#still liffe

[staryarn]

Funniest pull I could get after canto 5

#shiko speaks #i wont speak my thoughts on it but I enjoyed it #good ending #however ill be real. i didnt listen to either end boss battle themes bc I was so scrared #ao i went to my strat of listen to random ass other music and essentially beat the bosses first try #i was down to like. three sinners each time and it was stressful but still #my only tip is counter the aoe clash and youre good #ill listen to the song and cutscene later when its released #bc i do not want to do that dungeon again #me looking at that scene: wow tumblr user ishc liff will have fun

[djpurple3]

yknow like none of my fics do the same numbers they used to when i wrote sanders sides fic and i shouldnt be upset about that,,,,, but sometimes im kind of upset about that

like commenting culture is so weird i know already but like augh... pspsps.... please.... tell me u like it....

the fandom that is the best at leaving comments (that arent too weird, too) in my experience Has been the ninja turtle people tho. idk whats in that fandom but they leave some good comments

#t/ss was also pretty good for nice comments but usually u also got kinda weird ones. which doesnt surprise me #can't forget that one person who called me british bc i used the world 'whilst' once in a 14k oneshot and demand i change it to #'make it more american' #like a) ur wrong abd b) no. it's been like 4 years and i still resent you #writing mcy/t fic is rough sometimes because i fucking love to write it but people hardly comment #the worst fandom was overwatch. like NO ONE commented. that could have just been bc no one was reading my works tho #dj rambles #vent #i guess #somewhere in my brain i was a 'semi big tss writer' but like. only one fic was vaguely popular. #tho i mean a lot of people read the effects of shame. i wish i could ifnish that sometimes but aughgdkjgdffg. yknow? #i also dont want. people to think im into sides anymore #tho i am living a little double liffe i do still write tss stuff i just write smut on another completely unrelated blog. it amuses me #sorry im just rambling fr. i just think about this too much #i wish i could churn stuff out like i used to #even like a year ago i was writing like fucking crazy #im just. iASOHSDG!!!

[linksthoughtbrambles]

Serenne

Part 16 of Adventure Log+ (sequel to Link's Thought Brambles - much better to read in order, both also on ao3). Warning for strong language and violence. Trigger warning for intense fire. Disclaimer: The content of this chapter is fiction only, and is not intended to contain advice or instructions for surviving hazardous conditions involving fire.

Master-

Yes, yes-

“Off, off, off, off-”

“I got it, I got it-“ Fi?

I look upon your plan with trepidation.

"Hehehe" What else is new?

"What's funny?!"

"Sorry, Beraya, it's the sword." The last thing I need is Beraya thinking I find her shoulders funny, and yeah, Fi, I know-

The moisture is a double-edged sword.

"Kh- shh, Tass."

Zelda already made us swear not to run into the flames. It'll give us some extra time in the heat, act like sweat, and some of it will be gone from the wind before we even get there.

Unless something surprises you, master. Fire is unpredictable, and the heat capacity of water can be deceptive.

Look, Zelda thinks it's better this way. I'm going with it.

If steam becomes trapped against your skin-

It'll scald. YEAH. I know. There!

“Bloody mail- I needed a refit anyway.”

“You got it, Beraya—soon as we’re back.” Faster, Link, faster for $*#@’s sake!

“Shh, sh sh sh- Tass!  Link- perhaps we- kh- oughtn’t ride any further.”

“It’s up to you-“ thereFINALLY- “arms through-“

“Kh.”

“-arms through.“

“Yes sir, I have the rest, I have it!”

“The horses should come back here when we dismount.” I hope.

“They may bolt with us still riding.”

Hope not hope not “They might.”

“NEXT BUCKET!”

“Huiru, Reida.”  They better- good they’re listening not that I’d expect them to ride into fire without at least something, something SOMETHING to help, dear Hylia, and at least they already have face cloths, just have to douse them-

“P- princess!  We- shouldn’t use these-“

-but it won’t last long-

“Sir Margil, I appreciate the sentiment-“

-not in all that heat.

“-but there are more important things than Link and I’s spare clothing.”

“It feels- like sacrilege.”

“Indeed not.  Hylia would much prefer her symbol to keep you safe than for you to perish in the smoke.  Think of it...“

To the well, Link, help Cohl, water water water “I got it-“

“...Think of it as a ward protecting you.”

“…Yes, Princess.”

“I got that, Margil.”

“Thanks, Aree.”

“I can’t believe I’m wearing something you sewed with your own hands, Princess.”

“I admit kh- when I fashioned Link’s tunics, I had no expectation of their being used as facemasks.  Ah- but please, don’t fret, Sir Liff khm-khm.”

Zelda’s susceptible.  She coughed a lot at Miss Morsels’ too.  Not that I think that stench was as nasty as smoke.  “Princess- I again recommend-“

“That I remain with Sirs Bennent and Lahs, and I again decline, Link.”

Amazing she can smile at me in all this, I don’t think I have it in me.  “I figured.”  Nope- smile failure.  “I had to ask.  Beraya, your turn!”

“Yes, sir.”

Sitting, good, she’s taller than me.

“Ah!”

“More, Cohl.”

“Coming, Sir Link!” “I’m done, I can help.”

“Thanks, Daile.”

“Get the horses, too.”

“D- damn.  Yeah.”

It feels like hours but it’s been minutes, only minutes, how many people are dying while we do this?

Lucky there’s no malice here, unlucky no surface water, only a deep well but the people ran and that’s good, good, stalls empty, no horses, no walking corpses, no corpses at all, no-

“Link?”

“All good.”  Stop brooding, Link, you’re not helping anyone, more water- “You’re next, Princess.”

“Khh.”

“I’m done!”

Varniro “Good, help with the horses.”

“Yes sir!”

Here I go dunking my last tunic in water it’s for her for her I don’t know why I feel this matters but I do.  “Okay, Z- hold this- get ready.”

"Not the socks."

"Heh. No, not the socks." I don't want to know what boiling water feels like in my boots, either.

Face crinkled, I always like that face on her.  “Look up- yeah.”  Hair wet, get every fricking inch of her clothing, careful, just barely wet the bandage outside only outside only.  Wet bandages bad news…

“You good, Cohl?”

“I got some slopped on me pulling it up so fast.  Top’s not there yet.”

“I got you.”

Liff and Cohl look out for each other.  Good.

“I believe that’s sufficient, Link.”

“I want you soaked.” …Oh s$&%, Link.

.

Keep pouring the water, keep pouring it, clearly no one gives a crap or possibly even noticed your ridiculous slip.

…Except Zelda.  A single-eyebrow raise.  She’ll tease me later.  I hope.  Later.  Hope for that.

“I’m good!”

“Me too, Sir.”

“Alright, almost there- get the horses as best you can.  Manes and tails especially, but we won’t take them all the way in.  They’ll run after that.  Lahs- Bennent- I’m serious.  You see something headed your way that’s not us, you retreat immediately and at full speed.  Make for the logging village if you can- get word to the castle faster.  If something cuts you off, head to the Royal Lab.  Got it?

“Got it, sir.”  “Yes, sir.”

Link.  Look them in the eye.  “If not…“

“We’ll bring his body back, sir.”

“…Yes.  Thanks.  Oereb’s family will thank you, too.”

Zelda’s face.  Wish I could hold her now.

Oh.  My turn.  Just nod, let Margil get you.

“Kh-kh.”

Feels good. Not clean exactly.  But maybe a little less disgusting than I was.

“Your bandage, Sir.”

“Yeah.” Hand over it should be good enough.  Pat some water… just on the outside.

“Alright…”

Less good now with the water in my pants.  That’s going to chafe.  Priorities priorities priorities.

Good to have my eyes closed.  Just for… a minute.

“Eh- hey, Reida, could you help me with this?”

“Ah- ah.  Yes, alright.”

…Snobbish.

“… Uh.  Thanks.”

That’s how they seem to me, but maybe I’m biased, they answer to other Sheikah, not to me, Zelda, too, ideally, but they seem not to take her orders seriously in combat like they think they know better and maybe they’re right but I don’t think so, I think they f$(#ed up with those riders, Zelda, Zelda was right, they should’ve broken off, let her fire.

Maybe I’ll talk to herOH more pants water- later.  About them.  See if she agrees. “Think I’m good.  Thanks, Margil.”

“You’re welcome, Sir.”

Pretty sure Zuho would’ve jumped to help us prep, not stood around being watchful with his nose up in the air, he’s not like them. She’s surrounded by us, this is not the time to stand still, this is the time for speed, speed, oh.  Facecloth.  “Thanks again.”

And the buckets have stopped.  “Ready?”

“Yes Sir!”  “Yes.”  “Ready.”  “Ready, Sir!”

Nods, nods.  “Princess?”

“…Mount.  We ride-“

Horse horse

“-as close as the horses will allow.”

Good boy- sorry.

“We go the rest of the way on foot- at a run.”

About your rider.

“We enter Serenne if at all possible.”

So, so sorry.

“We slay any monsters.”

I wonder... if you understand.

“If our kh- enemy is the fire itself, we shall help them fight it.”

It hasn’t hit me yet.

“If the blaze is too fierce, we shall evacuate all we can instead.”

But when it does-

“We remain together unless Link or I order otherwise-"

-it’ll be like always.

“-and we avoid extreme heat, smoke, and flame. Onward!”

I’ll have another hole inside.  “Everyone ride astride each other. Hup, boy!”

“Go, Tass!”  “Hyah!” “Hyup-“  “Hhh.”

A hole where the first person died under my command. 

Zelda.  Beside me.

I don’t want her back exposed even to our own soldiers.

And there’s a shudder.  Our own soldiers.  Vayden and Carok guy.

I want to know someone really Goddess-damned well before I let them have a clear shot at Zelda’s back.  Or mine, for that matter, but at least if it’s me I’ll react fast.  Not that she isn’t fast…

But I’ve never seen her do the Thing.  Better to assume she can’t.

-----

My Goddess.  The south's all but an inferno, what happened here?

“So much!”

I’ve never, never heard Beraya like that before-

“TASS!”

NONONO

“Easy!”

OFFLinkoff

“Easy, easy, good boy-“

gethisreins!

“Good, good Tass!”

“Hey hey hey hey shh- Tass-“ got him

“Kh- khh-“

got him “shh- shhhhh” soothe him Link “shh-“ just enough give her a few seconds “shh, shh, easy- easy-“ he is so done, rolling eyes- “dismount, everyone- now- yes- gooood boy, good, easy-“ she’s off let go lethimgo-

Good they’re all off “On FOOT!  We GO!”

She’s alright she’s so fast like me running beside me and Dear Goddess it's warm even here! In there the plate mail would’ve baked half of us alive and even the water won’t last us long-

“Khh.”

-amazing the horses got us so close to the treeline they’re not lit here not yet outer edge dark silhouettes monsters?  Trees bushes rocks maybe or crouching things could be could be do I see horns

“AAAAAAAH!”

“Link!”

“Yes!”  Screaming where where nothing nothing nothing nothing

“SPEED!”

“Yes, Princess!”  “Ahhh!”  “Gh.”  “Mkh.”  “Kh- kh kh- khh“

Coughing more, please, please don’t let her drop-

“AAAH!  AAAAHHHH!”  “KHHHHGH.”

“THAT WAY!”

Does she see them does she I SEE “THERE!” MoblinmoblinmoblinnoFASTERLINK NO YEHHHHHS ZELDA GO DOWN GO DOWN

“IT YET LIVES!”

It does but an arrow through its eye gave that kid seconds he needed and now Terial, Aree, great shots, it must be a red, it’s on its knees already and LIFF, yes, he’s fast too and- there goes its throat.

“You hurt?!”

Kid’s shocked he’s shocked answer Liff come on

“I- I- I h- ad to come back!”

Crying.

“We are here to kh- help- what happened?”

Zelda- he may not be able to

“Here- I got you.“

Kid’s filthy and shaking but seems sturdy enough now Liff pulled him up.

“They- they told us to run, but I had to come back!  Something’s wrong- at the next farm, too, everyone’s just waiting in the wheat-“

Everyone.

“-and there’s not enough water and we could see the fire got worse!”

The other kids.  “How did this start?”

“Monsters.  They just- came.  Out of nowhere-“

“KKRRGGHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.”

…What was that?

“Oh, F$*%.”

“Daile?”

“Sir- Princess- that sounds like a lynel.”

“Your dad-“

“Yes, sir.”

“Princess?”

“We go. In.”

And fast, my Goddess-

“Kid, go back.  The others have horses?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.  Don’t lose those.”

Liff’s sharper

“The horses want to bolt,”

than I gave him credit for.

“you’re better off on them than not, alright?”

Nod, Link, he has spooked-face

“Y- yeah.”

like he thinks he might’ve overstepped.

“Just- go and don’t come back here- ah-“

I really, really don't mind, people can't be constantly asking me about everything.

“-unless someone you trust fetches you.  And-“

Unless he tells the kid to do something stupid.

“-if you see anything off, just run.  Uh…”

And Liff’s looking at me.

“Khhh.”

Because which way?  Which way is safe?  “…Head south by southeast so you’d just barely scrape the farm at the foot of Salari hill in that direction.  Then…  make for the royal lab.”  They can defend themselves better than the logging village, so… safer… maybe.

“O- okay.”

Didn’t have to tell him twice.  He’s scared to s#$&… wait, shuffling chuchu LEAP Linkwhathe- “Rkh!”

“Ah!” “Move, kid!” “Move!” “Gkh!”

GONNA POP BACKBACKBACK LINK, BACK OFF

“Eh-“ “Ff-“  “Blasted-“  “Move, move!” “Fire-”

Fire chuchus here?!  “In- in, everyone, the town!  Go, kid!”

Watch him go watch him go, DAMN the wood’s dry pine needles like flammable fricking carpet, back up "Back up, back up!" watch the kid they’ll pull ahead but I’ll catch up almost almost almost trees he’s out all you can do Link you can’t escort him all the way back and if there’s anyone left alive in the town they’re in just as much danger and more

“There!”

Her eyes so good there it is a boko-

“QUEHEKYUEEE!”

Varniro Genenko careful bad shield arm

“GRK!”  “QYEEHEEEE!  K-“

GOOD.

Red.  DownMORE

“KGGGH.”  “KHG.”

They always sound so disgustingly happy

“Gh- ah!”

Happy to maim- Margil

“Ghg!”

Good skewered blue not dead-

“Akk!”

-now it is.

Happy to kill, too.

Not like Margil.

His face is not happy right now.  Bokos smile when they kill.

“They are kh- here awaiting those who flee.”

“…Yeah.”  I hope there are people left to run.

There’s more I see them waiting on the road at the edge of the houses some behind moblins those are moblins three red blue blue, at least two bokoblins, horns, little horns sticking up show them-

Yes.  Shh- there they are.  One two three- four five.  Eyes out.  Look.  All of you scan.  Zelda?

They- are- looking- inward.  We quiet, we surprise them.  Yes.  Good.

Spread out.

No- Zelda.  Stay with me.

Liff and Cohl again.  Good.  Huiru creeping crouched, Terial with Margil- Aree with Beraya, Daile with Genenko, Varniro with Reida, a pair, okay.  Huiru’s alone but he clearly has a method.

Six pairs.  Five monsters.  So far.

We’ve got THAT one.

Sh sh sh… she knows.  She knows.  Quiet.  The fire’s loud, but- doesn’t mean it couldn’t hear us at all, a snapping branch, a cough-

…please don’t cough.

Hot.  Even here.  Hot.  Smoke. Careful. Pay attention to your skin, Link-

I will endeavor to notify you of any sudden changes in your skin, master, but I have no method by which to measure your surroundings.

Thank you.

Her fists just balled.

She wants to cough.

Hurry, hurry, the flames, hiding the footsteps, careful but quick careful but quick-

Closercloser right in the back the spine wait for it, for the others.

Zelda- yes.  Turn.  Face out.  Watch my back.  I watch yours.

They’re- almost- nowTHROUGH

“RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHH!”

“RRGHT!”  “QUEKEHHH!”  “QUORHHIEWHE!”  “KGHR?”

Almost all Daile Beraya Liff got theirs where’s Huiru

“KRRRRRRRRRRRRRRH!”

Varniro’s he didn’t surprise it but they’ve got it

“QHWEHHH!”

MORE “MORE!” Main road, there!  She’ll follow you Link, go take it out, it's hot but you're okay-

Fighting I hear it on the edges monsters at the next two roads too they have it trust them THIS one- “HhhaaHH!”

“QHEEHKHH!” “Kh-“

“Kh- khmkhm-“

StaybackZelda I’vegotit “Grk- hh!” the armpit slice it can’t raise its shield SLICE- THRUST

Down.

“Kh- hh.  The smoke.”

“I know.  I know, I’m so sorry- Zelda- it’s your dec-“

“We keep going.”

I thought so but heat smoke “ON RIGHT!”

Sheturned heardboots it’s breathinghard but didn’tgrowl feet loud anyway SLIDE underitsguardLinkSHINSyes

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRH!”

Yeahthathurtdidn’tit Zelda YESOH ROLLLINK

Damn she nailed that but it almost fell on me it’s prone proneTHRUST- THRUST

Dead? D-NO THRUST-twist-

“Kh-kh-kh.”

Stay still.

Dead- wh?

Margil and Terial

“Another moblin, down!”

Good Terial’s hand on his mask though he feels it the smoke

Goddess if we hadn’t soaked ourselves I’d’ve been soaked by sweat instead and dehydrating fast.  How long til it steams off?

Link? You see steaming with your eyes and you grab Zelda and make everyone back the hell off.

Realistically, she'd probably notice it before me.

There are the others.  Around the sides of the houses.  Here!  Yeah, here- let’s not split up.  Don’t see Huiru yet…  Cohl- Liff.  They’re looking, too.

…They don’t see him.

Yeah Cohl, I don’t know either.  Just shake your head, Link.  Zelda?

“All- kh- together.”

Alright, she’s pointing that way she’s right she’s right less fire we can’t stay in this long south is an inferno north we can at least last a while- Huiru, he should’ve come out over here somewhere anyway, hurry, hurry, but look look look look lots of movement flickering shadows things flapping in the wind from the fire no other people yet not yet- easing, easing  it’s not as bad over here, the fire worst in southwest maybe glow and smoke but it’s quieter this way too careful something could hear

“Kh… KH.”

Zelda, is your cloth still wet?

“Link?”

Quietly “Cloth- wet?”

Nodding, good, good- mine is so hers should be too just checking just checking can’t kill smoke with a sword can’t protect her.

Liff and Cohl fell in naturally checking around each house opposite directions it helps we can move faster.

Less and less and less, still hot but cooler here-

Those houses- not flaming-

Zelda?

That’s a yes, we check, Liff and Cohl check that house, Reida and Varniro, check that one everyone else watch watch watch eyes all directions- watch the fire too, embers, it won’t be long they’ll catch

“Khh.  Kh.”

It would be insane for someone to hide in a closet or something with fire in the town it shouldn’t be that, either they’re hiding somewhere they can see out or they’re unconscious or dead or the house is just empty

No one moving all up and down road, far as I can see Zelda shaking her head, too-

Bodies?  Bodies no bodies they all run?

And-

Head-shakes.  Nothing in that house.

Varniro…?

“Kh.”

No. Not that one either.

“Gg- khhh khhhh.”

And Terial’s coughing too and there’s still no Huiru here, two roads over.

Zelda?

I know that jaw- clench.  Like right before she gets in the pool at the Cathedral.

“We go.”

Alright.  Just point, Link, the less talking the better, that way everyone, west.

Where the fire’s louder maybe talking fine, here just not, lets us breathe through our noses anyway eyes peeled everyone going going going

Behind us?

Nothing.

Beraya- Liff- keep looking back.  Okay?

Okay.

flAMES

“Ah!” “FF-“ “S$&#-“ “Kh-“

WOAH that was some pop- Reida looks a little singed but okay, flames more, hotter, some of these houses completely ablaze lucky lucky the paths aren’t too narrow never seen Serenne before wouldn’t’ve known hotter inward we circle circle around where's-

“KKRRGGHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.”

Lynel

.

Here we all are, hunted deer watching, listening.

It can’t be that close hardly any louder but maybe wrong, never seen a lynel never heard one either if that’s what it is, Daile’s the only one.

Still… listening.

Roaring.  Of fire.

I'm dryer already.

More dark houses.  Zelda?

That’s a yes and opinion established we check the survivable houses- pairs- Liff, Cohl- Varniro, Reida- Daile, Genenko- Margil, Beraya.

“Sir?”

“Quick, Margil, we’re good- go.”

Can’t say I blame him, I’ve been having them flank Zelda the whole-

“Khh.  Kh.”

-time, but speed!  Don’t think I should leave the archers out here alone.  We stay.  We watch.  Should I call out?  If someone’s hiding they might just come out and if monsters do at least we’re not walking into an ambush, they’d come to usOH no.  Oh, Link.  Could the lynel hear me if I yell?  The fire might drown me out if it’s among it but I just don’t know and we could sure hear it roar- “No shouting?”

“Agreed.”

“Lynel?”

“Yes.”

I concur, master.

You’ve been quiet.

I am endeavoring not to distract you, master.

I… can see why.

I will take this opportunity to notify you your blood oxygenation levels are still within an acceptable range at 99%.

Uh.  Good!  I bet that would mean more to Zelda, but I can guess…

100% is desirable and indicates excellent breathing.  Below 90% is dangerous.

What about Zelda?

              I can measure no one’s but yours, master.

Right- right.  Let me know if it changes, okay?

I plan to, master.

I bet hers are lower than that. 

It is likely everyone’s are lower than yours, master, considering your pristine physical condition.  I speculate your associate Terial is suffering most.  I recommend removing both him and the Princess from this environment as soon as possible.

Yeah.  Me too.

“Kh- kh.  Khh.”

.

A few more houses.

“KHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRH.”

…I sure couldn’t tell where that came from.

Could be around the corner.

That’s comforting.

“Khhh kh.”

Smoke so thick southward.  Even looking down a clear path, hard to see.  It… wasn’t that much louder, though.

“Ahm.  Ahkhm.”

“Terial, you good?”

“Khhh- akm.  Yeah, it- doesn’t agree with me.”

Me either, but it’s getting to him already.

“Kh- kh.”

At least Zelda’s doesn’t seem to be getting worse quick like his.

I think they’re almost done.

A lynel shows up, you don’t let Zelda anywhere near it, Link.  You make her run.

Not that I could MAKE her do anything.

But.

“Ahm.  Ahehehm.”

Wow.  Am I just- falling into old habits or something?  She’s right here.  “Princess?”

“Yes?”

“Lynel, you leave.”

A long look.  Something odd there, something I don’t like.  Her eyebrow crease.  Can’t see her mouth or nose, but- worried?

“I- understand.”

Wow.  Well, good- and Margil and Beraya, also good.

Except also not good-

“Kh.”

-because they’re shaking their heads.  “Bodies?”

Oh.  No bodies either, so… still good. 

Beraya.  Squeeze her shoulder, Link.

The others – also coming.  Except- no, no, there’s Varniro, too.

Closer.  Closer.  Okay.  “If a lynel surprises us, the Princess is to retreat.  Margil and Beraya, you’ll escort her.”

Nods all around.

I’m really amazed she just agreed to it, but-

“Khm.  Kh- khm.”

-I’ll take it.

Let’s move.  “Cohl- yeah, watch on that edge, Reida on yours.”  Corners, corners.  “We’ll move a few streets up and start again on the houses.  Any of you find bodies?”

“No, sir.”  “No.”  “No.”

“Two.  On- the street that way.”

Don’t let your face fall with your heart, Link.  Did you think everyone would escape this hell alive?  “…We do this as fast as we can- try to find anyone who’s left.”

“And- kh-kh- discover… where those missing have gone.”

--

Chuchu-  Genenko’s got it, he’s got it aaaand one and two- there it goes already back up back up while it pops-

Chuchus do just spring from the ground.  Like the… Dead Hands.  Is that what happened here?  They just sprang up, lit things? OH- “Back!”

Backupbackupbackup thereyougo manhandlingZelda sorry

HOT- "fffff!"

“Akhhhhh- khhhh ghghm.”

Hot…

Damn.  Maybe.  Fricking chuchu jelly explodes.  Probably wouldn’t see it lying around.

Check behind- clear.

“Khh.”

They’re not too hard to kill but you have to know to run when they start puffing up.  A good pop or two with a pitchfork and a sprint the other way would do it but of course you’ve set the nearest house on fire.

“Kh- khh.”

Maybe that’s why so few bodies.

It’s inconsistent.

“Ahhghm- dammit.”

Some houses not lit.

Yet.

Could be why.  No chuchu pop-ups there.

But fire ones, here?  They’re supposed to live in hot places.  Eldin.  Never thought to ask father.  “Hey dad, do fire chuchus REALLY stick only to the slopes of Death Mountain?”

Has he even been to Death Mountain?

“Ah-hm.”

He must’ve- Oh?  Waving waving Cohl?

Stop, everyone.

“Khhh khh.”

Okay- Zelda, with me- we’ll look.

Wow.  Wow.  Yeah, good eye, back-slap for you come on- come on everyone here- the well.

Buckets.  Lots of them.  Wet.  Recently in use, and no bodies.  Right?  Am I crazy to be happy about this?  Zelda?

No, no I’m not crazy because she looks at least a little relieved.  Someone was fighting the fire and not that long ago.  Lots of someones.  That’s- yeah.  Cooler here.  Less flame.

Slightly less grim faces.

We go- further-careful check each way check, is that a bokoblin tooth?  Teeth?  A horn?  They did fight back and yes that’s another bucket rolling around- another one there… on fire, now…

Back toward the east- anything?

Eyes every way, everyone.

I think I do see a few more monster parts.  No people, though.

Alright everyone- yeah- spread on the street again we don’t quite fit I don’t like it Margil, Beraya?  Yes, thank you.  Princess’ back.  This section seems pretty quiet, pretty cleared out, but still…

“Kh- khm.  Kh.”

Steam.  They doused things.  Pump- there.  It really can’t’ve been that long ago, can it?  Not if we still see it like that.

“Wait.“

“Princess?”

“The pump.  We refresh our facecloths while checking the area- quickly!"

“On it!”

Woah “Wait, the handle- hold your hand near it first, Genenko.”  He was totally just going to grab it-

“It’s not hot, I’ll try it.”

Oh good.

“Bucket!”

“Thanks, Varniro.”

“Find your pairs.”

“Yes-“ “Yes, Princess-“

Finger to your lips, Link, they’re talking louder… they got the message.  Quiet checking of those houses and alleys- oh no. Beraya.

Her face, Link.

Her family’s house- would’ve been southeast.  Where the fire was worse.

Zelda?

Beraya.

…Yeah.

She already realized.

Can’t just ignore that, say something, just- quietly- “Beraya?”

Shaking her head.  “We couldn’t have.”

“They might’ve got out.”

A strange, small smile.

She thinks they’re probably dead.

And Terial just dunked his whole face in that bucket.  Good.  He seems to need it more than the rest of- ”SH”$&%! ZELDA CORRALHERCORRALHERSHIELDSHIELD WHERE

Aree!  Her arrow through its neck- Terial- Zelda wants to step out and shoot but no, no, that almost hit me and it could hit her, too- damn that thing was quiet.  They usually give themselves away with the squealing.

Dead.

“Where the hell did it-”

“The house.”

“KKRRGGHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHRRRR.”

I saw her breath catch.

Yes.

Closer, it’s closer, I know.  Closer, eyes eyes out Daile?

Daile miming crouch crouch everyone down down LIFF, yes, YOU, DOWN! Zelda I want to just curl up in a ball around her but that won’t help anyone Daile’s looking at me eyes that way eyes that way he says-

There.  Far.

But visible.  Half turned away from us between houses and the hood on that further well, between smoke.

Okay.  My Goddess.  That has to be a lynel.  Because it’s not a horse.  But- it moves almost like one.  Bright red mane, way too wide and thick not a horse not one bit.

Move- goodDaileagrees everyonemove STAYDOWN butmove move move move behind the next house holy f#$& don’t turn around now, don’t- face that way face that way face that way Margil Beraya flank Zelda thank you yes- oh.  Okay.  Daile.  Staying crouched behind the well.  Looking at me.

Yeah.

He’s right.

We have to take it out.

The mystery of the missing people doesn’t matter much if they can’t come back.

Zelda?  I go.

“KKRRRRRGHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHRRRR.”

…It’s like the earth’s breath stops when it does that.

I want you completely out of its eyeline or even possible eyeline.

You, Margil, and Beraya… and Liff and Cohl.

Yup.

Shhh!

Glad I saw him about to talk, Holy Hylia this is not the moment to find out how good lynel hearing is.

S&$#.  Genenko’s bad arm.  He has to stay, too.

You can do this, Link.  You can mime.

Genenko- you- Zelda, Margil, Beraya, Liff, and Cohl, you all look for the missing people.

The missing people.

The PEOPLE.

Bucket-people!

Ahhh now you get it.

Okay.  Daile.  You and me.  On point.  But- yeah.  Agreed.  We flank it.

Yeah.  You that way.  Me this way.

Okay, Link.  Your father told you how to fight these.  Just- plan.  Archers stay at crazy far range if they can and you have to be ready to f$&$ing run.  No bunching up.  Everyone at different locations.

Terial, my side. Aree, Daile’s side.  Varniro, my side.  Reida, Daile’s side.  Like this.  Spread out- Daile, then Reida, then Aree.  And for my side, me, then Varniro, then Terial.

I’d tell the archers to take rooftops if there wasn’t fire involved.

There are… more flames by the lynel, too.

And… We can't go into that soaking wet. We'll have water boiling against our skin. Facecloths only, because we have no choice.

And Fi's not arguing with me.

Okay. Everyone- face cloths only.

And of course the pump makes sound.  Does the lynel know what a pump sounds like?  Does it know that means people?

.

Hopefully not.  I don’t hear anything rushing toward us.  Still… keep it down, Genenko.

Terial went already- Aree next.

Fi, anything I should know?

Your oxygenation level is unchanged, master.  But the area into which you propose to head is inundated with smoke.  Your facecloth cannot protect you from asphyxiation, nor from carbon monoxide, hydrogen sulf-

Wait, from what?

Forgive me, master.  Harmful gases.  Your facecloth cannot filter them.  It will protect you from burns and solid particles only.

We have to go.

Agreed.

O- oh.

Did you believe I would argue?

Yeah, kind of.

No, master.  The beast must be felled.  If one arrow would be sufficient to do so, I would suggest the Princess simply take aim and fire at first opportunity.  But the beast would charge, and I believe you wished to avoid that scenario.

Yeah, yeah I did.  She’s- she’s not ready for that.

No.  She is not.

I… kind of thought you’d argue with me there, too.

…

Ohhh there you go again with one of your weird silences.  Only this time I have no clue at all why.  At least I usually know what it is you’re trying not to tell me.

Ah- my turn.  Damn, I went turned-in-like.  That happens sometimes when I talk to you.

Thus my efforts not to distract you, master.

Thanks.  For the moment, though… just trying to creep low across the square and use the water.

I don’t see it anymore.  It could easily come closer, though, just down another road.  The facecloth wow needed that.  The water… isn’t cool like well water really should be.  It’s warm.  But compared to what’s up here, it’s refreshing.

Okay.

Nothing for it.

You all ready?

Everyone’s smart enough to look scared.  Probably more than they otherwise would be since they’re not used to fighting unarmored.

Reida almost looks angry.  Maybe that’s how she preps herself for a nasty fight.

Or maybe she’s pissed because I assumed she’s willing to take on a lynel.  I’m treating her like our own soldiers.  But Zelda’s not stopping me, so I think I’m okay to do so for the moment.

Okay.  We go.  Now.

Try not to worry about Zelda, Link.  Small smile.  Hey- I managed one this time.  Oh- there’s those balled fists again.  She’s- struggling.  Struggling not to cough.

Please- be okay.

See you soon.

Around the house.  Keep watch.  Wh- nasty thing- bokoblin heart.  Pretty sure I see a moblin horn way far off, too.  Wins for the missing people of Serenne.  What-

.

Wish- wish I hadn’t seen that.  Wonder who it was.

Who they were.

If- we run into monsters and we fight them, it’ll hear us.  Daile sure didn’t-

“Kh- m.”

-want us making any sound.  Though granted, he’s not the one who fought lynels.  It was his father.  But seeing a fight happen from far off is better than nothing.

Father did say they have amazing hearing.  And eyesight.  And sense of smell.  That there’s almost no hiding from them, not unless you’re real far away.

Must be why.  Why the people are gone.  They may all have fled into the trees.

And been slaughtered by the monsters waiting there for them.

Of course.  Of course.  Line the trees with moblins and bokoblins, where it’s darker and harder to see they’re there, especially the bokoblins that just look like boulders in the dark until you get close.  Then send in the lynel and those fire chuchus.  Let them light the town up.  Let the lynel kill everything in its path and claim the place as its territory, forcing people to run because between it and the fire there’s nothing they can do.  Then they get slaughtered in the ring of trees.  Boko riders pick off the few who escape to the fields-

The fields.  My Goddess.  They sent kids there.

And we didn’t kill all the riders, we didn’t, one blew right past us!

“Kh- m- m.”

My Goddess, my Goddess, there’s nothing I can do now nothing I have to find them later have to tell Zelda Goddess forgive me!

The sooner we take this lynel out the sooner we can help them.

The boy was alive.  He was alive and he came back to help, right?

He did, right?

…Did he say that’s why?

He didn’t but he went back willingly.  Yes.  Yes, he said they still had the horses.  They were… okay when he left.

Wh-

That’s a Moblin hand sticking out from behind that house.

Look.

Okay.  It’s too close to our path, we have to take it out.

Your bow, Link, don’t make Terial cross in front.  Here we go.  Here we go- there’s its head, turned awayOHit’sturning SHOOT- sunk!

Dammit, LOUD moblin-

.

Varniro bowling it over it’s yelling take it OUT it’s too loud-

“KKRRRRRGGHRRRRRRR.”

The lynel louder did it hear did it hear?  It’s not right on top of us not yet- what was that sound?  Moblin-?  Varniro has it the arrow screwed it up real good go go go ANOTHER, LEAPOVERTHISONELINK head it off, get it before it’s near Varniro- arrow thunked hit wood Terial missed WOAH!missedmemoblin STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE

.

Not dead not yet black moblins tough kill it shut it up YES good shot Terial SWIPE-

.

AH!  Ittriedtoheadbuttme?! Good its face is in the dirt- NECK.  It’s done.  Right?  Twist. Spine-OH!  REALLY?!  Hylia, get its-

Head.  Another good shot- crunching?

“Kh.”

Crunching wood smash???

Moblin dead- other one too- there’s no roaring but somehow that’s not comforting they don’t look comforted either what was the crunching?  Let’s go but this way, backward, around these houses, I have a feeling I just have a feeling it heard it knows and I could be wrong and if there are more monsters this way it’ll hear that too anyway and there ARE, blue boko right there, back up

.

F#$&!

“KKRRAGGHRRRRERRRRRR!”

The lynel different that was different

“You hear that?”

I swear it heard

“Is it starting?”

kill the boko kill it

“Shh…”

slice slice shield bash it bashbashbashbashbash

.

SLICE SLICE THRUST- THRUST!  It’sgoingdown it’sgoing but I hear it hoofbeats it knows it knows send them backward Link!

Varniro, Terial, retreat!  Behind me behind me go go go go go go go go go NO NO I stay, you go!

.

That was chuffing it’s close GO!  Yes, good good go, now I back up, back up, straight though, straight, I think it’ll see me but not them at least not at first and they can take up other positions and more wood smashing it’s close what is it doing ANOTHER smash-

“Khm.  Khm- kh.”

-that was close ANOTHER what is it doing THAT was a piece of wood flying over my head a beam, a piece of a beam, the houses, it’s smashing the houses, what’s left of them, does it think we might be inside or is it just angry?

.

My Goddess I feel like I can hear it thinking, its breath is so loud.

Zelda?  She’s probably not looking at the slate.  She shouldn’t be.  She needs to be watchful-

.

THERE I just saw it whatever it’s using around that bend right there back up so slow Link so soft so it can’t see you not yet not yet no advantage I’m in the wrong spot and Daile’s not here to flank it though he’ll catch on and move, he will-

SPLINTERS WOODHOTHOT PATITOUT S&$^ PATITOUT

SOUND THAT MADE SOUND IT’LL

“KRRRRRGH!!”

HEAR

“S$&#!” “Sounds bad-“

WOOD!FIRE!EYES

“We continue.“

EYES NEEDTHOSE

“Yes-” “Yes, Princess.”

ASHLINK ASH JUSTDODGEANDPRAY DODGEANDPRAY SMASHING SMASHING DEEP BOOM DIRT WHERE I JUST WAS IWASJUSTTHERE AND I HEARDIT

“KRRRRRRRGH!”

Come on eyes comeON HOOFBEATS DODGEANDPRAYHYLIA ITPASSED MYBACKWALL SPLINTERSSHARP SKIDDING

Yes YESLINK It’sheavy it’ssoheavy ittakestime takes time to stop don’t panic clear your eyes you have a moment you HAVE IT and THEREITIS RIGHT THERE SKIDDED TO A STOP JUST LIKE A HORSE

Mount it!!!

YES! ITS HEAD ITS HEAD BASH ITS HEAD BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH

AH!  FFF!

“Kh- m- m- kh.”

THROWN

“Prin-?”

FLAMING ROOF my Goddess get off get off ihhhtFALLING!! ShoulderHOT HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT noLink moveyouHAVEto it’llcrushyou theclub HOOFbeats

ROLLROLL NEVERMINDTHEHEAT oh GODdess ff hurts rightwhereIwas whereIwasagain itsaim perfect mountingitworked butcarefulcareful-

.

“-RRRHH.”

That was different,wh-

RUNLINK

Fathersaid hesaid whenitjuststands burstofflame magic magic they’remagic thefire it’ll burst anysecondKEEPRUNNING

“HH!”  “Did you?!”  “S$&*#!”

S#%$NO!

“It appears-“

 MYBACKMYBACK

“-as though the lynel has been engaged.”

Sh- sh$# singed keep running anyway

get your bearings for a second

it hurts but there’s been way way way worse the heat I think if my back'd been soaked like earlier I'd've lost all the skin all the skin

more FIRE I hear it

It’s pawing the earth-

DAILE!- no, no, hotwe’ll both be on the same side mime mime, I’ll circle around!  Hope he saw that, go right Link go go go go go hot that pawing sound again what is it OHNO IT BLEW BY I MOVED IT BLEW BY WHERE I WAS IT’S AFTER DAILE

.

Please let him have dodged that please, straight back Link we’ll flank it as long as Daile made it PRONE HE’SPRONE

NO YOU DON’T!  HEY!  HEY LOOK AT ME I’M RIGHT HERE THAT’S RIGHT it has a bunchhot of arrows in it already I didn’t even realize couldn’t see Terial must’ve been going nuts on it from somewhere and CLUBOVERITSHEAD DODGELINK DODGE BACKFLIP BACK AGAIN

Master!

NOT FAR ENOUGH THE VIBRATIONS TOOhot MUCH PRONE PRONE

Your blood oxygenation level is dropping!

YES, Daile!  Sword in its flank

Seek to exit the smoke!

DAILE BACKHANDED FLYING HOT HOWISITTHIShotFAST?

“Sirs- kh- hh.”

MOUNT IT AGAIN MOUNT

“The next well-“

BASH BASH BASH BASH

“-this way.”

BASH LEAP EARLY YES

Yes yes Daile- he’s up and it’shot looking at me again and CLUBNO BACKFLIPaaAAAH!

H-head.  Good, Link, you’re good, justhot- hit wood, not hotstone

“Kh.”

you’ve had worse way way worseMOVEMOVE!

SMASHINGwood HOTalloverme BURNScrawlout crawlout GODDESS!  Shakingground so close how did it miss-

BecauseVarniro!

95% and dropping!

Yesyesyes different hotdirections someoneELSEonitsback Reida it’s ReidaYES SWORD, LINK, RIGHT THERE!!!

Ohhhhitdoesn’tlikethat upitshorse-chestandthrough hotpullout backu- NONO rollunder!

CLUB HolyHylia itstillthrewme and I washot almost behind it, Daile good flank-swipe, arrowsarrows lotsmore Reidawentflying gettingup helpVarniro, itsbelly rightthere hotTHROUGH!

ROLL OUT!

Waveringwavering it’shot whining.  Another arrow and another- what-?

PUSH VARNIRO! FIREBALLFIREBALLFIREBALL and HOToh HOTGoddess

MASTER THE FIRE!

IKNOW!!! HOTmy HOTclothes HOTmaskoffoffOFF!

94% AND DROPPING RAPIDLY!

HOTroll ROLL YOU TOO VARNIRO HOT if theHOT houses HOTweren’t here

YOUR BODY IS UNABLE TO REGULATE ITS TEMPERATURE!

HOTwe’d’ve gotHOT hit head-on and YES FI Hyliahelpme IKNOW

“Khh.”

HOTTerialdown? Don’tHOTknow

“Kh.”

crossstreetHOT CROSSLINK RUNRUN FIREBALLHA!missedme HOTHOTHOT CRUNCHING bashingHOT throughtheHOThouse togetme BACKFLIP EARLYLINK be somewhereHOTelse andHOT dotheThing thebowthebowslowitdownslowitall aimaimaimaimaimaimaimaimaimperfectshotbeperfectFIRE

“GRHHHUUUUU!”

Here HOTthey all come

“GR- UUUPH!”

To finish you offHOT

That’s HOTnot a battle cry

Not anymore

Reida

Went forHOT the throat

HOTThe others justHOT- through.

Think- I’llHOT take a breather.

“Kh- khh.”

YES, master, exit the heavy smoke!

It’sHOT down.

Whining.

HOT.  Too HOT too hot thingsspinning backoffbackoffcooler

I almosthot feel sorry abouthot this one

Almost

“It’s the same here…”

hotBecause it seems more like an animalspinning

hotAnd less like a monster

It didn’t seem happyhot to kill us

hotNot like bokoblins

But nohot way

“Kh- hh.”

hotNo way

It washot it or us.

Andhot this village

“Oh!”

Or what’s lefthot

“Sir Liff?”

of it and its people.

“Hello down there!”

Too hot what’s she-?

“How fortunate.”

“What- Huiru!”

Yeah. Hot. Yeah- it’s-

“I’ve been following the well system, Princess.”

What?

“We’d thought you lost.”

hotNot now.

“Haha.  I was for a time.”

Priorities.

“But now I’ve found you.”

We regroup with the others.  They’ll’ve moved.

“Indeed.  Huiri-“

We succeed, we returnhot.

“Yes, Princess?”

Not saying it again.

“Is there wind below?”

We’re leaving.  Hot.

“Yes.”

You want to stay behind and wait, stay behind. Hot.

hotWow.  Get your hotf$&#ing priorities straight.

“Princess?”

Grantedhot the apothecary would pay an ass ton for any lynel part of any kindhot.

“Kh- have you seen anyone down there?”

But I am NOT waiting aroundhot here-

“A few bodies.”

-for it to disintegrate.  Hylia help me.

Damn- damn, speaking ofhot priorities- Hey- that well back this way first, everyone.

“Kh. I- see.”

Fresher, cooler water for the cloths, it’s too hot not to-ohhh-spinningagain noo no no- stay up, Link

“Please join us above, Huiru.”

Master- you are at 91%

“Yes, Princess.”

Terial?  Terial- Daile!

“Continue to be watchful, everyone.”

Yeah yeahhot help him spinning- out, out everyone OUT north north now!

“It sounds as though the battle has ended.”

You goodhot Aree?

“We kh- shall await the others.”

YOU GOOD?!

“As you say, Princess.”

Come onhot yeah yeah got you gothot

Cooler

Cooler

Surehot hope now f$&#ing moblins jump us now.

Cooler This way!

The air is better here, Master.

Heh.  Yeah.  I could tell.

---

Part 17 coming soon (I hope!).

Follow this link to return to the chapter list.

Follow this link for my masterlist.

#adventure log+ #adventure log+ AU #botw #botw fanfic #zelda #loz #zelink #fantasy #adventure #action #suspense #sheikah slate POV #unorthodox POV #zelda fanfic #got some totk references going now

[thelaisydazy]

Just wanted to write from Perchta, enjoy

“Der Medizier..”

The words rang in Petra’s head, stirring her from the darkness that consumed her. Her limbs felt heavy, her head throbbing. Her wrists stung against the sharp plastic of the zip tie that bound them behind her back. 

“You are avake..”

The world came into focus, her green eyes finding the masked face of a woman crouched beside her on the ground. The woman kept a hand on her shoulder, holding pressure on a wound Petra could see bleeding into her shirt. 

“You speak Englisch, nicht?”

“Yeah, English,” Petra groaned, trying to sit up, her eyes still glued to the bleeding wound. 

“Don’t. Moffe.” The woman hissed gritted teeth. Cold steel pressed against Petra’s temple. She didn’t need to be told it was a gun. “If you vant to liffe, you lisden to vat I zay.”

“You’re hurt,” Petra says, her jaw tightening. “If you shoot me, I can’t help you. You’ll bleed out.” 

Air escaped her lungs as the gun was pulled away from her head, the woman replacing it into its holster. Petra took his moment to look over her captor. She wore black gear, her face concealed by a mask though she could still see the woman’s piercing gray eyes. The woman retrieved Petra’s own gun, tossing it a few feet away. 

“Nein tricks,” she said. “Treat me und you liffe. Verstehen?” Petra nodded. 

A moment later the zip ties were cut. Petra sat up and rubbed her wrists. There was a quiet tension as she reached for her med-pack, slowly as not to spook the soldier in front of her.

“Do I get to know your name?” Petra asked, soaking a cotton pad in alcohol. She dabbed it on the woman’s wound watching as she tensed at the sting. 

“Nein.”

Petra should have guessed that. “This is deep,” she said. “But I don’t think it needs stitches.” The medic reached into her pack again, this time producing a bandage and some medical tape. She bandaged the wound quickly. 

The woman stood when Petra was done. She rolled her shoulder, testing the bandage. 

“Danke.”

The woman turned, picking up Petra’s discarded gun, tucking it into a loop on her belt before pulling a radio off her belt. And tossing it to Petra. 

“Call your team for exfil,” the woman said. “Tell zem you are lucky to be aliffe..”

Petra stared at the woman for a moment before looking at the radio. “Why's that?”

“If I didn’t need ein medic, I vould haffe chust killed you,” the woman said. She turned, starting away from Petra. “Kood luck medic.”

Then Petra was alone. She turned the radio on, relieved as it crackled to life. “Mama to Overwatch,” she said. She looked in the direction the woman left. “I need exfil.. Pretty sure I just ran into Perchta..”

#call of duty #cod #cod fanfic #call of duty oc #cod oc #dazyfic #perchta #petra mayfield #petra mama mayfield #mama

[walamacada]

I just finished reading The Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky and I desperately need to vent my thoughts about it but I’m putting it all under the read more cause holy shit

Spoilers under the cut, if you wanna read the books (which I highly recommend) then maybe don’t read this lol

I’m continuously amazed by just, everything in his books? It’s all so interconnected and all so beautifully human and alien and comforting and strange all at the same time, and I was seriously thrown for a loop in children of memory and it took me awhile to appreciate it all

At first I was like none of this makes any sense and each section is filled with things contradicting even stuff in its own section, like with Miranda telling people she was from the out farms and then later her arriving on the shuttle with Holt, and for a while there I kinda got lost in the inconsistencies, but I could tell that it was all building up to something and it all felt important so I stuck with it

And the reveal with the simulation was just sgdbdgacdfavsv I can’t even begin to say how much I loved that because I mean, how beautiful is that? Something that’s so completely alien to us that we can’t even begin to understand took the time to understand holt and his crew even as they were dying. And then it took the time to plot out how their civilization might have gone and it remembered and it cherished and it feels like, in that remembering, it *loved*

And the replaying of Landfall is absolutely wild to me, cause it’s kind of horrific that it’s playing out the end of this community over and over again, especially with Liff starving and being alone in the end, but at the same time it’s like, it feels a lot like grief, if that makes sense? You love something so much even though it’s only in your life for a short time, and you love it to the point where you keep going back to it and replaying everything you know about it, and in the replaying you replay the loss but you also replay what made it all so beautiful

And the machine didn’t have anything but the brief hopes and dreams of the key crew before they crashed and it fucking *ran* with that and helped it blossom into something, however brief that was

And Miranda’s whole relationship to the town and to the people there, even before she landed (or tried to anyway) was so beautiful and caring too, and her whole conflict was absolutely amazing to read and I just !!!!!!!!

And can I just say that the whole trilogy was so interconnected and so complex within each book and I can’t even begin to comprehend the planning that must have gone into this?? Everything was important, nothing got left behind, everything was loved and there were so many connecting threads

I’m still reeling so everything is all a bit jumbled but I’m just gonna end by saying that I love Avrana Kern my beloved fucked up blorbo

#children of memory #adrian tchaikovsky #holy shit #if anyone has any book recommendations based on my love of this trilogy I’m absolutely open to suggestions #I’m gonna have to reread this trilogy someday

[button-soda]

Cherry’sTale is like a diverted timeline

Y’know, different fallen human and all that jazz

Cherry herself is fully aware of everything she does, she knows the consequences of all her actions and doesn’t care too much

Camilia is the first fallen child, didn’t eat buttercups, ate daffodils

Tori (just tori) is y’know, toriel but she’s more aware of the fact that not everything can be solved with mercy and talking, she does teach cherry how to defend herself and all that. She DOES still try to stop her from leaving the ruins though.

Azazal aka sans is basically the same but taller, horns and all that, he, cherry, daisy (flowey), and Liff know about the resets and all that. He’s stronger than sans due to the fact that he actually does have heath, not by that much though, so he still dodges. Still the royal judge. With my other oc Pebble, who is not a sans but a regular skeleton oc

Liff is actually a lot smarter than people give him credit for, he’s aware of what’s going on in the timelines and is pretty strong and is in the guard.

Emery is y’know, head of the guard. She recognized Liffs potential, helped and eventually let him in. She can be chill but she’s extremely excitable

Allie (Alphys) is the royal scientist, she has less anxiety but it’s still very evident due to her stutter, but unlike in undertale she actually had the confidence to ask out Emery (THEYRE ALWAYS CANON)

Asgore (alternate name coming eventually when I think of it) is still king, still a push over and over all basically the same except he will have design changes (he was too lovely to change tbh)

Aracni (Muffet) actually does run her own little bakery in snowdin, she’s married to Solace (grillby, because fuck you /j) and does help him run the bar on the side, she can be seen with him most days or in her bakery (you still have to fight her after Metta). Pebble works for her at the bakery

Metta and Napsty, still cousins, still slaying. But napsty has a robo body (courtesy of Allie)

Tem Tem is temmie.

Daisy is flowey.

Ceciel is Gaster but he’s more visible, cherry can see him more often, mainly in waterfall.

My own au💜💜

#sans undertale #undertale #undertale au #artists on tumblr #digital art #my art #artwork #art #gaster #undyne #alphys #alphyne #asgore #toriel #frisk #chara #flowey #temmie #monster kid #muffet

[iztarshi]

Febuwhump - Immortality

Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Girl Genius

Note: Turtles as Jägers

You sit on the pavement outside the Castle. There’s an awful lot of Jägers doing the exact same thing, bodies loose and exaggeratedly casual, games of cards being played on the pavement with the usual cheerful arguing reduced to a mutter. No one becomes a Jäger without riding with them first, which means everyone here has someone they know inside. Someone who might become a brother. Or they might not. You know the odds as well as any of them and the fact that the odds can be just as bad in battle doesn’t help at all. In battle you could do something, throw your body between Mikey and the enemy even if he yelled at you afterwards.

”Raph, you can’t fight my battles for me! Just because I’m human doesn’t mean I’m useless.”

“Hy know dot, little man. Big man. But Hy em bigger und hyu is hundreds ov years younger.”

“Yeah, but I’m good at this. I’ve got the skills. I’ve got the flamethrower.” Mikey, not yet five feet, glares and you, going on for seven feet and covered in scales, cower back.

Leo laughs. “He’s got de intimidation factor too.”

Leo is lying on his back, hat over his eyes. He’d look relaxed if he wasn’t chewing his claws so hard he’s broken one. He’s not even complaining about his pretty scarlet claws being ruined and demanding glue.

You pull Leo’s claws away from his mouth and he pushes his hat back to glare. For a moment you think there’s going to be a fight. You’d almost welcome a way to release the tension except it’s the wrong moment, the wrong mood. All around you are other Jägers, also not fighting. Leo rolls onto his front instead and rests his chin on your thigh.

”Dot line needs to be higher,” Leo says.

“Shot op und stop micro-managing,” Donnie growls, painting a little higher with the ink. “Hy haff done this before.”

“Hyu vouldn’t know it,” Leo says.

“I think it looks fine,” Mikey says, smiling. The outline of a Jägersymbol is on his skin, just in ordinary ink right now but it’s ready to be tattooed.

Donnie picks up the needle and you say, “Did hyu clean it proper? Mikey iz human.”

“Hy sterilised it, yez,” Donnie says, rolling his eyes.

You watch as he pokes the needle again and again into Mikey’s skin. Mikey smiles and smiles through the process.

“Now hyu will be a brother forever,” Leo says. “Effen if hyu leave, get married, buy a house…”

That and not the pain makes Mikey scowl. “I’m not leaving.”

You fold a hand over his shoulder, careful of your claws. “But hyu’d still be our brother if hyu did. Hyu don’t need to do anyting to make dot true. Hyu ken liff hyu own life.”

“This is my own life,” Mikey says, firmly.

Donnie is scribbling something in a book. A quick peek over his shoulder reveals probability calculations, done over and over again. The answer always comes out to about one-in-ten.

You put an arm around his shoulder and pull him against your side, he leans into it with a grumble but the pencil keeps going. On the other side of you, Leo peeks up at him, before looking away again to lose himself in his own thoughts.

”He asked me!” Mikey shouts. “Master Saturnus asked me! I’m gonna be a Jäger!”

You freeze, all three of you freeze, and you should congratulate him. You understand the honour that has been done to him. You remember. Even if you had died then you would have died a Jäger, you would have died for the Master. But this is Mikey, little Mikey, who loots artworks instead of gold.

“There’s a moch higher chance hyu vill simply die,” Donnie blurts out. “Nine in ten pipple dun survive the Jägerdraught.”

“Not how I vould haff said it, but Donnie’s got a point,” Leo says. “Hy mean, congratulations and everyting, but are you really sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Mikey says. “You know how much I’ve wanted this. I’m gonna be like you guys.”

“Mikey,” you say. “Vot if hyu die?”

“I’m going to die anyway,” Mikey says. “Way before you do. Even if I live to be old you guys will still keep going after I’m gone and you’ll forget me the way you forget everyone who rides with you.”

“Not hyu,” Leo says, finding the words for all of you. “Ve could no more forget hyu than ve could a Heterodyne.”

Mikey reaches out and squeezes Leo’s arms. “You’re not going to forget me because I’m not going to die. I’m going to live forever and set the world on fire and I’m going to do it with you.”

When one of his hands lets go of Leo and reaches for you you wrap an arm around them both and pull Donnie in with the other.

The Doom Bell rings and the square goes from quiet to utter silence. Master Saturnus enters first, hair wild and stride loose with exhaustion, but still radiating energy and satisfaction.

Behind him come the survivors. Still mostly human looking, but stumbling with rearranged muscles under their skin. Grinning with still blunt teeth but grins sharp with something new.

Mikey stands among them.

You don’t know who moves first. Whether it was Leo, rolling from lying against you to standing in one swift movement. Whether it was Donnie, forgetting his notebook as he runs. Whether it was you, running, running, as the crowd around you surges forward in the same motion.

The three of you hit Mikey together and he goes down beneath you. He’s laughing, poking you between the ribs with newly-minted claws. He smells of sweat and pain and pack, the Dyne singing in his blood.

“I told you,” he says, wild and joyful. Then he laughs and says with mischief in his eyes. “Hy told hyu. Hy told hyu all.”

#crossover #rottmnt #girl genius #febuwhump

[wretchedbirdthing]

i slept well* for the first time since janurary and maybe liffe isn't so bad

*i still woke up like 6 times but i slept longer than 2 hours at a time

[pheonix199]

Children Of Memory: So Just Who Is The Final Character To Appear?

I apologize for the incredibly vague title but I don't want to spoil the final act for people. If you haven't read Children Of Memory, don't click read more.

So, Miranda extracts Liff from the simulation at the end.

Ok, which Liff.

Straight from the no-Miranda simulation? That girl doesn't remember Miranda, isn't the girl Miranda got attached to, not really, and is going to be completely terrified.

Break into a new loop to slowly introduce her to the situation? I guess it could work but it's still not the girl Miranda started momming.

Break into the simulation, extract all the data to revive Book!Liff? The one who was becoming increasingly aware of how broken the simulation was? Well, it certainly achieves Miranda's real goal of getting her friend back, but I'm not sure it achieves her stated goal / justification of getting someone who can speak for all the other simulated colonists as to whether they'd like to be de-virtualized. Especially if the memories from the iteration where the Liff born at the very beginning of the simulated history are included.

We know MIranda failed a lot, we know she and de-sim'd Liff are close, we know that Miranda has cryptobiote data on desim'd Liff.

Damnit Tchaikovsky, there's a novella easy about what happened between 12.8 and 12.9!

I suppose, if Tchaikovsky comes back to the series and we're quite lucky Liff will be involved in book 4. Helena Holsten Lain from Children Of Time epilogue was a Children Of Ruin lead, after all.

Edit: Lol I am error there's a blink and you'll miss it clarification that Liff remembers everything.

#children of time #children of memory #adrian tchaikovsky #liff

[honkifyourelonely]

i was gonna post like im so sorry Spencer liff ill kill him for you but DWSA wasn’t even Nominayed for choreo i forgot and then i relearn things and i…

anyways remember the national tour is still around the corner…. Any day now :-D

#you’ll never guess what im watching. again #spencer liff we’ll get u that Tony someday i swear #original

[frostedjosieos]

6 front-and-back pages of notes about Deaf West Spring Awakening:

Putting their clothes on onstage before “curtain” and walking onstage while the house fills

Wendla passing the guitar through the mirror frame to her Voice

Frau Bergman washing her hands in the background

Everyone signing “heaven”

Wendla & Voice signing “fairy queen” together

Acknowledging that Wendla would be able to see her mother sign in the mirror, even though the frame is actually empty—exceptional timing by Sandy

Her Voice is comforting Wendla and telling her to confront her mother about the stork

“I’m ashamed to even ask, but then who can I ask, but you?”

Frau Bergman bangs the chair on the floor to stop Wendla

Ensemble work—everyone onstage in the first scene listening to Frau Bergman “explain” how children are made

Demonstrating how emphasis is utilized in ASL as well as speech “whole heart” vagina sign

Many of the Voices are also the band

Make harmonies in Mama Who Bore Me reprise

In school, they aren’t supposed to sign—teacher doesn’t use any sign, closed captions on the chalkboard

When Ernst signs along with his recitation, the teacher shouts at him and forces him to use speech only—Josh Castille’s own voice

As Daniel Durant is fully Dead, Moritz only signs his line, and the teacher forces him to speak - Daniel Durant’s voice is clearly not as developed as the hearing character’s, or even Josh Castille’s who’s hard of hearing

The teacher makes fun of Moritz’s speech and sign, and Melchior stands up for him, signing originally, but dropping his hands when directly threatened with a yard stick, but begins signing again when the teacher turns his back

When Melchior finishes singing All Will Know and the recitation picks up, only the boys played played by hearing actors are actually speaking, and the boys played by Dead/HoH actors continue writing

All of Moritz’s lines in the scene are signed (and CC-ed) only—we don’t hear his Voice character until he starts singing Bitch of Living

Bitch of Living has the last residual mic prop - first time you hear Moritz’s Voice, it’s mic-ed

Voices of Moritz and Otto share the mic stand

Bitch of Living is a supreme example of how Spencer Liff utilized the sign in his choreography

Ali Stroker as Marianna Wheelin’

Austin McKenzie’s rock god moment in Bitch—walking over the chairs, head pumping

Andy signing the backup while all the others hold the table steady

Hanschen saying “maybe do a little Achilles and Patroclus” after Ernst turned his back and can’t see him

Alex still using the mic in the scene after

Headmaster is played by the Deaf actor—love a little irony

Krysta is often still onstage in a different costume then her Ilse one—during My Junk, even though she was entirely separate from the girls onstage, she signed and sang with them

The women’s ensemble slowly join Hanschen’s scene in My Junk,

On the final interruption of the scenes in My Junk, the girls “helping” Hanschen cover their eyes

Andy twirling Ali around him opposite Daniel David Stewart on a random bicycle

Tipping Andy’s chair back on “it’s like we stop time”

Melchior stops Moritz’s hands when Frau Gabor enters the scene

Moritz feels so comfortable talking to Frau Gabor because she accepts his sign

Moritz’s Voice following after Frau Gabor

When Daniel puts the cigarette in Alex’s mouth

The choreo during Touch Me—chalk circles that they couldn’t do on Late, Late—they draw these chalk circles then smudge all the edges

The ensemble do this dance with papers, then right before the climax they rip up the papers and throw them as confetti in the boat formation

The dolphin wave feat. Ali’s hair flip

How Melchior and Moritz sign the “consume my wine” part together

Just everything the ensemble are doing during Touch Me

THE TREE

Awkward silence built by Wendla walking around looking at the tree so she can’t see Melchior trying to sign to her

Wendla sometimes turning to her Voice, probably for ques, but also to help figure out how to interact with Melchi

The “tree” reaching out to touch Melchior, then beckoning Wendla

Just how the tree moves behind them, and them signing together in Word of Your Body

Alex has the mic again in the scene after Word of Your Body—like he needs a microphone in order to be heard at school

Patrick Page voices Herr Knochenbruch while sweeping the papers up from Touch Me like a LEGEND

Marta’s Voice is rarely with her—her household is even stricter

Krysta walks through the scene when they mention Ilse, even though she isn’t wearing the Ilse costume

TRESHELLE EDMUND MOST UNDERRATED ACTRESS

Wendla reaching out to Marta before exiting

Marta and Ilse bed switch and all the bedography

The boys guide and circle the bed, then step away and the girls join and the boys look on

Patrick Page steps through and stands at the front of the boys at the last line and watches—inferred Marta’s father—the girls turn and look at them

MAAAATE the scene after Dark I Know Well where everyone is playing around Moritz who’s blindfolded (bland and Deaf) until he’s called but he doesn’t know he’s been called and just feels everyone stop playing with him until Marta helps him

When Moritz goes up to the headmaster’s office, he passes his Voice by

“a unified…” the sign army with the lighting

Into the circle around Wendla and Melchior

Wendla’s voice hands her the switch

Austin hands the switch off to Ali and exits the circles

“My entire life I’ve never felt” “What?!” and everyone signs “anything”

The circle all face inwards until Wendla says “please, Melchior” then everyone turns to look at him and Ali holds up the switch

The circle all slap the stage as the sound of the switch

After Melchior first hits her and she insists he do it higher on her legs and hikes up her dress, Melchior tips Wendla’s head to look at him and signs something (the boot didn’t zoom out for the CC)

“You bitch! I’ll beat the hell out of you” then realizes and drops the switch, Sandy cries with her own voice

The ensemble all get up, gather, and stare at Wendla—just Otto signs/sings

Wendla walks towards her Voice, but turns her shoulder at the last second

NOW FOR SOME DEEP SHIT—Moritz’s father is played by a Deaf actor, so all their scenes are silent/sign-only , making how he can’t sign at school so much more heartbreaking, and how his parents are STILL so mad at him for failing

When Russell screams “WHY?!” in his face

After Moritz’s father signs “thank god my father never lived to see this day” and exits, Moritz turns and sees the CC of what his father just said

The male ensemble taking the papers of Fanny Gabor’s letter to Moritz

The boys putting Moritz’s clothes in his trunk while singing And Then There Were None

Just faster rhythms, more urgency, and more harmonies all around

The girls all come to watch at the end of And Then There We’re None, the boys end signing guns towards Moritz, and his Voice offers him the pistol, but THE SPOT GOES OUT right before he grabs it and Mirror Blue Night starts

THE LIGHT FINGERTIP GLOVES

Besides the genius light gloves, Spencer Liff and the people who helped develop the ASL manipulated the sign just so where the sign is also dance and interacts and utilizes the lights on their fingertips, while STILL communicating the song visually

Just a gentle reminder that Michael Arden’s sign name is “genius”

WHEN WENDLA TURNS TO HER VOICE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHY SHE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO DO THIS IF SHE LIKES IT SO MUCH BUT HER VOICE TURNS AWAY

Ok so you can’t even see it in the boot but Josh and Alex walk through the mezz as alter boys during I Believe with smokey incense, it’s actual magic

The switch of Don’t Do Sadness/Blue Wind and The Guilty Ones

At the top of Act II, as the music plays and adult man does a speech, Wendla and Melchior walk over four chairs each, moved in front of their feet, while blindfolded, towards the center piano. Austin is hearing. Ok. SANDRA MAE FRANK IS DEAF. SHE DID THIS EIGHT TIMES A WEEK, WHAT?!?! Also they do it in sync and reach the piano at the same time, undress each other to resume the positions they finished in Act I in

Just everything about the ensemble in this scene and song is just *chef’s kiss* the chair-ography

The adult ensemble walking through the scene

Don’t Do Sadness interrupts the end of Guilty Ones

Alex has the mic for Don’t Do Sadness

The ensemble knock all the chairs over on the first bass drop, then stand on the few still upright to create a forest in which Moritz finds Ilse

Ilse interupts Moritz’s Voice handing him the gun

Ilse sometimes signing after she says a line

Side note but Krysta was FIGHTING BREAST CANCER WHILE IN THIS SHOW

Did someone say tree-ography? Yes, the trees sign the second chorus of Blue Wind

When Don’t Do Sadness starts up again, the boys all walk towards Moritz and watch him, until Blue Wind starts over it, then they all turn and walk away

Moritz doesn’t even look at Ilse when she signs her last line “when you finally wake up, I’ll be lying some trash heap”

Daniel Durant runs around the forest screaming with his own voice

Are you ready for heartbreak? “I’m ready now. I’ll be an angel.” Moritz pushes the mic down from his voice, and holds out his hand for the gun. THEN ALEX LEAVES. Daniel signs his last lines in silence.

This production is so fucking brilliant and I’m gonna cry

Moritz smooths his clothes, runs his fingers through his hair, and puts the pistol under his chin. He takes a deep breath, and when he releases, a white flood light fills the stage and blinds the audience as the opening chords of Left Behind play. All the girls standing as trees on chairs are looking at Moritz as he looks around. Ilse runs on, and upon seeing Moritz, breaks down in tears at his feet. The tree girls turn to look at Melchior as he begins to sing.

All the girls putting flowers on Moritz’s coffin, the boys picking it up and lowering it into a trapdoor onstage; all dropping the ropes on “fool”

Melchior standing right behind Melchior’s father to sign the last part, while Ilse walks by behind him

Not the essay being 10 feet long

Just how Austin McKenzie does Totally Fucked like he knows this is what the audience has been waiting for all night

The cast popping out of the trap door

Yeah but Andy Mientus hanging out of the second story door signing a line of Totally Fucked is the hottest thing you’ll ever see

The reappearance of the mic, this time held by the stand in front of Melchi while girls swoon in the pit cause this is a real rock concert

Josh holding the caption cards even though Austin is singing and signing

All of the kids and Voices standing together and signing the chorus

Ali tipping her chair and Sandy pulling her back up

During the second “bah blah” section, all the hearing actors put their hands in front of their mouths, and the Deaf actors hold their hands together like their cuffed. Then the madness during the second round where everyone goes crazy signing, and moving and mooning the audience if you’re Andy Mientus or holding up your A Chorus Line headshot if you’re Alex Wyse.

Just the way the vineyard scene happens on the piano

It’s Joshua Castille and Daniel David Stewart being the most precious duo

HANS SHUSHES ERNST’S VOICE WHEN HE SNICKERS

Ernst’s hand slips off the piano and his Voice hits the keys OK GENIUS DIRECTION

Ok but not DDS starting to play the song while still saying Ernst’s lines

Deaf West still got vocal direction; Andy sings Word of Your Body COMPLETELY differently than Austin did

Hanschen leaning back on the piano like a little bitchass—also the way Andy glides across the piano top

The way Hanschen stops Ernst from signing “bruise”

The way Patrick Page speaks as the doctor—louder when speaking to Wendla, and he always taps her when he is about to say something—more accepting than the school, but still ignorant

Sandy says “you said you told me everything” in her own voice

Playing Harr Gabor is the only time Patrick Page signs

Frau Gabor is a forward thinking badass

Her Voice doesn’t look at Wendla during Whispering singing out to the audience till “so let that be my story”

Even the boys at the reformatory sign

WE LOVE A PIANO SET PIECE YAS WE LOVE TO SEE IT

Wendla is separated from her Voice for the abortion, and you can hear Sandy screaming offstage

All the ensemble come running onstage and stop and stare at Frau Bergman in distress. Ilse steps up into her face just as she notices them there

While Ilse reads Melchior’s letter to her out, Thea reads it over her shoulder and signs it out

Almost the whole cast is sitting in chairs as tombstones

Moritz’s tombstone is a trunk set over a trap door

When reading Wendla’s tomb, he start finger spelling, and stops when he realizes who it is, then does Wendla’s name sign silently

Moritz comes out of the trunk that was his grave

Wendla was sitting as one of the tombstones, and stands on her chair to sign her verse

As ghosts, the voices are less prevalent onstage

THE MOST HAUNTING BONGOS EVER

The Not Gone formation *weeps*

The cast renter sans shoes and jackets—they remove their clothes during Purple Summer as they put them on at the top of the show

For Purple Summer, the voices don’t necessarily sing for the same people they voiced

“The fences sway….the porches swing…THUNDER” harmonies

The voices in the band exit into paradise first, stop playing and leave, then slowly all the cast leave through the door (Andy picks up Ali out of her chair and carries her through) and Austin stays longer, stopping and signing the last “of purple summer” silently and as slow as can be in silhouette in the doorway. The adult ensemble all slowly walk over and watch them all leave.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I created this blog on August 11, 2020. At that time, I had barely started my journey into British comedy. I mean, some stuff I’d known for most of my life. My dad showed me the Monty Python movies + Flying Circus when I was much too young to understand them, but just barely old enough to find anything at all funny in them, enough to insist on watching them over and over, until I got old enough to get more out of it. I think I may have actually been too young to understand quite a bit of the English language when he first showed me Mr. Bean, but I could still understand some of the slapstick stuff. I was slightly older, but still quite young (maybe 8 or 9) when he got me into the shows of which my parents had every episode on DVD, and I’d watch them over and over and over for years: Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Ripping Yarns, Yes Minister/Yes Prime Minister.

My dad showed me The Thick of It not long after it first started airing, when I was around 15 years old. I quickly became hooked. A while later, he took me to see In the Loop in our local independent theatre, just after it was first released. My Armando Iannucci obsession grew from there.

My dad had all of The Goon Show on cassette tapes, and he used to play that on road trips when I was a kid. He also had a CD of The Complete Beyond the Fringe, as well as Alan Bennett monologues, all of which I used to love. He had Billy Connolly CDs that I didn’t understand, and VHS tapes of The Secret Policeman’s Ball that I basically memorized.

And of course there was Douglas Adams. When I was about 10-12 years old, my dad read me all his books. I could have read them by myself, but I enjoyed the shared experience, so we sat in the living room while he read them out loud. All five Hitchhiker’s Guide books, both Dirk Gently books, Last Chance to See, and The Salman of Doubt. The Meaning of Liff books I read on my own.

And Radio 4, I can’t forget about Radio 4. He got me into The News Quiz and The Now Show in about 2009, and I’ve been listening to those ever since. And there was frequently some Radio 4 comedy or other playing in his car when I was a teenager.

The point is that Britcom wasn’t completely new to me in 2020. My dad had raised me on it. I didn’t understand everything about it from a younger age, but I at least knew how some of it worked. In early March 2020, I happened across s01e01 of Taskmaster on YouTube, and said, “Oh look, British comedy, like that other stuff I like. I wonder what this is?” Then Romesh Ranganathan threw the watermelon the floor, and it was the funniest fucking thing I’d ever seen in my life. By complete coincidence, about a week later, the world happened to end. Leaving me with enough time to watch every episode of Taskmaster, but that wasn’t enough, I loved it so much that I wanted more time with those people. So I Googled them, and found that a lot of my favourite Taskmaster people could be found on other panel shows regularly. But many of these were long-running panel shows, with more than 100 episodes, and obviously I didn’t have time to watch all that. But then I remembered that the world had just ended, and I could watch whatever the hell I liked.

So I watched every episode of Taskmaster, and then every single episode of WILTY and 8 Out of 10 Cats and Catsdown. And then I watched every episode of Mock the Week and Big Fat Quizzes, and I created this blog in the middle of that.

I made a list of panel shows + sitcoms I wanted to watch. It took me a couple of years to work through that list. It added QI + Amstell-and-later-era Buzzcocks to my long-running panel shows, as well as a lot of other sitcoms and sketch shows and shorter panel shows and other TV shows (Russell Howard’s Good News/Russell Howard Hour, Mash Report, New World Order) and books and radio shows and collections of stand-up sets. I went through that entire list, while posting on this blog about my progress.

It was about a year ago that I finished all the stuff on that list, and then got into The Bugle. I went from there into being more interested in stand-up than in panel shows or sitcoms, and that’s pretty well led to where I am now. I first bought a Bandcamp recording by a man named Daniel Kitson in June 2022, and I have not known peace since. That led directly to August 2022, when I came across that video of those people taking apart a cow on stage, and I have definitely not known peace since I found that.

Part of my original Britcom list involved all 126 hours of the 2006-2008 episodes of the Russell Howard and Jon Richardson BBC 6 Music radio show. Russell left the show in 2008 because he basically got too famous to keep it up, and Jon kept running episodes, co-hosted with Matt Forde and various other guests, for the next few years. I’ve listened to every episode of those Jon and Russell years, but none from later. I actually have all the post-Russell era of that radio show downloaded to my hard drive, but I have not listened to them. It’s too depressing.

That’s the actual point of this post. All that other stuff is just background to the actual point. The background establishes my credentials, that I know British comedy. You know that stereotype that all autistic people are eight-year-old white boys who are obsessed with trains? Well I am an eight-year-old white boy, and these are my trains.

So I can say with certainty that I have checked, I’ve checked thoroughly and carefully, I’ve checked all of the comedy in Britain. And I can confirm that the saddest thing that’s ever happened in all of British comedy is the single fact I know about the Jon Richardson era of that radio show (which I know because someone on this website told me, I still haven’t listened to the episodes), which is that the first song he chose to play in the first episode he ever hosted post-Russell Howard was I Can Do It Without You by Kaiser Chiefs.

I wrote this entire post because that song just came up in my YouTube recommendations, and then I remembered that fact, and I would like to explain how qualified I am to say that that is the most depressing thing that has ever happened in British comedy. I mean, I realize we have a more recent thing that’s obviously objectively sadder and also indirectly involved Jon Richardson:

And, you know, Rik Mayall was cool. The last episode in season 4 of Blackadder was pretty rough. But nope, sorry, the saddest thing to ever happen in British comedy is Swindon-era Jon Richardson ending Russell Howard’s last radio episode by saying good luck but it’s fine and he doesn’t even need him, and then playing a Kaiser Chiefs song on the next episode. Whatever bad directions Russell Howard’s gone since, and whatever comparatively less bad but maybe not ideal directions Jon Richardson’s gone since, they will always have the time 126 hours of buildup led to the playing of a Kaiser Chiefs song somehow being one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard of.

(I’m like… sort of joking. I mean I’m joking about it being literally worse than Sean Lock dying. But it’s genuinely pretty fucking depressing. Fucking hell.)

[linksthoughtbrambles]

The one that blew by.

Part 15 of Adventure Log+ (sequel to Link's Thought Brambles - much better to read in order). Warning for strong language and violence.

@newtsnaturethings beta-read this chapter! Thank you very, very much, Newt!

“It’s fire- I’m sure of it!”

“Indeed, Sir Margil, though it did not appear so earlier.”

“So much-“  “To see it this far out!”  “Goddess.”

Goddess is right.

Can’t say that.  “It’s Serenne.” 

“That- could be the whole town.”

“Beraya-“

“We won’t know until we’re a lot closer-” to her family- “but the fire’s…” massive- “in that direction.”

“Link is quite correct.”

I’m ‘Link’ again.  “Erl- or whoever he actually was- could’ve been telling the truth about fire spreading on the plain.”

“If he was, we shall likely be forced to retreat.  The season hasn’t been particularly dry, but these past few weeks have seen little rain in this area.”

.

That silence.

They’re scared.

They’re knights and warriors, but you can’t battle fire with blades.

Well.  Not effectively.

Daile’s as stony as he’s been this whole time- except at that first house.  Beraya’s smile still missing.  Margil’s wide-eye.  I don’t know Varino well at all.  That could just be his face.  Or he might already have a brick in his armor.  The others-

The others.

Thanks to those Sheikah half-masks, those two are a total mystery, but the Hylians are tired for sure.  Bad time to be tired.  Maybe the scared is good.  Alert and tired is better than asleep and dead.

No, no, you can’t be asleep if you’re dead.

.

I’m tired, too.   “Ahem.  Keep a sharp lookout, everyone.  Eyes all about.  You see open flame, you shout it out immediately.”

“Yes, sir.”  “As you say, Master Link!” “Yes, sir!” “Uh-” “Sir!” “Yessir.” “Yes, Master Link.”  “Yes, sir Link.” “Yes, general!”

Huh?

“Liff, what the #$(%?”

Yeah, what the #$(%, Liff?

“What?!”

“You’re a nitwit, that’s what!”

“But he IS one!”

“Don’t make it weird-“

“You’re the one making it weird!”

“Shh!”

Wow.

“Hmm.  Hm hmm.”

At least Zelda can still find things funny.  “Sir’s enough, thanks.”  Stop it, Link, stop grimacing.

“Kmph- eh- khh.”

“Z- Princess?”

“Khh.”

“Are you alright?  Do you smell smoke?” I don’t yet, but I expect to soon-

“Khh- ah- km.  Gm.  I am- well, thank you Link.  I do not smell smoke—yet.”

“Do you need water?”

“I have plenty, thank you.”

----

“It is-“ “Holy…” “It really IS.”  “Serenne…”  “Are you fricking seeing this?” “Hylia-“ “-to the lab-“

“Preserve us-“ “No way, couldn’t be.” “Hell.”  “Beraya?” “P-Princess-“

“Lift us from these sands…” “I’m fine.”  “Princess, we ought to turn back.”

“Beraya, your family-“ “Why is there so little smoke?”  “No.  Not unless we’re forced to.”

“I know.”  “But- your safety, Princess!”

“But what if-“ “You heard her- she said no.”

“No point guessing- we’ll find out.”  “Master Link, SURELY you must see-“

“Princess Zelda isn’t mine to command, and she’s not yours either.” She’s hers.  “…We’re hers.”

Right?

Right.

Dark looks.

“Sir Beraya.”

“Yes, Princess.”

“It sounds as though you’ve family here.”

“Yes, Princess.”

“Please be assured we shall not abandon them unless forced.”

“Sir Margil’s father lives just northwest-“

“Bera- ugh!”

“-of the town proper, as well, Princess.”

“Please, Princess, I know we cannot cater to our families.”

“I shall do everything in my power to see as many survive this as possible, Sir Margil.  That includes your father and your family, Beraya.  May I ask whom?”

.

“…My sister Miriah lives here with her dear friend Paulotta and her daughter Aeryn.”

“Where?”

“…Within the circle of trees.  Just on the edge.  South by southeast.”

Not too far off the way we’ll approach

What if the treeline’s lit?

We won’t be able to cross if it is.

We shouldn’t even consider entering if it is.  Not if we value our own lives.

Zelda’s life.

Seggin.  Seggin said Zelda and I had to survive.  Which… obviously.

He also basically said we couldn’t be coddled.

Pretty sure I don’t consider ‘not running into a blazing townfire’ to be coddling.

Pretty sure I don’t care either way.

I’m not leaving people to die in there.

.

.

Oh!

Zelda.

I have to ask.

I have to tell her, too.  Tell her I can’t.  I can’t turn away from it even if she orders me to.  Either the fire stops me or nothing does.

“Zelda.”

“Hph.  So quiet, my knight.”

Oh Goddess.  Now is NOT the time to relive the last time she called me that.  “I’m going in there unless I physically can’t.”

“As am I.”

YES! No. “You’d be safer-“

“I’d be useless.  No, Link.  No.  There is no more time to wade into shallow waters and hope in stillness.  I must move.  I must move to aid my people.”

“…I had to say it anyway.”

That smile.

“I know you did.”

So warm.

So smokey.  “I smell it, now.”

“…Yes-”

“Listen up, all!”

“-khm.”

“We’ll enter Serenne and give aid where we can!  Anyone alive, we get them out.  Monsters?  We slay them.”

“Let me make two other aspects of this clear for all of you, including Sir Link.  We are not to separate.  This group remains as one unless I say otherwise.”

Good.

“If we encounter the man we know as Erl, we attempt to capture him for questioning.”

Oh- oh woah, I don’t like that idea, we should-

.

.

Wow, Link.

Should what?  Let him go? 

.

.

I’d have no problem dragging his ass somewhere for questioning.

.

It’s because of Zelda.

I don’t want him near her.

This… is clearly my issue.  Quit being a nervous dumbass, Link.  Zelda just slaughtered dozens of monsters with you.

“Kph- khm.”

Yeah.  I smell it too for sure this time.

“Khm.”

She- water. Okay.

Flame.  “I hear it.”

Wish I knew what would happen if my pouch caught on fire.  Does everything inside it disappear forever if it burns?  Does it just reappear and dump itself all over the ground?

I have to figure this stuff out somehow.  Because clearly the war we thought was coming is already here.

.

.

We’re at war.

“RIDERS!”

?!! “Zel- where?!”

“THERE!”

Where where come on Link whereTHERE “SOUTHWEST, TEN O’CLOCK, BOKO RIDERS, NORTH OF THE HILLS- COUNT-“

“THIRTEEN MINIMUM!”

Her EYES, wow- but “PRINCESS-“

“YOU MAY SAY IT BUT I SHALL NOT AGREE!”

“-I FORMALLY REQUEST YOU TURN BACK UNTIL WE DEAL WITH THE RIDERS!”

“REQUEST DENIED!”

“ALRIGHT, THEN!  BERAYA, MARGIL, FLANK THE PRINCESS!  DAILE, VARNIRO, WITH ME ON POINT!  LIFF, COHL, BENNENT, GENENKO, FLANK US!  TERIAL, LAHS, AREE, OEREB, FLANK BERAYA AND MARGIL- PROVIDE LONG RANGE SUPPORT WITH THE PRINCESS!”

“AYE!” “YES, SIR!” “YESSIR!” “Khh.” “YES-“ “D- amn bowstring-“

“DRAW!  FLANK!  HUIRU AND REIDA, WITH US, CIRCLE WIDE!”

“BUT THE PRINCESS!”

“DO AS SIR LINK INSTRUCTS!  I AM NEITHER HELPLESS NOR UNPROTECTED!”

“Y-YES-“ “AS YOU WISH, PRINCESS!”

Glad they listened to her.  Sheikah loyalty to the royal line- I hope.  Still not leaving Zelda’s melee support in the hands of total unknowns.  Margil and Beraya’ll keep her safe.

Hope Varniro knows what the hell he’s doing up here with us.

“Reds first.”

They’re coming FAST.

“They shall end swiftly.”

Four reds?  Hard to seeWOW!

“One- khm.” “Wh?!” “AH!” “Holy HELL?!” “P- OH!” “MERCIFUL GODDESS!”

DAMN- amazing shot

“PRINcess!”  “HA! Wh?!” “COHL DID YOU SEE?!”

even for Zelda!-

“COURSE I DID, EYES FRONT!”

This is going to be so much easier-

“THEY ARE, THAT’S HOW I SAW- LOOK!”

“Two.”  “Hhh!”  “HAH!”

SO MUCH EASIER with Zelda here.

Stop grinning, Link.

“Margil-”

You probably lookWOW-

“Three.”  “MARGIL-“

Insane-

“I KNOW, BERAYA!”

Then again-

“Too far.  Blue.“

That’s a grin on Daile, too.

“Just-“  “Wow-“ “Khm.  Stubborn.  Again.”

Blue down!

“Praise the Goddess herself!” “Four.”

I’ll take it.  “SPEED, Gir-!” NOT Rionee,“GO, BOY!”

“Yes!”  “ON, GIRL!” “YES SIR!” “KYAH!” “FLAAAAANK!”  “ARCHERS AT READY!”

Good tone, carries, tell Beraya later-

“YES SIR!” “READY!”

Good horse- good boy, keep listening for me, okay?  Here they come.

Except not all of them.

“Yes-“ “Five-hhh.” “H- YES!!”  “Oh- MY-“ “Skies-”

Zelda’s crippling them.

“Not five yet.”

Just one-shotting reds on horseback and ONE

“Five.”

IN EACH EYE FOR THAT BLUE!

“SIR!”

“VARNIRO?”

“HOW?!”

NOO Link, don’t start laughing – “DON’T KNOW!” But I can’t blame him for wondering.

Five down already-

…Snag.

They’ve caught on- shields up.  Zig-zagging.  “TAKE THEIR SHIELDS!”

“YES!”  “YES SIR!” “MPH!”

“CHARGE!”  Pull ahead, ahead, pull way out!

Hope those other archers are good enough to miss US far off.

Maybe Fi.

Yes, master?

Sorry.  Was thinking to myself.

How encouraging.

“Khm- TAKE CARE, ARCHERS! FAN OUT!“

Arm straight right.  Ignore Fi’s snark.

“YES, PRINCESS!”

No snark intended, master.

“TARGET OUTLIERS ONLY!”

Uh-huh.  Concentrate.

“I SHALL TAKE CENTER!”

IT WON’T HURT YOU!  I should’ve warned Varniro.  Noted for next time.

Concentrate.  Everything into the sword.  I heard that squealARCHERS INCOMING! SHIELDS!

.

Come on, Varni- hh.  He’s slower than Daile.

“Khh.”

SHEIKAH!  GO WIDE!

They didn’t say anything but they’re doing it.  Maybe they’ll get to those far-off archers quick.  Unless Zelda snags them fir-

“Si-x… no.”

One de-horsed and concentrate here they ARE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! DE-HORSED HE’S OFF HE’S ZELDA’S OR-

-what color was that?!  Yellow?!  New!

Daile saw it, he saw too, that was a nasty NASTY- looking club-

“PRINCESS!”

Don’t turn-

“I HAVE IT!”

-let the archers finish it off, you’ll screw it up otherwise-

“Wh?!  Khh-hh.”

-and FIRE-ARROWS, BREAK!

“TERIAL, LAHS, SUPPORT!”

Wooden shields bad some of the others DAILE YES RIDER DOWN

“STILL STANDING?!”  “VEER OFF, PRINCESS!”

this one right in front, huge bone club

“I SHAN’T- ANOTHER VOLLEY!”

AGAIN Link, arm straight out, the energy, concentrate, yes it telegraphs but the reach-

It sees it sees it’s charging EARLYNOCHOICE AAAAH- HPH-HH! Dammit still horsed, behind me- Beraya-!

NO!

TURN AROUND TURN AROUND LINK HYAH!  HYAH!  SORRY BOY APPLES LATER HOW’S THE YELLOW NOT DOWN HOW IS IT NOT DOWN HOW HOW

DAILE GET THE OTHER, DE-HORSE, DE-HORFFFCK-

Good horse, holy s$#&, good boy, you’re damn nimble and so am I so I STILL HAVE A HEAD and WE FLY TO THAT YELLOW HEY!  HEY!  HEY YOU YOU YOU Y“OU!  HEY!” THAT’S RIGHT LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME IT HAS TO HAVE TWELVE ARROWS IN ITS CHEST BEHEAD IT BEHEAD IT- “RRR-KH!” CLUBCOMINGFACE!

“HH!” “LINK!”

That was f-ing close how is it so strong?!  It’s keyed onto me good good let’s go, around for another pass and NOTTHEHORSE“PSH!” It’s too smart too smart it’ll take the horse’s legs out if I get close again-

Can’t get close…

…on the horse.

Turn turn TURN TURN TOWARD THEN YOU CAN GO WHEREVER YOU WANT, HORSE, NOW“HAAAH!”ITSEES ITSEESITCOMING IT’LLHITME WE’LLBOTHHIT “AHH-KHHKT!”

“QQQKKUOUYYYEH!”

Shield-

MY SHIELD cracked-

In one hit?!

It’s way too strong it shouldn’t beCLUBSHEILD “AH-K-H-HH!”

“LINK- AH!”

Another arrow sunk

“QQKUIUY-YH!”

and SHUT UP the damn thing’s still raging, take it out, Link, PUT. IT. DOWN. SLASH SLASHWOAH MISSED ME STRIKESTRIKESTRIKESTRIKESTRIKESTRIKE-

“RUIO DID YOU SEE THAT?!”

STRIKE GO DOWN- GO ON-

“QQKUIU!!!  KHHH!!”

“KEEP YELLING!” AND NOT LOOKING AT THE ARCHERS NOW CIRCLING YOUNO NO NO NO NO “HEY! HEY!  HERE I AM NO- NO!” RUN RUN RUN RUN IT’S FAST, FAST TOO- NO! “THE HORSES, BREAK OFF!  BREAK OFF!”

 “THIS WAY!  HEY!!” Margil and Beraya “YEAH, ME, ME, NOT THEM!” still with Zelda “WHERE- HEY!!” RUN LINK still flanking RUNRUN a little messy “HEY!!” she’s unpredictable, independent, trying to stay near me isn’t sheSLASH!

ThatgotitsattentionBACKFLIP you’reinitnowyoujerkSLASHSWIPESLASHKNOCKKNOCKTHATSHIELD

“KWHHHHEHHH!”

YES! SWIPE MIDSECTION RIGHT ACROSSWHAAAAAT? ARE YOU F*&$ING KIDDING?!  “GO DOWN!”

“QKWKOIHHHWWW-”

ANOTHER arrow, thank-you Zelda-

“-HHHHKKEHHH!”

RIGHTBACKATYOU SWIPE SLASH cluUUB! “Rr- rrh-!” How is it this strong, it’s difficult, difficult to keep its club away from my face and it shouldn’t be like that, this one is so different, even the silvers aren’t like this FOOT“AHH-HH!” UPUPLINK DON’T STAY BOWLED OVER ROLLROLL

My goddess its club in the dirt my head was just there”RRR-!”ITSNECK

.

No more head.

.

And there it goes.

Down.

Aware, Link, aware-

Horse?

Far.  Run, Link.  Does he know whistling?  Try.

Zelda, archers, they’ll get the shieldless ones-

Daile still horsed, he’s got one but he’s far- Varniro?   On foot?  The two Sheikah- approaching Zelda-

Some of ours definitely dehorsed.

Hyup, boy!  Well-trained.  Still must be weird, a complete stranger and then all this-

Zelda- okay-

Regroup- toward others, like she is, help mop up-

“FLANK!  TAKE ANY SHOT YOU HAVE!”

“YES, PRINCESS!” “EH!” “HYU!”

“Sirs, I am WELL, TRULY, go to the others’ aid!”

“But-“ “Princess!“

“HEED ME!”

Can’t hear-

“OBEY THE PRINCESS!”

Breaking off- they’re unpredictable, too.

Zelda?

New line- circling wide.

Trust her.  Hyah!  Finish the bokos off.

Daile’s- about to go down- or is it?  Mine wouldn’t drop.

Hup! Toward Daile, boy, fast!

He sees me, pretending not to, the pounding’ll give it away though, it will- yes it’s turning, nasty spear, bone again, out-reaches me by far, but Daile is smarter.

Ride ride ride, boy, fast, that’s right look at me look at me not Daile TURN BOY NOW TURN-

Squelching.  Daile-?

Yes.  Sword through its head.  Dropping.

Everyone else?

.

Wow.

Still.

“TO ME!”

To her.  Daile- you’re real good.

.

No, I mean it.

“You good, Beraya?”

Because you’re still alive.  Did you get hit?

“Yes! You?”

Good.  Think your shield is still here?

“Just a scratch- some dinged plate.”

Yeah, maybe.

“Keep it that way, Margil.”

Keep scanning, Link, in case something decides to pop out from the grass and screw with Daile.  Hope he sees the shield.

.

He does.

Okay- let’s go.  Back together, take stock.

“Not quick enough- TO ME!”

Sorry, sorry- yes- YES PRINCESS!!

Speed speed speed sorry Daile

“More- do you see them?!”

hurry Link

“Indeed, Margil.”  “ARCHERS!  FIRE AT WILL!”

“The Sheikah!”

What the f&#$ are they doing?!

“Hold- HOLD!”

BREAK OFF!  REIDA, HUIRU!

“Princess!”  “They’ll reach us!”  “SHEIKAH, BREAK!  BREAK!  KHh.”

FOR F#$&’S SAKE!

“Hylia’s light!”  “I- khh- SHALL FIRE!”

GET OUT OF THE WAY!

“PRINCESS, RETREAT!”

“Hh!”

ONE ARROW NOT ENOUGH NOT ENOUGH, SHEIKAH- BREAKING!

“ARCHERS FIRE!”

Hit hit hit HIT HIT HIT S#$&

“RETREAT, PRINCESS!”

F$&#ING SILVERS

“INDEED NOT!”

She’s right no time she’d be prone prone open back vulnerable more arrows ONE DOWN not enough- move move MOVE

SHE’S NOT A RIDER LINK SHE’S NOT LIKE YOU SHE DOESN’T-

ZELDA CHARGE!  CHARGE!  CHARGE-

“BERAYA, GO!!”

MARGIL!

“HAHHHHH!!”

GOOD MAN

“Hh!”

GOOD BERAYA TOO

“Oh- oh!”

She’s drawing, S$#%, she’s right but I didn’t, didn’t at all want her in close combat again and definitely not like this, horsed, so different, no training no training NONE the bow the bow the bow?!

NO, LOST, GRASS?  NOISE LINK GET THEIR ATTENTION AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  HAAAAAAAAAH!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH SWORD SWORD, THE SKY THE SKY HELP THE SKYWARD STRIKE THE SKYWARD- THE LIGHT- “HAH!” AWAY!

“QUEHWWHWY!”

DON’T CUT THEM OFF BERAYA AND MARGIL BEHIND BEHIND THEM-

“RAA- AAAGH!”  “YAAA- KTCH!”

SWITCH HANDS SWITCH LEFT SLICE “AhAAH- HH!”

“LINK!”

STAY UP STAY UP BOY GOOD G-OHFU- “aAAAHPFFCKthph-“

“KWEHYYYEH-HHH!”

GETOFF”GGGH-HH!”MYBACK-

“AH-HH!”

Wh?  “ZELDA!”  Goddess, they’ll bowl her over “TURN!  TURN BACK-” No time it’s standing again “N-NoAAH!” I’ve got you, got you by the ankles you piece of-

NO YOU DON’T

“Tass! Easy-“

Tass hit holditBACK!

“Easy- Mm- MM-HH-“

HoldonZeldaPUNCH

“Easy, Tass-”

PUNCHPUNCH

“That’s it- go!”

where- sword?!-

“KHWEHYEYWEHH!”

PUNCH “SHUT IT!” THEREITIS! Zeldariding outofrange GET IT-

YES!

“QUIEHHHEHH!”

ABOVE- “H-UGH-“ skewered  “KH-“ itsarms ITSARMS “ggh-GHH-“ CAN’T “WH?!” blood- limp- arrow!  Zelda?  Next one move on move on move on move on she circled back still moving yes keep moving Zelda keep moving Beraya Margil good good lots of arrows- our archers- ours-

The Sheikah?  Circled behind?  Behind enemy- fine out of the way fine they’ll take a few out-

The one- the one that blew by me- where is it?

Where’s its horse?

Mine-

No- not now.

She’s firing again.

Not near our people.  Too risky.

My turn.

You’re fast Link, you’re fast, you can do this, they’re all engaged all the bokos but the one that passed you, could be behind Zelda check check- nothing- keep going she’s looking too, she’s smart, she’s smart she knows, she knows too, one’s missing some of ours, some of ours missing too

Daile dear Goddess did he make it?  Can’t know can’t he was on foot slow can’t tell

Near- that’s not Margil it’s Genenko needs support, arm limp sword to the sky Link-

Hylia preserve us- lift us from these sands- NOW!

It’s down it’s down Genenko sword through its throat who else who else-

The boko’s horse- mine.

Woah- woah, woahWOAH girl, woah!  I know, I S$@% holy F%*$- SWING-

Blood-

Dammit Link watch the f-ing grass for ankle-stabbing bokos, it’s dead it’s dead now, ignore the ankle, it’s working, it’s fine for now-

No horse it bolted oh well GO legs S$*% that hurts not worse though not worse than the melee nowhere near actually but that silver’s near and he is NOT getting the jump on whoever that is who JUST FELL OFF THEIR HORSE NO NO NO JUMP LINK LEAP AAAAAAAAAH-

.

It’s dead.

.

Aree-?

.

Good- good, up, go!

.

More?

Zelda-?

G- ood.

Every direction, Link.

Eyes eyes eyes all around count count- none?  “EYES!  COUNT!”

“NONE!”  “NONE, SIR!” “NOTHING!” “NONE, LINK!”

“EYES EAST BY NORTHEAST!”

.

“NONE, SIR!” “NOOONE!”

Fled.

Must have.

Zelda- Z”ELDA!”

“LINK- kmp!”

“ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

“I AM!”

“REPORT!  ALL, REPORT!”

“AREE, WELL!”  “MARGIL, SiR!” “BERAYA, SIR!”  “GENENKO, BAD SHEILD ARM!”  “COHL SIRRR!”  “LIFF!  WELL!”

.

Please be more “REPOOORT!”

.

“REPOOORT!”

“VARNIROOO!  I’M HEEEERE!”

Wow, couldn’t even see him in the dark and the grass.

…Daile?

.

Daile, man, come-

“DAILE!  WELL!”

YES!

“LAAAHHHS!  HURT!  LEG!”

On foot, difficult- did my horse make it?  “AREE HELP HIM OUT!”

“YESSIR!”

Oereb.  Bennent.  “REPORT!”

.

S*&$ “BENNENT!  OEREB!  REPORT!”

“SIR BENNENT!  SIR OEREB!  REPORT AT ONCE!”

Zelda…

“REPORT AT ONCE!”

It’s not a rank thing-

“REPORT, SIRS!”

Yeah, Link.  She knows that.  Look at her face.

.

Her face… “Alright.  RIDE OUT IN PAIRS!  SCOUR THE AREA!”

“AYE SIR!” “YES SIR!” “HUP-“

Pretty sure I know what they’ll find.  I should… try to find my horse.  He’s probably downed.

That- red sky.

Serenne’s next.

Whether I have a horse or not.

Serenne’s next.

Smoke.

“Khm- kh.”

----------------

Follow this link to read part 16.

Follow this link to return to the chapter list.

Follow this link for my masterlist.

#adventure log+ #adventure log+ AU #botw #botw fanfic #zelda #loz #zelink #fantasy #adventure #romance #romcom too though not so much in this chapter #sheikah slate POV #unorthodox POV #action #fanfiction

[100yearoldcomics]

May 28, 1922 The Captain and the Kids by Rudolph Dirks

TOP PANEL [ID: The Kids come across a wagon filled with candy parked at the side of the house. Hiding behind the corner with a string tied to the wagon's handle, der Captain and der Inspector stand with large clubs behind their backs. /end]

MAIN COMIC [ID: Der Captain and der Inspector walk happily out of the house, carrying golf bags and lighting cigars. Mama watches with glee as she dries off a tub of wet dishes with a washcloth. /end] Captain: Ta-ta, Mamma, ve iss off to der links, vare der grass grows green, you bet!! Mama: Golf-sticking? My, how stylish! Vell, don't let der moss grow on der feets, Captain, und keep a sharp eye on vare you knock dot ball!!

[ID: The Kids lean out of a window as der Captain and der Inspector come across a croquet course set up in the yard. /end] Captain: Vell, as I liff, Inspector, it's a life-sized vun! Inspector: ...ahem! Who'd belief it! Der chance of a life time, Captain, to test your stroke!

[ID: Der Captain puts a beach ball in the yard on a tee and readies his golf club to take a swing. Der Inspector stands beside him, giggling. The Kids watch with dismay. /end] Inspector: Haw! T'ink all vot you suffered, Cap, den knock it a mile!! Captain: You bet! Ahem, FORE!!

[ID: The Kids fume inside as they watch der Captain & der Inspector walk off into the distance. /end] Captain: ...tee-hee, I vunder if dot ball iss still in diss county? Inspector: Ha, I vunder! Fritz: Loafers! Get dot dumbell, Hans, und some vhitevash, und follow me! I know vare revench has a sveet sting! Hans: I'm following!

[ID: Hidden behind a tree at the golf course, Hans paints a beehive while Fritz uses a trowel to dig dumbbells into the ground, painted to resemble golf balls. In the background, der Captain & der Inspector walk up a hill to hole #3. /end] Hans: Get dot dumbell planted Fritz, und giff me der color scheme of dot ball again! Fritz: Stop der gas attack, smarty, und don't vake up dem hornets, diss chob iss ge-finished! Captain: Tee-hee! It does der old hide good to rub it in on dem kids vunce in so often, Inspector! Inspector: Vell, cut oudt der gabbing und help follow vare vent my ball!!

[ID: The Kids hide on the other side of the tree as der Captain and der Inspector come across their handiwork, believing it to be der Inspector's ball. /end] Captain: See? Dere iss it, grouchy, und der knext time, don't veep before der milk sours!! Inspector: Keep a eye peeled on diss shot, Cap, und if der muscles don't decief me, I make der next hole in vun!!

[ID: Der Inspector swings at the "ball" and, upon impact, his club breaks in two. Der Captain & der Inspector both react with shock. The Kids run off behind them, unseen. /end] Captain: ! Inspector: Dunder und Blitzen! Fritz: Tee hee!

[ID: Der Captain begins laughing while der Inspector looks around angrily, having pulled the dumbbell out of the ground. /end] Captain: Ha-haw! More power to der muscle, Inspector, it's a cast iron vun. Hoo-hoo, pardon der explosion, old dear! Inspector: ...☆?!! Hmm! Somet'ing tells me it's a set u. Und four dollars vos der price on dot stick!! [INFLATION GUIDE: In 2022 dollars, that broken golf club set der Inspector back $69.50. /end]

[ID: The golfers come across the Kids, standing around on the course, seemingly staring at a dead tree in the distance. Der Inspector glares at them while der Captain reaches into his golf bag with glee. He's spotted the beehive the Kids painted into the colors of the ball he clubbed into the distance, lying on the ground before him. /end] Captain: Vell, vell! If it ain't again der life-sized vun. Hold der vindt a shake, Inspector, vhile I use der mashie on diss shot! Inspector: ...hmm! Little innocents, I chust vunder... Fritz: By golly Hans, I vould svear dot ball rolled by diss vay! Hans: Uh, huh! Beehive: Buzz!

[ID: Der Captain takes careful aim as der Inspector glares at the "ball." The Kids sneak off giddily in the distance. /end] Captain: Get oudt der mileage book, Inspector, diss time you bet I giff it a fine ride, hee-hee!! Inspector: Take a long svipe und explode it, Cap. You bet me, dem kids iss vise to sumting!

[ID: Der Captain swings and the beehive explodes on the two, spraying angry bees everywhere. /end] Captain: HUH? Inspector: Vot iss!!

[ID: The Kids hide behind the front door as der Captain and Inspector arrive back home, furious and swollen with bee-stings. They hide clubs behind their backs. Mama glares at them, holding up a golf ball and a small dustpan. Behind her, the living room window is shattered, as is a china cabinet and several dishes on top of it. /end] Captain: Speak Mamma, speak, haff you seen Hans und Fritz? Mama: Bummers! Look at dot ball und tell me who done it?

#newspaper comics #vintage #history #1922 #the katzenjammer kids #the captain & the kids #harold knerr #transcript available #1920s #golf jokes

[leanstooneside]

For donkeys' ages

◊ china's largest

◊ liffe is great

◊ it is strong

◊ time are cellular

◊ sean's next

◊ k is ready

◊ prescription is needed

◊ generation's extensive

◊ confidence is back

◊ curran isn't historic

◊ correspondence is unofficial

◊ formula is effective

◊ results are great

◊ it's rapid

◊ he was still

◊ father is late

◊ we are confident

◊ it is: longer

◊ satisfied is: easy

◊ he's older

[jonkatzatbedlamfarm]

Still Life: Bottle On The Windowsill

Still Life: Bottle On The Windowsill

I’m a follower of the light, and this morning it shined beautifully on a bottle Maria put on our windowsill. She is also a creature of the light. I love this as a still liffe.

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