#there are a lot of burning/light quotes elsewhere but i was specifically thinking about that pulp line

[littlehollyleaf]

So are we talking about the Bible quote on the Gabriel!fly matchbox?

It's from Job - a nod to Crowley and Aziraphale's adventures with him no doubt

Specifically Job 41:19 "out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out"

So. Idk if this was once a common verse on matchboxes. I know there was a famous brand called LUCIFERS, as a play on the concept of 'light bringer' - cos matches bring light, yeah? Those had bible verses on I believe, but idk if it was this one. Even if not the same though, this Job verse does a similar thing to the Lucifer match brand - referencing sparks of fire cos that's what matches create (we're gonna circle back to this fyi, but there's other stuff first, hold on).

Now, obviously the box was used to contain the essence/identity of GABRIEL.

But it also acts as something of a visual representation of the very CONCEPT of an angel's essence/identity being something that can be removed and stored elsewhere. AND of the idea that the outside appearance of something (or someone) doesn't necessarily give an accurate/truthful indicator of what is inside - there are no matches in this matchbox, for instance.

The quote on the box also doesn't describe Gabriel. But that doesn't matter because, actually, Gabriel is never in the box is he? He takes the fly out before transferring his essence into it.

So. We have an empty box, representing the idea of angel essence/identity as removable from its... casing/packaging.

And this empty box describes something (someone?) from whom sparks of fire leap from.

If you look up the whole of Job 41, it turns out it's god describing what's referred to as a LEVIATHAN to Job.

Apparently there's speculation this refers to a crocodile. But a quick Google tells me various Bible annotations describe the creature as a GIANT SERPENT.

...a giant serpent

from whom fire leaps

and whose 'eyes are like the eyelids of the morning'

Hmm.

But the box is empty - the essence/identity/truth of this creature/being/person the outside is describing is not where the packaging suggests it should be.

...perhaps because, as with Gabriel, the essence/identity/truth of said creature has also been removed and stored somewhere else?

OR is it less literal than that? More of a metaphorical suggestion that the creature/angel/being Crowley is labelled as has never truly been HIM? The box is empty because who Crowley is does not fit in a box - he has, in fact, spent much of his existence trying to ESCAPE being put in a box, being labelled, ESPECIALLY by god/Heaven.

So, this little box has started to represent quite a lot now I think. The idea of angel essence/identity, but also maybe just identity in general? The idea of someone's identity not always matching their physical appearance. The idea of someone's identity being defined/limited by the descriptions/opinions/words of others. The idea of wanting and trying to escape the confines of an inaccurate and forced identity (give me coffee liberty or give me death).

Then, if that wasn't enough, on top of that we have that little added extra of matchboxes with bible verses infamously being known as Lucifers... (said I'd circle back!). Not as important as the rest I feel. BUT - if anyone wanted a little extra fuel for the 'Crowley as Lucifer' theory, this could fit... in a deeply symbolic, close reading, metafictional way?

In any case, what I'm getting at here is this box as reflecting the forced identities that Heaven/God persistently try to trap angels (and anyone really) into. And how it is possible to remove yourself from said box.

...am I taking this too far? Haven't tried any full on media analysis in such a long time...

This is the whole of Job 41 for reference (think there may be more in it relating to Crowley, and perhaps Aziraphale and their relationship too, plus GO!Heaven, that I'm overlooking):

Job.41

[1] Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?

[2] Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn?

[3] Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee?

[4] Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever?

[5] Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?

[6] Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants?

[7] Canst thou fill his skin with barbed iron? or his head with fish spears?

[8] Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.

[9] Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?

[10] None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?

[11] Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.

[12] I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.

[13] Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle?

[14] Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about.

[15] His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.

[16] One is so near to another, that no air can come between them.

[17] They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.

[18] By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.

[19] Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.

[20] Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.

[21] His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.

[22] In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.

[23] The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved.

[24] His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.

[25] When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves.

[26] The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.

[27] He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.

[28] The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.

[29] Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.

[30] Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.

[31] He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.

[32] He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary.

[33] Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.

[34] He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.

#i like to over analyse #good omens meta #good omens 2 #good omens cinematic storytelling #character study: crowley #heaven is a dystopia #you need to stop playing

[sendmyresignation]

Common People-Pulp // Our Lady of Sorrows- My Chemical Romance // Burn Bright- My Chemical Romance // Kids From Yesterday- My Chemical Romance

#there are a lot of burning/light quotes elsewhere but i was specifically thinking about that pulp line #and the idea that mcr existed at both sides of that divide #they didn't spark and fade.... #my posts #lyric parallels #mcr

[waitimcomingtoo]

heeeey, in love with you, your writing and your blog 💖 Tbh I have read everything you have and I really in love with your writing. And I know that your request are close, but if you want could you write a Tom x reader where they have a fight and Tom has to leave a few days to promote his new movie and when he's back he sees like some of the reader's stuff are missing and thinks she left but in reality she's in another room couse she's awfully sick and doesn't want to get Tom sick too

Thank you so much anon!

Give Me a Minute to Hold My Girl

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: Tom can’t find you after a bad fight

Masterlist

Tom was away a lot.

You knew traveling was a big part of his job, so you never did complain. That being said, it wasn’t easy having a boyfriend who was never around. All the missed birthdays, events, and art shows weighed on you after a while. You were more than proud of him, but you were growing lonely. He had a saying, something he said every time before he left you:

“Wherever I am, and wherever you are, we’re always looking at the same moon.”

And it used to assuage you. You’d go outside on nights he was away and stare at the moon, wishing he was looking at it where’ve he was. You knew it was never true though. He was rarely in the same time zone as you and was definitely not spending his precious time staring at the moon.

You couldn’t help it. You were miserable. 

On a night where Tom came home three hours later than he said he would after being away for a week. He sent a short text alerting you that he’d be home late, therefore missing the art show he promised he’d be at after missing the last three. Upon reading the text just mere moments before your show, you decided your quota was filled. You couldn’t handle the lonely nights anymore. If he didn’t start shaping up, you were gonna have to start considering looking elsewhere for love. You loved Tom, but you had to love yourself more.

“Hi, babygirl.” Tom came behind you that night and wrapped his arms around your waist as you rinsed your brushes. He smelled like he had been using a new cologne, one you didn’t recognize. You stiffened a little in his embrace as you wiped off a brush.

“I thought you were gonna be home at 2.” You said quietly.

“Plans changed. Sorry I didn’t call.” He kissed the back of your neck with strangers lips.

“Do you remember what today was?” You asked for your own amusement.

“Oh uh…” Tom scratched the back of his head as he raked his brain. “Not your birthday.”

“No.” You confirmed with half hearted humor.

“Not our anniversary.” He continued.

“No.” You shook your head.

“Um…” he trailed off until his eyes landing on your paint brushes next to you. “Your art show. I totally forgot.” He rubbed his eyes. “It was today?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, never meeting his eyes.

“I knew it. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Tom took your hands and looked at you apologetically. “I got pulled into a meeting about Spider-Man 3 and it just slipped my mind.”

“It’s all right. I didn’t place or anything.” You shrugged, not wanting a fight. “You can come to the next one.”

“This was the one where you paint on the spot right? Can you paint me a new one while I get changed?” Tom suggested as he brushed some hair out of your face.

“Sure. Anything specific?” You asked, warming up to him now that he was showing an interest in you again. The fire you felt for him was burning once again.

“Paint how you feel. I’ll be back soon.” Tom kissed your forehead before leaving the room.

You put a blank canvas on your easel and squirt some dark paint on your palette. As you painted, you heard Tom shouting and cheering from the other room. You decided it wasn’t worth it to get angry at him for playing a video game, after all he did have a long day. You kept the painting simple and void of color so you could get back to spending time with your boyfriend. When you finished and felt happy with your work, you called him back.

“I’m done, Tom.” You called out to him.

“Just a second. I’m in the middle of a game.” He called back. After ten minutes had gone by and he still hadn’t come into the room, you decided to add another small detail to the background of the painting. Tom walked in shortly after with a different outfit and freshly showered. You gave him a small smile.

“I can clean up and we can grab some dinner.” You said as you collected the used brushes.

“I actually gotta go soon, honey. I have meeting in Manchester tonight.” Tom told you timidly. You stopped collecting your brushes and looked at him.

“But you just got home.” You said, not bothering to hide your disappointment.

“I thought I’d come back for an hour to see you.” He said as if was no big deal.

“And then you spent that hour playing video games with Tuwaine.” You pointed out in anger. You felt the fire fizzle out.

“He’s never on, I didn’t want to miss him.” Tom said light heartedly in an attempt to cheer you up. “He’s the best at 2K.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really he was the best at 2k.” You said sarcastically. “How stupid of me to try to pull my boyfriend away from making virtual half court shots after I haven’t seen him in a week.”

“I haven’t seen him either.” Tom reminded you, only fueling your anger.

“But you gave your only free hour to him. When am I gonna get to see you, Tom? When you’re dead?” You questioned.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” He held out his arms.

“Until your car pulls up.” You shot a look at his phone which you knew would be buzzing any minute.

“What do you want me to say?” Tom asked. “I work. I’m a working actor. People need me.”

“I need you.” You threw a sheet over your canvas and finished collecting your brushes, not wanting to look at him.

“I don’t know what to tell you, darling. I’m sorry. I can’t be everywhere at once.” He apologized. You shook your head before turning to face him.

“You spent last week in Mexico, Berlin, and Scotland. You’ve been to LA, Germany, and Vancouver this week. And now you’re off to Manchester? Do you mean you can’t be everywhere at once, or do you mean you can’t be anywhere I am?” You accused.

“I don’t pick where I go. If I have a meeting, I go. If I have a premier, I go. If I have to film, I go. It’s part of the job.” Tom defended himself.

“Chris wasn’t at the London premier.” You said quietly. You weren’t going to bring it up, but it felt warranted.

“What?” Tom asked at the random claim.

“Chris Pratt. He wasn’t at the London premier for Onward.” You told him.

“Okay?” Tom said in confusion.

“Do you know why?” You tested him.

“No.” Tom said after a minute of thinking.

“He was home with his family. He said his son started crying as he was leaving for his flight so he stayed. It was all over the news.” You told him. “Traveling is part of his job too, and yet he knows how to be there for his family. Why can’t you do the same?”

“Harry and Sam were there.” Tom pointed out.

“I don’t care about Harry and Sam!” You raised your voice. “I care about how the only time I get to see my boyfriend is when I’m scrolling through Instagram. Girls all over the world get to see you but the girl you swore you loved is lying at home in an empty bed. You can make time for millions of strangers but you can’t make time for me? Do you know how it feels every time you don’t answer my FaceTime calls but then you go on Instagram live? Do you have any idea how unhappy I’ve been?” You asked desperately.

“I have to tend to my fans, it’s a part-“ Tom began.

“Of the job, I know.” You cut him off as you stormed out of the room.

“What do you want me to do? Quit?” He laughed bitterly as he followed you into the living room.

“Would you?” You spun around.

“What?” Tom faltered.

“Would you give it all up for me?” You repeated lowly. “If I asked, and I wouldn’t, but it I did? Would you give up the money and stardom and power for me?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Tom sighed.

“Because I think I know the answer.” You said tearfully. You and Tom stared at each other for a long time. He could see how hurt you were and prepared to make amends.

“I love you.” He said meekly.

“Don’t give me that.” You shook your head and looked up at the ceiling.

“I do.” He said firmly but you didn’t answer. “What do you want me to give you, then?”

“A reason to stay, maybe?” You shrugged sadly as tears fell down your cheeks. “I’m seeing nothing but a lifetime of loneliness ahead of me because of your beloved job.”

“We love each other. Isn’t that enough of a reason?” Tom stepped closer to you but you backed away. His face fell at your indifference.

“I always thought it would be but…” you shrugged and pulled your sweater tighter around you.

“You wouldn’t leave.” Tom said starkly.

“I would if I had nothing to come back to.” You looked him in the eye. His eyes were red now too.

“I’m here. I’m what you have to come back to.” His voice wavered as he got to the point of tears.

“Tom, when are you ever here?” You laughed at the absurdity of his statement. “When have I ever had you to come back to you?”

“You think I like the traveling anymore than you do? I hate leaving you. I miss you like crazy when I’m away. It kills me to be apart.” He defended himself as he raised his voice.

“Oh, is that why you don’t answer my texts? Because being away from me killed you?” You asked sarcastically. “That makes total sense now. Although, I never really got the feeling you “missed me like crazy” when you were dodging my calls.”

“I’m sorry about that.” Tom apologized, knowing this wasn’t an argument he was going to win. “I’ll start coming home more, I promise.”

“Like you promised you’d come to my show?” You shot back, not yet ready to let him off easy.

“I just forgot! Am I not allowed to forget things?” Tom shouted.

“You have ten thousand assistants who revolve around you like you’re the sun and not one of them was there to remind you about my show?” You yelled. Tom quoted down when he realized you were right.

“Darling, I cannot deal with this right now.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “Can we please talk about this tomorr-” he cut himself off with a sigh.

“What?” You asked bitterly.

“I won’t be here tomorrow. I have press in New York. I have a flight out of Manchester after the meeting tonight.” He told you with dad eyes. “I’m sorry, I completely forgot to tell you.”

“How convenient.” Your voice cracked. It was at the point where you were plenty used to the goodbyes, but this one felt final.

“I was gonna tell you, I swear. It just slipped my mind.” Tom apologized.

“That’s been happening a lot, hasn’t it?” You snapped.

“You know this is part of the job.” He said weakly, hating himself for having to give you such a lame excuse.

“I do know that.” You nodded. “What I didn’t know is that I was gonna live my life freezing to death in the shadow of your career!” You shouted.

“Then get a new life!” He shouted back, eyes immediately displaying regret. You tilted your head as tears streamed down your face.

“Do you mean that?” You asked quietly.

“Maybe I do.” Tom shrugged as he stared you coldly in the eye. His phone buzzed and he glanced down at it. “I have to go.”

“Good. Go.” You snapped. He went to the door but stopped and looked at you.

“You’re gonna be here when I get back, right?” He asked timidly.

“Would you even notice if I wasn’t?” You responded as you went to retreat into the bedroom.

“Darling, wait-“ Tom began to follow you but you stopped in your tracks.

“I don’t have anything left here to wait for.” You told him and you watched his heart break.

Tom opened his mouth to speak but his phone buzzed again. He looked at it and sighed as you wiped a tear.

“Go. Your car is waiting.” You said.

“I can’t leave you like this.” He mumbled as he typed something into his phone.

“Just leave. You know how.” You said bitterly. Tom looked up at you at your words. He was in a bad way. His nose was running and his eyes were bloodshot.

“I can cancel on the press. I can stay home-“ he said desperately.

“This is not a home! This is a prison!” You yelled. “I am chained to this one man cult we call a relationship. Please, just go! You have people waiting on you, people you clearly find more important than me. You need to leave, because I will never kick you out. Go on your press tour. Go to New York. Go do your precious “job” and meet your fans. Go stare at the fucking moon. I don’t care. Just leave.” You yelled until your voice was ragged.

“You’ll never find someone like me.” Tom warned, saying anything he could to get you to stay.

“I hope to God that’s true!” You screamed.

Tom took a step towards you, but his phone buzzed again. He wiped a tear off his cheek and nodded.

“I’ll be back in a week.” He swallowed.

“Good for you.” You said dismissively as you walked into the bedroom and slammed the door. He stared at the door for a long time, about to knock when he got yet another text telling him his car was there. He swallowed thickly, pressed a kiss to the outside of the door, and left without another word.

“I’m home.” Tom called into his home a week later.

He immediately felt the chill of your fight hitting him. When he didn’t hear a response from you, he shivered in his jacket, suddenly feeling like he was wearing somebody else’s clothes. He set his bag down timidly in the ground and looked around. The first thing he noticed was the lack of dishes in the sink. You weren’t one for cleaning up after yourself and Tom had grown accustomed to coming home to a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. You’d usually wash and dry them together before settling down on the couch to watch a movie. Tom felt fear prickle the back of his neck at the empty sink. There was no way you’d actually left, Tom told himself. You wouldn’t just up and go without a note or a call or a text. Not that Tom was very good at answering your calls and texts. Tom took another step into the house and glanced around the living room. Your favorite blanket was missing and the room looked like it hadn’t been touched since Tom left a week ago. Your pile of movies was no longer next to the TV and Tom began to feel sick.

“Y/n? I’m home.” He called out again. His voice bounced off the walls but didn’t get a reply. His palms began to sweat as he walked into the kitchen and opened the cabinet. All of your coffee mugs were gone. There was an empty space in the middle of the cabinet where they used to be.

“Princess? Are you here?” Tom called out, desperately this time. When he was met with silence, he rushed into the bathroom. Tom washed his face with cold water and noticed your toothbrush was missing from the holder. He started at the vacant spot for a long tome before rushing into your shared bedroom. Upon entrance, he noticed your pillow missing. The bed looked like it hadn’t been slept in all week, and Tom feared it hadn’t. He flung open your closet doors and noticed a large gap in your clothing. All your favorite T-shirts were gone. After rummaging through the drawers, Tom found that your leggings, bras, underwear and socks were all missing too. Tom sat on the bed and out a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs.

You’d done it. You’d left him.

While he spent the week with friends and fans, you spent the week packing up your life. Tom snapped his head up when he heard the doorbell ring.

“Babygirl?” He asked as he rushed to the front door. He swung it open, only to find his next door neighbor.

“Oh, hey Tom. Glad to see you’re back.” His elderly neighbor smiled at him.

“Hi Shane.” Tom said weakly.

“I wanted to see how Y/n was doing. She left kinda late Thursday’s night and I haven’t seen her since. Been about a week I think.” Shane informed Tom. He perked up at the mention of you.

“You saw her leaving?” Tom asked. “When was this again?”

“Thursday. Sped off in such a hurry, you’d think she was in a race.“ Shane laughed. Tom looked past Shane and noticed your car wasn’t in the driveway.

“Did she say where she was going?” Tom inquired.

“Oh, no. My wife and I only saw her leave. We were visiting our son all weekend and got worried when we got back and saw her car was still missing. I rang the doorbell a few times this week but there was never an answer.” Shane said and Tom felt like crying all over again. “When I saw that you had come back if figured I’d ask you. Is she okay?”

“I’m sorry Shane, I don’t know.” Tom answered honestly.

“She’s not home?” Shane asked.

“Uh, no.” Tom looked back in the house and then back at Shane. “Shes not home.”

“Do you think it’s serious? Has she ever done this before?” Shane wondered.

“No. Never.” Tom shook his head.

“Have you tried calling her? You two are always so cute, I thought for sure you’d know where she was.” Shane said worriedly. Tom bit his tongue to keep from crying.

“We had a fight before I left last week.” He admitted, feeling like he needed to tell anyone who would listen.

“Oh, did you?” Shane said sympathetically.

“A really bad one.” Tom continued as his voice weighed heavy with guilt.

“That’s okay. Every couple fights. My wife and I have been fighting for 52 years.” Shane tried to cheer him up.

“Shane,” Tom sniffled as he gathered his thoughts, “I don’t think Y/n is coming home anytime soon.”

“No?” Shane asked sadly.

“I think she might’ve left.” Tom said with a shaking voice. “Left me.”

“Oh, Thomas.” Shane nodded in understanding. “I’m very sorry to hear that.”

“I’m so sorry, will you excuse me?” Tom closed the door quickly before his neighbor could see his tears. He leaned against the door and slid down it as tears poured from his eyes. He sobbed into his hands for a moment until he noticed something. Your easel was standing in the middle of the living room with a sheet covering it. Tom got to his feet and carefully approached the easel. He soon reached it and pulled the sheet off. The canvas was a mirage of gray and white with a portrait of a woman crying. She was holding half of her own broken heart and cradling it to her chest. In the background, a faint silhouette of a man walking away with the other half of her broken heart trailing on a string behind him.

Toms words echoed in his mind from that night: “Paint how you feel.”

That’s how you felt. Heartbroken, abandoned, and tethered, all because of Tom. Tom ran his fingertips over the painting as if were a piece of you. He tilted his head and smiled at it fondly, always blown away at how talented you were, even when painting your lament.

He noticed another canvas leaning against the back wall, also covered in a sheet. He walked briskly to it and ripped the sheet off.

Underneath the off white sheet was a portrait of Tom himself sitting on the world. He had a crown on his head and a bright smile on his face. There were tiny, detailed fans and billboards with his name on either side of him. He was in a suit and had his hand clamped firmly around a the sun. You had painted with bright colors, colors of the sunset and the sky. Your words from the fight came back to him:

“You have ten thousand assistants who revolve around you like you’re the sun and not one of them was there to remind you about my show?”

On the other side of the globe sat a girl. Tom turned the portrait around and saw you. You were sitting alone, literally on the other aide of the world. Tom felt his heart break when he noticed you were staring off mournfully at the moon. On the top corner of the painting was a blue “first prize” ribbon. Tom distinctly remembered you telling him you didn’t place, despite you winning the entire competition.

That was enough for Tom. The tingling sensation started in his nose and he found himself able to see less and less of your painting as tears well up in his eyes. Body shaking sobs ripped through him as it finally sunk in that you had left him. He cried into his hands until he heard something coming from the guest bedroom.

A cough.

Tom almost thought he imagined it until he heard it again. Someone was coughing in the house. Tom scrambled to his feet and pressed an ear against the door. He heard silence for a while, then a sniffle. His heart pounded in his ears as he twisted the doorknob.

Tom opened the door slowly and heard a clanking from the floor. He looked down and saw a pile of your favorite coffee mugs, a few plates, and some bowls on the ground. He pushed them aside and fully stepped into the room. Sitting in the guest bed was a very pink-nosed and red-eyed you. You were lazily scrolling through your phone as you dabbed at your nose with a tissue. There was a bottle of bills and a bottle of cough medicine on the nightstand, as well as a sea of mugs. There was a garbage can next tot he bed with a mountain of tissues coming out as well as surrounding it. Tom felt like he was seeing a ghost and suddenly felt like a stranger in his own home. He looked around the room and saw all your missing clothes strewn around. You were wrapped in your favorite blanket and your pile of movies was next to a tub of ice cream by the TV. Tom blinked a few times in shock.

“Oh, you’re home.” You spoke and Tom snapped out of his daze. You didn’t sound angry, just congested.

“Y/n?” Tom whispered as if he spoke to loudly, you might disappear.

“Hi, Tommy.” You said sleepily as you rubbed your eyes. “Did you just get home?”

Tom watched your every movement as you scratched your head and reached for the cup of water next to the bed. He quickly got it before you did and handed it to you, taking a careful seat next to you on the bed. You gave him a grateful smile before downing the glass. You licked your dry lips a few times and sighed.

“Yeah. I just got in.” He said, never taking his eyes off you.

“I didn’t hear it. I’m on this medication that completely knocks me out. Oh, I’m sick, if you haven’t noticed.” You laughed sleepily. “I got the flu from one of my friends.”

“You’re sick? That’s why you’re in here?” Tom asked as hope burbled in his chest.

“I didn’t want to contaminate all your stuff.” You told him. “Can’t have you getting sick before Uncharted starts filming.” His heart warmed at the thought of you looking out for him even after the fight you had.

“Thank you, princess. I appreciate you looking out for me.” He told you sincerely.

“Uh oh.” You looked at him with a half smile. “You only call me “princess” when you’re really upset. What’s going on?”

Toms lip began to tremble at your words and you looked worried.

“Your toothbrush isn’t in the bathroom.” Was all he could find the strength to say.

“Yeah, because it was disgusting. I had to throw it out this morning.” You assured him.

“All your stuff is missing. Your clothes, movies, mugs.” Tom continued.

“Look around you.” You laughed again, gesturing to all your previously “missing” stuff.

“Shane is worried about you. He said you left Thursday and never came back.” Tom told you.

“Aw, is he? I drove to the hospital Thursday night because my fever was so high and the doctor made me stay overnight. I took an Uber back on Friday because I got sick in my car. Its at the shop getting cleaned until tomorrow. Would you tell him I’m okay?” You asked.

“Of course.” Tom nodded, feeling himself relax a little.

“Thank you.” You said. The room fell into an awkward silence. Tom toyed with what he needed to say in his head.

“I saw your paintings.” Tom spoke up.

“Oh.” You said causally, knowing the content of the paintings.

“You didn’t tell me you got first place.” He said softly.

“I didn’t want you to feel bad for missing it.” You admitted.

“Princess” ,Tom laughed sadly, “I feel terrible. I feel terrible about every thing. Every word I said to you, I regret it. I thought about you and our fight the entire time I was gone. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was miserable without you. And when I came home today and all your stuff was gone…” Tom trailed off as he got emotional again. You pulled him to you chest and let him cry it out. “I thought you left. I thought you left me.”

“I would never leave you.” You promised.

“But our fight.” He cried.

“All couples fight. The ill-timing and stress didn’t help. But I’m not someone who just walks away. Especially not from something like this.” You assured him as you stroked his hair.

“I hurt you. I missed your show, I didn’t talk to you when I was home.” Tom listed off his mistakes. “I abandoned you.”

“It’s the job.” You laughed sadly.

“No. I’m not gonna let that be an excuse anymore.” Tom pulled his head off your chest and you wiped his eyes. “You deserve better. So, so much better. I’m sorry it took you almost leaving for me to realize how much I need you to stay.”

“I’m sorry about the fight.” You told him weakly. “I said some things I didn’t mean.”

“What didn’t you mean?” Tom asked as he gathered your hands in his and kissed them.

“I know I said there wasn’t nothing here for me to wait for, but there is. Of course you’re worth waiting for. You’re away a lot, and it sucks, but nothing compares to when you’re here. A few days with you is better than a lifetime with somebody else, I know it. It’s just hard to remember the good times when I’m sleeping alone every night.” You finally told him your feelings in a much calmer manner.

“Princess, I’m so sorry. This ends today. If someone needs a meeting with me, they can come to Kingston. I’m not gonna fly all over the globe to talk about movies for an a hour anymore when I could be at home with my beautiful girlfriend. You are so much more important than any job.” Tom promised you. “I didn’t answer you that night, and I honestly didn’t even know the answer, but now I do. I’d give it all up in a heartbeat for you, love. All the money and fame is nothing to me if I don’t have you.”

“Do you really mean that?” You asked him.

“I do. And I’m gonna prove it.” He swore. “I want you to come with me when I shoot Uncharted. And I want you there for the rest of my press tour. You can bring your easel and your brushes and paint all over the world.”

“Really?” You asked happily.

“Yes. People are gonna stop coming to see me and start coming to see you because you’re gonna be the most famous painter in the world.” Tom painted you a picture. “You have more talent than people could even dream of achieving. The world needs to see your work.”

“I’d love to come with you.” You told him with a smile.

“Then do it. We don’t ever have to be apart again. I can’t sleep if it’s not next to you anyway. We won’t have to look at the same moon anymore. I can just roll over and see you instead.” Tom cupped your face. “We’re gonna go to Berlin and Italy and Mexico, all the places you’ve wanted to see. You’re gonna see the prettiest sights and eat the greatest food and live the most wonderful life by my side. And we can go anywhere else you want to go too. Fuck it, baby, we’re going to the moon. Or mars. Wherever. It doesn’t matter as long as we’re together. That’s all I need.”

“That’s all I ever wanted to hear.” You told him as a happy tear rolled down your cheek. “I don’t want someone like you. I just want you.”

“I just want you, too.” He grinned as happy tears welled in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby.” You apologized for the fight.

“I’m sorry too.” Tom nodded tearfully as he reached forward to kiss you.

“I’m sick.” You reminded him as you pulled away slightly to dodge his kiss.

“I don’t care.” Tom shook his head as he pressed his lips to yours before pulling you into a tight embrace. “I’m never leaving you again. Just give me a minute to hold my girl.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @foreverxholland @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning g @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @averyfosterthoughts  @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human  @celestial-skylines @loveat2am @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @delicately-important-trash @spideygirl2003 @the-crazy-fanfictionist @kii-mii @maryjanee23 @spacebitch2 @vgiselle @geeksareunique @emmamarshmellow

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland imagine #tom holland insert #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #iron man #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #onward

[newmayhem]

Character analysis: Aubrey (Part 1)

Because this post heavily refers to direct quotations from the author and the OG text, I’ll stick calling everyone by their original names throughout (as I usually do when I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations). But elsewhere on the site, I typically refer to everyone by different names in all other situations.

Aubrey is both easier and harder to pin down than either Risika or Alexander. He gets a decent amount of screentime in ITFOTN both DIMV. Whereas in ITFOTN we’re seeing him exclusively through Risika’s pov, DIMV is narrated in the 3rd person so we also get to see him more objectively, and because he’s more of a hero in that book, we get to see a different side of him.

Still, what’s going to make him slightly harder to articulate is that his motives in ITFOTN have never been explicitly spelled out in the text, and we also never got to see his pre-vampire history so we don’t really know what shaped him.

I’m going to split his character analysis into three sections- Aubrey’s motives re: Risika/ITFOTN, Aubrey’s personality/worldview according to the og text,  and a (re)imagining/reverse engineering of Aubrey’s’ personal history.

Motives

It seems a little backwards to start with looking at his motivations, but this being Risika’s story, it makes the most sense to examine Aubrey in relation to Risika. For me, the most interesting part is trying to figure out exactly why he keeps popping up in Risika’s narrative. It’s never covered in the og text, and that makes sense because this is being told from Risika’s pov and she doesn’t care about Aubrey’s motivations, only about the disastrous results of them. Which is more than fair, tbh.

Like I said, we don’t get any explanation of Aubrey’s motives in ITFOTN, but we do get clues in DIMV as well as some Word of God statements from ahar, and the excerpts from Black Flame (an unpublished TDOS story from Aubrey’s POV).

Quotes From Chapter 10 of Demon in My View:

More than her physical appearance, Jessica had a rare aura of strength about her. Aubrey remembered Ash Night's describing him as having the same kind of aura while he had been human, but he had seen it in very few others. Risika had been one of the exceptions; that strength had drawn Aubrey to her before she had ever caught Ather's eye.

And you can read these two excerpts from Black Flame on the Nyeusigrube-haven blog, which archives quotes, fanart, clips, and words of god about The Den of Shadows series. I’ll reblog them later just so I have a copy on hand.

From a blog post of ahar’s entitled Perspectives from 9/3/15:

“When it comes to Aubrey's and Risika's complex relationship, In the Forests of the Night is only half the story. Someday, I would love to release a revised and extended version that includes Aubrey's point of view in addition to Risika's. Here are a few details it might include:

Pandora had claimed Alexander as a student; he had attacked Ather, and she had decided to retaliate by killing Alexander's sister Rachel. Why didn't she? Who do you think convinced her it would be better to change Rachel into a vampire instead of killing her?

After her change, when Risika was weak due to her refusal to feed, who convinced her that she needed to hunt?

Who finally baited her into fighting him, proving her strength and taking her rightful place as a force to be reckoned with among her own kind?

Aubrey has been around a couple thousand years. Do you think it's more likely he's stupid, or more likely that he's manipulative? Rachel never wanted to be a vampire, and maybe would have preferred death at Ather's hands back in 1704 (Did I get that date right? I don't have the text in front of me) but long-story-short: Aubrey saw her first, had his options limited by Ather's bloodclaim... and didn't want Rachel dead.

Try rereading In the Forests of the Night sometime with this point of view.”

And most recently (3/2/20, to be exact), ahar posted some more details in the Nyeusigrube discord server (in the Den Of Shadows channel) under the username Nesrerai (Note that I made some formatting edits to make it more readable. No edits to the content have been made).:

“Someday I'd love to rewrite an "extended edition" of In the Forests of the Night showing more of the back-story. I wrote some of it out in an Aubrey background/POV book that was TERRIBLE and shall never see the light of day but was good for author-knowledge.

Key event relevant to this conversation was that Alexander attacked Ather. Ather couldn't kill him because he was Pandora's, but that didn't protect Rachel, so she planned to go after Rachel in retaliation. Aubrey encouraged her to change her instead, as a more effective form of punishment for Alexander, because he didn't want Rachel killed. Aubrey is more powerful than Ather, but she had blood claim on the family so he had to go manipulative instead of direct.

He was tracking Rachel before Ather got involved. He has a sorcery background, and has an interest in the powerful but untrained. Also, she's Jager's lover's daughter, so he was keeping an eye out. If I recall my notes/drafts right, he was more or less at the "I wonder whether it's more trouble with Jager and Lila than it's worth if I mess with this family" stage. Keeping the kids safe was kiiiiiiind of part of the deal that kept Lila in line ... which is why Mayhem burned down shortly after Rachel was first there... which in turn put Mayhem/Silver's line in a vulnerable position while they were trying to gain power, so they hired a spoiler to knock Midnight down a peg.”

Findings To avoid redundancies, I’ll list out all of the findings and then cite the specific sources in brackets:

Aubrey has a very different version of how ITFOTN went down (i.e., he did not see himself as Risika’s antagonist). [BF; blog]

Aubrey was a sorcerer when he was a human, so he’s always had an interest in those who were very powerful but untrained -> he was drawn to Risika because he saw a rare aura of strength around her, one that he himself had as a human. [DIMV; discord]

Risika had initially caught Aubrey’s attention and he had been tracking her well before Ather ever got involved. [DIMV; BF; blog; discord]

Ather initially wanted to kill Rachel, but Aubrey was the one who convinced Ather to change her into a vampire instead. [BF; blog; discord]

Aubrey was trying to help Risika all along [blog]

Aubrey manipulated Risika into drinking from her stepmother in order to show her that she needs to hunt/feed regularly.[blog]

He got frustrated when he pushed her down and she didn’t get up right away. [ITFOTN]

Aubrey purposefully provoked Risika into fighting him (in public) with the intention of getting her to prove her strength and take her rightful place as a force to be reckoned with among their kind. [blog]

Aubrey was considering changing Risika himself (among other options that didn’t involve her dying) [BF; blog (implied)]

Aubrey didn’t want Risika dead [BF; blog; discord]

Aubrey saw it as a plus that Ather would take the blame for changing Risika. [BF]

Aubrey knew that Alexander was still alive and actively conspired with Pandora to keep the twins apart so that Alexander wouldn’t interfere. [BF]

Aubrey argued with Alexander when he came looking for Risika, meaning that up to present day, he was still trying to keep them apart. [ITFOTN]

*It’s also worth noting that in a facebook video, ahar confirms that Aubrey has a lot of respect for Risika

There are also some other findings in the discord post re:Lila Light, but that’s tangential and I’ll be covering those in a separate post.

Questions Basically, Aubrey was drawn to Risika for reasons unrelated to the situation with Ather (namely, her strength). He’s heavily invested in Risika’s survival to the point where he was actively manipulating the situation both in the initial stage of having Ather change her instead of kill her, and then later on in trying to help her. Not only did he want Risika to survive, he also wanted her to ‘take her rightful place as a force to be reckoned with among her own kind’.

But we’re left with the overall question- what was Aubrey’s endgame? This effort was clearly very calculated, time consuming, and required a lot of effort and attention (I mean, how did he seem to always know where to find her? And how did he know she hadn’t been feeding regularly?). So how did Aubrey see any of this benefiting him?

So we know that Aubrey was drawn to Risika’s strength/power/potential, but to what end? Based on the blog post, Aubrey was considering a few different options for Risika before Ather’s bloodclaim forced his hand. What were those options? We know he was considering changing her himself, but again, to what end? Was she meant to be part of some larger plan he had? Clearly, she was important enough for him to go out of his way to manipulate Ather into not killing her.

Possible Explanations The least exciting explanation, I think, would be that Aubrey wanted to sire a strong fledgeling...for the clout? I mean, it happens! Ather does it, but she does it out of necessity- Aubrey doesn’t need strong fledgelings to protect him or scare off his enemies. And the fact that he saw having Ather change Risika as a preferable result implies that he just wanted Risika to be changed regardless of whether it was by him or not. Which is also interesting.

Another explanation could be that Aubrey planned to use Risika’s powers (or her potential powers) for his own personal gain. This seems very unlikely. I can’t picture a plausible scenario for this and even if this were the case, it doesn’t make sense that he would keep treating Risika the way that he does, knowing that it alienates her. I also find it hard to believe that he’d wait three centuries for her to come around rather than move on to other targets.

Additionally, Aubrey was setting Risika up to ‘take her rightful place as a force to be reckoned with among her own kind’...and that would effectively set her up as his competition, which is the exact opposite of his goal if we were to go with this possibility.

A similar but slightly more plausible explanation is that Aubrey was ‘recruiting’ on behalf of Silver’s line. We know that Mayhem at the time was in an intense rivalry with Midnight, so they’d probably be in need of strong fledgelings. Word of God has also mentioned that Silver’s line is one of the least prolific because they are serious about only siring the strongest. It tracks that Aubrey came across Risika and her unusual strength/power, and saw that she was the perfect candidate. That could be why he was not only ok with Ather changing her (rather than him doing it himself), but he also took responsibility for Risika survival and ‘education’ after she was changed. Maybe he wanted Risika changed no matter the cost because they couldn’t afford any lines loyal to Midnight getting to her first.

But if this were the case, why was Aubrey the only one looking out for Risika? Why would he still try to convince her to prove herself centuries after? And if siring and training new powerful fledgelings who would fight for Silver’s line was a priority at the time, why were there no other fledglings during this time period? Generally, this just seems like a very flawed and inefficient plan. Training fledgelings takes time and energy that could be better used to fight Midnight directly and, as we see in Risika’s case, their loyalty isn’t even guaranteed.

Conclusion This may seem like a cop out...but I feel like in this case, we’ll have to go Occam's razor. The answer that seems the least complicated- so uncomplicated that I haven’t even mentioned it until now- is that Aubrey feels some type of affection for Risika.

This might not necessarily be romantic or anything like that (though that’s definitely a possibility). It could just be that he recognizes some of himself in her and feels a sense of kinship, but it’s obvious that Aubrey cares a lot about what happens to Risika. He wants her to succeed and repeatedly goes out of his way to keep tabs on her and help her even if it inconveniences him, even if it puts his own status at risk (I don’t think he planned on losing the fight, but he must’ve known that in order for her to come out of it looking good, he would’ve to win by a much smaller margin than normal for him). He didn’t care if she hated him and never realized that this was all to help her, it was more important to him that she survived and thrived. And he was willing to do all this over the span of centuries.

The big counter-argument for this is that in ITFOTN, Aubrey does say “Remember this, Risika—I have no love for you. I think you are weak, and I don't care about your morals. If you challenge me again, you will lose.” But for me, his actions speak louder than words, and it makes sense that because he’s trying to get her to be tougher and to fight back so that she could survive, he’s not going to be gentle with her or let her expect help from him. And, I mean, he could’ve killed her right then and there if he wanted to, but he actually let her get away with a lot (she called him a lap dog, slapped him, spat on him, broke his knee cap, and lived to tell the tale).

Anyway, the beauty of this explanation is that it would be really interesting to explore, but won’t get too convoluted. I think it would be really interesting to go deeper into:

Possible parallels between Aubrey and Risika.

The dramatic irony of Aubrey’s well-intentioned efforts contrasted with Risika’s perception of them.

Aubrey as a foil for Alexander and a rival for influence over Risika (and how Risika breaks free from both of them in the end).

Aubrey’s feelings regarding how terribly received his ‘help’ has been and why he keeps choosing to help her regardless.

How it’s also kind of messed up that Aubrey decided that he knew what was best for her and mercilessly imposed that on her despite her clear lack of consent (or knowledge).

The nature of Aubrey’s affection for Risika, how it compares to Alexander’s, and if/how it has evolved.

This is probably beyond the scope of this rewrite, but I’d also be interested in some sort of ‘deleted scene’ type epilogue where Aubrey and Risika (post-fight) have a real conversation/confrontation about all this.

#In the Forests of the Night #amelia atwater rhodes #Nyeusigrube #Den of Shadows #aubrey x risika #aubrey #characters #Andros #character analysis

[bookwyrmbran]

Day 16: an Odin playlist

Day 16: Create a song list that makes you think about your deity. Give a brief reason for choosing each song, and provide links to youtube videos for other people to enjoy! You can devote the energy you put into this project as an offering for your deity.

Okay, so for this one I am very carefully AVOIDING songs which specifically mention the Old Man. That means no Heilung, no Leslie Fish, no Skald. All of these are wonderful! I highly recommend! But I feel like the point of this prompt is choosing stuff that actually requires explaining (or at least that’s how I’m reading it; ymmv) and those are all kind of just right out there and deliberately on the nose.

Also, there are 18 of these, because it makes me chortle.

1. “The Hymn of Acxiom,” Vienna Teng. “Leave your life open, you don’t have to hide / Someone is gathering every crumb you drop/ these mindless decisions and moments you long forgot.” Creepy-ass choral song for a creepy-ass Watcher, absolutely enchantingly gorgeous as long as you don’t listen too hard to the lyrics and absolutely terrifying once you do. 

2. “Strange Waters,” Bruce Cockburn. “You’ve been leading me/ beside strange waters/ streams of beautiful lights in the night/ but where is my pastureland in these dark valleys?/ if I lose my grip, will I take flight?” Loooooots of seiðr feels, lots of wanderer feels, the sense of endless travel in strange places drawn there by a stranger God.

3. “So Come Back, I Am Waiting,” Okkervil River. I can’t actually pick a piece of this to quote here. All of it is just too damn on the nose. But that satisfaction, that awareness that oh yes, you might be running right now, you might be elsewhere right now, but that’s fine. He’ll be waiting. “There’s plenty of time to make you mine.”

4. “Edge of the Western World,” Bone Poets Orchestra. Okay, this one is maybe a bit on the nose, a raven throwing a party at the edge of the world, but like: “The tasty things a lonely raven mind requires/ spread out beneath your wings on the shore/ Never met a crow who found the end of desire, so quoth the hungry Raven: Always more.” (I get big Two-Man Con vibes from this one, ngl.)

5. “Catapult,” Arctic Monkeys. “Both sides, and softly came the growl from both sides/ and if his whisper splits the mist/ just think of what he’s capable of with his kiss/ Nice try -- you cannot turn away but nice try.” Two for one: sex AND the Old Con’s particular style of captivating bastardry!

6. “Big God,” Florence + The Machine. Do I really need to explain this one? Other, maybe, than mentioning that one time it turned on at a very inopportune moment (with accompanying leering via godphone) that nearly resulted on me choking on air while trying to be a Very Serious Professional?

7. “Boots,” Kesha. “So slide over here, tell me the truth, I know you love me wearing nothing but your boots.” Laughing at both myself and Him for this one: my experience with Him is that He’s worse than all the rest combined when it comes to being very fucking grabby about anything I wear that might possibly be considered a reference back to Him. Corvids.

8. “Death Whispered a Lullaby,” Opeth. Just… the whole thing. I’m not sure it’s meant to be soothing, and yet….

9. “Der letzte Tanz,” Elisabeth, das Musical. Y’all. This entire thing is so much fun, I highly recommend it, it is fantastic. Preening over-the-top incredibly dramatic psychopomp getting huffy at people (and liking them better!) for not just, like, being immediately entranced, it’s great. “Der letze Tanz, der letzte Tanz, gehört allein nur mir -- den letzen Tanz, den letzen Tanz, tanz’ ich allein mit dir!”

10. “The Hunter’s Star,” Shearwater. “As forests bow/ and blacken the air/ as the canopies burn away/ and the arc-light fades/ and no gull remains/ to repeat its call/ only now would you long/ for the ancient boughs….” This has very Ragnarok and/or twilight of the gods feels to me, also very much wanderer who has forgotten where home is, if ever they knew. 

11. “Witch,” The Bird And The Bee. “Yes, I am a carnival/ a house of mirrors/ and I will con you/ and all my tricks/ and all my magic/ will keep you dizzy/ with desire.” Oðin as drag queen, or: what happens on Samsø stays on Samsø. Maybe. Theoretically. (It totally doesn’t.)

12. “Silent Lucidity,” Queensrÿche. “There’s a place I like to hide/ a doorway that I run through in the night./ Relax, child, you were there/ you only didn’t realize and you were scared./ (If you open your mind for me/ you won’t rely on open eyes to see.)” This one is like. I get shivers from listening to it with the Old Man in mind. (@grimnirslee this is why I startled so hard when you asked about Dreamfather)

13. “Somebody To Die For,” Hurts. “I’ve got nothing left to live for/ got no reason yet to die/ But when I’m standing in the gallows/ I’ll be staring at the sky/ Because no matter where they take me/ in death I will survive/ and I will never be forgotten/ with you by my side.” Can we say Havamal callback? All things die but the good name, the memory, and He’s got a long memory; where better to be kept? 

14. “Come Away To The Water,” Maroon 5. Hard for me to pull any one part out; the entire thing feels very viscerally like the Old Wolf laying a path of desire straight to waiting jaws, a ravenous maw. To be devoured, rent, to be eaten by a God (and perhaps from there reconstituted: but first the devouring, divine.)

15. “Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann,” Nena. “Im Sturz durch Zeit und Raum/ erwacht aus einem Traum/ nur ein kurzer Augenblick/ dann kehrt die Nacht zurück.” Interacting with Him feels sometimes like tumbling through the vast chaotic maelstrom of Being, everything revealed suddenly as masks in flux, as dreams constructed and shared to paste a layer of sense and meaning. That fleeting moment, that blink of an eye in which one is awake, and sees -- and then the night comes mercifully down again, protective.

16. “It Will Come Back,” Hozier. This whole damn thing feels like a warning designed to seduce, a flash of fangs behind smiling lips. Oh, sure, He’s saying right out that I know better than to let Him in… but we both know it’s going to happen anyways, don’t we? 

17. “Storyteller,” Alexander James Adams. “Please, Storyteller, pull a tale from your pocket/ Spin me a story from your coattails so bare/ My heart has turned cold, my dreams are too old,/ and I need to know magic’s still there.” This is the one I listen to when I’m world-weary and exhausted and the world is too much and my work is too much and I’m having trouble figuring out how the fuck to keep caring about any of it -- and that grizzled old warrior, the wanderer, the gifter of inspiration, comes through with a story, with enough reenchantment to keep going.

18. “Star Trek: Original Theme.” ...Okay, so no lyrics here, but y’all know the opening bit for ST:TOS? “To explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before.” Tell me that that whole sentiment isn’t right up the Wanderer’s alley!

#newbie devotee challenge #playlist #devotional playlist #odin #odindeity #othinn #only difficult part of this one was paring down the ridiculous long playlists I already have #and I guess the writeup went long

[terraaurea]

A note on Keith’s Galra Heritage: a Galrapological analysis nobody asked for

This is my excuse not to work on writing a syllabus. 

I do hope that Voltron someday elaborates even further, either on screen or in interviews/podcasts/comics/etc., about the pre-destruction cultures of Daibazaal. I also REALLY hope the VLD writers do not cop-out and incapacitate Keith by claiming that his Galra genes make him inherently evil or malicious. A few notes from your friendly neighborhood Anthropologist (we’ll see if my knowledge of humans can connect anywhere with alien sci-fi nonsense...)!

1a. I am sure a ton of people have already talked about this, so I won’t go into it too deeply. The main important part is that Galra genes are in fact probably incredibly recessive or at least highly compatible with other species. The Galra species at the time of VLD has an extremely wide range of characteristics, though they tend to share their purplish color scheme. Their body size can range from small, to broad and tall. Sometimes they have tails, furry ears, sharp canines, and eyes with or without irises/pupils. It is difficult to tell whether this is reminiscent of the intergalactic expansion of their Empire over more than 10,000 years, but I would think that has a huge part in it. Lotor shed a lot of light on the subject, since he advocated originally for the fair treatment of Galra with mixed heritage. 

Arguably, however, the Galra phenotypes were far more gracile before Daibazaal’s destruction. There was variation of course, but in general even the broadest of Galra maintained a sleeker facial structure with minimal fur, and no tails. For example, one may be able to see so-called ‘pure’ (scare-quotes) Galra phenotypes in Zarkon by comparing his characteristics to Galra from 10,000 years ago. It is for this reason (in addition to other propaganda) that nobody questions Lotor gracile face, despite his mother being Altean. He appears as a visionary for mixed heritage Galra then in the way that he pretends to be the ‘pure’-blooded savior of the oppressed. Remember, too, that thousands of years of history have been excluded from our knowledge, so there is likely no way to really know for sure what the original phenotypes of the so-called “Galra nation-tribe” were (according to Dayak’s teachings). Dayak does believe though that gracile facial features are signs of more dignified Galra (to Hunk: “That doughy face of yours is very un-Galra”). Cf. these lovely folks to a younger Zarkon pre-Quintessence exposure: 

(To be honest, I still cannot decide whether his supra-cranial ridges are biological/organic, or part of his armor. It does not help that we cannot see his ears)

1b. With all of this said, we learned that in the modern-day Galra Empire there are several shared cultural norms. As a student of cultural change and impact, I have to stress something which I believe is applicable (hopefully, please) to our world and this sci-fi universe: culture and genetics are not explicitly linked, and culture is an acquired characteristic, not an inherited one.

Hunk’s training with Lotor’s childhood governess Dayak tells us a lot. Bless this beautiful boy, realizing that knowing about one another’s culture is important for understanding each other! Up until the destruction of Altea, the Alteans were skilled in this, and even used their ability to shape-shift to work with others when appropriate.

For one, the concept of a ‘blood emperor’ has existed since before the Galra “were a star-faring race.” Lotor appears annoyed by Dayak’s use of the term, but it is clear that her belief in its solidarity remains, and can be seen elsewhere in the discrimination shown to Galra of mixed heritage. Lotor obviously wants to come off as progressive to the paladins, here. From her lessons, which she is pleased to give Hunk, we learn that historic Galra customs held strong weight in: defeating your enemies, absolutes (”victory or death”; alt. Blade of Marmora “knowledge or death”), enlightening pain (palen-bol), and the belief in a singular “killing thrust” (vrepit sa) that put the Galra above all other tribes on Daibazaal. If anyone has studied history before, it becomes clear that this singular event was likely instead a series of hundreds, or thousands, of years of combat, diplomacy, and the like (cf. ancient Mediterranean/Mesopotamian/Indian flood myths, fictive kings [like the original monarchy of Rome/Romulus and Remus], etc.). This belief in a singular event reinforces the modern Galra preference for absolutes. This is also why there is no error in violence, as it is the “searing light” that “burns away all imperfections” on both societal, and personal levels. There is no in between. Regardless, the most important takeaway is that Hunk learns these tenets from Dayak and is then able to apply them when working with Galra. Young Galra, like Lotor, were not born with these ideologies, but instead learned them (acquired them) from their ancestors, teachers, and families. 

Now that we have addressed basic Galra phenotypology (for funsies), and that culture and genetics are not inexplicably linked, we can cover the reason why it is in VLD’s best interest not to cop-out and give Keith a specific weakness on behalf of his blood heritage. (Also, where there are small links at the most basic level between the human propensity for culture/social interaction on a genetic level is impossible to address here and would be far too anthropo-centric for our purposes, are highly contested, and ultimately inconsequential. Nobody DM me quoting Richard Dawkins and the ‘selfish gene,’ please I beg you). 

2a. I can already sense this possibility: Keith loses control because his ‘Galra-side’ takes over. He cannot help it, becomes openly violent, and regrets his parents having met. He regrets his mother being Galra, and wishes he could either be human or not exist at all. I SINCERELY HOPE THAT VLD DOES ITSELF A FAVOR AND AVOIDS THIS ROUTE. I have faith, because VLD has expressed a decent amount of intuitiveness when it comes to cultural race vs biological species. There are far better ways to go about this, both for the sake of narrative and accuracy! 

At the very most, Keith’s Galra genetics should provide him with a few unique attributes: physical strength and acuity, and at the very most a different level of hormonal sensitivity, leading to increased or decreased moodiness or impulsiveness. Ultimately, the Galra across the Empire are not violent on account of their genes, though. Moody? Perhaps. Bloodthirsty? No. They are violent because of their upbringing. Keith’s impulsiveness is almost certainly more rooted in his difficult childhood, and his discipline issues are mirrored in other human children and adults who have faced similar losses (absent parental figures due to death, bullying, etc.). There is a reason why Shiro appearing in Keith’s life has lead him to slowly improve his self-control. There is a reason why Keith’s experiences with the Blade of Marmora (and likely his mother, Krolia) have had similar effects on his self-control. These situations have provided him with teachers who guide him. Human or Galra, he would have the same issues if he was left unattended for his entire life.

What, then, could give Keith troubles on account of his genes? Simple answer: power.

2b. We saw in the fight between the Black Paladins that in times of intense stress, Keith’s Galra phenotypes show through, making his face purplish and his sclera yellowish. This is interesting because it reminds me more of Altean shapeshifting abilities. Whether this happens in other mixed heritage Galra is hard to discern, and it is equally viable that Krolia is of mixed heritage in the first place. Keith in general has heightened strength and visual acuity, which can already be attributed to his hard work. But, the two years with his mother may have contributed to his growth spurt: Galra lifespans are longer, so he may not have reached physical maturity yet. Being with a parental figure of Galra descent for an extended period of time may also have helped this on some hormonal level.

Keith has worked hard to tame his impulsiveness. Patience yields focus! But, once one has been patient, has grown, and can focus--there are still mistakes to be made. Humans are physically weaker than Alteans and Galra. Should one give the strength of an Altean or Galra to someone like Lance, Hulk, or Pidge, they surely would struggle to reconcile their strength with their ability to overcome enemies, or manipulate others. All suffered in the Quintessence Field while fighting Lotor, because power flowed through them, and their inhibitions were severely lowered. Not because they are bad people, but because it was a physical feeling of something different, imbuing them with pure energy, which Quintessence is. One of the only examples we have of someone successfully doing this is Shiro, whose Galra-tech arm renders him incredibly strong. But, we also now see from the Black Paladins battle that, if not for Shiro’s mind, he would be difficult to beat as an enemy, and could even become cruel on power. When he exclaims, “Now that’s the Keith I remember!” he refers to the boy before he learned control, and whose recklessness paired with his acuity (see his piloting skills at the garrison) made for dangerous situations for himself and others. These are weaknesses not of the body, but of the mind. The body is strong, and the mind falls victim to greed if it has not trained properly to handle it.

Keith may need to come to terms with the power he is awakening, and very well may accidentally hurt someone he cares about without realizing. It should not be because Galra cultural mores are violent and absolutist, though! It should instead be because he does not know his own physical strength. In this way, perfectly good intentions can end very, very badly, very quickly. With the help of mentors (there are many options!) he can overcome this. He is not evil because he is part-Galra, and his Galra genes should not incapacitate him as though he were a soulless robot. It would be an excuse, a cop-out, and low key a reason for the entire galaxy to warrant wiping the universe of Galra genes. Trust me, it would not be good.

This was my TED talk...

#voltron #vld #Voltron legendary defender #keith kogane #lotor #this is your captain speaking #I have a syllabus to write for a class in the fall and this is my way of stalling #some fun thoughts from your friendly neighborhood anthropologist/archaeologist #i love world building and lore #fml I procrastinate

[ithisatanytime]

“I will not fail to speak of Leviathan’s limbs,    its strength and its graceful form. 13 Who can strip off its outer coat?    Who can penetrate its double coat of armor[b]? 14 Who dares open the doors of its mouth,    ringed about with fearsome teeth? 15 Its back has[c] rows of shields    tightly sealed together; 

this reads crocodile to me, but then we get this

each is so close to the next    that no air can pass between. 17 They are joined fast to one another;    they cling together and cannot be parted. 18 Its snorting throws out flashes of light;    its eyes are like the rays of dawn. 19 Flames stream from its mouth;    sparks of fire shoot out. 20 Smoke pours from its nostrils    as from a boiling pot over burning reeds. 21 Its breath sets coals ablaze,    and flames dart from its mouth. 22 Strength resides in its neck;    dismay goes before it. 23 The folds of its flesh are tightly joined;    they are firm and immovable. 24 Its chest is hard as rock,    hard as a lower millstone. 25 When it rises up, the mighty are terrified;    they retreat before its thrashing. 

now as for the smoke and fire, i want to ascribe that to steam or moisture being mistaken for smoke, or just as an allusion to either watery breath from the nostrils of some great crocodile or the blow hole of a whale. theres reference to harpoons earlier, god asks job and his fellows who can pierce the leviathans skull with a harpoon, its not just that whales were typically hunted with harpoons, but also that i think hebrews and ancient peoples in general were probably quite intimately familiar with crocodilians and there skulls can be pierced by harpoons, though it would be quite tough due to its hide. there are other problems, the narrative goes out of its way to mention specifically the gracefulness of its limbs, really emphasizes that, i wouldnt describe a whales limbs as graceful nor a crocodiles, and the people who wrote these scriptures were obvoiusly very descriptive and i doubt any man would describe any of the animals offered up as possible explanations. these people had animal husbandry for christmas sake, but then they have leviathan specifically named under kosher foods along with geckos and other reptilians. it had to have been just a big ass hell crocodile, listen you dont understand how big they are, videos dont do them justice.

lets talk about snakes. specifically about the genesis story, the gnostics had quite a lot to say about the snake in the creation story but im not gonna get into that, i just want to point out that the snake after tempting eve is then cursed to walk on its belly, which is interesting, if you look at the creation theory from the point of view that it was just a bunch of nonsense, they chose the snake arbitrarily (or perhaps due to the very small vestigial remenants of leg bones that remain on some snake species) they knew they it at one point did not crawl on its belly. so what we understand as a snake is itself a physically fallen form, remember whatever it used to look like it didnt crawl on its belly. the genesis story itself theres all this stuff in there that is good to learn but you cant help but feel that theres context that contemporaries expected you to know at the time the book was written and distributed.right off the bat, they are instructed not to eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, i wont nit pick and ask where it came from or why it was there, but why specifically the knowledge of good and evil? i know the dogmatic answers, but im not talking about answers at all, im saying on a basic human level it strikes a sort of odd nerve doesnt it? why is knowledge cast in such a bad light here (im not interested in apologetics) and then later in proverbs and elsewhere wisdom, which while admittedly different their is a striking familial resemblance between the too, is basically deified, refered to by name and i believe in some twisted popes fantasy became a manifestation of the holy spirit, dont quote me on that, ive been studying but i find catholic autism really boring. they really took that apostilic lineage and ran with it didnt they though? man this is a tangent. the snake and why its there thats another serious problem, which is retconned later in revelations, a book that remained contentious into the fourth century. im beating around the bush.

 gnostics view of cosmology differs from that of modern catholics and protestants, in there view, the snake wasnt satan but christ, and the god of the old testament wasnt god, but the demiurge, the god of this earth, the god of the material, what you can percieve with the senses, and his holy host of angels are in fact the principalities of the air, what you might understand as demons. in there view, yaweh was a blind god, a lower god, but he couldnt perceive what was beyond the material world. he was jealous and prideful and knowing that if we ate of the fruit of the tree of wisdom (wisdom is deified) we would see them for what they were, and surpass them, being jealous obviously the demiurge wouldnt have liked that very much. i am simplifying like you wouldnt damn believe. the idea is inside of us is a spark of divinity, literally of the gods, mixed together with matter, animals are matter with soul, humans are matter with soul and spirit, the spirit is the divinity of man, the ability to achieve gnosis and be reuinited with the source of that divine substance. the rulers of the air, the principalities of the earth control the material world but they are imperfect they arent really god, god doesnt exist in the matter, the matter exists in it. it goes beyond that, and entertaining the thought has been entertaining, i had a lot of biblical context going in, though i never studied it in a scholastic environment, but i feel that i lack the background knowledge about mystery cults, so ive been voraciously reading everything. it does wrap a lot of things up a nice little bow though, there is a market change in tone between old testament and new, and then another in how the gospels were then disseminated.

  im not really in the market for a new religion, i feel like im pulling the right thread though as far as understanding the world around me better. i was far to hand wavy in my dismissal of cults and fraternities. if i were rich, id buy a lot of books and probably never read them

[syradith]

Tyrande in War of Thorns

It’s been a bit since the pre-patch War of Thorns event was released, but even after the novellas came out, I still saw people who were everything from confused to angry about Tyrande and her role in all this and her supposed desertion, even though this was not the case at all. I am aware that the majority very likely either don’t read/experience content outside of the game itself, or are unaware of its existence, or perhaps some other reasoning. Additionally, I think a lot of people forget (especially considering this is a video game centered around war and combat) that there is a lot more to leading and supporting your people than just fighting alongside them, which may have aided in this outlook as well.

Regardless, thanks to a friend’s suggestion, I’ve decided to post a summary of this topic (along with a few of my own opinions, of course), as I absolutely and completely -love and adore- this character and jump at any chance to discuss her or other Kaldorei related things. Plus, I want to just help get this info out there.

As a disclaimer, I will be using quotes from the book itself, and an article from Wowhead discussing this topic this as well.

https://www.wowhead.com/news=286153/the-role-of-tyrande-whisperwind-in-war-of-the-thorns-and-elegy

In the game:

As everyone knows, WoW itself shows her...pretty much not at all until the last minute. She suddenly appears out of nowhere, rescues her husband (again), decides not to take vengeance on Saurfang, and just peaces out with a Stormwind hearthstone. There was zero build up or explanation to any of this, so I fully understand why people would see it in a negative light.

However, her role in it was equally as important and just as involved as those fighting on the battlefield.

In the ‘Elegy’ novella:

She's already currently in Stormwind when all this stuff starts happening in Silithus. She's meeting with the other leaders to discuss war strategies with them on how to best handle the Horde and how to keep them from getting all/more Azerite (not because they want it for themselves. Alliance wants to help heal Azeroth, but know the Horde likely only wants the Azerite to make weapons and conquer...which they do). They note the army looking to head out to Silithus to secure it for good. With Night Elves and Draenei being the closest to do anything about it --and Draenei being too weakened and depleted of all resources in fighting the Legion-- Tyrande offers to pull/gather a large force to send to Shandris to wait, then to Silithus when needed. Anduin agrees and the force is gathered mostly from Darnassus/Ashenvale, leaving the areas with minimal forces to stay to defend themselves. 

It's only after they start to head out from Feralas to Silithus that Ashenvale is attacked and the Horde makes their way from the Barrens through Ashenvale towards the World Tree; cutting down every and all settlements/outposts they come across. Malfurion and Tyrande (and the other leaders), upon realizing the ruse, recall the reinforcements.The Horde army is much, much larger (about 8 to 1 at least, if I remember right), so knowing they can’t win from the start and that both the reinforcements from Feralas and Stormwind would arrive far too late, they have the defenders simply hold the lines while they start evacuations for Darnassus and Darkshore to get as many people out as they can and while they still can.

Malfurion joins the fray and helps defend. Tyrande almost leaves Stormwind to help several times, but is convinced thanks to a Sentinel who arrived to tell her what’s happening (we, go figure, don’t know what was specifically said because it’s from Anduin’s perspective and he obviously doesn’t know Darnassian) to stay there to help the refugees fleeing to Stormwind through portals and be a strong, comforting, reassuring anchor and leader for them when they need her most.

Eventually, she does finally leave briefly to aid Malfurion when she receives a letter from him saying Darnassus was to be lost and he was going to fight the Banshee Queen as a last stand and bades her farewell in the case he doesn’t return. Anduin tries to dissuade her, and obviously fails; so instead, he gives her a hearthstone to return to Stormwind quickly once her task was complete. Stepping through one of the portals, she is, of course, greeted with cheers and signs of relief as the Kaldorei spot her arriving. After reassuring her people and calling upon Elune to bless them and lift their spirits, she continues on.

As she’s flying over the battle and fleeing citizens on a hippogryph, she deeply laments so badly wanting to join them, but is also quite aware that risking her life and leaving her people leaderless would only make things much, much worse. So she keeps going and, using Elune’s guidance, finds Malfurion, nearly killing Saurfang in the process (as well as displaying how -extremely-, immensely powerful she is without even doing a huge display. Like holy shit is she scary and impressive. By the goddess, it was one of those things that reminded me why I love her so damn much). In the end, she lets him survive in the hopes that due to his talks of honor, he would be compassionate to the prisoners and, as we know, uses the hearthstone to take herself and Malfurion to safety.

Case in point, from the article, and as I stated to friends and RP guild mates as soon as I saw it when it was released:

“Some players were also concerned that Tyrande was cowardly for escaping and should have stayed and fought. However, at this point in the battle, all hope for Darnassus was lost. As Saurfang warns her, she would be killed if she were to return to Darnassus, leaving her people without a leader.”

When they return to Stormwind, they start to see smoke coming in through the portals (flame even threatens to reach them through it at one point). They think burning some of the city is part of the occupation process and don’t yet have any idea that Sylvanas changed her plan and, in fact, burned the entire tree down. 

Genn goes to save his wife, Mia, who went to Darnassus early on to help with evacuations. He finds that she nearly died protecting an infant from falling debris. Astarii calls to Elune and the goddess finally seems to answer her childrens’ prayers, giving the priestess the ability to heal the queen and child. Genn thanks her and returns with Mia through the portal at the last second before they are forced to close them. The priestess Astarii, two other remaining priestesses and all those too injured, weak, or arrived too late have been left behind to their fate in order to keep all they’ve saved and accomplished from being in vain. Astarii gathers up those around her, taking up a mother and son in her arms, and begins to sings the elegy the book is named for (and a section of which starts off each chapter) to them. Elune gives those about to die yet one more final show of her presence: a sense of calm and blocking them from feeling pain as they all simply fall asleep peacefully before the fire consumes them.

Shifting back to Stormwind. Tyrande takes up the infant Mia was carrying in her arms as the latter and Genn collapse, exhausted and grieving. Mia tells her the news about the world tree which leads to: 

“Tyrande closed her eyes. “I said the tree would not be…” Her voice broke, She opened her eyes and looked at the child she held in her arms, covered with soot, but whole. Healthy. Alive. Tears slipped slowly down her cheeks. “What is her name?” She asked softly.

Mia shook her head weakly. “I don’t know.”

“Then, little one, I shall name you Finel. ‘The last.’ For you are the last Kaldorei to escape with your life.” ”

It then ends with the leaders grieving for the World Tree, Anduin steeling himself for war, and Tyrande singing an elegy to the baby (different from the one Astarii sings).

TLDR (as taken from the Wowhead article): 

“Tyrande in Elegy has a much larger role than in the Alliance quests. She acts pragmatically, remaining in Stormwind to survive, heal the refugees, and rule instead of rushing into battle. While she doesn’t fight much since her duties are required elsewhere, we do see how powerful she can be in her interaction with Saurfang. Perhaps due to the limitations of in-game quest animations, it was hard to convey the sheer power of Elune and how Saurfang was at the brink of death. As the Alliance questline doesn’t really convey that they knew Darnassus would always fall, Tyrande’s choice not to rush into the city and avoid capture and death makes more sense. When she does return to Darnassus, en route to rescuing Malfurion, the novella makes very clear how conflicted she is that she cannot stay behind with her people and fight, even if she would die. If Tyrande was responsible for Elune’s sudden renewed presence at the end of the novella, that could have implications for later in Battle for Azeroth. Sylvanas, towards the end of A Good War, hints that her ultimate goal is not Stormwind or Darnassus, but one that much larger forces would protest—including Elune. Perhaps Elune is dampened in Sylvanas’ presence naturally, and as we learn more about Sylvanas’ ulterior motives, conduits of Elune like Tyrande will play a larger role in the conflict ahead. Hopefully if you were disappointed about Tyrande’s absence in War of the Thorns, this look at her role in the novella shows that she still played an important role.”

So there you have it. A complete and total 180 from how she was portrayed in-game. I have a lot of opinions regarding Elune’s lack of action until the last minute. How the Night Elves are displayed as weak and seem like they’re just not fighting at all in-game vs clearly putting up a solid, hard won fight in the book (yet still failing and falling for every tactic at every turn). How the Horde so easily manages to get all the way to the World Tree with seemingly little to no real losses in both medias (despite the clear disadvantages and constant difficulties of their conquest). How the Horde in its entirely seem to be perfectly okay with everything that’s happening, and apparently agreeing to start all out, honorless and unprovoked war that neither side can afford considering the whole world just fought and came close to losing to the Legion (again). And, of course, yet another display of storytelling that is starting to convince me that Blizzard seems to just flat out hate the Night Elves. I mean, I’m all for tragedy. They make just as good a stories as overly happy ones. I also know they aren’t the only race to be forgotten/used as opposing faction target practice/etc. But Night Elves are the ones I can speak for the most, and this sort of treatment has been building up and ongoing for some time now. This, however, was just...a little too much for me and took a long time to come to terms with.

Anyway, rant of my insignificant opinions aside, I was immensely glad to see some depictions of Tyrande and Malfurion actually getting to be useful and show off their importance and power for once. After the War of Thorns questline (obviously prior to the books’ release), I was highly concerned that it would end up a repeat of Legion where the pair were largely either ignored or displayed in a manner that most players heavily misconstrued their actions and motivations. I mean, I guess it’s still happening since Blizzard has started relying heavily on outside sources for major storytelling (a very poor choice if you ask me), but at least the information is in fact out there.

While I am extremely anxious and hesitant regarding the direction the Night Elves are going to be taken from here on out, now more than ever, I am still curious to see what happens next and if they will receive some sort of comeback in the future. Or if they will be mostly forgotten like the Gilneans they were supporting and had given a home. If nothing else, it would be nice to at least see more of Tyrande helping lead the Alliance (and even more of the powerful, decisive, fairly competent Malfurion that was displayed in ‘Elegy’ that we haven’t seen since...well probably Warcraft 3).

#World of Warcraft #Tyrande #night elves

[dolly-decadatia]

12/3 S.C notes Chap 7 continued

South- fire 🔥: the element of transformation, of passion and change, success, health, and strength. An oil lamp or piece of lava rock can be used as well.

 West: water 💦- a cup or bowl of water can be placed in the west. Water is the realm of the emotions, of the psychic mind, love, healing, beauty and emotional spirituality

 The altar should go in the center (according to Scott) but you have to be flexible about the amount of space you have. Some of us have to place it in a corner or against a wall. I for one currently live in a shitty trailer and will be moving into a tiny rv once my lease is up. It behooves me to not fixate on “my altar MUST be dead ass center in the circle.” A lot of us probably have similar poverty related space constraints.

 Generally the altar is set up facing north (but see my thoughts above).

 Take his altar set up with a huge grain of salt. He’s gendered it. He says the left is goddess, the right god and he’s gendered inanimate objects to reflect cis genitalia and assigned them to the left or right. Cis pussy to the left, cis dick on the right. It’s not so much transphobic as it is just weird and creepy. I probably want to completely design my own altar lay out to avoid this weird dick and pussy fixation. I need to double check how LaVey had his set up. It’s been a really long time since I actually practiced Satanism and I don’t remember his set up. I know he has a straight up phallus on his supply list but imo having. A representation of genitalia that looks like genitalia is less weird and creepy that randomly deciding Wands and athames are cocks and cocks somehow automatically are male. I think LaVey’s phallus was supposed to represent lust or something. Idk, I need to reread it. Don’t quote me.

 If you’re working magic in the circle ⭕️, all necessary items should be within it before you begin, either on the altar or beneath it. Never forget to have matches handy, and a small bowl to hold the used ones. He says it’s “impolite” to throw them in the censer or cauldron but until I see someone I respect say that I’m ignoring it.

 Chapter 8: The Days of Power

 Here, I’m copy pasting notes I already took from the internet while I was waiting for the book to arrive. I skimmed through Scott’s chapter to see if there was anything to add but there wasn’t. These are my first draft of what May end up being my holidays/ Sabbaths/ whatever I choose to call them. They’re not done so don’t judge them too harsh yet:

 “Wheel of the year” ideas

 January- New Years

February- Valentine’s Day

March- bad things happened to me-day of healing ?

April- wedding anniversary and t date

June- my birthday

Aug- partner’s birthday

October- Halloween and dating anniversary

December Krampusnacht

 9 in total this draft

Does not seem seasonal at all so “wheel of the year” isn’t a great name at all.

 I do like some of the seasonal things but I’m having trouble figuring out how to incorporate them. Even when I was Wiccan I didn’t understand the significance of celebrating an agricultural cycle.

 Wiccan wheel:(copy pasted with commentary)

Yule- When is Yule: December 20-23

Themes: rebirth, quiet introspection, new year, hope, setting intentions, celebration of light 

In most traditions, Yule is the Sabbat that begins the Wiccan Year.

(I think January 1st makes more sense to me. As far as the winter holiday goes- I resonate with Krampusnacht and there’s nothing about Krampus that screams “new year” to me.)

 This is the Winter Solstice—the shortest day and longest night we will experience in the Northern Hemisphere.

Yule, a fire festival, is a time of celebrating the return of the light. From this point forward, the days will gradually grow longer again, until we reach the height of the Sun’s power at the Summer Solstice.

Although we will still see comparatively little of the Sun’s light for several more weeks, this Sabbat reminds us to have patience—the waning half of the year is over, and warmth, growth, and light will reign again!

 (This part resonates with me because I have seasonal affective disorder and the light returning is very meaningful personally.) 

 it is a relatively quiet, indoor holiday, as people gather within the warm shelters of their homes to be merry and give thanks. As a Yule ritual, many decorate their altars with evergreen branches, such as cedar, pine, hemlock and spruce, as well as bright sprigs of holly, pinecones, and other festive winter flora.

 Food for simple feast/ gingerbread and ???

 Candles are paramount to this Sabbat, of course, with Yule traditions emphasizing the colors red, green, white, and gold. Images of the Sun are also appropriate. Those lucky enough to have a fireplace can burn a sacred Yule log, but you don’t need an actual hearth to brighten up your home with candles galore! Interestingly, many traditions which are generally thought of as belonging to Christmas—including the Yule log, a decorated tree, wreaths, and even caroling—are actually rooted in pre-Christian pagan traditions. So it’s quite likely that you’ve already been celebrating Yule for years, with or without your knowledge!

 Imbolc- This cross-quarter day—midway between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox—is a welcome milestone for many who eagerly await the warmer months.

 (So do I need to celebrate the coming warmth in December? Wouldn’t this make more sense- or would it make even more sense to wait for the spring equinox to really say “fuck you”’to winter?)

 celebrated on February 2nd. As a holiday celebrating beginnings and renewal,

(Seems like a beginnings and renewal holiday would be relevant to me but maybe I should do that on my t day)

 Imbolc is often chosen as a time for initiation, whether it be through a coven or through a self-dedication ritual.

 (Also seems like a tday thing) It is also a time for ritual cleansing after being shut indoors, largely inactive, for the past few months. (My t day is in April when spring is either here or near and that imagery can make sense then too) The ability of the Sun to cleanse and purify is recognized in various ways. Some people light several candles in each room of the house, or, in a more modern version of this tradition, turn on every lamp to set the old energy “ablaze” with the power of light. Some Witches will leave their ritual tools out in direct sunlight as one of their Imbolc traditions to cleanse and charge them—particularly metal tools and treasured crystals or mineral stones.

Traditional candle colors for Imbolc are white, yellow, orange and red, and altar decorations include fresh Spring flowers, besoms (small decorative ritual brooms) and figurines or images of young animals.

 (The stated foods are all Imbolc specific and don’t make sense for me turning parts of it into my tday festival)

Ostara- (there do not appear to be any themes in Ostara that would be relevant or useful to my practice)

 Beltane  April 30 or May 1

Themes: passion, mischief, sensuality, sexuality, (rawr) beauty, romance, fertility,(eew) vitality, abundance

 Celebrated on May 1st, Beltane marks the transition point from Spring to Summer. This is a heady time of lust, passion and fertility, marking the return of vitality to both the Earth and the Sun. Blossoms on the trees are giving way to robust leaf growth, young animals are growing into maturity, and the daylight continues to lengthen and strengthen as we move toward the full power of Summer. Love and commitment are themes of this Sabbat, along with abundance and creativity. Handfastings are traditionally held at Beltane.

 (Wedding anniversary is April 14. Can possibly borrow some Beltane themes for that)

 Beltane is a very sensual Sabbat in many traditions, celebrating sexual energy

 One distinct custom in England and elsewhere that has never died out entirely is dancing around the Maypole—a tall, wooden pole said to represent male virility. Typically, people gather flowers and green branches to decorate the Maypole, or else use brightly colored ribbons. Many groups incorporate this tradition into their Beltane celebrations.

Fire is also a big focus at Beltane—so much so that many places host a Beltane fire festival. In ancient Irish culture, from which the name of the Sabbat is borrowed, people lit giant sacred fires on this day to purify and protect their cattle from illness. The cattle were driven between two fires to ritually cleanse them and connect them with the Sun. It was also considered good luck for people to jump over a bonfire at this time, and this is another Beltane ritual that is often found in celebrations.

The word “beltane” actually comes from an ancient Celtic word meaning “bright fire,” so it’s highly appropriate to include fire of some kind in your festivities. If, like many Wiccans, you don’t have the means to build a fire either indoors or outdoors, you can still decorate your altar with images of fire. If you have a mini-cauldron, place it over a few scraps of red and orange paper for a symbolic fire right on your altar!

Other ways to celebrate Beltane include making a “wedding feast” . Breads and cereal grains, oatmeal cookies and dairy foods are all traditional Beltane treats. Include seasonal spring vegetables as well for a true feast. Gather flowers and green leaves to decorate your altar with. Many people like to create a “mini-Maypole” for their altar and decorate it with ribbons. If you have long hair, braid it as a symbol of the union between (my partner and I) weaving in some wildflowers or tree blossoms if you like. Traditionally, couples would spend the whole night outdoors, romping in the fields and forests, but if this isn’t practical, take a long walk with your sweetheart somewhere out in nature. The important thing is to make sure you spend some time outdoors on this day! (we like nature and we got married on the beach so this is very useable)

 Midsummer June 20-22 (oh hey thats so close to my birthday!)

Themes: abundance, growth, masculine energy, (love that for me) love, magic

 This is the longest day and shortest night of the year, marking the pinnacle of the Sun’s power to fuel the growing season. From here on out, the Sun will set a little earlier each night until Yule, and so we recognize and give thanks for its warmth.

The crops are reaching their full maturity and the forests are bursting with lush growth. In just a few short weeks, the harvest season will begin, but for now we pause to celebrate the manifestation of what was planted in the early weeks of Spring. The warm sunlight is a welcome contrast to the cold and dark of Winter, and we bask in its comforts. T 

To celebrate this Sabbat, you can decorate your altar with summer flowers, herbs and fruits, and summer colors like yellow, green and blue. This is a traditional time for rites of re-dedication as well as divination related to love and romance. Keep at least one candle lit throughout the day to honor the Sun, and if possible hold your rituals at noon, when the Sun is at its highest point in the sky. Have an outdoor picnic feast to bask in the warmth of the day, and eat fresh fruits and vegetables—ideally from a farmer’s market or harvested from your own garden. This is a good time for magic related to masculine energies and any situation that needs to be “fired up” in your life.

 Lammas: August 1 or 2

Themes: first fruits, harvest, gratitude, benevolent sacrifice, utilizing skills and talents

(I don’t know what to do here. When I was Wiccan, this was one of my faves because I am obsessed with autumn but all the mythology here in the description is harvest related and I am not a farmer or about gratitude. Gratitude is lovely and I want to incorporate it into my practice but doing gratitude amongst the fall foliage aesthetic makes me think of American Thanksgiving which is super gross. This is going to need a lot of thought.) 

 Lammas rituals are related to harvest and gratitude, and recognizing the manifestations of our intentions that have unfolded so far during the course of the year. Bread-making is a common way to mark the holiday, as it represents bringing the seeds of intention into full fruition. People also might make a corn dolly—a traditional poppet made from straw—for use in ritual and magic. Decorate your altar with the colors of summer and fall—yellow, orange, red, green and brown. Use harvest imagery like scythes and baskets and, of course, loaves of bread. A Lammas feast should definitely involve bread, as well as late-summer fruits and vegetables, corn, and other grain dishes. Spellwork related to securing abundance and a happy home is particularly powerful at this time.

(see what I mean? What do I do here? Also I just glanced at the date and its early august which is hotter than the surface of the sun in the modern south where i am trapped. It doesn’t start feeling autumny down here until mid november. This one needs a lot of work)

 focus their celebrations on giving thanks for their skills and talents as well as for the grain harvest, but the emphasis is on gratitude all the same.

 Mabon: September 21-24- Autumn (or Fall) Equinox.

Themes: harvest, gratitude, abundance, balance, preparation, welcoming the dark

(wait, how is this different from lammas? I think this is the one I was actually thinking about when I said “this was one of my faves when I was actually wiccan.” My bad. Ok, I’m dumb but in my defense why do they have 2 back to back autumn colored gratitude holidays???)

Mabon falls on the Autumn Equinox and is the second of the three harvest festivals (Lammas, Mabon, and Samhain). Just like Ostara on the opposite side of the Wheel of the Year, at Mabon the days and nights are of equal length. Though temperatures may still be warm during the day, summer has truly come to an end. The leaves on deciduous trees have begun to turn colors and fall to the ground, (not in my state, homie) and there is a chill in the evening air. The days were longer than the nights until this moment, and after this the nights will begin their reign.. In these modern times, most of us are not involved in agriculture, but we can still take a moment to rest from our labor and relax, appreciating all that we have. It is a time to recognize the need for balance between work and play.

But how should you celebrate Mabon? For starters, Mabon rituals can include decorating your altar with acorns, pine cones, seasonal fruits and nuts, and/or a few of the first colored leaves that drop from the trees. (yes this was deffo the one I was thinking of, not Lammas) As with Lamas, harvest imagery like scythes and baskets can be used. (no wonder I mixed them up. They’re practically twins.) Candles and altar cloths in autumn colors like rusty red, orange, brown, and gold are appropriate. If you have a feast, whether solo or with others, include seasonal vegetables like onions, potatoes, carrots and other root vegetables. Spellwork related to protection and security is appropriate now, as are workings for self-confidence, prosperity, harmony and balance. If you are one who struggles with seasonal depression during the fall and winter months, (YUP) use this time to set an intention for inner peace and strength. You might make and charge a talisman for this purpose, to accompany you through the next two seasons. (OOH i LIKE THAT) 

When is Samhain: October 31 or November 1

Themes: death, rebirth, divination, honoring ancestors, introspection, benign mischief, revelry

The third and final harvest festival on the Wheel of the Year is Samhain, observed on October 31. This Sabbat marks the end of the growing season and the beginning of Winter, which must be prepared for now in earnest. Herbs are dried for winter storage, fruits and vegetables are canned and preserved, and root vegetables are dug up and stored so they may nourish us through the cold months. The word “Samhain” comes from the old Irish and is thought by many to translate as “Summer’s end.”

While the cycles of life and death are implicitly recognized at every Sabbat, Samhain is when the necessary role of death is formally honored. The nights grow noticeably longer with each day. The God retreats now into the shadows of the dark season, symbolically dying back to the Earth before being reborn again at Yule. Many Wiccans and other Pagans consider this to be the most important day on the Wheel, a time when the veil between the spirit world and the mundane world is at its thinnest. Our ancestors and loved ones on the Other Side are said to be more easily able to visit with us and make their presence known at this time.

Samhain is arguably the most visible Sabbat in the mainstream world, thanks to the parallel holiday of Halloween. Many of the Halloween traditions celebrated in contemporary cultures today have grown out of customs dating back to pagan times. As far back as ancient Greece, people were leaving offerings of food to their ancestors, which is echoed in the modern tradition of trick-or-treating. The practice of leaving root vegetables hollowed out with lighted candles inside, to guide spirits visiting on Earth ultimately led to today’s jack-o-lanterns. Witches, of course, have always been part of mainstream Halloween lore. 

 . We also honor our ancestors and invite them to visit with us. You might decorate your altar with pictures of your deceased loved ones in addition to fall foliage, apples and nuts, dried herbs and even jack-o-lanterns. Many people will leave a plate of food and drink out for any spirits who happen to wander by. Samhain is one of the most powerful nights of the year for spellwork and divination. Magical workings related to just about anything will receive an extra boost, but waning-moon work will have the most potent effect. Banishings, protection spells, clearing of obstacles and astral projection are particularly favored. Scrying, tarot reading, rune casting and any other form of divination you practice will bring you very clear results, as well as possibly a visit from an ancestor or spirit guide. Be open to doing inner work as well—reflecting on what you’d like to let go of and what you’d like to improve in yourself over the coming year.

(Ok now I’m going to be repetitious and re paste my list of significant dates and combine my thing with the wheel if applicable. Ran out of time midway through that so I’ll put it into tomorrow’s study notes)

#atheist witch #witch journey #beginner witch #secular witchcraft

[teagrl]

Luke Skywalker isn’t afraid of the dark: More on Mindor

So I wanted to go back to Shadows of Mindor because that and Traitor (both by Stover) are the best, I think, in articulating a coherent framework for understanding the Force, the light and dark, and what’s at stake between them especially for Jedi.

I’ve talked about Shadows of Mindor before here and here.  My main takeaway being that the lowest point of the dark side is despair. Despair is the root of it. It’s a very specific brand of despair, I think – in response to existencial angst. Basically if everything is going to die anyway what’s the point of anything. 

This idea is what the novel refers to as the “Dark” and Luke confronts it early on when the baddie buries him alive. Fighting against this oppressive sense of futility drives Luke’s inner conflict from that point until the very end of the novel where the way out (as I interpret it) is following the “fiction” of heroism. I.e. it doesn’t matter how you feel (the “reality”) be the hero (the “fiction”), struggle. So I take the epigraph that opens the novel: “ None of the stories people tell about me can change who I really am,” to be a pretty awesome irony, because at the end of the day, stories (the ones others tell about us, the ones we tell ourselves) end up mattering a whole lot (eta: they may exist apart from who we “really are,” but that doesn’t diminish their value).

ANYWAY

So here I want to ramble about some ways to think (again) about that money quote, apropos of the discussions of the Force and the old Jedi Order:

“Because unlike the Knights of old, Jedi Luke Skywalker… you are not afraid of the dark.”

It’s worth pointing out that Stover wrote the RotS adaptation too.

The contrast between Luke and Anakin has been covered elsewhere. But Anakin is haunted in the RotS adaptation by the thought of “stars burning out” and the hopeful finish of the novel is that quote, “love can ignite the stars.” So that’s the theme right there, meaninglessness (”stars burning out”) and its antidote meaning – from connections with others (”*love* ignites the stars”).

Shadows pushes this idea forward, by first laying out what this meaningless is:

Afraid that the Dark really was the truth. The only real truth. That everything else everyone pretended was important was only a deception, a distraction, a game to keep your mind off the eternal oblivion to come. [Luke] had spent aeons in the Dark and he knew its awful power.

Everything dies, it would whisper forever in his heart. Even stars burn out.

And then the antidote, which is actually not the opposite but a shift in perspective (back to “from a certain point of view…”)

But [Luke], too, was a star, and the light that shone from him was the Force.

Each and every distant star on which he fixed his attention, however dim it was, instantly brightened as his light fed its own.

Here we are, in the Dark, [Luke] thought. And it’s not empty. It’s not meaningless. Not with us all here.

It’s beautiful.

Fundamentally it’s about a search for meaning. I think perhaps “the Knights of old” were so afraid of confronting meaninglessness (especially hard when there’s war and death all around) that they withdrew into their ivory towers of tradition and held themselves apart, neglecting their connection to others. From what I read, this sounds accurate, how else to explain the wrongheaded white knight approach the Jedi Order promoted to non-Jedi in need of help? It’s a way of being altruistic without being consumed by feelings of despair when your cause seems overwhelming.

It’s not that the dark/meaninglessness needs to be stamped out. It always exists. Rather, there is a choice to take it as futility and give into despair or struggle and MAKE meaning through a number of ways. 

The Jedi Order chose to make meaning through a rigid code and neglected to really nurture the link to others, thinking that relying too much on connections might lead them back to the dark (i.e. attachment leading to despair when loss inevitably comes knocking). 

What it comes down to is embracing that to truly care means to open oneself to loss and doing it anyway.

Half assing it – caring *just this much and no more* tends not to work.

[There’s of course still the question of how you guard against spiraling after loss. And the answer I’ve become close to as of late has to do with support, support, support.]

It reminds me, interestingly enough, of Yoda’s quote about “Do or do not, there is no try.” That seems like an example of ideological rigidity. I understand the thought process of not setting oneself up for failure, but this aphorism is best taken something highly contextual (i.e. it works for the moment where Luke is training, but outside of it is murkier). As an example, Luke himself when he goes to bring Vader back tells Leia not that he will do, he says, he has to try. 

I think that’s what Kar Vastor meant with Luke not being afraid of the dark. Because there’s Kar Vastor who has biceps as big as Luke’s head and wanted to hurt him, who just realized he’d been some zombie and has nothing and is about to die. Then there’s this dude he was about to kill telling him that not all is lost, that they’re both alive and that even if they die, they won’t die alone:

Kar’s eyes burned as if he’d dipped his face in sand. We mean nothing.

“We’re the only meaning there is.” The small blond man extended a hand. “Trust me or kill me, Kar. In the end, it’ll come out the same. I will not harm you.”

What are you? His snarl had gone plaintive. What do you want from me?

“I’m a Jedi. My name is Luke Skywalker,” the small blond man said. “And I want you to take my hand.”

*We* are the only meaning there is.

#luke skywalker #luke skywalker and the shadows of mindor #the force #jedi #old Jedi Order #meta