#the way im trying to be normal and not obsessive

[wickjump]

Could u please explain Hypersomnia ship; like their dyniamics? How would they work, Im trying to imagine them, they sound cute but Im trying to figure out how they would work out

APYPIE13 THANK YOU SO MUCH. to those wondering, hypersomnia (also called painted insomnia) is dream x ink x error poly and i am far too obsessed with it to be normal, so this ask is very appreciated.

OK SO, THE DYNAMICS THEY GOT. i like to think their relationship ‘equalizes’ a lot of imbalances they may have on their own, in a way, which is the first appeal. ink and dream can be physically affectionate with each other while error wouldn’t feel pressured into physical touch until he’s ready, error and dream providing romantic feelings to each other while ink is more queerplatonic with it all, and, in my opinion the BEST OF ALL,

we can get gradient, paperjam, and palette in the same room together as brothers without (mis)characterizing ink as a terrible dad, cheater, or giving him a billion divorces. the answer to all of our issues is right here!!!!!

other aspects of their dynamic people like to use is the idea that dream’s aura is unable to affect them both in the way it would with normal monsters, making them more equal and helping dream’s anxiety about feeling the affection towards him isn’t genuine. there’s also ink and error’s bickering, where we now have dream as the peacemaker who is oh so very tired of yet enamored by their ability to make anything a fight. ink and error rile each other up and dream brings them hot cocoa and a movie to wind them down before things get too messy and then they cuddle.

they balance each other out very nicely and are very cute. and in general there’s the cute ideas that come with drink, insomnia, and errorink but smushed into one big affection pile!

like!!! they watch undernovela together! dates in outertale! the banter! error makes them all dolls with matching little heart patches! error is a recluse while dream is a tired extrovert and ink wants to do the most absurd things at five am! they’re perfect for any dynamic possible! multi language affection towards error who understands none of it! mitten-covered hand holding for error on BOTH HANDS!!! AND THEYRE FLEXIBLE WITH ANY AU AND INTERPRETATION BECAUSE THEYRE LITERALLY THAT GREAT!!!!

they’re destruction, creativity, and positivity. they’re irritability, impulsivity, and level-headedness. they’re so fucking annoying to swap. they’re perfect. and above all, THEYRE CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED!!!!!!!!!

#if anyone makes hypersomnia content out there and you see it #tag me in the replies or SOMETHING #i am STARVING. ACTUALLY STARVING. #i am desperate #ink sans #dream sans #error sans #hypersomnia ship #hypersomnia #dream x ink x error #sanscest #utmv #undertale #drink ship #insomnia ship #errorink

[animeyanderelover]

Hey! Im glad i managed to wake up early in the end! Here are my two requests and thank you so much for your great writing!

1. Yanderes of your choice (the ones who wear masks/cover their faces or are just insecure about their appearances in general) with a darling who always compliments their face, saying they look amazing and that they love all of them/the first time they see the yans face their reaction is to get all :OOOO and compliment it

2. yanderes of your choice with a minor deity reader, who doesn't have the same perception of boundaries as a normal person does plus is just happy they have a follower at least.....?

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, manipulation

Tags: @lovley-valentine7 @leveyani @chxxz

Minor Deity s/o

Ash Landers

▫️​You may not be known very well as other deities are but with Ash you pretty much already have the most devoted and loyal follower one could ask for. Yet the fact that you were forgotten seems to affect him much more than it has affected you ever as he is in utter grief and sorrow when he finds out about it. Deities are supposed to be worshipped and treated with reverence yet humans truly seem to have forgotten how to pay respect and he is determined to see it through that your name will be called in prayers once again. After he has purified London, that is. With his darling being a literal deity though, Ash feels immense pressure to see it through that everything will be perfect for you. He lets churches and temples be build in your name and starts searching for humans he thinks would be worthy enough of worshipping you as he is basically planning to collect a cult for you. Your obvious clinginess is constantly overwhelming him though as he doesn't see himself as worthy for being touched by a deity like this, especially since he hasn't done anything to deserve it.

Juvia Lockser

💧​Juvia is constantly swooning over pretty much everything you do as her obsessive tendencies only increase as she figures out that you are an actual deity. You are literally perfect in her eyes. She spends days and weeks crafting a small shrine for you where she always leaves flowers, pastries or anything else for you as a sign of her adoration and love. She has a rather strange relationship with the idea of collecting other followers for you though. On the one hand she wants people to notice you because you are the most perfect and beautiful being as the mere thought that no one has ever been a follower of yours angers her greatly. On the other hand she also doesn't want to lose all the attention and affection she gets solely because she is the only one who calls herself a follower of yours now. You are very clingy with little to no perception of boundaries but since Juvia is exactly the same, this is just utterly perfect for her. The idea of you giving such attention to other people if they would start believing in you is a big cause of her jealousy as she would like to remain as someone special to you even if you should collect more followers.

Yato

🪙​Both of you share very similar struggles yet Yato shows much more concern for you as a deity will disappear if no human remembers them so he is very desperate to get you more followers. He starts with Hiyori as he asks her to not forget you for her entire life and to remember you and she really goes all out of her way to build you a small shrine similar to the one she has crafted for Yato. Otherwise Yato literally goes around with Yukine to fulfill his jobs whilst trying to advertise for you. Whilst you don't show any panic or fear due to having so only Hiyori as a human who believes in you as of now, he still feels like he has to do everything he can to cheer you up to keep you happy. He has very good intentions but at times he can go a bit too far by literally wracking some damage to induce humans with the belief that it was the work of you just to get their attention on you. Hiyori and you are ususally quick to scold him for it as you don't want to be remembered as a deity who harms other people. Yato happily indulges in your clinginess though because he can be quite touchy himself but he does get jealous quickly when you show similar amounts of affection to Yukine and Hiyori.

#yandere black butler #yandere kuroshitsuji #yandere ash #yandere ash landers #yandere fairy tail #yandere juvia #yandere juvia lockser #yandere noragami #yandere yato

[himabyul]

Satan & Violins

I share a lot of similarities with Satan, even when before they canonized something about him; one of them being violinist!Satan😭 In spite of me having a mini identity crisis following the drop of his canon violinist card, i think it makes sense! heres why.

Disclaimer!

1. I have not picked up an instrument in years

2. This is purely bcuz my brain is so busy thinking abt Satan so its kinda rambly. . Pls bare w me T_T

3. THIS IS LONG IM SO SORRY

4. Not too used to tumblr writing just yet sorry if it's messy

(Uploaded on my twitter aswell :D)

The violin and its family, unlike other string instruments (ex. the guitar), doesnt have these little things (that i forgor the name of because im a bad musician) that separates every note. those little separating thingies are the reason why people who dont know shit about playing a key on guitar but memorize musical scales (me) is at least able to strum a simple one octave melody.

Obviously, the two come in with their one difficulty (i prefer the violin myself), but it's a little bit harder to pull that trick with the violin. As you can see, theres not exactly something to tell you where each note begins or where they end. Nothing to determine where is where. You simply have to memorize the placement and the distance between each note. You basically play the violin with Your Gut (1). We'll keep this in mind for now.

Moving on, let's talk about body posture.

Beginner violinist usually directlty face towards the strings when playing, as they aren't used to letting their 'gut' lead the show. However, more experienced players would find no need to do so. A quick glance at Satan's art could tell us he was at least above beginner level to be brave enough to face (us) instead.

When you're not facing your violin, you would usually lean your head towards it, resulting in your ear becoming the closest thing to it- here's a real life example:

Now, if there was anything my teacher warned me before starting violin, is that even without having your ear be the closest thing to it, the strings are already LOUD😭 so its even louder when you alr have ur ear on it. The violin is considered one of the most emotional instruments ever, their lower sound resemble what we use to express sadness in speech. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, you as a player are forced to feel what you're playing. Thus is also why you play the violin with Your Heart (2).

So, how does this tie into Satan? It's no secret that our handsome man is incredibly romantic, and to me if he ever wants to express something to us and making sure the message is clearly received, the equally emotional violin is his best bet! The violin allows Satan to play heartwrenching notes that would quickly be felt by the listener.

Lets get technical.

There's still another side of the violin, as there is another side to Satan. The way you stroke your bow matters, the way you angle it so you'll only hit the notes you want. (thankfully if you mess up, the violin is made to still sound graceful😂). Satan too, is quite the detail oriented person. He is tactical, analytical, observant, a man obsessed with striving to be the perfect one, etc etc. The need of preciseness of the violin is definitely right up his alley. The way you need everything to be correct to be rewarded for a beautiful sound. Idk exactly where I'm going with this but it's basically intelligence meets emotion kinda thing, do you see it too?!?!

In conclusion, the violin is a wonderful instrument that both requires great attention to detail yet is also incredibly emotional and heartfelt, an instrument that requires your gut and heart guide your play without abandoning technique. Satan, the incredibly smart yet fluffy softie, is quite literally made for this and I LOVE HIM for that RAAAAAAHHHH. im normal.

THATS IT RLLY im soooo sorry if it's incredibly messy please have a sugarry picture <3 ily

#obey me satan #satan obey me #yes i like omori how did you know #thinking abt me and satan covering duet mghhhnnnhhhh #STAN SATAN OUR MULTI TALENTED KING FOR CLEAR SKIN #rambling a bit #obey me #obey me nightbringer

[satoumafuyuss]

Still getting used to drawing them but I'm happy with how this turned out so I will post it :)

#last night while i was trying to sleep i closed my eyes and saw blitz with hyper realistic bloodshot eyes and then i woke up nauseous #its the way theyre the only thing on my mind rn #i can and totally would make analysis's.s..'s on each and every scene involving these two #stolitz duet soon how we feeling im feeling hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #im hhhhhhhhhhh #im also working on such a normal thing involving blitz did you know blitz is my favorite character i love him and hate him a lot so much #i really love the idea of blitz being clingy after him and stolas actually make things official btw #also obsessed with blitz climbing stolas all the time like a bug or perhaps a lizard #stolitz.......................... <3.. uhghghhh.. #just like 21-ish days till full moon release date reveal hahahahahahahaha #nillyart #nillyfanart #helluva boss #blitzø #blitz #stolas #stolas goetia #stolitz #stolas x blitz #hellaverse

[chipsncookies]

Gesture/anatomy studies with ultraman blazar, ref pics from various sources

#ultraman #ultraman blazar #apparently the way to make me do studies is using references of things im obsessed about lol #ref pics of normal people: meh #ref pics of blazar: holy sh*t!!!!! beautiful i mist draw #this also helps me remember some of his features i think.. though not all #chips's work #i try to focus on gesture lines but i ended up drawing the details etc too welp #i like how this came out tho i should do this more often #maybe with other ultras!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

when your mom asks you to send her some of your recent art but all of your recent art is these gay ass puppets. Uh

#sending her stuff was like #'oh heres a dragon.... *quick scrolling past all the laughingstock* and heres um... another dragon....' #the silence on my end of the call while i looked for Presentable Stuff was deafening #i was like She Cant Know She Cant Know #she already thinks im fucking insane for my interest in a fake puppet show. like. #cant let her know im obsessed with two of said puppets being Gay and In Love #trying to be sooooo normal in my day-to-day life & around people outside of this webbed site #that way all of the Unwellness is reserved for you guys <3 you're so welcome <3 #its so hard though its really an Ordeal smh #everything reminds me of Them... #absolutely unprompted #stg when i do land a job im gonna need to practice masking to hell and back bc that shit crumbleddddd during the past few years #i cant be in the middle of isle 3 having a Category Five Me Moment bc i had a cute laughingstock thought

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me

[xxpuppy-teethxx]

life blood

#sorry guys im obsessed with him #i would have done 98 vash but i didnt wanna draw his fuckass hair #plus i think stampede vash is the most pony like #zero lore for him other than maybe hes an alicorn? or a changeling could be cool idk #either way hes obviously trying to hide what hes got goin on adn come off as a normal unicorn pff #mlp #my little pony #my little pony friendship is magic #trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #vash #mlp art

[suncaptor]

Also the way that Xander just has to hang out in the same house as the girl who sexually assaulted & choked him like supposedly Faith's good now? does anyone care or even remember what she did PERSONALLY to Xander though? she just talks about how yeah she tells Anya she got to Xander first. And I sit there sick to my stomach.

#xander harris #s.a #the two people xander slept with talking while one of them sexually assaulted and was seemingly trying to kill him and the other #coerced him into sex when he was an 18yo as a much older (centuries whatever) women fine fine fine #im normal about him <3 #also obsessed with the different ways xanders and buffys relationships contrast and parallel. if ur wondering #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #incoherents #xander

[socialbunny]

skip when he was in his redhead era

#skippy #yea ik i posted these on my personal shhhhhh im just obsessed with him and darleen in a normal way. like normal people are uhhhhhhhh. norma #trying to decide if skip should actually be ginger or more like. strawberry blonde LMAO ignore that this will never be utilized in renders #skips parents die and he acts like hes not all upset but he dies his hair and gets a whole bunch of piercings and has a baby #normal coping things

[unicornsaures]

my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something

#im hoping you guys read the outsiders in school #ive actually read the outsiders twice in school ? #urgg my outsiders phase in like 7th grade comin back around #two very conflicting fandoms might i add #but also im not very invested in the fandom #i just think dallas is cool #shameless dally apologist #i KNOW he was a shitty person throughout the book and whatnot #and he was probably a horrible influence #but he hit. kinda close to home #that mutually obsessive relationship w/ johnny ohmmygod #its just :( #ME TOO!! #trying to kys over your fp is extremely real and unfortunately i completely get it #and his IMPULSIVENESS #AND HIS PUSHING AWAY OF EVERY EMOTION AND BASICALLY BEING A TICKING TIME BOMB AUGH #i will SHAMELESSLY say that dally is my favorite #i like johnny and pony and two bit and soda and whatnot #but dally just hits WAY too hard #imcrying over his entire dynamic with johnny actually #because i GET IT #i udnerstand it way too hard:( #mutual obsession and then fucking destroying each other in the process is VERY REAL #AND I HATE IT #BECAUSE I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT!!! #ive said id kms if my fp died way too many times and i 100% meant it #COUGH because girly tried COUGH #okay im just lore dumping in yhe tags #moral og the story is doli is insane and relates way too hard to dally to be normal #dolirants

[fourteenthz]

LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH. #OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her. #and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go. #ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN. #I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM. #TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME. #she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death. #feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento. #I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man..... #the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR?? #i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go. #but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do. #until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so. #the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima. #I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry. #he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

[bottom-slut-unionizer]

I'm so glad I'm attracted to bears bc being like naturally attracted to men with bellies already feels 80x healthier than whatever the fuck is going on with muscle fetishists. Definitely better for my self esteem too

#also like steroid abuse is a big problem in the gay community #gay men are 5x more likely than straight men to abuse steroids #so like #im def way happier liking dudes with bellies n realistic body types than being another shallow twink #obsessed with muscles n pressuring dudes to try steroids bc then ill treat them like a normal person #until i forget about them next week n theyre still using them #some of yall dont seem to know that steroids or working out a ton is LITERALLY an eating disorder #prioritizing muscle gain over everything else is not healthy #not psychologically not physically #is this gonna stop you? #no #but will it make you consider the effects your kinks have on your view of normal body types n your own self esteem? #probably also not #but i do hope you get better n realize its better to be ignored by a few shallow twinks than it is to waste #your entire life trying to give yourself a body just so you can get attention from them #i know theyre hot #but theyre not fucking worth it #n theyre not gonna be hot for long #@ my friend johny

[caffeinatedopossum]

Events of last night:

Me: *crying*

My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(

Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful

My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.

#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious #thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt #and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd #it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense #but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like #where as me and her obsess much more over morality #like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information #we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people #or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate #like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*) #they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers #theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person. #but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out #but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either #like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are #and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare #sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep. #sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done #sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me? #i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real #i guess what it kinda comes to do is #would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions #all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm #you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of #OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them. #trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world #your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen #theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed #your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for #instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed

[fakestage]

I think (as much as I annoyingly complain and whine about not having a partner) being single this long has been good for me. I'm learning a lot about myself and I'm learning why I was a shit person, and through finding the root of the problem I can kind of... start to heal. I can be nicer to myself so I can grow and get better. Because TBH.. being mean and cruel to yourself doesn't make you become a better person. It just makes you believe that thats what you /are,/ and thats what you /always will be,/ as opposed to realizing that you are a product of your circumstances but that does not mean you can't get better and become a better person. Accepting help and trying to get better so you can eventually love yourself – even if no one else does – is the greatest and loveliest thing you can do for yourself. You deserve that love, you exist and you live and you feel and that is a truly beautiful gift.

#uhm well anyway I hope everyone finds people and a place where they feel safe and loved #I'm feeling really emotional sorryy #basically. tldr; found the problem! trying to get better now through loving myself instead of hating myself #its been really hard. its going to be really hard. I feel like ive barely made any progress #I wish I had a therapist to talk about this stuff with. but I dont. #btw the uh root problem: finding out my mother was actually hugely abusive & I already knew my dad was #so basically ive been having to confront the fact that Ive been living a lie and my mother is actually deeply terrible as much as my dad #and my parents should have never had children & ive never had one single decent adult in my life #so basically uhm yea lol. I was born into dysfunction. I was never going to turn oit normal or okay. #so its been hard to like. figure all that out alone. learning I have ptsd and extreme ocd + dissociation because of them hasnt been easy #its made me so deeply miserable because I guess I assumed what my mom was doing to us was normal this whole time? #because I thought no. surely not. surely i cant have TWO terrible parents. I need at least 1 good one right? #but yea no actually every adult has hurt me in some way. and I was never going to turn out alright because #I am the king of obsessing and cycling over everything in my life #Im like. not okay right now but not being im in danger just because I wish I had someone to talk to about all this. #I just need to learn to drive so I can get out of here. I need to get out like #all these realizations have been really really heavy on me and ive been having trouble sleeping #Its been hard to process and I dont really know where to go from here. I guess I cant properly heal and grow until I move out? #idk this has been really long im so sorry. #vent #tw vent #tws -> #abuse ment #parents ment #<- in tags

[nomsfaultau]

SBI SCP AU character playlists

Tommy:

Rose by The Oh Hellos (I mean I'm doing an entire animatic wip, it fits and I have essays to prove it. Anyway violence, the power of names/narratives, truth, hypocrisy, how sacrifice and love tie together.)

Sunken City by David Wirsig (Tubbo associations, mostly symbolic/vibes past the prison break. The euphoria of escaping and how the world beyond is confusing and unrecognizable. The idea of journeying with a friend to the ruins of what was once your life. 6th verse as finding a new home in found family. 'God free me from the burden of my thoughts')

Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives (Tubbo, and how Tommy tries to distance himself to protect them/is the only reason Tubbo stays in a group with people they abhor. Touch starvation, hands as dangerous, seeing himself as a monster/burden. Again. Did an animatic for this one.)

Wilbur (yes they're all by Will Wood for the bit):

Misanthrapologist by Will Wood (Philza, for their light/dark dynamic and untangling of Wilbur's loathing of society and himself. WHiT Constellations interlude. I imagine 'can't keep a straight face while I'm praying' as Phil trying to get Wil to meditate but they end up laughing + 'don't you revolve around someone else' as a chide to Philza post Anderson's death)

Love Me, Normally (If he were honest with himself. Wilbur is wracked with jealousy for humanity that he disguises as hatred. Die young mentality, insomnia, bridge 2 addressed to the void, 'Is it courageous or escapist to leave the quarantine when you’re contagious?' as a comment on the danger of anomalies and if they should be contained)

BlackBoxWarrior (An entire life spent running from the Foundation and their experiments + trauma, repressing the past, general void madness, 'a map to every victim of his love' as the scars the void has left)

The Blade:

Red Water Dreams by Aviators (The sea motif of the voices, being a vessel for The Blood God, finding blame in those who unleashed his apocalyptic revenge. The entire chorus fits so well. 'Vicious thoughts are stirring/And I hunger for their power')

Paralyzed by Aviators (He's just an Aviators boy, what can I say, it's the violence and upbeat tempos man. Really this is The Blood God's song. His challengers as a duty to cull, as he's forced to hunt down every last foe that laid a hand upon his vessel. The thrill of battle, impending doom, 'I will give you one fair chance' because he really does seek a good fight. The Blade is the one paralyzed, unable to do anything but watch as his body is used for destruction)

Turn Out the Lights by The Crane Wives (Because The Blade does actually handle The Blood God/voices pretty well. I feel this song captures the way he just sorta rolls his eyes and shrugs off the intrusive thoughts most of the time)

Philza:

Rule #9 - Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage (Wilbur as a wanderer, but works for any Collected for fostering their growth. Father vibes. Philza raising his children to be strong, independent people. A gentle expectation of greatness, because he picks out the exceptional among humanity)

Hot Tea by Half Alive (His sheer adoration of his Collected, also fun to swap the roles so that it is the god showing devotion. The pure warmth and sweetness matches Philza. In retrospect I need a song about protective violence but eh I set a 3 song limit.)

Time Machine by Miracle Musical (Amnestic arc. Particularly with loneliness and the vehemence in 'look at what you've done now to me', as well as 'I'm leaving today, today' with his confused insistence that he leaves at the end of the week. The way Philza is dragged in and out of grief at the whims of the Foundation, left free floating and disorientated)

Tubbo:

Soap by The Oh Hellos (Actual perfect Tubbo song. WHiT Croplands interlude. Themes of pacifism, how Tubbo is made of pieces, the separation between humans and anomalies and how the Hivemind can cross that barrier. Learning when to let go/hold on with the Tommy, Hive members, Willow. The 2nd chorus as Rhodes trying to convince Tubbo to leave Tommy in Jasper, with the response of 'I think that you’re worth (keeping around/holding onto)' to both Rhodes and Tommy's Never Love an Anchor. And imagining Tubbo saying the last stanza to Tommy makes me so soft)

Escapism by Rebecca Sugar (Dissociation. Grey chapter in general, specifically Pewter for being firm in convictions: 'shouldn't show a trace of doubt' and telling Rosalind the sacrifice won't hurt them, as well as trying to force a dissociative episode when their hand is sawed off)

Saint Bernard by Lincoln (ok this is a troll but also fits well for Cinnabar and Old Gauze. The guilt of failing one's morals. Technically Tubbo is in Indiana satanic and chained up, but I'll let it slide. The Saint Calvin verse is so good for the Rhodes-Tommy tension + Foundation destroying families. Also the way Tubbo blames their self-loathing on Rosalind, making the chorus apt for the Hivemind mess) (but also its funny to give Tubbo the classic edgy character song)

(Bonus) Dr. Blake:

Take Me to War by The Crane Wives (She sees herself as forced to be ruthless to survive against powerful anomalies. 'And I'll rankle the beasts with words' for her manipulation. Also epithets in the dehumanizing way the Foundation avoids names. Verse 3 is Tubbo 'corrupting' the guards when they saved humans from Philza)

Solaria, Kevin / End-World Normopathy by GHOST (Tommy, with religious themes and verse 5/Kevin understood as The Blood God. The cold cruelty of the Foundation, sentience as a failure/flaw in a tool (Tommy), Dr. Blake completely separating her personal and professional selves because to have humanity is only a weakness anomalies will exploit. 'Though you’ll never die, you’ve found that/All eyes are staring at your hands' is an absolutely perfect line for summoning sessions)

#did I actually put an npc named david wirsig in Fault and have Wilbur eat his arm. Yes. It's called admiration. #moving on. #using never love an anchor feels so over done but i mean #would've been hilarious to use exclusively wilbur soot songs for Wil but frankly i don't listen to him enough to over analyze song lyrics #balancing the blade's edgy fight songs with a sweet upbeat song abt mental health was fun #was thinking both sugar pills and razzmatazz (idkhbtfm) for Phil #but time machine was better for amnestics even if it missed the obsession aspect #and. idk man i can hella read razzmatazz for the hallway but its also fundamentally about fame #also didn't include Ribs for Wil bc the lonely + accepting darkness worked well but it felt too connected to femininity #felt like it took the teeth out of the song to give to a male character #also i had enough crane wives songs already. They just make good character songs #tubbo was an utter pain to find songs for until I realized I was looking at the wrong artists #I keep saying rhodes-tommy tension like its obvious that Rhodes is behind the morals that try to hold Tubbo back from their friend #still snickering at giving tub- 'moral heart of the group' -bo the DARK EDGY IM SO EVIL song #yeah i over analyze everything way too much wahoo im so normal #fault au #sbi scp au #scp philza #scp tommyinnit #scp wilbur #scp technoblade #scp tubbo #scp oc #character playlist #technoblade #tommyinnit #philza #wilbur soot #tubbo #sleepy bois inc