#this is why no dean ship could ever beat destiel for me

[bloodydeanwinchester]

the thing about destiel that hits so hard for me is that cas is thee number one dean understander. no one in dean’s life has EVER gotten dean the way that cas does. no one has ever even tried to. dean takes care of everyone he loves. but cas…cas is the only one who takes care of dean back

#cas understands dean better than dean understands dean #it makes me feel so emotional #this is why no dean ship could ever beat destiel for me #destiel #spn #jenna.post

[impostoradult]

So I've got to ask, because I stopped watching SPN at the end of season 4 (because Kripke said it'd end at the end of season 5 and I didn't want it to end, but then it didn't and a friend of mine just said that it turned into crap and I wanted to keep it good in my mind so... Well I didn't watch the seasons after that) but I'm kind of wondering if I should watch it? Is it... Good? I'm thinking about character developpement mostly, the story in general... And the finale: will I want to forget about it or... ?

Second ask which is totally non related: as for Jensen Ackles, what is it about people saying he is homophobic? Every interview I've seen... The guy seems pretty charming ? But I haven't been following him much so maybe I'm mistaking ?

Whew! You have asked 2 questions about which whole books could be written.

Q1

Here's what I'll say re: is Supernatural Good/Worth Watching all the way through. Seasons 4 & 5 are the peak of the show in terms of general story-telling quality. The entire show post season 5 is VERY hit or miss from episode to episode, and from season to season.

However, there's also a TON of great stuff that comes after season 5, particularly interesting character development stuff with all the leads at various points. And there are some awesome side characters that get introduced like Charlie and Rowena and Kevin, who are really fun and add a lot in their occasional appearances. Also there are some truly stand-out episodes and arcs in those later seasons. The problem is, you have to wade through a fair amount of eye-rolling, repetitive, and sometimes just plain lazy or ill-conceived nonsense to get to the good stuff. You DO have to slog. And you have to be willing to put up with some TRULY stupid writing choices along the way. Do I think it's worth it?

Ultimately, my answer is yes. But BARELY. Just barely.

I'll also say, while the incorporation of Castiel varies a lot in both amount and quality from season to season after S5, overall the Dean/Castiel storyline within the show is incredibly compelling. As a long-form slow-burn romance, it is one of the most gripping pieces of romantic storytelling I've ever seen (and I'm including hetero pairings in that statement as well). So if that is something you are invested in (or think you might be), Supernatural becomes A LOT more worth watching.

Which leads me to the ending, which in truth, I never watched. I stopped watching at 15x19. I know enough about what happened in 15x20 to know I don't need to see it. At this point, I'm also fairly certain they are gonna do a sequel/reboot and retcon it, so it doesn't really matter anyway. Jensen Ackles is bound and determined to bring it back at some point, so I'm 95% sure that ending isn't going to stand, no matter what. (Which I am more than fine with. Although I don't enjoy beating dead-horse media franchises in general, he is right to want to retcon it, IMO, and I support him in this endeavor).

And speaking of Jensen Ackles...

Q2

The question around his homophobia (or lack thereof) is also super complex. In my personal opinion, no, I don't think he is (though I understand why that idea persists among some fans)

He did demonstrate resistance to the idea of Destiel or queer interpretations of Dean in earlier eras of Supernatural's run, often in the context of Supernatural Fan Conventions when he was speaking off the cuff to questions directly posed to him by fans. And sometimes he wasn't super tactful in how he expressed himself.

But I get the feeling a lot of those incidences were a product of a variety of different things that aren't reducible to personal homophobia on his part:

In the context of those conventions, the actors are acting as PR extensions of the show. And The CW company line for basically ALL of Supernatural's run has been Dean's straight and Destiel is just fan shipping. Jensen Ackles, as a representative of the show, wasn't in a position to disagree publicly with the company line, regardless of how he felt privately. It would have caused a huge shit-storm of blow back if he'd done that. One of my big frustrations with the SPN fandom is the lack of awareness that actors are not allowed to just freely share their thoughts and feelings about the show's content, particularly when they might disagree or disapprove of it. It makes you look unprofessional, as an actor, when you do that. Its like going in front of an audience to announce publicly that you disagree with your boss and think they should have handled something very differently. That's OBVIOUSLY unprofessional, even if/when you are right. These actors have never been in a position to share how they really feel or think about this publicly because of the nature of entertainment PR. Again, I think Jensen hasn't always been tactful in how he handled those situations, but I also don't take ANY of those statements all that seriously because in those moments Jensen was acting primarily as a spokesperson for the "brand"/entity of Supernatural, regardless of his actual thoughts/feelings about anything.

I also think he's probably evolved a lot on this issue over the years, both in terms of his personal politics AND his attitudes about the content of Supernatural. Now this gets into sticky territory because I am now 'reading' Jensen and his life as a public figure. And there is so much more that is hidden versus what is visible. So what follows is HIGHLY speculative on my part and should be understood as such. But, my personal interpretation of his queer politics is he grew up in Texas in the 80s & 90s in a fairly conservative and overtly Christian household (which he has spoken about publicly more than once). And while I doubt he was ever overtly hateful towards queer people, I do suspect he was raised with a lot of the general biases that come with that kind of background. I also think as a result of working in Hollywood for so many years, becoming such deeply close friends with Misha Collins (who, for all his whatever around this, is a polyamorous ultra-lefty hippie), and having the fandom that Supernatural has (which is at a conservative guess 80% queer people), he has probably come a long way from where he started about this. I ALSO think his ideas about queer Dean and Destiel have evolved a lot, though he's never said it explicitly in so many words (because again, I don't think he's ever really been at liberty to). BUT, it was incredibly clear in his very loud silence on the SPN 'finale' he really disliked what they chose to do in 15x20. It was also incredibly clear he was very emotional about 15x18. He had a cast member shoot a private video of the Castiel confession scene for him to keep on his phone. We also know they conducted formal market research on the idea of making the romance between Dean and Cas even more explicitly canon in final seasons. That didn't happen, for reasons we may never know. But it's pretty clear to me that at the start of season 13, they seemed to be setting up that romantic arc pretty heavily. And I think Jensen knew that and maybe even got attached to the idea before the powers that be shut it down for whatever reasons they did.

Again, all of this is my personal understanding which is based on real events and statements and such, but is still an inference based on all of those disparate pieces of data.

But in sum, no I don't think Jensen Ackles is homophobic. Yes, I think he has said a few insensitive things in the past, but I think there was a PR aspect to a lot of it, and I also think he's shown a lot of growth in the right direction over time.

I also think there's like a solid 35% chance he'll retcon the ending of SPN and give Dean and Cas a proper (romantic) ending, out of spite if nothing else. I think there's like a 95% chance he's gonna reboot it. He cannot shut up about it. Whether or not the reboot will do right by the Destiel storyline is far less certain for me. I'm not CONVINCED of the so-called "Jackles long-con" conspiracy theory. But I think there's a solid 1 in 3 chance its real, which is enough possibility that I'm not willing to wash my hands of this yet.

So many other insane fan conspiracy theories about Supernatural have turned out to be right. And this one has more evidence than a decent number of the others.

I hope this insanely long response helps!

#long post #Supernatural #Jackles #Jensen Ackles

[heyassbuttlmao]

I posted 4,352 times in 2022

That's 4,352 more posts than 2021!

159 posts created (4%)

4,193 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@castielsupernatural

@ginwicche

@obsessionofspn

@altarofrowena

@bitingmp3

I tagged 1,221 of my posts in 2022

#art <3 - 223 posts

#spn - 77 posts

#supernatural - 75 posts

#the boys - 65 posts

#my faves &lt;3 - 57 posts

#the boys spoilers - 39 posts

#destiel - 23 posts

#ow - 23 posts

#dean winchester - 20 posts

#castiel - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#are no different than the characters they portray as mentally ill™️ because no that's different our characters just have daddy issues and

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

fic masterlist

I only ever post my fics on ao3, because it's where I read fanfic, but I figured I should at least link them here, so viola, have a post about my spn fanfic I've written (I'm not bothering to link all the stucky I write here because I do not think y'all care, but that is on my ao3 too if you want to check it out)

yes all my fic titles are song lyrics shut up

hand me a pen and I'll rewrite the pain - complete, 37k

domestic destiel fluff, but also mostly family angst lmao. instead of bringing just mary back, amara also brings back john, and dean has to grapple with the fact that oh shit he was actually a very shitty father. (also she brings back bobby and charlie because I say so)

i'll take my chances on the curb here with you - oneshot, 1.8k

finale fix-it. aka the finale didn't happen and they get cas back. aka post-confession destiel reunion + first kiss

i've got this sentimental heart that beats - oneshot, 4.5k

outsider pov about one of sam's friends from stanford running into him years later. mostly just fluff and me getting overly invested in this oc by accident

running through the numbers in my phone - oneshot, 700 words

sequel/companion to i've got this sentimental heart that beats. literally just sam's other friends from stanford spamming his phone after getting his number from the oc from the last fic. because I could

show me the rivers crossed, the mountains scaled - oneshot, 2.5k

first spn fic I wrote, was supposed to be a destiel fic but cas isn't even in it whoops. (destiel is still the ship but like,,,, only mentioned ghdgghsd). anyways what this actually ended up being was sam and dean running into each other at a gay bar and awkwardly coming out to each other as bi (I'm not even necessarily a queer sam truther so I have no fucking clue where this fic came from lmao)

33 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#4

also also ALSO thinking. thinking. cas fucking letting go, pushing dean away from him, in purgatory. making sure dean saves himself but not letting him save him. and dean fucking convincing himself he was the one who let go, not cas, because that was easier. it just makes me wonder what dean told himself after cas pushed him away in 15x18, to make it easier than admitting to himself that cas loved him so much he would die for it

45 notes - Posted August 26, 2022

#3

my suggested posts rn are SO funny and also so valid

See the full post

53 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

#2

ngl but I don't get why so much attention is being placed on whether AI art is "real art" or not instead of??? the fact that it's using stolen art?? like that feels like the actual problem here for me???

71 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT HAPPENED WHAT DID I MISS IM FUCKING BUSY I CANT INVESTIGATE WHAT HAPPENED WITH DESTIEL RN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED PLS I AM BEGGING

84 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #okay but actuallu what the fuck was i talking about in my longest tag lmao

[ltleflrt]

I posted 10,303 times in 2022

That's 1,219 more posts than 2021!

925 posts created (9%)

9,378 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@slytherkins

@wigglebox

@valleydean

@joasakura

@ltleflrt

I tagged 9,372 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#destiel - 1,838 posts

#spn fanart - 1,735 posts

#ltlequeue - 1,450 posts

#ltleramblings - 983 posts

#tma - 755 posts

#spn - 696 posts

#tma fanart - 587 posts

#lolsnort - 513 posts

#castiel - 404 posts

#jonmartin - 401 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#and his pink tongue flicked out to catch the cream he’d just revealed made other things in dean’s body tighten

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Desperately trying to keep my clown nose in the jar.

493 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#4

I want a Supernatural video game. Something old school SNES side scroller style.  But most importantly, I want it to start out with Sam as the playable character, and then Dean becomes a playable character, and then you can switch back and forth. When Castiel shows up in the game, he’s not a playable character, he’s a special attack that Dean can summon.  And Sam’s special attack would have something to do with his demon blood powers.  And then around the season 6 era, SURPRISE! CAS becomes the playable character for a while, and then for the rest of the game, you can switch between the three of them except during story beats where it has to be one of them specifically.

There’s a whole Wayward DLC too.

DESTIEL ENDGAME OR CHUCK WINS.

705 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#3

This whole backlash against printing fics irks the fuck out of me, and I got some shit to say about it. Mostly "Fuck You" but here's some nuance:

On the surface, I understand where the naysayers are coming from. It's a legitimate fear that making a profit from fanworks will bring down the C&D Hammer on fandom. I get that. Do not put on the One Ring, or you'll risk the Eye of Sauron.

But here's the thing. Fuck capitalism. Fuck digital only. We're living in the digital dark ages, and 100 years from now huge swathes of our history, fact and fiction, will be lost to our descendants because there will be no physical copies of our lives for them to find in old libraries and boxes in the attic, etc.

Creators deserve physical copies of their creations, and so do the other people in the world who love them.

I don't want to profit from letting people print my fics. That's why I use Lulu, since they have an option to set zero profit and make the links hidden so only fans in the know can get a copy. Other printing sites I've looked at in the past don't have those options. In fact, the first time I ever even thought about printing one of my stories was when I won NaNo for the first time and one of the prizes was a coupon for 3 free printings of your story. HELL YEAH, that's a copy for me, a copy for my beta, and a copy for the artist who made the cover for me. Perfect! But I ended up not using that coupon, because the site required I set a profit margin, and did not have an option to make it private. Ummm, no thanks. Not worth the risk. And even though the profit margin could be set as low as ten cents, I did not want to make ANY money from my fic, because I know that would be breaking Fair Use rules. I found Lulu instead, and decided to let other people get copies too, because I'm nice. And if I don't, it's not like I can stop them from doing it themselves, no matter how much I'd rather they not do that.

But that's not good enough for the Reporting Trolls. Their argument is that it's not possible for it to be completely profit free, since Lulu makes a profit on the printing costs and the shipping carriers make a profit off the shipping costs. Someone is making a profit, and that's unacceptable, even if that someone is not Me, The Person Who Made The Printing and Shipping Worth Paying For.

I would like anyone who thinks that to delete your accounts where you read fanfiction. AO3, Wattpad, FFNet, LJ, Dreamwidth, hell even Tumblr for the short ficlet stuff that only gets posted here. Because even if the website it self isn't profiting, (AO3 for example), the companies that sold them their server hardware made a profit. Since utilities are privatized, the electric company that runs those servers are making a profit. IF YOU PRINT IT ON YOUR PRINTER AND PUT IT IN A 3 RING BINDER, the paper, printer, and ink manufacturers made a profit from your dinky little print out. The companies that build all the parts for your computer or your smartphone made a profit on your portal to the internet, who profits from your monthly subscription, just like your electric company profits from the power it takes to run your pc or charge your phone battery. IT'S A SLIPPERY FUCKING SLOPE, AND YOU NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO BACK AWAY FROM THE LEDGE.

We live in a Capitalist Hellscape, and if a company could figure out how to charge you to breathe and for every single beat of your heart, they'd fucking do it. So get off your goddamn high horses with this "wELL SoMEonE iS makINg PrOFit" bullshit. Or if you truly believe that, shut off every account you own, turn off your utilities, and go live in the woods and make up your own goddamn stories, which you can only share orally to the local wildlife. They give kudos by biting you and giving you rabies.

(not to mention; these assholes don't go after fanartists who are ABSOLUTELY making a profit off their work. but noooo, Flirty can't format a fic for print and allow other people to pay for the printing service and shipping, while never seeing a penny of that herself, despite all of the GODDAMN WORK I HAVE PUT INTO IT, WRITING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE INCLUDED FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufucky--)

977 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

#2

Good Touches: A list compiled by Martin K. Blackwood

Hold his scarred hand. He can still feel the warmth.

Brush the wispy hairs escaping his bun from the back of his neck to get a soft smile.

The wrinkle on his forehead will smooth out if you kiss it.

Kissing his face anywhere has the same effect. Also brings out a smile. Especially lots of kisses right in a row.

Run your fingers through his hair after he takes it down before bed, and he’ll push against your hand like a cat.

(collect more evidence that Jon Is Actually A Cat)

Pull his feet into your lap. Ignore his protests, don’t tickle, just hold them till he relaxes.

That little space at the base of his spine, just below the waistband? Pet it.  Kiss it. Yes, that’s probably purring you hear.

(Jon IS Actually A Cat)

He’ll pretend to sleep if you nudge him onto his belly and stroke his spine.

On a good day, you can trace his scars. Remind him that he’s beautiful so that he has more good days.

1,308 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Chuck Won theory supported by the CW falling and taking more alternate universes down with it.

1,476 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post #proof that i am terminally online #and even my hobbies can't help me

[dotthings]

Let’s talk about why Dean dancing with a lamp is subtext, but it’s subtext that supports textual arcs. Dean dancing with a lamp is not random. Meta on why Dean dancing with a lamp is part of the build of a textual arc for Dean, thematically, which also connects to his relationship with Cas. This symbolic moment being tacitly about Destiel will only feel like reaching if you ignore context, ignore canon, ignore long arcing, ignore textual material surrounding it. This isn’t just me talking about a ship, this is an important arc for Dean himself emotionally and the way canon’s working, Cas has become the star player in this specific emotional Dean arc about yearning. 

Here are some canon quotes. I could just leave these here and not write another word of meta because the canon wrote it for me. But I’ve added some further commentary to spell out clearly what I’m getting at.

Dean in 8.14 “Trial and Error” by Andrew Dabb:

“You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know – it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get.”

Dean in 10.16 “Paint it Black” by Eugenie Ross-Lemming and Brad Buckner:

“You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it....Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.”

Sam and Dean in 11.04 “Baby” by Robbie Thompson:

SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Sam and Dean in 13.23 “Let the Good Times Roll” by Andrew Dabb:

DEAN: But on a beach somewhere, you know? Can you imagine? You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls. SAM: You talking about retiring? You? DEAN: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.

Sam and Dean in 15.08 “Our Father, Who Aren’t in Heaven” by Eugenie Ross-Lemming and Brad Buckner:

DEAN: Look, man, I didn't want to say anything, okay, 'cause I was kind of in in a bad place, and, uh, yeah, I didn't want to jinx it or whatever, but, you know, I tried the family thing, right? SAM: Yeah, me too. And that's not for us. DEAN: No, not really. But I'm just saying if it was to work, Eileen, you know, she gets it. She gets us. She gets the life. She's hot. SAM: Dean. I mean, I'm not even- DEAN: Look, all I'm saying is you- you could do worse, okay? And she could certainly do better. Like, so much better. I'm happy for you, Sammy.

Dean and Garth in 15.10 “The  Heroes’ Journey” written by Andrew Dabb:

DEAN: You know, I gotta say, aside from pincushion in there… this is pretty nice. GARTH: Yeah, better than I ever thought I'd get. I mean, hunting -- I figured I'd be dead before I'm 40. You know, go out young and pretty. But now I've got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out.

Dean in 15.10 “The Heroes’ Journey” by Andrew Dabb:

Dean, wistful, watching through the window as Garth and Bess dance: You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.

Ok, let those roll around in your brain for moment. 

Now: CONTEXT. CONTEXT. CONTEXT.

There’s this long running arc about maybe Sam and Dean could each find a significant other, not white picket fence, but...something, with someone already in the life, who gets their life. There’s Dean’s move from despairing and believing the only ending he could have, the only ending any hunter could have, is dying with a gun in hand, to Dean’s enthusiasm for the concept of retirement, Dean’s wistfulness about finding a significant other, for what he thinks he can’t have, and he starts the cycle all over again, if he can’t have it, then he wants Sam to have it, so Dean encourages Sam with Eileen. Saileen, the Dean-blessed, Dean-approved Sam ship. Dean ships it. And that is how the canon is trending, complete with Sam and Eileen kissing goodbye and saying “this is real” and even God himself saying their feelings were real, “that was all you,” even if God manipulated events around them. Which is an overt mirror to Dean and Cas and Dean’s expressly stated doubts about what’s real and what isn’t, and Cas telling Dean “we are.” 

Much the way Sam has been witness to Destiel, and has often pointed out Dean’s Cas feelings. Dean’s got a front row seat to Saileen and approves; Sam’s had a front row seat to Destiel and approves. 

Let’s throw in Robert Berens’ work in The Trap here, since that’s relevant to this specific topic as well, because why did Sam and Dean in the potential future timeline where they’d killed Chuck give up and cave in to their vampire instincts? The world being overwhelmed with monsters...and losing Eileen and losing Cas. It’s right there in the dialogue. I’ll give you the quote and everything:

Sam and Dean in 15.09 “The Trap” by Robert Berens:

SAM: You want to quit? What's happened to you, Dean? Ever since -- DEAN: Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we've ever cared about? Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in a Ma'lak box? Ever since then? Yeah. You know why? 'Cause the monsters -- they're everywhere. Everywhere! What we do -- it's not even Hunting anymore. It's whack-a-mole. We don't even save people. Every friend we've ever had is either dead, or they got wise and they packed it in. SAM: Jody's still fighting, and Bobby -- DEAN: Bobby has a death wish, and you know it. And Jody -- ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does, too. And after Eileen... so do you.

“Ever since” Dean had to bury Cas in a Ma’lak box. “After Eileen...so do you.” 

So there’s this canonical long, long thread across multiple authors (and those weren’t even all the quotes, I’m sure people could dig up more) about Dean in particular yearning towards finding a significant other, some contentment, with someone who already is in the hunting life, who gets it, who understands.  

An episode that flat out shows how losing their significant others is the final straw that rips out Sam and Dean’s last will to fight, and they lose themselves, and after they’re turned into vampires, they just...give into the darkness. Where Sam gives up their shot at destroying the big bad because losing everyone they love is too high a cost. Where losing Cas makes Dean lose hope, where losing Eileen sends Sam into a death wish mindset. Sam and Dean don’t just need each other. That’s not canon, it never has been.

And then right after that, along comes meta episode The Heroes’ Journey. Sorry if you don’t like The Heroes’ Journey, but it’s what the canon did, it’s textual, along with everything else I’ve pointed out here, and in among the crackish humor are some real emotional narrative points. 

In The Heroes’ Journey, Dean gets to see Garth’s life. Garth found his significant other, Bess, and she’s another werewolf. Now, Garth’s life resembles the traditional white picket fence idea a lot more than what Team Free Will are headed for. Garth has a big house with a porch, and he’s a dentist. He’s also a werewolf and his wife is a werewolf and his kids are werewolves because Bess is a pureblood werewolf, Garth didn’t exactly leave the life, and he helps Sam and Dean on a case. But nothing’s been indicating to me that anyone in Team Free Will is headed for that kind of settling down, with a house, becoming a dentist. However, the canon has been practically shouting now, as we near final episodes of SPN, to make the point about a desirable outcome--some kind of stability, contentment, and a significant other. Dean gets a front row seat to seeing a hunter can have that. Garth’s a hunter who turned into a werewolf and he can have that. 

When EP’s talk about how they aren’t headed for a white picket fence or driving off into the sunset or settling down, none of that rules out them finding...something...with someone, and some form of stability and contentment.  Nope, I can’t really imagine them in the suburbs becoming dentists. But canon sure is putting up big neon arrows to...something. Think outside the box. This isn’t about the white picket fence. 

And in The Heroes’ Journey, Dean, conked out on the good gas so Garth can fix his teeth, has a trippy dream where he dances with a lamp.

Rewatch the ep. Look at how the dance is choreographed not just the use of light, because that’s a clue too. The whole dance could have been Dean and Garth being dancing bros, but Garth fades off the stage, and Dean dances alone...until he grabs the standing lamp. In a season where Dean and Cas’s relationship is an A-plot, define it how you like, it’s A-plot. Their breakup and their reconciliation, which played like a marital breakup and reconciliation, are tied to major mytharc beats. In a season where a long-running textual theme about Dean’s developing hope for retirement and his wistfulness about “things...people...feelings...” is getting further play. Where Dean and Cas’s relationship continues to be one of the show’s most central ones.

Dean dances with a lamp. While his emotionally fraught, intense close relationship with Cas--A BEING MADE OF LIGHT--has a long-running arc and recently more and more textual level content spelling out the sublimated romantic interest in small words, while there’s an arc about Dean’s yearning for that stability, contentment, a significant other.

CONTEXT. 

We don’t think Destiel’s “going canon” because Dean dances with a lamp, it’s that Dean dancing with a lamp is kinda loud serving as reflection of canon textual arcing. Sometimes subtext adds a layer. Sometimes subtext is directly tied to the surface layers, an echo, a highlighter.

I’ll just be over here, crying because Dean danced with a lamp.

#Dean Winchester #Castiel #Destiel #Destiel meta #spn meta #spn #supernatural #Saileen

[dothwrites]

spn15 spec, destiel, post 15.18, mcd?? sort of???

---

And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend.--Antoine de-Saint Exupery, The Little Prince

---

Castiel opens his eyes in nothingness. 

It’s not dark, though the air which presses around him is thick onyx. There is neither gravity nor weightlessness here. Castiel exists but he does so in a void so barren that he doubts his own mind. He opens his mouth to call out, but no sound escapes. 

Castiel exists in ignorance for one, glorious moment. Then the weight of memory crushes into him. His chest buckles underneath the pressure. He tries to scream, but the vast emptiness swallows the sound. 

---

“Cas, we can fight this!” 

Dean, his Righteous Man, Dean, the shining beacon, his friend...The first real friend he’d ever made. Dean is ready to fight. Dean would fight God, has indeed fought God. But he can’t fight this. 

The door shudders in its frame. Blow after blow rains down on the weakening wood. Already, the wood is splintering under the assault. The thin strip of light at the bottom of the door disappears underneath a sea of writhing black. The Empty is here. It wants what it was promised.  

“Dean,” he says. He intends to say much more--It’s too late, let me go, thank you--but his voice cracks on the single syllable of Dean’s name. 

He wants to stay. God help him, but he wants to stay. 

“No, dammit Cas! You don’t get to give up! We can fight this thing, we can keep running, we can...” Dean’s voice trails off into nothing as he looks wildly around the small room. 

Though he might protest, Castiel knows that Dean is a man bailing out a sinking ship. In his heart, Dean knows the battle is already lost. But he’s still defiant, still clinging to the faintest shred of hope.

Castiel loves him for that. 

“You fought for the whole world.” Castiel’s voice is weak and pale against the ear-shattering thunder of the Empty’s attempts to break into the room. 

“Cas, no--” 

“But you can’t fight for me.” 

The words shatter something vital in him. Castiel gasps as the agony shreds through him. He thought there would be more time. He thought that happiness was an ideal that no one could ever reach. He thought there would be time, he doesn’t want to go, he wants to stay--

“Cas, I can’t...Not again, I can’t lose you again, please don’t go--” 

Black seeps into the room, slender tendrils snaking across the room towards where they stand. Castiel feels every second ticking away. He’s lived for millennia, seen worlds and empires rise and fall, felt the passing of centuries like nothing more than a passing breeze. Millions of years, and now, when it means everything, he has no time. 

Castiel cups Dean’s cheek with one shaking hand. If this is it, then he doesn’t want to leave with any regrets. “Dean,” he croaks. That word has become his compass, his prayer, the star to which he hitched his wagon. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave you. If I had a choice, i would stay. I would stay with you through every sunrise and sunset, through every moment, the mundane and extraordinary alike.” Castiel’s voice catches in his throat as the door finally shatters and darkness pours into the room. 

“You’ve taught me everything, Dean, and I...I’m so grateful that I got to know you. Without you...” 

Castiel can’t continue. He’s immeasurably grateful for all he’s experienced with Dean, but he’s always been greedy. He wants more. He wants to see Dean’s hair continue to silver until it’s soft and grey. He wants to go fishing with Dean and discover the peace inherent in the activity. He wants to watch Jack grow into his own and Sam start a family. He wants, with a fierceness that takes his breath away. 

Darkness curls around his ankle and winds its way up his calf. 

Dean shakes his head. Tears well in his eyes but refuse to spill over, though his lower lip shakes. “Please,” he asks, tilting his head into Castiel’s palm. “I can’t...how am I supposed to do this without you?” 

Castiel starts to respond, but his voice is cut off by the swift, hard press of Dean’s lips into his. His heart jolts and gutters in his chest before it picks up again, beating so hard he thinks it might escape through the confines of his ribs. 

“I love you.” 

The words tumble out of Castiel’s mouth, the same as they did years ago when he was rotting from in the inside out. The same frantic need consumes him now as it did then, when every beat of his heart dragged him closer to the edge of oblivion, when seconds were more precious than gold, when he was so close to losing everything--

Dean sobs. He clutches the lapels of Castiel’s coat and kisses him, teeth bruising behind his lips.

Castiel’s whole lower body is engulfed in darkness so complete that it feels as though it’s ceased to exist. His whimper is lost in Dean’s mouth. 

“No,” Dean gasps, pulling away. Castiel already knows the cause of Dean’s denial. He can feel it, creeping up his chest and shoulders, slithering down to his arms. He remembers how it was to be devoured, remembers the noxious black ooze of the Leviathan crawling through him, but this is worse, is so much worse, because now he knows what Dean’s lips taste like, now he knows everything he has to lose--

“Cas, I love you,” Dean tells him, though his words echo strangely. The Empty crawls up his throat. Castiel chokes on it, but he doesn’t dare to blink. He can’t lose a second of this, of Dean’s face, horrified and tear-stricken though it is. 

Seconds tick away like centuries, Dean’s face in front of him. Castiel can’t hear what he’s saying, but he can see the words shaped on his lips. 

I’ll find you, I promise, I’m coming for you, Cas, Cas, I love--

And then. 

Empty. 

---

With the image of Dean’s face in his mind, Castiel screams. 

There is no sound in the Empty, but he screams anyway. His agony and loss pour out of him, his grief and fear. Everything that he’s lost, Dean--

Castiel screams until his voice cracks and breaks, until his throat is shredded and raw, until he tastes blood in the back of his throat. 

Hollow, he slumps to the side, curling into himself. His one consolation was that he would at least be asleep for the rest of eternity. He wouldn’t have to live with the weight of everything he’d lost. Now, even that slender comfort has been ripped from him. For the rest of time, he’ll have to exist with the memory of Dean’s glassy eyes, with the sound of Dean’s choked voice echoing through his skull, with the phantom ache of Dean’s lips against his. Castiel shudders, sobs ripping out of his throat. 

“Jesus. So much for helping.” 

Castiel blinks. The sound of another voice is foreign in this void where nothing should exist. He rolls over, looking up at the sardonic face staring down at him. 

“Ruby,” he rasps, then remembers himself. 

That’s not Ruby. 

“Go away,” he mutters. He wraps his arms around his legs, pressing his forehead to his knees. There’s no point in having pride here, not when time is meaningless and every second is a torture. The Empty already knows his secrets, though why it chose Ruby’s form to torment him is a mystery. 

“Look feathers, you were the one who screwed the pooch on this whole ‘fixing eternity’ thing. So I think I’m going to stick around for a bit.” 

“There’s no point,” Castiel says miserably. “You got what you wanted. I’m here. I’m suffering. What more could you possibly want from me?”

“Were you dropped on your halo? I told you what I wanted the last time you were here. I want out, you moron. I told you to find a way out, and you wound up here, which is kind of the opposite of what I asked.” 

Castiel blinks slowly, lifting his forehead from his knees. “Ruby?” he asks. 

Ruby rolls her eyes and sighs for dramatic effect. “Yeah, dumbo. You know, I’ve only been trying to tell you that since the beginning.” 

“I can’t trust that.” Castiel remembers all too well the last time he was here, the jolt of pleasure at seeing Meg once more only to realize that the Empty was aping her appearance to hurt him. “The Empty, it takes on your visage, your memories--”

“Yeah, you’re just going to have to trust me on this.” Ruby’s eyes flash black. “You know, as much as you can.” 

“I’d pay attention to her, Clarence. If you don’t, then she’ll probably kick your ass.” 

Castiel knows that voice. He whirls around. Meg’s face greets him, a tiny smirk twisting her lips upward. “Meg,” he whispers, an odd combination of grief and happiness twisting in his chest. 

“The one and only,” she assures him. 

A small shred of doubt clings at the back of Castiel’s mind, but he has to trust in something right now. Even if it’s two dead demons. 

“Castiel. So lovely to see you again. Though I can’t say that I agree with the company you’re keeping these days.” 

Make that three dead demons. 

“Crowley,” Castiel breathes. 

The demon looks exactly the same as he did  the day he died. His suit is pristine, down to the pocket square. He looks at Meg and Ruby with disdain before he turns that expression on Castiel. “I suppose you’re doing your biannual visit to this dump? Feel like taking any passengers out with you when you make your escape this time?” 

“I’m not...I made a deal,” Castiel whispers. He made a deal to save his son and he’ll never regret that, not for a second, but then he thinks of Dean’s face. “I’m not leaving.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so negative, Cassie. You do have a way of wriggling out of the tightest of places.” 

Mingled guilt and joy sear through Castiel as he turns around. Balthazar’s familiar face looks at him. Balthazar raises an eyebrow. “No hug?” he asks. 

“I don’t understand,” Castiel breathes. Surrounded by ghosts from his past, he feels weak. “None of you should be awake. That’s the whole point of this place. All of us, asleep, forever.” 

“That’s the way it should be, but you have a habit of wrecking the natural order.” Castiel winces at Anna’s cool voice. Though there’s no real judgement in her voice, there’s also no real warmth. “It’s been changing here, ever since your last visit.” 

“I woke it up.” 

“And because you woke it up, we all started to awake as well.” Hannah’s calm voice joins their small group, though it’s growing steadily larger. “All of us, demons and angels, started awaking. At first, it was just for moments, but lately, it’s been distracted. More of us have been able to stay awake for longer. Eventually we started finding each other.” 

“That’s my boy,” Meg says, unmistakable fondness in her voice. “Shaking up the natural order, wrecking the whole of the afterlife.” 

Castiel’s eyes dart between all of them, former enemies, allies, and friends. “Is this all of you?” 

“Were you not listening? Did they not just tell you that we’ve all been waking up, at least a little bit?” 

Gabriel pops into existence next to Castiel. Despite himself, Castiel jerks back in surprise. 

“So, what’s it going to be, Cas? Are you going to just pop out of here like always?” Crowley brings Castiel’s brain back to the present. 

When he made his deal, he made it with full awareness that there was no coming back. He accepted that burden because he knew it was the only way he could save Jack. 

But that was before he felt Dean’s lips against his, before he heard the words fall from Dean’s mouth. I love you. 

When he made the deal, he had never heard those words directed at him. When he made the deal, he had nothing to fight for. 

Now he does.

He made a choice long ago. You don’t have to be ruled by Fate. You can choose freedom. 

Castiel looks at all of them, demons and angels alike, and makes a choice. 

“We’ve got work to do.” 

#destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fic #deancas #deancas fic #spn15 #spn spoilers #kinda? #dean winchester #castiel #s15 speculation #the empty #cas' deal #angst #open ending #dothwrites #throwing my hat into the speculation ring #because why not #but this is what i always wanted from the empty deal #@dabb just let me write for this show

[haus-seeblick]

Suptober Day 6: “Who Brings a Gun to a Cemetery?”

For Day 6: Cemetery Boys

Rating: General Audiences; Ship: Pre-Destiel; WC: 3,219

POV Outsider (Original Male Character); full tags on AO3 or below the cut.

Summary: Jerry Wallace has seen a lot of satanic rituals. A lot. Candles and daggers, pentagrams, hoods and chanting; you name it, he’s seen it. As the head of security — and only guard — of Sullivan Cemetery, he’s bound to have run into the occasional devil worshipper. It doesn’t even faze him anymore. There’s not much Jerry Wallace hasn’t seen.

In which: Jerry Wallace encounters Dean Winchester, supposed Satanist.

On AO3 Here (or read under the cut!)

Full Tags: POV Outsider, This poor cemetery guard doesn't know what to do about Dean Winchester, Dean seems insane, BAMF Castiel, Early Seasons Dean and Cas, Pre-Relationship Dean and Cas, Pre-Friendship Dean and Cas, somehow they still manage to flirt though, POV Character is briefly threatened by Dean Winchester but it all ends OK,Humor

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jerry Wallace has seen a lot of satanic rituals. A Iot. Candles and daggers, pentagrams, hoods and chanting; you name it, he’s seen it. As the head of security — and only guard — of Sullivan Cemetery, he’s bound to have run into the occasional devil worshipper (and worse. People dig up graves for really unsavory reasons). It doesn’t even faze him anymore. There’s not much Jerry Wallace hasn’t seen.

But tonight, as he sweeps his flashlight back and forth across the dewy grass, making his rounds and sipping on his steaming coffee, something stops him short. He narrows his eyes and cocks his head to listen. There’s a scuffling sound up ahead, from just outside the Bennett mausoleum. It sounds too big to be any of the usual animals. Humans, then. Jerry sighs. He was hoping for a quiet night, so he could make himself comfortable under the lamp at the cemetery entrance and read the book his teenage son, Andrew, had lent him. Cemetery Boys, it’s called. Jerry finds it fitting.

A man’s rough voice rings out from around the corner of the mausoleum. “Dammit, Sam, you can’t give me any hints?”

Jerry blinks at the audacity. Who sneaks into a cemetery at night and doesn’t even try to be quiet about it? He decides to give these particular satanists a little scare, just to teach them a lesson. He switches off his flashlight and gently sets his precious cup of coffee on top of the nearest headstone. Time to have some fun.

He sneaks on silent feet across the grass, clutching his flashlight tight in hand and deciding which tactic he wants to use. The reliable old jump scare? Flashlight beam to the face and an earsplitting yell — it’s worked well on thrill-seeking teenagers in the past. Or the more tricky option, creeping around and making ghostly sounds to unnerve the trespassers so thoroughly that they leave? More time investment, but also more amusing in the long run — Jerry decides on Option Two.

The wall of the mausoleum gives him excellent cover to start his performance. He sidles up along it, to the very edge. The intruders are just around the corner, and it sounds like one of them’s rummaging around in a bag of some sort. Jerry rolls his eyes. Probably some weirdos with spray paint, here to deface the walls of the mausoleum with symbols that take ages to wash off. Jerry opens his mouth and is about to emit his first long, ghostly moan, when the same voice as before pipes up again.

“Picking the lock didn’t work, Sam, I’m telling you, it’s gonna take longer. You gotta hold her off.”

The other person — Sam — doesn’t reply, though. Jerry furrows his brow. Who’s being held off? He decides to get a better picture of the scene before initiating his plan. Very slowly, he pokes just the right side of his face around the corner. The front of the small white building is washed in moonlight, the nearest lamp a ways down the path.

There’s a man crouched outside the mausoleum, maybe in his late twenties, from what Jerry can tell in the low light. He’s wearing an oversized leather jacket over a patterned shirt, with jeans and sturdy-looking boots. His short hair is spiked a bit in the front.

He doesn’t look like a satanist. Jerry stays very still, breathing shallowly and watching.

The man has both hands in a medium-sized duffel bag, rooting around. The contents of the bag are clanging and thudding. With a triumphant exhale, the man stands up, crowbar in hand. Jerry balks. This is already a step beyond chanting and spray paint. Again, nothing he hasn’t seen before, though.

What Jerry couldn’t see while the man was crouched, that now makes itself clear, is that he has a mobile phone pressed between his shoulder and ear. As the man advances on the door with the crowbar, he barks into the phone, “Update, Sammy. You still kicking?”

Jerry can’t make out Sam’s muffled response, but it obviously displeases the man, because he whacks the crowbar against the mausoleum door with a frustrated growl. “Watch your back. Figure out what the hell I’m supposed to burn!” He flips the phone shut and stuffs it into his jacket pocket.

This is getting stranger and stranger. Jerry watches as the man goes to town on the mausoleum door, an offense that Jerry would usually be more inclined to stop from happening. Something about this man, though, about the way he carries himself and the way he talks, is holding Jerry back.

He’s very glad about his decision to stay put about ten seconds later, when the man drops the crowbar to the ground with a clang and pulls a gun out of his jacket. Jerry doesn’t even carry a gun. His heart starts beating and his palms prickle with sweat. He didn’t sign up for this. Who brings a gun to a cemetery?

The man steps back a couple feet, points the handgun at the lock, hunches his shoulders, and fires. Jerry barely has the wherewithal to throw himself back around the corner and press his hands over his ears before the shot goes off. He feels it reverberate through the wall, twice, as the man fires again. Fully out of sight now, Jerry gingerly lowers the zipper on his jacket and reaches into his chest pocket for his radio. He needs to call this in. This is way above his pay grade.

“Dammit!” the man yells. The gun must’ve been ineffective. Jerry mentally pats himself on the shoulder. He requested upgrades to all mausoleum locks after a series of break ins last year, and it looks like the security company came through.

Jerry hears the keypad of the mobile phone beeping as the man punches in a number, then there’s muffled ringing. Jerry uses the sound as cover to pull his radio out and to inch his face around the corner again so he has a visual of the scene.

The man’s phone rings and rings. With another frustrated yell, the man slaps it shut and paces back and forth in front of the door, one hand running through his hair, the other still holding his gun. After a few moments, he stops in his tracks. He’s facing Jerry’s direction, silvery moonlight throwing his cheekbones in sharp relief. He looks like a respectable young man, really. Jerry wonders where he lost his way.

There’s a set of complicated emotions working their way across the man’s face. His eyebrows are pinched in concentration, eyes squeezed shut, lips moving as if he’s talking to himself. This lasts about ten seconds before he throws up his hands and glares at the sky.

“Oh, come on!” he shouts. “Get your harp-toting ass down here! Castiel!”

Jerry, who prides himself on never swearing, thinks: What the fuck.

The man is obviously disturbed. He needs a doctor. Jerry glances down at the radio in his hand, and presses the emergency button. He can’t afford a conversation with dispatch; the man will overhear. This will at least get someone out here.

When Jerry looks back up, he twitches. There are now two men in front of the mausoleum. The newcomer is wearing a long trenchcoat and standing stiffly. He’s facing away from Jerry, looking at the gunman, sensible shoes planted hip-width apart. His messy dark hair blends into the shadows.

Where on earth did he come from? Jerry darts his eyes around. The mausoleum is on a slightly raised part of the cemetery, visibility clear in all directions. Even if the trenchcoat man had approached from the opposite side of the building, Jerry would have seen him.

“Cas,” the gunman says, voice heavy with something like — relief, perhaps? His tense posture relaxes slightly and he claps the trenchcoat man on the shoulder. “You took your time,” he accuses. “Can you open those doors?”

The trenchcoat man, Cas — is this Castiel? Jerry cannot keep up — turns slightly to regard the doors.

“This is why you prayed to me?” Cas’ voice is deeper than the gunman’s, rougher. He speaks like a robot. “Heaven is at war, Dean. You call me to help you break down a door?”

Jerry’s brain is spinning. Are these… actors? Cosplayers? He learned about cosplayers from Andrew. Some of them do have very elaborate costumes. Jerry squints at Cas’ back. This doesn’t look like a costume, though. Cas looks like a tax accountant. Like he should be at home with his family at this time of night.

“Sam’s in trouble,” Dean’s saying, an ever-so-slight pleading edge to the words. “I gotta get in here, Cas, or he’s gonna meet a real bad end. I know you’ve got the mojo, come on!”

“I do not exist to do your bidding,” Cas replies. He strides over to the doors, though, trenchcoat flapping around his calves. “I do not serve you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re a warrior.” Dean’s hovering at Cas’ shoulder. “Can you blast ‘em?”

Cas lays a hand on the doors, long fingers splayed against the metal. Jerry glances down at his radio again. The red button is flashing, indicating that he’d called for help, but he can’t hear any sirens yet. He hopes they send enough officers for two grave-desecrating weirdos.

“Stand back,” Cas says. “And tell the man behind the wall to stand back, too.”

“What?” Dean’s head whips around.

Jerry hastily pulls his head out of sight, heart racing. Oh, no. He’s seen enough. He can ID these two for the cops later. He doesn’t need to be on the scene.

He turns heel to run, but makes it only two steps before a hand grabs his collar and yanks him back. The air is knocked out of him and he yelps, feet scrabbling on the pavement as a strong arm drags him around the corner. He lands on his butt in front of the doors, palms scraping on the ground. He quickly raises one over his head in surrender.

“Please— please, I have a family!” He keeps his eyes averted. Dean’s boots are inches away from his legs. “Don’t hurt me, I won’t say a word, I promise!”

“You the guard?” Dean crouches down in front of him. Oh, lord, the gun is trained on Jerry’s face. He whimpers and nods.

“Great. Give me the keys to the doors. Stat.” A palm appears in front of Jerry’s chest, held out in expectation. He hesitates. Isn’t that aiding and abetting?

No way. He’s at gunpoint. He nods again, fervently, and fumbles in his pocket for his ring of keys. His hand shakes violently as he drops them onto Dean’s outstretched palm. He sneaks a peek up at the men.

“Cas,” Dean says, tossing the keys to the trenchcoat man. “Figure out which one it is. I’ll deal with him.”

Cas catches the keys. “So, you do not want me to break the doors?”

“No— just—” Dean closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, lips pressed together. “Just unlock them.” Cas scowls, but begins slotting the various keys into the mausoleum lock.

Dean turns back to Jerry and waves a hand in front of his face. “Hey,” he snaps. Jerry meets his eyes, conscious that he must look utterly terrified. He hopes it’ll appeal to any sense of humanity in this gun-toting lunatic.

“Whatever you think I am, I’m not,” Dean says, quickly and gruffly. “I’m not some pervert tryin’ to get my rocks off with Sleeping Beauty in there. I haven’t got time to ease you in slow, so here it is: ghosts are real. There’s one after my brother. I can gank it, but I gotta burn some hair or somethin’, something keepin’ it here. That’s all. Once Cas opens the doors, I’ll be in and out. We don’t have to get nasty. I’m even saving your doors from gettin’ blasted, as a favor. ”

Jerry picks and chooses what to process of that. “You have a gun pointed at me.”

Dean glances at the gun, like he’s just now realizing he still has it trained on Jerry. He lowers it. “Sorry. Had to let you know I’m serious. You gonna let me do my thing, or we gonna have a problem?”

The police will be here soon, Jerry thinks. It’s not my responsibility to stop this maniac.

“No problem,” he says. Dean nods once, satisfied, and in that moment, the lock clicks. The doors swing open heavily. Dean springs to his feet and races toward the mausoleum.

“Awesome, Cas!” he shouts, slapping a palm against Cas’ chest as he passes. Cas looks after him, a bemused expression on his face.

“I don’t know what to burn!” Dean hollers from inside.

Jerry is so far past trying to understand any of this. He nurses his scraped palms, huddling on the cold pavement and thinking of the book Andrew gave him. He wanted to finish a few chapters tonight so they could talk about them over breakfast tomorrow. He hopes he gets the chance.

Jerry is tough, but his eyes sting a little as he thinks about it.

“Dean is a good man,” Cas suddenly says, in that mechanical way of his. “Righteous. He won’t harm a human.”

Jerry stares at him in disbelief. There’s nothing he can say to that, beyond “Okay.” Cas just nods, and turns to gaze into the darkness of the mausoleum. There’s a lot of scraping and clattering echoing from the room inside, as if Dean is dismantling the place. He probably is, Jerry thinks miserably as the sound of breaking glass reaches his ears.

Dean comes storming back out of the room, assorted items piled in his arms. Jerry recognizes the doll that’s usually propped up behind the glass of the Bennett daughter’s crypt, and a locket that hangs behind the mother’s. A whole array of other personal effects that Jerry spends his nights guarding also end up on the pavement at Dean’s feet. Dean dives into his duffel bag, pulling out a can of gasoline. He douses the whole pile in the acrid-smelling stuff — Jerry’s nostrils sting and he coughs, scrabbling a little farther away. Dean pulls a lighter out of pocket and flicks it several times, cursing when it doesn’t ignite.

“Allow me,” Cas says, stepping forward. He pauses. “Close your eyes.”

Jerry throws an arm over his eyes without a second thought, just catching sight of Dean doing the same. His jacket sleeve does very little, though, to shield his eyes from the brilliant blue-white light that rips through the darkness. It feels like a bonfire, there one moment and gone the next, leaving the tips of Jerry’s hair singed. He cowers, eyes pressed shut, heaving huge breaths.

“Damn, Cas,” Dean says, voice tinged with awe. “Thanks for the assist.”

Jerry lowers his (slightly smoking) arm and peers at where the pile of belongings once lay. It’s completely gone, reduced to ash, just smoldering dust on the pavement. How on Earth—

In that moment, Dean’s mobile phone rings. He frantically plunges a hand into his jacket and rips it out, flipping it open.

“Sammy?” he asks sharply, pressing the phone to his ear. The voice on the other end mumbles something and Dean sags in relief, dragging a hand over his face. “Close call, huh? Yeah, glad it worked.”

Jerry tunes out the rest of Dean and Sam’s conversation. His eyes travel from the smoking pile of dust, to Cas (who’s standing motionless, staring at Dean), to the open mausoleum door, to his own hands, trembling in his lap. A light catches his eye off to the side and he follows it, realizing it’s his radio, abandoned on the pavement, red emergency light still blinking steadily. He gazes at it like a lifeline.

“Is that— Did you—” Dean’s voice is suddenly closer, right next to Jerry, and he quickly looks up. Dean’s looking at the radio, too. His phone is closed in his hand; he must be done talking to his brother.

“The cops coming?” Dean demands, gesturing at the radio. Jerry doesn’t want to let on, he doesn’t, but faced with this strange, complicated, definitely violent person, he can’t hold out. He nods.

“Dammit,” Dean mutters. Just then, the first siren wails in the distance, growing louder by the second.

Finally.

Dean groans and rushes over to his duffel bag, throwing the can of gasoline back in and grabbing the crowbar off the ground to toss that in, too. “Leave the keys, Cas,” he snaps at the trenchcoat man, who still has Jerry’s key ring dangling from his fingers. Cas drops the keys on the ground.

“Can you zap me to my car?” Dean hoists the duffel over his shoulder and faces Cas. “I won’t make it if I run.”

Cas steps closer to Dean, until he’s right in front of him. Their noses are just a few inches apart. Jerry, with nothing else to do but wait for his rescuers, watches them. Dean takes what looks like a shaky breath. His eyes flick down to Cas’ mouth. “You gonna stare, or you gonna help?” he asks, but it comes out small, a weak attempt at bravado.

Cas reaches out and places his hand over Dean’s left shoulder. “I’ll go with you,” he says, deep and measured, and in the next second, they’re gone. Just gone.

Jerry could swear he heard the flapping of wings. He sits there, numb, staring at the spot where they vanished.

Eventually, the yellow beams of flashlights dart across the front of the mausoleum and voices break through the fog in Jerry’s brain. A hand lands on his shoulder. “Sir, are you all right?”

He’s saved.

There’s a lot of questions from the responding officers, a lot of Jerry having to recount what he saw, picking and choosing details — which of course renders his story utterly implausible — and a lot of nobody believing him; there’s a breathalizer test — humiliating — that of course comes back clean (whether that’s better or worse for him, Jerry’s not so sure), and a round of paperwork, and finally, finally, Jerry is allowed to go.

He stumbles down the cemetery path in a daze, passing his long-cold cup of coffee, still perched on its headstone. He snags it and throws it away in the trash can at the cemetery gates. The officers said they would lock the mausoleum and the security station; Jerry was supposed to go home. He stops briefly at his station, though, to grab Andrew’s book.

He’s not quite ready to go home yet. He’s not sure what to say.

Jerry makes himself comfortable in the front seat of his car, overhead light on, and cracks open his book. He starts to read.

#suptober21 #this was fun to write #have some silliness #i enjoy imagining what regular citizens think of the winchesters #poor jerry #he's just doing his job #early seasons destiel #pre-destiel #fanfic #ficlet

[nancylou444]

I forgot if i sent it to u or someone else so i'm sending it again anyway

Please Read this to the end and then judge me.

I do not understand at all why you and all other anti destiels dont ship destiel and think that dean is straight and i hate you for that from the bottom of my heart. i mean cant you see how dean truely loves cas and gives no shit about Sam, his brother?and also jensen and writers ship it.

You are so stupid and do not deserve to live in this world period

Read this list below.it may help you take off your anti destiel colored glasses and Accept the truth:which in fact is that Destiel Will become canon.

Reasons Why Destiel Will Definitely Become Canon Before The Show Ends 101:

1.Jensen Ackles: Destiel Doesn't Exist.

2.Jensen Ackles: Because Dean is a lover of the LADIES.

3.Dean will always choose SAM over anyone else.

4.SAM and Dean are soulmates.

5.Castiel: you chose EACHOTHER.

6.Jensen Ackles' Unscripted Frustrated look into the camera in "Fan Fiction" episode.wink wink

7.Jensen Ackles: there wasn't a whole lot of dean and cas storylines in season 9.personally,i kind of enjoyed that.

8.Jensen Ackles: i think the whole dean and cas thing has gotten a little out of proportion.

9.Jensen Ackles: "destiel is real" is it?? Where?? Where is it real??

10.Jensen Ackles: What? What castiel? Nah just me and my pies!

11.Jensen Ackles: We sit down with the writers in a couple weeks. It boils down to these two brothers, that’s the core and the heart of the show, their journey, their fight for each other.

12. “You are homophobic if you don’t ship destiel!"

13.Dean Winchester is fuckin Straight.

14.Eric Kripke : I'm just really interested in guys, STRAIGHT guys who have a tight friendship,they are really fun to write...

15.Dean Winchester: I'm Dean winchester.i enjoy sunsets,long walks on the bitch and frisky WOMEN.

16.Dean Winchester : I dont swing that way.sorry.

17.Dean winchester : yeah sorry again pal i dont play for your team.

18.Dean sold his soul for SAM.

19.Dean died so that he could meet with Death and get SAM’s soul back which of course Castiel left in hell.

20.Dean gave away the Impala and was willing to die with a Croatoan infected SAM.

21.Dean breathed in the poisonous smoke, so that he would die with SAM.

22.Dean wanted out of an AU with Mary and Jessica alive, because AU!SAM didn’t like Dean that much.

23.SAM and Dean made promise to each other, made vows to each other really, in a church.

24.SAM and Dean choose each other over the world, anything, and everything, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

25. Dean refers to SAM as though HE is his spouse (”does he want a divorce?”, “Lucy”...)

26.Dean would rather live in a world WITH demons than live in a world WITHOUT SAM.

27.When Dean forgot everything else, including his own name, he still remembered SAM.

28.Dean : I can’t do it without my brother, I don’t want to 

29.Dean to Sam :You’re the ONLY one who could’ve talked me out of it 

30.Dean to Sam :There ain’t no me if there ain’t no YOU.

31.Dean to Sam :“Because whatever we have between us, love, family, whatever this is, they’re always going to us it against us.”

32.Dean to Sam: “You’re my weak spot SAMMY, and I’m yours”

33.Dean or Sam i dont remember: “All that matters now, all that’s ever mattered, is that we’re together.“

34. Dean to Sam :“Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!“

35.Dean to Sam : “I made you a promise in that church, you and me, come whatever!”

36.The canon friendship between Dean and Castiel is toxic and borderline-abusive, full of lies, threats, insults, abandonment, beatings, and betrayals.

37. Sam, possessed by the devil himself, took control of his own body and beat Lucifer because Dean was there, because Dean didn’t give up even though he was hurt and covered in blood, because seeing Dean bombarded Sam with the memories of their life together.

38. Dean didn’t leave SAM’s bedside , didn’t bury him, didn’t burn his body, didn’t want to say goodbye, and how later he didn’t hesitate to sell his soul.

39.Dean decided not to go into a box, because SAM asked him not to.

40.SAM and Dean were the ones whom were mistaken with gay couple by several people if that matters.

41.SAM to Dean :“you always put me first. Your whole life”,

42.Dean to SAM: “I know where I am at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you”,

43.Sam or Dean i dont remember:“you know what brought me back? You did”.

44.Dean’s siren-as admitted by the siren herself-was a copy of SAM.

45.Dean told a male cop "you're awsome".OMG!! He is bi!!!

46.Dean fanboyed over a male tv character.Holy Chuck!! He is bi!!

47.Jensen or Jared:“At its core, it’s the story of two brothers.”

48.Jensen or Jared:“At the end of the day, this starts and stops with the brothers.”

49.Jensen or Jared:“When it comes down to it, it’s about these two brothers.”

50.Dean told Castiel to get the hell outta bunker for SAM while he knew he didnt have his angel powers.Damn! Dean truely loves Cas!

51.Dean figured Castiel was too far gone to be convinced back into their group and bound Death to do their bidding. Dean’s order to Death was to kill Castiel where he stood.#couplegoals

52.Castiel blackmailed Dean by torturing SAM.oh dear god!!! What a True Lover!!

53.Castiel Betrayed sam amd DEAN with crowley.but that's what all lovers do Right???

54.This isnt some romantic show.

55. Castiel is a genderless celestial wavelength of light wearing a male vessel.

56.Dean's chemistry with Baby the Impala is far more noticable than the one with Castiel.

57.Sam even once asked Dean and Baby the impala to get a room.

58.The possibility of Dean and Baby the impala to get sexually involved and the two of them having sex in the finale full frontal is far more than the possibility of non existant Destiel to become canon.

59.Destiel shippers are only a tiny minority of the SPN fandom.

60.Jensen Ackles is fucking done with this shit.

61.Dean left Ben and Lisa for SAM.

62.Misha Collins is the only one who queerbaits.

63.Dean in "red meat" described SAM as the man he loved.

64.Dean sang in a colorful background.OMFG!! he is bi!!

65.Jesen ackles : because being with his BROTHER and doing that is the happiest he is.

66.Dean to SAM: "because i couldnt live with you dead"

67.What show you've been watching???

68.Jared : because that would have RUINED the show to make it about something it wasnt about.

69.Dean has kissed and had sex with an angel.her name was Anna

70.Sera Gamble said “supernatural is the epic love story of SAM and dean”

71.Cw_supernatural IG: it has always been two brothers and the open road.

.

.

.

*Manic laughter*

*Aggressively drop the mic*

*The door is over there*

*Boom! Suck it*

*It sucks to be destieheller*

You are very welcome

Btw I'm a Proud anti destiew and a logical SPN fan.

If You think I'm right,then Chuck bless your logical souls and if not,let me find some fucks to give....sorry,none was found.

The begining part was an example of a savage destieheller.it wasn't me😊ignore it.

Yours truly,anon.

=============================

Holy crap, that is one longass ask. An ask I was thisclose to deleting until I skipped to the bottom. 

💖💖💖💖💖

#i love my anons #destiehellers #destiew #dean is as straight in november 2020 as he was in september 2005 #jensen does not like destiel shit #Anonymous

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i’m just over here trying to figure out how to turn ANY of the dean/cas stuff from 5.18 into quippy tumblr post material, but i don’t know????? what to do???????

like, cas was so broken but also they were so bonded in the episode before, where dean gave him the painkillers and they were all “our dads suck, life is soul-sucking and we have drudged through it like dutiful sons but WHAT NOW that we are without fathers?, we are same”, and THEN dean goes to lisa like “i can never have this life with you because it runs counter to everything that i am, but if i could have that life and turn my back on everything, i would want it to be with you and your kid,” and i KNOW that cas didn’t actually witness this, but my brain’s all loopy over, like, that being where his soul has lived re: dean almost since he arrived on the scene, except he actually has been doing something about it, and it has torn his guts out

AND FOR WHAT? BECAUSE DEAN HAS GIVEN UP IN THE FIGHT AGAINST THE ANGELS AND WANTS TO AGREE TO BE THE VESSEL NOW! AND LOSS OF FAITH IN GOD IS ONE (PSYCHE-CRUSHING) THING, BUT IN DEAN?

and then dean is like, “i know how to handle cas being super frigging furious at me for committing what he sees as this massive betrayal. relentless sexual innuendos and aggressive flirting!” (dean. WHY! from whence comes this???)

and then this feels like it strangely culminates in cas sexily beating dean up with all possible angelic wrath in a dark alley

and then i’m like, “why am i so hopped up on this scene? that’s not very morally responsible of me! get some HONOR, dollsome! ship with VIRTUE!” (but like, the brontes are like 97% of my personality, so. sidenote: the brontes would go HARD for destiel. god. can you imagine charlotte bronte’s 300k destiel fanfic????? someone resurrect charlotte bronte!)

and then while i was contemplating cas pinning dean against a wall and snarling about how he gave up everything for him 

john donne’s “batter my heart, three person’d god” sonnet jumped right into m’psyche

and then it was all jenny slate screaming, no hope of saving me, no hope of coherence

and then they were, like, weirdly okay about it and just on w/ business as usual considering how absolutely UNHINGED that interaction was, and then cas is like “guess what, asshole: [taylor swift breakup song.mp3], gonna go fight a handful of angels and probably die now, but at least that means i don’t have to witness however YOU’RE gonna screw this up! byeeeeeee!”

like. what even???????

so i’m sorry y’all, but i guess this is what you get. this is -- i am so sorry -- my reaction post.

(FOR I, EXCEPT YOU ENTHRALL ME, NEVER SHALL BE FREE, NOR EVER CHASTE, EXCEPT YOU RAVISH ME!!!!!! no biggie! in the immortal words of ross gellar: I'M FINE~!)

anyway: i love the whole vibe of this relationship simultaneously being so violently twisty and so desperately tender where it’s at right now, it’s kind of filling that killing eve space in my heart while we’re on eternal hiatus

another important note, easier to express: that angel waiting room just hits different in a world where donald trump invited a bunch of athletes to the white house and then served them lukewarm fast food on fancy platters and that’s a real thing that actually happened

#dollsome watches supernatural #destiel #also hahaha during that scene in 5.17 i was like 'THIS IS THE QUIET AND SOULFUL SCENE OF MY DREAMS!' #'I WONDER WHAT THEY'LL SAY NEXT!' #and then dean's like 'on a good day you get to kill a wh*re' #and i was like 'oh yeah. it's still supernatural. D:' #it's like the universe IMMEDIATELY slapped me in the face for that well of unguarded enthusiasm #p.s. is this the worst post i've ever written?

[starprincecas]

What was the point of it all?

Now that I’ve had a few days to sit with my feelings about the series finale, I think it’s time I got this out. This is something that needs to be said.

I hate that a lot of the rage and anger about the ending is being treated reductively with “destiel shippers are just mad their ship didn’t go canon”, as if that’s the only thing to be angry about.

Let’s be frank here, even with people being hopeful and positive and meta-ing about episodic and character beats for the past 10+ years, using their eyes and critical thinking and going “hmm, this... isn’t straight”, how many people sincerely thought they’d get openly queer characters, queer main characters and ones who have romantic feelings for each other no less, from a show that’s so notoriously bad with queer representation as a whole?

I certainly didn’t.

Did I want it? Absolutely. Was I hopeful about it? Sure, but I don’t think I actually expected them to go beyond the wink-wink nudge-nudge of plausible deniability because that’s what they’ve done since the very beginning. 15x18 honestly surprised me because I wasn’t expecting them to have the guts to go through with it even though they’d both laid the foundation and reinforced that that was the only direction it could go for Castiel.

Now, here’s where I’m mad; not about the final, final tease of something they’ve been baiting us with for literal years (like I said, tempered expectations), or even entirely that they clearly used it to increase their viewer count (fuck them especially for that one), but that the finale was a spit in the face to the characters and to us. Honestly, I’m more sad than I am mad. I wasn’t crying and grieving these last few days because “my ship didn’t go canon”, I was grieving because the people I love were treated so badly and I couldn’t do anything about it but watch it happen.

SPN, for all its flaws and problems, have spectacular characters. I love almost all of the characters (both bit and main with a few exceptions) a lot and have for years. I love them almost like they’re my family.

I’m grieving Sam, Dean, and Cas, and their found family, because they were my found family too.

None of them got a happy ending. Sure Sam lived on, but he was miserable the entire time; he was mired in his grief for the rest of his life. We’ve seen him try to leave hunting before, twice, both times unsuccessfully, before he realized it wasn’t something to run away from. Maybe he’d retire or semi-retire eventually like Bobby did, but he’d come to terms with it and found happiness and satisfaction for himself and with Eileen. But in the end we don’t even know whether she was even brought back after Chuck had snapped her and everyone else away because none of them speak of her again. None of the other characters are spoken of again either; we just have to assume Jack brought them back along with everyone else and that no one thought to reach out to anyone else just to be sure, to reassure themselves and each other that they’re safe and in one piece, that they’ve all finally won their freedom from being chess pieces on Chuck’s cosmic chessboard of milking Winchester AngstTM. Sam lost so many people in quick succession before they defeated Chuck; he lost his entire family of Cas, Jack, and Dean within a few weeks of each other.

The finale has him running away from his past, from hunting, from everything in his life, just to make a point of showing he’s grieving Dean and will forever grieve Dean. Does his blurry wife in the background even know about the grief he’s bearing, or did he package it away like he did with Amelia? There’s no indication he has any support system left, that he was ever able to move forward from that, because having him grieving Dean was the only thing that mattered to the writers/show.

Dean was given the worst ending. He’s lived his entire life for the sake of other people, chiefly Sam, and the moment he’s “finally free” to live his life he dies, terribly and cheaply. Maybe it was meant to hint at how death can be sudden and unexpected, to remind us that hunters live a life where any hunt they go on could be their last, but screw that. It was unfair. Just because he always expected to die bloody didn’t mean he had to, he deserved to live. To have a chance at living for himself however that turned out to be; whether that meant continuing hunting, or hanging it up for a normal life, or finding a balance between the two. And no, just because he went to Heaven doesn’t mean it’s a happy ending either, because he spent it alone. The only person he sees in Heaven is Bobby, who hints at his parents and Rufus and his girlfriend staying just around the corner; Cas and Jack get a passing mention to explain how/why the heavenly system got changed, and that’s it. None of their friends were worth a mention, not even Ellen, Jo, or Ash considering they’re in front of the Roadhouse (I can’t decide if this is more hilarious or sad). Dean barely spends more than a few minutes to get this mini info-dump from Bobby before he decides to go driving forever into the open roads of heaven to wait for Sam. For a man who loves and loves deeply, apparently no one else mattered at all (which, ha, try to convince me of that in another life where I haven’t seen him grieve and rage over losing said people). Oh, and to be clear, I’m not saying he shouldn’t be waiting for Sam, I’m saying he didn’t have to wait alone. I don’t know about you, but being alone for the interminable eternity of Heaven waiting for someone I love as much as Dean loved Sam doesn’t sound like Heaven to me.

I don’t know how anyone can love Sam and Dean and say they’re happy about this ending for either of them.

And of course we can’t forget about Cas. Castiel has spent almost his entire life trying and struggling to do what’s right. He’s been treated as a hammer and a weapon, a conduit for heavenly power, all the while trying to escape from what he’s been pigeonholed into. He’s suffered so much and for so long right alongside the brothers, for their sake, for the world’s sake, and been taken for granted even by the people he loved for much of it because of how useful he is/can be to them. Sure the Winchesters loved him, we know that, but he doesn’t; he hardly ever got them expressing as much to him through actions let alone words (seeing as they struggle to manage it in the latter even between each other). He deserves to have that just as much as anyone else does. Beyond all that, he deserved to be grieved over when he died. Except for a comment or two in the last two episodes, he wasn’t grieved at all.

I’m not even entirely happy with Jack’s ending either because he was a literal child in an adult’s body. He barely got 4 years of a life before he had to become the new God. But hey, it was necessary to resolve the final large plot thread (like there weren’t other alternatives they could’ve taken) so I just need to shut my mouth and accept it, right?

We get a shoddily cobbled together goodbye for Team Free Will 2.0 and no one else. No goodbye for Eileen, Jody, Donna, Charlie, Kevin, Rowena... the list goes on. Oh, but we got Bobby in Heaven in the end for a hot minute, so that’s good, right?

What the show tried to tell us with that finale is that no one really matters, not even Sam and Dean, because grief is more Edgy, more Meaningful, more Poignant, and happiness doesn’t matter worth a damn.

We’re grieving because we loved them, found someone to relate to with their struggles or saw ourselves in them. So you’re gonna have to excuse me for being mad at them tossing this at us and saying we should be happy with their hollow idea of ‘happiness’. In the end we were just cash cows and a number on their viewer count anyways.

#spn #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #bobby singer #eileen leahy #i'm not tagging the ships because this is about the characters and the show and the shit they gave us #i'd tag all the other characters they don't give a shit about too but that'd just make this too long #again: just to be clear i don't hate the actors one bit #they did what they were contractually obligated to do as best as they could and i love them for all they've given us all these years #but the network and dabb/singer etc.? they can fuck off #you're all more than welcome to come into my asks and ask me for my takes on how they could've shot this different #to *show* that other people existed in heaven besides Sam Dean and Bobby without actually physically showing them due to covid constraints #because it is absolutely possible and you shouldn't let them fool you into thinking otherwise #becca rambles #spn grief coping

[deanisdarkness]

Is it just me or is Misha's acting pretty awful in the love confession scene? The scene did nothing for me. I am not hating or anything, but every time I watch that scene, Misha's face especially when he is crying makes me laugh. And the whole confession just doesn't feel genuine. Misha's subpar acting aside, it felt like the confession came out of left field considering how poorly Castiel had been treating Dean in the last few last seasons.

Yeah, it was painful to watch. I honestly didn't understand Misha's acting choices. The crying was over the top and weird? Idk. I mean, it was great for memes but didn't do much for the character.

Well tbh, you could say the same for Cas in every season. Like when has Cas not been awful toward Dean?

Season 4 -- threatens to throw Dean in hell, imagine how scared Dean must have felt. Although Cas at least has an excuse here.

Season 5 -- blames Dean for breaking in hell and beats up a suicidal Dean to teach him a lesson? As stress relief? Double Yikes, either way.

Season 6 -- lies and manipulates Dean for a year. Epic gaslighting. Creepy, Stalkerish behaviour. Breaks Sam's wall. Oh and Lisa and Ben.

Season 8 -- still takes unilateral decisions that will affect Dean without consulting Dean. Betrays Dean again for tablet or Metatron or something.

Season 10 -- the way he treats MoC Dean. Acting like Dean's some kind of timebomb while being much more crueler than MoC Dean can ever be.

Season 11 -- the whole Lucifer thing. Yeah.

Season 12/13 onwards -- he's basically all about Jack. His precious child. Note how Dean gets pressured into accepting this mind altering monster as his kid, by both Sam and Cas. Yeah. Not at all subtle there.

So basically Cas has always been controlling, creepy and tone deaf, he has always been manipulative and abusive. Sure, a lot of that can be chalked up to power imbalance/species difference etc but even accounting to that, there are distinct differences between how he treats Dean vs how he treats Sam. Dean gets the female treatment (is that even accurate term to use? No woman gets treated like that these days onscreen) I guess, and Cas acts exactly like the controlling, manipulative husband who "loves" his wife. I noticed these creepy undertones ages ago and realised how ugly the relationship looks once you make it romantic, which is why I stopped shipping destiel.

So that confession does have some basis in reality. Cas addresses Dean as the "thing" he wants the most but could never have, so guess he figured out Dean is just too headstrong for his tastes? That's how it reads to me to these days.

#dean winchester #castiel #destiel #cas critical #too much meta perhaps? #its insane how well this reading fits

[ltleflrt]

for the ask meme: 7, 16, 20!!

Thanks for asking! 💕

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

I don't know if it's a characteristic of style, but I'm known for including shower/bathtub smut in all my longfics, whenever possible lol

Uhh... I don't know if people notice it, but there's a rhythm to my sentences and paragraphs. I feel a beat in my head as I'm constructing them, and I can tell if I need to end a sentence or paragraph, or even a chapter, based on the beat.

Oh, and I really love flipping popular tropes. Even of things I write myself! Someone made a comment once that I used the tag "Dean Thinks He's Straight" on my 3 popular longfics, and I'm like okay well obviously I'm going to have to write something where Cas thinks he's straight. And Satin & Sawdust was born of that.

I think a major reason my work is popular is because of the trope flipping, and just a general sense of where the holes in fanfic are that need to be filled. When I wrote Cursed or Not, there were 2 Witch/Familiar fics, and only one of them was mildly popular. Now they're EVERYWHERE <3... Kiss the Baker was written during a time where Dean always panicked about his Bi Awakening moment, and I'm like no I need something softer please. And there's the Cas thinks he's Straight thing, which I still don't really see anyone else writing, so S&S remains unique. And now I'm flipping the a/b/o hierarchy in my current fic, and getting a really good response on that as well.

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

While I was going through a major bout of writer's block for the last 2-ish years, I tried writing for a few other fandoms. I wrote a few scenes for Guardian, and The Lost Tomb 3. But I never got anywhere with them and didn't post or share them, except to talk about the ideas with my bestie. I thought my writer's block might have stemmed from being done writing Destiel, but nope it was just time to let my brain rest.

I hella shipped a couple of villains in iZombie and tortured @jupiterjames with the ideas I was having, but alas I did not write them. I don't know why she loves me, I'm so cruel lol

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I really love doing callbacks to older fics. There's a few stories where I mention chocolate cake bacon donuts, referencing Kiss the Baker. At the end of Addicted to You when they're choosing names for their baby, I reference my Mass Effect fic by suggesting a derivative of Matthew, which is the ME character's name.

If you ever see me mentioning hatred of Elvis, it's a dig at Twist and Shout lol

Some of my fics are reverse 'verses of each other. Kiss the Baker and Satin and Sawdust, and Cursed or Not and Addicted to You.

Speaking of Addicted to You, what a fuckin' mess that was, I have no idea how it happened. It was going to be 10-15k of dirtybadwrong non-con with an unhappy ending. And then other things started happening, and I'm like wtf? Well now I have to see where this goes. Literally none of it was pre-planned, it was all done on the fly. I could not stop working on it. SOMEHOW I managed to find a way to resolve the issue based on stuff I'd already written. Like.... I didn't write that fic. I channeled it. It was the weirdest fuckin' experience ever. I mean, I write a lot of accidental longfic, and I never attempt to estimate how long things will be anymore. But AtY was in another league.

(from this list)

#prosopopeya #ltleramblings #ask box meme

[lifblogs]

Carry You

@bend-me-shape-me​, @pray4jensen, @helianthus21​ This took me longer than I expected, and I’m a day late, but this story required a lot of my attention to make it work. After all, it is my last entry for #SpnStayAtHome. Thank you so much for hosting this, and for reminding me why I love Destiel. I went through some hard stuff that made me turn away from this ship more than I realized. This really brought me back to a place I wanted to be. I love Destiel. I love writing. This was to keep everyone occupied and positive during our own apocalypse, but I just want y’all to know this meant a lot to me and helped me heal in some ways I hadn’t realized I’d needed. So thank you.

And, since this is my last fic for #SpnStayAtHome, I decided to go over the top, and instead of just picking a song lyric as a prompt, I picked an entire song, and wrote a songfic. It’s “Carry You (feat. Fleurie)” by Ruelle.

I know it hurts

It’s hard to breathe sometimes

These nights are long

You’ve lost the will to fight

God, it was too much. It was all just too much. They couldn’t do this. Not without Jack, without Sam. Their family was—

Dean heaved in a shaky breath where he sat in the woods by the bunker. The night was dark and starless. Yet Dean looked up there, believing in… believing in something; maybe not God, but someone was up there, right?

Right? There had to be.

Sam was as good as dead.

His kid was—

His kid was likely just the same. They hadn’t stood a chance against God, the cruel creator of the universe. This wasn’t the ending that God had said was planned for them, but maybe it was still an ending, a consolation prize because he couldn’t get the real-deal.

Dean was so lost, alone…

That was in part because he’d driven away from Cas. Just left him there on the side of that dirt road, not able to look at him, not able to see the loss and hurt in those blue eyes. If Dean had stared right at him, it would be to admit his wrong, to face his failure. It was his plan that’d gone south, his plan that had taken everything away from them. But he couldn’t do it.

His family couldn’t be—

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, voice a broken sob, vision blurred with tears. “God, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were finally a family again, and… And I took that away.”

He didn’t even know who the words were for. For Sam and Jack? For Castiel? For himself?

He just didn’t know.

His heart ached so fiercely he could barely breathe. Shadows cloaked him in absolute darkness.

Is anybody out there?

Can you lead me to the light?

Is anybody out there?

Tell me it’ll all be alright

Castiel was dialing Dean’s number into his phone. Though Dean was in his contacts, had been for over a decade, he liked to put in his number, liked to remember who this number belonged to. About to tap on the call button on the screen, Castiel just stood there. He’d walked and walked down that dirt road that seemingly had no end. And only a lone star amidst the heavy clouds shone down upon him.

Dean won’t pick up, he told himself. There was no reason for him to.

They were done.

Rended apart.

But…

No, they couldn’t be.

They’d always been there for each other, had each other’s backs. They’d brought each other back from the darkest places, and they would not go down like this.

The anger, the sheer frustration at not having his family around him, gave Castiel the energy to tap on the screen.

It rang.

And rang, and rang, and rang.

Finally:

“This is Dean’s other, other cell. If you’re calling, you know what to do.”

The beep to let Castiel say his message sounded, filling him with disappointment, and though he knew Dean would probably never hear it, he had to speak. He just had to.

“Dean, it’s me. It’s Castiel. I know…” He breathed in, tears lining his eyes, his throat aching. “I know it’s all gone to hell. And I know He took your brother, our son. Listen, Sam’s my best friend, and I love Jack more than anything in this world. But I need you too. I know you’re probably moping somewhere, with a beer, and—and thinking you screwed up. Well, you didn’t screw up, Dean. You didn’t. You believed in them. You believed in us — believed in me. Now you have to believe in yourself too. And if you can’t…” Castiel sighed, not sure he wanted to say this next part, knowing if he did there’d be no going back. Dean would know what this meant, know what it meant more than the words I love you could ever convey. Because they didn’t do I love you. Instead they sacrificed, and gave, and bled. Instead it was hope, and faith, and what they had always needed from their fathers. Things they’d never gotten. Spurred on by the tears that fell, Castiel went on, “And if you can’t, then I’ll believe in you. I’ve always believed in you, even when it went against my orders. But there are no more orders. There’s just” — the dial tone sounded, Castiel’s message having run too long — “you,” he finished.

He slowly lowered his phone, blinking away tears.

And he searched for Dean.

He needed him, otherwise all this hurt would take hold in ways it never had before.

You are not alone

I’ve been here the whole time

Singing you a song

I will carry you

I will carry you

“Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean prayed, tears now freely running down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean— didn’t mean to leave you. You gotta believe me, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it. All those… all those times I’ve left you… I’ve never meant it. Not for one second. So you come back to me. You come back. Just… Just tell me I’m not alone.”

On instinct, Dean reached for his phone in his pocket, but it was dead. He’d killed it hours ago, and out here, there wasn’t a place to charge it.

This was only a place for being alone.

God, Dean was so sick of being alone.

He got up and settled himself into the driver’s seat of the Impala, the engine purring with a thrumming intensity beneath him.

“Okay, Cas, I’m coming to you.”

I know you can’t remember how to shine

Your heart’s a bird without the wings to fly

Castiel was walking, and he could hear Dean, could feel him.

He was coming to him, coming back.

And though Castiel realized Dean’s phone must’ve been dead, he still called it, still had the urge to talk to him even when he wasn’t there.

“Dean, I’m coming. Just keep talking to me. Keep praying. I’m here.”

Is anybody out there?

Can you take this weight of mine?

Is anybody out there?

Can you lead me to the light?

“I’m here, Cas. I’m here. We’re gonna fix this. You and me, you hear? The way it’s supposed to be. I know I always said it was just me and Sam. But it’s not. And it hasn’t been for a long-ass time. It’s me and you and Sam and Jack. It’s us. All of us. And it’s gotta be built back up somewhere. So come on, let me get you, baby. If you’re still on that road thinking I don’t give a damn, you’re wrong. You’re so fucking wrong.”

You are not alone

I’ve been here the whole time

Singing you a song

I will carry you

I will carry you

“I know you didn’t leave because you didn’t care. You’re hurt, Dean. I’m hurt. Just keep coming. Keep praying. Please. Please… I need you. I need you.”

You are not alone

I’ve been here the whole time

“I need you.”

You are not alone (not alone)

I’ve been here the whole time

A familiar engine sounded in Castiel’s ears, and he hung up the phone. Headlights glared like bright messengers from Heaven out of the dark, and they came towards Cas. He kept walking, each step assured now, ready. They could do this. They would do this.

The Impala pulled up in front of Cas, and Dean got out, legs weak. Even from here Castiel could hear his heart hammering, and he was sure the blood was rushing in his ears. Cas’ body was just about doing the same thing.

But everything else fell away. The dark, the light. It was just Dean.

Dean was breathing heavy with emotion.

“Cas, I’m sorry.”

Cas just rushed to him, and hugged him hard, harder than he’d ever hugged anyone before. He never wanted to let go.

“I heard your prayers.”

Singing you a song

I will carry you

I will carry you

Dean was stunned, completely frozen, as Castiel held him. As Castiel held him. His best friend, his angel, his family.

Dean wrapped his arms around him in response, all of him burning and aching and weak. Oh god, Cas.

“I’ve got you,” Dean told him, even as he felt Cas’ body tremble and tense in his. “I always have. This thing — what happened — it hurts. It bleeds like nothin’ else. And that’s why we’re going to fight. We’re gonna get ‘em back.”

(Is anybody out there?)

Castiel breathed in Dean’s scent. “We will.”

He pulled back just a few inches, and then held Dean’s face in his, the roughness of his stubble against his palms the greatest feeling in the world. There were tears in their eyes and everything fell into place. The life he’d always loved and felt, even before it had begun — it was here. It was here, beating strongly against his own chest, like they were joined. Perhaps they always had been.

I will carry you

I will carry you

Dean couldn’t speak any longer, just fell further into Castiel’s touch, against his body.

“Angels are watching over you,” his mom had always said.

She’d been wrong about one thing. Not angels, plural, but one. One angel. And it was like he’d always been there.

(Is anybody out there?)

They reached out for each other at the same time, lips meeting, breaths twining together, and then stopping. They loved each other so much it hurt, but it comforted them, down to their very foundations.

They were family, and they would carry each other through anything.

I know it hurts

It’s hard to breathe sometimes

#SpnStayAtHome #Destiel #Destiel fanfiction #Supernatural #SPN #Supernatural fanfiction #SPN fanfiction

[cooloddball]

DESTIEL AND COCKLES RANT

THIS IS A RANT ON ALL THINGS DESTIEL AND COCKLES

PS. I do not know how to make gifs and or use photos yet so feel free to add yours

I have said this before and I will say it again. I have been in this fandom for a month and I ship Destiel and Cockles anyone who has a problem with this then move along and/or if you are an anti and read this, keep your hateful comments to yourself.

That being said, I have read about almost all ships in the fandom but mostly Destiel, Cockles, Wincest, and J2. Through all the reading and discovery, I still have to say I ship Cockles and Destiel more than ever before. However, I have seen some things from the antis that did not sit well with me.

This is going to be a long post so brace yourself and it is mostly about the hate the antis (anti-cockles, anti-wives , and anti-Destiel Shippers spread). Also this is a rant so don’t mind me,

ON DESTIEL

The hate on Destiel is massive. Mostly this is from Bronlies who hate Cas like he is the anti-Christ, and the Wincest shippers.

Now I am not trying to rain on anyone’s parade but come on. Cas is Dean’s best friend. Whether you ship them romantically or not, it is canon that Cas Dean’s best friend. We have seen time and again how miserable Dean is every time Cas dies. Dea has also expressly stated that Cas is his best friend and even said they are better together; all three of them including Sam. He has called him his family. So why the hate? Chuck himself has said that he has rebuilt Cas more times than anyone.

Now, people who believe that it is better to ship Sam and Dean who are literally blood brother but it is not okay to ship Dean and Cas what is wrong with you? Is it okay for someone to fuck their brother and/or be in love with them? I mean come on.

Before I was even a shipper, I always looked forward to episodes that Cas was in. He brought a different dynamic to the show in a positive way. Yes, I love the brothers but Cas is just deifferent and all the sass he brings makes the show, at least to me 10 times better. Sue me.

People saying that JA would never be comfortable with Destine because he is a Christian. I mean, he can call Chuck a dick, call angels dicks, make deals with demons and all other unchristian things but kissing another man is where he draws the line? If he was such a Christian, why does he let another man straddle him on stage or want to kill God?

Someone once said that JA supports wincest. I saw the video and I get what he said is that whatever floats your boat or something like that. So why is it so hard for him when it comes to Destiel? I don’t understand this man. He is a paradox.

 ON COCKLES

I have seen antis, mostly those who ship J2 throw shade at MC saying that JA doesn’t like him, he just tolerates him and everything they do is for PR. I have not once seen anyone say that JP doesn’t like MC. You know why? I believe they view MC as a threat to their J2 ship.

So I stumbledupon this antis blog who had a whole analysis (much like am doing here) on why JA cannot be a couple. Here are some that I remember from the top of my head:

1.     That JA said that he thinks Matt Bomer is attractive.

2.     That JA moved to Austin to be live next to JP.

3.     That JA and MC have nothing in common being that JA plays golf and sings etc and that MC does woodwork, writes poetry and bicycle touring.

4.     That JA is with JP hence no. 2.

5.     That JA does not curse on stage but MC does.

6.     That MC does not take acting seriously but JA does.

Now now now. This beats logic. All the above things I beg to differ with not because I am cockles shipper but it is just common sense.

Being with someone or rather being in love with someone does not mean any of the above things have to be true. Hear me out.

1.     On finding Matt Bomer attractive. I have many celebrity crushes, there are also ordinary people that I find attractive. But then again, I have a boyfriend, who I am in love with; I have been with for six years. But he looks nothing like my celebrity crushes or the ordinary people I find attractive. Does that mean I am not in love with him? No. It means I have eyes and I can appreciate beauty and have a few fantasies but I chose to be with him because I love him. He also has other people he finds attractive that look nothing like me, does that mean he does not love me? I mean come on.

 Oh the most hilarious thing is that the anti said you cannot compare Matt to MC since Matt is way attractive. I mean come on; they may not look alike but they both have dark hair, blue eyes. Seriously people! And MC is so handsome and adorable at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he looks better than JA and JP. Sue me.

 2.     On JA moving to Austin. Lol. This means that he went to live next to his best friend. I mean come on. I have moved to live next to my best friend (bff) who is married. Does that mean I am in love with her? Hell no! But I feel safer knowing that she is there for me.

Also people need to understand, MC and JA could be involved romantically or not (pick your poison) but you don’t need to be next to your lover to love them or be in a relationship with them. Lond distance relationships anyone? They have families and kids and other priorities. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not necessarily mean you live together or evn in the same area. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and also they are where they are now because of other priorities in their lives. So, living together or in the same town doesn’t make you more or less in love.

3.     On the issue of common interests. This made me laugh so hard. I mean comeon, People who are together do not need to share any interests. The diversity of their interests is probably what attracted them to each other. Also how can you say a poet and a singer have nothing in common? They are artists. MC can write poems that JA can sing. Oh also remember that video MC’s friend DM posted on Twitter where they did the whole bicycle touring in Germany? Uh huh? JA seemed to be interested in that a lot. So..

4.     I could say a lot about JA being with Jp. This J2 being married and their wives being beards is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Seriously, J2 tinhats have gone ahead to hate of D’s posts and call her names. Telling her to stop pretending that she is JA. It is laughable and not in a nice way, really. Can they just stop? Before I became a cockles shipper I watched J2 videos where they interact be it cons, red carpet moments or even gag reels. It is just different. All I see are two bros; one that is really playful like a little puppy and the other one trying to be the big brother. As for JA and MC, it is different, there are things that JA is comfortable when Mc does that he is not comfortable when JP does them. Neck kisses for a start.

Also most of the J2 tinhats evidence about J2 being real is rarely backed up by visual evidence and if there is any, it is usually from years ago. I am not hating on antis, just stating facts.

5.     I mean, cursing on stage really? I curse all the time my bf doesn’t. Does that mean he doesn’t like me or love me? Hell to the Fucking No! Suck it!

6.     On Mc not taking acting seriously. Yeah I can guess why he doesn’t. It is not his only priority unlike JA who has chosen it as a career path. From what I have seen, MC’s priorities include making the world a better place through charities, politics, and oh, he is also a writer. Oh so forgive him if he is not obsessed with acting. Besides JA says that he likes how he acts as Cas because it is not like anything he has seen from other guest stars that have come on the show. I mean not being serious about something does not mean that you are not good at it. Would he have lasted 11 seasons if he was not good at what he does?

There was also hate that JA is only around MC for PR and he actually hates him. There were some photos and gifs so the apparent hate. So, if he cannot stand him, why is there so much evidence of JA going to MC to give some love, Neck kisses, intimate IG posts, face caresses, ass smacks, calling him his baby dadfy, heart eyes, even when they don’t know that they are being filmed?

Also why is it during the Vegascon 2020 all JA did was bring up MC unnecessarily even when no one, absolutely nobody asked him to. Come on! stop the bs and admit that Cockles is the realest ship in the history of ships!!

ON THE WIVES

I swear bitches be crazy. How can you just hat someone for literally nothing? This is mostly from J2 tinhats at other J2 stans who do not ship J2 together romantically. I mean…comeon. You do not need to be a stan for the wives just because they are married to J2 but please stop with the madness.

I recently saw someone comment on various JA posts on IG asking why he is lying to the fans that he is with D when he is with JP. So many rude things have been said about the wives especially D that it breaks my heart.

Seiously? People have gone ahead even to say that she is with JA’s friend SC and that the twins are not JA’s they are SC’s since D and SC are ‘always’ hanging out together. My question is, so D is not supposed to hang out with their friends? And for Chuck’s sake, everyone can see that the twins especially the boy (idk their names, sorry) looks like JA’s twin. I mean come on people.

I believe that they hate D because she says how much she loves MC and that Cas is her favorite character and that they are also bitter that JA chose her and not them. Just my opinion, but what do I know. On JP and G. I don’t know much about them mostly because I do not follow either of them of IG or elsewhere but I have seen hate on G as well.

The antis have gone ahead to say that when JA said that he was hanging out with SC writing songs, that he was lying and that nothing was happening he was just trying to dampen the rumours. I wonder how they felt when the album by JA and Sc came out last year. Jokes on you haters. Bitches be crazy fr.

Oh, the antis also say that the same way JA looks at his wife is the same way he looks at MC. With contempt. I mean talk about hanging yourself with your own rope. What they are saying is, JA feels about his wife the same way he feels abouts MC. Aww! That is true love bitches.

If JA actually cannot stand MC, shouldn’t he have gotten him fired from the show or at least make sure he gets less screen time and that they don’t have any panels together being that JA is the star of the show and all. I mean Mark left and he was a major character to the plot so...

Also why would JA give and buy MC clothes if he hates him? Give him a ring, a bracelet? Huh? Explain it to me.

Oh, some anti also said that before every Cockles panel at JIBCON JA cries and has to be forced on stage by Daniella and JP has to give him a hug and that’s why he drinks a lot of apple juice. LOL. WTF? What do you say to such people. I cannot even..My question is, are we talking about the same Cockles panels that I have seen? Then JA deserves all the Oscars and Tony Awards for his impeccable acting skills when he is around MC. Must really hate him. *wink*

MY TWO CENTS ON COCKLES

I know JA gives off mixed actions about MC. But I think it is to confuse people like us, shippers.  He does’t want to too out there so he tries so hard to be mean with his words. But his actions tell a different story. I mean, who gets a boner when their friend straddles them on stage and then goes ahead to post that chest to chest selfie on IG. That is the gayest thing I have ever seen.

Sharing clothes? I mean friends do share clothes but if it is like a daily thing. More than 20 articles of clothing exchanged between each other on various occasions even when they are apart does not make sense to me. And to make matters worse, JA does not deny it. One even had a tag on it. Lol. We are not children, we can see what is going on.

The 2014 DallasCon – Rob’s Birthday Party. WTF? Was all that between JA and MC? Why did he he swallow and react like that when he saw MC’s bare abdomen? Who does that? Also the looks when MC was leaving the stage. Come on.

Also what was up with the” I love you from the bottom of my heart” at the MTV top 10 in 2010.

The wife is my rock but I am glad to have some pebbles in my life.

Truth is, JA could post a video of him balls deep in MC and the antis could say that somehow MC manipulated JA to post it for PR.

People need to leave MC alone, he ie a human being who has made mistakes, JA and JP have too and I don’t see the antis hating on them. The double Standard s FOH.

I could write about this forever but the truth is JA loves MC, and D and V know that they love each other. All their friends know including JP and other castmates. I believe they know it is more than just friends and the antis can’t stand it because they also know it to be true.

JA LOVES MC. JP LOVES MC. J2M LOVE EACH OTHER. J2 LOVE THEIR WIVES. STOP THE HATE!!

I am not done but I am done for now. I could be here forever writing about this if I do not stop.

#destiel #cockles #cockles is real #cockles csi #stop the hate #antis are mean

[hot-tea-gardenparty]

Destiel Coda to 15.10 "The Heroes Journey"

Cas needed to stop looking at him like that.  It was dangerous.

It made his stomach flutter with millions of butterflies, his chest feel heavy and his heart beat faster than when he runs up the bunker stairs.

Those gorgeous, stupidly intense blue eyes were going to be the death of him. And not just from the physical strain it apparently put on him every single time Castiel looked his way.

“What?” he asked softly over the neck of the beer bottle at his lips, trying to stare just as intensely back, albeit he wasn’t sure if he was able to accomplish it with how much Castiel was effecting him.

Cas shook his head, “I’m sorry you were kicked in the scrotum.”

Dean choked on his sip of beer, sputtering as it dribbled a bit down his chin and onto the map table, “Right…well…it can happen from time to time.” Wow there went that tension, Dean could practically watch it swirl out of the room. Dean’s heart still raced a bit admittedly, but he figured it was more from almost choking to death rather than his emotional bullshit and strange sensitivity to Cas’ immediate presence. He wiped up the dribbled beer with his arm in an almost subconscious motion. Oh great, now his sleeve was wet.

“So it isn’t a regular occurrence for you?” Castiel asked. Humor laced in his words as he likely found Dean’s nervous fidgeting amusing.

“What, getting kicked in the balls?”

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes, “No.” He leaned back in his chair next to Dean, his beer untouched and sweating on the table in front of him, “Feeling normal. Being just like every other human in existence on Earth.”

Dean shrugged, “Hard to be normal when our lives, by every definition, can’t be classified as normal.” Bringing the beer to his lips for another swig, Dean looked straight ahead, trying to prevent himself from falling under the spell of Castiel’s gaze once again. “But whatever….we gave up on normal a long time ago.”

Dean didn’t need to look at the angel, he could feel the narrowing of Castiel’s eyes and the tilt of his head, “Would that be what you want?” He questioned, leaning forward in his chair, his knees gently tapping against the thick of Dean’s thigh.

“No….I mean, not really…not anymore….” Dean pushed his beer onto the table and turned to face Castiel, “I thought I wanted it for so long…wife, a few kids, white picket fence…a steady everyday job…the whole kit and caboodle.” He cleared his throat, “A few years ago, I could easily picture myself in a life like that and nowadays it all just comes across like a lie I told myself….like a happiness ideal I could never actually get and was stupid to believe in…” Castiel smiled softly and brought a hand to rest on the round of Dean’s shoulder, his silence an acknowledgment of wordless understanding.

They sat still and quiet as the seconds ticked by, beers forgotten and warmed by the heat of the bunker’s stale air. Comfortable in their silent companionship.

Dean needed to say something. Say what he had swallowed in purgatory when he realized it wasn’t the right moment. It wasn’t until they both had gone back into purgatory a few days prior that Dean had finally realized all the feelings he had for his angelic best friend. Realized why he felt so comfortable spewing his proverbial guts out to him time and time again. Dark hair, blue eyes and a tan trench coat was all Dean needed to see in his peripheral vision and immediately warmth would coat his stomach like a sip of sweet hot coffee.  Besides Sam, Castiel made Dean happier than anyone else, calmed him and kept his ship from slipping under water.  Dean had now lived through losing Castiel more times than he could keep track of and each time it was like his legs had been thrown out from underneath him and the world would stop spinning on its axis.

It was in purgatory Dean realized, openly and clearly, that Castiel was his rock, his compass….his home.

A life with an angel….wings, multiple heads, hundreds of eyes, possibly a harp, and all.

His new and true normal.

“That kind of life was when you can last remember living without the burden of hunting and without the knowledge of Chuck’s influence. You were safe and content.” Castiel suddenly said, softness lining his voice like silken thread. “Although, it would be stupid to believe that that type of life is no longer an option.”

Dean had to say it. This may not be the right time, but when would there be a fucking right time? Dean could feel the words bubbling up in his throat, spilling from his lips faster than he could contain them, “Would you stay with me?” Dean’s voice slightly shook as he ran his hands nervously through his hair, “After Chuck….after all of this….would you stay with me?”

Castiel sat up straight in his chair, his face unreadable, “Stay with you?”

Dean nodded, “Yes. Stay with me and build a life together.”

“Dean…I…” Castiel stammered, his palms resting unmoving on his thighs. “I don’t know how to say this but…I made a deal...”

Dean couldn’t hear Castiel’s stuttering, stumbling words, his focus was faced towards the table as his head was filled with nervous buzzing fear and his body raced with hope, “I love you, Cas!”

A beat. Two. Three.

Dean blinked, trying to clear his emotion blurred vision. He couldn’t breathe.

Glancing over cautiously, Dean continued to hold his breath as he finally noticed Castiel sitting stiffly in his chair, his eyes closed and his fingers digging into the meat of his thighs.

“Cas?” Dean asked with a whisper.

A beat. Two. Three.

Suddenly, Castiel’s eyes opened and once again Dean fell under their spell. They looked brighter, clearer, like the purest of ice from an Antarctic glacier.

Castiel stood from his chair, knocking it backwards as he grabbed Dean’s biceps, lifting him up and sealing their lips together in a rough, heated kiss. It was slightly uncoordinated and messy, Castiel’s teeth clacking against Dean’s and their coordination off at first, but it was still the best kiss Dean had ever had.  Dean quickly ran a hand up into the hair at the nape of Castiel’s neck, the other hand finding its way around Castiel’s waist underneath his trench coat and suit jacket, palming hot and steady on the jut of his hip.

Pulling away, Castiel smiled, his lips slicked with spit and kiss swollen, “I love you too, Dean.”

Before Dean could blink, Castiel continued, “And I am so sorry.”

It was like he had evaporated...one minute he was there, holding onto Dean, smiling and kissing him and the next he wasn’t. In his place, far too close to Dean, stood a humanoid figure made of shimmering, viscous liquid the color of charcoal. A haunting smile carved into the figure where the mouth should have been was its only discerning feature.  Dean felt an invisible hand pushing him back into the mouth of the chair he’d been pulled out of, somehow feeling further away from the figure and, to his horror, further away from Castiel.

Dean heard Castiel shout his name, saw a brief flash of the humanoid figure stepping closer to Castiel, its smile getting wider, as Dean’s vision was temporarily blinded from the bright burst of light emanating from the figure as he evaporated into nothing.

He landed roughly onto his ass in the same spot they had been kissing in just a few seconds before, frantically searching the empty room in disbelief.

“Cas NO!” Dean shouted as he scrambled from the floor, standing in the spot the man he loved had once been.…

He lost him. Again.

Thanks for reading! ^-^ 

#15.10 coda #destiel #destiel coda #deancas #deancas coda #15.10 destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfiction #deancas fic #deancas fiction #dean and castiel #this took me forever to finish #i lost my train of thought halfway through and couldn't get it back #i hope it doesn't read too disjointed #i hope you like it #if you like it and you'd like to see more from me let me know #i am terrified #hey look it's me-chan's shitty writing!

[schrijverr]

Q&A pt. 2

After a while it’s time for another Q&A where Dean and Cas answer your questions.

Part of the Famous Husband verse, which is also a series.

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed anything or you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“I like could become an angel, but I’d say no, just because I think it would suck to have to answer to God, as a human it’s at least optional.” Dean said as Cas started giggling.

After that the intro rolled, it was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.

“Hi Hunters and welcome back to yet another Q&A, I’m here with my husband, Cas, to answer some of your questions, so lets get started.” Dean began the video.

“Hello.” Cas nodded, while Dean opened his phone.

“Okay, first up @Spngrl272, who asks: ‘If you were to dye your hair an unnatural color what would it be and why?’ Hm, interesting, what do you think, angel?” Dean said.

Cas thought about it for a moment, then he answered: “Pink, or maybe red, because I think it would be fun mostly, I do not have a specific reason.”

Dean nodded thoughtfully and said: “Yeah, I can see that. I think I would dye it blue, but it would have to be the color of your eyes, because that’s the best color I know.”

Cas blushed and shoved Dean slightly as he said: “You sap.”

“Only for you, darling.” Dean batted his eyelashes over the top, then he turned to his phone and said: “Next one! This is from @reesespuffs1 and they ask: ‘What’s your favourite memory of each other?’ Now that’s a hard one.”

“I agree there are so many to pick from.” Castiel agreed.

A silence fell and it was obvious that a chunk was cut out between then and the answers while they thought about it.

“I have one, but it’s going to sound really cheesy.” Dean said, “It’s from a few years back and we’d just moved here, we finally had our own place, you know. Anyway, it was a Saturday and you were sleeping in, but I woke up early and I was gonna surprise you with a breakfast in bed.”

Cas was smiling softly as Dean talked, but he softly broke it to say: “I remember that, I’d had a horrible week and we’d gone to bed early.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Deans voice had also gone soft, “But the sun was peaking through the curtains and it hit your face and you were just so peaceful and it was totally like a movie scene and it just struck me how lucky I was to have you and that this was real.”

Giving him a quick peck on the cheek, Cas said: “That was kind of cheesy, but also really sweet.”

“I try.” Dean grinned, “So, what do you got?”

“Well, it’s an old one and there were many others, who also had a lot of potential, but this was from before we were dating.” Castiel told him.

“God, that is old.” Dean commented.

“I know, but it was during exam week and I’d fallen asleep at my desk, I knew I did because I remembered thinking ‘oh god this isn’t good, I should go to sleep.”

Cas got interrupted: “That is such an A+ internal monologue.”

“I was very eloquent back then, you might not notice it nowadays, but I was quite the talker.” Cas joked, before he went on: “So I had fallen asleep at my desk, but I awoke to you carrying me to bed, it was briefly and I dropped off again right after, but I never forgot and you never even mentioned it, but it was very sweet.”

“Ahw, thanks.” Dean said, before clearing his throat and reading out: “@Winter_Wolf101 wants to know: ‘What’s the weirdest fan interaction you’ve ever had?’ Had any already, Cas?”

“Not really, unless you count that girl at the supermarket, who I made eyecontact with and she just dropped a thing full of eggs in surprise.” Cas replied.

Dean laughed at that, before he answered: “I think that had to be the time a girl asked me to sign panties and she just handed me a pair, like she carried them around just in case. Note, this was not during a convention or something, she just happened to have one in her pocket.”

“What?” Cas asked.

“I don’t know either, man, that’s why it was so weird.” Dean shrugged.

“That is quite unusual.”

“Next question is from @Why_do_you_want_to_know, who asks: ‘What is Cas’ weirdest habit?’ I think we answered this in the husband tag video and I mentioned your eating habits with burgers.” Dean answered.

“Did you think of a new answer?” Cas asked.

“Lemme think,” Dean hummed, then: “Oh, yeah, Claire mentioned this to me. I hadn’t even noticed until she pointed it out, but that’s just because I haven’t lived without you for over a decade. But you don’t really blink whenever you’re listening to someone.”

“Really?” Cas frowned.

“It’s nothing bothersome or anything and I’m not even sure that counts as a habit, but it is peculiar.” Dean was quick to say.

“I guess, I don’t really feel the need to blink usually.” Cas said thoughtfully.

“Dude just you saying that would have made it into the docu.” Dean grinned, “Which brings us to the next question from @Shazzy_Cat_1903 and they ask: ‘We all know that Cas is an angel, but if Dean were a mythical creature, which would he be?’ What do you think?”

“I would say you’re also an angel, since you’re so caring and nice, but I don’t think you would agree with that.” Cas answered.

“Yeah.” Dean replied, “I like could become an angel, but I’d say no, just because I think it would suck to have to answer to God, as a human it’s at least optional.”

Cas choked on a breath, before he started giggling at that. Getting a glint in his eyes, Dean went on: “Or I’d go full demon, just to make us Romeo and Juliet and God would be sitting on his big throne in heaven just face-palming while you try to sneak around with me, forgetting he’s all knowing.”

Cas giggled some more, but he managed: “No, I’d try to get you to stop being a demon to make it alright again and you’d be grumpy about it.”

Dean laughed too and agreed: “Yes, yes, I would be. Very grumpy that I do not get to be a demon with little horns and a pitchfork.”

“I think that’s about as accurate as an angel having a harp, Dean.” Cas told him with a fond eyeroll.

“Aha, and how would you know that, angel?” Dean joked, getting another eyeroll.

Then more serious, he said: “Maybe I’d be a vampire, they’re cool and if you’re an angel then at least I’m immortal and get to spend forever with you.”

“That would be nice.” Cas said softly, before it cut to Dean reading the next question: “@Destiel_heaven, god, we did that ourselves didn’t we.”

“Technically it was Sam, who came up with it.” Cas said.

Dean pointed into the camera accusingly and said: “If you’re seeing this Sam, this is all your fault.”

A small message appeared: If I recalled correctly it was you, who first said the name out loud for the internet :( XP  ~Sam

“But what did they ask?” Cas asked.

“Uhm,” Deans eyes flickered back to his phone screen, “‘How long have you gone without talking to each other? And if you guys fight, who is the one to apologize first and make up?’”

“I don’t think we don’t talk to each other when we’re mad.” Castiel said.

“Yeah, I’m usually too sad about not seeing you that I try to make up as quickly as I can, and I think you do the same.” Dean agreed.

“But we usually don’t argue about important things, it’s mostly stupid stuff like you using my charger.” Cas said.

“It’s a pretty even balance, I’d say.”

“And I’d agree.”

“Cool, moving on then, @Lightningbugqueen, what a name by the way, wants to know: ‘How have Cas’ students been acting after they found out about Dean?’ Care to enlighten us, dear?” Dean read the next one.

“Mostly the same, it gets hard to be impressed when they have to listen to me talk about American History and force them to do assignments, but there are some questions here and there whenever you upload a video and a few of them did not trust me for the week between you taking a break and your documentary about me.” Castiel answered.

“First time your teacherness saved you from having to be social.” Dean grinned.

Castiel pouted: “I don’t think teacherness is a word, Dean.”

“I thought you taught History not English.” Dean was not deterred.

“I’m not that unsocial.” Cas whined.

“I know, sunshine, but you can be awkward. I meant it as a good thing.” Dean said gently.

It was silent for a beat, then Cas said: “I guess you are right that it is nice that this isn’t effecting work in the classroom. I’d hate to think it would be my fault if they got distracted and failed.”

“You are literally the sweetest person ever when you talk about your students.” Dean told him, getting squinted confused eyes and a cocked head in return.

Dean explained: “You care about them all so much and you want them to succeed, it’s really sweet, honestly.”

“Oh.” Cas didn’t really know what to respond to that, so he just said: “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Dean smiled, before turning back to his phone to read: “@Dean-no-no asks: ‘Does Cas get jealous of all the fans swooning over Dean?’ Only you can answer that one, angel.”

“I wouldn’t call in jealousy per se.” Cas said, getting two raised brows from Dean who remembered that the whole reason Cas barged in on that live stream so long ago was because of jealousy.

“Don’t look at me like that, I wasn’t done yet.” Cas told him, “I wouldn’t call in jealousy, more possessiveness. Jealousy implies that I feel like I don’t get the same attention as your fans, but you do still pay a lot of attention to me, it’s sometimes more that I feel some comments go a bit too far for the connection there is.”

“What?” Dean asked, “I get the start, but that last part.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s- They know a lot more about you then you from them, it’s just how it is, but sometimes comments come across as if you’re both the best of buds and it can go a bit too far in my  opinion.” Cas explained.

“Ah.” Dean got it, “Yeah, sometimes it can be a bit personal or uncomfortable.”

Cas nodded as Dean went on: “Now the last question is from @FanFictionIsLife1234, who asks: ‘What was the moment you realized you were in love with the other?’ Ending on a sappy note.”

“You love sappy notes.” Cas teased lightly.

“I absolutely do, but that’s just between us two. I think I answered this before, about us in the forest, but I’m curious about your answer.” Dean said.

“But that’s when you realized you liked me, when did you realize you loved me, I think that’s different. I knew I liked you when I stayed with you for the holidays and I just never felt more at home and happy than I did that summer, but I knew I loved you when we’d just moved in together and suddenly I realized how domestic we’d gotten.” Castiel answered.

Dean got a thoughtful expression on his face, before he said: “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Cas grinned smugly.

“Little bastard.” Dean told him fondly, “But I do like your answer, most people don’t realize it’s the little things that really keep people together.”

“It’s kind of like in The Lord of the Rings, it’s the little things that keeps the evil at bay.” Cas agreed getting a look from Dean, “I’ve spend time with Charlie lately.”

“Ah, yeah that’ll do that to you.” Dean smiled, “But as for my answer, I think, god this is hard, I’ve always loved you it seems and picking something is hard, cause it was this slow built and suddenly I didn’t know how to exist without loving you, you know?”

Cas leaned into his side and said: “That is also a very sweet and good answer.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It was quiet for a moment, then Dean cleared his throat and said: “Well, I think I’m ending the video now, hopefully you all enjoyed it.”

“I’m sure they did.” Cas smiled, making eyecontact and getting a smile back that could be the definition of hearteyes.

Cutting to the endcard Dean did his outro: “Like this video if you did, leave a comment, hit the subscribe button and ring that bell, there are links to more of me and Cas over here and I’ll see you on the road, bye!”

Then the video ended.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When Dean talked about loving

Cas my heart exploded, they’re

just made for each other.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lollll little demon dean killed me

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

THE QUEERS HAVE BEEN FED BY THE GAY OVERLORDS

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If you told me a year ago that

Dean would be sappy with his

husband on main, I’d have

laughed, what a timeline to live in

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Who is that girl with the panties

I feel like I need to know more

about this, wtf

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean can carry Cass, get yo self a

swole man

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

fuck guess it’s time to write a

Romeo and Juliet angel/demon

AU now, fuck

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This man calls his husband the

sappiest nicknames, little bastard

and dude, get a man who can do

both lol

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theyre so sweet, id puke if it wasnt

so cute

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cas is my spirit animal when it

comes to social interaction

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

THEYRE SO CUTEEEEEE!

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#RR writing #spn fanfic #spn AU #SPN #supernatural #Destiel #Destiel AU #married destiel #destiel youtuber au #dean winchester #castiel #castiel/dean