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#the prices we've paid
xannerz · 6 months
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aaand that makes it okay... how?
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Hey so remember how grocery prices suddenly jackknifed during lockdown and never went back down?
Well turns out the companies would have done that shit either way and had been steadily price-fixing for the last decade!
Washington State Attorney General Bob Ferguson just announced more than $40 million in court-ordained Fuck You money from massive swaths of food production companies are to be paid out to households earning at or below 175% of the federal poverty level ($25.5k for 1 person, $34.5k for 2 people households) before Dec 31st of this year. Happy Holidays.
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"The bottom line here is that my legal team took on two large corporate price-fixing conspiracies that increased the cost for groceries for Washington families. We've prevailed, and as a result, we are sending checks to over 400,000 Washington households."
Cannot stress enough the extent of the conspiracies he's talking about here. 15 out of the total 19 chicken producers got nailed in this lawsuit. Not the total number of conspirators, mind, just the ones who left enough evidence for the AG to kick their ass in so expedient a manner. Make no mistake, all 19 were in on it. The court case against the rest of them has been delayed until October of next year, though. None of them are making it out unscathed.
Tuna didn't escape antitrust horseshit either, because the CEOs of Starkist, Chicken of the Sea, and Bumblebee Tuna had a fucking group chat where they complained that the price of tuna was "too low" and they agreed to artificially inflate the price.
“What’s so maddening about the conduct of these companies is the reason that they engaged in this price-fixing conspiracy was greed. They wanted to make money."
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So anyway the AG who nailed their asses to the wall and continues to do so is running for governor. If you live in Washington, could be worth your vote when primary season rolls around.
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primalsharkman · 4 months
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Petty? Pretty.
Kim Chaewon x M Reader | 🔞 Smut
[Enemies to Lovers, Academic Rivals, Fake Dating]
Word Count: 5,385
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You sighed as you put the pen down at the table. It was your final exam for the year, meaning that all your hard work has officially paid off. The projects you made were certainly extraordinary, definitely leagues apart for the company you were in. However, the pressure of coming in second was like a pump shotgun being shot into the back of your head multiple times. You know, you cannot let Chaewon win again this year.
Of course, Kim Chaewon. The school's greatest academe mind since, ever. Always getting the top grades, the top approval, and all the top boys. The latter which, you really didn't care for. But she had the run of the mill, taking the best with her for her own pleasure. Stories and rumors of her taking the university's quarterback spread around like wildfire. She'd deny it, but everyone knew otherwise.
You roamed around the halls in deep thought, the heavy weight of your books in your hand was very aching, but you were close to dumping them into your locker.
"Finally..." You sighed after arriving at your locker and opening the combination, and only then dumping the books inside.
Vacation was on your mind, but you knew the year isn't over yet. A familiar scent was on your tail, and you knew exactly who wears that specific perfume in your school.
Turning around, you found the academic goddess herself, standing beside you with her bag slinging by her side and giving you a stare. "I hope you did better than you did last year, it was almost too easy for me to beat you." Chaewon said, confidently and with a smirk.
You rolled your eyes at her and crossed your arms, "I've had enough of your gloating, Kim. You're an egomaniac and you really need to get yourself checked before you break down once you see I did better than you."
"Big talk for someone who's only ever beaten me once, in a team debate, no less." Her voice pierced through your heart, and it did hurt. Sure, you did never beat her one on one, but you fought her so hard that you'd get recognized and put in the same conversations as her name did.
"What do you want, Kim? Are you just going to ogle your tits in front of me? Because let's be real, I wouldn't fuck you in a million years." She just chuckled at the statement and gave your crotch a light tap using her wrist.
"Trust me, I wouldn't fuck you in a million years too. But there is something I need." That was when you just smiled at her and closed your locker before walking away from her.
Chaewon panicked and followed your pace, keeping up by your side. "H-hey, I just said I need your help!" You waved her off before she grabbed your wrist and sped up to drag you away from the halls and into an empty area away from the students.
"Listen, I know we've had our differences but this is about prom." At this point was already looking at you like she made up her mind and she will do everything to convince you.
You sighed. "Let me guess, you want me to go with you to the prom?"
"Yes."
"I don't think we should, Chaewon."
"But we could win prom king and queen."
"Does that even matter?"
"If it means beating Yunjin and her very clingy boyfriend, yes."
You just stared into her eyes after that quick exchange, but you knew how insufferable the school couple was. They were everywhere, being flirty and just rubbing it in people's noses. It was a sight.
Pacing around the room and opening a window, it was easy to see that this was an opportunity to get your name trending again. But was it worth it when Chaewon's name is going to be beside yours?
"Okay, but I will dictate the ground rules. You will wear a black dress, you will do the talking, telling people that we got together recently and that you were the first to fall for me." Chaewon just looked at you angrily while the demands were being listed.
"Ugh, fine. I'll pay that price just to stick it to her. Just see how she likes it." She may hate you, but she really doesn't like being upstaged, and unfortunately for Yunjin, she got in the way.
A quick thought entered your mind. "Oh and one more thing," Chaewon turned around. "... You're not allowed to fall in love with me."
She just smiled, "Won't be a problem, I'll see you at my place then. Don't forget to bring flowers. Ciao~" She said as she left the vicinity. You were left standing there with nothing but your bag in hand, and shortly afterwards you went home.
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The drive to Chaewon's was fast, thanks to the traffic not holding people up. Her apartment was still 3 floors up, so you had to climb up the flgiht of stairs to reach her door and give her a knock.
"God why did I listen to her..." You whisper to yourself while holding a bouquet of flowers in your hand as your cheeks fill with a red blush.
Chaewon opened the door and gave you a judging smirk. "For once, you finally listen to me huh?"
Embarrassed, you just looked away and handed her the flowers, which she gladly took and had a whiff of them. "They're pretty, okay? Don't be too shy, you're acting like this is real." She giggled as she went down the stairs waiting for you.
You opened the door for her, and she went inside without a word. You breathed out a sigh of relief and went back inside the driver's seat and started driving.
It was mostly a silent trip, neither even giving each other exchanging hi's and just humming to the song playing on the radio. It was nerve-wracking for you, as she can just say anything crazy in a second.
But then you heard a sweet and soft voice speak, it was soothing to the ear and yet you know Chaewon is never this soft and sweet. "So, this is it. Time to act flirty, you'll take care of me right?" You just nodded at her, "Just behave like a good girl and we'll win your petty prize." Getting out of the car and you open the door and take her hand before guiding her inside the venue.
The vibe around the prom was magnificent. It was themed as a romantic getaway, with beach designs and a drawing of a sunset as the backdrop for the stage. You can only look around as the people start filling in the place and you stare at Chaewon.
You weren't kidding yourself, she was looking spectacular. She left the flowers in the car but even with just one flower tucked on her ear, just looking at her makes your heart skip a beat.
You found some seats for you and Chaewon to sit in, it was in plain sight so everyone could see that the two of you are in this prom together. You put your arm around Chaewon and she gladly put her hands on your inner thigh, dangerously close to your crotch.
"Dangerous game you're playing here. Be careful not to touch anything." You gulp as you say those words.
You only heard a small chuckle as she whispered, "Try not to get hard okay? We don't want you going in the bathroom leaving me out here don't we?" She sure has her way of being very provocative.
Yunjin and her boyfriend finally showed up, dressed perfectly to compliment each other's styles. Everyone was astounded at their sight, looking like the royal couple, everyone was reminded of who they really are.
The grunt Chaewon releases between her lips was pretty cute, she was angry, but most of all she was very petty. "Okay, time to turn up the heat." Those were the last words you heard before you felt her lips crash into yours.
Her kiss felt like floating in space freely. It felt freeing and wonderful. Next thing you know, you were making out with your rival and the event hasn't even begun. You could get lost in this feeling forever, and you wanted to stay in this moment. Somehow, someway, Kim Chaewon is a perfect match for you. The way she holds you, the way she wraps her hands around you, it is truly something worthwhile.
These thoughts were interrupted by the sound of loud music entering your ears once you realize she let go. "...What the fuck was that for?" was all you can conjure up for your first, and possible the best kiss of your life.
"Gotta show them who's boss. And right now, we have the mental advantage. Everyone's looking at us right now." You did look around to see them whispering and muttering to each other about what they saw, even Yunjin was perplexed when she took her seat nearby.
"If this doesn't end in sex, i'm dropping you off the side of the highway." You claimed jokingly.
"Ha! As if you'd actually want to fuck me."
"With a kiss like that, now I know why all the boys want you."
"Is that a fact?"
"Oh shut up, i'm giving you a genuine compliment." Chaewon smiles after hearing that and gives you another kiss. This time, it's even more passionate. Your pants were starting to tighten and it got really, really heated. You knew you had to get some food to calm yourself down before your primal instincts take over and bend her down the table and fuck her brains out.
Once you broke the kiss, you asked her. "Do you want me to get you a plate or no?"
"Okay, boyfriend. Go get me a plate." She hit your balls again as you stood up and you lightly kicked at her feet before walking towards the catering.
Right now, you didn't give a shit about the deal you made. It doesn't matter whether you win prom king and queen, because pretending to be her partner was already a thin line to walk on, but now that she's being very playful and teasing you to great extent, you might not last the night.
You got her the plate, and you sat back down next to her. Before she could even mutter a word you just dug into the food. Thankfully she didn't say anything and just ate.
Thank god no one bothered you two, just having people pass by and smile or even give a simple wave is enough. Chaewon was a tiger in academics but socially, she is so much worse. There's a reason she doesn't have a clique, or even a best friend. She just preferred studying and going at it alone. Even with projects, you saw firsthand how she asked the professors if she could do it alone. She was granted her wishes, and she's done better than all of them. You were no slouch of course but, you're not insane enough to do group work solo.
"Let's go dance. We need to be as cute as we can." She said as she put down her fork and wiped her lips with a tissue.
"Don't fucking tap my balls again, you stand up first." Chaewon nodded and stood up, waiting for you to join her.
Taking her hand, you guided her to the dance floor and thankfully, the music was set low. There were a few people on the floor including the royal couple but the spotlight was on you. Nobody thought the two best minds in the entire university would be on good terms, let alone dating.
Chaewon did her best to act as subby as possible, knowing that it was her best chance to win those votes. She smiled, giggled at your jokes and even started talking to the other students on the dance floor while you roamed her around in the dance. If this was the Chaewon you saw in school everyday, you might've just fallen for her instantly.
"Hey, look at me for a while would you?" You said as you grabbed her chin and made her face you.
"What do you want? I'm trying to win us some favor here..." She said in a quiet but rage-filled voice.
"Is it so bad for a couple to actually look at each other and talk? Come on, you know better than that."
Chaewon just nodded and looked at you. Your heart melted through every wall you ever put up once she did. How in the hell are you falling for Chaewon? You know how she is. You know every dirty tactic and every move she's done to you. You hated how she tapped your balls everytime she found an opening. You hated the way she liked other boys. You hated it when you found out she was absent for a week due to a fever. You hated missing her. You hated falling for her at every step of the way.
Chaewon yelped when you firmly grabbed her waist, pulled her close and straightened her hair out behind her ear. "If you're gonna kiss me, I'd do it that way too."
You ignored her words and just kissed her. You didn't care if everyone was watching, you didn't care if anyone actually wanted to see it. All you wanted to do was kiss your rival. The rival you desperately tried to hate because you knew she'd never love you. The rival you never asked out because she was too busy studying her tits out. The rival you only ever loved.
As you let the kiss go, Chaewon stared at you for a moment. She immediately let that go and went back to being the same Chaewon you know. For that night, she belonged to you. And you took full advantage of that fact. You ate, you danced, you loved. It was all you could think about for the rest of the night.
It was over soon enough, and you remembered why you were there in the first place. You breathed in heavily and made Chaewon put her arm around your waist as you waited for the announcements. You didn't even listen to the announcement, all you did was feel her touches and let her hear the names she wanted to being called. Next thing you know, you were up there with her, taking a ribbon and a crown. It was pretty funny looking, but seeing Chaewon's face light up is a pretty good sight. You smiled at the crowd and thanked them for the vote.
This was when Chaewon broke free. She let you go and went to the car so she could celebrate her victory. You followed suit and went back in your car.
"Well, i've had my fill of achievements for the day. Take me home." You just nodded and drove. It was a pretty slow night drive. You didn't go over 40, mostly because you just wanted to enjoy her company more.
"That's all you wanted? Seems pretty shallow to go through all that trouble." You said.
"Then I'm shallow. All I care about is that I am on top again." Spoken as softly as she could.
"You do realize we're gonna have to break up during the summer right? I can't fake date you forever."
"Then let's break up."
"Fine."
"Fine." She just crossed her arms and sat on the passenger's seat and stayed quiet.
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You parked your car in the back, you wanted to clear your head space once you drop her off back at her door but you just stayed in the car first, and so did she.
The crickets chirping made the deafening sound of night feel, not so deafening. You took time to process everything that happened in there, and you looked at Chaewon, who seems to be doing the same thing.
"Hey, can I see your cock?"
"What the fuck, Chaewon?"
"Don't be a fucking pussy about it."
"I'm not in the mood."
"Why not?"
"Because... because I'm not sure if I like you or not."
"What?" Her eyes grew wider as you dropped those words.
"Just... let me think, okay? You were out here all night flirting with me like... it felt real chaewon. It felt real, all of it."
"You don't have to think about it..."
"Oh so now you're trying to restrict my thoughts of you? Don't play games with me Chaewon."
"I'm not!"
"Then why—"
"Just listen to me! You boar-headed dipshit! I like you too! Okay?! Is that enough?!"
You two just looked at each other with your eyebrows furrowed and neither of you were able to land a word after she confessed her feelings to you.
"I like you too. I didn't want to, but I like you! Get that through your thick fucking skull." She said angrily.
It was a lot to process. You both broke the rule of not falling for the other. And now you are at each other's throats because you both were confused and angry that the person both of you were trying to beat at every turn, was someone you actually were into.
If academics didn't mean a thing, you two would probably have hit it off at some point. But unfortunately, that pressure got to you both. For the first time, the weight of that pressure was actually lifted and you could only breathe out a strong, relieving sigh.
"Damn your kisses, Chaewon." You joked.
"Oh boo-hoo." She went for you and kissed you again. This time climbing out of her chair and sitting on your lap. This time, the kiss was different. It was more carnal than romantic. There was more tongue involved as you swing yours with hers and intertwined then as the shared kiss continued.
You grabbed her waist, and slowly reached out those hands into her ass. She gave out a lot moan and adjusted her position so you have full access to her plump, round ass.
She leaned her kisses towards your cheek and towards your ear, where you can hear every small moan and whimper she lets out of her mouth.
The hands you had around her ass were fondling them and enjoying the soft cushions they gave you. Chaewon was already getting wet, but you have yet to know that. You didn't want to go over what she considers her boundaries so you didn't move a muscle.
She felt your cock under her getting bigger and she just looked into your eyes. "Hey... we should take this inside."
You nodded and opened the door so she can climb out. You followed her and locked your car before heading up those dreaded stairs to her door. Once the two of you get there, she immediately opened it with her keys and dragged you inside by your collar.
It only took a shut of the door for her to throw herself at you with another kiss, jumping into your arms so your hands can carry her thighs as she wrapped her legs around you.
"Fuck..." you could only mutter as she rained down heavy kisses on your lips, your ears, and even your neck. It seemed like she knew what she was doing, and for your virgin ass, you went along for the ride.
"Take me to my bed. And take that goddamn suit off already."
"Yes, baby." You dragged your feet through the room and plopped her down the bed. You untied your necktie and threw it across the room. She kneeled on the bed as you stood over her, and she grabbed your polo and unbuttoned each and every single one while giving you the hungriest look a horny woman can give.
It was obvious she was having fun playing this game, and it felt like hell for you. Your cock was twitching in your pants and it started to hurt. She noticed you wincing and took off the polo before unbuckling the belt in your pants.
Her head was dangerously close to your cock and your hand moved itself to brush her hair and hold it down to your crotch, which was her eye-level. She pulled it all down and your cock sprung to hit her nose.
"Ow..." she said as she grabbed the hard cock in her hands, smiling.
"Your hands are pretty nice..."
"It fits your cock really well." She giggled and hummed as she dragged her hand down the length of your cock as you moan out quietly. She knew not to put too much pressure and she knew the perfect way to touch your cock and give you the pleasure your body is used to.
All you could do was grab her hair and turn it into a makeshift ponytail, where she smirked. "You know what it means when a guy does that to a girl right?"
"I think so. Do I get a guess?"
"No. You just get to feel your consequences." Her lips enveloped itself around the head of your cock, and the heat from her mouth makes you hold on the ponytail tighter.
She looks up at you as she takes your cock in painfully slow, licking along the way. You were panicking as the pleasure was getting too much for you, and Chaewon was just getting started. You didn't want to be a 10-second wonder.
She kept working around your cock, drenching it in her spit and sucking it like it was her final project. She's making sure it felt perfect.
Your legs were shaking at this point, your cheeks turning red at the possibility of you not being able to control yourself and not cum in her mouth. These sensations got you to let her hair go and put your hand on the wall nearby so you won't fall down.
Chaewon dragged her mouth down to the last inch of your cock, and tightly pulled out giving your cock a light lick at the end before she sat up and looked at you. "You're gonna cum, aren't you?"
"I'm trying so hard not to." You decided to be honest with her.
She pulled your waist down so you're sitting beside her. She gave you a smile and said, "Cum inside my mouth. I really want to know how nerd tastes." She giggled as she went down on your cock again, not holding out anymore and giving you the most sloppy and disgustingly heavenly blowjob you've ever had.
Her tongue was circling around your length as she bobbed her head up and down. You couldn't even speak due to how good she was sucking your cock. All you could do was grip her sheets and moan out her name again and again.
Her lips kissed your underside, and her free hand gave your balls some love, fondling them. She took your cock inside again and deepthroated every inch you can give her.
She was blushing. She enjoyed sucking cock, especially if that cock belonged to someone she knew on a personal level from many years ago. Sure, it was all on hatred, but she knew you better than anyone, and that turned her on even more.
Your cock was twitching in her mouth, she knew you weren't gonna last longer, so she pumped and sucked and the same time, and that was all it took for you to explode.
"M-ngmhHgh! Chaewon...! mmgh! fuck!" That was the most coherent sentence you can come up with while your body was in ecstacy. Orgasming to the point not even you have reached before.
Her mouth stayed where it was, your cum filling her cheeks as she swallowed each strand of cum, one stroke after another.
When she was done, she sucked your cock to clean it, and wiped her lips off before laughing.
"Nerd doesn't really taste different from jock. But I gotta say, your cock was so much cleaner and doesn't smell as bad."
"That's supposed to make me feel better?"
"Yeah, no one sucks cock better than me."
You sat up and put a hand around her thigh. "So, what's next?"
She smiled as she pushed you down, "You're the first guy to ask for what I want."
You turned your head to look at her and she was taking off her dress, and you were watching her show off her body to you.
You were blushing but the next thing you see was her towering over you, and you get a VIP look of her beautiful pussy. It was shaven, it was perfect, and you wanted a piece.
Your mouth opened and she smiled before lowering herself down to you and sitting down on your face. She grinded slowly as you moved your tongue to eat her pussy out.
Her taste was a new sensation to you. The first time you've ever ate pussy, and you're already getting addicted to her taste. She was sweating and that only added to the tang of her flavor, you dug your tongue deep in her folds.
Your tongue found her hole opening up and you slid it in. "Oh..! Good boy... that's a good boy..." Chaewon muttered while hissing and holding on to your hair.
You closed your eyes and moved you head to tongue fuck her, as she moaned loudly like she had no neighbors. She gripped her bedside and bounced on your tongue as she kept moaning.
"Yes... baby... oh fuck! come on..." She kept hissing and moaning under the sensation of your upper lip kissing her clit and tongue fucking her. You picked up the pace and held on her thighs, taking your tongue out of her hole and focusing on licking the clit fast and good.
"Oh it has been a while! Yes! Don't you dare fucking stop, don't stop, don't stop!" She kept screaming while grinding her pussy on your tongue on her clit. You put more pressure by pushing your tongue into her sensitive clit more and more as she gets brought to the brink of her orgasm.
"I'm gonna cum! Please, don't stop! I'll get off if I want you to stop, okay? Please just... ah! Keep going!" Chaewon says as she reaches her orgasm and grinds on you harder as her moans become more hoarse and heavy.
You kept licking her to destroy her senses and feel an seemingly un-ending orgasm for Chaewon. She got off you and laid down the bed before catching her breath.
"Where... how did you learn... to eat pussy like that?"
"I never did. I only know the clit is the most sensitive part so, I guessed."
"You're a natural then, god damn. Despite being a nerd, that knowledge came in handy. Try using that knowledge to beat me next year okay?"
"What if I beg you to lose for once?"
"That's a price you don't wanna know." She smirked as she recovers.
"More pussy eating?"
"I have a list of demands. I'd rather show them to you before we start school next year."
"Good. But we're not done here Chae." You show her your hardened cock once again, showing her you have recovered from her blowjob.
Chaewon smirks and lifts her ass a little bit. "I want it deep, hard, and fast. None of that slow, methodical, romantic bullshit."
"You got it." You lined yourself up behind her and didn't even hesitate to stroke your cock and slide it deep in her.
"Mmph! Good! Just like that." All Chaewon could do was moan on her pillow as you started picking up the pace and fucking her pussy like your life depended on it.
You grabbed her ass and spanked it, earning a yelp from the girl. She kept asking for more, so you put a strong hold on her hips and crashed your cock deep inside her wet pussy again and again and again.
The sound of your sex was echoing across the room, it was erotic and accompanied with her moans after every thrust, it was truly music to your ears.
"Yes! Your cock is so big inside me! I love every single inCh of it! Mmm!"
Slapping her ass, you kept your mouth open and joined her moaning. "Good god Chaewon, your pussy is so good! So wet and so fucking delicious." You gave her ass another slap.
"Ah! So it is! Fuck I wanna fuck you again and again. Please, make me cum again, make me yours and I won't ever be a bitch around you again!"
"Good girl, I like that." You pulled her arms back into you and grabbed her head so your face is buried in her neck while you fuck her from behind.
"F-Fuck! Rub my clit!" You follow her command and rub her clit in the same pace you're fucking her pussy.
Her moans get even louder and you had to use your hand to cover it up so her neighbors wouldn't get the wrong idea.
Her bed was rocking and it was making a lot of noise. Between the creaking, the moaning, the sloshing sounds the sex was making, it was very hard to hide the fact you were fucking her like a machine.
She kept begging for you to cum inside her and you keep telling her to wait. You were looking for your orgasm but she was ready to unload hers.
"I'm gonna fucking squirt all over! Please I want your cum! I'm gonna fucking... ah!" You pulled out as you felt gushes of water from under her. You held on to her neck as she gripped your arm tightly while she was squirting. Your arm reached down and rubbed her clit so it felt extra pleasureable to her.
"God! I made a mess..." She yelped before you took her body and lied it down on the dry part of the bed and kissed her hard.
You slid your cock back in and fucked her in missionary. Her legs were up in the air as she was moaning in your kiss. The thrusts your cock was giving to her kept sloshing as the rest of her squirt and the never ending wetness of her pussy was lubricating your cock to the point where it looked like cum.
She already came multiple times and she wasn't going to stop, until you did. "What is taking so long?! Mm! My pussy is destroyed here... you need to fill me up, please daddy."
That was the last straw. The final push you needed. Once you heard her say daddy, your senses kicked into overdrive and you fucked her like a machine one more time before unloading your second round of cum in her pussy.
This orgasm hit you like a truck, it felt good, but once it was finished you feel like you have been ran over by a truck. It was tiring and you were drained.
"I guess... daddy is the magic word then." Chaewon giggled as she wrapped her arms around you and pecked your lips.
"I'm sorry I didn't warn you. You must've been so surprised."
"No, actually. I knew you were tightening up when your cock pulsated aggresively. So I expected the creampie sooner."
"God damn it, you're not gonna get pregnant now are you?"
"I'll be okay. I wouldn't have let you fuck if I was in danger of getting pregnant anyway." She giggled again.
"Really? Even after the kissing we've done earlier?" You sound a bit perplexed at this point.
"I'm not an idiot. I'm smarter than you, remember? Don't feel superior just because I called you daddy once."
"I'm just curious, no need to gloat."
She kissed your cheek and chuckled. "I'm okay, you don't need to worry."
You nodded and pulled out her before lying down beside. "So, what now?"
"What about it?" She looked upwards at the ceiling.
"What are we?"
"Right now? I can't say."
"We just told each other we liked each other. What else is there to think about?"
Chaewon playfully hits your arm. "You need to court me, genius."
"Wouldn't you just say yes immediately?"
"I probably would."
You held her hand and kissed it. "So, will you be my girlfriend?"
Chaewon smiles, and turns towards you. "Yes. I'll be your girlfriend."
~FIN~
A/N: That was rough for a first fic, I didn't proof read this so I'm open to suggestions and whatnot. Twitter is the same handle as this one, you know where to find me.
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elibeeline · 1 year
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Can customers learn to just,, fucking,, read and listen.
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forpiratereasons · 6 months
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oh i get it. the tally marks, 'we've got a record to break.' ed was baiting ned low deliberately. he had to know low would come after him: low was ed's original passive suicide plan.
but it was stede, tortured and goaded to cold-blooded murder, who paid the price.
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miniwheat77 · 10 months
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Brat. (dbf!Captain Price x Reader.)
!CW! NSFW, Smut, oral sex (f receiving), using worms as bait, age gap, (sorry if I missed any)
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Your body feels warm, the hot sun beating down on you as you swam with one of your friends in her swimming pool. You had one as well but her parents weren't as strict as yours so you spent most of your time there.
You had just turned 18 but since you still lived with them for the time being you had no other choice but to follow their rules. You still had a curfew, had to tell them when and where you were going and what time you would be home. They still had to approve of it of course. Although they rarely ever told you no anymore since you were 18.
Your dad sat at an old wooden bar in and old dive bar him and his best friend, John Price liked to hang out in. They've been neighbors for years and years and it's essentially how their friendship started. They spent every holiday, game day, barbecue, and family get together with each other since then. They got along well, never fought. John was invited to everything and since he didn't have a family of his own it wasn't too hard for him to show. He wasn't married, had no kids, and lived too far away from his parents and siblings to plan the flights. He also didn't know when he'd be deployed but since he took on a job on the base and was only backup for missions, he was always home. Usually worked a 9-5 on the base. It was out of the ordinary for him and apart of him felt useless but it paid the bills. He was still there if they needed him anyways.
You dad was tipping the whiskey back like it was water which only meant one thing. Something was stressing him out.
John smiles after drinking some of his own bourbon. "Something going on mate?" He asks your dad. "Ah yeah. Y/N has been driving me crazy lately." He groans. "Me and her mom." He laughs. John tilts his head in confusion. "What's been going on?" He asks. "If you don't mind me asking of course."
"To be honest? I don't know. She's just been a real grouch lately. Has an attitude, doesn't listen, complains all the time. We've given her much more freedom since she turned 18 so I'm not sure where it's coming from." He shrugs. John nods his head. He's still listening. "I mean.. we convinced her to go to the doctor to get a few scans and blood work done, thinking maybe it was hormone imbalance or a mood disorder but those all came back fine and seemed to piss her off even more to be honest." He shrugs. "She got something going on in her personal life? Maybe she's fighting with a friend or boyfriend?" John asks. Your dad shakes his head. "She hates guys her age. Hates pretty much everyone she isn't close with anyways. She always said she won't date until she's older after her first boyfriend but I mean. She was like 12 so it was stupid anyways. She's only got a couple close friends and that's where she is right now. I don't know what it is." He tips back another shot of whiskey.
"Must just be moody. Maybe you guys should come out to the lake with me this weekend. I’m taking the boat out.” He shrugs. “Yeah that sounds good.” Your dad smiles. “Maybe getting out of the house will help her out.” He shrugs.
“I don’t know, I just know she’s in my damn nerves.” He laughs. Once they finish up their drinks, they part ways. Driving down the same roads to get home since they were neighbors. They’d usually carpool together but they’d met after work. When your dad arrives home, you’re home already. Watching a show on the couch. He closes the door behind him as he steps inside, smiling when he sees you. “Hey. John invited us out to go fishin this weekend. I said we’d go.” He smiles. “Do I have to?” You mumble. “Yes.” A grumble leaves your lips. “I’m not sure what the attitude is but it better quit young lady.” You roll your eyes, going upstairs to your room. Throwing yourself back on your bed with a groan.
John smiles at your dad, he’s sitting up at the front of the boat. You’re laying on your stomach, bikini leaving little to the eyes, you’ve got a pair of sunglasses on and you haven’t spoken much the entire trip. “John, you mind letting me off at the doc? I’m gonna go get another case of beer.” He nods his head, starting up the boat and making his way to shore. He lets your dad off, letting him know he’s going to go back out with you and to let him know when to come get him. When he’s back out on the lake and the anchor is down, he flips his hat around. Scooping up some water with his hand and flicking it all over you. He draws a gasp from your lips and you turn around, “John what the hell!” You gasp. Wiping the water down. “Cmon kid. You’re driving your poor ol’ man nuts. What’s with the attitude?” He crosses his arms, lazy smile playing at his lips. “I don’t have an attitude. Why does everyone keep saying that?” You roll your eyes. “Oh come on. The eye rolling, talking back, ignoring people when they talk to you. Being a real brat little lady.” He teases. You grumble, laying back down. “Nope. Cmon. You’re gonna try fishing. You’ll have fun.” He picks up a fishing pole. “We’re using worms. I mean.. you can use power bait but the stocked fished are smaller than natural spawn fish. It’s up to you.” He shrugs, holding out the styrofoam container that has the worms in it. You sigh, taking it from him. “You want me to show you how to put a worm on?” He asks. “Yeah sure.” You mumble. “Alright, here. You basically just thread it through the top.” You watch him hook the worm and thread it on, watching as it squirms. You take the pole from him, casting it out into the water and waiting.
Pretty soon, there’s a boat full of younger guys creeping up near you. They cat call you, yelling out obscenities at you. You ignore them, rolling your eyes. John is a little amused because he knows what your dad has said about guys your age and how you hate dating. They leave just as quickly as they come. “Can we just home? This is boring.” You roll your eyes. “No, not until we catch some fish.” He laughs.
This is where he starts to see it.
When you think he’s not paying attention, you’re adjusting yourself. Sliding awkwardly on the seat, rubbing up against your fishing pole for any sort of friction. Acting more and more bratty as the time ticks on. It’s amusing to John really, to see just how frustrated you are. “Where is my dad? He’s been gone a long time.” John shrugs. He pulls out his phone. He notices a text from your dad, seeing that he’s received a text from him a few minutes before.
You mind giving Y/N a lift home? Her mom texted me and said she took a bad fall at work and is in the ER.
Yeah no problem at all, see you later mate.
“He said your mum fell at work so he’s going to go see if she’s okay. It’s just me and you kid.” John sits down. “So we can go home now?” You ask. “No.” He laughs. You mutter something under your breath. He laughs. Your fishing pole bobbing startles you and John perks up. "You got a fish!" You set the hook, yanking the fishing pole and starting to reel it in. The fish puts up a pretty good fight and when you reel it closer to the boat, John scoops it up with the fishing net for you. Helping you get it off the hook. "Look at that darling." He smiles as you pick it up. "Good girl, see? This is fun." He smiles. His statement takes you off guard, cheeks heating up. "Uh.. Yeah. Whatever." You shut down quickly. He thinks it's odd at first. Once you've thrown the fish back into the water, he sits down across from you at the front of the boat.
He looks around, making sure no one else is around. “Look. I know what’s going on.” He smiles. “Yeah? And what’s that?” You look at him. “Well.. I’m putting two and two together here. The attitude, the never wanting to go out.” He smirks. You look up at him. “I mean.. you’ve been grinding up against your fishing pole since I gave it to you. Rubbing your thighs together when that boat full of guys came by.” Your lips part slightly, cheeks going red. "And when I called you a good girl." He chuckles, seeing how you start to squirm from his watchful eyes on you. “Do you not know how to make yourself cum sweetheart?” He laughs. "T-that's inappropriate John." You look away from his gaze, thankful your sunglasses help conceal your embarrassment. He laughs. "Oh come on, what your dad doesn't know won't hurt him, besides. You've been on his nerves lately and if I help you out, maybe he won't be so stressed out. So talk to me." He smiles. You stay quiet and he moves across the boat, sitting right next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulders. "You can talk to me darling. I can help you." Your heart rate picks up, it's racing in your chest. "I.. I don't know what you want me to say." You breathe. You're one step away from panting at his close proximity. The only thing you can think about are his hands on you. "Have you ever had sex before?" He asks. You shake your head. "Have you.. done anything at all?" You shake your head again. "I've tried to it myself but it makes it worse." You look down at your hands nervously playing with them.
He smiles. Right now, John is thankful there is a room below on his boat. "I can show you." He rests his hand on your thigh, feeling you stiffen up under his touch. "O-okay." You breathe. "Come on." He grasps your hand. There aren't many boats left on the water, it's getting late in the day and everyone is going home thankfully, you might get a little loud. He pulls you down the small set of stairs into the cabin of the boat. It's really small. He makes sure to wash his hands before he touches you, having you do the same.
There's a small bed and a table and chairs and that's it. "Lay on your back." You swallow hard, getting up onto the bed. His deep voice has your clit throbbing at the attention it knows it's about to get. You're sure you've soaked through your panties. He leans onto the bed, helping you remove your bathing suit. When your bottom half is exposed to him, he wants to drool. "God you're beautiful." He groans. He glides his hands down your exposed thighs, causing chills to rise on your skin. You're panting now, small gasps leaving your lips. "Relax." He chuckles. "I'm going to help you, try to calm down sweetheart. You're too eager." He runs his fingertips over your skin, his touch is searing, it burns your skin as his fingers move across you. You want his hands on you. You want them inside of you. He takes a deep breath of his own, trying to ignore the way his cock throbs against his cargo shorts. "Start slow. Little circles on your clit." He reaches forward. "Like this." He breathes. He uses his thumb, rubbing circles over you. Your lips part slightly, a whimper leaving your lips. It’s different when he’s touching you. You can feel your lower stomach swirling, something is building already. “You try.” He draws his hand away. Resting your hand over your mound, rubbing circles over your clit just as he said. The sensation is gone just as fast as it came, causing you to whimper out at the loss, your touch feels like nothing. You draw your hand away. “This isn’t going to work John, it doesn’t work.” You blush.
You try to sit up but he pushes you back. “Have you ever cum before?” He asks. You shake your head. “Oh darling.. no wonder you’re so bratty.” He smiles. “All of that sexual tension and no way to release it. Poor thing.” He’s teasing you, but at the same time actually feels really bad. He knows it’s harder for you to cum. “Stop it John.” You try to push him off, tears gathering in your eyes from frustration. “I’m just teasing darling, let me help you.” He moves himself up further, grasping your thighs and pulling you down on the bed further, you let your head rest back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling. The boat rocks back and fourth over the water. You’re nervous. You don’t know what he’s going to do to you. He moves himself between your legs, and you don’t understand what's going on until you feel something warm and wet against your entrance. You lift your head up, jumping at the sensation. “Oh f-fuck!” You gasp. He glances up at you. He’s still got his hat on, but he’s flipped it backward by now. Giving himself room to devour you. He moans into your opening, you taste sweet. You’re breathing hard, clutching at the sheets as he flicks his tongue over your clit. He starts slow, letting your sensitive nub get used to the sensation of his tongue, not wanting to overwhelm you. You clutch at the sheets, melting further and further into him as he laps at your entrance with his tongue. It's clear that he's had a fair share of experience. You feel something building in your stomach and you know you're about to cum.
You're getting louder and louder, crying out his name and he's never imagined himself in such a position.
This is just to help her dad, so that he isn't so stressed out.
That's all.
John rocks his hips into the bed, cock hard and throbbing against his shorts. Begging for some kind of friction. He imagines your pretty lips around his cock, maybe your pretty eyes looking up at him as you take him further down your throat. He groans into you earning another moan from your lips. When you're wet enough from his spit and your arousal, he slides a couple of his fingers into you. Feeling you tense up around him, all of the air leaving your lungs, you've never had anything inside before and he can't help but smile into you.
He sucks against your clit, swirling his tongue around it, you're squirming, struggling to stay still beneath him, even his grip on you doesn't keep you completely still. He sucks your clit into his mouth one more time, lapping his tongue over you, his fingers curling into the sweet spot inside of you and you lose it, lips parting as moans leave your lips. A mewl leave your lips and you squirm out of his grasp as he desperately laps up your arousal from your orgasm. You push him away, closing your legs. You're looking at him with a look of pure shock, panting, a little sweaty. The look you're giving him it's unsettling how fucked out you look. He wipes his lips of you, looking up at you. "Do you feel better?" He laughs. You nod your head. "Good. Try to relax." He smiles. "Still got about an hour of light left, let's make it worth while and try to catch some fish yeah?" He smiles, standing up. When he's out of your line of sight, he sucks the taste of you off of his fingers. Groaning at himself.
What has he just gotten himself into?
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(astarion / acebard!tav)
Astarion never received any gifts before - and if he did, he forgot - but he would have loved for the first giver to be his lover, although they seemed pretty occupied with Gale and an object that suspiciously looked like a present.
(not native in english. so sorry if the wording is clusmy in some parts, i wan't sure how to write this xD)
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A/N: I made a few adjustments, but I think I know what you're getting at. Hopefully it still works. Also, this turned out way more than five sentences because I have no self control.
Astarion x AsexualBard!Tav Masterlist
Word Count: 921
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Astarion couldn't remember the last time he received a gift. The idea of being gifted anything was down right laughable. Nobody truly gave anything without expecting something in return. Some way, some how a price would be paid. He didn't need that hanging over his head, along with everything else. So why did seeing you hand Gale a wrapped parcel sting so much?
He watched as the wizard pulled apart the paper, his brows furrowed with curiosity clearing into a bright smile.
"Oh this is perfect!" he exclaimed. "How did you get it?"
"Do you really want to know?" you challenged, grinning yourself.
Gale opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped himself with a guilty look. "Perhaps it's best I say thank you and leave it at that."
"What do you know, intelligent and wise," you teased. "Just make sure to pace yourself. Don't read it all in one night."
"I've made a point never to make promises I can't keep."
You laughed, giving Gale a light squeeze on the arm before turning in Astarion's direction.
He schooled his features into a casual expression, trying and failing to ignore the burning in his chest. Admittedly the fond look in your eyes did quell the fires, at least a little.
"Successful day?" he asked.
"More or less," you said, taking a seat beside him. "We've got a map. No way to read it just yet, but it's a start."
Astarion humphed, nodding in Gale's direction. "And that?"
"Just some petty thief," you explained. "Gale expressed an interest in it last time we were in town. Couldn't for the life of me explain why, but the bookseller refused to sell. Terrible way to run a business if you ask me."
This was normally when he would laugh or at least grant you an approving smile. Truly, he did love your casual relationship thievery, but it only made him more frustrated. He'd almost preferred you'd paid for it. If you had, he could dismiss the whole thing as a simple errand and not something more.
You frowned slightly, clearly taking notice of his mood.
"Alright, what's got you pouting?"
"I'm not pouting," he said, indignantly. "I'm brooding. There's a difference."
"My apologizes," you said, dryly. "What's got you brooding, oh mysterious one?"
He narrowed his eyes at you, his lips pressing into a hard line.
"I'm just surprised you would go so out of your way for a book. It's not as if you'd be able to understand it anyway."
A flash of hurt struck across your face, but you pushed it down in a way that made him sick to his stomach. What in the hells was wrong with him?
"Well, it's a good thing it wasn't for me then," you said, stiffly. "Now are you done being childish or are you actually going to tell me what's going on?"
Astarion tried to maintain eye contact in some vain attempt to hold onto his pride, but it was no use. He ducked his head down, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
"I...I don't see why you think Gale is worth the effort is all," he admitted. "It's just a stupid book. It's not as if it's useful to the rest of us. So...why bother?"
He chanced a glance in your direction. You just stared at him, your lips slightly parted as you took him in.
"Astarion, are you jealous?" you finally asked.
"No," he said, a little too quickly, even to his ears.
"So what else would you call being upset over the fact I stole something specifically for Gale and not you?"
"I'm not upset," Astarion objected. "I'm just..."
"Brooding?"
He very much wanted to say something devastating in that moment, that would shut you up and let him walk away from this with some kind of dignity; but, he couldn't think of a damned thing.
"Fine, I'm jealous," he spat. "Happy?"
"Not really."
He closed his eyes, letting out a short sigh. He deserved that.
"I'm sorry," he said, softly. "You're right, it's...petty and I shouldn't have said that to you. Gods know if it were anyone else I would have torn their throat out."
He looked to you then, hoping you would see the honest truth in his words.
"I wish I was better at this. I know you care about me and I don't need you to commit robbery to prove it. Although, I wouldn't be opposed to it."
To his relief, a small crack of a smile turned at the corner of your mouth.
"I'll keep that in mind," you said, some of the teasing coming back into your voice.
"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" he asked.
"Only if you mean it."
He didn't have an answer for that. At least, not right away.
With deliberate care, he slipped his hand into yours, raising it to his lips.
He watched as your eyes widened in surprise, only to soften as he pressed a gentle kiss to your fingers. His eyes never strayed from yours. He needed you to see him too.
"I mean it," he said.
A true smile came to your lips, as you nodded. "Then you are forgiven."
He returned your smile, feeling a lightness in his chest only you seemed to grant him.
Perhaps he was wrong in his assessment. He had been given many gifts since meeting you. You practically showered him with them every single day, and damn him for taking any of them for granted.
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sinful-lanterns · 3 months
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Cabernet defiantly loves giving head, like she is a God at eating pussy and she would definitely love it for us to sit on her face. This thought made me think of a scenario in the Uni Au where Cabernet asked us to sit on her face and after a bit coercement we agreed. She got so excited she rused to lay on her back and held out her hands to help us position ourselves. But when we came down we were doing that thing where girls hover over their partners head so that they wouldn't crush them with their full weight and this pissed Cabernet off.
"What are you doing?"
"Im doing what you asked?"
"No no, if you were doing what I asked you'd be sitting, not doing this hovering shit."
"I just dont want to crush your face and suffocate you-"
"And? Let me suffocate! Im a big girl, I can handle some smothering!"
This arguing went on for a bit and eventually Cabernet grew tired and too horny for our concerns that she just ended up looping her arms around and over our legs and pulled us down causing us to pit our full weight onto her face. Obviously we tried to lift ourselves back up but Cabernet was holding us down with an iron grip and pleasure she was giving us was starting to turn our legs to jelly so we couldn't hold ourselves back up again even if we wanted to. We obviously went into over stimulation so our body was naturally trying to jerk away but Cabernet kept us right were she wanted us with an iron and horny filled grip. The pleasure we were getting made us grab onto the back board of the bed for dear life and grip it even harder at each orgasm. And by the 5 th orgasm, the most powerful one we've had yet, we felt something slpash against our back. We looked back and it was Cabernet's semen that was coating our back. She was still ejaculating too as we looked back watching, seeing rope after rope of cum escaping her tip to hit against our skin. The best thing about this was that she didn't touch herself at all and she came A LOT. Cabernet found so much arousal and pleasure in stuffing her face into our cut and eating us like a man starved that she came without any stimulation to herself.
She just loves our pussy that much.
Hey. What have you done to me? You’ve completely changed my brain structure because Cabernet is my favorite PTN woman 😨
I have…I have no words. Just keep reading.
nsfw under the cut (men and minors dni)
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The first time Cabernet asked you to sit on her face, you said no. That was the first time you ever said no to her request, and yet it was one she really wanted to do. Her eyebrows furrowed and she asked again, yet the answer was always the same.
“No Cabernet, I don’t want to hurt you with my weight.”
Poor Cabernet was ticked off that you’d ever think about hurting her with that delicious body of yours. If her body paid the price of having your mouthwatering pussy shoved up against her face, then it was a price worth paying for, as Cabernet was getting more ravenous by the minute. Every time you said no, Cabernet would get hungrier. Until eventually, while you were getting busy in the bedroom, Cabernet yanked your hand up to hover over her lying body, the both of you naked and sweaty from all your previous rounds.
“Sit on my face.” Cabernet asked— no, more like demanded. Her expression impatient and tongue flitting out for your juices.
“Cabernet, I don’t want to crush you—”
“I don’t care.”
Her voice was stern, almost annoyed that you’d hesitate this much before gripping your thighs with each manicured hand, and forcing you down to meet her mouth in a burning, passionate ecstasy.
Since when did Cabernet get so strong? You wondered this, as you gasped and tried desperately to stand for fear that you might be suffocating poor Cabernet. She was a delicate lady after all, so you should hurry and—
Goodness why was she so strong? Why was she gripping you so hard, you could barely move? Through your moans of blissful pleasure, you looked down to see Cabernet’s absolute blissed out expression. She looked delirious, eyes fluttering back in pleasure as she moaned through your folds and licked you up like a Michelin star meal that was worth hundreds.
She has never eaten you out like this before. Nails gripping the soft plush of your thighs, keeping you firmly sat on her face while she parts your walls with her tongue to reach that sweet spot she so desperately craved. The main star of the dish, the core of the apple, the feast that she had been starving for all this time.
The sweet, succulent juice of your orgasm.
Cabernet’s cock was practically swollen with arousal at the thought of it. Mind going numb while she ate you out in a drunken state. With every moan and whimper that left your lips, Cabernet countered with a grunt and growl of her throat. At the first gush of your first orgasm, Cabernet was practically moaning. The taste was so delightfully pleasant, the unique flavor of your body’s natural reaction to her and her alone. It was addicting, it was beautiful.
She craved more. More, more, more.
As you tried to get up, pussy overstimulated and puffy from her tongue, you whined when she suddenly pulled you back down for more.
“Another. Give me another.”
Was she pussydrunk? You couldn’t tell as the rough caresses of Cabernet’s eager tongue pulsed in and out of you with the eagerness of a starved man who had just been given a plate of food. You’re on the brink of teetering over the edge, unsure of how many times Cabernet had made you cum from just her tongue alone…
Four…five? You could almost pass out from bliss when you suddenly felt the hot shots of Cabernet’s cum shooting across your back. As you look back, you see just how erect and red Cabernet’s cock was. Tip all pink while it shot her hot seed all over your body, and making you clench from the sight, as you had no idea Cabernet was this turned on just by the taste of you.
She hadn’t even touched herself once. No strokes, no squeezes, only the pure ecstasy of eating you out was enough to get Cabernet oozing loads…
It’s safe to say that you’re no longer conscious of sitting on Cabernet’s face if she enjoys it this much 💘
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oceansprompts · 10 months
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text message prompts
[text] You okay?
[text] GO TO BED!
[text] hey you better be alive in there
[text] SOS save me please holy shit
[text] call me this date is going so bad
[text] I have way too much shit to do.
[text] Honestly I'm really worried about you.
[text] Why are you trending on Twitter?
[text] Please let me come over and pet your (pet).
[text] We are in the same building, you could come talk to me.
[text] It's not going to work out.
[text] This is a terrible idea.
[text] people have fetishes
[text] They really do crucify anyone these days huh
[text] I don't know why but that really means me want to stab you
[text] That movie was awful.
[text] For the love of god please help me
[text] I fucked up. I fucked up really bad.
[text] I'm blocking you.
[text] YOU ONE BRAINCELLED BITCH
[text] I regret swiping right.
[text] Everyone lies on their dating profiles.
[text] That absolutely can't be an actual picture of you.
[text] This forced open my third eye and I saw the devil
[text] I'm like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride
-
[text] That's just all fucking sorts of fucked up
[text] Why are we here? To suffer? Every other day I get messages that cause pain
[text] In the department of old man fucking, we've got you beat.
[text] have you gotten any work done?
[text] I am beyond shame, try again
[text] You left your left your underwear at my place.
[text] Don't you dare put this on Facebook.
[text] My brother in Christ you're being haunted
[text] I want to wring you like a wet towel and slap you against a wall
[text] The mind is weak but the body is funky
[text] I'm a zombie the law can't stop me.
[text] Jealous of my massive honkers
[text] We left you to die to play minecraft
[text] She would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats
[text] I puked all over the Uber driver's backseat.
[text] I just took a screenshot of that and posted it to Reddit
[text] You said you'd be right back and it's been months.
[text] Can't we talk about this face to face?
[text] Yeah, you'll come learn I just have a thing for milk
[text] Why did you like one of my pics from 2014?
[text] Now's as good a time as any to exchange nudes.
[text] Why would you send me an eggplant emoji?
[text] I write five paragraphs, pouring my heart out, and all you reply with is k?!
[text] Who would dare to lie on the internet?
[text] When I die, please delete all my shit off the internet
[text] He's so hot, I briefly started texting like a straight person
[text] And because I'm god and I've decided that; no, in fact, I'm not done.
-
[text] I know you love bloopy reggae jams, now is not the time.
[text] You better not be standing catatonic in your room again.
[text] God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.
[text]: My neighbor just told me he can fix my water heater for 50 bucks. I’m skeptical.
[text]: Do you have any idea how much it costs to buy apples? I paid 10 dollars for 6.
[text]: I mean, I wouldn’t say I have a problem with buying Squishmallows..
[text]: Hey, so you know how you told me no dog? *sends pic* I don’t do well with no’s.
[text] Stuart Little is a bitch and Remy could take him any day.
[text]: My roommate just said that Lola Bunny is hot. I’m moving out.
[text]: Hey I posted that vid of you drunk, singing Ariana Grande, wearing all black and people said not to do it again. Sorry.
[text]: Do you think the price is ever right? Like, I feel like it’s not.
[text]: I booped your nose. Boop the last five people you texted or–nothing happens really.
[text]: I’m actually in the ER and it’s a long story that involves Best Day Ever from spongebob.
[text]: I fucking hate you–wait you’re not my ex. Who are you?
[text]: You ever ask yourself if birds see a bee and just go ‘wow a bee’? im high.
[text]: sometimes all i think about is–sour patch kids. bet you thought it was you.
[text]: I love you—not as much as I love my dog. But still a lot!
[text]: I found a cat on the way home and now it’s mine. But it hates my guts so this should be fun.
[text]: I have questions about the marvel cinematic universe…how long do you have?
[text]: why do donald duck and winnie the pooh not have to wear pants but other people do?
[text]: Hey you know that show floor is lava? I may have turned the apartment into that..this isn’t a joke, btw. the floor is sticky.
[text]: I bought too much soap off etsy and now I don’t know what to do with it…I smell like Captain America.
[text]: On a scale of one to ten, how many drinks would you need to sleep with me? This isn’t a tiktok trend…or it is.
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Season 5, EP 2 (part 1) is now out on Tapas. But what about part 2?
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If you haven't noticed, we've now settled into a Season 5 posting schedule. From now on, comics will release:
Every two weeks, on Friday, 6PM PST.
Therefore, here's our schedule for February.
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It will continue in the same manner into March.
Now, you might say:
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And that's tragic! However. This is the pace that works for me. AND. There's a solution to your problem!
If you don't feel like waiting for free comics to release at a steady pace on the free comics website, you can go to the PAID comics website and pay to have comics... pretty much immediately after I finish drawing them!
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On Patreon, you can pay me $2 a month to get access to my pre-public comics up to MONTHS in advance. For example, the second part of EP2 is already available...
HERE!
You know what else is also available?
...AND
But that's not all!
For the price of one month's Patreon, you also get:
AS WELL AS
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Now.........I get it.
Not everyone can afford to pay for Patreon.
That's why the comic will, as always, remain available for free! I am trying to draw a lot of episodes in advance so that I can keep on publishing them at a steady, expected rate even if something happens to make me fall behind.
But, if you are on the fence about supporting me on Patreon, there is also Ko-Fi, which offers once-off donations as well!
Thanks, as always, for reading... and see ya in two weeks!
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danshive · 3 months
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Oddly enough, Palworld feels relatively original to me.
That's not even a joke. As much of some designs should be changed due to being way too similar to other things, and it's an amalgamation of other things, it's an amalgamation I don't think exists elsewhere, and it's not a reboot, remake, or a licensed property we've seen 10,000 times before (even if it resembles one).
In the current media environment, a game with a number of "original characters, do not steal" designs, off-brand pokeballs, and open world survival nonsense can feel fresh.
Heck, the price tag, lack of microtransactions (for now, anyway), and no battle pass is refreshing on its own.
I'm not sure if this is saying good things about Palworld, or bad things about the industry. Maybe both.
It's also possible that Starfield, and Skyrim getting paid mods again, broke me.
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flowerbetweenfangs · 2 months
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Caged
(This is a longer one and will be put under read more. CW: There is slavery, but the reader is looking to free/dismantle the system in their own way)
You came across the caged people in the middle of the day. There were no code words or secret passages to get to the displays. It was like any other booth at the bazaar.
Most of the cages were filled with beastmen. Unlike the creatures who roamed the forest, they would walk on two legs. Some could even speak.
Lionmen, Tigerladies, Avian Sapiens, "Not Deer", Chimera, and even a few Phoenixes all stared at you as you walked. Some grabbed the bars and strained their faces to look at you. A small flicker of danced across your eyes. Maybe a spark of hope that they would be freed.
"How long has this been going on?" You asked your companion.
"What do you mean?"
"The slaves?"
"Ah. Well, my dear blue blood..." Their voice trailed off as they stared at the cages. "Surely you heard about the market for this? They're not slaves..." They wiggled their fingers, brows furrowed as they attempted to come up with an explanation. "Merely.... Indentured servants."
"Why not put an offer up on the boards in town?" You raised a skeptical brow and ventured closer to the cages.
A walking stick slapped your chest. The impact smarted. Wincing, you stepped away to rub the sore spot.
"You shouldn't question this so much." Your companion hissed next to your ear.
"How much are the contracts?" You asked. There wasn't much left in your purse, but surely you could at least free one.
"Sorry?"
"We offer a wide variety of specimens and creatures." A well dressed figure stepped out from behind one of the cages. He ran a walking stick of his own across the bars, causing many who had come forward to retreat and whimper.
"We've broken them in ahead of time," His smile made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. "So they should already be obedient."
"Broken in?" Your brows raised more. So they had beaten or tortured these creatures into compliance?
"Don't worry, little Blue Blood." The man bowed. "We would not want a client to be harmed by the merchandise. If one does harm you or run away, we will send in our own parties to capture and return them, and give you a new one."
Your companion must have seen your scheming expression. The waling stick slammed down on the top of your foot and a quick throat clear was all the warning they could offer while being discreet.
Your eyes went to the Lionman again. They'd shorn his mane. Nicks and a few notches in his ear and surrounding fur showed how gentle they'd been. Dried blood and dirt clung to his body.
Your stomach churned at the fetid stench and sight. The sign declaring his price seemed insultingly low for another life. But considering how much the sellers had damaged the "merchandise", perhaps that was why.
You put down the coins.
The merchant slid over papers. The sloppily applied seal at the bottom hinted at their legitimacy, or lack thereof. Clenching your jaw, your eyes flicked to the top of the page. The spot next to "Name" was blank.
"He's your property, so you get to call him what you want."
"I'll... Think about it."
***
When you arrived home, the newcomer's nose wrinkled, sniffing his new environment.
Setting the papers down, you waved over one of the notaries, who came over with blank pieces of papers and writing tools. While you could read and write, the palace preferred the people they paid to be the ones who crossed the Ts and dotted the Is, along with minding the Ps and Qs.
"What is your name?" You asked the creature once your companion left to the servants' quarters. Laughter and cheers erupted shortly after.
The sudden noise had the Lionman's eyes wide, what little fur he had standing on end.
"They're always off by the seventeenth mark." You explained.
His eyes remained focused on the door. A chalice fell over as his thrashing tail struck it. As red wine sloshed across the table, the notary screeched, trying to save the paper.
Fabric tore and in a golden blur, the Lionman's fist slammed down on the table in front of you.
A filthy rag was clutched in his hand. And he was wearing less clothing than before.
"Forgive me." His hand trembled as he attempted to wipe up he rest of the wine.
"It's okay." You tried to keep your tone gentle as your heart became a battering ram against your chest. He'd moved so fast. Tore off his clothes, just to keep some wine off yours.
"And what is the name of my savior?" You tried again, now that you had his attention.
"I... Do not have one."
You inhaled sharply. Perhaps releasing him back into the wild wasn't the best option, just yet.
"Well... I paid a gold piece for you. You have golden fur. And you clearly are showing you will be worth every piece." You looked to the notary.
"What's another word for gold?"
"Well, an old word for gold piece was "Aureus."" The notary explained as they spread the papers across the tables.
You turned back to the Lionman.
"Is that acceptable?"
He dropped to one knee, arm across his abdomen.
"Of course, Master."
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ayaosguqin · 1 year
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“Condemned and betrayed
Now everything's said
See my eyes (are) full of tears
And a cruel price we've paid
But still I can't claim
That I'm innocent”
-Noldor-Song by Blind Guardian
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I've been seeing some....odd takes about the Watcher situation, and as a huge fan of Puppet History, I have really only one thing to say about it:
Worth it.
If you're really struggling financially to keep up the production, to the point that you're making the rash decision of starting from the ground up on an entirely new platform with no consumer rapport, why bring back a series that is, by its very premise, exorbitantly expensive?
The extra $6 a subscriber that they were banking on (Which, let's be real, even with their "Everyone can afford it" attitude, they had to have known that not all 3 million subscribers would have paid for it) isn't going to the art. It isn't paying for the studio or the employees or the existing Watcher content or brand.
The extra money is so that Steven Lim can afford to bring back an already costly show at a higher production value than the original Buzzfeed production, which was already needlessly expensive to begin with. Whatever's left over might go to Watcher.
Additionally, I think of all the Buzzfeed originals to revive, Worth it has to be the most tone deaf in this economic climate. A large big mac meal at your standard McDonald's drive through is $9.19. Federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour. It is no longer entertaining to watch people spend money you could never dream of having on a Michelin star restaurant. It is even less entertaining when you're the one funding it.
I agree that Watcher should be fairly compensated for the content they produce. I agree that something probably needed to change in the business model to help bring in revenue. Hell, I don't even disagree with charging fans something for new and upcoming content that we've previously received for free.
But if this was really about them hurting to keep their company afloat amid rising production costs, they would not be advertising a new series where the cost that we as the consumer do actually get to see onscreen is the equivalent of (this is specifically taken from Buzzfeed's "Worth it: $4 burger vs $777 burger video", where the estimated cost of the food alone is $2,397. Not including tips to waitstaff, other items purchased, and assuming they did not feed Shane. Also not adjusted for current inflation or price gouging) 260 large big mac meals at McDonald's.
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herbruh · 9 months
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"We've paid the price of this cruel device 'Til we've nothing left to pay"
So yea, promised Palace Magolor for @theeclipsedcrown
Flowers were a pain to draw, but here is a bit of symbolism about them:
Oleander - poison; Hollyhock - ambition/poison; Alcea rosea - please remember me; Hyacinth (purple) - sorrow/please forgive me; Hyacinth (yellow) - jealousy; Rose (black) - obsession; Witch-Hazel - a magic spell; Cranberry - cure for heartache (yea there were a lot of meanings that matched 'tea' or palace magolor)
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aphroditelovesu · 8 months
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this is going to end badly, but... Can you do Yandere love letter where the boys found out Reader cheated on them?
The Yandere love letter from Alexander The Great, Julius Caesar, Napoleon, and Henry VIII pls
Alexander the Great
My Queen,
May your betrayal be your own curse. If you persist on this path, know that I am capable of things that not even the gods would dare to speak of. My wrath is relentless and uncontrollable when it comes to the woman I once loved.
As for this man you cheated on me with, know that he is playing with death itself. I, who faced entire armies, will pursue him to the end of the earth, and he will find no refuge. If he touches you again, not a stone will be left unturned in his city, and he will be remembered as a traitor until the end of time.
I swear I will destroy his city, put men to the sword and sell their women and children into slavery. And then I will deal with you.
You, (Y/N), have the power to avert this dark fate. Return to my arms, renounce this treachery, and perhaps I will consider showing leniency. If not, know that my vengeance is a storm no mortal can weather. Make no mistake though, because you will be punished and I guarantee you won't like your punishment, my love.
This is your last chance, my Queen. Return to me and hand over your wretched lover and perhaps I will show you mercy.
With fury and despair,
Alexander.
Julius Caesar
My love,
Today, darkness enveloped my heart. The news of her betrayal, my sweet wife, tears me apart in a way that not even the bloodiest battles have been able to do.
For you, I crossed oceans and crossed deserts, shed blood and brought down empires. However, I realize that the hardest battle I face is the one you fought on the sly with another man. I feel betrayed, but also consumed by a sick, and furious love that burns like the fire of Rome.
I will not allow him to breathe the same air as you, to touch your skin as I did, to steal your love from me. I will hunt him down, torture him, and kill him.
(Y/N), my wife, my life and my soul belong to you. If you continue with this traitor, I swear I will make an example of him, a warning for all to see. I'll make an example of you. You are my wife, my reason for living, and I won't let anything or anyone take you away from me.
Reflect on your actions, my beloved, for my passion is stronger than any army, hotter than any fire. I won't forgive you, but I'm willing to compromise.
With angry and love,
Julius Caesar.
Napoleon Bonaparte
My beloved wife,
I write these words with a heavy heart and a mind tormented by the thoughts that have invaded my soul. I found out that you, my beloved wife, betrayed the trust that we once placed in each other.y pain is indescribable, my mind troubled by terrible visions of your betrayal.
You know what I can do when faced with challenges when those I love are threatened. My reputation as a military leader is widely known, but what you may not know is that my love for you is just as fierce.
I know where you've been, who you've been with, and what you've done. Every detail is etched in my mind like a scar, a scar that burns like lava from a volcano. (Y/N), my love, I solemnly warn you that if you persist in this betrayal, the consequences will be dire. The fire that burns in my chest can be directed to protect or to destroy, and you must choose wisely.
Reflect on what we have together, on the lives we've built, and on the price that may be paid for your actions. My love for you runs deep, and I will not hesitate to use every means in my power to keep what's mine. You are mine and I will destroy anyone who gets in my way, especially that damn lover of yours. But don't worry, I've already dealt with it myself.
I pray that reason prevails in your heart, for my passion and my anger are a force that cannot be contained. I hope you make the right choice and maybe I'll be benevolent.
With love and so much jealousy,
Napoleon.
Henry VIII
My sweet wife,
I write these words with a rage that burns hotter than the sun. My trust in you has been unacceptably betrayed, and my rage is untamed. How dare you betray me, a woman who swore allegiance to me and our kingdom?
I, Henry VIII, a mighty and formidable king, will not tolerate such dishonor. You must be aware that by challenging my authority and my love, by violating our marriage, you are playing with your own destiny. With your life.
My spies have reported every detail of your heinous betrayals, (Y/N). There is no escape, no hiding place where you can hide. My anger is like an approaching storm, and the thunder of my vengeance will resound across England.
You, who shared my bed and my trust, now face the wrath of a disgraced monarch. Have no illusions my dear as my love for you has turned into a darkness that will swallow up everything in its path. And it's all your fault.
(Y/N), if you wish to avoid a dark and terrible fate, I suggest you change course immediately. Renounce your betrayals and be my loyal wife again, and I can show you mercy, but not your damned lover. No. He's already dead. Should you decide to disobey me once more, the sword will fall on your head, as it fell on others who dared to defy me.
With unabated fury,
Henry.
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