#stupid fucking podcast name I love it so much

[twomystdunstans]

from what I’ve observed with like one million spoiler tags blocked theres a very specific way some people draw Glenn where he just kinda looks like wolfwood from Trigun 1998. It’s kinda killing me cos it’s not far off

#LIKE… #THIS ISNT A BAD THING ITS VERY. YEAH. THATS. SAME KINDA GUY #BUT STILL MAN….. TEEHEE #I’m also noticing that my. Image of Henry in my head is very specific to like…. Seattle/Canada/PNW hippie dads and everyone else’s is like… #more. Cali hippie dad I thi;k #I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY. I’ll draw them eventually. #Dndads #IM ONLY LIKE. IVE BARELY STARTED IT PLEASE NO SPOILERS #glenn close dndads #stupid fucking podcast name I love it so much #glenn close

[casual-socks]

HI IVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPERFIXATED ON TMA FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND IVE SEEN MAYBE ONE (1) SINGULAR PERSON TALK ABOUT THIS and i am not even kidding when i say its been a passionate topic of conversation for that entire year. people know me for this. it comes up and my entire friend group SIGHS AUDIBLY because they know the 20 minute tangent i Will be taking

WHATTTTT IS GOING ON WITH GERARD KEAYS NAME. what. what???? okay i

youre telling me jonathan sims went to oxford college (relatively prestigious if my memory serves me correctly) for RESEARCH. for, to put it simply, READING. and he looks at the name gerard and goes Yeah looks like jared to me lets go with that!!! HELLO?? NO?? not even mentioning the fact that he is being what could easily be called possesed when reading these statements which leaves us with two options

1. the ENTIRETY OF ENGLAND CANNOT PRONOUNCE THE NAME GERARD.

2. jonathan sims is so monumentally stupid that he is somehow breaking this possesion for the 2 seconds it takes to say the name gerard (i love him i swear i will sound so so hateful for this entire post but its out of love)

and like??? its not even that EVERYONE is calling him jared? elias and gertrude have both called him gerard and thats just off the top of my head. i also think jon said it correctly ONEEEE SINGULAR TIME. Just the once.

now i feel it necessary to mention jared hopworth here as well. because why, why on gods green earth, would you name a character gerard. pronounce it jared. TURN AROUND AND GO. lets make another jared but this ones made out of meat and is sort of implied to not be too fond of gay people. Yeah he steals peoples bones. Yeah.

SO LIKE GERARD KEAY IS THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR JARED EXCEPT HES NOT JARED HIS NAME IS LITERALLY GERARD?? FUCK YOU SO MUCH

so okay. sure whatever this podcast is sooo british that a bunch of people are just completely failing to pronounce gerard. sure. whatever you say.

GERRY?????? HIS FUCKING NICKNAME IS GERRY???????????? NO!!!!

NO. no. LOOK ME IN MY EYES. LOOK AT THE NAME GERARD. GER-ARD. AND YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA CALL HIM JARED. SND THEN YOURE GONNA CALL HIM GERRY WITH A G???? gerry with a g. that is utterly ridiculous i cannot even believe this that is monumentally frustrating i cannot even begin to describe to you all the anger i have experienced over this particular bit because why on earth would you take that particular extra step??? gerard -> gerry. sure. thin ice, but sure. jared -> jerry. sure! yeah! makes sense! GERARD -> JARED -> GERRY? you must be playing some sick joke jonny sims. seriously. you are a cruel and usual man

now this is when i start to wind down, but far from where i finish. lets take a moment to really pause and soak in his actual name here.

gerard.

that is so unfortunate already i mean really, gerard is such a…. a name…. i mean his mom skins people and puts them in books and the cruelest thing i think she ever couldve done is honest to god name her son gerard.

keay.

now dont get me wrong. theres nothing seriously wrong with spelling it keay on principle. but god, really? youre gonna shove all this gerard gerry jared business in front of me and tell me his last name is just key but gone the extra mile. really feels like the cherry on top of a shit cake.

now if you consider gerards character i truly feel as though thats the deepest disservice here. gerard keay is an incredible character whos short appearance is so memorable and charming, and despite his VERY little screen time he still has an intriguing and well fleshed out character. really, gerard keay is so excellent character wise. But, every time i think about him for any more than 5 minutes, almost this exact rant is being told to whoever is unfortunate enough to be near me at the time.

another thing i think also really adds to this is just the nature of gerard keay. everything you can say about that guy could be ended with “and everone calls him jared for some reason”. hes emo and everyone calls him jared for some reason. his hair dye job is so miserable that EVERYONE mentions it and everyone calls him jared for some reason. he has mommy issues and everyone calls him jared for some reason.

okay i need to wrap this up before i start just repeating WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY for thousands of words but heres a graph i made for my friends in october 2022 when i was going on about this in the middle of my spanish class 👍👍

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #gerard keay #gerry keay #im so passionate about this #fun fact about the spanish class thing #my teacher honestly thought i was angrily ranting about gerard way for like 20 minutes #the people need to know about this. #jon sims #please excuse how messy this is i am so tired

[ultimateloserboy]

im so sorry i love the dhmis fandom but some peeps don’t understand the characters (or even the show in general) on even the most basic level and it hurts me. (cough cough… white man youtube theorists cough…) for example, every time someone is like “OMG RED GUY KNOWS EVERHTHING AND HES SO SMART AND HES BREAKING OUT OMG HES CRACKED THE MATRIX 🤯🤯🤯🤯” i want to explode. HE IS FUCKING STUPID!!!!! THAT OLD MAN DOESNT KNOW A GOD DAMN THING!!!!!!! THAT HOMO COULD BARELY READ THE PETERSONS AND SONS NAME OFF THE WALL PLEASE BE SO FOR REAL!!!! the main point of the show is that none of them know whats going on or why. sometimes they might get little realizations or memories but (at least as of right now) their dumbasses havent ACTUALLY realized a single thing, at least that they havent forgotten. and this isnt even just about just that, people have always mischaracterized all of the characters since forever! and before anyone says “well the show is meant to be different for everyone and subjective-“ youre right! the show itself and the way the world works is subjective. but while the world/story/message may be up to interpretation the main three characters themselves ARE NOT!!!! they are VERY fleshed out characters. you can find EVERYTHING on them. we know their fears, their allergies, their wants, their hatreds, their desires and the series dives heavily into their insecurities!! these characters are the only non-debatable things about this whole series and yet people ignore that small bit of canon in favor of making the show MORE difficult!!!!!!!!! WHYY!!!!! I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND IM GOING TO SOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MAKING SHIT UP ABOUT THEM PLEASE THEYRE JUST LITTLE GUYS PLEASE DEAR GOD!!!!!!!!!! “oh but what if yellow guy is just PRETENDING to be stupid-“ what if red guy could shoot lasers out of his god damn eyes!?! THATS WHAT YOU FUCKING SOUND LIKE!!!! SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP!!!!!! I DONT KNOW IF DUCK WON THAT TOURNAMENT AND I DONT KNOW HOW OLD HE IS BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT HE ISNT THE FUCKING DANGANRONPA MASTERMIND OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT. THE FUCKING MAN BEHIND THE SLAUGHTER I DONT FUCKING KNOW. HIS ASS IS NOT SMART ENOUGH TO TAKE ON LESLEYS JOB. STOP GIVING THE MAIN THREE THIS MUCH CREDIT I PROMISE YOU THEYRE ACTUALLY CONFUSED AS FUCK THEYRE NOT PRETENDING !!!! im so tired can we please make a rule where cishet white dudes stay on their podcasts and stop trying to analyze this series.

#sorry i got a little angy #dhmis #dhmis fandom #dhmis duck #duck guy #dhmis red guy #duck dhmis #red guy #yellow guy #dhmis yellow guy #dhmis analysis

[macbooth]

full of childish whimsy in a hostile fashion tonight so here’s every shakespeare clown i can think of and whether or not i think i’d beat them in a fight

(i do not mean fools i mean clowns. they do not need to be the secret genius of the play. if they are stupid in every way shape or form i am including them here)

Puck (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) No chance. Bro’s got that magic and ALSO has a big strong scary fairy king as his bear, like, do not separate them. If I even tried throwing hands at this cunt I’d get torn to shreds and used as glitter dude, I’d be over. 0/10

Nick Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) I could but I’d feel bad. I also think he’d put up a really solid fight. Like this is out of donkey form, bro was a physical worker. Like I reckon I could win a fight with some of the tradies I’ve seen but I don’t think it’d be easy. Also he’s just really dumb so I would feel a little bad. Donkey form though, I’m running away. Scary as shit. I am afraid of horses though. 6.5/10

Touchstone (As You Like It) Absolutely I could beat the shit out of this man. I hate him so much. Full of hostility towards this fucker. His clothes aren’t even subtle I could find this bitch in the forest no time and hunt him down and rip him to shreds, fuckin court jester doesn’t even have the roughness of the country on his side. 9/10 (-1 point cause he definitely fights dirty but I just hate him so much I’d win)

Jaques (As You Like It) First off he’s absolutely a clown. Second off I’ve played him before so my word is gospel. Third off bro has no fucking chance against me. He’s a podcast bro who thinks I don’t know that Tame Impala is one dude. I’d ask him why we can’t print more money and he would explode instantly and it would be the funniest thing he did with his life. 10/10

Audrey & Corin (As You Like It) I’m lumping these two together cause in the show I did they were one character (and I also played them). I wouldn’t even want to fight these two. And even if I wanted to Audrey would absolutely be able to beat the shit out of me and I would thank her. Our setting was in semi-modern country Australia, that girl would have a shotgun. 2/10

Autolycus (Winter’s Tale) Just like Jaques to me. He might be a little bit harder because he’d change costume and I’d get confused because I have no object permanence but other than that what has he got. Bitterness? Resentment? Bitch so did I when I was 15 grow up experience love. 8/10

Falstaff (Henry IV parts 1 & 2, Merry Wives of Windsor) I don’t actually know about this one but he is very punchable. I feel like he’d let me punch him and I think one punch would be enough for me. I think that would satisfy my urge to punch him. He may be a knight but let’s be honest he’s shit at it so I stand by this. 4/10 (just cause I don’t really give a shit)

The Dromios (Comedy of Errors) I absolutely could beat them in a fight but I would feel So Bad. You see how they’re literally already treated in the play, I wanna give them a break. That being said they’re both kinda dicks but they’re going through it already so I’d wanna give them a breather. I would win though, even if they both were attacking at once. 7/10

Launcelot Gobbo (Merchant of Venice) He’s such a prick but I would be laughing too hard at his name to fight him. Bro’s name is Gobbo. Bro’s name is basically Gobby. Imagine being named Blowjob. I would lose my mind. I would laugh so so hard I would collapse. My heart would fail. Biggest L name out there bro. Launcelot Gobbo oh my god. 3/10

Launce (Two Gentlemen of Verona)  Nah man he has an attack dog. I don’t care what breed of dog Crab is in a production I fully believe he would kill for Launce, that’s just their dynamic. I understand them better than anyone else (I have a dog). Also he’s already working for Proteus, is that not punishment enough? 4/10

Speed (Two Gentlemen of Verona) I mean I definitely could fight him. I don’t imagine he’s got much fighting experience. But once again, he has to deal with Valentine which does feel like it would be cruel to inflict more onto him. Like Valentine’s not as bad as Proteus but fuck is he stupid. Also if I accidentally flubbed a punch Speed could absolutely tear me a new asshole with his words and I would sob and cry and literally never recover. 4/10

The Porter (Macbeth) Fuck no. Bro definitely has a knife on him at all times. I can’t explain why I think this I just do. He works night shift, he definitely doesn’t get paid enough for his dog shit job, he would absolutely try to stab me just to spice up his evening without me starting a fight. 1/10

Trinculo (Tempest) Yes. Sorry, you’re Russell Brand? L. I could kick your ass. And he’s like drunk for half the show, and almost fucked a fish. I doubt his judgement is good enough to say the alphabet backwards let alone dodge a punch. He couldn’t even get Caliban to kick my ass (who definitely could by the way) cause Caliban fucking hates him. Bro, failwife to Stephano should pay more. But it doesn’t. 8.5/10

Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing) Without Verges? Yes. With Verges? No way. Those two are a power couple in the dumbest possible way. He would absolutely try to get me arrested though but I simply would not go to prison. What’s he gonna do? Send me to prison? I’m already not going. 7/10

Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet) No chance. Unless Romeo fucked up so bad like he did in the actual play, I would have no chance against this dude. I wouldn’t even want to even if I could. I’m a Benvolio stan first and foremost and a person second you think I’d wanna fight his bestie? Only exception is if it was an actual fight club and not just a pure fight out of hatred. I feel like Mercutio could give Brad Pitt Fight Club Realness, outfits included.  I would still lose though. 2.5/10

Don Adriano De Armado (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I reckon I could wreck this dude’s shit. You know that gif where the fuckin dude is doing all these cool sword moves and then he just gets shot? You know the one. I forgot where it’s from but you know the one. That would be this fight. Armado would bust out his flair, his razzle dazzle, his pizzaz, and I would just deck him I think. That’s the power you need in this world, I think. Power of fist to face. Peace and love. <3 8/10

Costard (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I do not think Costard would realise he was being fought even as he was actively getting hit in the face. I know how to say honorificabilitudinitatibus, he doesn’t even have that against me. Bro couldn’t even confuse me with that, I learnt that, like an adult. Anyway yeah I’d kick his ass. 9/10

Holofernes & Sir Nathaniel (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This is the same man to me. I would destroy them both. Fuckin nerds. Flowery ass language nerds. I support gay rights and gay wrongs but the only reason I couldn’t fight those two gay muppets who heckle is cause they’re too far away (in a theatre booth), these two gay muppets who heckle are right in front of me. I’d kick their tweed cladded asses. 10/10

Jaquenetta (Love’s Labour’s Lost) She is just like Audrey to me. I could never bring myself to hurt her. Also she’s pregnant and I feel like it’s fucked up to hit a pregnant woman just for fun. Also she could absolutely wreck my shit. Please wreck my shit Jaquenetta. 0.5/10

Moth (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This little fucker should be an INSTANT knock out but I just know this fucker bites. He’s a shit talking 8 year old? Oh he plays wolves on the playground, I just know it. He plays wolves and he’s definitely been suspended for it, I just know it in my heart. Sure, I could kick him, but he would grab hold of my foot and try to rip it off. We would shake hands and agree to part ways, having met our match. He, who plays wolves, and me, who played fairies, leave the fight with our heads high and respect in our hearts. I am kidding of course but I do think we would tie. 5/10

Lear’s Fool (King Lear) There’s already so much fighting going on, I don’t even think they’d notice if I just started kicking this dude. Not only could I fight him and win, I think I’d get away with it too. I’d win not only physically but socially too. What’s he gonna do? Tell his boss? Bro he’s preoccupied with his whole kingdom crumbling, grow up. 9/10

Lavatch (All’s Well That Ends Well) This is more meta but my hatred of this play would fuel me here. I would fight literally anyone in this play if given the chance, not a joke. I would get in the ring with literally anyone from this play, but honestly, out of them all I weirdly respect Lavatch the most, maybe because he at least knows that he’s a cunt, unlike literally everyone else who Just Suck. I do think he’s probably scrappy though, so I wouldn’t leave unscathed. I also think if he got the upper hand he would be so so awful about it, so I’d really have to fight. 6/10

Sir Toby Belch & Sir Andrew Aguecheek (Twelfth Night)  Andrew is canonically bad at fighting, and honestly I do not believe Toby would be any better. Love both of these guys but if I had to fight them both at once I think I would be able to just move out of the way and they’d bonk each other on the head like a cartoon. They’re just silly guys. 9/10

Maria (Twelfth Night) Every woman clown could beat my ass. Audrey, Jaquenetta, Maria, they are all so special to me and would all also fucking destroy me. Maria especially cause I just know she is full of hate. You don’t hatch a plan like the Malvolio plan unless there’s something deeply worrying about you. She’s a Scorpio to me. <3 I do love her, she’d demolish me. 0/10

Feste (Twelfth Night) Would actually kill me. -5/10

I know I’ve definitely missed some but uhhh don’t expect me to remember every clown even if I’m neurodivergent about these plays please. <3

#long post #shakespeare #shakespeare memes #a midsummer night's dream #as you like it #winter's tale #henry iv #merry wives of windsor #comedy of errors #merchant of venice #two gentlemen of verona #macbeth #the tempest #much ado about nothing #romeo and juliet #love's labour's lost #king lear #all's well that ends well #twelfth night #macbooth original

[hostilemuppet]

I apologize if I sound stupid, but what’s mangoball? I hope I spelt that right

cheater cheater (known as mangoball) is a satirical social media fanfiction by twitter user mangobaii written in 2021 about the internet personas of twitch streamers georgenotfound and dream getting together after georges ex boyfriend sapnap cheated on him with dream. on paper it sounds fucking abysmal especially with what we now know about all three of them (ie. they should be publicly stoned) but its more or less infamous for the surrealist humour and the way it acts as a time capsule for stan culture of late 2021. the characters are:

george. a very very stupid british man who paid to get into college. his boyfriend cheats on him and he takes it really poorly

dream. a very very desperate american man who sucked sapnaps dick in a public bathroom and broke up his relationship. when he thinks things are over between him and george he runs away to disney land to become a goofy mascot, which george finds incredibly attractive

sapnap. a very very unpleasant man to be around. cheated on his boyfriend and when its clear theyre not gonna patch things up he resorts to just hanging around the main group and in general being a dick

now this is where it gets REALLY really good bc its unanimously agreed upon that while the dream team are really entertaining in this they dont hold a candle to the others

quackity. georges roommate. i would say he "favours the tough love approach" but that is putting it soooooo lightly.

kyle. georges other roommate. the designated "straight man" in that he is like a normal fucking person put into this insane world of crazy people. the catalyst for most of the events of the story since he is the one who saw dream suck sapnaps dick, told george about it, and encouraged george to rebound with dream. thank you rival cartoonrival for telling me that i called karl kyle on accident. it really goes to show how much of a normal guy he is

corpse husband (we dont know why he was included either). dreams roommate. hates that cunt and is actively praying on his downfall

wilbur soot. dream and corpse's neighbour. initially introduced as "guy who keeps stealing his stuff (and also knows george from england)" gradually devolves into "batshit insane, genuinely a threat to those around him, involuntarily gets them involved in his crimes for a 'bonding experience'". also he is kind of in love with corpse but that isnt ever expanded upon

tommy innit. a freshman that dream used to tutor for compsci (along with tubbo but hes not as relevant to the story as tommy is. SORRY TUBBO!) but he hated dream so much he started a space about it, which got bigger and bigger until it became a huge podcast (with individual episodes still named using space naming conventions) where he and various guests shit on dream. he doxxes dream. at one point it was sponsored by taco bell.

badboyhalo. mysterious man no one really knows (except i think its briefly implied george dated him at one point) who doesnt go to their college yet keeps interacting with them like they are all best friends. is actually quackitys estranged father he never met

there was also a christmas special where someone snitched on wilbur to the authorities and george got kidnapped and they try to figure out whos responsible while snowed in and unable to visit their families like they wanted

tldr: modern art

#text

[disembodiedvoicebracket]

Ok John Doe propaganda! Where do I even begin.

An evil all powerful elder god tried to go through a portal but it shut on top of him, chomping him in half. The chunk that wound up trapped on Earth is John. He got locked in a book/death dimension for <literally uncountable amount of time> and lost his memory.

He got released and tried to possess Arthur, only he kept control just long enough to murder a man on instinct before promptly losing control again and getting stuck possessing only Arthur's eyes. Every time Arthur loses his mind a little bit more, John gains control of new bits. Neither of them like this situation so they set out on a quest to figure out what the hell happened, get separate bodies, and maybe fall a little bit in (queerplatonic) love with each other.

And since John stole Arthur's sight, he has to describe everything to him in great detail, forming the entire base format of the podcast!

One time Arthur wound up in a coma for a month but John doesn't sleep so he was just STUCK THERE, UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING, FOR A FUCKING MONTH. But it was also sitting there, listening to the noise of the hospital that he discovered meaning in a meaningless universe and fell in love with what it means to be human. That's also where he literally named himself 'John Doe,' the default nothing placeholder name, which is very funny but also super symbolic because he just wants to be an everyday ordinary human! He doesn't want to be a god anymore!

Because, yeah, they figured out who John was and John was like, "Hey, I was super evil! I don't wanna be evil anymore!" so now they're on the run from the super powerful elder god who wants John back.

John's still very much figuring out who he is as an individual person, but he's extremely verbose, makes stupid jokes, is extremely jealous and codependent when it comes to Arthur, has picked up Arthur's tenancy to recite long poetry at the slightest opportunity, is learning how to be a detective, and misses Arthur's piano playing. He also WANTS TO GO TO THE MOVIES ARTHUR LET HIM SEE A MOVIE.

His favorite sentences are "YES ARTHUR!" and "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARTHUR!"

There's also an evil (sort of) alternate timeline (sort of) version of him called Yellow, who has exactly the same voice as him but their personalities and ways of speaking are different enough that you can tell them apart, which is an incredible flex from the writer and I think should earn some points in a disembodies voices competition.

(John Doe from Malevolent)

#propaganda #john doe #malevolent

[orangeprotogen]

I say this all the time but conservatives and transphobes and the like are literally the only people who have the whole "But what if-" problems with pronouns. "Oh so if someone wants me to call them 'god' i just have to call them that?" name ONE person who has asked you to call them god. I know a lot of people, I've seen a lot more people than I've met, I'm chronically online for christs sake. I have yet to meet or see one person who does that. And the fact that so many of them use strawman arguments like this all the time means that we have to point it out all the time. It gets to the point where "Strawman" loses it's meaning and the conservatives don't take it literally anymore, they forget why we keep calling it that. Because that's what it is. I tried explaining to my mother about pronouns once, which was difficult for sure because she's one of those "Keep an open mind! Not me though, I'll never consider your side of the argument because Ben Shapiro told me that's what liberals do" types of conservatives. Anyway, she pulls out the whole "So what, if some random person at a convenience store happens to want to be called 'master' all the time, I have to just call them that?" and like...mother...no. You don't know that person so 1, you're not going to interact with them 2, you can just walk away if you don't like it 3, nobody has that as their neopronoun and if they do i guarantee you they don't force it onto randoms at the store because they know just as well as you should that you two are never going to meet again! Anyway, back on topic, terfs and conservatives also like to call us "Obsessed" because we want to explain simple fucking 3rd grader concepts to legal adults rather than leave them blind. WE'RE obsessed, apparently. Yeah, I've never seen anyone more obsessed with anything than Conservatives / Terfs are obsessed with trans people and pronouns. Genuinely. I have multiple autistic friends, my sibling is also autistic. They all have their interests and obsession, hyperfixations, the like. For my sibling, it's tanks. They've L O V E D tanks and tank related things their whole life! They have like over 3000 hours on War Thunder purely because they like the tanks. They've spent hundreds of dollars on tank figurines and....well, you get the point. But you know what they haven't done? Start a podcast about how much they like tanks, while talking about them 24/7. They aren't going on the internet to rant about tanks, or going up to random people and saying "Well clearly you don't know how tanks work" when tanks weren't part of the conversations. They don't randomly insult someone else or insinuate that the person is inferior because of their lack of tank info. They don't vote for people purely because the person likes tanks. They LOVE tanks, but they're not an asshole and they're not stupid. You know who DOES do all those things? Conservatives and terfs. Just replace "Tanks" with "Trans people". I haven't heard a single Ben Shapiro episode (I hear a lot of them, my parents are binge-listeners) that didn't mention trans people. That man is a walking Cognito hazard because he makes my brain rot with how much he talks about trans people. I'm literally trans and i don't even talk about it that much.

[zombee]

THE PRINCE AND THE PIRATE AUTHOR'S NOTES

like blood under the skin, if you plan on rereading and want to figure out these lil easter eggs yourself, maybe skip these for now. otherwise, please enjoy!

·        I originally called this “Blood Under the Skin 2.0.” BUtS was one of my first fics, and while I’ve published 100 now, with many WIPs in the vaults, it was my most beloved for a long time. Might still be if I’m honest. Anyway, this was hitting very similar beats, and still does obviously, but specifically wrt Stede’s character. He was way more timid in the first few chapters, way more of a genuine coward. But then I figured out he was a dom and that was the Leslie Knope switch from season 1 to 2 – he’s a brat/bitch from the beginning, not just internally but externally. That set him apart from BUtS Stede and really cracked the whole fic. I had to do extensive rewrites of his character in the first few chapters – another reason I’m a finish before I post it truther!!!

·        I had Stede’s ship name in [brackets] for SO LONG, but then I figured out the Hydra twist (I had already had the Hercules play in place), and I went ohohoho! And went back in and put in a LOT of Hercules references. Stede’s title was originally “…grand duke of Montrose” not Nirea (named after a character in The Adventure Zone podcast), but Nirea is a reference to Nireus, one of Hercules’s male lovers. So is Iolus, Stede’s fake name at the costume contest. I don’t remember all the other references because I don’t know the myth that well, but like “Herah” being the capital city of Low is an obvious one. And River (the pirate captain who Ed has to kill) is a reference to Achelous, and so on. And generally, of course, Hercules is the half-blood son of a king. Oh and Tebai (honeymoon port) is Thebes.

·        SPEAKING OF WHICH, i came up with the name “The Prince and the Pirate” before I cracked Ed’s backstory. I also considered that a working title – it sounded like a romance novel. But I didn’t want Ed and Ned to be exes, and then I was like… oh FUCK. because Ed and Stede are BOTH the prince and BOTH the pirate.

·        The original antagonist was Prince Ricky, because we didn’t have s2e7 when I started writing. But the beats were the same – he was a monster that Stede didn’t want to marry even in the face of thinking Blackbeard would also be monstrous. But then I saw that episode and was like OH FUCK. HE IS P E R F E C T. “King Ned” sounds stupid, so that’s why he’s referred to as “the King of Low” a lot lmao

·        When I realized Ned’s real name was Edward I was so pissed. I considered changing it, since who cares, but then I figured Ned/Ed’s dad just George Forman’d them and that was EXTREMELY funny to me. And it led to the “My Edward” bit so!!! Positive, I reckon. I had plans for other bastards all named nicknames of Ed but didn’t end up working it in.

·        I did not really plan to bring Atella back (I’m very much a pantser not a plotter) but I had to c’mon

·        Stede’s whole Thing with his title being the most valuable thing about him is the crux on which him not admitting he loves Ed is based on. Nigel was the biggest part of it, but if you notice I also mention “his [number] to last ever friend” a few times – they all pretended to be friends with him and got fed up and left him. Ed is who he considers his “last ever friend,” btw.

·        Also… it’s just fun. It’s fanfic. I despaired like, is it TOO fucking stupid they’re not just saying it! And then I was like. No. It’s fun. Just have fun.

·        Ed’s reason is that he knew about Stede’s trauma and was afraid if he said it Stede would run. Which he did lol. There’s a lot of their development I don’t show on the page and that’s because Stede doesn’t even realize it’s developing. He kind of does, but not to the extent it’s happening. I put in little (or not so little) hints throughout. One of my favorites is you find out when Ed is playing the fiddle there were nights when they danced together Stede you sweet oblivious idiot.

·        Stede has cherries embroidered onto his suit in that first scene because he’s a virgin

·        The reputation of his virginity will be forfeit, regardless that he’s certain from his studies that Blackbeard does not run a ship where rape is permissible, or indeed that that kind of assault is common on the Sister Seas at all – it’s not common because Ed more or less put a stop to it

·        The hickeys are ENTIRELY adhdduck’s doing, everyone say thank you duck. They also commented in the doc “I’LL GIVE THESE PIRATES A THOUSAND HICKEYS BEFORE I DIE!” and I think about that a lot.

·        “My people would suffer all the same. Rumors, by their nature, do not care for fact.” Stede places his hands on the edge of the desk and leans forward. “And that is why it matters if I appear willing. To make Ned look like a fool.”

He knows at once from the way Blackbeard’s face goes sharp and shrewd that these are the words he needed. If he is going to succeed at this gambit, this will be how.” - so, the original words in here were “sharp and hungry,” because the motivation in my head was literally just Ed wanting to fuck with Ned. Buuuut, then I cracked the plot of Calypso, and I thought Ed knowing Stede could be a part of the plan was a better excuse for him not to admit he loves him.

·        "That's your only stipulation to this arrangement?" – Ed says this in chapter 1 and then Stede says this in the 17th chapter, right before he kills Ned >:^}

·        SO I originally had Ed giving Stede a ring in the engagement scene. But I just forgot to include it throughout the next chapters, and then I was annoyed at the thought of rewrites, so I changed it to the thumb-kiss thing. WHICH IS NOW ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Stede, btw, only does it once—in the last line of the fic.

·        “Oh dear. There goes Stede’s cock again.” Def a lowkey Rick and Morty reference lol

·        “but his leg pops up of its own accord anyway.” Thank you everyone who called out the Princess Diaries reference

·        There is a small motif of “interesting” (when Stede clocks something about Ed that adjusts his perspective on him) and “for now” which is just Stede being a brat

·        “There are no maimings, but otherwise the wedding is a complete success.” – there are “several maimings” at their wedding in the last chapter!

·        Ugh the stupid wedding suit. It was important enough to the plot I knew I had to describe it, and I had to find a color that wouldn’t look good on Ed or Ned. I used actual internet websites to find one. Do I think Ed would actually look bad, no, but yknow. Supposedly gold is not a great color for him.

·        “Then perhaps she can…stay?” Stede asks, trying not to sound like he’s begging. Based on the pattern of his life so far, he knows the answer. But still, he wants to try. “Can she stay on the ship with me?” – again this is me explaining that Stede has serious trauma about things in his life staying that are Good. Canonically we know once Stede figures it out he is fully confident Ed loves him back, so I had to figure out a reason that Stede wouldn’t in this universe.

·        As SOON as Stede finds out Ed’s real name, he starts thinking of him as Ed in his head.

·        “No matter. Whatever it is that Ed wants, that is what Stede shall do.” – in their first sex scene, there is emphasis on “What Ed wants right now is to do what Stede wants.” Lil baby boy cracked it :’)

·        Gosh I love the stupid “Prince’s Wedding Night” throughline lol. And thanks for calling me out on twitter that “laddybuck” is definitely a Tamora Pierce reference.

·        Stede sighs and crouches next to Ed. "Shall I help you undress?"

Ed sneers. "What, are you willing to?" – a reference to the first hickey scene where Stede says he’d “be willing” in whatever way Ed wanted aka sex. And that fucks Ed up for a LONG time because he thinks Stede would only fuck him because of their arrangement~

·        We all knew Ed did actually see Stede jacking it on their wedding night, right?

·        “Stede frowns and looks down at himself. It is true he is wearing Ed's clothes, and there is no mirror in Ed's cabin, so he must look disheveled.” (ch 2), “He has to imagine Ed took the lovely gilded mirror from his old cabin and brought it aboard the Queen Anne’s Revenge. Perhaps if he behaves Ed will let him keep it.” (ch 4), “He buttons up his waist coat, admiring himself in the gilded mirror that has taken the place of the awful battle painting.” (ch 5)

·        In BUtS, I skirt around the idea of assault/rape – like, obviously it’s there, but I don’t say it out loud. I kind of consider tpatp adult while buts is young adult in that way (I mean, except for the porn). Buts was my love letter to the YA fantasy I read as a kid in general.

·        “"Raped to death?" Ed says, incredulous and offended. "What kind of a monster do you think I am, your highness?"

"Not that kind, to be sure." – dummies why don’t you LISTEN TO WHAT THE OTHER IS ACTUALLY SAYING

·        “He had not known kissing could be so soft.” (ch 2) and then I bring it back in ch 8 with “He had not known fucking could be so soft.”

·        “"What kind of books do you like?"

"Oh, all kinds! My favorites are stories of adventure and magic."

"Like what?"

"Sethera and Fairyfoot and Estril’s Mermaid Tales." – S&F is a reference to another medieval AU I wrote, I Hate It When You Stare. (shhh it’s a reference on purpose not because I didn’t want to come up with something else)

·        I almooooost tagged this enemies to lovers. I decided against it in the end for the same reason I don’t tag things a lot of the time – if you come looking for that content specifically, you might be disappointed. But know in my heart it counts.

·        ““Oh, yeah, we’re taking everything but the food and water. They should be bringing in your stuff now, actually.” Ed’s eyes go stern. “I’ll be looking through it all before I let you keep it. Make sure there’s nothing you can use to escape.”

“Ah. All of my things…?"

“Yep.”

Stede winces, thinking of his intimate toys. Oh well. The worst case scenario is that Ed will mock him. Best case, they can enjoy them together. – SCHROEDINGER’S BUTT PLUG

·        “I accepted your conditions because I want to make fucking Ned fucking mad,” he snaps. “I’m not going to fuck you, okay? You can stop these stupid fucking games. You’re safe.” - Ed thinks Stede is doing stuff like jacking off where he can see because he is trying to “honor” his side of this deal and coax Ed into fucking him. He thinks he’s real obvious about how in love with Stede he is as well, that’s a part of it.

·        “This is just a fuckery.” Ed’s voice is ice cold. “You’re going to earn your keep on my ship by participating in it, but I’m not going to hurt you. I don’t want you. Got it?”

Stede finds that he is crying. (ch 3)

“Good,” Ned murmurs. “You’re learning.” He leans in and leers into Stede’s ear. “This is just a contract. We both know what our duty is. I don’t want to have to hurt you. Got it?”

Stede finds that he is crying. (ch15) - do you get it because they’re brothers and ultimately similar and in both instances they’re lying wait wait don’t leave—

·        “Is he really so undesirable? Anyone seems plain next to Ed, but Stede thinks he has rather nice broad shoulders and a fetching pair of legs. With the right clothing and a good pair of shoes, His Royal Highness Grand Duke of Nirea Prince Stede of Bonnet is adequate.” – he also feels a little ugly in their first sex scene, but being wanted by Ed makes him blossom and by the end he’s like “yeah bitch I’m hot af”

·        In ch2 Stede wonders if he’ll ever be hugged again. In ch3 Ed hugs him.

·        “Slow,” Ed murmurs. “Slow.” -  bring this back twice! Rule of 3s, baby. Once in Tebai (honeymoon port), when Stede is teasing Ed, once in the final chapter when Ed is doing the same.

·        I have been a “Stede hates mornings” truther forever and while I don’t need canon to validate my silly AUs, I do like to be when it happens

·        “There we are,” Stede says. Indeed, Ed looks magnificent, and Stede is too tired to be self-conscious when he says, “you look fantastic like this.”

Ed’s eyes go dark. He licks his lips. “Yeah?” – hallelujah, a praise kink is born

·        “Yes.” He remembers Ed’s words from the night previous. “Like everyone knows you’re mine.”

Ed jerks backward, spins on his heel, prowls away from Stede. "It's fucking time, your highness. Get out of fucking bed." – Ned used to call Ed his. I don’t have full details, but I don’t think I’ll ever do an Ed pov for this? So something like, “you’re mine” and “my monster,” probably.

·        I have been saying “drat” and “vexed” in my real life a lot since writing this

·        “He kisses Ed warmly on the lips. Ed goes rigid, and fuck him for it, but it’s not like he can chastise Stede in front of those they are attempting to deceive.” – of course, Ed is not going rigid (snrk) because he’s mad, but because he’s shocked Stede would initiate a kiss.

·        God bless season 2 of the hit television series our flag means death for healing my relationship with canon izzy because he is SO FUN to write (ftr I liked izzy for about a month before the shitty parts of the izzy fandom ruined him for me)

·        “He thinks bitterly Ed must have chosen this on purpose, for dramatic effect.” – nope he was waiting until the last minute possible to let you sleep, you big goof

·        “might be his last kiss” because he’s traumatized baby boyyy. BUT I make it up to him with the “best kiss yet” bit in the honeymoon chapters.

·        Stede becomes a skilled seamstress throughout the fic. I put that in before we got the bts that he sewed up the couch in the captains’ cabin!

·        Ed does try to play nice in these chapters but because of the miscommunication Stede is a bitch back and Ed is like “GOD DAMMIT”

·        I had the proto-Calypso bits in before I cracked the plot. Thanks season 2!!!

·        I like the “Ed doesn’t laugh he giggles” bit a lot because he’s a SILLY BOY

·        Part of the reason Ed doesn’t allow Stede to go ashore (besides that he’s worried for his safety) is that he’s afraid Stede will run

·        “Scratch the back of my neck,” Stede says, knowing it will look pink and puffed to any key witnesses. Ed obliges. “Harder.”

Ed rakes his fingernails down Stede’s skin and digs them into the knot above his spine.

“Yes. Good.”

Ed lets out a soft whine as they squirm together for a moment – this isn’t the first hint Stede is dommy but it is the first time he like, combines it with Ed’s praise kink. Hence the “soft whine.”

·        I drop the tobacco + leather motif (mostly because of laziness) but also because Ed is dropping his blackbeard mask around Stede more and more as the fic goes on

·        “Ed sits at the desk and pores over his maps as Stede chatters at him between wolfing down bread and fish about the book he is reading.

“And then he tilts at a windmill, Ed!” – don quixote reference. Not really alluding to anything it’s just an old story.

·        “That’s because Bonnet only uses geldings. I bet you’d do well with a stallion.” – besides being funny (nice and subtle, Edward), this is a hint that Ed knows more about the machinations of court than you would maybe expect. Like, why would a commoner from Low know that about Bonnet? Why would he even be tilting in the first place?

·        “Stede takes the dagger carefully and inspects it. It is fine work, castle steel, undecorated except for a snake etched into the hilt.” – I wanted to do more with this but the muse didn’t take me. However I kept it in because “castle steel” is another hint Ed is more than he seems.

·        “And may we keep the chair, my darling? I have some… ideas for it.” – shroedinger’s sex chair

·        God I fucking love the party scene lol. No real notes I just love it. THEY’RE! IN! LOVE!!!

·        “the raids do get a bit boring, after a while… there seems to be quite a lot of them these days.” HMMM I WONDER WHY ED WOULD DO THIS NOT FOR KISSES SURELY!!!

·        Shit like, “He has even given Stede a small cabin to use as a library.” And then later when Stede has a necklace Ed gave him, again my little hints that like fuckity duh stede he’s in love with you

·        i. love. Their. First. Sex. Scene. I love it SO much. Definitely a bit of Ed pov is “Lord mother. He had married a sex god, and they weren’t ever going to fuck again (probably?)”

·        was working through a lot of episode 6-7 feelings with this one lol

·        Ed gasps and tries to pull away again. Before he can get far, Stede grips him harder on the back of his neck and says, “stay.” – STEDE WANTS SOMETHING TO STAY!!! HE SAID IT OUT LOUD!!!!!!

·        “A quiet, traitorous part of his mind says: he is frightened and you want him much more than you are equipped to give him comfort otherwise.” – idk why I do this so often but this is a flip of (part of) what I imagine Ed was thinking in e6

·        No matter that this might not be the right choice indefinitely, in this moment, this is what they both desire. – again… working through a lot of e7 feelings lmao

·        They both call each other Ed/Stede throughout this whole scene instead of “your highness/Blackbeard” (except at the very end when they both think it’s never going to happen again). Ed calls Stede Stede sometimes, always deliberately on my part, and Stede kind of does the same, but not when he thinks Ed can hear.

·        Idkkkkk it’s just been so fun to play with the power dynamics here. Like, stede wants Ed to be rough and kind of out of control, but he also loves being the one controlling that narrative, and just. The layers are fun for me. No way I could have written something so complex two years ago.

·        Stede is suddenly very aware of the aches in his body. “Ow."

Ed tenses. “Shit, I—”

“No no,” Stede laughs. “It is a good kind of ow.”

Stede pulls back to smile at his husband, who is looking magnificently fucked.

…But also quite cagey. – I swear to fucking god if Stede had said anything but “ow” they might have worked it out right then.

·        He’s “stealing” kisses in this one, afraid he’ll lose everything now… stede my beloved.

·        “There is so much warmth and wonderfulness that happened tonight, including and perhaps especially this very moment. Stede will do his best to remember that, in the days to come.” Maybe working out some general season 2 feelings WHO KNOWS!!!! Not for myself but for those who were so disappointed with izzy’s death they couldn’t keep enjoying the show. I’ve been there. It sucks. But when I look back, there was a lot more good than bad and I’m grateful. – same as “No matter what comes after, the during was wonderful.”

·        It’s been hard to take (direct) apologies out of Ed’s character since s2 but I have done it. He does apologize in this story – when he apologizes for not telling Stede sooner that he loves him 😊

·        "If you make me say it again, I shall lie to make you feel bad." – then I flip this in the honeymoon chapters when Ed says a similar thing.

·        “Can you really blame me for thinking you’d want to escape?”

“I can, actually.” – I bring back “I can, actually” twice more as well! I loooove to do that, where partners start to parrot each other’s speech patterns.

·        The Queen Anne’s Revenge is my kingdom and you are my king.” – because he’s royalty too do you get it wait doN’T LEAVE—

·        THE NIGHTGOWN STINKING IS SO FUNNY TO ME LMFAO. Stede dear god. It’s been months.

·        I tried not to actually name any direct Greek mythology references (like, I never say Hercule’s/Heracles’s name--) but I realized I did use “Adonis” in one scene just let me have this

·        I love the bit of them inventing new stories every time someone asks them how they got together SO MUCH. They’re both so dramatic and love to play off each other eeee

·        I have Ed use “my love” because that is how Ned speaks. That’s a canon reference. God I watched ned’s scenes so many times for this fic lmao. He has a more stilted way of talking than canon to parallel  Stede’s voice as that’s kind of my nudge nudge at how royalty are brought up. Ed rarely slips into it but he does sometimes.

·        Ed pushes him against the wall as soon as they are somewhere enough in the shadows and kisses him again. “Tell me what you wa—”

“This, Ed. Just this.”

Ed looks very intensely at him. “Just this?”

“Exactly this.” – gahhh another bit of misunderstanding. Ed morosely thinks “okay, Stede just wants to fuck. that’s fine, I’ll take that.” I call it back in ch 11 when Ed and Stede are fighting after Stede got hurt.

·        How many times can you spot Ed almost saying “I love you” because there is a lot >:^}

·        A lot of Stede’s “nothing stays” stuff is shit I learned from meditating. And it is SUPER useful, it is! But sometimes it’s okay to want things and Stede learns this lesson throughout the fic.

·        The boys are in their 20s for this fic that’s why they can come so much and so fast lol

·        Since the very first fic I wrote in this fandom, Stede being okay with and/or turned on by Ed’s violent parts of himself is really, really important to me. So happy I got to include some of it here!

·        “It wasn’t the almost dying,” Ed says. “It was the almost dying without having had…” Ed darts his eyes away and then makes a LOT of eye contact. “You.” – kind of a canon bathtub/dock scene reference.

·        “You are not a monster for wanting to fuck your willing husband.” – again this type of shit is important to me – I don’t want to spell out that Stede has figured this shit out about Ed. Show don’t tell, yknow?

·        Fun facts people (as in, Europeans, since we’re the gross ones) were more clean than you’d think in the middle ages. Public baths were def a thing.

·        “Don’t do that. At least not until we’re old and gray.” – STEDE PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM HE’S ALREADY PLANNING YOUR FUTURE DECADES FROM NOW

·        Even though Ed has been eating Stede out for an hour, Stede sends him down to get water and doesn’t actually give him the promised facial massage. Because he is a bitch. He would have if he was in his right mind, but, yknow. Rimmies!!!

·        “sublimation” “sodium” “aliens” lots of others – I love the David Jenkins School of Historical Accuracy (FUN FACT DID YOU KNOW I INVENTED THAT PHRASE!!! I am pretty sure. I have receipts from April 2022. I at least popularized it.)

·        Ed says “there’s my favorite prince” and in the next chapter Stede says “there’s my favorite pirate.” I told you in the tags the references are heavy-handed lol

·        “Flay the skin off your fingers until you beg him to cut them off—” I am a game of thrones hater unrepentedly and forever but I did used to fuck with the books hard and this is of course a Ramsay Bolton reference.

·        “We’ll be here another week yet. We are going home.”

Ed’s hand squeezes in his in such a way Stede is uncertain if he meant to do it.

“Home?” Ed echoes.

“Yes. Home. Come along, husband.” – ed’s never felt like he has a real home before IF YOU EVEN CARE

·        Thiiiis is the chapter some of yall figured out Ed was Ned’s brother and I’m DELIGHTED because these were the most obvious hints!!!

·        “Oh! Lord above” might be the funniest thing in all of season 2 and THIS IS WHERE THE ENTIRE RELIGION IN THIS FIC COMES FROM lollll. Again I had a lot of brackets like [equivalent to jesus fucking christ]” and this solved it. Thank u Frenchie.

·        Stede goes numb and hears as if from underwater himself say the words back. Ed puts him down and kisses him again. This one is, regrettably, all Ed and no Blackbeard, and Stede is struggling a bit not to cry. Ed says quietly into the ear not facing the audience, “It's funny because we're already married.” – again this is leading to Ed’s belief that he should not say it to Stede because he’ll spook him. He was about to before Frenchieus Interruptus but now this is another step back.

·        No real notes on the kidnapping scene I just think it’s funny

·        Wait I lied - “No face!” Tacky barks, stopping Stinky short from kicking Stede’s teeth in.

“We’ll just say it was Blackbeard did it.”

“He’ll blab! Look at him! He’s a sniveling little tattletale, aren’t you, your highness?” – because Ned’s general orders to people about how to capture Stede. The implication here being like “you can rough him up, just not so that the public will know you did”

·        Ed playing the violin is for one, a canon reference to his piano-playing (I like to put that in fics when I can) and also Ned’s real backstory of his brother being a savant and him being insanely jealous

·        You just have to let me be Blackbeard.”

·        “It’s not complicated! What are you afraid of, Dread Pirate Blackbeard? That I will stop loving you if you go too far?”

“You are Blackbeard,” Stede says, beleaguered. “You could stop hating yourself and start fucking me instead, you know.” – ed baby boy accept all parts of yourself it’s okay we still love you <3

With all the venom he possesses, Ed spits, “fuck you.” – LISTEN! TO! THE! WORDS! YOUR! HUSBAND! IS! SAYING!!!! Ed thinks stede is mocking him here but yknow

·        I am also subtly trying to tell you that Stede is beginning to believe more and more that Ed really does love him and I think ch12 is the most heavy-handed before I just say it outright.

·        For all of you who called me out on my Steven Universe in this chapter, bless u

·        “A prince among sex fairies."

“I don’t love that,” Stede grumbles. “Can I be a fairy queen?”

“Prince, princess, king, and queen,” Ed says easily. He yawns. “You’re everything to me.” – gender non conforming Stede my beloved. Also a recurring bit that stede is like “can we PLEASE forget about the prince thing, jesus”

·        “Oh, do you mean like that one time you asked me to call you—” Kitty Cat. He asked him to call him Kitty Cat.

·        If you thought River was supposed to be referencing a glam rocker aesthetic you would be 100% correct!

·        Now, Stede thinks, heart swollen. Now is the time to tell him. Just say the words. You will still have until Calypso at least. Be brave.

“Thank you.” Drat. Try again. “I…”

“Hm?”

“Forgot what I was going to say.” – callback to Ed saying the same thing where he was also going to say I love you

·        Ed proposing and Stede saying “Quite brilliant. I accept.” Is a rule of 3s – the last time of course it’s reversed!

·        “Sirede contingent” is a reference to adhdduck’s AMAZING SIREN!STEDE FIC PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ IT!!!

·        “What utter hogwash. The sea is both, and Stede loves every part of it.” Very unsubtle reference to Ed lol

·        The pirates at Eryma that are Stede’s heroes are all my early readers thanks guys <3

·        I’m in a group chat where we discussed the absolute chaos of a Frenchie/Archie team up, hence them being on Stede’s wedding planning team

·        Since as you know now it ends as brat4brat, see if you can spot the places Ed is playing that role. The public alley bj is a big one, but it’s been throughout.

·        I think if you squint a young Bronson Pinchot looks like Ed. If you squint.

·        Because word all over Eryma is that he’s led around by his little cock by you – because Stede encouraged this kind of chatter, whoopsy! (also it’s… correct lol)

·        “His eyes are—wrong, they make Stede feel uneasy—but he supposes with all the horrors Ned gets up to, that makes sense. – because they look like Ed’s

·        “I only punish someone I love if they misbehave.”

Stede says, anguished and unable to stop himself, “Ed—”

Ned laughs. “No, Ed stopped caring after too long. Which was a nuisance, by the way. Until I found something different to try.” - Ed’s praise kink does come from his past, but I put this in to let yall know he was still like, fuck THAT to Ned even as a young kid. He wasn’t just accepting his fate until his mom saw him torture someone.

·        Ned’s mouth and fingernails being black and his breath being bad is a hint that he’s poison-trained. Kind of inspired by president snow in the hunger games.

·        I am still, as of writing this, the only person in the Vincent tag for OFMD. Justice for Vincent.

·        Stede explaining wabi sabi to Maggie and Vincent my beloved

·        Stede at first is confident Ed is coming for him, but then his confidence flags throughout the next two chapters.

·        When it doesn’t have to racism and sexism etc don’t exist in my universes. I’m still informed by the real world, of course, but rest assured none of the Ed/Ned childhood stuff has to do with that. The “people confusing Ed for being the real prince” stuff that was a part of my calculations.

·        People got verrrry close to knowing the hydra/suit twist but no one quite got it right (who commented, anyway)

·        If the Ned/Stede wedding stuff feels like Tamora Pierce at all it’s because I’ve read her books dozens of times over the last 20+ years

·        I had to change “he tastes like black licorice” to “rotting black licorice” because some of my early readers were like “but black licorice is good tho” (they’re wrong but I didn’t want to distract from the point)

·        Also you should be getting Princess Bride vibes from their wedding 😊

·        Ned is sitting on the throne. Gray, and bedraggled, but unmistakably alive. His elbow is on one armrest with the side of his forehead propped on his fist. His legs are crossed and one foot bounces. His eyes are bloodshot around their black pupils, slicing into Stede like castle steel.

The kingsguard marches Stede forward and dumps him onto his knees at Ned’s feet. Ned hooks the toe of his boot under Stede’s chin and pulls it up until they are looking at each other. – this is a shera and the princesses of power reference and unfortunately I think it’s a little bit kind of sexy

·        One of them has on chipped black nail polish and Stede feels dizzy with anguish. – that is, in fact, Ed!!!

·        “I love you,” Stede says urgently. “I love you, I love you–”

“I know,” Ed says gently, voice thick. “I know that. We have to go.” – he did, btw. He figured it out the night of the bondage scene :’)

·        Atella my beloved. No notes I just love her.

·        Stone parchment dagger = rock paper scissors. Izzy and Lucius were both wanting to slap Stede to wake him up but Zheng wins without them even knowing she’s playing.

·        God once again so happy to enjoy izzy again I had so much fun with him this chapter

·        DENTAL PLAN! MAGGIE NEEDS BRACES! DENTAL PLAN!

·        Stede kicks the guard in the ribs because he knows how much that fuckin hurts

·        Who did Olu propose to? Maybe Zheng. Maybe Jim. Maybe all three 😊 you decide.

·        Oh I forgot to mention but Stede being so anal about water is trauma from when he was a captive to Nigel

·        I loooove a good bookend cathartic sex scene. BUtS has one, as does Mink Ed POV, and also ski boys. Brat4brat 4ever

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!! No particular plans for my next longfic.

(that is a lie. It’ll be another medieval au. It just might not be a longfic)

[complete-idiot-in-love]

Watching episode 39 of Once Upon A Witchlight (Spoilers warning!)

This podcast is so found family coded for me and I'm definitely gonna start writing down moments I liked to share here with y'all! I already got episode 40 done too so be on the lookout for that post after this one uwu

@cafekitsune made these awesome dividers, I'm gonna start using them for style!

Bloodytoes flirting with Gricko because of their shared hatred of the lornlings gives me "really? In front of my salad?" Vibes but the salad is hootsie

Mikey not blinking for the entire opening was very scary and also worrying because how the hell can he do that??? And it just made me wonder if Gricko could do that also

When Torbek is eating the feathers and plucking the vultures, I can imagine my self insert just giving him MORE feathers to eat because "I can't tell if this is a bugbear thing or a Torbek thing but if it makes him happy :) "

Andy and Mikey talking joking about Frost having rizz and also being an incel with a fedora was so good. I can't believe my AroAce (Headcanon) brother has more rizz than me >:(

Derek jokingly telling Nikki her heartbeat sounds aren't good enough and he should do them which makes her kill frost with a sharp pot lid “my fucking rest of my body!" Was so damn funny

Sea cucumber robert rectangle trousers ice pops (Spongebob Squarepants) I love it when Gricko makes unofficial names for random things haha!!

“You feel frost filling your mouth" NOT THE FIRST TIME, PROBABLY WON'T BE THE LAST!!!

The group really wanting to leave Gricko for dead in the meat locker because his stupid ass really wanted the heart in the box

Hootsie biting off Gideon's nipple so hard that it gushes blood and B-Toes looking happy about it. Hootsie just was protecting her Papa!!

Mending is Frost's signature spell at this point I swear to the gods

“Male satyr dangling his, dangling his hooves” BAD PLACE TO STUTTER NIKKI!!

Gideon's rage code word being bitch is never NOT funny to me

Torbek FINALLY using one of his dimension doors from back when they fought the rabbits to save the satyr is so nice (like what if he did it cause he thought maybe the satyr was related to my self insert?) Also did they retcon him eating the second one or what cause apparently he has another but when Andy was absent, Nikki made Torbek eat it and fall unconscious

The satyrs name is Vancele (vawn-cell) and he is HUNG (and maybe related to my self insert but probably not) Also just in general I love it when the group runs into satyrs because it shows that there is a good possibility that my character COULD be canon! And it's just funny to imagine my amnesiac satyr seeing another one and being like "Are we related??"

Gideon comforting his upset husband about his missing hat is so damn cute, I love my dads so much

Gricko being terrible at lying is such a Gricko thing

Torbek being fancy with his new +1 luck rose! So glad he got something good, my bestie deserves it!!

Every time Gricko says “those FUCKERS" I die out laughing because of how unnaturally pissed off he is

Frost being the most accidentally horniest dude on the team AND the most badass with his meta magic is so cool “I will do them both, I'm very flexible" My brother got RIZZ!!

#a family can be a bunch of criminals and their adopted satyr child #self ship #self ship stuff #self shipping #self ship community #self insert #canon can suck my metaphorical dick

[codecicle]

Read the intro post

wow what a cool and awesome person...

FUCKING 14 YOU ARE A CHILD MY GOOD SIR??? /LH

1: YOOOOOO YOU THINK IM A COOL AND AWESOME PERSON?? THANKS MAN :DD and 2: LMAOOOOOO YEA I AM!! I've been on here since I was like, 11-ish? not sure. my friend introduced me to tumblr during the beginning of my 7th grade year! (and fun fact: that same friend is both my mutual and the person that gave me my nickname actually!! which turned into my url ^_^)

anyway, I'm going to rant underneath your ask about being a child now im so sorry 😔

It's always been so weird being as young as I am both on tumblr and in the fandom space I'm currently a part of. Like realistically, a 14 y/o boy liking minecraft/mcyt sounds really normal but I don't know anyone my age that is open about being a part of this space. I think growing up on tumblr instead or twitter or tiktok honestly really helped when it comes to being happy in my intrests, since almost every other freshman to ever exist has no idea what this website is and they have no chance of ever finding my posts to make fun of me with them. I still use the other two, but I don't post and I only really open them when a cc like Charlie or Ted posts.

It's hilarious to me that because of my current intrests (jrwi and charlie in general) almost everyone that I'm friends with on here are much older minors or adults, mainly because charlie has a pretty mature and well rounded audience (THANK FUCKING GOD 🙏🙏), but also because everybody else my age that are in this fandom are on tiktok. Using tiktok for me and actually posting is kinda unsafe because of the way the tiktok contact sharing works? if someone from my classes finds it through "recommend accounts" then they can look through my account and harrass me if they recognize who it is. Not to steal a Charlie Slimecicle quote for a second, but I was rewatching an old podcast episode from the very beginning of 2020 and he described it as "elevated highschool" which I 100% agree with. Even 3 years later it's still very much just a higher form of highschool bullshit to have to deal with.

But since I don't post on tiktok I don't really have much to worry about!! My account is blank and it's the same @ as my url so nobody should recognize it and put a face to a name which im grateful for. However, being on tumblr isn't the greatest either;

People on here are all adults and I feel a little bit intimidated? In a sense? I understand that I'm a LOT different than most kids my age and I don't typically have anything to worry about but!! I feel like that's what makes it worse. The other people my age that were or still are on here don't understand tumblr etiquette, don't understand not to act like this is twitter and not have stupid cubito discourse, or just aren't funny? Idk I've just never found anyone my age (with the exception of like 3 of my mutuals you guys are amazing and I love you) that I can really talk to on here, so all of the friends I've made are much much older. I'm smart with who I talk to and how I talk to them so I'm safe don't worry!! My parents raised me right and online safety is such a wonderful thing, but one of my closest mutuals on here is in college right now, and the others are juniors or seniors in highschool. I kept my age out of my bio for so long but honestly that was because I was terrified I would scare away the people that I trusted so much because literally obviously it's going to feel weird for them to be mutuals with a genuine honest to god child. I'm relatively close to turning 15 so I'm getting less and less worried about stuff like that happening but eh that was still a real fear for a while.

Anyway sorry for the rant!! TLDR; highschool sucks, I'm scared of being this young on a platform and fandom full of adults and I have to be extra careful, and also charlie slimecicle is a pretty cool guy to look up to so I feel like him being [vine boom sound effect] my COMFORT STREAMER kinda works out in my favor ngl :D

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #we have mail :] #its so weird now being honest about this i guess?? like its literally nothing crazy its my age in my bio but still #anyway sorta on topic but also not i had recently turned 11 when the dsmp started #literally remember watching the discduo finale during my 6th grade online classes LMAO #also yeah sorry for the being a child jumpscare!! i feel like i dont really act or talk my age that much and im a LITTLE more emotionally #mature than the average freshman but still i digress #tysm for the ask though!! sorry for turning it into this 💀💀

[downwithpeople]

finished counter/weight

it wasn't bad!

most actual plays do about 0.5 systems - they nominally use dnd 5e but mainly just do freestyle rp. it's wild to hear someone kitbash together what, 6 fucking systems? multiple groups of players operating at multiple levels asymmetrically? what a big swing! it's so fucking ambitious! i don't even know if it's a good idea!

the big downside of the variety in systems means that a huge chunk of the airtime is spent explaining, discussing and negotiating mechanics. the mechnoir portion was the absolute worst for this and i think part of what made the first session or two so rough was the players just not understanding the game or how to effectively use their characters. the benefit of this immense variety of systems is...i don't know? maybe it's fun to play? i didn't feel like the extended kingdom interlude was that interesting and i would have definitely preferred the events of that to be relayed to me in a 10-minute convo rather than negotiated through another system where the players seem barely cognizant of the stakes.

i found it very difficult to understand what was going on with the setting. a lot of setting names are thrown at you very fast and at this point i still don't know if i could confidently describe all of the big movers and shakers in the setting. still not 100% on who the rapid evening are, who diego rose was, who most of the big corps are and why they matter. i don't hate any of what i learned but i'm not sold on the divines in general. rigour is cool because i understand what rigour is and does. i don't get how righteousness works, nor any of the divines which aren't a giant robot. even at the end, when they were saying shit like 'ooh grace won't like that' i still didn't understand what that meant or why it mattered. maybe i'm just too stupid. that said, the parts that i did understand i thought were pretty decent.

i liked the chime and i liked the cast. audy was cool and had some great moments tho as i said, still don't know why their status as a divine matters. aria seemed like an insanely poor fit for the group but i like ali acampora as an entertainer so it balances out. mako was consistently delightful and the introduction of larry was my favourite character beat in the season. cass didn't make that much of an impression on me and it was too easy to forget they were royalty. i think austin should have laid down the law super hard in the first session and been like 'hey you guys are criminals, you are mercenaries, you do crimes for money, be on that wavelength' instead of like, however the fuck he described their deal with orth.

big fucking mistake: the custom XP triggers he worked out. podcast or no, do NOT ever give players a mechanical incentive to play suboptimally. players already play suboptimally; the mechanics should lead them by the nose into optimal play strategies. i would not recommend giving a player like keith an incentive to fuck up the mission with antics unless you want to ruin your friendships.

i think i would have enjoyed a less structured game along the lines of what is actually suggested by the rules of the sprawl. i guess this is just actual play podcasts in general but the thing is, most PBTA games make it pretty explicit that the game works best when you come in with a set of starting positions and assumptions instead of a predetermined storyline. austin can't help but come in with a big sheaf of predetermined storylines, down to specific planned scenes and even fucking maps. i would love to hear a podcast where someone plays the game as written for once.

i have no idea where to go from here. i'm sure as shit not listening to marielda because i know it will make me big nerd angry. i am not so invested in the setting that i absolutely must find out what happens in twilight mirage. if the hieron stuff is good maybe i'll listen to that next but i think i'm gonna give fatt a break for a while.

my OC for counterweight is the candidate of the divine antipathy.

[lolotr]

10 fandoms 10 characters tag game

rules: name 10 of your favourite characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people to do the same

Thank you @courfaeriedust for tagging me!! It's been so long since I have been tagged in something like this that when I saw the post on my dash I didn't even bother to check. It took the notification for me to figure it out lol

Here we go, in no particular order:

1. Kaleidotrope (podcast). I, too, will begin here, since it's been four years and I'm still not over it. As much as it pains me, I think I will pick Drew, but mostly because I resonate with him so goddamn much. One of the running themes of this list will be trauma.

2. Call Me Katie (web series). Bates, it's obviously Bates, it could never be anyone other than Bates. My disaster bi, the boy who helped me start to realize I'm queer, with his dumbass puns, his neediness, his obsession with vlogging and pizza... I could go on forever.

3. The Adventure Zone - Balance (podcast). Hoo boy. How do I... Magnus? Or Lup? I'm gonna go with Magnus, if only because he is the one who never fails to make me cry. Travis (and Griffin) does such beautiful things with this character and role plays BRILLIANTLY. well, they all do. gosh jeez this is hard

4. Lord of the Rings (books, movies). Never mind, this is super easy. Samwise Gamgee. Next fucking question.

5. Rusty Quill Gaming Podcast. AHHHHHGGGGDKEKXJDI Zolf or Sasha???? At this very moment Sasha. She just-- I just-- my stabbing girl. My damaged, stabbing girl.

6. Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus (book serieses). (These are the two in the verse I've read so far.) It feels like a cop out, but I think Percy. It was between him and Annabeth, and I absolutely love their dynamic, whether it's before or after dating. But Percy is so smart and capable in certain ways and so utterly stupid in others (I have a theory that both he and Annabeth take hits to their mental stats when they are within thirty feet of one another). He's loyal to a fault, he's obsessed with blue food, he fought the god of war at 12 and won, he dove into Tartarus rather than be separated from his girlfriend/best friend again, he even has ADHD. Truly the character of all time.

7. Avatar: The Last Airbender (TV show). Zuko. I love the whole gaang but his character is done so beautifully and complexly. Like that is how you do a redemption arc, people. From the very beginning. And you do not make it easy for this sixteen year old who has committed war crimes, no you don't.

8. The Hunger Games (book series). Peeta. I live that he is optimistic, kind, and principled, but not naive, oblivious, or weak. His flaws are the same as his strengths: he's self sacrificing, self effacing, loyal. Everyone rubs Katniss's nose in the fact that he's good except him. But also, he's not perfect, and there's a lot of complexity tied to the fact that everyone thinks he's better than Katniss in every way, but he's mostly just better at hiding the darker parts of him. I love that we see nothing but the darkest parts and he's able to come back.

9. Dames and Dragons/LegendLark - first campaign (podcast). Fran. Again, I adore everyone, including NPCs, but I have such a soft spot for her. Noel plays her so beautifully and isn't afraid to make her jarring, make her part of the inner conflict of the team. I love how she's grown, and I'm excited and scared to see how the show wraps up.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV show). This is tough, because some people's characterization varies so wildly sometimes, but... Giles. I'm going with my sexy dad who cares so fucking much about his adopted child(ren).

I had a lot of trouble with this list, because I've been in fandom since I knew what it was. I picked things that I still enjoy, and also things that I still enjoy talking about/analyzing. Because that's how I show love.

PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU: @all-chickens-are-trans @chaotic-gay-is-my-alignment @sonseulsoleil @yeahdefnot @greatestvoyageinhistoryofplastic @rovermcfly @the-vaudevillain @anywhoozles @wire-smith @cantdance anyone who wants to! Sorry if I tagged anyone who's been tagged already, I was doing this on mobile and couldn't be bothered to check

#Long post #Tag game #Fandoms #Kaleidotrope #Taz balance #Btvs #dames and dragons #Pjo #Cmk #Lotr #Atla #Thg

[napsaps-archive]

banter ✨ sorry

don't be sorry!! banter isn't my go-to podcast but i do put on an episode every now and then, i prefer the older episodes over the newer ones but it isn't a bad podcast or anything. like i think george karl and sapnap (knn? or is it banter trio idk i use ship names for /p too who cares) work so well and it's partly because karlnap are in love and knf are both menaces and snf are snf lmfao i know a huge criticism of banter is that the three of them don't have that much chemistry but they DOOO and they're all friends who make each other laugh and they say dumb things because they can be stupid together and i seriously cannot wait for the day banter makes its comeback and there are more new eps because i would cry they're so special to me AND TO EACH OTHER like george always gets his fond little eye crinkles when he smiles and sapnap does his head shake with the smile where his chin kind of dips towards his chest a little and karl fucking giggles like there's no tomorrow. i love them so much #SHOOTERS4BANTER

#like ok yeah i definitely think there's room for improvement but i don't hate it or think it's bad or anything i listened to every ep #back when they were at least semi-regular #i think karl and george are more suited for podcasts than sap (he's quieter and doesn't really have a lot to add - which isn't a bad thing #it's just a bit unorthodox i guess) and banter itself has huge potential that i hope it lives up to but it's not bad at all #DON'T BE SORRY NEVER BE SORRY THIS BLOG IS BANTER FRIENDLY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 #i just outed myself as a banter enjoyer 😭😭😭 #ask #anonymous #✨

[phykios]

If I Were A Blackbird, part 9 [co-written with @darkmagyk] [read on ao3]

For three days, Percy had gone back to his room in the evening, taken out his phone, and stared at the name Annabeth Chase in his contacts. He’d toyed with the idea of changing it a few times to Princess Annabeth. Or maybe just adding a crown emoji or something. But he’d done nothing, save for closing his phone, and sighing with relief when Jason showed up and he no longer had the space for a long, quiet, private conversation with… no one. 

But on that third day, he had nothing to do. It was a rest day, with no practice, press things, or even friend’s events to watch. Jason was right on the cusp of his big race, so he wasn’t even around to distract him. 

And as the hours dragged on, the name in his phone could not be ignored.

He’d called his mom. He’d facetimed Estelle, managing to avoid Paul for royal watcher reasons. Luke was technically at work, but they’d spent an hour or so texting. He’d even IMed Nico about his travel plans.

All his attempts to reach out to Rachel had ended with her asking if he’d called his princess back yet. 

He was basically down to messaging Thalia, who would be rightly pissed if he interrupted her in the middle of something important, or breaking down, and actually calling Annabeth. Just to talk to her. Just to hear her voice.

So he listened to half a podcast on the history of the Byzantine Empire. But he could not focus, barely making it through half an episode on the history of the Fourth Crusade. Not when Annabeth’s phone number waited for him. 

He tried to imagine what she would even say to him, if he called to talk. In your dreams? Thanks for the memories? 

For that matter, what would he even say to her? 

The minutes ticked on. He watched his battery drain, ever so slowly, rubbing his thumb across the screen every time it threatened to go to sleep. It was just after 3 pm when, finally, he hit her name on his contact screen, and listened to it ring. 

After two rings, he was ready to give it up. This was a stupid idea. She didn’t want to talk to him. She was screening his calls. She had something more important to do. She didn’t…

“Hello?” 

And his heart jumped.

He’d almost expected her to sound different. More princess-y? What were princesses supposed to sound like? More European, at least. He still didn’t hear much of an accent from her. 

“Percy?”

Oh, shit, he hadn’t meant to not say hi.

“Oh, did you not mean to call?” 

Oh, shit, he hadn’t meant to swear! “No,” he said, quickly, “no, I just… I didn’t really expect you to pick up.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” she asked, sounding… confused. Or sad. Maybe. 

“Cause… I figured you had more important things to do than talk to me,” he said. 

“I always want to talk to you,” she said, simply, and with a palpable conviction, even over the phone. 

He blushed, even though she couldn’t see it. How do you even respond to something like that? “Me too,” he said, then immediately had to physically sit on his hand so he didn’t smack himself. Fucking idiot. 

But she laughed, a tinkling, musical thing. Like stars strewn across a dark sky, pointing the way to shore. 

He let out a laugh too, shaky, but firm. “So… am I going to be put on some government watchlist for calling you?”

She laughed again, a soft chuckle. Gods, her laugh was the same as he remembered it. And so damn pretty. “I don't really know how to tell you this, but they've already run like four background checks on you.”

That was… something. Not exactly surprising. But still not something he’d considered. “So… find anything good?” he asked, partly out of a sense of preservation, because boy, did he have some wacky stuff in his background. 

“We have determined,” she said. Was that the Royal We he had heard so much about? “That you, Percy Jackson, are a sailor, a historian, and an upstanding gentleman who loves his family and his sport.” 

Oh. Well that was nice.

“My dad was very impressed by your academic background, too,” she added.

“Oh.” Her dad was impressed. He had impressed her dad, the future king of Sweden. If Paul were here, he would have had a coronary. “Anything else?” Hopefully he would impress the future queen, too.

“Yes. We determined that you were also devastatingly handsome.” 

“Well… that’s nice.” He had expected flirting even less than the future king of Sweden being interested in his academics.

“Were you expecting them to find something?” 

Talk about loaded questions. He was suddenly extremely thankful for all the times Luke had been there during a run in with the police. No one ever caught Luke up to anything. And some minor larceny had never been Percy’s modus operandi on his own, anyway. “Not really,” he said instead. “But, ah… got any weird holes I might be able to fill?” he offered up, thinking about a rather glaring one, and wondering what her people might have come up in the father-sized void in Percy’s life.

“Yeah, actually.” He thought he could sense a light layer of trepidation in her voice, hidden beneath her casual tone. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to listen to her voice for hours, mining for every hidden meaning and nuance. “Your father? His name’s not on your birth certificate.” 

“So,” Percy said, “before I actually tell you,” sort of, “I want to state, for the record, that it is super weird that you know that.” 

“Sorry.” 

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” he said, sitting up as the tone of her voice dropped. “It’s okay, I totally get it. And I’m sure Swedish James Bond has a gun trained on me right now.” 

She laughed again, maybe a little bit more subdued. “You aren’t that big a deal.” 

“Ouch,” he grimaced. “That is just what my ego needed to hear.” 

“Good. Girls like a little humility, especially from a sports star-turned-influencer.”

“Do they? I thought they were into bad Olympic puns and blue sandwiches.”

“Some of the weirder ones, maybe.” 

“Nah,” he said, “only the ones worth knowing.”

She was silent, for a moment. He imagined her maybe sitting on her hotel bed, a mirror image to him, holding her phone, and smiling down at it. At his words. He imagined her lips as they curved upwards, highlighting her strong cheekbones, little crinkles at the corner of her gorgeous eyes. 

He coughed, dry and useless. “Anyway, um… my dad.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she said, extending him the same grace he had given her earlier.

“It’s okay,” he said. “If it helps, I don’t mind.”

And she didn’t push back against it.

Percy sighed, leaning back against his headboard. “My dad… He’s… I don’t even know how to describe him.”

“What does he do?” 

He had a sudden image of Annabeth at a desk, pencil in hand, bent over and furiously scribbling away in her Percy dossier. It had hearts all over it, and a cartoon valkyrie on the front. The mental picture made him smile. “He’s kind of a bum. He fishes a lot, but other than that… I’ve gone fishing with him a few times, but,” he shrugged, “I’ve really had next to no contact with him.”

She hummed over the phone, sympathetic. “Does that bother you?”

“Not really,” he scoffed. “My dad’s the kind of asshole who had a fling with an eighteen year old girl who was completely alone in the world, and then didn’t even stick around long enough to put his name on the birth certificate.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I’m not. And I don’t need you to be sorry about him, either,” he said. “It’s just… you know when you spend your whole life swinging wildly between cursing someone’s name and wanting nothing more than their acknowledgement and approval?” 

“Yeah,” she said, softly, and with more than a little bitterness. “Yeah, I do know that feeling.”

“Things are good with your dad, though, right?” He prodded, softly. Her dad. Prince Frederick. Future king of Sweden. 

“He’s only about half of it.” 

Ah. “Your mom?” 

“Mmhmm.”

“Wikipedia said she died when you were a baby.” He cringed as soon as he’d said it, as absolutely nothing from that sentence worked on any level.

Annabeth actually snorted in response. “Want to talk about weird? Cite my Wikipedia page.” 

“Well, you were probably breaking down my high school transcript with Maxwell Smart before I even knew you had a Wikipedia page. So there.” 

“Oh, yes, I was very disappointed by that B+ you got in Latin.” 

“That was my teacher’s fault for scheduling the midterm the day before my swim meet.”

She sobered. “Percy, I was kidding. I haven’t seen anything like that. I… doing checks on you wasn’t my idea, I swear,” she said. “It was more a… preventative measure once the pictures got out. I only knew about the thing with your dad because it was mentioned in the debrief.”

“You had a debrief on me, and my calls are still allowed to come through?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she said. So damn earnest. His heart skipped another beat. “And I didn’t mean to be weird about your father. I just… I do know what it's like to be missing a parent and to desperately want their approval, and also to hate that they aren’t there for you.” 

“Did your dad ever look at you, and you knew he was seeing your mom, and it kind of crushed you?” Percy asked, quietly. It hadn’t happened a lot, not really. But every time he’d noticed it, he’d felt it in his chest. He’d felt guilty about it, too, which was why he’d never mentioned it to Luke. Luke had so much worse to deal with on the mom front than he did. It hadn’t seemed fair to bring it up. 

She sighed, heavy, world weary, and tinny. “He did.” 

“It sucks.” 

“It does,” Annabeth agreed. “Is… I saw that you had a stepfather. What’s he like?”

In his mind’s eye, he was at his mother’s wedding again, walking her down the aisle, and trying not to cry at the naked love and adoration on his stepfather’s face. “Paul’s amazing,” he said. “He’s just what my mom always deserved.” She’d avoided relationships for so long, devoting so much of herself to taking care of Percy and May and Luke. He couldn’t even really remember her having a lot of friends. He’d been so happy when she’d seriously started working on her writing again, and then going back to school. And then when she’d met Paul, and they’d gotten serious, he’d been absolutely thrilled for them.

“Oh,” said Annabeth, taken aback. “I… I’m glad.”

Oh. “Um… I guess you and your stepmother… uh…” He trailed off, unsure how to continue his thought without accidentally insulting a member of the royals. Somehow, Paul would sense it, and then he’d probably have a heart attack. 

Annabeth sighed. “You don’t want to hear about my messy family politics.” 

“I think family politics for royalty might just be normal politics.” 

“That’s my point,” she said, tiredly. Percy figured maybe she had tread this ground before, maybe even hundreds of times–with her family, with her friends, with her country, even. She had no reason to rehash it, and especially not with him. 

But. “I love my stepdad,” he said, “and he's awesome for my mom. But, also, when I was two, my mom started working for my Aunt May, who we later found out had a relationship with my paternal cousin. I am pretty familiar with weird, fucked up families.” Even giant, old, European ones. Though he didn’t say that part. “So, if you want to vent, or something… I can listen. I don’t mind.” 

She didn’t say anything, not for a long time. But he could still hear the gentle static of the ambient noise of her room. Sitting here, together, in silence, separated only by a phone signal, it was strangely, wonderfully intimate. 

“I don’t really want to,” she said, after a few minutes. 

“Of course. You don’t have to share anything with me.” 

She sighed. “It's not that. It's more just like… I want to talk to you about happier things. Things I actually like. I may not like my stepmother, but I do like you.” 

Percy smiled, slow and creeping, even though she couldn’t see him. “You… like me?” 

“I do,” she said. “Do you like me?”

“I do.” 

And if either of them noticed that those sounded like the responses at a wedding, they didn’t say it out loud. 

“So,” Annabeth said, the noises over the phone making it sound like she was readjusting her position. Maybe she was snuggling into bed, pulling a blanket over her, her hair spread out over her pillow as she relaxed. “What are you up to, today?”

“It's a rest day,” he said. “With the big race coming up, I have to relax at least a little. I have one every two or three days, but my last rest day fell on the equestrian event, so I went and watched my cousin. And my other cousin Nico was there, so we had fun.” He was finally going to get to properly see Nico at dinner tonight, which was good. And Nico hadn’t given him any shit about the whole princess thing. Which was doubly nice. Though, Percy couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t because of the whole countess for a mother thing, or because he’d spend so much time in his father’s court. 

“But not today?”

“Not today.” Nico and Hazel were celebrating her silver together. And he’d been invited, but with that kind of reluctant vibe that made it clear the siblings wanted some sibling time, at least until dinner. “What about you? Don’t you have some babies to kiss, or some war to avert, or some village to sack?” 

***

She laughed, despite herself, her head back against her pillow. “I wish,” she said. “You could come with me. We’d sack up and down the coast.” 

“You think I’d be good in a fight?” He asked, a smile in his voice. 

And yeah, actually, she did. But she wasn’t sure why. “You did mention fencing in an interview, right?” 

“You watched my interview?” 

“Wikipedia,” she quickly responded. That was going to be a good get out of jail free card so she didn’t look like a total stalker. At least for a while.

“Well, I did do some fencing, both standard style and more of a–period style, for a time. People tell me I’m not half bad with a sword.” 

“Neither am I,” she said, “We should have a go, sometime.” 

“Oh, I’d like that very much,” he said, his voice tipping down an octave or so. 

Color rising in her cheeks, she changed the topic. “I was–I was actually thinking about the boat thing. Vikings were seafarers, as much as anything. I bet you could get me to all the most well-stocked monasteries.” 

“Well, I’ll admit I’m better in salt water, then fresh, and I know the vikings liked to go up river.” His voice was so bright, like he was talking to a normal girl, a regular old twenty-something who was chatting up the boy she liked, asking if he were down to do some pillaging. “But I bet I could handle a longboat. I’ve managed a lot of boats in my time. I could get you anywhere you want to go.”

“Guess you should have run away with me that day in the marina. We could be living large by now, viking down the coast of Florida.” 

“I do hate Miami,” he said.

For a moment, she could picture it: him, her, a boat, and the open waters. No shitty family to hold them down. No reporters to trail their every step. No responsibilities beyond each other. “I’m sorry, Percy.” The words tripped out of her, like a runner out of the gate. “I’m so sorry that I dragged you into all this.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s really not.”

He sighed. “I guess not. But I understand.” 

“You do?” she asked, twisting the blanket around her finger. “You’re… not mad?”

A pause. “Maybe I am, a little bit.”

She swallowed. “Makes sense,” she mumbled. “I did lie to you. I’m really, really sorry. I should have told you the truth from the beginning.” 

He actually let out a little laugh. But it wasn’t his normal, buoyant, grinning laugh. It was wry, instead. A little dark. A little guarded. “That’s not why I’m mad.” 

“It’s not?”

“Of course not,” he said. “Look, I’m not, I don’t think, unreasonable. You had no reason to tell me at the beginning. Honestly, it would have sounded like a line. And as hard as it is for me to believe, we did only just meet a little while ago.” And that was the truth, wasn’t it. They’d only just met, not even more than a month ago. They’d known each other for so little time… but it sure as hell didn’t feel like it. “And I’m not entitled to all your secrets. Just like you’re not entitled to all of mine.” 

“You have secrets?”

“Of course I do, Annabeth. Gods, yes, I have secrets. And I like you–a lot. But I’m not–I don’t want to share them all with you right now. And I’ll always extend to you the same courtesy.” 

“Oh,” She said, a wave of curiosity bubbling up in her. A desperation to know. To find out. He’d learned her secrets, after all. But then again, not all of them. Not even the juiciest of them. But, then… “So, why are you mad?”

She heard him blow his breath out, tinny and staticky. “Because… Look, I totally get not wanting to give me the whole story. I’m sure starting off with ‘Hey, I'm a princess and I have security and sometimes the press follows me around’ would have been intimidating. But we didn’t have to go somewhere so public as a movie theater. Or even just walking around the city. I would have happily kept up seeing you in private places.” 

And then, a second fantasy, even more whimsical than the first. They were walking down the streets of Stockholm together on a bright, sunny afternoon, holding hands. She closed her eyes, willing it away.  

“I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me you were a princess. I’m still scared the Swedish government is going to put out a hit on me, but I’m not mad about that. But I am mad that you put me in a really shitty situation with the paps and Twitter and the world, when you knew better, and I didn’t.” 

“I’m sorry,” was all she could say in response. It was not enough. 

“Me too,” he agreed. “I… I can’t say it's okay. Or that it isn’t a big deal. But I know you didn’t mean to do it. So, that helps. I can take negligence over cruelty any day.”

“Still.”

“Yeah. But I’ll get over it.” 

“Soon?” And it was such a dumb, childish thing to ask. 

“Probably,” he said. “You’re pretty cute.” 

“I thought I was beautiful?”

“That, too.”

“Well,” she said, biting her lip to keep herself from smiling too hard, “if… if you want something private… You said it was a rest day. I could send my driver to pick you up. I’ve got a princess suite and I can get you almost any kind of room service for dining.” 

“Almost?”

“Well, I haven’t tried everything yet.” Or… “Or, if you wanted… Maybe I could give you something better to eat.”

“Oh, yeah?” 

Sense memory reared its head, the tug of his lip between his teeth, the feel of his hair in her hands. “I think it could easily be arranged.” 

He hummed across the phone, vibrating into her ear. “I like the sound of that. Tell me more.” 

“This bed is awfully big,” she said, lowering her voice to match. “And I’ve been in it all by myself for days now.” 

“No other Olympian gentlemen callers?” He asked. 

She shook her head. “No one else would help me sack Palm Beach. What use would I have for them?”

“Is that all I am to you? Some muscle? A tongue and a pair of thighs?” 

He didn’t sound too put out at the idea. “But what strong thighs they are, and what a talented tongue. I’ll give you a sword, if you want.”

“But I already have a sword.” 

Boy did he. It reminded her of her favorite dagger, actually. It wasn’t the biggest or flashiest. But it could get into where it needed to go. And do all sorts of damage once inside. 

If Percy had taught her anything, it was that the old saying was true: it wasn’t the size of the wave, it was the motion of the ocean.

“I mean, I do really have a sword, but… that’s not what you meant… uh…” And now he was all tongue tied and adorable and he was probably blushing and she was so blindly desperate to see him. And his sword. Metaphorical or not.

“Um,” she confidently began her offer, “I can call Hans, my driver from the other night, to go pick you up. Sound good?”

But she was not met by any more delicious flirting or awkward stammering. Just a long moment of silence that got longer and longer. 

And his voice had returned to its normal, pleasant tenor when he said, “Maybe we should pump the brakes a bit.”

“Oh.” And she knew she couldn’t keep her deep deep disappointment out of it. 

“Not–not for long,” he rushed, “just… maybe until after the Olympics are over.” Another three weeks. She felt her heart jump into her throat. 

It was probably the smart thing to do. She was working. They were both working. But, then again, the idea of waiting on pins and needles for the rest of this pomp and circumstance was not exactly her idea of a good time. “Sure,” she said, eventually. “That sounds good.”

“Thanks.” 

But, she supposed it was worth it, just to hear the relief in his voice. She could give him a little more time to think about it before dragging him down with her into her world. 

“I should probably warn you, while you think about things,” and she hated to do this, but it was only fair. “Things might calm down a little, but speculation, attention, media stuff. It won’t go away. Even after the Olympics. So… you should probably consider that, while you’re deciding if this is a thing you want to get involved in.” 

“I think you misunderstood,” he said. “I’m not deciding about anything. I’ve made up my mind. I am so down to date you.” The grin that broke out on her face could have left a permanent scar, her heart jumping in her chest. “I just… I need some time for my races. And maybe to warn my mom.” 

“You’re really cool with this.” It was kind of unbelievable. It was kind of amazing. 

“Should I not be?” 

“No, I’m just… surprised, I guess. But, pleasantly.”

“Would you believe me if I said that the hot girl I was seeing turning out to be a princess isn’t the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me?”

She paused. Because not really, no. And then Piper’s words came wiggling into the back of her mind.

“So, I have to ask,” she finally said, hating every word that was about to come out of her mouth. “Are you a secret prince?”

“...Am I what?”

“Like, maybe of some dynasty that lost its power in the wake of one of the world wars? Or maybe in the German Unification?” 

There was a long moment of silence. 

“Is…” He didn’t seem sure how to respond. “Um… is that a thing that happens?”

“Not in my experience,” she admitted, “no.” But stranger things had happened. 

“I mean… there’s a family legend that my mom’s mom’s family was descended from the Byzantine emperors,” he said. “But other than that… probably not.” 

“Probably?”

“Anything’s possible, right? But really, no. I promise, I am just a Connecticut Yankee in Princess Annabeth’s Court.”

“That’s so fucking cute,” she said. “I hate that.” 

“Thank you. I try very hard.”

“I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Definitely, princess.” 

She shuddered. “Annabeth.” 

“What?”

“Please, just… call me Annabeth. All the time, but especially if you’re just talking to me.” Beneath her blanket, she curled her legs up, tensing her toes against the soft fabric.“I can do that, Annabeth,” he promised, and she felt like she could breathe again. “I can do that.”

#princess sailor au #percabeth #pjo fic #my fic #perseannabeth #darkmagyk #patatayo #frenchswissborder #the rivalry ends here #tadaaaaa

[the-official-account]

episode.......25

and so it begins...or ends!

anything can kill a vampire it just has to happen a lot alsdfjal;sdjfasdlfkjas

"what do we have in the way of the tommy gun...ACAB but i'll take it" asdjlfa;sdlfjasf

one of my favorite parts of ttrpgs is the whole "buckle down to fight a boss" bits they're so satafying, the anticipation if palpable

okay the trip threat has been adjusted but in my mine vellum is still for sure looking 👀👀👀😳😳😳

spar is like "Bestie I have one emotionally intelligent braincell on loan from anya...but i'll do my best!!!" (I'm exaggerating, he's pretty savvy but asd;lfas;dlf)

I love how bridge worship's providence and their whole deal is STILL "dont fucking mess with those cards"

"When i don't know what to do I try to think about what makes the people I care about safest" Where's that *gently holds* image when you need it because AAAAWWWWHHHHHHH.

" we could try locking them up?" Spar no asldfja;wdsjf

The dreamy sigh i let out when spar said the whole "I trust you with my life" thing. That's the gayest shit he's said yet, I think.

Okay but all im saying is consider Xbala/Anya/Tatiana. Just consider. Really think on this. the ultimate chaos trio

"It's Xbala"

"Does she have anya with her?"

"yes"

it was establish that anya was standing behind her but my initial mental image was FOR SURE Xbala carrying's anya under one arm dfghsadflhgsfgsld

I feel like spar is trying to hard to exude "man of the house" energy all the time and normally that would work except 80% of people in the podcast see him as a younger brother-ish-situation. But he did good with anya!!!!

I think they should give anya a knife and set her lose though, that's just my opinion

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA, SEE A LAWYER AND PICK EM IPAS DFA;LDSJFAS BY STUPID DOODLE IS CANNON NOW I HAVE DECIDED.

:O SPAR DON'T BE MEAN TO XBALA!!

"look i had real qualms about manhandling a lawyers" asdfjha;sdjfa;skdfj

"AND ANYAS LIKE i would bite you" QUEEEEEEN SHIT OH MY GOD

OF COURSE FUCKING DIAMOND IS TRYING TO DITCH OUT ON THE FUCKING DEAL. UGH!!! (DEROGATORY!) TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO!

Diamond better not be saying they're going to that meeting.

ipswitch noooo. Ipswitch i like you so much but don't fall for thissss noooo. something sus is like fore SURE going down adn i dunno what it is but i DO NOT trust it

COMMUTES VIA PARKOUR WHILE BLINDFOLDED HE'S SUCHHHH AS FUNNY LITTLE GUY!!!!!! OH MY BGOD

oh my god vellum but as a baby.....wait who is iris? I may not know an iris yet but I am VERY interested in vellum's work friends (in inventing names of one(1) random character for a fic I chose, or all names, naomi...........)

SPAR MAKING MATCHING SHIT FOR HIM AND SOREL IS SO PRECIOUS HOLY FUCK.

what ARE the xbala anya vibes. OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CONSIDERED THAT SHIP. Ooooh Xbanya is a really good name. Xatianya also??? At some point if you cram enough names together they make one (1) sci-fi russian princess.

Yeha maybe Lunavella's just a GILF. THE CAT/BIRD ENERGY there are layers...there are LAYERS to this yeah as;kldfja;lsjdf

as a listener I had not considered this I would assume the poleaxe was just like. a socially acceptable and sexy addition to an outfit

LALSDFJLSDFHGALKJSFD i was waiting for spar's reaction to the triple threat

I feel like if you're headed to the truth booth in your relatioship it oughta be ending anyway

MERIM I'VE BEEN ABANDONED BY MY DATE NOOOOOO Jakub ditching lunavella for QC is understandable and probably the best strategic but still a bit lame

Luna is sticking with vellum and bc you just KNOW she's a god at that etch-a-sketch. The kiddies in the olde elven kinda garden couldn't HOPE to keep up.

DIAMOND CAN YOU RESPECT EPIPLE'S AUTONOMY FOR FIVE MINUTES?

OOOOH THAT TELEPORTATION IDEA IS RAD

OOOOH THE HOUSING BEING FAKE IS SO GOOD

Do all the pendant work? Did they find a way to manufacturer more? If they can surgery everyone wearing a pendant like giving them diamond's mind control is a massive L but being able to identify that many members is super useful? Also fuck diamond.

"diamond is frozen in time" haha. Bitch.

EEEEEE voracity outing Merim like that aiiiiiint great. VORACITY YOU LEAVE SPAR THE FUCK ALONE. FUCK.

I really hope they get their backup in soon. Ahhh!!!!!

I'm glad to be caught up. My blood pressure will be slightly higher for the next 2 weeks

@threeheartscast

#very happy to be here now im going the fuck to bed #edil chats #edil liveblogs three of hearts #three of hearts #three of hearts pod