#somewhat of a vent i suppose.

[poryphoria]

i <3 my job

#madcom #madness combat #madness project nexus #project nexus #dr crackpot #dr hofnarr #madcom fanart #somewhat of a vent i suppose. #not been doing well had to channel the general vibe into something

[ghostedrider]

being spider-man isn't always the easiest

#this was actually supposed to b vent art but then i started feeling somewhat ok so LOL #this is just expression practice neowww #cc #compart #pavitr prabhakar #gayatri singh #atsv #across the spider verse #across the spiderverse

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[factumnihil2]

there is something vast and deeply, deeply melancholy within me. i think it is mourning.

mourning what? i don't know. maybe the child i never was. maybe the future i'll never have. i hold these shards of memory and they no longer cut my fingers but the blood is still there.

what to do, when the bleeding is staunched but the wound remains?

#csa recovery #csa vent #csa survivor #csa victim #trauma vent #trauma recovery #sa vent #sa recovery #abuse recovery #abuse vent #i will share these thoughts because i seldom see any partially recovered bloggers #it gets easier in some ways and harder than others #i suppose #it changes. for the somewhat netter i guess

[saltpepperbeard]

you ever feel trapped? like you’re just treading water, waiting to drown?

#OFMD #had to channel my inner ed because i just shdklsjdhks #jodi's no good very cranky day #here's the tea sis #i left a comfortable yet somewhat annoying job for a job that is currently VERY annoying and distressing #annnnddd i'm feeling that PARTICULARLY hard today #it also doesn't help that part of that stress feels like it's coming from neurodivergent burnout/issues and that can't be like #easily ~*~Explained~*~ to people #like the lack of structure/communication/transparency is driving me BANANAS because i very much need stability/cut and dry processes #annnnnd upper management is supposed to be fixing that #but it seems like they're making it Even Worse #so it just feels extremely overwhelming right now #and i can also feel everyone ELSE'S stress?? #and it seems to be upping my own because yaaaaayyy empathy (derogatory) #IDK man sorry I don't normally vent #But my health is starting to get affected by all of this l m a o #And the thought of having to uproot AGAIN if it doesn't improve is just #I feel like it's an unending loop of going from job to job to job where the spaces are toxic and no one communicates and> #<efforts are not respected #Soooo I'm just gnawing on my arm and wishing I very much could ZOOM AWAY ON A PIRATE SHIP SHDKLS

[caterpillarinacave]

oh. The dread.

#I’ve never had birthday related dread before but oh boy it’s here now! #Usually I’m happy as a clam and ecstatic but I’m feeling very… hollowed out I suppose? #… I might be a wee bit depressed 🤏 #Maybe I can sleep for three weeks straight #For some reason the “it’s been XXX years since trauma hung happened. It’s been XXX years. It was XXX years ago” is much more crushing- #Than usual. Usually it’s only a little crushing. It’s somewhat suffocating rn. Lord I’m ridiculous #let’s see if anyone I know outside my family remembers my birthday lol #Sorry for being a downer I try really hard not to vent on here I just don’t really have anywhere else to express my feelings

[kiirous]

Doing the laundry is so unnecessarily difficult. A cup of this, two cups of that, that's easy. But how much clothing am I supposed to put into the washing machine? It's not like I can count the articles because everything has a different size and thickness! So I was told "one small basket". Okay. But we use a big basket. How much is that? And how full is one small basket? How much do I have to press the articles in until it is considered full? It's way too unconcrete for me. Give me concrete information!

#rant post #venting #washing machine #laundry #chores #seriously #i'm trying my best #okay? #and while I am now somewhat able to do that #it's still a lot of work to figure how much I'm supposed to fit in

[babacontainsmultitudes]

S2 Henry is kind of frustrating? A lot of his negative traits from s1 seem magnified now without the original party

Anon in case you were worried, I need to stress that me taking literally 2 weeks to answer this has nothing to do with the nature of this ask and everything to do with the nature of me. Forgetting. Well, half-forgetting, I've been a bit preoccupied!

In any case, that's totally valid anon! Personally... Hm... [I'm collecting my own thoughts and feelings on the matter lol]... Well I definitely still *like* S2 Henry, and there've for sure been certain moments where I was like "aw I missed Henry" lol, but. Hm yeah genuinely I do get the frustration? I suppose on my own end I've found myself... Shall we say disenchanted with him a bit?

And not cause of the whole "I'll never forgive you for this" thing, genuinely I'm quite fond of that bit even if (perhaps rather controversially) I'm not really inclined to side with him on the matter (I mean, it's complicated). (This is a bit of a tangent but-) It felt very in-character in the sense that it's not the first time Henry's quixotic sense of morality (and to some extent justice) has put him at odds with someone with a still good-intentioned but ultimately more pragmatic approach to an ethically complicated situation (specifically Darryl I mean haha).

But in other, smaller interactions... Yeah, I've found myself feeling a bit frustrated with him too, though the exact origin of those feelings would be difficult to place a finger on precisely, I think. Somehow I'm inclined to think that the Venn diagram of what you perceive to constitute as Henry's negative traits and what I do would not be a perfect circle, so to speak, but all the same I concur that he's absolutely better when balanced out by the presence of the other dads. Perhaps to varying degrees that's true of all of them haha, but yes!

I think that's probably all I have to say on the matter tbh. Thanks for the ask anon!

#asks #and apologies again for taking so long aha #I suppose I won't tag this one- just since it's a somewhat more negative affair #And I don't feel that I have anything insightful enough to add to warrant it... #It's funny that there's been a bit of an uptick in anons coming to vent in my inbox lately tho haha #Which isn't a jab at you at all anon. Generally-speaking I mostly find it entertaining as long as people are polite #Anyways ty again!

[astral-catastrophe]

Shoutout to all the eldest daughters who had to basically raise their siblings. You’ve done the best you can, and I’m proud of you

#Really just. Venting my frustrations over having to live like this #I was eight. Eight years old and I had to watch and take care of a five year old and a two year old #I had to make food and clean and care for them #I was eight and already then I had wanted to die #I don���t think it’s a coincidence that the moment things settled and the responsibility had lifted from my shoulders somewhat #Then that’s when the severe anxiety started #Then again. Still too fucking young to be playing in an adults world I had to take care of them again #And again #and again and again #youre the parents. You’re supposed to do this #It should never be the eldest daughter’s concerns over money and food and over keeping these kids alive #Then people wonder why I forget to care for myself. And why I’m always so worried for others while #Disregarding myself #Just look at the childhood and you’ll see I never had time to worry for myself or to heal and I don’t think I can now #Because again I have to join an adults world and play at their game to make sure my siblings don’t fall the way I have #I was eight years old and I wanted to die. Now I’m almost seventeen and I want the same. #Because it seems the only way to get me out of this #I know it’s wrong I know it’s wrong I know it’s wrong #I can’t let the siblings fall the same way I have #jays venting again

[peapod20001]

In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3

#vent #oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday? #hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin #just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol #hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often? #laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol #hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps #is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!! #oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!! #like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow #I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!! #now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :) #uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment #I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone #mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it) #anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu #I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my #guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa. #squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou #oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man #2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried #with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah #it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only #gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned #for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new #girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or #emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid #for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much #NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here

[zombiebaratiddies]

One thing that really saddens me is when people belittle someone's intelligence due to continuously mispronouncing a word or saying it differently, or not understanding a reference to something because they've never heard of or encountered the material before despite it being well-known or "something everyone knows".

What's the phrase... "are you serious?" or "you're joking" or continuing the exclamation of appallment/surprise with "well you probably say [this] too or do [this] because of it" in a slightly teasing manner is something that... is very not appreciated. I wish people met someone not knowing "common knowledge" with "oh, what do you want to know about it? I can tell you what I know" instead of... ridicule or teasing belittlement of their intelligence.

#if you are met with it i do encourage you to speak up and say 'hey i don't really appreciate you treating me that way. #even if you were joking it still hurt my feelings. please don't do that in the future with me' #it's... i feel this is very much a neurodivergent experience to have #very much for me at least. i had all of the resources to watch all of the films 'everyone else watched' #but i was never interested enough in them to sit down and watch them or even put them on in the background #i kinda always get grilled for pronouncing iron as it's spelled and agate as ah-gah-tay since my brain processes words in parts mostly #especially new ones as jp is one of my early processed languages and it's very syllable-based #it's just. the little things that i wish i didn't get belittled over #i know i'm smart and intelligent and have the ability to learn and form opinions on complex topics #i'm just also very impressionable and don't know the things most americans are supposed to know i guess because i was busy watching anime #ahhh. #fine to reblog #the neurodivergent experience #somewhat of a vent #zombie murmurs

[chqnified]

Feeling so stressed and tired

My health isn't good and I'm not being seen by doctors because apparently nothing is wrong with me. I hate that face they give, the look as if you're a piece of shit, the smug face of 'that's a you problem'.... I thought these people were doctors there to help people?

My mental health is crap, college is beating it to a pulp, whether it's the purpose fucking up of grading my papers to make me look shit, or just the trauma of having to see the stuff I see on a daily basis. Stuff nobody should have to see.

My partner is ill and is having hospital check ups, being told it's all in their mind when they're up crying in the middle of the night their in so much agony.

Everything is just stacking up, I'm still being treated like a piece of shit by people of the general public at work. I'm so glad I'm changing jobs soon, away from the public.

Everything is so stressful, I'm balancing more than I should have to. It's giving my a headache, it's making me physically feel sick.

#vent tag #the switching is getting worse. to the point we can barely string out a sentence without there being a switch #it's being triggered constantly. even if there's nothing going on at that particular moment. it's like earlier events you hadn't had time #to process suddenly start processing. that's when it hits again #I have a few things sorted. but only things I can actually somewhat control you know? #most things are way out of my reach to do anything about. I'm having to rely on people. and i hate that. #especially when things aren't being done like they're supposed to and that's to the detriment of myself or my loved ones

[unrealwasteland]

i’ve been feeling like absolute shit for the past week or two but now i’m finally feeling a little better and like i’m being myself again 🙏 and it’s just in time because i’m going away for the weekend to enjoy midsummer! i’m leaving tomorrow morning and getting back sunday evening, and i’ll try to set up at least a little queue for the meantime. 

(i’ll have my phone with me so i’ll have access to tumblr but i’m not sure how much i’ll be online. and normally i use tumblr on desktop anyway and i don’t really like reblogging things on mobile lol)

#i'm very much in the 'am i just lazy or is this depression or something else' stage right now #since march i've just wanted to sleep all the time #and now lately i've also started getting a really frustrating brainfog (i'm not even sure if that's a real thing but idk what to call it) #i sometimes feel like my brain just shuts down and i can't think and i forget stuff and it makes me feel so stupid i hate it #i just feel so worthless in general and i've always kind of tied my sense of self worth to the fact that i'm at least somewhat intelligent #like if i'm not beautiful or talented or funny i can at least be smart or something #and now my brain is just not cooperating at all and i feel like i'm a totally different person than i was like 6 months ago #and also #i'm supposed to be seeing my family in about 3 weeks and i'm just like. i don't want them to see me like this #i'm so embarrassed of myself #anyway these tags are getting a little long so maybe that's enough venting for today #i'm having a mental health appointment in a week and i'll try to talk about some of this stuff there

[chewwytwee]

Starting to realize that my fear of conflict doesn’t actually make me a “chill person” it just makes it hard to know what I want and harder to be able to help myself

#.txt #this was supposed to sound funnier #but #it isn’t as funny as I thought #I was planning on ranting here either way so like #vent moment #idk I just really want to ask some really pointed questions of someone close to me #like they’re the only person I keep in contact with from a group I had a falling out with #they’re somewhat directly involved by being close to both parties while not being involved in any of the actual conflict #and idk I just want to know what they think #what they know even. it’s just a sense of closure #I just really wanna hear from someone close to the situation what it actually looked like #cuz no one I’ve talked to has been close enough to have s good opinion but also not someone who is kinda pitted against me #idk what to do or say #but I think it’s what I need #I keep thinking about it and it’s on my mind a lot which usually means that it’s in part related to what I need in the moment

[turnaboutwright]

being autistic and being into someone is confusing;;; its like...i know I'm overthinking things but I assumed after admitting to wanting to kiss that flirting was on the table but I'm not really getting anything flirty back? BUT THEN AGAIN......im really just adding winky kiss emojis into otherwise platonic text so perhaps that's not really enough;;;

#I MEAN. LIKE WEVE ESTABLISHED THE ATTRACTION WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? I CARE ABOUT YOU (SOMEWHAT NONPLATONIC)?! #wright vents

[scourgeofshadows]

"I'm so envious of you. A bird born in a cage never realizes it's a prisoner. It doesn't even know it's not free. It just dies happily in the cage." - Nikolai Gogol That's one kind of simp, but what about the bird that isn't born in a cage? Was I free at one point if I knew I'm not free and I suffer from the cage that's called "simping over characters that are criminal af"? Can't say I envy obliviousness, but I envy free birds

#i wish i'm normal sometimes #clearly i do have a dark side & i admit it #venting with nikolai quotes #simping birdcage #i'm an imprisoned bird #nikolai gogol #nikolai #bsd #bungou stray dogs #simping #random vent #vent #shitpost #bsd shitpost #bsd nikolai #bungou stray dogs nikolai #clearly i feel like jekyll & hyde rn #i think nikolai may be someone fun to talk to over the weirdest shit #well...i suppose it's not bad hyping over such morally gray characters & such well-written questionable beings deserve the hype #yet i feel somewhat remorseful simping over some of the worst characters in existence & their own role plus character is somehow appealing #*cough* fyodor #this is just me fyi #there's no way i'm pure if i'm in love with criminals but i'm also not completely insane if part of me acknowledges why i should hate them #right??? #fyodor is so far one of the closest to morally black characters i've simped lol #lawful evil af #as a bird i am a raven or a crow #i bet that's the bird nikolai can describe me as XDDD #a bird meant to be wild & free yet somehow captured in a cage cuz i fell head over heels