#this is one of the few games I like to play when I'm feeling burnout from FFXIV | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

muniimyg · 4 months

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10.5: love 》 series m.list

note: we made it !!! i am so incredibly grateful for everyone's love and support with c2u <3 meeting u all was so fun ,, answering ur asks and interacting thru comments truly made my day ! i'm glad i was able to share this silly goofy concept and have it well received . as usual ,, please lmk ur thots !!! i have 3 extras that will be posted soon (ie: their first hook up, a comfort scenario, and one final smut extra) so please look forward to those !!! thank u for ur patience ,, all the love 💗

warnings: sex tape vibes (kind of), pussy eating (nom nom), fucking LOL ... dirty talk & creampie! easy shit yk? lmaoo

taglist request: CLOSED

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

As much as Jungkook loves to play soccer for the glory, he loves it best alone.

When the bleachers are empty and the field is wide and free—that’s when he feels the most love for his sport. To others, it comes off as lonely and sad but to him; it’s serenity. Sometimes, it’s the only place he feels like he can truly be himself. It’s a place where he doesn’t have to be anything to anyone. It’s a place where he can be lost and found at the same time. It’s also his go-to place when he can’t sleep. Jungkook hasn’t slept well in weeks. He figured it was time to be in his own space.

His haven.

His favourite part has got to be when he plays so hard that he doesn’t even notice the world is waking up. The moment Jungkook looks up and sees the sunrise—he always gets this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s an easiness that can’t be explained.

It’s an incredible relief.

When he sees the sun, he stops playing. He takes a break and sits down to watch the sun bloom on the horizon. There’s so much bliss in the stillness of the world. He feels so much clarity when it’s just him, the net, and the ball. It’s like nothing else matters and his mind can focus on one thing: winning.

Jungkook has only done these late-night sessions a handful of times in his life.

The first time was the day before Uni tryouts and he doubted his talent. Everyone kept telling him he had nothing to worry about, but that didn’t make him feel any better. To Jungkook, his luck was just like everybody’s. He was afraid of it not coming through when he needed it the most. Therefore, he worked his ass off regardless of his luck history.

Note: Jungkook was the first in his year to get in.

The second time was when he fucked up at a game and cost his team a minor setback. It wasn’t the end of the world—he just felt like shit.

The third time was the day he redeemed himself and scored the winning goal that got the team to championships. It was the best game he had in a while. It was also the first time felt tired of it. Tired of the game, tired of the play… Just tired.

The fourth time was when he decided to take a break from soccer and tend to his burnout… Eventually, he came back after a few months. Of course, he did. He loves soccer more than anything in the world…

That was until you.

He didn’t go back to the field and have a session to himself to celebrate. No, he celebrated with you instead. You didn’t know and he never told you… But that’s what he did. The first day he came back to soccer, he went to you right after. With you, he found rest.

That’s when he realized something…

He wasn’t tired anymore.

At least, whenever he was with you.

He wasn’t tired. That’s all he could really ask for, right? To fall in love with someone that was his safety net.

The fifth time would be today.

Jungkook has been out here since 3AM, kicking the ball and practicing drills. It upset him, to be honest. He thought being here would help ease his heart. Everything feels so clogged up and messy to him. It’s like no matter what he does to try to clean up his mess, everything stains. So, he thinks to himself that maybe if he ran enough laps or kicked the ball hard enough—it would stop.

The mess.

The yearning.

The loving.

But it doesn’t.

No, instead his heart continues to ache. As he clenches it every so often, he thinks of you. Then, for a second, his heart is still. In the stillness, he tries to think of good things around him.

At least the rain wasn’t pouring as hard as it was an hour ago.

At least the sun is coming up and it’s a new day.

At least you were here—

Wait.

You’re here?

Jungkook rubs his eyes. Partly due to disbelief and partly because the rain made it hard to see you clearly. Yet, somehow… In his heart, he knows it. He knows it’s you.

How’d you know where he was? More importantly, why are you here?

Why was his heart racing so fast again?

Be still.

He isn’t sure of what to do. Should he wave? Should he call your name? Are you here on accident?

Considering it’s almost 6AM… It can’t be an accident, right?

Just as much as Jungkook’s head begins to fill with questions, yours does too. As you walk closer and closer to him, you can’t help but only hear your heartbeat pound louder and louder. Is this normal? To feel like your heart could jump out of your chest if it meant getting to him faster? You let your mind spin.

Why the fuck are you here?

What are you doing again?

Did you write everything down?

You sure felt a lot braver ten minutes ago… Suddenly, seeing him has made you doubt all the courage you worked to have for this moment. At the same time, the complex feeling of pure happiness and relief blossoms. You can’t help but smile at the sight of him. There’s a stillness in the world and it’s only when you look at him and it’s good. You know that now… But oh my god.

You’re about to lose your shit.

How did you get here?

When did it all begin?

Was it from the first night you two slept together? Or was it the karaoke night when you realized you were waiting for him to kiss you? Could it be time he fucked you in front of your mirror and you vowed to never drink coffee before meeting up with him ever again?

… No.

Maybe it was when Mina came along.

You gave him a blowjob just to stall him from going (bad move, by the way. That was pretty bitchy). Oh, and we can’t forget about the time you craved him when you were drunk out of your mind and all he did was take care of you. Half asleep, you woke up to him mounting your mirror on the wall… And well, maybe…

Maybe it was then.

When he fixed your mirror, he fixed your heart.

That’s probably why the time you two hooked up in his bedroom at the party felt so right. It was finally clicking.

You were into him then.

You just didn’t know how to admit it. Then, it got fucked up because you were caught off guard.

The perilla leaf.

The exile.

The hate sex.

Everything good and bad has led to this moment and you can’t help but feel like you’re falling apart. Finding the origin of it all feels exhausting… In your head, you debate it all. In your heart, you’ve always known.

You see, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

The friendship, the sleeping with him, the hurting him—the loving him… It wasn’t supposed to do this to you. You aren’t supposed to be this nervous and so impatient at the same time. You aren’t supposed to feel this stupid either…

But you do.

… And that’s okay.

Sometimes, with love, you’re going to feel a little stupid. You just have to cross your fingers and hope the person you’re being stupid for is just as stupid as you.

In your case… There’s a good chance he is.

As you stand on the sidelines, Jungkook places his hand over his eyes to see you clearer. He tilts his head in confusion as you drop your bag.

Then, just like that…

It happens.

His thoughts pause, his heart goes still for the nth time, and his world slows down as he takes in the sight of you. Nothing will ever be better than this. The same way he feels an ease when he watches the sunrise—he feels it as he looks at you right now.

God, he loves you so much.

He has known it for so long but this… You in this moment; it’s bliss.

Complete and utter bliss.

If that isn’t enough… His heart is completely undone the moment he realizes two things: one, you’re wearing his jersey, and two; you’re holding a towel in your arms for him. He can’t help but let a laugh escape his lips. All that shit you said about how you would never be a part of his fan club and how you could never be that girl…

Oh, this is gold.

Honestly, it’s more than enough. For you to show up and make this effort—it fills his heart. Yet, you’re you. Always full of surprises and ways of making his heart go on overdrive. As he sinks in his thoughts and soaks this moment in; he watches you take a deep breath. Then, slowly but surely, you extend your hand out to him.

It’s then when he knows it.

The wait was worth it.

The wait is over.

You and Jungkook sit on a bench, under the technical area’s cover. For a while, you two watch the sunrise in silence. Both too afraid to say anything to ruin the moment—both so undoubtedly in love. Once the sun is fully up, you brace yourself.

This is it.

Jungkook turns to you, chasing your eyes.

“You nervous or something?” he jokes, as he begins to dry his hair with the towel you placed around his neck.

“Yeah,” you confide. “Am I doing this right?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as you scoot closer to him and take the towel. In your continued silence, you take over and start to dry his hair. Scrunching the towel, you pat dry his neck and cheeks. He gulps, unsure of what to do… He likes it though. He likes that you’re taking care of him and that you’re trying. He knows you are.

As you pat dry him, you try to find your words. It takes a moment, but you think to yourself… It’s now or never, right? You’re already here. You’ve already folded.

It catches Jungkook off guard when you suddenly tug him close. Putting the towel aside, you cup his cheeks with your hands. Your hands are cold, but he doesn’t mind. If anything, he’s holding himself back from kissing them. With a pout on your lips, you begin your confession.

“I hate being your friend.”

Jungkook squints at you and chuckles. He removes your hands from his cheeks, smirking at you. “What bullshit are you on now? Didn’t we agree on—”

“I never agreed,” your eyebrows knit together. “It’s been like… A day and a half and I’m going crazy being your stupid friend.”

“Fine,” he snaps. “Enemies?”

His suggestion annoys you.

You lift your hand to hit him, but he catches your wrist. Then, he opens his hands for you. You sigh teasingly but take it. Intertwining your fingers together, you two sit in silence again for a moment.

Holding hands, watching as the rain pours, and preparing to give your hearts to one another… It feels like this could be a dream.

“Tae and Yuna, ” you begin, breaking the silence. Your voice sounds weary and desperate. “They’ve been friends since the very beginning. He always had feelings for her and she did too… But she didn’t do anything about it until it was too late. He’s dating Mina’s friend now or something—it’s so messed up. It’s so unfair, y-you know? They deserve each other so much and I—”

“Breathe,” Jungkook comforts you. “They’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t want that to be us,” you blurt.

Jungkook blinks at you.

“It’s so scary. Jungkook, I don’t want that to be us… B-but it is us, isn’t it? Y-you hate me because of—“

His eyebrows knit together. “___, I don’t hate you. Don’t say that.”

Your lips quiver, unsure of how to navigate through this talk. Maybe you should have planned it better. Maybe you should have written this whole speech out instead of word-vomiting like this… But that’s the thing.

You aren’t good at this.

Regardless, you’ll try for him.

“I’ve been selfish,” you admit, letting your eyes dart to the field. You can’t look at him. It feels too overwhelming to. “I’ve been inconsiderate and I know I can’t justify my actions because they hurt you—I just need you to know that I was scared. It was so scary trusting you, falling asleep beside you, and waking up next to you. It was so scary watching you laugh with other girls and not knowing how to tell you how I felt… I’m sorry I started fights while trying to figure out how I felt about myself… Honestly? I think I was so scared because you made it so easy.”

A beat.

“T-the truth is… I’ve always known how I felt about you.”

Jungkook can’t help but smile. He wonders if you know what you’re doing to him… Do you? He’s afraid you don’t.

“Really?” he pries, moving closer to you. “How do you feel about me?”

Attempting to be intimidating, you turn to face him with a glare.

“D-don’t push it.”

Jungkook pouts. “But I want to know… Please, please, please?”

For a moment you contemplate. Then, you look at him and take it all in. His wet hair, soft eyes, and pouting lips… How were you ever strong enough to say no to him before? Truly, you’re a changed woman.

Curling your fist, you shut your eyes and say it. You tell him the whole truth.

You give him your heart.

“You said you got ahead of yourself… But have you ever considered that I was beside you the entire time? L-like you said you’ve had feelings for me since the first time you made me laugh… Me too. I knew it then too. I just didn’t know what to do because every time I dated guys, it all felt the same… With you, it was different from the start. I don’t know how to explain it… All I know is that I like you in every way it’s possible to like someone—I like you. My heart has been yours all along. I’m sorry it took me so long to give it to you. It just felt like everything with you kept falling into place and I was terrified I was f-falling too… I think—n-no, I… Umm, I know that I…”

Something others may not know about Jungkook is that he’s consistently bad at one thing. That one thing is playing it cool when it comes to you. He has to fight his inner demons to stop himself from professing his love for you every 10 minutes. So, it would be a lie that he wasn’t loving this. He loves watching you feel what he feels.

Your words, sweet and well-awaited, completely captivate him.

He can’t help it when you’re like this. So perfect, so cute, so his. He can’t resist!

Which is why he kisses you mid-confession.

Jungkook kisses you slowly and deeply. Like never before, you lose your breath from how passionately he kisses you. Once you two pull away, he rests his forehead against yours. Smiling, he sneaks in a couple more kisses.

Timidly, you say, “So… You aren’t mad at me anymore?”

With a laugh, Jungkook shakes his head. “God, you drive me crazy.”

“So… That’s a no, right?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes and purses his lips. You press your lips against them and kiss him once more.

“___?”

“Y-yeah?”

“... I checked my phone a moment ago and Yuna ratted you out. She texted me like ten minutes before you came. Said if you don't show up I should knock on your door and fuck your feelings out of you.” You gasp, burying your face with your hands. Sighly dramatically, Jungkook makes a cheeky comment. “Once again, I waited for you.”

You hit his chest playfully. In pure disbelief, you groan at him. “What? Y-you knew and still made me do the whole speech—”

"I didn’t know!” You ignore his claim. “Although, I wouldn't have had any issue fucking the feelings out of you—"

"Are you insane?" you fume. "I was literally sick to my stomach trying to get this confession thing done right!"

“I was excited!” He teases, and nudges you. You remain annoyed at him. Jungkook can’t help but find it cute. “Awh, ___! Come on. It’s not every day that a guy gets to see his girl in his jersey, holding a towel for him on the sidelines! Also… I just really wanted to see what all your fuss was about. I promise, I didn’t know.”

It’s too late.

Just as you stand up and storm away from the embrassment, Jungkook catches up to you. Out on the field, the rain continues to pour on you two. Drying him off was useless if you were going to be this dramatic.

As he catches your wrist, you shove him away and cross your arms.

“I feel stupid,” you sigh. “Y-you knew how I felt about you. I was worried and anxious the entire time and y-you knew!”

Jungkook shuts his eyes and can’t believe how feisty you are. It’s entertaining and frustrating at the same time. God, you were so complex… But at the same time, he knows you’re just afraid. This is you finding an out. This is also you trying to stay.

He takes your hand.

You don’t shake him off say anything.

You let him take it.

He holds it like it’s all he has ever wanted to do (it is all he has ever wanted to do).

“I didn’t know everything! Hey, the fuss was cute,” he ensures you. “Do it again.”

“No!” you cry, feeling your clothes start to stick to your skin. It’s pouring now and you instantly regret being dramatic.

Except, Jungkook looks so perfect. His hair is wet and his shirt is soaked so you can see the way his muscles curve. He’s so handsome that you have to gather all your strength as a woman to keep yourself from jumping on him.

“This shit is so hard!” you complain through the rain. “How did you do this? You confessed like every time we fucked—”

“Yah!” Jungkook warns, feeling a little embarrassed. Maybe he should be the one to storm away now… “Be nice to me or else I’m about to reject you.”

You roll your eyes at him. Grabbing him by the collar, you tug him to your eye level. Happily, he complies.

“Do it then,” you call his bluff. “Reject me right now.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, loving the way you look at him. He blinks at you slowly and bites his inner cheek. For a moment, he’s silent. You’d think he’s contemplating or something… But he’s not. He’s been sure about you since your first laugh, remember?

“Kinda cruel considering you’re all I’ve been waiting for,” Jungkook confesses, as he dips his head low and kisses you.

As he kisses you, you squeeze his hand. Holding his hand tighter, he smiles into the kiss. The rain continues to pour, making everything feel unreal. As he pulls away, he looks at you the way he always has… This time, you get what Yuna was talking about.

The warmth in his gaze.

The love in it.

The you in it.

After what felt like endless heartache with other boys—this felt healing.

This was yours.

Him.

And that’s when your heart tells you something you never knew…

You waited well too.

You two escape the rain and make it to your place.

In your bedroom, you quickly get undressed and sit in front of your mirror to dry your hair. Jungkook comes out of the washroom all clean. Passing by you, he plants a kiss on the top of your head. You watch from the mirror as he reaches inside your closet for one of his shirts.

Your high from the moment at the field suddenly dies. Suddenly, you realize the confession wasn’t enough to move forward. For fucks sake, he has his clothes in your closet.

“Jungkook?” you ask cutely.

“Mhmm?” he responds as he dresses himself.

You almost choke on your words. “What are we?”

He grins, coming back to you and swaying you side to side. Without batting an eye, he answers: “friends, of course!”

Instantly, you push him away. Your shoulders slump as you glare at him. He laughs his ass off, loving the way you reacted. When he calms down, he kneels in front of you and apologizes.

“Okay, bestie,” you play along as he gets up. “Should we eat perilla leaves to celebrate?”

Jungkook’s mouth drops. His eye practically twitches at the mention of perilla leaves.

Throwing his hands up dramatically, he cries, “Oh god... My girlfriend is so mean to me… She’s so hot, holy shit.”

Girlfriend.

That sounds about right.

He’s so big.

Sometimes, you forget that.

It slips your mind because Jungkook has always been a giver. You never really had to worry about it being uncomfortable. He makes sure you cum first and always puts his needs above yours—tonight was a prime example of just that.

As he towers over you, he leaves a trail of kisses from your neck to your lips. Each kiss is so soft and intimate, your pussy clenches at his very touch. It doesn’t help when he places his thumb on your clit, rubbing and stretching it out to stimulate you even more. As you moan into his ear, he feels shivers go down his back.

You gasp as he bites your skin, enticing you to want him even more.

“Jungkook,” you breathe, “put it in, please.”

“Mhmm,” he moves the hair strands on your face and kisses you. “Be good for me, okay? Be patient. Gonna fuck you good so I need you to be on your best behaviour.”

“B-best behaviour,” you repeat rather lewdly. “Okay… W-whatever you want, love. You have it. You have me.”

Love.

God, you and your fucking words.

Jungkook bites his bottom lip, trying his best to take his time. Truth be told, he wants to fuck you silly right now. He wants you so bad that your legs won’t work and he’ll have to tend to your soreness. He wants to fuck you so good that you scream his name and lose yourself in him… But he’ll take his time tonight.

He wants to show you so much. He wants to show you how good he can make you feel. How you won’t ever regret your decision of being with him. He wants to show you what kind of man you chose and what kind of man you get to have.

A good man.

A man that has wanted you for so long that now that he has you—oh was he ready to drag it out.

Jungkook gently places his dick in between your folds. It’s hard and thick. You can feel it against your wet pussy and want nothing more than for him to put it in. Instead, Jungkook lifts himself and sits in between your legs. There, he holds the base of his cock and slaps it against your pussy. He rubs his cock up and down your folds. Then, he splits them open with his fingers and spits on it. He then spreads his spit with his cock. You feel so lucky when he pokes it inside once in a while. Like a tease, he takes it out so quickly that you begin to feel frustrated.

“P-put it in, please…”

Jungkook smirks.

“Put what in?”

You glare at him.

“Your hard, thick, stupid cock. Put it in my wet, needy, desperate pussy right now… Please?”

Jungkook lets out a sexy chuckle. “Not yet,” he tells you, as he fully stops. He then moves over and helps you sit up. Leaning against your headboard, he spreads your legs. Just when you think you can predict his next move, he reaches over to your nightstand and grabs his phone. Unlocking it, he passes it to you.

“Film me.”

You nod, following his orders.

Tapping record, you angle the camera to your pussy. You watch through the phone screen as Jungkook positions his face in between your legs. Gulping, you throw your head back as he makes his first lick.

Jungkook holds onto your thighs, helping you keep your legs open. He digs himself into your pussy, devouring every inch of it. To deepen himself, he digs his nose in and curls his tongue as he licks you. When he pulls away for air, he sucks on your clit making sure to keep you on your toes.

“Oohhh,” you sob. “S-so good. J-Jungkook—“

“Mhmm,” he murmurs onto your skin. “Tastes so good.”

“A-aghhh! Oh my god!”

The thing is… Jungkook has eaten you out before.

But this was different.

It was slow and sensual. The way he licks you and eats you out just feels so surreal. Your toes curl, your stomach winces, and your pussy tightens as you’re about to climax—

Jungkook pulls away.

He has a devilish look on his face. You stop the recording and toss his phone aside. Suddenly, he takes hold of your ankles and tugs you down. On your back, you open your arms and welcome him in again. Gladly, he buries himself in your breasts and moans at your softness.

“That was—“

“Everything my girl deserves,” he tells you sweetly. “My girl…”

“Your girl,” you pull him in for a kiss. “All yours..”

Jungkook moans, unable to stop himself. He lifts his hips, making space for him to quickly pump his cock before guiding it inside you.

… And oh my god.

He feels so good.

Him inside you is so fulfilling and healing.

“You okay?”

You nod, mesmorized by the man he is.

“More than.”

With that, Jungkook kisses you and begins to fuck you. He thrusts in and out, making you feel his entire length with each stroke. Your body takes him in as if it’s welcoming him home. As he feeds you your craving, he picks up the pace. You wrap your legs around him, moaning from how good it feels as he buries himself in you.

“F-fuck,” Jungkook hisses. “Love this. Feels so good.”

“Mhmm,” you whimper. “J-just like that!”

Jungkook continues to fuck you, drilling himself deeper and deeper. Soon, you’re chanting his name and his ego begins to boom.

Jungkook fucks you like he loves you… And you know it. You can feel it. To express so, you claw his back. Digging your nails deeper and deeper, holding him close.

“N-nghhh! I’m gonna cum—”

“Cum for me, pretty girl. You behaved so well,” he praises. “Proud of you.”

Your heart flutters.

Then, your pussy clenches as you release. He feels it. Jungkook groans, accepting that this round will be over soon. There will be plenty more, for sure. As he pumps inside you lazily, cautious of being sensitive to your climax but also because he’s hitting his.

Then, he creams your pussy. It oozes out, but he pumps himself a few more times to stuff you.

As he spills himself onto you, he lets out heavy breaths and collapses on top of you. You let him catch his breath there as you tangle your fingers in his hair.

“I love you,” you confess.

“Good… I was hoping you would.” Jungkook lets out a tired laugh. “I love you too, ___. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re everything I’ve ever loved.”

You hold him tighter.

“I love you more.”

Jungkook bursts into laughter. “Love, we are not going to play that game.”

Tilting your head at him. “Why not? It’s true.”

“You think you love me more than I love you?”

“Mhmm.”

“Prove it.”

With that, Jungkook laughs as you shift position. Leaving him on his back, you climb on top and straddle him. As you lift yourself to guide his dick inside, he lets out a whiney moan. You are so sexy. You are quite literally his favourite part of living.

“I’ll prove it,” you accept the challenge. “Will you last though?”

Jungkook’s lips slight part, amazed and shocked at your initiative. In response, he relaxes and gestures at your body. There’s a tightness that overcomes his entire body. It’s mixed with excitement and relief. For the nth time, he gives in.

Jungkook folds.

Happily, he gives himself to you.

“With you? Forever.”

Forever.

After 3 rounds, you two call it a night. As you drift to sleep, Jungkook holds you. Before this, you two talked as much as you could and even began to make plans. There is an indescribable comfort in being with each other.

Upcoming dates.

Better ways to communicate.

Everything and anything in between—you two want it all.

As the rain pours, Jungkook finally shuts his eyes. He pulls you closer, kissing you for the final time tonight. There would be tomorrow to kiss you anyway.

Tomorrow and the day after that… And the day after that. And the days that follow—he’d do just that.

He can’t wait to kiss you forever.

To hold your hand forever.

To love you forever.

For the first time in a while, Jungkook finds rest. His heart stays still and feels loved. Besides, this is what he has wanted to be all along—

Close to you.

#bts smau #bts smut #jk smut #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #jk x yn #jk x oc #jungkook uni au #jk fwb #bts fwb

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storiesfromafan · 11 months

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Dandelion

A/N: Back with Part 2! If you haven’t read Traitor, please do :) Hope this one lives up to what I wish it too. Haha. There will be a Part 3, just not sure when it will be up. As I haven’t started writing it yet. Been in a bit of a writers burnout.

Feel free to comment/message me with idea’s or anything.

Pairing: Mattheo x Fem!Reader Ravenclaw

Out of all the season’s Spring had always been your favourite, Mattheo recalled as he found himself out in a small field of wildflowers, that was a reasonable distance from the castle. It was a spot you both had spent every free moment at in Spring together. But now he was here alone, no you by his side. And it was his own responsibility you weren’t, for he ended it with you over four months ago. He had done it for the right reason, saving you from his father. From getting hurt because of him. Saving you from his darkness. Yet he missed the light you brought to his life. He missed who he was with you.

Brushing his fingers over various wildflowers that surrounded him, Mattheo recalled their individual names. Such as oxeye daisy, lesser celandine, cow parsley, dandelion. The last one being a mix of yellow flowers and the seed heads, most commonly picked and blown, its white sprouts flying off into the sky. A past time you enjoyed, claiming to make a wish with everyone. Nearly everything in his everyday routine and life reminded him of you.

When someone would say his name. Mattheo recalled how you would say his name; be it when you were happy, sad, angry, scared, breathless, sleepy, laughing. Or when he flirted with Anna. He remembered the first time he flirted with you, you had either been oblivious to it or playing hard to get. Because he knew you liked him, as he liked you too. You’d been a bit of a challenge, but in the end you both won when you got together. He hadn’t known anyone like you, still didn’t. He knew there would never be another you. He was glad about that. There was no one like his Y/N…or rather was his Y/N, he had to remind himself of that a lot.

Maybe, it's the way you say my name

Maybe, it's the way you play your game

But it's so good, I've never known anybody like you

But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you

You had come into his life during a hard time. His father and the Death Eater’s had been plotting and planning their next move and possible future moves. His father had been continuously hard on him, and only getting worse. The expectations he had to live up to were great, greater than anyone his age. But then there was you.

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime

And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

Meeting you at a Ministry party that he attended with Lucius and Draco. Your father putting the three of you together. You all knew each other, or rather knew of each other, rarely your path’s crossed. There were a few classes together, but Mattheo had never talked to you. But he was glad he had been placed with you, for talking to you was a breath of fresh air. You treated him and Draco like any other student. You tried to make conversation, and he tried to return it, which you were grateful for. And from there it only became more. Once back at school he seeked you out, making time to chat with you. Talking turned to flirting, and flirting led to dating. Then you became his Ravenclaw beauty, then Ravenclaw Princess after you helped him through so many spiraling moments because his father.

Mattheo picked one of the dandelions with the fuzzy white seed heads, bringing it up and examining it. He never saw the fascination you had in the weed. It didn’t hold any real beauty like a rose, but it had a unique quality.

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

He recalled the first time you’d both came to this spot. You had named the wildflowers before laying down on the grass, the wildflowers surrounding you. He thought you look breathtakingly beautiful; you were made for wildflowers. From how your soft locks sprawled out around you, to the content smile that graced your tempting lips.

Then there were your eyes. Your bright E/C orbs staring up at him, a warmth and admiration shining in your eyes as you looked at him. It brought a soft smile to his lips, as you returned his smile. In that moment Mattheo felt comfortable, at ease from how your warmth brought him happiness.

And I see forever in your eyes

I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

Mattheo slowly twirled the dandelion between his fingers, as the memories crossing his mind of you reminded him of what he missed. Silently praying he had kept you by his side. Anger slowly began to build, anger at himself for hurting you. But he slowly let it go, reminding himself over and over it was to save you.

Wishing on dandelions all of the time

Praying to God that one day you'll be mine

Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

I think that you are the one for me

You. The brightness in that darkness of his life. The tether that kept him grounded. The one who showed him compassion and love, knowingly or unknowingly. You were everything to him. You were the one for him...but he couldn’t allow that.

The memory of the Yule Ball came to Mattheo’s mind. The first time he’d seen you dressed like the Princess you were. The dress you’d had chosen to wear was the perfect shade of F/C, fitted your frame perfectly with a skirt that flowed to the floor like water. The neckline was tasteful and the straps just thick enough and perfectly adjusted against your skin. Your neck and shoulders were on display, as your hair was up.

'Cause it gets so hard to breathe

When you're looking at me, I've never felt so alive and free

When you're looking at me, I've never felt so happy

Mattheo, watching you walk towards him, left him speechless. And with some tempting thoughts. Upon coming to stand before the Slytherin male, the bright smile you gave him caused his heart to skip a beat. This beauty before him had chosen him. You took his arm, while greeting him. The happiness and pride Mattheo felt as he led you into The Great Hall, eyes looking at you both, had him standing taller and confident.

That night you had both danced the night away; be it a formal dance or when the Weird Sisters took over the stage, and you both just let go. Mattheo was able to let go, a night to be free. You were just as free. Laughing, dancing and showing Mattheo attention. From dancing together, holding hands or little kisses. He had wished that moment could have been forever.

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime

And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

Being the gentleman that he was, and wanting every possible moment with you, Mattheo had walked you back to the Ravenclaw house door. During the walk you had both tried to take as long as possible. First taking a long route to the door, walking slowly, taking moments to appreciate paintings or sculptures on the walk. Anything and everything to make this moment together last.

And I see forever in your eyes

I feel okay, when I see you smile, smile

Eventually you made it to your destination. You both looked at each other, neither wanting to unlock your hands from the other. Mattheo brought his hand up to brush some of your framing hair behind your ear, before cupping your cheek with that hand.

“You look so beautiful tonight” he said softly, eyes locked with your own.

“Yes...you already told me that” you replied just as softly, scared if you were any louder it would break the moment.

Mattheo smiled. “I know, but you deserve to be told every minute of every day how beautiful you are”.

Those words of his made your breath hitch, before shakily exhaling. These were the moments you treasured. The reassurance of Mattheo’s feelings. He might not speak of his feelings for you, but words like this, with the looks he gave you, spoke louder than anything.

Moving closer, Mattheo finally dipped his head down and captured your lips with his. The peck was soft, testing the waters. Pulling back, he looked to your eyes, and seeing the joy and restlessness in them, he went in again. This time he was firmer, tongue coming out to run along your bottom lip for permission. You didn’t waste time, opening your mouth to him. Mattheo took the lead, his tongue dancing with your own, in a breathtaking kiss. You both could feel how the other felt.

Pulling back when air was needed, you both watched the other with a blissful smile on your faces. Mattheo continued to caress your cheek as you watched each other. But time was fleeting, and you both had to part ways. With one final peck to your lips, Mattheo stepped back, his hand leaving your cheek.

“Goodnight Princess” he said softly. “Till the morning”.

You nodded your head, “goodnight, Theo”.

Reluctantly you turned from him and stepped up to the Ravenclaw door. Briefly you stopped and looked over your shoulder at him. He gave you a cheeky smile and a final goodnight, and you then passed through the door. It closed with a small noise. And Mattheo was left alone, but he felt on top of the world.

Tossing the dandelion from his hands, Mattheo scrunched up his face at the weed. How silly it was the believe making a wish on the weed would come true. It was childish. Yet you did it. You believed in it. You had confided in him that once you’d made a wish on the weed, asking to do well in Snape's class once, for the potion you’d be making was tricky. And you had managed to not ruin it. So, it became almost a ritual of yours, making wishes on weeds.

Wishing on dandelions all of the time

Praying to God that one day you'll be mine

Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

Looking at the dandelions around him, Mattheo contemplated taking a page from your book. But then the rational side of him told him too not be stupid. So, he turned from the weed and back to the school in the distance. But the curiosity of making a wish crept up, and with a sigh Mattheo picked another dandelion.

He glared at the weed, silently telling it to work. Drawing in a breath, he blew the white fuzzy seeds from the weed, and thinking ‘I wish my father doesn’t hurt her...’

Dandelion, into the wind you go

Won't you let my darling know?

Dandelion, into the wind you go

Won't you let my darling know that?

Mattheo put everything into that wish. He didn’t want anything to happen to you. He wanted to keep you safe, from his father...and from him. With what was to come, he would wish on every weed on the grounds if he had too. If anything happened to you, Mattheo wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

I'm in a field of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

Picking another dandelion, he intended to make the same wish, hoping to make it come true. But before he blew the fuzzy white seeds, you came to mind clearly. And as he released his breath, freeing the seeds, he found himself wishing to see you right then.

He watched the seeds float up in the sky, dancing from the breeze before floating off back towards the castle. For a moment he watched them float before disappearing, and an approaching form came into his line of vision. As they got closer, Mattheo’s breath caught in his throat, as he saw who it was. You. If his wish had been answered so soon, would his first wish come true too?

When you drew closer you finally realized your spot had been taken. For sitting there among the wildflowers was the last person you wanted to see; Mattheo. The look that crossed your face was sour, which Mattheo saw. You went to turn around and head back to the castle before he got up quickly, calling your name.

“Y/N! Wait” Mattheo called standing a meter behind you.

You looked over your shoulder, “what?” You spat.

Mattheo sighed. “You...you can have the spot” he said softly, looking down at the ground. “I was going to leave anyways”.

He walked around you slowly, and once he was five steps from you, Mattheo stopped before turning back to you. You had been watching him the whole time, studying him closely. You noted the sullen look upon his face, how his eyes lack any shine and how he seemed to have no fight. He was a shell of himself, like you had seen time and time before.

“Are you alright?” You found yourself asking, not thinking. For he was meant to be the bad guy.

Your question caused his heart to ache. Even after all he had done you still asked if he was alright. You may not entirely care, but still took time to ask him. Sighing Mattheo looked away from you. Unsure how to answer you. He didn’t want to lie, nor did he want to upset you. Damned if he do, damned if he didn’t.

“I’m...okay” he breathed, trying to convince himself. “Things have been...hard lately, with home”.

You nodded. “Understandable” you said softly, watching his every movement. Not fully believing his words. For there was truth but also a bit of skirting around it.

Silence took over after that, the spring breeze picking up in that moment. You watched as the breeze tossed Mattheo’s curls around. How you had missed combing your hands through those curls. It was something Mattheo had enjoyed; it soothed his mind and relaxed him. The temptation to do it now growing strong, for the boy before you were in turmoil. You shook your head at the thought of being close to the one who broke your heart.

You had thought it was the breeze playing tricks, but seeing his moving lips showed it was Mattheo who spoke. “I’m sorry” was what he said softly, almost missed by your ears.

At first you were shocked by his apology, followed by a small warm feeling in your chest. Before it died and a slow burn of anger began to take hold of you. How could his words make up for everything? How could he so bluntly say sorry.

“Excuse me?” You questioned, tone a little sharp.

Mattheo looked to you, and seeing your reaction to his words, he was shocked. He had hoped it would have helped. “I’m sorry” he repeated turning to face you. “I didn’t mean to hurt you like I did”.

You blinked a few times, blood slowly coming to a boil. “How can you just say that?” You questioned a little loudly. “How does apologizing make up for what I’ve been through?”

Valid questions Mattheo noted. “It doesn’t. But I want you to know that I am sorry-”

You scoffed. “Yeah right. The Mattheo Riddle I know would never say sorry. He might show it, but never openly apologize”.

He frowned. “That is true, but I wanted to put it into words. I at least owe you that”.

“You owe me nothing! Nor do I want it!” you yelled, hands clenching. “You hurt me. Simple as that. And for that I don’t want your apology. So, keep it”.

Mattheo nodded his head. “I deserve that”. His face fell, eyes looking at the ground. He looked so weak.

You took a step back. Taking in his demeanor. You could see cracks of how effected Mattheo was. You wondered how long before it would shatter. The want to hold him, run your fingers through his curls while telling him that he was alright, was strong. And though you didn’t want to, you decided to say the next words.

And I see forever in your eyes

I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

“It’s alright” you sighed. “I don’t entirely forgive you, but I half accept it” you said watching his face.

Hearing your words, Mattheo’s eyes snapped to you. His dull brown eyes, now shinning with confusion, looked right into your E/C orbs. He could see how unsure you were in their reflection. But with it was a small familiar look; admiration. After all he’d done, you still admired him. Part of you wanted him to apologize but majority of you wanted to punch his pretty face.

“You do?” He choked out. “Why?”

Your face softened, thinking over his words. “I won’t lie. I was hurt. I was angry” you looked him dead in the eyes. “But what has it gotten me? Where has it gotten me? It has left me bitter, and it’s gotten me no where”.

He nodded his head slowly.

“So, I’d rather accept some of it than nothing. Because I look back at our time together and I know I was happy” you said fondly, memories coming to mind. “You made me happy Theo. And I would love to see you in as much agony as me, but part of me still hates to see it”.

“Just part?” Mattheo said with a small smirk, trying to lighten the moment. Which you softly smile at.

There might be so much, good and bad between you both, but some familiarity was there. As well as some closure. He said sorry, and you believed me meant it. You had half accepted his apology, which lightened Mattheo’s worries.

You both continued to stare at the other. Unsure what to say, or what to do. But you were the one to break eye contact when you turned, planning to take the spot Mattheo had been occupying. He looked at you, mind thinking so many things. But the one thought screaming to him was your safety. He had to make sure you were safe.

Wishing on dandelions all of the time

Praying to God that one day you'll be mine

Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

“Would it be strange if I asked you to stay away from Hogwarts next year...to not come back?” Mattheo was unsure but voice a little panicky.

You turned back to him, confusion on your face. “Huh? What are getting at?”

Mattheo moved from foot to foot. “Next year, don’t come back to Hogwarts. I can’t say anything...but I need you to be safe”.

You studied the Slytherin, unsure if he was pulling your leg. But his eyes told you he was serious. “Answer me this; will you be safe here next year?”

He shook his head. “Probably not”.

You gave a short nod. “Then I can’t promise you anything. I will be here next year, no matter what”.

Mattheo’s heart ached at your words. Not what he had hopped. But you were honest. And he didn’t give you a reason why not to return to school. He just hopped you wouldn’t be in the cross fire of what’s to come.

With that, you took your spot amongst the wildflowers while Mattheo took a moment watching you. He was taking in the sight before him, putting it to memory. With it all said and done, Mattheo turned from you and started to head back to the castle.

He wasn’t sure what was to exactly come. But he would make sure, as best to his abilities, that you would be safe from it all. Mattheo needed you to be safe, for no harm to come to you. Be it his father or him, you would be safe.

Tags: @iheqrtaustin @ash-whimsicalfanfic

I'm in a field of dandelions

Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

#mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo x reader #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo x y/n #mattheo riddle x fem!reader #Spotify

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bettyfrommars · 1 year

Text

I'm on Fire

biker!Eddie x fem!reader Part 2.5 🚨18+Only, smut, angst, sex with someone other than reader, penetrative sex (protected), maybe also fuckboy!eddie? But he doesn’t want to be. 90's music & nostalgia, insomnia, smoking, mention of cheating (not on reader), Eddie is having a hard time, but I promise it will get better.

wc: 1.7k

Series Masterlist

🔸To the handful of cherished readers on this ride with me: this is a 2.5, a little bitty part, because I posted Part 2 yesterday early and realized I wanted to add more. Chapter 3 will be done by this weekend xoxo

ALSO, the Erika mentioned in this chapter will be introduced more later, but it's NOT Erica Sinclair, my god I would never.

This was not the night Eddie had in mind for a first time hanging out with you. There was admittedly a long list of regrets in his life thus far, but deciding to invite you to the Hideout of all places was now up there somewhere at the top. That dive never used to be like that. Back when he was a teenager, it wasn’t so rough or so full of angry burnouts ready to rage. The only drunks who used to frequent it were sad and polite, and almost half dead.

You handed him and Steve a few tissues from the front seat because Steve’s nose was dripping blood and Eddie’s lip was split. Neither one of them felt a thing, though, not in that moment---the adrenaline was still pumping hot.

Eddie didn’t say much for the rest of the drive, except to ask Katie to take them back to Munson’s Garage so they could take a truck over and pick up their bikes once the chaos died down.

This whole connection he thought maybe the two of you had was not a good idea. For fucks sake, you had been a hair away from getting a secondary blow from the brawl---he couldn’t handle the thought, it made him sick to his stomach. He got the feeling that you were bothered by his silence on the ride back, but there was nothing he could do about it at that point: he was shutting down. He was hammering nails in the boards over the windows inside of him where people (you) could peak in. It was a survival technique he’d been forced to learn when he was a kid.

Katie reminded him that she was Danny Clayton’s older sister, and he had been one of his old D&D buddies—reminding him of a time in his life that he missed. He barely had time to practice his guitar these days, let alone fuck around as Dungeon Master in a role-playing game.

In a haze, he remembered thanking you, but then you said something else to him as he was bent over lighting a smoke, headed toward the garage, and he just kept walking, pretending not to hear you. Once he shut the door, he regretted it with a curse, and went back out to see if he could catch you, but there was nothing but brake lights in the distance.

“You wanna talk about it?” Steve asked Eddie once they were in the transport truck on the way back to the Hideout.

Eddie had a cigarette pinched between his lips and he looked offended. “What is there to talk about?”

“Listen, man,” Steve adjusted his vest and sat back in the passenger seat. “You might not want to give me credit for knowing you as well as I do, but I can tell when you’re slipping over into the dark side.”

Nothing but silence from Eddie.

“You like that girl, or what?” Steve kept talking, because much like you, he wanted the old Eddie back.

“What’s not to like?” Eddie responded under his breath, flicking his cigarette out the window. “I’m sure I’ll never see her again. It’s for the best.”

“Oh, I doubt that man---look what I got,” and then Steve stuck his tongue out and held up the Wrigley’s gum wrapper with Katie’s phone number on it. “You said they’re roommates right?”

Eddie looked over at the number, and then he looked up at Steve’s excited face, and he shook his head, but there was the glimmer of a smile there.

After they brought the bikes back, Steve took off to take care of some family stuff, and Eddie sat on the old couch up in his apartment above the garage, staring out the window with nothing but snow static on the TV. He’d been watching the Dave Attell show Insomniac with a frozen bag of peas on his punching hand, but it ended, and now he was in his head again, a place that he dreaded lately. He knew he wouldn’t get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep again that night, he could feel it in his bones, and it didn’t matter how exhausted he was.

So, in order to keep himself from thinking about you, he called up one of his faithful booty calls: her name was Erika.

She’d been a long time groupie of his band and she had a kink for guys on motorcycles. He always treated her good and made her cum, but he never let her sleep over.

He never let anyone sleep over.

And he was always gone by daybreak if he happened to pass out in someone else’s bed.

He had this way of going out of his body, so to speak, when he had intercourse with these women he didn’t love. It was like he hollowed himself out and became someone else. He became exactly what they all wanted; this dominant force who choked them a little and fucked them rough and made them beg for more.

That night, with Erika, he kept thinking of you, and it made him stop a few times to blink and catch his breath. “What’s wrong, baby?” She’d ask, just as she was on all fours and his cock was inside of her, the condom straining at the size of his girth.

He shook his head and kept going, but at one point, he was doing her missionary, and in the dark of the room, with his eyes closed and his forehead pressed against hers—he could pretend it really was you.

He went slow, he kissed your face, your eyelids, and down your neck. He imagined that it was you with your hands in his hair, telling him how good it felt, how close you were to cumming. That it was your voice that said, “don’t stop, baby, you feel so good,” and he kissed your mouth, tongues searching deep, as he buried himself inside you with a strangled cry. He imagined that he didn’t have the condom on and you wanted him like that; to pour his seed into you and make you his.

He trembled as his orgasm overtook him, and he came so hard that time, he worried that he forgot to put the condom on.

When it was over and he opened his eyes, all of his intrusive thoughts came rushing back and the light behind his eyes was all but snuffed out.

------

“That was amazing!” You shouted at Katie, rubbing her shoulder, thanking her for the stealthy getaway while Cryin’ by Aerosmith played on the radio.

You turned around in your seat to say something to the guys, and then immediately started pulling tissues out of the Kleenex box in the middle console.

“Aw shucks, it’s just a flesh wound,” Steve joked, quoting Monty Python as he gargled blood in his throat.

Eddie was directly behind you, and when you twisted your body to hand him some tissues, he took them and looked down, not wanting to meet your eyes.

“Well, that was...intense,” Katie said from behind the wheel, slowing down for a stop light after checking in the rear view mirror to make sure there were no cops behind her.

“Just another day for us,” Steve chuckled, and then he pulled up close behind her seat to compliment her getaway. Katie didn’t say anything back, but you could see her blush. Katie had been a bit of a wild child back in her day, but adulthood had changed her, as it did most people.

From behind you, Eddie mumbled, “god, I hate this town.”

For the most part, Eddie was abnormally quiet in the back seat, and so you tried cracking some jokes, but Steve was the only one who engaged with you.

“Who was that guy?” You asked Steve, because you couldn’t bear the silence.

“Just some douche bag,” Steve responded, a piece of tissue stuffed up one nostril. “I accidentally had an affair with his wife almost a decade ago, and I guess he never forgot about it.”

You couldn’t help it, you laughed. “How does something like that happen accidentally?”

“Well, for one,” Steve sat forward in his seat and clamped one hand on the back of Katie’s chair. “She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. And two, I’m not sure I would’ve cared at the time, even if she had.”

That response elicited a bit of a scoff-chuckle from Eddie.

Munson’s Garage wasn’t too far from where you’d just been, and Steve jumped out to open the security gate before climbing back into his seat.

As the car idled in front of the main entrance to the building, white exhaust filling up the darkness, you heard Eddie get out, and then you waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. He shut the door, and then you felt him hover there.

He leaned down into your open window, his head to the side and his hair hanging down. He met your eyes for a flash, but then he was trying to hand you something, and you opened your fingers so he could press something cool and tiny into your palm. “Hey, I’m really sorry about tonight. I think you dropped this the other day.”

You were too busy watching his face, the curve of his lips, the dark moon of his cuticles from residual grease stains, but when you realized he had just slipped you your missing earring, it caught you by surprise.

You could barely get out the words “wait...thank you,” before he turned on his heel and slipped a smoke between his lips, head down as he pulled his keys out to unlock the door.

“It was good to see you,” you called after him, but he was already inside the building and the door shut with a thud and a clack behind him.

Steve had been over at Katie’s window talking to her, but once he straitened up and came around to your side, he looked confused. “Where the fuck is Eddie? Did he go inside already?”

You didn’t answer him, you just waved goodbye as you rolled your window up.

“See you around, girls!” Steve called out from the center of the driveway, holding the hand in the air that had the gum wrapper number in it.

“Boys,” Katie said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes as she exited the complex and turned to head home. “They’ll be the death of me.”

-------

Part 3

____

#eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #steve harrington #90s au #the 90s #eddie munson series

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da-mous · 5 months

Note

How did you get the motivation to make games? Or the discipline and determination to actually go all the way thru?

I am just a bad developer, but i have some nice ideas and i actually write them down so I don't forget, like a mix of tunic and minecraft, but with a actual conlang for you to learn and not a english cypher

following through is actually something I really really struggled with for years, but I'm much more productive than I used to be, and I have a few strats that help

1: Structure!! The structure that works for me is working on weekdays (even if it takes time to get going!) and strictly taking weekends off, even if it means not working when I really want to. I don't have strict hours during weekdays, but I try to start early enough in the day so that I can work for 6-8 hours before I get sleepy. I always end up filling the time I give myself! Time tends to fly after the first hour or so

My weekends off are super important, too. I think periodically forcing myself *not* to work on my projects makes me enjoy working on them that much more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I really feel that in how much I tend to spend my Saturdays, surprisingly, wishing I could be working!! It also helps prevent burnout and offers guilt-free time to play other games, do other hobbies, take care of household chores, etc

2: Thinking time!! It's important to give your mind time to wander, undistracted. That's when inspiration will strike and you'll do your best thinking and planning. I think that's why "shower thoughts" are a thing. Showers are good for this, but they're short! I take daily walks that are between 40 and 120 minutes during which I only listen to music with no words in it--especially music that fits the vibe of my current project! I don't actively try to force my thought process to go anywhere in particular, but it often wanders excitedly to my projects anyway (By the way, I also listen to the same music while I'm working! It's the perfect way to get in, and stay in, the right mindset)

3: Deadlines!! Even soft ones! My roguelike is coming out in 2026. The more I work by then (without overworking myself!), the better the final product will be! The desire to make something really good really drives me

4: Making something you want to play!! Playing my own game is one of the most important parts of my process. The first thing I do every day when I sit down to work is play the game. This naturally drives me toward finding areas I can improve and polish, coming up with features I want, and being motivated to implement those things. The ideal is to feel like a fan of my own work, eagerly awaiting every little update. The more I play, the more I'll tailor the game to my own tastes. This leads to me enjoying it more, so I'll be even more motivated to improve and add to it!

My current project is actually perfect for this, because it's a roguelike (highly replayable, a genre I know I can enjoy for a long time. Binding of Isaac is one of my most played games ever) platformer (one of my favorite genres in general. immediately kinetically satisfying) with a high level of randomization and variety, meaning even I can be surprised by my own game!

The strategies that work for you will likely differ from mine (especially if you have a day job or something!) but hopefully that helps :)

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narancias-headband · 2 months

Text

A big announcement...

Hi everyone! Very long time, no see.

I've gone through and cleaned things up around here a good bit, deleting old posts and fixing up my masterlist again. You might have seen some posts as I fix things up around here.

But the short and sweet version of this post is...

I'm coming back to this blog!!

It's going to be a decent bit different than before, but I do want to write and share my thoughts with you all again. :)

An important note! I will no longer taking 'requests', but I'd love some inspiration from everyone! I'm not going to hold myself to write anything that doesn't seem right for me. Feel free to send in requests/ideas for inspiration, and please do not be offended if I never get to them! I promise, I'm not judging! Some brief rules on what to ask for are here in my pinned post (they're mostly the same as before haha).

A very LONG rambling update under the cut for anyone wondering what in the world I've been up to.

So... A lot has changed in the past few years here... It's been like a year since y'all have heard from me... Mainly, my hyperfixation on JoJo's went away for a while. So that's my brain's fault haha. I've done this a few times with a few blogs, so I guess I was expecting to drop it sooner or later. What I didn't expect was how much I miss this blog (believe me, I have no regrets on my old blog deaths).

I've been watching JoJo's with a dear friend of mine lately, and the need to write has been stirring again. And then we hit Part 5... My brain was shifted back into fanfic mode instantly. I saw Formaggio and remembered my dear husband. I went and read through so much of my old stuff and remembered how much fun I used to have writing. I'm already working on a few new things, and a few old things, but I'm in no rush.

Which relates to some of the changes I'm hoping to make here. In all honesty, I did a lot here for the attention of people and the approval of the fandom. And that is not sustainable! No wonder I had writing burnout so much... I'm not planning to take as many requests anymore, and I will be much more focused on creating things that make me happy than anything else. Hopefully others enjoy it anyway :)

So... What have I been up to? My life has been taking lots of unexpected twists and turns. My, not entirely intentional, unemployment has opened up some free time to get back to things I enjoy. And I will never let a job take over my life like that again. Good news is, I'm working on my mental health and I finally feel creative again! I want to write and draw and think and I actually have the energy for it!

I've been very lost in the awful job market lately, and being at home alone all day isn't the most thrilling, but even just the minor things I've been doing behind the scenes on this blog have made me feel great. It's a bit more fulfilling than just playing Fortnite all day 😅

And me? I've grown up a lot lately. Working through mental issues, focusing on myself and my happiness, making changes for the better. Which is the main reason I really want to come back! This blog made me so happy and that's my main goal lately. I'm back into JJBA hardcore, I've become a Fortnite kid, and my love of Pokémon has come back in full force. And I have a new pretty gaming PC to sit and write at and the more I use it the more it's worth the $1500 I spent on it.

Oh, and one last thing... For better or worse, I've pretty much ended up a functional stoner. 😅 Probably expect more headcanons about getting high with diff characters that will be way better than the goofy ones I wrote way back when.

#i wanted to boop a bunch of people to signal my return but my dumbass didn't realize it was an april fools thing oof #to the one person i booped ily lmao #anyway... hello again everyone! glad to be back :)#ill probably reblog this tomorrow cuz im posting late woof

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violetstormms · 3 months

Text

DCA x Reader Random Recommendations Post 1

Welcome to the random recommendation corner. Here fics are recommended that sounded interesting but I have not gotten the chance to check out yet. This means that besides the description I have no idea what they contain so pay extra attention to tags and read at your own discretion. Some may eventually make it onto the regular recommendation list as this is essentially my “to read” list. If you are curious about the symbols before the fics you can check out the pined post for an explanation. This will be the same message before every post so you can just skip to read more if you have read this once.

(Since this is post 1 it will probably be a lot longer than future recommendations as there are many fics to get to)

+Overshadowed by skitterplant

archiveofourown.org/works/52145545/chapters/131892796

Having learned of a streak of dissapearances plaguing the areas neighboring the Pizzaplex, Sun desperately tries to prevent more kids from going missing by any and all means necessary. Even if a highly suspicious "staff" woman, the one that's been stalking his children for weeks, must get lost instead.

Unluckily for him, Management seems uncharacteristically protective that person. Left with no other options, Sun uses the most powerful instrument at his disposal — a half-baked Moon AI. A tool that was supposed to get rid of his problem, and do it quickly. Was supposed to do it efficiently. Was supposed to do it cleanly.

What it wasn't supposed to do was wake up.

+If you'll be my star / I'll be your sky by Kamuucab

archiveofourown.org/works/36594289/chapters/91273864

You can hide underneath me and come out at night

When I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine...

Burnout sucks, man.

While taking time off from getting your degree after a pretty disastrous exam season, an off-the-cuff request leads you into the walls of the huge and colourful Pizzaplex. After an encounter with an intriguing jester, circumstance leads to a newfound job and entangles you within the sticky web of the mysterious and infamous company that is Fazbear Entertainment Inc.

Also, you befriend two clowns. Eventually. Turns out when you mix advanced AI with childcare things get a little weird.

Fazbear Inc: I have made a daycare supervisor

You: you fucked up a perfectly good robot is what you did. Look at it. It's got anxiety.

+Two Choices by Maelstrome

archiveofourown.org/works/43132227/chapters/108398172

You chose this.

There was regret of course, but turning back wasn't an option anymore. You couldn't lose this new game you found yourself in, and somehow you managed to feel more and more alive the longer you played...

You have worked in sanitation since the pizzaplex opened, but that all changed when you had a bit of a mishap in the kitchen. With the only real option left being an assistant in the daycare, you decided it couldn't be worse that your previous position.

Between the surly daycare attendant, bosses breathing down your neck and the corporate overlords coming for a visit, your starting to think you make really shitty life choices.

-Abandoned Yet Alive by Be_NotAfraid

archiveofourown.org/works/51888442/chapters/131200477

This is SO CLOSE to being a self-indulging fic but yk. I'm holding out here.

You like exploring. A lot, actually. Seeing the plant life reclaiming buildings, cars, and all that stuff is just amazing. Of course, you do come across a few oddities along the way. But that's what everyone expects! What you don't expect, however, is not one, not two, but four animatronics. One of them even seems to work, still. Maybe you could get the others up and running? Just a maybe. You didn't delve into robotics for nothing, after all. This just isn't exactly where you expected to use it.

`Kill the Lights by hahskeleton

archiveofourown.org/works/52911100/chapters/133839028

When you moved to the big city of Evergrove after college, assuming you’d find a suitable career for yourself but end up working at a lowly 24-hour coffee shop, you don’t expect your life to take a wild turn when you come across a movie, short on actors.

At least you’ve made a few new friends despite not having any before, right?

Wrong. Something you never could have imagined is circling Afton Movie Studios, and one lonely day after a scene shooting could change the course of your future, and the studio’s unforeseeable demise.

`Pluck my Heartstrings by Nekomiko and Wandering_Leprechaun

archiveofourown.org/works/52834789/chapters/133640092

Fazbear Entertainment LLC decided to purchase and buy out a rival (but less successful franchise); Medieval Times. It has now been officially announced that the first Fazbear Medieval Times is due to open in early 2035, according to sources.

___________

You're a classically trained vocalist and FazCo offers you a job to perform as their new Regent character, under the condition that no one finds out that the Princess animatronic is really being puppeteered by you. But your Royal Jesters are really distracting with all their weird flirting. Moon only seems to flirt with you when you're out of costume, while Sun can't get enough of you while you're in costume. Working in Castle Faz is weird.

A love triangle of mistaken identity and bonding over a love of performance. And robots, of course.

Jester!Sun/Moon x Vocalist!Reader (SFW)

updates Fridays

+Tokens by VoidSupernovae

archiveofourown.org/works/43201384/chapters/108582367

Tokens were something that was very prevalent to you growing up.

They are the first thing your parents use to teach you about monetary value. They are the gifts that you receive unexpectedly from the people you love. They are offerings of affection for the people you care about.

Token are everywhere in different sizes and shapes.

And although adulthood has faded some of the significance around them, you can't help but recognize when they fill your life again.

*Latest and Greatest by TheHomophobe

archiveofourown.org/works/53474080/chapters/135348469

Years ago, humans were overthrown by an invasive alien species known as the Raptures. We headed underground and created a new home called the PLEX. During our new life, we created a set of equipped robots known as the Final Nation Android Fighters, which are built to protect the remaining citizens of the plex and fend off the raptures on the surface.

You are the newest commander and were given the offer of testing the newest version of the F.N.A.F, version 7, the Glamrocks.

---------------------------------------------------

AKA a FNAF SB au inspired by NIKKE: GODDESS OF VICTORY

`Love, Death and Rollerskates by Spadillelicious

archiveofourown.org/works/50709166/chapters/128098096

After moving to Crescent City in the 80s, you pick up a job at the local roller rink Party Planet. Ironic, considering roller skating is definitely not one of your talents.

On the bright side, you get to work with the friendly Sun. On the other hand, you also have to interact with the gruff janitor and security guard Moon on a daily basis.

But when staying after hours one day, despite being strictly instructed not to, you find out a terrible secret that changes everything you knew about Sun, Moon and Crescent City forever.

*A Love Most Monstrous by StarvingMe

archiveofourown.org/works/53370430/chapters/135076891

Alternative title: What Has A Varying Number of Limbs And Misses You Terribly?

You're sent to fill in for another scientist one day for a pair of recent additions. What's the worst that could happen?

*Earth-Movers by CapriccioFarce

archiveofourown.org/works/53599036/chapters/135677824

You were boring, and you liked it that way. Yet when three immortal dimension travelers stumble their way into your life, you find out that you too can travel dimensions. Now, excitement has entered your life, and you must adapt with the tide or else you'll get swept away.

`Rising Stars and Celestial Bodies by Laurzzz

archiveofourown.org/works/52294807/chapters/132288019

Your attention snaps back to the silence of the man that called you to his office so early in the morning. He sits there, giving you an indispensably formal expression.

He’s always so hard to read, and that irks you.

“What is this?”, you ask dryly, raising an unamused eyebrow at your stuffy boss. The bright sunlight shining in through the massive window to your right only fuels your irritation.

“Details for the tentatively temporary partnership with FazEnt.”, his voice drizzles slowly. “More specifically, in regards to the Celestial Twins.”

`Shooting for the Sun by SourTomato

archiveofourown.org/works/43264908/chapters/108748113

Owning a gun shop, you've met your fair share of A-holes. Your first animatronic customers come in and catch your attention. Why do they keep talking to you like you've met before?

`(love is) a seed that grows by starboundpix

archiveofourown.org/works/52658560/chapters/133197724

You just want a regular scarecrow, not whatever this shiny metal scarecrow-esque thing is. Too bad your aunt didn't get the memo.

(a mini series depicting the life of a farmer who is sent a top of the line farm helper animatronic.)

`Aquatic Animatronics by AmethystApple

archiveofourown.org/works/53493703/chapters/135399952

You got a job at Fazbears very first Waterpark!! Yippie! It’s just a water job with robots how bad can it be

*Shooting Stars by AmethystApple

archiveofourown.org/works/53493439/chapters/135399349

Reborn into a new world, Sun and Moon now have to adapt to the new rules and systems in the environment, that they’re no longer inhabited humans. It’s strange for these sheltered animatronics to be pushed into the real world, completely different from what they had known previously as a daycare attendant. Especially when they now have their separate bodies. They aim to simply survive and stick together, but a new interest causes their world to turn.

Being born into the organization's biggest lab for humans, you are raised to become a performer for the enjoyment of others. Singing songs, playing music, dancing, it was never forced on you, the staff just realized how much potential you had. And you readily accepted your role, optimistic. When two animatronics enter your life, it gets all too exciting, even when they attempt to shake you off you all manage to meet again and again.

`Dealer's Choice by Certified_Handler

archiveofourown.org/works/41631765/chapters/104426508

1960s; William Afton runs the most state of the art casino on the Las Vegas strip employing a predominantly animatronic staff that draws in a lot of... interesting clientele. And YOU, you lovely thing, have just gotten a job as the bartender in the VIP lounge where the most unsavory characters you come across happen to be Mr. Afton's most distinguished guests. Thankfully you seem to have stumbled your way into the good graces of the blackjack dealer and the head of security.

These will be a series of tiny, bite-sized ficlets taking place in this Alternate Universe

-Ashes Make Good Fertilizer by BuzzyBee3

archiveofourown.org/works/53445730/chapters/135275146

It's been your dream to own a greenhouse since you can remember. Currently living in a small town known as Doland Springs in Arizona, you are currently on your way to making this dream a reality. You just don't realize that your life is about to change because of a certain daycare attendant, who is about to make a surprise appearance in your life after the horrific fire at the Mega Pizza Plex.

~The Future Stares Back by vivisols

archiveofourown.org/works/52742515/chapters/133400584

After a meteor strikes the Earth and a large chunk of the population gets wiped out, the remaining humans undergo rapid evolution in order to survive rising sea levels and much harsher temperatures. Decades later, the daycare attendant wakes up from an emergency shutdown. Desperate to navigate the new world and find a sense of purpose after everything they've ever known was ripped away from them, Sun and Moon eventually stumble upon one of these evolved humans.

You. A mer on land and very far from home.

With no way of understanding each other, the three of you now have to work together to survive.

*From the City that Hates You by Times30

archiveofourown.org/works/48696412/chapters/122837956

It's truly amazing that you got this far. Lies, broken promises, corruption, greed, scorned advances and three bots forced into a city that hated them from the moment they existed. What happens when their dark dealing reach your ears and your own hidden past comes to light?

Hitmen Sun & Moon & 80T x Cyberpunk Future Y/N (SFW)

-Twisted Metal by KingAggressive

archiveofourown.org/works/52732204/chapters/133375747

You're an automotive mechanic repositioned to work on a sentient animatronic after the well-known Fazbear Co. first got hands on the ruined animatronics of their former enterprise. Do you have any idea how any of this works? Nope. Are you willing to try because a specific two-faced robot made you feel sympathy for a piece of metal? Yes.

It may only be a paycheck to you, but its a lifetime to them.

`Tools, Oil, Blood, Sweat by DepthoftheVoidnest

archiveofourown.org/works/53786599/chapters/136142272

As a little mechanic in a world of smog and smoke, things can be hard. Corruption ran thick, gangs and mafia ruled the city, and kindness ran thin. Luckily your little shop was there for those in need, no matter the problem you wasn't afraid of a little pain to get something fixed. Hands in hot oil? No problem. Deep bites from a fearful animatronic? No problem. This little back alley shop was a breath of fresh air for many tin-cans who was in need for a little oil, and eventually problems come stumbling in you just cant get rid of. That is, if you even wanted to?

Ill add more tags later down the line <3

~Ocean Symphony Fiasco by Melanierana

archiveofourown.org/works/47178157/chapters/118868140

You're a surfer but due to some unlucky circumstances you have to sit out for a couple of days. So you go to a zoo where you meet an interesting creature.

TW: reader get insulted by teenagers, swearing and mention of blood

starting out good.

#moon x reader #sun x reader #dca x reader #fnaf daycare attendant #violetstormm fic list updates #daycare attendant x reader #Violetstormm random recommendation corner

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thefirstknife · 11 months

Note

I think a lot of what's happening is that many players are legitimately burning out because of the way bungie models the game (people don't call it FOMO: the game for no reason, there's definitely a truth to that feeling), increasing prices putting further strains on wallets as people continue to struggle financially (getting priced out of a beloved hobby is painful), and various genuine harmful choices over the life of the series, etc. but all of that's being co-opted by bad faith actors who are looking for a reason to tear Bungie down--I think you're at least partially right that there's a lot of anti-LGBTQIA+ people targeting them for being visible allies (and members of our various communities!) and just just hollow rainbow capitalists. And there's probably people who just want to stir up drama because they find it fun. So they're all distorting the actual complaints and making it so hard to have a frank discussion about good and bad practices. The real stuff gets drowned out and people tired of the BS shut down genuine complaints without realizing because it's hard to sort through it all. I think the technical term for the current situation is "clusterfuck"

For real. Burnout is a real problem that very few people recognise and often they just refuse to recognise it when it hits them personally. And like, burnout isn't just "I'm a little bored of this," continuous burnout can lead to actual health problems.

I always tell people that if you log into a game and you're not feeling it, you're only there to mark a checklist and you're annoyed by every moment spent playing, please take a break. FOMO stuff is also a real issue, but I also always tell people to just try and think about it from a broader perspective. Will you miss out on stuff? Probably. Will this matter to you, truly, if you have no interest in the game anymore? Like, if you think about it, missing out on content from a game that doesn't bring you joy should not be that big of a deal. You're not enjoying it anyway, so who cares if you miss things that you don't enjoy?

FOMO design is really awful and it's unfortunately everywhere and it takes so much energy to get yourself out of thinking that everything around you is super urgent and you have to latch onto it NOW or else.... In truth, this is just a sneaky method to keep people hooked. It's not real, you're not really missing out on anything. Even if you are, I promise that it's better to "miss out" than fall into burnout. You're the only one who can break your own FOMO.

A lot of gamers don't get it and don't even try to get it and actually get super defensive when you tell them that they're exhibiting symptoms of burnout. This is also another way that people try to deflect criticism. Sometimes someone will incessantly shit on a video game and you'll tell them "you have burnout bro, you need to take a break for your own sake" and they'll insist that you're just saying that because you're bootlicking a company or whatever.

On the other hand, sometimes you will criticise something legitimate and people will try to shut you down with claims that you're just burned out. Differentiating between these two is super difficult, especially when the community is acting like the Destiny community is acting like now. As you said, we're dealing with a clusterfuck. There's legitimately burned out people hateplaying the game who refuse to recognise it and there's people who want to talk about genuine problems and the former are making this an incredibly difficult conversation to have.

Two other related asks under:

It's utterly bizarre. The cynicism is so high that people are literally ignoring easily verifiable facts they can find with one google click away because it means they get to join their pitchforks against Bungie. And like, you can hate a company all you want but at least hate the real things they've done? The Bungie Foundation is legitimate work that helps people all over the world. This one aint' it chief.

This is the reddit thread where people were having a meltdown over the post about the foundation stuff for Bungie Day to the point that a moderator had to make a pinned post about this and there's one other most upvoted post about it just beneath. A lot of the shitty comments have been deleted and some are still there but downvoted, but people for real showed up to say crap about Bungie and lie on a call for charity.

It happened on twitter too (link if you're brave enough to go into replies and quote tweets, I don't recommend it), because of course it did. People are largely upset that some of the bigger goals have an emblem and shader as a reward and now they're calling it the "100k $ shader." And like. It's not for you. You don't need these two items. They're not here for you to buy. They're here to incentivise donations to charity. Bungie isn't getting rich from this; they will literally not see this money. It's going to charity.

I could bet my entire ass that the same people crying about this shader being unobtainable (we don't even know what it looks like btw) are the same people who are standing by their favourite streamer when they say that some in-game activities and rewards shouldn't be obtainable to the majority of the players. It's baby behaviour, and worse now because the post about Bungie announcing a charity is littered with comments from ghouls who think that THIS is the right moment to stick it to the big corpos (and ask to "fix servers").

LMAO! Literally though. I, unfortunately, play a Blizzard game and like. I'm sorry but you will not convince me that Destiny has worse monetisation than Overwatch. Like, maybe you can convince people who don't play anything else, but I do.

And honestly, if some other game is better to someone? Please feel free to play that then. I do my absolute best to limit the amount of money I will ever again give Blizzard to as close to 0 as possible, but if Blizzard's monetisation and morals are fine to you, go wild I guess. Applies to any other company for that matter. I personally find it baffling that we've spent YEARS learning about all the ways Activision is actually being led by demons from hell and that they deal with lawsuits every few months and treat their employees like crap, but we're totally fine hyping up Diablo 4 (and I guess we forgot all controversies from before about Diablo 3 and Diablo Immortal and everything). But to each their own. I'm not on Diablo twitter posting about this. It's not my problem. Hell, I'm not even engaging with Overwatch stuff because I know that I will just be negative about every aspect of it, even though I'm still playing here and there. I disagree with what they're doing so I play less and don't buy stuff and then I'm not angry about a video game every day of my life. Life hack.

#destiny 2 #bungie #ask #long post

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im-gonna-squeet · 9 months

Text

Donnie burnout fic

Donnie is exhausted and finds themself unable to do the tings they normally can, and knows one person that can always help.

ao3

Donnie was having a bad day. A bad week– a bad month, even.

None of their projects were going right, their joints were acting up, they couldn't sleep properly, they'd gotten injured on what should've been a fairly easy mission, and now, they hardly had the energy to eat or talk.

It wasn't fair. They could usually work for days or weeks uninterrupted — with the exception of sleep and snack breaks, of course, their siblings wouldn't let them neglect themself like that, and they could never turn down Angelo's cooking — and be fine. They could make anything he wanted. So what was different this time?

What had changed?

Why couldn't they do this?

What was wrong with them? And how could they fix it?

Donnie didn't like change, which made such a drastic pivot in their ability all the more distressing (which, in turn, made them feel worse, feeding the cycle like an ouroboros).

Logically, they knew that rest would be the best thing, and they honestly wanted nothing more than a nap, but they couldn't when they were this stressed because they had so much to do. And none of it was going to get done. Because their stupid brain couldn't just function correctly!

There wasn't even that much to do. They ENJOYED doing these things! What was the point if they couldn't even do the one thing they were good for!?

They slammed their newest failure on the desk, breathing hard.

"shit." They winced and rubbed at their watery eyes under their glasses. Closing their eyes, they tried to even out their breathing, snapping them out of that all too familiar spiral.

This wouldn't help. It would only make it worse. They needed to not be alone right now. So they grabbed their phone and texted the first person they thought of.

ctrl + c

Don-Bon: Cn i cme sit w u?

Don-Bon: yes pls, ly

Nardo: yea im in my room

need a portal?

Nardo: ly2

Moments after that last text was sent, a small, vibrant blue portal opened up right in front of them.

They reflexively lowered their third eyelid to shield themself from the brightness.

Once they stepped through, they saw Leo sitting at the corner of his bed, leaning against the wall with one knee to his chest, controller in hand.

Donnie said nothing as they flopped next to their twin, leaning against him with their legs folded over Leon's, softly butting his head with their own.

Returning the headbutt, Leo reached down and pulled a weighted blanket out from beside his bed, wrapping it around his twin. "You okay, hermana?" he asked, not removing his arm and resting his head on top of Donnie's.

Donnie relaxed, glad to have their twin as company. They hesitated slightly before shaking their head, manifesting a small teleprompter screen in front of them. ‘bad. cant talk rn’, it read.

“ok, that's alright, I'm just gonna finish this game and then we can watch something, yea?” Leo rubbed their arm before removing it to continue gaming.

Donnie nodded, slumping further into Leo's side as they watched him play.

~~~~

After Leo finished his game, the twins wordlessly agreed on watching The Great British Baking Show, calm but still fun. Leo grabbed his laptop with one arm, wrapping the other around Donnie before shimmying them both into a lying position.

From there they shuffled around a little, finding the optimal snuggling position, then positioned the laptop at a comfortable angle for both of them.

"This ok?" Leo asked.

Donnie nodded.

After a few minutes, Leo spoke up again, "wanna talk about it?", he ventured.

Donnie took a breath, fiddling with their hands as they deliberated on how to word it.

The teleprompter re-appeared. 'it feels like nothings going right recently. And logically I KNOW that it's not my fault, but I can't help but blame myself, y’know? Im supposed to be the genius, the one that fixes everything. If I can't do that then what CAN I do?'

Leo took a moment to process the message, absentmindedly running his hands over Donnie’s neck and shell in soothing motions. "Tello I know you find this difficult to believe, but you are absurdly intelligent and so good at so many things, i mean you created ACTUAL, SENTIENT AI and are raising him better than our dad raised us, you're incredible in so many ways but you're working yourself too hard, you're burning the candle at both ends and it's unsustainable. Burnouts like these are going to happen when you do this to yourself.”

And Donnie knew these things, of course they did, but it was really really nice to hear it from someone else, especially someone they cared about so much. 'I know and I want to stop but I don't really know how? like i've been doing this for so long i don't know what else to do'

Reading this, Leo leaned over and kissed Donnie on the head, staying in that position whilst he talked, "im proud of you, Dee, we're all so, so proud of you, and we'll help you figure it out. All of us."

At this Donnie felt the prickling of tears in their eyes as their vision blurred. They didn't try to stop a quiet sob from escaping them, 'I love you'

"Aww, Dee, I love you too" Leo wrapped both of his arms around them, holding them close. They stayed like that for a while, Donnie quietly crying his frustrations into Leo's chest as he softly told them how loved and cherished and valued Donnie is to everyone they know.

And after a while, Donnie calmed, and Leo asked a question he already knew the answer to, "Do you wanna invite Apes over for a movie night tomorrow?"

Donnie nodded, already thinking about what movies to watch and meticulously going over every detail.

"Good, but for now, how about we watch some idiots bake and you can tell me exactly what they're doing wrong?". Donnie grinned, wiping the stray tears from their face as they prepared to make Leo regret ever suggesting that.

reblogs > likes

#disaster twins #rottmnt #leonardo hamato #donatello hamato #hurt/comfort #nonbinary donatello #nonbinary donnie #disabled donatello

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themarvelhorse · 2 months

Text

Oversharing with 15 answers to 15 questions! Tagged by @paeonia-horse, thanks!

You know, some of these questions seem familiar. Maybe I answered this a while back? Maybe my answers will be different this time around.

Are you named after anyone? Yeah, I'm named after my great grandfather.

When was the last time you cried? Oooh jeez uh, I think there were probably a few moments here and there before the one I'm about to give where I teared up but I definitely cried at my best friend's brother's funeral just before Christmas.

Do you have kids? I don't but people ask me this often. Do I want kids? Not if it means having them with the life I'm currently living lmao.

What sports do you play/have you played? Willingly? Ah, I never really got in any particular sport. I've enjoyed casual running, and played squash with friends.

Do you use sarcasm? Not as much as I used to. It's started to feel mean, and also ineffective when sarcasm can't be read by certain people.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Face and friendliness?

What is your eye color? The colour of dry dirt.

Scary movies or happy endings? Are you trying to ask me if I prefer tragedy or comedy? The more optimistic one I suppose.

Any talents? I'm very good at flipping coins. Round and round it goes, how it lands? Nobody knows!

Where were you born? What are you? A security question? Anyway, I was born in the land of Mordor in the fires of Mount Doom, where the dark lord Sauron forged me in secret. And into me he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life.

What are your hobbies? Analyzing stuff as the brain goblins take over. Activism, I guess. Fantasizing about the creative projects I could do if I had the time or resources (Damn I even stopped playing video games in the past year). Also repairing whatever I can repair around the house. I spent two afternoons hyperfixating on getting my dad's espresso machine to work. And it did!

Do you have any pets? Dad's got a dog I've been taking care of.

How tall are you? What are you, a cop? Or one of those height measuring things in Shoppers to record the heights of shoplifters? Somewhere between 5'6 and 5'10.

Favorite subject in school? Geography and environment. Lo' and behold I kept going with that lol.

Dream job? Hard to answer this one. If I were to think about it in terms of "What invigorates me", I'd come up short. Got perpetual burnout, so it's probably a symptom of other things that have to be addressed somehow.

Maybe in a system that doesn't push you to exhaustion as much as possible, I think I'd like to be a repairperson, partly cause of the aforementioned hyperfixations that occur when wanting to figure out how to fix stuff. Either that or barista, again, in an idyllic world that with few terrible customers and sufficient resources and staff.

Tagging @jameshoppy, @allyooops, @acryweaver, @marvelandponder, and @jade-mod!

As Paeonia said, if you do chose to do this, take care not to make yourself vulnerable to password stealing

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shutupandplayasong · 1 year

Text

Mandela Catalogue HCs

heheh hyperfixation go brrrrr

Please don't yell at me if these suck im sensitive 🥺 /hj

Mark:

Would have been the best big brother to Sarah I stg

Not afraid to wear a tiara and feather boa and have a tea party with her

This towering young man sat on a dinky little plastic chair sipping imaginary tea, pinky out and all

Aaagghhhhhhh i love him

Definitely one of those "super talented, high iq, gifted kids" before the burnout hit him

Every Christmas, Easter, and birthday he'd ask his parents for a dog. He never got one :(

Not exactly a Disney adult, just a big fan of animated movies in general.

I think his favorites would be The Iron Giant, Monsters Inc, and Lilo and Stitch

Honorable mentions to The Fox and The Hound and Oliver and Company but they make him cry

Mark Heathcliff best boy 1,000,000/10

Cesar:

Cesar fans, you have my whole heart fr

You really took nothing and ran with it I can't not respect that

I see him as a total mama's boy. As far as I know, there's no mention of his dad anywhere so I imagine it's just him and his mom.

As a little boy he was like "I'm gonna be the man of the house now!" and he stuck to it like glue

Taking the trash out, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn because "Mom, you deserve to get off your feet, you're working too hard"

I think him being a mama's boy and having so much respect for her would translate into huge respect for women in general

I like the idea of him painting his nails ❤

His room is like a walk-in freezer you can literally see his breath when he sleeps

Used to skateboard but eventually "grew out of it" (he actually broke his wrist and is too scared to do it again)

Adam:

This toxic little fuck i love him

The most "dont talk to me until I've had my coffee" person you'll ever meet.

Not having consistent access to coffee must have been miserable for him when he was on the run. Doubly miserable for poor Jonah having to put up with a grouchy Adam for who even knows how long

You remember that tiktok trend from a few years ago like "I look really intimidating until I smile"? ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM!!!

He's such an angsty little shit with the most severe case of resting bitch face disease but on the rare occasion he actually smiles??? Human sunshine

Definitely the type to look down when he smiles to try and hide it

Wouldn't be caught DEAD singing out loud, but will absolutely murmur songs to himself under his breath.

Just imagining him folding laundry or cooking and singing whatever song is stuck in his head to himself I LOVE THIS MAN

He likes rock music in general but I feel like he's really into songs like Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Yknow those really mopey mid 2000s ballads?

Shattered by OAR, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, stuff like that

Jonah:

Rip jonah you would've loved tiktok

Was a theater kid but he got kicked out of class. Dude was just too hyper to follow directions

What can he say? He just stole the spotlight 🤪 (he's crying inside)

Walks into every room twirling his car keys around his finger like a dork

Can not be trusted to stand still, it's best to just make him wear one of those backpack leashes for everyone's safety

A gamer but not in a toxic way. He's actually terrible at games but he thinks it's fun to dick around and goof off in them.

You knows those "girlfriend who bites" memes? That's him. He's the girlfriend who bites.

Thatcher:

You've heard of wine moms, you've heard of wine aunts, well get ready for wine dad

I feel like he paints? He strikes me as very artsy

Loves plants but can't keep them alive for shit. It's not even that he forgets to water them, he follows all the instructions, the plants just hate him

Can't sleep without a TV on, or at least some sort of white noise or music playing.

Total garbage at gift giving lmao but he's trying his best

"I got you this card. Happy birthday."

"Thatcher, this says 'My condolences'"

"I know"

#the mandela catalogue #mandela catalogue #the mandela catalogue headcanons #mandela catalogue headcanons #the mandela catalogue hcs #mandela catalogue hcs #cesar torres #mark heathcliff #adam murray #jonah marshall #thatcher davis #a vck original

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curls101 · 4 months

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Tav Questions - Ralxire Edition

LIST

Listen, this is just for me lol. This is Ralxire Xarmus, he's a Teef Necromancer and an absolute greasy nightmare who I ADORE

Why did you pick the race you did for your Tav?

I am trying to play at least one character of each race in BG3 to see all the custom stuff. I'd tried to make a few Teefs and none of them were really clicking. Ralxire was my latest attempt and I adore him even though I have a LOT of teefs with red skin and black hair. He could be my first DnD character's burnout cousin. But I don't care he's perfect

Why did you pick the class you did for your Tav?

I was DYING to play a Necromancer in this game. I really love the idea of it being the "bad" or "evil" wizard, especially on a good aligned character? I think it's a class that says a lot about the character straight away. Dedicating your life to decay and undeath is not something you do if you're not profoundly weird in a lot of ways

What is your character’s moral alignment?

Probably Chaotic Neutral. He's been growing more towards Chaotic Good into act 3, but if you're romancing 'Star, you're never really getting onto the Good line of the chart.

How did you choose your Tav’s name, if you gave them a unique one?

I thought it sounded like a stage magician! I wanted a lot of harsh sounds (in actual DnD he'd be a feral tiefling, so I wanted something with a demonic twinge), but ultimately he picked his own name and picked something a kid would think was cool. I wanted it to feel like a name a ye olde snake oil salesman would use. Hense: Ralxire Xarmus

What are your character’s strongest and weakest stats (strength, charisma, etc)?

Strongest is INT 20. Weakest is either CHA or STR (from my memory)

What is your Tav’s origin story?

I'll try to keep this *so* short

Street kid in Baldurs Gate. Orphan. The whole deal. Met his "sister" Oriana (made by @ms-scholars-gown-bnoc ) and joined a gang. Kept that up untill they were teens, when Oriana was "rescued" by a noble family who gave her a proper home. A little sad, Ralxire stayed - throwing himself further into his self taught wizardry - stealing what arcane supplies he needed. Established himself as a necromancer for hire. Then Oriana came back. Decided the toff life wasn't for her. So they went back to their old ways then.... Mindflayers.

That's as short as I can physically get it without going super into Ralxire's terrible dating decisions

What was the most significant moment in your Tav’s origin story?

Oriana leaving. Ralxire has a real protective streak and her leaving left him alone for the first time?? Ever??? It made him have to establish himself and he did that TERRIBLY. That's how he managed to become a greaseball asshole, and unfortunately also a very good necromancer. It isn't significant for good reasons, but significant nonetheless.

What deity, if any, does your character worship?

He respects Mystra from a distance, but you're not going to catch him saying grace.

What is your Tav’s biggest priority or goal?

It's gone through some revisions. Since the ship, it's been to restore his old powers and retrieve his old spellbook. That's a constant. Unfortunately, he's also started doing this insane thing called "caring for people"? Crazy. He'll do anything for Astarion - even want him to be better than he is. Hell, he'll become better than HE is for 'Star. Or Oriana.

He's trying, okay?

If your Tav didn’t become an adventurer, what else would they be doing?

NECROMANCY :D

What is your Tav’s most used weapon or spell?

In canon, it's probably Animate Dead or Necrotic touch. In practice, I think it's actually Haste, because I'm a filthy support wizard and I cannot be stopped

What is your Tav’s favorite school of magic/weapon type?

You got one guess.

How does your Tav fight in a combat situation?

More in the mix than your average wizard! He's not formally trained and a little scrappy - a solid handful of his spells are extensions of his claws. He'll be in the mix, throwing out what he can while concentrating on some support spell that makes Oriana into an absolute monster. Paladins, man....

Does your Tav know any other languages besides Common?

Infernal, Abyssal and probably a handful of the Primordials? Contrary to the way he acts and behaves, he is actually smart

If your Tav could/does multiclass, what other class would they choose?

I feel Sorcerer is cheating somehow.... But I truly cannot imagine him multiclassing. Being a wizard is so much of who he is? His life would be a lot more convienient if he was a sorcerer tbh.

Which of the companions does your Tav trust most?

He does trust Astarion. He does. But also it's gotta be Halsin. There's no world it isn't Halsin. Either that or La'zel, because she's always gunna have Oriana's best interests at heart.

Which of the companions does your Tav distrust most?

In truth, this was ALL of the companions in Act 1. Ralxire doens't trust easy. I'm going to cheat my way out of this by saying Jahira and Minsc, just because they're newest.

Who is your Tav’s biggest rival?

Mystic Carrion. Well, he's the biggest FINANCIAL competition. They run the same grift. The true answer is probably Cazador, for obvious Astarion reasons

Who is your Tav romancing, if anyone?

Astarion. Also Halsin, when they're feeling spicy. But 'Star is the love of his damn life, because he has terrible taste and I love that for them

If you’re romancing anyone, why did your Tav fall for them? And why did that character fall for your Tav?

Not even joking: They're both as bad as each other

Astarion obviously moved on Ralxire for manipulation reasons. I'm not going to give Mr No Wisdom the credit of thinking he saw through that. But there's something to nefarious company. Ralxire is a little more cutthroat than his sister. He's had a bad time since she left. So it's nice to feel his defensive impulses (and frequent fits of just sarcastic and mean comments) are appreciated by someone. They would often be at the back of the group, muttering, judging and getting up to crime. They weren't good like everyone else. The rest was inevitable

If you’re romancing anyone, who fell first and who fell harder?

Oh, Ralxire. This is the stuff that makes me insane, actually. So Ralxire's not a complete idiot. He knows his taste is bad. He knows guys like 'Star don't stick around. So he falls early - but he has NO illusions about it ever being reciprocated. He sees it as a flaw in himself - that deep down, under all the nastyness, he's still so so loving and caring, despite his best efforts. He doesn't expect 'Star to feel anything at all. He's waiting for him to move on.

Fortunately, Astarion falls like a meteor when he does.

How does your Tav act around their crush?

Completely normal. See above. He's just a taaaad more protective in ways that will likely go unnoticed by most

What is your Tav’s favorite moment they’ve had with their lover?

When Astarion told him he wanted their relationship to be real. When he levelled with him about the realities of his attractions. Because it was such a sigh of relief for him. He didn't have to pretend to care less - to pretend he was happy with only having sex. Astarions issues with intimacy were something they could work through - and 'Star wanted to work through it WITH him. As a team. It was the best.

What is your Tav attracted to? What are their turn-ons and turn-offs?

Terrible men is his type. If a man is transparently bad for him, Ralxire is all about it. But there has to be some kernel of goodness or they don't get to sleep over.

Does your Tav have any biases against other classes or races?

Of course, traditional Sorcerer vs Wizard beef must be observed. Especially because Oriana is part Sorc. Sibling rivalry is no joke.

What is the most prominent color in your Tav’s color scheme?

Red and Black the whole way down. Sometimes I'll throw in some blue for contrast

What is their sense of humor like?

Driest sarcasm in the west. The kind where you think they're not joking, just being an asshole out of nowhere. When he's around family, he is partial to a dad joke but he wouldn't be caught dead making one

What is your Tav’s guilty pleasure?

I think in reality, Ralxire would indulge in every vice availble to man, but he wouldn't be guilty about it. I think he reads nonfiction for fun. I think he uses the mending cantrip to fix his friend's clothes while they're asleep. I think he really likes fancy food and deserts. That's the stuff he'd feel guilty about.

How easily offended are they? How do they act when offended?

My man has a temper and takes most things as a direct insult to his pride. He has an ego that could eclipse the sun. There's a lot of snarling and exhaling smoke through the nose. There's a lot of saying the first insult that comes to mind. There's a lot of just blurting out the most hurtful shit you can think of as a reflex.

He's... not great at keeping friends. He's working on it.

How does your Tav react when someone insults their friend/partner?

TIME FOR VIOLENCEEE

As I've said, Ralxire is BIG TIME protective. He's normally chill letting everyone else handle things, but if someone starts squaring up or targeting Oriana or 'Star? Violence.

How does your Tav dress for different occasions, like very fancy situations?

Ah, Ralxire's nightmare. He's a street rat - he's never been anywhere remotely fancy. If Astarion doesn't dress him, he'd wear the tackiest, most Look I Have Money getup he could steal. Ralxire is not blessed with drip

How did your Tav get their scars, if they have any?

Oh boy. Ralxire does have facial scarring. Yes, he did it himself. Yes, it was a choice that he then tatted over AND grew facial hair. His lower jaw is a disaster

What is your Tav’s relationship with their family?

Blood family is nonexistant. Oriana is his closest thing. They've had...bumps. But Ralxire doesn't really care about that. He defends what he has

What is your Tav’s opinion on nobility and authority?

No respectable lower city kid LIKES either. Ralxire is no exception. Sorry, Wyll

How does your Tav react to wearing the Wavemother’s robe? How do they react to their partner wearing it?

I can't remember if this is how we discovered Ralxire has an incredible ass BUT HE REALLY DOES. He'd be down - Ralxire has absolutely no body shame at all. He wears a harness to relax. There's a naked statue of him at camp. He doesn't wear underwear. He's nasty as hell and everyone else has to deal with it.

'Star or Halsin wearing it would go exactly the way you think it would.

What is your Tav’s favorite type of environment? Like in a tavern, a library, out in the wilderness, underground, etc.

Lower City favoured terrain. Taverns, dirty sewer hideouts, nasty waterfront warehouses. Places that aren't too nice make him feel....out of place. Halsin is helping with that, on the nature front. Though, a necromancer is only ever going to be so comfortable in nature

What would your Tav’s Zodiac sign be?

My brain said Scorpio reflexively, but unfortunately I think he's inherited my Aries sun / Taurus moon combo.

What is their favorite season?

Autumn. Cool. Everything is dying. It's in his colour pallet. What more could you want?

Where in the world does your Tav want to visit the most?

I think he'd do a big city tour. Waterdeep, Neverwinter.... I think he'd seek out cool magic places. He does love Baldur's Gate secretly though

What is the biggest mistake your Tav ever made?

Looking into Litchdom because "it's what Necromancers do"

What animal best represents your Tav?

Impulse said Rat and I think that's maybe correct? A giant rat. The biggest rat you've ever seen.

What flower/tree/plant best represents your Tav?

It's too easy to say Corpse Flower? I do think it's apt, actually. Massive for seemingly no reason. Smells bad. Obsessed with dead and decaying things. Looks like a massive dick

What does your Tav smell like?

Embalming fluid, probably.

What song best represents your Tav?

Bonus for Ralxire x Astarion from my playlist for them

What would be your Tav’s favorite music genre?

There is no world in which Ralxire would not have the worst drum and bass you've ever heard blaring 24/7 irl

What role would your Tav play in a highschool AU? (nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc)

Dropout/Burnout with bonus He's Secretly Smart trope

What is the most important item your Tav has?

His spellbook. Really, any book he gets his hands on. But his old and new spellbooks really contrast who he was with who he is now. Like, sure, his old one has Finger of Death in it. But now he has buffing spells! That he casts on other people! He learned spells to help others! Groundbreaking territory

Where does your Tav feel most at home?

Lower City waterfront. The area of Baldur's Gate with all the monsters in it

What is your Tav’s philosophy on life?

It would be something like "We're all getting fucked so we might as well enjoy it". He's got that optimistic pessimism going on

Does your Tav think more with their heart or their brain?

He'd love it if it was his Brain. It would improve his life. Unfortunately he is only ever guided by his heart, his ego or his dick.

What does your Tav want in their future? (domestic bliss, more adventure, a family, etc)

There was a time where he wanted to be immortal. Now, he mostly wants to give Astarion the best damn life he can until he's gone.

What is your Tav’s worst fear?

The loss of what little he has - mostly his family

Is your Tav easily tricked or deceived?

Not necissarily - but he is EASILY swayed by flattery.

If your Tav was granted a single wish, what would it be?

More wishes. The wish spell in his spellbook. Some loophole bullshit like that

How does your Tav feel about keeping secrets, both their own and others?

Sure, why not? You've got your reasons and I've got mine.

How would your Tav react to a love confession?

If it was unrecipricated, it would be the best day of his life. He'd be so happy because he's been given a gift. If reciptrocated, see above answer about Star

What are your Tav’s biggest insecurities?

Ralxire is more insecurity than man. He is insecure about how much he cares, primarily. Again, he's all ego. A lot of work goes into preserving that

What decision would your party have to make in order for Tav to consider splitting off from the group?

Honestly, I think the fact I couldn't think of anything is telling. But he does have a soft spot for his fellow teefs. I think if they'd murdered the tiefling refugees, he'd have quitely slipped away the night after

What is your Tav’s favorite food?

Anything insanely filling. Curries. Stews. That sort of thing. Most of his diet is unfortunately alcohol though

How generous is your Tav, especially to those they don’t know?

Almost 0%. Maybe a little if you catch him being sentimental

If an evil character told your Tav that they wanted to change and help them, would they believe it?

Not on your life. Ralxire mistrusts the nicest people on earth

What meme describes your Tav the best?

I've somehow forgotten every meme ever made by mankind. Maybe....

youtube

What does your Tav want to be remembered by?

Outside of existing fondly in the memories of the people he loves, I don't think Ralxire cares much about being remembered.

What Tarot Card best represents your Tav?

The Chariot (reversed) or The King of Wands (reversed)

What would be your Tav’s major in college?

I actually answered this here

but tldr Ralxire would be working towards a PHD in Biology or Pathology

Does your Tav consider themselves a hero, villain, victim or something else?

I think he would rather obstain. Though a bit like 'Star, there's something really funny about considering him a hero even a little bit

How good is your Tav at giving advice? How good are they at following it themselves?

Good and terrible respectively

How does your Tav get along with each party member?

Gale - > Inherent Wizard Rivalry is a big barrier here Wyll - > Too good to be true, for Ralxire. He's coming around Lazell - > She loves his sister and that's enough for him Astarion - > See any other answer. Loves more than anything Halsin - > The only grounding force he's ever had and he needed it SO MUCH. Adores sharing him with 'Star. Adores their strange, haphazard relationship. Adores how much he's not his usual type. Karlach - > Banter buds Shadowheart - > They hated each other for no clear reason, but now they bully each other with some affection in it

What are your Tav’s other hobbies?

He will read anything at all - but likes Philosophy because it's structured arguing.

(Free Spot: Ask any question you’d like!)

Ralxire's favourite way to end a day is to cuddle the shit out of Astarion while he reads aloud. 'Star gets to listen to his voice rumble and 'Xire gets to play with his hair. Astarion pretends to fall asleep, then Ralxire bundles them both up. Perfection

#This took me so fucking long dude #tav oc #longpost #Spotify #Youtube

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zuzsenpai · 3 months

Text

This is another personal post with TW mental illness. I'm sorry there have been so many recently. I really have nowhere else to put these things. Feel free to ignore.

I don't think my depression has ever been this bad before, in the almost 13 years I've had it. For maybe the past two months it's been steadily growing to a point of intensity that I can't ignore. The absolutely awful feelings won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how miserable I feel.

I can barely take care of myself. I eat takeout every day. There's garbage everywhere at my house. I can't get shit done at work and at some point people are going to notice. I have multiple really REALLY urgent doctor's appointments/calls I HAVE to make (one of which is to my psychiatrist who apparently I'm blocked from messaging on the healthcare app), yet I can't seem to pick up the phone. I am mentally incapable somehow. There's a wall there.

I have been told to exercise and meditate and I physically and mentally cannot. Again, there is a wall.

I have a video game I wanted to play, I try to play it, and I feel completely unattached to it (even though I have loved it in the past). I joined a really exclusive roleplay community for that game and proceeded to be too overwhelmed to make the character application and now the mods are asking me what I want to do. I haven't written fanfiction in two months because of severe burnout, and I miss it so desperately that it's making me realize I might have been using it as a bandaid/distraction. But my brain is so fried that I feel too overwhelmed to write again. People are leaving me nice comments on my fics and I can't even bring myself to read them let alone respond to them. My memory is so bad that I can't remember a lot of what happens in any of my fave series' and I feel like creating good fan content for those things is impossible at this point.

I'm ignoring online friends in my favorite server. I promised multiple IRL friends I would watch animes they like and I am feeling guilty that I mentally cannot do that. I'm dreading the two anime cons I have coming up in March because I don't think I'm going to feel comfortable in my cosplay this year. I have a close friend (who is also my coworker) who keeps trying to get me to do things with her and her husband and I keep turning them down because I'm worried I'll get overwhelmed by social anxiety and general awkwardness. Just the thought of having awkward social interactions is terrifying me and pushing me down harder than it ever has.

I had a boyfriend between October 2022 and December 2023, but I felt like it was a huge chore every time I had to see him and I developed zero feelings for him. I felt repulsed by the thought of us being romantic. We ghosted each other in December and now I feel like shit about it because he may have been the only chance I'll ever have at a relationship... but I also am in such a bad state that it's probably good things are over. Why don't I feel relieved?

I'm having physical tics in my abdomen and jaw that are getting worse and worse to the point of pain and people noticing. I can't talk to literally anyone without sounding upset, negative, angry. I had my best friends from out of state over a few weekends ago and I was so sick the whole time, I felt like I was letting them down. I've been repeating awkward interactions with friends and coworkers over and over in my head to the point where I think about it at night.

I haven't put my Christmas decorations away because I fucking CAN'T.

This week has been particularly bad. Yesterday I was working from home because of snow. When the snow stopped I rushed to my parents' house because I needed to be somewhere with people I know. But I was so negative in how I spoke with them, and it's making me feel even worse. I used to be really talkative and intelligent when having conversations with my family, but depression has taken that away from me pretty badly over the years, to the point where I can barely talk without thinking about how absolutely dreadful I am at conversation.

But today might be the worst of it (unrelated to Valentine's Day, though it certainly isn't helping). It pained me emotionally and physically to get out of bed, and I wanted to take a mental health day. Literally fell back asleep for an hour before I had to get up and DREAMT about taking a mental health day. But being alone at home is actually so much worse than being at work where there are at least people I am comfortable with. So I went in. I have been absolutely bombarded with depressed feelings all day though. I get up to walk down the hall to the bathroom and somehow that feels worse than sitting and staring at my computer without accomplishing anything. I'm sitting here crying at work, completely destroying the four months of tally marks I had for 'days without crying at work'. I didn't break my record, sadly.

I have a therapist. I have an appointment with her today actually. Maybe I'll just read all of this to her. I don't know where it's going to lead or what she's going to tell me to do, but all I want is to walk down the hall to the bathroom and have at least average, neutral emotions instead of carrying a chest full of raging depression. I want to be able to say something happy to someone so that they don't dump me as a friend for being toxically negative. I want to live, and I have things to live for. But damn if this depression isn't making it extremely difficult to enjoy those things.

#personal post for ts;#personal post #zuzu note;#mental illness tw #depression tw

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mamawasatesttube · 4 months

Note

☉✎✦✿(last one for the winter depression kon fic<3)

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

usually, step back and take a break!! if i'm stuck writing at ALL instead of just on a specific wip it usually means i'm flirting with burnout and need to chill for a bit. time to read, play viddy game, hang out with friends, etc.

but i never take TOO long a break because if i do then it's really hard to get back into writing. so if its been a few days and i still havent written anything i'll open whatever wip i wanna work on and try to add at least a couple of sentences.

✎ how do you think readers would guess a fic was yours if you posted anonymously?

i have NO idea but the other day someone who knew me on my old ao3 account messaged me like "hey is this you?" and i was like HOW DID YOU KNOW? and they were just like "i recognized your style!" so there's clearly SOMETHING askjdhfdjks

but in the timkon tag specifically, um. well. probably the specific kryptonian headcanons, t4tisms, and "giving a shit about kon as a character" would probably give me away.

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

*opens ao3 real fast to check what i've written* uhhhhh

okay lessee. there's several of the shorter oneshots here that i actually just wrote entirely in one sitting and didn't edit just plonked em right on ao3, so those would probably count as easiest (reflections on respawning, aftershocks, faith trust and a bit of pixie dust, your ghost i will gladly bear, and we will walk in bitter rain).

hardest probably goes to sotm just for length, but in terms of content it's all emotional hurt/comfort and that is my wheelhouse! in terms of content, the hardest is probably androecia. i've never written much explicit fic before, so it was a challenge!

✿ did anything major change when you started writing "under the small fire of winter stars" to when you finished?

SO MUCH. OH MY GOD. SO MUCH...

so the original iteration in my notebook was a multi-scene thing with a heavy focus on kon & kara and Both of them being depressed and kara telling kon about new years' celebrations on krypton (occuring the day after the winter solstice, as days started to get longer and nights shorter again, with accompanying stories about rao's pantheon's defeat of cythonna and triumph over winter and darkness). and then i was like "hey this fic is for moss! i should add tim." so then i added tim and MORE scenes. and then i was like "oh no i will never finish this on time" especially because i could NOT figure out the ending in a way that felt satisfying to me so i kinda scrapped most of it.

the scene that became the actual fic is what was gonna be the second scene in the bigger thing, with tim finding and taking care of kon in the aftermath of kon and kara fighting and then severely bitching about metallo.

initially, kon was gonna mention some of the winter celebration stuff kara told him about and how he kinda wished he had more of a connection to kryptonian culture, and tim was gonna go Hm. and start thinking of ways he could get clark, chris, and/or jon to help him plan Something to surprise kon and kara with a little new years party. but that plot kept coming out feeling overly cheesy and contrived and i just was not satisfied with it, so. snip snip bitch.

still, i think the focus morphing into just "tim loving on kon with acts of service (and quality time) while mr acts of service himself is so out of it" was fun too!!! get loved idiot, etc.

#answers #misspickman

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truly-hopeless · 6 months

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Honest Question About A Fic

So not too long ago, while at work, I was thinking about a story of mine that I haven't updated in almost two years. The story is titled "I Move the Stars For No One," which is a retelling of Rumpelstiltskin with L/Light Yagami as the main ship that I started writing after reading other LawLight fairy tale rewrites, namely eleonoraw's Merman and Totoroto's Snow Moon. It was my first story published to AO3 near the beginning of the pandemic and was my first LawLight fic. It currently sits unfinished at seven chapters (there was an eighth, a scrapped prologue, but I moved it to "The Dead Darling Graveyard" since it had little to do with the story) and was last updated December 2021. While I like parts of the current version (such integrating other fairy tales into the story since I'm a sucker for that kind of thing), I feel dissatisfied with the story for several reasons:

It's taking too long to get to the main conflict of the story (Beyond disrupting Light and L's arrangement and the two needing to find a way to stop that from happening) even without the long hiatuses and that smaller conflicts (L hiding he's a goblin from Light, Light feeling conflicted about what to do now that he's not going to be executed, and Misa's jealousy) are getting resolved too easily.

The story barely resembles Rumplestiltskin at all. Sure, it was always going to be a different story from the original fairy tale since the protagonists' identities and circumstances that make them desperate enough to ask a magical stranger for help and who they fall in love with are not the same (while the miller's daughter can definitely do better than the greedy king demanding she spin straw into gold on pain of death, never in a million years is she going to consider the man who demands she hand over her baby [presumably to eat it] in exchange for his help marriage material unless there is serious tweaking done to his character), it still feels off.

The main characters feel out of character. Light and L became too familiar too fast (even for a ship fic) and there's no real tension after L's deception is revealed and Light forgives him (too easily, I feel). And while I don't necessarily want to vilify Misa to add conflict (especially since I just complained about how awful the king in the original fairy tale was), she should be a little more unwilling to share Light with L (even if she is the one that gets to marry him) and push back more.

I just hate the title. It was taken from lyrics of a song from Labyrinth, but outside of L being the King of Goblins in this story and the memory-wiping peaches there's nothing in common with Labyrinth either; it could have been, if I wasn't afraid of adding more conflict and making L more dark grey when it comes to morality, but that wasn't what I wrote.

So I'm thinking about rewriting the story, to make it more in line with both the original fairy tale and in the spirit of LawLight. But that comes with it's own problems:

If you've been following me for any amount of time, you'll know that I'm not the most consistent when it comes to updating my stories; it could be anywhere between a week to four months to a whole year before I update something due to a combination of burnout, stress when I think about how I'm almost thirty and nothing in my life is coming together, and being distracted by other story ideas. Speaking of...

I have too much shit going on as is when it comes to writing. I was tagged for that WIP ask game a few weeks ago, where I had to list out all the stuff I've been working on. The list has 31 drafts and I found out today that I still forgot to list a couple (not going back to change it now) and then there are ideas that play out in my head during work or when I'm trying to sleep that I haven't brought myself to write down because I am trying to keep the new WIPs to a minimum.

I have yet to finish a long story (I have the same problem as the protagonist from Dave Made a Maze: I start all these projects, but never finish them) and will feel slightly guilty for abandoning yet another one, even if it's for the sake of a rewrite instead of abandoning it altogether and trying to forget they exist like the stories on my FFN account.

So what should I do?

#fanfiction #lawlight #fairy tale retelling #rumplestiltskin #tumblr polls #writing #death note #fantasy

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storiesbyjes2g · 1 year

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Keep it in the family game

A recent conversation came to mind this morning, so I thought I'd share with you my thought process. You may remember me saying The Piersons and Friends is a dramatic interpretation of what happens in my game. I do play in this save, though it happens less and less the more complicated this story gets. Despite how complicated it gets, I still consider it to be a gameplay-based story. More like gameplay assisted lol. But I am a writer. I've been writing stories since I was six years old. I think in stories. I even use stories at work! The temptation to let my imagination go wild and make this story even more cinematic, dramatic, and messy is always lurking around the corner. But there is one thing I do that helps me keep it straight, and that is I keep everything within the realm of the game.

You say, "But, Jess! What's wrong with pulling out all the stops??" Nothing! But in order for me to keep the flame lit and stay in love with this family, I need for it to remain fun. The moment I decide to take this story out of the realm of the game and turn it into the next big Netflix series starts the countdown clock to burnout and frustration. Writing realistic stories with The Sims is SUPER fun. But they are a LOT of work—especially mentally. It's basically like writing AND illustrating a novel. I will write a novel one day, but don't want to continue using my fun time that way anymore.

(details about my process under the cut)

So what does that mean, keeping everything within the realm of the game? Exactly that! If it can't happen in the game (my modded game, that is), it doesn't go in the story...mostly. The Piersons and Friends is more real than aDOLTing, so I let myself have a little more fun there and add non-game things in sometimes (i.e. Yvonne's colorism, the Pierson's marriage counseling, etc.). But the aDOLTing sims are 100% simmish, and there are zero real-life elements in that story; this is why I don't restrict their travel. If you see anything realistic in this story, it comes from mods. Here are a few ways I keep my stories rooted in gameplay.

Personalities

My sims personalities are heavily based on their traits, aspirations, character values, and preferences. I allow myself to be a tiny bit more creative with sims not born in game, but I still stay close. I might expand their histories to the entire Sims franchise for more options, like how Ali's parents are from Monte Vista. But I guess now that we have Tartosa, they could be from there. I don't always do this 100%, especially when I'm making characters with specific backstories, but the game information is definitely at the heart of their personality.

Careers

Their employment is based on the game's mechanisms for making money. For careers, they follow the game's progression. I may expand on their actual roles to make them more interesting (i.e. Emmy & Nadia's jobs). I use the chance cards a LOT for that. I think it's boring to type what they say word for word; I'm writing a story not telling the news. I take a moment to think about how it would play out cinematically and write it into the story vs. it being a random piece of information that does nothing to move the plot along. I don't always put a screenshot of the chance card because either it's a very common one you'd recognized by the way I've worded it. Honestly, the only reason I ever include them in The Piersons and Friends is to remind you this story is still steeped in gameplay. I feel like, because I write this story dramatically and present it cinematically, you guys sometimes have expectations about what should happen next because it's so real to you, and I love that! But the fact is, there are certain directions I have no intention of taking this story no matter how bad you guys want it. That's just how it has to be to protect my peace.

Relationships

Friendships

There is a reason I included Evie as the matron of honor. I remember commenting a long time ago she should have been Mel's childhood BFF, but she met Gabby first; she met Evie in high school. I didn't show it a lot, but they had a more meaningful relationship. Hopefully you got that from the few conversations I did show. I imagine Melany connected with her more because she was more mature than the other girls and Evie was older. In game, Melany gravitates to her more than Gabby, and Evie actually makes an effort to maintain their friendship by coming over from time to time. Gabby has NEVER showed up at Mel's house. Ever. At any point in life. But because of Mel's personality, I couldn't make her throw Gabby away...initially. I also couldn't forget her friendship with Evie although it's not shown much, so I gave her a very important role in the wedding to honor that.

I give this example to show how interactions (and lack there of) also factor into how I portray friendships and also how they factor into character's personalities.

Romance

I follow game mechanics, so unfortunately flirting with someone else is an especially heinous act and was the cause of all the drama between Melany, Nick, and Anissa back in the day. One thing about me is I like to do things the easy way, and taking whatever the game gives me is very easy. It may not make sense in our world, but it follows logic. They drank the tea and became flirty. Titus flirted with Mel, and she reciprocated. Drama ensued, and I ran with it. As long as there is some sort of logic, I'm cool. I leave the stuff that doesn't make sense out of the story because I want my story to be good lol.

I think that's all I wanted to say. For those struggling with this issue, I hope it helped. For those who had certain questions about The Piersons and Friends, I hope this cleared it up for you. If not, you know where I'm at. Drop me an ask. I love talking about my stories.

#story stuff #writer's corner

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