#through my own stupidity

[thetruemek]

i took 1 ibuprofen at 4pm without water like the barbarian I am and I can still (10pm) feel the errors of my ways deep within my esophagus pls end me

#mek garbles #the pain i feel #through my own stupidity #auuughhj #pissing and crying and throwing up #i want to be choked but this is not the way #ibuprofen

[arthursfuckinghat]

"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."

"It ain't that complicated!"

How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.

#he makes me feel so emo #this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced #the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me #like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago #not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it #the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts #it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval #hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly #arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart #the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it #his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind #and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived #and hosea notices he knows this #but they still jab at arthur #oh it hurts #is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse? #playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #mick rants #mick gifs #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #liveblogging #you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty #and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort #he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole #he doesn't want that touch he craves #it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us

[robo-dino-puppies]

you and Mr. Fell don't ever talk to each other-

-you never say what you're really thinking.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #this parallel has been eating me up #i've never made gifs before but i tried my best :') #i'm sure someone else has already done it better and prettier but i wanted to make my own #you cannot comprehend the physical and mental anguish... #...learning how to make gifs has put me through #like i've tried several times in the past and i've always given up #but nooooooooo this show #*this show* inspires me to put myself through a clothes wringer to learn #also go to jail michael sheen i hate your stupid face (affectionate) #go s2 #go s2 spoilers #i made this

[cobaltfluff]

so i started playing persona 4

where are the QoL features

#persona series #art tag #ACK I FORGOR TO COLOUR THE BITS BEHIND HAIR nvm #i have no idea how to tag this!! #i fear what original p3 might have been like #i feel like a fake gamer man #like how did you guys do that #i feel like i would have given up if it was the first one i played #i am too stupid!! #im glad i have played through 5 and 3re #i am somewhat used to the flow of the game and the ability names #otherwise i would be STRUGGLING for my LIFE i tell you #like to be fair i dont think it's a huge world #BUT LIKE PLEASE IM LOST IN MY OWN HOUSE #also these protags are basically my OCs at this point #i borrow their canon personalities #and reshape them into something i like more hehehehe #edit: im crying im getting lowkey flamed on tweeter dot com #i just meant it as in joker spent a lot of time in tokyo!! one year changes a man!! #I KNOW inaba is small!! but QoL additions are always good!! #i get the appeal!! that you use your brain!! #you spend enough time to know the place!! but it's called QoL features not NECESSARY features!! #im cryin the boys ate just bantering #you can even read it as yu being like LOL you're a city boy now huh?? hahaha #now i really am fighting for my life and mental

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[ahxiang]

with the focus on the revolving door again in ep 16, i just want to say a little smth abt the door as an autistic person myself.

i know some ppl are frustrated with wyw's difficulty in using the door, saying it infantilizes her and that "she's a 27 year old lawyer, she's seen a revolving door before, she knows how they work." but the thing is, it's not abt her being familiar with revolving doors at all. at least not in the way you think. it's not "oh look at this lady, she doesn't understand this door bc she's autistic." it's a sensory issue.

autism affects our senses and the way we process them. what many allistics don’t understand about autism is that we’re not just overly sensitive to sounds and bright lights. we can be underly (is that a word??) sensitive to stimulus as well and have a hard time controlling our senses. this includes all seven senses. that right, seven. there’s the five you know, but also two you probably don’t: the vestibular sense and proprioception. these two have to do with body awareness, balance, and spatial orientation. that’s why many of us walk “weirdly” (if i ever catch you saying someone walks weirdly i am coming into your house and punching you in the face) or are clumsy. we have issues with our bodies in relation to the world around us and often have a hard time balancing. i walk into walls all the time and miscalculate and walk into doorways instead of through them. 

so it’s not that wyw doesn’t understand the social concept of a revolving door, but that they’re difficult to navigate through due to her vestibular and proprioceptive sensory issues. i myself have a hard time with revolving doors! so pls no more “this makes her look dumb” or “this is so unrealistic”. if wyw is bad representation and is stupid for having problems with a revolving door, then i’m an unrealistically stupid autistic that walks into walls.

#extraordinary attorney woo #eaw #sorry for the mini essay everything i write turns into a paper absjs also the bolding is so that it's easier to read for neurodivergents <3 #also i'm not gonna lie at first my internalized ableism took over and i was hard on wyw thinking she was making us look bad and stupid #and then i realized that *i* literally struggle with revolving doors and would have to get my dad to help me get through when i was younger #this show has honestly challenged my own internalized ableism and concept of what is and isn't acceptable autism symptoms to show #and y'know what? fuck the idea that there's a point where you're too visibly autistic! this show has made me love myself so much more #and has helped me through issues i didn't even realize i had! i didn't realize how much ableism i had internalized and held onto #it wasn't until i saw wyw do things that i had hated or berated myself for that i realized i was being too hard on myself #if i loved wyw then i had to love myself too! and on top of that seeing jun ho love her for who she was made me love myself all the more #i just really love this show flaws and all #tea talks #eaw autism science #1k

[lightningidle]

Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...

You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.

And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?

(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)

Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?

You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.

You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.

#Dimension 20 #fig faeth #fhjy #Idle Chatter #my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art #because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make #the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art #which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!! #so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist #anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way #ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH #BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU #it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem #you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life #if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates #SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters

[twistedappletree]

Arranged marriage zhuiling AU where instead of being arranged to marry each other, Jiang Cheng keeps trying to set Jin Ling up with random girls from other clans after Jin Ling mentions he’s interested in marrying ‘someone’ because he doesn’t know Jin Ling meant Lan Sizhui, so Jin Ling keeps doing the most ridiculously annoying and unappealing things to scare off every girl who comes to Koi Tower and Jiang Cheng is ripping his hair out because you little brat, you said you wanted to get married???

Eventually, both of them are so exhausted from the miscommunication that Jiang Cheng investigates and finally finds out what’s wrong, then tells Jin Ling he has one more potential spouse for him to meet. Jin Ling is a pouting lackluster mess over it until his entire world stops when the doors to Koi Tower open and Lan Sizhui walks through.

#zhuiling #lingzhui #fic ideas #will probably actually write this soon ngl ahahaHAHAHA #poor JC not know wtf is going on #i feel like it’s more IC of him to actually think he’s helping instead of trying to force JL to marry anyone #bc he does love him and wants him to be happy #but both of them are so shit at communicating and JL is never gonna admit he likes LSZ to his uncle #so JC has to do his own digging to find out 😭 #zhuiling musings #ok but what if JC finds out JL and LSZ love each other through Jingyi #lmfAOOOOO #Jingyi’s just like ‘your stupid moody niece is in love with my best friend you dumb purple slut’ #ffffuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUCCCCKKKK AHAHAHAHA #apple babble 🍎 #mdzs au #arranged marriage au #married aspec ZhuiLing would be so cute tho I think about it a lotttttt 😭✨🌸

[itspileofgoodthings]

I think it’s such a lovely thought that the stuff you’re going through now is preparing you for the things you want.

#I know I’m sorry this is so insta inspirational post of me #but I love it #just the thought that our hearts are sure enough to know what we want and reach for it #but too stupid to understand what we need to actually be able to receive it #so God prepares us gently through the here and now #however ugly and painful! #Anyway I often feel that I don’t even know what I want and that is its own anguish #but this is still a comforting thought to me #I love when things are true just not how we think and this is kind of the heart of that #you GET the thing you want. it is also a surprise and gives you more than you thought it would #in hard ways and in good ways #I am just reflecting #I told my counselor yesterday that I did overthink everything but also I had a lot of beautiful thoughts in the overthinking #and she laughed and was like ‘yeah I can see that’

[tragicotps]

Marisa Coulter + showing her true feelings through her daemon

#marisa coulter #lyra belacqua #asriel belacqua #masriel #lyra x marisa #his dark materials #hdm edit #just working through my endless list of gif ideas #i just pretty much broke my own heart with this but itS FINE #THE LITTLE SMILE #THE FACT THAT LYRA REACHED OUT JUST TO SEE THE MONKEY DISAPPEAR #also Epic masriel Interaction #makes me wonder about why we didn't see the daemons in ANY masriel interaction in S3 #thanks writers for not giving me any of that #even if you didnt want them to kiss (stuPid but okAY) the daemons couldve said so much instead #*sigh* #probably too much cgi #they ran out of money making will's cat #mine

[dayurno]

so kevin was the one who bought jean the magnets and postcards. as souvenirs.

i fear we, the kevjean nation, may not survive this.

kevin used to write him messages and memories and they ruined it

#tsc spoilers #i dont wanna be repetitive so i wont be rehashing this out too much #but i thought the kevin in tsc was very different in a good way but in a startling way too #hes clearly a pillar of stability for jean which is weird enough of a mouthful on its own #considering its Kevin and he is famously Unstable #i thought his immediate switch after the ichirou news was so interesting? #he was panicking just as badly as jean was but as soon as neil left them alone he strongheld jean through it #the k/j dynamic is very much what i already thought it was and it did not disappoint #anything for this stupid man…. #jean keeping his promise to the end whether he liked it or not #kevin really is the first ethically manipulative girlfriend 😭😭😭😭 #these werent crumbs at all these were full meals w space for seconds #jean being in love with him was almost like. secondary #if you can believe it #but uuuh yeah im happy that i dont have to change much of how i write any of them #except maybe jeremy which is its own can of worms #oh my acolytes… how i wanted to like him #how i did not #asks #kevjean

[iclimbtreestofeelalive]

okay i'm gonna say something and you all have to give me a chance. ready?

we need to stop making fun of poor american southerners who distrust the government. it's real easy to call them all conspiracy theorists and dismiss them, but half the time, its built off of a genuine feeling of being abandoned by the infrastructure meant to keep them safe.

in appalachia, a lot of people lost their homes because of coal mining operations. a lot of people worked in those mines, and then when the mines stopped being profitable, they got tossed out with the bathwater. a lot of appalachia is poor, malnourished, and i don't blame them for not trusting rich politicians who dismiss them as stupid and lower class.

if yall actually listened to half the things poor southerners say, you'd realize that a Lot of common leftist complaints are virtually identical to the rural grandma who doesn't hold with electronic money and politicians. it stems from a genuine feeling of abandonment and ostracization by the people who run the country. functionally, someone living paycheck to paycheck in the city in a tiny apartment has infinitely more in common with someone from rural appalachia than a politician. high rent, high taxes, food insecurity, feeling lied to by those in power, a general sense of frustration. it just sounds fancier coming from a city mouth than one with shitty teeth and a southern accent.

tl;dr stop dismissing southern people as stupid. they're absolutely right not to wholeheartedly trust politicians, because they've been fucked over by them time and time again, and honestly, id rather talk to a southern person who openly distrusts their representatives than someone from the city who wholeheartedly believes that Frederick Jamestown OldMoney III genuinely cares what people think and can be convinced to change his ways.

#appalachia #gettin real tired of this #hot take: southerners were right when they said never trust a politician theyre the devil #its easy to laugh but jesus christ are they wrong?? #those in power rarely came to power through just means #there i rephrased it fancy will you listen now #jesus christ #some people genuinely were never taught the fancy words to make people pay attention so you have to pay attention anyway #please note that i didnt mention race because thats an intersection im not qualified to talk about and would very much like to hear about #but jesus christ. have you all considered that maybe. just maybe #southerners arent stupid. trump was fucked up and awful and a piece of shit #he won because he at least Appeared to be sympathetic #leftists so so rarely try to actually understand poor people they dont like and its gonna be what fucks this country over #edit: hey terfs reblogging this 👋 #fuck right off unless youre prepared to include trans people in this statement #poor trans southerners exist!! i know an awful lot of them!! #im trans and southern and if you touch my post you acknowledge that trans people are breathing thinking people #with our own rational thoughts and opinions and live complex lives and face similar issues

[feroluce]

When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.

Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.

He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.

They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.

Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.

Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.

Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.

It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.

It's an ear.

It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-

Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.

"Hey!"

Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.

"Kaveh, hey!"

The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.

His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.

Quicksand.

Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.

His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-

Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.

"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.

Kaveh is sinking.

Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.

Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.

"Do you believe in karma?"

The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-

Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.

Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.

He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.

He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.

He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.

He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.

Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.

Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.

"Kaveh? What are you doing?"

This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."

Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.

"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.

"Do you believe in karma?"

#genshin impact #haikaveh #al haitham #kaveh #kavehtham #these two have had me chewing concrete lately god #3.6 got me frothing at the mouth #something about al haitham trying to save kaveh from himself and his own guilt complex and self-sabotage wheeee my heart #and he's normally so self-assured but he fucked it up spectacularly the first go around- good job baby- #and now it's years later he's trying again but it's something he's barely chipping away at not to mention Kaveh not wanting his help lol #and so some of Al Haitham's nightmare is objective fact and some of it is his own subjective pov #Kaveh loses his arms and ears bc al haitham is frustrated that he won't hear him out or reach out for help #and he keeps his eyes up and eventually blinds himself bc al haitham thinks of him as too idealistic and blind to reality #and kaveh does all this to himself bc when you ask al haitham about his troubles he talks about people who cause trouble for themselves #kaveh pondering the concept of karma in relation to his bad luck and misery and guilt about his father's death in the quicksand *fans self* #al haitham starting to get just a little nervous that maybe he really he can't do anything about this #or that one day it'll be too little late ough. love when I can whump character by whumping the other. #two for one special buy one get one two birds stoned at once type of deal #i have a Vision about them and their stupid dumbass relationship dynamic that I need to yell about later but for now: this #written while listening to A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers which hilariously was introduced to me as a pla Emmet song #'but here was a man mourning tomorrow; he tried to finally drown in his sorrow' #'oh he could not break surface tension; he looked in the wrong place for redemption' #'don't look at me with those eyes; I tried to unheave the ties; turn back the tide that drew him in' #'but he couldn't be saved' #'a sadness runs through him' #extremely kaveh and haikaveh song for me ough #my fics #gore #body horror #I mean it's pretty unrealistic but still just in case

[y-rhywbeth2]

I've seen a few older players who really don't like Durge, and I expected to be one of them tbh. But their whole "living weapon" thing, the identity crisis of being artificial and having no connections outside of Bhaal, and being a reaction to/foil to Charname grew on me. I was going to play Durge regardless (I wanted to play a bloody Bhaalist before they took the cleric option out, and I certainly wasn't going to complain about playing a Bhaalspawn and being able to explore it differently to Charname's story - but I assumed I was going to have to headcanon in a different backstory). But I love my little edgelord dearly and won't trade him for the world.

I do tone down Durge's "uniqueness" though. From observation, they're not inherently different to other Bhaalspawn in any way that actually matters anyway, simply raised in unique circumstances compared to their siblings (carrying more divine essence and receiving Daddy's full attention and control now that there's nobody left to share these things with).

#I do pointedly ignore *default* Durge though. Sorry. #(I dislike defaults/“canon” versions for customisable characters) #He died because he was *weak*. Stab him again Orin. #I will also not have the Abeir/Toril split nor the 4e dragonborn in my own take on this goddamn setting #Nor 4e. At all #If you must exist on Toril at all you will work the way you worked in Races of the Dragon #Or immigrate through portals like everyone else! #Astarion you are getting 3.5e vampire spawn stats and you will fucking like it. Here's gaseous form! Here's eye-contact hypnotism! #Here's the ability to make your own vampire spawn! #Here's me waiting with a baseball bat to smack you when you get carried away start doing chaotic stupid things with your powers! #...what was I even talking about to begin with #griping #babbling

[wilberave]

the terrifying moment of realization when talking to a self proclaimed Leftist when you can immediately tell “oh. this person has never done an hour of community service in their life.” like. i know it’s been said before but your politics truly do not matter if you’re not interacting with your community in any way. you can vote in every single election and it will not have a fraction of the impact of 17 year old tyler who got sentenced to 20 hours of picking up litter and weeding the community garden. you can never once vote out of protest and read piles of theory and not come close to making the change that the group of 80 year old catholic ladies at St. Mary’s on the corner do with their weekly community meals and school supply drives. we live in the rotting corpse of an evil empire. ideas mean fucking nothing. the only thing that matters at all is physically extending a hand to try to help the people around you.

#getting super involved in volunteer work in my tiny ass town in rural ohio has perhaps radicalized me more than anything else #like truly it is so easy to make sure peoples lives have been tangibly improved even in some small way #just by serving and packaging meals or sorting through clothing donations #or keeping kids entertained while their parents talk to someone abt SNAP or even fucking scrubbing the sinks and toilets in a halfway house #because the residents have much bigger things to worry about than cleaning #all things i’ve done within my own town that were easy and fun and great ways to socialize and meet people near me #literally just fucking google volunteer opportunities + your city and there that’s more praxis than 90% of this fucking webbed site #god. sorry for the rant. can you tell i’ve been seeing an i fluc of Very Stupid posts recently #influx*

[ssstrawberryflowers]

well this morning as I woke up from a 4 or so hour night of sleep i had the brilliant idea of trying to fight Gabriel in 3-2 on Violent while listening to a youtube video, with no in-game music, relatively low in-game master sound and without having actually beaten him (on Violent) after having spent over three hours and a half exclusively trying to kick his ass a few days ago.

so. uhm. yeah. drew how it felt (while also remaining as vague as i could as to not upset anyone lol)

this was both surprisingly hard but also relatively quick? in a weird sort of way? idk girl

screenshots below if you care lol

the 3h30 hour attempt proof (i quit at fucking 3 am my wrists were sore as fuck)

the one successful attempt (was surprisingly quicker than expected)

so uh. yea. laughed really loudly when i did beat him and when he called me an insignificant fuck again. 11/10 will do again.

#my favorite thing to do in ultrakill (aside from bullying V2 into oblivion) is dying to my own projectile boosts <33 #really though i'm sorry this is yet another stupid post and not actual art i just thought this was kinda funny; art is being made i promise #shredding through his health in his first phase is actually really easy i think; it just gets real hard once he goes angy #like just send four coins in the air and hit them with the railcanon (except i was too dumb to do a proper railcoin because ah eto bleh) #but his swords dance attack when he enters his second phase as well as his increased speed are really hard to figure out #also his timings are so different from standard!!! somehow i could parry some of his slashes but almost none of his light hatchets!! #what the fuck!!!! aaaaaa #really though beating Gabriel again was actually fun as hell fr #oh yeah the video i was listening to was a woman commenting on a “healthy christian sex course” while also giving advice and stuff #chose it cause it was almost four hours long and i didn't know how much it might take me to beat Gabe (also cause irony) #(my sense of humour is busted as fuck and really bad and im sorry) #ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #hb talks #dumb shit #shitpost #←i think. maybe #again if you read through all of this shit i love you <3