#the weirdest is probably the last one actually....

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Bait and Switch. || Scammer!Reader x Victim!Ghost

Rating: M Words: 2.6K~ Pairing: scammer!Reader x victim(but not really)!Ghost CW: phone scams/conning (reader never actually cons him), financial issues?, threats (Simon threatens to find reader), degradation?. other tags: crack, OOC Simon., you/your pronouns (gn!reader but uses a female fake name), obviously fake names (pun/funny), lying, joking, the weirdest meet cute? a/n: this started out as a joke/crack and turned serious/dark at the end? idk how i did this.

Simon Riley would say that being legally dead is the best thing to have happened to him and that's because it allowed him to escape a bunch of responsibilities that regular men have to uphold.

He gets paid covertly, in full, and does not have to pay taxes on his income.

He rented a flat from a sweet ol' lady, who didn't run a background check or ask for a copy of his birth certificate (terrible choice on her part), and he pays her by dropping an envelope of cash in her mailbox on the 1st of every of the month.

He not only is old enough to drink but also sounds and looks old enough as well, which means he doesn't need I.D. to buy alcohol (not that any shops or bars really care enough to check).

He doesn't have a credit card. Or a debit card for that matter. Hell, he doesn't even have a bank account, so he doesn't have to pay maintenance fees.

He doesn't have a smartphone. And up until recently he only had a pager. In fact, the only reason he doesn't have a pager anymore is because it got shot in the crossfire during a mission... so Price forced him to get a jitterbug.

In short... Simon Riley can escape a lot of things (death, taxes, Philip Graves...). But telemarketers and phone scammers are not one of those things.

That's how, on a boring Wednesday afternoon, his new phone ends up ringing, like it had been doing multiple times a week for the last four weeks.

Telemarketers.

He never got telemarketers on his pager.

He hated telemarketers.

But that didn't mean he blocked them-

"What?" He answered as soon as he picked up the phone.

An automated voice came over the call, one of those typical Siri-esque robot voices, delivering a prepared speech: "Congratulations! You've won a free cruise to the Bahamas! To claim your prize, press 1."

Oh, now, this was different. He didn't need to hear more to know it was a scam call. But that didn't mean he was going to hang up.

So Simon pressed key 1, which caused a beep to sound over the call.

"Thank you!" The automated voice continued. "We are now connecting you to a live operator to claim your prize!"

Barely a millisecond went by before you took over the call. "Good afternoon, this is Stella Gormoni with Blissful Blessings Inc.! Who am I speaking with?"

As stereotypical as it is, Simon had expected a different voice on the other end of the line... maybe from a scammer in a foreign country who'd speak heavily-accented English...

But instead, he got a sweet and professional sounding person... It almost made him second-guess the scam that was being pulled on him.

His mind moved quick at coming up with a fake name. Not just a fake one, but a pun one too. "Wanh'a, first name Aiden." He replied, his gruff voice reverberating on the call.

"And how do you spell that?" You asked him politely, and, through your headset, he could hear your keyboard keys clacking in the background.

"That's A-I-D-E-N." He replied as he entered his kitchen, spelling his first, as if that was somehow what was causing you difficulty.

"Uh-huh!" You acknowledged in a peppy tone. "And... your surname?" You asked him.

"W-A-N-H-'-A." He continued spelling as he crossed the small kitchen, hearing your fingers tapping away at your keyboard in his ear.

For a moment, you didn't talk, as if stunned into silence. Had you just picked up on the fact he was trolling you by giving you a name that, phonetically, sounded like 'I Don't Wanna'? Probably. But you hadn't hung up yet.

"Well, congratulations, Mr. Wanh'a, you just won an all-inclusive, two-week long cruise to the Bahamas!" Your peppy tone made him bite his lip to contain a laugh. Well, at least you were dedicated in continuing the scam. "How are you feeling?"

"Very well, and yourself?" Simon asked casually as he leaned himself against the door of his refrigerator, leaning down to look inside and find a snack.

"I'm doing very well, thank you, sir." You replied in a cheerful tone. "So, let's process the information so we can get you your prize, shall we?" You announced in a polite tone.

"Go right on ahead, sweet'eart." He murmured as he grabbed a yogurt and closed the fridge with his hip, sitting at the table and peeling open the lid.

"Well, for us to start, I'm going to need your-"

"Actually, I have a question, before we start." Simon interrupted your speech, cutting off your silver-tongued lies.

You went silent for just a moment before you replied with a sweet little: "Of course, what can I help you with, Mr. Wanh'a?"

"I want to know how exactly I signed up to receive this prize." Simon replied before he placed a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth.

He was trying to accomplish two things by doing this: 1) throw you off your game and make you stammer and stutter, and 2) see how long it took for you to get annoyed, and hang up on him.

"Well, that's what I was going to explain, you see-" You replied, a smile behind your voice, but his trained ears could pick up the slight frustration. It made Simon smile.

"Oh, then, I'm sorry for interrupting you, sweet'art, please go ahead." He replied and gestured with his spoon, as if giving you the stage, unnecessarily so, because you were not there to watch it.

"As I was saying... You were entered automatically into the draw by buying a cereal box of any Kellog's cereal at Tesco. I'm sure you saw a 'Win a free cruise!' sticker on yours?" You asked in a professional and sickly-sweet tone.

He could see right through your scam, he had already done that. You name a famous brand, one people trust, to trick naive or impressionable ones into believing you...

Normal people would tell you they no longer have the cereal box, many of them naive enough to believe your scam despite the fact they hadn't even bought one of those boxes in the first place...

Next, you'd ask for the card used to make the purchase, and some people were dumb enough to read their number aloud to you...

Oh, how he hated scammers. Even more than telemarketers.

"I do remember seeing something like that..." He murmured, his voice deepening, before he popped another spoonful of yogurt past his lips, loudly smacking them right against the receiver of his jitterbug.

"Well, all I need is for you to get the box and read me the code that's imprinted on the inside of the flap!" You announced.

"Well, you see, I would, sweet'art... But my sight isn't so good anymore..." Simon replied. "I'm getting up there in age, you know?" He continued eating his yogurt.

"I understand, sir." You replied. "I'm sorry to hear that. One of my cousins also started losing his vision pretty early." You announced.

Huh.

There was no hint of forced sympathy in your voice.

No, you were being genuine. That was a real story of your life you were telling him...

But you had picked up on the fact he was trolling you, right? So why were you-

"Good thing though, about this system of ours, is that you can just confirm your credit card details so we can double check them and get you that prize!" You had, your tone right back to the scamming silver-tongue you had held until now.

Secretly, Simon had to admit that he admired your commitment to the bit. He couldn't help but smile a bit, amused.

"Oh, of course. Let me just set you down while I get my card." Simon replied and got up, finishing his yogurt and tossing out the plastic container, popping the spoon into the sink, and, after setting down his phone, he walked out of the room.

Simon glanced down at his wrist watch, noting the time on it, then, approached his bedroom door, grabbing his over-the-door pull-up bars, and began doing a quick set, leaving you to 'wait' for him in the kitchen.

After a few sets, he waltzed back into the kitchen and grabbed his phone again. "You still there, da'lin'?" He beckoned in a gruff tone.

You sighed, your politeness sounding slightly more forced. He had kept you waiting for over ten minutes after all. "Yes, sir, I am. Did you get your card, Mr. Wanh'a?"

"Oh, please, enough of this 'sir' thing, Mr. Wanh'a was my mother." He replied, then went silent for just a beat, almost like he could hear your frustration sizzling on he other end.

He was being more and more obvious with his trolling... And it pleased him immensely to imagine a parasite like you seething on the other end of the line, reaching your wits' end.

"You can just call me 'Ai', it's what my friends call me." Simon continued, a smirk forming on his lips. "And we're friends now, right? You're giving me a cruise and everythin'." He added, his tone just as charismatic and peppy as his had been.

"I guess we are!" You replied, returning the overly cheery tone. "So, 'Ai Wanh'a', then?" You asked, but he could hear the mix of frustration and amusement behind your voice.

"Yeah? What d'you want, babygirl?" Simon asked, unable to resist making a more impish remark. And, unfortunately, it had the desired result. It genuinely caused your brain to blue-screen for a moment.

Sure, you'd experienced plenty of people getting angry at you when you attempt to scam them, or even trolling you the same way this bloke was doing but...

It was definitely a first, to have someone flirt with you, even if it was still part of his trolling attempt.

"Your... credit card details?" You ended up adding, your voice still showing the surprise and light meekness that came from him catching you off-guard.

"Oh, of course. Are you ready? It's a very complex number." He replied.

"Ready when you are." You added as you steeled yourself for another smartass response or run around from him.

"Here it is: 1234-5678-9987-6543." He replied, reciting the numbers 1-9 in order and then backward. "And the three digits on the back are: 210."

Oh, he was so fucking annoying! He didn't get to troll you, even if it was pretty amusing of him to do so, then flirt with you, then go back to trolling.

"Sir, if you're not interested in the cruise, just say so. There's no need for this mockery." You replied, your tone serious and professional though you were definitely seething on the inside.

Simon could tell. And he reveled in it. "Oh, but I am interested!" He replied with a smirk behind his voice. "In fact, I want to know more. Will my cabin in the cruise have an ocean view?"

Simon heard you inhale aggressively on the other side of the line, steeling yourself not to hang up on him, or down right berating him on the phone. "Yes, Ai, of course!" He heard your fake cheeriness through your clenched teeth. "It'll be a luxury cabin, actually. Isn't that great?"

"No, it's not that great, actually. I get very seasick, you see?" Simon murmured. "Not to mention, ever since my pet goldfish died, I've just never been able to look at the ocean the same..." He added in a forced pitiful tone.

You went quiet again on the other side and Simon knew he had finally worn you out. He waited to hear the clicking sound of the call falling, but, instead, he just heard you let out a sigh.

"You're very frustrating." You murmured.

"Oh, my, is this how you speak to all your prize winners?" Simon gasped dramatically.

"Shut up... You didn't have to be a smartass, you know?!" You scolded him, as if you had any ground to stand on.

"No, I fear I did, sweet'art." Simon replied as he leaned casually against the kitchen counter. "You called me, interrupted my day, and wasted my time with a scam, of all things. I have every right to be a smartass and have some fun with it." He added, a smug tone obvious in the dulcets of his deep voice.

"Okay? You could've just hung up on me?" You were truly grasping at straws to justify your behaviour. It was comical.

Simon laughed dryly. "And waste an opportunity to annoy a parasitic leech like you?" He quipped.

That stunned you into silence for a moment and you couldn't help but pout a bit.

"Not to mention, what you're doing is illegal, you know that righ'? And I'm military, I could get you arrested for this." He added.

"For that, you'd need to know where I am." You retorted, maybe a bit bratilly. "Besides, I knew you were a soldier."

"And how did you know that?"

"You used the NATO phonetic alphabet while spelling 'your' name'." You replied directly. "Nobody spells 'Aiden' as 'Alpha-India-Delta-Echo-November'."

"So you knew I was military and you still went ahead with your little scam attempt? You're not that bright, are you?" He defied you, which earned him a scoff from your end.

"No, I already knew you were trolling me."

"Oh, so you just wanted to waste my time?"

"That's exactly it, Aiden."

"Sounds to me like you're just looking for trouble, da'lin'." He quipped, his voice having lowered to a gruffer tone.

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed. "Am not. I'm just enjoying myself. You're not the only one that can make jokes at people's expenses."

"No, you really are..." He tutted his tongue and shook his head. "Need I remind you you were trying to scam me, and other people?" He added in a tone that sent a shiver down your spine.

"I know what I was doing."

"Yeah? And are you proud of that? Proud of being a conniving little cunt who tries to take people's hard-earned money?" He taunted you.

You didn't reply. Of course you weren't proud. You still had a conscience! But you wouldn't tell him that. He wouldn't get the satisfaction of hearing you apologise.

"I see. You don't like what I'm saying, so you give me the silent treatment, is that it, sweet'art?" He teased. You could hear the smirk behind his words.

"I wonder if you'd still act like this if you had to face me and had to answer for yourself."

Closing your fists tight, you steel yourself again to gain some edge and reply to him. "I guess you're going to keep wondering then. Because it's not happening."

"You know, it's a shame your little computer spat out my phone number for you to call..." He trailed off.

"And why's that?"

"Because instead of anyone else, you got me... And that's just... really bad luck for you. Any other service member, you would've been fine..." He trailed off.

"What, are you some sort of General-Major-Chief thing, super high up the ladder?" You taunted.

Simon simply chuckled dryly on the other side of the line. "No. But I'm definitely the worst person you could've tried to play with."

"Oh, big scary man, what are you gonna do? Gonna come teach me a lesson?" You added, taunting him some more, clearly feeling comfortable behind your laptop, with your smartphone, sitting at home, comfortable and warm, with your pet at your feet. "Oh, I'm so scared!" You added, feigning fear in a dramatic tone.

"Is that a challenge I'm hearing, sweet'art? Inviting me to come pay you a visit?" Simon asked you, his brow cocking, despite the fact you couldn't see it.

You don't know what it was about the way he spoke. The way he said that. The way his voice sounded.

It sent a shiver down your spine, a cold sweat, like he was, for the first time, not joking around anymore.

"No...?" You murmured in reply, feeling your shoulders tensing in an unpleasant way.

"Yeah... That's an invite I'm hearing..." He disregarded what you said and chuckled. "Maybe I'll come pay you a visit then, hey? How does that sound, little leech?"

#ikea writes 💚 #tw phone scam #cod mw2 #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley #cod fanfic #masterlist #ghost x reader #phone scammer #crack fic #ddne #dead dove do not eat

[daenystheedreamer]

what’s the weirdest thing u did over asoiaf?? spreadlist of names intrigues me

as much as i'd love and i covet ownership of The Spreadsheet it isnt mine! it's available here i spend so much time on it that i can squirrel out if a name has been made up or is canonical EXTREMELY well. i havent done anything extremely weird though... hmm. some chucklable occurances under the cut

a) the ashara dayne x female oc self insert fanfic. again this matter is not to be spoken of nor will i ever release it. it is WIPED from ao3. i did get into an argument in the comments section with a CUNT over it and it was really funny cos when he found out i was a girl (how i ID'd at the time) he was like sorry ma'am my most egregious apologies missus.

b) my season 8 spec fic i wrote at 14 after watching s7 when i was a jonerys (dw i recovered) and the actual battle of winterfell in season 8 was sooooo bad and lame that i predicted most of it. like i had melisandre sacrifice herself and die. actually thats all i remember idk if i predicted anything else. posted on wattpad ofc, on which i had irls following and i know for a FACT one of them read it. jesus christ.

c) watching GOT for the first time in 2017 and getting to the voyeuristic lesbian dany x irri scene from season 1 and realising i recognised it cos i watched it many, many, MANY times as a young homosexual on youtube without realising it was from got

d) ive been using this one family tree site since 2018 to create alternate timeline asoiaf family trees and boy oh boy i currently have TWENTY FOUR asoiaf related family trees created. im terrified that theyre secretly public and the site owners know im using their genealogy site to track generations of invented blorbos. its called familyecho.com! when it added the option to track adoption/polyamory/step parenting Oh My God i went crazy it was so good. and omg they added noble titles and suffixes it fuelled my paranoia that they could See My Blorbos.

#ask #anonymous #the weirdest is probably the last one actually.... #straight up you can test me like send me five names one fake/one canon and ill figure it out. im THAT confident

[xiaoluclair]

5 & 17 for the fic rec ask game!

5. longest fic you read this year?

oh EASY, this hp fic (Evitative) that's [checks notes (ao3 stats)] 222453 words long, the spanish translation of which is 222222 words long which i find absolutely.

17. a fic that felt like a warm blanket?

oof okay so this one tested me bc my memory is TERRIBLE so i can only remember things within the last.... half second, and the first fic that came to mind is this (Less of a Hobby, More of a Fixation) [j.eisenberg/a.garfield] and then i started going back through my history and what do i find but tasty [lando/oscar] by higgsbosonblues and yeah. that. that.

#i highly recommend that last one to every single person out there #like. i would trust ao3 author higgsbosonblues with my life #they would probably do the weirdest kinky shit with it first #but the sentiment still stands #the wildest alarm is going off as i type this that i've never heard before in my LIFE and im slightly terrified #it keeps changing tune every three bars #WHAT IS GOING AWN #anyway #lourdes my beloved #x: asks #f1 rpf #and other rpf heehee #thank you for the ask!! #should've remembered i have the worst memory before begging people to ask but actually this was quite fun! #<3 <3 <3 <3 mwah

[artbyblastweave]

Still playing Skyrim. And I’m interested to report that the game is actually better than I remember, on balance. But I’m kind of fascinated by what’s going on with Lydia, mechanically and narratively.

Lydia is the first follower who gets shoved in your face just by virtue of following the main quest. There are others you can pick up earlier, but not without finishing errands (for Faendal and Sven), by forking up a pretty big chunk of change for the early game by hiring Janessa, or by going out of your way in some other manner. If you’re completely new to the game and you’re just powering through the main story as it’s presented, she’s the first option for a follower that the game highlights for you in giant blinking neon lights. And as a quest reward, she’s mechanically kind of a godsend at that point in the story; a doubling of carry capacity, an excellent meat shield and distraction, a way to extract utility from weapons and armor you don’t want to use yourself. More subjectively she provides the impression of a stalwart ally or companion in what can be a very lonely worldspace to exist in. There’s very little reason not to take her with you, and once you have her, the majority of companions being equal, there’s very little reason to get rid of her until she stops level scaling.

Despite the mechanical utility Lydia provides at a crucial point, and the resultant likelyhood that you’ll haul her along for the ride, she’s only a couple steps up from the companion cube. She has no specific, non-fungible impact on the narrative beyond demonstrating Jarl Balgruuf’s favor. Her deferral to you is automatic; if someone is actively paying her a salary to help you defile graves, cut deals with every deity on the continent and invade the afterlife, it sure as hell isn’t you. It isn’t clear what her gig under Balgruuf was before she was assigned to you. She has no personal narrative. She has no personal side quest. One of her biggest inklings of personality is when she expresses vague dissatisfaction with being treated as a pack mule, but then she does it anyway.  She’s party to world-shaking events and political upheavals, but she’s present purely in her capacity as your appendix, so reality simply treats her as your plus-one. 

She’ll block doors you’re trying to get through, and she’ll get mad at you if you push her out of the way. She’ll charge into battle or set off traps while you’re trying to sneak. She’ll microaggress you with stock Nord dialogue while pulverizing your enemies, a plurality of whom are also Nords. She’ll distract bosses long enough to buy you breathing room for a healing spell or a potion. You’ll kill her by accident with an ill-timed area-of-effect spell, roll your eyes, and, ultimately, probably reload your save. Because she might only be a couple steps up from a companion cube, but the whole gag with the companion cube is how ridiculously low the threshold is for the audience to get genuinely attached to something in a video game. A thin character invites apophenia. Behaviors that are purely downstream of dev thoughtlessness will still imply character traits if taken at Watsonian Face Value. In this case, inexplicable undying loyalty, reserved comments on impressive landmarks, and comical stoicism in the face of some of the weirdest events it’s conceptually possible to encounter.  So here’s to weird, underbaked companions in Bethesda Games, and everything we can project onto the void they provide. And Here’s to that related genus of character- units in squad-based tactics or management-sim games with permadeath mechanics who last long enough and accumulate enough equipment, skill points, etc. that they become your Special Little Guy despite otherwise lacking any deliberate character traits.

#thoughts #meta #skyrim #the elder scrolls #elder scrolls #TES #lydia #skyrim lydia

[hellfire--cult]

Omega!Steve Harrington x Alpha!Fem!Reader

wc: 6.8k

+18, omegaverse, knotting, virgin!omega, established relationship, late presentation, secondary gender as mentioned, smut, p in v, breeding kink, heat, rut, blood mention, pain mention

plot: You and Steve have been dating since high school, but even in your twenties the two of you haven't presented yet. You were afraid that your presentations wouldn't be what you expected, you an Omega, he an Alpha... but there was one possibility the two of you never thought of.

a/n: Do not read this if you are not into omegaverse. seriously. don't.

if you liked this thing, reblog ok? ok

UNEXPECTED

“We’re twenty-two and we still haven’t presented. It’s fucking stupid baby. Dustin is already showing Alpha traits.”

You looked at Steve with a smile on your face, shaking your head at him.

“Look, maybe we’re supposed to be Betas, which is amazing actually Stevie. You know presentation develops between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five.” You said as you sat at the end of his bed, legs crossed underneath you. He was leaning against the headboard, with his glasses over his face and suddenly he winced, making you jerk up in alarm, crawling towards him.

“Fuck… I really don’t want to go to the doctor. They will probably take my stupid appendix out.” You rolled your eyes at his words, but the worry was slowly consuming you as you groaned at him.

“Steve, you have to go to the doctor babe. You have been what– having these pains for the past week?” He waved you off with no importance and he moved to swing his legs off the bed, his feet touching the floor. You noticed a bead of sweat on his forehead and you knew that he was sick because you felt under the weather too.

“You can’t keep staying with me in quarantine. I bet you’re not even sick.” 

“Really? Last time I checked we both had a fucking fever, so yeah, you got me sick. No pain though.” That was a lie. You were for sure not feeling like Steve was, but you were feeling weird. There were certain pains in your belly, but it might just be your period, that was supposed to come like two weeks ago.

You took a pregnancy test, but it came out negative. You were gonna go to a gyno last week, only to fall ill at the same time as Steve had. You cursed at him for it, but the moment you saw how pained he was you didn’t want to tell him you felt weird too. His pain was greater, and you didn’t want him to hurt anymore. 

“I should have a cold shower. I just feel fucking hot.” You knew the illness wasn’t the only thing on his mind. You reached out to rub his face so he would look at you. “I– I mean, if we are Betas, shouldn’t we feel that?” 

“I don’t know…” You gulped at the uncertainty and he leaned towards you to place a soft kiss on your lips, a sigh following right after from his throat.

“I just wanted to be an Alpha. I wanted to have pups, your pups… I mean, what if something’s wrong with us?” He looked at you with a worried look on his face, and in the relationship you were always the one that reassured him of stuff, knowing how much confidence he was lacking. You pushed a strand of his hair behind his ear and pressed another soft kiss on his lips.

“Nothing is wrong with us. We will be Betas, and it will be harder to conceive, but it’s not impossible, baby. It’s not.” 

“I mean…” You could hear the worry in his tone, the fear. “What if… Never mind, I’m gonna go shower. Do you want to go with me?” He gave you a small smile and you sighed, shaking your head.

“No Stevie, go clear your thoughts a bit, okay?” You pressed a small kiss to his shoulder and he nodded, getting up from the bed. You looked at him as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. You sighed with worry as you looked out the window.

You knew what he was scared of. What if the both of you turn out the same? Jonathan had turned into an Omega, which is extremely rare. The weirdest thing of all, was Billy Hargrove presented as an Alpha, and he couldn’t contain himself around Jonathan, courting him with gifts. Nancy broke up with Jonathan so he could be happy, knowing the Omega boy needed his Alpha. Nancy presented as a Beta and now remains single.

If you two presented the same, your relationship would be hard to keep. Or if you presented as an Omega and he a Beta, or the other way around, he an Alpha and you a Beta… You shivered at the thought, anger surging through you. Steve was yours and only yours. You would lock him up with you if you needed to. No one can take him away from you.

No one.

Your nose twitched barely, taking a scent in. What is that? Didn’t Steve say he was taking a shower? Why is he baking cookies? Or a cake? Why is it so strong? Did he overdo it with vanilla essence? But there is also some chocolate smell? A hint of it? 

You got up from the bed only for a strong pain to fall in between your legs. You wanted to yell in pain but you didn’t want to alarm Steve at all so you bit onto your lips as you clenched your legs as tight as you could… But fuck, that made it worse, so you reopened them. Your breaths turned heavy as you felt sweat all over your forehead, and another hit of strong pain fell again in your lower part.

You were growing hot as well, but you needed to know what was going on under there. You should have gone to the gyno no matter what, and now it might be too late. Too late for what?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You were groaning profanities and you felt a rumble in your chest, but you only focused on the pain between your legs. You rushed to take off your pants and you were instantly alarmed by what you were seeing. Your white cotton panties were straining you. There was a bulge. There was a fucking bulge, and it hurt, it was hurting you.

You winced as you tried taking the panties off and you rushed to look into a mirror, only for your eyes to widen like plates. Now you know why it hurt. Your vaginal cavity closed… It closed because your clit reinserted itself… 

So it would enlarge, and now you had– now you had–

One last pain hit you as it all finally came out of you, and there it was, standing in its full glory. You raised your hand to touch the tip of it only for electricity to surge all over your body, a moan escaping your lips without your permission. It was red, leaking already, and your breathing was heavy as you looked at it.

You were an Alpha. You presented as an Alpha.

Your clit turned into a penis, your ovaries turned into testicles inside your body. Your uterus was not functional any longer. You were a full-fledged Alpha. Those were the pains inside your belly, your organs completely changing, rearranging… 

Pains.

Pains. Steve had also been experiencing pain. Oh no… No, no, no… A growl escaped your throat and you were surprised at the new sound, but you were proud, as if it were right. But Steve– He might turn into an Alpha–

Your nose picked up the sweet scent once more, this time stronger than before, way stronger and you were hit by a wave of fire all over your body. Your body was a literal furnace right now, and your mind was becoming foggy, hazy, and you were getting dizzy, but your new cock twitched in attention, in pain, already leaking precum out of it. 

You were going into rut.

You had to get out of Steve’s house, there was an Omega in heat somewhere, maybe a neighbor of Steve’s, but you can’t be here. You might jump Steve, and you don’t want him to see you like this. He won’t like it. It’s over. It’s over, you know that much, but first you need to get out.

You groaned, and growled, as you rushed to get your pants, not caring about using the panties again, they would only cause you more pain. The sweet vanilla hit you again, dizzying you completely, making you hold onto the wall next to you. 

Fuck, you needed relief, you needed it, but you had to run. You can’t do it here. Maybe you can run into another room and lock yourself in, yell to Steve to leave so you could take care of yourself, somehow, but you were losing rationality at every second that passed. 

You pushed yourself off the wall and turned around to run out, only for you to stop in your tracks. Your eyes widened as the scent filled the room, intoxicating you, suffocating you, making you feel high. It hit you instantly, like a punch on the chest, and the throbbing below you increased by a thousand, a growl rumbling in your throat.

Steve was standing in the doorway, naked, completely. Your mouth salivated at seeing him in his new glory. His cock shrinking into a cocklette, his balls not visible any longer because where they were before now probably is a slit. A slit that was leaking slick all over the inner thighs of his legs.

His face was flushed, red even, and you noticed how less buffed he was. You assumed it had been the lack of food or nutrients or exercise from doing quarantine these past days. Suddenly your ears perked up when they caught the subtle noise of a whine. You could smell him. Fuck, you could smell him.

“S-Steve–” Your voice was hoarse, with need, and you noticed how he looked down at your new anatomy. You noticed how his body trembled slightly at the sight, another whine escaping him as more slick fell down his inner thighs. Another jolt of electricity rushed all over your body, your veins. 

“A–A–” He was trying to speak to you, but his mind was gone, his need apparent, his consciousness having slipped already, and all he needed was relief. All he wanted was you. You who were emanating a wildfire scent in his room. You who now had something he needed. You who is looking at him like a small bunny, and he is rejoicing at it.

Oh fuck…

As soon as he had entered the shower he felt the pain even greater than before. He didn’t want to show it to you, but he knew his cock had shrunk in the past few days. He didn’t want to think so much about it because the fever prevented him from getting out of bed or his house. Now in the shower, he can feel the pain of something moving below him.

He looked down under the water to see his testicles disappearing into his body, and he noticed just how small his dick was. He couldn’t think much about it because another jolt of excruciating pain hit him, making him lean against the wall, the cold shower not doing anything for him.

He felt his insides ripping inside out, and he just wanted to bite onto something so he wouldn’t scream in order to not alarm you. The wood-like scent was not helping him either, and he knew an Alpha might be close. Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck. Suddenly his eyes widened when he felt something hot, sticking coming down his thighs. He reached a hand down to see it was slick that he could gather up, even under the water.

He was in shock as he looked at it, and he moved his hand between his thighs again, this time deeper, just where his balls were a minute ago. His breath cut off when he felt a slit that wasn’t there before. Something that sent a wave of pleasure all over his body and he felt more of his juices slipping out of him. His breathing was heavy as he realized what happened.

He was in heat. He was in an Omega heat.

He is an Omega. He presented as an Omega. What is gonna happen with you? What is going to happen between the two of you? What is gonna happen to your relationship? How can he face you? This was not supposed to go this way at all. 

“FUCK!” His thoughts were interrupted when a hit of pain slammed against his belly after the wooden smell invaded his whole body. He needed to follow it. He needed to find the source of it. He was losing consciousness and he knew that his lust and his heat were becoming worse each second, clouding his mind from reason. 

He at least needs to get to the room, but you were there. You were in the room. He cannot let you see him like this, but he needs to lock himself up somewhere. He turned the shower off, stumbling out of it and almost falling to his knees. There was no time for a towel. He needed to run. 

He opened the door with a slam and turned to go to his parent’s bedroom only to stop on his tracks. He sniffed the air, and he realized the wooden smell was coming from his room. Did an Alpha enter his home? No, you were here, you would have yelled, but what if– Worry and desperation yelled into his throat, whines vibrating in his chest as he rushed to the room, only to stop to see you looking at yourself in the mirror. The bottom half bare.

And Steve took a deep breath in.

The smell was coming from you. You were an Alpha.

And now you two were staring at one another, taking in the new anatomy of each other, and Steve’s eyes were dilated, almost black and you could smell the slick falling onto the floor. It felt as if an animal wanted to rip open from your body, but you knew it was you. You wanted to devour Steve, your–

“Omega.” Your voice came out, deeper than before, an appreciative snarl mixing with your words. Steve felt relief wash over him as a happy chirp escaped him.

“Alpha… My Alpha.” And that was enough for something to snap inside of you. You shrugged your shirt off, and you heard the ripping sound but didn’t care that you just broke something, you needed to feel his entire body against yours. You need to taste him. You need to have him. 

You need to knot him. You need to knot Steve. 

In just seconds you were in front of him, grabbing onto the back of his neck to pull him downwards towards you so you could dig your nose into his scent gland, taking in the intense sweet smell coming off of him. It was a drug, intoxicating even, clouding every sense and making Steve your only life source. 

Steve wasn’t far behind. As soon as you dipped in, he nuzzled you as well, the omega inside him relishing with a chirp as he felt his Alpha scenting him. No rationality was inside of you two any longer, just the need to feel one another, of mating, bonding, an animal trying to rip out of your chests.

“I need to taste you, baby, I need to.” You say in a hoarse voice, the scent of his slick making your mind reel in and out of consciousness, of rationality, trying to keep an ounce of yourself to take care of him. It’s his first time after all, yours too, but you know how much more shocking it would be for him. You were trying to keep that in your head so that you wouldn’t lose yourself into the rut.

“Please, please, do something Alpha, it hurts– Please–” You heard Steve’s whines and pleads, and his eyes filled with tears of desperation as he writhed under your hold. You weren’t going to say no to your lovely Omega, much less if he is in pain. 

You wrapped your hands around the back of his neck in order to pull him down towards your lips, ending in a wanton kiss from the both of you, moans being exchanged as the electric current traveled all over your veins and sat on your bones. Your fingers dug into his scalp, grabbing onto his hair to push him deeper into you.

He was in between moaning and whimpering as his arms wrapped around your waist, trying to feel you against him, and a groan escaped your throat when your new appendage pressed against the belly of your mate. The groan turned into a growl as you bit Steve’s lower lip in need and your Omega gasped, letting you take advantage and slide your tongue into his mouth so you could intertwine it with his.

You felt your body growing needier and needier, and Steve was in the same or worse state as you. He was willing to surrender completely and you knew that. You had to remind yourself to not lower your voice into your submission chords. You don’t want Steve to do anything he doesn’t want to, so you have to be the one rational between the two of you.

Your hand traveled in between the two of you, and you brushed your fingertips at Steve’s new cocklette, still standing proud. He hissed with a moan as you rubbed on it, stimulating him and Steve had to pull away from the kiss to take a breath. It was something new, completely. It didn’t quite feel like when he was touched before, it felt more like a pressure now. 

“You like that Stevie?” You asked him as you ran your fingers against him, making him twitch as he nodded desperately. You smiled at how needy your sweet Omega was being, how much he was moving underneath your grip as stroked him. You bit your lips as you pulled away from him to guide him towards the bed. 

You could see how pink his skin was, despite the tan on his body you could still see it. He moved quickly onto the bed, laying on his back and opening his legs to let the air hit him where it burnt the most, causing him to sigh in relief, but not noticing how you gasped as you looked in between his legs.

“Baby? Alpha?” He opened his eyes in confusion as he looked down, his eyes widening when he saw the predatory look in your eyes as you looked at the new slit he now has instead of his testicles. That only made him gush more slick out, moaning at the feeling. The Omega inside of him was happy that his Alpha wanted him like this.

You took a deep breath in, and the sweet scent of vanilla sent another shockwave in your brain cells that only made you tremble as the heat in your body became even more unbearable and the hardness of your dick was now painful, but if you didn’t taste Steve right this second you were going to die.

You lunged yourself on the bed, belly down and in between Steve’s legs. Your nose was close to his center and you closed your eyes and a low purr was heard from you as you took a deep breath in. Steve felt how his slick was coming down and probably dirtying the sheets already, but he didn’t have it in him to care, not right now. 

“You smell delicious… Your Alpha will take care of you baby, don’t worry.” You cooed at him in a low tone and Steve whined in need as you inched closer to him. He needed something, anything at all because he felt his belly turning in pain, the need to be knotted too present.

“Please– Hurry–” And his breath was cut off, his head falling back as you licked a long stripe of his new and virginal cunt, tasting his slick and you moaned at the sweetness of it. He was exquisite, and he was yours, only yours. 

He moaned as he felt your tongue sliding in between his folds, up and down, and then his eyes widened when your tongue went inside, and he felt his gut turning, his belly tensing, not knowing what the feeling was. 

Your left hand was holding his right inner thigh to hold him still and open for you, but the right one left his leg in order for your fingers to rub against his entrance, lubricating them with his new juices. You felt him shiver under your touch and you soothed him with a kiss to his inner thigh and a purr.

“You need to relax for me Stevie, I don’t want you in pain Omega.” Steve whined at the authority yet more slick gushed out knowing his Alpha wanted to take care of him like this and so much. His Omega was at peace, happy, chirping all around and he felt himself relax as you slowly pushed a single digit inside. 

He gasped but yet a moan escaped him despite the stretch and surprise. It was a new feeling that’s for sure, but it felt good, it felt really good, and it wasn’t enough.

“M-More–”

“Patience.” 

Your tone gave away that you were not going to let him take the lead in this. You need to prepare him or else you will tear your Omega apart. Steve whined a little bit only to be replaced by a moan as you started moving the digit in and out of him at a slow pace. You noticed the more time you kept thrusting, the more slick started coming out, which was a good sign.

You were on a thin rope right now though. You don’t even know how you’re managing it, but it must be because your love for Steve goes beyond the designation of the secondary gender. You’ve been together since high school, and you don’t see a future where he is not present. On every road, Steve is there.

You could hear the wet sounds of Steve’s juices as your finger pumped him, and it was time for a bigger stretch, so you slowly started moving another one in. You felt Steve clench as a small gasp escaped him, so you wanted him to relax even more, to get lost in the sensation. You licked your lips in order to wet them and you guided your mouth to take his cocklette into your mouth with ease. 

“OH– FUCK–!” He couldn’t believe how much he was feeling at the moment. The pleasure and the relief of finally getting something, anything at all. His belly felt on fire as it relaxed and contracted again as your fingers pumped in and out of him. Your tongue swirled around his cocklette and your fingers slowly curled up inside of him, making Steve feel something new.

You chuckled as his moans became needier, knowing you hit that new spongy part inside of him, the one you know quite well. You could feel his hand raising to get hold of your head, his fingers threading into your hair as his hips started grinding against your face and fingers. He had drool falling from the side of his mouth and his face looked completely flushed and sweaty from how hot everything just felt. 

“Feels good?” You asked him as you popped his cocklette out of your mouth just to make sure the sounds you’re hearing are all good. His safety comes first, even before your own pleasure. Your dick can remain as hard as a rock if Steve decided to stop now. You can relieve yourself somehow, away from him, but Steve will always come first and foremost.

“Yes! Yes! Please–!” You’ve never heard Steve this way, and it was becoming your own situation even harder to keep. You growled in satisfaction as your fingers picked up the pace and your mouth returned to his cocklette, swirling your tongue all around it as Steve thrashed under you, his hips bucking up to meet your mouth and fingers.

His belly felt weird, it was tight, and it pained him, and then it didn’t. You felt his walls clenching on your fingers and you knew he was close. His moans were louder and his cries with your name vibrated all around the room, the walls shaking with his noises. You decided to then introduce another finger in, sliding it easily thanks to the wetness and Steve saw stars. You popped your mouth away from him in order to talk with a smirk on your face–

“Cum for me Omega. Cum.”

And that’s Steve’s doom as he felt his entire belly tense up, he felt his insides and his new walls clench around your fingers as he cried loudly in pleasure, his hips raising from the bed as your fingers squelched even more thanks to how much he was giving you. Your mouth wrapped around his cocklette once more in order to take in the squirt coming out of there.

“ALPHA!” You growled at the taste and the sound of his needy voice calling for you. You started to slow down your pace with your fingers as you felt him unclench you, relaxing his body back down onto the bed. You licked up his cocklette, making him twitch at every lick from the overstimulation.

Steve didn’t know where he was. He felt everything on fire and not at the same time, but what he knew was that even if he came, the pain in his belly was still there. He needs to give his Alpha some pleasure, he can’t be selfish, and he needs to move.

But before he could, you were already lapping at his slit, making him moan with a wince as you licked up all of the juices he gushed out with his orgasm. You moaned into his cunt at the sweetest thing you’ve ever tried. If you were to die there, you would die a happy woman. 

“So delicious Stevie, you’re so beautiful…” You moaned out with a purr and you heard a small chirp coming from Steve, but then you felt him pulling your head up from in between his legs so you could look at his glossy eyes and red cheeks.

“Alp– Alpha– I need you, I– I want to do something to you too–” You shook your head at him as you crawled away from him. He whined at the loss of contact but you could only chuckle at how needy your Omega was.

“I love you Stevie, but– I don’t have the patience right now to do anything else but knot you and mate you.” Your voice was low but not demanding. He knew it was a question and your Omega happily submitted as he rolled over to lay on his tummy and you tilted your head in confusion at it but your eyes widened when he raised his ass up, presenting himself to you. He turned his head that was still on the mattress, his eyes completely dilated for you.

“Please– Knot me Alpha– I need it, I need you baby–” A growl rumbled in your chest, and you grabbed onto your new girth, stroking it in slow motions, making you moan out at the new sensation. You looked at Steve’s slit, clenching and unclenching as he waited for you. You positioned yourself behind him and you didn’t know if what you were doing was correct, this was all new to you as well, but it was all out of pure instinct.

You took a deep breath in as you tentatively ran the head of your cock through Steve’s wet folds and you groaned at the feeling of it. You took a deep breath in as you cupped Steve’s sex in order to wet your hand in his wetness and then you stroke yourself some more to lubricate your cock. 

“Ready for me Omega?” You asked in a soft tone, but Steve could hear the strain behind it as if you were holding yourself back and he smiled fondly because you were taking care of him so he wouldn’t feel weird or in pain. He nodded against the mattress as he wiggled his ass towards you again.

“Yes, please, I need your knot sweetheart…” You took a deep breath in and you guided your cock into Steve’s entrance and you slowly started to push in. Your eyes clenched at the feeling of Steve clenching around you, his walls burning but it felt good. It was definitely a good burn.

Steve’s eyes were wide as he felt himself being stretched open, the pressure making it burn but the feeling of finally having you inside of him overlapped the pain completely. He whimpered as he felt you going deeper, and he was so happy, so happy that his chirps and purrs were coming out of nowhere, not being able to control himself.

“Fuck!” You bottomed out inside of him, and you were breathing heavily because holy shit… This felt right, different but right. You leaned forward and you managed to kiss his shoulder because your frame was still smaller than his. “You okay baby?”

“Uh– Uh huh… It feels so good, so fucking good…” He was becoming something he always called you whenever he fucked into you. Cock drunk. Now he knows the feeling of it, and fuck does he love it. Only because it’s you.

“Yeah? Want me to fill you up, darling?” Steve clenched at that, making you groan and then chuckle at how spot-on you were. You tentatively moved your hips backward, Steve taking a deep breath in before you moved back in. You kept that slow tortuous pace for a while, but you wanted Steve to adjust to you.

Steve was already in another state of mind, moaning louder at every thrust that you gave him and then he started moving his hips towards yours, looking for more friction, for more roughness. You growled at his impatience and you pressed his upper back to pin him down so he wouldn’t move anymore. 

He whined, complaining for not getting his way, only for his eyes to widen as your hips started moving faster, snapping into his, and Steve was surprised by how everything just kept feeling better and better. He could feel you going in and out of him in a place that was giving him so much pleasure, more than he ever had before.

Your hands gripped onto his hips as your rationality started to slip away, feeling a primal urge to make him submit, to make him yours, and you needed to ruin him. Your fingers dug into his skin as you raised your body up, kneeling straight behind Steve, and you started pulling his hips towards you in a harsh manner as you thrust into him.

“Alpha– Alpha– I’m gonna, I’m–” Steve was surprised by how fast he was getting close to the edge again, but he was in a presentation heat. He was sensitive to everything that was being done to him, so his walls started clenching once again, and his belly contracted and tightened. You never stopped snapping your hips against his, growls rumbling in your chest as you felt his pleasured whimpers. 

“Cum for your Alpha, let go Stevie…” You cooed at him, wanting to feel him clench around your cock and your eyes widened when he did, a loud cry of your name escaping his lips against the mattress beneath him. Oh, this was new, this was… exquisite. It felt as if he were milking you as if he were trying to suck you in. 

You felt something inside your belly tighten, and you knew it must be your testicles that were inside of you, warning you that you were coming close. You didn’t get to have him much, but it was expected since it is both of your first times with your new presentations, but you will get one more orgasm out of him. You will.

Once you finally felt Steve unclench you, you pulled out of him, making the Omega whine in distress but not having the energy to get up to look at you. You made Steve turn and land on his back so you could face him. You smiled in satisfaction as you saw tears rolling down his cheeks, and you leaned down to kiss them away.

“Baby…” Steve was breathing heavily, his eyelids closing but the pain was still there. He needed the knot. His Omega needed your knot.

“I know… I know…” And you positioned yourself in between his legs, a position that was always the other way around, but this time it felt more appropriate than ever. You guided yourself into his entrance once again and you kissed him softly on the lips as you thrusted back in again. 

Steve whined in your mouth, a noise of satisfaction escaping him as he felt full once more. He wrapped his legs around your waist, and his arms around your shoulders to pull you closer to him. You smiled onto his lips as you started moving in and out of him once again. 

You took your time, chasing that high that you felt before and something was way different down there. You were feeling something inside of your cock, something that was burning you and you felt extreme heat below. You looked down to see what was wrong, and your eyes widened when a knot started forming at the base of your shaft.

It started hitting against Steve’s opening, trying to intrude, and Steve gasped as he felt it, but he was now desperate for it, trying to chase it so you would start pushing it inside of him so you two would be locked. 

“Give me your pups– Mate me, mate me, please–” He was begging, he needed you so he didn’t have any shame, that could wait for later on, but right now he needed to be locked with you. He needed to be full of you. You moaned as you nodded as you started rutting into him at a fast pace, quick, hard, and the base of your cock started swelling even more, making it almost impossible to thrust back out and you didn’t want to hurt Steve.

So you slammed yourself in and you ground into him, making Steve’s eyes roll to the back of his head as he kept whimpering and crying out your name in moans. He was feeling that spongy part inside of him being hit with no mercy and he was in bliss with it. His cocklette twitched and twitched and he heard you growling so he connected his eyes with yours.

Your teeth were bared almost, breathing heavily as you towered over him, looking down at his bonding gland with intent. Steve nodded desperately at you, and that was all the confirmation you needed in your mind. You leaned down as you felt your knot forming inside of Steve and he whined as the burning returned because of the new stretch.

And then you felt yourself finally release into him, in thick white ropes, and your knot locked in as Steve clenched his walls in his own orgasm, his body shaking as you kept cumming because of how tightly he was holding you in. You growled loudly as you moved your mouth towards the juncture in between his neck and shoulder, over his mating gland.

And you pierced through it with your teeth, biting down.

Steve cried out because of the pain but then warmth invaded his whole body, something clicking inside him, and he smiled widely as he looked at the ceiling. He was bonded to you. He was your mate. Forever. You two were going to be together for the rest of your lives. He can’t wait to have pups, he knew that his presentation heat was not fertile, but maybe the next one…

“Stevie, don’t clench.” You hissed out, making Steve snap out of his thoughts as you raised up from the crook of his neck, and you wiped your mouth away that had some of Steve’s blood mixed with your drool. He was drowsy almost as he looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes.

“My Alpha…” Your eyes connected with his and you smiled fondly, nodding to him as you leaned to give him a soft kiss on the lips. You remained on top of him as he hugged you close, both still locked in, and you might be for a long while. 

You two regained your breaths slowly, not talking so your minds could also try to come down from the high of your rut and his heat. Five minutes later, you were still locked into him, and he tried to not clench many times so you wouldn’t get overstimulated. He was rubbing circles on your back as you laid your head on his chest, a smile on your lips.

“How are you feeling baby?” You asked as you raised your head up to look at him. He blinked towards the ceiling a few times, a chuckle escaping his lips.

“Ask me tomorrow?” You giggled at that and nodded, understanding that this was still something that you two needed to digest first because this possibility was never in your mind, nor his. But… “You know… it makes sense now that I think about it.”

You frowned and looked at him again.

“What do you mean?”

“I was always maternal. I always took care of the pups, and my biggest dream is to have my own, as many as I can…” He chuckled as he realized that if he had paid a little more attention he would have figured out his secondary gender long ago.

“Okay, yeah, I want pups too–” 

“You were always protective… You were territorial, of me, of the pups, of your parents… Always protecting everyone, and putting your pain aside to take care of everyone else…” He looked at you and you realized he had caught onto you, but you still lied, shaking your head at him.

“No, that’s not true–”

“So you’re telling me you didn’t feel weird this past week? You’re telling me that you didn’t feel any kind of pain?” He asked and you looked at him with a small growl in order for him to not ask anything anymore, but it didn’t work because he rolled his eyes at you, making you sigh.

“I did. But you were in greater pain, so I needed to take care of you first.” You said matter-of-factly, and the puzzle made sense in your head now. He raised an eyebrow at you with a small smile as he saw you realize what he meant. You sighed and gave him a nod to let him know you understood his point and then you felt his finger on your chin so you could look up at him.

“I want your pups… Please?” His eyes were glossy, desperate, and you knew he was reassuring you that he didn’t care about how things turned out, and you didn’t either. You would have never. You smiled at him and nodded, giving him a soft peck on his lips.

“Next time… we’ll make sure it takes.”

And Steve chirped in delight.

end

a/n: i woke up one morning thinking about omegaverse and wondering why i never read a single alpha reader fic involving male characters. sometimes we are the ones to rail.

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington omegaverse #omegaverse #omega!steve harrington #alpha!reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #female reader #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington imagine #stranger things fanfiction #steve x you #steve x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington ficlet #steve harrington fanfic #st fic

[demilypyro]

Ok

If your first pick was Sol honestly I get that. He's cool. You might just have terminal main character syndrome tho

If you pick Ky you're just boring. You definitely have main character syndrome but also you're the least interesting person at the function

If your first pick is May you're either a literal demon who heard about the totsugeki memes and wanted in, or you're a cutesy femme and Bridget and Elphelt weren't in the game yet

If your first pick was Axl you think you're the funniest motherfucker in the room at all times and I'm gonna kick your ass. Whether you stick with him will depend on whether you can stand his accent.

If your first pick was Chipp you not only have main character syndrome but you're also a weeb

If your first pick was Potemkin you're going to hell. You picked him specifically because you hate me.

If your first pick was Faust you DEFINITELY think you're the funniest motherfucker in the room, even moreso than Axl

If your first pick was Millia you're either a straight dude who wanted to pick I-no but is ashamed of being horny on main, or you're a chick who describes herself as a "dommy mommy"

If you picked Zato you have main character syndrome but also you liked Shadow more than Sonic

If your first pick is Ramlethal you were either looking for the girl with the biggest sword in the cast, or you have a foot fetish. I'm not kinkshaming, just acknowledging.

Leo seems like he's very popular among gay dudes but that's second hand info. Idk he leaves zero impressions on me

If you picked Nagoriyuki because he's cool you're the only mfer here I respect. If you picked him because he's OP I retract the last statement.

If you picked Giovanna you either wanted to play a cool girl but thought Millia looked too difficult, or you're a furry. Maybe both

If you picked Anji you are bisexual

If you picked I-no youre either a horny straight dude or you're a chick who describes herself as a "dommy mommy" but doesn't actually have sex

If you picked Goldlewis you're based

If you picked Jack-O you either saw the memes but didn't realize how hard she is to actually play, or you played Xrd

If you picked Happy Chaos you either saw the memes or heard he's OP and wanted in, not realizing he's been nerfed since. Idiot

If you picked Baiken you're horny AND a weeb. But honestly I get it

If you picked Testament you're probably a goth, nonbinary, or both, and you're just happy to be represented. Good for you

If you picked Bridget then she's probably the only reason you even bought this game

If you picked Sin you're kind of boring but not quite as boring as people who pick Ky. You might still be pretty cool

If you picked Bedman you were just looking for the weirdest character in the cast and automatically picked that one. If Bedman hadn't been out yet, you would probably have picked Faust

If you picked Asuka you're a nerd and I'm shoving you in a locker

If you picked Johnny you either think you're funny as fuck, or you have ADVANCED main character syndrome. It's inoperable. We have to amputate

If you picked Elphelt you're a lesbian

#ggst #guilty gear strive #guilty gear

[supernovafics]

𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆

pairing: college!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 2.8k words

summary: in which a plethora of coincidences keep pushing you and steve toward each other and you kind of hate it

warnings: slight!fuckboy steve, explicit language, angst, some fluff

author’s note: hope y’all enjoy<3333 (full folklore series masterlist here!)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“and isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

You didn’t know his name, but you saw him almost everywhere. 

Actually, you did know his name, Steve, but you didn’t really know him. 

What you did know was that he had been a shitty group partner to have last semester for a history class, and that he had an on-again/off-again, more so off-again, relationship with your roommate who you had a polite but surface-level friendship with. He also frequented the diner you worked at a few minutes off campus with his basketball friends and dates; and you couldn’t help but notice that it was always a different girl each time. 

Even though there were a bunch of opportunities for something to happen between you two, you’d never had an actual conversation with him. Not that you necessarily wanted to. But, after having the plethora of instances where you could’ve talked to one another, it sometimes surprised you that you didn’t at least have some sort of a friendship with this guy you’d see way too often. 

You chalked it up to the fact that even though you two would share passing glances every so often with one another, you’d never been in a one-on-one situation with him. 

Until you finally were, and it was in perhaps one of the worst and weirdest ways possible. 

You were walking down a random aisle on the fourth floor of the campus library when you bumped into Steve. Well, “bumped” is a bit of an understatement because you quite literally tripped over him. 

For some reason, he was sleeping in the middle of the aisle, and you didn’t notice until it was too late since your eyes were solely trained on the shelves as you searched for one book in particular. 

“Jesus Christ,” You yelped as you tumbled to the ground, glad that your brain thought quick enough to put your hands out so that you didn’t completely faceplant. 

When you looked at what caused you to fall and saw Steve leaning against a bookshelf with his legs out, you inwardly groaned because, of course, it was him. 

“Ouch,” He said with a small yawn as he rubbed the leg that you tripped over. “Weird wake-up call.”

“Why the hell are you sleeping here?” You asked as you started to get up. 

“I was trying to study for a test and then I got tired,” He shrugged and then finally looked at you. “Hey, you look crazy familiar.”

You almost laughed at that and thought about simply walking away from him, but decided against it. The universe clearly wanted you two to have a conversation with one another, so you decided to finally give it what it wanted.  

“We were in the same group for a history project last semester,” You answered. 

“Oh yeah,” He said and his eyes cast downward. “Sorry about that. I know I was probably the worst person in that group.”

“Very, very true,” You nodded, although you were no longer upset about that whole situation. Not that you were ever truly mad, anyway. “Also, you had, or maybe still have, some sort of fling going on with my roommate. Lissa.”

“That is definitely a past tense thing,” He responded with so much certainty that you silently wondered what happened between them. You weren’t close enough with Lissa to talk to her about that sort of thing, though.  

“I think I’ve seen you somewhere else though, too,” Steve said and then thought for a moment. “Oh, you work at that diner, right?”

“Yup, mostly weekends but some weeknights too.”

Steve nodded at your words. “Huh, surprised we never talked before.”

You didn’t tell him that you had been thinking the same thing and instead decided to sit down across from him putting your legs out as well. “What class are you studying for?”

“Psychology,” He answered and then showed you the textbook next to him, which looked eerily familiar. 

“With Dr. Brooke?” 

Steve nodded and you fought the urge to look around to see if you were on some sort of elaborate prank show. Because it didn’t fully make sense to you how all of these fucking coincidences were happening. 

“I’m in that class too,” You responded after a brief stint of silence. 

In this case, it kind of made sense that you didn’t know he was also in that class because it was huge, with at least a hundred fifty people in that auditorium-type room. 

“Wow,” Steve verbalized the surprise you were inwardly feeling. “Weird.”

You couldn’t help but finally let out a small laugh. “‘Wow’ and ‘weird’ are probably the understatements of the century.” You pulled your legs up and wrapped your arms around them. “I think we kind of have to be friends now. These coincidences are too fucking insane to not be.”

He smiled at you and there was something about it that made you fully understand why he so easily had a new girl to bring to the diner every week. 

“What if I take you on a date?”

A part of you immediately felt surprised by his question and how abrupt it was. However, the other part of you sort of saw it coming because it made a little bit of sense. Case in point, the fact that you would frequently see him with a new girl. Asking someone out was probably equivalent to breathing for him. 

“No,” You answered simply before standing up. 

You didn’t notice the immediate confused look on his face as he followed suit and abruptly stood as well. 

“Why not?”

There were a lot of reasons you could’ve given him as the answer to that question. Such as how he’d been with your roommate, and although you weren’t best friends with Lissa, something about it still felt at least a little wrong. Or the fact that the thought of being added to his list of conquests made you feel physically ill. 

“I’d just rather not,” You ultimately answered with a small shrug and then started walking away. You quickly pushed away your lingering thought that told you that if the circumstances were different you would’ve fully considered saying yes to him. 

Steve didn’t follow you as you walked away. Instead, the wheels in his brain started turning as he thought about how he could get you to go out with him, something told him that you would be harder to get than the majority of girls he’d been with before. 

However, he never shied away from a challenge. In fact, there was a part of him that loved them. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“time, curious time. gave me no compasses, gave me no signs. were there clues i didn't see?”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Somehow through the hordes of people, Steve managed to find you the next day in your shared psychology class, and he sat right next to you. 

“Hi, friend,” You said when you noticed him and smiled. 

Before he could say anything in response, class started and the professor started speaking, almost immediately jumping into the lecture; and he was very intense about his no talking policy. As you half-listened to him discuss the final chapter that would be on the test next week and tried to take somewhat useful notes, you were interrupted by Steve bumping your elbow with his and sliding his notebook over to you. 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the action before you read what was written in the margin.

Do you like pizza?

You almost laughed at the randomness of the question. You met his curious gaze for a brief moment and then wrote your response.

Obviously. I’m not a psycho

You pushed the notebook back to Steve and then went back to paying attention to the lecture. Moments later, he slid it back toward you. 

Wanna get some tonight? I know a really good place a few minutes off campus 

If it’s just a friendly hangout then yes

No. Date?

You rolled your eyes at the question and moved the notebook back toward him without saying anything. You could see in your peripheral that he was adding something else before pushing the notebook to you. 

Please?

You crossed out that question and his previous words, and then under it drew a tic-tac-toe board, putting an X in the middle. 

You watched as Steve made his move, an O in the top left corner, and then wrote something else. 

If I win, will you say yes?

Your one worded response was immediate. 

No.

And then you made your move, putting an X under his O. 

He didn’t write anything else, which you were actually surprised about, and instead just continued playing tic-tac-toe. You won the first game, and then he won the next two, and you were close to starting another one with him, because you wanted to redeem yourself, but you forced yourself to listen to the end of the lecture. 

“So pizza date tonight? I’ll pick you up at 8?” Steve asked when class was over, and the both of you started packing your things. 

You laughed a bit. “I think we have very different memories of the conversation that just took place in your notebook.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but you were glad when he was bombarded by a few of his basketball friends. You used that opportunity to slip away and out of the room without having to say anything else to him. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“gave me the blues and then purple pink skies. and it's cool, baby, with me.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Surprisingly enough, when Friday night rolled around, Steve showed up at the diner alone; for the first time probably ever. 

You didn’t say anything to him aside from giving him a small wave, which he returned with a smile. 

You weren’t the waitress taking care of him that night, and you could tell that Casey, who you worked with most nights, was also surprised to see him by himself because just like you, she was used to seeing him with girl after girl. 

Toward the end of your shift, you slid into Steve’s booth, sitting across from him. “You’re probably bored out of your mind being here alone, aren’t you?”

He shrugged nonchalantly and then took a bite from one of the few stray fries left on his plate. “I’d rather be alone if it’s not gonna be you sitting across from me.”

You pretended as if his words had no affect on you, even though they slightly pulled at your heart. You had to remind yourself of his track record, most of which you’d seen firsthand. And because of that, you also reminded yourself that you could only be friends with him. 

“Very smooth,” You said and then slid back out of the booth. “But, also probably the cheesiest line I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s the truth.” You heard him say as you walked away, and you couldn’t help but smile as you rolled your eyes. 

Barely ten minutes later, he went up to where you stood behind the counter putting napkins in a dispenser. His bill was paid and you had expected him to leave at any moment, and you hated that the thought of him leaving made you feel a little bit sad. 

“What time are you done here?”

You met his gaze. “In exactly five minutes, actually.”

“Can we do something after?” He asked and when you tilted your head at him, he followed up with, “I promise I only have the friendliest of intentions.”

“I finally brought you to the friendship side?”

“No, but for this instance, yes.”

That managed to make you smile a bit. “Can we go to that pizza place you were talking about? If they’re still open?”

“Yeah, it is. They close at three because the stoner crowd usually shows up around one and that’s peak business.”

“Makes sense,” You nodded.  “I don’t drive, so I’ll meet you at your car.”

A confused look crossed Steve’s face. “You don’t drive? How do you get here?”

“I walk from my dorm, it’s only about ten minutes,” You answered with a small shrug. 

“Oh, okay,” He responded, and didn't say it aloud to you, but he now knew that he would make it his mission to pick you up at the end of your shifts so that you wouldn’t have to walk alone in the dark anymore. “I’ll meet you outside.”

When you stepped out of the diner, a minute earlier than expected, you were quick to get in Steve’s car.

“Do you have a sweater or something I could wear? I left my jacket at home,” You asked, not really thinking too much of the question because you hated wearing the baby blue dress that was your uniform anywhere other than the diner. 

Steve reached into the backseat and handed you a hoodie, which you immediately slipped over your head. The hoodie swallowed you whole and made it look as if you weren’t wearing anything underneath, but it felt so comfortable that you couldn’t even bring yourself to care. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“What are you thinking?” Steve asked when you both finally decided to leave the pizza place around two in the morning. He had walked you to the passenger side of his car, but before you opened the door to get inside, you turned around to face him and you didn’t say anything as you met his eyes, which was what prompted his previous question. 

There was a lot that you were thinking right then, and most of the thoughts surrounded the fact that you had thoroughly enjoyed yourself on this “non-date” with Steve. He was genuinely nice and funny, and such a fucking charmer that it made you want to roll your eyes while giggling at his words. And he was being honest about keeping things friendly for the most part, although you had a feeling that not being a least a little flirty was impossible for him. 

And it was all of that put together, that made one thought sit heavily at the forefront of your mind. 

“I think I wanna kiss you,” You finally answered, and you were surprisingly not scared by your complete honesty. 

He smiled at that and his hands found your hips as he moved the tiniest bit closer to you and his next two words came out softly. “Do it.”

You had to pull your eyes away from his because you were so close to listening to him. 

“I can’t.” Your voice was quiet. 

“Why not?”

“Because I really just want us to be friends.”

“We can still just be friends even if you kiss me right now,” Steve told you, and although you were unsure if you fully believed him, you still decided to take his word for it and you pushed yourself up on your toes a bit to press your lips against his. 

You could tell he was initially surprised by the abruptness of it, but he kissed you back almost immediately. Your arms came up to wind around the nape of his neck to steady yourself as your back was pressed into the side of the car. 

It felt almost surreal how much better this was than you thought it would be. Your mouths moved against each other so seamlessly, almost as if this was already something that had happened a million times before. 

You expected to be able to kiss Steve once as a way to sort of get the attraction you felt toward him out of your system so that you could then let things become completely normal and solely friendly between you two. But, right then– with his lips against yours, and one hand on your waist and the other cupping your cheek– you were hit with the sudden thought that you would need this to happen so many more times. 

You didn’t necessarily want to pull away from Steve at that moment, but you had to because you were completely out of breath. 

“That was— That was really good.” Your lips were still tingly as you licked them and you felt slightly light-headed, but in a good way, if that was possible. 

Steve pressed a chaste kiss against your cheek. “You sure you wanna still be just friends?”

That was the question that you now were unsure of the answer to. 

However, a small “yes” was what you responded with after what felt like a year’s worth of silence, and you could hear exactly how unconvincing you sounded.

Steve nodded and you could tell that he was pretending to believe you. “Okay.” 

He was about to finally pull away from you, but you stopped him. “What if…What if we are just friends, but we can kiss and maybe do other things,” Your mouth was moving much quicker than your mind could fully process the words you were saying. And you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about what you were proposing, but most of it seemed really good to you. “But, you shouldn’t date people, and I won’t either.”

“Okay,” Steve responded, smiling amusingly at your words. “But, this is starting to sound a lot different from a friendship.”

“Shh,” You said as you slotted your lips against his again. You knew how all of that sounded, but it made you feel a little better about the situation you were putting yourself in because you convinced yourself that you couldn’t get hurt this way. And aside from kissing Steve, not getting hurt was all that really mattered to you right then. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“one single thread of gold tied me to you.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

let me know ur thoughts<333

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fic #joe keery x reader #stranger things fic #steve harrington #stranger things fluff #stranger things smut

[seat-safety-switch]

In Canada, we're famous for our bilingualism. Sure, there's other bilingual countries out there. Some might even be tri- or quadrilingual. We don't know, and our media doesn't tell us. All we do know is that when you pick up a cereal box from the shelf, you get to learn what the French name of the cereal is. It's Cheerios. Couldn't have guessed that.

All this means that, throughout your life in Anglo Canada, you are constantly getting a subliminal reinforcement of French. One day, you discover that you can actually read a reasonable amount of the microwave installation instructions despite having pulled the wrong manual out of the box. Shortly after that, you begin to feel a curiosity for this mysterious other culture. And by that, I mean you want to go buy a French car.

Unfortunately for me and my fellow Canucks, options for French cars are few and far between. The overwhelming hegemony of the Americans mean that the absolute weirdest stuff we get is made in Romania under contract to Germans using Japanese robots. Why do we not have Citroëns? There is no valid reason, other than the fact that they went nearly bankrupt the last time they tried to sell their cars here. That's not supposed to discourage you, silly, General Motors has gone bankrupt three or four times while I've been writing these sentences!

So, if you're out there, French automakers, please bring your weird cars to my country. We can go get a steamé and a Pepsi, and we can find out if the interior of your car holds up well to poutine gravy stains. It probably doesn't, but that's okay, I'll still take the depreciated Francomobile and enjoy opulent luxury comfort on my way back to my home province, where the only French we use is to incorrectly pronounce the phrase "croissaint-wich" at the airport Burger King.

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

Part 1 | . . . | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

Just then Eddie walks in, raising his brows at the veritable mountain of food Steve and Eleven are putting together. “What’s all this?”

Steve smiles warmly at him. “Hey, Eds,” he says, which is certainly an experience. He’s spoken roughly twice with the guy—in his memory—but Steve’s three chapters—nay, three books ahead. Eddie is Frodo, about to embark on his first journey, and Steve is Bilbo, or even Gandalf: someone who’s done this all before, whose eyes carry the weight of worlds.

Speaking of, Steve’s eyes dim slightly the longer Eddie takes to answer, so he waves his fingers at Steve, trying to ignore the swoop in his stomach when Steve’s smile brightens again. “So… what’s this?”

“Dinner,” Eleven answers. “We are making sandwiches.”

Eddie nods, because sure. Why not. “Okay.”

“How’s the song coming?” Steve asks, and the swoop returns, because not only is Steve asking, but he’s asking about Metallica, and Eddie’s gay, metal little heart can’t take it.

“Holy shit,” he breathes out, grinning. “It’s so good, oh my god. I mean, it’s gonna take a bit to learn, but it’s gonna be the most metal solo I’ve ever done.”

Steve’s smile dims again. Probably because he’s remembering what happened last time, i.e., Eddie’s death. Eddie pushes down the queasy feeling.

“Eddie,” Eleven says.

“Yeah?”

She turns to face him. Her eyes are more serious than any twelve-year-old’s eyes have any right to be. “You will be okay,” she says. Then, apropos of nothing, “And I can move things with my mind.”

Eddie blinks at that. Apparently his face is doing something, because Steve chimes in. “She can.”

“I can show you,” she volunteers.

“Anything but the utensils,” Steve says in a distracted voice, like this isn’t the first time he’s had this conversation. Eddie wants to laugh hysterically, or maybe cry. Smoking a joint seems like the best third option, except all his stuff is at home. Fuck.

Then she does, lifts a whole cutting board—complete with tomatoes— and moves it over to him. He resists the impulse to snatch a piece and eat it. He doesn’t even like tomatoes, what the fuck, brain.

Steve’s watching with an amused little smile, like he can somehow read Eddie’s mind. That legitimately wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen today, so Eddie does his best to stop thinking about it, because he doesn’t think he can deal with more than one real-life superpower right now.

“I need that back, El,” Steve murmurs, and she grins at him before zipping it back over, stopping it just before it hits his face. He nods, brows raised, impressed. “Nice control. Put it down and go wipe your nose, please.”

She does, Steve watching her as she goes, fond little grin on his face. “She’s a good kid.”

“She can move things with her mind.”

“Yeah. Honestly, that’s one of the easier things to get used to. Y’know one of the craziest things, to me?”

“Do I want to know?” Eddie asks hesitantly.

Steve just grins at him. “Jonathan Byers has this baseball bat that he sticks a bunch of nails in.”

Eddie blinks at him. “What the actual fuck.”

Steve nods. “I took it, sometime back during the first year. Actually,” he thinks about it, “what month are we in?”

“Um. October.”

Steve winces. “Great. October…”

“Um. Twenty-fourth.”

Steve hums and thinks. “In about… less than a week, actually, I think—I don’t really know, the concussion messed up my days—oh, hey!” He suddenly says excitedly, then raises his voice. “Rob!”

Robin pops her head in a moment later. “What’s up?”

He grins at her. “No concussions!”

She stares. Slowly, a grin spreads across her face. “Holy shit!” She says. “No concussions!”

“No memory loss!”

“No hearing loss!”

“No eyesight problems!”

She freezes. “Steve. You were having vision issues?”

“Um. Not anymore?”

She groans. “Since when?”

“Um…” he thinks, tilting his head toward the ceiling. “Billy, I think. At least that’s the first time I really noticed it.”

She sighs. “I’m going to murder you.”

“Are not.”

“In cold blood.”

“Are not.”

“Nancy’ll help.”

Steve considers this. “She might. She’d be good at it.”

They both pause for a moment, then Robin turns to leave. “I’m gonna go make sure Jon doesn’t give you a concussion this time.”

“Have him make the nail bat, too!” Steve calls as she leaves.

“What,” Eddie says desperately, “the fuck.”

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#stranger things #if I should stay #pre steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #el hopper #Robin Buckley #platonic stobin #steve and el #el just wants to help #Eddie’s doing his best not to freak out every other second #he’s trying yall #starambles

[scoobydoomistakes]

At first I was digitally haunted… and then my attempts to *show* it to y'all were haunted, too.

Fate gave me a better Halloween post than I could possibly come up with myself. Thanks, fate!

Context: I'm a photographer by trade.

(It was surprisingly hard to find a recent photo of myself with a camera, so I opted for one at DPAC, a place I shoot, and one with a small cat, which is about the size of a camera)

And the thing about modern cameras is, corrupted files are not common.

I probably hadn't seen even something minor in, what, a year or two?

Until this, yesterday.

Which would have been the weird thing.

Except that this is a completely-different glitch than the original I wanted to show you.

Seriously! The instant I viewed the image large for the first time, the original version vanished, permanently.

Zooming in it's cool and all, but I wanted to get to the bottom of things.

...huh. Well, that's not very helpful in the file browser.

What if I open it in–

Yeeeaaah, that ain't any better. What if instead, I opened it in–

…now, that's just adding insult to injury, technology.

Is there seriously no program that can display it with any more–

WHOA! Now, that's more like it!

Also revealed it was a test frame in the portrait session! Neato.

Well, what if I try to import it into Lightroom again... but in a different way?

Ooh! The teensy initial preview is promising!

I'll be darned. It's actually 100% normal this time!

...

...

...wait, that's the exact opposite of what we're trying to do.

One more time.

Alright, that's more like it. It's still not that weirdest original glitch, but–

...

...hold up, is it... different, though?

Yes, it was.

Testing proved it randomized a whole new way every stinkin' time you import it.

We needed a breakthrough.

The file itself was corrupted, sure, but clearly the display/conversion process was crucial.

As a last-ditch effort, I tried importing it with multiple unglitched portraits.

BINGO!

This was it! This was the extra-haunted version I wanted to show!

Sure, it would still revert to 120% scrambling if I double-clicked it, but hey, all the best spookiness is ephemeral.

We'd found our Halloween post, lost it... lost it some more, lost it again, and then finally got it back...

...only, erm... at the cost of losing our sanity.

Happy Halloween, y'all. May your night not be cursed with technological hauntings, unless that's exactly what you're going for, in which case have at it.

–Colin

#halloween #halloween 2023

[suzukiblu]

Thank-you Ko-fi sentences for @beatrice-otter; Billy adopts Conner and it actually goes pretty good!

“Um, can we maybe sit for a bit?” Billy suggests, gesturing towards the bean bag chairs. They look comfier than the couch to him. Which is saying something, because the couch looks really comfy. “I wanna tell you something before you decide if you wanna stay here. Well, there’s a few things we should talk about before you decide that, probably? But this one’s kinda the weirdest one.” 

“. . . fine,” Superboy says warily, and they both sit on the bean bags. Superboy looks a little bewildered by them; Billy represses another wince. Maybe Cadmus didn’t teach him about bean bag chairs? 

That sucks, if they didn’t. 

Well, at least Superboy didn't say “no” this time. Although Billy hopes Superboy saying “fine” doesn't actually mean “no”, now that he's thinking of it, because that'd be–

Yeah, okay, Billy needs to not second-guess literally everything Superboy says, so they're definitely gonna have to have the “no” talk ASAP. 

“Okay, cool,” Billy says as he settles in carefully on his own bean bag, which is a little awkward because he’s about twice the size he was the last time he sat on one, but he figures it out eventually. This is a weird conversation to have, definitely, but it’s not really . . . like, it’d be bad to lie to Superboy about this, even if he’s gonna keep lying to the Justice League, so . . . well, lying to his co-workers isn’t like lying to his kid, he thinks. Like–it’s definitely not. “Okay, so the thing is, uh, to be totally honest here I'm actually only like twelve years older than you, so I know this whole situation is a liiiiittle weird, but I think it'll be great! And I've really only been doing the superhero thing for a couple of years myself but I can definitely still help you with your powers and with learning how to get along with normal humans and that kind of stuff!” 

Superboy stares at him in bemusement. Billy has to repress a wince again. Bemused staring is . . . not great. Though it could be worse, really. 

“. . . wait, are you human?” Superboy asks with a slow frown. “You don't look human. You don't have pores or any variation in skin pigmentation and your face is perfectly symmetrical. And your irises don't have spokes.” 

“Uh, well, technically I'm human but, uh, please don't tell anybody cuz I reaaaaally don't wanna explain that to the Justice League,” Billy says, wincing after all, and then adds in a mutter, “At least not any time in the next six years, anyway.” 

“Okay,” Superboy says, sounding skeptical. But he doesn’t sound mad or weirded out, so . . . that’s a good sign, right? Billy thinks that’s a good sign. So–good! That’s good, that Superboy isn’t immediately freaked out by him only being twelve or walking straight out the door. Like, that’s a relief. So this is going great so far! 

“. . . you’re really only twelve years older than me?” Superboy asks, his frown deepening a little as he looks Billy over. Billy grins sheepishly. He’d show him, obviously, but he’s pretty sure Batman’s surveilling the apartment at least a little bit while they settle in and he doesn’t want him seeing the lightning hit, sooooo . . . yeah, not right now. 

Anyway, if he’s being a dad he should be dad-shaped, right? Being dad-shaped is better! And like this he’s big enough to hug Superboy really good and maybe carry him around and stuff like that, and he knows most little kids like being carried, and . . . well, his dad always did that kind of stuff for him, so . . .

He just wants to be a good dad. His was . . . his was really great, and Superboy should get to have a great dad too. 

“Um, yeah, but please don't tell anyone that either, the League would be so freaking weird about it,” Billy says, still sheepish.

“. . . sure,” Superboy says, still frowning a little. Billy beams at him. This is going really good, yeah! Well, Superboy’s gotta be used to weird age-related stuff, considering he’s technically a baby himself but also “old” enough to understand a lot more than a regular baby would be able to. So yeah, that’s pretty helpful. 

Awesome.

#beatrice-otter #wip: billy adopts conner and it actually goes pretty good!

[bratphilia]

one last phone call

summary: Mike calls you one last time while he's on shift.

note: once again written before i actually saw the movie, so there's definitely divergence in what actually happens in the plot.

pairing: mike schmidt x reader

tags: phone sex, dirty talk, masturbation, mention of death, edging? LMAO

... ring ! ... ring ! ... ring !

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system..."

Of course you didn't pick up. It's 4 in the morning for fuck's sake. But there was something important about this call.

"Hey, baby... I'm sorry to call you at such a bad time — I'm awful, I know," Mike says with a small laugh.

"I just wanted to, you know, talk before... nevermind, I'll spare you the details. Uhm, I-uh.. I love you. More than anything in the world. I hope you know that. And I wish I was there with you tonight. I wish I didn't take this fucking job, but I'll do anything to support us. I know that this is... probably the weirdest call you've ever gotten but... I just wanted to... nevermind. I'm not really good at this."

"Anyways... the reason I wish I was there with you right now is... I just can't stop thinking about earlier... how perfect you were, and always are. The way you sucked my cock and swallowed every last drop. The way your thighs framed my head while I ate you out, and the sweet taste of your pussy — I can still fucking taste it. And the way you rode me into oblivion, fuck — I'm getting hard just talking about it. Honestly, I've had a massive boner the whole night... actually, I wonder if I could just..." there's a sound of metal clinking, and the shifting of clothes.

"Ah, fuck," he sighs, "I can't believe I'm doing this here, but I need you so bad right now."

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He says over the phone, his tone is different, dropped down more octaves and his breathing is noticeable.  The sound of skin slapping is audible. "I wanna fuck you so bad right now. I wish I was there fucking you instead of sitting on my ass over here, just waiting to die. I want you to ride me again. The way your tits bounce up and down is so fucking sexy. I want to bite your fucking nipples too, so hard that you scream my name and beg me to stop. I love it when you beg me. Like that time I edged you, eating you out and fingering you, until you started crying and whining for me to let you come already, or just fuck you. Shit — ah — wanna hit it from the back, too. Your ass is so fucking sexy from behind. I would grip your hair and push your face into the pillows. We would just fuck, and fuck, and fuck..."

Suddenly, there's loud footsteps. Loud enough that you could hear them from the over the phone. Then the sound of a slam, like a door shutting loudly.

"Fuck me, already? Give it a fucking rest... hah — I think one of those robots just saw my dick, babe. Good, it might shoo them away for the night... kinda shocked I didn't get blue balls from that. Maybe I like being watched. Maybe we'll get one of my friends to come over and watch us. You could put on a real show for them, yeah? Maybe I'll let them take a turn on you... I'm just kidding, I'd never share you with anyone."

"...back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... I want to stick my cock inside you as soon as I get home. Maybe even while you're asleep. Maybe I'll wake you up by eating your pussy. But for now, I just can't stop thinking about fucking you. The way you feel around me is like my own personal heaven. And the way you clench so it fits tighter, even though you deny it, it's so fucking hot.. and.. and.."

His breathing gets more labored. But there's a banging sound on the door. However, Mike keeps going.

"They're here, you know, but fuck, I'm so close. I wish you picked up — fuck, you could be there to help me. Your voice is all I need to come. You could make me spill with just one sentence, you know that? Fuck, fuck, fuck — no!"

A loud crashing sound resounds over the phone. It's the sound of a door breaking. And then the call cuts off.

You listen to that call the next day, at least a hundred times. You touched yourself to it the first time, but the end made you stop. It haunted you. You clung onto it as closure for what the hell happened to your boyfriend, and why he didn't come home last night.

#mike schmidt #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf smut #fnaf x reader #mike schmidt x reader

[theminecraftbee]

sometimes I think a lot about aus that exist only in my head that I’ll probably never write. today I’m thinking about. AU where joe is a mostly normal human who just happens to have the weirdest supernatural luck. one day he accidentally stumbles through a fair circle while trying to dodge a debt collector on the way home from work, and catches the eye of two notorious fey, scar and cub. despite the fact he’s otherwise a normal human, he also manages to get back out of the feywild, despite scar hunting him for sport and cub trying to entrap him.

cub and scar, fascinated by this, then start bothering him in the human world. scar is more the wild hunt kind of fae, cub is more the “entrap with trickery and wordplay” kind of fae. joe, being joe, keeps on escaping being got by either of them. however, also joe being joe, he slowly starts to actually befriend them. he starts having regular lunch dates with cub in which cub only barely bothers trying to entrap joe. he and scar end up basically playing tag. and scar and cub end up starting to feel the very strange sensation of starting to become slightly more human, thanks to proximity with joe so constantly. meanwhile, joe’s own morality is becoming slightly more inhuman, as he spends so much time hanging out with cub and scar.

they form a weird equilibrium, right up until joe shows up to a lunch date in disarray. his only human friend, cleo, has gone missing while investigating a series of supernatural murders, and there’s someone after him, too. he doesn’t have the money or resources or anything to escape it. so, like, if he shows up dead, hey, at least he’s probably found cleo? haha. sorry he knows you two are immortal but he’s not but he’d assumed he had like, at least another decade in him before dying tragically young and teaching cub and scar about death, changing the trajectory of their lives forever—

cub steeples his fingers on the table, and he’s both more straightforward and less than he’s been in a long time with joe. and he asks joe: well, true, you alone don’t have the resources to fix this. but cub and scar—they’re powerful in their own right. and right now, they don’t have enough jurisdiction over joe to actually help, especially if there’s another powerful supernatural entity killing things right now. but what they do have is…

hey, joe, cub knows it’s been months since he last even bothered asking, but desperate times. how are you at contract negotiations? how would you like to sell yourself to the fae?

and things then go from there,

#anyway cleo manages to claw her way to undeath after her murder for the record and is an undead monster hunter #but our protagonists Don’t Know This Yet #if I didn’t ALREADY have a sprawling joe hills-based urban fantasy au though…

[mangosrar]

The lucky one.

Chris Sturniolo x fem reader.

an: this is not proofread 😛

warnings: none

based off of this song!!!!

Somerville, boston, Massachusetts. the place you grew up loving. and the place you came to hate. not because of how cold it was or how the weather was extremely bipolar. no. boston winters were no joke but you loved winter. you hated boston because of the strings it had you on. all the ghosts that haunted every corner of it. the lost relationships.

before you left boston life was great. you, your boyfriend and his two brothers were living the high life. you were a star. your acting career had taken off when you were 16 and it was great. you loved the fast pace life. you’re boyfriend and his brothers weren’t far behind with their youtube career. they were internet sensations. everyone loved them. but all that glitter is gold and soon the glitter became suffocating. everywhere you went the media was on your tail. interviews and red carpets, talk shows, the press, they all knew you’re secrets. you had no privacy. heavy is the head that wears the crown and you couldn’t do it, so you upped and left just after you’re 21st birthday. without a word to anyone. of course you let them all know you were safe, but you left everyone behind. your family, your friends, your boyfriend, every single childhood memory you had in boston you ditched and left for dead.

2 years later, you were now 23. stood dead centre of the last place you wanted to be. every single late night adventure with your friends, every single coffee shop date with your now ex boyfriend happened here. here in this one tiny neighbourhood yet it seemed so far stretched.

your main concern for your return to boston was who you were going to bump into. you hadn’t actually thought about what you would do if you were to bump into anyone. maybe run away, maybe scream, maybe vomit. the options were endless. but as if god was dead against you, a familiar face appeared behind you in the reflection of the coffee shop window, leaving no time to decide.

“Rory?” it was if time had stopped. your heart rate sky rocketed and your mouth ran dry. it felt like someone had sucker punched you in the stomach. all of the air in your lungs made a swift escape and it felt like you were suffocating.

you turned around and saw his face. he looked different. he was taller, and more built. his hair was shorter, his facial bones were more defined. he was even more gorgeous than he used to be. but his eyes looked heavy on his face. the dark circles prominent. he looked tired.

“Chris.” you’re voice was weak and uneasy. you wanted to reach out an touch him just to check you weren’t dreaming and that your chris was actually standing in front of you.

“i didn’t know you were back in boston” chris sounded just as surprised to see you. his eyes traveled over you’re face, like he was taking a mental picture. they lingered on you’re hair for just a second longer. he noticed.

“yeah, i got here this morning” he brought a hand up to his jaw and rubbed it. his eyes were still examining you’re face. he was shell shocked.

“you changed you’re hair” he blurted out. it was true. you had always had long, curly, light brown hair. but it was now dark brown and sat just below you’re shoulders and straight.

“yeah, i uhh… needed a change” you didn’t really know what to say. this was probably the weirdest interaction you had ever had.

“you look good rora” he nodded. you internally winced at the nick name. he was the only one who ever called you that. you couldn’t even reply. you just smiled at him.

there was an abundant pause before chris spoke again.

“i’m about to go get a coffee if you wanna join me, you know, catch up and stuff” he said while gesturing to the coffee shop behind you.

“i don’t know chris i….” you trailed off. uncertainty evident.

“come on rory, 30 minutes and the best coffee in boston” he raised his eyebrows and displayed a toothy grin. there was a long pause before you replied, weighing out your options.

“how could i say no to that stupid face” you replied trying to hide your smile.

once you were both situated in a booth with a cup of coffee. you spoke first.

“does ray still own this place?” you asked.

“no uh ray died last year but you know Cody his son? he took over” chris said. glancing around the room before landing his eyes back on you. you felt your heart break a little. for years you had been coming here, almost every day after school from freshman year to senior year. in summer you would have a smoothie and in winter you would have a hot chocolate then eventually it was just coffee all year round. every time coming closer to the last. it really put things into perspective. regardless of you leaving, everybody carried on with their life and boston wasn’t waiting for you to catch up.

“oh my god, that must have been so hard. no body even told me” you instantly regretted what you said. you knew what was coming next.

“you just disappeared Rory. no one knew where you were, how were we supposed to tell you. i visited your mom and she didn’t know either. we were worried about you. i haven’t stopped worrying about you. i never even got an explanation. ” his tone was carrying a harsh undertone. helping you understand how bad it hurt. you couldn’t even look at him, the way he was obviously referring to you leaving your boyfriend in the dark, with no explanation as to why you left, making your stomach do flips.

“i didn’t disappear chris i just took my dignity and got the hell out. i had to” you told him. he nodded slowly. clearly not accepting your justification but regardless he respected you none the less. he took a sip of his coffee never making eye contact with you, before speaking.

“Nate said you bought a bunch of land,” he said breaking the awkward tension with a raise of his eyebrows in questioning. “chose the rose garden over Madison square?” he added with a smile, trying to break the tense air between you both. you let out a lousy laugh while nodding your head.

“something like that” he just sent you a knowing smile, not pressing on the subject, before his face changed into something of remorse.

“i get it tho aurora, you know it took some time but i understand it now. why you left i mean”

his eyes stayed on yours as he spoke. you said nothing as your mouth curved into a tight lipped smile. urging chris to carry on.

“cuz now everyone knows my name wherever i go and i can’t ever have that quiet life that we wanted, the one you have now, but i think you got it right”. there was nothing but sincerity plastered across his face.

“the camera flashes make it look like a fucking dream though” he hung his head again, shaking it, blowing a puff of air out of his nose, laughing.

“but you’ve had it figured out since we were in school.” you were confused. he had always wanted this life. the followers, the fame, the money, it was his dream.

“everybody wants to see hot triplet brothers having fun together and making a fool of themselves. everybody loves it.” you added, sending him an questioning raise of you’re eyebrows.

“but it’s not like that anymore, it’s big black cars and riviera views, the dates i get for the events dont even fucking know me, and our secrets end up splashed on the news front page” he said slightly raising his voice with a harsh tone, clearly needing to get it off his chest. the hand that had been waving around in the air trying to further his point comes down the fiddle with the handle of the mug in front of him.

“and they tell you that you’re lucky but it’s so confusing because like, i don’t feel good, i just feel used, and the second you’re hype is over all the new big hits line up to take you’re place you know?” he added. you did know. you knew it all too well. you didn’t even have to reply. he knew that you understood him. despite the absence between you both there was still a lot you had in common.

there was a pregnant pause, both of you just staring at each other, having so much to say but leaving it unsaid, avoiding the conversation. chris cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

“how long are you in boston for?”

“well i haven’t been back in almost a 2 years so i was planning on staying for a week or so but just being here for a few hours is make ig me hate it so i think i’m gonna get the next flight out.” you hated the fact that you were telling him this, the reason you hated it sitting right in front of you, clad in a puffer jacket and a beanie, sipping coffee.

“no!” he shouted so fast it took you back a little, your eyes widened at his sudden outburst. he cleared his throat before continuing. “um…stay for a while, come see nick and matt. my parents still ask about you all the time they would love to see you.” chris’s voice was full of hope. it broke your heart. he really hadn’t changed at all.

“i can’t chris”. you watched his face fall as you replied. your voice was small and sad.

“why rory? what’s the worst that could happen?” it was a silly question really. he knew the answer. “you know what, i know why you won’t. i know you like the back of my hand aroura. you’re scared you’re gonna love it too much and you won’t wanna leave. youre scared of this” he gestured between the two of you. “you’re scared that you’re gonna come to the realisation that you don’t hate being back in boston, you hate the fact that it’s exactly where you should be”. he had you all figured out. he couldn’t have been more correct if the reason had walked up to him and slapped him straight in the face. but that scared you even more. the way he knew you so well, after all this time.

“i’m scared”. you nodded. completely putting all your vulnerability on display as tears gathered in your water line. he reached over and took your hands in his. staring so deeply into your eyes you we’re sure he could see your thoughts.

“don’t be. whatever happens, it will all work out. you might decide to stay, you might decide to run off again in the next 20 minutes, but if you do i won’t be mad and i wont try to stop you, because i know that you gave it a chance. so please aroura, give me a chance. let it figure itself out. it’s all going to be fine. i promise” his voice was quiet and comforting, and in that exact moment he stopped talking. you realised you were the lucky one. you were lucky that even though you were both 23 now, no longer silly teenagers in love, you were still the same kids you used to be. you were lucky that he was still willing to stand by you. you were lucky that he somehow had the answer for everything, he knew exactly what to say to you. just like he always did, even after all this time. he was still there waiting for you with open arms. this was where you were meant to be.

_______________________ ________________________

i love this so much he’s so cute i just wanna put him in my pocket and eat him. 😃

@christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @soursturniolo @freshlovehacker @cupidtoast @kitaysworld @urmyslxt @kvtie444 @flowerxbunnie @lividnity @sturnphilia @sturniolostvrs @hedgehogperalta @delimeats-000 @daddyslilchickenfingers @kenzieiskoolaid

#mango talks #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x you #christopher owen sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo blurb #chris sturniolo oneshot #chris sturniolo imagine #my stuff #the lucky one #Spotify

[mochiwrites]

This is probably one of the weirdest alliances Joel has ever been in. And he’s been in some pretty weird alliances before. The Red Banners are the first to come to mind on that one, with Ren’s weird accent and all that.

But The Bad Boys might just take the top spot.

Upon first glance, his alliance with them seems pretty well put together. Joel has partly teamed with Grian before, back on a world where he seemed to be chained to the red mist, blood thirsty and out for whoever he could find. It had been fun, when Grian was also red and they ran around together.

So he knows how Grian operates, how he thinks and functions. He’s a good ally, loyal and eager.

(Joel pointedly ignores how nearly every ally Grian has ever had has died permanently due to his own hands.)

And then there’s Jimmy and well… Jim is Jim. In a good way, whatever that means.

The fact of the matter is, they’re a good team. With their Bread Bridge and then Bread Bridge version two in the sky. The Sadder Badder Ladder podcast. Joel likes teaming with them.

But this? This is a bit odd, even for him.

They’ve pushed their beds together. It’s hard to cuddle on a singular bed, and well, Bad Boys call each other babe and all that. Joel isn’t going to shy away from snuggling with Grian and Jimmy, especially when Grian fits against his side so easily, and Jimmy can easily wrap them both in his golden wings. Grian’s sleek cat tail tangles with Joel’s own (perks of being a wolf hybrid and all that), and sleep is quite peaceful.

It doesn’t start out that way though.

“Griaaaan, come on!” Jimmy whines as they all settle in for the night. They’re on the dry part of the mansion’s roof, the moon high in the sky above them. It casts them each in its soft blue glow, illuminating their figures. “You did it last time!”

Which is why Joel can see Jimmy’s pout so well.

Grian hums nonchalantly, kicking his shoes off and laying back in his bed. His ears twitch. “You willingly offered last time, Timmy. And now it’s actually my turn.” He shrugs.

“Because you had a rough day!” Jimmy points out. He’s kneeling on his bed, body angled toward them both.

Joel himself is already laying down flat on his back. He’s waiting.

“If you wanted your right and proper turn, you shouldn’t have given it up!”

“Griannnnnn!”

“Timmmmm.”

This is something that happens every night. The three of them get ready for bed, and Grian and Jimmy bicker over who gets to listen to Joel’s heartbeat. Honestly, Joel doesn’t get it. He knows it’s related to some kind of thing that neither Grian or Jimmy will actually tell him about. He’d ask, but asking feels… wrong, almost. Like if he does, Grian and Jimmy will stop.

So he doesn’t really question it, instead letting it happen.

Even if it’s weird. It’s such a weird habit, but none of them ever talk about it in the morning. In fact there’s not even any mention of it when they wake up.

(In retrospect it isn’t that weird. It’s normal to listen to your partner’s heartbeat. But what’s weird is it’s Grian and Jimmy wanting to listen to his. His? Joel’s? The red, lone wolf?)

A head on his chest makes him pause, and he looks down. He sees two fluffy ears and ashen blond hair. “Hello Grian,” he greets, watching as the other snuggles close.

“Hi Joel.”

“Comfortable?” He lifts a brow.

“Quite.” Joel can hear the smile in Grian’s voice.

He looks over at Jimmy, finding the other pouting as he lays down beside them. Without a moment of hesitation, those golden feathery blankets are settling over the pair, drawing a content purr from Grian.

But Jimmy is still pouting, most likely bothered that he lost to Grian. Which honestly, did he expect anything different? In a match between Grian and Jimmy, the winner is already decided.

Joel sighs, “Here, Jim.” As per usual with their weird little routine, Joel holds his wrist out to him as he wraps his other arm around Grian’s waist.

Jimmy’s face brightens as the pout leaves his face, and he holds Joel’s wrist in both his hands, fingers pressing carefully against his pulse. Joel feels the tension leave his body almost immediately as Jimmy relaxes against him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

He then hears Jimmy make a curious trill, “Grian? Are you asleep yet?”

“Yes,” Grian answers, even as he pops an eye open to look at Jimmy. “I’m the sleepiest lad you’ve ever seen.”

“He’s a sleepy lad, boy,” Joel jokes, making Jimmy choke on his laughter.

“Stooop!” he exclaims, but he’s smiling.

Grian laughs, “We better stop, Joel. Wouldn’t want Tim to become a mad boy.”

“Or a sad boy.”

“Stop, stop it! It’s sleep time!” Jimmy laughs again, Grian and Joel’s own laughter joining him. After a moment or so, Jimmy calms down and he looks at Grian, expression turning bashful. “G can I… erm…. can I have your wrist?” he questions.

Something in Grian’s expression melts, his gaze turning soft and empathetic.

(There’s another thing Joel will never understand about Grian and Jimmy. Whatever the connection is between them. The silent understanding, the way they take one look at each other and just seem to understand what the other is thinking. Upon first glance, you’d never expect that from their dynamic. Not when Grian is so set on being a menace to Jimmy. But Joel gets that special look when it’s just them. He gets to see the way Grian is always touching Jimmy in someway, the way he presses against him, almost like he’s clinging to him. The way Jimmy will tuck Grian against him, and hold him.

Joel feels honored, not just to see it, but to be included in it. Like he’s been given a special sort of trust that no one else has. Not that he’ll ever tell either of them, of course.)

Reaching over Joel, Grian offers Jimmy his wrist. And Jimmy takes it in one of his hands.

Humming quietly, Jimmy pressed his lips first to the skin of Grian’s wrist before doing the same to Joel’s. “Good night,” he chirps.

Joel feels Grian’s lips through the fabric of his shirt, the contact leaving him warm and contented. “Night, Tim.” He feels Grian’s tail tangle with his own, and his purrs are soft, soothing.

Though it’s a little difficult, Joel reaches for Jimmy, pressing a kiss to his head before doing the same to Grian. “Night.”

The Bad Boys are certainly a weird alliance, but Joel is an expert in weird at this point. It doesn’t matter all that much to him, because he’s given both Grian and Jimmy a piece of his heart anyways. Weird or not, it doesn’t change the fact that these two are his. And every wolf protects their pack.

#mochi writes #poly bad boys #smallidarian #smallidarity #gribeans #solidrian #trafficshipping #the bad boys #limited life smp #I hope these are the right tags Oh Boy #anyways I blame stellar for this #got me crying in the club over the bad boys and heart beats #smth smth grian as a watcher likes to listen to heartbeats of his partners because he spent so long looking at them live #smth smth jimmy as a listener likes to feel heartbeats because he’s spent so long listening

[roach-works]

As A Queer who’s made it in the trades, do you have any advice for other Queers, visible or not, to breaking into the sector?

i don't have any advice for women other than shoot your shot and be brave, because every workplace ive ever been in SAYS they want more women but oh gee women just don't APPLY, but if you look like a guy you just show up, don't pick fights, and let people assume whatever they assume.

if you've never had factory experience before you can either lie or make up a dad who taught you lots of home improvement projects or focus on the physical aspects of other jobs that left you with plenty of experience in packing, handling, basic tool use, forklift driving, truck loading, etc. if you want an actual trade skill you should look up college and trade school classes, or see if you can join a union and get classes from a union hall, or, again, lie your way in.

like. so many young men in the trades are so so bad at their jobs, it's expected that every now and then a dumbass on too many drugs is hired and he breaks important things and turns up late and falls asleep somewhere weird for awhile before getting fired again. ive watched at least eight of these men cycle through my factory in the last year. the last one ran over a welding machine with a truck before breaking his leg by dropping a beam on himself and then quitting because he wasn't getting paid enough (mood). so like if you show up and are a dumbass that arrives on time, works late, cleans up their area, and doesn't break anything too expensive, and doesn't mysteriously vanish after a month, you have a good shot at keeping your position forever. im genuinely not very good at my job and at least one guy everywhere i work hates me for being a mouthy little fag, but the state of the trades is that if you're not actively on drugs and fire and trying to punch your boss, you probably get to keep your job indefinitely.

my other advice is: if you're trans, and you work in manufacturing, do your best to pass and never admit you're trans. things get bad weird, very fast, and you're surrounded by big guys with power tools. you don't have to pass very well, because the trades are full of a wide variety of the weirdest men in the world and almost none of them have a functional gaydar, but you do have to at minimum not volunteer the information that you're trans.

like. you can if you want. the results will be educational. but no one will be learning anything they wanted to know from this event.

EDIT: start working out though. you NEED to be able to safely lift 30-40lb to start out with and 50-100+ is ideal. if you can't carry around 50 lb for at least a short ways (on and off trucks, on and off tables, on and off dollys) you're risking throwing your back out which is a lifelong bigtime problem. make sure you can lift, bro!

#it took me a while to figure this out #because they WILL yell at you for being bad at your job #but you don't actually have to not be bad at the job #they hate hiring new people more than they hate you #every time