#this got so long omg

[chinzhilla]

Everybody has, needs, wants a cold gun.

KP Anniversary Week 8: favourite antagonist/villain(s) | music (insp)

#this got so long omg #song is It's About Time by Young the Giant #kinnporsche #kinnporche the series #vegas theerapanyakul #kpappreciation #asianlgbtqdramas #tuserashinlae #lextag #thoresque #seamayweed #userkimchi #yilinglaozu #usergooseras #long post #flashing tw #* #*kpts

[softshuji]

ok. but what movies/movie genre would izana like?

OH BOY EM YOU UNLEASHED A MONSTER-

okay this is just personal hcs of mine

I don't think he's particularly fussed as long as something is "good" but I don't think he's a fan of cliche jumpscare horror movies? Finds them dull and it's almost impossible to scare him anyways.

He likes when he has to figure the answer out and he always likes to be one step ahead so murder mysteries are right up his street, plus if he can discuss it with you and you can have your little theories together? He loves that, loves hearing your smart ideas and the little anecdotes you have. He's the type that when the murderer is revealed at the end? He's glued, he's hooked and he mutters a little "I fuckin knew it...."

He's a classy man so the stoic main leads always tend to be his favourite. (Izana is a John wick enthusiast in my mind ok)

But I also think he likes historical dramas particularly the type about kings and kingdoms and queens and all. He is after all, a king, it's natural for him to be fascinated by that.

In the end however I think he just likes the fact that he gets to spend that quality time with someone he likes. There doesn't have to be talking, and he likes feeling comfortable and doing something with someone who feels comfortable in return.

#this got so long omg #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #izana kurokawa #thank u babe! #hal talks

[yasmindifference]

fake fic title: can't hold me down (can't get up)

Okay I've tried to figure out why my mind is going here, but I literally can't, I have zero explanation. SO don't ask me how I got here but:

Magic AU where everything is the same except most people have some flavor of magical creature heritage. For some people that manifests as physical characteristics; for others, it shows up as instincts.

Tim is in the former category; all his cat-sìth ancestry gave him was some very cute (and thankfully easily hidden) cat ears, although he's not above claiming to have the power to steal souls when someone's getting on his nerves.

Jason, on the other hand, is in the latter category. He's descended from dragons and the instinct to hoard hit him hard. As far as he's concerned, all of Gotham is his. Crime Alley, yes, but also the Diamond District and the docks and even Bristol. This is his city. And you know what else is his? Bruce. Bruce and Alfred. Bruce and Alfred and Dick and Batman and Robin and Nightwing. His hoard. His.

Because he's so very, very confident in their his-ness, he doesn't get caught up in revenge schemes like canon Jason--and he's certainly not spending any significant amount of time away from his city just to learn more skills he could easily pick up from Bruce! So he goes back to Gotham pretty quickly after waking up from his Lazarus Pit exposure, and he doesn't do it in disguise.

Obviously there are significant doubts in play when he shows up, but eventually he manages to convince Bruce that he's the real Jason, somehow alive again. There are hugs and tears and then Tim very graciously excuses himself.

The thing is, he hasn't been Robin for all that long. He's perfectly willing to hand the cape back to Jason; he only picked it up in the first place because Batman needed a Robin, and now here's Robin back from the dead! Clearly Tim's work here is done.

That said, he's grown to love the vigilante lifestyle, and just because he's giving up Robin doesn't mean he has to give up the life. So he leaves his uniform for Jason (a symbolic gesture; those latent draconic genes have really kicked in and Jason is huge now, no way would anything of Tim's fit him) and then heads out to San Francisco to brainstorm a new identity with his friends.

Only Jason does not, like Tim expected, just accept the old uniform and dismiss all thoughts of his temporary stand-in. Oh no. Tim was Robin and Robin is his and therefore Tim is his. He's an important part of the hoard and Jason needs to start getting to know him yesterday.

So where the hell is Jason's Tim?

Jason is very supremely unhappy to find out that Tim is on the other side of the country. Doesn't Tim know that he belongs to Jason? Doesn't he know that he needs to stay where Jason can protect him?

The only thing for it is for Jason to go fetch him and bring him back...and if he happens to kick a few Titans' asses in the process, well, that'll teach them to try to steal part of his hoard.

Tim is pretty sure he's being kidnapped. The Titans are positive he's being kidnapped. Embarrassing misunderstandings ensue.

#meme response #anon response #yasmin's adventures in writing #jaytim #this got so long omg

[lichthey]

❛  take it for me, i know you can.  ❜

meme ⸝⸝ praise kink.

this  was  one  occasion  gepard  had  used  his  authority   &   demanded  the  two  speak  privately  in  the  holding  cell.    just  like  the  fox  to  be  conveniently  in  a  cage  by  the  time  the  captain  came  to  investigate   &   interrogate.    petty  crime  charge   tied  with  disrespecting  a  guard,   so  one  would  assume  he  would  proceed  with  the  normal  cycle  of  sighing  in  disappointment   &   releasing  the  vixen.    (    not  rewardless,   of  course!    kisses  on  the  cheek  had  turned  to  brief  pecks  on  the  lips.    )     it  was  spencer's  fault  for  putting  this  idea  in  his  head  to  begin  with.    all  those  favours  they  owed  needed  to  be  repaid.

knees  settled uncomfortably  on  tiled  floor  as  fingers  worked  on  the  fastens  keeping  his  waistband  together.    no  doubt  just  resting  with  their  body  weight  alone  would  end  in  bruises,   let  alone  what  was  about  to  happen  next.

❝     what  has  gotten  into  ya'?    so  insatiable  . . .     ❞    nose  trailed  along  the  exposed  skin  of  his  hip,   pressing  kisses   &   teasing  licks.    the  clatter  of  all  the  material  hiding  him  away  hitting  the  floor  pulled  them  back.

eager  pink  that  had  dusted  their  cheeks  in  excitement  grew  to  a  deep  red.    oh,   he  was  bigger  than  the  poor  vixen  remembered.    or  maybe  being  right  next  to  it  made  them  more  aware  of  the  sheer  girth.    lithe  &  sharply  clawed  digits  wrap  around  the  base,   the  weight  causing  bottom  lip  to  be  nursed  between  ivory  teeth.

❝     take  it  for  me,   i  know  you  can.     ❞

eyes  drawn  back  up  to  a  stubbornly  put - together  gepard.    soft  hum  in  thought  as  wrist  worked  up  the  sensitive  skin,   thumb  steadying  the  tip.    mouth  fell  open  to  run  pierced  tongue  over  the  slit  to  taste.    salty   &   bitter  flavor  earning  a  lewd  whine.    all  at  once,   palm  dropped  back  to  the  base  with  lips  following  suit.    cheeks  wasted  no  time  in  hollowing  out  in  suction  the  moment  the  tip  brushed  the  back  of  their  throat.

best  way  to  learn  that  spencer  had  no  gag  reflex  while  teaching  gepard  a  lesson.

#this got so long omg #dauntingsmite #「 ic. ➟ ʀᴇᴄᴏʀᴅɪɴɢ ꜱᴛᴀᴛɪᴄ. 」 #「 xviii. ➟ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙʟᴜᴇ ɢʀᴇᴇᴅ. 」 #「 nsfw. ➟ ʙᴇᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱɪɴᴋꜱ ɪᴛꜱ ᴛᴇᴇᴛʜ ɪɴᴛᴏ ꜱᴋɪɴ. 」 #「 asks. ➟ answered. 」

[akkpipitphattana]

Did you finish the wilds s2? Did you enjoy it? What are your thoughts after watching all the episodes?

okay i’m gonna put this under a cut cause this got reaaaaaaaaally long, so be prepared for that skdkek

yesss, i finished, and i did really enjoy it! i know there were some people that have been disappointed with the inclusion of the boys/the amount of focus they got, but i actually thought it was a really interesting addition. like i understand wanting a show that focused all on women, but the thing with this show is that the entire premise is that the girls are trapped because of a social experiment rooted in gretchen’s desire to prove women are better at running society… so naturally there was going to be a control group. and since we met the girls last season and got all their backstories, they just weren’t gonna get the same amount of focus as these eight completely new characters, you know? and that’s not me invalidating anyone that is disappointed that the show isn’t as women-focused anymore, but that’s just my two cents on that

and like i said, i did find the inclusion of the boys to be incredibly interesting. especially since the main problem amongst their group was the operative. like seth was terrifying as a character but he’s also so fucking real. like there are so. many. men. that are like that. that have this charming facade, but then go around and sexually assault people or hurt them and society always expects us to just forgive them or use the “boys will be boys” excuse, but i absolutely loved that none of the boys on the island were having any of that. the only one that did really struggle with it was raf, and that’s cause he was clearly in love with seth (and i’m not joking btw like i do 100% believe raf loved him).

and kirin REALLY came out of the woods and surprised me tbh. like from the beginning, he gives the vibes of a dumb frat boy who’s probably racist and homophobic and might sexually assault someone himself. and while he’s absolutely an asshole at times and he makes a few homophobic comments (what he said to ivan later on aside, but i also don’t really hold that against him tbh, he was in emotional distress and it felt obvious to me that he didn’t even WANT to say that but ivan kept pushing), as soon as he found out what seth did to josh he went full protector mode. seriously, when josh was saying that he didn’t know if anyone would believe him and kirin said “I believe you,” i really started tearing up like skdkdk and he completely went to bat for him like… i just loved it

since i mentioned ivan, i’ll talk about him next, because i actually really loved the way they handled his backstory. it’s really the perfect example of the problems routed in cancel culture. like clearly we know ivan meant well, everyone that does what he did means well and i absolutely don’t believe that anyone who is actively racist or homophobic deserves sympathy. however, i do believe it’s an incredibly toxic mindset to think that people are incapable of change. that people can’t learn from their ignorance and grow. if we stay stuck in that idea, society isn’t gonna go anywhere. and while obviously there are people that are willfully ignorant and don’t want to learn, but they’re not who i’m talking about. like i don’t always love the “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” (that line gave me war flashbacks btw) thing, but like there IS truth to it, and i did love that we got to see that in ivan and his story. be tender :’)

and josh… oh he just broke my heart in every fucking way. like he was so sweet and well-meaning and then what happened with seth… and the way he questioned his own experience and if people would believe him but everyone was on his side just 😭😭😭 but it also broke my heart when he snapped and started changing. cause that’s so heartbreaking to see, like it was 100% an effect of what happened to him. he felt weak and out of control, and he didn’t wanna talk about it, he wanted to be different. he clearly felt like if he wasn’t so soft that maybe it wouldn’t have happened and that just… breaks my heart.

i don’t have a lot to say about the other guys, but i did really enjoy scott and bo’s friendship and their story and i thought raf was a really interesting character!

and onto my girls!! i absolutely adored their plot lines this season. the affect nora had on rachel was so prominent throughout the season, like even when she was happy, it was like the delirious sort of happy, the kind that comes when you’re really going through it. and then leah and her mental health, finally giving in to her delusions and only able to snap out of it when she realized she NEEDED to be there for her girls. also!!! CANON BI LEAH HELLO!!! i’m still freaking out over that like skdkdk i can’t believe we actually got it. and we got a fatin love confession too like!! we’re getting leatin next season i knowwwww it!!!

and i also absolutely loved shoni’s relationship progression (up until the very end, but not bc i think it was badly written or anything, but because it was really well written and it just broke my heart sjdkekd) like seeing toni become this massive softie and watching her accept love from shelby, and alternatively seeing shelby learn to accept herself and purging herself of her past. and i thought the passing of the cross from her to rachel was SO cool!! like the symbolism of that, of shelby wanting nothing to do with that part of her as she accepts who she is and learns to love it, and rachel soaking it all up in her grief just oooooh it was amazing

and martha’s arc at the end of the season, oh, that killed me. it was a relief that she didn’t actually die out there, that she’d just been in that state post-island, but it was still absolutely heartbreaking to see her breakdown over hurting a mother rabbit and hurt herself and then snap completely by going to kill the babies. and then her being in that state for the last two eps, it was just… so painful

and obviously dot, playing mother like always… i just love her sm man and i’m glad she got to celebrate and relax this season sjdjdjd she deserved it!

i also absolutely loved getting to see more dynamics between the girls this season! like between rachel and leah losing their minds together, and fatin and shelby scooby doo-ing their way into figuring out what happened on the island, it was so lovely to see!!

aaaand i’m so excited to see where the show goes from here. like clearly they’re stranded all together now, but they also have beds and plumbing so like… i’m not sure what the goal is gonna be here or what’s gonna happen? it’s definitely interesting and i can’t wait to see what happens

#this got so long omg #but yeah those are my thoughts skdkekd #the wilds #asks #nonnies

[kindan-no-kanojo]

Every little girl wished to be a princess on their birthday.

A ball gown, a party, a day of joy and gifts.

A day to celebrate one's birth.

While some flourished with extravagant banquets and luxurious presents, some people... Weren't blessed with such a thing.

Especially when you're a Ghoul.

Be it born or made.

It was... Inevitable.

Your future would be stained with tragedy and blood, solely because you were born to be creature so vile and loathed.

Perhaps... That may be the reason why Asra came up with an elaborate plan to celebrate a fellow Ghoul's birthday.

Although, it started the way one would never expect.

"Close your eyes and don't speak a word, Lady Scarlett. You're coming with me, whether you want to or not. You don't have a choice. "

... Perhaps Asra could have worded it more nicely.

After all, kidnapping the birthday Ghoul without any context was sure to arise some suspicion and shock. Especially when you blindfolded her and tied a gag around her mouth.

You really need to work on your surprises a lot better, Asra.

... Don't talk to me.

How mean.

Nonetheless, the trip to a certain location was successful, save the confusion and panic.

Carefully, Asra stepped out of the vehicle and guided Scarlett towards plain field, where flowers bloomed and the leaves swayed along the pleasant breeze. There, on the ground nearby, was a picnic table and a chair. There was also a side table nearby; a record player on top.

On the table laid a vanilla cake, simple and sweet, befitting the spring-like theme.

"Are you ready, Lady Scarlett?" Asra questioned as they slowly unraveled her sight, presenting to her the balmy scenery. They were in the middle of a forest, with trees surrounding an open area as its shadows cooled the prickly grass below.

Asra moved to face her, and with a straight face and tone, they spoke.

"Happy Birthday, Lady Scarlett."

They clapped.

Then, they bowed.

Asra offered a hand to guide the other towards the picnic table where they presented to her, her birthday cake.

"I hope it is to your liking... I am not aware of required flavor... But I hope vanilla would satisfy your palate."

They moved to seat before her, pulling out three gifts from under the table; it varied in size.

"Allow me to gift you my presents." Asra said, moving the smallest box forward before they continued, "This is an Amulet of Nefer. In Ancient Egypt, it is one of the strongest protection amulets, and I would like for you to have one. The design may not suit your style, but I hope you can overlook it for its purpose. "

Secondly, they moved a medium sized box forward.

"This is a Colt 1851 Navy Revolver. It came from one of my collections and I would like for you to have it. This weapon uses percussion caps for ignition, and though it was still a muzzleloader, the cylinder could fire six rounds before it needed to be reloaded. I hope it can be of use to you at some point. "

Lastly, they moved the large box forward.

"This is custom made, red velvet suit tailored just for you, Lady Scarlett... I managed to remember your measurements from the hug we shared and from my memory alone. I hope my creation suits your tastes. "

Standing up, Asra walked around to stand before Scarlett once more—after making use of the record player.

It played : Sobre las olas by Juventino Rosas.

"As for my last and final gift, " they bowed and offered a hand, "May I have this dance to celebrate your birthday? ... My Lady Scarlett." They smiled a small smile.

Even the most abominated creatures deserve to be treated as princesses as well... Especially on their birthday.

"…. mm."

This is it, this is my end. Ghouls were never supposed to be so free, but at least a fellow one will be in charge of my demise, although still this is not the way--

Darkness.

Everything was dark, and almost silent if it wasn't for the roars of the engine filling her ears, while she bounced slightly on her seat upon every bump on the street. Her mind was noisy too, recalling every second passed in the last hour. The car that was taking her and Asra, as she recognized their voice earlier, had been driving for quite a while, which did nothing to ease her anxiety.

She couldn't just… step out of her house without getting into trouble, apparently.

Unable to see, unable to coherently speak, she couldn't hope for a good outcome. What could have possibly happened? Did their lady, Zaliki, get angry for some reason and ordered to execute her? She's never met the lady in question, but every powerful individual had connections, and Ghouls- no, any loyal servant would obey their very command, at any cost. What did she do, though!? If she gets a chance for some last words of her choosing, she'd be demanding an explanation. … But what if they don't want a question and just--!?

The car stopped.

"…!!!"

Despite Asra's soft manner to get her out of the car, she stumbled out of it like a clumsy animal. My, her hair must've been a disaster. Then there was that…

… soft, soothing breeze.

Is this the euphoric moment that comes before death? It's actually nice. ... Wait, no, I don't want it, I don't want it, I don-

The blindfold was taken off her eyes, "Eek!" … and she got rid of the rest once she had the chance.

Before her, far from a deadly setting, there was this calm, heavenly scenery. Flowers, food, a music device, too? What a drastic change of heart… unless this was all planned from the beginning. Is this maybe my last supper-

Then she heard them: 'Happy birthday'.

"… oh- OHHHHH-"

"That's, ah… Ha… Hahahahaha! THAT'S what this was. Yes! Ha… ha… You surprised me now, by far…" She looked around and took a second more than usual to hold their hand. Guided to the table, she could analyze everything better. Everything perfectly aligned and studied as far as it was ghoul-ly possible. Even more than average.

As they took out three different bokes, she knew it.

Definitely more than average.

The cute cake had her attention as they prepared the boxes, it looked so cute and delicious. However, her attention returned to the front in no time. A shower of gifts had begun! Starting from the smaller one.

An Ancient Egypt amulet. Honestly, she had mixed feelings with superstitions, but then again, she was celebrating her birthday on a Friday 13th, no less. And, as good as it turned out so far, she couldn't ignore the dread and certainty of death she felt just minutes ago. She needed that thing.

"It's pretty, maybe I can attach it to my bag…" She reached out for her bag, finding utter nothingness at the side of her body. Of course. She fixed her dress in an attempt to hide the failed attempt. "… When I have it, of course." Her hand went back to its place, defeated.

The second gift was revealed, and she held her breath for a moment: Another gun. She should be used to it by now, coming from Asra, but the few fiascos she's been through with one of those at hand were enough for her to continue to doubt herself. And Asra's been explaining the characteristics and mechanics of said weapon, which she couldn't get a single word of. But she nodded as if she did.

"I… I still need to practice more on the use of these… The chances are very few though. But thank you, again, for trust this one to me." She smiled, although fire weapons were not her thing, she appreciated the gesture of them giving her something precious of their possession for her to keep.

The last box, the largest, was left.

And as they opened it she found funny how serious and automatic they looked throughout the whole event, although she knew that was not something someone had ordered to them. That was cute.

"Oh."

The suit exposed to her really caught her attention back to reality. She blinked a few times, it was very eye-catching in color, and it looked very soft. Velvet. Beautiful. Apparently they had crafted it and--

"Wait, you got my measures from memory? … And a hug!?"

Absolutely dumbfounded, she frowned and looked down at the pieces of clothing once again. They didn't seem too far off from her actual measures, but she wouldn't know without trying them on… But that was not the place. Later, for sure. In any case, they were lovely.

"Thank yo- Hm?"

They suddenly stood up, was that not all? Her eyes followed their movements, until some music began to play.

Ah, that's lovely…

They were smiling as they offered their hand for a dance. She didn't recall seeing such an expression from them before… subtle, small, sure, but very sincere. Under the whole unbreakable façade, there was a gentle heart.

"Of course, we may dance. Just…" As she got up herself and took their hand, she gave them a soft smile in return. "Thank you so much for this, Asra. You are very considerate and kind. Though… don't call me Lady, please. Okay? I'm not that different from you, remember?"

She shifted into her Ghoul form for the moment, positioning herself to dance with them like that. Just them, two Ghouls, dancing in wherever they were. As she was wearing heels, she was a little taller this time, which only made her appreciate it all even more. It started off odd, concerning even, but she had no reason to blame them for their ways of showing affection. They were maybe different, but at the same time not too much.

A warm laugh escaped her lips, showing her fangs as she glanced down at them, caring for both of their steps. It was a nice day, a good collection of gifts. For a moment she could allow herself to feel like a Ghoul princess, spoiled like that in her birthday. But just for a moment.

A small, cheerful moment.

#📭Asklett #scarlett wakahisa #diabolik lovers oc #this got so long omg #but VERY lovely and VERY wholesome despite the crackness of the beginning- #princesscrownprince #🎁. Affection Collection | Gifts #🍰Scarlett's bday

[sadalienclubhasmoved]

Oh crap I copied the asks so I could remember which numbers they were but it copied the questions instead of the numbers... I'm just gonna paste those if its okay..

How many members are in your system, and does this number change frequently?

Are there any activities your system members like to do together? Collective hobbies? Talk about those!

What’s your favourite part of being a system?

Do you have any fictives/factives/etc? Tell us a little about them!

How would you describe your system in 3 words or less?

Do you have any cool/funny stories from inside the headspace (*or whatever interaction you want if you don't have a headspace) that you’d like to share?

What is something you wish singlets knew about plurality?

Hehe, no worries, nonny!

As of right now, we have nine total members. One of them is almost entirely dormant, and a handful of others don't really front/are mostly internal (if that? makes sense? lol). SO generally, we just say we have 4 active members, hehe.

Yeah! We like video games, reading, and journaling a lot.

No factives, but we do have a handful of fictives. I don't know if there is a term for this, but a couple of them are like, "partial" fictives in the sense that it's more like they formed around the Idea of a character moreso than they Actually Are that character, or at least they are a very specific version of that character??? Not sure if that makes sense, haha. Anywayyy, Sei, M, Blue, and Touya are all fictives. Another member of ours, 9, is an introject of one of our OCs, so we aren't sure if that counts? Blue and Touya are both chaotic as fuck, and Sei and M end up keeping them in check, lol. M comes off as really unfriendly and grumpy, but he can be very silly around people he's comfortable with. Blue has been around the longest (or at least he's the only one we're aware of having been around) so he and I (Davey lol) basically grew up together?? We shared the body for most of high school, and we still have trouble differentiating between each other sometimes. Out of all the fictives in our system, Sei is the one with the most, and clearest, exomemories. Touya is a shithead and pretty much only copilots to fuck around with our friends on Discord.

"I'm being bullied" - Seriously, it's a nonstop fucking roast in here.

Totally. So, for one thing, we don't have a super clear headspace? Or at least I (Davey) don't really have access to it. HOWEVER the one place we do have visualization of is the bedroom of our mostly-dormant member, lmao. I'd say it's weird but honestly it's probably just because he's proud of how pretty it is. We can also see Sei's room, but they change it CONSTANTLY (they can't pick and stick with an aesthetic to save their life lmao). M in headspace is 6'2 and built like a brick shithouse, and OFTEN forgets that he is in a 5'4 very small body, acting like he can and will body anybody who looks at us wrong. I've been told it's VERY funny to see our puny ass walking around like "fuck around and find out." M also thinks that there is no difference between McDonald's Sprite and regular Sprite. We have a video of our friend system @muse-on-wheels calling Blue a bottom and he had the most visceral reaction. There was a literal snarl. He DO bite. He can also get rid of hiccups!! It's his superpower. Davey: Why the fuck are you so bad at parking?? M, deadpan: I'm gay. Also, all the times someone has said something internally and I've accidentally said "Shut the FUCK up" out loud, lmao.

As for something I wish singlets knew.... There are a lot of things, lol. Firstly, that just because you don't notice a difference between alters, doesn't mean someone isn't really plural. Also that it is totally okay to make jokes about it (if your plural friend is ok with it, of course). Being plural is FUNNY sometimes! Only a couple people irl know that we're a system, but we crack jokes about it all the time.

#ask #ask game #anonymous #this got so long omg #thank you for the ask tho this was super fun!!!

[halforcdad]

I watched POI when it already finished airing so whenever I see someone said they watched it when it was still airing I went

Oh honey

Oh dear

Oh sweetie

You watched it live?? You watched 5x10 live?? Not knowing whats going to happen??? *Give you a hug*

I already know what was coming and still that episode left me heart broken just shattered emotionally (which is to say, also, that good writing can still make an impact even when the audience knows what's going to happen so take notes Marvel)

On another note, the 4x11 self-sacrifice lives in my head rent-free. "If you die die for something that you love" and "i'm a sociopath i dont have feelings" then she goes and kisses Root and saves them all I am on the floor bawling

the funny part is i saw bts photos from the finale that showed root and reese together and i naively thought, 'ok cool they still might die, but at least they survive until the end' and the writers really said Lol. but considering the type of show it was (and what happened to carter) and how dire things were going in s4-s5 i kinda prepared for character deaths leading up to the season. it left me numb and sad for a while, but i dont remember being extremely devastated about it. all the stuff we got with shaw dealing with it afterwards, however, that shit hurt bad. and unfortunately i love angst a lot (the writers were very good at writing sad stuff!)

my main complaint is that the death was so sudden and kinda anticlimatic (but i guess there has to be one of those to further stress how much their backs were against the wall). everyone else in the show gets a poetic death/sacrifice scene and in carter's case, at least she was killed by a significant villain in her arc and we're allowed to really feel the pain and consequences of her death, root gets taken out by a guy who started the job like two weeks ago and no time to mourn bc we're in a war Lol (and they had to rub salt in the wounds by showing us her for-sure dead body and telling us samaritan dug it up to get her implant, which while realistic, was brutal).

i feel like a lot of people talk about it as one of the worst writing decisions, but i can see why they chose to keep root's fate the same. yes, it sucked to losing a wlw character (especially when that was so close to clexa, if im not getting my times wrong), but i don't believe lgbt media should only be happy, soft stuff and that lgbt characters should be plot armor protected always. i still found a lot of meaning and emotion in the ending we got with shaw carrying on the work her team left behind with the machine and having some small piece of root to hold on to (and shaw being the only one next to fusco who never really had a lot of direct contact with the machine, getting the chance now to work closely with it and understand root more maybe that way). the show was always dealing with death/loss and grief and emphasizing how people still leave significant legacies behind and stay with us even if it's just the influence and impact they left on their surviving loved ones. i would still prefer if it had ended differently, but at least I could understand the message they were going for.

ill never stop loving 4x11 it's genuinely one of my favorite tv episodes ever. poi was very good at normalising shaw's apd and everything they did with shaw and especially what they did in the aftermath of that episode ripped me to shreds (her telling simulation root that she was her safe place and then telling real root she'd rather die than get them all killed, that made me totally normal). shaw getting the big emotional, meaningful moments in 4x11 (in the machine's simulation when she shows root one last act of kindness with 'maybe someday', the subway scene with the bomber, and of course the ending scene) was so important and well done. and root's slow-moed reactions at the end were gut-wrenching i must have rewatched that scene maybe 1000 times.

#asks #this got so long omg #not the sneak marvel diss LMAO #thank u for acknowledging poi has good writing i feel like i only hear negative comments about the writing after s5 #and thank u for the hug im pretty sure i was like shaw just staring off into the distance in denial for a bit LMAO #i havent watched poi in years but i did love the show a lot #and i love root and shaw separately and together so goddamn much #in the song cool about it by boygenius theres a line thats like 'i took your medication to know what it's like #now i have to pretend i cant read your mind' or something and that came to mind when i thought about shaw and the machine #in my angst bag LOL #anyway it meant a lot to see shaw as the last survivor still in the game at the end like yes technically shaw is the hero she gets to live #this also reminds me of how everyone was fooled by all those happy kacy bts photos from 1x17 and 1x20 #but were then crushed by what happened in those scenes meanwhile i was like poi prepared me for this you won't catch me slipping #and i enjoyed the angst thoroughly #also im not a marvel fan i got so bored during endgame i was mad that it was like 3 hrs long

[bluebeary-jay]

How easy you are to need

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel notices that the peaceful life in Jackson has its consequences. he is not happy about it (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: TONS OF ANGST, but also FLUFF, established relationship, ahh intrusive thoughts (how much i hate them), Joel is probably ooc but i don't care anymore, also he's soft and insecure and vulnerable

Warnings: body dismorphia and lots of self-loathing on Joel's side, at one (two?) points borderline on smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hihihi, swearing, drinking (just mentioned), suggestive stuff bc apparently i can't help myself 😌

Word count: 8K ! (8028 specifically woah)

A/N: the next fic will definitely be shorter bc i really need to start caring less about the quality of my work, it takes way too long for my liking. buuut anyway as always 🎶i hope yall will like it🎶 this is my birthday gift for you guys 💕

Joel looked at himself in the mirror with furrowed brows.

He pulled in his stomach and tried to zip his pants. It still fit, but barely. He undid the zip, turned to the side and looked at his reflection again, just to make sure.

Yeah. This pair was definitely loose until a while ago.

He glanced at the door, but didn’t hear you coming, so he sighed and looked in the mirror again. Joel was never particularly muscular, but he could no longer see those thin lines which accentuated his torso before. There was also a bit of fat above the hem of his jeans, and his frame seemed somehow heavier…

Good thing his left ear was directed to the door, because he heard the moment the water in the shower stopped running, which meant you were coming back from the bathroom. Joel spared himself one last wary look and zipped up his pants before turning around to your shared bed where his shirt lay discarded.

He was putting his arms into the sleeves when you entered. A couple of light steps, and then Joel smiled when he felt your arms wrapping around his torso. He glanced over his shoulder at you.

“You took your sweet time in the shower,” he pointed out, and he could feel your smile when you pressed your face to his back.

“We finally have hot water, so I’m gonna use it every chance I get.”

“You left some for me?”

You huffed a laugh and went around him, moving his hands away and starting to button his shirt yourself.

“There would be, if you took a shower with me.”

“Next time, sweetheart,” he chuckled and leaned in to kiss your forehead softly, combing his fingers through your wet hair. He hummed. “Your hair smells nice.”

“It’s that shampoo Ellie didn’t want.” You shook your head with a smile. “I have no idea why, it’s fantastic.”

You buttoned up the last button and smoothed your palms over his chest and down, lastly resting them on his waist. Internally Joel furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if he could always feel this fold when you put your hands in that place.

“You look handsome,” you whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes and such a soft, love-struck expression on your face that Joel felt his throat constricting. Everything but the sight of you faded from his mind, and he joined his hands behind your back, pulling you closer into his chest and basking in this precious smile you blessed him with. “Especially with the bed hair.”

“It’s your doin’, you know,” he murmured in response, nudging your nose with his and reminiscing how you tugged and raked your nails through his hair the night before. “You gotta be careful with it, sweet girl. If you continue doin’ it, m’gonna go bald soon.”

You hummed noncommittally and leaned against his chest, standing on your tip-toes. “I’ll take it under consideration. No promises, though.”

Joel lifted his hand to the back of your neck and kissed you slowly, reveling in the soft sigh that left your lips. You rested your palm above his heart, leaning forward to the point that you would fall over if he wasn’t supporting your weight.

But Joel held you tight and close to his body, gladly steadying you as you deepened the kiss, once again tugging on his graying hair in that way he adored. He wanted to tease you about it, but his thoughts strayed to the image of his body again when you lowered your hand from his chest to his side.

“You remember that tonight is this party?” you asked suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Joel gave up pondering about his physique and sighed heavily at your question, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Yeah, I remember. Regrettably.”

“I don’t want to go, either,” you whispered with guilt, as if someone would hear you both. “But Tommy really wanted us to come and… Just don’t make me go alone.”

“Hey, darlin’.” Joel took your face in his hands and looked deeply into your eyes. “I promised, didn’t I? M’not gonna leave you there on your own.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling against them. “And mind you, I gotta make sure no one will try to seduce and steal you away from me.”

You giggled, and you were standing so close that Joel could feel your eyelashes tickling his skin. He held you close when you tried to take a step back, and your lips collided again.

“That is the one thing you don’t need to ever worry about,” you murmured quietly into the space between you two. “How could I even look at other people when I have you all to myself?”

Joel’s reflection in the mirror flashed across his mind again and a small wave of uncertainty rippled through him, but it quickly disappeared when you opened your eyes and looked at him with this raw love radiating from them. Your every word, every affectionate gesture only confirmed his conviction that you meant every word you said.

So why did he still feel so uncertain?

*****

Life in Jackson was perfect. Considering the state of the world right now, living here was like winning a lottery.

Joel had a lot to be thankful for, he was well aware of that. No longer had he any fears or sense of guilt about going to sleep and leaving you and Ellie defenseless if something were to happen. He didn’t have to count rations anymore, worrying that the kid would be forced to march all day hungry. There was now no need to keep a watchful eye for new clothes if someone’s worn off, ripped or got soaked from walking in the rain, posing a threat of you or Ellie catching a cold.

Back in Boston it wasn’t much different, though he and you had at least a bed to sleep in, as uncomfortable as it was. But there was never enough food for all those people Fedra kept there, and the winters were cold as hell, leaving at least one of you a bit sick every year.

None of those things were keeping him awake at night anymore. The only people he had to take care of – you and Ellie – were safe and comfortable. None of you had to starve or freeze, and you all didn’t have to continue walking across the country for days and days without end, struggling to survive.

Maybe that was the problem.

Joel wasn’t stupid. He knew that those luxuries he had an access to now were at the root of his problem. Before you all settled in Jackson, you were constantly on the move, fighting for your lives in one way or another, so of course he was… leaner and more fit back then. It was never something he paid attention to, though, never something he concerned himself with.

But now you three were living here, surrounded by more people than Joel could count, and he couldn’t help but… notice things about them.

Especially about all those men and women who looked at you in a different way.

Due to the nature of the party Tommy invited them to – mainly consisting of dancing and talking in the biggest bar in Jackson – Joel had a lot of time to ponder about his situation, all while nursing his drink and looking at you from across the room with his elbows resting on the table.

You were chatting with one of your friends near the counter, laughing and smiling so beautifully. No matter where Joel’s eyes strayed, they always came back to your person, as if you were the moon against the pitch black sky, reflecting some imperceptible light.

Some guy he knew by sight – Chuck? Bart? – walked up and tapped you on the shoulder, and from what Joel could tell, he was offering you a drink. He was standing way too close, though, and you took a step closer to your friend, shaking your head. Chuck – or Bart – persisted for another half a minute, but eventually shrugged and shuffled off, his movements tense.

Joel didn’t move. He knew from experience that you’d let him know if you needed his help.

As if sensing his gaze, you turned your head and sent him a radiant smile. He mirrored it, lifting his glass slightly like he was toasting you, which made you do the same before resuming the conversation with your friend.

His smile disappeared as soon as you stopped looking at him. Joel sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, feeling a headache coming from the dull lights and loud chatter all around.

It were moments like this when it hit him just how old he was compared to you.

You were a sweet, young thing. Funny, sharp, drop-dead gorgeous… No wonder some people were seeking your attention. That guy was just one of the half a dozen he saw or heard about since you moved to Jackson.

Joel knew you were a loyal sort – God, he knew that, he knew you for so long now – but every time he saw you talking to someone else, his treacherous mind started to wonder if he wasn’t somehow keeping you chained to his person.

It was probably alcohol talking, but Lord, if he wasn’t reminded of how old he was compared to you every time he saw you next to your peers. You still had so much life ahead of you, and he was pushing sixty, for fuck’s sake. Before long he’ll be old and decrepit, unable to bring something useful to the table or help you in any way, and you’d still be as pretty as ever, trapped in a relationship with an old man.

For example, that guy – Chuck, or whomever – was way closer to your age, had handsome features, and Joel knew for a fact he was working at tree felling, so he had to be muscular, too.

Joel was once, too. Once.

He subtly ran his hand across his stomach under the jacket, his brows furrowed, and leaned back on the bench to get rid of those damned fat folds.

He sighed and downed the rest of the liquor in his glass, trying very hard not to think about it, not to put himself down like that and let those cruel thoughts fester in his mind, but no matter what, he couldn’t stop comparing himself to this guy, and also… how you looked next to him.

Shit. What if he was doing you more harm than good by continuing to stay with you?

“I could pickpocket you and you wouldn’t notice.”

Joel looked up, abruptly pulled out of his thoughts. You were standing over his table with your head tilted and still that beaming smile on your face.

“What are you thinking about, handsome?”

He opened his mouth, glanced in the direction of the bar, and closed it. There was no sign of any of the people you just talked with.

“Nothin’,” he replied, maybe a little too dryly, so he quickly changed the subject. “You havin’ fun?”

“Yeah, it’s nicer than I thought.” You looked around and then spotted the empty glass on the table in front of him. “Do you want me to bring you another one?”

“No, there’s no need,” he grumbled, but you had already put your drink down and sent him a wink.

“I'll be right back, baby.”

Joel hissed your name but you just looked over your shoulder with a smirk, swinging your hips provocatively to the music and ignoring him completely. He sighed heavily, slumping in his seat.

He needed to get his shit together. Fuck his insecurities, he didn’t want to take his frustration out on you when you were nothing but a ray of sunshine in his life, always so good and affectionate.

Joel’s thoughts came to a sudden stop when he searched for you in the crowd and noticed another man, this time one he didn’t know, swinging his arm over your shoulders while you waited at the bar. He tried to read your body language from here, but you didn’t seem particularly uncomfortable with the man’s actions. Joel furrowed his brows, a pit of uncertainty forming in his stomach again... but then you threw the man’s heavy limb off your shoulders and went back to Joel’s table as soon as you got the drink.

“Thanks, darlin’,” he murmured, taking a large gulp despite telling himself earlier that he was done drinking for today. “Were you okay back there?” He pointed his chin towards the bar.

You sat down next to him and smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean?”

Joel knew you long enough to recognize when you were teasing him, and he smirked despite the doubts swirling in his mind.

“Was that guy givin’ you any trouble?” he asked lazily, deciding to play along.

“Would you beat the shit out of him if I said yes?” you asked with your eyebrows raised, and Joel shrugged, acting nonchalant.

“Probably.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder with yours playfully.

“Then no. Peter’s a good guy. Just a little,” you seemed to be looking for the right word, “uhm, persistent.” When Joel sent you a dubious look, you rolled your eyes and made a face. “He’s politely hitting on me, but doesn’t get that I’m not interested. He works at the same place I do.”

“If he keeps makin’ you uncomfortable, that’s not very polite.” You squinted at him and Joel lifted his hands in fake surrender. “M’not sayin’ anythin’. You can take care of yourself, I know that.”

You hummed melodically and glanced at the bar, then back at Joel. Then back at the bar again where that Peter guy stood. Joel noticed you biting the inside of your cheek, so he gently nudged your knee with his.

“What’s on your mind, sweet girl?”

“Maybe you could help me make it clear that I’m taken?” you blurted out quickly, making him crack a smile and chuckle under his breath.

It was so very easy to forget about all the problems in the world when you were there, sitting right next to him and warming his soul and body with your mere presence.

“Come ‘ere,” he breathed and tugged you gently to sit on his lap. You faltered, but he gave your hand another light tug, and finally you let him guide you, putting one arm around his shoulders and making yourself comfortable.

Joel’s hand mindlessly went to rest on your thigh and he rubbed it comfortingly. That Peter guy, as he noted with satisfaction, was staring right back at you, eyeing the way your body was pressed flush against Joel’s with a twisted face.

Once the eyes of the both men met, Joel leaned in and kissed your neck, keeping eye contact the entire time. Peter turned away, taking a large swig from his glass.

Joel felt your muscles relaxing, and you giggled adorably next to his ear at his antics, hiding your neck between your shoulders when he nibbled at your skin lightly. Then your hand covered his, the one lying on your thigh, and stroked his skin lovingly.

Maybe Joel was keeping you chained somehow. Then again, he was but a selfish creature after all. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to ever truly let you go.

*****

The next few days – which then turned into weeks – Joel spent wondering. Mostly about what to do with his predicaments.

He had a couple of them.

The first problem was the nights. They became more difficult since he noticed… details about himself that weren’t there before, and which bothered him more and more with each day.

Joel used to love the nightfall, especially since you all settled in Jackson. In those evening hours no one bothered him, he could finally relax, spend some time alone with you, and later collapse on the bed to get a good-night sleep.

Well, not anymore.

The bedtime unexpectedly became the most stressful one for him. He was so fucking mad at himself, because laying down and having a chance to hold you in his arms was something he treasured for the longest time, but now his own insecurities stood in a way of it.

You loved cuddling and being close to him in your sleep, and Joel was never bothered by it – hell, he initiated those moments more often than not. But now he started noticing more and more how this layer of fat on his stomach moved and looked like when you draped your arm around him or snuggled closer to his chest, and it became all he could think about.

It bothered Joel so much that he started wearing a t-shirt to bed, even though he hated it with all his passion. When you asked about it, he lied that he’s cold, but in reality he was always sweaty by morning. It didn’t seem to make any difference to you, though, and you didn’t shy away from pressing your body close to his, and even slipping your hands under his shirt when you were spooning him. Some days Joel was waking up with you lying on his chest or having your arm slung across his belly, and every time it caused a lump in his throat.

He knew you didn’t mean anything bad by it – for God’s sake, you probably didn’t even have any idea that he had a problem with himself – but what once was a wonderful start of the day, now became a bitter reminder of all those things he was insecure about.

Recently he built a habit of waking up before you – he did it often before, but he always stayed in bed and waited for you to open your eyes, too – and carefully disentangling himself from your embrace. It wasn’t like it didn’t feel wonderful to be enveloped by you in this way, but once he stirred awake, lying still was a herculean task. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, his skin was itching and buzzing, he was sweating from nerves and a lot of horrible, self-depriving thoughts were flooding his mind.

So once he woke up, he’d go take a shower, trying to be a little bit louder than necessary in hopes that you’d already be awake when he gets back – so that he wouldn’t feel so guilty about not laying back down next to you.

The second of his problems was that you began to watch him more closely.

He didn’t know when it started happening, but in hindsight he realized it was just a matter of time – he was acting weird, after all, and you knew him too well not to notice anything.

A couple of times in the last few days only, Joel caught you staring at him in silence. Your eyes were solemn and your forehead sad, though you were quick to smile and act like nothing was amiss as soon as he turned your way.

You must have known something was wrong, but Joel didn’t ask about it. Honestly, with all that was happening in his own head, he didn’t want to know.

But at the same time it was as if nothing odd was happening. You were your usual self, a blessing in Joel’s life, and you still sought to be close to him and spend as much time together as possible. You still told him you loved him, surprised him with unexpected gestures of affection…

Just like today – you hugged him from behind while he was dressing up, started kissing his shoulders so tenderly and murmuring sweet nothings into his skin… In those moments Joel could almost forget about everything that was nagging him. It was easy to believe that you still liked the way he looked, that he was deserving of you, when you treated him with nothing but overwhelming love.

But the itch in the back of his mind never really disappeared. Even though he wanted it to.

Those thoughts filled his mind while you were sitting on his lap, telling him some story from work in a soft voice. You two were at Tommy’s, waiting for him to get back from helping his wife with something, and the day was so beautiful that you all went out onto the patio in front of the house to enjoy the unusually warm weather for this time of the year.

Joel’s hand was on your thigh, stroking it absentmindedly, while he nodded to whatever you were saying, but for the life of him, he could not focus.

Has your physique changed as well? Joel didn’t care about those things, of course, and in his eyes you were as breathtaking as ever – maybe even more, since so many of your worries disappeared and he got to see your smile more often. And you still felt perfect under his hands when he was holding you at night, still looked like a goddess every time he got to admire your naked body.

But even though he wouldn’t have cared either way if you gained some weight or looked any different, his body still bothered him.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and Joel fixed his attention to the wind-blown tree crowns in the distance.

Maybe he should start exercising.

Joel never liked the idea of waking up early and running down the streets in a sweat-soaked t-shirt, or going to the gym where everyone seems to stare and judge you, but it was never necessary.

With how much traveling, heavy-lifting and working he had to do, he never concerned himself with the way he looked. Hell, these things are the last on your mind when you’re fighting for your life in this god-forsaken world. But here, in Jackson, it was different. Life was good, and you were happy. And as stupid as it sounded for him, Joel wanted to look good for you.

Maybe he should ask Maria to assign him to extra patrols. He already volunteered for the morning ones, but perhaps…

“You’re quiet.”

Joel didn’t realize you stopped telling your story. He pressed his lips together and his hand on your thigh stilled.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” you reassured him quickly. Then you cupped his cheeks and lifted his head gently. “I don’t mean ‘now’, though, I mean… lately, in general.” Your eyes were flickering across his face, like you were hoping to read the answer from his features. “Is there something you wanna talk about?”

No. Hell no. It was bad enough that Joel himself was aware of his issue, he didn’t want to make it even more noticeable by pointing it out to you.

Which reminded him – he moved his torso away from you only a few millimeters.

“No, babygirl,” he answered. He brushed some hair behind your ear, smiling softly even though inside he despised himself for lying to you. “Everythin’s fine.”

You didn’t seem convinced and still were studying his face with concern. Joel resumed petting your thigh, wanting to put you at ease. He could worry about himself, but he didn’t need to concern you with his problems, too.

“I promise,” he added. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

That look in your eyes didn’t disappear, but you hummed and dropped your hands. It didn’t take a genius to know you didn’t believe him.

“If you say so,” you answered at last, and then covered his hand on your leg with your own. “But remember you can talk to me whenever you want. About anything.”

Jesus, your kindness was only confirming his concerns if he was the right person for you. Joel shook his head with a crooked smile.

“You’re gettin’ sappy.”

“It’s because I’m worried,” you shot back without skipping a beat, swatting at his chest with the back of your hand. “And you’re not making it any easier.”

“There’s nothin’ for you to worry about,” he repeated, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. But he failed.

You pressed your lips together and then made a move to get up from his lap without a word. Joel held onto you delicately, not letting you stand up.

“Wait, darlin’,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “Didn’t mean to say it that way. I just… feel tired. Sorry.”

Your eyes softened when you took in the regret and weariness on his face. Joel felt your fingertips on his jaw, but before you could question him further, Tommy returned from the inside of the house with a grin.

“Age is a heavy burden, eh, ol’ dog?” he teased, apparently having heard the last bit of their conversation. The younger Miller placed three bottles of beer on the table, and winked at you. “That’s just how it is for us now. Enjoy your youth while you still can, punk.”

Joel felt a sharp jab in his ribs, not unlike being stabbed. He couldn’t find it in himself to look at his brother, less alone laugh at his teasing.

Of course Tommy didn’t mean anything bad by it, but his words were just a bitter reminder of the ever-present pit of Joel’s stomach.

The weight of you on his lap suddenly felt a lot lighter, and he himself felt so, so very heavy and tired.

Old.

Joel could feel your eyes boring into his face, but a second later you turned to Tommy, taking the burden of filling the uncomfortable silence.

“It’s already started for me. Sometimes I feel like my bones want to kill me prematurely.”

“M’sure Joel won’t let that happen. He’d fight your skeleton if you said it’s botherin’ you.”

You snorted and shook your head, but your smile faltered when you turned to Joel again. He almost broke down right then and there from the guilt and tightness in his chest.

And the dark feeling inside him just grew when your eyes stayed sad and concerned for the rest of the day.

*****

It had to end.

Joel could no longer pretend everything was alright like he wasn’t dying on the inside every time you did as much as hold his hand. He felt horrible about lying, avoiding spending time together and denying you affection he knew you so loved receiving.

If he was being honest with himself, he wanted this affection, too. Undisturbed with self-doubts and guilt.

He fucking craved it.

Those last few weeks, his evenings were mostly spent away from you and the warmth of your shared home. The nights, on the other hand, when he would sneak in and quietly lay down next to you (but just a little further away), became full of intrusive thoughts and wallowing in self-loathing.

No matter what excuse he came up with, you were persistent in holding and being close to him during the night, and Joel discovered that the only way to prevent you from doing it was to come to bed after you’ve already fallen asleep.

But it was a damn torture.

The worst part was when he was coming home to the sight of you lying amongst the tangled sheets and blankets in his bed. No matter if you were drooling or a pillow has imprinted itself on your cheek, every time this sight made Joel weak in the knees. You looked like a gorgeous, priceless painting, and it pained him to disrupt your rest with his arrival.

He tried to volunteer for evening patrols, because then he’d have a real reason to come home late, but not only Maria didn’t want to pair him with anyone during those hours – she also suspended him from all patrols whatsoever. Joel was understandably furious, but the damn woman threatened to tell Tommy about it if he kept being ‘a stubborn pain in her ass’. She sent him back home, murmuring something about spending more time with you, which he tried to pretend he hadn’t heard.

Joel sighed, sitting up on the edge of the bed and hiding his face in his hand.

If Maria of all people could see that there were some problems in your and Joel’s relationship, then you had to notice, too.

Christ, he was the worst.

Joel didn’t want to push you away, of course not. He wanted to stay with you more than anything, but that desire did nothing to diminish the guilt suffocating him. For some time, he felt like the luckiest man alive, having the privilege to call you his and every day come home to you. But now with all those little things he started to notice, he felt like a fraud.

It wasn’t even about him not deserving you anymore – it was that you didn’t deserve this fucking treatment he was giving you these past few weeks.

Fuck, he had to tell you the truth. About the patrols, sneaking out, distancing himself, all of it. He couldn’t bear lying to you a day longer.

Joel stood up and pulled his sweaty t-shirt over his head. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and patted himself under his armpits and on the back, then reached for a clean one.

He’ll figure it out. He just needed some time to come up with a way to–

“Morning, handsome.”

Joel flinched and turned around quickly, not having realized you were awake, but whatever excuse he had in mind, it fell dead on his lips.

You stretched with a groan, reaching one arm high above your head and rubbing your eyes with the other hand. A sleepy smile danced on your lips when you looked back at him with sparkles in your slightly puffy eyes, and Joel didn’t have any other word to describe you than ‘ethereal’.

“What are you doing?” you asked groggily, relaxing against the pillow and looking him up and down.

“Uhmm…” he hesitated, clutching the t-shirt that was in need of washing close to his chest. His gaze was drawn to the window. “Goin’ out, actually. I’ve got some work…”

“No, you don’t,” you interrupted him and swung off the covers from his side of the bed. “Get back here.”

Joel looked at you with surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me, Miller. Get your ass back on the bed.”

He crumpled the shirt in his hands, hesitating, but his eyes softened as soon as he looked back at you and your raised eyebrows – like you were challenging him to just try and refuse you.

But how could he, when you looked so pretty lying in his bed and demanding to have him close to you? How could he ever deny you anything?

With a defeated sigh, Joel started putting the t-shirt back on, but the sound of you humming in protest stopped him. Your face was grumpy when he glanced up.

“Nah. No shirt.” You extended your hand in his direction, making a grabbing motion. “Come here.”

Joel didn’t move. “Why?”

You rolled your eyes and dramatically flopped down onto the pillows, looking up at him with an adorable pout.

“Because it’s been a long time since I got a chance to admire my handsome, sexy man,” you answered with sincerity, and then grinned. “Now come here. If you ditch your shirt, I’ll consider ditching mine.”

He still didn’t move. You were patient, but when it became clear that he wasn’t going to do anything, you sent him a small, sweet smile. “If you get cold again, I promise to do something about it, love.”

Joel physically felt his heart softening at your words and at the sight of you.

With a silent sigh – and only a split second of hesitation – he took off the t-shirt and quickly laid down on his back next to you. He felt a bile rise in his throat, though he had no idea why, and it became almost choking when you shifted closer to him, putting one hand on his chest.

“You’ve deprived me of this beautiful view for too long,” you whispered, kissing the place below his collarbone, and then going up to the base of his neck. “I missed seeing you like this.”

“There’s nothin’ to miss,” Joel muttered, not moving a single muscle. He had his hands entwined on his stomach and to look in your direction was the biggest effort anyone could demand from him now. “We sleep next to each other every night, sweetheart.”

“You know what I mean,” you breathed into his neck, leaving love bites wherever your lips strayed. “You’re going out so early these days. And you work late.”

“Patrols,” Joel grunted with gritted teeth, his muscles tense and breathing ragged as your warm palm caressed his waist. “Sorry.”

“You work too hard, love.” You sat up and swung one of your legs over his lap. Joel actually shivered when you took his hands in your own and placed them on your hips. “Let me help you relax.”

Oh, fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Joel was sure he was going to drop dead at any second now.

“Darlin’…” he began, but you made a noise in your throat and leaned in to kiss him deeply, pressing your body to his. Joel loved when you initiated those moments between you two, and you looked so fucking hot sitting on top of him – but for the life of him, he could not relax.

“It hits me every once in a while how lucky I am to have you,” you whispered in such a sweet, adoring voice, like you didn’t hear him. You pressed your lips against his stubble again, igniting every inch of his skin with your touch. “Let me enjoy you. I love you so much, you know that?”

“I…”

I love you, too.

Lord, he loved you so much. Why was it so hard to return your affections, then? Why did he feel like the biggest crook by letting you love him?

Joel let out a shuddering sigh he didn’t know he was holding when you pressed your lips to the edge of his jaw, before capturing his mouth in a kiss. It was sweet, but heated at the same time and, without even thinking about it, he found himself wrapping his strong arms around you, bringing you closer to his chest. You smiled against his lips and murmured something he didn’t quite catch.

A groan escaped him when you bit his lower lip lightly, your soft palm going down, from his chest, to his stomach, down…

He couldn’t do it.

Joel abruptly rose to the sitting position and grabbed your wrist, his eyes sad and painful.

“I’m sorry, baby” he said with furrowed brows, gently setting you aside and off his lap, before standing up quickly. “I’m so sorry, babygirl, I love you, I promise, but I can’t… I don’t feel good today. I’m sorry.”

“Joel…” you started, but he shook his head, putting his t-shirt back on and turning away from you not to let you see the absolute wrecked expression on his face and wetness in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he kept saying, feeling like he’s about to throw up from the nerves and the burning shame. He cursed himself internally, wanting to turn around, to take your face in his hands and kiss you deeply, but he… he... “I’m so…”

All strength left him in a blink of an eye and suddenly he slumped on the bed, hiding his face in his hands. Joel desperately tried to get a grip on himself, but his chest felt so tight, and all the worry, all the guilt and fear, and self-loathing came crashing down on him all at once.

“M’sorry, darlin’,” he whispered hoarsely, his lips trembling and that damn muscle in his cheek pulsing when he felt the mattress dipping and your tentative touch on his face.

“No, no, baby, it’s alright,” you started saying quietly, trying to take his cheeks in your hands, but he didn’t let you. “Oh, Joel… Come here.”

You gently pulled him into your arms, guiding his head to rest in the crook of your neck. Joel hid his face in your skin, realizing with dread that his own shoulders were shaking.

For God’s sake, he needed to stop, he needed to put himself together and not show any weakness–

But it was you. It was your warm embrace and your loving hands brushing his hair, and your quiet whispers while you held him. It was your kindness and understanding, and stubbornness coming from love. You weren’t someone he had to hide from.

So he let you in. He let you hold him.

“Joel, please. Talk to me,” you spoke up after some time, and though your tone was soft, it somehow sounded too loud in the silence of the room. “I need to know what’s going on with you, you’re worrying me.”

“Nothin’ is goin’ on,” he answered out of habit, not even moving a muscle. “I just… fuck, sorry.”

“Stop apologizing and talk to me.” Joel pursed his lips, while you massaged his back gently. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna get through it together, okay? It’s gonna be okay, love, I promise.”

He planned on telling you. He wanted to tell you and get it off his chest, but… he wasn’t ready. Not now. Not when he broke down in front of you, for fuck’s sake.

But you deserved to know. If not to help him, then at least to make you aware of what you’ve gotten yourself into. It wasn’t fair to keep you in the dark and at arm’s length because of his absurd fears.

He wetted his lips and inhaled softly, but no words came out.

You gently lifted his head and Joel immediately squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no way he’d be able to say anything if he looked at you.

“You can tell me, baby,” you whispered sadly, touching the side of his face. “Anything. I promise everything will be alright.”

Joel was silent for a couple of moments, before he swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his pounding heart.

“I don’t have any extra work,” he started very quietly, so his voice wouldn’t break. “I was lyin’ to you, and I… I’m so sorry about that. I don’t get sent on any patrols now, actually…”

He shook his head and sighed heavily, faltering. He knew that wasn’t the problem, and although lying to you was one of the things he was guilty of, it wasn’t what started all of it. And you must’ve known it, too, because you kept looking at him, not saying anything.

“The thin’ is, I… God dammit,” he murmured, turning his head away from you and hiding his face in his hands, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t… I don’t– I have a problem with myself,” he finally blurted out, not even caring now if you understood his muffled words. “I keep…”

Fuck, man, just say it.

“I’m… I’m not as fit as I used to be,” he murmured, not moving an inch in fear that you’ll spot the wetness on his eyelashes. “I don’t want to do you harm, darlin’, keepin’ you from… Jesus, I don’t know. From livin’ your life, happily and to the fullest.”

“Joel…” You whispered with pain in your voice. “Is this what it is about?”

Joel shook his head, letting out a shuddering breath, still as quietly as he could.

“I’m old,” he said with tiredness he didn’t know he had in himself. “And you… You’re so pretty and young, I…” He lowered his forehead onto his hand, rubbing his temple. “I would like nothin’ more than to spend the rest of my life with you, darlin’. But I’m afraid I’m not… not good for you. You could do so much better–”

“Hey. Hey, none of that.” You forced his hands away from his face by cradling it in your own palms. “There’s no one else I’d rather share my days with.”

Joel just shut his eyes tighter, trying to contain the tears that started to gather in them.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered. “But in a couple of years I’ll be… God, I’ll be fuckin’ sixty, and you–”

“Do you really think I care about that?” you asked softly, brushing your thumbs under his eyes, but he shook his head, like you didn’t understand. “Joel, I love you more than anything in this world. And I know you love me.” He heard the faintest smile in your voice, and it made him feel so, so terrible with himself – that you were trying to make him feel better when you shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have been another one of your worries… “So where’s the problem? I want to be with you. Only you.”

Joel pressed his lips together and before he could stop himself, he draped his arms over his lap, like he was trying to hide the evidence of his insecurities from you, even though his torso was already covered by the t-shirt.

“You’re young and beautiful,” he repeated, still unable to find strength in himself to look you in the eye. “And I’m anythin’ but. I just don’t wanna…”

Joel didn’t know what else to say.

He didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to spend another night apart from you. He didn’t want to push you away.

“Just don’t want you to be unhappy,” he finally murmured.

You let out something between a short chuckle and a stifled sob, and your fingers found Joel’s, still wrapped around his stomach.

“Do I look unhappy to you?” you asked, almost in disbelief. Joel finally willed himself to glance at you, if only to see for himself – which turned out to be a mistake. Your eyes were sad and teary, but not full of hurt or distaste like he feared, and you still had this faint smile on your face. He quickly turned his head away and you must’ve realized how you looked because your hold on his fingers tightened slightly. “Not right now. In general, did I ever do something to make you think I’m not happy with you?”

“No,” he answered quietly, not even having to think about it. “But it doesn’t…”

“I told you before, how can I even look at anyone else when I have you?” you spoke up when he faltered. “You’re beautiful to me, Joel, even if you don’t believe me right now. You’re amazing and kind, you’re fucking hot, and yeah, maybe you’re stubborn at times, but I love you so much, and every day I find another reason to fall for you all over again.”

Joel met your eyes again, looking for any hesitation or deceit – but he didn’t find any. As always, you were sincere in everything you said.

He realized, with another wave of tears threatening to roll down his cheeks, how much he missed your affection that he alone deprived himself from. How much he longed for this intimacy that once came so easily to him.

“M’sorry,” he muttered at last, lifting his hand to your face and trying to ignore those damn tears spilling from behind his eyelids. “Never doubted you, babygirl, but I just didn’t know how… how to tell you.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you nuzzled your cheek into his palm, planting a kiss on the inside of his hand. “It’s alright, c’mon here.”

Not letting go of his hand, you tugged him gently and leaned back on the pillows. With great effort he refrained from fighting you, and instead let you pull him down, laying his head on your chest.

And in an instant, everything was alright again. The moment Joel heard your heartbeat under his ear and felt your gentle hands on the nape of his neck and his back… it was like coming home. This feeling of warmth spreading across his limbs made him feel safe for the first time in weeks.

It was so long since he fully let you hold him.

Maybe that’s what he’s been missing.

“I adore you, Joel Miller,” you whispered into the top of his head, holding him close to your heart. “All of you, and just the way you are.”

Joel couldn’t help it – a small smile crept onto his lips.

“Called it,” he murmured. “You’re gettin’ sappy.”

You snorted and kissed his hairline. “I think you need it, handsome.”

“Maybe I do,” he conceded, not moving his head from your chest, and sighed tiredly. “Dammit, missed holdin’ you like this, babygirl. M’so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you countered, but he continued.

“I just didn’t know how to talk about it… How to tell you that I feel bad. About… the way I look.”

Joel felt your hands on his cheeks, and although he really didn’t want to move from the position he was in, he let you lift his head.

“I love the way you look,” you said quietly, in a tone that made Joel’s old heart flutter. “And our bodies change, there’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, I’m really happy that both of us can enjoy this kind of life.” You leaned in and nudged Joel’s nose with yours, closing your eyes. “Every change of our bodies is a sign that we’re finally safe after all we’ve been through. 

“But you look gorgeous as ever, sweet girl.”

“M’glad to hear it, Mr Miller,” you teased, but then your smile turned wistful. “But you know, I was insecure about my looks, too, not sure if you noticed. My stomach and thighs, and,” you rolled your eyes, “well, my butt.”

Normally Joel would throw a playful remark, or try to make you giggle, but this time he stayed silent. He just listened to your soft voice, drinking in your features.

“It worried me for some time. But you still put your hand on my leg when I was sitting with you, and you never shied away from telling and showing me,” you stressed this word, a teasing note in your tone, “how much you like my body.”

“‘Course I do,” he murmured quietly, lifting himself on his elbows and leaning over you despite your huffs and efforts to keep him in place.

“So I thought that maybe you didn’t care about this extra weight, or even didn’t–”

The rest of your words were swallowed by Joel’s lips when he kissed you deeply and hungrily. So many strong emotions were swirling inside his chest, he didn’t know anymore what to do with himself. At first you tried to continue your train of thought, but soon gave up, erupting into giggles when Joel latched his lips onto your neck and wrapped his arms around you in an attempt to bring you in even closer.

“I didn’t care,” he was whispering into your skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. “I don’t.”

“Then you see– Joel, stop it!” You squealed when he carried on with his assault, not giving you a second to gather your thoughts.

“M’so lucky to have you,” he whispered while peppering your face in soft kisses. “Thank you, babygirl.”

You finally managed to free your arms, and you cupped his face in your hands with a huge grin that Joel decided he wanted to see every day. Another adorable giggle escaped you when he snuggled his scratchy cheek into your palm.

“I know it will take time,” you said gently, but firmly, looking deep into his eyes. “But no matter how long it’ll take, I will make you understand how incredibly attracted I am to you.” Joel hung his head low to hide a bashful snigger, and your smile grew. “Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah. Understood, ma’am.”

“Good.” You pulled him closer to plant a slow kiss on his lips, and asked seductively: “I can start right now, if you’d want to. I don’t want my handsome man to feel insecure about any part of him.”

God, he loved you so much.

Joel hid his face in the crook of your neck again, his heart squeezing with adoration and disbelief at how it came that he’d been blessed with someone like you.

“Y’know what, sweetheart? I think it’d do me good.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller x y/n #joel tlou #i will actually be taking a break because i have uni stuff to do which i REALLY neglected on behalf of this fic #i really got carried away with this one and the final scene took me so long to write omg #i really tried to approach this topic with respect and understanding and i very much hope it's alright #soft joel miller #joel miller fluff #the last of us fic

[professional-termite]

nbc hannibal au where everything is the same except hannibal has a tumblr blog called i-cook-and-eat-rude-people and nobody questions or reports it because they think its just another gimmick blog

#he doesnt post pictures of him eating people or anything #people just send him “rp” asks about cannibalism #and he answers completely accurately #and then the account goes offline for 3 years right as hannibal is arrested #and that starts a bunch of wild speculation about “omg did the chesapeake ripper have a tumblr blog or is this part of the gimmick???” #eventually hannibal makes one final post like “hey guys srry i was gone so long i got arrsted for eating all those people. i am currently #fleeing the country with my boyfriend. expect to never hear from me again“ #and then it just becomes common knowledge that the chesapeake ripper was a tumblrina #its added to the pantheon of messed up crap that has gone on in this site #nbc hannibal #hannibal lecter #nbc hannigram #hannibal #termite talks

[sukunasweetheart]

after learning that sukuna canonly speaks in an elegent and poetic way and uses old japanese terms (that sadly gets lost in translation) i can’t stop thinking of him being a literature or terminology professor😖 like this man would say romantic things to you out of nowhere and you’re like “what?🥴” and he says “what? what’s the big deal🤨”

no bc picture sukuna with glasses and a coffee in one hand, wearing an awfully smart outfit, his passion for jujutsu replaced with passion for literature, a tall mf who has an unapproachable aura in every way possible

his classes are by no means, for the weak. high demand, but high results. meaning, if you successfully endure and manage to grit your teeth through his assignments and harsh, but reasonable critique, you will have attained something very valuable from the experience, because this man expects nothing but the best from students who sit through his classes and want to learn about the art of literature + poetry

so many college students develop a crush on him, despite his difficult personality...

his lovelife is rather stagnant, however. literature professor!sukuna is too careful about who he brings into his life, being mostly uninterested in romance and the turmoil it brings to a person. he isn't fond of the idea that he could be potentially swayed so easily by one singular person. how awful would it be that your entire mood could depend on one individual? he was pretty content with spending the rest of his life as a single man, so be it.

but really, nobody is immune to the nature of falling in love... it can be something that happens at the snap of one's fingers. or it can be gradual, like a slow but firm tug that pulls you in closer towards someone. it can occur almost violently, and you might find yourself thrashing frantically against the net that you've gotten tangled up in. or, it can occur in a way that is as elegant and gentle as how one handles their most beloved books, flipping through each page without leaving as much as a crease behind...

for sukuna, all the boxes can be ticked off. falling in love with you, a fellow professor, was like experiencing all of these at once. the realisation hit like a bolt of lightning, when he caught himself... smiling? when he was reading an email of yours. he had to take off his glasses and pinch the bridge of his nose for that one. there was no way. it happens this quickly?

it's hard to say whether he fell in deep from the start, or if happened more like sinking slowly, helpless, in quicksand. either way, it didn't matter whether he tried to struggle or not, he was only plummeting further.

it only hurt him when he tried to distance himself away. it only hurt him when he tried holding himself back from contacting you. it seemed like everything he did in attempt to quell the thrumming in his heart, only came back to hurt him.

it started off as emails between two professional colleagues. but eventually, it developed into polite follows onto each other's social media accounts. and almost inevitably, personal numbers were then exchanged after much talking in dms. it was very funny, seeing his empty shell of an instagram account, no posts or even a profile picture in place. such clever and well pronounced prose coming from a colourless account.

let's not get into the moment where he first experienced your touch. when handing him a novel, you brushed fingers with him, and sukuna felt a strange tingle that travelled down his spine.

many instances come- where an overwhelming desire to pull you close to him by the waist, grasps him by the throat. the conflicting compulsion and urge to wreck you, but also having the need to treat you like he would a fragile butterfly.

he goes out drinking with you, one evening. already a dangerous move.

in a soft, but a little busy area in maybe a small, cheap restaurant where the two of you are residing. both of you a little tipsy, but not drunk. tipsy enough for lingering gazes. tipsy enough for the little unnoticeable but definitely noticeable touches. tipsy enough to bring out the vulnerability to seep out of yours and his eyes.

you and him, confined in a little cosy and invisible bubble… all and every noise that's made outside of it sounds muffled.

the tilting of your head as you look at him with a flirtatious smile, the reach of your delicate fingers approaching his cheek slowly, but then retracting because you're still unsure, because you're only tipsy.

and he, with his mellow eyes, grabs onto your hand before you can get away. why don't you commit? his searing hot palm clasps over your skin, and it captures you in every way possible.

and you're doing it again. you're batting your eyelashes at him, tempting him into doing something definitively irreversible. now that he's touched you, he can't compel himself to let go. you've done it now. there's nothing he can do to stop this.

your eyes follow as he reaches for his own glasses, still holding onto your hand, grip so firm yet so gentle. sukuna takes them off. carefully places them onto the table. the next order of events should have been so painfully obvious, but it still didn't fail in making your heart pound within your ribcage.

he kisses you so feverishly. he palms your jawline with great tenderness, bringing you in impossibly closer. so enraptured, so infatuated, so sweet. he holds your hand tighter, gliding his large thumb over it.

it brings him an intense amount of joy, touching you like this. it's addicting. and he never wants to let go again. he's a selfish man at heart, already claiming you as his internally, because you enthrall him and induce such pleasure like no one before. oh, how aggravating. but also, simply delightful.

it's time he brought you home. if you've caught someone up in your web, it's only right you take responsibility. will you consume him? or will he do it first?

after this string of events, sukuna is most definitely no longer a single man. having a lover around has its merits, and its disadvantages. but never does the bad outweigh the good, at least when it comes to you.

maybe he'll write an excerpt about you. a little free verse poem. beautifully worded, but incredibly abstract. nobody could guess how it all ties back to you. not even yourself, perhaps. but that's what sukuna intended. he's satisfied with keeping this secret to himself.

you'd think having such a mellow lovelife would also transfer the same softness into his lectures, and assignments. wrong. as a professor, he's still as prickly as ever.

#this didnt meant to be so fucking long bruh but i got carried away oopsiess omg #sukuna x reader #sukuna #jjk x reader #poe answers

[ohbo-ohno]

loneliness and fallen woman with price please! happy 1000 followers ❤️

1k game here - no more please!

alright anon. i gotta be real with you, i barely used the prompts you gave and for that i really am sorry. i wrote like 1k of this about three different times because they kept just not being quite right, and they got increasingly further and further from the prompts. sorry!

2.6k of reader x local crime kingpin price. no smut! (the background plot and "worldbuilding" here is really weak, but just ignore it lol)

You know you’re doing something stupid, but that seems to be all you’re capable of these days. The last few weeks have been nothing but stipid decision after stupid decision, your absolute stupidest decision leading you to this exact moment.

You should’ve never slept with John Price. You should’ve known, should’ve recognized his face, but you’d been a little tipsy and a little desperate, and hadn’t connected the very common name John with the very well known criminal John Price. 

No, that had come the next morning, when you’d woken up before him and been able to really take a look at him, completely sober. Him and the gun in its holster resting on his folded pile of clothes.

You should’ve recognized him long before then, and you should’ve turned tail and run. You shouldn’t have let him buy you a drink, you shouldn’t have let him coax you into dumping all your troubles onto him, and you certainly shouldn’t have slept with him. 

You’d left before he could wake up and say God knows what, fear pumping through your veins at the realization of who you’d slept with. You’d nearly knocked yourself out trying to get dressed, almost fallen on top of him before you managed to stumble out of the hotel room he’d bought for you.

Everyone knows John Price. No one ever really bothers to detail why he’s dangerous, but they all seem confident he is. You’re a recent transfer to the area, and you still haven’t been able to get anyone to really say why they always whisper when they say his name.

What you do know about him is that every few weeks, almost routinely, you hear that he’s been arrested. Then two or three days later, like clockwork, it’s announced that he’s escaped, always thought to be “armed and dangerous”. His mugshots are shown on TV enough that it’s truly surprising you hadn’t recognized him at the bar. 

You always figured you’d never run into him. You don’t exactly lead a life of crime, don’t exaclty put yourself in harm’s way. You work a boring nine to five job, have dinner with friends every couple weeks, occasionally meet up with someone from a dating app, and never really stray from that. Had he not happened to be in the same bar as you, you never would’ve met him, never would’ve slept with him, and never would’ve been hunting him down now, weeks later.

Hell, you might not have even slept with him had you not just been stood up by what was supposed to be a first date on the same day you’d lost out on a promotion. But a few shots, that loneliness that grows more and more familiar every day, a simmering frustration in your career, and a handsome man are not a good combination for your self control. 

But you had slept with him, had been especially stupid and not even worn protection - something you’d only really noticed the next morning, when you felt… him still leaking from you, saw that there was no condom wrapper.

And now here you are - stood in that same run down bar you’d first met him in, wearing an old hoodie and your favorite sweatpants, three positive pregnancy tests tucked in your front pocket.

You try to take a deep breath.

You really don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve been running on autopilot since you realized you might be pregnant, the time between buying tests and taking them a blur. Even now, you’re running on instinct alone. Instinct tells you to find John Price, and tell him about… this.

You can figure everything else out after. 

You scan the crowd, hoping to spot him quickly. You know he owns the bar - something you’d found out once you’d gotten home and fallen deep into a rabbit hole and read everything about the man you could find. You’re not sure how he still owns the bar considering he’s got multiple warrants out for his arrest, but you figure it’s probably the same reason he never actually ends up in jail.

But he’s not here now. At least, not anywhere you can see.

You step up to the bar, rest your elbows on the counter and rest your head in your hands, taking a few long, stablizing breaths.

“What can I get for ye?”

You glance up at the sudden voice, coming face to face with the bartender. It’s not the same man as last time - this man’s got a Scottish accent and a mohawk, a far cry from the darker skinned British man with pretty eyes who’d served you last time.

“Do you…” you glance around again, sigh, and decide you should try and find somewhere to compose yourself a bit. “Do you guys have a bathroom I could use?”

“Course,” he smiles at you, open and friendly, and you feel some of the tension ease from your shoulders. “Just ‘round that corner there, a few doors down. Can’t miss it.”

You give him a tight smile, mutter your thanks as you head in the direction he’d gestured. His directions are exactly right, the women’s bathroom door towards the end of the hallway but clearly marked.

Just past the bathroom doors is a stairwell. The door is half open, but you can clearly see the stairs even halfway down the hallway. You’re not sure why, but you walk right past the bathrooms, ducking into the stairwell instead after shooting a quick look over your shoulder to make sure no one saw you. 

It’s nearly silent, the music from the bar growing more and more muffled as you start to make your way to the next floor. It’s even quieter once you reach your destination, just a distant and faint rumbling in the floorboards.

You step out into a hallway with four doors - two of them with nameplates nailed to them. Stepping close, you see one is labeled Simon Riley and the other reads John Price.

Before you can consider whether or not you’re making another stupid decision you’re knocking on the door with Price’s name. 

You regret it the moment your knuckles rap against the wood, can’t believe you keep doing such stupid things without thinking.

Before you can even get a step away from the door, there’s a voice calling out from inside the room.

“Come in.”

Your breath hitches. 

You can’t leave now. There’s no way he wouldn’t come to the door, see who knocked. You’re not about to ding dong ditch John Price, but that doesn’t make it any easier to move forward. You only manage it because you feel oddly exposed in the hallway, and your nerves urge you forward enough to open the door.

You shut it quickly behind you, eager for privacy for some reason you can’t quite pin down. Listening to your instincts regardless, you keep your back pressed to the closed door and shove one hand in your pocket to wrap around the pregnancy tests.

John looks… mostly the same, which only makes you feel even more foolish for not recognizing him on the night that started this whole mess.

His beard’s a bit longer, but he’s got a button up and that silly hat on, the same thing he’d been wearing the first night you saw him. It’s almost like you’re yanked back to that night without warning, the only real difference being the fact that he’s sat behind a desk instead of beside you.

“Oh,” he says, looking oddly unsurprised as he leans back in his chair, hands lacing over his stomach. “It’s you. My little runaway.”

You scowl, your trepidation immediately replaced with anger. 

“First of all,” you hiss, scowling and moving towards his desk, the twitch at the corner of his lips only working you up further. “I’m not your anything. And I didn’t run away.”

His lips curve into a fuller smile, and he shifts his chair back enough for you to see his thighs, thick and bulging against his tight pants. He’s manspreading in his own office chair, and you have to swallow thickly when you realize just how attractive it is.

When you glance back to his face and see the distinctly smug expression he’s wearing, your ire only grows.

“Not sure what else you’d call it,” he rumbles. “Was hoping to spend a little more time with you, love, but you were gone before we could set up a date.”

You instinctively go to bite back, but stumble a bit when what he’d said settles. The idea that he’d been disappointed when he woke up alone, that he wanted more time with you…

You shake the thought off. It doesn’t matter, you have more important things to discuss.

You force yourself to straighten, fingers toying with the tests in your pocket. Your nerves return now that you’re really face to face with John again, now that you’ve got to actually figure out how to tell him. 

He seems to sense the shift in your mood, leaning forward so he’s not sprawled out so casually and resting his forearms on his desk.

“Why’re you here, love?”

This is it, you think to yourself, closing your eyes to take a deep, stablizing breath.

You tug the pregnancy tests out of your pocket, drop them wordlessly in front of him. It’s hard to keep your eyes open, to watch his expression as he slowly looks down at your offering, watch as realization washes over him.

John’s silent for a long moment. Your palms sweat, and you just barely resist the urge to wipe them off on your pants.

Finally, he looks back up at you, shifting in his chair. “You’re sure?”

You hesitate, nod a bit. “There are… I took more, at home. Didn’t want to bring them all.”

He nods, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other. “And it’s mine?”

You flush, face going hot. You know it’s a fair question, but you can’t help but bristle anyway. 

“Yes,” you hiss, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “I haven’t… I didn’t…” You cut yourself off, the words you were my first trapping themselves behind your teeth. You hadn’t meant to lose your virginity to John Price, and you see no need to tell him you even had. As far as you’re concerned, you can keep that knowledge to yourself. “It’s yours.”

He doesn’t look convinced, and that only makes your face go hotter. You fight the urge to tuck your hands beneath your armpits, determined not to shrink in front of this man.

“I haven’t been with anyone else,” you elaborate, eyes flicking away from his face.

He takes a deep breath, exhales in a loud sigh. You hear his fingers tap against the desk, just barely bite back your annoyance at the sound. You work your tongue between your teeth, nerves racing again.

“Well,” he eventually says, standing from his chair. You can’t help but jolt a bit, having forgotten just how big he is. He towers over you even from a few feet away, his broad shoulders and barrel chest only making him feel twice as large. It’s a conscious effort on your part not to take a step back. “I hope you weren’t too attached to your apartment, love.”

He stalks around the desk, walking towards the door, but you can’t move from your spot. Your eyebrows furrow, and you track him with your eyes.

“My apartment? What’re you talking about?”

He shoots you a look, one you have no idea how to interpret, as he tugs his door open. “Simon!”

“John,” you hiss, stepping closer to him again. “What’re you-?”

He holds a hand up to quiet you as the other door opens, and you can just barely spot another man stepping forward. “Yeah?”

“Need you to call some movers. Need to get my girl moved into my place.”

You gape like a fish as the new man leans to the side a bit to look where Price is gesturing to you, and he nods. “Got it. Timeline?”

“Done by tonight.”

The other man grunts, and leaves again. John closes the door, turning back to you and starting back to his desk.

“What- what the hell?” You splutter, mouth opening and closing in shock. “You can’t- you don’t even know where I live!”

John settles back into his chair and shoots you a look that you can clearly read - it’s nothing but unimpressed.

“Course I do, love. Did you think we wouldn’t be meeting again?”

You blink at him, dumbfounded, as he turns to his computer, lips twitching into a smile.

“Of course we wouldn’t,” you try, hand resting on one of the chairs in front of the desk to steady yourself. “We only… we only slept together once. I didn’t even know who you were.”

He hums an agreement, typing. “No, you didn’t. But that doesn’t matter, you know now. And considering the other… developments,” he shoots a look to your belly, and you rest your free hand over the small curve protectively. “It’s best we get to know each other in far closer quarters, hm?”

“No,” you argue, trying to inject some sterness into your tone. “I’m not moving in with you, that’s ridiculous. I just… I only told you about the baby so you could be involved. Maybe pay some child support. But there’s no reason for anything more.”

He sighs heavily through his nose, giving you another of those unimpressed looks. “You’re tellin’ me you’d rather keep living on your own? Take care of yourself and my baby all on your own?”

You brows furrow. “My baby.”

“Our baby.”

“Whatever,” you huff, moving to sit in one of the chairs, slumping back. “I can’t move in with you. Just because we… slept together, once, doesn’t mean you can just boss me around like a minon.”

 “Oh, it was more than once, love,” he corrects, voice pitching lower. You force down a shiver, cheeks heating again. “And is it really bossing you around if it’s for the best?”

You shoot him your own unimpressed look. “Yes, of course it is.”

He shrugs, turning back to his computer. “Then I guess I am bossing you around. Regardless, Simon will have your belongings in one of my properties by tonight.”

You scowl, leaning forward enough to plant a hand on his desk. “Listen, John, I have a life. A perfectly nice apartment, a job I like, friends - you can’t just take me away from all of that just because we made a mistake!”

The quick glance he shoots you verges on scolding. “That’s exactly what I can do, and it’s exactly what I will do.”

He stands before you can reply, fixing his cuffs as he strides back to the office door.

“You can call your boss tomorrow to turn in your resignation,” he says over his shoulder, tugging the door open and already walking away, winking at you just before he disappears from your sight. “You won’t be working while carrying our baby.”

You gape at the spot where he just was, palms still slick with sweat. It takes you a moment to fully grasp what he’s just said, how the entire conversation has gone, but when you do you’re enraged.

“John!” You shout, storming after him, leaving the pregnancy tests behind. “Get back here, you insane man! That’s absolutely not happening!”

The sound of his low laugh echoing through the stairwell only pisses you off more. Your scowl feels etched into your face, and as you storm after John you vow to keep him from completely steam rolling your life.

If he thinks he’s going to just pluck you from your life and drop you in his with no fight, he’s got another thing coming. 

#i just googled “fallen woman” btw so i really hope i got the meaning right lmfao #and then i just kinda like. half ignored it. work with me anon 🙏 #price x reader #john price x reader #john price #cod #call of duty #1k celebration #bo writes #bet you thought i forgot about these #WRONG!!!!!! #btw i fucking WRESTLED with this one like omg it took me so fucking long for no reason! and it's not even that good! ugh!

[bananacockatiel]

My constant attraction to hot men who can kill me never disappoints

#another sketch that got out of hand #omg noo Vere dont kill me haha ur so sexy #kinning the skull avtually #im the skull only hopefully not dead and long decomposed #it’s not my fault they make the sexiest cuntiest characters homicidal #touchstarvedgame #touchstarved game #touchstarved vere #vere touchstarved #touchstarved leander #touchstarved ais #touchstarved mhin #touchstarved kuras #reg.art! #touchstarved

[simplyavatrice]

alba.baptista via instagram - 10/29/2023

#alba baptista #avatrice #warrior nun #ava silva #legit the rush of excitement i got when my friend told me there were new pics of her omg #she looks so GOOD #and the one with her pup? #ughhh #i have missed her #her hair is so long now #wowowow <3

[maliciousalice]

Gotta keep that command structure intact!

#art #my art #Janeway #Kathryn Janeway #Startrek Voyager #ST: Voy #ST: Voyager #Captain Janeway #Startrek #Animatic #Chakotay #Janeway/Chakotay #heheh LOOK I THINK ITS DONE I DID WHAT I SET OUT TO DO #I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT #I heard the demoman line and i was like omg herrrrr #storyboard #this was supposed to be for practice but it took me so long i hate my braiiiinnnn #Janeway be like hahaha GOT HIMmm

[pr]

#bc like ok my best friends sister got engaged after ONE AND A HALF YEARS and i was like thats so fast and everyones like no it isnt??? #and then theres a coworker who has been dating his girlfriend for 4 years and everyone is razzing him like omg why are you not engaged #why are you waiting so long??? and i literally got engaged 6 years into my relationship after living with him for 4 years and feel like #THAT is an adequate amount of time to know whether you want to be with someone forever??? like how tf do you know with less than 5 years #in a relationship??? am i crazy??? #op