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sungie · 3 years

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𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮: 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐚/𝐧: literally nothing in this is canon but adkfl;djkfl; anyway thank you for reading!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: it’s a comfort piece with fluff but it does deal heavily with topics of family trauma/depression/sadness

- -

“Suga,” you try, hesitantly, reaching for the sleeve of his jacket, “do you have a moment?”

The grin on Suga’s face falters for a split second, and if you let yourself get swept into his bravado, you can almost pretend like you don’t see it. Like you don’t see the way he’s trying so hard to keep this wild glimmer in his eyes, and loud laughter spewing from his mouth, and for a moment, you think you’ve caught him mid-glitch.

His laughter lines pause, eyes widening slightly, then drooping, as if you’ve caught him doing something bad. But he recovers, admirably, so, and his face gentles. “Yeah, of course I do. One second.”

You let his sleeve drop from your hands, and you watch as Suga bounds toward the door, calling out to the volleyball team lingering by the exit. “I’ll catch you guys later, don’t wait up.”

He’s met with a chorus of disappointed awws, whines from Hinata, and promises from Daichi that they won’t save him any meat buns, but Suga laughs them off, making sure to leave them with an everlasting grin and smiling eyes.

“You’ve got to buy me a meat bun,” Suga teases, turning back to you. “Compensation for my time.”

You laugh, swatting at his chest. “You’re so full of it.” And then, because he sticks his tongue out at you, “fine. I guess I’d buy you some.”

“How many?

“A half.”

Suga looks at you dryly.

“Five.”

At this he smiles satisfactorily, clearly amused. “So what’d you need?”

It’s hard for the words to leave your mouth, and for a moment, the silence that stretches between the two of you is sticky and awkward, something that perhaps shouldn’t be said. An amber mold preserving an old arachnid, one encased in circumstance to be played out in time. And you’re shattering it.

“I know, Suga.” It’s out, and you sigh, squeezing your hands together behind your back. “I know what you’re doing.”

Suga’s grin is so large. “What do you mean? You’re not talking about those minutes I was late to practice, were you?” He laughs, scrunching up his face. “I promise I’ll do some extra laps, just for you. You can watch me the whole time.”

“Suga.”

And for once, his laugh is almost hostile. And he can’t stop. You can hear Oikawa in the back of your mind, murmuring Mr. Positive, Mr. Refreshing, over and over. Like a chant. A warning.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m laughing. Look, (Y/N), I’ve got stuff to do.” He says, sheepishly, rubbing a spot at the back of his neck. “Why don’t we put this conversation on hold and get food with the team? I’ll pay?” He grins. “Well, for mine … and maybe yours.”

You and Suga share a look, and he winces. You’re willing to bet he’s reliving the exact moment two weeks ago when he told you the same exact thing, and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“I’m thinking no laps for two meat buns?” Suga tries, hoping for a smile from you.

“On hold, Koushi? Or never?”

“Fuck,” Suga mutters under his breath. “Come on, (Y/N), not now --”

“Hey,” you say, softly, “I’m not bringing this up because I want to hold it over you, or anything. I’m just worried. Really worried.”

Suga softens. He holds his lip between his teeth, then tilts his head slightly to the side, trying to read you. He must see no animosity there, no ulterior motives, because he slowly reaches out to brush his thumb against your cheek, hesitating as his eyes hold something you haven’t quite seen before so openly. “I know. And it means a lot that you do, really. But there’s nothing going on.” He gulps, smiling shyly, like an afterthought. “I’m fine.”

And just as he’s about to leave, already turned and hand reaching for the door knob, your words make him freeze.

“My parents don’t put me first, either.”

Suga freezes so rigidly that you nearly feel the air twinge with ice. “What?” Suga’s voice, it’s so tight. Almost as if you could break his vocal chords with a light exhale.

“You don’t have to tell me,” you whisper, looking at his back, “but I thought it would help. If you knew. I’ll let you go, now.”

“How’d you know?” Suga whispers.

A strangled sort of sound escapes your lips. “Huh?”

“How’d you know?” He repeats.

“There’s only one reason people act like you, Koushi.”

“What’s that?”

“Pain.”

“Ah,” Suga whispers, unable, or unwilling, to turn around. “I see.”

Carefully, you step forward, lightly wrapping your arms around his waist. You can feel how tense his back is, and you gently squeeze his torso, hoping that some gesture can help ease the walls he’s putting up day by day.

“I guess you were watching that time, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“And you read between the lines.”

You weigh the options between saying anything, and then decide to just go for it. “Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

You gently rest your head against his back. “Sorry.”

“It’s funny, you know,” Suga says, almost bitterly, but more resigned, “that you’re the only one who noticed.” He sighs, reaching out with one hand to lean against the doorframe. “They’ve lived with me my entire life, and they think I’m perfectly fine. Everyone does.”

“It’s fucked up.”

Suga breathes out, and you can picture his exhausted laugh, despite everything. “Yeah.”

“What is it for you?” You try, your hands gentle against him. His inhale feels shaky against your arms, and you mindlessly press your lips to the back of his jacket.

“My brother,” he relents. “there’s only really room for one of us to be loved. And my parents, well, they never understood emotions much. Maybe they just weren’t ready for parenting. Or something.” He sighs. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s him. But I just …”

“Wanted to come first for once,” you murmur. “You wanted to be seen.”

Suga sags, letting out a tired breath. “Exactly.”

“How bad is it?”

Suga laughs quietly. “I’m okay, really --”

“Koushi.”

“It hurts,” Suga murmurs, gently taking one of your hands around his waist and guiding it to his chest. “Sometimes it hurts so bad, here. Like a hole. But sometimes, I don’t know, it just ...” he falters off, searching for words. “Feels numb? I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

“Makes sense, Koushi. Maybe almost like there’s nothing there, too. Just … drifting.”

Suga’s chest heaves, like he’s suppressing an amused laugh. “Yeah. It’s like you know exactly what I’m …” He freezes. “Oh, shit.”

Slowly, very slowly, Suga turns in your grasp, reaching to gently cup your cheeks in his palms. “Why didn’t you stop me … I didn’t think about you.”

Your eyes widen. “No, don’t you dare.”

Suga stops, confused. “What?”

“You’re doing it again. Putting people first.”

Suga frowns, then brushes his thumb against your cheek, his touch lingering on your skin longer than it’s ever been. “So are you.”

You falter, words dying from your lips.

“Oh,” Suga whispers, allowing a teasing lilt to enter his voice, “are we going to kiss, now?”

You whack him in the chest, and he laughs, shaking his head. “Kidding, kidding. But I’m serious, (Y/N). You do the same exact things I do.”

“No,” you mutter, stubbornly. “I’m your co-manager, and it’s my role to help you all out when I think something’s wrong --”

“No,” Suga whispers, “you knew because that’s your life, too.”

“But it’s your turn,” you protest.

“I was told it’s nice to take turns,” Suga smiles at you, gently. “Were you not?”

You laugh, attempting to turn from his gaze. He’s looking at you so tenderly, and with so much care, too. It’s strange.

But Suga gently holds you in place. “I won’t force you to share things with me, (Y/N). I’ll come to you if I need help, but I want you to come to me, too.”

“You’re going to have to swear on that.”

Suga throws his head back and laughs, and this time it’s real. When he turns back to look at you, the rosy glow in his cheeks flushes his face and adds light to his eyes. “I can’t ever fool you, can I?”

“I’m your Achilles Heel.”

Suga smirks. “In more ways than one.”

“Are you still flirting, Koushi?” You try to stifle a grin. “You do know I’m --”

“Not ready for a relationship. Yeah … I know.” Suga looks at you fondly. “I know. Don’t worry.”

The smile fades from your lips. “Then why?”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“It won’t work.”

“Maybe. But are you saying that because you don’t want a relationship with me, or because you’re scared of letting people in?”

Your eyes widen, and you impulsively take a step back from Suga. “I, um, I just think we’re too similar.”

“Maybe. But we won’t know unless we try.” He gently leans down to press his lips to your temple. “So for now, I’ll wait for you. Until you’re ready, or until you grow tired of me. Either works.”

“Grow tired of you? I wouldn’t ever. I don’t know why you’d say that.”

“Just in case. I don’t want you to feel pressured. And,” he murmurs, his eyes taking on a far-off look, “I wouldn’t want you to feel guilty for needing to take space. You know.”

“I wouldn’t ghost you.”

Suga laughs. “Cute. I’m sure you say that to all the people in your DMs.”

“They’re just really good friends. That I sometimes don’t talk to for a while.”

“Yes.” Suga nods in faux understanding, “I’m sure that’s the case.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you,” you hiss.

Suga just gazes at you softly. “Thank you.”

“Huh? For what?”

“For today.” Suga lets the corner of his lips tug up. “For understanding. And for letting me vent.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks but shake your head, walking for the door. “Buy me meat buns at Ukai’s.”

“No,” Suga teases. “You said you’d buy me five.”

“I wasn’t serious!”

“Neither was I,” Suga teases, poking you in the ribs. “Come on, I’ve got you.” And as he reaches for your hand, he smiles at you. “I always do.”

#sugawara #sugawara x reader #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara koshi x reader #sugawara koshi imagines #sugawara koushi imagines #sugawara koushi x you #sugawara koshi x you #suga haikyuu #sugawara koushi #sugawara koshi #suga x reader #suga imagines

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puckinghell · 4 years

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The Plus One Pact | Part 1 | William Nylander

Summary: Your ex is getting married, and you don’t have a date, which means the unavoidable “why don’t you have a boyfriend” question is about to haunt you for the rest of eternity. But then there’s Will, who could be the answer to all your problems. A simple business pact, no feelings involved: that won’t be hard for you, because you really don’t like him anyways. Except pacts were made to be broken… or something. Right?

Note: This is part 1, let me know what you think about the idea of this series!

“I have a plan to fix this,” your best friend says, and there’s absolutely nothing worse than when Zach says that.

To be fair, when you called him in complete, blind panic, you weren’t really thinking straight. If you were, you would’ve started your tirade with a I don’t need you to fix this, but…

As it is, you forgot to say that, and so Zach is trying to fix it. That’s how your best friend works.

“I have a plan, too,” you say. You’re sitting on the floor in the kitchen, legs pulled up to your chest, and your phone is on speaker on the floor next to you. It’s quite a dramatic scene, with it being dark outside, the Toronto city lights twinkling below you; if you weren’t having a mental breakdown, you’d laugh about the high romantic comedy feeling this has.

“I’m going to throw myself off the roof and fake death.”

“If you throw yourself off the roof, it won’t be faking anymore.” Zach sounds undeterred by your possible impending death, which. Rude. Maybe you need a new best friend.

Outside, you can see the rain falling. Spring has arrived, but spring is really hit and miss in Toronto, and this week the weather has been dreadful. It kinda feels serendipitous, now.

“Zach,” you whine into the phone, “I can��t go to my ex’s wedding alone. You have to come with me.”

Zach sighs, but doesn’t say anything. To be fair, he’s already explained to you why he can’t do that – he has plans, and a wife, so - but…

“It’s so unfair.” You let your head fall back against the kitchen cabinet with a thump, and wonder idly whether you still have a bottle of wine stashed in one of those cabinets. If there was ever a time to pull it out, it’s probably now.

“I told you, I have a plan. We can fix this.” Zach sounds smug, which doesn’t do anything to help your worry.

He always means well, and he’s a smart guy, yet somehow his plans never work out too well for you.

“The plan that I have,” your best friend says slowly, cutting himself off to interject: “And don’t say no right away!”

That probably means you’re gonna say no right away.

“My plan is that you’re gonna take Willy.”

You laugh.

“Fuck no.”

So, it’s not like you hate William.

It’s just. You also don’t like him.

He’s always so chipper and happy, and there’s no way anyone can be that chipper and happy all the time. And he’s always confident, sometimes borderline cocky, and you never know whether he’s being nice to you or taking the piss, whether to take what he says at face value or with a grain of salt. You don’t know what to make of him, which makes you feel uncomfortable in his presence.

And then there’s the fact that he’s William Nylander.

Obviously, being friends with Zach, who loves William, there’s gonna be times when you’re around him. And whenever you are, it seems like the entire city is around him, too.

Clubs, restaurants, cinemas, even stores: you can’t go anywhere without people whispering, without a crowd forming. Sometimes people even follow you.

And you know it’s William, because it never happens when it’s just you and Zach. Even though Zach is, in your opinion anyway, just as big a deal in Toronto as Willy. So. It must be something about William as a person.

However.

The idea of having to go to this wedding alone makes you wanna vomit, or cry, or maybe both. You feel your skin crawl and your heartbeat speed up, and you haven’t had a proper panic attack in years but it feels like it’s just below the surface, when you think about having to see Noah getting married, while everyone around you is just feeling sorry for you because you’re still lonely and pathetic.

It was such a bad idea to get your entire family so involved in Noah’s life, because now they’re all gonna be at his wedding, and even your own family will look at you with quiet disappointment.

It’s too much, literally, for you to even process, and you blame that lack of mental capacity for the fact that you end up telling Zach he can arrange a meeting with William for you.

Toronto is still hiding underneath an everlasting raincloud, and everything about you is soaked by the time you hurry through the coffee shop door.

So far for your jacket being waterproof, then.

The coffee shop, luckily, is warm and cozy, and you wonder why Zach has never taken you there before. There’s something hipster about it, sure, with mismatched furniture and indie music playing, but it has the kinda relaxed vibe you’re always looking for.

That’s when you spot him.

He’s wearing a hoodie and a snapback, and his glasses, which somehow make him fit right in with the aesthetic of the place, as if they hired him to sit there and be pretty – shut up, you don’t like him, but you’re not blind - and drink coffee, to fit the decor.

He looks up when he sees you coming, a lazy smile appearing on his face.

“Y/N,” he says, almost amused, “this was unexpected.”

“Hey, William,” you mutter, shrugging off your wet jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair opposite him. “I’ll just go get a coffee and then I’ll explain.”

“No need.” William motions towards one of the two mugs that are on the table. “Ordered you a hazelnut latte with oat milk.” He sounds proud, and you assume Zach told him your favorite coffee order but you’re a little impressed anyway.

From anyone else, maybe you’d seen it as common courtesy, but for William, to think about that? You’ve noticed he has a habit of thinking about himself, first, so, that’s a thing for him.

“Thanks,” you say, and you must look as baffled as you feel because William rolls his eyes a little.

“It’s just a coffee. And call me Will or Willy, please. William is what my grandmother says.” His eyes twinkle when he adds: “Oh, and angry old white dudes on hockey Twitter.”

If you didn’t kinda need him, you would’ve probably kept calling him William just to annoy him a little: you’ve never really seen William – Will – annoyed, not if not jokingly. You’ve seen him happy, dejected, upset, but never annoyed.

It’s a mood he regularly instills in you, so you wonder if you could return the favor.

However.

“Okay, Will, so here’s the thing.”

You do need something from him.

“One year ago, I had a boyfriend.”

Will raises an eyebrow, takes a sip of his coffee in the most pretentious way. “Congratulations.”

“Do you want to hear the story?” you snap, forgetting for a second that you’re supposed to be nice to him. Old habits die hard.

Will holds up his hands and stills.

“So, my ex, his name is Noah. We got together when we were 16 and I thought he was the one for me. He was over at my house so much, my parents used to joke that we’d already gotten married and just hadn’t told them. He was as much part of my family as I was, and I thought we’d be together forever.”

Will takes another drink. His leg is bouncing up and down slightly; another habit of his that you really wish you could kick out of him.

“Long story short,” you decide to settle, “next month he’s getting married to the woman he cheated on me with.”

Now Will’s eyes widen, and you can tell he wasn’t expecting that. You bet he’s really not expecting your next sentence.

“So I need you to go to the wedding with me.”

It’s quiet. You take the chance to take a sip of your drink; it’s delicious, maybe the best you’ve ever had, and now you wonder whether Will spends a lot of time here cause if not, you’d like to make this your regular coffee place.

“You wanna go to this douchebag’s wedding?” Will asks, sounding incredulous. And, okay, maybe you can’t blame him for sounding like that.

“Want is a big word,” you hum. You link your fingers together, think of your mom when she spoke to you last.

“You have to come, Y/N. I promised him he’d always be a part of our family, and if you don’t go he won’t feel welcome. Surely you’re over him, by now?”

“My whole family is going and I think my mom will disown me if I don’t go. I told you, he’s as much part of the family as I am. If I didn’t go, it’d be like… Me not going to my brother’s wedding.”

“But he’s not your brother.” Will still looks like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “He’s a cheating ex!”

You sigh. “They don’t know about the cheating part, actually.”

When you and Noah broke up, you hadn’t been in a good place. You felt embarrassed, but most of all, worthless. Like it had been your fault he cheated: if only you had been prettier, skinnier, smarter, funnier, better, he wouldn’t have had to. He wouldn’t have fallen for Betty – his soon to be wife – if you’d been enough.

So, ashamed as you were, and knowing how much your family loved Noah, you didn’t tell them the truth. You simply told them you’d broken up because you’d grown apart, become different people.

In a way, you still think you made the right choice. You don’t think they would’ve chosen Noah’s side if you’d told them the truth, but it would’ve hurt them to cut him out of their lives, and still to this day he comes over all the time to fix stuff at their house or make them dinner.

You’re thankful for the way he cares about your parents, even if he never cared about you.

You try to explain this all to Will, but no matter what you say, the deep edged frown in his forehead doesn’t leave.

“I still think it’s bullshit,” he declares, a little too loudly, when you’re done. “But at least I get why Zach wants me to go with you, now. As a barrier.”

He’s puffing his chest a little and it would be cute if it wasn’t so typically William-Nylander-out-there, and now you’re wondering if he’s making fun of you or if he’s being genuine.

“You don’t need to be a barrier,” you say, deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt. “I just didn’t want to show up alone and have everyone think I’m still all kinds of messed up about this. I want people to know I’m doing great in life.”

When you see Will’s questioning gaze, you frown at him. “Don’t be sexist. I am doing great in life, even if I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t need a boyfriend for that. It’s just that my family seems to disagree with that.”

“That’s not just a female thing,” Will says, and he seems to genuinely get it. “My mom asks me about twenty times every week if I’ve found a girlfriend yet. She wants grandbabies and she wants them now.”

“Even with your hockey career?” you ask him. It seems silly to you, for Will’s family to focus on grandkids when Willy is still so young, living his dream in the NHL.

Will laughs. “She doesn’t care about that. She says she’s had enough of that with dad. She’s proud of me for my career, but she wants me to have the family life, too, and she worries it’s gonna be too late really soon.”

“You’re 24, not 55,” you huff. Will shrugs, but he’s smiling.

“Either way,” he says. “I can go with you to that guy’s wedding, and I can be your handsome, succesful, charming pretend-boyfriend.”

“And so humble,” you scoff, but there’s a weight lifting from your shoulders at his words.

“However,” Will continues, and the weight is back instantly. Damn it, you shouldn’t celebrate so soon. “My cousin, who lives in Calgary, has this baby shower, gender reveal party situation going on next week, and I don’t wanna listen to my entire family ask me when I’m gonna get a girlfriend for my babies every six minutes. So you have to come with me to that.”

You quickly do the thinking; one gender reveal party can’t last very long, you’ll just have to eat colored cakes and smile at people’s baby stories and chug some champagne, and then your wedding fears will be over.

However…

“Okay,” you say, “but my boss is getting married this weekend and I told him I had a plus one because I did, but Zach canceled because he’s a loser.”

Or, because his knee is bothering him and he’s doing some extra physical therapy to rehab it more. Whatever.

“So you’ll come with me to that, too, and we can practice for the real thing.”

“The real thing?” Will’s eyes twinkle and there’s an amused tilt to the corners of his mouth, and you realize you made it sounds as if you and him are gonna get married.

You glare at him and kick his feet under the table, and Will laughs a loud, obnoxious laugh that has always irked you but now that his full attention is on you, suddenly something like warm pride glows in your chest.

Maybe, this won’t be so bad after all.

Famous last words.

#william nylander #william nylander fic #toronto maple leafs #nhl fic

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itsreallylaterightnow · 4 years

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Itsreallylaterightnow Master List

AO3 Page: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsreallylaterightnow/pseuds/itsreallylaterightnow

Order: Newest to Oldest

19. Love, Michelle

Peter Parker and Michelle Jones have been friends since meeting at Midtown. Their relationship has had many up's and down's, the universe seemingly cursing them to never cross paths no matter how desperately the two want each other.

The Love, Rosie AU that I didn't know I needed until I saw @seek-rest post about it

18. Irreplaceable You

Then she learned that she didn’t have to worry about that anymore. Because her story was going to end. She didn’t need to worry about what she was going to wear next, or her payments, or her assignments. It didn’t matter anymore because she was going to die. And she never knew that she was living her life for the next moment until she realized that the only moment, she was waiting for was her death. But the one thing that she would always worry about, was Peter Parker.

The Irreplaceable You AU that took over my life and is going to make me cry a whole lot

17. There's No Shelter From the Storm

With the Accords having fallen to pieces, Secretary Ross will do anything to take out enhanced individuals. Even if that means paying scientists to create a biological weapon carried by non-enhanced individuals that only effects those with mutated genes. Tony pulls Peter out of school, quarantining him into the tower, but how hard is it going to be to keep a teenaged ball of energy from getting himself infected?

Peter Parker is really bad at quarantining himself when there are still people that need Spider-Man's help and Secretary Ross sucks.

Author's Note: This is a fic obviously inspired by the crazy events happening outside our doors, but this fic is in no way meant to be insensitive to those affected. Stay home, stay safe. My prayers are with those infected, families who have loved ones infected, those who are quarantined with abusive families, first responders, medical professionals, and those who have lost jobs.

16. To Look Down Upon You is Enough For Me

“A wise man told me once that fathers weren’t always born to you. That-that sometimes the best fathers are the ones that step up to the plate when no one else is there. I didn’t truly know what having a father was like. But now I know what having a father should be. And I’ll miss him every day.”

Peter went on the mission thinking that he and Mr. Stark would be back in time for him to apologize to Michelle about being late for supper again.

He never would have imagined the outcome that happened, or how much it would affect who he was as a father.

15. Now All Our Memories (They're Haunted)

“I want to stay.” Peter stated indignantly, ignoring the blood that dripped from his nose, a waterfall of pain and dread. His head pounded like a river breaking on the shore over and over and over again. He could feel it. The energy that was racing through his bloodstream. His mind was a supernova. Flashes of lights and stars and images of things he had never seen – things he could never understand. Time warping around his consciousness, bending his thoughts into an everlasting loop. He felt the world at his finger-tips and he wanted it to go away. Like a black hole coming to wrap around him as he tried to claw his way back to the surface. Peter took a ground shattering breath – the earth’s plate shifting every time he inhaled. “I was going to be with you… forever.”

14. Let's Just Order Take Out From Now On?

Peter always knew that May's cooking was bad... he just never expected to almost die from it

Peter gets botulinum poisoning and stress ensues

13. Nothing is As it Has Been (and I Miss Your Face Like Hell)

Pete is grieving. And he just needed to say goodbye. Needed the chance to say goodbye. When he gets the oppurtunity, of course he won't pass it up.

The author is grieving and just really needed to live vicariously through a fic so she wrote this.

12. 5 Times Tony Got Peter Out + the One Time He Couldn't

Tony is always there for Peter. Always. But God, it can be exhausting when the kid has the worst self-preservation skills in the world. But, that's why he has Tony.

5 times Tony got Peter out + the one time he couldn't

11. My Bones Have Found A Place (To Lie Down & Sleep)

Prompt from Irondad-Fic-Recs on Tumblr: Prompt: So I just saw little women and I’m just thinking about the scene where one of the sisters dies. Like the older sister Jo, fall asleep by her bedside only to wake up to see her younger sister is gone. So how about peter and tony in this situation. Tony dozes off by Peter’s bedside while he’s hurt or sick and wakes up to find he passed away while was sleeping

Why you got to hurt me like this? What if it’s like an IW AU where people die, and the body is left behind after Thanos snapped? and Peter clings on to life long enough to get back to earth and the compound where they hook him up to machines to try to save him (his heart is failing or something idk) but then that happens.

so basically that, just check it out.

10. It's Just Medicine

Peter has an old injury that flares up once in a while, he thought for certain that he would be able to keep it a secret from Tony, until it flares in the middle of them testing out a new suit.

Tony Stark is a worried dad, and hates to see when Peter is in pain.

9. So Leave Me In The Cold (Wait Until The Snow Covers Me Up)

Peter has been missing for three weeks. Tony just needs to get his kid back. Just needs to hold him again.

Whatever it takes.

Another rescue fic because we could always use some protective Irondad

8. Run Into My Arms Again (walk with me into the light) - Febuwhump

Tragedy strikes Peter Parker’s life again. He wasn’t ready for it, and he knows that he will never be the same, but after four months of college, he is beginning to think that he will learn to be whole again. He has his family; May and Happy, and the support of the Starks to help bring him happiness again.

Then, the unthinkable happens. When Peter finds himself in the clutches of someone that wants nothing but to see Tony Stark burn to the ground, how will he find the strength to hold on until help arrives? And will he be able to protect his newfound family in the process?

7. Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Being Pulled in So Many Directions

Peter knows he did poorly on his final, and he feels bad enough. Then May finds out. Peter doesn't know how to handle all the pressure of being a normal high-school teenager on top of trying to balance the responsibility that comes with being spider-man.

Thank fully he has Tony Stark and May Parker to keep him in check- and comfort the stressed teen along the way.

6. When I Was Older

Peter Parker never thought that something like this would be a problem, he always imagined with the spider-bite came a sort of overall health and wellness... well besides being shot at constantly. So when this terrible illness bites down on him suddenly, how will it effect the few days he has left?

Peter Parker contracts an illness that he has never heard of then learns that it has no known cure... will he lose his mind before getting the chance to say goodbye to the ones he loves?

5. Whumptober 2019

spooky season=whumpy season! Here is whumptober 2019 from the prompts I created on my Tumblr itsreallylaterightnow! Please enjoy!

WARNING: this is whumpy stuff- so violence, graphic violence is to be expected. There will be blood and injuries and sadness, but it should mostly have a happy ending to each chapter!

4. Diamond of the Day

Peter couldn't let Mr. Stark die. He wouldn't let him die. He had lost Ben, he wouldn't stand by and not do anything.

The Avengers Endgame/Merlin crossover that no one asked for and made me sad

3. Saturn

Penny Parker lost May a year ago, and as she is coping with what happened, her life just seems to be one trial at a time. Within seconds her life changes forever. Will the knowledge that she still has a family, not by blood but by love, be enough to get her through the challenges that come her way?

Penny lives in the tower with the Avengers, but Ross has a plan for revenge. He knows that Tony would never show fear or pain, but in order to hurt Tony Stark, you hurt what he cares about. (I suck at summaries I'm so sorry)

2. Tumblr Drabble/One Shots

Archives from my tumblr - itsreallylaterightnow

Remember that I take requests over there! If it’s irondad whump/fluff odds of me accepting it are like... %100!!! Love you all!

Enjoy the fluffy whumpy goodness :)

1. Use Somebody

Peter Parker lives the average life... school, being an intern to the biggest company like-ever and fighting criminals while wearing spandex. Who knew that being close to Tony Stark would hold such deadly consequences

#itsreallylaterightnow #fanfiction #masterlist

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #192

“i’d love to give you wings, but babe, you’ve got to grow them.”

Where have you lived throughout your life? The same general area in North Carolina. Do you find your job rewarding? N/A What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? I'm sure it was red velvet. To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? I enjoy both, but bagels. Do you paint your nails? No. What’s the last website you signed up for? Good question... maybe a feral dog RP forum I was considering making a character on? Do you check your email everyday? I'm getting into the habit. Have you created any pages on Facebook? Yeah. Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? Social studies/history, math. What’s your favorite song by Dave Matthews Band? I have no idea who that is. Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? Maybe? Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? No. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? Nooo, not at all. Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? No. Have you ever had a panic attack? Plenty. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Yeah. In our old one, anyway. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? Not personally, I think. Is anyone you know really religious? Welcome to the South. Yes. Are your eyebrows naturally thick? I'd say they're average. Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? No. I haven't spoken in front of an actual audience since my senior project, though. It was hard, but I think I did well. What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? I'm not sure. Moana may have gotten me a bit teary? But if no, Coco absolutely did. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? I think "hate" is a strong word for it. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes. I legitimately had dark spots on my right leg for a long while. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow? Juan. Who was the last person to flip you off? Idk, but I'm sure it was playfully. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Miiiine! And my friend Alyssa's. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? Sure, in rare circumstances. Are you good at following directions? No. I have zer-O sense of direction. Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? Sara. From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? Yeah, behind me. When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? Not unless I'm with my grandmother. She's extremely "proper" about things. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? No. Have you ever seen a walrus? Are there any at SeaWorld? Otherwise, no. When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? HELL NO. I'm a germaphobe with that stuff. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure? Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer? I don't recall the science behind this theory, so idk. When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? Oh yes, especially if it's someone I'm very close to. Particularly, I can't handle Mom, my sisters, or Sara crying. I've never seen Dad cry, but if he ever did, I know I would bawl. Do you tend to jump to conclusions? Was this written as a direct @me??????? Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? NOPE. I only remember... Sara's, Connie's, Caleb's (just because it's on Halloween), Shaylee's, and that's literally it out of friends/acquaintances. Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? Actually use WiiFit. I'm doing periodic exercises throughout the day, but I need to dedicate more and be able to see my center of balance. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? NONONONONO IT'S SO GROSS TO ME How long does it take you to fall asleep? No less than 15 minutes, I think usually more. Do you crack your neck often? I can't. Did you have a weird dream last night? OH MY GOD YES. I was awkwardly with one of my acquaintances at his house somehow????? and we both seemed very uncomfortable??????? and I think I was high or some shit???????????????? I don't even know this person well enough to like-like him?????????????? Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? My sisters and successful friends. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. But I aim for both. In what way are you your own worst enemy? I criticize. The. Hell out of everything I do. What activities make you lose track of time? Video games. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Full offense, you're an absolute dick if you do that. Who do you tell your secrets to? Nobody really unless there's reason to, and only ever Sara, Mom, or my therapist. Who do you live with? Mom and the pets. When did/will you graduate? '14 for high school. Idk when I will for college, gotta get there first... When are you moving next? Probably when Sara and I are ready for our own place. When is the last time you took a vitamin? I have to twice a week now, so Thursday, because I have an incredible vitamin D deficiency, and that's probably what's causing my knee problems. Why are you stressed? The everlasting weight loss struggle. Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Where do you keep your birth certificate? It's in a safe. How many books are in your room? Uhhh like three? Then one coloring book. Have you ever been IN a wedding? I was the immensely triggered and ugly bridesmaid at my older sister's. Weddings were a very sensitive thing to me at the time, so while I was so happy for Ashley, I had a very difficult time and cried numerous times. What was the last thing you laughed out loud at? I think during a Mark video? Do you have a nickname? Why? "Britt" for obvious reasons, and Mom's called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. She gave all her children sweets-based nicknames. Fuck out my face if you think that ain't the cutest damn thing. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? I think the last time was when Sara said I looked really pretty with eyeliner on and I just eeeeeeeeeek. I'm not often told it. Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? Not romantically. I'd like to see Girt as a bud; I'm gonna invite him to my birthday dinner to hang out. Hopefully he doesn't have work. Want someone back in your life? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? Weight. Unbelievable difficulty getting my fucking transcript and inability to find my ACT score so I can go back to school. Are you wearing anything shiny? My lip ring has gems on it, and they shine a bit in the right light. How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? I need it. I don't think I could really enjoy a constantly serious person as a partner. How many followers do you have on Twitter? Idk, don't care to check. I only ever use it to be able to like Mark's shit lmao. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? Open so Roman can go in and out. Have you ever been to the beach? Multiple times. Can you handle blood? Doesn't bother me a bit. Do you pay your bills or do your parents? My parents. I have no source of income to. What’s your best friend’s middle name? Jane. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? In college courses when my mental state was at its worst. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? No, I don't think so. Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? "Very" is unlikely, but I am dead serious about being at least perfectly financially stable one day. I refuse to live how I have my whole life so far, wondering if rent will be paid each month 'n things like that. Do you remember your first time going to the movies? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute? No. Well, not dying to, but after this whole revelation I had, I really want to apologize to Jason. I wasn't without evil in how I responded to and treated him after the breakup. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I haven't read a series in years. Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? Nooo. Summer sucks and lying in grass is super uncomfortable. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Not fading, but literally gone from the keyboard because this one is horrible, even after being "fixed" or replaced (idr). No joke, 21 are gone. Sooo I have to smash those buttons for the sensor or whatever to understand I'm pressing them, to the point my fingers, especially right pointer, are mildly callused. Do any of your close friends have children? No close ones, but one I'm hoping to reconnect more with it expecting. What do you plan on having for dinner? Probably a sandwich and nutrition shake to get enough calories to take my medicine and get the intended effect. Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? The only things I enjoy now are fried rice and eggrolls, but I used to like sweet and sour chicken and bird on a stick or whatever its proper name is. Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? Once. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? We're not like, "real" friends, but I know a good number of and get along great with the employees at the parlor I'm a regular customer at. I want to work there so badly. Small, environment I feel at home at, great people. Have you ever played flashlight tag? Don't even know what that is. Could you call yourself a movie buff? Not at all. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? A second hole in one of my earlobes, and the first time I got my tongue done, there was an abscess inside that indicated one was likely to form. Thank God that the rollercoaster of The Tongue Piercing Woes has ended. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? Mom does occasionally. Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? NOOOOO MY LEGS ARE NOT OKAY. Plus I chafe. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? Ohhhh I'm sure. I haven't been to her house since I was a kid, but I remember it being like, pristine. Her rooms at her son's is neat as hell too. About how much can you bench press? I have no clue. Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? Yeah. Is anybody in your family a carpenter? Not to my knowledge. Are you avoiding someone? No. Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? I have a gf, and I have never in the least understood how that's a term of endearment. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What were you for Halloween? Nothing, ugh. I haaave to dress up this year. Do you have any clothes from Walmart? Yeah. When did you get a Facebook? I have no clue. What color are your eyes? Grayish-greenish blue. What motivates you? How far I've already come, wanting a better future than I have now, encouragement from friends, family, my therapist, and psychiatrist, the drive to thoroughly enjoy my one mortal existence. Can you walk in heels? Not well. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Ummm, last time I got something done at the parlor, I think? Do you keep a journal? No. Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? No. Do you wear a ring on your finger? One, my friendship ring with Sara. What are you doing? This, listening to Asking Alexandria's "Closer" NIN cover (no shame), and waiting for Girt to reply on Facebook. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? A bit of vegetable. Do you currently have a sunburn? No. Who did you last text? Mom. Who’d you last call? About what? My old college to find out why I couldn't get my fucking transcript after weeks upon weeks of being directed to different people about it. I regret going there immensely. Complete waste of time and money. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I'm really frustrated at myself. Do you drink water or soda more often? I'm actually not sure... Do you straighten your hair? No. When did you last talk to your brother or sister? One, not since Christmas, and the younger, a few days ago. All my half-siblings have been forever, and one I've never spoken to. What is your least favorite vegetable? Probably asparagus. Or beans. Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. Sara, Mark, Shane Dawson. In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? English or art, idr. Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? No. When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? Being into what's called "vulture culture" now (at least to a certain degree), I searched for quite a while for the bones of the very first opossum I photographed (I have a photography "series" focused on exposing the horror of roadkill to hopefully influence people to be more careful and vigilant), but despite thorough searching, I couldn't find it. Gruesome, but Mom speculated the remains were destroyed by whoever mows the grass there. Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? No, and never. When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing? Describe it. Uhhh. I seriously have no clue. Maybe some underwear months ago. Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female? Idk who the last person was. Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. No. Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? I can literally almost guarantee Colleen shared our whole goddamn conversation and shit on Facebook after our last talk, as she did the first time too. Too many times our business became everyone's. I'd forgive her, but I refuse to ever be friends again. Nastiest thing you've ever done? I hate talking about this, but okay. When I was deep into my suicidal depression phase, I had a hard time brushing my teeth as needed. Like... I wouldn't for days. I avoided brushing my hair as long as I could too. Anyone who doesn't believe in how deeply depression is capable of chaining you down and making vital things almost impossible, go get fucking educated. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. What color is your shower? White. Where do you order your pizza from? Ideally Domino's, but sometimes Little Caesar's. When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone? Yesterday. Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? Oh yes. I rarely try something new. What color is your bike? N/A What word can you not stand to hear people say? The “n” word. What room of your house are you in? My bedroom. What is the temperature in your city right now? Apparently 38 F. When did you last use a post-it-note? No idea. Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? No. Do you have a fan in your bedroom? I have three lmao. My room is unbearable in the summer. Who is the last person that you took a picture with? Sara. When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam? A couple months or so back when there was an accident. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? All my friends. When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 2016 visit to the beach. We went to the aquarium there and it absolutely sucked. What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? Just lettuce (but I can also handle cucumbers) and the Olive Garden dressing. If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? Occasionally. Rn I have tattoo ideas written in it. Surprised? How good would you say your memory is? Absolutely horrible, lately worse than ever. I worry about it quite a bit. About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? Once or twice. Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? Not currently on or anything. What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently? Improved on picking up the phone when I don't know the number. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Well, I've talked about flirting with my friend's bf as a pre-teen, and it wasn't always innocent, if you count that as "sexual." I regret the hell out of it. Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? NO. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? Yes, Tyler. I wasn't like, terrified, but preeeetty uncomfortable. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I can, but I'm not that great, and I absolutely hate it. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yes. Do you like french fries? Hell yeah. Have you ever eaten so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? People whose opinions I care about. Would you rather go to Greece or France? Probably Greece.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #lyrics: ''get up'' by mother mother

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someonetotaketheedgeoff-blog · 6 years

Text

15.09.2018 - Journal

(Some of this was written when I travelled with my family in America in the last 2 months)

4.07.2018

I picked a good time to quit comedy… just moments before Nanette. Maybe I’ll actually do something good if I make music instead of making jokes about fucking myself with an ex-girlfriend’s dildo.

I wont stay up late waiting to go on. Or be brutalised by Open Mic magazine on Facebook. Anything not to upset my fragile sense of self-esteem. There’s not much that's funny to me anymore… oh well… who gives a fuck anyway…

… So Liam goes into his little room and quietly dreams up his last open mic set…. hahaha… comedy can get you pretty fucked up! ... who gives a fuck anyway…

9.07.2018

Whenever I’m in a big city all I hear is it whispering (or perhaps screaming) to me - ‘can I just have some fucking money?!’

I wonder how much I’m a product of my own fear. And also how much of what I make is a response to that fear.

It’s mostly been about death for me for the last 3 - 5 years. All I’ve done is use death to explain everything. I’ve used it to draw a line under certain things within myself and the exterior world. Seems lazy to me now.

Is laziness the fear of pain? Is a lack of motivation due to fear? A fear of failing?

It seems fear’s only a good motivator when you’re aware of what you’re afraid of and why.

23.07.2018

Travelling in America/being in America’s like being in GTA but you’re not any of the main characters.

24.07.2018

Not doing anything or not trying IS FAILING!

25.07.2018

Saw a guy stop in the subway, put his bag on the ground and re-adjust himself to get out a camera so he could take a photo of some graffiti on the wall that said ‘I love porno’.

Being in an all black neighbourhood I feel as if the black people are annoyed at me or my presence.

I keep think about the word ‘nigger’ and I keep thinking about the word ‘cracker’.

The current most popular, agreed upon philosophy on slur usage is do not say any word that has negative history associated with it and do not say ‘nigger’ if you’re not black.

Recently ‘retarded’ has been considered more offensive than it used to be and if you happen to use it you’re now accused of being an immoral person and presumably you think people that suffer mental deficiencies are bags of shit and you want to set them all on fire.

I have no problem with discussing words and I’m not even so much of a Doug Stanhope/iDubbbzTV nerd that I think the best world is a world where you say everything all the time in every context.

What I have a massive problem with is the presumption of hate and the pompousness of people downright attacking people that slip out ‘x’ word when a word is still in the process of being fazed out. It’s bloody political correctness gone quickly without open discussion and kindness!

Words are simply the end point of a vortex of shit and ideas and slang and culture. They are the bookend to a concept and when people get really caught up with words it kinda scares me.

The problem with these kinda bullshit discussions (especially on the internet) is that when you argue or discuss this shit the assumed reason for your questioning is that I want to be able to say ‘nigga’ with my friends for some unknown reason. But I don’t and I don’t understand why anyone would want to other than the fact that they’ve been told they can’t or they’re at a Klan meeting.

What I’m confused about is if words hold so much apparent power and evil due to their history then isn’t simply being white the most offensive and on the nose thing you can do? Probably, kinda, yeah.

Yet black people don’t fucking loose their shit when you walk into a room being all white and whiting the whole place up by being white. They simply get on with their lives. I believe the same shit could be applied to words. At least in a reactionary sense… it doesn’t make sense to berate a stranger with venom for saying that the fact that none of the self serve screens in Macca’s were working was retarded. I don’t know if this metaphor works. I’m just slightly confused as too why I get all my information on how to best treat minorities forced onto me from young well off white people in beer gardens. I just sit there and listen for a bit and then I stare into the reflective glare coming off their nose ring.

1.08.2018

Saw a full American fat guy in a servo. He was so fat I had to focus on not double-taking at him by staring intently at the fridge at the Dr. Pepper selection.

He looked beyond human.

13.08.2018

For some reason I am smoking again. It’s a never ending battle. Oh well. Strangely I don’t mind.

I smoked a cigarette I crafted from all the butts I could find in my parent’s house. Something I’ve done probably over 100 times in my life.

I find that I clench my jaw all the time. I’ve only noticed it recently. Through meditating and not doing drugs. I’ve noticed it. I thought I had neck cancer but the strange feeling of ache comes from my constantly clenching my jaw.

I worry that maybe I’ve done drugs and drank for so long now and started at a young age that the tracks within my brain are a little fucked. Or maybe I just have too high hopes for a sober life to be a more peaceful, and mentally stable one. Maybe the only thing I’ll gain is a healthier body.

I’m just afraid of all the horrible shit that’s inside my head. I’m afraid of being unlovable because of my desires and my personality. I don’t want to face in fear of losing Tash and revealing to her that I’m evil.

This seems to be the crux of all relationships. All of them. In the whole world. You know that you need to face the truth to get to the next stage. But it seems it will be so lonely, so terrifying and so cold… we don’t want to see the monsters that might lurk within us.

The thing is it’s almost impossible to have an honest relationship and never have turbulence. You can have a dishonest relationship with turbulence but the turbulence will be about bullshit like - ‘you said you were going to clean the extractor fan in the kitchen weeks ago…’ or ‘stop leaving your guitar on the couch…’ and such things might blow into massive arguments.

Relationships are designed to be a nightmare. Not by anyone in particular but by our hope for them and isolation and alienation we all experience internally in this society.

A relationship is a small life within your life.

Dependant on the extremity of a relationship (and obviously that is a relative thing but for sake of argument we’ll say a relationship where you truly considered that you would commit yourself to this other person until you or they or both had died) it could possibly be an interesting simulation of life after death (at least in an abstracted way).

When a relationship of said extremity begins to fall apart (for whatever reason) it’s interesting to note that you feel as if you’re dying and that there’s in fact no perceivable life to lead after the break up or if their is one it will be hellish and a subhuman existence not worth living.

When you survived a relationship that you’d committed everything to how did you feel?

I assume it was horrendous. But assuming you’re still alive and reading this… you must’ve started to feel somewhat normal once again.

Like awaking from a vivid dream it fades away rapidly. You played a different character, you lead a different life. You feel a horribleness deep inside. Not about the person but about the situation. Is this how it has to be? That the people you commit so intensely to, that you fuck and spend countless hours with then have to perish abstractly and then repressed as they fade into the background sometimes never to be spoken about or spoken to again…

I have a girlfriend now. And it terrifies my to think that the pattern may repeat.

***

We believe the internet is everlasting. Whether we research it or not, whether we know it consciously or not.

As much as we might make comments about Facebook and say things like- ‘be careful uploading those photos of your arsehole… you know that stuff will be up there forever’ I believe we’re secretly subconsciously screeching with joy at the fact that these photo’s will be up forever. As much as people have a disdain about Facebook and social media we adore it’s implied permanence. We believe that Facebook will be around after we’re dead. I say ‘believe’ because do you know how the fucking internet works? Do you know how a website is created? I fucking don’t. I don’t know if the internet would still exist if all the power plugs in the world were pulled out of there sockets. I’m a fucking idiot! A fucking idiot that has faith in the permanence of the internet… I mean… obviously… I write a blog mostly about death and existential dread and it put on… the internet.

The internet is now our saviour. It is the modern sleek titanium, bomb proof, indestructible, deathless park bench where you can scratch ‘L.D. was here’ and have a more solidified faith that it’ll be around for a while. And the longer it hangs around the more eye balls will see it, eye balls connected to a concious brain that’ll have no choice but to think ‘hey that guy was there’… and even if it’s just for one second your existence has been stretched just a tiny bit longer.

(People that love us are what we all orbit around all of our lives. If they happen to reject you at some point or disappear we then break away from that orbit and hurtle through abstract nothingness).

17.08.2018

Going to the pub was a bad idea. I went there thinking - ‘well… I kinda want to have just one drink’. The legs were aching and my poor sense of personal entitlement to some kind of ‘treat’ was raging within me. A very problematic thing for anyone that isn’t fulfilled in the work that that do (i.e. most people). I felt as I for some reason I deserved a beer. Also it was freezing cold. My feet were soaking wet and frozen due to my old decrepit shoes. I continued walking up the street. I noticed I had all these thoughts swirling in my mind. They all flew past me whispering - ‘it’s OK to have a beer’.

I watched them all swirl around in my head. I crossed my metaphorical arms and tutted. As I tutted I looked at the swirling thoughts and said - ‘fuck off… are you serious? You know this’s absolute bullshit. We don’t ‘deserve’ a drink… we don’t even probably technically want one… why are we actually going to do this?’

‘Yeah but we’ll only have one! Not even a pint mind you and then we’ll write a new to-do list and then maybe we see someone maybe we don’t and then we head off home and get down to work for a couple of solid hours before we go to bed’ said one of the thoughts.

‘Well OK… when you put it like that… that sounds nearly OK… but don’t you think there’s a chance that we might throw all that shit out the window and because we actually weren’t planning or trying to get drunk…. you’re going to use reverse psychology on me and then we actually will get drunk and most likely indulge in more heavily than if I’d actually planned to indulge…’ I replied.

‘Look don’t read into it just get into that pub… get a beer… have a cigarette in the beer garden, get out you’re little notebook and it’ll be just a quick little pop in, no worries, blah blah, etc, tomato tomato’ ’

‘Well alright then you’ve swung me round, but surely just like a small drink, like a ten ounce… you know we’re trying to focus on money and we’re only starting to face the fact of how much money we piss away on alcohol and other similar shit…’

‘Yea, yea, yea don’t worry just a ten ounce… don’t you worry about that’.

I walked up to the bar.

‘Yes what can I get you?’

‘Ah… could get a ten ounce of Little Creatures?’

‘Ah it’s actually $5 a pint right now and $10 dollars for a jug?’ she grinned slightly.

‘Ah…’.

I turned to the floating thoughts. I gave them a warning look. They all looked back at me like a pack of hyenas.

I began drowning internally - ‘Ah fuck! Na, na, na, I knew some bullshit like this was going to happen… action stations… we gotta think of some other shit… what else do they have on tap… maybe a stubby? Fuck!’

‘Hey this is great news! What a bargain! Don’t worry about it we’ll just drink that one pint and leave… no worries’ cackled the hyenas.

I ended up drinking maybe 5 pints. A bunch of my friends turned up and I talked a bunch of shit for a long, long time. It was as if ‘the plan’ had been completely erased from my mind like the bar lady had men in blacked me with the shine of her bar blade and I was back in the drinking business and also the business of not following my dreams and the business of having no self control.

The arguments in the pub got very heated. I have a few friends that can get heated during argument, (I mean who doesn’t) but I have to say it stresses me out a bit but even more so it confuses me. Every time an argument gets to that stage I don’t really trust anything that’s happening anymore. Your/my emotions are taking over and also everyone’s pissed. I think it’s interesting to me to watch people’s attention spans disintegrate at the pub. The more everyone drinks the quicker a group conversation subject topic can change hands. It’s not hard to do, barely anyone notices it and you can do it in a matter of seconds. You could be having a super intense discussion about anything and if you just interrupt everyone enough and interject a barrage of some current novelty bullshit topic that’s circling you can derail shit very quickly.

21.08.2018

Last week at the pub a friend told me that he basically waits for inspiration. He felt he should never force himself to create anything. Recently I’ve been getting back into the Stephen Pressfield way of thinking that he explains in the book The War Of Art. A book that basically shows you how to be a professional whatever, artist, musician, sports player, whatever. It’s a book that gives tools to fight the part of you that doesn't want to sit down and do the work. In other words it fights the notion of ‘waiting for inspiration’.

Very, very few times in my life have I been struck with overwhelming flaming inspiration to do anything. It happened more when I was a child. When I’d wake up early on a weekend I’d have the inspiration akin to fucking Michelangelo to go and make Lego spaceship car things out of all the see- through green pieces of Lego.

But when you get to around 7, 8, 9, 10 and beyond I think (I’m not a psychologist) you begin to second guess all that shit. You begin to be your own worst critic. Because fascinatingly nearly every kid up until that age will be happy to do a bit of drawing or play various characters in a fictional story they create on the spot. And then it all stops and this horrible awareness kicks in.

I define it as the point where you used to play with toys as a kid in your room. Each character having a crazy back story and way of speaking. You’d play, alone and be completely immersed. Your mum or dad would pop there head into the room to ask if you wanted cornflakes or some shit and you’d be like a focused director waving off an intern - ‘yea yea, sure, just have it on my desk, I’m working right now’. But then something changes around that age and when one of your parents pops their head into the room you freeze and quite your voice. You suddenly feel cripplingly self aware, maybe even stupid. You tell them to go away maybe or wait for them to leave before you get back into to the action.

Then one day you go to the studio (aka your bedroom with a mat on the floor resembling a city that we all had) and the juice is gone, the mojo is gone, you pick up the toys and you try to croak out their particular voice and you just feel stupid, looking quickly back at your bedroom door, making sure no one heard.

All of this stuff reminds me of a Picasso quote [R.I.P. 25.10.1881 - 19.06.2018*] - ‘Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up’.

I’ve always found it interesting. I think encapsulates what I’m saying. Most people have some kind of creativity or at least blissful ignorance of expression at an age and then their brains get bigger or something and they become pimply teenagers that struggle to even walk down the street without worrying about everything detail about themselves and then they learn to just manage that shit as they enter adult life.

*I’ve chose Picasso’s death date to be the release date of Nanette. I can’t really be bothered explaining why that is right now so I guess if you really want to know you’ll have to watch Nanette.

30.08.2018

I’m often confused as to why everyone has an opinion and why you seemingly have to have an opinion.

’I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing’ - Socrates

In my college years I used to be a bit of an air headed stoner art wanker and I still am but the difference is now I have opinions on things. Back then I didn’t really have opinions. And I did it on purpose because I knew that I didn’t know anything. However it didn’t really help me socially and it didn’t help in my relationships and it didn’t really help with my self-esteem. Not initially but eventually I started to feel like I was just drifting away into an abstract world of nothingness. People don’t really take you seriously when you don’t have any solid opinions. It’s probably not a ‘masculine’ trait.

Reminds of a Dylan Moran bit:

‘Men; strong opinions with no information’

#Relationships #Facebook #America #Retarded #Dylan Moran #Someone To Take The Edge Off #liam donnelly #American Fat #self esteem #nhilism #death #Journal #The Pub

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davidjjohnston3 · 3 years

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I am mad at my biological father... People in Milwaukee have strong spirits but they don't test or discern from whence these spirits come (Satan); they have a kind of 'anti-a'ga'pe' that wants to send people to Hell. I finally got fed up and started cursing or at least confuting in my head and heart, wishing there would be terrorized for messing with me / my soul. I want them to be chastened. In what universe is it OK to antagonize someone's soul rather than build them up / edify? It's Babylon America: commerce is king, pornography is the supreme teacher(?), media is religion, movie-theaters are temples. All this time my 'father-in-law' was trying to teach me the American way of lying to the civil authority and medical professionals... A while back I took stock of 'our' old family home and realized in some ways my biological parents are not that bad. I told my biological father as much and he got even more mad / contemptuous of me. Do I not assess the man properly? Reddit got mad at me for saying 'social form' and some Christian on Twitter tried to 'nope(?!..=|)' me for saying I prayed Sec. Pompeo will be President. 'No room in the Kingdom for phony Christians.' What's phony about defending the faith worldwide? Paul Washer of HeartCry Ministries extols the authority of the African father and the son kneeling before him but Caucasian American dad-son relationships are not that way in my experience. Once I bowed to my dad but it didn't mean much. Once he bowed to me after my (near)-suicide-attempt in Korea and that did mean.. Anti-racism seemed like an important concept to me but then I thought there are so many people who just wanna get stuff and if I met Ibrim X. Kendi in real life he's probably be cordial enough but not hesitate to unlease looters and rioters against me for his vision of the greater good not to say communist-disintegrationist-chaoticist utopia. Everyone in Milwaukee seemed to be mad at me a while back since the story of me in Korea at the high school was not 100% storybook. 'Oh David James Johnston he fell in love with his 16-17-year-old student, but realized they are being left behind or the Korean War is really terrible and they're all in danger up there then some things happened with the faculty and he tried to kill himself.' That is not totally inaccurate but I wasn't 100% the depressive melancholy young prince over the last 9 years. I had some ambitions and I studied a lot and I also had bad habits like smoking. I got a short-sleeved white polo shirt at the department store and lost a bit more weight. I am around 5'11 165 I would guess. I really have to make sense of my cardiac condition although hopefully it was acute / idiopathic from the Pfizer vaccine. What scares me is that I had a foreaugury or prophecy(?) of it in 2016 when I felt something like a powdery liquid running down behind my breastbone at the same time as when I was walking around Lake Park in terror of Koreans from the past coming to kill me, angel soldiers, 'the stars throwing down their tears,' the tiger of wrath, and also, feeling like God was feeding me something without having to eat. I still haven't read all of Blake's 'America: A Prophecy.'

* The psychiatrist whom I respect offered or 'ordered' me Prozac last week and it made me think. I feel almost like the Boomers saw Millennial children as having no souls. My parents wanted to send me to Hell. My mother always used to speak about 'Rosemary's Baby' and when I was young I ran around with a red cape in a strawberry patch. My mother told me this when I was in the mental hospital in 2013, afraid of the color red and not wanting to tear my chicken sandwich since I thought that it was metonymic(?) for tearing the Scripture rather than swallowing / appreciating it whole. 'We Boomers worked hard, stopped the ['totally causeless not trying to help anyone'] Vietnam War, Civil Rights, moreover weathered the traumas of JFK, MLK, RFK assassinations; ergo we earned the right to treat our daughters as sex-slaves and fire out our sons in order the better to take advantage of our neighbors' daughters whilst also amusing ourselves by medicating and psychologizing our kids rather than loving them and tending / nurturing / ministering to their souls.' I didn't take the Prozac but I did think of (Ms. / Artist / [Singer]) Kim Taeyeon - 'Love in Color' is my favorite song of hers which makes me think about abortion-culture in a way and how 'too many choices' can destroy or over-modulate the distance or scuff and wear down the love in a relationship - and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2012 and suffered manic symptoms for most of my childhood. I felt in the hospital that one possible 'aetiology' or origin / backstory of bipolar is knowing that people out there want to kill you; or even, damn your soul to perdition / Hell / everlasting eternal conscious torment for displeasing them or going against their norms / expectations. My diagnosis was later jacked up to schizoaffective / bipolar schizoaffective, then nearly 'crossed the ionosphere' into schizophrenia, and is now back to schizoaffective thanks to the wonderful, integrity- and probity-filled psychiatrist, who was also the only person telling the truth and not being a corporatist tank-driving-vehicular-manslaughterer at my commitment hearing where Father in Law lied to a district judge and the justice system treated me like a second-class system. The ONLY person whose yes was yes and no was no. I still think sometimes about 'the condition of fiction.' I wish I could develop my more scholarly ideals sometimes rather than writing in this 'free' style as I don't really like freedom I like formality and rules. I miss []. I used to see so many colors and I saw this person in my mind's eye / Spirit when I met her online; but yesterday I felt like I just saw 'dark red.'

My brother is really rich (from Data Science)... I need to mend fences with him... I feel as if over the years I might've had mixed motives in 'taking him under my wing.' We had a bad relationship when I was young and I even stole money from him a couple of times. I also tried to catch him looking at pornography online rather than rebuke or chastise or plead with him not to, for courting death and failure. I just wanted to embarrass / shame him. I helped him get a job shortly after the Great Recession and I guess some part of me falsely believed he owed me a favor for that. I sent him many books over the years. After my initial diagnosis of a possibly disabling mental disorder my mother told me he had said that I could live with him if I needed help but that no longer seems a possibility - in fact he said, 'I never said that.' I was worried since I'm weak. Hopefully God willing I can get back to where I was a couple of months ago and actually execute sth like the description of the educational administrative job that I was offered. I came to a point in my life lately where I no longer know whether something is destiny. When I took the HS job in Korea - maybe the biggest decision of my life - I was confident. But in the last couple of months has been a tempest or fog of war or I simply made so many decisions I don't recognize myself completely. I want to work on 'Leaving Babylon' or 'Leaving Milwaukee' or 'Leaving America.' There are or seem to be good Christians in Milwaukee but why live in Babylon - commercial empire worshipping all kinds of false prophetesses, porneia, objects, death, child-rape, abortion, post-partum abortion, automobiles, meals, brands, money / Mammon and other 'stuff' Pastor Timothy Keller calls 'Counterfeit Gods' (to say too little since they're actually often demons from Hell)... I'm not sure how to write it without penning distracting trash that would give wannabe writers bad habits and make naive readers think they know more than they do. My net worth is about 2,000 dollars but I want to give it away just because I'm mad. I thought about selling my Lenovo X-1 laptop since it's Chinese Communist poison / curse, I know it's hacked by Huawei or whoever through a nano(?)chip, Father in Law tracks with AI... I heard the new Samsung smaller notebooks have around a 17-hour battery-life.

Milwaukee's Child Protective Services appear to be some kind of CCP-derived 'metaphor-joke.' Amber Alert a child has been kidnapped in either a silver Kia or a Chevy Impala. You can mount a plate-reading AI-camera on a 50-dollar drone easily...

I'm applying to a job in Korea. I have no idea if I'll get in. It is in my favorite neighborhood, and I liked the video of their staff. This would be a 'redemption-arc' for me. 'I am so exciting.' I don't know if it can be. I listened to a few minutes of 'Inferno' by C. Cho. Masterpiece. Did I ever pay dues like a BigLaw junior associate? Was I ever fast-tracked? Career-decisions are difficult. I have literal rejection-demons, I think, or uncertainty-demons. Maybe it is Belial himself: sensuality plus intellectual abnegation. Like I want to pretend the Spirit isn't there. Other people also suffer disappointment-demons, I feel. Loss-demons. Understanding others can be challenging, and the fun of it, moreover, is overrated for some people. IDK if I can ever. And too, some people, once you understand them - when they realize you understand them - become shameless. They get more seared-conscience than ever, like the only reason they were ever acting good was to save / maintain face. 'Buyaolian.' In past I tried to be all things to all men but lately I ended up trying to be 'Chinese mistress' to someone in a bad way. I had already tried 'Japanese daughter, daughter-in-a-box.' I don't know why I don't try 'son' except it makes him fake more than usual, that I know of. I felt praised like a daughter when I got praised; although maybe it is just me. 'Hello Kitty is a girl,' Said the Sanrio person. I looked at our family cat Ariel the other day and thought, 'my adult daughter Yves from LOONA.' He used to look like a manly lion, like Jesus even, the Lion of Judah. Cats are feminine. I would get a cat but I just want to teach and write. This cat seems at peace; he no longer overeats nor conversely is hyperthyroidal and thin / 'dried out.' I miss the cat Pukah from down the way, who was fat and 'crepitant' in her voice-sound. I took care of her for pay and bought some Audiobooks with the 'loot' or 'lucre.'

I honestly have a theory about Koreanness I don't like to share called 'Han Death Runes' that says some people see Koreans - women and girls - and just want to rape and beat and kill them. They just do. Japanese soldiers / officers / the entire government did. Doubtless Chinese did before that. Korean men did too. Caucasian men do now. Other people look at babies and want to kill them - not a joke, empirical Science has recorded it; Saint Augustine some 1600 years ago developed the category of Original Sin.

For a time I was convinced that ShowerThoughts on Tumblr was the Korean girl whom I attempted to save from attempted sex-trafficking by implying she should work hard in tenth grade and learn about [AI, IT]...

I am interested in helping orphans and other young people; today in lieu of the Lead Teacher offer I missed out on I applied to some Assistant jobs at Christian private and charter schools and was impressed with the humaneness of the management-questions on the online hiring-assessment. Nonetheless, ‘Blessed Are the Peacemakers,’ and the world will need I think / believe for somebody to prove that it is possible to take care of young people who don’t have good parents such as through a better orphanage-system someday. At least, this is kind of what I dream and daydream about. I think Saint Paul would talk more about older women helping younger women to be good mothers, however, or ‘teaching’ them, whatever that means.

The pro-life cause as this political cartoon long ago pointed out is supposed to be in favor of life far beyond the emergence in to this world as a defenseless eight-pound baby.

I feel lately as if I ‘waged a war for peace’ and ended up as the only casualty. I don’t mean to aggrandize myself. I strengthened my enemies and all I got out of it was a clarified love. I hope / wish that this constitutes suffering and not just punishment before Moses for being a bad teacher with abominable taste in student clientele, and also forget to send off graduates with a graceful hail and blessing, maybe a final exhortation and prayer, and let them be they.

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watchmist1412 · 7 years

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Break the Ice- Chapter 3

Co-written by @bloodredruby and @watchmist1412

Full cover - BTI Fanart

Words ~ 3150

Rated K+

Summary: Figure Skating AU. After an accident Gray, a professional figure skater, has to take some time off to heal and he’s not enjoying it AT ALL. What he didn’t expect was meeting Juvia, a swimmer tired of her career, even less ending up as her coach. Lucy, an aspiring figure skater, came to realize it was a whole new experience with a pink haired weirdo and his equally weird cat by her side.

Fanfiction.net

<<Previous Chapter

Juvia was a bit impulsive. Alright she was a lot impulsive. She had the habit of saying what was on her mind and sometimes that wasn’t a good thing. She also tended to overthink situations and jump quickly into conclusions. Those two combined resulted in embarrassing situations for Juvia that she would prefer not to think about.

“Please, would you be Juvia’s coach?”

That was a pretty good example.

Why did she have to say that? Just why?! She didn’t even want an ice skating coach it was only a hobby. Gray-sama would think she’s such a weird person! She had to fix that immediately.

“Your… coach?” The poor man seemed really confused.

No, that’s not it! “Yes!” Damn it Juvia!

Why is she continuing it? The only thing she had to do was apologize, explain that didn’t mean to say that and everything will be fine. Then she could go home and drown in self-pity for the rest of the day. It was that simple.

Gray run his hand through his hair possibly even more confused about the whole situation. “Look… Juvia right? I don’t know where this came from but I have to refuse. I don’t even know you, I can’t start coaching you out of the blue! You should go find someone else.”

“Juvia doesn’t want anyone else!”

That was partially true. Juvia only wanted someone to teach her how to properly skate. The idea of Gray Fullbuster teaching her skating was actually quite appealing… NO. She couldn’t think like that, this is a terrible idea. She knew that yet the words were flying out of her mouth.

“I’m still a competitive skater just because I have to take a break doesn’t mean I’ll retire. I can’t start coaching let alone for a complete stranger I need to focus on my own career!”

“Then only until you start skating again.”

“Excuse me?”

“Coach Juvia until you start competing again.”

“What? No!”

“But Juvia can…”

“NO! No way, this stops now! I don’t have time to play around and coach you I have better things to do. If you want to get a coach that much find someone else. I can’t do this and that’s my final answer.” Gray’s voice was getting louder with every word.

Juvia’s eyes widened. Now she’d done it. She had actually managed to make him mad with her ridiculous demands. The man must be really fed up with her. She felt her eyes sting a little. No, not again! Did she have to be so sensitive every time someone raised their voice? Now Gray would think she’s a crybaby too!

“Juvia is sorry.” She managed to let out, her voice trembling “Juvia didn’t mean to be so rude, she’ll leave you alone now. Juvia is sorry for disturbing your practice.” She turned around and hastily headed to the edge of the ice rink.

“Ah, wait a second!” Juvia didn’t stop to look back. If she stayed any longer she might really start crying from all the tension.

She then hurriedly took off her skates and rushed out of the skating area. That was enough embarrassment for one day she didn’t need more. That wasn’t how she imagined their first meeting at all! She just had to ruin everything with her stupid mouth.

Juvia ran all the way to the reception where she found the white haired woman from before reading a magazine.

The receptionist looked up hearing Juvia’s footsteps. “Oh, hello again. Is there a problem I can help you with?” She said with the everlasting smile.

“No, no everything is great! Juvia just wanted to return the skates.”

The woman raised her eyebrows “You’re finished already? But you just came in, is there something wrong?”

“No, just… something came up so Juvia has to leave. So… yeah.” She finished awkwardly. She was never good at coming up with excuses.

“Alright then, you can leave them on the counter. I hope you enjoyed your visit, you can comeback whenever you want.”

“Juvia will keep that in mind. Have a nice day!”

“Thank you, you too!”

Juvia walked fast reaching the exit door in a few seconds. She wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible and dive right into the comfort and warmth of her blankets. There she could drink a good cup of hot chocolate and forget that day ever happened. Yes that sounded like a good plan.

Why, just why did she have to go say that? Hello, you’ve never seen me before but could you be my coach? Yeah that’s a completely natural thing to say! Stupid.

Well… it wasn’t like Juvia hadn’t thought about taking skating lessons before. She did enjoy ice skating considerably more than swimming. However since giving up her swimming career wasn’t an option at the moment, and she could neither take up both of them at once, she gave up on the idea.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t fantasize about her and Gray skating together with romantic music on the background, staring into each other’s eyes. Like that could ever happen.

Maybe you didn’t try hard enough. Maybe you could make your dream come true.

No, she couldn’t afford to think like that.

Maybe you can be friends. You can try again.

If she started to believe that…

Just one more time.

Juvia looked at the Fairy Tail building which she wanted to get away from.

She may really go back.

——————————————————-

Gray stared at the marked surface of the ice in defeat. He couldn’t get the sit spin right no matter how much he tried. It was all the blue haired girl’s fault! After she interrupted his practice… well… it wasn’t like he could do the spin before she came in, alhough that particular incident didn’t help the situation.

The skater ruffled his hair in frustration. Who barges into someone else’s practice and tells them to be their coach? Why did all the weird stuff always happen to him? Was he a disaster magnet or something?

And now he felt guilty about snapping on the poor girl. Her request was a bit unreasonable but Gray should have kept his calm, he recognizes his mistake. He could have just talked her out of this and make her understand why he wasn’t able to do it. But he didn’t.

In his defense he was tired from his practice and on top of that he was frustrated at himself for failing a number of times to do a basic sit spin. That girl, Juvia, had just come at the wrong time.

Gray had realized he was coming off as harsh and cold but before he had the chance to apologize the girl had fled off the room. He could swear he saw her eyes glistening before she left. That’s perfect, now he could add making a girl cry to his daily achievements. What a gentleman.

If Natsu ever found out about this he would make fun of him for weeks. If Erza found out… he didn’t want to think about that. The redhead was a good friend of his but she did tend to have a strong sense of justice. He didn’t want to know how she would react to Gray making a girl cry. It wouldn’t end up nice for him, that’s for sure.

How did he manage to get himself into that situation again? Right… it was something about being a disaster magnet. He promised himself he would apologize if he ever sees her again. That would make a very awkward conversation.

Gray was now glaring at the ice like it was responsible for all of his problems. He figured it was time to stop that day’s practice. It wasn’t like he was making any progress. A break would be good for him. He will think things logically and he could get this whole situation out of his mind.

The black haired man reluctantly glided to the edge of the rink and pulled off his skates. He proceeded to put them in his backpack and walk slowly towards the exit door locking it on the process. He then turned to the reception area to drop the keys off to Mira.

As he was walking there’s still a bit lot in his thoughts when he spotted a familiar blue from the corner of his eye. Gray froze on the spot and turned around to take a better look. And yes it was her. The object of his thoughts for the past 20 minutes.

The woman thankfully hadn’t noticed him yet. She appeared to be… staring at the ground, 5 meters from the front door, with her brows furrowed like she was thinking. He observed her for a few seconds when she suddenly looked up.

Gray flinched, his mind immediately starting to think of things he could say to the girl when she noticed him. Then he realized he had been was standing behind a pillar so he was safe for the moment. But why did he have to hide again? He hadn’t done anything wrong, she was the one who barged into the middle of his training. And he had yelled at her… which he was feeling very bad about. He didn’t think he would meet her again that soon, he wasn’t mentally prepared!

The figure skater curious of what the girl was doing hesitantly moved his head to take a better look at her. Juvia with a determined look was now towards the Fairy Tail building. Gray prepared himself; it was time to talk things out. However just before she reached the doors she sharply turned around on her heels and stared walking to the opposite direction. Not having walked 3 meters she changed her mind and headed to the front doors again only to pace back and forth the road as if she hadn’t decided where she wanted to go.

After some time Gray carefully moved from his observation spot and walked to the reception desk where Mira had been watching the situation unfold.

“Has she been there for a long time?” He asked not bothering to clarify who he was referring to.

“Oh yes! She’s been doing that for the last 10 minutes.” She seemed amused by the whole situation. “Do you know her?”

“No. Yes. Maybe.”

“Ohh interesting! Did she come here just to see you? She did leave pretty early…”

“What? Why would she…No! Whatever you’re imagining let me stop you right there!”

“So why is it that you were hiding behind a pillar?”

Gray cursed inwardly. She saw that. “I wasn’t hiding!” This was so embarrassing. “That was just a… very…umm…interesting pillar! Have you noticed the architecture of this place? It’s pretty amazing!” He mentally slapped himself. Was that the best thing he had to say?

“Yes I have noticed. I’m glad you’re appreciating the building.” And now she was mocking him. Great!

“Now do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Mira smiled innocently. That wasn’t really a question.

Gray ruffled his hair in frustration “Nothing happened. She just accidentally saw me practicing and came into the rink. That’s it.”

He glanced at the girl in question who was now sitting on the front stairs hunched over. It seemed like she decided to wait.

“So… are you gonna go talk to her?”

The skater snapped out of his daze. “Why should I?” Because you were a jerk to her.

“Well, it looks like she’s been waiting for someone and I’m almost certain that someone is you. My instinct never betrays me!” She exclaimed proudly.

“Should I remind you when your instinct told you I had a crush on Erza?”

“That was one time.” Mira waved him off. “Besides, why are you so scared to go talk to her anyway?”

“I’m not scared! I just… last time I saw her I may or may not have been a jerk to her.” He mumbled

“That partly explains the hiding. I knew there was something going on! Is that why she looked so miserable when she came out?”

“She was miserable?” Gray was slightly panicking. Could the situation be worse than he imagined?

“She did seem like she wanted to get out us soon as possible, I didn’t expect her to come back. Wait… did she confess to you?” the receptionist gasped. “Did you reject her, is that why you’re so awkward?”

“Mira no! Well, I did reject her but not in the way you’re thinking. Please don’t jump into conclusions by yourself.” Gray knew his friend had an overflowing imagination and was keen to make up ridiculous scenarios.

“Fine, don’t tell me! You should really go talk to her though. I still don’t know what happened but if you thought you were being rude you should go apologize.”

Gray sighed in defeat “I know, I know! It’s just that the situation is really bizarre and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“You won’t know if you won’t try.” Mira softly pushed him to the exit. “Come on now, you can do it!”

“Alright, I can go by myself.” He complained

“Good luck!”

Gray slowly approached the automatic doors which opened soundlessly not alarming the girl sitting down the stairs. He could do this. He just had to go explain the situation politely and apologize without making it worse. That was easy.

Once he stood behind her he cleared his throat to announce himself. Juvia surprised she turned around and she visibly stiffened.

“Gray-sama!”

Gray awkwardly raised his hand to greet her. “Hey.”

They stared at each other silently for a few seconds Gray’s hand still half raised. Realizing his position he swiftly put his hand in his pocket.

“Yeah, so…” He started again. “Sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to sound so rude to you. I was just having a bad day overall and I was very tired.”

Juvia waved her hands around shaking her head “No, Gray-sama shouldn’t apologize! Juvia’s the one who made that unreasonable request! She shouldn’t have interrupted your practice anyway.”

“About that, I really can’t coach you after all. I’m not the right person for the job and I’m pretty sure I will be terrible at it. It’s a big responsibility.”

“Juvia understands, she didn’t mean to be so demanding. Juvia admires Gray-sama a lot and she was extremely happy to be able to meet him. Juvia should get going now…”

Gray didn’t feel satisfied from their conversation. He couldn’t let her leave like that. “Wait a moment! I can’t be your coach but if you’re interested in figure skating Fairy Tail can help you with that. You can go ask Mira for more information. Oh, Mira’s the receptionist, she’s really sweet she can help you with anything you need.”

Juvia shook her head “Thank you for thinking of Juvia but she doesn’t think she can go to professional figure skating. She didn’t mean to ask Gray-sama to be her coach, it just slip of her tongue. Juvia is more interested in skating lessons.”

“The rink offers lessons too! I can help you with that. Ah, if you want to of course.” He corrected himself. “You can come to the rink sometime and I’ll see what I can do.”

“So you will help Juvia?” She asked hopefully

“Sure, I don’t see why not. It wouldn’t be much trouble, that’s what the rink is for.”

The woman broke to an ear splitting grin. “Juvia is very grateful! She will visit again tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow?”

“Is it a bad time?”

“No, I’ll probably be in the rink the whole afternoon.”

“Juvia will see you tomorrow then! Juvia is very excited for her first lesson!”

“Yeah see you later.” He waved at her and turned back to the building.

That went surprisingly well! Juvia wasn’t so bad after all. She seemed very happy at the end and Gray had managed to explain the situation properly. He felt proud of himself. He would talk to Cana later to put her into a skating class and everything will be sorted out.

“So… How did it go?” asked Mira excitedly once she saw Gray approaching.

“It was fine. I think I handled it pretty well.”

“Did you apologize properly?”

“Of course I did! What am I, a child?”

“Hmm, sometimes I wonder.”

“Mira!”

“Yeah, yeah I know. So what happened? She looked pretty happy at the end.”

“Nothing much, she just said that she wanted skating lessons so I… Oh no” Realization hit him.

“What is it?”

“No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening! Stupid!” He continued by hitting himself in the forehead.

“Gray you’re not making any sense. Tell me so I can help you.”

The skater turned to look at her with a horrified expression. “I think I offered her skating lessons.”

Mira couldn’t contain a snort of amusement. “That’s it? Well good for you, you get to socialize a little.”

“That’s not the point! And I socialize just fine.”

“Oh yeah? That’s why in the past weeks you’ve closed in to yourself? I think this will be good for you.”

“I’m pretty sure it won’t be. First of all I just met her today, and secondly I have no idea how to teach someone.”

“You won’t know unless you try it. Besides are you sure you promised her lessons?”

“Well I…” Maybe he had panicked for nothing. “I’m not sure.”

“Look, if she really meant you will teach her you can just give her one lesson. It will be good for you too to go over the basics and teaching them to someone else will make you understand it better. If you really don’t want to you’ll politely decline.” She explained.

“I’m not sure if I want to…”

“It’s your decision. Do whatever you think is best for you.” Mira smiled brightly.

“Thanks. I think I’ll get going now.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s time for me to close the rink too.”

Gray secured his backpack on his shoulder and exited the building. Tomorrow he would have to deal his problems, for now he just wanted to go home and get a good amount of sleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, we hope you enjoyed the new chapter! We look forward to reading your thoughts about it!

We have been focusing on finishing the first gruvia part of the story so Lucy hasn't got the chance to appear yet. However you can expect a lot of nalu next chapter now that the gruvia introduction is finished! From then on the chapters will be divided more equally between the 2 pairings.

On another note, the chapter was a little late because Ruby and I had been working on a nalu one-shot for the nalufluff week called "Falling to Pieces"

See you next chapter!

#fairy tail #ftfanfics #gruvia #gray fullbuster #Juvia Lockser #gruvia fanfic #collab fic #ft #ft fanfiction #my wrtiting #break the ice #bti chapter 3

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yuriplisetskysglove · 7 years

Text

YOI Child AU ! First OS ~

Ok seriously, you guys deserve to know how the Child AU happened. So, @rilya-dewilder and myself were kinda angry (understatement) with all the hate in the Otayuri tag lately (aaannnd we both ship Otayuri like hell. Seriously. That ship will be the death of me and I love it more than my life. Moving on ~) so we got an idea to troll em. Annnnd thus, this OS was born. But it ended up being too good of an OS to actually let antis read it (ok no seriously, I don’t know if it’s actually good since I’ve only had one person read it, and although I’d never doubt Riri’s tastes in fanfcition, I’m worried about the quality of my own work lmao) Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy reading it, sorry if there are grammar or spelling mistakes (and feel free to tell me if you spot any !) !! And while tumblr isn’t really a fanfiction platform (well... isn’t supposed to be lmao) I’d be really glad if you could provide me with some constructive criticism to help me improve >W< OS under the cut !

A/N: Steven is Mystery Man’s name (I’ve seen people calling him that so I just kinda went with it lol)

Such a nice and sunny winter afternoon rarely came in St Petersburg. What was even more rare was that both Viktor and Yuuri had managed to get a day off.

The latter was peacefully taking a nap on one of the couches, Makkachin laying at his feet. He had been pushing himself too hard lately, given that plenty of old ladies in town needed help with their grumpy cats and other ill puppies. Moreover, he had been taking in wandering pets that their owners had lost or abandonned, and currently was dedicating himself to finding them new homes. That’s why Viktor didn’t dare waking him up, choosing instead to enjoy some time with the children. Ever since Ekaterina and Dmitri had been made part of the family, Viktor’s daily life had become both a mess and an everlasting party, full of the ‘L words’; namely, ‘Love', and ‘Life'. If it was hard for him to manage his job as an assistant coach, it was even harder to deal with Yakov’s frequent angry rantings about the drama queen team he was training that season. And Viktor being their second coach did nothing to ease him. The living legend of Russia chuckled, suddenly remembering Yuri’s face upon learning he was to choreograph his free skate.

‘Why are you laughing, Daddy ?’ Ekaterina asked when she heard him.

They were watching Anastasia, a movie they all loved. Dmitri often would joke that the male lead had been named after him; while Ekaterina would tell him to shut it and watch the movie. They were eight and eleven, respectively, and thankfully none of them had begun their rebellious phase, although Dmitri had taken a bit of a sharp tongue from Mila.

‘Just wondering whether Guang Hong is mad at Yuri for getting gold again or not.’

‘He wouldn’t’, Dmitri objected. ‘They're friends. Also, Guang Hong is a good sport, unlike some people…’

‘Are you implying that Uncle Yura isn’t a good sport ?!’

They exchanged a very serious look. And then, Dmitri snorted, and started laughing uncontrollably. His loud laugh woke Yuuri up.

‘Dmitri…? Oh, I thought you were screaming because of something…’

‘Don't mind him, Papa’, quickly said Ekaterina. ‘He's just being dumb and rude towards Uncle Yura.’

She went near the couch, kissed her father, and then went back to watching her movie. Yuuri yawned, then shot a look at his phone.

‘Ah, speak of the devil. I got a text from Yurio.’

‘What's he saying ?’ Dmitri asked eagerly.

‘His plane has just landed ! He’s exhausted, though, so I don’t know if we should invite him for dinner…?’

‘Of course we should !’ the young girl said, tugging at Yuuri’s t-shirt. ‘I bet he missed your katsudon ! Also, it’s been a while since we’ve last seen him.’

‘It’s barely been a week.’

‘That's too long !’

Smiling, Viktor ruffled his daughter’s platinum blonde hair. She pouted, muttering something along the lines of ‘stop treating me like a baby !’.

‘She's right, though. A week might be nothing for old geezers like you but…’

‘What did you just call us ?!’ Viktor screamed before throwing himself at his husband. ‘Yuuri, did you hear that ?! He called us, old geezers. Old geezers ! We’re barely in our mid-late-something-thirties, Yuuri ! Are we really that old ?! And who taught him that, anyway ?!’

‘I'm guessing it’d be Yurio’, the ex-skater sighed.

‘Old geezers !’

‘At least, it’s better than… What was it, last time ?’

‘Out-of-date dinosaurs. Something like that. Yuuri am I old ? … Am I getting even more white hair ?! Is it getting thinner ?!’

‘Daddy, your hair is silver’, Ekaterina muttered.

She was more than used to her father being all dramatic about getting older. She, for one, couldn’t wait until she was old enough to compete in the senior ice-skating category. While Dmitri had given up on the sport, being more fond of reading or learning how to play the guitar, she loved ice-skating and was aiming to win at least six World Cups, to beat Viktor’s record, even though she wouldn’t compete in the same category.

‘Ah, I got another text.’

‘Are you not going to pay attention to me, Yuuri ?’

‘I'm paying attention to you every night, Vitya.’

‘... Smooth.’

The children exchanged a puzzled look. The adults were so very weird sometimes… All they knew was that they were doing ‘nasty adult stuff’. And they honestly didn’t want to know what that was.

‘He says that he’s gonna go home first to get rid of his stuff and hug every single cat he owns. And then he’ll come. Says he missed you two as well !’

‘How sweet of him. A few years back, he’d have gone with ‘who needs some dumb katsudon anyway. Still coming though, ain’t gonna let you waste your money over some rubbish.’’

Ekaterina’s eyes widened. Her Papa was the best cook in the entire world, she was sure of it.

‘Would Uncle Yura really say that ?’

‘Haven't you seen the photos ? He used to be such a drama queen - and, according to Dad, a tsundere.’

‘Dmitri, how do you even know what a tsundere is ?’ Yuuri sighed.

‘Went on a website called ‘tumblr'. There’s a fan page - well, over ten thousands, really - for the ‘Ice-Skating Prodigy Family’. Which apparently is made of the three of you. Ekaterina isn’t there, though.’

‘That’s because I’m still a junior competitor !’

‘Dmitri, don’t go on tumblr ever again, please.’

‘Why ? I mean, the fan page is pretty cool. There’s a lot of pictures of y’all. Like that one time you two skated together at the 2016 GPF Exhibition Gala. Pretty sure you wouldn’t fit in your costumes anymore !’

‘Dmitri, that was unnecessarily mean, and offensive, and rude.’

The boy rolled his eyes, and both men couldn’t help but do the same. He was taking a lot after Yuri. Feeling like getting in an argument would ruin the mood, Viktor paused the movie and turned to both the children, and his husband.

‘He'll want to eat katsudon and pirozhki, knowing him. Maybe we should make him some.’

‘Daddy, please don’t put a single toe in the kitchen’, Ekaterina begged. ‘Last time, when we tried to bake a cake for Uncle Otabek’s birthday, you managed to turn it green. Green, Daddy.’

‘That was -’

‘Definitely not an accident’, Dmitri smirked. ‘It's when you actually cook something edible that it is.’

‘Hey ! I’m not that bad, and -’

‘Also, both Yurio and Otabek got sick for two whole days after that. If I remember well, Yurio tried to kick you in the face with his skates when he got better.’

This shut Viktor down. He pouted, slowly went back to sitting on the couch, and tightly hugged Makkachin while pretending to cry.

‘Do you hear that Makkachin. This family hates me. This family hates me, Makkachin. What have I ever done to deserve that.

‘Vitya, I swear to… Ugh. Nevermind. We’re going to make that katsudon and those pirozhki.’

‘Yuuri is so cruel to me Makkachin. He hates me.’

The black-haired man rolled his eyes again, then went into the kitchen without his husband noticing his smirk. I’ll hug him later.

The two children listened carefully to Yuuri’s instructions, and even though there were some… flour battles when making the pirozhki, everything went rather smoothly. They had barely been done cleaning the kitchen that they heard the bell ringing, and Viktor went to get the door. He had stopped sulking, at least it seemed he did, because when he saw Yuri, he immediately shot him his heart-shaped smile and gave him a tight hug.

‘Viktor, stop, I’m suffocating and besides this is embarrassing, also -’

‘Uncle Yura !’

Ekaterina ran to hug the blonde, mercilessly pushing her father out of the way before she crashed onto the young man’s torso, crushing his bones in an even tighter hug.

‘Ekaterina, I can’t fucking breathe’, he muttered. His skinny built had never been much for bone-crushing hugs, especially the Katsuki-Nikiforov daughter’s.

‘No swearing, Yurio !’ Yuuri claimed before hugging him as well.

‘Yeah, yeah. Beka said he’d be coming later, he wanted to finish washing his bike before that. Is that okay ?’

They went inside, and Yuri had a bit of a hard time dealing with an over-excited Makkachin - the dog really did like him, and even though Yuri was definitely more of a cat person, he actually had nothing against him and even played with him a little.

‘Where's Dmitri ?’ he asked after Viktor had managed to calm Makkachin down.

As soon as he asked, the brown-haired boy came dashing from the corridor.

‘Papa !’

He threw himself onto the blonde’s back, and the latter, unused to having unexpected weight being thrown at him, fell down on his knees as his son started tickling him.

‘Dmitri - fuck, Dmitri stop it I - I said, stop it, ugh, stop, my sides hurt !’

The boy obeyed, albeit reluctantly, and offered his father his brightest smile.

‘Where's Dad ?’

‘He'll be late. How’re you, lil’ monster ?’

‘Hey. I’m more of a gremlin, really. And I’m great ! Uncle Vitya lent me a few cool books, you should totally read ‘em Papa.’

‘Uh, tell that to Beka. Y’know I’m not that much of a book person.’

‘Liar, I saw Romeo and Juliet on your bedside table just last week.’

‘When have you become such a ninja ?’

‘Oi ! Dmitri, don’t keep Uncle Yura all for yourself, that’s unfair !’

The two children started bickering, and all three adults exchanged a knowing look. They had always been like this.

‘So, Uncle Yura, what does Beijing look like ?’

‘I sent your dads a few pics already, y’know. It’s pretty cool, I guess, just a bit… crowded. But Guang Hong and Leo took us to some restaurant and even though I still can’t use fu… frea… um… chopsticks, we had some good time.’

‘And then ?’

‘And then what ?’

‘Dad said he wanted to take you on his bike and drive around the city. Said it’d be romantic.’

Yuri almost instantly went red. Despite him being twenty-six already, he still was embarrassed by Otabek’s not-so-well-hidden idea of romance, and his face showed it quite well. Viktor and Yuuri smirked at the ice kitty of Russia, who, fortunately, didn’t see them. Otherwise, he’d probably have punched them both.

Just as he was mumbling something like ‘Otabek you’re such a dumbass why did I even marry you’, the bell rang again, and this time, Dmitri went to open the door. As soon as he recognized his father’s black coat, he hugged him tight, and Otabek smiled gently before stroking his head. He closed the door behind him, then went to meet the little committee.

‘Sorry for being late. I really wanted to get this done.’

‘No problem, Otabek’, Yuuri smiled. ‘Actually, Yurio’s been here for just a few minutes, you know.’

They started chatting, mostly evaluating the chances of Yuri winning this season’s GPF - even though he had won gold for both qualifying events, he was to compete against some new skaters, who were inexperienced indeed, but extremely talented. Besides, Yuri had already proven that experience in the Senior bracket didn’t actually matter as long as the skaters worked hard and took full advantage of their talents - which had granted him a gold medal for his Senior Debut.

‘Hey, Dmitri, given that both your dads made it to the GPF this year, who will you be rooting for ?’ Ekaterina asked.

‘Dunno. Both, I guess ? At least if I’m in both fanclubs, I’m guaranteed to be satisfied.’

He smiled at his parents, and they chuckled, smiled, and Otabek fist-bumped him.

‘I hope Guang Hong and Leo make it, too.’

‘Yurio, is JJ really going to be singing for the opening event ?’

‘Uh… I didn’t ask him and I really hope he’s not ‘cause I seriously won’t have the time and fucking patience to deal with him…’

‘Come on, you two are friends now. And that dress he wore for your wedding was fabulous.’ Viktor winked at the children, who didn’t know of that story. After all, Ekaterina had been part of the family for eight years only, while Dmitri hadn’t spent more than five years with his foster family.

‘I still have the pictures Phichit took ! They must be in some photo album, I’ll show you later’, Yuuri smiled.

‘Mr. Katsuki, I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

‘You know, Otabek, you can call us Yuuri and Viktor. I mean, we’ve been Mr. Katsuki and Mr. Nikiforov for years now. I know, I know, you think it’s disrespectful but, really… Nevermind. Why is it a bad idea ?’

Otabek shook his head.

‘Mr. Giacometti is featured in a few of them.’

Silence fell upon the room, and Ekaterina broke it first.

‘As in, Christophe Giacometti ? Daddy’s best friend ? Uncle Chris ?’

‘Himself', Yuri groaned. ‘Why did he even have to come… He spent the entire afternoon getting drunk off his ass with Emil and Michele… Not to mention Georgi giving Minami some makeup advice… And Mila and Sara flirting… Ugh… Seriously, the only guy who stayed chill until the end was Seung-Gil.’

‘Leo went wild on the dancefloor, and both Yuris had a dance-off with him’, Viktor smirked.’

‘Leo did ? I thought he was cooler than that…’

‘What's that s’posed to mean, Dmitri ?!’

‘But Uncle Chris is so sweet !’ Ekaterina said. ‘Last time, he brought us Swiss chocolate for the Easter holidays !’

‘Yeah well now he’s calmed down, especially with Steven tempering him. But seriously… I’ve seen things at the GPF Gala that I’d rather not remember.’

‘Like what, Papa ?’

‘I said I didn’t wanna remember that.’

When the clock hit nine in the evening, they suddenly realized they had completely forgotten about the katsudon and pirozhki, and both Yuris went extremely pale, fearing for their beloved dishes’ lives. Turns out they actually weren’t half bad at all, and they ended up staying up quite a while talking about different things - although Yuri fell asleep halfway, his head laying on Otabek’s shoulder while the latter was starting to get tired as well. After all, he also had had an exhausting trip from Beijing to St Petersburg, and he moreover had to wash his bike and prevent their four cats from running away.

Seeing how tired both of them were, and having a hard time dealing with Dmitri and Ekaterina’s over-cheerfulness, Viktor and Yuuri let the Altin-Plisetsky couple sleep in a spare room. When they were done making sure that everything was comfortable enough for them, they went back to the living room, and found their sweet daughter, fast asleep on the couch.

‘Awww, Yuuri, an angel has dozed off on our couch. Should we wake her up ?’

‘No, let her be… Let’s just bring her a cover and that cat plushie Yurio gave her, she loves it.’

‘That reminds me… Where has Dmitri gone ?’

They went back in the kitchen, but the boy was nowhere to be seen. Viktor quickly checked in Yuri and Otabek’s room, but he wasn’t there either. They kept searching for a few minutes, until they heard someone sneezing, only to find a wide-awake Dmitri on the balcony.

‘You're going to catch a cold, Dmitri’, Yuuri said as he gently took his hand to lead him back inside.

But the boy didn’t move an inch, and kept looking at the scenery that spread before his magnificent blue eyes. The ever-so-cheerful St Petersburg was drowned in its own silence, beautiful and intimidating. They could see some lights coming out of other houses, where other people lived other lives. Both adults stared at the boy.

‘Is it bad that I’m different from everyone in the family ?’ he finally said in a quiet, shy voice.

‘Are you ?’ Yuuri asked. ‘Different, I mean.’

The boy seemed to regret his words at first, and it looked like he wasn’t going to try and answer Yuuri’s question. Instead, he went back inside to grab Otabek’s giant coat, put it on like some kind of oversized costume, and sat down on one of the balcony chairs. His gaze fell upon the peaceful city again, as he started talking in a voice that didn’t quite sound like his.

‘Ice-skating isn’t my thing. Sure, it can be cool. Sometimes. Mila said that I would grow to like it. But it’s not the same ‘like' as you two or Ekaterina or my parents’ ‘like'. It’s not even a hobby.’

‘Does that make you feel… Apart from us ?’ Viktor muttered.

‘Kinda. I mean, I won’t force myself to like it just because the people I love do. But I don’t like being left out either. Papa and Dad spend so much time abroad because of it. And yeah, I know they come back as often as possible ‘cause they wanna see me, and all of us really, but… It’s not the same…’

‘If this is what worries you, Dmitri, know that they love you. Deeply’, Viktor smiled.

‘It's not. I know they do. I guess I just missed them quite a bit and I really want to spend more time with them. I know what it’s gonna be. One of them will get gold at the GPF, and then they’ll go for the Europeans, the Four Continents and the Worlds, and then they’ll come back, only to go away again…’

‘Geez, aren’t you too small to worry about these ?’

All three turned around, and met a pair of tired, green eyes. Yuri was leaning against the door, staring at his son.

‘Papa ! I… I thought you were asleep…!’

‘I was. But Beka snores like a freaking grizzly. Shouldn’t have given him any booze.’

He sat down, his torso and bare arms inside the living room while his legs laid on the balcony.

‘I’m sorry’, he said. ‘I'm sorry we don’t get to spend as much time with you as we’d all like.’

‘... I didn’t really want you to apologize, y’know ? It’s not really your fault if you like skating that much.’

‘This one is our last season.’

Yuuri couldn’t help but let out a faint exclamation, but he was quick to cover his mouth, afraid he might wake Ekaterina up. Viktor simply frowned, and then sighed.

‘I knew there had to be a reason for you to be this invested this year.’

‘We’re not gonna stay competitive forever. Besides, we’ve been talking a lot about you, lil’ monster. Viktor and the piglet aren’t always gonna be taking care of you when it’s our job.’

‘You can’t ! You… That’s your passion ! You’ve loved it since you were three !’ Dmitri yelled. ‘Don't give up just because I’m an attention whore and -’

‘Language, kid. And trust me, if you were an attention whore, I’d have punched you long ago so don’t go around saying that.’

‘Then, Yurio, what… What are you going to do ?’ Yuuri asked.

‘Dunno. I’ve been asked to work as a model but to be honest, it’d be a pain in the ass. Beka thinks he’s gonna start in the music industry, though.’

‘Are Uncle Yura and Uncle Otabek retiring…?’ asked Ekaterina’s soft voice from the couch.

She was looking at them with bright grey eyes, her hair falling before her face as she slowly stood up and went to sit next to Yuri.

‘Yeah. We are.’

‘We'll never get to see you skate again ?’

‘Not during a competition.’

‘But… You’ll keep loving it, right ? Like Papa and Daddy do ?’

‘Course we will.’

He patted her head, and yawned. She looked like she was about to cry, but she didn’t and simply went to hug Yuuri.

‘Yuri', Viktor said. ‘If none of you win gold this year, or beat your records, I’m keeping Dmitri here and you’re not taking him back ever again.’

‘What ?!’ both Yuri and Dmitri screamed.

‘That's so fucked up, old man ! Who d’you think you are ?! Also are you serious ?! I knew you were stupid but this is some JJ-level bullshit, have you even heard what you -’

‘Yura ? Why are you and Mr. Nikiforov arguing… Again...?’

Otabek had just entered the room, still sleepy.

‘Beka ! Tell the old man that he can’t keep our son all to himself even if none of us win gold !’

‘... What ?’

‘That’s his way of encouraging you’, Yuuri sighed. ‘Well, as long as none of you ask him to marry you if you win gold…’

‘Not happening, the guy’s way too old for me, you can keep him.’

‘Yuri, that was rude !’

‘But I don’t wanna keep living with Grandpa and Gramps, though.’

‘Why would you call my Papa and Daddy ‘Grandpa and Gramps’ ?!’

‘Well, remember that website I talked about earlier ? Tumblr ? People say that Papa is Viktor and Yuuri’s son. So, technically, they’re my grandparents.’

‘... Does that mean Uncle Yura is… Big Brother Yura ?’

‘That also means Dmitri is your nephew’, Otabek said bluntly.

‘Which is fucked up. Also, I’m not their son for fuck’s sake ! Could they stop with this bullshit for even a fucking minute ?!’

‘Yurio, I’ve been trying not to pay attention to it but please don’t swear that much in front of the children’, Yuuri begged.

‘Yeah, Papa, listen to Grandpa Yuuri !’

‘Wait, I get to be Gramps ?! But… But I wanted to be Grandpa !’

‘Dude, you have your priorities set straight.’

‘I'm pretty sure he’s not.’

Silence followed Otabek’s declaration as he stared extremely seriously at everyone in the room. Yuri ended up facepalming, stood up and pulled his ear.

‘Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my bad-puns-free-Beka.’

‘I'm Drunk Beka.’

‘Fuck.’

Then, Otabek collapsed in his husband’s arms, who winced before putting him down on the ground.

‘Wow, now that’s a side of Dad I didn’t know’, Dmitri smirked before taking a picture.

‘Don't even try blackmailing him, kid.’

‘Aww, Yuuri, our son is so protective of his boyfriend !’

‘Viktor, shut your fucking mouth ! He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my husband. And. I. Am. Not. Your. Son.’

Viktor was going to reply, when Ekaterina sneezed. Everyone agreed to go back inside. They hadn’t even realized how cold it was. They spent another few hours talking and playing some board games while Otabek was still asleep on the fluffy carpet; Ekaterina and Dmitri then went with Yuuri to take all covers and pillows off the beds and out of the closets, and gathered them all on the floor. Everyone fell asleep together, Yuri hugging Dmitri and Ekaterina being comfy between her two fathers.

Needless to say, the following week, they were all tied up to their beds with a nasty cold, and Yakov came running to scold every single one of them, even the two children who knew that the man was much, much kinder than he’d ever let people think.

AAAnnnnnd done !!! I hope you liked it, and especially Dmitri and Ekaterina >W< Sorry it ended up way angstier than expected - I do that, sometimes. Truth is, I love writing angst so... Beware of your feels 8D Anyway

#yuri on ice #yoi #yoi child au #otayuri #viktuuri #chris x mystery man #ekaterina katsuki-nikiforov #dmitri altin-plisetsky #yuri plisetsky #otabek altin #viktor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki

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pan-akos · 6 years

Text

A conversation I had with a friend whom I deeply respect and look up to

Me: So what wisdom do you have to impart on me this terrible day?

Friend: As a matter of fact I do. Because I know how much you love scripture, psalms 139:11&12

[Psalms 139:11&12: If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. (12) Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.]

Me: Hmm.. Why that verse?

Friend: Does it mean anything to you? I dunno it came to mind

Me: Haha are you expecting it to?

Friend: Nope just asking. If it doesn't you can ignore it

Me: No it's pretty relevant. Is there any explanation behind it?

Friend: Okay well there is kind of. So I was praying for friends and fam, among them I prayed for you (yeah you're not that special jk!) and I felt God placing on my heart that verse for you, and I don't know why and don't know what it meant but it felt like he wanted you to know that so I just prayed over it. I know that sounds kinda strange and weird, but God's pretty cool that way so when you asked what wisdom I had it was brought back to my mind

Me: Huh.. God is pretty cool that way. That verse kind of hits a few nails on the head. Answer me honestly, why did you text me today? Like just out of the blue

Friend: Well, I wanted to reach out these few weeks but I realized I didn't answer your question,and wanted to but also it's hard stuff, felt bad for not responding or at least not telling you why, so it just seemed easier to leave it. I figured you were kind enough to let me off the hook. Then I spoke with *** this weekend and I asked him how you've been. I could tell he didn't really know. Also I pray for you guys in general so that wasn't out of the blue and I don't know why today is terrible day for you but I'm glad I texted

Me: (...)Well today isn't a terrible day. It's a beautiful and wonderful day filled with blessings and good fortunes. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It's just a terrible surrounding. Terrible world. Terrible society. You know.. life. But thank you for reaching out and (...) thank you for that verse

Friend: Why is it terrible? You don't have get into if you don't want to.

Me: Everything is terrible. Everything about everything is bad. Nobody wants to see it so they live happy event to next happy event. Life is full of missed dead lines and disappointments and mistakes and then you die

Friend: I agree with you and believe it or not I feel that way sometimes too. For me, I noticed i tend to think that way when I'm looking through the lens of my pain, my frustrations, and all the things going wrong. That becomes my reality. Cant help but wonder what is the point of it all? Do you think there is a point to all the missed deadlines/ mistakes?

Me: I wouldn't say I'm coming to this conclusion after seeing things going wrong. Even in the happiest days I can think of, I didn't relinquish the truth in reality. There are so many people addicted to so many idols because they are all searching for the same thing, a chance at euphoria. A break from reality. We've all been given a cursed gift. We're trying to make the most of it while we can. There is a point to all of it. It's the point of life. The purpose for it all. Which is to love. Simple as that. Everything else is the curse. The gift is love

Friend: Boy you lost me lol. I might have to chew on it for a bit.

What is the cursed gift you're talking about after the line "a break from reality"? Is it different from the end where you say the gift is love? Are you saying everything else is distraction/ hinders our purpose to love? And if the purpose is to love, how does that relate/ tie back to the need for euphoria?

I feel like I'm dissecting a piece of work here and Sorry for all the questions!

Me: Oh the cursed gift is life. It's a gift because of the beauty it contains but it's cursed because in this life, we are created and born sinners and we spend our entire lives fighting the darkness. It is also both because we were given life without a choice. Love is not our gift. At least, I wouldn't say it's our primary gift. Love is more along the lines of our purpose, the definition of reality and everything it holds. God made us in His image and God is love. We are love. Our purpose is to love. But this love was contaminated when our forefathers made mistakes that we must pay for our entire lives. We contaminated love when we tried to reach it through drugs and sex and money; through idols. Drugs, sex, money, fame, glory, pretty much everything in Romans 1:29-31

[Romans 1:29-31: Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, (30) Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, (31) Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful]

, they're all quick fixes for our need to love. Love brings about euphoria. We thirst so desperately for love that we find it in every crevice that the devil has laid out for us. For example, we find it ever sale that forces us to spend money on "good deals" for things we don't need. We find it in every extra packet of sugar that feeds our gluttony, every sip of liquor that lift our spirits and clouds our vision and distracts our problems, every pretty face that smiles at us before we turn off the lights and pull the covers, we find love in everything that brings us short bursts of euphoria. But we never take the time to search out the everlasting love. And so, such as we are in our inhibitions, lacking as we are of our true purpose, all of these sheep are led to slaughter. We are made to love the creation by the Creator. But instead, we focus our love on OUR (dare I say "fucked up") creations. We chase things we control because (and this is a whole other chapter) we are fearful of the emptiness and the vastness of grace because that would mean we have to walk by faith and.. I am getting into many topics I cannot cover in a text haha

Don't worry about the questions. These are topics I've had a lifetime to scrutiny and study at length and there are truths I am still uncovering. It can't all be said in a short conversation. There are books in some of these terrifying, frightening, awe-inspiring truths. It's a fascinating world out there. So broken and messed up, but fascinating

By no means do I believe I'm right. I hope I'm wrong. I have a very dark view on reality and I want to believe I'm wrong so please don't think I'm here preaching what I 'know' is right. I'm learning everyday. This is just the truth I've gleaned from my experiences

Friend: You got so deeep and then you paused ahah. Mhmm I hear you. There's truth to things you said. Stuff you said reminds me of a book I read in high school called siddartha I think. Also any particular book you're talking about? Do you mind tying it back to your original thought on everything being terrible?

And you’ve explained the cursed but blessed life we have, but where do we go from here?

Me: I didn't mean books in particular. I enjoy fantasy novels lol not thought invoking books. I'm too shallow for that haha. I meant that I have books worth of thoughts on these subjects. So many revelations about the damn-ness of the human mind and heart. The things that drive us. The way our minds are programmed and affected by the things around us. I have found so many truths about these things that I could fill books if I were to speak them out. (Not in a cocky way, please don't think that. I just have a lot to say on these subjects). They've been the center point of my focus throughout my entire life. The human psyche. Our mind, will, and emotion. The essence of our soul. I have searched for answers for a long time lol and my search has led me to so many places. Dark places and these are just my collective thoughts on it

And absolutely. I meant about everything being terrible in the sense that these truths reveal what life really is. A constant, painful, never-ending struggle to run away from the death of our desires and aspirations. We do absolutely everything we can to run away from pain and darkness. And everything is so terrible because if we stopped for a second, we would see that everything is pain and darkness. It takes effort to find love, to find peace and happiness. But humanity, in its truest, most natural state, is chaos and violence. We are a messed up, violent, parasitic, murderous species. We are that by nature. And that's what's so terrible

Lol we go on. We continue everyday chasing something to love. And for the few of us that have open eyes, we see. We see that true love only comes from the father. God has loved us so incredibly much when we give Him ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to do so. We try to emulate that love to the things around us and then we die. Such is life. C'est la vie

It's a crest falling depressing truth. As to why this truth is so sad is another essay lol

Friend: I see why you wanted to major in psychology. You have inquisitive mind and you're also not afraid to confront the hard questions.

Most people would say you're being pessimistic/ have a bleak perspective. I wouldn't say so. You see the darkness that people try to shut out and ignore, and you welcome it. That's okay. He's unfazed by it.

You and I both know the story doesn't just end there!

Me: The sadness in the truth is something that can be tied to all of our sadness. I just realize it and choose to exist in it while most others don't realize it and choose to spend life running from it. I prefer the darkness. Other don't. It's just a preference of existence. Not an opinion of truth

Friend: That sounds isolating, do you feel like it is?

Me: Hahaha funny you ask.. it's extremely isolating. I've felt like it drives to close forms of insanity at times. It makes me physically ill, causes all kinds of pains, insomnia, self deprecation. It's an incessant mental wrestling. Its a very very dark, bleeding, life sucking, almost psychotic way of life.

But in the book you mentioned, remember the vice that truly caused Siddhartha to loose himself to the childlike people was gambling? That was his addiction. Mine, is this lifestyle. It's like being told a life changing truth. For example, if I told you that monsters were real, werewolves, vampires, ghouls, chuppacabra, fairies, aliens, centaurs, whatever. If I proved to you it was real, you would question every "weird" noise. Every "supernatural" story. Your entire life would change and you can never go back to life as it was. It's kind of the same thing. I see.. things. I can't go back to the way life was. I can't turn it off. I don't think I would want to, even if I could.

Also, at any point, if you start to question my sanity, please re read those last few pages of the book. Lol I'm not crazy. But like he says, you can't explain wisdom with words. If you try, it sounds silly and stupid. I'm not saying what I have is wisdom (because God knows it's not). But it's something I can't explain with words without sounding like a weirdo. I can show it.. "prove it", in a sense. I have shown it. But that's a whole new set of demons and I've regretted that in the past lol

#personal #thoughts

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