#her bf asks me about what books im reading: well im reading this book about this guy who lives such a meaningless life what with capitalism

[garbagequeer]

the thing about beautiful riverdale is that there are a couple of people in my life who seem to have learned the trick to see me turn into the happiest person on earth with the biggest smile under any circumstances which is asking me about riverdale

#the other day having dinner one last time with my friend before she moved to germany #which i could comfortably fit into my schedule because i was on a depression leave from work that lasted almost 2 full months #talking about life: (us both) well it's been going bad hasnt it. what with no money and crazy families and tragedy striking a ho etc etc #her bf asks me about what books im reading: well im reading this book about this guy who lives such a meaningless life what with capitalism #that you think yeah the only way out is to kill yourself here but the guy has become such a non-person that he cant even #kill himself in any way that matters. also he hates women so it's a really upsetting book #me to the bf: so do you already know when it's a good time to visit her in germany #the bf: well actually there used to be cheap flights but not anymore so idk if we can visit because it's so expensive now :( #my friend (genius): so i heard riverdale ended what happened on riverdale season 7 #and for 10 minutes it was a great time thank you riverdale forever #personal

[erwinsvow]

omg omg hi lovie!! I really loved your fic about secret bf rafe! I was wondering if you have a continuing part? If not Im literally on my hands and knees BEGGING for one!

oh my goodness this is so so so sweet!! you are SOOO nice thank you so much. i loved that lil fic so much :') i imagine they have lots of other encounters before that and also where they're almost caught.. & i think it's super goofy after everyone finds out. in my head one of the boys (i feel like jayj but maybe pope) also have a lil crush on her so it might be fun writing some stuff with rafe getting jealous/the boys getting jealous... what do you think!!!!!

yes of course of course of course. please let me know what else you'd like to see... for now i present how i imagine they met :) eee!

౨ৎ

The first time Rafe sees you, he's guiding Wheezie through the aisles of the library children's section.

"You know, Leah's mom lets her read Twilight. She said it's so good, she was up all night reading it."

"Yeah, well, Leah's mom also drinks too much wine at the club and probably forgot what that garbage is about. Find something here." Rafe glances through the books on the shelf, settling on a bright pink cover. "How's this? Strawberry Shortcake and the Sleepover?"

Wheezie makes a face at him.

"That's for, like, five year olds."

"Look, the pages are scented," he replies, ignoring her and flicking through the sheets to inhale the smell. He holds it over Wheezie's head, trying to entice her into picking it so they can get the hell out of here.

"No, Rafe, that's for little kids!"

"You're a little kid, incase you forgot."

"I'm not five anymore. I need to read what the big kids read. I bet they have Twilight here-"

"No way, Wheeze-" He's interrupted by the girl stocking the books on the shelves down the aisle.

"Excuse me?" you ask. It's quiet, like you don't want to impose.

At first, he's a little annoyed. You are imposing, because you're speaking over him trying to make sure Wheezie's childhood isn't getting destroyed by whatever the hell could be in those vampire books. But then he turns to answer you, and his snarky response dies in his throat. 

Rafe’s seen you before. He’s seen you on the beach and at the bonfire, nose in a book, sipping on a drink and keeping one eye on those dirty Pogues you call your friends. He’s never taken the time to notice you, though, not in passing. 

Rafe thinks he would remember if he’d noticed you then. You stand before him, a book in your hand, pretty eyes shining and a gentle smile gracing your face. You look nervous, like you don’t want to bother them. He thinks it’s sweet.

Wheezie looks up at him, mouth a little open, not replying. She pushes an elbow into the side of his leg.

“Are you gonna say anything?” He shoots a glare down at her.

“Yes?” he asks, and you approach them slowly. You’re wearing a lanyard around your neck, dangling over your short white dress and sweater, with a card hanging off the end that can only mean you work here.

“I just overheard and I was going to recommend some books for your age group, if you’d like?” you ask, looking down at Wheezie. Then you look up, glancing at him for approval.

“That would be great,” he replies, a little too quickly. You smile widely at Wheezie, guiding her to where you were organizing chapter books. 

About fifteen minutes later, Wheezie’s checking out at the counter with two Amelia Bedelia novels and another book about some girls who bake cupcakes. She’s using her very own library card, so Rafe stands back at the shelves, watching you sort the rest of the books on your cart while he leans against the frame.

“So, how long have you worked here, kid?” 

“Really?” you ask, glancing up from the Junie B. Jones book you were about to organize. “Are you really gonna try a pick-up line on me?”

“What’s so wrong with that?”

“I know who you are, Rafe. Are you really gonna hit on a dirty Pogue?” He blinks in surprise for a second. Maybe he underestimated you.

“So your little friends talk about me, huh? What exactly are they saying?”

“Contrary to what you might believe, Rafe, we don’t just sit around all day talking about you Kooks.” You turn to shelve the book, hiding a smile as you do. 

“Yeah, sure. Well you seem to know a lot about children’s books, that’s why I’m asking. I’m gonna be around here a lot.” You turn to stare at him for a second. “For Wheeze. She loves to read.”

“Yeah, sure.”

He notices Wheezie’s figure walking back towards him, three books tucked under her arm.

“Well, thanks for getting her away from that Twilight crap. Same time, next week?”

“Yeah, it’s a date,” you say, picking up another book. You only realize what you said a few seconds too late. “Wait, not-”

“Yeah, kid.” Rafe smiles at you, and you find it hard to look away. “It’s a date. See you then.”

He walks away with his sister, leaving you to wonder what you just got yourself into.

#<33333333 #rafe brother of eight-year-old wheezie my beloved<3 #rafe cameron #can someone lmk if they like this pls and thanks!

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Currently thinking about jjk characters on tik tok despite having not been on tik tok in two years 🤣

I cannot be convinced that Nanami isnt on it. I feel he'd love using it to relax. He'd just be responsible about how long he's on for and only go on it off work hours. He's a lurker who has no videos or faved videos of his own

However i also love the idea of Gojo and the kids always trying to pull trends on him and he either a) has no idea thats whats happening or b) pretends he has no idea thats whats happening. His uninterested manner makes all the videos hilarious. They do a lot of "ask your gf/bf" and "ask your dad" ones to him. Yuji will be like "please do a tik tok with me 🥺" meanwhile Gojo and Nobara blantantly have the phone up and in his face constantly ("Nanami how often do you think about Rome?" *nanami turns a page in the book he's reading* "an adequate amount" "a 'adequate amount'?" "yes" "and that would be..." "a normal amount" "nanami. please.")

Gojo loves tik tok. Feel like he'd be on instagram more often though. He puts out tik toks like twice a week. You can find at least one of the kids or a coworker in 90% of his videos because he takes them as soon as he gets the idea to. He buys the sexy leggings and records everyone's reactions to it ("Gojo, why?" "Shoko you're no fun", "Gojo this is a school" "yes i am aware. Now do i look good or do i look great?", "i think you look good sensei!" "thank you Yuji!" "yeah, well i need brain bleach"). He'll do the relationship ones with whoever is sitting closest to, and the most popular ones are with Nanami (no, no, we're not dating. We're coworkers... why, did Nanami say something? Does he think im hot?)

All the kids dont do much. They're addicted but they dont have a lot of their own videos. Nobara has the most and its her and Yuji doing the dances or her commenting on celeb outfits. Fushiguro has one and its just a montage of Gojo making faces. Yuji also has a lot and its misc (flips, "put a finger down", reactions, etc) but Nobara has more bc she makes a lot of outfit roasting vids. Think Maki and Inomaki might have a couple out there as well

#hinacu jjk #jjk #tik tok #saturo gojo #kento nanami #yuji itadori #nobara kugisaki #megumi fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen #nanago #kinda

[onlyjaeyun]

zadie love!!!! 💗💫 i know u said to not apologize for sending in late asks but i can’t help it im sorry🥲 i’ve been so busy on my girls trip this past weekend, and i got home super late last night so i’ve been exhausted trying to fix my sleep schedule yet again while also unpacking from my recent trips BUT while i was in new york i still made sure i got to read ur updates before bed!! i thought it would be better to send in a longer ask once i got home and had more time to type it out🫶🏻🫶🏻

ONTO THE RECENT CHAPS: i looooveeedd taro & yn’s convo like they really are just two besties with absolutely no filter and i enjoyed that chap sm😭 also taro basically calling out yn saying she can’t finish bc sunghoon isn’t the one fucking her is so real like our girl needs to accept and realize it soon😓 AND HOON BEING SO OPEN ABOUT WANTING TO FUCK HER AGAIN WAS NOTTT ON MY 2024 BINGO CARD BC I WOULD THINK HE HAS TOO MUCH PRIDE TO OPENLY ADMIT SOMETHING LIKE THAT. then again he’s still a dick for saying that he wants to fuck her but still doesn’t care about her…you’re writing CH!sunghoon so well like he genuinely makes my blood boil at times. i’m glad yn is getting laid tho but she needs to be fucked good soon and i’m sensing a smut chap w/ hoon in the near future??👀👀

i saw the recent asks some anon sent in saying CH is getting boring and i truly want to know where their thought process is at bc it’s literally getting better with each chapter!!!! some people are so rude, like i get constructive criticism, but that just wasn’t it. the way you’re writing this smau is everything and more zadie, don’t let those weirdos get to you!!!! i know it’s easier said than done but remember there’s more people who love your works (me being one of them), than people who are just bored and have nothing else better to do with their days. IM AN ONLYJAEYUN DEFENDER TILL THE END‼️‼️ you’re doing amazing baby, keep your head up💓💓

wanted to share w/ you a little bit about my girls trip to nyc too!! it was my friend’s 23rd birthday so our whole friend group surprised her w/ a weekend trip to new york as a bday present!! OMG a funny story that happened on our first night there, we all went to this club to celebrate and these group of guys kept being so pushy and gross towards me and my friends. one of them insisted on buying me a drink but he just made me so uncomfy that i didn’t want to even be near him. i tried to decline nicely but he was so persistent. what was funny was that he saw my lockscreen and it was a pic of jongseong in the gym and he immediately backed off bc he thought it was my bf so thank you jay bc he was able to get me out of that situation😭😭

i got carried away with writing this ask so i hope you enjoy this novel i wrote you LOL🤭🤞🏻💞 i hope you’re doing well my baby!! i missed chatting w/ you🥹🫶🏻 ilysm 🤍🧸🎀 !!

- 💌

MY ANGEL BABY IS BACK YALL WAKE UP!!!!🤭🤭🤭💗

bless your sweet soul, the fact you made time to read CH during your busy ass girls' trip means so much to me baby, i love and appreciate you with my whole heart 🥺💗

STOP YOULL ACTUALLY MAKE ME CRY NOT THE DEFENDER PART 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much baby, ngl the comment did hurt a little but i know most of you guys are loving it as much as i do and with amazing feedback from amazing people like you snd many more i would never let those get to me to that certain point again 🥺 i love you sm

OMG NOT THE JONGIE BOYFIE PIC SAVING YOU!!!!! he really is THAT boyfriend im afraid 🤭 im sorry you had to deal with m*n like that baby and am glad you're ssfe and having fun, you deserve it so much!🥺

sending you the biggest kiss and i really hope you can get a little rest soon bc nestie you've been booked and busy but we love to see it!!!!!💗

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts

[a-kaash-me-outside]

okay Tori, im giving you a LONG feedback for this B2B update coz y'know, you deserve it ♡

NOT FAIR LAST CHAP IS INSANE

and UGH idk how to put it in words just to describe it. the first part (the walk back to Kei's house) has kept me so conflicted like I can feel the uneasiness like how it was depicted. 👏 the confidence on the last chap was eased perfectly in this chap as Kei turned the tables, it was amazing. he was idk more forceful, more condescending, just to let reader feel that he was in control again and it has to be that way, and she was comfortable in that. "God you could barely handle a few hours of what I have to do for you every single day." YES KEI, YES!! DOMINATE ME! "I want you to watch me fuck you." IM ROLLING ON THE BED OMG and more, omg in the line as Kei continued. the whole scene was fantastic Tori. i mean, where'd you get these hot ideas and scenes?? And Kei reading reader like a book, knowing she likes it like that OMG THE SMIRK OF THAT HOT FCK okay im gonna stop okay wait no Kei pressing reader's back to his chest while fcking was so HOT i had to read it again to satisfy myself of that scene until okay i've read enough. aaahhh, the way the aftercare and confession about how she feels took place, HEARTS EVERYWHERE. and the FUCK the gentle sex after the very rough sex was amazing it melted me!! "you know I'll do anything for you right?" uhhhh my hearttttt. it took me back to the first chap where the reader begged for Kei to fuck her and make her cum. she was in control the whole time, we we're so lost in Kei dominating butー HANDS DOWN TORI!! and i wanna add..... HOW ABOUT TADASHI? i mean, no epilogue? like he got back on his own feet and took Kei's lessons into practice with any other girls. HAHAHA it'll be hilarious, it's already hilarious to imagine. "Thanks, Kei. I owe this to you and to my ex." LMAO.

TWRT Maki backstory is comforting and disturbing for some reason

can i include myself with those Maki bitches? because honestly, I AM. Sorry 'Tsumu, but my heart's 60% Maki.

so, I was expecting it will be a Maki POV kind of thing but this also works pretty well too. Hanamaki, my love, is so over-the-top loverboy that every girl deserves. Oh praises everywhere and out I'm inlove with him, he'll never fail to make you feel comfortable. maybe because the relationship foundation has enough stability that it did work out to evolve into a gf-bf relationship. i really love platonic love because you can never be wrong with it, even if it evolves to something like that so casually. and it was amazing Tori, it broke me maybe too much more if I didn't know they'll break up eventually. Reader handled it perfectly HANDS DOWN that scene when Maki asked her to put a label on her: girlfriend. LMAO the rebound thing with Iwa was hilarious!!! The read was too relaxing AND NGL, i was expecting a hard break up but like the casual evolution of their relationship, it broke up cleanly too like: WTF WHY YOU TEACHING ME THAT THERE IS SOMETHING LIKE THIS THAT COULD HAPPEN IM NOT ACCUSTOMED BY THIS, IS LOVE LIKE THIS, THERE'S REALLY A LOVE LIKE THIS!? like that. TBH, i really feel uncomfortable because I really wanted him to end up with reader and I can't think of how pain will reside in him when Atsumu gets the one thing that is very precious to him. Maybe it'll break me if I'll read the Maki alternate ending. omg, I'm shaking 🥺 I wish mine broke cleanly like this. and I know, after this, Maki will never move on from herーor not, what do you think Tori? Is he gonna move on from her? but dont spoil LOL I wanna excite myself!! Oh the heartbreak my God.

THANK YOU TORI, THANKS FOR THIS. IM WAITING FOR THE NEXT WAKING DAY TO HAVE THE B2B ENDINGS. I LOVE YOU! ♡

this is me right now contemplating what to feel.

PAH OMG OMG. thank you so much for these in-depth thoughts i love them omg omgogmogmgmo. hehehehe. i love love love the last chapter of not fair! i think it refocused on reader and tsukishima rather than tadashi which was the VIBE and just focuses on the love between them and how their relationship has evolved. <3 (also, i come up with these scenes because i am a horny bitch that's it)

AND AH YEA. the whole point of posting the maki chapter was in PREP for tonight where i hope everyone loves the last chapter and ALSO the maki chapter hahahahaha.

#shut up tori #asks! #ran! #twrt convo! #not fair convo!

[hotgirlstiles]

okay hi figure skater anon back - idk how much you know ab ice dancing but i feel you when it comes to stydia like in my lil au world they are IT like idk if you know who tessa virtue and scott moir are but like thats who i mirror them off of but ive always imagined that stiles wouldve gotten into skating bc claudia was a skater with like olympic dreams before an injury shattered her career so she moves on falls in love has little stiles and then when she gets sick shes starts talking about it with stiles and idk the 2004 olympics was the winter instead of summer in this world and they watch it together (and its one of the last good memories stiles has with her) and then after she dies stiles starts skating as a way to be close to her but also hes GOOD enter (in this world classmate) lydia who is originally training just as a solo skater but her and stiles get like double booked on the rink one day and decided to just skate at the same time but they both see how great each other are and are like 'if were so amazing apart - imagine how great we would be TOGETHER? and thus their world changing ice dancing partnership begins and they win the olympic gold at least twice BUT idk now how to fit derek into this tho like obviously i want a reason for derek to see stiles skate and be like awestruck/fall in love at first sight and i think it would be cute to have it happen at stydias first olympics but what sport derek would be there for.....................i dont picture him as another figure skater and i feel like hockey is kinda cliche but idk

OK HI HELLO. WOWZA!!!! let me tell u how many times ive read and reread this ask and it always always makes me giddy and smile!!! OHGOD WHERE DO I EVWN BEGIN but ohmigahhh.. i dont know much about figure skating unfortunately but i’ve just watched tessa virtue and scott moir’s performance of stay by rihanna and OHMIGAHHH.. figure skating always always makes me insane like its just SO intimate and intense and partnered figure skating is like. a whole lot more and i lovelove that stydia has that steady intimate and close relationship in this au .. i jus know theyre each others best friends …. I love them so bad 🥺

ALSO THE STILESCLAUDIA. FAWKKK OHMIGOD OHOSNWKSNSJ. ohgod this is definitley similar with my ballerina au—i just love the idea of stiles doing something (in my case ballet and yours figure skating) that was so so close to claudia’s heart to keep HER close to his .. 💓 it is just so devastatingly sweet 😞💝 just stiles clinging onto the memories and whatever he has left of claudia… it is so heartbreaking to me! i fucking love any stilesclaudia with this trope!!! its why i jold ballerina au close to my heart like i just lovelove exploring stiles’ character & especially how claudia fits into all of it … arghh

I LOOOORV HOW STYDIA MEETS THATS SO AMAZING AND JUST SO STYDIA LIKE THEM REALIZING THEYRE SO FUCKING GOOD AND AMAZING BUT ALSO BETTER WITH EACH OFHER AND JUST UPLIFTING EACH OTHER AND BEING GAY AND GIGGLY AND ETHEREAL DURING THE OLYMPCS…. Ohgodddddd genuinely theyre known for being ethereal creatures once on the ice i jus know it ……

also im SO fucking obsessed with how dereks just some guy here 😭😭😭😭😭 CAUSE RHATS EXACTLY DEREK IN MY BALLERINA AU AS WELL PLEASEEEEEEHEJOSEKSIW 😭😭😭😭🫣 like im sorry derek! youre just some werewolf in the corner whos utterly in love w stiles ….. it’d be so cute if lydia & cora gfs and stiles and derek unknowingly meet .. derek is stiles’ strong and growly bf in the stands <3 hes just some cute supportive bf hes amazing. hes some basketball player or something. Love him dearly

#answered #I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO ANDWERING THIS HIII HI HI FIGURE SKATER ANON I LOVE YOU #thank you for sharing this with me this is so fucking sweet and cool #figure skater stiles 🤝 ballerina stiles

[wegmans]

me and my gf are very different in our media consumption i think but it works out. she is the ocd reading gf and i am the adhd gamer bf. yesterday we decided to trade experiences where she reads a book she likes to me and i play a game i like with her for an hour each. historically i always say that i do not know how to read and she does not play video games because she doesnt do well in the quick operation of them or whatever you call it. while she was reading out loud to me (like 3x slower than shed normally read) i could generally keep track of everything that was going on but i kept finding myself losing attention because the way that something was written in the book reminded me of something else and id start going down a chain of disparate memories and then 2 minutes later realize i didnt hear anything she had been reading in that time and i would fight the urge to ask her to go back a page and read it all over again because thats what i do when im reading but even slower. and then when i was playing the game shed pick up on very specific writing details or put plot pieces together way sooner than i did when i first played it but i would have to point out small details in the environment from looking around because shed gloss over it but still get the general idea. she is much better at processing information than i am but i am better at taking very small tangential things without thought and moving on. its like we are exact opposites in thought patterns and information retention but that it balances out when we do something together. this is what its all about imo

#im leaning into the adhd diagnosis but only because it confirmed things i already thought about myself. im right btw

[jhdyuiee]

Moth to a Flame

☾ pairing: bf!doyoung x gf!y/n x fwb!jaehyun

☾ warnings/tags: cheating (pls dont read if this is a sensitive topic!!), y/n is cheating on doyoung w/ jaehyun, smut!, angst, unprotected & protected sex, (semi) public sex (locker room sex), multiple sex scenes, spanking, explicit content, cursing, drinking, fluff, degrading, name calling (whore, slut, baby, darling, & good girl), possessive jaehyun, whole fucked up shit!!, cliffhanger

☾ wc: 11.4k

☾ a.n: hi! jiji back! im back with another fic, this fic came to my mind when i was hearing “Moth to A Flame” by the weekend & wanted to incorporate it with jaehyun & some other member, member being doyoung :0 . this one is quite the ride, & honestly i’ve never written anything like this before, my first lengthy smut too! the ending is probably my favorite, it ends with a cliffhanger, per say. though i do advice u not to read bcs this does deal with cheating!!! at last, i hope u all enjoy it && give it lots of love, but if not then i’ll see u next time!! i love u all & ill be back for more, jiji out 🤍

Prologue.

Life was perfect. I had it all. All.

But then he appeared. He who flipped my world upside down. He who I desired, craved… and wanted.

He pulled me in. Like a moth to a flame.

By the time I realized the things we did, the chaos that unfolded, it was far too late. My perfect life was tainted, dirty, filthy, broken.

April 04.

I was sitting by the window, watching the rain drops fall against the pavement. It’d been quite rainy lately, the dark sky covering the once so blue sky.

“Alright class!” yelled out the professor. “Before I start I wanted to introduce to you our new student,” he said, gesturing to the individual standing next to him.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” the individual said, bowing. “Nice to meet you all.”

He stood tall, his soft dark brown hair covering his forehead. Pale skin, soft as a peach. Eyes that shone bright, reminding me of chocolate, so sweet, so tempting.

I was caught off guard when his eyes met mine, feeling my face heat up. I turned away, my eyes back to the window and rain.

“You can sit behind Y/N,” said the professor.

He made his way behind me, sitting down. The class continued, Mr. Park talking about this new book we’re said to read about. He rambled on and on about how great it was.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Classes were finally over and I made my way outside the campus. I heard my name being shouted, I looked towards the direction of the voice. I came eye to eye with a male, otherwise known as my boyfriend, Kim Doyoung.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, as he pecked my cheek, holding my waist.

“Came to pick you up,” he said, staring at me with lust.

“Oh yeah? Are you sure you don’t got other motives?” I raised an eyebrow.

He chuckled, leaning to my ear, “I don’t… or do I?”

I softly hit his shoulder. “You freak!” He laughs, as he tightens his grip on my waist. “I just missed you Y/N,” he says softly.

“I missed you too Doyo.” His hand caressed my cheek and his head leaned into me more, Doyoung’s lips pressed against mine. He kissed me deeply, I was so into it that it didn’t cross my mind that we we're still near my school campus.

“Mmm, Do-Doyoung we can’t be doing this right now…” I tried explaining. He sighs, taking his lips off mine, “Fine, we’ll continue this at my place then,” he smirks as he guides me to the passenger seat of his car. We drove off to his place and oh did we have a wonderful night…

Jaehyun.

Transfering was far from an easy process, but hey at least I made it. I’d arrive at the class listed on my roaster, walking in when the professor opened the door for me. I’d explained everything to him, well in a short summary.

Next thing I knew I was being introduced to the whole class. Girls whispering to girls next to them, guys looking with their eyebrows raised, but one particularly drew my attention. Her. The one sitting by the window— I don’t think she’s even noticed my presence, ‘heck has she even looked my way?’ I thought, but then I saw as her eyes met mine. Her face surprised and turning a shade of pink. I softly chuckled at her reaction, ‘cute,’ I thought.

“You can sit behind Y/N,” said the professor. What is this? Luck? Fate? Destiny? Well whatever it was, it must’ve meant something right?

That was what I thought, but when classes were over I went outside—ready to go—but then I saw her, Y/N, in the hands of another. He leaned against his car, his arms wrapping around her waist and then he leaned in kissing her so passionately. My eyes lingered for a little longer until I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned around, a figure standing behind me.

“Hey! You’re Jaehyun the new student right?” asked the male.

“Yeah…” “-Great! I’m Mark, Mark Lee and I was wondering if you wanted to join the basketball team?”

Huh? Basketball team? It hasn’t been one day since I’ve arrived and now I’m being recruited to join the Basketball team. Honestly, I haven’t thought about joining any sports or clubs yet, but hey might as well give it a try.

“Sure, I’ll give it a try,” I told Mark.

“Great! You can come over today to watch us play and I’ll tell the coach about you as well,” Mark explained. I gave him a nod and he informed me to meet him outside the school gym at around 3:30. With around an hour and a half left to spear I headed towards the cafe across the street. Y/N and her boyfriend were gone by then, must’ve slipped away while I talked with Mark.

I attended their practice, they were a pretty good ass team and I talked with the coach along with Mark. All in all, I was in the team now— luckily I was well acquainted with the basics of basketball so it should be a breeze.

I was leaving the gym when Mark came up beside me, “Hey! Jaehyun! I was wondering if you wanted to attend the party I’m throwing this weekend night?”

“Really?” I asked. “Yeah, I only invite the teammates and a couple other friends, so I’d figure why not invite you too.”

I thought about it for a while, “Sure, I’ll be there.”

“Awesome man, well I’ll send you the deets later I gotta go,” he said before he left sprinting.

‘A party, huh. Would Y/N be there?’ I whispered into the cool breeze that passed me.

The week went by and it was now the weekend. Yesterday Rei informed me about the party Mark was throwing today. I rarely attended those types of things since I got with Doyoung, but for some odd reason I wanted to go today. So I told Doyoung about it and he said to inform him in case I needed a ride back home.

Thus, here I am getting ready for Mark’s party. Mark’s parties though were no average get together, it was drinking, smoking, and sex. You were either doing one or the other, fuck probably all three. Today though I’ll probably just stick to the first.

I put on a white mini dress and some black 3 inch heels. My phone rang as I was putting on some earrings; it was Rei, “Hey, Y/N you ready yet darling.” Her voice, sounding cheeky.

“Yeah, you downstairs already?”

“Yep, in the parking lot.”

“Alright, I’ll be out in a sec,” I said. I quickly took one last glance in my mirror, slightly shocked at the sight. It’d really been a long time since I’ve dressed up. I made my way downstairs and into Rei’s black car. Luckily, Mark’s home wasn’t so far, 5 minute drive.

“Holy shit,” I said. Me and Rei looked out my side of the window. They’re were far more people than I expected. “Looks like someone’s finally become popular,” Rei said. We got out of the car, making our way inside. People had already begun drinking, smoking, and PDA everywhere. We stopped in the middle, trying to locate Mark when we heard a voice calling our names.

“Y/N! Rei!” Speak of the devil. Mark was calling us from the kitchen. When we made our way to the kitchen I noticed the swarm of boys around the kitchen counter, it was all of Mark’s little basketball boys. I could care less about them, I already knew all of them, but one caught my attention. Jaehyun.

‘What’s he doing here?’ In the week that he’s been here I have yet to speak to the guy, but I have to admit I have stolen glances here and there. Something about him was so captivating, so alluring. I tried shaking it off, after all I had Doyoung.

“Well, well, well if it isn’t Y/N Kang,” said Jungwoo. I rolled my eyes saying, “Nice seeing you too Jungwoo.” I grabbed a cup from the counter, feeling a pair of eyes lingering on me. There was no denying who those eyes belonged to. I took a sip, the alcohol burning down my throat. The sensation was still nice though.

Rei was caught up talking with Mark, Johnny, and Yuta while I just leaned against the counter, soaking in the alcohol. I was nearly done with my first cup when a voice speak up.

“Hey,” said the voice shyly.

I looked up, coming face to face with Jaehyun. ‘What is this?’ “Hi?” I questioned.

“Y-You’re Y/N right?” he asked.

I softly giggled, “Yeah, unless you know someone else named Y/N?”

I looked at him intently, noticing how his ears turned red. “Sorry, dumb right?” he said.

He was cute, like a shy cat. “No, no it’s fine I mean this is the first time we’ve ever spoken so it’s you know.” Who knew our first conversation would be this awkward. I felt shy around Jaehyun, was that weird? “So how are you enjoying it so far,” I tried changing the subject.

“School wise it’s alright, party wise I'm still sober,” he chuckled. I never got to notice the dimples on his cheeks, he’s even cuter now. ‘Wait what? Cute? Jaehyun? Snap out of it Y/N!’

“That’s nice, I’m glad you seem to be enjoying it,” I responded. We talked on and on, who knew me and Jaehyun would strike it up so fast. We have many likes as much as we had dislikes. I even got to admit the man had a sense of humor.

“Wanna go sit down? Those heels must be killing you,” Jaehyun asked, making our way to the—fortunately—unoccupied coach. I had already taken 3 cups of alcohol, with a somewhat drunk but sober mind.

I turned around to face Jaehyun a bit better, our faces inches away from one another. He didn’t look much different from up close, in fact he was perfect. It must’ve been the alcohol because ain’t no way I’d ever do this with a sober mind— I lifted my hand to his cheek, he slightly flinched. “Y/N?” he asked. “Hmm? What is it Jaehyun,” I said softly. We locked eyes, I felt it in the way he looked at me, eyes with lust, desire, want.

“You’re really handsome Jae,” I said, bringing my hand down to his nape.

“And you’re really beautiful Y/N,” he said, leaning in closer. ‘This was wrong,’ a voice inside me told me. No, I knew. This was all a mistake. I have a boyfriend, I have Doyoung.

But it was too late… my lips pressed against Jaehyun’s. The kiss started off as something slow, delicate but then it was more passionate, deep. It was different from when Doyoung… Oh right, Doyoung he’s my—I pushed my lips off his, horror in my eyes. I got up from my seat, “So-Sorry, I uhm… this was a mistake, that was a mistake.” We looked at each other, eyes still filled with want. But no this was wrong and we both knew it.

“Please just forget what just happened, please Jaehyun,” I pleaded with him. In which he gave me a nod and I just said “Goodbye Jaehyun,” before storming off into the crowd. I didn’t even bother looking back, I couldn’t bring myself to. What had I just done? How can I be so stupid and let alcohol take over my mind, my body, my self…

I met up with Rei, she was now chatting with Haechan and whispered to her, “I don’t feel so well.” She looked at me with concern, “What? What’s wrong?”

“I feel nauseous and a bit dizzy,” I lied, I just wanted to get out of there. She rested her hand on my shoulder, before nodding and we bid the boys goodbye, all except one, Jaehyun.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Luckily the party was on a weekend which meant I wouldn’t have to face Jaehyun the next day in class. After the incident, I replayed the moment in my head over and over, trying to analyze ‘why?’ I even found myself gazing my hand over my lips before I fell asleep. I hadn't told Doyoung, I was scared to. All I did was text him that I’d gotten home safe and then he bid me a good night.

Now that the weekend was over I had to come back to reality. I didn’t know how I was going to act around Jaehyun, truthfully I’d hoped he’d actually forgotten all about it, but I doubt that he would.

Thankfully the class was normal, me and Jaehyun not even uttering a word to one another, well mostly due to me since I’d tried avoiding looking behind me. My dreams were soon shattered though. That fucking professor just had to assign us a project, YES A PROJECT in PAIRS! As if things couldn’t get any worse he’d paired me and Jaehyun up. Is the world against me?!

I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around bracing myself. Jaehyun looked at me cautiously, “So I guess we’re stuck together.”

“Seems so Jeong,” I said, sighing. He was going to say something before the professor spoke up again, “Remember class I want you two pairs to work efficiently and collaboratively, as well as making sure it’s turned in on time in a month from now. I do believe I’m giving you enough time.”

Our assignment: going to Dream Art Museum and observing 5 pieces of work, writing and analyzing each one. Oh and can’t forget the photography portion of the project, it seemed easy, but with Jaehyun it’d probably be far from it. I was scared for what this whole month would hold for us.

Once the bell rang, I quickly grabbed my things, stuffing them into my bag. “So,” his voice hesitated. “How do you wanna do this?” I looked up at Jaehyun, he looked like a little kid asking his mom to let him out to play. “Look Jaehyun, just act normal around me, I won't bite.” He nodded.

“We can get each other’s numbers, if that’s fine since I don’t really have the time right now,” I explained. Never in a million years did I expect to get the number of someone I accidentally kissed in just a few days since his arrival. He took out his phone and we exchanged numbers. “I’ll text you the details later, my boyfriend’s waiting for me outside.”

“Sounds good,” he says. I walk past him and when I grip my hand on the doorknob he says, “Thank you Y/N.” I don’t even turn back, I leave. ‘Thank you? For what?’

I made my outside, Doyoung in the same spot as last time. He looks up from his phone, smiling widely. I pick up my pace and go into his warm embrace. Doyoung was who I needed. Not Jaehyun or anyone else.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Doyoung took me to our favorite restaurant, an Italian restaurant. I order my regular chicken alfredo with some garlic bread. 2 words: fucking delicious.

“How was the party?” Doyoung asked. I nearly choked on my pasta. I hope I looked composed, “Good, I mean it’s the same old thing, drinking, smoking, and people having sex everywhere you go.”

He chuckled and continued asking me more. Conversing with Doyoung was also so nice, so comforting. I loved how warm Doyoung was. “Oh! and you won’t believe what my professor said today,” I had yet to tell Doyoung. He quirked an eyebrow up. “He assigned us a project in pairs! Worst part of all I got assigned with the new kid,” I said.

“Jaehyun?” Doyoung said, my heart nearly stopping. ‘How does he know Jaehyun?’ He must’ve noticed the confusion on my face because he then added, “Jungwoo told me.” I let out a sigh of relief, only noticeable to me, thank god for Jungwoo.

“You still talk to the guy?” I said. Doyoung chuckled a bit, “Unfortunately so.”

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly, we had some wine too and by the end of the night I ended up on Doyoung’s bed, naked of course.

April 11.

The next day I woke up, still sore from last night’s activities with Doyoung. He can be gentle, but so rough sometimes. Nevertheless I enjoyed sex with Doyoung.

I grabbed clothes from his closet, thankfully he let me keep some here, and quickly changed into them. Afterall I still had class today, although I missed the first two periods I’d still make it in time for third. I was putting on my shirt when Doyoung spoke up, “Why don’t you just stay here?” His morning voice evident. “I would love to, but I got a project remember.” He sighed and put on his sweats. Doyoung walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

You always smell so good,” he says. I giggle, “That’s not gonna let you sneak in a quickie.” He rests his head on my shoulder, arms still around my waist. It’s like he doesn’t want to let go, doesn’t want me to go. God how I love this man— but then it hit me, the events of 2 days ago. Guilt rushed over me. “I gotta go Doyo,” I say softly. He finally lets me go and I face him. “I’ll come pick you up later.”

“Okay,” I say, giving him a smile and a kiss.

I left Doyoung’s apartment and headed off to campus. I'd arrived just in time for third period, thank god. My classes continued as normal, until it was finally time for that class. I was dreading it, mainly because I'd forgotten to message Jaehyun about the project. “Hey,” his voice crept up behind me. I turned around, “Hi, sorry I couldn’t reach out last night.” He looked at me giving me a smile, a sad smile.

“It’s alright, how weren’t things with your boyfriend?” he asked. I blinked in confusion, ‘why did he care?’ “Good, we ate and went back to his apartment, but I ended up arriving late today,” I chuckled at the end. He gave me a nod, this was awkward. At least, for me it was. Talking about my boyfriend to a guy whose lips I kissed. We stayed in silence until he spoke up, “Mind if we sit together?” I didn’t answer, just giving him a nod as we made our way to where I usually sit; Jaehyun sitting beside me.

“So…” he continued, “how do you want to do the project?” I thought about it for a while, “We can go to the museum over the weekend if that’s alright with you,” I said. “No, no that’s alright with me, I can come pick you up if you want.” I guess I have no other choice but to accept his offer, “Sure,” I said. His mood seemed to slightly shift; appearing more relaxed and happy.

The class went by and I left with Jaehyun by my side, after all we still needed to discuss the details on this “project.” I was so concentrated into the conversation that I failed to notice Doyoung calling me.

“Y/N!” I heard him shout. Me and Jaehyun both looked at him. Doyoung’s eyes traveled from me to him. Ah, “Jaehyun this is my boyfriend, Doyoung. Doyoung this is Jaehyun, my project partner.” They gave a nod to one another, the vibes were weird, ‘am I imagining things?’

“I came to pick you up,” Doyoung spoke up. “I guess that’s my cue,” Jaehyun said softly. Before Jaehyun could leave I grabbed his shirt, he turned around confused. “Ah, sorry I just wanted to say to tell me if anything comes up,” I say, shyness in my voice. He gives me a slight smile and I let go of his shirt, “Alright, Y/N, see you tomorrow,” he says, walking off in the distance. I turned back to Doyoung who just stood there, waiting for me.

“Ready?” I nodded as I walked to the passenger side of his car. Luckily, Doyoung wasn’t the jealous type, but sometimes I wish he was.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The weekend passed by and it was finally Saturday. Saturday as in my trip to the Dream Art Museum with Jaehyun. I waited for a message from him, indicating he was here. He arrived around noon like we’d agreed to the night before. He pulled up in his black car, it looked luxurious. I still have yet to find out more about Jeong Jaehyun.

Unfortunately to say the least, the museum was packed, packed. But then fortunately we decided on our 5 art pieces of work in no time. Jaehyun had brought along his camera for the photography portion of the project. I was starting to regret everything I said, working with Jaehyun was really easy work. We left around 3, and we decided to go to a local restaurant slash cafe. I was famished, I was surviving off a yogurt and some fruit. I ordered a delicious looking sandwich and some coffee. Jaehyun got the same thing, but ordered two slices of strawberry shortcake. “One for you,” he said, passing it to me. I muttered a small, “Thank you.” We ate, enjoying each other’s presence. It was comfortable.

It was beginning to darken, by the time I realized it. Me and Jaehyun chatted for quite a while, we got to know one another a little bit more. He was an interesting person to say the least, moving here when he was 5 from South Korea.

“It’s getting dark, huh,” he said. “Yeah.”

“I guess I should drop you back off then,” he smiled.

“You’re dimples are very cute Jaehyun,” I said out loud. Shit.

He just stared at me, he was at a loss for words. “Th-Thank you?” he said, sounding more like a question.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to offend you or make you uncomfortable.” He shook his head, “No, no I just didn’t know what to say, no one’s really said anything like that. Well besides my mother,” he chuckled. I laughed, he was cute sometimes. Moments like this made me forget my life, my reality. It felt like we were the only two people on this planet.

Jaehyun.

I got Y/N safely back home, thankfully. Earlier when she complimented my dimples I was at a loss for words. My heart stopped beating for a moment. There was no denying it, I was in love with her. Everything about her.

Her smile, her laugh, her voice, her body, her face, her personality, her everything. I wanted her selfishly to myself, but I knew that was impossible because I saw the way she’d light up talking about Doyoung. There was never going to be room for me in her heart. But nevertheless I still wanted her. I wanted to feel her lips against mine again and possibly something even more.

April 28.

Over the past two weeks since the project started me and Jaehyun grew closer. No more awkward energy, although there was one slight problem. There was something growing within me, something unexplainable.

I wanted him. I wanted Jaehyun, but I just didn’t know that yet.

Today I was set to go to Jaehyun’s after school, we agreed on putting our presentation together and since he has a printer it was more convenient going over to his place. We pulled up into a fancy looking apartment complex. “You never told me you were a rich boy,” I teased him. “You never asked,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. He opened the door and came around to open mine as well. “Thank you Jeong,” I said, stepping out. I waited for him, after all I had no idea where I was going.

When we made it to his apartment it was very clean and neat for some guy living by himself. They’re was rarely any color, but I liked it, it felt comfortable.

“Make yourself at home,” he says. “Will do!” I walked to his living room, sitting down on the—very comfortable—couch. “Drinks?” he asked. “Water will do,” I replied.

He came back with two waters and we started working a while later. I checked my phone and it was already 7 p.m, time sure passed by quickly. “It’s getting late, I should leave soon,” I say, trying to get up when he grabbed my wrist. I looked at him, he was staring at me. “You can stay over,” he says, nonchalantly. I laughed, “You're joking, right?”

“No.” Oh he was serious. Me sleeping over at Jaehyun’s? This was a bad idea, every part of me knew, but I accepted it. “Okay,” I mumbled. His eyes widened a bit, I guess he didn’t expect me to actually accept his invitation, trust me neither did I.

“Can I use your shower?” I asked. “What? Oh yeah, yeah that’s fine.” He guided me through his bedroom into the bathroom. He gave me a pair of his sweatpants and a shirt, even a pair of his newly bought boxers. I showered and slipped into his clothes. I exited, and found him still outside in the living room. “Done?” He asked, looking up at me. I nodded. “I guess I’ll go shower too,” he said, disappearing into his room, coming out shortly after.

“Want me to dry your hair?” He asked. “Sure,” I said. settling on my knees while he sat on the couch. His touch was comforting, and I was getting offly turned on. ‘No, no, no.’

“All done,” he said. I turned my body, looking up at him from the floor. I was going to regret this, I knew, but I still did it.

I propped myself on his lap, my legs on each side of his. His eyes from that night, coming back. Eyes filled with want, lust, and desire.

I cupped his face, leaning in. I kissed him again. The kiss was deep, filled with so much desire. I could feel it in the way we kissed, we both wanted each other.

I moaned when he bit my bottom lip and pulled away. He looked at me, “Are you sure?” he said, when I tugged at his shirt. This was bad, we both knew what would happen, but I didn’t care, my logic, my reasoning were knocked out of me. It was just screaming his name, Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun.

“Yes, please Jaehyun.”

He smashed his lips back to mine and I started grinding down on him. I felt his erection pressing against me, it was all too good. His hands traveling to my ass, groping it, causing moans to slip out. His fingers began teasing my clothed cunt. “As much as I love seeing you wearing my clothes, I want to see how beautiful you are, baby.”

Baby, he said it so affectionately, I loved it. I complied, taking off his shirt, he groaned when he saw my tits. Palming one of them. “So beautiful,” he said as he took one into his mouth. Flicking my nipple with his tongue and then sucking on it, while he kneaded the other one.

I was squirming under his touch, my pussy aching. He moved to my other nipple, doing the same, but bit down on this one slightly. “Ahn- Jae-Jaehyun!” I screamed, not because it hurt but because it felt too good. His lips then traveled to my collarbone and jaw, placing kisses all over, and sucking on my skin.

“Ja-Jaehyun,” I said, breathlessly. “What is it, baby?” I grabbed his hand, guiding it to my pussy. “Please touch me down here,” I whispered into his ear. He groaned and I swear I felt his cock twitch against me.

“Take those sweats off then,” he smirked. Getting off him and shimming out of his sweatpants. I saw as his eyes widened, “No underwear? Didn’t wanna wear those boxers?” He grabbed me by my hips, sitting me back on his lap, my back facing him now.

He opens my legs, traveling his hand down to my sopping wet pussy. “Fuck Y/N, are you always this wet? I haven’t even properly touched you yet, yet you’re dripping wet like some whore,” he whispered into my ear.

I moaned when I felt his fingers pass my clit and then tease my folds. He slips in one finger, pushing it inside, “You’re even so tight,” he chuckled. My hips started moving, wanting his finger to go faster, deeper. I heard him let out another chuckle, before he slipped another finger inside. I moaned louder, arching my back as his fingers picked up their pace, reaching me even deeper. I was close, I clenched around his fingers and he must’ve known as well because he slipped his fingers out. I pleaded with him, squirming in his lap.

I saw as he brought his fingers to his mouth, moaning in delight. “You taste so good, baby.” He then grabbed me, holding me in arms as he made our way to his bedroom. He plopped me on his bed. The bed, dipping when he got on.

“Open your legs baby, let me see that pretty pussy of yours.” I opened my legs as wide as they could go, and he finally got down. His eyes locked with mine as he licked a strip up my pussy. He repeated the action and I gripped on his hair. Curses erupted from my mouth. I felt as his wet muscle entered me, moving inside. “Yes, Jaehyun just like that,” I moaned. After a while he took out his tongue and began kitty licking my clit and thrusting his fingers inside me again. He’s eating me out so good, better than anyone… any- Doy… Before I could even think of the name, he bit down on my clit, I practically screamed at his sudden action.

He parted from my clit with a “Sorry.” “No, no it’s okay it just felt so good,” I let out. His lips came to mine, tongues fighting one another. The knot in my stomach tightened as Jaehyun stretched my walls and placed his thumb on my clit. “Such a pretty girl, finish for me.” His words triggered me, sending me over the edge. I came—no I squirted. It was just the beginning but oh god, I was already worn out.

“You ready to take my cock pretty girl,” he said, brushing away the hairs from my forehead. “Pl-Please give it to me,” I said softly, trying to catch my breath.

Jaehyun got off the bed, reaching his nightstand for a foil square; a condom. He ripped it with his teeth, pulling his sweats and boxers off. Holy fucking fuck, he was big and hard. I was practically drooling at the sight, I wanted him in me. He slipped the condom on and settled between me. He stroked it and then grabbed my hips.

“Ready?” he asked, as his tip prodded against my pussy. “Yes, please.” “You’re so good at begging baby,” he said. Before I could say anything, he pushed his cock inside me. It stretched me out so good, I can’t hold back my moans.

“Fuck, you’re taking me so well aren’t you, you whore.”

“I-It’s too much Jaehyun,” I moaned out. I looked at where our bodies joined, his cock not even all the way in yet. “You love it though don’t you? You’re clenching around me like some virgin,” he smirks; visible through the moonlight.

He grips my hips tightly. “Ready, I’m going to start moving,” he warns. I nod and he starts pounding into me. His cock going in and out of my pussy, he goes gently at first, but I urge him to go faster, “Deeper, jae please.” He stops for a moment, “What’d you say?” I open my eyes, locking them with his. “Deeper?” I tilt my head slightly. “No after that.”

“Jae.” “Fuck,” he says, before he starts pounding into me even faster. He’s hitting me so deep, the pleasure so good—so euphoric. He takes my arms, pinning them above me, as he continues his quick pace. “Look at you, tits bounces, mouth open, back arching. Such a slut.” His dirty talk does wonders to me, I could feel the knot in my stomach tightening again. I was so fucking close.

“You’re gonna cum for me again?” As he said that, he brought his thumb to my clit again, abusing it. “Baby look at me, let me see your face when you cum all over my dick,” he says, bringing his hand to my chin. I open my eyes, tears nearly spilling out. “Good girl,” he cooed. My mouth flung open as he hit my g-spot; he took the opportunity to spit in my mouth, “Swallow.” I closed my mouth taking in his spit, while his thumb rubbed on my clit.

“Come with me, won’t you darling,” he whispered in my ear. Our lips crashing into one another, my hips moving to meet his. I moaned into the kiss as my orgasm ripped through me. He pulled away—a string saliva appearing when we departed—groaning as he felt me clenching around him. “Shit,” he said, when he finally came as well.

We stayed, joined together for a while more before he slipped his cock out of me. “You did so well,” he said, pecking my forehead. I was at my wits end, that I ended up falling asleep. I fell asleep so peacefully for the first time in a while.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The bright sunlight hit my face and when I tried moving to the other side I was faced with reality. Hard fucking reality. I had sex with Jaehyun. I cheated on Doyoung. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I tried getting up but Jaehyun’s strong hands didn’t let me. “Just a little longer,” I heard him mumble. “Jaehyun,” I whispered. He then fluttered his eyes open, adjusting to the light. When he finally spotted me, his eyes widened in shock. Was he really the same guy who was pounding harshly into my pussy last night? We sat up, leaning against the headboard.

“I figured you’d run away,” he said. I chuckled, “I thought about it, but then…” He looked at me waiting for me to finish my sentence. “I thought we’d ought to talk about it?”

“Mmm, I suppose you have a point.” Where do I even start? “Look, Jaehyun last night was…” “A mistake?” he said. “Yeah, it was a heat of the moment type of thing.” He gave me a sympathetic look, “I know, but look Y/N I like you,” he confessed.

“Jaeh-“ he interrupted me, “I know… you have Doyoung, but Y/N he doesn’t have to know, we can keep this between us.”

‘Was he suggesting we be fuck buddies?’ “Are you saying we become fuck buddies, despite me having a boyfriend?”

“Yes,” he said, flatly. “If that’s the only way I can have you, so be it.”

I was at a loss for words. It was a game of tug o war in my head, one side agreeing to the whole fuck buddy situation, but the other opposing it. He must’ve noticed the fight I was having with myself because he spoke up, “I’m sorry Y/N you know what forge-“ “Fine, let’s do it,” I said.

‘I’ll do it,’ I thought to myself. We’d already gone this far, for fucks sake this man has seen me naked and stuck his cock in me. ‘As long as Doyoung doesn’t find out,’ I repeated. I was in for a ride, a fucked up and nonoperational one.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Days passed since then and things proceeded as normal. I hang out with Doyoung, Rei, even Jungwoo like nothing happened. Though, me and Jaehyun continued sneaking kisses here and there behind closed doors. In fact the other night, I spent it at his place again, fucking like rabbits til dawn. Sex with Jaehyun was so passionate and animalistic in a way.

“Presentation are tomorrow class, I hope you all have completed them by now,” announced the professor. I was listening when I felt a tap on my shoulder, turning to face Jaehyun. He passed me a note and I turned to open it, ‘Wanna come over tonight? I’ll cook for you?’ I smiled at the small note, replying ‘Are you bribing me right now Jeong?’ I passed it along to him again and instead of receiving it once more, he whispered in my ear, “Maybe.” It sent shivers down my spine. His voice weirdly had a way of turning me on.

Classes finished and saw Doyoung as he leaned against his car. “Hey,” he smiled. “Hi!” He quirked a brow up, “Someone’s in a good mood.” “Presentations are finally tomorrow,” I explained. He opened his arms, my cue to hug him. I hesitantly stepped into his touch, I felt the guilt rushing over me. I parted from him, “That reminds me, Rei invited me over today for a girls night.” “Really?” he pouted. It was a lie, a lie so I could spend the night at Jaehyun’s.

“Yeah, she claims it’s been so long since I’ve gone over.” “She sure loves hogging you,” he jokes. I laughed, “You know her.” We got into his car, taking the opportunity to message Jaehyun.

me: i’ll be there at 6, jeong

He replied almost instantly for someone who's supposed to be at “basketball practice”

jae: i’ll be waiting

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

I arrived outside Jaehyun’s apartment, knocking on his door. He opened it and I was welcomed with a wet-haired Jaehyun.

“Hey, I just hopped out of the shower. Come in,” he said, going to the side so I could go in. As I made my way in he wrapped his arms around my waist, nestling his head on my shoulder.

“We can’t do this today,” I said.

“Why not,” he said, pouting. “We have presentations tomorrow and I wanna be able to stand on my two feet jae.”

He muttered something against my shoulder before finally letting me go. I turned to face him and he took it as the opportunity to kiss me. I immediately melted into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands traveled further down my body. But before we could get any further I pulled away, “Where’s my food you promised Jeong?” He looked at me puzzled, until the light bulb in his head finally turned on.

“Takeout?” I rolled my eyes and sighed, “I guess so.”

I spent the rest of the night over at Jaehyun’s though this time I came prepared. I brought over a change of clothes and my school bag. Fortunately but unfortunately we didn’t fuck, I warned him and he respected it under the condition I’d at least cuddle with him, which I agreed to. That night I fell into a deep and comfortable sleep in the arms of Jaehyun.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Presentations went by in a breeze. Me and Jaehyun successfully managed to get a full score by our professor who claimed it was “efficiently executed and artistically performed.”

As I left the class Jaehyun stopped me in my tracks. “Y/N,” he said, softly. I looked up at him, “What’s wrong Jaehyun?” He hesitated for a bit. ‘What could it be?’

“Uhm- is it- well can you come and watch my game tomorrow night?” Ah this was what had him hesitating. “Tomorrow? Friday night?” He nodded. I thought about it for a while, “Mmm, sure I’ll be there,” I smiled. His face immediately lightened.

“Really! Yes! Oh sorry I mean I’ll see you there,” he said, excitedly.

“You better win Jeong,” I teased. His face changed to confidence, “Yes ma’am!” I laughed, “Yes, yes practice hard. See you tomorrow.”

May 07.

Game Day. Today I was going to go over to Jaehyun’s Basketball game. I’ve never seen him play, no in fact I haven’t even attended a game in my whole life. Although the majority of the boys on the team are my very own friends.

“Excuse me,” I said, trying to get through to my seat. I sat around the middle of the bleachers. They were currently practicing on the court. This was my first time seeing Jaehyun in his uniform and oh god did it do wonders.

The game soon started and I never kept my eyes off him. Despite being relatively new, he shun, he shun so bright on the court. I felt like I was seeing a new version of him. I loved it.

They ended up winning, 127-102. I made my way to the court to go congratulate them. I was spotted by Johnny first, “Ah, Y/N? What brings you here?!” I’d forgotten about the whole me and Jahyun thing. “I promised Jaehyun since we finished our presentations,” I said. I mean I wasn’t really lying. Then Jaehyun came along with the rest of the boys.

Mark and Jungwoo embraced me into a hug saying, “It’d been so long.” We chatted for a while until the rest of them decided to retreat to the locker room, all except one. Jaehyun. I have yet to talk to him.

“Congratulations,” I said, and hugged him when everyone left. We had the gym to ourselves as everyone had left already. He smiled, picking me up and spinning me in a circle.

“I’m glad you came,” he smiled. I wrapped my legs around his waist. “I promised you after all.” He chuckled, “Oh yeah? Then what’s my reward?” He had a mischievous look on his face that I was scared of what to say next.

“Mmm,” I thought about what to say “I’ll grant you a wish.” He smiled again before whispering into my ear, “Let me fuck that pretty pussy of yours.” I felt my face heat up. “Jae-“ He interrupted me by embracing me into a very passionate kiss. I was so lost in the kiss that I didn’t realize he’d begun walking.

“Wai-Wait Jaehyun, they're still in there,” I said, as I realized he was taking me inside the locker room. “Don’t worry they left already darling,” he assured me. Jaehyun must have psychic powers because he was right; they’d left.

We collided with the lockers when he pulled me into another deep and passionate kiss. He moved his mouth further down; to my jaw, neck, and collarbone. He placed me down, pulling my shirt over my head and pulling my jeans down. I was left in nothing but my black laced bra and panties. No matter how many times we’d done this I still wasn’t used to it, my body exposed to him.

His lips fling back to my body, traveling from the valley of my breast to my left breast. He kissed my nipple through my bra and proceeded to do the same to the right. He then unclasped my bra letting fall to where my jeans pooled around me. He brought my right nipple in between his teeth, teasingly biting on it as he fondled the left. His tongue swirled around it, flicking my nipple with his tongue. He kissed me as he made his way to my left breast, doing the same. I was becoming even more wet by the second.

“Fuck,” I muttered when he’d brought his hand to my drenched panties. He slid them to the side, his fingers coming in contact with my cunt. “You’re so wet already aren’t you? Such a good girl for me,” he whispered as he pushed two fingers inside my pussy. My moans echoed through the locker room and so did the wet squelching sounds from my pussy. I can’t believe I was getting fucked inside a locker room right now, but oddly enough I was turned on.

He took his fingers out of my pussy, grabbing my chin. I opened my mouth as he brought his fingers inside my mouth and made me suck on them. “You taste that, your sweet cunt.” Jaehyun then sunk to his knees holding my legs open, oh fuck. He was now underneath me, licking my cunt at a slow pace, then moving along to my clit and flattening his tongue on it before sucking it. Tears were spilling from me and the knot in my stomach tightening. “Yes,” I moaned. My orgasm finally spilling out of me when his fingers curled inside me and his tongue continued it’s work on my clit.

He lapped up every single drop that’d exploded out of me, even taking some from his chin. “Bet he can’t make you feel this way.” I was so dazed that those words didn’t comprehend in my brain, “Yes,” I muttered. He let out a satisfied smirk and pulled off his uniform. He then grabbed his jersey and handed it to me, “Put it on, I wanna see my name on your back while I fuck you.” I complied putting his jersey on and I heard him groan.

“Ready?” He asked. I nodded. He flipped me over, my hands against the lockers as his hands gripped my waist. He brought the jersey up and pushed down my panties. I felt as his hard cock rested against my ass.

Jaehyun slammed into me, “Shit, how come your always so fucking tight? You a little whore who can’t get enough, huh.” His pace was fast and rough, his hands gripping onto my tightly like I’d escape. I turned my head behind me, and he ended up kissing me, our moans and groans spilling into our kiss. A string of saliva appeared when we departed, “So good,” I moaned, clenching my hands.

“Oh yeah? You love being fucked by me don’t you,” he said, confidently. “Like some whore. Come on baby, you’re my little whore right?” When I didn’t answer he slapped my ass harshly. I instinctively clenched around him, causing him to groan and throw some curses. He repeated the action, my cheeks surely reddened my now. “Answer me, baby,” he said, grabbing a fistful of my hair.

My face was a mess, tear stained eyes and drool coming out of the corner of my mouth. “Ye-Yes, ah- I’m your- ahn- whore.” He started picking up his pace and brought his thumb to tease my sensitive clit, sending me over the edge. The knot in my stomach came undone and I completely shattered. He still fucked my through my jaw dropping orgasm, his movements getting a little sloppier, signifying he was close too. I clenched around him, when he hit my g-spot again causing him to paint my walls white. Thankfully, I took the pill this morning.

We both panted, tired and exhausted from the best orgasms we’d experienced. Everytime we have sex it progressively gets better than the last time. He pecked my temple whispering, “Good job baby,” but I was unable to hear that last part.

“I love you.”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The weekend was just about over and I haven’t seen Jaehyun since the game, but that doesn’t stop us from messaging one another every now and then.

Actually today Doyoung is supposed to come over; we’d agreed on this last night. So here I am sitting in my living room waiting for him to knock on my door. It’d been a while since I'd last seen him. Knock.

I got up from the couch and walked over to the door. In front of me; Doyoung, Doyoung with a bouquet of flowers. I grabbed them when he handed them over, “Thank you!” I walked over to place them in a vase, when I felt his arms wrapping around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. “I’ve missed you,” he says.

The Guilt. “I’ve missed you too,” I smile. I turn around to face him now, his face slightly hesitant. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Ah- It’s just uhm… Y/N.”

Yes Doyo?”

He takes a breath, “What were you doing that day you were going to Rei’s?”

I froze for a second, taken aback. ‘Did he find out? How? What?’ “Hm? We had a girl’s night remember,” I tried smiling. He looked at me, carefully observing me. “Y/N tell me the truth, please.”

Fuck. “What are you talking about? I was reall-“ He interrupted me, “Stop fucking bullshitting me right now, I called Rei and she never mentioned anything about a “spa” much less you going over!”

I was frozen, I didn’t know what to say or do. Admit the truth? Or… Lie. “I don’t see why I should tell you, it’s not like I was doing anything bad.” ‘Oh but you were Y/N’

Doyoung was fuming, I could see it in his body, his face. “Fine, fine you won’t tell me, fine, but just you know I’ll find out if you won’t bother telling me.” I couldn’t even utter another word before he left stomping to the door. He opened it and slammed it shut.

The door closed and I lost it, falling to my knees as tears erupted from my eyes. And here I thought we’d end up cuddling tonight, but no we fought instead.

Getting up from my knees and wiping my tears away I grabbed my phone, dialing the second most recent number. They picked up on the third ring.

“Missed me already?” his voice said.

“Can I spend the night at your home Jae,” I whispered, even though there was no one else but me.

He chuckled, “Of course baby.” Without hesitation I gathered everything I needed to spend the night over, running out of that apartment. When I finally made it to Jaehyun’s I picked up my pace even faster. I didn’t want to miss a second, I wanted to be in Jaehyun’s warm embrace.

I knocked and he opened the door with a dimpled-smile plastered on his face. I stepped in and when he closed the door I wrapped my arms around his neck; kissing him with hunger. For the rest of the night we went at it like rabbits.

Jaehyun.

I love her, I love Y/N so fucking much. It’s like she was made for me, she matched with me so perfectly.

She’d finally fallen asleep, I think I might’ve gone over the top tonight. Her snores were so soft, her arms embracing my waist. I turned to the nightstand and grabbed her phone; unlocking it. I snapped a picture, I’d been doing this for a while and surprisingly she’s still kept all of them. I wonder if something happened with Doyoung, she’d told me he’d spend the night with her, but it seems like something happened judging by the way she’s in my bed right now.

Whatever. As long as she’s with me is all that matters.

“But does he know you call me when he sleeps?”

“But does he know the pictures that you keep?

“Or does he know the reasons you cry?”

“Or tell me does he know where your heart lies?”

2 weeks later.

Since my fight with Doyoung we’ve managed to talk it out and patch things up. So since then our relationship is back on a high, though no sex and oh, Jaehyun is still in the picture.

“I’m gonna go hop in the shower, I’ll be right out doyo,” I said, as he sat on my bed. Today he was staying the night, actually he’s been spending the night for the past week and a half, so seeing Jaehyun has gotten rather hard. Yet we have our ways, whether I sneak out when Doyoung’s asleep or we fuck around during school hours.

Jaehyun’s become a drug to me, as much as I want to quit I can’t. He’s so addicting, I want him and I need him.

Doyoung.

It’d been 5 minutes or so since Y/N had just gotten in the shower. I sat on her bed patiently waiting for her. After our fight we agreed on no more secrets, so I've glued myself to her.

I love Y/N, I love her so much i- Ding.

My head turns to the direction of her phone that laid on her nightstand. Curiosity sparked within me, something within me called me to reach for her phone. So I reached over to it, but I would soon come to regret it.

Jaehyun: i miss u baby

‘Huh? Jaehyun? What? Why was he messaging her that he missed her? Perhaps he was mistaken, yeah that was it.’ I wanted to refuse what I was looking at, Y/N and Jaehyun? Nah, they were far over since the project… Wait a minute, since the project Y/N has been rather… distant? different?

No, it can’t be… Oh but it is Doyoung. I opened her camera roll, I wanted to throw up? Cry? I was beyond horrified. Pictures of them, the two of them. Not any decently looking pictures—well a few—of the two while he fucked her or after he fucked her.

I couldn’t stop myself, I opened the messages. More evidence of their affair. Any other person would’ve thought they were a couple by the way they text one another.

“Hey!” She yelled. I flinched, fuck. I looked up at her. “Care to explain?” I tried saying calmly. She looked at me confused. “What the fuck is going on with you and Jaehyun huh!” I raised my voice slightly.

The color from her face vanished, she was pale as a ghost. Her lips trembled as she tried to speak, “Wh-What? How do you know…”

I got up from the bed and shoved the phone in her face; the messages between them. Tears were coming out of her eyes. “Doyoung! I swear it’s not what it looks like.”

“Fucking bullshit Y/N, you know it and I do as well so stop fucking lying to me and tell me the fucking truth.” I wasn’t mad, I was upset and hurt. She lied to me, deceived me.

“I’m sorry Doyoung,” she cried. “Really everything between me and hi-Jaehyun was a mistake, I knew it, but I- I couldn’t fucking stop myself. I tried, I really fucking tried, but- but…” she was a sobbing mess. My heart ached at the sight.

I clenched my fist tightly. “I love you so much Doyoung I really do, I always fucking had but then he came… I’ve lost myself now, I know nothing I say or do now will change things, change us, so if you want to breakup it’s fine.” She lifted her arm and rested a hand on my cheek, caressing it with her thumb. Her hands felt cold, they weren’t warm like they usually were.

“I love you too Y/N, but it’s like you said… Y/N there’s no going back… we can’t fix this, I can’t do it Y/N, you deceived me,” I explained as my vision became blurry. I felt droplets of tears streaming down my face. We both were a crying mess.

Y/N and I love each other, so very much. I know she loves me, I see it, but now that I look closely that love is disappearing little by little.

“I know, I know and I’m sorry for that Doyoung, please I’m so fucking sorry.”

I gave her a sympathetic look, “Let’s break up Y/N, please it’s the only good thing left to do.” She cried a little harder, her hands wrapped around my neck, I hugged her back. This would be the last time anyways, the moments and memories I’ve made with her were some of the best. She was my first love, my first everything and to that she holds a special place in my heart.

“I understand Doyoung, let’s break up please,” she mumbled on my shoulder. I gripped her a little tighter, kissing her neck before pulling away. We looked at each other, without saying another word.

I took off, I left her in that big, yet small apartment of hers by herself. I’d never come back here again, I’d never see her again.

This was the end, my beloved Y/N, my butterfly. Goodbye.

May 27.

I feel like shit. The past 4 days have been shit. Who knew Doyoung and me splitting up would affect me this much. I haven’t shown up to school, for god knows how long. My phone is constantly blowing up with messages from Rei, Mark, Johnny, Jungwoo and… Jaehyun. Just thinking about him is enough to make me break down again.

How could I be so fucking stupid. I didn’t know what I wanted and look where it led me. I was selfish, I was greedy. I took Doyoung’s kindness, love, and trust for granted.

I was beginning to grow tired of this, I knew I couldn’t just mope around like this, I had to do something. The only something left to break.

I have to end things with Jaehyun.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

So here I am, standing in front of his door. I’ve been standing here for the past 5 minutes, I haven’t knocked or moved. I was preparing myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was lost in thought when rain started pouring. Rain is so beautiful.

“Y/N?” called out a voice. I looked to my left, Jaehyun right in front of me. His eyes widened, like he’d just seen a ghost. He came rushing towards me, embracing me into a hug which I didn’t return.

���Where have you been? God, I’ve missed you baby.” I was disgusted, I wanted to throw up. What have I fucking done.

“Let’s go inside Jae,” I muttered. Once I stepped inside there was no going back. When we stepped inside, I went straight to the living room and onto the couch. Jaehyun soon followed sitting on his knees in front of me. His head settled on my thighs.

I brought my hand to his hair, gently stroking it. “I love you,” he said. I stopped my movement, eyes widening. I knew it, I guess I always knew he loved me. I could see it in the way he looked at me, at the way he treated me.

“I love you so much Y/N,” he said again, locking eyes with me. I brought my lips to his. We kissed slowly, like lovers do. If this was the last chance I had with him, I might as well enjoy it.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

We stripped each other of our clothes, being left in nothing but my lace baby pink panties and bra and his boxers. He went back onto his knees, while he spread my legs apart. “Already wet,” he smirked. He kissed my inner thighs until he reached my clothed cunt.

Jaehyun kept his eyes on me when he licked me through my panties, continuing this action until I was a whimpering mess. He lightly bit my clit, before sliding off my panties, finally. “Such a pretty little pussy,” he said, continuing his kitten licks on my now bare cunt. He gave an approval hum when I wrapped my legs around his neck, trapping him. He gripped my thighs, pulling me deeper. His tongue intruded into my tight hole and I felt his hot breath on my clit. I unconsciously started grinding on him, wanting to feel it deeper.

“Fuck, I’m gonna-“ I couldn’t even finish my sentence when I felt the sensation disappear. Fuck. He licked his mouth clean, “‘m tastes so good.”

“Ple-Please make me cum jae, I’m begging you.” He chuckled, before taking his hands to my breast, groping them tightly. My back arched at the sensation, even more when he pinched them through the fabric. “What do you want, baby? Come on, tell me.”

“Your fingers, please, ah- and your tongue, please, please, please.”

He kissed and sucked on my exposed skin, before sliding back down. His fingers teasing my folds, not going inside me yet, but then he slipped them in me. His two fingers going in out of my cunt at an unbearable pace. It felt too good, the way he’d curl them against my walls. His tongue soon joined in, licking my sensitive clit, up and down. “Ye-Yes, just like that,” I moaned. It didn’t take long for me to start seeing stars as he continued thrusting his finger in and out of me, as well as sucking on my poor clit.

He let go of my clit with a small pop. My chest heaved up and down, trying my best to catch my breath. Jaehyun got back up and his cock came springing out of his boxers. Fuck, it was already so hard. As much as I wanted him in me already I also wanted it inside my mouth. I got closer to him and I fisted my hand around his cock. He groaned, as I began jerking him.

“You want it?” he asks, grabbing my chin gently. I eagerly nod at his question. “Then take it like a good girl, won’t you baby.” I began with licking it first, licking the precum from his tip. I swirled my tongue around his tip, until he said, “Stop with the teasing and let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours.” “Do it then Jae, fuck this pretty mouth mine,” I giggled. He groaned before grabbing a fist full of my hair and shoving his cock down my throat. He was rough with it, but rough Jaehyun has always been my favorite.

He kept that pace, not slowing down. His grunts and moans reached my ears which made me moan as well as he thrusted in my mouth. My tears spilled, but I didn’t mind. I just wanted his cum. “You’re taking it so well baby… fuck- just like that.” His thrust then stopped, I looked up at him through my watery eyes. He looked down on me with an animalistic face, “I want you to do it yourself now baby, make me cum pretty girl.”

I took him out with a pop, letting my mouth rest for a while. I then took him in again, looking up at him. I used my hands to help me as I took his cock in and out of my mouth. I accidentally touched his balls, but it left him whimpering and moaning a little more loudly, so I did it again. “Shit, I’m close baby,” he moaned. I tried going faster, until I felt his hot seeds spill inside me. I swallowed everything, even taking some that slipped past my lips.

“You’re such a good girl aren’t you, taking it all without being told,” he said, kissing my lips. He swiftly opened my legs back up, rubbing his cock along my slit. “Ready baby?” he asked and I nodded. He slowly slid his tip into my hole, every inch of him going inside me.

“Fuck- you’re so fucking tight even after I made sure to stretch you out nicely.” The position on the couch wasn’t too comfortable and he must’ve noticed it because he hooked my legs onto his arms. “FUCK- mm, so- so deep,” I yelled. He walked to his bedroom placing me onto his bed, and later got on top, all the while we were still connected.

He started off gently, rocking his cock into me slowly. “Fa-Faster please,” I whined. I heard a small noice come out of him before he started thrusting into me more roughly and faster. I moaned his name over and over again; his balls slapping against my ass. So fucking good. I didn’t even process when he lifted my leg up, but when he did his cock reached in me even deeper. “Just like that jae.” His pace didn’t falter, he kept at it, his stamina is out of this world. His cock brushed along my g-stop perfectly, causing my orgasm to almost spill.

“You gonna cum again Y/N? Cum on my cock like a good girl,” he groaned when I clenched around him. He lifted my leg slightly more up, keeping the pace going and with one pinch to my clit, I came. He slid his cock out, he hadn't cum yet, but I knew he was close.

“Face down, Ass up,” he commanded. As he said, my head was now down and my ass wiggled in front of him. I heard him mutter a small curse before gripping my sides and sliding his throbbing cock into my soaked hole. He wasted no time in fucking me from behind, thrusting in the same roughness as before. His hands tightly gripped my sides, until they traveled to my ass. He fondled it, before sending one hard slap. I yelped at the sudden action, “You like getting your ass slapped huh, you little whore,” he teased.

He sent more harsh slaps on my ass—red marks sure to be present—and thrusting into me as my tight cunt clung to him tightly. “Shit, I'm gonna cum baby, cum with me won’t ya?” he said, as his thrust got sloppier.

“Be sure to take all my cum like a good girl alright.” Grabbing my arms, he pounded into me and I tightly clenched around him, sending both of us to our highs. His hot white seeds painting my walls, he didn’t take out his cock, still fucking me through both of our orgams.

“I love you,” he muttered, kissing my temple. We laid on his bed for a while, before I decided that I wanted more, needed more. One last time.

I got on my knees and straddled his waist. I grinded against his abs, capturing his attention. “Still not satisfied?” he smirked. “N-No, let me ride you,” I begged. He gave me an approved hum, and I was soon sinking his—hard—cock into my hole once more. We both groaned as I sunk in, he stretched me out so nicely again. I began slowly, adjusting myself again. His hands remained on my hips, fingers digging into me.

“Faster baby,” he said. “Patience,” I teased. I giggled at his reaction before picking up my pace. His eyes shut when I started clenching around him, “Fuck you feel so good baby, this pussys all mine.” My tits bounced, the harder I thrusted. His hands traveled to them, fondly playing with them and pinching my hard nipples. “Yes,” I moaned, chanting his name afterwards.

“Cum,” he said, bringing one hand to pinch my sensitive clit, sending me into my third orgasm of the night. I laid on top of his chest, while he continued thrusting in me, not stopping until he came. A few more harsh thrusts and he was now groaning against my shoulder, shooting his warm seeds into me once more. He slipped his cock out, slowly.

I was dreading it because once it was out there would be no more in. Once he slipped his cock out, he carried me in his arms, heading off to the bathroom, where he cleaned both of us up and laid me back on his bed, tucking me in.

However, I had other plans. Once Jaehyun was sound asleep I would leave, he would wake up without me by his side, without me in his life.

When I noticed he was finally sound asleep I whispered, “Goodbye Jaehyun…” kissing his forehead and a “I’m sorry,” before kissing his lips. I slipped away, putting my clothes back on and taking out the medium-sized envelope from my jacket. I placed it on where I laid, walking back to the door. I took one last look as he peacefully slept. A tear slipped from my eye. This was the end. The flames have been put out.

Goodbye Jaehyun.

Goodbye Y/N.

Present day: 3 years later.

It's now been 3 years since my seemingly perfect life was tainted. I moved out, moving into a new city and transferring into a new school. I erased myself from there, though I still kept in contact with Rei and the boys. I made sure to tell them not to mention anything regarding Jaehyun or Doyoung, I didn’t wanna hear it.

I was repenting everyday, but there was nothing I could do that would reverse my past. Luckily though school had been keeping me busy as to not keep my mind occupied in the past; having graduated finally too. I also opened up a small cafe nearby where I lived. The business too has gone great. My life was going great.

Today work in the cafe was as regular as usual. Having been in a trance I failed to notice, notice the person standing on the other side of the counter.

The same person from 3 years ago. Him.

The person I once desired.

“Jaehyun…”

© jhdyuiee

2024.02.14

final a.n: hii! finally its completely yay! this one took 2 months and was quite the ride. i want to put out there that i have never cheated on someone before, i have been cheated on though, but thats another story. this story is solely based on my interpretation of the weekends “moth to a flame” and nothing more. nevertheless i hope u all enjoyed it, i worked hard to finish it on time. pls let me know any suggestions or how well u enjoyed this one. i will be going on a short hiatus to focus more on my schoolwork but i will be back with more! i love u all && stay safe out there!! love, jiji 🤍

#Spotify #nct #nct 127 #nct dojaejung #nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun jeong #jung jaehyun #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #kim doyoung #doyoung kim #doyoung fluff #doyoung angst #doyoung x reader #doyoung imagines #nct fanfic #jaehyun nct #doyoung #nct x y/n #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fic #kpop smut #nct imagines

[anothergoddamistery]

so, i dont really know how tumblr works so I kinda hope this doesn't show up on anyone's feed, but I've decided that I'm using this like kind of a way to keep track of whatever is happening to my silly little paranormal crew. For the record, I'm currently on ep 94, so a lot has happened already but there's still a long way ahead.

Please, if someone somehow reads this, don't tell me anything about being right or wrong, I want to keep listening and see it by myself <3

Right now I know that there are this entities, gods or whatever involved and as far as know the monsters/entities/avatars belong to one of them?

The Eye (Elias, John, The Magnus Institute?)

The Beholding (my friend told me that the Eye and the Beholding aren't quite the same but they go together somehow?)

The Desolation (The Lighless Flame, Jude Perry, Agnes)

The Vast (Michael Crew, the Fairchilds?)

The End (Georgie's statement)

The Corruption (Jane Prentiss)

The Distortion (Michael)

The Stranger (The Unknowing ritual?)

Don't really know where to fit the Leitner books in here...

More stuff:

As Georgie pointed out in ep 93 (i think?): why did Elias (or the Eye) choose John as the Archivist? Why was he special? And why did they need to replace Gertrude? As far as I know she was doing quite well, right? She was getting closer to stopping the ritual John is supposed to stop, then why kill her? What was she doing "wrong"?

And besides, the creatures such as Jude Perry seemed quite happy to see her gone, but they don't have such reservations with John (yet). What was Gertrude doing? Let's not forget about that statement of the ritual that was most likely pulled up by the Lightless flame (ep 37)

Another question I'd like to answer:

What the fuck is inside the Do Not Open coffin? Is one of my fav episodes and it's still so unclear what the heck was that

I maybe tend to get caught on stupid details but after Jude Perry's statement I can't stop thinking about Tom (NotSasha's bf) who worked on a wax museum... like???? that's so specific

The Circus.... i know it's going to be so fucking bad but I need, crave, beg for answers. Does the Calliope turn people into muppets or smth?

The moving company or whatever that is (Breekon and Hope)... what is wrong with them, who are they. Btw there being more than one character with the same name is something that has happened before (I spent like a good amount of episodes thinking that there was only one Michael) but... one of the guys carrying the coffin was named Tom (ep 60)..................... [probably doesn't mean anything but still... weird]

Where is Gerard Keay I miss him

Daisy is giving not human ngl but idk

Elias is also giving not human. Like who is that man?? Who put him in charge???

Why does the recorder keep starting on by itself, that creepy old thing. I can't help but imagine the Eye or Elias or whatever it is listening to the recordings in real life and giggling, like dude give these people a little of privacy I don't think it's too much to ask.

Out of the people who disappeared in the fish market (ep 1) two have been already mentioned (if I didn't miss anyone). I'm pretty sure there were 6 people missing?

Im looking at the episode list and trying to remember things at this point

Ep 13: I think the Lukas family was also one of the families mentioned more than once.

Ep 18: what the fuck was that why did this man need so much meat

Are ep 27 and ep 85 related?

Ep 29 Cheating Death, so many questions in general

Ep 30 (Killing Floor) and ep 72 (Takeaway) are related, but I can't really fit them with any entity?

Ep 33 about the ship called the Tundra... feels like... unfinished

Ep 36 I know the guy from the Care Home was mentioned on another ep, can't remember on which one, tho

Ep 52 why did Maxwell Rayner visit Montauk on prison

Ep 58 how did the institute get this statement I'm so confused

Ep 59 why was Anges on that house, why did she help Ronald Sinclair. The table seems to be tied to the creature that replaces people (cause somehow notSasha was tied to it). Does that mean that the owner of the teenage home was a NotSomeone?

Ep 68 not really about the statement but I found it interesting that the institute statements were leaked in 1999.

Ep 74 weird, i don't understand why Michael is there

Ep 87 i was so confused about this one but the man giving the statement is such a legend, i think he deserves the best

Ep 90 just... what

Ep 92 why does Elias have a bunch of bones that are like 200 years old on his office, that's fucking weird, what a weirdo i don't like him. Also /Mordechai Lukas/

Im forgetting so many things i just know

There's also another thing that i don't really know where to fit: The cult of the divine host. They are gone since the section or division 31 idk how it is called (a c a b) interrupted the weird ritual. I have thoughts about them, but my thoughts are too complicated to write since Im stupid and i keep on writing on english instead of one of my first languages. Maxwell Rayner, Im keeping an eye on you.

#magnus notes

[moonchildstyles]

SORRY THIS IS A LONG ONE!!

Okay so what if maybe aster y/n is in class and she overhears some girls how she really likes but anyway... they’re talking about how one of them went to the “tattoo shop nearby” to see about this piece they wanted to get and she’s like “the owner??? No... not the cute one with no tattoos the one with long hair is so hot omg” and y/n smiles shyly they don’t know she can listen because maybe she’s wearing her headphones... and she’s a bit insecure but still amused and they keep going “his name is Harry I think but guys... I just kept thinking... you know those tattoo chairs” by then y/n is reading from her book and yeah she knows about those chairs and has done stuff there the and then one of them remembers “wait isn’t he y/n’s boyfriend” and the girl is super embarrassed like “omg did y/n hear?? But she’s like... so... sweet? and he’s like... you know” SO CLASS IS OVER LOL and y/n happens to see H outside waiting for her and looking FINE AS FUCK looking for her in the crowd like if no one else exists as usual and is bringing lunch for them both and as soon as he sees her he’s like baby! Hi, missed you so I brought lunch! And gives her a little kiss and tells her if he can take her bag and they just walk away together with his arm around her and the other girls are like 👀👀👀 definitely her boyfriend and while they eat she tells him some girls in his class think he’s so hot and I’m too... sweet for you and he’s like well you are 🥺🥺🥺you’re the sweetest thing ever 🥺🥺🥺

I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS HAPPENING🥺🥺🥺 like those girls are some of her friends but they're only like....in class friends u know what I mean? shes not super close to them but they get along in class and don't mind like pairing up w her and talking to her and stuff so they’re just nice and like y/ns not really paying attention when they start talking about tattoos they want she just thinks to maybe like recommend h's shop to them before class is out but its nothing really serious cause shes just working on some things until they do bring up the shop and she just pauses her music and she just stops bc she...like ofc they’re going to say good things about it bc why wouldn't they and y/n wants to be able to go home to h and be like guess what I heart some ppl saying about the shop today!!!!! so shes just listening in and this girl was talking about how she wanted to request the owner for her piece and y/ns like good choice:) and then they start talking about how hot the guy w the long hair and the piercings is and shes like .....they are very correct but its kind of weird hearing other ppl talk about how hot her boyfriend is and she doesn't want to stand up and be like hello!!!! so she lets them be and then they start talking about doing stuff on the tattoo chairs and it just makes her more fhsufushf bc she knows exactly what she means and she can't believe like what shes hearing bc ahh!!! thats her bf !!!! and then one of the girls kinda catches up and is like hm...I think thats y/ns bf we're talking about and that launches them into a whole other conversation bc is she sure that that guy is y/n's bf bc they just don't really see it shes just....so cute and sweet and hes very....You know and y/n doesn't even know what that means she just feels a little :( bc it makes it sound like shes not supposed to be w him but she knows they don't mean any harm like they’re not the first ppl to kind of question how they're able to work so well together but it still hurts but when class is over she just says bye to those girls and tells them she overheard them talking about wanting to get a tattoo and she recommends the shop over by the library bc the owner is really talented and she just leaves it at that and when everyones all walking out y/ns just planning on either hanging out in her car or going to the library while she waits for her next class to start but harry's already there like waiting for her and he just looks...so good in his all black and his hair is down and he has his sunnies on and he has food in one hand for her and shes just !!!!! h!!! and when he finally spots her he gets a huge smile on his face and pushes his sunglasses up and meets her halfway and baby!!!! how was class I missed you!!! I brought u lunch if u wanted to spend some time w me? and shes just !!!! bc ofc🥺🥺🥺 and even tho shes not super into pda I think just from hearing how much those other girls wish they could do the thins w harry that she does that she might pull him down for a little kiss and h would be all :))))) bc he just loves kissing her (maybe the next day in class those girls kind of ask y/n who it was that met up w her for lunch and like she gets to really talk about h as her boyfriend and they're very kind to her and tell her how cute h is and that shes super lucky and like its a nice conversation bc they’re still her friends) and when they go out to eat together like h takes them to a cute little spot not too far from campus but they’re still alone shes like h...some of my friends were talking about how hot u were today and stuff and hes like oh??? and shes like and they said they didn't believe we're together im too sweet for you bc youre so "you know"🥺 and he gets one look at her cute fave and he just🥺 bc baby u are too sweet for me, ur the sweetest little thing ive ever met but that doesn't mean anything yeah? we love each other and thats what matters and she'll ike okay🥺 they also said they kinda wanted to do something w u on the tattoo chairs and hes like OH??????????

#again ive read this literally 40 times I love it so much and it just gets better and better every time I want to do a whole thing for this #I just have so many thoughts and feelings so I. thought id post it and get it out #anon #ask #concept #aster inspo

[bausbitch]

Pfffft imagine having the "you're cute jeans" conversation with Spencer ☠️☠️

Cute Jeans

Spence x she/her! reader

By she/her I mean like, Spence says princess but that works for anyone :)

LMFAO I-

In which Spencer's surprised his jeans for you so well

Quarantine 🤩

The reason you and your secc secc bf were stuck together for like

Two weeks???

Ionknow I lost the concept of time

But it's been a while

You'd lost your sense of normality a WHILE ago

But today

You were like

Omg what if I get ready 🤭

So you did

You got all cute n stuff

Did your makeup

washed your hair

Fixed it up

Put on sparkly dangly jewelry

And got OUT of whatever pajama pants you were wearing

And put on some jeans

Some cute jeans

And when you walk out into the living room

To see Spencer reid

MR. BF MATERIAL

Cherish him yn,,,, not all of us get to date him 😔✊

BUT OK

He was like

In sweats

And a hoodie

Reading a book

On the couch

Snuggled up

:(((((

Fr bro it's 4 am and I'm crying over him 😪

Anyways,,,, enough about my undying love for mgg

You had to physically stop yourself from getting diabetes at just the sight

He's so sweet omfg :(((

OkokokokokOK

SO

You sat down on the chair next to the couch

And you did the like

Gentle hair flip

And a sigh

And his gaze flicked up

And he was gonna ask you of you were ok

But then he realized what you were doing

And he's like

"Those are cute jeans"

You saw the opportunity and you took it

"You're cute jeans"

"Those are my jeans?"

THE ACCURACY HSJJEJE

"No"

"Oh I thought you said 'your cute jeans' but then again me legs are too long so-"

"I did"

"Princess those can't be my jeans-"

"nO!!

You ARE cute jeans!!!"

And he's like

Huh???

"Alright I'm gonna change"

He immediately got up to chase after you

And caught you

With a BACK HUG!!!

Omfg imagine Spencer reid back hugs

I'M MELTING :((!!

That's what I want for my upcoming birthday

Back hugs

From Dr. Spencer Reid

I'M 5'3 HE'S 6'1 PFFFT HE CAN STEP ON ME OMFG

Wtf im-

MGG CAN LITERALLY-

THROW ME

LIKE

NO PROBLEM

LMFAO HDIJDIEK

Jejrjrjirjr

OKokokokokok

So he's like

"Princess the jeans look great on you, I'm just not sure how they could be mine? I mean they just wouldn't fit this well!"

And you're like

"No baby, I called you cute jeans. Like when you told Jack about smarty pants and he said 'YOU'RE a a smarty pants' "

LMFAO IT'S 420

Blaze it

Okok I'll come down

But he was like

"Oooh ok,,,,, anyways you look hot"

I feel like my writings getting shorter but 🤷‍♀️

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner #agent hotchner #derek morgan #jj #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner x oc #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan x you #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #jj jareau #jj x reader #jj imagine #emily prentiss x oc #emily prentiss x y/n #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss #ask box #ask response #ask #ask away #thanks for the ask!

[lemonadelyric]

2, 4, 5, 7, 11, 12, 13, 19, 20, 22, 23, 25, 26, 28, 29, 30, 31, 33, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 43, 52, 53, 55, 56, 57, 58

SO MANY ASKS thank you anon!!! I'm sorry if some are some that are vague but thank you!!!

2. what would you name your future kids? I always liked the name Alexandria, but honestly I can't think of any other names??? I liked Skylar for a while too, but this friend of mine ruined that lmao

4. what are you looking forward to? IM LOOKING FORWARD TO READING MORE WARRIOR CATS and also to getting me and my bf's room cleaned up and moved around, and having his best friend over, and going out for SUSHI, and being able to play Rockband and everything!!!

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? MY PARTNERS and a lot of my friends!! I always say I couldn't be with someone who doesn't make me laugh, so it's great having friends that make me laugh too <3

7. what was your life like last year? About the same, stuck at home for the most part with my boyfriend. 2020 was nuts man. I also didn't know what to do with my life, and I'm slowly getting there. I think I have an idea but,,,, that's a secret.

11. are you listening to music right now? NOPE but it would probably be Montero tbh LOL

12. what is something you want right now? Hmmm.. My room cleaned up and moved around! FOR MY WINDOWS TO BE SEALED SO BUGS WILL STOP BOTHERING ME!

13. how do you feel right now? Pretty good! Bought everything I'm gonna need for a looooong time, all my time and energy will be spent reading, and saving money!! I've spent enough for a century x.x

19. have you ever been to New York? Never, how's the weather?

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? MONTERO but also a bunch of NSP songs haha

22. description of crush. You know.. I don't think I have any big crushes right now? Like maybe some platonic ones on friends cause they mean a lot to me, but like, there's no one I'm really crushing on right now!

23. fear(s) Spiders, stink bugs, thunder/lightning sometimes, tornados, falling (heights not so much, but falling, YES), and my loved ones leaving or dying :') big trigger lmao

25. role model Not sure if I really have one! I kind of just live by the motto of "be a good person" and bam, off I go

26. idol(s) Okay that's different: Markiplier, Ethan Nestor, Arin Hanson, Dan Avidan, Jennifer Aniston, John Krasinski, Lady Gaga, uhhh... Okay I have a lot but we'll stop there lol

28. i’ll love you if… You're funny, you care about me, you're honest, open-minded, NICE TO WORKERS, and we have a lot of the same interests c:

29. favourite film(s) O Brother Where Art Thou, You're Next, The Proposal, Fifty First Dates, and uh... probably a couple more I can't think of

30. favourite tv show(s) THE OFFICE, Friends, Zoo, Parks and Rec, and uhhh probably more but The Office is one I rewatch a LOT

31. 3 random facts About me? Uhhhh -I have slight sectoral heterochromia! Patches of amber in my eyes! -I'm half hispanic (Mexican!) My biological father was from Mexico with his family. He and my mom broke up before I was born, so I didn't like learn Spanish or anything from his side of the family. I grew up near Chicago though so I was around the culture a lot C: -I have all of the first Harry Potter movie memorized, along with the second one ^^;; My grandmother liked the series with me, so we both watched the movies a lot in the summers I spent with her!

33. something you want to learn Mostly languages!!! Toki Pona, Japanese, Spanish, probably more xD I'd also like to be more knowledgable about like playing instruments and such, I know how to play a little of the kalimba!!

35. favourite subject I loved English! Also psychology and like, social studies TwT I miss school sometimes

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? -I want to move out and live on my own with my partner(s) -I want a full time job I like -I want to achieve some sort of fame, something little, but something! (SOMETHING GOOD, PLEASE, UNIVERSE)

40. favourite memory Probably.. Okay it's dumb, but me getting my cat, Pixel! She means the world to me, and I love her so much!! I went to the shelter to adopt a cat, she wasn't even on my list, but when the shelter worker took her out of her cage and handed her to me, she immediately laid against my chest and purred and I cried and had to adopt her ;;w;;

41. relationship status In several relationships, and open to more ; ) (But not really looking, I got a lot on my plate haha)

42. favourite book(s) Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, the Warriors series by Erin Hunter, The Tairen Soul Series by C.L.Wilson, and the Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R.Ward

43. favourite song ever OH that's a hard one! Hmmm.. I've always been a huge fan of Believe by Cher??

52. something i’m talented at I'd like to say I'm.. pretty good at picking up new things! Like crochet, knitting, and my kalimba, stuff like that! Also at teaching others C: I've been told I'm good at that a lot!

53. 5 things that make me happy -My cat, Pixel -My partners -My friends! -Animal Crossing -WARRIOR CATS

55. tumblr friends Okay I have a lot uuUUHHH okay I'll tag some people!

@disabled-bat-lover @chaoticgouda @fictionkin @bi-llcipher  @thaliaisalesbian @colorfulblackk @xofemeraldstars @heartivore @boi-with-art-supplies @likelyvampirical @deepseachaos PROBABLY WAY MORE IM SO SORRY IF I DONT TAG YOU

56. favourite food(s) Pizza, waffles, tacos, soda, string cheese, Iiii think that's it for now!

57. favourite animal(s) FOXES, bats, mice, dogs, cats, wolves, rats, opossums, uhh I think that's it?

58. description of my best friend Hmmm.. Is it cheesy to say my partners are my best friends? Other than that, uh, well she's very nice and understanding, trusts me, and we have a lot of the same humor. She's really supportive too and is really good about checking in. It's been great ;;o;;

Thank you anon, this was SO MANY QUESTIONS I loved it!!!

#anon #ask me #lyric answers #Anonymous

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

#half of my commentary is just me going wow im sad!! this is sad!! pain!! wow sad!!! #anyway i love xianle trio with my whole heart they really do feel so real #mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #hc also feels real but in a way i might not ever talk about lol we'll see

[swellwriting]

tagged by @kabeswaters​ and @fortisfiliae​ love u both sm <3 <3

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? it fluctuates but right now -1 

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #anxious

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? JAKE MOTHERFUCKING GYLLENHAAL 

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? i dont know what that is hah

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i guess some people don’t know i’m type one diabetic??

6. what’s your wake up ritual? uh phone, animal crossing, fruit loops, weed

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? I watch asmr videos cuz im usually high as fuck and they knock me out lol, or i watch tiktok or pillow talk with my bf nick.

8. what’s your favorite time of day? like 9 pm?

9. your go to for having a good laugh? my boyfriend always makes me laugh no matter how angry or upset i am so i’d talk to him uwu

10. dream country to visit? FRANCe specifically Paris oui oui with my french candian bullshit

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? when they announced 5sos was touring with one direction and i had tickets, never screamed so loud in my LIFE

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers duh

13. vintage or new? vintage babey

14. who do you want to write your obituary? ME from the great beyond, the only other person who knows me well enouhg is nick and i love him but he is very stupid.

15. style icon? uh harry styles, devon lee carlson, halsey, bella hadid, tyler the creator some normal people whos style i LOVE  from insta are rebeccaramsdale , kehllie , kikalateefff , yourgirlneens , lilxmg !

16. what are three things you cannot live without? phone, insulin, art, music

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? probs vanilla or hotsauce, the only two flavours.

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my dead brother DJ, kurt cobain andddd ryan dunn from jackass what a weird mix.

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? loosing my senses, loosing control, the fear that i am not actually real and ... oh spiders.

20. window or aisle seat? window 

21. what’s your current tv obsession? think its gonna be adventure time again

22. favorite app? instagram or discord so i can talk to my friends uwu

23. secret talent? i can speak french and giberish

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? camping i guess?

25. how would you define yourself in three words? anxious, empathetic, creative

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my vintage star wars shirt

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? blank tees, good quality blank tees!!! white black grey mhmhmh

28. a superpower you would want? i’d wanna be spidergirl

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing at all :(

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? my grade six teacher telling me that i was very empathetic as i was sitting at the back of the class crying because of the movie we were watching, she told me not everyone is empathetic like i am but its okay to be soft. but not to expect that from everyone else.

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? teenage me was a mess but not messy enough that i’d change anything. i’d just say, things get better but im currently back in the state teenage me was in so...i’d be lying. maybe that wanting to kill yourself does not count as a personality trait - and start reading comics earlier cuz u really like them.

32. a book everyone should read? i read wack books, everyone on tumblr should read fangirl tho

33. what would you like to be remembered for? something i created

34. how do you define beauty? self expression and individuality 

35. what do you love most about your body? wait people love their bodies? not everyone was severly damaged by online diet culture and thigh gap era tumblr? weird ok

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? weed or bath or a movie

37. favorite place to view art? there is an art gallery in saskatchewan that i love, i was suposed to go there this summer before corona took over :(((

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? either something short like “mellow” or fob style like “im so anxiuos all the time and nothing ever feels real and i dont know what im doing but somehow im doing pretty good while feeling prety bad and laughing through my tears lol.” or i’d steal “teen idle” by marina and the diamonds.

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar or piano because im lame at both.

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i want two moths above my knees rn

41 dolphins or koalas? neither

42. what’s an animal that represents you? im more of a pokemon, i think id be jigglypuff

43. best gift you’ve ever received? whenever nick buys me clothes from stussy or maybe infinity on high on vinyl.

44. best gift you’ve given? i bought nick the entire sin city comic series in one giant book.

45. what’s your favorite board game? monopoly

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? that weird pinky purple

48. diamond or pearls? pearls

49. drugstore makeup or designer? colour pop and fenty

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? tea

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pumpernickle is my fav one.

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? MILK

54. stairs or elevators? stairs

55. summer or winter? summer, canadian winters are brutal.

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? ur asking someone who has very specific comfort foods so i already do this - cheese bagel toasted with cream cheese and then toasted again to melt cheddar cheese on top. with a diet coke thats very important.

57. a dessert you don’t like? cheesecake 

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? im crazy so this is a lot but - writing , drawing and painting, polymer clay, sewing, resin art and pottery.

59. best thing to happen to you today? nothing

60. worst thing to happen to you today? the line at starbucks was too long and i had to get wendys instead, and a few other things i won’t mention.

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? whenever my mom says i remind her of my brother dj, when people say anything nice about my art or writing style. when people ask about my clothes. when my friend jess called me a “known softie” uwu

62. favorite smell? lavender

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, what would it be about? i’d talk about star wars for hours on end 

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? of mice and men made me ball my fucking eyes out

66. lipstick or lipgloss? chapstickk

67. sweet or savory? sweet

68. girl crush? Zendaya

69. how do you know you’re in love? idk ive just always been in love with nick (since i was 15) before i even really knew what love was, i guess if the other person feels like home, you know ur doing something right.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? nine in the afternoon by p!atd or a match into water by peirce the veil, over my head by fleetwood mac

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? harry styles that mysterious fucker

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? currently not looking forward to anything becase my life is super uncertain right now ha.. maybe the release of the chaos walking movie whenever that decides to happen.

tagging: i assume yall have been tagged in this already but just incase @beskarjedi @woakiees @bluemadcnna @carolinesbookworld  @theseuscmander and anyone else who wants to do this consider urself tagged.

#this said im depressed and i love my boyfriend #tag game #question game

[sarasfm]

Sarauniya “ Sara ” Davies, 24, pansexual, cisfemale, ISFP Enneagram 9w1; Pisces sun, Sagittarius moon, Pisces rising 1st year Advanced Encryption Major; did not go to a spy prep hs

Imma keep it real with you, chief, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. I mean, obviously, I know what espionage is ; I’ve read books and articles, and I’ve seen Spy Kids and all the Charlies Angels and James Bond movies, but I genuinely think I need a minute to wrap my head around everything. Make that two weeks, because what’s this I hear about two murders ?  I literally just got sent here to be safe, I — I’m sorry, I’m freaking out. Give me five seconds, and we can start again, because I promise I can totally pretend this is all normal. @gallagherintro​

full name: sarauniya “ sara ” davies

dormitory room: 105

birthday: 20 march 1995

soundtrack: “ go gina ” by sza

favorite dish: efo riro

aesthetic:  when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of light reflecting from her earrings, eyeglasses perched on top of her head, and a caviar iphone always in her hands

Bio Points

her mom’s a nigerian baddie billionaire & her dad’s a soft academic brit

she grew up between london and abuja where their family’s business is based. it’s a trading enterprise, the largest industrial conglomerate in sub-saharan africa

she’s the eldest of three siblings, was raised to be prim & proper and groomed to run their family’s business. her family’s not pushy though and they’re really cool. very healthy dynamic so she doesn’t mind ; she loves her fam and would do it w a smile !

Coding is her Passion though. total dork. stayed up all the time just sleuthing and being an internet geek since she was a youngin’

loves education and is the type who would willingly stay in school to learn. has a degree in economics from harvard and was almost done with her mba when her littlest sister got abducted !  was it about business ? money ? who knows ! the sister’s fine now but her family sure is Scared especially since sara’s alone in the big bad united states

her mom made some calls and went “ gimbiya, look, u aint safe n we sorry. we’ll work something out to make sure u get ur mba degree somehow but shit is wild so we gotta get u somewhere near that’s safe asap. u like studying & ur a geek with computers right ? cool beans, go back to school & welcome to gallagher, babe ”

she enters gallagher in the middle of the spring semester very overwhelmed & inwardly ignoring how unhappy she is about having to be here bc she is not & does not want to be a spy. she just tryna distract herself by looking at this entire thing as a weird vacation where she can do stuff she wasn’t able to before because it’s literally detached from the world. she is mostly probably in way over her head, but let’s see ! 

Other Information

Nicknames: Sara (to everyone), gimbiya (to family, means princess in Hausa)

Languages: English (native), Hausa (native), Arabic (C1), French (B2)

Strengths: is money a strength ? also coding. and being the sweetest. and a general smartypants but that’s in a university setting & gallagher probably doesnt give a fuck

Relationship History: only has one (1) experience. ( well,,, 2 if a three-second drunken kiss w kass counts ) his name’s royce and they’ve known each other since their bougie secondary school back in britain. started dating at sixteen and went to harvard together. they’re long term as fuck. he’s like her best friend and their families adore the couple & each other. got engaged last september and sara broke it off before leaving for gallagher, oof. she deadass milked the opportunity but lbr she wasnt rlly Feeling It so she’s kinda glad for the ‘valid reason’ to appear bc it rlly wasn’t Love for sara so boy bye

Physical appearance: 1.76m, 55kg, long black hair, slim and toned build

Classes: GEN 105, GEN 206, AE 101, AT 101, PE 101

Personality

the sweetest. v charming & sensitive to others & curious about things. enthusiastic too ! loves adventures & is very passionate. queen of empathy. 

she’s not stuck up even tho she loaded. she doesnt rlly talk abt her family having 12B or the fact that she’s an ivy league girl, bc she’s just generally very uwu 

easily stressed and flustered and overwhelmed ! man, gallagher’s gonna shook this goddamn academic dork to her core for the love of god someone pls get the aed ready

rlly fun !!! can be a lil unpredictable bc it b lyk dat for rich girls. loves her independence which she hasn’t maximized bc of her ex fiancé & responsibilities but it’s chill so chill totally chill, no ounce of further longing exists in the crevices of this girl’s heart

she is so not good with confrontation and is so allergic to conflict ok. she will sweep discomfort under a rug and lie on it ‘til it’s flat which makes her a queen of repression & conforming

is she easily overwhelmed & stressed ? yes, but she’ll try not to show it so much. it’s all mostly an internal monologue so don’t underestimate her pls. she’s v smart and competent. can be so competitive ( albeit mostly inwardly ) and a boss ass business bitch like her business momma bc that’s what she’s been training for altho she is still generally a soft bab so ... yeah, if u would be so kind as to Estimate her, that’d be grand

she needs to always be on top of her game. maybe not the best in the class, but definitely pushes herself to be her best, so a lot of late nights studying & won’t settle for bad grades ever. gonna be rough in gallagher bc she is not spy material ok, she’s just a pretty rich geek behind a computer

just imagine her as the nice girl in ur ap classes who’s a lil awkward & just so happens to be super hot & stinking rich

Fun Facts

has a six-month old rescue pup named sooty ! who kinda looks like a sheparnese

has a tendency to ramble if she’s comfy w u enough or mayhaps if it’s too much man 

is v diligent w keeping a journal & does it everyday 

likes to dance ! not super good but she likes it. hits da clubs for dat shit 

is a lil instagram famous bc she’s a gorgeous rich harvard girl & all that jazz. queen of selfies & of looking hot but doesn’t actually get to play around rip ffff 

doesn’t drink much bc she is an extreme lightweight and 2 is her tap out limit

if she’s had more than 2 drinks, she is Very Honest but still very ramble-y 

she is physically active but mostly just runs and does yoga. knows very basic self-defense. is not sporty, definitely not a fighter, may god have mercy on her soul

isnt a virgin but is not sexually experienced lmao lbr she kinda Itching to get out there 

don’t ask me what her accent is because i have no clue it’s all over the place

Established Connections — just bc i think y’all would like to know

kassandra sutton — internet friends ! loves kass to bits. have known each other since sara was 14. when kass was 18, sara took her on a grad trip to montreal and became a lil lowkey into her. doesn’t help that kass drunk kissed her & doesn’t remember lmfao. poor sara told her then-bf & they had a lil fight but they made up bc sara didn’t talk to kass for months. eventually they became friends again & now sara’s in gallagher w no idea that kass is a mf sutton & honestly, my girl is just very shook w everything 

Possible Connections

crushes — she does not know how to flirt. she is ,,,, p pathetic tbh but a real heckin cutie. will be super nice to ur bab ok  

flirtationships — sara and i r gonna continue to keep it real w u chieves, her ex fiancé royce was vanilla and bland as fuck. can u believe she has not been single in a decade ? ? someone give her love & attention & fluster this soft innocent child. get her Experienced but also dont hurt her

enemies/angst !!! —  or maybe do ! maybe hurt her. maybe obliterate her. maybe smash her poor heart to pieces, because tbh i would love that.  so someone pls for the love all things holy and divine, someone hurt her !!!!

fwb — probably just one (1) bc she’s still a romantic ? and she’s probably gonna want something exclusive even if it’s no strings attached and will surely want to ,.,. get to know them a little bit more first ,,, at least ideally , idk , maybe impulse & thirst gets the better of her one of these days who knows lets find out !

friends !!! — sara will love u ok. she may be a lil easily flustered but she’s doesn’t rlly give up on ppl quickly. as i’ve said, queen of empathy. probs feels v sorry for majority of the gallagher & georgetown kids bc, .,.,., this environment just screams highkey Trauma to her and she’s valid bc she’s right

mentors !!! — she hates feeling dumb ok she Always has to be on top of her game, so u can bet ur ass after her first meetings in her classes she goes to ppl going “ hey could u help me out w working out ? boxing ? firing a gun ? literally everything & anything ? ”   

anything & everything — meaning just come @ me & let’s talk about it uwu 

( did i just create georgina’s antithesis ? fuck yes, and i am sooo excited to have a child that’s not always plotting & scheming & being mean like y’all have no idea ;_; nywy, that was long bc shutting up and brevity are things i do not possess. whats up it’s ur og flower garden girl rose here aka bugleweed aka fiancée of many and lover of all, and i am open to anything and everything ! just drop an IM or hit dat like & ill slide in ur dmz w love, plots & sanitized hands x )

#gallagher:intro

[bunnyblooms]

OKAY FUCKER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THAT ASK MEME THE LGBT ONE

1. Identity and pronouns.

I'm agenderfluid and they/them pronouns. My sexuality is aroflux and asexual.

2. How did you discover your sexuality?

Pretty much at 14 was like "idk i don't relate to everyone else i don't find celebrities hot or sex remotely something i want. If i could reproduce without sex i would. Oh. I'll just call myself asexual, like a sponge!" (Which asexual is incidentally what the creators of Spongebob were going for, fun facts. Spongebob is ace rights.)

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? How do you overcome it?

Mmmm I am constantly misgendered bc I'm nonbinary and live in a binary society and the way I compartmentalize it is basically just dressing how I want and not making an attempt to pass as anything tbh. The only time I feel misgendered is when someone knows my pronouns and doesn't use them anymore tbh. So basically. Letting go of how I want to be perceived helped. I will say tho, I refuse to come out to my dad bc he won't respect it and it'll be more painful hearing him misgender me knowing how I identify, but. That's certainly a privilege I have since I'm not transitioning. (ATM at least.)

4. Who was the first person you told? How did they react?

I technically didn't come out as ace. My ex-best friend knew bc I talked about it, but neither of us knew it was an identity. So the transition upon finding the label was virtually nonexistent and all of my friends were LGBTQ as well so it wasn't stressful or shocking. It helps that around the time I discovered the label I'd met two friends who were ace and felt the same way I did. My experience with my asexuality is definitely the model that should be the norm with the community and what we as a society should aim for.

As for my gender I'd made comments in the past that I wished I could just be genderless and it really kind of sat with me when my ex-best friend came out as trans bc I was like "Oh? You don't have to be the gender you are at birth?" Belial from Angel Sanctuary was a character that resonated with me at the time, and this was right around the time I made my ace friends. It wasn't until a year later that I discovered the nb community and one friend who was genderfluid that I decided to start trying different pronouns. And basically I came out as questioning and transitioned to nb without a formal declaration, which I also feel should be the goal for society.

I was at a con with my best friend at the time who was trans and he'd come out with my now ex-best friend while they were dating. And I was really anxious bc I felt like ppl would assume I was a transtrender and shit, and my friend said something about gender and I kind of awkwadly implied I might not identify as female and he was really great about it! He was like "If you wanna talk about it or try different pronouns you can." :D

5. Describe what it was like coming out.

I pretty much did this im question 4 hehehe.

6. If you're out, how did ppl react?

I'm not out to family, that I know of. They found my facebook which has my identity listed in my about, so I'm in limbo with them where none of us talk about it so idk if they register it as an LGBTQ thing or not.

My friends were all supportive! It helps that I have like no cishet friends lmao.

I also came out to my class on TDOV two years ago for a project where we step outside our comfort zone. I'm luckily in the social work program which has social justive built into the tenants of the profession so it was pretty positive! People still misgendered me after and were more concerned with "but i'm scared of ppl getting angry at me what should i do to talk about this with them" which. 9__9 Not surprising. But there was a mom whose kid and her kid's partner are both genderfluid and bigender so it was a good experience and I had an ally which made me comfortable in sharing it in the first place.

7. What is one question you hate ppl asking about your sexuality?

Inevitably when I say I'm ace, non-aces assume I have no interest in dating which. Way to conflate being aroace with ace and ignore that there are aros and aces who want relationships. That's my biggest pet peeve.

8. Describe the style of clothing you often wear.

I wear flannels and ripped jeans or shorts mainly. I basically dress like a butch lesbian. I'll wear dresses and stuff but I do not like dressing femme and prefer to offset softer things with hard things. Like. When I wear dresses I have to wear clunky combat boots with them or have short hair or something.

9. Who are your favorite LGBTQ+ ships?

Hmmm. Depends if you mean canon or not. Canon, it's probably FigAyda from D20 and Catradora from She-ra. Shion/Nezumi from No.6 is also one of my faves. There's also Chie and Ai from Virgin's Empire. Blupjeans from The Adventure Zone and JonMartin from The Magnus Archives.

As for Not Confirmed ships, I like Flick/CJ from Animal Crossing, Tsuna/Enma from Katekyo Hitman Reborn, uhhh. Reigisa from Free!, Kanji/Naoto from Persona and Chihiro/whatever the fuck his name is Mondo? Or the other guy I forget, from Danganronpa. Also RenLaw, RenStrade, and VinceLaw+VinceFarz from BTD.

(I am including straight relationships involving trans ppl obv.)

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I hate how I look with make up it makes me dysphoric. But to me makeup is a good expressive outlet and bomb as hell, so when I do wanna wear makeup, I prefer wearing eyeliner and lipstick (esp in black or blue or green or purple) and glitter.

11. Do you experience dysphoria? How does it affect you?

I experience what I refer to as Silhouette Dysphoria a lot. I experience chest dysphoria but a lot of times it's less about me having them at all and me not liking how I look with them. The same goes for my hips and overall shape. Hence silhouette. I also experience genital dysphoria to a lesser degree, and when I do it's less hating my genitals bc they should be different but more just having any at all. Luckily I was born with internal genitalia so I don't have to think about it as much. Social dysphoria I also experience, but I've talked about that already.

How I deal with it is binding and stuff.

12. What is the stupidest thing you've heard said about the LGBTQ+ community?

Hmm. The ppl who genuinely argue that accepting the community means you'll be forced to accept pedophilia or beastiality. Like. Lmao no?

13. Favorite thing about the community?

I just love how great it feels to be in it tbh. It can be so positive and loving and just genuinely make you feel good about yourself.

14. Least favorite thing about the community?

Exclusionists.

15. Have you ever been to your city's pride event?

No, but I went to Pride in Des Moines!!! IT WAS GREAT!

16. Favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity?

I don't really follow celebrities, but probably Ian McEllen and Tim Gunn.

17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I was in a relationship for a while with a friend of mine and it was wonderful tbh. We met in a server and started talkng more, and started out as qpps then became partners and like we broke up, but I still enjoyed the experience and wouldn't go back in time and stop it from happening. My other qpp tho. That's something I would do lmao.

I also have a bf but that's a secret~

18. Favorite LGBTQ+ book.

I haven't read a lot of books, so I guess I have to say The Raven Cycle bc that's the only one I remember reading.

19. Have you ever faced discrimination?

Mmmm the only time I have experienced direct discrimination I was giving a friend valentines chocolate in high school and some kid called me a d*ke when i walked past him.

The other stuff is like. My therapist telling me to check for a hormone imbalance when I said I was asexual.

20. Favorite LGBTQ+ movie/show?

She-ra, "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything", The Runaways (the movie not the show), No. 6.

21. Favorite LGBTQ+ bloggers?

I don't have any lmao.

22. Which slur do you want to reclaim?

Queer, bc it's already been reclaimed and it fits me.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar or drag show? How was it?

Nope. Never, but it'd be fun!!

24. How do you idrntify your gender?

Already answered this lol.

25. Interested in having kids?

Nope. I'd be too scared of screwing them up.

26. What identity service would you give your younger self?

I wish I'd known there was an ace community before I was older tbh. So that, probably.

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I personally like playing a feminine role, but I also think gender roles are unecessary, so like. As long as I'm an equal I don't care what role I play lmao. If you wanna treat me like the handmaiden, as long as you're not doing it bc you see me as a woman I don't care.

28. Anything else you wanna share about your gender?

Nah. Just. I don't bother trying to pin it down anymore bc the more I analyze it the less I understand it.

29. Something you wish ppl knew about being LGBTQ+?

Hmmmm not really. It's fun outside of the systemic oppression?

30. Why are you proud to be LGBTQ+?

For me it's less about pride in being LGBTQ+ and more being proud to express myself authentically. 🤷

#lemonadelyric #lgbtq ask meme #long post