#this isn’t really a poem but ahhhhhh

[wench-and-jezebel]

Dark Angel Reaction: Shorties in Love

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Yaayyy! She’s back! 💕  [SHE BACK!  So is OC and Herbal and Sketch :)]  And she’s getting flirted with

“I’m not into pampering”  Unless Logan isn’t spoiling me enough.  Or is trying to be independent when I don’t want him to.  Or doesn’t have his world revolving around me

[Max, shut up; you've always gotten your insight into men from OC, wdym]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Oooohh ahhhhhh  [Truly a beautiful representation of the opening song]  ☠️☠️☠️ it fucking kills meeeeeee

Uh oh, nooooo

Jam pony and Max in the back like 👀👀👀  [tbf I'd be watching them pretty 👀 too]  I WAS

OC you dog ☠️ I saw you check her out when she bent over

Diamond talks in 3rd person too

Max is like DAMMIT LOGAN

Bruh why

WHY IS SHE GOSSIPINGGG

Is this poetry ever mentioned again?  Or was that just an unnecessary act of rudeness we are supposed to overlook  [Not for the most part, I don't think.  There's an unrelated mention of poetry in s2.  But that's, again, not about Logan and more about Max's jealousy]  Writers explainnnn

Mennnnn

Blech

Awwww

NOOOOO THE GIGGLE

[Max being weirdly understanding]  Right!?

This is sickeningly adorable  [I KNOW!  I love her!  Both hers!]

Ma’am.  No one is watching you.  You ain’t gotta look so… Like you’re looking

☠️☠️☠️☠️ “Pee outside.”  I mean… You did just kinda bust up into his house.  But I’m still ded

I love it so much

[Max, wtf was that stance??? The most awkward way to stand ever]  What the hell

This woman and her strange way of standing and sitting and holding guns  ["I'm gonna go home and chill out" *but first I'ma sit here randomly on the table*]  And not look at you.  Angstily.  Like… LIKE.  SHE WENT THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION TO SIT ON THE COUNTER

[Okay, apparently the poetry did come back.  Didn't get much better though]

BRUHHHH She gon die  [You're gonna jinx her]  She is jinxing herself

This is too adorable I cantttttt

DIAMOND NOOOOOOO

🤣🤣🤣  Sketch  [This is the best Max ever acts with him, wtf?]

[MAX WHAT IS THAT ARM DOING]

*sigh* That went well

[Why is she like.  Actually smiling these days.  That's so out of character?]  🤣🤣🤣

They had to make her likable this ep so when she inevitably gets Diamond killed it won’t justify OCs rage

– – – 

Jezebel: OMG I LOVE OC SO MUCCHHHH

Wench: I KNOW

Jezebel: Diamond is being sus af and I hateeeeee it 🥺🥺🥺 but shes also talking about the future and doesn’t ma’am know that’s a sure fire way to get ded?!  I know they went through this massive technology apocalypse but she has seen tv at some point in her life. That’s like rule number one: don’t plan out your future… or you won’t have one

Wench: I thought rule one was don't do the deed in a horror film.

Jezebel: SHE BROKE THAT ONE TOO

Wench: OH SHIT SHE DID

Jezebel: GAHDAMMIT WOMAN

Wench: alskdfj

Jezebel: I also love sketch and herbal! Even tho the latter had like 1/8 of a line… And Max isn’t god awful just like semi awful mainly with her bitchy snatching of the poem book.  Oh, and Logan’s “so they were making out?” MEN 🤣🤣🤣 whyyyy

Wench: I knew you’d comment with that :)

Jezebel: And really that’s all I got for midpoint… Yet another not much has happened minus the BIG main thing to happen episode

Wench: On with the show!  Literally!

– – –

[Fancy flip]

Ughhhhh DIAMONDDDD DONT DOOO IT [tbf, btw, *Max* is kinda acting sus af]

SHE DONE DONE IT DIAMOND WHYYYY

well shittttt  [She lives nonetheless]

[I think he's in CSI]  He looks familiar  [I’ll look him up later]  

YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT THE WHOLE TIMEEEEE?!?  This is why people don’t trust you woman

[Also, James Cameron and the "dyne”s again aslkfdj  The Terminator was Cyberdyne; Alien was Hyperdyne; now we've got Synthedyne]

Why’s his apple logo upside down? ☠️  WHY’S IT UPSIDE DOWN?  [Probably because they didn't want to deal with an actual computer?  Or maybe they used to be upside down.]  ☠️🤣🤣🤣

🥺🥺🥺🥺 Well god dammmmit  [I was so sad when I found out about this first time 'round]

Bruhhhh

Yes the hell it is selfish ma’am ☠️  “Imma die. So imma go win back the one that got away and make her happy for the last little bit of time I have… then die on her… and make her life miserable. Cause that’s fair”  Wot.  WOTTTTT???  WOOOOTTTTTTT?!?!?

[OC.  MY DEAR.  STOP QUITTING YOUR JOB.]

OC 💔💔💔💔

Boo!!!! You don’t deserve thissss

I don’t write original characters but I’m about to make her one

[Max, I think you could show some compassion]

Sketchhhh

Bruhhhhh I can’t evennnn

Does she know she’s contagious  [No, I don't think so]  Ok good  [Again, my memory is spotty on 1 episodes (except 17), but I don't think so]  I didn’t want to not feel bad for her dying, for OCs sake ☠️  [Yup]

[The dude's neck brace ☠️]  I know ☠️☠️☠️ Ma’am has some ridiculous feet strength  [Neck brace dude got taken out AGAIN]

🥺🥺🥺🥺

[I'm sorry but I love Max's hair.  Should not be the focus of the scene, I know.  But it's just.  So fetching.  With that Hazmat suit]  Seeee?  SEEEE???

NOOOOO.  IM DONE.  DEAD.  [Next episode’s worse]  I CAN'T 😭😭😭😭😭

Yusssss get ‘em!  [Serves the dude right for being an asshole to the guy who tried to get him to put on the suit]

[Oh shit I forgot that line and damn but it's a good one 😭]  IT ISSSS!!!!  [That scene was very Doctor Who hospital ep, if you remember that one.  With Cassandra and the plague carriers?]  YESSSS

IS SHE THINKING ABOUT LOGAN OR FUCKING ZACH??? BLECH  [asdfkljasdlfkjaldskfj I hate you for mentioning him]

Ye you do get over your first love ☠️

[RESPECT HIS BOUNDARIES MY WOMAN!  Also, she just said Man of Letters]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[I could never.  I might die]  Ma’am you did.  [Shut up.  You still haven't read my poetry, actually.  And also, I haven't showed poetry about someone to that person]

BITCH READ IT OUT LOUD!  WE’RE TRYING TO KNOW

[Bitch]  wot.  Wot.  WOT?!  [You just read his intimate poetry.  And just.  Leave?]  WHAT!?!?

Ma’am.  Shut up with the circlessssss.  And explain THE nonsensical HOOPLAH I JUST WITNESSED.  I-  I JUST- WHAT?!

– – –

Jezebel: I… nope I ain’t got nothing else on that! But backpedaling to OC! She didn’t deserve that ooooh my goddddd.  Shit Diamond didn’t deserve that!  Sector guy TOTALLY deserved that!  And… I really don’t know what else to say this episode was very clean cut ☠️☠️

Wench: True!

Jezebel: The real question is tho… Are we prepared for this next episode?

Wench: I am… I've seen it six times :)

Jezebel: You would, angst queen

#dark angel #dark angel reactions #reactions #episode reactions #s01e16 #shorties in love #max guevara #logan cale #original cindy #sketchy #herbal thought #jezebel (pr)

[whatladybird]

riddle, e.s.

#deancas poetry #destiel poetry #my poetry #FOUR MINUTES TO SPARE HAPPY SIX MONTHS #this isn’t really a poem but ahhhhhh #it’s all I could muster for today

[monarchxx]

Dating Kurt Cobain Would Include...

ahhhhhh 

im excited for this

ok so you and kurt meeting because of your similarities in taste of music

like you guys were out at a little bar watching a band performing

It really wasn’t a band a lot of people knew 

so there was hardly anyone there

kurt saw you and find it kind of odd that as someone as beautiful as you was at one these gross worn down bar watching a shitty band perform

he talked himself up before walking over to come talk to you

even though he was still insanely shy 

you find him adorable 

at some point he tells you about his band 

and invites you to come watch them perform

ok so dating

i dont really see him as a guy who really likes “dates”

so getting fast food, cuddling with tons of blankets, and watching your favorite movies is as close as it may get

maam this man is always writing songs about you

over literally everything you do too

like you do the laundry 

kurt is suddenly singing about you doing the laundry 

you’re watching tv

yeah, hes singing about you watching tv

SUPPORT?

YES HI HELLO

MORE THAN ANYTHING 

kurt is your literal hype man 

and you are 1000% his #1 fan

you both support each others every decision even if its not the right one 

its really because no matter what choice you make you guys are gonna go through it together 

kurt can get into these moods where he just gets really cranky 

he has always tried not to be that way with you

and frankly when he knows he’s in those moods he comes to you 

he doesnt know why or how but theres something about you that takes that anger and frustration away 

he doesnt really question it though and just assumes its love

kurt has stomach issues

im gonna assume you know???

you spend those nights comforting him as much as you can

getting him anything he want/needed

playing with his hair, rubbing/drawing on his back, really trying to keep him relaxed until he falls asleep

him comforting you?

he’ll sing to you, hold you in his arms, tell you sweet words, etc..

you are the only person kurt will ever ask opinions on for lyrics

seriously.

listen you both have similar taste in music 

you are his literal muse for everything 

and he finds you artistic and creative 

so he’s gonna ask you at some point

affection man

he has his moments when pda is acceptable 

not all the time

but if he sees you and you look really cute or pretty 

he just has to hug you or hold onto you

other then that I think i think he would hold your hand

but behind closed doors

man is a leech 

loves cuddling

loves being the small spoon

likes being the big spoon

back hugs 

would grab onto you 

and will not let go

so good luck with that

his drug problem

you didn’t wanna push him away or piss him off by telling him to stop

but you didn’t want him thinking you didn’t care 

so you explained that to him and he tried to be understanding 

everyone else around him kept telling him to get sober and you didn’t want to be just like them 

kurt tried to go to rehab 

but when he got out he just went back to what he was doing

kurt feels like you are one of the only people he can trust

because when it comes to your relationship

you dont judge him and he doesnt judge you

his love for you only kept getting stronger as the years went on

because even at his worst you didn’t leave him

at times he can feel like he isn’t good enough for you

so you always try your best to compliment him and remind him how lucky you are to have him in his life

kurt was constantly writing you letters

when he was on tour or when he was in the same room as you

not even just letters but poems too

kurt ended up writing you a letter which was just full of everything he loved about you

how beautiful you are, how sweet and kind you are, he loves your patience

it was just pages of him talking about every little detail of who you are and how you look and why he loves that about you

at the end it talks about how those are the reason why he knows you are the one for him 

then it pops the question “Will you marry me?”

#kurt cobain #kurt cobain x reader #nirvana #nirvana imagine #kurt cobain imagine #grunge imagine #grunge x reader #kurt kobain fanfic

[lonelyheartsmotel]

I picked up time is a mother from a library today!!! Told myself I'd savour it and read a poem or two a day, but ended up devouring it in one sitting. I really loved it - especially reasons for staying, amazon history of a former nail salon worker, and dear t. From Dear T, this line just made me AURGH: "a flick of my wrist and a house rises from the snow" << thought that that was such a raw way to describe the act of writing

AHHHHHH it’s brilliant isn’t it😭😭😭 i’m still only on reasons for staying bc i’m taking a lot of notes and rereading as i go along for research reasons but i had to stop at amazon history because i was crying so hard AHAHDJCJDNFJFKF i’m so happy u got to read and enjoy it so thoroughly!! have you read his first full-length collection yet?

[nutty1005]

Moving Moments: Xiao Zhan’s Journey of Feeling “High”

Original Article:https://www.weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404484534132408449#_0 Original Author: 花非花2218

A friend of mine told me something that touched me deeply. “The glorious moments he shared with us cannot be repaid simply with just silence.”

Listening to music and watching dramas – these are highly personal activities. These are like being in love – no matter how good the other party is, what is important is that there is chemistry between the two of you. There are countless good music and great musicians, but among them, only that voice stirred something within your heart. That special star in the whole universe.

That friend of mine told me that the songs chosen in “Our Song” are mostly mainstream pop songs, and those are not really her cup of tea, but she ended up watching it and loving it because of Xiao Zhan. This is exactly the same as me. Our tastes are actually more suited on other genres. Hence, this is why I must confess that I did not watch this show for the musicality, but more to support him. However, his performances touched me again and again.

I was already pleasantly surprised in his first appearance on the show for “Follow Your Feelings”, but I already said so in the previous article, hence I won’t repeat myself.

Night at the Naval Harbor《军港之夜》

This is my favorite. I felt this way when I first watched this episode, and I still feel the same way after watching the entire series.

I love how serene he was in this song. The way he sang it, not only required technicality, it also tested his ability as a singer to inject emotions into his singing, because the song needed to be sung simple and clean. I immediately remembered how a chef friend once told me that the best ingredients should be prepared as plainly as possible, such as poaching or steaming.

On his first note, the sound was young and pure, and it easily erased 40 years of age off the song (TN: The song was released in 1980). Later on when I reviewed the song again, I realized the first few verses sounded like it came with its own music box – the voice quiet yet rich. The harmony between him and Na Ying was almost perfect. From 3:20 until the soft humming at the end of the song, I was so immersed – I really felt like it was a lullaby and I was lost in it.

XZ Studio once used a good description in one of their posts – 洵美且好 handsome and gentle. (TN: This part is hard to translate, it came from an ancient Chinese poem《国风·郑风·叔于田》in praise of a young hunter.) I felt that this was especially apt in describing this performance.

After the song ended, I already felt that Team Na Zhan would win before the scores came out – clean and touching, and yet creative with the addition of Bossa nova into the music arrangement.  To me, a song that touches you is always more attractive than a song that only showcases technical prowess.

Faded《FADED》 

I had adrenaline high listening to “Faded”. Firstly, I enjoyed Xiao Zhan’s pronunciation. I am almost obsessively critical about this, almost like how critical I am when non-Chinese works are translated to Chinese. Of course, this is probably irrational, so in conclusion, this suited my palette. Secondly, as I watched the performance, I thought that this child has the potential to become a superstar.

Xiao Zhan has something special about him which is hard to find the right word in Chinese. Charm 魅力 is close enough, but it is insufficient. The word that I felt would be most apt would be charisma. Oxford dictionary as it defined as “the powerful personal quality that some people have, to attract and impress other people”. I felt that this quality is like an aura, or a type of aura, that you will know if the person has it the moment he stands on stage.

I once read an article about a supermodel manager describing how he scouted for models – he said that the difference between models and supermodels comes from the X factor. Some girls may not be especially pretty, or especially proportionate, but if you can feel that X factor from her, you know that she has the potential to become a supermodel. This sounded quite supernatural, but I understood the meaning of his words. A superstar definitely would have this quality – half of this is probably inborn, the other half achieved via hard work. I felt this instantly the first time I listened to “Faded”.

Perfect Life《完美生活》

On my first view, I could see that he was visibly nervous, since it was his first attempt on rock. In addition, the original version by Xu Wei was already embedded in my heart, so I kept feeling like there was something wrong. However, after listening to it a few times, this song actually became one of my favorites. Sure enough, my ear worms were more honest then my brain.

The unique charm about this song was the raw beast-like power that Xiao Zhan released in his singing. During rehearsals, Na Ying said “This song isn’t nice if you don’t sing out loud.”, and he decisively gave up on his forte, the high notes transitions between head voice and falsetto, and went for it with his head voice. I was surprised when I heard it.

Xu Wei sang his original version like it was a poetic short story, a road movie – the delivery was gentle and the emotions were smooth flowing. This is why the host, Lin Hai, said it was a subversion of the song when Xiao Zhan and Na Ying ended their performance. The emotions kept rising and falling – In the first verse, Xiao Zhan sang the high notes, and after Na Ying sang hers, he lowered his key down to his low range. This reminded me of something he had used to describe himself “up high there is radiance, down low there is submerged reefs”. In addition, I loved how Na Ying sang this song, and when they were in harmony, their contrast – one gentle the other rugged; one high the other low, was simply too enchanting.

Both of them said that they selected this song because they loved the lyrics. As expected, they “released themselves again, that brilliant emotions in their hearts”!

Annoying Autumn Breeze (Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!)《恼人的秋风》

Ahhhhhh! As the series progressed to this episode, Xiao Zhan is already comfortable in his performance onstage. I have watched this countless times, and every time I do, I am always filled with endless joy. For as quiet as “Night at the Naval Harbor” is, this song is just as lively. The melody, the stage and the delivery were 100% of the 1980s, and instantly brought me back to my schooling days.

What was surprising was that his performance was totally different from how he was like during rehearsals. His sexiness seemed to be only reserved for the stage – in the behind the scenes specials, you could see he was just a cute boy-next-door. This was the same case as “Magical”《神奇》, his rehearsals and the actual performance were like two different performances.

This performance is basically “sweep me up, easily, accept me as your fan”. Na Ying once said before “he was more lively and crazy during rehearsals, just that feeling, dancing, and his body language, blended perfectly with his music”; “you would be really great if you held your own concert”. I totally believed these points.

Feel free to tell me your moving moments.

#xiao zhan #sean xiao #xiaozhan #肖战

[thequintessentialqueer]

ahhhhhh I had such a good first day of my poetry workshop! there are only 7 students, and only 4 of us are specializing in poetry, so it's ridiculously intimate. we were asked to each bring in 8 copies of a poem to analyse together, and I had such a good time reading and discussing the poems! I feel like the possibilities of what poetry can be have expanded so much and I kept thinking of things I wanted to write and it was just so cool! I brought a Mahmoud Darwish poem ("Earth Presses Against Us") and while not everyone in the class had a super nuanced understanding of Palestine's struggle for liberation everyone was really receptive to the piece. I can't wait to start workshopping our own poems, and to read all the books on the syllabus, and to meet all the poets who will come in to lecture!!! I feel like......I feel like poetry was being crushed and obliterated at my slam poetry job. like there was so little stylistic freedom and so much emphasis on being appealing, and so little opportunity to say anything original.......I was completely losing my voice and feeling so shit about my work but now I feel so free. there are just so many ways to Say something with poetry and with this course I don't have to put being understood over what I actually want to say or do. like the class will actually put the work in to understand shit complexly! the one thing I'll say is that I feel really poorly read compared to my classmates, but that's a good thing: it means I have motivation to learn more!

and like i don't know how they'll react to my work but I do know that they'll actually put work into reading it and that makes me feel like their critiques will actually be valuable. I've spent a year being told to cut words because "normal people won't understand that" and "isn't it a bit early to be alienating your audience" and basically I've just been.......writing poetry with and for people who don't fucking like poetry.....who just like winning and getting paid and for the most part make no effort to engage with the discipline beyond things they can personally relate to. like we all know how I feel about eurocentric curriculum, but they literally dismiss every part of the canon as "shit written by dead white guys like Shakespeare" and I'm like.......but Shakespeare is actually good and even if you don't personally like a poet in the canon you still stand to learn a lot from reading and responding to them (like I have very polarized feelings about coleridge's work but I still wrote an entire poem in response to "christabel" lmao). but anyway, I can tell that this course isn't gonna be like that and I feel........I feel like I'm breathing properly for the first time in recent memory. I'm finally writing again. for the last year I've had the worst "writers block" ever by which I mean that every time I would try to write and all I could think about was how my poem would be received in slam and how my team would critique it and then I wouldn't be able to write anything. but I can experiment here. I can do something strange and understated and fragmented. I can play with form. I can be subtle. I can say things that aren't just agreeable political statements about being racialized or queer or a woman. I can write about small things and take on personas that aren't me. oh I'm so excited!!!

#sounds like a personal problem #long post / #grad hell

[theinvisiblespoon]

WHAT HAPPENED?!!1!?

If you’d like to see the full event: https://discord.gg/XwWVKWb Everything is open, but you can only talk in the voice and general chat.

Over the weekend (starting about Friday) I made a discord server. This was my first one. I had only made my (first) account a couple of days previous– but I had an idea.

The server was called “Everything is Fine”. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know this is a phrase you should be highly suspicious of.

While I was setting up, I introduced two new characters: Adam Nesling and Ector Elm. I chose their last names for a very specific reason.

Then, the big day came!!! You all were invited. About 20 people came. (AHHHH????) Every guest was given a nickname. The people who participated are as follows:

The Traveler @splatoon-jim wasn’t there, but she helped me figure out how to Discord and for that many thanks 

The Photographer: @pain-in-my-aesthetic (Edit: I’M SORRY I HAD YOU HERE I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED)

The Librarian The Singer The Stupid Siren @mltcp

The Veteran @ironwoman359

The Enchanter @flower-non

The Musician @littleteenblog

The Warrior @readeatfightlove13

The Adventurer @the-editor-is-bored

The Detective @princessbelix

The Exorcist @the-real-bubblegum-bitch

The Insane @sam-moss

The Healer @nikkyshows

The Magician @the-asexual-reaper

The Hunter @virgil-loves-princey

The Poet @poem-jim

The Soldier @forgottenbehindtheinternet

and of course…

The Helpless @theinvisiblespoon

The Host played by @theinvisiblespoon (but technically a separate entity.)

For almost the entire time, everyone playing was in voice chat. I’ll try to relay what I remember. I’ll also star (*) my favorite moments.

*Warrior, Spy, and Host are the first ones in the chat. Spy does not appreciate the Host’s bullshit.

Multiple people start to join, and everyone is conversing and bitching about the Host.

People notice that the Host is in the Beware role and the Helpless is in the Safe…¿ role. They also begin to piece together the available information. Everyone discusses code.

FINE is an acronym for F-ellow I-tzel N-esling E-lm.

*People suspect the Observer.

People are confused by their given nicknames.

Cool people that I never expected to join actually jOIN and I’m trying not to freak out because I’m playing a part.

*What I really loved about this whole thing is that it brought a bunch of people together in hating a common enemy. Everyone had a good time, and everyone was closer because of it.

*Veteran, Musician, Spy, Enchanter, Warrior, and Librarian all appreciate me ahhhhhh

The Host says that this will be a game of wits more then strength.

People vote Veteran to be group leader so nobody chokes to death. Everyone appreciated Veteran for that.

A theory arises that the Host is the Host, a character that Mark plays.

Veteran knows from experience that the Host is a dic not gracious.

People notice that the Host has full control of the environment, and are very anxious.

Voice chat begins.

*The Librarian becomes the Singer (per your requests)

The Helpless speaks!!!! “I have not been me for a long time”

The Singer sings!!! (It was beautiful)

Viz’s Tumblr heading and description changes. (It is still there.)

People notice this list from a day or so before.

*/zoom kitchen

*Anytime the Host types, everybody is like “oH GOD EVERYONE RUN”

Singer gives the Host the idea of Morse code.

…—…

The Helpless communicates for a bit through the Host (and Morse code), but the Host discovers them.

Binary: “Shut up, Detective.” (I may be paraphrasing)

At some point, the Singer becomes the Stupid Siren.

I sing Birds, and soon… We begin.

*The Spy comes back for a bit, and people are suspicious, but let it go.

The Photographer becomes a mod.

Someone: I’ll stab you with a spoon. The Host: only if the spoon is invisible. (This got multiple middle fingers)

Entrance hall: (voice chat is basically WTF VIZ)

Dining room: The Host is a creep. Nobody likes it. The Host is casually impatient.

The Host mentions that you are being led straight to your deaths.

I should mention that people have “roles” in this game. Guests (blue) Not Safe (red) Beware (orange) and Safe…¿ (black). Prior to this, the Host was orange, the Helpless was black, and everyone playing was blue.

*The Veteran speaks out of turn, and her name goes red. (Lots of screaming and panicking in the voice chat)

The Host mentions that you should move as one, or die.

The Host is impatient af

Kitchen: Everyone ransacks the kitchen.

Aleah goes back to the dining room to glare at the Host.

*Everyone in the kitchen begins to choke. (There is so much screaming and panicking lol)

Dining room: Everyone hates the Host with a burning passion.

The Host asks everyone to be quiet, but nobody is. Suddenly, no one is able to type in the chat. (So much fear in the voice chat, everyone.)

The Host is a sassy motherfucker.

Servant 1: There is a riddle! Stupid Siren is a smarty pants and checks if there are laundry machines. Number four has the key.

Servant 2: There were other people here before?!?! gasps in Spanish

*Magician tries to cheat the system, and begins to choke. She stops after she drops the Bobby pin, but half the people ran into the next room so eVERONE IS CHOKING AGAIN (the voice chat was, again, just_ screaming_.)

Storage room: People try to go into the secret trapdoor but tHEN THEY WILL BE STUCK THERE SO I DISTRACT THEM WITH THE HOST

The Host: “The only way to get out of the Not Safe role is to kill someone else.”

Theater: The Host is watching an old movie and is also a cocky asshole

*Magician wants to know if the Host can die. The Host mutes everyone (screaming) except Magician so she has the opportunity. Magician doesn’t take it, though. (Which is nice for me, cause I would probably die. Of course, it knew that.)

Enchanter becomes red. The Host can do what it wants.

Magician is annoying and begins to choke.

The Healer takes the Magician’s pain on to herself.

Hallway 2: The Host is not happy Healer did that. Healer turns red.

Everyone begins fighting amongst themselves, which the Host finds interesting.

Music: A piano tune riddle that coincidentally happens to be the bass line for the opening of WKM. (This wasn’t intentional I swear)

Library: The out of place books are an anagram for “PICK AND CHOOSE”. The meaning of this was not resolved.

*(“There is an open tab on the catalog computer.” “Is it pornhub?”)

Hallway 1: The Host “This will be interesting.” _It eyes Aleah. _Aleah is not too friendly with the upcoming characters.

The unlocked doors are bedroom F and bedroom I. (Fine is an acronym.)

*Everyone in voice chat is like “holy shit are we going to see 0229 and Itzel?!?!”

Bedroom F: 0229 attacks them. They also are in the corner.

0229 doesn’t have a sister. The Host lies.

There is a broken mirror in the bathroom. No one is choking when people are in multiple rooms. The Host is mysteriously absent.

Bedroom I: 0229 and Dr. Itzel are happy to see each other. They hug and cry. Then, they vanish.

Zedekiel I and II neutralized.

Aleah really wants to kill/maim Itzel and 0229.

Everyone is confused. The tumblr heading: “_The first were torn apart.” _

A mirror is broken in the bathroom.

Hallway 3: People are cautious. As they should be.

Bedroom N: Adam is unconscious. He wakes up and immediately aims a gun at everyone.

Everyone’s like “jESUS CHRIST Adam calm tf down”

Metatron neutralized.

Adam leaves and some people take weapons. You should’ve used those.

People figure out they don’t choke when they are in multiple rooms. _The Host lies _is mentioned for that fact.

A mirror is broken in the bathroom.

Hallway 3: People waltz into that hallway.

*Bedroom E: Ector Elm is immediately everyone’s favorite.

He has a lisp.

*Veteran’s burning hand trick does not work on him.

*Ector: “Love ya! The Librarian The Singer The Stupid Siren (everyone bursts out laughing)

They realize this entire game was a test.

On a single page– The Host Lies.

********The door slams shut and locks all of them in. The Spy stands outside the door. (Actual terrified screaming at this point– you guys almost took out my ears)

*Oh yeah, I should probably mention that the Spy was also played by me. If you didn’t figure it out already.

****The Spy’s role changes from Guest to Beware.

I (as the Spy) told everyone repeatedly in the beginning that I was a spy, you idiots.

The door stays closed for days. The group finally leaves the building, and when they do, they wake up in their beds, gasping and panting for air. It wasn’t a dream however. But they are all alive. And isn’t that what really matters?

At this point, I received many middle fingers.

*All of their names turn red. (lots of OH GOD NONONO)

Stupid Siren: “I’m not a rat.” Veteran: “We are to them.” Good point.

Photographer suggests “The Ruined Manor Gang” and everyone agrees.

*PEOPLE GOT INSPIRED BY MY TORTURE FEST WOWOWOW

Thank you so much for being a part of this! Watch your backs, gang…there’s a target on them now.

#summary #masterpost #masterlist #everything is f.i.n.e. #Not Safe #the host oc #the helpless #viz #0229 #dr. vin itzel #adam nesling #ector elm #ruined manor gang

[phansterdam]

i don't wanna sound offensive or bad or anything but like, it's so cool seeing other people discussing different cultural events and talking about them also what is sinterklass im a dumb american ahhhhhh im sorry

no it’s okay! dutch culture isn’t something that a lot of ppl know about (mostly bc we don’t have a lot of culture lmaooo) and in the past almost nobody has known anything abt the netherlands so i totally get it

sinterklaas is, basically, like dutch christmas! on the 5th of december we celebrate the birthday of saint nicholas (aka sinterklaas aka santa) with presents and a fuck ton of sweets it’s Good tbh

also much like with santa claus, we lie to children telling them that sinterklaas and his helpers, the zwarte pieten (literally translated black pete and yes it is in fact racist*) are Real and that the sint rides his horse over all the rooftops in the netherlands to give all the children presents!!! and he comes from spain in a huge ass boat filled w all the presents and if ur naughty u get taken to spain. also there’s a show called the sinterklaasjournaal (aka sinterklaas news) which tells all the children what problems the sint and the pieten are encountering this year which is always golden entertainment tbh

and then when you get older and your parents/classmates tell you that sinterklaas is fictional, you learn that it’s really all about the sweets. also now that you Know the secret you have to give presents too and write cheesy poems and sometimes even make a surprise (which is like/???? a present hidden in a thing that u crafted that looks like smth the person ur giving it to likes so like a paper maché football w stuff inside it’s rly cool) and you too get to lie to children!

all in all it’s a rly good holiday except for the racism thing but it’s gettin better now so all is v v good

#there is so much more abt sinterklaas it is truly a wild holiday #anon #ask

[ittakesrain]

I can’t figure out my moods/ emotions/ anything involving self-awareness...or can I?  Seriously, someone tell me which.

I discovered the word “alexithymia” like, ten years ago with my friend Meg at the Barnes and Noble between our houses.

For the longest time, she was the only person I knew in the real world (not from treatment) who struggled with mental illness like I did.  We connected immediately, skipping most of the normal pleasantries required of new friendships and got right into the deeper, and usually darker, stuff.  We talked for hours about the ins and outs of anorexia and bulimia, the nitty-gritty of what went on in our eating disordered lives. We talked about how, as a result of crashing into the brick wall of mental illnesses so intensely we were completely flattened by it, we nearly had our lives stolen from us.  We talked about what we survived. What we were still surviving.

Anyway, I digress.  In the middle of what was a time of great self-discovery, exploration, and reflection, we came across the word “alexithymia.”  I don’t know what we were looking up to stumble upon it, or what we were even talking about specifically. But we were sitting in the bookstore (our favorite meeting spot and general happy place) when we tried the word out in our mouths and tested the meaning in our minds, and we had to stop and think about it.

It’s apparently the inability to identify and articulate your emotions to other people.  It’s like an actual thing, and neither of us actually have it, but after getting together nearly every day for an entire summer discuss our struggles as philosophically and knowledgeably as teenagers could, I guess we’d somehow been halted.

Again, we shouldn’t really be described as really having it, but I’m trying to make a point and citing this memory is the best entrance into it I could come up with.  So yeah, let’s get to my point.

Meg and I both felt suuuuuper self-aware.  We figured out why we did what we did and had lengthy conversations dissecting our actions.  We were honest with ourselves and each other. The typically elusive reasons for engaging in eating disordered behaviors suddenly seemed so obvious to us.  Looking back, we were a little conceited in our thinking that if a person had no insight into what they were doing, they’d better get their shit together and quick.  Like, calm down young Laura and Meg.

That still isn’t my point.  But this next sentence is, I promise you.

Even though we “had awareness of our character, feelings, motives, and desires,” we were also still fucking clueless.  I guess it’s one of those things where there’s always more to learn?

I don’t know, but the reason I’m thinking about that one random situation so intensely right now is that I’ve been sucking at talking about my actual feelings lately.  I’ve always felt like I was so great at getting myself.  But do I actually get myself?

Spoiler: I don’t.

I dunnooooo, maybe I used to be good at it but stopped being good at it for some reason.  If I was self-aware I’d probably know the reason. But I’m not. I don’t think? Fuck, this is confusing.

(Sidenote, I legit just googles “self-awareness test” and tried to complete it and it only proved to me that I have some emotional and mental sorting out to do)

I was diagnosed bipolar around the time Meg and I spent that summer in that bookstore.  And ten years later, I’m literally sitting right here in that same store typing a long-winded analysis of what I thought I was so good at when I was 18.

The problem I’m facing right now is that I’ve been all over the place with my moods for so damn long and I think I’m just sick of trying to figure them out.  It requires a lot of effort. I mean, I know when I’m crippled with depression. And I know when I’m irritable and agitated and violent, when I’m in a Hulk-like bipolar rage.  I know when I’m flying high, riding on the adrenaline from too much energy in too small a space. I have apps on my phone that track the mood fluctuations, my symptoms, when I take my meds, and the like.  I journal pretty obsessively. I do it all and I thought it was enough.

Maybe I’m confused about what I’m confused about.  ‘Cause my therapist always asks for me to describe how I feel and I can’t do it.  And I just had a psychiatrist appointment where I babbled for 20 minutes without saying anything productive or useful.  Can I just not describe this shit under the pressure of someone watching me? I’m tryinggggg. A while back I made a list of emotion words for me to use when I need to come up with a word for what I’m feeling.  I haven’t really referenced the list. But still. I have a scale I made up, a 0-10 rating scale that I use to conceptualize how I’m feeling. The problem with that is that my moods change over the course of the day.  Oh, and a while ago I realized that what I feel as mood fluctuations might really be my anxiety going up and down. And all of that could be situational. And maybe it’s just a normal thing that normal people feel on a normal bunch of days.  Not everyone is happy all the time. Ahhhhhh. And maybe what I’m feeling now is just NOT MANIC and NOT DEPRESSED and I’m not fuckin’ used to it.

I was so fricken excited about June and July.  I kept telling everyone how great it was to have nearly two months of stability.  It wasn’t too great. Meaning it wasn’t painfully great, precariously great. It was just stable.

Or was I actually manic?  Because there’s a marked difference between what I feel now and what I was feeling then.

It’s a constant struggle to determine what the truth of the situation is.  I wrote in a poem the other day that I can’t tell the difference between what’s reality and what’s “overdramatic, over-imagined hyperbole.”  Good line, if I do say so myself. But seriously.

I have nothing to measure my life against.  I’ve only ever existed the way I exist. I have nothing to compare it to as a test.  I have no control group in this scientific experiment. All I have is my bewildering take on things.

Alright, this is one of those posts that don’t necessarily help me solve the problem.  It’s probably a start, though. To be thinking in this way and at least trying.  I’m gonna keep journaling, keep doing what I tried to do here.  And I’m gonna make those journal entries more than what they normally are (to-do lists and random shit I did that day).  Gotta get back to that self-aware life.

Wish me luck.

#help #self awareness #moods #emotions #bipolar #bipolar disorder #depression #depressed #anxiety #mental illness #mental health #figuring it out #ugh #writing #journal

[littleangelicboy]

31,35,37?

▪31: Describe a time you felt like a hero▪ -I honestly never feel like a hero tbh -well... the one that time that comes to mind is when Juan called me his hero and said I was really strong -ahhh I still remember that when I'm sad and I love Juan so much -I hope his dumb ass knows that ▪35: What are you proudest of?▪ -MY POETRY!!!! -it's probably bc of that Creative Writing class I took for half of a school year -honestly that class built up my confidence so much -it's just... it's amazing to start out as a shy kinda nerdy 14 year old who knows they're good at words sometimes -and go to this class and share one not so great poem about your crush and for that to blossom to many poems that you're proud of -and to hear your teacher say that you're really good and he's never known someone so young know themself so well -side note: I have bpd and a big part of that is not knowing your identity so that was a big compliment lol -and the whole class wanting to hear your work and clapping for you and being happy for you And AHHHHHH -that class was such a great experience I loved it ▪37: What's your relationship with religion like?▪-okay before I start, I just want to say if you're someone who really truly believes in a higher power and doesn't like people saying there isn't or anything to that nature, don't read this. I know I have Jewish, Muslim, Christian, etc followers and I don't want to hurt anyone. -BUT THAT ASIDE PLS LISTEN TO MY DUMB RAMBLING FROM BIOLOGY!!!! -okay okay so I'm pretty sure I'm atheist I don't make sure everyone knows or anything but I don't really believe in that stuff I guess -idk it's probably bc of trauma and being raised in a tight knit Catholic community and having it literally forced on the children -bUT -THAT ASIDE -idk this is gonna sound dumb from a 15 year old and I'm nervous about saying it now -but I think humans just really need something to look up to when they have no hope or such -since the beginning of time people have created these gods and beings they believe in and left offerings for -so that their crops will be good or they could live anymore day and they needed that extra push to help them keep going -which on a whole different topic is why Christians being mad at Islam/Judaism is so dumb lol -all three worship the same one God and all have slight differences-correct me if I'm wrong (as I'm not Muslim myself) but one of the main differences in Islam is that Jesus was a prophet like the others and just wasn't a decedent of God -so I don't understand why Christians are like this??? -BUT ANYWAYS IGNORING THAT -I don't have a good relationship with religion and mainly think that sometimes people can make these things up to keep them going-now I'm not saying God is definitely not real, bc he may very well be, but that's my thoughts -I mean... it is also convenient how the world is in general -like how humans can match up with the opposite sex in just the right way sometimes that they make a new totally unique human being that will never be made again ever like???? That's amazing -okay I need to stop talking but -I REALLY LOVE BIOLOGY AND SCIENCE!!!!!

#Rough draft answers #mysterious faces #I usually have a lot more to say but I'm tired af rn sorry #thank you tho this ask made me happy!!!