#this has happened to me so many times

[evilwriter37]

Society when neurotypicals find an interest: That’s amazing! Keep at it! Have fun!

Society when autistic people find an interest: No, stop that. You’re too obsessed. Do something else, you freak.

#am I wrong? no #autism #actually autistic #freak slur #ableist language #this has happened to me so many times

[red-velvet-0w0]

Im not naming names, but do you ever see a theory so utterly implausible and ridiculous that goes against all cannon and lore and common sense, and then you go to look at comments to see if anybody has corrected them on how that goes against everything the show has been trying to say and ruins all the worldbuilding, and yet all the comments are just like "OMG mind blown I never realized that" "this makes so much sense" "I finaly understand the story" and you start feeling like your being gaslit by everybody into questioning everything you know about your favorite hyperfixation who's lore you have memorized.

#this has happened to me so many times #in particular the fandoms I see this in are #slay the princess #the magnus archives #tma #life series #desertduo #Like I think that you should be allowed to theorize whatever you want #and if you want to believe whatever about the show go ahead #but everytime I see this happen I am driven closer and closer to insanity

[sensitivesiren]

Something I've learned as a writer is that people that beg to read my work don't actually care to read what I've written. They just don't want me keeping things from them.

When someone says "oh, what are you writing, can I read it?" they don't actually mean they want to read it, they just want access because I've said "no".

Either because it's not finished, or it's something personal to me, I've said "No, I don't want to share this." and it drives people insane. They will plead and beg and scheme to get you to give up your manuscript, and once you've done that, once you've FINALLY surrendered, they never even open it.

#this has happened to me so many times #oh i want to read it i want to read it #no you dont #and you wont #you just dont like that i have something for myself #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #female writers #author #authors of tumblr #ao3 #fanfic #writing #classicmeg #creative writing #writeblr #writer stuff #writer

[mohabbaat]

🌻

sometimes you have to understand that standing up for your beliefs is more important than the people around you. and that losing someone just because what you believe in doesn't align with what they believe in is completely okay. i am not saying that every friendship will work like that. you will have friends who will stay even after multiple disagreements. but you will also have friends who will leave without a word because of one thing y'all didn't agree on. but that's okay cause just like you have your stand they have theirs. it's just the way of life. it is jarring the first time it happens but with age you do get used to it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

#this has happened to me so many times #but you can always reconnect later #once you grow a bit older #and the communication becomes better. you know? #because everyone of us changes as we grow #and that growth is vital in life #i dont know what the ask meant btw #but i took it as the 'send me a 🌻 and i will say some random bs' asks #okay? cool. #asks

[bedlamsbard]

why am I still giving off “talk to me about Star Wars” vibes. why is this always happening to me. what god did I piss off. also WHY does it always happen with the most generic SW shirt possible, it’s happened like four times with this one t-shirt alone.

(normally I know better than to wear a SW shirt out of the house because FOR SOME REASON I attract Men Who Want To Talk About Star Wars, but I wasn’t expecting to go anywhere today. also no I didn’t destash all my SW shirts, this is like 3/4 of my t-shirt collection and no one wants old t-shirts.)

#your girl #this has happened to me so many times #the worst is still the guy who tried to give me homework #who might have also been the same guy who didn't believe I was a real sw fan until I said I'd been to star wars celebration LONDON #(orlando didn't count for him because it's so close to georgia) #not to be confused with the other guy who told me how much he hated rey and the st #or some of the others. so many. it's happened so many times. I have resting bitch face but it doesn't work on sw men. #ONCE it was a woman. may 2020. veg section of the grocery store. called her boyfriend over to tell him 'SHE is a PREQUEL fan' #the boyfriend apologized to me

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I'll give you a really great idea for a book and absolutely no idea how to start. You don't actually know how to write it; you just know that it would be a really good story if only you could.

#this has happened to me so many times #i get a good idea and i plot out what happens and then i just cant do it #yes i have a 3 act structure and a 5 act structure and a 7 act structure written out #no i dont know how the first chapter should go and something is preventing me from starting on a later one #oh rio thyxes fiona and kathe one day i will figure out how to tell your story #(pov i am talking to the blorbos in my brain via a tumblr tag) #(ah yes ocs aka brain blorbos)

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

i hate when you make a post and other people see it and once you reread it you realize you made a typo without realizing

#this has happened to me so many times #on the posts that people actually read and reblog #like it’s happened where some of my favorite people on here have reblogged it and then i realize i made a mistake and i die a little bit #😭😭 #text

[avesblues2]

“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26-28‬ ‭

#this has happened to me so many times #my tears are a prayer of unspoken sorrows but God knows what they mean #The spirit leads me in prayer for when I cannot find the words to speak #when I don't know what to pray for I sit in silence and read verses till the Holy Spirit begins to speak for me #So amazing #verse #verses

[jewlwpet]

This game is just so hard for me... I'm using the walkthrough and taking notes on where each of the sidequests are so I can find locations of ones that are new to me through process of elimination... but the quest will be something like "Speak to Diana before noon." And I'll think, I know where Diana is, I just saw her outside the east dorm room. So I'll go there and talk to her between 10 AM and noon, and nothing happens. I can only assume that she's in two places at once and that only one of them "counts" for the quest. Which makes things so much harder than they need to be.

#little witch academia chamber of time #little witch academia: chamber of time #little witch academia #the game is charming and has a fun story #it's just so hard to get the sidequests done and i REALLY want to #but the way it expects you to be able to know where a character will be at any given time of day... #i've spent DAYS playing and i have barely any data on that #this has happened to me so many times #i don't think ive completed Any of the quests that require you to Guess the location of a character #im probably just going to have to. spend a whole in-game day in each and every room #to see who passes in and out #it's ridiculous

[shpoidarh]

me turning in an essay that i haven’t proofread at all because i like to live in the danger zone

#this has happened to me so many times #academic weapon

[thelittlebeekeeper]

sad when I follow people who aren't my mutuals and I see a post that is SO PERFECT for them but can't send it or tag them bc they have 0 knowledge that I exist

#cat's rambles #this has happened to me so many times

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[plutopawzz]

Petition to de-normalize forcing others to smile

#Enniu_talks.txt #This has happened to me so many times

[lieutenant-sarcastic]

#this will settle it! this will settle the private conversation between two people who barely cook !!!! #weve said stove so many times that it ceases to look and sound like a word #i grew up with electric stoves like #yeah they WORK differently but cooking on the stove is cooking on the stove #ur not special or better than me bc u have a gas stove 😌 #i hope ur gas leaks and morgan freeman has to shooy u thru a pint of milk 😌 /jk #up to something #polls #edit: *Mickey mouse voice* ha ha! I’ve made a mistake! #This post was not supposed to escape !!!!!! Fuck !! #my brother: lol is this about the political shit that happened a few months ago? me: THE WHAT??????