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goldenlaurelleaveswrites · 2 years

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Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe ch10

Juleka vs. the Forces of Two Idiots in Love

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe (AO3)

I know it's been a hot minute since I updated, and for that, I am so sorry (especially since I didn't think it would take me this long 😬) Anyone else feel like they blinked and April was just gone? Because I do. But the good news about one of the reasons it took me so long to update is because I've been having lots of fun working on some of my other current WIPs (and there are even a few new ones 😉) But I really appreciate your patience and support everyone!! 💖 💖 💖

I'm super excited for you all to read this chapter and I think quite a few of you have been waiting for something like this (I think. I hope). I've actually had some of these scenes written since January, but obviously other things had to happen first. All that being said, I hope you enjoy!! 💖 💖 💖

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She couldn’t help but frown at the sight in front of her, despite how seemingly perfect it was. Marinette and Luka were sprawled out in two of the lounge chairs on deck; Luka with his guitar and Marinette with her knitting. And every so often, he would look at Marinette with his Marinette smile like the completely lovestruck sap he was. And every time he looked away, Marinette would look over at him with her completely lovestruck Luka smile.

But they kept missing each other. If they would just look at the same time, maybe those two idiots would see what was staring them straight in the face!

It was infuriating! If it weren’t for the fact that she had just touched up her hair colour, she would be ripping her hair out.

They said love was blind. And so too, apparently, were the two idiots who were so in love with each other.

Those two idiots were blind… but it was a good thing she wasn’t.

***

She had considered trying the subtle approach. But that hadn’t worked out in her favour with Luka so far. And given his record of being a total and complete idiot about the whole Marinette situation…

She didn’t want to give him any opportunities to weasel himself out of the talk they were about to have.

“When are you going to ask Marinette out?” she asked, plopping down onto the sofa.

Luka jumped. “Jeez, don’t sneak up on me like that!” He narrowed his eyes at her. “And what do you mean, ‘when am I going to ask Marinette out?’”

“I mean,” she said, not bothering to hide the way she rolled her eyes, “when are you going to ask Marinette out?”

“I’m not.”

“What?” She almost jumped to her feet but stopped herself at the last second. Was he still going on with the sweet but completely misguided 'not wanting to pressure her' thing? “Why in the world would you not?”

Luka seemed to sink further into the armchair as if he was trying to disappear. “I don’t see how this is your business-“

She levelled him with a glare. “Why won’t you ask her out?”

He sighed. “She doesn’t like me that way.” He said it so matter of factly. So assured in the perceived accuracy of his statement.

How could he be so stupid?

“Well, how do you know she doesn’t like you back?” Where had he gotten that ridiculous idea was beyond her.

“I told her how I feel.”

What?

“What? When?” His face was bright red, and he wouldn’t look her in the eye, even though she had practically thrown herself against the arm of the sofa in her demand for answers.

“At the TVi station,” he mumbled, still not looking up from the textbook in his lap.

So he had confessed… the same day he had been akumatized. But if he had confessed to her… how was Marinette under the impression that he didn’t like her? She needed details! She needed to know exactly what he had said!

And what Marinette had said…

“What did you say to her?”

Finally, he met her gaze. The annoyed glare he was shooting her was an odd contrast to his flaming face. “It doesn’t matter… and I really don’t know how that’s your business-“

“Just tell me! Then I can tell you where you went wrong!”

“Where I went wrong? What makes you think I did anything wrong-“

“Are you currently dating Marinette?” She took his spluttering as a no. “Then obviously something went wrong.” She reached out and grabbed his arm before he could get up to leave. He was not getting out of this one. “Now tell me what you said,” she said as gently as she could while still leaving no room for argument.

“Fine,” he mumbled. “But I don’t know why I’m telling you this…” he sighed again. His face was turning an… interesting shade of red. “I said… I told her…” the words tumbled out of his mouth in a torrent, so fast she almost didn’t understand them. “I said she’s as clear as a musical note and as sincere as a melody. I said she’s the music that’s been in my head since the day we met.”

Damn. The way he so often relied on his guitar… it was easy to forget how good he could be with words. Despite what he said otherwise. Damn… “And then?”

“And then?”

“What did she say?” she all but shouted her question. She was on her feet now, staring down at him as he sank further and further into the armchair.

He sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t… what do you mean you don’t know?”

“I walked away.

“You- you what? Why would you walk away?”

“We were about to play! And I wanted to give her space… I didn’t want to pressure her- ow! What was that for?”

“For being an idiot!”

“I am not-“ he flinched as she moved to smack him upside the head again. But he was too slow. “Will you stop hitting me?”

“Will you stop being an idiot about Marinette?”

***

If he was going to continue to be an idiot, she would just need to get her answers elsewhere.

Besides, there was another idiot she needed to talk to. Hopefully, this one would give her answers.

***

Queen of Darkness 🦇: Hey

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I learned some new techniques in the makeup class I’m doing

Queen of Darkness 🦇: Could I use you as a practice model again?

Pink Idiot 🌸: Yes!!! It was fun last time!😊😊😊

Pink Idiot 🌸: I’m free tomorrow morning

Pink Idiot 🌸: Does 10 work?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: It’s great. See u tomorrow

***

“I’m going to do the eyeliner now. Do you mind if I hold your eyelid just so it doesn’t move?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

She uncapped the eyeliner, and held her breath as she brought it to Marinete’s eyelid. Much like the Universe seemed to sense when she was trying to get her idiot brother and idiot friend together, liquid eyeliner could smell fear. With short, precise strokes, she brushed the eyeliner across Marinette’s lash line, the way she had learned to in the latest session of the makeup masterclass. The makeup classes were really paying for themselves. Because already, she could see how much she had improved in her technique.

And it gave her a perfect opportunity to dig deeper into the whole ‘idiots in love situation’ as well.

With a slow and even breath and a final flick of the brush, the eyeliner was done. “You can open your eyes now.”

“Can I look?”

“Not yet. I need to do the lips still.” She pretended to busy herself with looking for the right lipstick in her makeup bag. She knew exactly where it was. But if she wanted to get Mari to open up, she needed to be cool.

Casual.

Encouraging.

“I like the new pictures,” she said, nodding her head towards the wall by Marinette’s desk while keeping her gaze on her makeup bag. But she didn't miss the way Marinette's cheeks flushed.

The Adrien pictures were long gone, replaced by sketches and new photos. She recognized the selfie they had all taken the day they ordered ice cream from Andre, and a picture of Kitty Section that Mari must have taken while they were rehearsing.

There were even pictures from the day they did the photoshoot. There was a candid one Aimee had taken when Marinette was fiddling with the hem of one of the dresses she had modeled. And the selfie the four of them had taken once the photoshoot had wrapped up.

And in the place on honour, front and centre, was one of the photos Aimee had taken when Mari and Luka were modelling together. The placement of that particular photo on the gallery wall wasn’t lost on her.

“Me too.” Marinette’s voice was faraway sounding, her eyes trained on the photo of her and Luka.

This was her opening.

“You know,” she said before pulling the lipstick from the bag with a flourish, “I think you and Luka are really great together…”

She could see the glimmer in her friend’s eyes as she applied the lipstick. But she didn’t prod her, even as she sat back to admire her finished work.

“Juleka,” Marinette’s sigh was quiet and fragile, “he doesn’t like me that way.”

“How do you know?” How could she think that when Luka had confessed?

“Nino had a crush on me.”

What?

Marinette flashed her a wry smile. “I know, right?” Marinette laughed humourlessly.

She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. But Marinette didn't seem to notice.

“But then all it took was an hour being locked in a cage with Alya- Animan,” she said in explanation, “for them to become an item. And for him to completely forget about me.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said quietly.

She did not like where this seemed to be going.

“And then there was Nathaniel…”

She definitely did not like where this was going.

“He liked me enough that he was including me in his comics.” Including her? He had been centering his comics around her! She frowned. He had been, but- “But then Chloe outed his feelings in front of me-well, the class, and there was the whole Evilustrator debacle and by the end of it…” Marinette shrugged helplessly, “he was over me. Just like that,” she snapped, “and poof, all his romantic feelings for me were gone.”

She really, really did not like where this conversation was going.

“But, that doesn’t have anything to do with my brother-“

“It has everything to do with Luka!” Marinette cried, throwing her hands up in the air before letting them drop to hang limply at her sides. “Don’t you see?” Marinette’s voice was small. Quiet. And bursting with defeat. Her friend wouldn’t even look her in the eye. “It took them no time at all to get over me. Less than an hour. All it took was trying to go on a date with me or their feelings coming to light… and they were over me.

Like it was nothing.”

“Nino and Nathaniel are idiots.” She was beginning to think all boys were. Or, at least, the ones she knew. “But Luka…” Luka was an idiot. But he was also still head over heels for Marinette, “how do you know he-“

“He walked away. He told me…” Marinette’s cheeks were suddenly the same colour as her super suit. “Well, it doesn’t matter what he said. He said something to me, and then he walked away.”

He had confessed. He had confessed in a beautiful and poetic way- is a way Marinette deserved.

And she was caught up on the fact that he had walked away?

She got it. She did. Because it had been a stupid move on his part. But she also got why he had walked away. And Marinette…

How could Marinette think all of his feelings would evaporate the second they came to light? Sure, there had been Nino and Nathaniel—and why did it feel like the Universe was involved in that somehow?—but the situations weren’t the same! They weren’t even close!

Especially given he was still hopelessly in love with her. How could she not see how it? It wasn’t like he was subtle.

“Maybe he-“

Marinette cut her off with a bright smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Let’s go get some coffee or something! It would be a shame for me to waste this makeup by just sitting around inside all day!” Before she could even blink, Marinette had grabbed her purse and made her way to the trapdoor that led to the apartment below.

She sighed.

For being one of the most brilliant people she knew… Marinette was an idiot when it came to love.

***

How was it possible that the two smartest people she knew were also the biggest idiots she knew?

Honestly, they were probably the biggest idiots in Paris.

That was the only explanation for how they could both be so totally and completely oblivious to the obvious fact that their feelings were mutual.

***

It was her turn to make dinner, and she had plenty of plans for what she would be serving up.

She dumped a steaming plate of pasta in front of Luka, not bothering to be gentle about it. The beat-up tin camping plate clattered against the wood of the coffee table, jarring her brother from whatever daydream he had been occupying—probably one about Marinette—as she plopped herself down on the sofa.

“Thanks, this looks good-”

“You need to ask Marinette out”

“Jules…” his voice was caught somewhere between a groan and a whine.

“You don’t want to pressure her?”

“You know I don’t.”

“Then stop stepping back.”

“But- but Jules, I don’t want to put her under any press-“

Pasta wasn’t the only thing on the menu; she was about to serve up some cold, hard facts.

“And what do you think you’ve been doing?” He blanched. She watched as he gaped at her like a fish; she could practically see the gears trying to turn in his head. Something between a sigh and groan escaped her. “Luka,” she began, massaging her temples, “you aren’t giving her room to make a choice.” She looked up at him with narrowed eyes. “By stepping back, you’re making a choice for her. How can she choose you if she doesn’t know you’re an option?”

***

Maybe this wasn’t the best topic to broach while Marinette was fitting a dress mockup on her, pincushion in hand.

But on the other hand, there was no time like the present.

“Y’know…” she said slowly, trying not to move as Marinette adjusted the shoulder of the dress she was trying on, “just because he walked away doesn’t mean-“

“But Nino and Nathaniel-“

“Are idiots.” She said flatly. “And they’re also not Luka.”

Marinette’s gaze flickered down to her feet, but she could see the way her friend was biting her lip and the way her cheeks were turning pink. “Does… does Luka…” Marinette’s voice trailed off, but the question was clear as day.

She had to bite back a groan.

Because she had promised Luka that she wouldn’t blab about his feelings. It was the same promise she had made to Marinette.

Everything would be so much easier if she could just tell Luka that Marinette liked him and tell Marinette that Luka liked her! But no! She couldn’t take the path of least resistance.

Because she had promised.

And while she wasn’t one to tell a secret that wasn’t hers to share in the first place… well, she had a newfound appreciation for the importance of secrets.

Even if some weren’t really secrets, given how obvious they were.

But she had promised. And she was not going to betray either of their trust.

She had to choose her words carefully.

“I can’t speak for my brother.”

“Oh,” Marinette mumbled.

She turned, wincing when some of the pins marking the needed adjustments pricked her, and grabbed Marinette’s hands. She gave them a comforting squeeze, and when Marinette looked up at her, she gave her her most reassuring smile.

“I know it’s been hard with A- in the past. But isn't it time you went after what you wanted?"

“B-but… what if he… what if I… if he’s over me… ”

Luka would be over Marinette the day Gabriel Agreste gave out hugs on the street.

“The only way to know is to talk to him.”

***

Even after their little talks, neither her brother nor Marinette had made any discernible move to just tell the other how they felt! If anything, they seemed even more intent on pretending they were just friends.

She couldn’t help but groan as she watched them laughing over some video on Marinette’s phone.

How did that saying go?

‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’

Well then, it stood to reason that given life had given her two idiots, it was her job to make them see reason. The forces of the Universe be damned.

***

The sun was shining, the breeze was soft and cool and there was barely a cloud in the sky. The sweet scent of the flowers in bloom drifted through the lush greenery of the Jardin des Plantes. It was the perfect day in the perfect place for a romantic rendezvous.

The trick would be getting them here without making either of them too suspicious.

Or at least, without making them too suspicious until it was too late.

Her phone buzzed in her hands. She shrank further back into the bushes she was crouched in and pulled up the text conversation with Luka.

Idiot 🎸: be there in 10

Idiot 🎸: but why are we meeting there again?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: good

Queen of Darkness 🦇: it’s a beautiful day. We should be outside

Idiot 🎸: You want to spend a day outside?

Idiot 🎸: won’t you turn to ashes?

So what if she preferred the shade and shadows to the sun? Besides, she was doing him a favour—even if he didn’t know it yet—he could at least pretend to be grateful.

Idiot 🎸: also what’s wrong with home? We can just hang out on deck

Queen of Darkness 🦇: ha ha very funny

Queen of Darkness 🦇: we always hang out on deck

Queen of Darkness 🦇: besides, the gardens smell better

Her phone buzzed again, this time with a notification from Marinette.

Pink Idiot 🌸: SORRY IM LATE

Pink Idiot 🌸: ALMOST THERE

Pink Idiot 🌸: 10 MINUTES TOPS

Queen of Darkness 🦇: no problem

There was no problem at all. In fact, the timing would be perfect.

By the time ten minutes had passed, her leg had filled itself with pins and needles, and her other leg was close to falling asleep too. But she didn’t dare move lest she accidentally attract any… attention.

Especially given Luka had just shown up. Wearing the Jagged Stone shirt he had bought when he and Marinette went thrifting together. And the jacket Marinette had made him.

Which didn't really surprise her. He didn't seem to ever take it off.

She watched as he squinted down at his phone before casting a look around, obviously looking for her.

Idiot 🎸: where are you?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I’m by the greenhouse

She watched as he wandered a little off to the side, holding her breath as he passed by her hiding spot. Thankfully, he didn’t notice her. A flash of pink in the direction Luka had just come from caught her attention.

Marinette had arrived. Wearing the same outfit she had worn on the day of the photoshoot. The one she had been wearing when Aimee took her’s and Luka’s picture.

Marinette had been wearing that outfit a lot lately.

Pink Idiot 🌸: here! Where r u?

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I’m by the greenhouse

She was. She just happened to be in the bushes by the greenhouse.

Idiot 🎸: where?

Pink Idiot 🌸: I don’t see u

Now it was just a waiting game. From the shelter of the shrubbery, she watched as Marinette and Luka drifted closer together. They hadn’t seen each other yet, their eyes glued to their phones waiting for a response that wouldn’t come. It wasn’t until they had almost bumped into each other that they looked up.

How neither of them noticed the other’s flush was beyond her. But she did have to smile at the way Luka’s face lit up and then softened as Marinette burst into surprised rambling. And she had to smile at the way Marinette lit up and seemed almost effervescent when Luka said something too quiet for her to hear from her hiding place.

Now there was only one thing left to do.

Queen of Darkness 🦇: sorry something just came up and I have to cancel

Queen of Darkness 🦇: sorry for it being so last minute

She saw the flicker of suspicion cross their faces as they got the texts she had sent- the same to each of their respective numbers. But then, as they were both typing on their phones, Marinette said something. And Luka laughed. And they both looked up from their phone screens, and their faces softened. And turned bright pink.

The dots on her phone screen indicating they were typing disappeared.

Her smile grew even more as they wandered away, side by side, their arms brushing against each other. And their respective, original plans seemingly forgotten.

***

Luka almost never posted to his Instagram. And when he did, it was almost always a picture that featured Marinette in some way. So getting a notification that he had posted something to Instagram was always a good sign.

And looking at the picture he had posted, she was not disappointed.

It was a selfie. Taken in the greenhouse at the Jardin des Plantes. With the backdrop of all the flowers in bloom and the way he had his arm draped around Marinette’s shoulders, and the way they were both beaming at the camera, it looked like they were on a date.

She scrolled down to read the caption and groaned.

luka.couffaine: There’s nothing as inspiring as spending a day in the gardens with my best friend @MariBlossom

The idiot!

Had her words gone in one ear and out the other? Or should she have explained it to him in music metaphors? Maybe if she hit him over the head with a guitar, it might get the message through that thick skull of his…

And this would just further Marinette’s ridiculous idea that Luka didn’t like her!

As if the Universe was laughing at her, a notification telling her Marinette had posted something new to Instagram popped up on her phone.

Another selfie. But it looked like this one had been taken by one of the water fixtures in the outdoor areas. Marinette had her head on his shoulder, and their smiles were almost incandescent. And they were both more than a little pink in the face.

Silently, she prayed to any benevolent forces that could be out there as she scrolled enough to see the caption.

But it seemed all of the forces in the Universe were bent on mocking her.

MariBlossom: A great day in the gardens with the greatest friend I could ask for 💐 🌷🌸@luka.couffaine

Pain seared through her forehead as she flopped onto the table.

They were stupid. They were idiots.

Stupid, stupid, stupid idiots.

She groaned.

As it turned out, making lemonade was way easier than making those two idiots see reason.

#juleka vs. the forces of the universe #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #pro lukamari #juleka couffaine #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #juleka 'I am surrounded by idiots' couffaine #they're idiots your honour #and the Universe isn't helping

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greypetrel · 1 year

Note

[GUIDE] from the prompt list for Aisling and Cullen :)

Was this an excuse to delve right into Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts? YES. (Thank you it is probably my favourite quest in the game, with the Arbor Wilds. :3 )

[ GUIDE ]: in the process of guiding the receiver through a crowded place, the sender’s hand protectively grazes against the small of their back (from this list, ask some more if you'd like!)

***

“Pardon me.”

It came in a snap, in the same clipped tone Aisling -no, the Inquisitor now- used when he and Leliana couldn’t stop fighting in the War Room and she wanted to stop them. The tone that wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“I am sorry to interrupt, but I need my Commander for a moment, there’s an urgent matter of security to discuss.”

She explained, calm but firm. Except, no one in the small crowd that gathered around him and had followed him everywhere he had tried to hide moved. There was some giggle from one of the ladies, a huff from the Comte that just- he couldn’t focus on much of anything now, occupied to keep his breath steady and present at all and totally frozen in place.

“In private, if you please. Now if you would excuse us…”

And just like that, he felt her resting a hand on his back, somewhere in the middle, the other gently resting on the closer elbow, and delicately but firmly pushing him away from his spot.

He followed her, glance trained before him but not really looking at anything, the crowd was too thick and he felt all eyes on him and his heart was bearing in his eardrums loud, too loud-

She pushed on his elbow, turning them steeply on the right.

“It’s ok. It’s ok, we’re out. We’re alone, breathe.”

She coaxed him, voice turned tender and soft as after another turn on the right she finally stopped, guiding them to lean against a wall. The air was fresh, a gentle breeze caressing his skin as he relaxed and let the panic subside. First he felt the breeze, and then her hand on his back, rubbing circles on the Velvet of his uniform.

After a minute or two, without any other word, his breathe came easier and more regular, and the beating sound of his heart subsided a little, vision clearing.

They were in a balcony, in a nook protected from view illuminated just by the moonlight and the faint light coming from the door. She was still touching him, looking up at him to check whether he was good or not. She smiled when she saw recognition.

“There you are.”

“T-that’s my line.”

“There we are, then.” She giggles. “Better?”

“I-” He shook his head, breath coming up in a huff before he admitted it. There was indeed just them, the Ambassador away from who knew what at this point. “Yes, thank you.”

She just nodded, with a smile still a little filled with worry, but didn’t interrupt the contact. It’s been hours since the Ball started, and it was gonna get dragged for hours still. He didn’t even notice her slipping back into the Ballroom, honestly: last he saw her, she was checking on him, curious about the people that were crowding him. She had asked him to dance, shily and probing, and he didn’t think she would have gotten back after he told her no a little too brashly, and she all but scampered away, masking her embarrassment with a smile and an excuse to need to slip into the library anyway.

“You shouldn’t have done it.”

“Did you mind it? I…” She snorted through her nose, face crinkling in a pout. “…I’m sorry, I didn’t want to intrude but when I saw that disgusting Comte groping you, I-”

Josephine had made a point in the last months to express her worry about how much the Inquisitor wore her heart on her sleeve and was like an open book. Training her to mask and to put up a face for the Winter Palace has been the most difficult thing. She’s been great until five minutes ago, not even flinching when people called her Rabbit or questioned everything about her in her earshot, from her role to her dress to the tattoos on her face -left bare and open by a complicated game of braids Leliana had made. In that momen, as most often when it came to her, he felt just grateful for her being so easy to read and open in her feelings.It was soothing and it was relatable, and it made all that easier opening up with her, if she was the first to show vulnerability. So, he just moved his hand to cover hers, still on his elbow, squeezing down.

“I didn’t. You should not have bothered for me, tho, they treated you far worse…”

She snorted, shrugging it off without looking at him. Her right hand on his back stopped on his track, meanwhile, without her really realising it, resting on the small of his back.

“I expected the insults, and I can take them, I’m used to it. Touching without consent, when it’s clear that there’s none and the other person’s not at ease, tho?”

It was rhetoric, and as she ended it, she blinked once, realising exactly where her hand was resting and that she didn’t really asked for consent either.

“As if I’m any better, anyway, I’m really sorry, tell me if you don’t-” She started to ramble, instantly taking her hand away and stepping on the side, cheeks flushing red.

“No!” He just blurted, turning after her, to face her, and slipping hands to grab both her wrists. “No, wait. I- Ah, I don’t mind it. From you.”

He fumbled, just a little, slowly bringing her hands -her wrists where little in his hands- behind him, to place not one but both where one was before, on the small of his back. He had to slip closer, taking one step further, and there, in a palace full of scheming Orlesians, an assassin on the loose and still too many clues to retrieve, it felt stolen and too intimate than it actually was. And all the dearest for the context.

“You can touch me anytime. I like it, if it’s you.”

She looked up, bashfully, and smiled at him, nodding to signal she heard. Still blushing, the tip of her ears deliciously flushed. Without an invitation, she stepped a little forward in a hug, squeezing him and sighing, contented. He circled her shoulders with his arms, resting his chin on top of her head, very delicately so not to ruin the complex hairdo.

“Likewise… And thank you. I am sorry you're being treated so bad.”

“I should be the one to thank you, really.”

“I hate it, here.”

“Me too.”

They were allowed just some brief moments, before someone was heard from inside asking for the Inquisitor and, with a muffled heavy groan in Cullen’s chest, she reluctantly had to break the hug. Still staying there for a moment, hands still on the small of his back and looking up.

“Well, the Servant’s Quarters won’t explore themselves, unfortunately…”

“You’d better go, before Dorian drinks too much and Cassandra punches someone.”

“Wish me luck?”

He snorts, slipping a hand to play with his lucky coin, which she had insisted on having mounted as a necklace and was wearing at her neck, just a band of blue ribbon to tie it at her neck. He turned it twice in his hand, before bending down and pecking a kiss on her lips.

“Some more can’t hurt, Lucky. Be careful.”

“You too, feel free to tell them I’ll be right back to zap their butts if they bother you again, ok?”

“I’d love to see it.”

#dragon age inquisition #wicked eyes and wicked hearts #inquisitor lavellan #cullavellan #cullen x lavellan #aisling lavellan #greypetrel #my writing #they're idiots your honour #also aisling does get angry it just takes a lot of orlesians or people insulting her friends #but they're cute idiots so it's ok #dragon age fic #writing petrel

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gefallene-quengel · 1 year

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Franz: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for, like 30 years now. No response.

Ivo: Wow, they sound stupid.

Franz: But they're not. They're really smart, actually. Just ... dense.

Ivo: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know ... "Hey! I love you!"

Franz: I guess you're right. Hey, Ivo! I love you!

Ivo: See, that just like that!

Franz:

Franz: Holy fucking shit.

Ivo: If that flies over their head, then, sorry Franz, but they're too dumb for you.

#tatort münchen #franz leitmayr #ivo batic #tatort incorrect quotes #it would work the other way around too let's be honest #they're idiots your honour

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drinktea · 2 years

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Excerpt: “Is he hitting on you?”

Apollo nearly spits out his food. “What? No!” The implication that this meeting could be anything less than innocent makes Apollo’s face flame. Anything less than innocent with Klavier Gavin… Apollo’s brain unhelpfully conjures the exposed expanse of taut, tanned chest that Klavier shows off in the courtroom, then it stupidly reaches even farther back for a memory of Klavier’s toned arms, sweat glistening off of the roiling muscle as he plays his guitar on stage, that very first night that Apollo had seen The Gavinners perform.

“Oh my god,” Clay breaks his reverie. “It makes sense. You, trying to hide it and everything— you’re hitting on him!”

“What?” Apollo gapes. Like a moron, a bit of spinach falls out of his mouth, and he plucks it off of his lap. “I am not!”

“Don’t try to hide it! I saw the way your eyes went all glassy there for a second,” Clay points out, and Apollo wants to die.

#klapollo #klapollo fic #klavier gavin #apollo justice #my writing #they're idiots your honour

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unwinthehart · 2 years

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you'd think Riccardo is a comedy genius with the amount of laughing Alessandro does. The reality is that most of the time it's the most idiotic things like Ricky replying to the question "How did you get here [meaning to Brividi and Sanremo]?" with "Well, six hours in a van." Or "You say that then since you know english!" for a very non-english word.

#blahmood #they're idiots your honour

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rogueddie · 2 years

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They also bring out that Robin looks like she’s being suffocated and they have to put a sign on the door that says “please do not call the cops, Robin can breathe just fine.”

asdfghjk what if they can't be bothered with an actual accurate sign like that, eddie just sees this ominous sign that says like "she's fine." and it looks ominous too and they're all like; yeah. that'll do.

#ask #they're idiots your honour

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michaelmilligan · 2 years

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Midam arranged marriage AU where they have sex, but very irregularly because neither of them ever wants to make the first move because ‘I don’t want to pressure him, he’s probably just going along out of obligation. :(’

They are both in lust, your honour. And later, also in love.

#They're idiots your honour #I rarely write them like that but the idea of Midam going 👀👀 at each other first and 🥺🥰 later #Is very compelling #To me personally #The above would probably take them like three years to resolve #By that time they are deeply in love and pining so hard everyone knows what's going on except themselves #Actually I kind have an idea for a fic like that but I already have so many WIPs...#So this might just stay in my brain

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foolishlywandwaving · 3 months

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Gryffindor Red: Chapter 15

Excerpt:

“- I take it you’ve seen the notice?” The world’s least welcome voice smoothly interrupts her rant, and she whirls around.

Fuck it all. Of course, it’s him.

Riddle is not even bothering to hide his particularly pinched expression as he emerges from the dungeons. Despite the weekend, he still wears his Hogwarts robes. His book bag is slung over his shoulder, a periodical in his other hand. Hermione squints at it; on the front cover, a glamorous witch levitates with her arms spread wide -

“Hullo, Riddle,” Neville says, relieved for the distraction. “Heading out?”

“Indeed,” and the Slytherin frowns deeply, as though the closed library has personally offended him (Hermione certainly feels personally offended, attacked, slighted -). “I had wanted to finish some reading for Charms, and the stalls seemed like the next best place.”

Hermione cranes her neck further and it clicks into place, why he’s heading to the Quidditch pitch. She points accusingly at him, her bad mood festering. “You’re reading about Ascendio already? We don’t cover that until next term, you -”

“Why good morning to you too, Hermione,” Riddle says, effortlessly charming, but there is a tiny hint of warning in the set of his shoulders.

“Good morning Tom,” she simpers, meeting his coal black eyes directly, and dropping her shields.

Are you studying ahead of me, you scab -

His mouth twitches.

---

ao3

#hermione granger #tom riddle #tomione #hogwarts #fanfiction #harry potter #gryffindor red #never ending tension #they're idiots your honour #two genius idiots

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c4tto626 · 1 month

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normal adult behaviour 🙏

#they're idiots your honour #c4.txt

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sokkas-first-fangirl · 2 years

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Psst, have an Atlantis AU sneak peek 👀👀

In which Agustín swims pretty girl. I mean, pretty good!

***

Agustín couldn’t breathe. Julieta was staring at him expectantly and he couldn’t breathe.

That was a lot of skin...

Félix, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to strip down and jump in the water after the triplets. He looked a little too happy about it as he stood next to Pepa.

Julieta smiled, head tilted to the side. Agustín did his level best to look her in the eye, to focus on her face and nowhere else.

“Gus?” Félix called. “You okay, bro?”

Agustín made a small, strangled sound. He meant to say “Yes, of course.” Instead it sounded like “Nyugh.”

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Bruno asked.

“Oh!” Julieta’s expression was one of sweet sympathy. “Can you not swim?”

He opened his mouth but no words came out. Even Pepa was starting to look concerned. Julieta stepped closer, brushing her hair back and Agustín just about died as she reached for his hand.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I can hold onto you if it helps.”

Oh, God have mercy.

“I swim pretty girl,” Agustín choked out. He closed his eyes with a wince, breathing deeply. “Pretty good,” he corrected quickly. “I swim, er, pretty good.”

#searching for a miracle #atlantis au #julieta/agustin #pepa/felix #julieta madrigal #agustin madrigal #pepa madrigal #bruno madrigal #felix madrigal #sneak peek #my writing #the madrigal triplets #i love them #they're idiots your honour #encanto fanfic #encanto fanfiction #update

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goldenlaurelleaveswrites · 2 years

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"Randomly texting a gif or emoji" - but the emoji/gif was meant for Juleka and he accidentally sent it to Marinette instead?

You already know you're getting a dammit fic out of this one, but it isn't quite finished yet! Hopefully this snipped will tide you over until then 😆🧛🏻‍♀️🦇

Based on this prompt list

AO3

She had only been out of her room for a few minutes, but when she came back, she had to stop and stare in utter bewilderment. Her phone—which she knew she had left on her desk—was sitting on a pile of scrap fabric on her floor. And it was buzzing.

Nonstop.

Who was texting her so incessantly?

Had Clara Nightingale dropped a new single she didn’t know about?

Did Jagged have a new commission request?

Her heart skipped a beat, and she could almost feel the blood draining from her face.

Had someone had an accident? Was someone hurt or sick in the hospital? Was someone-

She tripped over her feet, almost face planting into the floor, in her mad scramble to grab her phone. Her fingers shook as the clasped the still vibrating phone. They were trembling so much, she had to type her code in twice to unlock the phone because she kept pressing the wrong numbers.

But when she pulled up her text inbox, she froze.

She could only stare in complete and utter confusion. She had literally dozens of messages from a number she didn’t recognize. Had one of her friends gotten a new number and forgotten to tell her? Was someone trying to reach her using a different phone? Was this some kind of new scam?

Her phone buzzed with a notification of a new, incoming text message.

Tentatively, she tapped on the message notification to bring up the text… well, could she really call it a conversation when it was more of a barrage?

And what?

The messages were all just gifs and emojis. And weird gifs at that. They all seemed to be some puppet… puppet vampire?

What?

Was that… was that the Count? From Sesame Street? She hadn’t watched it in years—not since Manon had outgrown it—but she was pretty sure that they were gifs of the Count.

Who was sending her gifs of the Count?

And why?

And why was this person sending so many bat emojis?

She tried to scroll up to the first message that had been sent to see if there was anything that would give her any context for what was happening right now. But she never made it more than a couple scrolls up before a new message would come in, bringing the conversation back down to the newest message.

The person had moved on to sending gifs of bats—cartoon and otherwise—and more emojis.

But they were all bats and vampires.

She was just about to start typing out a message demanding to know was texting her when the person sent an ever more bewildering message.

Unknown Number: look whos joined the 21st century now!!!! 🕺👨‍🎤

What?

Unknown Number: 🧛🏻‍♀️🧛🏻‍♀️🧛🏻‍♀️ 🧛🏻🧛🏻🧛🏻 🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️

Unknown Number: 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Unknown Number: and now I can do THIS

Before she had even fully processed the message or begun to question what this was, an audio message popped up.

And started playing the loudest—but very well played—dramatic guitar solo she had ever heard.

What was happening? Who was this?

There was no way this was a scam. It was too weird to be a scam. And she couldn’t picture any of her friends sending… any of this. Which meant this person had to have the wrong number.

The mystery person was typing something again, though if the message would be more gifs or emojis, she didn’t know. But this poor person needed to know she wasn’t… well, whoever they thought she was.

Marinette: Hey, sorry but I think you have the wrong number!

Unknown Number: Very funny j

Unknown Number: I told you I would get you back for all the gifs you sent that I could never see

Unknown Number: same with the emojis🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Marinette: No, I really don’t know who you are

Marinette: I don’t have a J anywhere in my name!

Unknown Number: this is weak jules

Unknown Number: of all the ways to troll me you go with wrong number?

Unknown Number: you were warned

Unknown Number: your reckoning is upon youth Queen of Darkness

Unknown Number: *you

A reckoning?

Queen of darkness?

What?

The implication of the messages had barely settled in her mind when her phone began to light up with new messages.

And if she had thought it was a barrage of messages before…

Emojis—all of them somehow related to vampires in some way, and what was with that?—flooded her phone. Interrupted only by more gifs.

Marinette: No!!

More gifs of the Count.

Marinette: I’m really not j or jules!!!

The person must have run out of Sesame Street gifs because they had switched to animated and live-action vampire gifs.

Marinette: you have the wrong number!!!!

How were there so many vampire gifs?

She was about to block the number—because what other option did she have?—when the messages suddenly stopped. She paused. And stared at her phone. Waiting in anticipation. For new messages. Or… or something.

But the messages had just… stopped.

Two minutes passed without another vampire gif or emoji.

She released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding.

It seemed whoever had been messaging her had given up. Or realized she was, in fact, not J or Jules. Tentatively, she put her phone down on her desk, and took a hasty step back as if it might explode.

But it just sat there quietly and innocently.

She heaved a sigh of relief and turned to go about her business. But she had barely made it over to her sewing machine when it started buzzing again.

With a strangled screech, she turned on her heel and stalked towards her phone, ready to fling it out the window and then track down whoever this person was so she could do the same to them.

Thankfully, she saw the new messages before she made it to the hurling her phone out the window part.

Unknown Number: I AM SO SORRY

Unknown Number: I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU WERE MY SISTER

Unknown Number: AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST MESSING WITH ME

Unknown Number: BUT SHE JUST WALKED IN AND YOURE NOT HER

Unknown Number: I JUST GOT A NEW PHONE AND YOUR NUMBER HAS ONE NUMBER DIFFERENT THAN HERS

Unknown Number: AND I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL OF THAT

At least this person had finally figured it out…

Would it be petty if she told them she had told them so?

Unknown Number: anyway again I am so sorry and juleka says you have every right to tell me you told me so

Unknown Number: so please, go ahead, you have every right

She was about to take this person up on their offer when she paused. Juleka? She knew a Juleka… not well, but she knew her. She had worked with the model a few times- if it was the same Juleka. But Juleka wasn’t a very common name…

Marinette: Does Juleka know a Marinette?

She had no idea what had possessed her to ask this person that. Or why. But it suddenly seemed very important. She bit her lip as she watched the screen, waiting for the dots to appear.

After a minute or two of radio silence, the person on the other end of what had to be the weirdest text conversation she had ever been a part of started typing.

Unknown Number: yeah she knows one

Unknown Number: a big hotshot up and coming designer

Unknown Number: why? do you know her?

She vaguely remembered Juleka complaining about her brother at her last fitting. Could she assume this person was the brother Juleka had been complaining about? She had barely started typing out a reply when a new message came in.

Unknown Number: YOURE that Marinette!

What had Juleka said his name was?

Unknown Number: I am SO sorry

Luka!

Unknown Number: Juleka says I need to make this up to you because she doesn’t want you to hate her because of me

Unknown Number: please let me make this up to you

Unknown Number: my name is Luka by the way

#endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #pro lukamari #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #juleka couffaine #they're idiots your honour #can you call this a meet cute?#or would you call this a meet ridiculous?#either way #the count is to blame for all of this #au #aged up characters

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