#this funny silly show has me crying at 5:21 in the morning

[anyastradivarius]

I just finished OFMD and I am DESTROYED

does anyone wanna cry with me

#honestly how dare they #this funny silly show has me crying at 5:21 in the morning #havent had a reaction like this to media in a long time actually #its a little unnerving

[twisted-in-wonderland-jay]

Twisted Boys as Boyfriends

(On going?)

Um yes I have changed the layout of the dorms

Heartslabyul, and Savanaclaw

1. Not really good at complimenting but he has a heartwarming smile

2. He would be happy even if it’s simple things like a “Good morning”

3. “Let me show you everything you did wrong and how can you fix it.”

4. Often goes horseback riding with you

5. Reads to you when you can’t sleep

6. Can be very bossy, but tries to be lenient with you

7. Can’t actually say “no” to you

8. Needs you when he’s having a panic attack or nightmare

9. You’re his safe place in every way

10. Dancing together in silence

11. Has the habit of running his fingers through you hair

12. Unprotected hand holding ewww

13. Not into PDA

14. Sleep in different beds till after awhile of being together

15. You would think he likes to hold you but he’s baby so he sleeps face in your chest legs wrapped around you

16. Really gentle around you

17. Would NEVER use his unique magic on you, if you break rules he’ll remind you to NEVER do it again

18. Loves it when you bake for him

1. Cheer you up when you’re sad with card tricks

2. Convince you to do silly things with him

3. Came to your dorm at midnight and brings you sweets

4. Often falls asleep on your shoulder

5. Can be clingy sometimes

6. He sometimes lets you borrow his stuff

7. Chill outside pervert inside

8. Often stays over at your place

9. Pushes you to try weird food combinations with him or just weird foods

10. Ridiculous discussion at 2 am while playing cards

1. Actually really shy

2. Talks with you about his insecurities

3. Gets jealous very fast

4. Likes it when you fall asleep in his arms

5. A lot of short but soft kisses

6. Watching YouTube videos together in bed

7. Gets embarrassed easily

8. Phone calls until you both fall asleep

9. Gets embraced easily

10. Needs lots of love

11. He always falls asleep on your chest

12. Takes you stargazing

13. “Don’t worry. I’ll always be there for you.”

14. Often stays over at you place

15. Always funny

16. Does EVERYTHING to get your attention

17. Gets shy when you flirty with him

18. Your family loves him

1. has a photo of you as his phone Lock Screen (Probably from a date at Disney world)

2. Messages with lots of emojis

3. You have a lot of pictures with him on dates

4. Lots of selfies

5. Flirty AF

6. Really scared of you leaving

7. Good at comforting you but can’t apply to himself

8. Always asks you “Will you marry me?”

9. Watches Rom-coms with you

10. Very clingy and needs a lot of attention

11. Compliments you way too often

1. Has fun (Light-hearted) teasing you

2. Bring you coffee/tea in the morning

3. Carries you to bed and make sure to cover you in a warm blanket

4. Gets alone well with you family

5. He’s always there when you need him

6. Loves to hug you or just be close to you

7. Hand holding all the time. Extra points if it’s in public (sometimes he’s blushy), and if your swinging your hands

8. “Don’t go to bed too late”

9. Really supportive of anything you do

10. You get called the “mom couple” a lot

11. Loves it when you bake for him

12. Your family loves him

1. Tries to be a “better” person for you

2. Still doesn’t know why you are in love with him

3. Pillow fights, he usually wins with his hard throws and apologizes FAST

4. Hugs from behind

5. Playfully calls you idiot

6. Licked your ear before (multiple times before)

7. Let’s you braid his hair

8. Needs lot of encouragement

9. He is actually more caring and gentle then most think

10. Long kisses

11. Extremely jealous

12. Looks intimidating but is actually soft on the inside but would still kill someone though

13. Acts like he doesn’t care but cares a lot about you

14. Shoes his love through actions rather than words

15. You always do the household chores

16. Gets really cuddly whenever he has a problem

17. Very angry when someone treats you the wrong way

18. Shows his love through provoking you

19. Shows his love through actions rather than words

20. Sometimes needs your mental support

21. Tells you that you’re cute when you’re angry

1. Always brings you something to eat

2. Piggyback rides or wolf back rides?

3. Love to go on long walks with you

4. Comforts you when you’re sad

5. Carries your bags for you

6. Boops your nose all the time

7. Calls you small to tease you

8. Very protective of family, dating=family

9. Truest you like nobody else

10. Helps you improve in sports, and smarts

11. You love to play with his ears. He openly expresses his love for it

12. Doesn’t want to sleep with you while in wolf form for fear you might get crushed (No cuddles with puppy sorry)

13. He’s actually not a dog person, because of his wolven origins

14. Cries when you cry

15. Let’s you cry on him in wolf form and comforts you

16. Secretly loves head pats

1. Use his magic to make you happy if your sad

2. Fishing together on the weekends

3. Buys you many plushies cause he thinks they’re cute

4. He shares his plans to conquer the world with you

5. Asks for your advice

6. You once made him a bracelet and he wears it everyday

7. Doesn’t leave you side and make you soup when you’re sick

8. “you still... Love me right?”

9. Overprotective and kind

10. Allowed himself to cry in front of you

11. Takes Polaroid pictures of you

12. Looks cute but kill if necessary (Joke, not a yandere)

13. Gets jealous when you play with street animals

14. Encourages you when you need it

15. Would never lie to you. And it bad at lying to you anyway

#twisted wonderland #heartslabyul #riddle rosehearts #trey clover #ace trappola #cater diamond #deuce spade #savanaclaw #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #jack howl

[manuelmueller]

pls... do ALL OF IT FOR NUELE

oof fam ooof (jk i LOVE THEM) (i crossed out a few that i had no idea how to answer or wasn’t bothered but OTHER THAN THAT) (yes all those 300 word questions kinda became a short fic you can read on ao3 here)

–––––– I tried to put this under a cut but it kept fucking up so HERE I GUESS

1. What are things they both find funny?

Little things. Weird tweets from their teammates. Leon stumbling over his shoelaces. The way Sven gets exasperated with them so quickly. A leaf blowing straight into someone’s face. Everything can make them giggle, pretty much, cause they make each other gleeful, giggly, bubbling AHHHHHH

2. If they could each describe each other in one sentence, what would it be? “Nikki is … he’s my person.” – “Alex made me realize that love can be wonderful, and kind, and fulfilling, and everything, and I love him.”

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say? Alex would talk about Nikki’s wide smile, his enthusiasm and his unbroken optimism despite going through some shit, his kinda heart and his sunshine personality. Nikki would mention Alex’ resilience, the way how he rises above the shit people talk about him and how he came out being a great person still. Also, the way his chuckles sound in the morning and the way his hair looks like spun copper in sunlight and the freckles on his cheeks and shoulders.

4. What would be their ship name? NÜLE we did a great job pairing up two of the very few dudes who have an ü in their last name huh

5. What activities do they enjoy together? Football (duh), watching dumb TV shows they can laugh at together. Cuddling on the couch. Cooking. Accompanying the other on his respective hobby and whining about how silly it is (Alex goes fishing, Nikki plays golf) but yet loving every second they get to spend with their s/o doing what they love. Also actually another couple they’re friends with kinda drags them hiking sometimes and they actually kinda like it, too.

6. What is/are their love language(s)? Actually probably it’s Quality Time for them both tbh (you could change my mind, tho)

7. Write a ~300 word love scene for them.

READ HERE

8. What were their first impressions of each other? ‘Yeah he’s a talented goalie, I wouldn’t mind to play in his defense .... oh shit is he smiling? He’s smiling. Oh fuck he’s so cute, I’m so gay, help. heLP’ – ‘Süle? Oh yeah, I’ve heard a lot about him. I mean, how could I have not? It’s in my job description to know about the best defenders. Can’t believe it took us so long to meet in person, tho. Nikki it is, okay. Wow, I’m .... is that a spark that I’m feeling? Sure, great idea, develop a crush on your first day on a new team, well done. Is it a crush? (a month later) yep, definitely a crush’

9. Have they made each other cry? with HAPPINESS, yeah

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them.

READ HERE

11. What causes them to fight? Genuinely can’t picture them fighting, but probably more like jokingly arguing about chores like who should take out the trash. Also football can cause a strain too, I mean, sometimes they lose games and either of them or both are partially to blame and while they’d never blame each other even if it’s true, the unspoken dissatisfaction hovering in the air between them can cause things to be quite awkward for a few hours and one night.

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

13. Name something they would never do for the other person. Lose any kind of game – as athletes they’re quite competitive, even when it comes to board games and the like. Tho they’re not above conceding when it’s obvious they loose.

14. What would be a dealbreaker? Sharing the other’s secrets to someone the other doesn’t trust enough, and also not liking pets (luckily they do)

15. What are traits they dislike in one another? Nikki gets a bit reckless sometimes. Drinking too much, doing vaguely dangerous things cause he’s excited and hyped with his friends (why the heck would you climb on that shed when it’s too high to jump down and you don’t have a ladder?? you already have bad knees, Nikki!) and Alex Worries, ok? Alex on the other hand can get quite broody and taciturn when he’s not okay, not sharing what bothers him even when Nikki asks. Nikki just wants to help, but being stubborn is a goalkeeper thing

16. If they broke up, what would be their opinions of each other?

17. What senses (sights, smells, feelings, etc). remind them of each other? Nikki thinks of Alex on windy but bright spring days, and whenever he smells his shower gel. Alex’ rumbling laugh causes the butterflies on his stomach to flutter their wings, and his bare hands when he just pulls his glove on seem to be made to be settled on Nikki’s arms, his shoulder, his waist. Nikki to Alex is a freshly cut pitch, petrichor raising from the streets in summer, warm coca cola from a bottle left outside and forgotten. He’s a sunrise, a smile flashed over the shoulder, a laugh shared with Leon, Jo, Serge, Thomas …

18. What would be their love motto?

19. If they could each write a single line in their marriage vows, what would they be? “Alex, you taught me everything I know about love. You taught to forgive, to move on and I found a forever home in you.” – “I feel the sun rise every time I hear your laugh, bean, I feel born anew every time I reach for your hand and you take it. I would still be adrift without it.”

20. What is a promise they have made to each other? That they will never let get football between them. No jealousy if one is called up for the NT and one isn’t. If they ever played for rival clubs, they wouldn’t let it get between them. If something happens during a game, it in the end won’t be a factor in their private life. It’s hard sometimes, cause they’re only human, but a vow to try and to resolve things is the best they can do, and they always do

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse? They’re each other’s first boyfriend – Nikki especially has been disappointed/rejected when confessing his feelings before, so he’s really a bit reluctant when opening up to Alex, and Alex does everything he can to make him open up more again on that level and succeeds at it too. Nikki is just a constant sunshine in Alex’ life, who after announcing his transfer didn’t have the easiest time, so it’s really great to have someone who makes him remember the light-heartedness life can have when you spend it with the right people. And well, they both grow quite chatty around each other, and have been shushed by quite a few people who just want to sleep on the bus ride … (from here)

22. If their lives were what was originally intended at birth, would they have still fallen in love? Who can even tell? Who knows if they were both supposed to end up at Bayern. Who knows if they wouldn’t have had someone else from the beginning. When they were born, neither of their families probably expected to have a son-in-law instead of a daughter in law. But they’re happy with the life they got. Happy they got each other. Cause they won’t have it any other way anymore

23. Write a ~300 scene between them with no dialogue, only body language.

READ HERE

24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for? Again, football, when either of them fucks up during a get. pride is a difficult thing to best, sometimes, but they’re learning

25. What moves do they know work on the other? Alex knows exactly how to let his voice dip, knows how to touch Nikki’s waist to make him know, knows what to say and when only uses his voice with deliberation. Nikki is a bit more thoughtless in his approach, often just communicating his appeal unbeknownst to him, because Alex loves him most in those moments when he’s just free, simply himself, laughing and smiling and so beautiful. He doesn’t need to do anything, really, tho if he does, a look is enough.

26. What are their favorite parts about physical affection/sex? Literally just being close and warm and at home and ofc the thrill of sharing that all not with a stranger you barely know but with someone who knows you inside and out :3 (pun fully intended, in this case)

27. Do they have any kinks/fetishes that they share? Nikki is really into Alex’ voice. Like really into it. That deep yet soft voice always makes his spine tingle and his stomach hop and other …. areas interested, as well :3c He also likes Alex’ back especially when it arches so delicately Alex really like Nikki’s tattoos, he’s absolutely fascinated by them and sometimes maybe even wishes Nikki had a few more – tho that’s not a kink really, is it. But they just complete the perfect package that is his boyfriend :’3 But no, in general they keep it pretty vanilla for now, just getting comfortable with each other, learning each other, studying with eyes, hands, lips

28. Write a ~300 fantasy one of them has about the other.

READ HERE

29. What are each of their signature foreplay moves? Alex whispers hushed words into Nikki’s neck, kisses his jawline, lets his hands ran up and down Nikki’s side, skilled, gentle yet insistent and talking of what’s yet to come, teasing and nipping before finally reaching down, creating the contact that Nikki wanted for so long. Nikki lets his hands simply rest on Alex’ hips, his shoulders, his heck, warm and familiar and hot and hotter with every second as he steals kiss after kiss before sliding down, sitting before him, leaning in …

30. Write a short exchange of dirty talk between them. “Alex?” “Bean?” “You look so good. Do you have any idea how good you look?” laughs “Bean, you’re drunk” frowns “Ok, maybe a little. But I love you, you know? I wanna lick you all over.” blushes a bit “Nikki, everyone’s looking.” “Nah, they’re all busy drinking. Dancing. Probably fucking in the storage closet, in some cases” he giggles. they both know who he’s talking about. he puts his chin on Alex’ shoulder “Wanna get out of here?” “Now?” “Hmm.” he kisses his neck, licks gently behind his ear “no one will care. please. let me.” “Yeah? Well, bean, then who am I to deny you” THIS SUCKS!!!

31. What do they love to do after sex? They often just lay there face to face, noses almost touching, eyes almost falling close as they exchange light, playful pecks, hands entwined, legs a tangled mess. It’s all really cute and mushy but they wouldn’t have it any other way – also! laughing!! There’s a lot of cheerful, content giggling especially in the afterglow as they are still entangled in the sleepiness and the amazing feeling of just being together. (from here)

32. Do they enjoy morning or night sex? They both quickly wake up in the morning, ready to face the day, but yet … there’s nothing better than half-sleepy morning sex, smiling and tasting the fresh air and each other’s morning breath because of the familiarity, the comfort of gazing upon each other drenched in the first sunlight, not hidden away by shadows. This is real. This is them.

#long post #nüle #my writing #ENJOY :3 #answered

[turntechhex]

all of them B)

Significant Other Asks.

okay its under the cut you shit

1. Tell the story about how you met.

the first time avi and i actually spoke was in a stream i was holding and i was just about to close it off because nobody popped in but then he did and then that lead to punk rock points 

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”?

it was gradual for me but it hit me that i wanted to love him

3. Describe their eyes. Describe their hands. Describe their laugh.

his eyes are really sensitive to the light so he wears his shades a lot but god when he takes them off i get to see his eyes

theyre red and kind of like mine but not in the freaky albino way like mine

his are a beautiful deep red and when i look close enough i can see the little flecks of whatever mixed in

his hands arent scarred and scabbed like mine theyre soft but with a slight toughness to them and when we intertwine our fingers i can really feel that and i love kissing his fingertips just to show him that

and his laugh

god his laugh

i never want to hear anything else

the way it bubbles up and his head falls and his smile is so wide its beautiful 

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk?

we are both the same sign and i dunno about that mbti stuff and i dont think any of it works for compatibility its kinda dumb

5. Are you long distance? Have you met in person before? When do you get to see them again?

we live together

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it.

i had lit a bunch of fancy rose candles and turned out the lights and we just showered each other with so many kisses and then fell asleep together smiling stupidly it was nice 

7. Tell me a funny story. Did they do something silly? Did you do something silly? Talk about your inside jokes.

he always does something silly

he has this silly smile when he falls asleep and apparently when i sleep i look “angry or apathetic as fuck”

sometimes he walks in when im shaving my legs early in the morning with my hair in a bunch of mini pony tails so i can see and he knows hes seen a demon

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not?

avi doesnt have much of a family other than his sister and i havent met her

and dirk and hal are all ive got and dirk is pretty supportive and i think hal is too 

if they werent it would hurt but i couldnt stop loving him yknow

9. Would you ever have a pet together? Do you already have one?

he has four cats and i have an owl

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day?

we do not but maybe someday i havent really thought about it all too much

11. If they’re having a bad day, what do you do to help?

listen the best i can and do whatever i can

give him space if he needs it

hold him if he needs it

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help?

he listens 

fuck he listens

he lets me cry and yell or whatever i need to do and he helps me

he lets me talk to him

he is everything to me when im having a hard time 

he knows when to hold me and rub my back and hush me

he knows when to give me space and let me yell

he knows me so well

13. What’s something that your partner does that would be annoying if anyone else did it, but it’s cute when they do it?

he moves a lot in his sleep

he has grabbed my ass on more than one occasion

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future?

we drive out to the coast sometimes its fun just driving away so yes

15. What’s something that you learned about yourself because of being with your partner?

i learned that im allowed to be confident with my body and im beautiful and nothing anybody can say will crush that

i really started to stop wearing makeup to cover my spots because of him

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you? 

“please dont ever talk about corpses in public again”

17. Which one of you kills the bugs (or captures the bugs and places them safely outside)?

me

18. Describe the perfect day with your partner. It can be something that’s already happened, or something that you plan to do.

like i mentioned before just driving out to the coast

both of us laughing the whole way there

his smile as he watches the road that reflects in his eyes

watching the sun set when we finally get there and we just leave the car by the road and nobodys on the beach anymore and i run out to the water with him and it was cold as fuck so we just sat in the sand and held each other and looked up at the moon and he was so beautiful like he is everyday

and then we reluctantly got into the car and drove home mostly in silence expect the whispers of i love you 

and we got back home and fell asleep with smiles on our faces it was perfect 

19. Do you prepare meals together? Does one person enjoy cooking more than the other?

i usually cook when we arent just having eggs

avi isnt the best cook >BP

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more?

theres a really not too fancy nice one downtown that we like

we watch movies at home and dont do much of that stuff

21. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something silly. 

the ghost in the kitchen that insulted his butter spreading skills was being annoying 

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn?

it was just about family shit it was dumb

we just ended talking

i learned that we both need to talk more and we do now

23. Is there a famous couple, fictional or otherwise, that reminds you (or other people) of you and your partner? 

not really

24. Do you have a shipname?

not that i know of

25. Do you two have a “song”? What is it and how did it become your song?

do we have a song 

26. Has your partner ever inspired something creative like your art, writing, etc?

ive painted him a few times and he helps me with colours and stuff when im stuck

27. Do you have extremely similar personalities and interests? Or extremely opposite? Or is it a balance that just makes sense? How do you try to better understand each other? Do you ever have to experience things you’re not interested in, or vice versa? 

we are pretty similar but other than that its just a good balance

we talk to each other

sometimes i suppose 

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc?

i dunno

29. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of them. 

his dance performance in january he worked so hard for that and i brought him roses afterwards and he did so good

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled? 

yes we both love physical shit and we make sure that its fulfilled and respected too

31. How often do you talk? On the phone, Skype, in person? Are you two the type that stays up too late because the conversation is too good to end?

we talk and text everyday

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier?

we laugh a lot of course

i dont know whos funnier

33. Is there anyone who doesn’t like the idea of your relationship? What’s the reason? How do you and your partner overcome disapproval from others?

not that i can think of

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before?

yeah

there have

35. What’s their contact name in your phone?

my love 💕💕

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc?

he is an amazing dancer

37. Get really sappy and gross for a moment. Be so gushy that your friends would groan in mock annoyance if you told them. What’s adorable about your partner? What makes your heart melt? What’s something cute that they did that you’ll always remember no matter what?

david rae strider

he is everything to me

he is my present and my future

he is the rest of my life

falling asleep next to him and waking up next to him is such a privilege and i feel like the luckiest goddamn man in the world to be able to love him

he makes me feel like the happiest man on earth to be able to love him

hes so understanding and patient and he listens to me

his movements are soft and not quick

he comforts me 

he cries and i feel like im bleeding from tha inside out and i want to make sure he never has any reason to sad cry

he cries with a smile and i know that i am so in love with him

he kisses my nose and holds me

he kisses every single one of my spots and tells me im beautiful

he traces my scars on my back my arms my face my legs everywhere and kisses my neck still

he holds my hand in public and does fake proposals for free dessert

he knows all the words to every single grease song and so do i

his voice is so nice to hear and his smile is all ive ever wanted to see

his hair is soft and i like to kiss his stubble cheeks when he doesnt shave for a while

hes cute

hes beautiful

he realizes his mistakes

he bought me roses once and put a note inside that he wanted to have roses like that at our wedding someday

he kisses me without regret

he says that he loves me and i believe him

when he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him with tears in his beautiful eyes and held out a shaky beautiful hand with an earring in it

i knew that i loved this man with my entire being

and i said yes

god i said yes

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them?

we are moving into his sisters old place once hes done with school and we are getting married in the summer

we just know we want the rest of our lives to be together

39. Reflecting on all of your experiences, what advice would you give to a young couple? 

talk to each other and dont try and hide important things and your feelings 

dont be stupid but also do stupid things

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything.

@bromosapiens

ur gross

[maninder90]

Few things I learnt in 2017 or things 2017 made me learn without my consent. Some of you might even choose to ignore it. But still No offence. These things might make your next year easier.

1. You can have only one bestfriend. And that can be only you. Because you can come across many lovely people in your life, they can laugh with you at 2pm but you’ll have to be on your own at 2am with your thoughts. The one who can keep “forever” promise is you.

2. Family is the most important. They’ll love you without any condtions whether you fail or achieve success. They have loved you from the age of 5 and love you at the age 21. The rightest form and the maximum amount of love.

3. Eat good. Not for looking good for people out there. But for your body. Your body works so hard for you. Stay healthy not to look certain way but to feel strong and energetic. Drink loads of water. You really need it. That is why most of your body is made up of water. Plus it gives you so many miracles and who doesn’t want that? Sleep early. Sleeping late is not something to be proud of. It’s stupid. Atleast I learnt it now if not soon.

4. Never say “I love you” to anyone if you don’t mean it. Don’t throw away these words like they mean nothing. They surely mean everything to someone. Not only for girlfriends/boyfriends. Friends deserve sincere “I love yous’ too.

5. Take as many as pictures you want when you’re happy. Alone or with people you love. Some of them might even scold you for that. But trust me they do it for your good. Anyway everyone loves to keep the memories.

6. You cry. A lot. But you don’t cry in front of people for their pity. You don’t cry to manipulate the situations. You cry because you accept the pain. You cry because you don’t lock your emotions. But make sure you venting to the right people. My rule #1. People may tease you because you cry and they don’t. But when you cry, your mental, emotional and physical self are in sync and that’s healthy. So there’s no shame in crying.

7. Little kindness and love goes a long way. If you love someone tell them not fearing the consequences of it. Tell people they’re worth it. Stay wide awake at night till your friend finishes their study for the exam next day so that they don’t feel alone. Get someone their fav food while they’re bedridden. Travel miles away to see your friend. Call your friend at 4 in the morning because they lost someone they love and have difficulty in sleeping.

8. Make home feel home. Sometimes you won’t have family to make it feel like home. Sometimes you have to make it home by putting a part of yourself and that means investing time, energy and money in making it feel like yours. It may not be “ a dream house”, it just maybe a tiny room but it’s yours. Your surroundings play major role in affecting your mood and vibe.

9. Jealousy is a basic human trait. They maybe closest to you but still envy on your happiness. That person can be you too. You can be happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time. It doesn’t make you horrible person for wishing the greener grass under you.

10. Take care of yourself. Go on walks. Take yourself out for food. Go for shopping on your own if not always atleast sometimes. It’s good to know how it feels not be defined by another person all the time. Talk to people who make you laugh but not at the cost of other people’s emotions. Take hot showers when something with you is not right. Hot showers are so underrated.

11. Don’t give too much of love to people who are not even ready to give you half of theirs. Right people love you in return. Right people love you for who you are. You don’t need to change yourself in order to fit in the crowd. You don’t have to hide the real you and present the fake infront of people. It might get you some temporary love but not the one you keep forever.

12.. Never ever joke about someone’s physical appearance. You can joke about what they speak or how they act but not about their physical appearance. You start a funny conversation out of it, and they won’t even be able to gush that comment out of their minds the entire day. Everyone has insecurities. You win because you don’t show to anyone but you have them too.

13. Find happiness in little things. The first bite you eat after the hours of starvation. Cute little messages from people that keep you smiling for hours. Go on car rides or sit in the parked car and have conversations not silly talks.

14.Compliment. Who doesn’t love them? You like the hair of the other girl. Tell her. You like the way they smile. Tell them. You like they way people speak certain words or slangs tell them. Someone smells good. Tell them. Someone gives the best hugs. Tell them. Compliment whatever the fuck you like about someone because they might start loving themselves more.

15.Energy is real. Feel eveything. Choose the right company. Surround yourself with positive energy. What you attract you do get, what you attract you become.

16. Goodbyes are not always after 500 words from someone. It can hurt as much as 5 words can. You never get a closure from those goodbyes. You heal, accept what has happened has happened for your own good, you get a closure.

17.Don’t stress about anything that is not going to matter after 5 years. Study your ass off if you want to learn but not for the sake of marks. And even if you score bad, do you remember the marks you scored in your maths of 9th class or do you even remember the maths of 9th class? You know the answer.

18.Laugh. Cry. Tell people you love them. Spread the love. Life is too short. It really is. Everyone is going to die one day or another. Don’t waste it stressing over things you shouldn’t. Have faith in God or whatever that makes you glad you’re alive. Everything works out at the right time.

This is not written by me wholly. But most of it is. My first writing. So I took help from some of the blogs here. Thankyou for the help.

[ure-gonna-loveme-when-u-seeme]

I got tagged by @classictownshend hey thank you :)

Rules: Answer the 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: coffee with milk

2. Phone call: no idea...

3. Text message: a friend showing her a shampoo we’ve been talking about

4. Song: “Surfing with a spoon”, Midnight Oil

5. Time you cried: last saturday, during jiujitsu class, someone made me roll over my neck and I felt like it was about to break. I did not cry for all to see, but I was scared and my eyes filled with tears haha i think i cried deep inside

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: maybe, i am not sure if it would count

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: my second bf

8. Been cheated on: i am sure I was, but never knew

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: maybe, but depression is a too serious thing to call it. I can say I did had some down moments in life

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes. this is why i can’t bear the smell of champagne today 🤢

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red

13. black

14. royal blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: haha yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: no

19. Met someone who changed you: not last year, but this year yes

20. Found out who your friends are: no they are still the same

21. Kissed someone on you Facebook list: in fact yes, but i regret too

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?: 99,9%. I do not add people I don’t know or at least have some direct contact, even virtually

23. Do you have any pets?: yes, 1 cat 2 dogs

24. Do you want to change your name?: no, i am lazy to put a name on my cat, imagine having to change mine.. what a responsibility!

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: had a normal day, with an exam at uni and such. but my jiujitsu mates did a corridor to beat me with their belts (martial arts tradition). haah it hurts but it was really fun! tender big huge guys❤️

26. What time did you wake up?: 6:00

27. What were you doing at midnight last night?: sleeping

28. Name something you can’t wait for: summer vacations

29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: yesterday

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?:i wish I could learn things faster, because there are so many things i’d like t learn

31. What are you listening to right now: early birds singing (it’s 7 in the morning)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no, not a common name here in Brasil

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the things I know will get on my nerves within some weeks from now😩 (uni things)

34. Most visited website: tumblr and vintage news

?????? MORE QUESTIONS

35. Mole/s: many. i have a secret and particular one .. you know where your buttocks meet? well, right there

36. Mark/s: none

37. Childhood dream: be a truck driver lol

38. Haircolor: light brown

39. Long or short hair: long

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, but I rather not to think about it, he has gf, and i have important things to make my mind usefully busy but he is oh-so dreamy...

41. What do you like about yourself?: the way i’ve changed recently for better. I used to be afraid of changes and trying new things, of leaving my comfort zone. Now I practice 2 martial arts and this helps a lot to not only build courage but face your small silly fears and it proves to me that  I can try and learn anything I want without any fear; I study in another town and do not complain, and have good grades. I am able to try and see if I can do it, not the opposite like “i wont even try because I am sure I can’t do it". I am open to face new things.

42. Piercings: no

43. Bloodtype: i think it is O+ but not sure

44: Nicknames: people call me anyway they like

45. Relationship status: single and tranquil

46. Zodiac: Leo

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV show: none

49. Tattoos: i’d like it, but none yet

50. Right or Left hand?: right

51: Surgery: yes, but 20 years ago

52. Hair dyed a different color: never, my hair is so cute hahah even hair stylists think I  dye it, but it is natural highlighted

53. Sport: muay thai, jiu jitsu (every girl should learn it!), some bike and some running (in spare time)

54. Vacation: i spend my time at home. i have a beach 1km from here hah

55. Pair of trainers: funny question

MORE??

56. Eating: pizza and milanesas (uruguayan please)

57. Drinking: caipirinha please

59. I’m about to: bathe my cat (he won’t escape today), clean my dog (he is old, cannot take a proper bath or he gets sick ahha )

61. Waiting for: afternoon. sunny day and cleaning the beach event

62. Want: peace of mind

63. Get married: no. But future is not exactly under our control. In the event of suddenly finding someone REALLY worthwhile and we want to share our lives.. but not a marriage. In fact, i think I will have to sleep in different room (look, i have spent more than 30 years in my own privacy, having another body snoring and moving while i sleep is not exactly comfortable to think about. Sleeping is something holy)

64. Career: i am studying to be physical educator

65. Hugs or kisses: being alone for so so long makes me long for warm hugs instead of kisses.

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: anything is taller than me. so...

68. Older or younger: anything is younger than me, so...

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach is nice, it is most of the times indicator of activity. don’t take me bad but i like active sportive people, sorry (i am active)

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive. i like quietness

72. Hookup or relationship: relationship. I don’t want to spend my time or get hurt

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: balanced

74. Kissed a stranger: no. but i had met him a few time ago, and i knew his name

75. Drank hard liquor: yeah

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: sunglasses yes, once I ran over my own sunglasses riding my own bike. How? ask einstein

77. Turned someone down: probably

78. Sex on the first date: did it but do not recommend if you are not a indifferent person

79. Broken someone’s heart: probably, but not on purpose. so he must have deserved it hua hua hua

80. Had your heart broken: yes

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: no, funny because I see friends like brothers.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: sure, if i don’t, who will?

85. Miracles: no

86. Love at first sight: no.. but yesterday I saw a guy on the bus that holy shit something hit me! i see nice guys everyday and very often.. but this one shook me.. he left the bus and I was “wtf? who is him?” and almost went after him and forgot my crush from the question 40. hahah matters of life

87. Santa Clause: no why!

88. Kiss on the first date: yes

89. Angels: when it is necessary haha 

Other:

90. Current best friend’s name: my cat, Meow

91. Eye color: some kind of green

92. Favorite movie: i have many films i like but do not have a fave

Tagging:

@fondantfancyfree @frottingwithfreddie @silkmoony @suzcatonmars @inthelapofthegods74 @little-niggah-sugar @c-136 @sweetness-doesnt-touch-my-face @whitequeen0124 @sophia-dusk @rock-n-roll-curly-blonde @queenofdawn71 @itsloveit @soupinthelaundrybag @ronniesshoes @insanity--on--a--stick @vivi-ntvg @fancybasementfestival @brianmaysbread @scoreofvolunteers

20 is a lot. everyone was tagged before :(

[vivanalove15]

101 Self-Care Suggestions for When It All Feels Like Too Much

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. (“Parks and Recreation,” anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch Youtube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from Buzzfeed.

14. Ask for help. From whoever you need it – your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept 7-9 hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire JK Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-Step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, school listings for examples.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time and they can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath, light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read past emails/postcards/letters etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically – running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Free form in a journal or a Google doc. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remember: You only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’ll Be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 Examples of Things You’ve Overcome or Accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’re a Good, Lovable Person.

39. Write out a list of 25 Things That Make Your Life Beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily/weekly. Whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the earth/floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating maybe even interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage. But maybe go sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some adult coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings – all of them! – safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. (“Steel Magnolias“, anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look for and Google up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as  cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside and set up a chair and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu.Listen to a Spotify playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God/The Universe/Source/Your Higher Self, whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, please try and trust the process.

101. Finally, please remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

#death #depressed #depression #dear diary #Suicide #depressing quotes #quotes #101 #list #sad #confidence #kik #why am i like this #I Hate Myself #self harm #please #overdose #selfharm #love yourself #im going to kill myself #suicidal #my chemical romance #wish i was dead #aesthetic #Twenty One Pilots #twenty øne piløts #i want to die #I want to cry #Welcome to the Black Parade #I want to disappear

[vegils]

im... a sucker 4 surveys hey!!!

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

marinella, someone told me it means “traveller” but i highly doubt that i like the break down of my name more marina, meaning “of the sea” and ella for “guiding light”

2: How long have you known your best friend? 

my best friend sweetlana!!! been my good friend!!! for 7 DANG YEARS!!! 

3: What position do you normally sleep in? 

i sleep in fetal/yearning position and i think the description of the personalities that sleep in fetal/yearning position is very accurate

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

mmm i hung out with a lot of different people in high school i went through several cliques in the span of my four years i hung out with “popular” people, artsy groups, anime nerds, and drama people

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why? 

my biggest inspiration was my speech and drama teacher!! i love u miss macuha!!! one time i was crying about her leaving and she grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to never back down and keep doing what i’m doing and that some day i’ll be a great performer and i bawled on her lap she’s an angel and to this day her words still haunt me!! i never felt the reward a teacher reaped from seeing a student reach their full potential

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

because im so young i do think about travelling a lot but it makes me sad to think about never being able to travel and i have gone to places but i wish i could see other grander countries i never had the opportunity to see

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

um...... i played badminton lmao 

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

how tho

9: Have you ever given blood?

apparently if ur anemic or have history of anemia then u can’t donate blood which makes me sad if i could i would!!!

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

besides all the fun i had i wish i grew up more confident i am a very doubtful person and i grew up in a pretty hostile home and it felt very scattered and broken to me and i just wish those situations were different, other than that i think i am lucky to grow up ok

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

i like all of my sisters but they can get very frustrating at times i think we stand better now than we did as kids

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

i met sweetlana on the strokes tumblr tinychat back when they had a roaring fandom and we discovered that we’re both from chicago and we’d talk about silly things and we lost touch for a while but then we reconnected and she’s so darling!!! she would show me her paintings of the blues brothers and we’d talk about our hopes and wishes and now i realize we’ve been doing that for 7 years!!! all we do is exchange selfies and drawings and fantasize about crushes !!!i love her! i can’t imagine not knowing her and never meeting her!

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

my girl.......... shit dude

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

i’m not poetic but i like to HEAR poetry i love hearing the delivery 

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

i love people who are kind and thoughtful which is rly generic i also love the funny it doesn’t even have to be calculated jokes it can just be the way you said something or a facial expression i like people who manage to share a language with me that can’t be figured out by other people i think having a connection to a person where you can read each others minds can b creepy but also cool cuz u hang out w them so often that you can basically understand each other without much effort 

16: What song are you currently listening to now?

year of the rabbit by eskimeaux

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

nope 

18: A random memory from you childhood:

going to chinatown and racing to the chinese zodiac signs and climbing up the stairs with my sisters, getting sponge cake and walking around the old sanrio store pointing out what i want

19: Where did you grow up? chicago 

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

lmao we’re watching 13RW and its not for everyone but i read the book and im v invested

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

really!! hope id be! i mean i am cool with or without having kids but i want to be a good parent

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

i already met some of my tumblr friends!! i met sweetlana and coney!!! i would like to meet @iamonmy-way when will i meet u!!! 

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

my phone was hacked and it looked like internet explorer on my iphone and my cousin tried to retrieve back to normal by playing against my hacker on a boss battle level of mario

23: When is your birthday?

june 2 :---)

24: How many pillows do you sleep with? 

2 and 1 reading pillow ^_^

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

i’ve been wearing eye glasses since i was 6 and i’m 21 now so u do the math bud

26: What color is your hair?

black/brown

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

ive been told i have a nice complexion, small mouth, chubby cheeks, small hands and long torso

28: What is your favorite soda?

cream.. soda... i need to go to Hell

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

reading peoples moods online lmao 

30: How’s the weather right now?

a cool and calming evening 

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

this question makes me sad lmao

32: Who do you miss right now?

oops i can’t reveal who or what or when but i am missing someone

33: Why did your last relationship end?

because i realized i don’t like them that much and that i don’t understand dating I AM A VERY CONFUSED PERSON when i reflect on dating i realize i hate it so much but also crave it but when i have it i’m very repulsed

34: Are you still figuring out who you are? 

yes!!! i am frustrated at myself because i don’t know who i am or what i want and i feel like it has set me back so much that i’m stagnant 

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why? 

ya i had dengue fever and it was probably the most concerned i’ve seen my parents with me

36: What is your favorite restaurant?

pastaria!!! in st louis!! it’s so good!

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

privilege 

38: Would ever adopt kids?

not against the idea of adopting children!!! 

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?

i like spinach on my pizza

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why is it so dreadful to find yourself in bed with a whole day ahead of you

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why? 

um!!! my crush!!! k*rt !!! when we played the game!! and they were teasing and attacking me during the game! ah!!! 

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

defo dinuguan (pigs blood stew)!! i dont recommend!! i just dip my puto in the sauce and call it a day! not a laman fan! 

43: How do you start a conversation?

i tell them something embarrassing that’s also relateable and revealing and hope they find me somebody to be comfortable around!!!

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

i hate answering this....... but joji........

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

nah dude

46: Do you have a bucket list?

i think that’s what my life was missing tbh

47: What is your favorite series of books?

i don’t know i haven’t read a series of books in quite a long time i think i pretended to like percy jackson in high school lmao and i was such a nerd for hunger games but i don’t think anything could replace my deepest love for series of unfortunate events, the boxcar children, judy moody, and horrible harry! ooh! and amelia bedelia!!!

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i laughed rly hard last night cause patrick was so invested in 13 reasons why and my sister n i kept asking 4 justice 4 zach dempsey and patrick threw a pillow at me for saying that what zach did was severe in hannah’s eyes

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

i slip into bed and silently cry or if i don’t need that i cry in the shower ahhh how pathetic

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

i actually am rly good at acting and i don’t think anybody but high school and college ppl know this, i’m painfully shy, i don’t like mayo!! all of my goldfish in the past have all been named variations of “Freddy” and !!! i am rly good at stitch (from disney’s lilo and stitch) impressions

[sonotawkward-blog]

100 reasons why I love you

1. Your eyes… the only ocean I’d want to get lost in 😉 2. Your incredibly cute smile makes me smile 3. Your laugh is extremely addicting 4. You always motivate me to actually get things done before we get to cuddle 🙄🤣 5. Your cuddlezzzz 🤗 6. You always listen to me whenever there is an issue or i have something to tell you 7. My lowkey sassiness makes the sassiness in you come out 😜 8. Your extreme intent to do good for others 9. You are really kind hearted and mean the best for me 10. Your attempt at singing always brightens my mood no matter what 11. When you try to get me to laugh when im 😭 sad 12. You make me feel some type of way when im with you ☺️ 13. You always make the day fun no matter what 14. I love how cute you look when you fall asleep in bed, even tho i look like a monster when i fall asleep in the car [reference pic here lol] 15. I love the way you respect me 16. I love that even though you know things about me, you still look at me the way that you do 😌 17. I love how you never want to see me unhappy or crying (unless tears of joy of course) 😂 18. I love how the little things i do for you , you see them as big things :p 19. I love when we get to spend quality alone time with each other 😋 20. I love how we communicate well (verbally and nonverbally) 21. I love how you are my best friend and boyfriend 👫 22. I love how you will always be there when i need you to be 23. I love the way you kiss my neck 24. I love the way you grab my face and kiss me (playing rough too 😯) 25. I love the way we play fight (even though you don’t realize it is an actual fight..jk 😂) 26. I love your generous nature.. i really appreciate everything that has ever been done for me 27. I love how you randomly surprise me by showing up even though i still thought you were working 😭 28. I love the way your super ticklish 29. I would not give up on you 30. I love the way you treat my friends 31. I love how every time i look at you, you take my breath away (literally tho when you crush my bones in tight hugs or the way you fuck me 😉) 32. I love how you inspire me to be more than i am 33. I love the little tendencies you do .. when you don’t realize it yet they are super cute 34. I love how cute you look no matter what you are doing (you could be washing dishes and still look adorable as ever) 35. I love your confidence 36. I love your ability to make me feel better when times are tough 37. I love the way you support me when im off track (which is always) 38. I love how you want to be with me and chose me 39. I love how youre my second best 😍 because first is the worst… second is the best and im glad you were my next relationship 😇 40. I love how open you are 41. I love how you like to try new things 42. I love how you call me your baby 43. I love the way you won’t let me compromise myself 44. I love the way you would do anything to make me happy 45. I love how even though we always have mishaps baking, i enjoy it because I’m doing it with you 🎂 46. How even though we were supposed to go to the gym we just said “fuck it” and decided to eat cake and watch movies instead 😝 47. I love your loyalty and faithfulness to me 48. I love your compassion for others 49. Your positive and optimistic outlook on everything 50. The fact that you refuse to fully grow up 😂 you’re wild 51. Your silly voices, faces, and sounds you make 😽 52. How much you always show and tell me how much you love me everyday 53. Your hair 💆🏼‍♂️ 54. I love the way you were willing to take a chance on me ♥️ 55. I love your kisses 😘 56. I appreciate how you sometimes give up things that you want to do just to spend time with me 57. How much excitement you bring to my life when im with you 58. You always bring out the best in me 59. Your patience with me even though i sometimes push things to the limit 60. How you hold my hand or place your hand on my thigh while you are driving 61. How you let me fall asleep on your lap even though you are driving 😂 62. The way you act like a dork sometimes 63. The way you get excited over things…its so adorable 64. How you would diss parties just to chill with me at night .. 65. I wouldnt want anyone else but you 66. How you could never get mad at me 67. I could never ever hate you .. ever 68. Your doubleshot espresso addiction 69. How you accept my basic-ness when i stop to take random pics of my drinks or food 70. I love the way you want me to be happy always 71. I love the way your fingers interlock mine 72. I love the way you are absolutely everything I want 73. With you i can be myself ☺️ 74. Its not hard to love you, i love everything about you 👀 75. Although I am not perfect and have my flaws- you still love and accept me 76. I love the way we trust each other and have nothing to hide 77. Hearing your name makes me smile- always 78. I am proud to be yours 😶♥️ 79. Even when we are apart, i still love you the distance just makes me miss you a shit ton. 80. Love the way you want the best for me 81. I don’t remember our first kiss because it feels so long ago and it just felt natural 82. March 12th, 2017 🔐❤️ 83. How we always jam out in the car and when i say i want to dance and sing to other cars in traffic you look at me like im crazy 😂 84. Your good morning texts :) 85. Love was just a word thrown around until you came and gave it meaning 86. I love the smell of your cologne 87. When you leave me your hoodie to wear or to fall asleep with when you are gone 88. Every morning i wake up and i always wish i could see you next to me 89. Tbh i always check my phone first thing in the morning to see if i received a message from you 90. You accept me for how cheesy i am as an overall person because im always 100% cheesy in everything i do 91. You legit bought us strawberry champagne from your favorite song even though I couldn’t drink it 🙄 sorry baby 92. Although every picture you take of me is candid it is still funny 😮 93. I love the way i can open my phone and find new selfies of your wonderful face in my album 94. I love how determined you are as a person and once you start something, you cant stop 😂 dave and busters got us beat 95. I love the way you get me to so things I would never have probably tried before 96. i love getting to jump and hug you and you not letting go 97. I love when you come with me to do things ☺️ 98. I love how you always keep your promises to me 99. The way we say we will watch ghost adventures but that never happens because you’re too cute not to kiss 😄 100. And finally… although this is the 💯th reason, it doesn’t mean that is where it stops..there are a ton more reasons on why i love you. You have shown me great kindness with your amazing personality and have always made sure i was happy whether you were here or not. Thank you for always putting me as one of your priorities and making me feel special whenever i felt that i was not. I love you and I’m glad to say that I can call you mine and I hope I can make you as happy as you make me 😊💝

[bubblegumjetpack]

I’ve been tagged!

Thanks to @ghiraheeheeheem for tagging me

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions you feel like.

1. Coke or Pepsi: Dr Pepper, honestly. But I guess Coke if I have to choose.

2. Disney or Dreamworks: They’re both really good, honestly, but I guess Disney has more of a nostalgia factor. They also have AMAZING villain songs.

3. Coffee or Tea: Coffee, but since I injured my knee, I’ve had to switch to tea. Otherwise the acidity bothers it.

4. Books or Movies: Books yesssssssssssssssssssss

5. Windows or Mac: I actually really like Apple products, but the company is a giant bag of dicks that extorts their customers so I’m staying with Windows.

6. DC or Marvel: Yikes. I like DC more, but the comic reboot made me furious. I still haven’t forgiven them for their treatment of Tim Drake. I guess the Marvel comics are better, but the Marvel movies have become really bad lately. I know, that’s an unpopular opinion. I don’t hate them, I just think they could be way better.

7. Xbox or Playstation: Playstation, definitely. Although I have been, and always will be, a child of Nintendo forever. As long as they keep making Pokemon and Zelda games, I’m theirs.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Dragon Age has a lot of problems, but I like it way better than Mass Effect. I’m just not really into the story that Mass Effect brings to the table. It’s not bad, it’s just not for me.

9. Night Owl or Early Rise: look man don’t wake me up just let me sleep forever morning is for literally anyone else

10. Cards or Chess: I’m terrible at both, but cards.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Yes.

12. Vans or Converse: *extreme shrugging motion*

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: Adaar was my first one, so yes. But Cadash and Lavellan are also amazing. Not a fan of playing humans in DA, it’s boring.

14. Fluff or Angst: Angst, I guess. I’m a huge fan of whump fics. 

15. Beach or Forest: beeeeeaaaaaach gimme that SUN

16. Dogs or Cats: why do you ask this question what kind of monster are you they are both perfect and wonderful and there should never be a choice

17. Clear Skies or Rain: rain because thunderstorms are so, so soothing

18. Cooking or Eating Out: i fucking LOVE to cook, it’s like mad science but you can eat it and i don’t always like to toot my own horn but i’m a pretty damn good cook

19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: SPICY GIMME THAT HEAT also i lived in louisiana for several years so i had to get used to it or else just cry a lot

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: Halloween is my favorite month of the year.

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot : I despise being cold with every fiber of my tiny body. It’s the actual worst and it takes me forever to get warm again.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?: Teleportation.

23. Animation or Live Action: Boy am I just NOT a fan of live action versions of animated stuff. Is that what this question is about? I dunno

24. Paragon or Renegade: The system is stupid and makes no sense but if we’re talking “lawful or chaotic” instead of some weird “good or evil” slider then I’m solidly chaotic.

25. Baths or Showers: showers, but i really enjoy a good bath once in a while, with bath salts and bath bombs and a cold beer 

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: This was a fucking awful movie. No.

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi: Okay, so, I like watching Sci-Fi tv shows more than I like watching fantasty shows, but in games and books, i prefer fantasy to sci-fi. I have no idea why that is.

28. Do you have a favorite quote? If so, what is it?:

29. YouTube or Netflix: Eh, depends on what i’m in the mood for

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Harry Potter forever and ever and ever

31. When You Feel Accomplished: Usually after I write. Working on my personal projects brings me the greatest sense of achievement. But hey, doing stupidly hard video game challenges also does that for me at the high cost of all of my suffering. Guess which one I do more often?

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: They are not the same thing! They are very different universes with very different focuses! We can like both of them equally! I have no idea why i feel so strongly about this

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Paperback

34. horror or rom-com: Rom-coms are super boring to me. It’s always the same straight white couple that goes through the same storyline. No. Horror is my absolute favorite genre of anything! It’s so, so good and such a potent storytelling tool even in stories that don’t feature it as the predominant genre. I HAVE A LOT OF STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT HORROR

35. tv shows or movies: movies

36. favorite animal: A FUCKING DRAGON or snakes, snakes are cool

37. favorite genre of music: ???????i just listen to literally all kinds of shit?????

38. least favorite book: Unpopular Opinion - Eragon. My god I hate that series. It’s SO BAD.

39. favourite season: Summer!

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head: all the music from Breath of the Wild, Kass’s song that he plays is driving me insane send help

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear? T-Shirt and pajama pants

42. Handwriting or Typing? typing

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be?: Some kind of insane rock song? Something ridiculously silly

44. What is your go to book/movie/tv show that you immediately find solace in when you feel down?: I generally play Zelda to make myself feel better, but I’ll also watch my favorite horror movies if I’m sick. 

45. “Yer a wizard/witch, Y/N” - your reaction? idk, it’s not that funny a meme?

46. Are you generally a messy or organized person?: Both, probably. I mean, everything LOOKS like a trash pit, but an organized pit.

47. What’s your go to comfort food?: Spaghetti, definitely.

48. Favorite musical instrument?: Guitar

49. Do you consider yourself to be an honest person?: Absolutely, lying takes way too much effort because you have to remember what your lies were and who has that kind of time?????

50: What’s your favorite video game, and why?: Zelda, obviously, because it’s a story about how you don’t have to be big or super strong or super capable, it’s about just having the courage to do the right thing even if you’re young and tiny, or stuck in the wrong form, or terrified and scared, or from a simple background. I have a lot of feelings about this series.

also now i gotta tag people or something so i guess @ushauz and @heavenbat and maybe @radioactiveferret???? whoever wants to, i guess, it’s just for fun

#about me

[rinnnyxr]

-

Things I Love/Like:

Ice cream Swings Snow days Saturday mornings Star-gazing Small things that make your heart relaxed when you think about them Family Moments of realization that I’m not as alone as I too often think I am The ones who never give up on me Positive and creative people Funny people Trying new things Second chances

Kisses on my forehead Kisses in general Cats. Friends Rainy days Smoothies Warm towels Waking up early to see a sunrise Sunsets Beach air, the sound of crashing waves Childhood photos Watching people smile and get excited Watching shelter animals who are happy and loved Broadway musicals Disneyland Walking in a big city Fruits Hot cocoa Christmas feelings Long holiday weekends Getting together with friends Watching movies Laughing so hard that tears come out of the eyes Puffy white clouds in a blue sky Sunflowers Plane rides Bubble baths Bookstores Random acts of Kindness Sweet Coffee Sleeping Babies Smiles from strangers Family fun nights Tea parties Making people feel special Quotes Reading Make up Birthdays Candles Puppies Being Silly Cuddles in front of the fireplace Nap Time Blogging Carnivals

Things I hate:

Answering “no that’s not possible” when it really is Arriving at your destination realizing you forgot something Automatic flushing toilets Basketball Being early to the airport Being told “shh calm down” Dramatic/overly emotional girls Feminists Getting lost Girls with underwear lines Mexico Milk Morning breath Slutty girls Sweating Waking up before 7 am Abusers Bad breath Bad smells Being sick Boring music Bruises Cold days Commercials Greasy hair Headaches Not being able to think of anything to say People who think anyone who doesn’t use an apple computer is lame Racists Screaming children Screaming in general Sexists Slow internet connections Smoke A dirty house Being lied to Being made fun of behind my back That my new friends move away once i start to get “close” to them The words, “like,” and “uhm” Walking so fast all the time

Places I would like to go:

Croatia India Sweden Iraq France  Japan United Kingdom Canada Bangladesh Colombia Brazil Venezuela Serbia Nicaragua Mexico Poland  China (been) Lebanon Turkmenistan Uzbekistan Guatemala Hungary Australia (been) Chile South Africa Tajikistan Iceland Greece Hong Kong

Favorite celebrities:

Jay-Z Drake Beyoncé Lil Wayne Nicki Minaj Rihanna Eminem 50 Cent Madonna Gwen Stefani Taylor Swift Katy Perry Miley Cyrus Fergie Leonardo DiCaprio Jennifer Lopez Coco Chanel Kim Kardashian Vin Diesel Michael Jordan Zac Efron Cara Delevingne Selena Gomez Cameron Diaz

Things I want to do in my life:

Road trip Learn a new language Watch the sunset and sunrise in one night. Fly first class Throw a surprise party Eat vegetarian for a month Go skinny dipping Attend a beach bonfire Learn to make wine Spend Christmas in Europe  Party in Ibiza, Spain Study Spanish in Spain Go to Disneyworld Jump out of an airplane Go diving Take a long walk on a pink beach Learn self defense Visit Mexico Sleep in a treehouse Get a motorcycle license

-

[Family]

My brother’s name starts with D. Neither of my grandfathers are alive. I look more like my mother than my father. Both my parents are in a serious relationship. I am the youngest of three children. I am the only girl. My mom’s mom is NOT your typical grandmother. I don’t really like my cousins. I have less than five cousins. I’ve shown up at a family party while under the influence.

[Religion & Politics]

I was raised Christian. But I’m no longer a Christian. I believe in God. But I think the Bible is bullshit. My beliefs aren’t influenced by people around me. My dad is religious. My mom tries to be, but who is she trying to fool? I hate church. I wouldn’t have voted in the last election even if I was old enough. I hate politics more than anything.

[Food]

I honestly never stop eating. Chocolate + peanut butter = orgasmic. I only eat Cains mayonnaise. I’ve never eaten a fruit I didn’t like. I love cooked broccoli but not raw broccoli. I love raw peppers but not cooked peppers. I’ve gone a day or more without eating. I crave chocolate on my period. Pizza Hut has the best pizza around. Cookies & Cream ice cream is one of my favorites.

[Sex, Love & Relationships]

I’ve been told that I was a nine out of ten at giving head. A guy has cheated on his girlfriend with me. I’ve never been cheated on. I had my first kiss when I was fifteen. I lost my virginity in the woods. My best friend lost her virginity a week after me. In the same place I did. I’ve been in the same room as someone having sex. I would rather be on the bottom.

[Music]

I download my music from LimeWire. I love country. I love old school rap. I love alternative. I have All Time Low’s new CD Nothing Personal. And I love it. I love to sing, but I suck horribly at it. I cannot play a musical instrument. I want to learn to play the drums. I used to take piano lessons.

[School]

My GPA is between 2.0 and 3.0. I took Algebra 1 in 8th grade, and again in 9th. I’ve passed a class with a D-. I don’t do my homework at home. I prefer mechanical pencils. I always do projects the night before they’re due. I’m really smart but don’t always apply myself. I text in school. I’ve gotten my phone taken away in school.

[Beauty & Hygiene]

I straighten my hair often. On lazy days, I scrunch my hair to go out. My only make-up necessity is mascara. I like to wing my eyeliner. I’d rather take a shower than a bath. I’d rather use body wash than a bar of soap. I’d rather use a bath scrunchie than a washcloth. My solution for make-up on lazy days: sunglasses. I use the same routine every day in the shower.

[Smoking, Drinking & Drugs]

I smoke cigarettes. I’ve gotten drunk within the past month. I’ve smoked weed when by myself. The first time I got high was on a holiday. Marijuana should be legalized. I have never and would never drink and drive. I hate light beer. My lighter is purple. My favorite cigarettes are Turkish Silver or Camel Crush. I’ve quit smoking but started again.

[Random]

My nails are pink right now. Going to bed at midnight is very early for me. I could never date a guy that didn’t make me laugh. I have a jar of peanut butter in my room right now. I wear sunglasses a lot. Gogurt is really good in the freezer. I’ve been in Hollister, but I don’t own anything from there. Purple is my favorite color. There is no such thing as an ugly color. I need more pens.

-

I like where I’m at right now. My feet are freezing. I hate feeling awkward. I love driving on country roads. I love driving fast, too. I currently have a cold. I have a crush. No, it’s more than a crush. I always wondered what it’d be like to start over, where no one knew me. I go on Yahoo Answers. I get nostalgic every once in awhile. I really don’t like my father. My mother is one of my best friends though. I don’t mind when people stare at me. No, it’s annoying as fuck. I can’t stand people who are extremely selfish. A Change Of Pace is a good band. I have gotten a new phone within the past month. I want to go to Florida soon. Peach snapple iced tea is theee best. I wrote books when I was younger. I’m really creative, especially when I apply myself. I use Facebook a lot more than I used to. I’m constantly told I’m beautiful, but I still sometimes don’t believe it. One of my friends came out as gay this year. I feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t have someone. I’m way too quiet, and I wish I could change. I need to party. Music and books are my favorite. I love everything about the fall. I always smell really good. My hair looks nice today. I have long fingernails. I’ve kissed a Ryan, Mike, or Justin. I’ve been in love with a Josh, Christian, or Scott. I envy no one. I’m going to an amusement park soon. For a halloween-related thing. I don’t like beer. I don’t like soda. I’ve worn a turtle neck in the past year. I wear them often. Outspoken is something I’m not. I express myself through quotes and lyrics. Photography is beautiful. There’s beauty in everything, you just gotta find it. I ordered a pizza recently. Tonight, actually. I wish I could have a whole new batch of friends. Even though I do love the ones I have now. My nose is stuffy. I like orange juice. And sandwich wraps. I love cozy nights at home. I like playing Hebi. Apples to Apples is fun. I have to start applying for jobs. I really need one. Ahhh life is changing fast. I tend to drive a little bit over the speed limit.

My razor only has two blades. My keyboard is black. I use my friends as arm rests and pillows. My favorite number is odd. My favorite number is a single digit. I love having butterflies in my stomach. The last make up I wore was eyeliner. I’d love to have a winter wedding. I’m really ticklish. I have a facial piercing. I’d only get a tattoo that has significant meaning to me. My boyfriend is taller than I am. My school has a shitty football team. I play Pet Society on Facebook. All politicians are the same, in my opinion. I can’t eat sushi with a fork or else it feels awkward. I’ve never been to New Mexico. I’d definitely consider adoption if I couldn’t have my own children. I like plain-colored t-shirts. Horror movies don’t really scare me. I have a decent vocabulary. Lord of the Rings doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t play any sports. I prefer orange juice to apple juice. I like my toast with butter and jelly. I love cream cheese. I have a celebrity crush. I get frequent headaches. I can play a little piano. My boyfriend drives an Asian car. And so do I. I WANT MORE PIERCINGS. My favorite fruit is a type of berry. I miss somebody right now. Some of my friends live far away. I can burp out the alphabet. I love breadsticks. I can count to ten in at least two languages. I’d love to have a pet owl. I prefer dogs to cats. I only wear actual perfume on special occasions. But I wear body spray on a daily basis. I have pictures of my sibling/s on my phone.

[amoresomnia]

6/2/21

poor in feelings

poor in cents

  pouring deep

to kill the scent

  your porous soul

seeped too intense

  into this fabric

of mine

  now my pillow reeks

and my sleep don’t speak

  like whiskey bourbon

spilled, once neat

  our pleasures gone

the treasured dawn

  comes to beat

me down again

  like winter mornings

with the curtains drawn

  i’m on my own

in my own

head again

5/27/21

red skies

a sign of storms ahead

  white lies

your words better left un said 

  be baptized

by the light of the life you led

5/25/21

cause i can’t seem to grow at all

with these two black thumbs i stand

prepare to climb the wall

  backs against the ropes and im already anticipating the fall

  can’t help but get going

going with the flow

can’t help never knowing

that we can’t know

  so we put up no resistance

saddle up a sad existence

is all you’ve have to show

  5/17/21

how many conversations can i simulate

before the voices (in my head) stay forever

  codeine kicks the fever dream

but i’m not feeling any better

  there’s a warm sky that lie

somewhere deep within my bones

  and i think i might die

before i ever make it home

5/15/21

want to speak

to the melancholia in you

  i want to speak

the darkest flavors of blue

  the sleepless mornings

sleepless nights

  a begging feeling for a light

  i want to speak so i can see

the misery of love atrophied

the bitterest pill of blessed be

a highlight lining what you need

  i want to breathe your ragged air

i want to breathe your ragged air

  take the sunshine never share

your life is priceless beyond compare

  but i want to speak

if only to see

  a little darkness underneath

5/8/21

every drop in the bucket makes a ripple

4/16/21

Am

sweet temptation

Em

she calls me by my first name

4/13/21

needing to find the means to monetize our leisure

  the way that man is measured

  a man’s time is his most precious treasure

3/15/21

feeling like i’m filling time

listless and just killing my mind

actions in apathy speak for my unwillingness to climb

  like each and every thing we seek

will eventually be fine

will eventually be fine

  -

  Why i gotta be this way

Been feeling blind to others thoughts of me

Less of a feeling and more a furtive display

taking actions to display my apathy

wondering what the watchmen see

wondering what it really means

  is this another depressive episode

another tick tack beat on the metronome

ten missed calls and ya mamma left wondering when you coming home

wondering what’s it like when ya left alone

  where’s the means to make amends

where’s the bridge i’ve burnt at both ends

  maybe i can just pretend

  maybe i can just pretend

  3/5/21

each of my hours cost me days

3/3/21

the end is still forever and a day away

2/6/21

the melancholy of a forgotten dream

  the broken pieces never fit back together it seems

  at least not in the way that we mean

1/22/21

and i can curve my spine into an s shape

  last week i ate a berry in the woods so i could see

deaths face

  and sometimes i think about how we’re all staying in

this place

  the same state

  somebody shelter some more

the house you built see it gon’

keep you dry and safe from the storm 

  this sickening shame

slurred words share no blame

keep blending it together til everything

feels the same

  it’s all so awfully humbling

when these walls can all come crumbling

down

  then we’d be in the

  same state

      1/16/21

and they said i was the oldest one

  born to break the records

fated to steal the sun

  oh they said i was the oldest son

  picture perfect

memorabilia on the wall

  gloria gloria

why can’t i hear ya

as i continue this eternal fall

  to slip as easily as me

to fall from grace

effortlessly

  who’s to say

now that i’m not the only one

11/15/20

and i been feeling like an echo

11/15/20

and i am just a passing moment

walking through

  stranger over yonder

yes that sense of sonder

  i feel it too

  i am just a passing moment to you

11/13/20

it’s not funny this is a nervous laughter

  what comes from the work

  follows after

  the most recent episodes

  of our disaster

  this is a nervous laughter

  11/10/20

what’s the use

in using

  decisions made without our choosing

  pinpricks gave us the solution

  can’t save us from this ablution.

  Said i don’t wanna feel this way

  mama i’m only tryna numb the pain

  1/28/20

“If you have the ability, then come.”

  The sound of leather boots brushing across fallen leaves moves forward.

  The clean image of the morning’s light fog is shattered.

  One clean cut of the blade slices a falling leaf and the mist around it.

  Feet shuffle two steps back as the split leaf flutters to the ground.

  A second cut, this time a collision. The crisp clink of two honed edges turned against each other.

  A step. A slide. The men dance in the wind kicking up dirt. Two yearning urgently to spill the day’s first blood. To tinge red the rising sun.

  The birds have long silenced and the stillness is only broken by the beaten breathing of two who lie on the floor.

  Swordsmen and traitor stricken in fighting made little more than stains upon the earth beneath the shade but still ever so far from hearth.

  1/22/20

chasing fates flow

  1/19/20

a dusting of snow on the  shingles

lightens and whitens the roof

while the bird feeders have frozen over

  grandma’s in the kitchen

where there’ll be breakfast in a moment

  this quiet northern home

stands still for but a second

in the morning

  1/2/20

so she said savor every second

  cause each moment could be our last

  although  it’s not forever

we’ll keep pushing past

  making sweet memories

  that we won’t recall

come morning

  making sweet memories

  it’s a storm come without warning

  it’s something we’ve been searching

for

so ever hard to find

  it’s a little less than so much more

if we can bide our time

  and savor every second

cause in this moment i swear

i’m dyin

1/2/20

and to all a piece

of the validation machine

we submit

  12/12/19

i still feel a filter

a thickness engulfs me

  i just wanna connect

but i can’t quite see

  something’s been ticking

the wrong way

something been ticking

inside of me

ain’t quite say i’m sick

or dying

but there’s a weakness speaking out

inside of me

  said i still feel some static

my attitude crude and dramatic

  it’s a poison i’ve been seeking

  it’s a poison i’ve been thinking

  it’s a poison silly sinking

  somewhere deep inside of me

  ain’t been nothing more than

platitudes and gratitude

for the people pick me up

from the floor.

        2/8/20

Maybe we were meant to toil

  Under this blazing sun. Bare backs burned by the blistering heat.

  Maybe we were meant to have our hands, till-deep, in the soil.

  Sifting seeds between our fingers

searching out the signs of life and

planting them deep within the land.

  Maybe we were meant to toil

  Not for

this comfort and complacency.

Not for

this sweet space we seek.

Sheltered

from the sun and from the storm.

  Maybe we were meant to toil

    12/4/19

  tonight

i think

i’ll lie awake and

look lovingly

at this

beautiful

vague shape

that’s sleeping next to me

  cause i can’t quite

make out

your features

your facets

or your lines

cause the lights gone

and nights come

and i’m just

a little bit blind

but i know

it’s you

that’s sleeping next to me

that’s sleeping next to me

  ][

  so tonight i

think that i’ll lie

awake and take a

second just to breathe

soak in just a moment of

your lovely vague shape

  while you’re sleeping next to me

next to me

11/18/19

deep beneath

the surface

something

screams

purpose is

nothing

but a lie

  how ya gonna live your life?

11/12/19

like god's little flies

we are dropping one

by one

  11/11/19

last goodbye i’ll offer

youve taken every penny

every copper from my coffers

  11/17/19

the most effective way to enact change is to participate in it

  10/14/19

Big capital speaks louder than the cry of common man

  When the dollar has been made by creating shortcuts

  How much is that dollar really worth

08/?/19

your lips are stained blue

from all that you’ve been drinking

and no amount

of blood that they’ve been sinking into you

will be enough to save ya now

09/17/19

handed a glass

half full

  they drank it

til it’s dry

  said this is the state of the world

  and not a single tear’d they cry

09/19/19

and i’m thinking about boats and

  a placid lake with murky water choked by reeds

  and i’ve been thinking about boats and the sound that thinking’s been making lately

  for me

  you see when you place one boat one ship on this inland sea see it’s all alright

right

  there’s room to move or sail or go forward in any direction

  and then you place another ship another boat on those calm waters

and you don’t falter not for one second

  you still have space on this peaceful lake

  the wind is carrying the breeze and these ships across the ride and

  then you place another ship

and another ship

and another ship

  and the wakes these ships create start to intersect and the waters that were peaceful feel a fearful rising tide and

  then you place another ship and there’s no room to move and it’s bow to bow and scrapes along the side

  but you can’t just take the ships out

  where would they go

  and now upon your placid lake a laden waste made manifest you start to think

  and hope for that wide clear wave to ride a peaceful placid hope to hide within

  again

  so you start to sink the ships

  the boats have aged have weathered and worn their rails have scrapes sails untethered and torn

  and they go down beneath the surface and the fresher spawn have room to breathe while asleep and out of sight the old sink deep

  still a piece of the lake

but left to apathy

  and you have a nice pristine water to weave across with your less populated crest

  and then you add another ship

and another ship

and another ship

  until the bottoms ready to give in a mountain made of wreck to ruin this blessed home you’ve learned to stew in

  born out of a desire

to be free

  but then

  when there is no more space

  what then

    ?/?/2019

fresh blades of green burst through

the ivory horizon

foreboding the first false coming

of spring

  before the frost snaps and

breaks bare any inch of color

that dare pervade

the pure still space

    07/05/2019

like

placid lucidities

angry and afraid

we fail to see

all that’s been made

in our solemn search

for agency

07/02/2019

dirty jilted sister

left beside the waterfall

whiskey bourbon

turned to mist

to satisfy the masses

mend it all

  accomplishments are minced

til satisfaction stalls

and all these things

we’d missed

hang like mirrors on the wall

09/03/2019

for too long we been

looking out instead of in

dancing freely to the

cadence of our sin

08/31/2019

CAUSE THATS NOT HIRING

  THEY SAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE

YOULL NEVER WORK A DAY INYOURLIFE

  CAUSE THATS NOT HIRING

  THEY SAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE

AND YOU JUST MIGHT BE ALRIGHT

  BUT THEYRE STILL NOT HIRING

  THEY SAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE

DESPITE THE POVERTY LEVELS RISING

  CAUSE THATS NOT HIRING

  WERE ALL WASTING AWAY WALLOWING IN WEALTH

WHILE THE PEOPLE EXPIRING

  BUT THATS STILL NOT HIRING

  They say do what you love

and youll never work a day in your life

06/18/19

more like

broken glass

under apathetic feet

05/29/19

There’s a difference

Between Control and Concern

And i’m not quite sure

You’ve learned how to discern

it just yet.