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#the world is shit we live here in a world where some people starve
maddyshome · 1 year
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i will always love noble characters. those characters who try their best to overcome awful people and situation. who go through hell and still remain good. i know most people love villains but i think theres nothing more beautiful than a good soul.  
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zombholic · 5 months
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CONSUMED — abby anderson
summary — the fame really consumed her.
description — rockstar!abby, poc fem!reader, explicit content, sfw & nsfw, modern au, no post outbreak.
authors note — this is probably gonna be my favorite series.
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It was cold outside, February was always so cold. You were walking around times square with your two close friends Ellie and Jesse, this was on your guys bucket list to go to New York for a week and what perfect time than now.
The bright colors of the billboards, the chatter in the crowds and for some reason you still have this part deep inside of you wishing you would see her.
“I’m fucking starving guys, can we get something to eat?” Jesse spoke up causing you to snap back into reality.
“Always fuckin’ hungry Jess.” Ellie was being sarcastic, rolling her eyes before looking over at you.
“You hungry too?” Her hands rubbed your shoulders noticing you were shivering from the cold.
Nodding your head you three agreed on going to Chick-Fil-A, even though you were in New York and there were so many options it always came down to your guys favorite homophobic chicken place.
“Jeez, slow down I promise no one’s gonna steal your sandwich.” Ellie side eyed Jesse inhaling his meal.
“You got ops on you or something?” You giggled munching on your chicken nuggets.
“Y’all shut the fuck up, I wasn’t lying when I said I was hungry.” Jesse rolled his eyes.
You guys were sat near the big windows of the restaurant, clear views of the big billboards, New York is beautiful but how the fuck do people live here?
Your eyes roamed around the bright screens until you felt your throat swell up, heart felt like it dropped into your stomach.
Abby Anderson World Tour 2024
Clenching your jaw you looked away hoping your friends didn’t see your sudden change in emotion, unfortunately they picked it up almost immediately. Turning their heads to look at where your eyes were you felt the air in the room change.
“Fuck her, I hope she—“ “Ellie shut up” Jesse cut her off.
All of a sudden you weren’t hungry anymore, the memories were so quick to flood your mind all over again, the tears slowly filling up your eyes. You felt so stupid crying over your ex-girlfriend even though it’s been a year but you fell hard for her.
“Felt like I wasted four years of my life on her.” You sniffled refusing to let the tears stream down.
“Hey, fuck her and her stupid fucking world tour, let’s go watch a movie or something.” Ellie had Jesse pack up the leftovers.
She held you by the arm dragging you out the doors with Jesse trailing behind. Ellie was Abby’s biggest hater, the worst part is you know Ellie was heartbroken as well. Abby and her were best friends for as long as you could remember but she dropped everyone who loved her for fame.
You guys had went back to your shared hotel room, changing into your pajamas you guys cuddled up in the bed, laptop on your lap as you played some stupid movie Jesse picked out. You couldn’t help but slowly zone out into memory lane, you shouldn’t but for some reason your heart still ached for her.
“Baby! Come here!” Abby pulled you onto her lap with the biggest smile plastered on her freckled face.
“I didn’t have a choice.” You giggled feeling her nuzzle her face into the crook of your neck.
She pulled her laptop closer on the coffee table, pressing play on the youtube video she posted of her and her band playing one of their songs that she worked so hard on perfecting.
“My song got a million fucking views!” Your eyes widened, turning around to face her on her lap.
“Oh my god? Baby I’m literally speechless!” You pulled her into a tight hug, she grabbed your face smashing her lips against yours.
“Don’t forget about me when you’re famous.” You joked but shit little did you know she actually would.
You remembered that day so fondly because later that day she was receiving emails and calls from all sorts of people.
“Y/n? Hellooo?” Ellie waved her hand in front of your face.
“How does she zone out for so long?” Jesse nibbled on his snacks.
You lifted your head looking over at Els with your brows arched up confused.
“What?” “Can you skip the damn ad?”
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thestarrynightslover · 9 months
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The Day You Finally Caught a Break
Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader
Word count: 1,574
Warnings: FLUFF. Mentions of sex crimes and crimes involving special victims (all very slight).
Summary: After living in a boring routine, the detective (y/n) (y/l/n) catches a lucky break with her colleague Jay Halstead.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.
A/N: So, this is my first fic in a while and I am aware that it is very cheesy but I just felt like writing something cheesy. Anyways, I hope you like it!
(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)
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The day started just like any other would: waking up earlier than necessary, going for a run, doing some yoga, reading, and finally getting ready to go to work. Sure, to a lot of people that might have been a great morning, having all that time to do all that stuff… The only thing was: you’d been running on nothing beyond routine — one that had become quite boring, to be honest — for a couple of years now. Which made you that weird cop who actually enjoyed the worst cases just because it gave you some sort of purpose, some sort of change. Holding that thought, you were supposed to feel lucky once you and your team got deeper into your current case. But, even with the most boring of lives, a person — a decent human being — couldn’t feel lucky for even knowing something like that happens in the world, much less for having to know every sick and twisted detail of a case that involved sex trafficking, pregnant women, all sorts of assault and child abduction.
After it was “over”, around midnight, all of Intelligence seemed to silently agree on staying as long as necessary to finish their reports. Everybody thinking the same way: finishing this today, I can get outta here, get drunk, and put it in a box in the back of my head — where it’ll stay forever. As soon as someone would finish the paperwork, they’d grab their coat, mutter something resembling a goodbye, and rush out of there like the room was on fire. Molly’s wouldn’t be open anymore and none of you really wanted to spend time with each other to risk having to talk out what had happened. And then something strange happened.
Instead of just leaving like your partner Kim and his partner Kevin before her, Ruzek just stood at the door frame, waiting. For Upton. What? He kept looking at her desk so it was pretty obvious but the confirmation came when the detective got up saying: “Hey, Jay, I’mma get going now. You okay if we do our thing some other day?”
By the time Halstead looked up, she was almost reaching Adam which shocked the shit out of you but didn’t seem to faze him much, who only answered: “Yeah. Sure. Night, guys.” And then there were two—the only two Intelligence members who never exchanged more than a couple of polite measures.
Nevertheless, your gossip-starved soul got the best of you, who ended up blurting out a “They’re together?” to no one less than Jay Halstead. For a minute or so the other detective just looked around the room, as if expecting someone to jump out of nowhere and answer your question. But, after your eyes eventually met, he decided on answering.
“Eh… I don’t really know”, he started, while scratching the back of his neck, “I mean, it’s not like I’ve asked, you know?”
“Ah…” Was all you found to say after he stopped for a moment, but he continued.
“That’s just not really how it works between us. But the other day he did show up at her place late at night, which was suspicious. To say the least.” The words just flew right out of his mouth, surprising both of you, who started chuckling awkwardly at the recognition, “this is the first actual conversation we’ve had after all this time working together, isn’t it?”, he asked, ultimately.
“Yeah, I think it is,” you said, now full-on laughing. “God, I can’t believe that the first time I worked up the courage to actually talk to you was to ask for gossip!” You exclaimed, knowing that your cheeks were probably burning up with embarrassment.
“To be honest, I kinda needed to share that with someone. Especially after this moment here.” He confessed, making you laugh and forcing himself to laugh a bit more to try and hide the fact that he couldn’t stop staring at you. It just went wrong when his mouth betrayed him by saying: “You look so damn cute right now!”
"Well, it isn't every day that one finds out that the detective Jay Halstead is a gossip. Which makes me wonder who the cute one really is…"
"Oh, so that's where you're going with this?" He asked with his eyes twinkling. "Because I can prove just how not cute I am…"
"Oh?" You replied simply wondering what kind of proof he could provide against that.
"In fact, I have just the perfect idea, but, for that, you'd have to agree on going out with me first." Jay himself couldn't believe he finally managed to invite you out.
"Ooh, as in a d- date?" Who were you? Stuttering? C'mon!
"A date, yes." He answered, making you feel relieved and nervous again all at the same time.
"Yeah, I, uh, I wouldn't mind that at all. We can try and think of a date that works for both of us…" You suggested.
"Well, on Wednesday I'll be off, how about you?" Jay asked quickly.
"Oh no, that day I have somethings Platt wanted me to do. How about next Monday?"
"That's a no for me, 'cause I'm pulling doubles next week.*
"Damn…"
“Maybe this is a crazy idea but have you finished your report yet?” He asked quizzically.
“Uh, hitting the send button right now. Why?
“Then what if we do it now?”
“The date thingy?” You asked shyly, afraid that had been just a momentaneous thought that came out of his mouth too fast.
At that, he looked at you in awe, mesmerized by how adorable you were. “Yes. The date thingy.”
A million thoughts crossed your mind, including the one that that was a lifetime opportunity and that you should be better dressed, but figuring that saying something like that would only make you miss the opportunity, you settled for asking: “But where would we go? Like, it’s past 1 a.m., Jay, I don’t think there are a lot of places open…”
“Well, I might have a few ideas… Do you trust me?” He asked, holding his hand out to you, who grabbed it at the same time as you grabbed your jacket and purse with your other hand.
“Do you really need to ask that?"
And, like that, some time later you found yourself pulling up to the address Jay had texted you, which was in Canaryville, and it turned out to be an old movie theater that apparently was doing a week of classics with sessions at all times of the day. How Jay knew about that, though, was a mystery to you.
"Hey!" You heard him calling as he crossed the street. "You made a better time getting here than I did!"
"Yeah, well, my car might be faster than your old one," you replied, shrugging innocently.
"Haha, very funny," he deadpanned.
"Hey, this is a cool idea but how did you know it is happening?" You asked, genuinely curious. "I mean, you just don't seem a lot like a movie nerd to me."
"Well, there are still many things you don't know about me. But this one specifically is because I grew up around here and the owner is a friend of my family, so he always lets Will and I know about what's going on with the place."
"Hmmm, that explains it!" You exclaimed with a tad of satisfaction for not being too far off about him.
"But I do enjoy movies, okay?" You made a face of disbelief at him. To which he replied with: "It's true, alright? I'll admit that these days I haven't had much time for it but when I was growing up around here, this place was practically my second home!"
"Oh, so you've brought many others here, I'll assume!" You teased, suddenly feeling more comfortable and consequently more confident.
"Don't! Don't assume that! Growing up I wasn't very successful with the ladies and after that changed I haven't come here often…"
"Ooh, so that means that I'm your first?" You mocked, putting your hand to your heart, "Wow, I'm truly touched now!"
"Yeah, sure, have your fun with me all you want! All I really care about is the fact that I finally managed to get you to go out with me, so I can only hope you'll enjoy yourself." Him saying that, while gazing so intently at you, was making you weak on your knees and got you blushing a bit as well. So you tried to get the attention off you.
"Okay! Then let's pick a movie and watch it already, 'cause tomorrow's probably not gonna be any shorter."
A couple of hours later you and Jay were walking down the street towards a Waffle House while chatting and laughing about the movie like two best friends, which felt really nice but also made you a little confused about the being a date of that date the two of you were on. But, after you both had cleaned your plates at the diner, Jay came onto your bench to clean the corner of your mouth with a napkin, and next thing you knew, you were kissing very passionately in public like a couple of teens, forgetting about the rest of the world altogether, which made you realized, once more, how dull and colorless your life was previous to that moment so you held on to it and you held on to the man behind it.
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nerdraging4point0 · 8 months
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Fluffy Head cannons
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I'm giving you guys a small preview of each of our beloved men. My inbox is open to either elaborate or add more to these head cannons. But here we are! Let's get to it!
This work below is fictionalized ideas and stories involving real people but does not directly reflect their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Please keep in mind this is a work of fiction, so enjoy it as such.
Taglist: @jay02bo @asilentsiren @kingdomof-omens @the-way-of-words @thebadchic @signs-of-ill-portent @thesazzb @synthetic-wasp-570 @tearfallpixie @witchyweeb34
Okay, so, let's start with how absolutely proud of you this man is. He is so into you, so enthralled by you that he wants to shout it from the rooftops. But social media will just have to do. He Posts about you every chance he gets, while he is home, while he is on tour.
Captions: "Miss you more than words could describe. Can't wait to be home." "Touring is something else, it's a wonderous way to experience the world. And I can conquer it all with you by my side."
When he is home from tour it's a chance for him to actually sit back and relax. We all know he doesn't do a lot of that, poor boy has so many projects in that beautiful brain of his and he wants nothing more than to get it all out. Always supportive of him, but sometimes you catch him in the office-close his laptop. Take him by the hands and bring him to the living room to watch some shit show, anything where he doesn't have to use any brain cells to think. Just lays there with you and relaxes.
Popcorn fights. Movie nights would turn into the both of you tossing popcorn back and forth on the couch seeing how many each of you could catch midair.
Have you seen those old school movies where the married couple is in bed reading their own perspective books, like their life is somehow put together. Yeah. It's like that. He would be there reading his current post-apocalyptic book he picked up because it was one that he hadn't read yet, getting to the point of the book where the character is starving and on deaths door; your next to him reading your dark romance book about a Fae king who kidnapped the main character and is now currently railing her in front of his entire court. It's all about balance people.
Vlogs are all about capturing you in ways that may annoy you. You slept in and he rose early, he'd grab his camera barging into the room as your waking up "Babe, give me an update." "I just woke up, Richard." Vlogs of the trips to the grocery store, puns and jokes in the vegetable isle, taping how you have to climb on the shelves to get what you want-because let's face it, neither of you are tall enough to reach the top shelf and asking for help is for pussies. There would be random takes of you eating at the dinner table, your eyes transfixed on the TV as you watched your favorite show, close ups of your face.
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justatalkingface · 10 months
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Let's Talk About the Toga Problem.
...You know, I wasn't going to do this, or least not for awhile yet, but the way everyone was talking the last couple of chapters (I lost interest after the Dabi debacle, so I had three of the Toga debacle to read!) was especially bad, so I checked and... yeah. It lived up to the hype.
And so here we are where, yet again, I find myself loading words with my pure frustration.
*claps hands*
So! Does this title sound similar to any of you? If it does, that's because it's basiclly the title of my Bakugou post, and that's for a good reason: beyond the extra special last minute writing we're witnessing (the fact her Quirk isn't working right is beyond stupid), Toga's overall problem is the same as Bakugou's, something I'm now calling 'Quantum Characterization', because I'm shit at naming things and I like this name the best thus far.
So, here's the thing with Toga: there's two versions of her, and they're both existing in the same place at the same time: one that is actually doing things in story, Toga A, the blood thirsting girl, and the one that people in story (and to some extent, out of it) react to, Toga B, the love starved girl.... who is effectively a shared mass hallucination.
The first Toga is her actual actions: the vicious, blood thirsty, actively insane serial killer. The main thing that motivates this Toga, the Toga that is actually acting in the 'real world' of MHA, is loyalty to her friends and literal blood lust. This Toga is one who, as I've mentioned before, says she 'loves' things, but actively doesn't understand her own motivations and drives, in part because her Quirk-based instincts are that strong, because she's basiclly a natural predator of humans, and in part because nobody ever dealt with them properly.
The thing is that Toga A thinks she loves all these things, attractive people, friends, blood, and so on, but it's not actually one emotion she's feeling, it's multiple. Some of it is normal attraction, some is lust, and a good deal of it is hunger, and somewhere in there there's a crush or two. The problem is that it's all so muddled in her head that she actively responds to the thought that, X is pretty/cute/or whatever else with hunger, even if that initiating thought wasn't actually about how tasty they would be, so, in her mind, 'love' is the urge to devour someone, for whatever reason.
Now, theoretically, this is something that could be managed, or dealt with, but Toga A isn't aware of this, at all, and thinks her 'love' is normal, and the fact that no one else ever acts similarly to her means they don't like her, while, at the same time, the fact that people negatively to being eaten means they don't like her, or think she's horrible... when in fact, they're reacting negatively to the eating part, since it's killing them. All of this is complicated by the fact that, as I said, she's basiclly a natural predator of humans, but lives as a human, with humans, and likes human, but has no idea how really actualize and deal with all these conflicting facts, or that she even should.
All of this shit, along with parents and a social environment that seemingly has no context for these predatory instincts (I'm not sure why she's so different in this respect, but I don't think there's anyone else in story as actively mentally influenced by their Quirks as Toga is, even if it's implied there's others) slowly festered in Toga for years and years, while she tried to act like everyone else, without any understanding of why she was different except the fact that she was failing at it, somehow, until she snapped and fell back on her instincts without any idea of how to properly manage them. In other words, she killed and ate someone. That, of course, fucked her life up and she went on the run, and then spiraled hard on the run until we get to now: a girl with a persecution complex, always blaming everyone else, actively deluded to how things work and what she's doing to herself and others.
Someone who is ultimately pitiable, but still an insane serial killer, for who much of her motivations go back to, 'I don't understand why no one likes it when I drink their blood'.
Here's the thing: Toga A's story is... actually pretty interesting? Also, with a quite a few similarities to Shigaraki, if for radically different reasons.
There's a lot of fucked up in it, honestly, but the thing is Toga A lives in Tokyo Ghoul, basiclly, while everyone else is in MHA, but she has no fellow ghouls to bond with, or to explain shit, but the fact that Tokyo Ghoul was so popular means that, if done well, Toga A's story could just be really fun to read! Here's the problem: while Toga A is the one acting in the story, people are reacting to Toga B.
Now, Toga B is the one most fans are familiar with: an abused girl who just wants to love people. She's attracted to a lot of people, generally on a shallow, surface level way more related to how attractive they are, but there's a handful she's more actively romantically attracted to, (Ochaka, Izuku, maybe Tsuyu). She craved blood, and didn't always handle it well, but a lot of her problems came from her parents who found that very desire monstrous, and basiclly never forgave her for being born. Eventually, she snapped, killed someone on accident, and had to go on the run where, over time, facing more oppression and harsh conditions, she became more comfortable killing people and feeding her desires the only way she knew how.
This... also could be interesting, but the timeline of it is a bit... lacking. That's because Toga B doesn't actually exist, beyond how people react to her, and so her history is in doubt in multiple areas.
There's only Toga A, a serial killer who hunts and kills people because they taste good... but for whatever reason (*cough, cough, Hori making villains simultaneously pure evil and pitable*) people talk to her like she doing completely different things. The fact that she's killed people, quite a few people in fact, is almost never brought up, because Toga B doesn't hunt people, only stalk them (which is still bad, don't get me wrong, but less bad than the hunting) and those rare times when someone we've seen her kill is brought up, it's brushed over as quickly as possible to go back to the narrative of the love starved girl, instead of the blood thirsting one.
Over time, the love starved girl, the one who is effectively a mass hallucination shared by a good deal of the cast, fell into actual romantic love with Izuku, then Ochaka. She formed a sort of... Romeo/Juliet style dynamic with Ochaka based on her attraction to her, and both of them connected with each other through their mutual love with Izuku, and to some extent, each other, (giving all of this dual love triangle and three way energy, all at the same time, and also sometimes Tsu is involved as well, as a sort of attachment to Ochaka) but this feeling could never be explored due to them being on either side of the hero/villain dynamic, cruelly torn apart before they could be together or even meet by the hands of fate and the indifference of the populace, until things came to a head now, as Toga was driven to the edge by the heroes and forced to finally embrace her inner villain, drawing out a heartfelt confession by Uraraka!
...
I mean... if you ignore what's actually happening, anyways. There was always a problem with this, obviously, but Toga B has so wildly diverged from Toga A that even people who didn't see a problem before are being forced to notice that, hey, something's weird, which itself is exacerbated by both the decline in writing quality and the general rushed to tone of the story overall.
Honestly, my little monologue about 'the love starved girl' is me doing some quite a bit a lot of extrapolating on what their relationship would be if it was actually done 'right', then it is the actual 'facts' we have in story, because until five minutes ago Uchaka wasn't actively... a part of it, at all, it was Toga just basiclly having a conversation with a version of Uraraka in her own head, while Uraraka was just trying to stop her from killing people. The thing is, now, Uraraka is suddenly being changed to also be living in this same story, which makes this whole situation even more awkward, because there was this whole phase of their 'relationship' that, even in the magical mass hallucination land they're all living in now, never happened, and so they're skipping a lot of steps on their relationship while acting like they didn't.
In a side note, in a society where All Might single handedly changed how Japan works, and could probably physically break it, the fact a single person can change the world isn't surprising, it's established fact, because, well, All Might, and also All For One, even if his history of doing just that is less well known. So that reporter in the helicopter might as well be talking about how this crazy stuff scientists have been talking about, rain, which even now is falling from the sky, is wet, and she sounds about as stupid right now as she would if she was saying that instead.
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urostakako · 6 months
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the act of western reporters/journalists/whatever hounding palestinians and people from other middle eastern countries about what they think an 'appropriate response' should be for the hamas attack is evil in and of itself. how can you demand this out of the people suffering? "an organization not representative of your people launched an attack on your oppressors, who in return amplified their acts of genocide (but we won't call it that) by a hundred. all of you call this inhumane, but can you tell us why this response was justified?" they don't expect a reasonable answer to a "reasonable question." the question they want to ask is "all of your people deserve to die. tell me why you agree." and when the responders start explaining the history to give context behind their answer, that is deemed irrelevant because that's not the answer anyone wants to hear. what people want to hear is "agree with me that you deserve to die like animals, and your deaths are humane."
but in a world where the question really is "what should an appropriate response be?" why don't you ask yourself the same question. for 75+ years thousands and thousands and thousands of palestinians have died. over 5000 palestinians are kept in israeli prisons, over a hundred of them children. israeli settlers and idf have raped palestinian women, beat the elderly, torched neighborhoods, killed children in cold blood, forced them out of their homes, stuck 2 million people in a concentration camp not big enough to even remotely call it a place to live, routinely starved and dehydrated them, denied them medical supplies and access to hospitals, bombed their hospitals, raided their places of worship, and all of this was BEFORE the hamas attack, so what is the proportionate response to this? what is the proportionate response to this genocide? if its not a genocide, what is it? justified? are none of these massacres or worthy of condemnation? is the hamas attack "proportional" to the murder and displacement of thousands upon thousands of palestinians?
why is your focus entirely on proportionality? why are you obsessed with an eye for an eye? i kill four of your people, so you kill eight of mine? if you are not willing to entertain that maybe the hamas attack was a long time coming, and maybe even justified, why are you then obsessed with dishing back what was served to you? is it something to be proud of that if group 1 rapes one of group 2's people, then group 2 must do the same? does that make sense? and i'm not saying non-violence is always the answer, but if you choose to push this narrative that every violence enacted against palestinians over the past 75 years was entirely justified, NORMAL even, then why are you obsessed with exactly how much violence by israel should be enacted again? how does that not go against your own shoddy principles?
and even if these assholes aren't privy to all the flaws in their questioning, shouldn't there be some sort of human decency in not asking the very people suffering genocide why their deaths are deserved and well-meant in the course of history? how can anyone call themself a journalist or a reporter in good faith when this is the kind of shit that you pull. it isn't just the settlers or the idf or the news outlets or the people who do jackshit who have blood on their hands, it is these people as well who force the sufferers to document their suffering and act like they are the morally righteous ones. and it's pure evil that makes it seem like an option to you to play the strings of palestinians' emotions for your sick sense of superiority
anyway. there is no such thing as a proportionate response if you're not going to acknowledge who is the aggressor here. and the truth never stays hidden. whether in an hour, a day, a month, a year, a decade, a century, a millenium, the truth will always come out and everyone who participated and everyone who did nothing will have to answer for the blood on their hands inevitably and undoubtably. as long as there is such a thing as the truth and as long as there are such things as lies, no one will ever forget what you people did to the people of palestine. no one will forget how you murdered and how you stood by and let it happen.
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quinloki · 4 months
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"I didn't say or speak on anything about Gaza for weeks because I knew Nothing, and didn't want to assume anything. It took me a long time to form a stance and then take action based on that. It's a complicated issue. (that had been going on for WAY longer than I even realized.)"
So..... what stances did you come to? Regarding Israel? Regarding Palestinians?
I almost don’t want to answer this because I feel like there’s no good answer, but I’ll be as concise as I can and honest.
Israel is a shit government, but a terrible government does not mean its citizens are all evil. Israeli people deserve life and happiness.
Hamas is a terrorist organization. The why and how of how it came to be and why it does what it does is irrelevant.
The existence of Hamas is no excuse to vilify and murder Palestinians.
I don’t care for Hamas or the Israeli government, but my life is not on the line, my family, freedom, and well-being are not jeopardized. My opinion on either does not matter.
What matters is that people like me, ordinary humans trying desperately to have ordinary lives, are irrevocably changed by both organizations. Those people deserve support, food, safety, shelter, and protection.
Palestine deserves to be free.
Israelis deserve humanity and life.
We are seven billion people doing our best to survive in a world controlled by people who are heavy with anger and greed and fear. Fear that always consumes the most innocent among us.
If I thought donating to the Red Cross would provide one person succor I would do it without hesitation or remorse. It doesn’t matter who is soothed by it. I’m not wise enough, courageous enough or powerful enough to make those choices.
I have struggled against myself and my own country to survive for 42 years. Sometimes I have to look away to maintain peace enough to even be able to help.
If that makes me a monster in the eyes of some, there’s nothing I can do about that. We’re all out here doing our best. There is no morally pure choice, person, or ideal, because absolutes and purity are impossible concepts in a real world.
I donate where I can. I do the best I can. I’m sure I’ve donated to questionable places before. Inefficient help is better than no help, if I thought I was sending a feast and someone only got a sandwich then I imagine that is better than starving.
I hope this resolves and Palestine does not become a memory as other countries have. I hope that Israeli citizens don’t have to live in fear for their lives as people retaliate against a government they can’t control.
I hope we never have to wonder what country will be the next target for annihilation as the cost of some power hungry, fear soaked troglodyte’s ambition.
That, is the best I have to offer.
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observeowl · 11 months
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Right By Your Side | Chapter 2 - I'll See You Later
Summary: In the world where wearing glasses makes you a different person. You were forced to swallow a pill that turned you into seven years old. Now, you're living with your crush in a small form, what would you do? Who were the ones who brought this to you? And, can you change back?
Chapter summary: Separating from Natasha to investigate a suspicious activity, you found yourself in a precarious situation
Series Masterlist
I was slightly scared about the roller coaster, but nothing I couldn't take, it's just like jumping off a building right? The intense beating of my heart was increasing as the roller coaster slowly crept its way to the peak before dropping us down.
I looked at Nat as I felt her hands on mine. My mind momentarily forgets that we were on a roller coaster but the next moment the roller coaster dived and I squeezed her hands by reflex.
"I would think you are okay with roller coasters when you're the one who brought me here." Natasha said as she helped me out of the seat.
"I am! I'm fine! I just lost some strength." I said as I tripped on my own foot, disproving my point there.
"Right... some strength." Nat reached out her hand and I took it, pulling me up to my feet. I dusted myself off before finding another ride to join the queue.
I didn't buy the fast pass because I wanted to spend time talking with her. There isn't always a chance to be speaking to her without any distraction, excuses that she has work to do, mission or other agent needing her help. She's just too popular, everyone wants a piece of her.
We continued on for a couple more rides until it was dark. It was just unfortunate that the first ride we took knocked it out of me because I was fine the rest of the day.
"We should probably head out, the theme park is closing." Natasha suggested after getting out from the last ride.
"Yeah okay, I'm starving." The sun had already gone down and there were only a handful of people walking around or headed towards the exit. I pressed my lips together trying to suppress a smile on my face. I had actually managed to spend time with Nat without any disturbance.
"Should we head back to the compound first?" Nat asked as she took out the keys to her car. However, I was looking at something else that caught my attention. "Hey Y/N, what are you looking at?" She looked at the direction I was facing but found nothing.
"Huh? Nothing much. Why don't you head back to the compound first? I'll see you later!" I ran off without giving her a chance to stop me. Well, she was on the other side of her car.
"Hey! How are you going to get back?" I heard her shout.
"Don't worry, I can manage!" I replied. Waving my hand at Nat and  running across the road.
What I saw was someone dragging a man into an alley. I couldn't tell if they were friends or in trouble. It could be big, it could be small but I didn't want to make a fool out of myself when it turns out to be nothing.
My hands went to my back where my gun would be placed, except it wasn't there. I remembered taking it before coming because we were supposed to be spending a relaxing time and they wouldn't allow loose items on rides.
"Shit." I mumbled under my breath. I should have taken a gun from Nat's car.
I crept quietly, making sure not to step on pieces of glass and rubbish on the floor. I tried to find traces of the duo, which wasn't hard as it was the only sound coming from the alley. I rounded the corner to see a tall long silver hair man pulling out a gun from his jacket and pulling the trigger on the defenseless man. Blood splattered out and before I could react, I was knocked out from the back of my head.
My eyes threatened to close as I laid on the floor. I didn't see his partner sneaking up behind me.
"Gin, what are we supposed to do? She saw us!" The guy was slightly shorter than the silver haired man said.
"Vodka, relax. The organisation just gave us a new drug, this is the perfect time to test them." He calmly took out a silver container from his pocket to reveal a red and white pill. "This is supposed to kill him and the autopsy result won't show anything."
He turned me around so I was facing him. I tried to resist but my limbs have no strength. I could only watch as they placed the pill in my mouth before pouring water and closing my mouth shut, forcing me to swallow the pill.
"Let's go, they should be found in the morning." Gin ordered Vodka to get away.
Second POV Natasha had been waiting in the compound for hours but you were still not back. While having dinner with the team, her mind was elsewhere. It was not like you  to not report where you were if you were running late. She was getting more worried as the time passed, no longer having the appetite to eat as she pushed the food around.
"I'm sure she's okay Nat." Steve spoke up, not liking to see his friend feeling down.
"I can't sit here and do nothing. I'm going to find her." Nat stood up and took her jacket before running off.
While driving, she tried to call your phone but you weren't answering. The first place she went was where you left her. She went in the direction she saw you running, going into the alley, making left and right turns before stumbling upon the dead body.
Immediately she rushed towards the corpse and saw the state of it, a bullet hole straight through the middle of the head. Initially, Nat thought it was because you killed a man so you went into hiding, but she clearly remembered seeing you keep your gun in your room.
She called the cops anonymously before going back to find clues about you again. She was almost certain the crime scene was what caused you to disappear. She searched high and low in the vicinity for any clues before the police arrived but she was unable to find anything other than your phone on the ground. She decided to take it with her because she didn't want you to be one of the suspects. But without your phone it would be harder to track you.
Feeling like she hit a dead end, she tried to find your friend. No one else knows about him other than Natasha. Just like how only you knew about Natasha's sister, Yelena.
She went back to her car and made her way to your friend's house. You didn't have many friends because you were busy with your work and it's hard to decipher one's intention of making friends when you're Avenger. You never know if they were taking advantage of you or planning to hurt you.
He however, has been by your side for as long as you can remember. He was your father's friend.
Series Masterlist
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outpost51 · 4 months
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Ayyyy playlist tag game!!!! Gimme a couple songs from #16 and #57 plz <3
~@tabswrites
ask me about my playlists
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the stars we wander, the hands we're dealt is uhhhh the second? i think the second castis/avitus mix i've made for @thetrashbagswasteland, who is entirely to blame for this ship even existing. different than the first, this is aimed less at the hatefucking and more at the sad old men they've become, settled into something like domesticity, or as close to it as avitus can manage. neither particularly wants to admit (to themselves or anyone else) what they are, fearful that saying it out loud might make it real, might mean something more than "roommates out of necessity, benefits out of convenience." it means avitus having to confront that people might actually care if he dies, and that maybe... just maybe, he doesn't want to die in a blaze of glory. that maybe he might want to ride this thing out, see where it goes. that retiring from living hard and fast, that learning to be a person again and not just a tool or a weapon, that holding still might not be so bad after all. oops i. made myself emotional--
anyway here's some of my faves on this playlist (it's actually one of my favorites i've ever made):
the cattle by zach palmer [youtube]
longshot by catfish and the bottlemen [youtube]
bugfood by alissic [youtube]
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the boy who cried wolf is actually the playlist for act i of stellar parallax! the songs are supposed to follow along with the chapters!
here's my faves and the passages they go with:
brutus by the buttress [youtube]
Jane knocked the wind from his lungs before he could draw another breath. Her eyes weren’t cold anymore. She fought like a hellcat. Like her life was on the line. How hard had it really been planetside? I have been starving and squatting in an abandoned building for the past three years.
Her fist connected with his jaw and the world went fuzzy. The ground defied gravity, rising to meet him with gusto. His shoulder screamed where it connected with the thin mat. John’s grin was lopsided as he wiped the blood from his mouth. He pitied the pirate that ever ended up in her sights. “Shit, Jane,” he chuffed. “You’re good.”
Jane didn’t return his smile. “No, John.” She spat his name over her shoulder like a curse. “I’m just better.”
where is my mind by safari riot (cover of the pixies) [youtube]
Jane was floating. 
Stiff-backed. Limbs dangling uselessly beside and below her like some invisible force had yanked her right off the ground by a string tied to her ribcage. Jaw wrenched open in a silent scream. And her eyes—
Rolled all the way back, as if whatever that beacon was wanted her to see what it was doing to her brain, forced her to see it. 
John lunged for her, but thick, armored arms wrapped around his trunk, the same ones that pushed him away from Jenkins. That let Arterius doom the poor kid’s family to a closed-casket funeral. We can’t risk it, Nihlus had said. Do you want him to become one of those things? Do you think you could put him down?  
But this time the Brawler was pointed at Jane, and Jane was still alive, she just needed help, she needed someone to knock her loose with a stick like the manuals all said to do with a person being electrocuted. John struggled harder against Nihlus, kicked, punched, spat, cursed — then went still as Jane’s head turned all the way around to face them. 
And shrieked. Not the scream he expected either, no, what came out of his sister was hundreds, thousands of voices screaming, sobbing, begging, praying all at once. Its volume grew and morphed into a bellow that seized hold of his mind and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed —
Jane dropped to the ground like a ragdoll, and he jolted awake in the Normandy’s medbay. 
into dust by mazzy star [youtube]
Saren had offered to help. There were two shovels, after all, and they were both biotic.
Jane grabbed one, then shut the shed. “I need to do this,” she muttered, and started digging.
Dark clouds rolled across the sky.
Once she’d broken through the grass, it wasn’t so bad; the ground was soft and the work was repetitive and Eden Prime was quiet, so quiet now that most of its population was gone.
“It’s going to rain,” Saren said, shortly before the first drop landed on Jane’s nose.
“The porch is covered,” she told him, and kept digging.
All at once, the sky opened up. Somewhere in the downpour, she could hear Saren swearing, dragging the cloth-wrapped body onto the covered porch. Jane took a deep breath.
Focused on digging.
Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.
She’d barely made progress before the first aches settled into her shoulders and back. It was 2183. She didn’t have to do this. Holes could be dug with machines, with lasers, with bots.
Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.
Machines, lasers, and bots had certainly made the body that would fill this one.
Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.
But so had her own negligence. All the bodies littering Eden Prime weighed down her shoulders, adding to the pain spreading down her arms and legs.
Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Thud. Exhale.
She didn’t have to do this, but she needed to.
The corporal didn't have any family left that would bury him. There wouldn't be a wake, a funeral, an awkward standing-around of relatives who could barely stand each other, picking at the potluck fare for however long seemed appropriate so their departure wouldn't look like an escape. He had no cousins, no uncles, no brothers, no father to carry his expensive wooden box to the hole a machine had dug. He had no friends left. Sandra couldn’t dig him a hole — didn’t need to, not after what she’d seen. John and Kaidan were several systems away.
Maybe you’ve got Anderson and your parents and the Smiths and the Harrises, some smaller, more vicious thing spat in her memory, but all I’m stuck with is you.
Jenkins just had Jane, pulling his dead weight over her back to transport him from the porch to his final resting place. The storm raged on, softened the ground even more. It sucked her into the muck with every step and caked onto her armor up to her knees. She lost her boots somewhere along the way.
Maybe she should have left Powell alive.
Saren had offered to help.
Maybe she should have accepted it.
I’m sorry , she’d mouthed seconds before machines dug a hole straight through the corporal. He might have accepted it, had he still been around to. She wouldn't forgive herself, though, even after all this.
It didn’t feel right to just dump him in, and the ground seemed to agree, crumbling beneath her feet and dumping her into the hole instead. There was a metaphor in there somewhere: lying in a grave she’d dug with her own hands, beneath the soldier who’d be alive if not for her.
She belonged there.
“We have work to do, Jane,” Saren reminded her.
He was right. Jane struggled out from under the corporal’s corpse, arranged him like a funeral home might, and made her ungraceful exit from the grave. She was more mud than Marine at that point, but there was work to do. She picked up her shovel.
Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Plap. Exhale.
She could mourn this man she’d barely known later, after she’d hunted down the bastard who sent his machines to Eden Prime.
Thunk. Swish. Inhale. Swish. Plap. Exhale.
Burying Jenkins was harder than digging the hole; it took seven attempts to convince herself that it was okay to throw dirt on his face — she was returning him to his mother, that was the reason that finally stuck. She was returning him to his mother, and he would help her garden grow.
When she was done, Saren sprayed her down with the half-rotted hosepipe he’d found coiled against the side of the prefab. It didn’t matter if she was wet, he told her, it was raining anyway. Water would dry. The blood on her hands wouldn’t, but the water would.
That was okay, too, he told her, albeit in much prettier words. He and his ship were both stained far deeper than anyone ever should be.
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koreposion · 1 year
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Horror is so gender in a morally complex way because the truth of the matter is that I hate fics that are like "The rest of the AUs hate Horror and Sugar" because that simply wouldn't be true
Red would understand Horror's need to make sure everyone stays alive as long as they can because him and his brother are victims of circumstance. Blue wouldn't fault either of them because he knows that protecting the monsters of the underground would be his priority and Horror had taken that role for himself because their leader is unjust. Sans would see the reasons why the monsters of the underground turned to eating humans and wouldn't think that they're terrible because of it. Because he himself made that choice because Horrortale is just a different timeline where the underground starves and monsters start to die, because their supposed savoir left then to rot.
People villainize Horror because he's antagonistic but that doesn't mean he's evil or wrong. If the choice was DIE or LIVE you think that someone who cares so much for their fellow people would let them die when they have a chance to live? The fact that they take lives is horrible, but it's a truth of their world and not once has Horror shunned away from how terrible it is.
Because if they could eat other monster's bodies they would because someone giving themselves up is better than taking a life yourself. Survival movies go into the moral dilemma all the time! "Should we just kill our fellows to eat, or do we eat them once they've gone." And if they aren't shit human beings they tend to just wait. Because someone will die, and that is just a sad sad truth.
When people write fics and go "Horror is bad because his AU is bad. And he's a blood thirsty monster who kills humans." That's just wrong because canonically he hasn't even TASTED human because he can't stand the thought of doing so but he lets everyone else eat so they starve less.
This fandom gets on my fuckin nerves because it's full of people who want to write a character with a savior complex. Reader fics are dredge most of the time because the reader forgives Horror or some dumb shit like that. Your forgiveness changes nothing, they made their choices to survive! You are not a better person for forgiving them of wrongs they had the right to commit because of circumstance. You are not a better person for not fearing them because they came from a bad place. You're just an idiot who has never known the hardship of STARVING yourself so others can eat because it has never been your reality. It's frustrating and unbearable to read sometimes.
So anyways don't take what I said in this post too seriously I just have a passion for a character I think is widely mischaracterized because people lack of understanding of hardships. You can make Horror whatever you want if that makes you happy, I'll also make Horror whatever makes me happy.
I'm not here to fight on the internet just make a statement about something that bothers me and something I love.
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comfy-sofa · 1 year
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Ok Episode 8 thoughts
I don't know about y'all but I feel like this episode didn't give us a lot but here's my thoughts anyway
Looks like they're not going with the TriMax personality when it comes to knives and vash, which sucks. But I'm hoping this is just a teaser and we'll see more of playful/emotional moments when it comes to knives
However, seeing young vash being all cheery and excited in the birthday scene was really cute ngl. Also seeing knives have a trickster side to him is actually really nice to see
Ok I understand the remake is taking a more sci-fi route but I do miss the older aesthetic of the anime/manga it makes them feel more like regular people y'know?
ALSO vash not being able to create anything with his abilities but knives can is definitely a set up for them learning that vash is actually stronger than knives when he activates his "gate" 100% calling it now
The scene with vash running away from the dead crewmembers was pretty cool
BRAD AND LUIDA - not gonna front I miss Brad's pompadour but I still like him nonetheless (please let him live PLEASE)
Ok being able to see the plant lines in vash's eyes will always be the coolest art choice they made. Tbh this could be the reason he has his glasses on 24/7, which is actually kinda cool
Well we now know where vash gets his starving habit from....
MORE PLANT INTERACTIONS
Wait too many plant interactions because HIS HAIR HIS H A I R IS FUCKING D A R K STOPPP
God look at this cute scrawny weasel with his new coat! He's in his awkward tween phase but he's still babygirl
BRAD BE FUCKING N I C E (he apologized kinda, so it's ok)
I'm honestly nervous about how they're gonna do knives' backstory I hope they still do Tessla ( or something similar ) and give knives a legitimate reason for his hatred. Please orange give these characters some more development/depth I'm begging.
Also as a bit of a side point, the whole 12/13 episode formula that animes are adopting nowadays honestly sucks I get it's all marketing and shit but I would love for some more world and character development. I'm convinced at this point that this is supposed to be a setup for whatever story they have for season 2. Either way we'll have to see what they do to knives next Saturday
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TW, eating disorder, drugs
Like, yeah i get that William probably has the appetite of a fish and the self-preservation of a child, so obviously he isn’t overly healthy, which makes the ova (where he is shown as pretty muscular) hard to believe. 
But on the other hand, he has literally beheaded a man with his tiny-ass rapier, flown onto the top of that one building and beat up a shit-ton of mobsters when he was kidnapped. I would not be surprised if he had some parkour abilities and boxing training (as he sometimes does in fanfic); and he was trained and half-raised by Jack of all people, he must have been forced to make a habit of training and keeping his health is shape. 
Louis and Albert would very obviously be conscious of his eating habits and make sure he eats all the things he needs. Louis probably also watches Albert’s alcohol intake; and the two older brothers probably check to make sure Louis isn’t overdoing it as the caretaker. 
So we need to find the middle ground. I personally do believe that one headcannon that he would value food as a substance indiscriminately, because of his childhood. It’s also probable that he has an eating disorder, perhaps bulimia, which is characterised by binge-eating and then starving oneself as a form of punishment. It’s not a very far stretch to think that Liam is constantly at war knowing he has to eat, that food has a value he cannot let go to waste; but that same value is why he doesn’t deserve it. He eats because he knows he needs to but later finds guilt in knowing he did. 
Sherlock could almost be said to be similar. Personally, i think he fits the OSFED category (Other specified feeding or eating disorders). He understands that he needs to eat but constantly forgets, substitutes food for substances and didn’t have many to check on him constantly for health. He lived basically alone, prefers not to interact with Mycroft and no offence to miss Hudson but she doesn’t seem like she’d care to much to pry into those matters. Once John entered the picture, he began the process of rehab from drugs and eating disorders. 
Living together in New York may become more difficult for them if these headcannons have any truth to them. Sure, they can help each other overcome certain obstacles; but identifying and treating certain aspects may be difficult when they appear to be “normal” to the others lifestyle. The world it’s set in does seem much more progressive than the actual historical period, so therapy and psychology may be more advanced in the Manga. 
I write this as a person who has done research, not someone who has had a disorder. I would like to hear other’s thoughts and perspectives on the idea’s presented here. 
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v-anrouge · 1 year
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exposing myself on the internet for a character assignment go brrrrr
also: *sweats in aroace*
Okay so I possess a distinct lack of hobbies because ✨ mental illness ✨ and also I am a total hikkineet. I do however, have less active hobbies like drawing, painting, reading/writing. I do enjoy rewatching Musicals from my childhood whenever I’m feeling down or generally empty. Some faves would be “The Sound Of Music”, “Mary Poppins” and “Anastasia”. Ya boi likes singing along with em even though I am terrible at it hehe ❤️
God okay. My personality. Uhh. I have a lot of feelings (and cry a lot) and I am extremely affection starved so show me positive attention and compliment me and I am fucking worshipping the ground you walk on so.. affectionate? I guess. Also Kind of quiet. I’m in my head a lot, and I have anxiety about voicing my opinion and thoughts to people. Especially irl. I’ll usually just remain silent or provide a few comments but otherwise mainly a listener. But if it’s a special interest and I can see that you are actively listening to me instead of waiting for me to stop talking I’ll turn into a walking Encyclopedia about Said thing. I do love physical affection but only when I am in the mood for it lol.
Giving love language is acts of service and gift giving (flashbacks to the time I offered to buy you something even though we barely knew each other). Receiving love language is words of affirmation probably idk i have 3 irl Friends outside of Family so my experience on the matter is limited.
Also people who are audibly/visibly angry will set off my fight/flight/freeze response and I will physically distance myself from them due to discomfort/fear. I’d also definitely go non-verbal as a result. This would be a time where touching me could result in a panic attack/me just crying lmao
Okay bare with me here because I have never actively considered my type so I’m only really thinking about it now
Type wise, perhaps someone kind but firm, I’d say? I lack a lot of motivation, self-discipline and self-respect, so a partner who is gentle, accomodating and understanding of my situation but isn’t afraid to call bullshit when they see it would definitely be preferable. Also direct communication because I CANNOT read between the lines. And.. someone who would go places with me. Not even for like the cute coupley things like Dates and Shopping or whatever (though that would be great too) but literally as a Support Person for stressful situations like dentists, doctors and other such appointments. Lord knows I need it because I stutter so badly when talking to strangers irl and stare straight at the ground and go silent when I inevitably become embarrassed at my lack of social skills💀 I don’t really have a strong preference for any hobbies a partner might have, but it would be cool to watch musicals together. And dress up and stuff. Maybe even cosplay. Idk just Indulging in each others hobbies would be fun. Also I struggle with like, mobile(?) communication and find it difficult to take the initiative to start text convos or call people, so they’d need to take the lead on that otherwise I may accidentally end up ghosting them. Not maliciously, but as I said, ya boy is stuck in his own little world a lot.
Also my favourite colour is green! HEX Code : #9AEEC8 (this probably wasn’t necessary but teehee)
And if a partner can’t handle spice I will constantly give them shit for it but in an affectionate way ❤️
(THIS WAS SO LONG IM SO SORRY IDK HOW TO SHUT UP WHEN PPL GIVE ME ATTENTION 😭)
THIS IS PERFECT ACTUALLY U GAVE A LOT OF DETAILS VERY IMPORTANT DETAILS AND THAT MAKES RHE JOB WAY EASIER!!
I match you with...
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ROOK HUNT let me start this off by saying that this can be taken in both a platonic or romantic way and that in either way u and rook are like made for eachother im serious like u two are fucking inseparable, rook absolutely adores everything about you, you two have A LOT in common and he LIVES for it, rook and you can constantly be found almost sobbing over eachother and how much you mean to eachother, you two are so close people consider u both goals (couple or friendship it's up to u). rook is absolutely sure you two are soulmates he has never felt so connected to someone like he feels connected to you
rook loves spending time with you he adores talking to you even if to other ppl it might seem like he's being ignored rook knows he isn't he knows that you are listening intently to him and he loves it, most people hate it when he starts talking to them since he talks A LOT but you? you don't mind it! you stay there and listen to him ramble and sometimes even join him! rook always feel so warm when he manages to make you feel safe enough to ramble and infodump him and he'll be very happy if you allow him to do the same in exchange you two have a lot of interests in common and love talking about them to ppl that actually care so this normally ends w u both talking for hours non-stop and not even noticing as time goes by (not u two talking about vil for 5 hours straight)
rook absolutely adores your works, wether it's a drawing, a painting or a piece u wrote he'll love to see it, he could spend hours talking about your works seriously it became one of his special interests his ur number 1 fan now he'll always hype you up and even do some of them with you (like painting and reading together etc)
rook swears he can feel his heart exploding in his heart when u give him a gift this man won't stop smiling as he goes on and on about how much he absolutely adores you and how much he loves the gift and how he's so honored and happy to receive something like that and there's literal tears on his eyes as he does so, rook feels so happy when you offer to help him too, it means he gets more time to spend with you! and rook loves spending time with you<3
if you like words of affirmation than rook is the man for you, this man constantly writes poems about you and the special connection you two share and even though he has written multiple of them somehow they never ever look the same it's always so fresh as if it was his first time writing something like that, it also never fails to make you smile rook is very observant so he'll def know what makes you smile and he WILL be making a LOT of use of his privileged knowledge
rook knows how you get when someone is mad and being loud about it so whenever rook feels an situation escalating he'll immediately take you away from it and make sure you're okay, if rook ever happens to arrive to late he'll do his best to help you calm down, rook is super patient and even if you go non-verbal rook somehow still always know what to say and what to do, if you like company in times like these rook will not leave your side, he'll constantly be making sure you're feeling alright and comfortable and paying attention to your body language if you can't speak
rook will always encourage you to try new things at the same time he'll immediately take you out of any situations that make you extremely uncomfortable, for rook it isn't easy to trust people, however he trusts you, and he wants you to trust him back so he wants to be there for you, to show you he will always be by your side to support you and he wishes that you feel the same towards him
if you want to talk to someone or ask for anything but you're too nervous because they're a stranger rook will offer himself to do it for you, he has no problems doing that for you, rook would never shame anyone for not having good social skills because rook himself used to be very shy as a kid and he understands how hard it can be to talk to strangers
rook LOVES to watch and re-watch musicals with you! it's one of his favorite things to do, rook feels so happy when he's watching a musical you two like by your side he truly wishes that moments like these lasted forever, because there is no place rook would rather be than by your side
other possibilities: vil ( u two are like made for eachother seriously as i read ur info i was like omfg it makes sense why you love vil so much) lilia, cater & malleus
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captawesomesauce · 1 year
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Proust Questionnaire
I was tagged by @somethingwendythiswaycomes. Thanks!!!
-- What is your idea of perfect happiness?
I guess I'm lucky to state that I've had it many times in my life. The moments when Mystic (The AwesomeCat) would lay down in my arms or across my chest, or when he'd fall asleep in my lap. The quiet times I get to spend with W, like when we went to the beach for her birthday, or when she is laying next to me and we're both reading.
I'm really an easy man to please... I like to laugh, I like good music, I like to read, and I love it when those I love are in my arms and beside me. Give me a big mug of ice water and I'm good to go!
-- Which historical figure do you most identify with?
I don't think there are any. I wouldn't even know where to begin ... I don't think I ever really see myself in anyone, but I know I am an amalgamation of so many that I have learned about, learned from, and those who have left a mark on me, both good and bad.
-- Which living person do you most admire?
I feel so let down by so many... those I respected that turned out to be just awful fucking humans, so filled with hate... I just don't have an answer for this.
There are those who I served with who rank highly in my mind, those who I fought fires with and responded to disasters with, those who do so much good in the world... and yet... to name one that I most admire... from cartographers to authors... I have a lot of people I think of.. but I really can't name one.
-- What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My inability to understand my physical condition and limits. I still think I can do anything and everything and my body is like NOPE... but I don't have my head in reality yet... and it gets me in a lot of trouble when I push it.
-- What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of critical thinking and people who are full of hate.
-- What is your greatest extravagance?
Ask W, I'm not really one to spend money on stuff. The only thing I do NOT skimp on is food! Eat well and live happy is one of my strongest beliefs.
Do not starve yourself, do not eat crappy tasting shit, do not torture yourself with carboard and licking wallpaper!
My rule is simple... all bills are paid, a nice chunk goes into savings, and the biggest expense is good food.
But unfortunately, that's "within reason" ... It's been a very long time since I bought crab legs, or oysters on the half shell. Even a good steak has become less and less since COVID made prices skyrocket. But flank steak is now 8 bucks a pound and a good strip is 10 so we got some :)
-- What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Sentimentality is the first thing that comes to mind... and I'm a very sentimental person when it comes to things I own and experienced.
But the truth is, so many people use it as an excuse to not try new things, explore new places, or even just appreciate the joy that is the here and now.
People use it all the time as a cover for being afraid of change, and that's bullshit.
-- On what occasion do you lie?
I used to tell Mystic that he was the smartest cat... he was an orange tabby... you can figure that one out.
-- What is your greatest regret?
Not graduating from LMU...
--When and where are you happiest?
In a lazyboy, at night, with a big thing of water, some sunflower seeds, a good book, and a cat asleep on my lap.
-- What do you consider your greatest achievement?
The next one.
Sounds flippant doesn't it? For all I have achieved, for all that I have done, for all that I have experienced in my life... that was yesterday. Tomorrow is the intimidating thing.
I'll take a recent example for you - I remember looking at all of the emergency management training certifications.. AEM, CEMS, APS, PDS, NEMBA..... and going... NOPE... I'd never be able to take those classes, and I'd never pass if I did. There's too many, they're really difficult to get into, they're even harder to pass.
I now have 3 of the 5 and I only have one more class to get the NEMBA.
But those things are over... yes they were hard, yes they took so much out of me, yes I'm proud of them but...
It's one of those things where things I don't have seem so freaking incredible and amazing and difficult... but once I get them, it loses that AWE'ness... and I'm always chasing that for some reason.
Now if you ask me what am I most proud of - that's different.
I'm most proud of W... I somehow figured out the right combo of words and actions to get us to where we are today. I'm proud of our relationship, I'm proud of our life together, and more than anything, I'm proud of who she has become. Her work, her brand, her growth has been phenomenal... and so has her healing from both familial issues and the crap she went through in academia.
-- If you could choose to come back as something, what would it be?  
I dunno... a capybara maybe?
What is your most treasured possession?
Probably half and half between my camera and my books.
-- Where would you like to live?
Orange County or San Diego by the beach. In a single family home with a backyard and a nice garage. I want the nice weather, the nice access to all the things to see and do, the solitude of no noisy people above me or sharing a wall with me, and just all the things that make me happy.
-- What is your favorite occupation?
The space i'm in right now... pretty fond of occupying it to be honest! Next to me is pretty amazing too.
But job wise... I've always had a belief that work pays you to live life. You work to afford the things that matter... work doesn't. Work is a means to more! my I've had a lot of jobs... As a teen I helped my father now and then with his electrical contracting business... which meant that more often than not I was just a delivery driver or working in the warehouse. I also helped my mothers boyfriend who was a P.I which meant I would often plant listening devices, deliver hidden cameras, and even just sit on a curb with a hidden camera cause no one would think twice about some kid just sitting there for hours reading a book.
I did a lot of different things in the Marines... mostly with electronics and communications... I was a police and fire dispatcher... I was a firefighter and EMT for a long time... wildland, urban, even fire boats!
I have done emergency management, disaster response, and even humanitarian aid missions around the globe.
I worked for a newspaper for a little bit... I was an incident and arson photographer for the department....
I worked in the Career Counseling office at UCLA.....
I know I'm forgetting a lot... but I always worked... I always put in at least 56 to 96 hours a week, on top of going to school.
OH! I just remember another one, I handled police officer involved shooting investigations for a law firm.
But honestly, I don't think I ever had an occupation that was a favorite... if I had to pick just one... it'd be cartographer. Making maps makes me happy in a way no other job ever did, enough that I'm willing to keep doing it in my free time.
-- What is your most marked characteristic?
2 things - Mike Jokes and Mikepedia. People know me for my really really bad jokes, some people call them awful, some people call them terrible.... some people will warn you to beware of when I go "full on Mike!" I go through laugh smiling, happy, and laughing.... everything strikes me as funny.... even at the worst of times. But when you saw the things I did, did the things I have done... you don't survive without being a bit bent. Other drink, do drugs, go dark... I went light... I went with bad dad jokes.
Mikepedia is a special thing, or as W calls me, her personal F1 key (for those that don't know, if you press F1 on your keyboard, the help info appears!)
The #1 thing I hear pretty much every day from people is "How the fuck do you know that????" I know - a lot - about a lot. I started my educational endeavors as a BioChem major with a CompSci minor. I have papers that have fancy titles on them that say Earth Science, Meteorology, Geography.... I study fire, environmental science, urban planning and housing, geomorphology, disasterology, geology, and oceanography to name a few....
On top of that, I read... I read a lot... I read about history, and politics, and war, and recovery - recovery from war and disaster. I read about mysteries, and spies, and this and that, and more stuff!
I follow historians and news journalists and war correspondents and OSINT and this and that's on twitter and elsewhere so I get a good understanding of what is happening here and abroad.
And I still keep my feet solidly in the compsci/tech world, learning new languages, programs, technologies, and skills.
So yeah... between what I've done and what I've learned... it's a wide gamut of information to draw from.
--- What do you most value in your friends?
Honesty, a good sense of humor, being a good person, good critical thinking skills, not being judgmental, and actually giving a shit about people and friendships.
--- Who are your favorite writers?
First and foremost is Douglas Adams... his ability to make me laugh is 2nd to none. I don't even care about the plots or the stories... just the way he wrote was incredible and I'm so glad I got to read his books when I needed them the most!
Second would be Gerry Carroll. His death was a great loss to the military fiction genre. His books were so good I have them in hardcover, paperback, and ebook because I read them so much!
And a special mention to a guy of many names: Nicholas Cain. He wrote under the names of Nik Uhernik, Jack Hawkins, and Robert Baxter to name a few... but all of his books were some of my absolute favorites. From his Chopper 1 series to Saigon commandos, they're just my #1 non-guilty pleasure when it comes to reading.
--- Who are your heroes in real life?
At this point, I'm so tired of what I see in the world... it's anyone who has a good heart and isn't a fucking moron.
--- How would you like to die?
In my sleep, 10 decades after my 100th birthday.
--- What is your motto?
“This is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” - Winston Churchill
“Do it or don’t do it — you will regret both.” -  Søren Kierkegaard, from Either/Or
“I just took my mind off the hook for a bit. I reckoned that if the world wanted me badly enough it would call back”
and
“…there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later.” - Ford Prefect in Douglas Adam’s The Life, The Universe and Everything
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direnightshade · 2 years
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Following in that same vein, seeing us with jewelry that carries their initial is when the boys all start to really think about the long term with us and what that means for everyone.
What the fuuuuuuuuck. Like, this is where they stopped seeing you as the step sis who would eventually be out of their lives when his father undoubtedly divorced your mom and started thinking that maybe their is a chance you are here to stay and, more importantly, they want you to????
IT’S STILL MORNING NOW I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT THIS THE WHOLE DAY AAAAAAAA
No but look, this au is pure filthy, thats why I started reading it, but every drop of fluff you guys spare us has me drinking it down like a starved whore 🥵
OKAY BUT LISTEN, we actually have so many fluffy thoughts about the guys, we just seem to only put the nasty shit out into the world for people to read. lmao
Like yesterday the topic of the guys' individual proposals was brought up. I could honestly talk about fluff with them all day on top of all the filth, so if you ever want some fluff just say the word and I'll drop some thoughts or write something!
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hana · 1 year
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*sigh* i’m blogging
do you remember that tweet from 2020, or maybe 2016, that was like 
“i don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people”
? i feel like’ve ricocheted off of an attempt to explain why one should care about others every 6 months, my entire adult life.
my pattern of approach has been to try reading some ethics text or another for a few weeks, with growing embarrassment about my search for a concrete answer to something that i should just fucking get (as a human, because it’s not something that needs to be proven to be done), until i finally surrender theory for a direct-action nonanswer like buying groceries for old people. 
it’s honestly not hard to get it and just do it. i’m sure this feeling is part of why some people do crazy shit like eat vegan, volunteer at hospice facilities, or go to med school to work in the baby ER. i think leaving it unexplored is fine, possibly even better than fine, because it would really suck to discover something that puts you off altruism. but, like, how can one resist thinking about it?
personally, my “reaching” of “maturity” has been the result of haphazardly staking out social and ethical boundaries that align with “values” i’ve found, inherited, or inherited but thought i found (secret third type). when i demonstrated to myself that i could pick them up and move them with me, throughout different social contexts, like a crinoline defining the shape of my character, i actually did feel quite mature. but i’m actually hugely naive and toddler-like in almost every way, even those in which i feel accomplished.
i’m kinda old-ish now (some scoff, some nod as if i am brave), and i’m not so easily embarrassed by myself any more, which is the first blush of boomer ruin, so i was thinking i could write about what i think, as i think it, publicly, on the internet. it sounds fucking insane as i type it.
although i loved reading smart adult’s blogs in the early 2000s, it is my firm opinion that nobody should ever post. horrifyingly, some of my smartest friends do it now. if it’s my fate now, as an adult, to debase myself, why not do it up?
i’m tagging everything i post with #longspoon, so i can: a) easily delete it all when i get embarrassed or cancelled; b) (with hubris) tag it all for RSS; c) (hubris fading to trepidation) keep this blog organized if i ever post other types of things.
why “long spoon”?
before i explain this, i want to just say 2 things. 
that i don’t buy “heaven” or “hell” as scenarios. i believe only hell is real, we are all living in it right now, and it’s actually not as bad as you hear (but it still sucks a lot).
that this will not be brief so take a bathroom break now.
ok, that said: the long spoon thing is an allegory/parable/nugget of story-wisdom in many cultures around the world. see this chicago tribune headline:
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not the onion.
there isn’t a single parable-form telling of it online that doesn’t reek of clinically uncool self-help language. here’s my version:
basically, imagine a banquet table laid with the most succulent soup-feast imaginable. we’re talking stew, soup dumplings, matzo ball soup, pot pie filling, everything good and hot you can eat with a spoon. but the people seated at this banquet are gaunt and starving. they are unable to eat the soup, because the spoons they’ve been given are too long to reach to their own mouths. 
here you might ask, “why not simply choke up on the spoon handle so it functions as a shorter one?” shut up, and get out of my temple, that’s why! for some reason they cannot do that. neither can they reach the soup with their bare hands, or faces. maybe they get a few bites that way, but it doesn’t really work to nourish them. 
“but why do they have these impractical spoons?” here is the moment where jesus or buddha or lord siddhartha twists his nasty little face into a grinch smile because you’ve asked him just the question he was hoping for. the spoons are not supposed to be used for feeding oneself. they aren’t meant to be used that way. in the 90s, don norman would have passed by and pointed out that the spoon’s long handle is clearly an affordance which telegraphs its purpose*. (nowadays he is either cancelled or explaining that it is actually called a signifier and an affordance is something else, thus justifying his book’s sustained $30 price tag.)
the guests at this banquet are too fucking selfish and hangry to read affordances. they do not understand that they are meant to use their long-handled spoons to feed the person across the table from them, who in turn is meant to feed them. i don’t think anyone is seated at the head or foot of the table. if so, they have extra special long spoon handles which are arched in some manner. this is not a fun banquet.
sometimes, in the parable version, the prophet and the idiot do a drive-by of a similar banquet where everyone’s actually having a great time and eating their fill because they figured out how to use the spoons. obviously that’s meant to be heaven, the one i described above is hell, and bill engvall goes “here’s your sign.”
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for our purposes, we’re gonna stay away from that. i don’t think the heavenly version of the banquet exists. it’s more an architectural rendering of how a long-utensil-style banquet could potentially work, given enough budget. 
i am naming these posts after the long spoon because, although i endeavor to pick the long spoon up and carry a precarious sip of soup to the lips of my fellow man, i recognize that in my human condition i am probably too stupid to use it right. i think about this often, and i wish to think about it more deeply, so i will write to pursue that wish. 
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