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inmywritingera · 2 months

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Illicit Affairs: A Folklore Story

Part Two: Augustine

Guilt

It was only supposed to be one time. That’s what Augustine told herself when the guilt began to eat her alive. Betty was her oldest, dearest friend. If she were to find out, years of friendship would go down the drain and she’d lose both of them. The very thought of it created a pit in her stomach.

She knew she was wrong. She knew she was a terrible friend. But he was a drug. She couldn’t get enough of him. His touch was electric, his kisses frantic and desperate. She was never much of a believer in silly things like love, but after months of spending time with James through Betty, she realized why Betty was so crazy for him. She realized it when she started to feel gentle stirs of excitement whenever he entered the room and a soft sadness whenever he left. But James wasn’t hers to love, and so she pushed her growing feelings aside and refused to see him as anything other than a friend. She treated him as casually as she did all the other guys desperate for her attention.

That is, until prom night.

She wasn’t even going to go. That’s what she’d been telling Betty for weeks. She didn’t have a date despite multiple requests and didn’t want to be a third wheel. She held a general dislike for the majority of her classmates, dancing wasn’t really her style, and she hated dressing up. Yet, one day she found herself in a local boutique searching for vintage sweatshirts when bright red, satin fabric caught her eye. Curiosity got the best of her, so she pulled the dress off the rack and regarded it with mild interest. It certainly makes a statement, she thought. She figured she’d try it on just for the hell of it and when she turned to face her reflection she was pleasantly surprised to find that it fit as if it were made for her. The draped front delicately accentuated her bosom and the tight fabric with a slit up the thigh clung seductively to her curves. She looked like a stranger to herself. In that moment, she found herself dreaming up an image of James seeing her in this dress and what his reaction would be. He’s Betty’s boyfriend, she told herself sternly. Nevertheless, she left the boutique with a prettily wrapped bag containing red satin.

Augustine arrived before Betty and James, so she lingered at the drink table. She looked around the gym, which had been completely transformed into something like a garden, with a terrace of sorts acting as the dance floor. The walls were draped with dark fabric and a projector beamed stars around the room.

“Augustine!” She turned and her heart jumped softly when she saw Betty and James. Betty looked like she was in a fairytale, a pastel purple dress of layered chiffon that flowed gently from a boned bodice to the ground like a cloud. Her wild curls were tamed into place with shimmering pins of flowers. James was a heartthrob in his tux, his wavy hair also tamed neatly with gel. Augustine locked eyes with him for just a moment, not ignorant to the fact that he was staring at her in a way she had never seen before. Something flipped in her stomach and she approached them with a smile. Play it cool, she told herself.

“Girl, you look incredible,” Betty was saying, but Augustine barely heard her. James was still watching her. “No wonder you kept it a secret from me!” Well, I wasn’t even going to come until I saw this dress and thought your boyfriend would love it, she thought guiltily. “Come on,” Betty said eagerly, pulling Augustine towards the dancing crowd. “Let’s go dance!” And she was swept away with James trailing behind them. Augustine quickly glanced over her shoulder and met his eyes. She felt a flush of pleasure as he gazed at her approvingly before matching their pace and taking Betty’s hand to twirl her onto the dance floor.

They’d been dancing for a while when Augustine noticed James making his way out of the crowd and across the gym to the hallway. She was about to follow him when the music changed and Betty excitedly shrieked “Oh, my God, James! It’s our song.” Betty turned towards Augustine. “Where’s James?” Augustine shrugged.

“I’m gonna go take a break; my feet are killing me.” Augustine pulled her shoes off her feet and left the dance floor, pausing for a generous cup of water before making her way out to the hall. She didn’t know why she didn’t tell Betty she saw James leave. He probably just needed a break and was outside enjoying the cool evening breeze. She shouldered past a couple deeply entwined against the wall and headed out into the spring night. She looked, but didn’t see James. Hm. Weird.

Her phone buzzed. Tell Betty to enjoy the rest of the night with her new date. Augustine had no idea what he was talking about. She headed back inside and it made sense once she returned to the gym and saw Betty dancing and laughing with someone that wasn’t James.

Come on, you know Betty isn’t like that. Did you leave?

Yes. I hate the crowds anyway.

Does she know you left?

Silence. Augustine put her phone back in her clutch and returned to the gym, where she found Betty now dancing with a group of girls from her drama class.

“Hey, I think I’m going to head out,” Augustine shouted over the music. “I’ve seen enough!”

Betty laughed, knowing how much Augustine hated social events. “You were a real trooper!” she said breathlessly, still dancing. “See you tomorrow!” Augustine waved goodbye and left for the parking lot. Again, she didn’t know why she didn’t tell Betty James left. It would have been the right thing to do. But something in her wanted James to herself, to prove that she didn’t imagine his longing stare.

She was only a couple of blocks away from the school when she saw James walking home on the cobblestone sidewalk. His head was down, hands in his pockets. She pulled up next to him. His head jerked up in alarm and he sighed with relief when he saw it was her. She rolled the window down and called out to him.

“James, get in. Let’s drive.”

For a couple of years now, Augustine and Betty alternated hosting game night with their friends. Tonight was Augustine’s turn and her living room was loud with raucous laughter and crude jokes. The night outside was thick with humidity and rain battered the wide windows, the occasional flash of lighting making the lights flicker. Thunder crashed and her phone buzzed. A quick look told her it was James and she quickly looked around to ensure no one was paying attention to her. They were all so deeply engrossed in a game of charades that no one was even paying attention to her.

What are you doing right now?

Game night. You?

Thinking about you. Her heart lurched. They’d had several drives together now and a secret agreement to keep it between themselves. Meet me behind the mall.

She looked around her and saw her friends all still engrossed in the game. No one even noticed when she quietly stood and left the room, eyes down. She snuck out the sliding door, pulling her hood over her head against the storm. I should stop, Augustine thought, but still found herself pulling out of the driveway with her headlights off to make sure no one saw her leave. This is a bad idea. She pulled into the mall parking lot. His car was parked away from the lights, behind a furniture store. You can always stop.

But she didn’t want to.

“Are you sure?” he whispered. Augustine gripped him tightly. She had never done this before, but she ached for him. In this moment, Betty and game night were far from her mind. The secrets and lies dissolved from her mind as James traced his lips across her collarbone. There was nothing else. Just his body against hers in a way that felt like two puzzle pieces about to fit perfectly together.

“I’m sure.”

Afterwards, Augustine returned to her friends, flushed and damp from the downpour.

“Where have you been?” Betty asked.”We thought you were in the bathroom!” Augustine felt a horrible feeling in her stomach then and tried to ignore it.

“Oh, just for a run.”

A Godforsaken Mess

She knows.

It was a simple, two-worded text from James that knocked the wind out of her. She knew it was bound to happen, but there was always a part of her that thought they were invincible and could go on with their illicit affair without hurting Betty. It was a dream of course, far removed from reality until that text lit up her phone.

How?

Ines. Damn Ines. She could never just keep her mouth shut. Augustine collapsed onto her bed and closed her eyes, knowing that she and James had just broken Betty. But there was a quiet, secret part of her that was relieved, because it meant that James was hers. I won. She hated herself for thinking it. But deceiving her best friend had been exhausting. When she was with James, Betty didn’t exist–but when she was alone she felt like the guilt would consume her. It was the worst when she was actually with Betty, the one who knew her best. She lived in fear that her secret would be revealed by a slip of the tongue or some other careless indication. She and James thought they were being discreet. She’d return from a passionate rendezvous flushed, always prepared with an excuse. They were careful to keep conversation light and platonic with Betty around, keeping their eyes away from each other so Betty wouldn’t see their stolen stares. Maybe they tried a little too hard to be discreet…

And in that moment, Augustine realized that Betty had to have suspected something for at least a little while. When Betty had noticed James’s sweatshirt on her bed, Augustine thought she had passed it off well enough–it was the truth that she had run into James and was cold. But what Betty didn’t know was that Augustine didn’t exactly run into James–he had asked her to meet him after work to take a walk on the beach. Guilt had crept up her throat, knowing that these walks belonged to James and Betty. But the next thing she knew, Augustine was staring at the rusted door of his house. She knew this had to mean something, to meet together somewhere other than the back of a car parked behind the furniture store in an empty mall parking lot. She had coolly walked through the door with him, fighting the urge to hold his hand. It’s not like that, she had told herself. It’s just a fling.

Augustine recalled all of the times she canceled plans with Betty when James called her for another clandestine meeting. She always had an excuse–a “thing” she had to do with her parents, going for a run, college essays. Yes, she definitely had to have suspected. Betty must have given so many signs that she knew, but Augustine had been oblivious to every single one. Once her phone buzzed with that text from James, though, she felt like a fool. Of course she would’ve found out, she scolded herself, knots in her stomach. She’s my best friend.

Right on cue, Augustine received the dreaded text from Betty. But when she opened the message, it was one of few words.

You can have him, but never speak to me again.

August

They slept in each other’s arms for the last month of summer, free at last. It seemed like James realized there was no turning back. He chose me. Betty kicked Augustine out of her life and it broke her heart, but James was there shortly after Betty texted her, picking up the pieces and holding them together until she was strong enough to carry the weight of what she had done. She knew it weighed on James, too, but his lips and hands were so hot and desperate over her body that she knew without a doubt that he didn’t regret it. She lost her best friend in exchange for James, and maybe it made her a terrible person, but that was enough for her.

Between James’s work at Schmoe’s and Augustine’s SAT prep, they didn’t have much time together. But on James’s days off, they would meet down at the beach. Augustine would watch him as he lay with his back beneath the sun, wishing she could write her name on it. She would ever so softly run her fingers across his back, tracing loops and lines that spelled out a secret Augustine.

They were watching the sun set over the water when Augustine realized she loved James. She didn’t know when it actually happened, but she became aware of it when she was driving home from his house and found herself conjuring images of marriage, children, and an entire life together. She could see it all so clearly and she reveled in it. She wondered if James could tell she had fallen for him and she wondered if he had fallen for her, too. They didn’t speak of love to one another, but the way he looked at her told her he had to feel the same way for her. They would lay twisted in bedsheets, slick with the sweat of passionate exertion, and he would stroke her hair and softly hum to himself. Yes, there was no doubt. He loved her.

“I don’t think we can do this anymore,” James was saying, but Augustine didn’t hear him. Everything seemed muted and far away. “Augustine?” She looked up from staring at her hands and met his gaze. “Did you hear me?”

“I don’t understand,” she said stupidly. “What are you saying?”

James sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m saying that this has to stop. I can’t keep doing this.” He paused, looking away. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” he said quietly.

Augustine’s heart seemed to stop. Betty. “I have to make things right, Augustine,” James continued, unaware of the shattering glass of her breaking heart. She felt delusional for believing he had an unspoken love for her.

“So, what? This was all for nothing?” “Augustine. Baby–”

“Do not call me baby,” she growled through gritted teeth, seething anger burning hot across her skin. “Please try to understand, Augustine.”

“Understand what? That you used me? That I was just a replacement? What am I supposed to do now? I ruined everything for you!” And I’d do it again, a million times.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you.”

“But you don’t love me.”

James paused. “I care for you very much,” he repeated softly. “But no, I don’t love you that way.”

Augustine felt the world slide away from under her feet as his words pierced her heart. Of course he doesn’t love you. He wants Betty. It’s always been Betty. Of course, part of her knew he didn’t feel the same for her as she did for him, but hearing it out loud tore her apart. She risked and lost everything for him and he just tolerated her love for him.

James took a step forward, taking her hands in his. “You mean so much to me, Augustine. That will never change. But you have to understand. I screwed up and I need to fix it. I love her more than anything.”

His words made Augustine want to throw up, knowing she was just Betty’s understudy. James pulled her into an embrace. “I’m sorry, Augustine. We had a lot of fun, didn’t we?”

Augustine jerked away, glaring at him. So that’s all it was. “We sure did.” He looked curiously back at her, waiting for her to say more. “You go make things right with Betty.” Her face was burning hot, angry tears welling in her eyes. “She deserves happiness and so do you.” And with that, she pecked him on the cheek and left him on the beach to listen to the waves alone.

So that’s it. I was the fun. Betty is the one. Her tears spilled over and ran hot down her cheeks as she headed towards her car, ignoring the stares of beachgoers and tourists. So much for summer love, she thought bitterly, blindly pushing through the throngs of people. What a stupid, idiotic fool he had made her. She got into her car and slammed the door shut, burying her head in her arms over the steering wheel. Sobs wracked her body as she told herself over and over, he wasn’t mine to lose.

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