate? Still don’t get it. I was heartbroken for sure, and I cried like a disgusting baby as it happened, but it doesn’t mean I can’t understand narratively why it happened. Even more so once we find out how Abby fits into the whole thing and why it was her specifically torturing Joel and not the others. 

Do I appprove of torture? No. Do I understand her pain? I like to think so. I’m a pretty empathetic person (pisces, what can I say?) so that’s not difficult for me to do. I felt the way Ellie felt up to the switch in perspectives to Abby, and even a bit into that. It took a while for me to warm up to Abby but once I did I realized what Naughty Dog (and more specifically Neil and Halley) wanted me to see. 

The game being referenced as a study on hate, the tagline being ‘how far would you go if someone hurt your loved one’ (I’m paraphrasing here) makes it incredibly obvious about the overall themes, but it’s presented in a way that’s literally designed to make you uncomfortable. You don’t want to be Abby now, she just killed Jesse and possibly Ellie, and you’re left on that terrifying cliffhanger to do the most menial of things as a character you probably want to see dead in that moment. But the time spent with Abby is so worthwhile. It adds weight to Ellie’s actions and shows how far gone Ellie has become, and you are forced to deal with the thought that Ellie might be the villain here. Which is the whole point.

None of this is to say that Abby is a saint, it’s just showing two characters at different stages in the cycle of revenge and violence. Ellie does return to the farmhouse, where she knows she should’ve been all along, and I can only hope she wanders off to find Dina and JJ and apologize, but we don’t know for certain. I can’t wait to finish it all over again.

#okay this is way too long #I'm sorry #the last of us part II #the last of us part 2 #the last of us 2 #tlou II #tlou 2 #the last of us spoilers #the last of us part 2 spoilers #the last of us part II spoilers #spoilers

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

A Dangerous Invitation by Erica Monroe. Quillfire Publishing. 2013.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, The Rookery Rogues #1 of 4 (and a short story)

Summary:  She’s given up on love, and wants only independence… Torn from her life of privilege by her father’s death, Kate Morgan survives in London’s dark and depraved rookeries as a fence for stolen goods. The last man she ever expects, or wants, to be reunited with is her first love, who promised to cherish, honor and protect her, and instead fled amidst accusations of murder. He’s the reformed rake determined to win her back… One drunken night cost Daniel O’Reilly the woman he loved and the life he’d worked so hard to create. If he ever wants to reclaim that life–and Kate–he’ll not only have to prove he’s innocent of murder, but convince the pistol-wielding spitfire that he’s no longer the scoundrel he once was. Together, they’ll have to face a killer. Time is running out…

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger Warnings: violence, sexual content, sexism, forced prostitution, rape, sexual assault, alcoholism, being buried alive

Overview: Another recommendation from the website Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. I decided to give this one a try because I’m a sucker for a spitfire heroine, murder plots, and the criminal underbelly of late Regency/pre-Victorian London. But while the previous recommendation was a hit, this one was somewhat of a miss. I think the bones of the story are good, as well as the character archetypes, but I wasn’t personally a fan of Monroe’s writing.

Writing: Monroe’s prose is fairly straightforward with some dramatic flairs here and there to heighten the emotion. It’s easy to read, and you can skim it quickly, if that’s your style. For me, however, it bordered a little too much on the melodramatic, and it became a bit repetitive when the same sentiments were evoked again and again. For example, we’re told a lot how much our heroine, Kate, can never trust a man again and that she can’t have a future with our hero, Daniel. After the first few times, I wished Monroe would move on to explore more complex emotions to develop her characters a little more. I also think the dialogue is a bit unrealistic, as characters tend to say exactly what’s bothering them or what deeper issues are plaguing them without much prompting, and real people don’t exactly talk that way. Some metaphors and choices of words were also a little awkward, which made for a confusing read at times.

By far, the biggest issue I had was the way Monroe handled the exposition and the details of her mystery. The action of the story starts out fairly quickly, which would have been fine except that I felt like I was being asked to care about characters’ histories without getting to know them first. Daniel runs into Kate after a long absence on page 2 of the first chapter of the novel, and I wish we were given a chapter where we saw Kate fencing some stolen goods or something else first to get us invested in her as a character. Also, because things happened so quickly, I felt like I was being told a lot of information rather than relevant details being shown to me organically. For example, a character might do or say something, then there’s be a kind of aside that explained the significance of the thing. Or Daniel would reference something about his quest to clear his name, then the author would take some time to tell us how he started his journey, how he knew people helping him, etc. As a result, there was a lot of setup jam-packed in the first few chapters, and I wish more had been done to create a flow that didn’t rely on duck info-dumping. Maybe if we had a chapter showing us Kate completing a sale (as I said) while Daniel is contacting his rogue friend, Atlas, who agrees to help him clear his name. Then the action between them could begin.

Plot: I love the idea of former lovers teaming up to solve a mystery, and at its heart, I think the premise of the plot was interesting. I did think, however, that some of the details and steps along the way weren’t handled as well as they could have been. There’s a lot of going to talk to witnesses or persons of interest, which makes for a lot of info-dumping, and there’s also some random chases which seemed to be inserted for the purposes of action rather than a logical unfolding of the mystery. During the first chase, for example, I was constantly wondering whether their pursuer was just a night watchmen or someone more nefarious. If the latter, how in the world would someone have known Daniel and Kate were snooping around the warehouses at night unless someone was following them? The thought that someone must know they are investigating the murder from the onset (and thus, know that Daniel is back in London) doesn’t really occur to the characters, which I found a bit frustrating.

Overall, I wished the events that made up the main narrative had been strung together more meaningfully. Every encounter that was related to solving the mystery had the potential for some interesting social commentary, and while it was gestured to, I ultimately felt that it was rushed. For example, there’s one scene in which Daniel and Kate go visit a prostitute, and Kate thinks a lot about how the girls are more than just objects and how women have to do what they can to survive. Soon after, she discloses her own rape after being tricked into prostitution. It seemed to me like the author was trying to cover a lot of things at once when the personal lives of the characters and the unfolding of the mystery could have revolved around one or two themes: the link between minorities and crime (due to poverty resulting from prejudice), for example, and the way gender also affects how women experience the criminal world. Or, given that the main undercurrent of the book is the existence of body snatching, every aspect of the story could be tied to the concept of “selling bodies” and disregard for the poor. If the bodies of the poor are being exploited to sell to medical facilities, that kind of matches up nicely with the idea of poor women “selling their bodies” via prostitution or Irish immigrants “selling their bodies” by becoming laborers. But alas, it seemed like the novel wasn’t quite interested in diving deep into those issues.

Characters: Our heroine, Kate, is a headstrong woman who has used her knowledge of her father’s shipping company to fence stolen goods following her family’s bankruptcy. I rather liked how her ruthlessness and street smarts were connected to this aspect of her life rather than the author throwing up her hands and just asserting that Kate was a badass. Kate was also pretty likable as a street-smart protagonist who knew how to navigate the criminal world of 19th century London. I liked watching her get out of tricky situations and disappear at opportune moments, and I especially liked that she had a practical, active role to play in the investigation. She’s enlisted for her quick mind and encyclopedic knowledge of her father’s company, and I found that enjoyable and well-done. However, she was a bit back-and-forth in her affections for Daniel. One minute, she’d be proudly declaring that they can’t be together and values her independence, and the next, she’d kiss him or let him touch her while thinking about how she wanted to be protected. While it was understandable, given her traumatic history on the streets, I did find it a bit frustrating, as a reader, because rather than there being some evolution or development to her character, Kate seemed to be on a more cyclical track.

Daniel, our hero, is an Irish immigrant who has returned from abroad after being accused of murder years before. I liked that Monroe set him up as a struggling former alcoholic and as having PTSD as a result of having found the murder victim before he died - it made it seem like reform was a continual process rather than a quick fix, and that men can be emotionally vulnerable in more ways than just being lovesick or abused. I didn’t quite see what Kate saw in him, however, as her main attraction to him seemed to be physical, especially when recounting their past. Why, for example, did she fall for him before the murder when she says she was concerned about his alcoholism? What drew her to him? I also think Daniel was written as a bit too jealous. He would hate a man he just met just because he potentially got to know Kate while Daniel was away. There was more than one time where his jealousy almost ruined his chances of clearing his name, which I found ridiculous.

The supporting characters were a bit of a mixed bag. I liked Kate’s barmaid friend, Jane, and Atlas, even though neither had quite enough “screen time” to be anything other than a convenient plot device. Other characters just outright got on my nerves with their general disregard for women. The villain, in particular, was poorly done in that he monologued a bit and sexually assaults our heroine for reasons that seem to just be “because I’m evil.” It made for a rather up-and-down reading experience.

Other: There were some interesting political aspects to this book in that many references were devoted to the mistreatment of Irish immigrants. There’s such potential there for a deeper exploration of prejudice and life as a “second class citizen,” including the brief references to Daniel’s code-switching (which was delightful) and his complicated feelings about being Irish but barely remember living in Ireland. I think, however, that a lot of the prejudice was left to stand on its own and generate some automatic sympathy for characters without actually thinking about how it could enhance the story. For example, are Irish people scapegoated for crime in Monroe’s world? How is the stereotype of the alcoholic Irishman subverted by Daniel’s struggle to be better or how does his past make us think more deeply about why people turn to drink (as opposed to judging everyone as uniformly “amoral”)? Just because the novel is a romance doesn’t mean that these issues can’t be explored (one has only to look to someone like Courtney Milan, who weaves social commentary into her romances brilliantly).

I also think more could have been done to enhance the romance itself. While I did like that Daniel was intent on proving himself to be a better man than he was when he left, I also didn’t think the romance was built on much other than their past and physical attraction. Daniel’s reasons for loving Kate seem to be that she anchors him, which is a bit selfish and frustrating, but he also admires her independence and intelligence, which prevented me from giving up on him entirely. That being said, their relationship doesn’t evolve as much as it’s cyclical. They fight a lot and Kate is constantly back-and-forth about whether or not she wants to be with him, so it felt like I was reading about the same issue over and over rather than seeing how trust was built between them. Daniel’s arc could have been more about accepting Kate for who she is now - not reminiscing about a past that couldn’t return - and Kate’s arc could have been about learning to trust again or valuing living people over the memory of her dead father. While Daniel’s acceptance of Kate’s past was well-done, I really wanted more insight as to how each person made the other’s lives better and more emotionally fulfilling, not just how they’re a good person for overlooking the other’s flaws or how the love interest “anchored” them or whatever. In fairness, Daniel does learn that he needs to “save himself” rather than rely on Kate to do it for him, but there was very little lead-up for him to get to that point.

Continuing with the Series? No.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re interested in historical romance (especially set in the 19th century), criminal underbelly of London, Irish heroes, reformed rakes, disinherited heroines, former lovers, and murder plots.

#book reviews

[toasttz]

From the Tabletop #1

In recent times, I've been trying to get more into one of my favorite hobbies: tabletop games. Primarily D&D (of course), Exalted, and Shadowrun. Actually, some friends and I have been running an Exalted game for over 2 years now (since 3rd edition dropped) and I wanted to share with the world some of our fun stories and "That Guy" moments we've had forced upon us as well. Going back to the very beginning, I was, unfortunately, "That Guy" of our initial 3rd Edition Exalts. I built a strong, competent battle-ready Solar Exalt built around the Righteous Devil martial arts which, for those who may not be familiar, is essentially flamethrower-fu. Her name was Sunset Shimmer (yes, I snuck an MLP joke into an Exalted game, and only one other player at the table was in on the gag). The biggest issue with Sunset was a general lack of direction of the character. She had a backstory but no real goal to speak of and it didn't help that meatspace conditions made my attention to her spotty at best. She was an active participant, and I had freakishly lucky rolls playing her, but she was just kind of boring. I really should remake her. It really didn't help that I was the "That Guy" of a party of "That Guys". Another in the group was Hrothgar, whose defining intimacy was Ultra-Violence. But another major intimacy was about what a nice guy this bloodthirsty faux-viking was. It made about as much sense in context as it sounds here. Not helped by not really having a backstory or a goal to speak of. Ditto for Drago, affectionately nicknamed "Ivan Drago", also lacked any characterization to speak of. He was the man of 1000 backstories, because he couldn't settle on one. Once from the 100 Kingdoms, then a peninsula, then an island, then about how much of a great pirate his grandfather was. The GM eventually demanded he put up or shut up, essentially fusing together all the ideas, mostly because we never brought it up again and never actually went to his homeland in that game, but would in later ones. Whereupon we set it on fire (more on that later). The only competent Exalt of the circle was Petral. Sol Invictus knows she tried. Essentially Samurai BatMan, complete with high levels of investigation (she never used) and murdering people (that she really should've left alive), the only really meaningful connection this circle managed was that Targon and Drago's players shipped Sunset and Petral, due to a moment where a badly-drunken Petral, while worshipping the porcelain god, was comforted by a sympathetic Sunset. I'll be honest, as I was a frequent truant at these games, I can't accurately account for the flow of the game, but it did lead to moments wherein I'd find myself saying things like "But last time we agreed to murder some nobles! Why are we 200 miles away from them now?!" or declaring that a large, squid-like creature was, in fact, an aquatic horse upon botching an intelligence check. Things at least became more consistent with our second round of characters. Unfortunately, it was consistently God-awful. We had a cult leader, Zen, who barely had any idea why an Exalt would have a cult. He also didn't know what it would take to run one, having a character with zero personality to speak (I frequently confuse him with the next character here because of this), and - quite frankly - acted extremely evil at times. He had terrible conditions for his cult, food was constantly scarce (not helped by our being in Malfaes for this entire game), and draconian laws oftentimes seen in actual real-world deathcults. Calling this character "incompetent" is kind of like calling the ocean "a bit wet". The second one, Targon... ho boy. His backstory pegged him as an arena gladiator, which is fine on its face. The problems cropped up after that, whereupon he was also a successful businessman (resources 5), owned a chain restaurant which he managed himself (despite claiming to have locations all over creation!), and demanded his demonic clients pay in artifacts of all things. Now, in Malfeas, this could work, as a single-location eccentric establishment that catered to the super-rich. But this is Targon. And he ran it like a Pondarosa Steakhouse, except less competent. He would spend 20-minute long scenes (real time), in how exactly he would cook and prepare food. This established a precedent wherein we realized this player just absolutely would not accept flaws of any kind of his character - not real flaws at any rate. Just the informed "type variety" - his words. And, yes, he always attempted to sound smarter than he actually is by speaking in a roundabout and obfuscatory manner. Next was Taiga, and Taiga was a great character. She became the team mascot, punch-monkey, and little sister all in one. There was literally no one who didn't like her, in terms of player characters, because she was cheerful and cute as a button. She won big in Hell's many arenas and even won herself a few Pokemo-- err-- I mean, pet beasties. Her main concern was patrolling the mean streets of Hell, forming her own police squad - the Justice Buddies. And last, but not least, was my new character, Master of the Eternal Golden Paradise, named from the Exalted Name Generator, in case that weren't obvious. Master was a shrewd businessman (resources 3 to start), who operated as a flashy, guild liaison with some business contacts that helped him ultimately build a theme park in Hell - Super Happy Fun Land. He sort-of adopted Taiga as a little sister, and would go on to help her undermine Zen's cult leadership status, whereupon they would form "Taiga-ism", a rather loose set of morals and ethics as Master devised ways of educating the unwashed masses to make them more productive members of the work force and economy. As I recall, the greatest among these religious prohibitions was against taxadermy - as Taiga kind of thought it was gross. To really drive his themes home, Master as decked out in heavy artifact weapon and armor - his weapon (a reskinned Great Goremaul) was an abicus named "SmithLocke & Keynes" and his armor was a heavy platemail named the "God-Dragon Plate" (or GDP). Among the bizarre things this team did included: Operation Eats & Poops, an attempt to save Zen's hopeless cult by fertilizing fields. This almost got derailed due to a severe drought, but Master had two harthstones that happened to solve the problem. (This itself became an issue later on, due to fukken Zen not signing the proper paperwork while taking up space in the Endless Desert. Master would then go on to petition Cecylene for use of the space, and did so with such an amazing bureacracy roll, that he, and I'm quoting my GM here, "Made the Endless Desert moist".) Zen then begged Taiga into assisting him in getting a magic book - not even getting into his begging for magical martial arts training he ultimately bitched out of (thereby humiliating Taiga in front of her master). This was kind of like trying to explain color to a blind person, because Zen's answer to Taiga's taking him to a book store, was to casually saunter up and begin asking for what amounts to black market wares in the middle of the day. The GM, God bless him, took pity on this faux-pas and Taiga was eventually able to get said book. Not that Zen put it to any meaningful use. Apparently, the 17 year old girl understood the black market better than the man in his 30s. The team would go on to battle many times in the arena, sans Master, who was on the sidelines betting on his comrades's success (when it was Taiga) or their failure (when it was Zen and Targon). Strangely enough, Master's bets were almost always right. At one point we even battled what was essentially a battlemech. The team managed to topple it despite even man-down at the time, and Master sealed it with a linguistics charm essentially reading "DON'T TOUCH. THIS MEANS YOU, ZEN." And the sin that I shall never be forgiven for was Master's casual investment in the entertainment/security measure known as the TaigaBot. These mechanical abominations were fully able to dance, sing, answer simple questions for guests and beat the shit out of anyone who attempted anything funny, be it stealing or attempting to couple with a TaigaBot. Endless innuendos were made, of course, and that's part of the reason I shan't be forgiven for this. Master briefly considered a ZenBot or a TargonBot, but we all know where that would've ended up. Those robots would've killed themselves somehow - likely out of shame for their source material. And the last bit, something Taiga's player really should've reconsidered, was during a battle atop a giant bird-behemoth (Master was absent from this fight), Taiga's Mouse of the Sun, a rather vicious fighter named Fluff Mousington, brandished an anti-warstrider rifle and leveled it on Zen, prompting her for an answer. Taiga relented (her player, less so) and admitted that they should save Zen, causing a battle against a gigantic eagle. In retrospect, probably should've just pulled the trigger. Remember everyone: backstory, intimacies, long-term goal. Not negotiable. So, join me next time as I discuss some D&D (and how I became a half-ork pop star) and a later Exalted campaign involving slutty pirates, a reincarnating old man knight (who happens to be a teenaged girl), and three boneheads no one likes. See you there.

#Tabletop RPG #RPG #Exalted #D&D #That Guy Story

[bus-trash]

Peathers: Why Does Veronica Make Her Choice?

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ENTIRE PEATHERS SERIES IN THIS POST. If you are on the fence about watching it or not, I strongly recommend at least watching two or three episodes before deciding. I have links if anyone needs them.

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“My entire life, I’ve always had someone talking at me, telling me what I’m supposed to think and feel and do. My parents, little dead Lucy, Heather Chandler, and now you.”

Grace Victoria Cox’s Veronica Sawyer is definitely one of the most mind-boggling protagonists in a drama series I’ve recently watched. Capricious, obsessive, and a bit hypocritical, for me she’s the most challenging and inconsistent character. Since watching the series’s shocking finale, I keep coming back to her character’s final moments alive, lying beside JD on the dusty boiler room floor, on the verge of a terrible decision. As she reconnects the explosive’s wires, what is it her character really wants, is aiming for? After some thought, I think I understand how I interpret Veronica’s character throughout the series. For the record, I still think she’s written in a way that’s pretty inconsistent, but this is my best effort.

The best way to break down Peathers’s Veronica Sawyer is with three basic principles. One: She doesn’t want to just move past labels, but prove to everyone she’s past them. Two: Her love with JD for her transcends labels. Three: JD’s murderous path does not ultimately transcend labels. It’s only a symptom of the system.

Veronica’s motivations are broadcasted with her first dialogue scene. She sits down with Mrs. Fleming, who asks her who she wants to be. Veronica answers that she’s “a good person.” When Veronica says she’s a good person, she’s not truthfully describing herself (We can clearly see through the series she murders and manipulates when it serves herself.), but she is describing a part of her motivation. Because she recognizes everyone at Westerburg as a bad person (The students and adults all participate in a system that drives students to violence and suicide.), her desire to think of herself as a good person is her way of saying, “I’m not like everybody else.”

The show makes a very clear point to show that this desire of Veronica to think of herself as a good person is so strong that it’s why she murders Lucy as a child, a Heather-Chandler-like bossy girl who sings, “You’re not, you’re not, you’re not,” telling Veronica she isn’t really her own unique person, a “good person,” but just as bad as everyone else. Veronica wants to be thought of as different so badly she will kill for it, which is why she strikes Lucy with a croquet mallet.

Her seething looks towards her parents in episode nine show how much she feels like they don’t see her for her, and just stick her in a box. Clearly this anger about the question of who she is goes way back.

But she doesn’t really want to be thought of as “a murderer,” so her outburst doesn’t truly solve the problem. It silences it for a short while, and Veronica grows up still in this pressure.

We meet Veronica when she’s in high school, and her main strategy to society’s, and Mrs. Flemming’s, constant questions about identity is to be close to Heather Chandler. She still expresses herself a little bit (with her clothes, even when Heather C calls them “Banana Republic,” and other style choices), and she doesn’t have to bear the actual weight of the label of “Heather,” so it’s a decent compromise. The only problem is, she has to be with a girl who constantly labels her.

“You’re nothing.” “Well, at least l’m a good person.” ”A good person? Grow up, Veronica. You’re Panera. You’re Sbarro. You’re Cheesecake Factory.”

Just like Lucy, Heather Chandler constantly suppresses Veronica’s desire to be whatever she wants to be, and not a label. Hence why in the first episode, Veronica fantasizes about burying her in the ground. “I just wish Heather would die so I can finally be free.”

When Veronica and JD kill Heather, it’s representative of putting a stop to Westerburg’s constant labeling and belittling of its students. Only problem is, it doesn’t work. Even in the first episode, Heather Duke and Betty Finn spar in Chandler’s absence for the privilege of being the school’s next big labeler. When Heather Chandler returns in episode two, it symbolizes that nothing at Westerburg will change. Whether Chandler lives or dies, the essential problem of how its students are treated by each other and by society will continue.

For Veronica, JD is a potential solution. He adores her, is jealous of “every drop of rain that gets to fall on [her] cheek.” He knows that she’s not just what Westerburg thinks she is. JD is the only character who sees Veronica as she craves to be seen–as something not basic, weak, or even popular, but someone amazing. Someone special. (Veronica likely feels that Betty Finn, even in her more genuine moments, still views Veronica as weak in a way or as part of Westerburg’s system of power.)

But JD’s love isn’t perfect. In episode two, Veronica is clearly disappointed when she flaunt’s her murderous act to JD (something atypical about her) and he’s oblivious to her true meaning, still seeing her as more basic than she really is. In episode three, Veronica becomes upset with JD’s growing nonchalance and how his political ramblings seem more important to him than she does. That he skips Heather McNamara’s funeral is a big point of contention. She can’t feel special through JD if he doesn’t show up. When she tells JD she likes how her date with Ram “felt normal,” I interpret she’s saying that his intense antipathy towards Westerburg isn’t solving the problem–it’s only illustrating it. The only real way to solve it is to care about her in a straightforward but passionate way, not to be some rebellious hero.

Veronica’s character veers off the deep end in episodes four through six. When JD handles the problem of Betty’s suspicions, I personally saw it as doing whatever it takes in his job in the context of his murderous relationship. However, Veronica doesn’t see it this way and sees his kiss as a betrayal. She sort of has a point–there was never any real danger of anyone believing Betty when she went to the cops. When Veronica blows up JD’s car and has him committed, she’s punishing him for underestimating her. For Veronica, the solution to her problems is for JD to put her first, period. All other plots and schemes come second. This is because what sets them free isn’t that they’re murderers. That is a label. What sets them free is the way they see each other. That goes beyond labels. They love each other as full human beings.

“Dear Diary: You have to hand it to America. We can even take something like teen suicide, wrap it in a pretty package, and sell it to the highest bidder. God, I’m starting to sound like JD. But so what? He’s the only one who makes any sense anymore. And you know what? I don’t care if what I’m about to say is so high school, it makes you upchuck: Our love is the only thing left that’s real. You can’t turn it into a poster or sell it to anyone with fifty bucks to spend, because it’s ours. Everything else is just photoshop.”

Thankfully, JD is only turned on by the extreme lengths Veronica goes to. JD values violence as a means to strike back against and potentially change society. At the beginning of episode seven, their love is at its height. Veronica never sees a world in which JD cares about something that isn’t her, and JD thinks that Veronica will be by his side as he moves towards not just killing Heather, but killing Westerburg, and thus ending all Heathers in America. This bliss only lasts the episode, however–the remaining episodes will prove them both wrong.

When Veronica decides to murder Mr. Waters, she’s largely already gotten what she wants. But she knows that Westerburg as a whole is still sick and wants to honor Heather McNamara’s memory as someone who wasn’t able to transcend the labels and ways the school got to her, including Mr. Water’s predatory behavior. While I think Veronica enjoys aspects of murder, she knows it’s not an end to her problems–as an act of violence it’s symptomatic of the system, and also just brings on her another label. At the end of episode seven, she tells JD that they’re past it, that they’re going to be something else now.

That isn’t enough for JD. And when he indicates he’s not taking her to prom, she realizes something she perhaps knew subconsciously all along: His love for her doesn’t overpower the way he labels himself with violence and antisocial behavior. She considers him a Heather–someone who wants to play his role (the “bad boy”) but doesn’t truly want to be something different.

Her decision in episode eight to recommit to the Heathers baffled me on first viewing, but in hindsight, Veronica’s character recognizes the bizarrely eternal meaning of prom: What happens there is what she will be forever. If she cannot be special by being there with JD, she’ll do the next best thing. And that’s being back to square one: powerful alongside the Heathers. Still kind of labeled, but it could be worse.

It’s Heather Chandler and JD’s ensuing actions that push her over the edge. First, JD murders Heather Duke, her last closest semblance to a friend, to serve his plan. Second, Heather Chandler has no reservations about stepping over Duke’s dead body for the prom crown. Veronica cannot stand to be along for the ride with either of their ways, both of which she views as corrupted and ultimately selfish. She has to go alone.

During the final episode, Veronica comes to a final decision about how she will and will not be labeled forever. She’s first stupified by JD’s plan, which is inherently much more radical and less humanistic than her usual philosophy. But when Heather Chandler describes to her what Veronica’s voiceover in the episode also affirms–that high school and prom are forever, that your labels here are what you’ll always be–she realizes that it’s now or never. If Veronica lets herself be nothing under Heather Chandler’s reign, then it doesn’t matter what happens in the future. Nothing she will always be.

“You know the best part, Veronica? Unlike you, they’ll never forget me. I don’t care if Dylan Lutz becomes president or if Driffany Tompkins cures cancer. No matter where they go, no matter what they do, no matter how high they fly, there will always be a small part of them that worships at the altar of Heather Chandler.” “You think too highly of yourself, Heather.” “I seem to recall that I got so inside your head that you tried to kill me. Doesn’t get more influential than that, does it, Veronica? I made you so angry that you wanted me dead. I revel in that every day. ... I’m already inside everyone at Westerburg.” “Like a virus.” “Call it what you want, but you and I both know that every moment of every day, every important decision, every relationship, every moral choice they ever make, I will be there, permanently in their heads, guiding them towards the truth that is the Heather Chandler Way. And then their kids, and their kids, and on and on and on and on, because that is what power is. Even after you and I are both long gone, I will live on forever, pulling the trigger on every decision in their sad, lonely, pathetic lives.” “Still beautiful, Heather.” “Well at least I’m not nothing like you.” “Find me in ten minutes and then tell me if I’m nothing, bitch.”

Sorry for the long dialogue pull but it encapsulates a lot about the show, including how murder didn’t solve the problem. I don’t think that Veronica’s anger is directed towards the idea of Heathers in every day and age–she is only angry at Heather Chandler, how Heather Chandler has affected her and everyone else at Westerburg, and she wants to change the narrative.

I admit I find Veronica and JD’s last dance to be a beautiful moment where once again their goals align. The song “I Think We’re Alone Now” indicates their nirvana–seen by everyone while embracing their love no one else can label, they can finally reach what they’ve always wanted.

But their paths sadly diverge again when JD learns of a school shooting and has to put a stop to his own tragedy. For Veronica, the power is in the personal, not the political, and if Heather Chandler’s prom night goes uninterrupted, it’s an injustice she can’t stomach. (Heather Chandler and Veronica’s remembered soundbites during the conversation also indicate that she is thinking of how Heather McNamara suffered under Chandler’s rule.) She accuses JD of being a Heather, caring more about the appearance than the real thing. I personally would only consider this true if JD’s plan wouldn’t work, but I honestly think it wouldn’t and he wants an excuse to end his and others’ lives in a spectacular fashion that his conscience would let him have.

When I first watched the finale, I was disappointed that Veronica and JD were doomed to suffer in afterlives of solitude–clearly a type of hell. However, when I think about it, it’s true that this does express the choices that the characters made. For JD, his heaven was being alone with Veronica after dying in a way that expressed his agony. While he wishes he could have accomplished his goal, he’s still content to die alongside her.

However, that doesn’t satisfy Veronica. She still has the image of Heather Chandler in her head, and she needs to upend her reign. So she does the unthinkable: She reconnects JD’s bomb and makes a social media post that will make her a star of suicide. And in a way, it does work: Now excluded from the violence that Westerburg and society craves, which once almost made her popular with her own attempted suicide, Heather Chandler’s fate is to be forgotten. But when she blows up Westerburg, Veronica blows up her relationship with it. Veronica and JD could have had each other. “Our love is God,” he offers. But she corrects him, “Our love was God.” She can’t escape the way Westerburg labeled her and has to relabel herself. In the end, JD’s love was not more powerful than the dehumanizing effect of the school. If Veronica had chosen JD, she still would have been remembered as “nothing,” having died under Heather Chandler’s label. Veronica’s act of defiance is at once both just the system perpetuating itself and her own personal way to be free. She won’t be what Heather Chandler says, and neither will anyone else for that matter.

But tragically, in deciding that JD’s love was not enough to set her free, Veronica chooses an afterlife without him, and his consciousness during her choice makes him aware he won’t be seeing her, either. She also knows that in the end, she only did what society was deep down wanting her to do as a student: Commit suicide. Ironically, she still is “nothing.” Even if she isn’t under Heather Chandler’s control anymore, she still did exactly what “they” wanted.

Peathers Veronica Sawyer is decidedly less likeable than the original film’s protagonist (in part due to the writing, and I don’t think Grace Victoria Cox is to blame, as I think she knocks it out of the park with a manner that’s somehow both poised and intense) with motivations far less noble. But even in her most outrageous actions, she is still in a strange way a relatable character, at least to me. Driven by societal pressures practically to madness, her first and last scenes are her confronting the issue: How do you answer the question of who you are when everyone tries so hard to answer the question for you? In a way, the answer is to say “fuck you,” even when you know it won’t change anything.

While everyone on Heathers is a bad person, I see a little bit of good in all of them, and all of them are pretty easy to feel sorry for, from Chandler overhearing her mother’s derisions to JD’s devastating loss of his mother to Veronica’s best social prospect being letting the queen bee treat her like a dog. I wouldn’t have ended with JD and Veronica doomed to misery, though it does make sense with the show and honestly the ending was fucking ballsy enough with Westerburg blown up without the people who did it having an ending that wasn’t unhappy. For me, the ending is with Veronica and JD on the dance floor. It’s true that they didn’t escape. But they saw hope of escape, through each other.

For me the show is far from perfect, but Veronica’s character is interesting if extremely frustrating. But enough about that basic cable bitch. Why did you read all of this? Get a life, loser! And remember: Tell your mom to spit out the devil’s jizz before you tongue-kiss her in hell.

Thanks for reading.

BUS TRASH

#peathers #heathers #veronica sawyer #grace victoria cox #heather chandler #jd #jason dean #veronica sawyer is literally nothing #our love is god

[dangandidlyronpaimgines]

May I ask for the DRV3 yandere boy's with a S/O too kind for their own good, like the ultimate big sister or gardener, someone so peaceful to the point someone thinks they make an easy target and the boy's finding out someone is thinking of killing their S/O.

Everyone loves them yanyans huh?

Gonta Gokuhara

Gonta truly loved you

You were such a kind and gentle soul, well that made since with you being the Ultimate Volunteer

But since the killing game started… be couldn’t leave you alone

He had to protect you like a true gentlemen does!

After he escorted you back to your room he noticed someone out of the corner of his eye watching you

He watched them slink back with a frown

The next day before his S/O woke up he asked to talk to the stalker

(They seemed a bit nervous… good)

“Gonta may be a gentleman but if you dare touch Gonta’s S/O….”

He grinned darkly at the stalker causing them to pale

“Gonta will be force to use ungentlemanly manners”

If they don’t stop their actions they may find their room infested with fire ants (or even worse army ants)

Now how could they got there?

Kokichi Ouma

He truly loved his S/O

Who know the Ultimate Toymaker would be so sweet and innocent?

(Plus they made tons of awesome toys for him!)

And so to protect his amazing S/O from unworthy people he made sure to stay with them at all time

(They didn’t mind of course they thought he was just a clingy boyfriend)

They didn’t notice the glares he gave other people for trying to take his S/O from him

(Or the fact that the people who did this tend to fall victim to his somewhat cruel pranks)

He was wandering around the halls (after making sure you where somewhere safe) testing out one of your new toys when he heard something

His curiosity peaked he followed the whispers to a room

Oho! It seemed someone was planning a murder so soon!

He listed for a while intrigued before he heard them say a word that made him frown

Your name

So they were planning on killing you then? Oh that can’t do

He entered the room slowly, with a dark look on his face

“Nishishishi~ So you plan on killing my precious S/O huh?”

The next day that person was found with both their legs broken still in the same room

But no matter how many times anyone asked they didn’t say who did it to them

Ouma hides the smirk on his face by burying his his face in your chest

Ryoma Hoshi

He was very protective over you

He couldn’t trust anyone in here to watch over his S/O

I mean this was a killing game

And you were an easy target with your naive nature and your not so threatening title of Ultimate Baker

So he did his best to intimate people away from you (it only partly worked unfortunately)

He watch the others out of paranoia constantly to make sure none of them tried to hurt you

So when he noticed someone slip a kitchen knife in their pocket he acted immediately

(As much as he wanted to kill the bastard he couldn’t.. he couldn’t leave you alone in this game you would die without him)

He cornered them in a hallway to confront them (his steel tennis racket in his hand and his steel tennis ball in his pocket, just in case)

“I don’t give a fuck who you plan on killing but if you dare touch my S/O I won’t hesitate to give you a fate worse than death.”

Seeing them pale when he mention his S/O made him frown

So they were thinking of killing you… well then this piece of scum had to pay

The person was found the next day with knocked out with blunt force and all of their fingers broken

A message was left at the scene of the crime

“DO NOT TOUCH S/O”

Korekiyo Shinguji

He was so possessive over you

I mean how could he not you were an angel

Your beauty far surpassed any other human

Plus with your happy go lucky nature and your wonder talent of Ultimate Storybook Writer

He had to protect your innocence from this tainted (yet beautiful) world

So when you two were put into this killing game

He made sure to follow your every movement, he couldn’t trust anyone to take care of his angel

Thankfully it seem his appearance manage to scare off some  from associated with you

(That’s good, you only need him after all)

So when he noticed someone else following your every action he couldn’t help but frown

No no this couldn’t do

So he subtly followed the person to their room, and after making sure they were alone he spoke

“I’ve notice you following my S/O around… I suggest you stop before I am forced to beat you within an inch of your life you scum. You don’t deserve to be near my wonderful S/O let alone follow them around.”

The person know avoids you at all cost

Shuichi Saihara

Unlike the others on this list his yanyan ness was less easy to notice

He kept the mask of the nice detective on

But internally he was taking down info on everyone else

Finding exploitable weakness and blackmail galore

If anyone got to close to you, they would find a threatening letter in their room

Unfortunately your caring nature seem to attract people non the less

(It made sense since you were the Ultimate Caregiver but it still frustrated him)

So when he noticed someone’s plans to kill you, the mask was off

With an unnatural cold look on his face void of any emotions he approached the person

And unleashed all of the blackmail he had on them

“Listen to me. If you don’t want the entire world to know about your little secrets then you will stop your pathetic plans of killing my S/O. I would hate to be forced to use violence but I will not hesitate if I see you near them again.”

And like that the problem was solved

Kiibo

He had to protect you at all cost

You made him feel things that he didn’t even know were possible

He loved seeing the way your eyes sparkled as you babbled to him about plants

(He had so many recordings of you saved within his database)

But with your oblivious nature and your title of Ultimate Gardener

You were an easy target for the others

So he was always on watch, monitor your and everyone else activities twenty four seven

So one night when he was doing his usual stake out at your door (he didn’t need sleep after all)

He noticed someone trying to trap your door

That filled him with such rage that he didn’t even know it was possible

There may have been rules about killing

But they said nothing about deleting another student

And since it was night time no one could hear their screams

The next day the student went missing but no one could find them

A class trial couldn’t be held because after all you need a body for a trial

Rantaro Amami

You had such a kind and gently soul

It made sense you were the Ultimate Birdkeeper

But that caused a problem for him,you were an easy target in such a cruel game

So he manipulated you with kind words and affection to keep you wary of other students

And it worked partly

Some of the braver and more outgoing students still approached you and tried to befriend you

But his manipulation made sure you were loyal only to him

(Good)

But things turned sour when he saw someone try to slip something into your drink

Noticing this he ‘accidentally’ made you spill it on the culprit

He let out a fake apologize and helped them back to their dorm

Once the cost was clear, he pinned the culprit to the wall, hands around their neck

“This will be your only warning. DO NOT mess with my S/O got it? And if you dare try to tell anyone I threaten you I won’t hesitate next time”

He then let them fall to ground before walking back to the kitchen where his precious S/O was waiting for him

He couldn’t help the small smirk on his face seeing the person wearing a scarf the next day

Kaito Momota

You were his star, his sun, his everything

You were so precious and shy that you relied on him constantly

It was a bit odd with your title of Ultimate Knitting Master but you were so cute it didn’t matter

Thus being your shield he had to make sure to protect you in this odd game

He was always suspicious of the other students and made sure to always be by your side

So when he noticed someone watching you a bit too closely he knew what he had to do

He followed them until they were alone and jumped them, beating them within an inch of their life

“This is what you get for following my S/O around you son of a bitch!”

The person was discovered the next day, barely alive

But no matter what anyone asked they didn’t say anything

All that anyone knows is that they hole themselves up in their room now and refuse to leave

#drv3 imagine #kaito momota #amami rantarou #ryoma hoshi #gonta gokuhara #shuichi saihara #ouma kokichi #korekiyo shinguuji #kiibo #yandere

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 23

I like this Rand. Can we keep him? Just for a little bit. 

Chapter 23: A Warp in the Air

Oh hell yes it’s Cadsuane; do you know what this means? Do you?

It means Outsider POV. Of…*waves hands in general direction of Rand last chapter and makes squeaking noises* that.

Oh no, Daigian’s dead. That’s too bad; I liked her. As did Cadsuane, but we both have Other Concerns at this particular moment. Sorry Daigian.

“then went for you as soon as we were assured that al’Thor was alive and our enemies had been dealt with.”

Well by that specific assessment everything’s fine.

Sort of.

I mean ‘dealt with’ is rather subject to…timescale and breadth of application of the term ‘enemy’ but. Sure.

How could he have gotten himself into this much trouble, again!

Yeah, sorry Cadsuane, but you’re going to have to drop the ‘again’ there. This is a very new level of trouble. Which, given what the last several books have done to him, is saying something. But we’re no longer talking ‘tortured and furious and struggling to maintain a firm grip on sanity’ or ‘imprisoned and half a step away from losing his mind’. Throwing Asha’man at the Shaido or breaking a member of a ruling council isn’t going to solve this one. This is ‘fated saviour of the world on an already precarious balance of salvation/destruction has just crossed his own last moral threshold while accessing the ultimate power of the incarnation of evil and chaos’. Not sure we have a playbook for this scenario.

“Was the tea involved?” Cadsuane asked Merise quietly.

I know what this is referring to but leaving that aside, this is one of the best out-of-context lines in the series.

It’s possible I’m biased.

The fool boy was lucky to still be alive!

Approximately half of his mind would agree with that.

What a Light-cursed mess, Cadsuane thought

Not…quite. The Light has very, very little to do with the current situation. That’s the worrying part.

Min sat on the bed, rubbing her neck, eyes red, short hair dishevelled, face pale.

Someone get Min a giant mug of hot chocolate and also a therapist.

(“I would cut off my arm before I hurt you.” Oh, Min).

If anyone can get through this intact, it’s Min Farshaw. But still. How do you avoid the automatic, involuntary, instinctive sense of fear when you next look at the person who held you down and nearly killed you. One of Min’s great strengths is that, in situations where she should be absolutely out of her depth and terrified of everyone, she decides ‘fuck that, I like it here and I’m staying put’. She is one of the very, very few people in the entire world who isn’t afraid of Rand at this point. How do you maintain that, after something like this? It’s not a question of whether she can still love him so much as whether she can override the overwhelmingly instinctive response. Well enough to not have it tell even through the bond. Can she continue to be completely and genuinely unafraid of him, after that?

“The danger has been dealt with,” he said softly. Something in his voice made her hesitate. She had been expecting anger, or perhaps satisfaction, from him. Fatigue at the very least. Instead, his voice sounded cool.

Oh.

Oh no help.

Okay. So this is going to be a Problem for me. Right then.

Finally, he turned, looking at her. She took an involuntary step backward, though she couldn’t say why.

Ahhhh this is delicious. This is the woman who walked straight up to him, asked for tea, and not only flat-out ignored his every attempt to intimidate her, but actually intimidated and unsettled him. And now, at a single glance, she recoils. That’s…telling.

I wonder if it’s out of fear, or if it’s more to do with what this means. She was the one who said “he has a rage in him fit to burn the world and he holds it by a hair,” who recognised what he was doing to himself and vowed that he would relearn laughter and tears. And now she sees, in that single look, what she most feared. It’s perhaps not a fear of him so much as a fear for everyone and everything else. For the entire fate of the world, because in meeting his eyes she sees the worst possible scenario actually playing out.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if this is a step back not out of fear, but out of the realisation that she has failed.

There was a strange serenity about him now, but it had a dark edge.

Well hello there that’s a sentence crafted specifically to destroy me.

The whole…deadly calm and serene yet at the same time frighteningly unpredictable and volatile beneath the stillness, unfettered and unrestrained and at peace with utter violence is quite a look.

This is what happens when Rand finally stops trying to hold on to some piece of himself, stops fighting his path, accepts himself and his role and his power…except it’s the wrong acceptance. It’s surrender to the wrong side.

It’s a beautiful twist of the knife because the sentiment for the last several books has been one of wanting Rand to accept his role in truth, and to stop fighting himself. He’s been tearing himself apart, pushing himself harder while at the same time trying to hold himself back, pulling his mind apart with denial of who he was; he’s been at war with himself for so long now, and the promise inherent in that is a moment of catharsis and release, in which he embraces and accepts rather than pushing away or pulling back, and in doing so achieves a greater power.

And that’s exactly what we get… but it’s all wrong.  

And this could so easily have collapsed into melodrama. The reason it doesn’t, I think, is because it is such an absolutely note-perfect culmination of the progression and trajectory Rand has been on for more or less the entire series. This has always been the shadow waiting in the wings, even if its shape was amorphous at first. All those broken promises to himself, those early lines crossed, the way he progressively clung more and more tightly to the lines he managed not to cross. There was always going to be a point when that last threshold was crossed, and where everything that’s been hanging suspended and precariously balanced on top of it finally crashed. The moment where everything snaps. You can see, more and more clearly as the books progress, the shape of that outcome. You know the Shadow wants this as well, know he is being played into a role where he will serve the Shadow even as he fights for the Light. You know his sanity is questionable at best, and that he’s teetering on the edge of irredeemability in his own perception.

So then it’s just a matter of waiting for that moment, of watching everything spiral closer and closer. It becomes about the anticipation, the sense of inevitability as you approach the one thing that will push everything over that tipping point. That’s the piece that has to be just right, and it is, largely because of what came before. That series of steps, some large but some very small and virtually inconsequentional at the time, that created this overarching pattern and path and arc, which can then be brought to a single satisfying crash because it’s basically a massive game of Jenga.

Oh okay more casual balefire.

I’m here for this.

Poor Narishma has to be thinking on a daily basis ‘this is not what I signed up for’.

“It is a dangerous tool, but still just a tool. Like any other.”

Like everything and everyone, yourself included. That’s all it is now; that’s all he lets himself see. The rest can no longer matter.

“It is forbidden,” Cadsuane said. “I have decided that it is not,” al’Thor said calmly.

And that’s it. It’s that simple. Because again, the rest doesn’t matter anymore. It can’t. This is a tool, so he will use it, and that’s the end of it. This from the one who was so desperate not to break the world, and to leave something behind besides destruction. Now calmly declaring that balefire is a tool that can and must be used.

I don’t even know that he’s wrong on that particular count, necessarily. Moiraine came to a similar conclusion regarding balefire, and it is the only apparent way to kill Forsaken. It’s the reason Mat and Aviendha are alive. It’s a question of ends, and of means, and of the ability to stop before it goes too far. It’s not so much a question of whether balefire should be used or forbidden as it is about the possibility of moderation with something so incredibly powerful and destructive. Is moderation possible? Or will it always end in escalation and destruction?

“You’re a child playing with—”

“I have seen balefire destroy cities,” al’Thor said, eyes growing haunted. “I have seen thousands burned from the Pattern by its purifying flames. If you call me a child, Cadsuane, then what are those of you who are thousands of years my juniors?”

Wow.

I know, that’s been my reaction to approximately everything since approximately halfway through last chapter but in my defence…*gestures at book*

So a few things here. One is that he seems to accept the part of himself that was Lews Therin much more fully than he has before…and yet again, it’s in the wrong way. It’s exactly what needs to happen – but not like this. I love how that’s being played with, how he’s doing everything that as a reader you’d shout at him to do (or that I capslock regularly at him to do) and yet it’s set up so that he’s doing it in exactly the worst way possible. It’s playing all of this as such a double-edged sword, where he could fall to one side or the other and yet the choices and the decisions and even some of the outcomes look so incredibly similar even as they are polar opposites.

Rand needs to accept his past, and stop fighting himself. That’s what he’s done. And yet it’s for the wrong reasons, in the wrong mindset, accepting the wrong aspects and letting go of the very things he needs most to hold on to, while accepting the things he needs more to let go.

The other thing that stands out here is ‘eyes growing haunted’. He is steel, he is cuendillar, he can no longer allow himself to feel or care, he uses balefire on two women in quick succession and shows no thought or emotion whatsoever, and his entire demeanor here is serene, calm, cold. And yet his eyes grow haunted, as he thinks of this. It’s as if there is still a part of him – perhaps the Lews Therin part, now, the part that can feel the things he pushes so firmly away from himself – that can still register horror at what is happening.

There has to be that part of him, because if not then there’s no way for him to…well, ‘recover’ is not exactly the right word here but it’ll do. There has to be something left of Rand, and there is, but he’s closed it off from himself now, and accepted…well, I suppose in a sense what he’s chosen to accept is what he once would have rejected as Lews Therin. I can’t help but remember his “You killed yourself, Kinslayer, after you murdered your wife and your children and the Light alone knows how many others. I won’t kill where I don’t have to! Do you hear me, Kinslayer?” It’s as if he has allowed those two sides of him to almost switch places. It’s not really that simple, but there’s a sense of something like that.

Also just… ‘those of you who are thousands of years my juniors’. I mean he’s not exactly wrong? But also he didn’t really live for those thousands of years in between…

Again, it’s more a sharp demonstration of how willing he now is to claim that life as his own – at the cost, this time, of most of what made him Rand al’Thor. He still hasn’t figured out a way to have both, and that, I think, is the key. But that brings it all back to the question of how. As Rand, he can’t accept what Lews Therin did because it hurts too much and because he so desperately doesn’t want to be doomed to the same fate, or damned by the same acts. As the person he has now decided to become, he can’t ‘remember a shepherd named Rand al’Thor’ because if he does that, then he can feel, and then it hurts too much. And he has crossed all the lines that the shepherd named Rand al’Thor was defined by, so he can’t…let himself be that anymore.

And I have a feeling we’ve veered sharply into ‘it makes more sense in my head I swear’ territory. Which is almost meta, if you think about it.

“Do you recognise that, Cadsuane?” al’Thor said, nodding toward something metallic sitting on the bed

Oh this can only end terribly.

“You promised they would be protected and hidden.”

Well, you promised that you wouldn’t use your friends, or play the political games, or destroy nations, or destroy the Aiel, or hurt Min. How did those promises work out for you?

“I was unaware that you were visiting the Wise Ones,” al’Thor said. He gave a small nod of respect to Sorilea and Amys, which they hesitantly returned.

Oh man, I love that small gesture. It manages to actually make everything even more unsettling. Because it’s not like Rand has completely flipped and become evil in the laughing megalomaniac sense. (Well okay actually I suppose you could make a case for that but just work with me here). It’s more that he has simply relinquished all boundaries or restraints. Which is its own special kind of terrifying and destructive. But it means he can keep these sorts of things, like respect for the Wise Ones and sense of duty or purpose in facing and defeating the Shadow, and in showing these, it sets off just how wrong everything else about him is. Because a nod of respect to the Wise Ones really doesn’t…do anything to help. Just as fighting for the Light while in the state he’s currently in doesn’t really do anything to help the world. It’s a completely hollow gesture, and his victory now would be a hollow victory.

It’s the emptiness, the void. And he doesn’t – can’t – understand that, or why it’s a problem, because all he’s been able to feel for so long now is pain, so all the steps towards this were out of necessity and self-preservation, and now this is the ultimate shield. But it’s a shield that leaves nothing behind it but empty space, at which point…what are you protecting?

The room fell silent. Narishma had been asking quietly after Min’s health, but he fell silent when al’Thor stopped speaking.

Ah, silence. Such a powerful tool. And such a perfect one here, seeing this new Rand from an outside perspective. It mirrors the ‘silence’ from Rand’s thoughts when he killed Semirhage and Elza, and in the entire sequence that followed. There, we still got narrative, but it also had this sense of emptiness, of silence in that we got nothing at all of Rand’s actual thoughts or feelings. Just the sequence of events.

Now he’s silent and it’s so unlike him to those who are watching. He can be quiet, and he can be tired, and he can be angry, but this is…something else entirely.

Also can I just take a moment to appreciate Narishma here? Cadsuane – and likely everyone else in the room – is absolutely focused on Rand, and on what he has become and what has happened to him. But Narishma (maybe because he’s put up with Rand’s shit before and figures this isn’t so different) goes to Min and tries to help. He sees that she’s hurt and he doesn’t leave her alone and ignored in the middle of this horror show.

Rand obviously felt that Cadsuane was responsible for the male a’dam being stolen, but that was preposterous. She had prepared the best ward she knew, but who knew what knowledge the Forsaken had for getting past wards?

She did everything she could possibly think of, she did the best she could with what she knew and what she could reasonably expect, but in the end she failed. So is that her fault?

“You are exiled from my sight, Cadsuane,” he said softly. “If I see your face again after tonight, I will kill you.”

So calmly making death threats, when days before he was adamant, in speaking to the same person, that she was not allowed to use torture, and that Semirhage was not to be killed. So calmly making death threats, when once he would not even have considered it.

What comes to mind here is the moment when he had to sentence Mangin to death, because he had stated the law and the penalty and had to follow it through, though he hated it and wanted there to be a way out. He’s threatened death before, but each time it was more conditional on a specific crime or offence, and even then it wasn’t easy for him. This, though, is calm and straightforward and he delivers it immediately. He doesn’t wait for her protest or refusal, doesn’t first exile her and only then escalate to ‘on pain of death’. It’s just simple and straightforward and seemingly without hesitation or struggle.

Cadsuane felt an immediate stab of panic

And that’s saying something. Cadsuane doesn’t panic. But that’s the point – this is so, so far from the situation even hours previously. This is not a small step that makes things a little more difficult. This isn’t just a little bit further along a dark path. This is the last that could be done. This is the Dragon Reborn without restraint, who has chosen not to feel and has decided that he is already damned, so there is no longer anything holding him back. No longer anything of himself to hold on to.

He turned, and again that gaze of his made her trail off. There was a danger to it, a shadowy cast to his eyes that struck her with more fear than she’d thought her aging heart could summon. As she watched, the air around him seemed to warp, and she could almost think that the room had grown darker.

Yikes.

A ta’veren turned dark, and it’s as if the Pattern itself is wounded by it. Twisted, strained, wrong. And there’s the other side of it, of course, which is that this step Rand has taken has the ability to warp the very air, the Pattern, everything around him. He stands at the centre of it all, and he is the Light’s champion, and if he remains like this he will doom them all.

“But you don’t kill women. Everyone knows it. You can hardly put the Maidens into danger for fear of them getting hurt!”

“I have been forced to revise that particular inclination,” al’Thor said. “As of tonight.”

I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO REVISE THAT PARTICULAR INCLINATION.

WOW.

It’s just so…empty. Emptiness, again, set against what was probably the worst few moments of his life. Emptiness and dispassion where there was – should be – pain and terror and anger and love and determination. Instead there’s just this clinical precision, because that’s all that’s left. He had to revise that inclination. It was an absolute torment to him for several books, and it was so incredibly important to him, to hold to this one last thing he had set for himself, and now that he’s crossed that line it’s just…an inclination. Something he’s had to set aside.

This is just done SO WELL. This stark and immediate shift that takes place as he crosses his moral event horizon. It’s been step by inevitable, agonising, necessary step for so long, approaching that last threshold. A sense of something pulling, pulling, pulling to a breaking point, and then it just…snaps. Done. That’s it. And it’s no longer a gradual, painful journey but an immediate shift, a switch being thrown. The last restraint, the last limit, the last thing holding him back, gone. And the effect of that is so beautifully shown.

“Cadsuane,” he said softly, “do you believe that I could kill you? Right here, right now without using a sword or the Power? Do you believe that if I simply willed it, the Pattern would bend around me and stop your heart? By…coincidence?”

Shit. Wow. Okay. That’s…this is exactly what I wanted and it’s so beautifully, spectacularly terrifying.

(I’m torn, because on the one hand I have such a weakness for this exact character type, but on the other hand no, Rand, you are not supposed to be this character type).

Something you hear authors say sometimes is that death shouldn’t necessarily be the worst thing that can happen to a character. Or that ‘oh no this character might die’ shouldn’t necessarily be the only thing the reader fears, or even the thing the reader fears the most. I bring this up because this, what Rand is doing right now and what has happened to him to bring him to this point, is a really great example of how to give the reader something more to fear, and then to follow up on that, without killing a character. As the reader, you’re told pretty much from the very beginning that men who use the Power are doomed to madness. You’re given Lews Therin as the first example of how very, very wrong this can go. That’s the starting point, and then we get Rand. It creates a sense of fear or apprehension, because you have this inevitable threat of madness and horror hanging over him from the start. Other components get added onto this, when he starts making promises to himself and crossing lines and trying to become harder, and when we’re given more of the salvation/destruction duality.

We’re given these things to fear that aren’t simply ‘Rand might die’. When he’s locked in the box in Lord of Chaos, most readers probably aren’t afraid that maybe the Chosen One and ultimate protagonist is going to bite it in book six. There are series in which that could happen, but that’s not what WoT has set itself up to be – and it’s a large part of the reason ‘Character X Might Die’ isn’t always an effective way of setting the stakes; it’s a harder threat to make feel genuine in most stories. So instead, we’re afraid of what it might do to him. Of how it might push him further towards this thing we see hanging over him, and that we dread. As the reader, the fear is for his sanity and his ability to remain himself and still do what needs to be done.

And so, here, we get the actual fulfilment of that fear. It’s the opposite of and yet akin to the feeling of triumph and payoff at the moment of triumph when everything comes together. This is just the darker side of that, when the exact thing you’ve feared for the character the entire time happens. This is what we’ve been led to fear, for Rand. We’re not afraid of him dying so much as we’re afraid of him becoming this. Of him going too far, coming down on the wrong side of that delicate balance, and becoming the champion of the Light only in name. We see the strain he’s under and we’ve been shown what the possible consequences could be for him because of who he is and what he can do (and what he must do), and that’s where the suspense and the excitement and the fear comes in. And so when it happens, there’s a kind of satisfaction in that.

Also I have a type. That’s definitely part of it.

She nodded slowly, hating herself, strangely weak.

She did everything she could. She held nothing back when it came to pursuing the course she thought had the best chance of success, and she used everything and everyone at her disposal. She even correctly identified the problem – part of it, at least. And despite everything, she failed.

This plays into and expands upon – or maybe delivers on? – what makes Cadsuane such an interesting character for me, especially with what has happened in these chapters, when you see her efforts actually end in this. She has successes along the way, but I don’t know that I ever expected her to truly succeed in her goal of teaching Rand laughter and tears. I don’t know that any character could, really, especially not if they set it as an objective. That’s part of the problem, really. It’s not something anyone can just fix. But she identified it as a problem – not incorrectly, I think – and she did what she could.

And she’s interesting to me in particular because she gets a rather unique combination of:

She’s an absolutely good-aligned character

She’s incredibly competent

She’s harsh in her methods and believes the ends justify the means

She fails

You get some of those together on occasion - evil characters who have the competence and the mindset, and who ultimately fail as a narrative point being made. Or characters sometimes who are hypercompetent and ruthless, for whom the ends justify the means, and who then succeed. And that can lead to an interesting set of questions, but I actually think the more interesting ones come from someone like Cadsuane, who fails. Because it’s the same set of questions – is she justified? Is she right? Should she have acted differently or could she have known to act differently? – but rather than being softened slightly by the ultimate outcome of success, they’re thrown into harsher relief by the fact that what Cadsuane did didn’t work. So where does that leave her? Would she be judged differently if she had succeeded? Should she be judged differently if she had succeeded?

I suspect this plays a role in Cadsuane’s rather, er, controversial nature as a character. It’s not surprising, really – those are some rather complicated questions and I suspect the answers to them vary greatly from person to person, depending on where we each draw our own lines.

They’re interesting questions to think about, though. And I like Cadsuane as a character largely because she causes these questions to be raised in a slightly different light than they usually are.

Someone had taken that child and replaced him with this man, a man more dangerous than any she had ever met.

And how terrifying must that be? To see that and not know what to do, to know only that what she did before didn’t work, and now to see that expression and hear his threats and see that darkness and warp in the air and feel, for probably the first time in at least a century or so, utterly and completely out of your depth? And to know that the fate of the world still rests on him, and this is what he has become. Someone now completely out of reach, where before there was still something of him there, something visibly human even if most chose not to see it.

That was everything I wanted from our first outside look at Rand.

I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to the rest of this.

Next (TGS ch 24) Previous (TGS ch 22)

#help me #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

[ethelindawrites]

TV Review: BBC Sherlock, Season 4

Heads up, this one is long and chock full of spoilers below the cut. TL;DR – As a long-time BBC Sherlock fan, I am disappointed with Season 4.

I will say upfront that I was able to largely enjoy each episode of Season 4 as I was watching it. The acting was still excellent, and there were certainly scenes and parts of episodes that were fantastic. But once I had seen them all and had a chance to step back and look at the season as a whole, I had more and more problems with it. Ultimately, I am disappointed in the writers for not really living up to their own standards, which they set quite high during the first three seasons.

To be honest, I was worried about this season from the moment that Moffat and Gatiss started making public comments that season 4 was going to be especially “dark.” My worries were not unfounded. Let me see if I can articulate what I mean.

Some stories (whether books, movies, or TV shows) are dark stories. By this, I would generally mean a story where the plot or overall context of the world the story is set in necessitate that bad things are going to happen to many of the characters: some of them may die or be killed; many will suffer violence, possibly very brutal violence, either physical or mental; they may have to make choices or do things that go against their beliefs; a happy ending is not guaranteed.

Season 4 of Sherlock certainly fits this definition. The problem is that, at least for me, the previous three seasons do not set this up. There is nothing in the first nine episodes of the series which necessitates the events of the last three, which is very problematic for the story as a whole.

I would contrast this with a story that is and is meant to be a dark story. I may not have a lot of really good examples here, since I do not myself prefer dark stories and don’t tend to watch/read many of them. From what I know of it, Game of Thrones probably falls into this category. I would categorize much of Anne Bishop’s writing (the Black Jewels series, the Ephemera trilogy) as darker stories, albeit set up so that any happy endings which do occur are earned and make sense in the context of the story. For both of those series, the characters are fighting civilization- or world-destroying levels of evil, and so the fact that a great deal of suffering occurs is expected and makes sense in the context of the story. In the realm of movies, V for Vendetta comes to mind. The characters are fighting a brutal dictatorship, and must become brutal themselves in many ways, in order to survive and accomplish their goals. Here again, the darkness of the story is expected, and fitting.

The Sherlock Holmes stories do not fall into this category.

There are dark moments, and dark things that sometimes happen, in any incarnation of the Sherlock Holmes stories – obviously, since they are detective stories often centered around trying to solve murders. But as a whole, the Sherlock Holmes universe is not a brutally dark universe, and that is not the tone that the stories take.

BBC Sherlock has been, from the beginning, probably a bit darker take on the series than the original stories were (although not by much, from my memory of reading them some years back). It is more realistic, in a way, being set in modern times, and there were certainly dark parts in the first three seasons (again, murders, plus a crazy criminal mastermind). None of that was a problem, because they still felt like Sherlock Holmes stories.

For whatever reason, Moffat and Gatiss decided that that was no longer good enough, and that season 4 needed to be “darker.” I strongly believe that this was a mistake, and indeed will always be a mistake for any story that is not already set up in a darker world or universe.

In order to achieve their goal of “darker,” the writers seem to have decided that the plot of season 4 should be “make John and Sherlock suffer as much as possible, in every way, conceivable or not.” This goal then trumped all other considerations, including (in my opinion): plot, characterization in general, meaningful character interaction in many cases, and proper closure of various storylines. (Here come the spoilers.)

As best I can tell, Mary Watson is killed (in this manner and at this point in the story) for the sole purpose of making John suffer, so that Sherlock has to suffer in order to get John back. John is (in a manner that struck me as extremely out of character) “unfaithful” to Mary by text-flirting with a random lady on the bus (which turns out to be a setup, of course, but that doesn’t change John’s choices). This out-of-character-ness seems to have been done mainly so that John can feel guiltier when Mary dies so that he can be angrier at Sherlock. John has to be angry at Sherlock so that Sherlock is forced to “go to hell” in order to convince John that he needs John’s help and John should come back to save him.

The character of Eurus, similarly, is introduced solely for the purpose of putting Sherlock, John, and Mycroft through hell in the last episode. She has no other presence in the story prior to this season (that I can recall, someone feel free to correct me if I missed something in the earlier seasons, which is possible), and no other purpose in the story at all.

(I should say that I don’t fundamentally have a problem with the introduction of a third Holmes sibling; the original stories do include a brief mention of a third brother, Sherrinford. Since we don’t actually know anything about Sherrinford, obviously the writers have some leeway in making up this third sibling character, and the gender-switch doesn’t particularly matter. ETA: Apparently, I am incorrect about Sherrinford being canon! My mistake. I'm now trying to remember why I did think it was canon.)

But to make her be a complete psychopath that Sherlock has utterly forgotten about? Whom Mycroft is idiotic enough to keep alive for years after it becomes clear that she is a danger to everyone around her? Who was somehow able to set up this twisted game for them to play, resulting in the deaths of yet more people, which Sherlock and Mycroft between them are not smart enough to get out of?

I’m sorry, but my suspension of disbelief only goes so high.

The first two episodes mostly make sense, inasmuch as they are predicated on what I consider to be the unnecessary event of Mary’s death. There are some continuity issues, specifically from the end of the first episode: Molly gives Sherlock a letter that John wrote him, and Sherlock goes to see John’s old therapist. Presumably these events have some kind of importance, but they are never mentioned again, and do not appear to have impacted the story at all. What was the point of those scenes? Still, the immediate plots of each episode can be followed, and the main mysteries are explained.

For me, at least (and I know I am not alone in this), the last episode does not make any sense.

The whole point of the Sherlock Holmes stories is that we are meant to get an explanation at the end; the mystery is meant to be solved. The Final Problem does none of that. How has Sherlock recovered from his addiction so quickly? How do he and Mycroft and John get out of the explosion at Baker Street without any serious injuries? Why does Sherlock (also rather out of character, in my opinion) ignore John’s “Vatican Cameos” warning? If the airplane is a metaphor/fantasy in Eurus’ head, then who is the little girl that Sherlock is actually talking to throughout her “game”? (Obviously there could be an explanation for this, but that explanation is not given to us, the viewers.) When Victor Trevor went missing, why on earth was a proper search not conducted for him, and why did no adult think to check the well? (Sherlock obviously knows where the well is when he goes to rescue John, so it doesn’t seem to have been a secret.) Why the hell is Eurus still being kept alive after all of this?

None of these things are explained, and we are simply meant to accept at the end that Sherlock starts spending time with his sister in spite of all the evil things she has done, and that everything between Sherlock and John is back to business as usual, with no discussion of what has happened between them, or apologies, or anything. We can, perhaps, assume that they had those conversations, but we are not shown them.

Personally, I liked that Sherlock was more emotional during this season (and to a certain extent in season 3). He is older, wiser, and more understanding that emotion is not the handicap that he once believed it was. Since I’m a firm believer that the rationality-emotion dichotomy is a false one, it was gratifying to see a character learn and grow and move away from that. But given that growth in Sherlock’s character, and after everything they have been through both separately and together, I believe we deserved to see an honest conversation between John and Sherlock about how much they care about each other, and what they wanted from life together going forward. We did not get that conversation, and that is deeply disappointing to me.

Overall, I think it is always a mistake to try and make a story “dark” just for the sake of making it dark. When you do that with a story that doesn’t need it, then you are likely to fall back on making your characters suffer just for the hell of it, and in order to make that happen, the rest of your story will necessarily suffer too. Unfortunately, Season 4 of Sherlock turned out to be a clear example of this.

Okay, I will stop there. I’ve been obsessing about this in my head for several weeks now, so I thought it was probably better to get it written down. Some will undoubtedly disagree with me about much of this, and that’s fine, but I needed to get my own thoughts out. I am still a fan of the series, and would certainly recommend the first three seasons and the Christmas special. I will probably watch season 4 again, just to make sure that I wasn’t missing things that would help to explain some of these issues, but after that, I don’t know how much I will be rewatching season 4.

~Ethelinda

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #sherlock s4 #sherlock spoilers #review #tv review

[hyacinthetic]

You've interested me with potential Reitotsu from your "swimming, swimming, swimming" meta. Please expand on this. More detail about preventing territorial blowout, how would Totsuka achieve this? Seri and Kusanagi haven't done it.

i’m going to answer you a bit backwards – first by talkingbriefly about how awashima and kusanagi were bad fits for bringing peace,second by discussing why totsuka would bother, third by addressing reitotsu andwhy it interested me in 2015 but i don’t see it working out too hot.

as a preface: let’s be clear that the full context of my original sentence was “totsuka tries to overcome all his fears of a s4 v. homra territorial blowout” (emphasis added). for various reasons,* his odds of succeeding were always going to be shit. but i do believe that (i) it’s within his wheelhouse to have tried something; and (ii) he’s better-positioned for it than awashima + kusanagi combined. let’s take those points backwards.

( * it’s mikorei. when in doubt, i am always talking about mikorei. )

RE: WHY AWASHIMA AND KUSANAGI FAILED TO RESTRAIN THEIR KINGS

this point makes sense largely if you consider totsuka’s service to his king v. kusanagi / awashima’s services. our most extreme example comes in s1, when mikoto goes hurtling headlong to his death and his childhood best friend—the one who knew him best before he ascended—stands by and tells the empty night, “you were the best king we could have asked for”, knowing perfectly well that suoh mikoto never wanted to be king. similarly, awashima never brings up her concerns with munakata directly in s2: she only confronts him after he comes back and he’s made his own choice. both fall into supporting roles; they don’t tell the kings who to be, they only work to ensure that the kings meet their own goals.

totsuka, by contrast, is a kingmaker in a very real sense. the post you mention quotes snippets such as totsuka’s enthusiastic cry to “make this a great kingdom!” and to convince mikoto that he’s a protector. kings do not default to violence and territoriality  – see ichigen miwa, who lived alone in the mountains and picked up an apprentice almost by happenstance. totsuka tells mikoto what being king means, and mikoto takes his cues to lead. munakata and mikoto may have philosophies at odds with one another, but totsuka’s the reason their conflict’s ongoing. so if you were going to change mikoto’s path without developing any of his canon relationships, totsuka would be the go-to option. he’s done it before, and it’s not out of bounds to think that mikoto’d be willing to change again at totsuka’s word.

RE: TOTSUKA’S MOTIVATIONS FOR STEPPING INTO THE FIGHT

assuming that totsuka has the capacity to change things, the question becomes motivation. we know that totsuka enjoys playing the weakling who acts only by influencing others (see: that time he took homra out to an amusement park to force mikoto’s hand in scattering a bunch of thugs following anna), and that others consider this his role in homra. (“We’re a breed of team where power is like our meanin’ for existence. And on top of that, we’ve got a bunch of guys together who let the blood rush to their heads. Someone who, within that, won’t let them drown in their power… who’ll keep everyone together using a method that isn’t forceful, is needed.”) so what would drive him to push suoh mikoto, the man he’s only ever wanted to follow?

the end of my “swimming, swimming, swimming” post was a throwaway joke, but not out of line with how i’d answer the question seriously: totsuka acts according to his own interests. he started following mikoto in middle school, not for any serious purpose, but because he thought that mikoto had a kingly air and he wanted in on that. so if he thought that munakata was (physically) interesting and he saw an advantage in ingratiation, it doesn’t seem to be a stretch to suggest that totsuka might try to involve himself with munakata to bring peace to the homra-s4 conflict from the other side.

i’m going through totsuka’s motivations in some depth because i can’t, in the end, answer your question positively: i don’t believe he’d win the day re: bringing peace. totsuka’s advantage with mikoto is that mikoto accepts other people for who they are (provided they aren’t actively hurting others), and uses his own strength to protect them. totsuka held onto peace for as long as he did by making sure that mikoto had people to protect. this is not a tactic he could use with munakata, whose core philosophy is that humans need structure and a just system. his power comes from working within the system to bring justice. if there’s one thing we know about totsuka, it’s that the system doesn’t suit him much. he can’t even stand the consistency of keeping just one hobby. and i don’t buy that totsuka would charge in where he didn’t think he had good odds for success.

RE: REITOTSU AT LARGE, or a study in fucking around with paragraphs that have no topic sentences; don’t do this at home, kids.

i’d argue there’s some leeway for at least a superficial friendship based on both their interests and the the way they deal with the relationships between ‘being king’ and ‘being human’. you don’t need canon to tell you that totsuka definitely has at least five 3-D puzzles and three books on japanese tea ceremonies propping up a table somewhere. further, unlike mikoto, munakata seems to feel the gap between humans and kings as an actual loss. (see: various remarks throughout canon in which he tries to assert a connection with people who don’t want him that close.) they have a common philosophy: a king shouldn’t need to be lonely. i’ve addressed above why totsuka would be interested in munakata; it doesn’t seem unreasonable to think that munakata wouldn’t respond to that interest to some degree, particularly in light of totsuka’s connection to the main thorn in his side.

ultimately, however, what brought totsuka to munakata’s door would likely drive them apart, too: mikoto may be a brute, but totsuka’s the one who motivates him to stay in power. let’s take a moment to remember that munakata’s main issue with mikoto isn’t that he’s an asshole – it’s that he chooses to act outside the law, and a large part of that choice derives from totsuka’s encouragement. to give them any kind of serious relationship, you’d need to address the conflict. which is difficult, because the nature of any system is that it presumes a set of baseline truths about a population. homra’s there for the people who fall through the cracks, either because the law doesn’t apply to their problems (see: yata “my mum’s new family doesn’t need me and i’m dumb, who am i even and what am i good for” misaki) or because they’re in a position where they can’t go to the law. they solve things with violence both as a deterrent and because it’s the way mikoto needs to blow off steam. you and i understand this, but munakata likely wouldn’t: at the r:b timepoint, the system is everything to him.

but let’s step back for a moment. there are three core principles to the munakata-suoh conflict: (i) suoh lives outside of the system and munakata within it; (ii) suoh and munakata have people to protect; (iii) suoh and munakata are the slate’s chosen kings. 

as such, totsuka’s options for defusing the homra-s4 conflict are three: (i) bring suoh into the system and make sure he lives by it; (ii) remove suoh’s people to protect; (iii) get suoh to step down.

(i) and (ii) are instantly out of the question – (i) was contrary to suoh’s character even before he became a king;** (ii) would never be true for as long as totsuka was alive, and losing it (per s1) could drive mikoto to burn out instantly. that leaves us with (iii) – which is difficult but not impossible. totsuka’s understanding of mikoto as ‘king’ began long before the slate chose him, and arguably has very little to do with mikoto’s slate-granted powers. what totsuka wants, at his core, is for mikoto to be king and to have human bonds with others. neither of these require that he keep powers that are killing him. munakata’s in an especially good position to convince him of that.

if i were going to do reitotsu in any kind of canon setting, i’d start there.

(** i mean, there’s a workable au in which the japanese parliament sees the rising tide of strain incidents and strikes back against the gold king’s ‘shadow government’ by passing a set of laws that require strain registration and restrict travel for registered strains/clansmen. in the ensuing power struggle, shizume degenerates into territories divided between the rule of separate kings. munakata wouldn’t like it, and frankly totsuka would have to grow the fuck up before he could cope with such an au, but at least then munakata’d have to recognise mikoto as a king with specific grounds for rights. while the catalyst for s4 and homra’s constant battles comes down to totsuka + principles, their actual conflict derives from the fact that homra, in theory, falls under s4’s governance. give them a system in which they maintain separate spheres of power and negotiating peace gets a lot easier.)

IN SUM

i realise the above is very negative. this isn’t to say that i don’t find the relationship interesting in its own way. the canon theme is that nobody ever calls totsuka out on his shit – mikoto periodically sees through it (see: again, their scene at the amusement park) but really doesn’t challenge him. kusanagi’s in a similar position to see through the facades, but arguably has too much to lose by trying to change his dynamic with mikoto and homra. (remember – kusanagi thinks it’s important for homra to have a weakling + a restraint, something that only works if he lets totsuka play his games.) munakata’s as close as we get to a bystander who’s nevertheless involved enough to tell totsuka exactly how much damage he’s doing by using someone else to play kings – and more than that, how little totsuka’s doing for himself by perpetuating a system where his only role is supposedly ‘support’ when he’s capable of so much more.

as for munakata’s interest in totsuka – well. totsuka’s one of the few characters we see who’s fearless with his king. supplemental materials make munakata’s quest for just such a person fairly clear.

#hot k problems #totsuka tatara #munakata reishi #metaaaaaaaaaaa!1111