#there is no schedule to my life anymore

[fudgecake-charlie]

fucking around on aggie and CSP here's a nosy neighbours!!

#i STRUGGLED with this #atarashii gakko photoshoots my beloved but WOW none of this pose makes sense anymore #they're jojo posing. to me. [hasn't watched it] #funky weird fun underpainting method turned this one into a rainbow #art out the oven #bigbst4tz2 #limited life #this was like a 500px square on aggie had to blow it up to be polishable on CSP #[scheduled]

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #heads up for gloomy tags #lotta mourning my illness this week I guess. #it's hard. #I'm very sick. #I've always been an optimistic person but that optimism came from my faith in *myself* and like. I can't fix this one. #I'm wrung dry. #I've been bested. #I Do Not get bested easily. #and my life has not provided a ton of evidence for faith in anyone *else* saving me. #though there are definitely people trying. #and I did finally get scheduled with an immunologist (but not until may) #so like. maybe. I still believe it's possible I just don't believe it's likely anymore.

[aastarions]

guess who is finally headed to the ER for her gallstone pain :)))))

#c shut up #i cant do it anymore i didnt even have much fatty food yesterday on purpose and i am in agnozing pain #i cant wait weeks for them to schedule the surgery its ruining my life

[brofightiscancelled]

friday suuji shift change overlap from my sakura schedule headcanons

#osomatsu-san #not ship. bl/matsu do not fucking interact #4 #5 #everyone so obsessed with post-letter canon sticking around but no one sees the potential in post-sakura canon sticking around #the tragedy in the mundane #things have changed for the better but they've still changed #i know it's exciting and dramatic for everyone to be separated #but i feel like the realness of 'everyone still lives at home we just dont always eat together anymore' is tastier #treasuring the moments you do get to be together but it's meloncholic. and the gnawing knowledge that this is for the rest of ur life #i like it. everyone like it with me. everyone debate my schedule theory with me #png

[unopenablebox]

came home at 8:45 from work and 🌸 was already fast asleep fully dressed on the bed phone in hand completely unresponsive to sound including name-calling and loud floor creaks

probably they were planning to get more work done this evening but i'm going to sabotage that by turning their light off and ordering takeout so i don't make any cooking noises to wake them up, hopefully causing them to get up to a full 12 hours of sleep for what i think would be the first time in two and a half years

#can't check if their alarms for tomorrow are set‚ unfortunately‚ bc they don't have a fingerprint unlock phone anymore #so i can't do the ''cleverly manipulate your hand to unlock your phone in your sleep and set your alarms for you'' trick as i once did. #but we get up at the same time on fridays bc i have early meeting so i'll notice if they didn't. #box opener #girlfriend tag #i feel like my frequent blogging topics imply that my main interest in 🌸 is their sleep habits. it isn't but back when i was originally #becoming truly obsessed/falling in miserable secret love with them in college #it was roughly contemporaneous with their period where they tried to add our school's notorious theoretical cs program on top of their #existing bio/chem double major and 20hr/wk research commitments #and accordingly their sleep schedule would range from '4am-8am' to 'no'. #at the time i was very worried i was having an evil influence on their life (due to the corrosive nature of my secret passions obviously) #and my main countervailing evidence was how frequently i managed to convince them that going to sleep at 2am was ok to do #so i suppose. it remains a topic of some small interest. #also of course i am sulking a little because they are asleep so we can't hang out. so it helps to make it into a scheme i'm doing

[birdy-bird27]

TFW you are questioning your future because how much you fucking hate school and the workload associated with it

#just university things 🤪 #the only reason why I’m sticking to full time schedule is becuase of scholarships #that way I don’t have I pay for school #but god I want to drop to part time student so fucking bad #vent #rant #I’m doing good at least 8 hrs of hw every day #oh yes also work on top of that #just fuck me I guess #this is such a poor me issue I’m sorry #like wow I’m forced to attend university full time so I get to do classes for free poor me #I am just having such a hard time balancing my work load #I don’t even like business why tf am I getting a bachelors in it #I know why it’s becuase im already now 3 years invested into it and I get to do it with no cost to me #do I really want to be stuck in some soul sucking corporate job rest of my life? #is this my career? #what the fuck am I doing with my life #I don’t know anymore #I’m jdut trying to make it day by day #try not be crushed by overwhelming sadness of our current reality I guess #AGHHHH

[garbagequeer]

the thing about beautiful riverdale is that there are a couple of people in my life who seem to have learned the trick to see me turn into the happiest person on earth with the biggest smile under any circumstances which is asking me about riverdale

#the other day having dinner one last time with my friend before she moved to germany #which i could comfortably fit into my schedule because i was on a depression leave from work that lasted almost 2 full months #talking about life: (us both) well it's been going bad hasnt it. what with no money and crazy families and tragedy striking a ho etc etc #her bf asks me about what books im reading: well im reading this book about this guy who lives such a meaningless life what with capitalism #that you think yeah the only way out is to kill yourself here but the guy has become such a non-person that he cant even #kill himself in any way that matters. also he hates women so it's a really upsetting book #me to the bf: so do you already know when it's a good time to visit her in germany #the bf: well actually there used to be cheap flights but not anymore so idk if we can visit because it's so expensive now :( #my friend (genius): so i heard riverdale ended what happened on riverdale season 7 #and for 10 minutes it was a great time thank you riverdale forever #personal

[agayconcept]

.

#oh for fucks sake #if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g #she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up #which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares) #so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc #and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.' #she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things' #bitch WHAT THINGS ????? #exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ???? #do u Hear urself ?? #now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up) #and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour #'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!' #ma'am... #a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest #b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt #c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit. #whaT ????? #god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit #not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her) #jesus fUcking chrisT #i gotta get out of here #this woman is so immensely hateful #ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times) #fuuuuuck me. #anyway. #negative #ableism #verbal abuse #ask to tag

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images from the past year or so... posting my evil little photo diary collections once again..

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. one of the billions of pastel sky photos I take and post constnaly because I'm obsessed with the sky lol 2. I got #a gardening mama (like cooking mama) game from a friend a few years ago and don't really play it that much since it's not #as interesting to me in some ways but.. I do like the graphics a lot. It'd be cool if in real life when you did something correclty a bunch #of little rainbows and sparkles appeared in front of you lol. 3. Everyone makes fun of me but this is how I like to have sandwiches #.. basically a salad in between two pieces of bread. barely any meat and cheese but then like 2 inches of lettuce and tomatoes and stuff.. #half an entire head of iceberg lettuce on one sandwich... the Cronch... 4. Weird little light colored spider doing a split on the netting #of this strawberry garden. 5. ice creambe... 6. tiny tiny babey strawberry son.. 7. Went to someone's house and they #had this weird channel (I guess for halloween?) where it was like 8 different channels playing at once and you could watch them all #simultaneously (I don't think this is the intended purpose of it I think it's more just to show what's currently airing) #but it's kind of surreal and interesting.. with how on tiktoc and stuff they have those weird sensory overhwleming #videos where its' like 3 videos playing at once with unrelated audio. I wonder if one day people will just watch 8 screens #of tv at once like this after everyone offically has only a 2 second attention span lol. To me its kind of hard to pay attention #to but is an interesting excercise I guess. Like it was a cool challenge to try to watch it all at the same time #8. THE temperature indoors at NIGHT during the late summer........... AUGH..... #9. a pleasant little breakfast of scrambled eggs with green onion. baked salmon. sauteed corn. and a few almonds pecans and pineapple #leftover from making smoothies with it the day before. I eat basically the same rotation of things for every single meal every single #day (like literally I have had the same exact breakfast for about 2 years with zero variation except for special occasion) so whenever I do #actually have the energy to make something different or I have some interesting food for some special occasion reason. I feel more #inclined to document it lol.. like.. oooooo...eggs.. Which are normal to some people. but to me it's like.. wow... revolutionary.. so #different from my usual Scheduled Bland Stomach Problems Safety Gruel lol. #photo diary #spiders tw

[boxwinebaddie]

guess who's coworker is back :)

guess he wasn't that sick after all :)

#nina speaks #nina screams at the top of her lungs #THANK YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD #UNCLE NINA BACK ON HER REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING BAAAAAAAAABEY #holy shit im so happy #life is worth living again thank you god #also i dont know if its bc they had a week w the stepparent teacher but no one is giving me shit anymore i love it #like awww i miss dad too <3 if you talk loudly in my class while there are makeup ap calc exams out ur going to the office <3 #beautiful #its dead quiet in here now as it should be #teacher ninas bullshit tolerance is lower than kys blood sugar

[spearxwind]

Hey you've probably been asked this before so I hope this isn't a bother, but is your comic Extinction officially cancelled? I really enjoyed it, it was probably my favorite webcomic I've ever read and I loved the dialogue and characters.

Hiya! And it's ok I can answer it again

I wouldnt say officially cancelled, but it is definitely on indefinite hiatus for now at least

It makes me really happy that you enjoyed the comic and that it was your favorite!! Gosh It simply became unsustainable for me to maintain, juggling my irl studies, and the comic itself, as well as my free time and social life. Comic pages took a long time to finish, and my studies demanded more and more time from me most of which I spent drawing or writing for class, so for my free time I wanted to do other things in the end

Currently my focus is on other stories, though I still love Extinction to bits. I would definitely love to return to it someday and finish it or reboot it if necessary if my life stabilizes enough, but at the moment I can't dedicate so much time to it as I used to be able to

#for reference. i was working on extinction during a time of my life where i practically did not exist irl and had zero social life #so my very limited free time outside of class went into drawing... both other art and comic pages #ive since moved past that very much and so i have less time. and due to a lot of moving stuff and studies i have not had a stable schedule #So i have just been. drawing a lot LESS in general. even for things that have been catching my attention #i genuinely still love the characters though but i genuinely cant express how UNSUSTAINABLE it was long term for me #huge respect to people who can keep up webcomics long term. i have not been able to due to life circumstances #i hope this is understandable too it really saddens me having had to stop but it couldnt really be helped #i hope it is not too big of a letdown... i am just one guy handling all of this #ask #anon #extinction #putting this in the tag in case people search #if you dont wanna stick around anymore due to this i completely understand! but if you do you will catch wind of my other stories #i still love creating and sharing that. either way i hope you have a good day! and thank you kindly for caring

[gillianthecat]

i fucked up. i am so fucked.

*like. it'll be fine actually. no long term consequences. but i am still mad at my brain.

#my life with adhd #sometimes my brain is weird #gillianthecat's life #oops #think i have no choice but to change my plane ticket #not sure if it's even feasible to be ready tomorrow morning #even if my brain finally kicks into gear #which to be clear it still hasn't #I originally was gonna fly out next Tuesday and I changed my tickets because of other people's schedules #and while I do genuinely want to be there for those things #I think my original assessment of when I would actually be ready was more accurate #though to be fair who knows if I just wouldn't have fallen apart next week instead #fuck. I wish I didn't do this sort of thing anymore

[nexus-nebulae]

brrrrr (/pos)

#weight talk #<- just in case even though this is pos #but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life #like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL #i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL #but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety #partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly #so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up #well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite #and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day???? #and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs #highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16 #and then it dropped 10 #and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER #and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left #like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling #but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back #I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE #and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore #like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards #but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore #I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man #and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic #when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way #and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore #i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat #seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy

[weirdfishy]

me going into this next semester: do it scared do it scared do it scared do it scared do it scared

#rant bubbles #'s not a joke anymore nobody wanted to pick up the presidency for our riso n now. now i gotta do it. n i'm so fuckign scared #i put a toe in n they pushed me in so now i gotta make it to the other end of the pool w/o completely drowning. DO IT SCARED #also asynch classes schedule ur fucking times like Now i gotta give my class schedule to my supervisorrrrr i wanna be able to work moreeeee #PUTTING MY WHOLE ASS INTO IT n only bc if i don't then i can't quit after a semester if i burn out #i'm boutta go thru it but yk what we're doign it then passing out for the three week break. #academia breaks me n for what. networking? critical thought? let me sit in the forest for the rest of my life n meet my akua

[teabutmakeitazure]

I am confused by what the fuck is going on yet too overwhelmed to even care

#it's 3 45 am #oh God #fuck #my sleep schedule can't be fixed now #zuri rambles #I'm talking about the archon quest AND uni #idk what's going on anymore #should have stuck to the housewife prospect maybe #but since it was younger me's dream i just endure #must* #i must endure for that little girl #what is life if not loving the little girl with every fibre of your being? #the world is cruel to you but never me #never me

[this-doesnt-endd]

I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

#i have a cleaning thursday before work so like i can tell someone #but also why did i do that i schedualed it super early like im already regreting it #considering itll be the day after valentines which means my shift ends at 9/9:30 #and ill have to be there at my dentist by 7:30am #its whatever i just need to finish my dental work at the office then get my wisdom tooh pulled and ill be done w my teeth health wise #and then its onto the allergy shots which reminds me i have to reschedual my appt w my ent hoepfully its not anything too crazy far out #but i wanna talk w him and be like hey these shits are expensive what are my options or do u wanna be a homie and update my diagnosis #so they can get covered by my insurance cause i think if i can breath at like even 80% capacity my life would immensly change #and i was reading abt how like major chronic allergies lead to inflamation and my drs were concered abt that n i know i need to lose weight #but not being able to breath thru my nose hinders that to a degree #but like severe allergies are horrible for inflamation and like fucks up ur body and its like no wonder i feel horrible all the time #and itll prolly massively improve my sleep which also helps you #and i gotta go see my thyroid dr whos on the opposite end of town and wont answer the fucking phone to schedule and appt #cause i have to do that to renew my prescription and frankly i wish my primary dr could take care of that or get a new thyroid dr in general #but shes on maternity leave so ill have to wait for that #my dentist is also on maternity leave so ill have to see a diff one #i also ghosted my cardiologist but he literally called and was like ur fine the tests we ran showed ur in good health #but u should be more in shape and i didnt want another lecure abt being fat so i didnt go but i prolly should tho my results #prolly arent relavent anymore #and ive attemped ive done my bike workout a bit but its also been winter and i cannot bring myself to do anything besides rot in bed #most of the time and if i am going out its like to the movies or events where i just stand around and talk to people very low effort #i also have to email that lady abt my cetificate i still havent gotten abd the haircut place who charved me twice and write that damn review #that ive forgotten so many times