#stabbed and i break out into a cold sweat and i'm in actual fucking pain right now why is being autistic so fucking PAINFUL always

[titan-god-helios]

oh no oh fuck what happened to tumblr is my computer just fucking up or did the site actually change pleasetellmemycomputerfuckedupi'msostressedrightnowihatethis

#now there have been two (2) minor to others but major to my autistic ass changes today #one is that genshin impact fucking changed their party setup layout and i very much despise the new one i loved the old one it was perfect #and so neat and had everything you needed and then they CHANGED IT and i feel like crying everytime im reminded #because that fucking shit is my comfort game i love it so much and then they had to go and make it changed and new and uncertain #the autism goblin freaked out so hard earlier but fontaine soothed it a little because yay !! new place to explore !! i love exploring !! #key word: a little #AND NOW THIS SHIT WITH THE HELLSITE AGAIN #ADMINS #PLEASE #STOP CHANGING SHIT #YOU'RE STRESSING THE FUCK OUT OF THE AUTISM GOBLINS #i look at the layout and i just feel like crying and rocking back and forth so hard ohmygod its actual real pain im not even exaggerating #its like someone's showing me a recording of something so viscerally wrong in every conceivable way that my eyes feel as if they're being #stabbed and i break out into a cold sweat and i'm in actual fucking pain right now why is being autistic so fucking PAINFUL always #give it a week of slowly introducing it to my brain like how you introduce a new cat to your other cats and i'll get used to it #but that doesn't matter right now i would rather step on legos for a minute straight i hate it so much i am in so much fucking mental pain #hjgshgdsuygdsyudghjdgsjdfgdsgdjdf #autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #asd #its the neurodivergency #actuallyautistic #neurodivergencies #actually adhd #being autistic #adhd #genshin impact #tumblr staff #bad staffelstein

[jinmukangwrites]

succumb (1/?)

Note: "?" because I don't know if I'm actually going to continue this. All I know is that I saw this post from Liccy and couldn't stop thinking about it (hopefully you don't mind me leeching a little off of your fantastic hc). I just had to write something or else I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. Unless I decide to make more of this, I'll keep this just in Tumblr for now.

Summary: While collecting firewood after a harsh day of traveling, Wild and Hyrule find themselves ambushed and alone, facing a mysterious enemy that wants Hyrule for something Wild doesn't understand... or more specifically: they want Hyrule's blood.

Tws and warnings in tags

-o-o-o-o-

It’s a night filled with the chill of air fresh after rain. The damp grass and twigs lining the ground below the still dripping trees squish below Wild’s boots as he walks, his eyes sharp for anything that could be useful.

Today’s been a rather taxing day on his energy, and he can tell it’s been the same with the others. The constant rain has caused the paths to become slick with mud and the rivers too dangerous to cross. To top it all off, they don’t even know who’s world they are in; making it so that as they journey they don’t even know where they are going.

Wild hates the rain.

But luckily, he’s not assigned with the behemoth task of finding dry firewood alone. Hyrule walks beside him, his pants and tunic blotched with dark colors thanks to the puddle he had fallen into a few minutes before.

The quite literal stumbles here and there put aside… they’ve actually done a decent job at gathering firewood so far. A few hours into their search they both have arms cradling rather hefty loads of dry twigs and branches found in miracle spots hiding under rocks and undergrowth, untouched from the rain.

A cold win stirs, causing Wild to suppress a shiver as he straightens out of picking up another stick to add to his impressive collection. He probably should have worn a warmer tunic while heading out, but Wind was looking miserable in the cold and didn’t look used to this kind of chill, so he had lent his snowquill tunic and didn’t have the heart to take it back as the poor kid sat sniffling in the driest part of camp.

Wild mentally begins to make a list of things he has that could go in a warming soup once they have a fire going. If none of them have colds tomorrow morning, he will eat Legend’s hat.

“We should head back,” Wild calls towards his companion. Behind him, Hyrule straightens up from where he was quite hilariously resembling an old man squatting down to pick up a book they have dropped. His arms are overloaded with wood, and Wild’s sure if he bends any lower he would be struggling to pick up the sticks he will undoubtedly start dropping.

“You think we have enough?” Hyrule asks.

Wild hums and looks at the two armfuls they have gathered. They need enough to last them for dinner and through the night, and a little extra if the fire happens to go out from unpredictable rain storms through the night. It’s not like Wild’s scars would be able to help him tell the oncoming storms; they’ve been none-stop aching since they found themselves in this unfamiliar forest.

After a moment of sizing up their bundles, Wild nods. “Yeah, if we’re smart with it we shouldn’t have to worry.”

Hyrule snorts. “Smart with it? Tell that to the blacksmith. He’s the one that tried to light Vet’s hair on fire.”

“In his defense, Vet kinda deserved it.”

“He accidentally caught Wolfie’s tail on fire.”

Wild snorts. “To be fair, he kinda deserved it too.”

Hyrule gives an unimpressed look to which Wild responds with a grin and as much of a shrug he can manage without dropping anything. The wind brushes past them and through the leaves in the trees, reminding them both that the night is approaching and banter can perhaps wait until they’re warm at a fire.

“C’mon,” Wild says, “we should get going.”

Hyrule’s face splits into a grin and rushes to catch up with Wild as he begins to walk back towards the direction of camp. The sound of mud squelching beneath their boots accompanies his thoughts as they go. He hopes they’ve set up the pots and pans he needs to make dinner like he asked them to. He’d like to get something warm in his belly as soon as possible and it would be so much quicker if the others realized they could maybe help make dinner sometimes.

He’s in the middle of planning out his next moves once they’re back with the others when it happens. It’s achingly familiar too—the way the air seems to turn foul and the shadows of the trees grow within the blink of an eye. Through his travels alone… before he fought and defeated Calamity Ganon… things were hardly ever perfectly okay. Safety was always rare, and things could go sour quicker than what you would expect. Wild quickly trained himself to always be aware of the dangers around him, even if everything seemed happy and safe. It saved his back more times than what he could admit, even if the pressure of anxiety pressing down on his ribs was more constant than a place for him to spend the night.

He could sense everything about to go wrong a moment before it does. He’s not sure what’s made him aware of the change—whether it’s the quieting of crows or the darkening sky—but one thing is for sure, this time he’s not quick enough to stop it.

He sees Hyrule twitch besides him and drop all of the firewood in his arms right into the mud. His hands fly to his neck as Wild drops his load and pulls out his sword. He hears a zip and catches the flash of light just in time to jump out of the way of a flying arrow.

Immediately, Wild is in battle mode. With practiced movements that he doesn’t even think about anymore, his shield is off of his back and on his non-dominant hand just-in-the-nick-of-time to block two more arrows with an equal number of thunks. With rising adrenaline, Wild looks over at Hyrule and what he sees makes his stomach twist. There, just a few strides out of arm's reach, Hyrule stumbles and tugs his hands away from his neck; grasped in his fingers is a small, thin twig with a feather on one end and a metal glint on the other. It isn’t hard to guess what’s exactly going on as Hyrule stumbles again with fluttering eyelids.

This isn’t any old attack from monsters in the forest, Wild concludes as he begins to rush towards his poisoned friend.

This is an ambush.

Just before Wild can reach Hyrule, a form jumps down from the trees between them. Wild has a split-second to recognize the glint of misshapen armor bent to fit a large reptile's body before the Lizalfols is swinging a sharp boomerang right for his throat. Wild steps back and raises his shield before he could be hit, however he has to work hard to suppress a frustrated snarl as he’s forced to widen the distance between himself and the barely standing Hyrule. He can see the other hero struggling to pull out his sword as more figures emerge from the surrounding trees.

“Alright, ugly,” Wild hisses under his breath as he shoves his shield out with calculated power. He needs to finish this quickly before Hyrule gets himself more hurt so he can figure out what poison was used and if the others are okay.

The Lizalfos screeches and stumbles back, waving its weapon wildly. Wild takes its struggle to regain balance as an opportunity to rush forward and swing his sword right for the weak spots of its armor. The monster screams impossibly high with unhuman chords before falling limp on his sword, however Wild doesn’t have time to celebrate before claws dig into his shoulders. Stifling a cry of pain, Wild is forced to let go of his lodged sword to catch his fall on his hands and knees. The well-known shriek of a bokoblin reaches his ears as he throws his weight to the side to dislodge the thing. Luckily, he’s successful, ending up on his back with the perfect position to swing his shield at the exact right moment to hit the bokoblin right in the snout as it tries to jump at him again.

“Champ!” calls a shaky voice. Hyrule.

He doesn’t sound too good.

And judging how there are several more monsters here than what he remembered before ending up on the ground… neither of them will be too good soon if he doesn’t act.

He scrambles to his feet, barely noticing how soaked in rain and mud he is now, and grabs a stick on his way up that he had previously dropped. He swings it like a bat at the next closest bokoblin—mourning his sword and mentally kicking himself for getting it stuck in the corpse of a fucking lizard—but he only manages to slightly stun it for a moment before its running after him with pig-like gurgles quicker than what he can properly lift his shield. However, before the creature can hit him, there's the flash of a friendly blade, cutting the beast down mid-air. Before him stands Hyrule, looking very pale with beads of sweat trailing down from his hairline. Wild’s about to nod his thanks, but two things happen at once that makes everything go completely downhill.

Wild sees Hyrule’s eyes roll up to his skull right before the air is knocked out of him via a viscous swing of a tail to his ankles, resulting in him landing heavily on his back.

Monsters all around him squeal with glee as Wild attempts to catch his breath and struggle to his feet. However, before he can do so, the heavy body of the lizalfos responsible for taking him down lands on his back, expelling any of the air Wild had left in his lungs. For a horrifying second, Wild’s almost afraid his head is about to be removed from his body with the flash of a sharp boomerang.

Shockingly enough, that doesn’t happen. While he feels the blade slide right against his jaw, his skin does not break. With the tug of a clawed hand in his hair, he quickly finds this isn’t a kind of ambush that he’s used to. Most surprise monster attacks stay exactly as it appears to be: an all-out attack with no more intentions than to stab things and scream loudly.

This one however is proving itself to be a little different. They want something, something that they’d keep Wild pinned on the ground with a blade to his throat alive.

Thanks to the hand holding his head up by his hair—sending a rather vicious kink into his neck as he’s still stuck on his stomach—Wild can see Hyrule completely collapsed on the ground with a few monsters hovering over him with excited snorts and grunt.

He can’t believe the two of them have been bested by monsters as low in skill as these.

Something more has to be going on.

And, just as that thought crosses his mind, there’s the sound of booted feet approaching on the soggy ground. The new presence comes behind from where Wild is pinned, so he cannot see them. However, based on the even steps and the whoosh of cloth, he can at least infer that they’re not a monster… or at least something a bit more humanoid.

His suspicions are confirmed once the figure steps into view. They look the build of a Hylian; though below the cloak that covers their face and exposes nothing but the shadow of a pointed chin… they must be a rather tall Hylian.

Which definitely isn’t good. Monsters are one thing—creatures born out of hatred and greed—but a Hylian who’s born as pure as any other human and animal in the world choosing to work with monsters? Deal with wickedness? They’re always the bigger threat. If the Yiga clan alone isn’t proof enough that Hylia’s creations can inhibit more darkness than the lowest of beasts, then Wild would ask what shrine you've been sleeping in.

Not like he could ask that now, not as the cloaked figure steps right past Wild without sparing a single glance. Wild cannot help but feel his stomach twist in fear as the person kneels down by the unmoving and unarmed Hyrule. They place a pale hand on Hyrule’s forehead, making Wild’s skin crawl.

“Get away from him!” Wild snarls, digging his fingers into the mud and attempting to push the heavy lizalfos off from him, but all that does is cause the creature to hiss and tighten the blade.

The cloaked intruder doesn’t respond nor quit in their endeavors of getting too close to Hyrule for Wild’s comfort. In fact, Wild almost thinks they didn’t even hear him.

He’s about to shout out once again—angry with being ignored—but the breath leaving his lungs fall silent as the figure brushes back Hyrule’s hair with a verbal sigh. Then, to Wild’s horror, the figure pulls back to their cloak to bring out a small vial filled with a deep purple liquid.

“What is that?” Wild demands as the lid of the vial is popped off and lowered towards Hyrule’s pale lips. “Don’t you fucking dare-” suddenly the air is squeezed from his body, forcing his protests to cease, as the lizalfos leans more of it’s weight onto his back to press his face down into the mud.

He doesn’t see what happens next, but he can put two and two together when a few silent moments pass before those human footsteps begin to finally head Wild’s way. The clawed hand in his hair loosens ever so slightly as slim fingers slip under his chin. Next thing Wild knows, he’s blinking through dripping eyelashes at the shadowed face of the cloaked figure.

Wild, of course, takes the opportunity to spit a wad of mud at the face of his enemy thanks to his little face-meets-dirt session.

He’s pretty sure he hits his mark, because in a blink of an eye Wild is no longer pinned on the ground, but lifted into the air by his neck. His feet scramble for purchase when there is none as his hands fly to his throat. The pressure on his neck is so intense that he doesn’t think to try and look at the face of his attacker. He can only gulp for trapped air like a fish out of water. Then, just like that, the pressure on his throat is released as he finds himself thrown back into the waiting arms of various monsters. Before Wild can attempt to find his bearings, his wrists are twisted violently behind his back; the motion almost yanks his limbs from their sockets. After a few gasps, it's all Wild can do to stand there with their physical restraints of clawed hands and send a cold glare at the cloaked figure.

The cloaked figure radiates irritation from where they stand, but Wild spares only a moment to bare his teeth at them before glancing back to where he'd last seen Hyrule.

He can’t see Hyrule’s face, but he’s no longer laying prone on the floor. He’s currently sat up with his chin limply touching his chest as a pair of monsters work together to bind his wrists behind his back.

Knowing that villains don’t usually restrain corpses, Wild concludes that Hyrule is still alive and returns his anger at the cloaked figure.

Wild takes a deep breath and speaks through hissing teeth, “who are you?”

“I would watch your tongue, hero,” the figure says, their voice not distinct enough to be dubbed male or female. However, Wild can practically feel the annoyance in their tone traveling down his spine. “We don’t need both of you, and your small friend is not the expendable one.”

The words settle in Wild’s gut like moss covered stones. This really isn’t any normal attack or ambush… this was a targeted mission.

Hyrule is the target.

“What do you want with him?”

The figure chuckles, their shoulders bounce in such an undeniably human way that it makes Wild feel sick to his core. “It never fails to amuse me that none of you seem to truly understand just how much more powerful and important this one is compared to the rest of you.” The cloaked figure walks towards Wild with arms spread wide. “His blood alone is more powerful than any form of magic known to any sorcerer.”

“What are you talking about?” Wild spits, forcing his face to remain cold and angry despite the pool of confusion and fear that’s beginning to swell around those moss stones in his gut.

The figure hums and tilts their covered head. After another moment, they speak with an amused tone, walking slowly towards Wild. “That slate on your belt... you’re the hero from the far future, oh how convenient. Tell me, have you ever wondered why the monsters come back to life?”

Wild doesn’t get a chance to answer before the figure stops right in front of him. He hates that even though he cannot see their face, he can practically taste the smug victory radiating off from them.

“Don’t you wonder why the moon shines red with blood?”

Wild swallows. “What does that have to do with anything?” He looks over where Hyrule is placed. “What does that have to do with him?”

The figure chuckles and leans forward close enough that Wild can almost see an outline of a pointed nose. “Everything.”

Then, with a flick of their hand, something hard smacks against the back of Wild’s skull. The world spins and pain shoots through his head and into every speck of his body. He blinks, and suddenly he’s leaning bonelessly into the grasps of the monsters behind him, the corners of his vision going black.

The last thing he sees is the figure turning back towards Hyrule with a flick of their cloak.

Then, his eyes fall shut and he knows no more.

#linked universe #hero of the wild #hero of hyrule #blood tw #violence tw #kidnapping tw #poisoning tw #fanfiction #jin writes #let me know if i missed any tags <3

[zuffer-weird-girl]

No way out...

Drinking with the gang.

That was supposed to be joyful one, isn't that right? One single moment where you just can say fuck the world and enjoy the least bit of sanity you're suppose to have while being a part of the league... well, now Paranormal Liberation Front.

At least the clothes and the condition of living were better than sharing a room in a dirty bar or just moving into abandoned buildings...

He wasn't someone who ever thought about getting lucky on this shit called life of his. Yet now he had some fucking food and a partner to just wrap his arm around their waist, and behind closed doors kiss amd fuck with all his heart content.

And it made it better when your morals happen to be similiar with his ones. You didn't gave two shits about Shigaraki's plans besides having a huge respect towards him... somehow.

He knew about how you lost your parents to heroes. Two people whose was only trying to provide for their kids only to be caught stealing food at the wrong moment and wrong place...

Despite all of his issues and yours. You two made a good match... and he was, dare he say, happy. More happier than he ever was.

Right now, on the middle of drinking your heads off, Toga and Twice had come up with a game. Throwing a fucking knife around and just hoping no one got actually hurt by it. Simple, if you catched the bottle without breaking it, you had to tell a story or just do something stupid.

Similiar to truth and dare but... a bit more spice on it.

"CATCH (Y/N)! OH SHIT DUCK!" Twice yelled and Dabi didn't even bothered to move as his arm continued on your shoulders as you merely lifted one of your fingers up and stopped the knife on mid air.

"Metallokinesis". Your quirk was quite an ordinary but by no means less useful.

"Buuuu you're no fun (Y/n)-chan!" Toga whined on her seat with a pout as you chuckled and rotted the knife on the air while swirling your finger along with it.

"Right right, as if I would be let to be stabbed here." You commented, giggling at the snort Dabi let out before you actually grabbed the knife "So, embarrassing thing or story of my life?"

"You just happen to be the second most mysterious one of this league excluding crusty over there." Spinner pointed with his can at Dabi "Say something about no one here knows."

"Huh..." you poked the tip of knife on your chin with a thoughtful expression before letting out a gasp.

"Found one aparently." Mr. Compress spike from his seat.

"Welp, guess it wouldn't hurt to it." You leaned more on Dabi as he sighed in content.

Neither his own blue flames could compare to the warm feeling you brought to his uncharacteristically cold soul.

"There was this one last time I saw my brother. He was such a dick, but he took care of me after my parents died so I own my life to him kinda of."

"Brother huh?" He opened of his turquoise eyes in amusement. You never mentioned about a brother even after everything you told him about your past, so that was new.

"Yep. He told me how to especially control my quirk-" you levitated the knife and made her twirl in the air "His quirk wasn't something useful sadly.. his hands turned into diamonds but for only what? Two minute s or less I guess. Yet he never stopped being a fighter and a trouble maker." You giggled.

"You're a magnet to shitty assholes. HE SOUNDED NICE!" Dabi only threw a half glare at Twice as Toga giggled.

"But back on. One time we were walking on the middle of the night, comminting some robberies to put at least a piece of bread on the table... but then we just happened to cross by the current number one hero himself!" You spoke on a venom tone who only made him snort. He could care two fucks about Enji yet it was fun to see how fucking pissed you are with the bastard.

"And he beat your brother's ass." Spinner spoke as you only took a sip form your own drink.

"He beat my and his ass." You let go of the drink "My brother just happened to pull me out of the way of his flames, he used his quirk to prevent a potential burn yet he got some scars outra of it."

Dabi suddenly tensed... he remembered one night he was doing his researches fro recruits... Usually you would go with him, but Shigaraki demanded your services for something else on that night...

"Scars?" Toga asked with a sick smile.

"Yeah. A burn that crossed from his jaw until the midsection of his nose and a deep cut that crossed his forehead to his lef cheek. Almost lost vision of one eye."

Memories clouded his mind... it was cold... his footsteps echoed on the empty streets before they come to a stop when he saw someone.

"He got burns all over his body yet his hands remained intact... probably because of his quirk sure."

.

.

.

The guy stared at him while he demanded to be on the league... the quirk wasn't useful to them... the man was cocky and didn't care about morals and didn't even gave him a reason to be there, just a "I need to."

.

.

"He was always a thick head. If he wanted something than he get it or got beaten up because of it... so when Endeavoyr fought him... he gave his best." You spike proudly as a shen of sweat started to appear on Dabi's forehead.

.

.

Doing a backflip after jumping and dodging one of his attacks he cursed and sended a huge wave of flames towards the man whose shouted curses at him.

.

.

"Then what happened?"

"Endeavour focused more on my brother as his sidekick chased me. My brother shouted at me to run that he would find me on our usual spot...then I made a run for it and attracted the sidekick far away from the fight to not cause my brother more trouble."

.

.

The guy was totally fucked up... laying on the concret as Dabi took one bar of metal from a trash can and stared down at him... the motherfucker made him loose a few of his stables so he had to fucking pay...

"Still alive I see..." he muttered in boredoom as a thunder echoed... rain drops appeared and fell on them as his victim's haw trembled yet his (E/c) remained that pathetic determined infuriated look.

"F-Fuck.. off..."

"Huh." he heated up with his quirk one part of the metal and pushed against the guy's chest as he steeped on him with one foot... enjoying hearing his screams of pain. "Not as confident as it looks huh..?

.

.

"I couldn't find him and honestly it was for the better. No deaths or prisons were notification so that's how I knew and know he is okay.." you smiled as Dabi clenched his hand on his leg as his breath quickened.

.

.

He tortured the man on that filfh and wet alley... the guy's was with closed eyes, whimpering yet his body still thought to stay alive...

"Last words scumbag?" He arched one of his eyebrows up as he had the burning hot piece of metal right on aim on where the human heart lived.

He gagged on his own blood and coughed... opening one of his beaten up eyes at the sky as he muttered something before Dabi pushed and kicked down the bar of metal... letting the man at least exhale his one last final breath...

.

.

"I met Dabi one week after and the rest you guys know." You leaned back in smugness as they clapped but furrowed your eyebrows when Dabi shuffled his arm away from you noticing how tense he was.

He now remembered... his last fucking word was a name... Your name.

Your brother died by his hands...

"I need a cigarette." Dabi muttered before leaving the room abruptly while everyone stared at him in a mix of worry and confusion.

"Is Dabs okay? gO CRY LIKE A LITTPE BITCH-!" You sighed at Twice's comment before using your quirk to threw the knife at Spinner who yelled when it got stuck on the wall he was leaving against at.

On the balcony Dabi exhaled shakily a cloud of nicotine as he stared at the sky with a regretful look... he killed a member of your family... one you cherished and hoped to see again and believed he was still out there... breathing.

"Never took you for the type to just leave a room to smoke baby." You hugged him from behind and he looked over his shoulder to see you smilling sweetly up at him...

Gosh he felt terrible... should he tell you or be selfish...?

"Hey... are you.. okay?" You started as you got by his side when he didn't teased you back for your comment.

He stared at the cigarette on his hand and sighed before flipping it out of his hand and watching it fall...

"Doll..." he sighed before giving you a one sided painful look "I'm... dammit." He scoffed, burying his half burned face on his forearms... feeling your gentle carres and hugs didn't bringed him any calm like before because he fucking knew what he had done...

"Hey.. whatever it is is okay my prince." You cupped his face on your hand and smiled up at him "Just tell me..."

He furrowed his eyebrows as a wind passed by... his indigo strays of hair flew as he stared in remorse at your face...

"What you told back there..." he sighed before looking away from you as your hand dropped and tugged on his own "(Y/n)... I am.. sorry."

"For what?" You giggled in astonishment "Dabs, it was not your fault my brother got into a fight with Enji! I'm going to find him again as soon as this hero society is collapsed." You smiled but soon it fell when Dabi only brushed his scarred hand on his face and looks as he looked at the city...

"Dabi?" You spike after a few minutes of silence before he muttered, shoulders hunched.

"Remember that night I came back to the bar and had almost half of my staples out? And when you shouted at me I said I killed the motive of me being all beaten up and we started dating?"

"Yeah it was when I admitted my feelings towards you dumbass. What's with it?" You nervously giggled

The way his turquoise eyes locked with you were what hurted you the most. It showed his true emotions... Fear, regret, sorrow... grief...

"Doll... you wont be meeting your brother anymore... he won't come back..." he managed to whisper but soon a shot in his heart was felt by the way your eyes widened...

You took a few steps away from him and he hissed mentally when he stepped closer to you and you only got more far away from him.

"No..." tears started to gather on your eyes as Dabi furrowed his eyebrows and extended his hand towards you only to widen his eyes when you used your quirk to move plataforms of metal to make an escape... far away from him.

He shouted your name when you jumped while using your quirk to get on the ground... running away from... everything as he tried to follow... ignoring the questions from his commurates.

.

.

.

He couldn't even find you since the heroes started to attack...

Hawks was a traitor. This didn't surprised him one bit...

Yet what caught him out of guard was the fact that both Twice and you were... killed.

Jin had at least made it to Toga to speak his last words to her... but you in favor of saving him, got the most hurt.

Couldn't even mutter a word to him as he held your limb body on his arms.

He was sad... but something more consumed him.

Anger. His wrath was enough to keep a smile on his face as he burned the wings of the responsible for his lover's death.

He was a bastard that deserved living on a personal hell... yet, he could at least keep alive to keep the promise of crushing this hero fake society and comply to his lover's words that always made him want to tear up.. but he couldn't due to his condition.

"I love your smile Dabi."

#dabi x reader #imagine dabi x reader #dabi imagine #dabi scenarios #bnha dabi #bnha villains #bnha fanfiction #zuffer writings #eeyyyy angsty with a hint of brother bear reference- #i hate myself for this

[tuancore]

Lost You (Part 13) :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader

Genre- Heavy angst, self harm.

Summary- It's your choices and actions which made you miserable.

Gladly Jackson brought his car otherwise rest of them would have been walking to their houses right now, "Jackson....we are sorry for not believing in you........we genuinely are" Mark sighed, staring at Jackson as he drove. Shaking his head lightly with a small smile, Jackson spoke, "Hyung it's okay, everything was really pointing out at me and we purposely made it look like I'm behind all of this...right Yugyeomie".

"Yeps....." Yugyeom chuckled, "You knew everything from the start!?" Mark asked, his tone laced with shock. Seeing Mark's and JB's eyes widened like some fungus Jackson and Yugyeom chuckled.

"Actually Jackson hyung was the one who figured out Youngjae hyung's handwriting on that card, from there all three of us decided to portray as Jackson hyung is the one behind all of this so Youngjae hyung wouldn't doubt us" Yugyeom explained with a slight grin, "What about Jackson meeting up with Jisoo?" JB inquired hastily.

"Oh that" Jackson chorused aloud, "The night when you guys kicked me out, Youngjae messaged me showing his concern, so just to test him further I told him that I'll be sweating on gym—".

"And just like that I proposed the idea to follow Jisoo, we didn't really think that he'll get on proving Jackson hyung as the culprit but he did by sending Jisoo there" Yugyeom added as a matter of fact.

"What about the other girl that Jackson met at the café?"

"The girl was Minyoung..." Yugyeom laughed like crazy, poking Jackson's shoulder, "Shut up Brownie" Jackson glared at the younger, making the others smile in return.

"What do you guys think will she forgive Jinyoung?" JB asked worriedly, exchanging looks with Jackson, Yugyeom replied sternly, "The damage is already done, the way he hurt Noona is no joke and to be very honest I don't want Noona to forgive him".

_____________

"I'M SORRY ANGEL...... I'M SO SO SO SORRY......"

Upon hearing his voice, your tears stopped spilling out all of a sudden, but your heart picked up the pace making it hard to breathe, a knot forming in your throat. Brushing your locks back angrily, you walked towards the door but didn't open it, you didn't want to and you won't.

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" You growled vehemently standing right in front of your door, "NOW YOU THINK THAT A SLUT CAN BE AN ANGEL!".

Jinyoung sobbed harder, his painful whimpers loud enough for you to hear, of course you didn't ignore his whimpers and you hated yourself for still caring for him, you hated the fact how much you always have loved him and how much you still did, that the mere thought of him crying made your insides churn in pain, but unfortunately he didn't feel the same, back then when you cried like anything on your knees he didn't dare to spare you even a drop of mercy and it hurt you, bad, real bad.

"Please don't say that.....please" He croaked out, plopping down on the floor, his back pressed against the door. Trying to gulp down some of your pain, you spat, "Why not? Wasn't it you......who called.....me..... a.....slut.....". At this point all he wanted was the ground to swallow him whole, he cursed at himself for calling you such a terrible thing. "I'm sorry.... I promise I didn't.......mean it......" He clasped his hands hoping for you to accept his apology, "Please....Forgive Me, please give me one more chance.....".

"One more chance? Huh? For what? To not to trust me again? To not to love me enough to hear me out? To break me into pieces all over again?!" Your each word pushing the dagger of hurt and guilt deeper into his heart, "No, I won't do it ever again, I won't. I was an asshole for not trusting you, for not letting you explain but I'll never repeat the same mistake ever again, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!".

His throaty voice was now starting to get to you, your heart stung at his sobs and apologies. But the amount of scars and stabs he has given you was much severe than his and he has to know what you went through in these past two months without him. As difficult it was to voice out your sad times in front of him, you encouraged yourself to do it.

"I wish everything could be placed back as it was before with a single sorry" You chuckled dryly, no humour in it, feeling your legs wobbly you slid down the door with your back pressed against the door same as him. Jinyoung hugged his knees to his chest, his head ducked down, with tears soaking the fabric of his knee area.

"Jinyoung-shi...." You called out with a dry laugh unable to believe that you'll ever use this on him, his breath hitching at your words. You once told him, that you don't like calling people by their first name but always used the prefix 'shi' for the one' you didn't know well or you were awkward with, even if they are younger than you.

"How funny, the one I loved is the one who became unknown to me......anyways Jinyoung-shi I hope you have time in hand, and if you don't mind hearing tales".

"Two months ago, when you started staying at office during nights with the same excuse again and again, that you've to finish you paperworks. I didn't complaint even once. Did I?....." You asked softly, all he could come up with was a hum.

"You know why?..... because I trusted you, because I loved you......I thought you were saying the truth but in reality......you were warming up some other girl's bed, while I craved for your presence every now and then......hoped with everyday to see your smiling face and just recoil in your arms which I proudly called home. Instead what I failed to notice was, you already kicked me out replacing me with someone else....." You choked on your tears which you held in with all your might, how can you not cry. Just how?

"BamBam and Lisa told me about you cheating on me with your own secretary, but I yelled at them, for them to be wrong that they mistook you as someone else. You were my pride Jinyoung.....You were my everything. Do you have any idea......how much I loved you......do you?....." Your vision blurred with tears streaming heavily down your face and neck, "That's not what I am hurt about...I'm hurt because you never loved me the way I did. It wasn't the love that I wanted to keep for my entire life, to cherish it with my life. You proved me so wrong so—" Unable to speak further you sobbed hard, the whole place echoed with your's and his' cries.

"I know baby, please let me in again, let me try to fix the things again.....give me one last chance. It doesn't matter how much I beg for you to forgive me, not a thing will change but I promise to love you the way you want, the way you always deserved......be mine again......for all the times we were together, please" He coughed out painfully.

Shaking your head vigorously, you replied hastily, "I was ready to forgive you back then even when you cheated on me because I didn't want our child.......oh sorry, My child" You purposely empathized on 'My'. "To grow up without a father, I was ready to reconcile and try out things anew.....then again,you called my child a filth.........you accused me of sleeping with different men out there, tell me Jinyoung. Did you ever hold any respect for me? Was I that low of a woman? And because of you only. I lost my only hope of living, my child".

"No. You never were, you can never be! I was the selfish one, I'm sorry for hurting our child, for being the reason for our child t—".

"MY CHILD!" You interrupted him with an inhumane growl, you won't let this man call your child his child anymore, after he openly denied that it was his child. Neither can you ever forget that he is the one to take away your child from you, "My child! It was only my child! Do you fucking hear me Park Jinyoung? It was my child.....which you took away from me. You are the reason my baby left me! You hurt my child by saying it wasn't yours!!!".

"I'm sorry....I'm sorry" Jinyoung continued to chant his apologies, sobbing and sniffing, as much as it was hurting him hearing your venomous words he had to endure everything. After all his pain stood nowhere compared to yours. He felt like the worst person alive, how could he go around cheating on you so freely without thinking about your feelings one? How could he say that you slept with men behind him?

"Your sorry won't bring my child back" You smiled remembering the time when you found out that you were carrying a mini you and Jinyoung, "You know how ecstatic I was to find out that I was pregnant that finally you were going to be a father, we were going to be parents, it was your dream to have kids, I couldn't wait to break the news to you while you were busy fucking Jisoo, I waited for you to let you know face-to-face but you never came home, all that came to me was the news of you cheating on me, then also I believed in you so blindly, I'm a fucking bitch to be so blinded by your lies! I cried every night to sleep, engulfed in coldness........talking to our child for everything to be alright, and this is where my hope led me to.......".

"I know I broke you so bad, but let me be the one to fix you again, I knew I was hurting you but I—"

Cutting him in the midway, you laughed, "You knew what you were doing will hurt me, but somehow it didn't stop you from doing what you did! Gosh! Jinyoung I seriously can't believe I fell for a guy like you! I loved a man like you for these past five years like crazy! For what? Just to not be loved the same way? Only to get betrayed at the end!".

"I don't love Jisoo! Nothing was about her! It was always you, it's still you and it always will be! You are it for me baby! Trust me!" He yelled aloud showing his desperation for you, determined to not to let you go, "I always loved you! I still love you! And I always will, you're the only woman I'll ever love!".

"Stop! Stop! Just stop! I don't want to hear your lies anymore! If you really loved me that much then didn't your love scream to trust me! Didn't suffocate you before you found your way in between her legs! " You screamed back, grabbing your scalp harshly, kicking the vase behind the door.

"I'll not ask you to forgive me anymore, but please give me a last chance to prove that I can be your old Nyoungie again! I will never hurt you again! I love you and forever will! " He stammered pressing his head onto the door, hearing your sniffs.

"I don't want to hear that you love me, you made me hate Love! You took everything from me, because of you I've turned into a person I don't even recognise" You shouted cupping your face messily wiping your fresh tears, "Why did you do this to me? Why ? Just why? Tell me what about me made you not trust me enough? What was I even lacking?!"

"You never lacked anything, you were more than enough for me baby".

"THEN WHY YOUR ACTIONS DIDN'T MATCH WITH YOUR WORDS WHY?!!! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE YOU DID FOR THESE TWO MONTHS!"

"PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT, I can't live without you angel...." He pleaded softly knocking on the door, "Then move on, you decided to step on our love, you drained all trust and love out of me in the most brutal way possible, there's no love left in me.........anyways it won't be difficult for you to move on, how confidently you said that you love Jisoo now and that I'm trying to break you both off because I can't see you happy for once, now I'm only telling you to go back to her".

"Don't come to me now Jinyoung, Don't.....just go where your happiness resides..." Your throat burning with all the sobbing.

"I never loved her, I never will!—".

"Didn't you notice how much it hurt me when you believed her that I tried to kill her! That my tears were a lie, my whole self was a lie! I begged you Jinyoung, I fucking begged you on my knees but that was also not enough, you went so far as to slap me! It was the absolute last straw" You explained him your feelings in the most calm way possible, "The person I fell in love was the most caring out there, he couldn't see a drop of tear in my eyes, he vowed to be the best partner ever. Instead the Jinyoung I saw at Jisoo's house was.....just someone else......so animalistic......so carnal, you raised your hand on me Jinyoung and for what? Telling you the truth!! I don't need you in my life".

Jinyoung stared at his right palm with which he slapped you, he was so ashamed of himself for hitting you, You are right, he wasn't the same Jinyoung you fell in love with.

"Why? Why did you even come into my life? I was so well without you! You.....You are not my Jinyoung......my Nyoungie couldn't even think about hurting me, but you fucking killed me, it's only my body left, my soul has already died".

"I AM A FUCKING MONSTER FOR HITTING YOU! I'M A FUCKING ASSHOLE, HOW COULD I DO THIS? YOU'RE RIGHT BABY, DON'T FORGIVE ME! I ABSOLUTELY DESERVE THIS! FOR BEING THE WORST FIANCÉ EVER! FOR BEING THE WORST FATHER EVER!" He yelled aloud in a carnal tone, because he wasn't irritated by you but was angry at himself, for ruining his life with his own hands, wiping his tears harshly.

"Angel.....all I want you to know is I'm genuinely sorry for everything and ashamed of my whole existence, I will no longer budge you or show you my terrible face, I'll leave you like you want, but I'll always love you remember that....." His demeanor changing completely as he whispered softly, loud enough for you to hear from another side of the door, standing up on his feet to leave, Hot tears streamed down your face. He is leaving, isn't this what you wanted, to not to be his anymore. Then why were you crying for him.

Listening to his words, something lit up inside your chest, your heart beating erratically all over again, you went completely pale, hands and legs feeling as heavy as a metal, you didn't want to forgive him, for what he has done to you and your child. Then again, why was his words hurting you all over again, it felt all of your bones were breaking at the same time and you just couldn't bare it any longer. He hurt you so much but why did you still want to hold onto him.

All your heart chorused was his name on an infinite loop, Park Jinyoung. He is it for you, there's no doubt in that, from your head to toe, from your heart to soul, you were bounded to this man and atleast not in this lifetime you will be able to separate from him.

You don't know what was from his side, but from your side it was an unconditional love, a love that bloomed in a millennium.

Your eyes landed on one of the shards of the vase which you kicked before, picking it up you did what you never thought you ever would.

Jinyoung snapped his head at the sound of the door unlocking, you stumbled your way in front of him before hugging him tightly leaving no space for air. He hugged you back with the same intensity kissing the side of your head.

"Jinyoung I want to hate you but I don't know why my love for you is stronger than that....." You whispered into his chest, "I love you too baby", he replied in a heartbeat, peppering your head with chaste kisses.

"I love you but I can't bare to be in love with you anymore, I can't see you walking away from me, leaving me, I can't live without you, but I also don't want to live with you......I'm sorry that I couldn't find an easier way to end my misery...." You murmured with a strangled breath, before darkness swallowed you a whole, your body fell limp in his arms. He panicked at your unconscious form, shaking you lightly he tried to wake you up, but upon not getting any reaction. He called your name impatiently multiple times, lightly patting your cheeks, and that's when his gaze went to your hand, his blood ran cold, his heart almost stopping, seeing blood spurting out from your wrist, dripping down on the floor.

Part 12 // Part 13 // Part 14

______________________________________

#got7 imagines #got7 jinyoung #got7 x reader #jinyoung imagines #got7 angst #got7 bambam #got7 jackson #got7 jaebeom #got7 mark #got7 youngjae #got7 yugyeom #jinyoung angst #jinyoung au

[ashintheairlikesnow]

hello!!! i am a big fan of your writing & how you depict very raw emotions, i always feel like i'm right there in the moment :}}} i'm writing a whump series & i wanna glean as much advice from as many good writers as possible!! advice as to how to write better (effective) panic attacks, especially if its from a stoic used-to-punishment whumpee who doesn't express a lot Emotion?? i appreciate it!! (p.s. are you open to getting asked writing advice in general?) thx!! - newbornwhumperfly

CW: Frank discussion of panic attacks/anxiety/PTSD

I actually get a lot of writing advice asks! You can see my answers to other questions here on my #writing advice tag!

I think people tend to rely heavily on a certain kind of panic attack, including me - obvious panting or breathing hard, curling up into a ball, covering vulnerable areas. Racing heart, shaking/trembling, racing thoughts, disjointed or disconnected thought processes that jump quickly

That may not be the kind of panic attack that suits your whumpee, though! Consider writing them growing outwardly calmer and more capable, even as a sense of pure impending doom settles within their chest. Especially with a stoic whumpee who is used to suppressing any outward emotions, it may not come naturally to them to show panic, and what may happen instead of an internal monologue that is just [WORDLESS SCREAMING] while outwardly they continue to function at close to normal or even become hyper-effective and efficient to cover up their mindset.

Symptoms of panic attacks include but are not limited to:

A sense of impending doom (this is such a specific emotion/physical sensation and it is such a huge anxiety thing. You literally physically feel as though everything is about to fall in on your head RIGHT THIS SECOND YOU ARE GOING TO DIE GO GO GO only nothing is actually wrong and there’s nowhere TO go)

Fearing that you’ve lost control of your own body or you are going to die right now now now now

Rapid heartrate, pounding heart

Cold or hot sweats, feeling sweat break out even in a chilly place or cold room

Trembling, shaking throughout the extremities or body

Chills and/or hot flashes, a sense of sudden temperature change regardless of the actual temperature of your location

Nausea/vomiting

Abdominal cramping or chest pains, often sharp (many people believe they are having a coronary event/heart attack when they have panic-attack chest pains)

Headache, either dull and throbbing or sharp or stabbing both can happen

Dizziness, lightheadedness (NOT the same as dizziness!), or feeling faint

Feeling numb, or like your limbs are tingling/fingers or toes feel tingly

Dissociation - a feeling of unreality, detachment from the world or environment around you

Intrusive thoughts - these don’t show up often in lists of panic attack symptoms but I know that during my worst panic attacks, I start to get really bad intrusive thoughts that cycle over and over again until I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind. While they don’t go away entirely during my daily life (I still struggle with intrusive thoughts as part of my anxiety disorder), I am more able to deal with them when I’m not actively in a panic attack. During a panic attack, though, I am totally at the mercy of whatever doomsday scenario my brain has started to feed me.

Repetitive behaviors - this is another that doesn’t show up on a lot of panic attack lists, but it’s something I have seen in myself and others. Especially with PTSD-related panic attacks, you may see someone falling into behaviors they learned in, say, the military or another situation in which a coping mechanism becomes muscle memory. An army vet I know, for instance, would often find himself essentially patrolling his yard during panic attack because he couldn’t calm himself down unless he did. 

Panic-stims - listen, stimming to soothe during a panic attack is honestly a fairly widespread thing that we often call a “nervous habit” or something like that when explaining it to ourselves or others later. But consider - rocking back and forth, chewing on their fingernails, insistently pulling on hair or twisting a button back and forth or rubbing fingers over its surface. Self-soothing behavior during a panic attack is incredibly common. Danny, for example, rubs insistently at his scars when he is panicking to soothe himself. Chris (who is autistic) falls into self-harming negative stims if his panic is pushed too far, like scratching at himself or hitting his head repetitively into a wall. 

On the other hand, going very very still! Often, people who are panicking aren’t immediately recognized as doing so because they DON’T have an obvious response. Nate’s panic attacks sometimes simply equal him going very very silent and still, which is easy to miss. 

One thing I do, since I tend to write in third-person character POV (I write, for example, “Chris thought” or “Danny thought” but only write one person’s perspective per drabble most often, so it’s not omniscient or all-knowing) is start having my POV character’s thought fragment, become broken or run on endlessly, cycling past the same thoughts (intrusive, usually) over and over again as they begin to break down. 

Speed up their thoughts, scatter sentence fragments. Write with the same urgency and speed as the individual who is panicking. If you write someone panicking in a stately, slow pace, it won’t read as panic. It won’t read as something genuinely happening to your character. Pace is everything when it comes to writing a breakdown. People fall apart, as they say, slowly and then all at once. But in our own minds, it can feel like an avalanche, and it works best I think, personally, when written as an avalanche and not a slowly running river. 

Hope this helps!

#panic attacks tw #panic attack tw #panic attack #writing advice #writing

[adramaticbeauty]

Fairies and Dragonflies- Part 6 Unsettling Past

Gray couldn't get the words out of his head. The words that Juvia uttered so sweetly, but stabbed him slowly in his heart. When was the last time he actually heard something so harsh? He was Gray Fullbuster, rich enough to buy what ever he desired. So why did it matter what that minx thought? It was honestly insulting that she even thought she could reject him like that. Not the way she did it, honestly it was disrespectful to his reputation as the woman handler of the Dragonflies. There were plenty of women way more beautiful and even more alluring than Juvia, so he shouldn't even have wasted his time.  If he truly thought this though, why exactly was he sitting at a fancy restaurant with a lady, thinking so much about her? The red haired woman dangling her fork lazily over her food, and red lipstick delicately applied to her plump lips was sitting across from him.

"Ummm, Mr.Fullbuster are you ok?" She blinked in concern. Gray immediately snapped back into reality and quickly put on his dazzling smile he always used to make women's hearts melt in an instant. She smiled bashfully as you could see the subtle blush on her face, the red curls covering her face starting to match her cheeks.

"I'm just so dazed by your beauty that I couldn't think straight, Alison." Gray slipped out.

The furious blush on her face proved exactly what he always thought. Girls were so easy to understand, and all of them thought the same. That's why he could get whatever girl he wanted with a snap of his fingers.

"Oh, Mr.Fullbuster please... you're making me blush." She purred as she carefully touched his hand on the table, and Gray felt her slowly wrap her leg around his under the table.

If this was any other day, Gray would already be feeling excited but sadly the excitement never came. Even as they made it into his apartment, stumbling from all the drinks and tripping over things he just didn't feel anything. Like he was back to his regular routine.

He laid in bed, with the woman sleeping soundly beside him. He couldn't help but feel unhappy, or should he say unsatisfied with his life. Was that all their was too it? Just spending the night with different women he didn't even bother to get to know and making his music? Was there even anything else besides that, ever since he lost his mother and father? And Ur...The only thing he worried about at first was making it big so he could survive and keep living. But was this truly all to living, when his heart craved something more? He didn't know what, but he knew by now listening to his heart was asking for trouble. Or pain and he couldn't deal with any more of that, not again.

As he closed his eyes, he felt all these conflicting emotions in his heart beginning to fade along with his thoughts. He always felt most at peace when his mind was at rest. Free from the drama and free from the life of Gray Fullbuster.  And he didn't think he would ever be able to be just  Gray around anyone. Until he dreamt of her, and it was ironic considering he dreamt of another woman while he was lying in the bed with another.

But it felt so real, like he could just reach out and touch the silky blue hair, so blue like the ocean, he was convinced he would drown in it. And then the atmosphere suddenly turned ice cold, making him suddenly feel unsettled. Everywhere he turned he was met with the familiar sight of snowflakes falling from the darkened sky. The cool whiteness covering his sight from any other background. All of a sudden he was met with a warm pair of black coal eyes that stared right into his soul, and into his heart. Ur, it must have been. Right into his dream those eyes that were full of so much admiration ever since she took care of him all those years ago. Those eyes that were once full of so much love, but were now dead cold and without life.

Gray woke up in a cold sweat, almost falling out of his bed if he didn't catch himself. His bed was now cold and empty, and messy from his tossing and turning. He hoped that he didn't say anything he might have regretted while he was having his nightmare. He would never forgive himself for being so weak in front of a woman if that was the case. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he picked up his phone to look at the time. He took a deep breath to calm himself but quickly sucked a breath back in. He was late. Again.

He would never live this down from the boys and Gray mentally facepalmed, already imagining the lecture he would get from Jellal. He tumbled out of the bed almost, as he slipped on pants and  the first shirt he could grab from his closet. He rushed to put on his shoes until he noticed a cup of  coffee on his glass kitchen table with a note beside it. Have a good day at work Gray<3. He couldn't help but smirk, even when he was running late.

Alison was always pretty thoughtful, even if she was really a fuck buddy and he using her only for company sometimes. And too bad he hated coffee. The ride to the band practice building was a hectic one. The traffic almost made him pull out his raven hair, especially when he was already late. But at least he had a bit of an excuse for being late now, that wouldn't be an exact lie. When Gray finally made it across the street he didn't even bother putting his vehicle into the private parking garage like he always did and just drove to pull up in front of the building. And what Gray saw was chaos.

Absolute chaos, and as soon as he was spotted, there was no going back. Everyone spotted his famous black and Gray sports car and it was unmistakably the famous Gray Fullbuster's vehicle. Thankfully there were bodyguards to make a path for him to get inside the building with all the chaos going on. Now Gray regretted not having a driver. But they did always cramp his style. Gray took a deep breath as he stepped out of his car and unto the path into the building. All he could see was flashes of cameras and hear  jumbling of questions. He could barely make it to the door without the crowds of reporters tearing him to pieces, but when he did he hurried inside. Once inside he spotted Jellal with a serious and somewhat worried face staring down at a newspaper. Gajeel was sitting down as normal tuning his guitar, but a thoughtful look on his face. Nastu had a bored look on his face as usual.

"So tell me why we can't go and talk to the paparazzi Jellal? Obviously they want to talk to me." Nastu commented with a groan afterward. Gajeel couldn't help but growl and put in his two cent.

"They aren't here for you idiot. And we can't say anything to the paparazzi without figuring out the situation first. And that starts with this fucking douche."

He suddenly turned his steely eyes to Gray, and he couldn't help but feel a bit afraid for a second.

"What the hell is going on outside?? Why is the paparazzi practically breaking down the doors to the building?"

Jellal took a big sigh and walked over to hand Gray the newspaper that hadn't left his hands ever since he walked in. Then he met Gray's eyes with a stern look.

"You deserve us all an explanation. Now."

 Gray was about to raise his voice and question why the hell everyone was jumping on his case, before his eye caught a familiar look on the newspaper. It showed a picture, and not just any picture. It was of Gray and Juvia, walking together.

The only thing Gray could muster was an ,"Oh shit."

Gray and Juvia were seen together on their date.

Note: Last chapter: Part 5 https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/189410081835/gruvia-band-au-part-5

Part 4 :https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/188806970725/gruvia-band-au-part-4

Part 3: https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/187638388485/gruvia-band-aupart-3-warning-some-of-this-might

Part 2 :https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/187483175670/gruvia-band-au

Part 1:

https://adramaticbeauty.tumblr.com/post/187436745130/gruvia-band-au

#gruvia #fairytail #fanfic #gray fullbuster #juvia #Gray #Juvia Lockser

[bandomgay]

My brain to yours pt.1 b.u

Tw: blood,gore,self harm,violence,hallucinations,slight mention of an ed

Au: hey babes this is gonna be my 5th time trying to post this and i want death so bad...however if there is any confusing things or typos or things seem to quickly paced im sorry thats just my brain babey! Enjoy...i guess

Word count: 1,894

It all started when he was about 6 years old, he never spoke ever,not that he couldn't he just wouldn't, his parents were worried about his development,however nothing was ‘wrong', he had a quite developed thinking process for a child, but it wasn't a good one for his age nor was it a normal one,no child should be so terrified of talking to people and being thought lesser of as his voice shook violently while trying to say the easiest of sentences.

he understood people to early into his young life ,he got the memo that everything was too stupid and too hard to understand so he gave up . his mother took him back and forth to hospitals and child psychologists ,his mother scared for what was to come of him could this weirdness she didn't even have a name or diagnosis for develop into something more as he grew? She thought, would he be normal? Would he be like the other children who laughed and giggled at the littlest of things? Would he be happy like them? She had decided to push her concerns into the back of head deciding that maybe he was just awkward it's okay to not fit in hes a fucking 6 year old boy maybe it's not that deep.

he was now in the 3rd grade now and teachers became more and more loud and responsive with their problems, he thought maybe whatever bad stuff they had going on at home they just needed to vent threw aggressiveness and shaking hands and restless mornings,but however it was their screams he didn't care for, he looked them in the eye wondering what he had done wrong, however he didn't care enough to continually think about it, but he realized slowly that couldn't feel anything like the red faced teacher did, he’d envy the poor mannered teachers feelings if he could, just how they could get so angry and fed up with kids who were disgusting and vile and how he never felt that…... he never felt anything at all .Now he was in the 5th grade he had to repeat the 4th grade due to staggeringly low grades and his failed attempts at homework he never seemed to have remembered. Things were getting hard to remember, so hard to remember what the teacher had said in the classroom that seemed to fade away after he was picked up by his mom and the sheer silence of the drive home and his mothers sneaking looks into the mirror with furrowed eyebrows at her son who never told her how his day went.

In school it was just so easy just to drift off in the land of dark swirls and dark worlds filled with make believe that he couldn't separate from the real world that never seemed to go away and darkness he felt comfort in his head till he heard nothing but the disgusting laugh of a teacher who had looked as if she wanted to deck him in the face ( he imagined about 3 different scenarios of how that actually could have occured, he held back a giggle and a sly smirk) as she snapped her wrinkled hands in his face “earth to brendon” he heard the aged feminine voice laced with anger repeat twice but he had failed to tune into the first reminder he was too dissociated to notice, he came too but didn't understand her reasonings of not just leaving him alone and let him rot and break free and he soon heard the fits of laughter coming from children he knew he was too weak to stop.

he wanted to do terrible things to everyone in that very room including himself, a dark desire he couldn't contain from his mind but he never followed through with these type of thoughts. he could never seemed control them he thought of them like messages being sent from an unknown source in the back of his head that had an invisible connection to someone he could see but nobody else could he dared himself if he could just pull at the cord in his head he wouldn't have those those thoughts, the figure never showed up in the same form it could be the shadows of dirty rain water coming from outside showing like a projection on the dingy beat up wall rising above him to claim a mental dominance , or the rotten stain of mold on the bathroom floor that now seemed to have a charming glow yet secretive smile or the bag of dirty clothes that sat high up on its rounded edges now smiled at him and watched him threw the night .

now it was the 7th grade and things had went to shit,it was already shit but it had gotten no better, fits of depression had left him wanting to call a hitman on himself and letting himself be cut open so all the organs in his body to be shot out of him or rip his jaw and everything behind it out of his body but he was too fatigued to think about it anymore his brain seemed to have stopped working back in the 6th grade, he could never think clearly a heavy fog on his brain he could never do much for himself he found the most simple of things he couldn't do, he couldn't pay attention, he felt dizzy at random times becoming feverish and not thinking about why because he couldn't think he thought process lessen and lessened with every passing day until all there were was thoughts of gore and death,sadness and the never ending thought of killing anyone or anything that had managed to make him want death even more.

he just continued to fade in and out of reality staring into the wall for to long or unknowingly staring at the couple of people who he thought was calling him pathetic and worthless with the contradictory voice telling him he's so much better than the disgusting people he saw and that they didn't deserve to smile they don't deserve happiness even though they’d never even spoken a word to him, they were never mean to him. he started pinching,stabbing,pulling at his hair,clawing at himself hard trying to see if he could care that he'd just hurt himself he continued to hurt himself hoping somewhere in the back of his mind he start to feel things, to show him he's real everyone sees him, but his inner self knew what he was doing he wasn't just trying to see if he was a real person he was punishing himself because he couldn't do what the rest of the real kids could do he couldnt plop himeself in a hard metal chair and take a test without thinking about what a disgusting person he was, without hearing them say he wasn't shit that his brain is mush that he couldn't understand the easy directions how he could get so angry and mad without hesitation how he could imagine killing his parents im cold blood… he stomped on his own foot,why is he thinking about this why is he thinking about this why, they creeped back up on him showing him images of his brother and sisters dead and gutted his parents choking on blood and vomit pale and dying, he hated himself for thinking these things,but if it was possible for him to be completely honest with himself he didn't care if they had died or not he just didn't have the ability to care.

He couldn't look people in the face without seeing these images of grewling faces pushed together in piles of pink and red flesh crawling into each others organs which looked rotten and distorted, why was he seeing this things these disgusting things these things… he wouldn't admit to himself that everytime he looked in the mirror he tried not to vomit he tried to hard, he bashed in the mirror bloodlying his hand, his hiss echoing in the empty bathroom he couldn't go to the nurse he couldn't look her in the eye and see her like that, besides he was on the first floor and he was too weak to go all the way to the fourth floor he knew he would pass out, he felt something pooling in his stomach it was anxiety he felt the cramping in his stomach and the salivating in his dry mouth, he vomited into the sink, he hasn't eaten anything in about 3 weeks so the pain of dry heaving for almost half in hour into the sink made him dizzy and ultimately pass out. he had now awoken to bright lights that made him nauseous and whimper, he was in the hospital again. he tried so hard not look the nurses and doctors in the eye and seeing horrific images in his mind of them dead, rotten maggot filled and bloody be he regained his ability to see the normally after a while.

“Brendon honey…” his mommy's voice was there “mommy...hi mommy” he said in a broken whisper. She had realized he never calls her mommy unless something's wrong he wasn't aware that he was, he turned to the right finding an iv carefully placed into in scarily pale arm “honey...they found you in the bathroom your hand was cut up...you where passed out what...t?” she silenced herself for a moment seconds later starting up again. “They found you in the bathroom..the mirror was broken and your hand was cut pretty deep and passed out” he mouth trembled a bit, she moved his sweaty bangs out of his forehead, he felt wetness on his skin his own uniform shirt clinging to his skin he was sweating.

He didn't feel real he didn't respond properly to what she had said he only looked away.. And said “dizzy….everything hurts…” he was so surprised he felt something but if feeling was like this he didn't want it. “I d..don't wanna feel like this..can you make it stop mommy please?!” Nani was absolutely terrified she'd never been so scared for her little boy, “its gonna be okay,sweetie...i swear..to god i swear…” in this moment if she was honest she didn't believe there was a god, no god would do this to her son, she turned around after hearing the door and hard footsteps.

“Hello ms. Urie im dr. Yakima, i will be assisting and diagnosing your son” she nodded softly wanting her son to be okay. “Hey son,open your eyes for me,i'm here to help” brendon heard a much more distorted version of what the doctor had said than nani did, but then again he was fading in and out. He handed her pills and said firmly “these are anti-nausea and pain killers i'm gonna give these to him and he will feel much much better i promise..” He was right it with his cocked up eyebrow and charming smile that sparkled with calmness and reassurance that worked its way into nani. the medication  worked but not instantly. “Sit up honey..” She said softly, he followed what she said slowly with a wrecked groan and intense muscle pain however there was no rush.

#brendon urie #panic! at the disco #patd #*****mine #brendon urie imagine