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officialleotolstoy · 3 years

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Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

#im so sad im so sad im so sad!#war and peace #great comet #natasha rostova #andrei bolkonksy #uhhh whats their ship name?#w&p playlists #my post #figured out how to do a read more bc this post is so LONG

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dickspeightjrs · 4 years

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Show Me How Big Your Brave Is (au / 4.8k words)

Prompt 17 from my ‘30 Destiel Prompts’ for @eccentriccas

ao3 link

It stared at Dean from the fridge, tacked up by a Stanford University magnet gifted to Dean by his brother, Sam.

He’d known his high school reunion was coming up at some point but seeing it embossed in gold lettering created a pit in his stomach.

High school wasn’t the best time for Dean for a few reasons. First, his dad had died in freshman year, which Dean had had mixed feelings about if he was honest. He was mostly concerned about his mother. She didn’t take it well. And then there was-

Dean was torn from his stare down with the invitation by the door bell. He trudged over to answer it. His best friend, Charlie, came bounding in with all the energy of a labrador puppy.

“Hey, friend!” She exclaimed, pulling Dean into a tight hug. “Are you ready for our movie night?”

Dean let himself be infected with Charlie’s excited energy. “Of course, dude! Give me superheroes in spandex already.” He laughed.

“You go set up the first movie and I’ll put the beers in the fridge, okay?” Charlie instructed.

“Sounds good, Bradbury.”

Dean lucked out when he’d met Charlie. They’d been assigned as roommates in college. There had been a mix up with the room allocations. Dean had been a little confused when he’d turned from his boxes to find a tiny red-head standing in the doorway of his dorm.

Charlie had taken a step into the room, let her backpack fall to the floor, and said, “Don’t even think about trying anything. I’m gay as the day is long and I’m not afraid to punch a guy back into his place.” Dean hadn’t known how to reply so he’d just nodded and silently gone back to unpacking his things.

It was when Charlie had put up a Star Wars poster above her bed that Dean knew he was about to make a best friend.

“Ooh what’s this?” Charlie’s voice came from the kitchen.

Crap. Charlie had probably found the invite. He should have hidden it when he had the chance. He sighed and moved into the kitchen.

Charlie had an extremely mischievous grin on her face, and that was saying something for her.

“When were you going to tell me about this?” Charlie asked.

“Urm, never?” Dean mumbled, reaching to snatch the paper out of Charlie’s hand.

But Charlie was too quick and dodged Dean’s grasp.

“Come on Dean. You have to go!” Charlie implored. “It’ll be fun!”

Dean gave his friend an unimpressed look. “Charlie you know how much I hated high school.”

Charlie’s face softened. “I know, it sucks that you got outed before you were ready. No one deserves that. But, it’s been ten years. Things have changed.”

“You don’t know the people I went to high school with.” Dean scoffed.

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Stop being dramatic, you nerd.”

“Dramatic or not, I ain’t going.” Dean plucked the invite out of Charlie’s hand and tore it in two.

Charlie stuck her tongue out at him. “Party pooper.”

* * *

A few hours later, Dean and Charlie were deep into their annual ‘NerdFest’ movie night.

“I swear, if I didn’t bat for the best team, I’d be so down for a bit of Black Wing.” Charlie mumbled around a mouth full of popcorn.

Dean couldn’t help but nod in agreement. Aside from Captain America (because, hello Chris Evans!), Black Wing was Dean’s favourite superhero. But he’d only appeared in ensemble movies. There had been rumours of him getting his own solo movie after fans online had campaigned for it but nothing ever seemed to come of it. The guy who played him seemed to just drop off the map.

Shame, Dean thought as he watched Black Wing kick ass on-screen, that dude was hot!

“Take someone like that to your high school reunion and it would make those dicks’ jaws drop.”

“Drop it, Charlie.” Dean groaned, glaring at the red-head.

“Just saying. Get a hot date and you’ll win the game of life in their eyes.” Charlie raised her hands in defence.

“Noted. Let’s move on.”

“Fine.” Charlie pouted.

Dean nodded and turned back to watch the screen, content that the subject had been dropped.

“OH MY GOD!”

Dean jumped out of his skin, sending popcorn flying through the air. “What the hell, Bradbury?” He exclaimed.

Charlie started excitedly slapping Dean on the arm. “I have the best idea.” She practically squealed. “Put an ad up on Craigslist for a hot date.”

Dean’s eyes went wide. “No fucking way. Never happening. Now stop.”

“But-”

“No!”

Charlie sulked for the next half an hour, all through the iconic fight scene with Black Wing and his fellow team of superheroes. She stopped eventually after Dean offered her a piece of pie as a peace offering.

* * *

After a couple more movies, Charlie had to leave. Apparently, being an adult meant that you can’t just spend all night watching with your best friend anymore - who knew? So with a ‘see ya later bitch’, Charlie was gone.

Dean felt the aches from being sat on the couch for hours and he was looking forward to laying out on his bed for a good night’s sleep.

He sighed to himself and tidied up the last remains of the movie snacks. He was ready for sleep but he had to work early in the morning and he wouldn’t have time to clean up before he left.

Shuffling into the kitchen to put the rubbish in the trash, Dean spotted his reunion invite where he left it on the counter. Except, it wasn’t ripped in two like he’d left it. It had ‘mysteriously’ been taped back together. He dragged a tired hand down his face in exasperation. Charlie just didn’t know when to quit. She was the bratty little sister he never wanted.

He plonked himself down on the chair at the counter and stared at the white paper for a few moments.

Fuck it!

Charlie was right (though he’d never admit it to her face). He was determined to prove to the assholes he went to school with that the shit they threw at him didn’t stick. It didn’t matter that Dean didn’t really believe it to be the truth,’ fake it til ya make it’ as they say.

Before he could chicken out, Dean had Craigslist opened up on his phone. Thinking back to Charlie’s suggestion earlier, Dean decided against asking specifically for a ‘hot’ guy. He dreaded to think what kind of douchebags that would answer the ad proclaiming themselves to be an adonis.

And, despite knowing since he was young that he was bisexual, he decided to aim the ad towards guys. His few relationships with women had never worked out. Even though this was all going to be fake, Dean would like to be able to at least get on with the person.

In the end, he decided on a short and simple ad:

‘Hi, I’m Dean (28M) looking for a guy to take as my date to my stupid high school reunion next Saturday. Message if interested (no weirdos)’

He posted the ad and then spotted the time at the top of the screen.

Midnight. Shit.

He closed the website and dashed upstairs as fast as his tired legs could carry him.

* * *

The next morning, Dean got woken up by the feel of sunlight shining on his face. He must have forgotten to shut the curtains before he passed out last night.

His blood ran cold when he realised that the sun shining on his face meant only one thing. He was late for work. He scrambled around looking for his phone to check the time but it was nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, it came to him. He must have left his phone on the counter in the kitchen, meaning he didn’t hear his alarms going off.

He cursed himself and sped to get ready. Quickly sniffing a shirt to check it was okay to wear, he got dressed and raced downstairs. Sure enough, his phone was sat on the table where he'd sat the night before.

When he picked it up he found that it had also run out of battery overnight.

Great. As if this day couldn’t get any worse.

Forgetting all else on his mind, Dean grabbed his phone and dash out of the front door.

* * *

The ad remained forgotten until a few days later.

Dean was just about to sit down and relax with a beer when his phone lit up with a notification. He put his beer down on a coaster to check it out.

It was a message from Craigslist telling him someone has been trying to contact him about his ad.

Dean’s eyes went wide. He’d completely forgotten about the ad for a date after being late for work and being chewed out by his boss. He couldn't believe someone had actually responded. He looked at the date for the first message. This guy had contacted him like an hour after he’d posted the ad.

He opened the message.

(01:28) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: Hello. I saw your ad for a date to your reunion. It says I’m only 10 miles from your location. I’m interested in helping you out. Are you still in need of assistance?

(10:11) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: I assume, as you haven’t replied, that you’ve decided to go with someone else for your date.

(11:20) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: On second thought, this ad was probably a joke. Please ignore my messages.

Wow. This dude talked funny. And reading that last message, Dean felt a little sorry for the guy too. He seemed lonely. But beggars can’t be choosers, so Dean prepared to reply.

As he went to type, he noticed the guy’s username and smiled to himself.

(19:37) impala67 says: don’t worry dude! the position as my date is still open. you’re the only one who has responded.

PS. I like your username. you a Black Wing fan too?

The reply was almost immediate.

(19:41) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: Okay. What information do you need from me?

PS. You could say so.

‘You could say so’? Was this guy purposefully trying to be mysterious? Either way, Dean was intrigued.

(19:45) impala67 says: idk dude, just the basics I guess. how old u are, what u look like

(19:53) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: I’m 30 years old. I have blue eyes and dark hair. I’m 6 feet tall. Anything else?

Dean hummed to himself. The guy sounded pretty average, which was okay with him.

(19:55) impala67 says: nah, that’s awesome dude. anything you want to know?

(19:58) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: I suppose it would be nice to know what you look like too. Also, if you don’t mind me prying, I wondered why you need to have a date for a school reunion. And why have you turned to Craigslist to find it?

Dean was set aback by this guy’s forwardness. But, he did have a right to know what he was getting into Dean supposed.

(20:05) impala67 says: you already know I’m 28. I have green eyes. sort of light brown hair and i’m around 6’2”. as for the other shit. high school was a shit show. I’ve always been a bit nerdy i guess. people didn’t like it. then I realised I’m bi (hope that’s not a deal break btw). tried asking this guy out senior year. got outed to the whole school. got a lot of shit for it.

(20:11) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. No one deserves that. Why do you want to go back? No one would blame you for leaving and never going back. (Again, if you don’t mind me asking.)

Dean blinked at the screen. His forgotten beer was getting warm but he was fascinated by this guy. He seemed genuine and Dean felt himself wanting to share the darkest parts of himself with a complete stranger. He sighed and typed.

(20:20) impala67 says: I guess I want to prove to those assholes that the things they said didn’t affect my life. even tho that’s not always the truth. I still struggle to accept myself i guess.

Dean chewed his lip, debating whether to include that last line or not. But, hey, he was asking this dude to be his date, the least he could do was be honest with him. He pressed send.

Blue Eyes didn’t reply instantly this time and it made Dean nervous. He wished he could take back the last bit of the message.

After a few anxious moments, Blue Eyes still hadn’t replied so Dean gave up, figuring he’d scared the guy away. He cursed himself and moved to put his Doctor Sexy DVDs into the player. He’d never admit it to anyone, not even Charlie, but Doctor Sexy was his comfort show. It provided him with a much needed distraction.

A couple hours later, Dean was beginning to doze. The extra few beers he’d had cushioned him into a deep sleep.

When he woke, surrounded by darkness with only the DVD menu playing to no one lighting the room, Dean rubbed his face tiredly and went to check his phone for the time.

Instead of looking at the clock, Dean’s eyes were distracted by the Craigslist notification. Blue Eyes had messaged him back! Feeling a little foolish that he’d reacted too quickly before, Dean opened the message.

(23:23) BlueEyesAndBlackWings says: You’re incredibly brave, Dean. Not many people would be able to do what you’re doing.

Dean blushed in the darkness. Why were a random internet dude’s words affecting him so much? He didn’t really know what to say in response so he just sent a quick ‘thank you, dude.’

* * *

Over the next few days leading up to the reunion, Dean carried on messaging Blue Eyes just to get to know him a little more. Turns out the dude is dorky as hell. And, despite the original impression he gave with the Black Wing username, the guy didn’t understand any of Dean’s other references.

It had occurred to him after they’d been messaging for a while that Dean still didn’t know his name.

When he confronted Blue Eyes about it, the man had taken a while to respond again and answered only with ‘I’d rather not disclose my full name at this time. But, you can call me C.’

Dean had been a little skeptical of the guy’s response at first. But then, he figured the worst case scenario was the guy turned out to be a catfish and Dean would just blow off the reunion altogether and go get drunk. And he couldn’t blame the guy for not wanting to give out personal details over Craigslist.

The day before the reunion, they agreed it was probably best to meet somewhere a couple hours before so they had time to get to know each other in person and iron out the final details they’d need to know about each other.

* * *

Dean sat in the coffee shop they’d agreed to meet at (public and easy to escape if things went south). He tried to stop his leg from trembling under the table.

He was nervous for a couple of reasons. The obvious: this guy could turn out to be a creepy old dude stalking men on the internet. And the less obvious but more surprising to Dean: he actually wanted this to go well. Without even knowing what he looked like, Dean had found himself beginning to like the guy. Even if he wasn’t attracted to him when he finally saw Blue Eyes, Dean would be cool with being friends with him.

His eyes were following the patterns in the wood on the table top when a deep voice came from above him.

“Dean?” It asked, with nervous uncertainty.

Dean swallowed and looked up to the source of the voice and-

Holy shit!

It was him! It was the Black Wing!

What was the guy’s name? Cas- something? Castile? Casteel? Castiel! That was it!

Holy fucking shit! This couldn’t be happening.

Dean realised he’d been staring wide-eyed during his internal freak out and Blue Eyes, Castiel, was stood looking as nervous as Dean had felt before the surprise adrenaline took over his body.

“Sorry, dude. Please sit down.” Dean gestured to the chair opposite him. He wiped his hands on his jeans, nerves starting to take over once again.

Neither man spoke for a few moments.

“So I-” Castiel began.

“I don’t-” Dean spoke too.

Both men chuckled. “You go,” Dean told Castiel.

Castiel smiled softly, “I suppose, from your reaction, you know who I am.”

Dean blushed. “Yeah. For what it’s worth, I’m a big fan.” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Now Castiel blushed, “Thank you, Dean.” His expression turned serious. “I hope you understand now why I didn’t give you my full name while we spoke online.”

“Yeah, of course, dude. Don’t want any crazies hunting you down.” Dean chuckled.

Castiel chuckled with him. “Yes, something like that.”

“So, um, before we get into the details for later, I was wondering if I could ask you a question?”

“Of course, Dean. You were honest with me, it’s only fair I return the favour.” Castiel smiled.

“It’s only because I watched one of your movies the other night with my best friend, Charlie-” who was totally gonna freak out when Dean told her about this “-but wasn’t there meant to be a solo Black Wing movie? Everyone in the fandom was talking about it and then suddenly you seemed to disappear. I guess, I’m just wondering why you changed your mind?” Dean asked, nervously. He was waiting for Castiel to tell him to go fuck himself (though Dean knew that Castiel wasn’t really that kinda guy).

Castiel cleared his throat and met Dean’s eyes. “We were just about to go into production for the solo movie when my brother and his wife were killed in a head-on collision with a truck.”

Dean’s mouth dropped open. But, he could sense Castiel hadn’t finished so he stayed quiet.

“The only blessing was that it was instant, so they didn’t suffer. That, and luckily their daughter, Claire, was at the babysitter’s at the time.” Castiel smiled, melancholy whispers gracing his features.

Dean knew he barely knew the guy but he could sense when someone needed comfort so he reached across the table to place a soft touch on Castiel’s hand.

“I took Claire into my care. And that ended my career as I knew it.” Castiel shrugged. “I was deeply disappointed to have to leave the movie, but Claire came first. And I didn’t want her to grow up in the spotlight, with people using her parents’ tragic death as a way to sell magazines. So I left the industry. That was three years ago and I haven’t looked back. Claire is five now and she’s all I could ever want.”

Dean was awestruck. “Wow.” He breathed. “I can’t believe it.”

“What?” Castiel asked, head tilting in confusion. (If the situation wasn’t so serious, Dean would have struggled not to comment on how adorable he looked.)

“Dude.” Dean choked. “You called me brave for wanting to face a coupla high school assholes. But you - you gave up your entire career to give the best life to your niece.” He shook his head in disbelief. “You’re amazing.”

Castiel blushed again (and Dean found he was slowly falling in love with that look on Castiel’s face). “I don’t know that I’m amazing, I just want a normal life for Claire and I.” He shrugged.

“A normal life, huh?” Dean asked. “Well, I can try and help with that.” He lifted his hand from where it had been placed on Castiel’s and held it in the air between them. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m twenty eight. A bit of a nerd and in need of a date this evening.”

Castiel huffed a laugh and placed his hand in Dean’s, shaking it. “I’m Castiel Novak. I’m thirty. Uncle to a beautiful niece and I would be honoured if you’d let me be your date for this evening.”

Dean’s face broke into a smile, which turned into a laugh that caused a smile to spread across Castiel’s cheeks.

They let their hands settle naturally on top of the table.

Now, with their barriers down, they began making plans and ideas for that evening. Though, if Dean were being honest, it felt like he’d known Castiel forever already.

Eventually, after what felt like hours of talking, Castiel got up to finally get himself a coffee. It wasn’t until Castiel’s hand left his that Dean realised they’d been holding onto each other the whole time.

* * *

Dean and Castiel ended up talking for so long in that coffee shop that they were late for the reunion. The party was in full swing when they arrived.

Just before they entered the hall, Dean stopped in his tracks.

“What’s wrong, Dean?” Castiel asked, worry etched into his features.

“Are you sure about this, man? There’s a chance someone in there could recognise you or something. It’s not worth ruining your life plan over just for me to say ‘fuck you’ to a couple of dicks.” Dean stressed.

Castiel reached to take Dean’s hand in his. “Some things are worth a little risk.” He whispered and walked with Dean through the hall doors.

It seemed Dean had had nothing to worry about in the end. They’d spoken to a few people who had seemed genuinely interested in that Dean had been up to since graduation. And they barely batted an eye when he’d introduced Castiel as his boyfriend. (He’d meant to just call him his date but clearly his mouth had had other ideas.) Castiel himself had just placed a soft hand around Dean’s waist - stopping Dean from an internal panic.

It was all going so well and Dean was starting to think Charlie had been right (again, damn her!). Maybe everyone had just grown up and moved on.

Once they’d finished a conversation with the guy Dean sat next to in English class senior year, Castiel went to the bar to get them some drinks, whispering in Dean’s ear that he’d be back in a moment. Dean was a little sad Castiel hadn’t gone a bit further and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Dean Winchester.” The voice of Bela Talbot came from behind him. Dean turned with a scowl on his face.

“Hello, Bela.” He said through gritted teeth. She’d been one of the main people instrumental in his forced coming out.

“Goodness me, Dean. If I’d known how pretty you’d turn out, maybe high school could have gone a lot differently.” She practically purred, running a perfectly manicured finger along Dean’s cheek bone. “But, hey, there’s still time now, I could be the one to knock you straight again.”

Dean was frozen to the spot. He was back to being a scared kid, dealing with the loss of a parent and being taunted daily for his sexuality. He knew he shouldn’t have done this. He wasn’t brave. He was pathetic. He couldn’t even stand up to a school bully ten years later.

“Excuse me.” Castiel appeared suddenly at Dean’s side. “What did you say to him?” The look on his face was nothing short of murderous.

“I’m just getting reacquainted with an old friend.” Bela answered, sickly sweet. “And who are you?”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed. “I’m Dean’s boyfriend and I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to him.”

Dean’s eyes went wide. Earlier it had been a slip when he’d called Castiel his boyfriend but now Castiel was purposefully saying it? Dean didn’t dare to hope.

Bela laughed, causing Castiel to glare even harder (honestly, if looks could kill, she’d be in hell). “Ah! So he’s definitely still gay then.” She said, lip curling with distaste.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s bisexual, not gay. I’d tell you to educate yourself, but clearly, after ten years you’re still the same bitch you’ll always be.”

Bela looked taken aback, like no one had ever spoken to her like that before.

Castiel didn’t wait for her response. Instead, he grabbed Dean’s hand and stormed out of the building.

It wasn’t until the cool evening air hit his face, that Dean finally snapped back to himself. They’d ended up in the parking lot, stood next to Dean’s car.

“Cas..” Dean breathed.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel said, begging for forgiveness. “I just couldn’t stand the way she was speaking to you.”

“Cas-” Dean spoke.

“She was just so rude a-and small-minded. I hated it.”

“Cas!” Dean raised his voice. Castiel snapped his jaw shut. “It’s okay. Thank you for sticking up for me.” Dean stepped closer to Castiel, playing with the lapel on Castiel’s suit jacket.

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes but Dean couldn’t hold his gaze. “I’m just embarrassed that I froze up. After all of this, I failed at standing up for myself. I’m pathetic.”

Castiel placed his hands on Dean’s cheeks, forcing Dean to look at him. Green eyes finally met blue. “Dean, listen to me. It was incredibly brave to walk into that room tonight. You are the bravest person I’ve ever met.” He said earnestly.

Dean couldn’t hold it in anymore. He hoped he wasn’t about to ruin this before it even started. But, as a wise man told him recently: some things are worth a little risk.

Wasting no more time, Dean pulled Castiel into a deep kiss.

Once Castiel was on board, he pushed Dean up against the car behind them.

After a few heated moments, of what can only be described as heavy making out, Dean growled at Castiel to get into the car before they got arrested for public indecency.

They somehow made it back to Dean’s house but their clothes only managed to stay on long enough to get through the front door. Dean directed them to his room and threw Castiel down on the bed.

He took in the sight of the beautiful man laid out under him before kissing up Castiel’s chest and took over his mouth again. The only words said between them were muttered assurances that they were on the same page. Dean could never have dreamed this is how this night would end but he certainly wouldn’t change a thing.

* * *

The next morning, Dean and Castiel laid in each other’s arms, content to be together in the quiet.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Dean. “What about your niece?” He worried. “Don’t you need to get back to her?” He sat up frantically.

“Dean, Dean, don’t worry.” Castiel raised his hands to calm the other man. “I texted my babysitter yesterday at the coffee shop asking her to stay with Claire for the night.”

Dean relaxed into the bed, smirking a little. “So you knew how the night would end even before we got to the reunion.”

Castiel blushed. “I wouldn’t say I knew. But I did hope.”

Dean smiled, pulling Castiel closer to place a tender kiss on the side of his head. “I hoped for it too.” He whispered.

They settled into silence again, warm in each other’s company.

A short while passed before either of them spoke again.

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel murmured, breaking the quiet.

“For what?” Dean frowned.

“For thinking of Claire.”

“Well, she’s important to you. She’s your whole world.” Dean shrugged.

“Maybe my world could get a little bigger now.” Castiel suggested, smiling nervously up at Dean.”

“Yeah, I think it could.”

* * *

Later, as they dug into a couple of burgers Dean threw together, another thought crossed Dean’s mind.

“Cas?”

“Hmm?” Castiel hummed around the burger in his mouth.

“Why were you looking through Craigslist ads in the first place?”

Castiel swallowed and chuckled to himself. “Sometimes I look through to find funny ads people put up.”

Dean was beginning to get a little offended when Castiel reached across the table to hold his hand.

“But, the night that I saw your ad, I had just put Claire to bed and I was feeling lonely. I took a risk. And I think it worked.” Castiel smiled shyly.

“Hell yeah, it did!” Dean grinned from ear to ear.

* * *

Charlie’s phone vibrated next to her. She paused the video game she was playing to pick it up. Seeing it was a text from Dean, she opened it immediately.

On her screen was a selfie of Dean with another dark haired dude captioned:

‘I should take your advice more often Bradbury.’

Her eyes turned to saucers and she looked at the image again more closely. She frowned slightly, looking at the man whose cheek Dean was kissing.

Wait- That totally looked like-

Her phone dinged with a new message from Dean.

‘And yes, it’s exactly who you think it is.’

HOLY FRIGGIN SHIT!

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it Taylor!

If you liked what you saw, REBLOG! and consider reserving a prompt from my ‘30 Destiel Prompts’ challenge, or just send me your own prompt you’d like me to fill!

TAGS: @eccentriccas @starrynightdeancas @credentiast @imbiowaresbitch @starclaire @cockleslovesdestiel @bend-me-shape-me @destielfactory @dea-stiel @wendeano @wingsandimpalas @aggressivedean @flowersforcas @chill-legilimens @pancakesofthelord @saltnhalo @caslikescoffeeandfreckles @assbuttboyfriends @jhoomwrites @breathingdestiel @simplymisha @thekingslover @aelysianmuse

(once again tagging my faves, let me you if you’d like to be removed from future fics - or added if you’re not already there!)

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writingsfromhome · 4 years

Text

Lookalike

Request: Can you do another cone song? Maybe lookalike or maniac? [Can you do it like harry dates a lookalike of you?]

A/N: I know this is way later than I said, I honestly wrote four version of this and deleted them before settling on this one and it’s still not the best. I’m just posting it so I can move on to my other ideas. I hope you enjoy it anyway! Soz it ends kinda on a cliffhanger, I didn’t want to make it super long. It already feels really long.

———————————

It was a humid summer evening, not the kind of evening you wanted to step out in. But here I was, in line with my best friend Jules who’d somehow gotten word of this pop-up club that was recently getting more popular with social media. The location would be dropped in code somewhere online for a limited time and then the rest was just word of mouth. Jules worked as a makeup artist so she usually knew what the “in crowd” was doing. This time, she knew where the club was going to be.

Myself, I was just a recent masters-graduate with low job prospects and big time loans. Always tired, single, and at the moment, very, very sweaty. The humidity was really damaging the effort I’d put in for this night out.

“Do you think we’ll spot Ed Sheeran?” Jules asks, her one true desire. “Then I can finally tell him how much he means to me.”

“Don’t know if this is Ed’s scene,” I tease her. “He seems more like a laid-back pub sort of guy.”

“You’re so right,” she still peers around us. “You hoping to see any celebs here? This one’s the biggest so far I’ve heard.”

His face pops into my head but I slam my guard down. “I’ll be lucky just to find a cute guy.”

“Two of you?” The bouncer asks Jules as we make our way to the front-she looked twelve, and we finally head inside. We’d stepped into a storybook.

Vines and tiny lights covered the ceiling and floors, rays of green and pink lights flash around us and the ground was littered with flower petals.

“Oh my god the seats are trees,” Jules whispers in my ear. This was insane.

“They probably have themed drinks,” I grab Jules’ hand and pull her to where I see the bar. We loved a good themed drink.

“This is amazing,” Jules shouts. “I think I just saw Adele!”

On a second look, we decide it was Adele’s doppleganger but we’re soon preoccupied by drinks. I order a Cosmic Boom and take another look around the open space. It was getting pretty full, people dancing but a lot of people hanging about talking.

Jules and I take our drinks to the dancefloor and enjoy ourselves. This was new all over-enjoying myself. I’d spent the last five months working hard at school, job searching, and then a bit of travel. But I was so busy convincing myself that if I worked hard enough I’d forget about the awful year I’d had. Would forget about Harry and the way he left me.

Nobody would believe it, but Harry Styles was my boyfriend for a solid year. We’d met when I was visiting Jules on set of some talk show. He’d been there, after his interview, and mistakened me for backstage crew. He asked me to show him where his room was. He’d been so embarassed when I told him I didn’t work there, but I volunteered to help him find it anyway. I was just killing time ‘til Jules was done.

We had gotten lost and ended up in this storage space where it was clear stage props were stored. We’d found half a car-cut clear through the middle and ended up sitting inside and talking. It was weird, just an hour before that, Harry Styles was this iconic and unattainable person who lived in the fantasy part of my brain. Sitting in the semi-dark with him, in a half-car, and being only a foot away, he was just another person. A regular bloke who was gorgeous, talking to me about his recent mother’s day disaster while I laughed and told him about something similar that had happened when I was a child.

It was quite silly to think we were going to leave that room the same way we walked into it.

He’d leaned in once quiet had settled down around us, both of us just watching the other, afraid that speaking would ruin the moment. His finger had ghosted my face, hesitating, asking me without really asking me. I’d leaned in the rest of the way to tell him it was okay. That’s when I knew I was a goner.

He was gentle with me, but also entirely self assured, leading the way. I couldn’t keep track of his lips or his hands but every part of my body was alive and I lived entirely in the moment for him.

He’d called me later that night asking if I wanted to have dinner at his place. We knew we had something good going. So we kept at it.

Until five months ago.

“Y/N?” Jules says in my ear. I snap out of my memories and look to where she’s pointing. And then back to her ecstatic face. There, sitting near the DJ was actually Ed Sheeran.

“Jules,” I say, lost for words. We had to do this now. We had to approach him, now or never.

“I can’t,” she says close to me. “I’m going to vom right now.”

“Come on!” I grab her and try to move her stiff body one step at a time until we’re only a couple feet away. That’s when the group he’s talking to shifts and I see Harry. Harry with a girl on his arm. My Harry.

“What’s wrong?” Jules halts as my own body goes rigid. “Don’t tell me you’ve got nerves now...oh hey isn’t that Harry?”

“Yeah...” my mouth was dry and I couldn’t believe it. He was here, I really didn’t think I’d see him ever again.

“I need to talk to you,” Harry says as I pour my morning coffee. It was the first week of my final semester so I was actually in a good mood, optimistic before all the deadlines hit. I never saw it coming.

“What’s up?” i was so innocent, drinking my coffee with no idea what else was brewing.

He takes the coffee cup from my hands and puts it down, gathering my hands in his. I notice his hands are slightly clammy, that was the first red flag.

“What’s wrong?” I ask again, the anxiety spiking up.

“No-nothing. I was just thinking about how I have to on tour for the next year. You’ve still got school to finish and a great big career ahead of you. I feel like I’m just going to hold you back and I-“

“That’s silly,” I interrupt. “You’d never...”

“I might. I’ll have tour and you’ll have school-“

“Hold on. Are you just trying to say...is it you who’ll hold me back or me who’s going to hold you back?” I asked, confused. How would Harry ever hold me back? I offered to go on legs of his tour with him when I could. I could do my work on the road. Nobody was going to hold anybody back

Harry opens his mouth to explain but I don’t let him get a word in. How dare he try to twist the situation. He should just say what he felt!

“Is that really it? I’m just a regular girl-next-door who’s run out of her luck with the famous superstar? She could never understand your fame, you could never want her in the public’s eye? Is that it? You’re too good for me? You can’t even think about going public with our rel-“

“Trust me you don’t want tha-“

“Don’t tell me what I want!” The coffee had curdled in my stomach and I felt like dry-heaving but I hold it together. I was so in love with this man, to think about living without him was painful beyond comprehension. But all he saw me as was deadweight. The realisation is crushing. “Just leave Harry. Just bloody leave then, I don’t want to see you! After all we had together I’m just deadweight to you? I’m going to hold you back? And yoy can’t eve be a man and say what you really want!”

He’d ruffled his hair, given some explanation, tried to tell me he loved me but I was somewhere else. My life felt like it was falling apart, and I had a lab to teach in a few hours. He was so bloody selfish. I decided I hated him.

“-show him who cares. Go right up and pretend you don’t even know who he is...” I wasn’t sure how long Jules was talking but she was right. I didn’t care about him. This was my night out.

Jules walks ahead and uses her charm to wriggle her way into the small conversation, inserting me right beside her. She knew the business, taking her time to talk to Ed Sheeran so as not to overwhelm him. In the meantime, my eyes catch Harry’s, and it’s like a movie line. Time slows down, I hear the breath I take and see the surprise register on his face. But I let my eyes skim past his, he meant nothing to me. Instead, they land on his girlfriend and that’s where I fight to hide the surprise.

There’s these photos I see online sometimes, you take a picture and draw it in your own style. His new girlfriend was kind of like that. She looked just like me, except slightly off. More like how I looked last year. Since then, I’d grown out my hair and let its natural colour grow in. But I nudge Jules and use my hair as a curtain, trying to tell her to look. She speaks my language so she sees right away and her eyes widen. She mouths oh my god.

I watch from the corner of my eye while pretending to be engaged by Jules introducing what she does to Ed Sheeran. Harry says something to his girl and she laughs. Jesus, even her smile was reminiscent of mine. I try not to stare, using my drink as a distraction but some small part of me-most of me is upset-but a small part of me feels like I’d won. Harry had told me I wasn’t good enough for him, and then gone out to find someone who looked just like me. That gives me the confidence I need to finally look him in the eye. It’s like he was tracking my moves because he looks at me too. He smiles and I just raise my eyebrows.

“Y/N,” he says in that deep silky voice of his. It carries across despite the noise. My heart squeezes.

“Harry,” I say. I let my eyes slide to his girlfriend and she raises a hand.

“Hi, I’m Katy.”

“Hi,” I smile, she’d done nothing wrong except look like me I guess. She looks up at Harry, waiting for him to introduce us. Ugh.

“And this is Y/N, she’s my best friend but she always says she never understands my absolute obsession with your music.” Jules from the right of me catches my attention. She was introducing me to Ed Sheeran-and exposing me.

“Okay. Ouch.” I give her a look which makes her laugh and shake Ed’s hand. Oh my god. “I’m definitely a fan, just not as big as Jules.”

“She’s more of an indie rock girl,” Harry’s deep voice comes from behind me and I’m surprised to find him standing right behind me.

Jules raises her eyebrow at him, glances at me while Harry and Ed talk before interjecting and resuming her conversation.

“I’d say I’m more of a pop girl.” I turn to Harry. I look for his girlfriend but she’d disappeared.

“But that’s not your guilty pleasure,” Harry says and I avoid the tingle in my stomach as he says it. “And Kat’s gone off with her friend, they saw Adele they want to get a picture.” I don’t bother to say it wasn’t Adele. “How’s it going with you?”

He has to lean in close to be heard and I find myself drawing closer to his orbit. I had to be careful here. I remind myself that I hated him.

“Same old,” I say. “I’ve graduated, now looking for full time work. Travelled a bit too.”

“You finally see those tourist traps you wanted to?”

I forgot how intimately Harry knew me, I wanted to forget how much history we shared. But it’s so painfully obvious now that that would be impossible. Even holding onto my hate was proving slippery.

“The Great Pyramids were better than the Eiffel Tower,” I reference an old conversation we’d had. “So I was right.”

This makes Harry laugh and the club narrows down to just us as he steps to the side with me to a quieter area.

We stand in silence for a moment, just watching each other, memorizing the details about each that time had blurred. Like the laugh lines around his eyes, or the depth to his eyes. It feels like he’s cheating with me, with how fiery and focused his gaze is on me. The unspoken words in his eyes.

“Harry I-“ I raise my hand to tell him I should go, I didn’t want anything to happen we would regret. But he takes my hand and puts it to his warm chest. The words leave my mouth as I look at him again. Really look at him. From afar he looked like he was doing better than he ever was but up close I notice the tired bags and the lost look in his eyes. It was the same one I saw in my own after we’d broken up.

This was ridiculous, I tell myself. He left me, I shouldn’t feel bad for him. I’d won. But I want to ask him about Katy, when he looked in her eyes, did he think of mine? And when he looked at her smile, did I cross his mind? I already knew that he saw me instead ‘cause she looks a lot like I did back then. I wanted to ask him and tell him not to lie.

“How are you doing?” I finally break and ask even though I want to ask, is she just a lookalike?

He looks away, his hand letting go of mine. His fake smile is back on his face as he performs for me once again. “Not too bad. I’ve got a break from tour right now so just layin’ low.”

I look around and point to the club around us. “Laying low?”

“Yeah,” Harry laughs at being caught. “My girlf-Katy-she really wanted to come out to one of these with her girlfriends. She convinced me to come along.”

I didn’t know what to say to that so I just smile. My phone buzzed and I see a text from Jules. I look for her in the crowd and she’s staring at me with a raised eyebrow. I give her the everything is okay smile and she looks relieved.

“Jules is overprotective as usual,” Harry notices. What did he expect, I think, when he’s the selfish arse who broke my heart. The small flame of anger reignites as I watch Jules smile at me with caring eyes.

“She just wanted me to hook up with a cute guy tonight,” I say to Harry. “Spending it with my ex kind of kills the vibe.”

There, I’d addressed the elephant in the room. And just as I suspected, Harry gets uncomfortable.

“So I take it you’ve not got a boyfriend?”

“Nope,” I cross my arms. “Was busy travelling...” and feeling depressed at home I don’t add.

“Right,” Harry straightens up. “Well don’t let me keep you Y/N. Sorry to...”

I look up at him, his pause. His apology seems to be about something bigger than keeping me from the rest of the club. But I don’t mention it. I don’t push it. Yes, I wanted to stay here in this corner of the club with him but I don’t want to make it a big deal. I give him a squeeze on the arm to tell him it was alright. He paints a smile on and I walk away even though I want to just stay.

I walk to Jules, tell her I’d get another drink for us. At the bar, waiting for our drinks, I notice Harry with Katy again, they’re dancing with her friends, she laughs, he pulls her closer.

That was us not long ago, before that morning chat. God. I really did hope, in his head, he saw me instead. Cause...he’d been in mine every day since then. I admit it, some nights, no almost every night...I still though about him. I tried to hide it, I did an amazing job at hiding it, but I couldn’t erase him from my mind. The thought almost makes me laugh as I get my drinks...maybe I just needed to find a lookalike.

#harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles #conan gray #lookalike #fic #writingsfromhome #sunset season

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for? It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)? I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you? No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life? EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating? Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out? I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys? Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? Nope.

What was the last soda you drank? Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery? Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? No.

Who was the last person to hit on you? No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs? Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower? Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better? I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre? Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you? Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority? In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently? The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs? Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with? Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems? Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese? I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack? It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework? Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants? I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe? No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to? Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail? Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read? I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song? I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive? I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before? Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health? Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases? Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American.

#survey #surveys

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acourtesanofedgewater · 3 years

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Open Heart 3, Ch. 9 spoilers for Bryce/Jackie/Raf stans

It's Spoiler Wednesday and here I am once again. Ugh. We all know my spoiler posts never bring good news, so let's begin already:

Bryce

•He has a small cameo where he's talking with Jade about some study. That's it, basically. No premium scene, although at this point I'd consider that a blessing because y'all know I hate those qUirKy premium scenes where we have to share Bryce with someone else, and get 0 development.

Jackie

•She interrupts Jade and Bryce's conversation to assign Jade a new case. Jade seems pretty fascinated by studies and papers and not so much at the perspective of dealing with patients, and it shows. I'd say Jackie has it better than Bryce (and Raf) because at least she gets crumbs of development this chapter but this scene developed Jade's character, not Jackie's. She's just there because she needs to be there to tell Jade about the new patient, and that's it.

•Raf

Raf's back... in his cryotank, next to Naveen and Kyra lmao. He doesn't have an appearance or is even mentioned in this chapter.

I don't even have words, I don't know what else to say because, sadly, I'm used to Raf/Jackie/Bryce being treated like shit so I was kinda expecting this, although it is upsetting that none of them get a diamond scene, specially Jackie, given that, following PB's shitty chart of premium-scenes-for-characters-that-are-not-Ethan it would be Jackie's turn this week, but... sigh.

You are probably asking yourself, if the supporting cast barely gets cameos this week, then what is the chapter about, right?

Oh, boy. I think you know the answer for this one, but I'm still gonna give you some spoilers regarding the Ethan general plot we'll get:

•The chapter, as usual, picks up right were it was left last week, with Tobias being named the new leader. You get a new case and there'll be a diamond scene to visit the patient's home with him, where he'll explain more about his rivalry with Ethan. He admits he used to be a bit of a hothead and he regrets being a bad loser, demonstrating, once again, that he has grown up since his college days (you know... like any functional adult should?) while Ethan is still a whiny baby. No surprise here

•Harper asks MC to have a talk with them where she apologizes for her behavior and admits she was wrong. Thanks, I hate it. (I mean, I hate that the writers put one of their strongest woc characters in this position)

•Then, MC wonders why hasn't Ethan answered their texts AND GOES FUCKING VISIT HIM. Really??? The man who harrased you at work just a day before? Who almost let you take the fall for his mistake? Guys, I'm not even joking, given Ethan's behavior I was so scared about MC going to his house alone lmao and I think that sums up how bad the writing is for this book pretty well

•Enter a premium scene to have lunch with him. HARD. PASS. I scrolled that scene down, until I caught the sentence "Bloom's system is saving you" and stopped myself lmao. Turns out, Bloom's new rules for the hospital will allow Ethan to only get a slap on the wrist, he's not facing any serious consequences. But read this post til the end, because that's not the worst thing.

•Back at the apartment, we have small cameos for Aurora and Sienna and, turns out, Elijah is fucking pissed at MC for the trial thing. They try to blame it on Ethan (as it should be) and, once again, we're faced with disbelief and answers like "hOw dArE yOu bLaMe sOmEoNe aS gOoD aS eThAn fOr yOuR mEsS". MC explains he will have a board hearing for it and Elijah's still like "wElL yOu pRobAbLy gAvE hIm ThAt iDeA sO I'm StIlL aNgRy aT yOu" and leaves. But hey, you can pay diamonds to patch up your relationship with him!... or let it deteriorate just because of an old man's white savior complex, I guess.

•The ending scene is just hilarious because of how bad it is lmao. Last week I made a post where I mentioned it was pretty obvious Ethan was not gonna be sanctioned and would be back in the team in the team in two chapters or so. We already know he's not gonna face real consequences for his acts, but I guessed two chapters for his return because... well, this book is lame and the writers need conflict and drama, right?

•Well, PB could not even last ONE full chapter without their golden boy, so, while Tobias, Harper and MC are bonding and being iconic, Ethan comes back. It hasn't been even a minute since he entered the office AND THIS WHITE MAN HAS THE AUDACITY of gesturing towards the leader-chair where Tobias is sitting and say: "iF yOu dOn'T mInD". Fuck, I get it makes more sense for Ethan to be the leader because he's worked in the team (and the hospital) longer, but damn, couldn't he be nicer? More professional at least? I'd be offended if irl me boss asks me things like that. Anyway, Ethan is confident that Bloom has already fired his worst shot at the team (stupid believe, really) and he won't bother them again, and the chapter ends with MC not feeling so sure about this.

Aaaand that's it. This is such a wasted chapter. Having Ethan suspended gave PB a chance to organically make him disappear for at least one chapter and use that time to develop the other three LIs and give them proper diamond scenes, but it seems they're afraid of the Ramseynators lmao. Disappointed but not surprised.

#playchoices #choices stories you play #choices #open heart #open heart 3 #open heart third year #open heart 3 spoilers #bryce lahela #jackie varma #rafael aveiro

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annakie · 4 years

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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Nine

Previous Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Wheren we run out of sidequests, so we head back to the Citadel already.

With the quest log pretty empty, I didn’t feel like flying around the galaxy hoping to bump into something Hackett wanted me to do already, so let’s go finish up some of those loose sidequests and pick up some more!

I didn’t grab a screenshot of this, but one of the mods (faster elevators maybe? Or MERe? IDK!) COMPLETELY removes the scanning component from getting on and off the ship.

I don’t remember the exact origins of this, but one tick Annakie Shepard has is... she really really fucking hates being scanned. And it probably was because of how long the scanning bit of getting on and off the ship here took, but I used to always try to outrun it if possible, or at least put up the effort. I’m so glad it’s not here at all.

The only acceptable scan is Chakwas scanning her for medical reasons, and even that is just barely ok.

Anyway, here we are, freshly not-scanned, heading right down to C-Sec to... oh no what’s this?

Ah. Yes. Mikhailovich. Here for inspection.

One of the reasons I cheat in Paragon points is that it’s nearly impossible to ever make Mikhailovich happy unless you don’t come back to the Citadel for a very long time. So maybe I could have gone to Noveria and done the Paragon Point Cheat, but one cheat or another, doesn’t really matter.

The Mikhailovich encounter is another one of those things that didn’t have to be in the game, but is great worldbuilding. Not everyone agrees with the Normandy being built, or the turian design, etc. Mikhailovich is right that some of the things we built here could have been tested in a lab, you know. It was a huge chunk of money, but it’ll be wrong later in thinking it’s a waste. He also again shows that people aren’t sure that working super close with the turians is a good idea, which, again, he’ll be wrong about, but it’s a good thing to see differing opinions on a lot of things.

Anyway, I like this bit not only for that reason but to see Kaidan’s salute.

Finally, after lingering at the dock for who-knows-how-long while the Admiral inspected our ship, we get down to C-Sec, ready to...

Oh what’s THIS now?

Time for another interview, this one a little more voluntary.

Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News.

She’s a character I have very mixed feelings about.

On one hand, well, I used to love to punch her out. And now I never do.

She’s clearly digging for an angle here in her interviews. She’s reporting for humanity, not the council races or galaxy as a whole. But answering her diplomatically here, she’s another character who questions you and what you’re doing, but doesn’t actually step over any lines. It’s more when you get testy with her here, she gets touchy back.

It would be a shitshow with the fanboys I think if you took out the option to hit here. But wow that moment... didn’t sit right, especially when it was an MShep doing it but it’s not a great look for Femshep either. Nobody should hit ANYBODY unless it’s actually necessary. Getting your feels hurt by a few tough, even unfair questions... does not call for punching.

Especially today when we’re already getting scary close to losing freedom of the press. Being diplomatic with her really nets the best responses in 2 and 3, as well.

And maybe if we hadn’t just gotten raked over the coals by Mikhailovich it’d be less grating to then get questioned by a reporter. But I find it interesting how the game keeps pushing and questioning Shepard, and maybe even trying to find holes where maybe Shepard or the Alliance isn’t completely right, or could be questioned.

Damnit, Chorban and Jahleed. Just kiss, already, neither of you are trying to kill the other!!

I do love that Chorban figures everything out based on your scans... just like... a couple of years too late. Anyway, I already finished all the scans, no way I’m not finishing this quest with Chorban for that sweet XP.

And YOU, using a girl with no undercover experience and putting her in Chora’s de-- what’s that? Conrad dies if I end this quest early? SIGH.

Also... Gideon Emery. So you’re fine. All is forgiven. I’ll do your dirty work.

Helena Blake! I DEFINITELY won’t forget to go speak to her, get back on the Normandy, do another planet quest, realize I didn’t speak to her, then go back to the Citadel just to actually pick up this quest, then pretend later on in this update that I remembered to speak to her all along!

I mean, speaking as if I were someone who hasn’t played the next two games, this is DEFINITELY SUSPICIOUS right?

I guess in a way, we did pull our gun on Conrad all along.

Just give me the damn mods.

Honestly, I love this part of the quest because you can COMPLETELY fuck up by being too goody-goody. I have probably had to reload after mindlessly clicking paragon answers more times than I care to admit. This time, I remembered to not obey the law.

The second reason I wanted to come back to the Citadel is that after one planetary mission, Morlan’s Iconic Armor shop (which, again, is thanks to ME1Recalibrated) sells special armor for Kaidan, that looks like his ME2 armor, so he has his own unique look.

A picture from later, once the armor texture is loaded correctly. (Turns out it required a restart.)

I LOVE IT. Thank you, MERecalibrated team! Welcome to Kaidan’s look for the rest of the game.

Let’s head up to the presidium!

Whoops, shoulda brought Ashley along. I’m sure whatever he wanted to talk about can wait til later.

BTW, that gif isn’t sped up.

If you don’t have the console enabled and aren’t setting your out of combat runspeed to at least 800 whenever you’re anywhere you have a lot of running to do, then consider doing so. I’ve found 800 is the perfect amount of fast without leaving me slamming into walls constantly

The annoying thing is that every time you have a major area transition or have to reload the game, you have to do it again, but after the first time it’s 4 keystrokes.

` then up arrow, then [enter], then ` again.

Also your companions may fall behind, but that’s only an issue for the places they have ambient dialog. So mostly I start using it on the Citadel after going everywhere once, and then most of the time on the Normandy and sidequests.

Oh let’s talk to this nice lady. Oh no, her sister has been kidnapped, how sad!

Well, the poor woman deserves my help, I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up. Sure, I’ll rescue your sister! I’m glad we have this friendly relationship that will be profitable and non-lethal forever!

You DID know that Anderson and Udina comment on each major mission afterwards, right? It took me more playthroughs than I care to admit to discover this.

Also, this is a kind of humanizing moment for Udina here. He tells us how the council isn’t happy that we lost the prothean ruins at Therum, then Anderson stands up for us (we love you, Space Dad), and then he actually really backs off and says in a much softer tone “I know, I know. But we all get judged on how you behave.”

And again, we’re not meant to love how he says it, but um, Udina is right. Everything we do has repercussions throughout the Citadel, and sometimes the Galaxy.

Poor Liara, the only one left without an iconic armor in ME1.

Also, like Tali earlier, she hilariously has lines in quests we turn in or make updates to that she has no business knowing about. I guess she read all the questlogs while traveling back to the Citadel.

While we’re here on the Citadel, let’s take a flycam visit around to the edge of the room, shall we?

So we’re heading out, towards this building, past the Mass Relay sculpture.

What you can see as soon as you’re near it and then over it, is that that building hides the seam where the water meets map.

From just beyond it, there’s the apartment-looking building, for whatever reason you can see through the textures on the other side, leaving just the roofs/floors visible (the slats).

It took quite a while to go this far, but eventually, you can find the invisible wall where the cars spawn from, and not long after, the map ends. The map is very curved, btw, that’s no illusion. There’s no chance you could see this far without flycam.

Looking back, you can see the bridges in the distance, but the Relay sculpture and where Shepard is standing is very far away, quite difficult to see even if the full-sized screenshot.

I love how huge these maps are. It makes the illusions really work and the sense of scale works BECAUSE it is actually just... that big.

Well, back to smaller issues.

Again, a great quest not only from a memorability perspective, but a worldbuilding one.

How does religion work in this galaxy? Well, some people still have it. Enough that there’s laws in governing how people are able to spread that religion. I think that the council actually enacted a fairly sensible law here -- they cannot allow zealots to take over near the seat of government, but also people should be free to worship as they please.

I myself am a person of faith who, despite being brought up in a HIGHLY Evangelical movement, now very much believes that people should be able to worship as they choose, (or not at all!) but also that faith is a private matter and shouldn’t be forced on others.

So yeah, the hanar is being unreasonable, but should still be spoken to with respect. It’s good that this particular hanar takes it well.

I am honestly dying to know how the hanar deal with the absolute proof that the Enkindlers were just... people. I mean we saw the one hanar in ME3 react to Javik, but you have to think that the religion as a whole must get shaken up a great deal after the game ends.

Also... seriously read Mass Effect: Annihilation (the quarian ark book).

Anyway, I like resolving this peacefully and getting the hanar to leave peacefully. Calling someone a big stupid jellyfish is hilarious in the moment, but not so nice once you think about it.

Ah, Michael and Rebekah.

I love this quest because... it’s not cut and dry.

I don’t think either of them is wrong. I think they’re facing a tough choice and they both have good points.

For a long time, though, my response has been that it’s Rebekah’s body, her choice.

But the funny thing was, this time when I was playing, I didn’t see this as just an allegory to a woman’s right to choose. From Michael’s POV, it’s more of an allegory to Anti-Vaxx. Obviously back in 2007 when the game came out Anti-Vaxx wasn’t nearly as much as a concern as it is now, so I love that this small part of the game actually grew more meaningful over time.

Yes, there’s a SMALL chance you could hurt the child from the procedure, but a greater chance of harm if you don’t. I had a harder time choosing this time, like, oh, am I going to lean a bit more towards being pro-choice, or pro-vaxxination? I’m pro both of those things??

I still sided with Rebekah. Mostly because I know the kid turns out OK either way.

Well, for a couple of years, at least.

Emily! You changed your clothes! What’s that? You want me to plant bugs? Won’t someone notice?

Guess not. Not even this bug.

I’m sad that this is the last we’ll see of Emily Wong face to face. But hey, a good reporter, and good person. :salute:

Kahoku... thank you for finding out about Cerberus and telling us. The first time we hear the word I think, in the game?

You will be avenged.

Welp time to head up to the ship and go off on some sidequ--

I mean... Uh, time to go talk to Helena Blake, OBVIOUSLY.

(Also Liara you cannot climb that wall, stahp.)

I love them having just a bad bitch like Helena with her sneaky-plan to kill her business partners so totally above the board by Shepard, but hey, she’s just a concerned citizen giving tips to law enforcement, right? She’s awful, and she knows it, and she’s cool with it.

Well, since Ashley magically appeared in the party without me going to the Normandy AT ALL, as long as we’re here, let’s go talk to Samesh Bhatia

A great moment for Ashley, remembering her friend, and treating her husband with so much care and kindness. OBVIOUSLY we can do this very easy thing for him.

Fuck, this just got a lot more complicated.

I love this quest because it puts you between a rock and a hard place. Again, neither side is wrong. Samesh SHOULD have his wife’s body back. But it IS important research.

For a long time, I didn’t give a shit about the research and would get the body back, no matter what.

But so many more lives are saved with the research. So this time I ask him to understand, and he does. But it never sits quite right, either way.

As my other SciFi favorite franchise* reminds us in one of its most poignant moments... Sometimes the needs of the many do outweigh the needs of the one.

Okay now we’re heading back to the Normandy for the first time this update, and next time, back out into space!

*Star Wars is a Space Opera, not SciFi.

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #liara t'soni #ashley williams #conrad verner #bioware #gaming #video games #annakie's mass effect stuff

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kay-no-lies · 4 years

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Hi,

Sooooo basically twitter used to be my rant safe-haven buuuuuut then people found it and yea. Sometimes you just need a new outlet? i guess..

Anywhooo... Last year i fell in love with WoSo. I stumbled upon the Women’s World Cup final as it was starting. I have always loved watching USA’s teams competing on the global stage, i.e. Olympics, but i never really gave soccer/football a chance.

(I mean technically i can kinda remember catching the last few mins of that Olympic quarterfinal loss, but we don’t need to talk about that...)

But this game, the celebrations, the bad-assery lit a FIRE in my soul! Holy shit this game is F.U.N. I love me some badass iconic women, and who’s better than the USWNT. Fighting the good fight, picking up trophies, demanding to be heard.. Yes bitch.

After that game, i needed more and more i got. I haven’t missed any NWSL or USWNT games (that weren’t on while i was working) since the WC. With the NWSL i’ve just kinda been rooting for everyone (well except NCC, we dont fuck with homophobes lol) and enjoying it. I need to declared my loyalty this season, but it’s hardt.

Also, are NWSL off-seasons always this nuts?! Like i should be happy Sonnett is in Orlando now, bc i live in Georgia and if i ever get to make it to a game it’d be there...but whew that was a dumpster fire last year. idk we’ll see.

Anyways, if you made it this far into the post this was just me telling you a bit about why i’m here and what these damn women and this damn game means to mean now. (I’ve bought two breakingt tees and two crest line shirts, who am i and who’s money am i spending?!!). But it’s great to be a fan and apart of this community. I may not know everything, but i know the rules of the game, a bit of the USWNT history, and enough to school trolls on twitter so there’s that.

its also FUCK USSF and Carlos Cordeiro (who literally just stepped down as i typed that sentence lol) til i die.

#uswnt #woso #nwsl #fuckussf #wwc 2019 #sorrythiswaslong

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plague-of-nice · 4 years

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bestest fren, Dinks

note1: I finally got really good photos of D*inky, the best friend I never imagined a video game can give me! I honestly got super excited that I’m sharing the pics I got today!!

note2: The pics have captions and mini-gushes to come along with them so I put everything under a cut! (im also...v shy that this post might wander into the game’s main tags... so I’m using a nickname for Dinks) LONG POST INBOUND!

note3: Dinks is... a very good friend, and I love and care for him a lot ;v;

↳ Finally, a decent photo of Dinks!!! I’ve been holding off from putting Dinks in my carrd because I didn’t have an icon of him but-!! He can take his rightful place on there at last!!

↳ Dinks with my elementalist character, Serin! They’ve known each other since their days at the farhar, and have been best friends ever since!! They are very loyal and will support each other ‘til the end!! They’re holding paws!!!

↳ When they’re out travelling together, Serin and Dinks likes to sit and stargaze! Serin in particular was the one more interested in the details of astronomy but Dinks likes looking at the pretty stars just as much! [also, possibly my new wallpaper! 😊 ]

↳ They’re saving some coins for the long travel back home so Serin’s trying her best to do the math and pick out a food order that’s a bit cheaper.

↳ “Psst, do you think we can eat that?” “I don’t think we should.”

↳ Sleeping in shifts... Dinky insisted on taking watch duty first.

#joie ponders #when in universe

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fanf1cshawn · 5 years

Text

broken promises

sooo uh hey everyone! this imagine was inspired by a prompt i saw on a post that i reblogged and it’s my first time doing angst soooo i hope ya’ll like it. ~

——————

4 - “why can’t you look at me?”

———————

warnings: swearing and sexual connotations.

————————

it all started from coming home late from the studio. always coming home at the double digits of the night. he always reasoned with you that he wanted the album to be perfect, so you let it slip the first few times.

then it turned into coming home at midnight. he came home exhausted majority of the time, you unable to wait for him to come home. the dinners you made were always left untouched, or worse, you saw it dumped inside the trash.

you came home from work a bit later today, since there were tons of things to do. you inserted the key into the keyhole, wishing that if you opened the door your boyfriend would be right there, waiting for you.

the door slowly opened and you must have been so tired that you didn’t even hear the low mumbling of your boyfriend in his office. you were a bit disappointed that he wasn’t there to welcome you with a warm hug, but you didn’t mind since it was rare for him to come home earlier than you anyways.

you quickly kick off your heels, sprinting to the office as fast as you can. he was on the phone with someone, but you couldn't make out who he was talking to.

“hey.” you leaned against the doorframe, getting no response. maybe your voice was too quiet for him to hear. you come closer and put your hands on his shoulders, feeling him tense up. he quickly turned around, surprised to see you. his body calmed down and he sighed in relief. he ended the phone call and stood up to wrap you in his arms.

“yo, y/n. didn’t notice you were already home.” it felt... weird. something was up. he gave you a crooked smile and sat right back down on his office chair.

“have you eaten yet?” you ask, so you could make dinner just in case he was hungry.

“uh, yeah. i ate out with the guys today, hope you don’t mind.” he rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling lowly.

“oh. yeah, that’s alright bub.” you reply softly, feeling your heart sink.

“i’ll be in the kitchen if you need something.” you said, thinking that it was going to be another night of eating alone again, even with him being home. you head out to kitchen, heating up the meal you made the you made for shawn the other day, since you knew that he was never going to eat it anyways.

the sound of the microwave heating the food was the only thing heard, ‘til you heard heavy footsteps approach the front door.

“shawn?” you raise your brows, surprised to see him leave again.

“i’ll be heading out for a bit, is that okay with you?” he was rushing to put on his boots, as if he someone was waiting for him.

“but didn’t you just say that you ate out with the guys earlier?” you question. the guys haven’t hung out this much in the past few days, since the guys usually came over if they wanted to hang out.

“last minute plans, they wanna go out clubbing.” he laughs. it sounded convincing, but the thought of him hiding something from you popped up in your head. you shrugged the idea off and sighed. he would never do that to you, he promised.

“uh, sure. have fun!” he took a quick glance at his phone and left without saying goodbye.

that was the last straw.

the moment your food was finished heating, you swallowed your food quickly and searched for shawn’s macbook in his office. the past few weeks you couldn’t help but notice how he was always waiting for a certain message on his phone, making his hand glued to the device.

you opened the macbook and typed in his password, since you always tell each other passwords and codes. icloud syncs on every apple device he owns, and the mac was one of them.

you click on the imessage icon and there you saw everything. the last thing you wanted to see ever from that device. you didn’t know how to feel. shocked, sad, heartbroken?

you scroll through the messages between him and a girl named allison. your jaw drops and your heart sinks for every single word you read from their most recent conversation.

a: are you leaving soon?

: i’m wearing your favorite pair tonight, can’t wait to see you later. 😉

s: fuck babe, i’ll leave as soon as i can. trying to escape from my girlfriend haha

a: lmao why are you still with her anyways, i thought she wasn’t good enough?

s: ‘cause she thinks i still care about her and it’s hard to tell her that i really don’t.

: besides, keeping you a secret is more fun anyways. that way we can do more stuff together. more thrilling than being in the public eye you know?

a: true tho. anyways, see you soon!

you scoff. why haven’t you thought of doing this before? why only now?

although you shouldn’t read the conversations of other people without their knowledge, you didn’t feel bad for reading theirs. not even a single bit.

your grew more pissed when you read through their conversation, finding out that it’s been going on for about 3 months.

you take photos of the convo on your phone to post them on twitter.

tweet by you:

hey @ShawnMendes, hope you have a lot of fun with the guys tonight!

(insert photos of convo)

your finger was on top of the tweet button, but you stopped yourself for a second. should i really do this? you chew on your bottom lip and shrugged. i should.

you press tweet and the tweet spread like wildfire. in just a few minutes, there were already headlines all around social media: Canadian Pop-star Shawn Mendes caught cheating on current girlfriend Y/N, caught by the girlfriend herself!

you go around twitter and saw that Shawn Mendes was trending on twitter and that they even made him a hashtag called #ShawnMendesIsCancelledParty. you laugh as you imagine your now ex-boyfriend’s face, reading the numerous articles and tweets.

you start packing a bag full of clothes when you hear your phone blow off with hundreds of notifications. notifications turned into phonecalls end you exactly knew who was calling you. you never picked up, so you just went on with packing more and more stuff.

you zip up the huge bag and walk into the living room, placing it beside the couch. you decided to wait for shawn to hear his nonsense explanations and what not. the sound of the keys was the only thing heard and when the door swung open there he stood, frozen and pale like he had just seen a ghost in the living room. his eyes were glued to random things in the room, as he kept fidgeting with the end of his shirt.

“so, how did it go? did you finish because of how tight brian was?” you stood up slowly, grabbing the handle of the bag. the sarcasm in your voice ringing in his ears.

“i said, how did it go?” a stern tone left your lips and you started approaching him. you eyed him up and down and to him, your eyes felt like daggers stabbing through him. he didn’t know what to say at that moment, didn’t know what dumb explanation to give you. the words were scrambled in his mind and he couldn’t make up anything.

“i-i swear i didn’t mean it. i was about to break up with her anyways.” he mutters out, voice low that you almost didn’t hear a single thing he said. you laugh loudly, clapping your hands in amusement.

“look at me, shawn.” he didn’t look.

“look at me, shawn.” you repeated, but louder. still, he didn’t move a single bit. he was still eyeing something in the kitchen, except for you.

“why can’t you look at me?!” you screamed, grabbing his chin and turning it for him to finally face you. his eyes were full of misery and the corner of his lips were low.

“after the past three years, shawn, three fucking years.” the tears were about to brim your eyes but you did your best to hold it in.

“i have genuinely loved and cared for you but all you do in return... is cheat? what about that promise you made me three years ago when you asked me to be your girlfriend, huh? you said that you’ll love me and do your best not to hurt me... and you still cheated.” you breathe heavily as you start to feel your throat hurt from holding back all the tears.

“turns out promises are just promises. made to never fulfill.” you brought your hand right across his left cheek, the sound of your hand hitting his face ringing in the room. you left, pushing him aside harshly, sprinting to the elevator as fast as you can.

shawn didn’t run. he couldn’t bring himself to do it. he slammed the door shut and was quiet for a few moments.

he realized how dumb he was for doing such a thing, and he regretted everything. your words ran through his mind over and over again, and you were right. you were always right.

shawn’s tears were streaming down his face and he leaned on the door, sliding down slowly. his long fingers ran through his hair and he tried to catch his breath.

he remembered how tight he held your hands and how he looked deeply into your eyes with love three years ago.

he cried even more because he knew he was stupid, and because of his stupidity, it caused you, the greatest treasure of his life, to leave him all alone.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes one shots #shawn mendes angst

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timeforelfnonsense · 4 years

Text

Apprentice April 2

(sprite by Jilljoycearts )

LONG POST

1. What does your character feel when they see their LI for the first time each day?

Fable has such a tender adoration for Julian. She’s been very guarded and private about her authentic feelings for most of her life so having someone she can be soft with means a lot to her. She loves waking up and knowing he’ll still be there no matter what.

2. What things does your character love about their LI?

She loves how thoughtful and selfless he his. Fable is a little self centered at times and she admires how willing to care for others and put their needs before his own.

She loves how emotionally intelligent he is.

She loves his wit and sense of humor .

She loves his kindred sense of adventure and wanderlust

She loves his sharp features, lushes hair, his absurd tallness, his shoulders and hands.

3. What things about their LI annoy them?

When he crosses the line from selfless to babying. Fable is very independent and sometimes Julian can smother her a bit. Sometimes his devotion to her can make her feel a little claustrophobic due to her childhood trauma but she’s working on it.

Julian has a habit of talking about his work with a bit too much enthusiasm and it grosses her out.

Julian: “You should have seen this guy’s leg today Fable! The bone was all the wa-”

Fable: “JULIIIIANNN”

4. Who does what chores?

They are both a little messy but share chores around the shop. They both grew up on ships so they have plenty of experience swabbing the deck lol

5. Do they prefer to stay at home, or do they like to go out?

The both love to go out! Drinking and dancing are always favorites. They go and see plays pretty often as well!

6. What are some little things they do for each other throughout the day?

Fable is a pretty good cook actually so she often brings Julian lunch and coffee when he’s at the clinic.

Julian leaves her little lovey-dovey notes around the shop.

7. What are some private jokes they share?

If you’ve read the first few chapter’s of For Lovers and Fools, you’ll know that they met when Fable asked Julian to walk her home while pretending to be her betrothed. They joked about being engaged all the time before the plunge/when they weren’t really dating and would sometimes put on the act for strangers.

Julian lost his v card to Fable like 7 years before the events of the route and their is some occasional teasing over how Julian was “cuntstruck” by her for almost a decade.

8. What are some embarrassing couple stories?

oooo as previously mentioned Julian lost his virginity to Fable when h e was 21 and she was 19. She said something a little too dirty for him and he ended up being kind of a two pump chump. Fable is a sex positive icon though and made sure he knew she still had fun but oh boy he was embarrassed about it for a long time.

Fable likes to get Julian riled up and flustered around other people. Countless awkward erections...

They both like to drink a little too much and have gotten in hot water with the guard for rowdy behavior.

9. Is their relationship open or exclusive?

Ok. This is a really big and hard question. Fable has a lot of commitment issues and is really afraid of letting people close enough to hurt her because of some abandonment issues. She is also very independent and values freedom. She has a lot of fears about being “owned”. She is really up front about this with her partners. The majority of her relationships have been friends with benefits or one nightstands. She’s only ever been in love with one person other than Julian and they were very on again off again.

Moreover, her father is a wood elf and for the most part they are non-monogamous and her mother’s people don’t have a persuasion for it either (monogamy is common but just as much as non monogamy). So She has never been in an exclusive relationship. She just didn’t grow up worrying about finding someone to be with long term.

I’ve added a little passage from a WIP that encapsulates her feelings.

“So,” Julian’s voice was pitched a bit higher than normal. His brows knit together, thinking of the right thing to say, “We should probably talk about what happened in the library… ”

“It was a bit of debauchery, not a big deal, Julian. Fun is fun, no strings attached.”

He put his hand on her slender shoulders, “ When I told you I wanted you that night on the docks, I meant it.”

She turned away from him her arms tight across her chest, “Look Julian, I really like you. But, I don’t really do commitment.”

Julian looked at her blinking, “So, you don’t want to be with me?”

She looked back at him over her shoulder rolling her eyes, “Never said that.”

“You said-”

“I said I didn’t do commitment, not that I didn’t want you. Not the same thing at all.” Fable shrugged, “I’m just not the kind of woman who wants to belong to someone else. And besides you hardly know me. How do you know that I’m the kind of person you want to be attached to.”

“Fable I don’t want to own you. That, that isn’t what relationships are. Not that I’m proposing a relationship. That is, we did just meet and-”

She cocked her head curls tumbling over her shoulder. Her cherry lips curled into a blithe smile that could stop a man’s heart. She let out an amused laugh, strengthening the lapel of his jacket.

“Oh, you are a sweet one doctor. That’s exactly what relationships are.” She took his hands into her own drawing them to her lips, “ I will give you my affection, my body, my company, but my independence is something I will surrender to no one.”

He followed a few paces behind her the rest of the way. Remaining silent whilst mulling over their conversation. He’d only known her for a short time. He had no reason to feel so disappointed in her disdain towards commitment. Yet, her words had put a pit in his stomach, Still, he’d take as much of herself as she was willing to share without complaint. There was something strangely familiar about her words. A bittersweet deja vu that caused his temples to ache.

That being said she and Julian are exclusive. He is the first person to want to be exclusive with her. Post game she and Julian are in a really good place and they have a really long and good talk about what they are. He would have been willing to keep things open but she could tell he was only offering for her sake. Julian gives her a sense of security and genuine love she has only had with one other person and she hasn’t wanted to be with anyone else sense they got together.

10. How often do they need to be intimate?

They hump like rabbits. They both have pretty high sex drives and physical touch is a shared love language.

11. Have they ever fought?

They don’t fight too much. Julian is emotionally intelligent enough to tell when she’s upset and Fable is pretty diplomatic so things normally work out before an argument happens. They have a bit of a Fenris/Isabella vibe and normally settle things with a bit of hummor:

Fable: (Sighs) This is silly. I don't want to argue.

Julian: Do you want to guess what color my underclothes are again?

Fable: Oh, yes, that's much more fun.

I think their biggest argument is a lot like the argument from eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, both pre and post respawn.

Pre respawn: "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours."

Post respawn:

https://youtu.be/_q0ZZKbzITI

It is much of the same argument but this time around Julian is able to understand and acknowledge her fears much better than the first time around. He was young and still had a lot of his own growth to do when he first met her her but they’ve both grown up a lot in the time between their first kinda relationship and now.

12. Describe their perfect date

A night at the Raven or a little trip on the harbor with the slope!

13. Do they have an evening routine?

They take a bath together.

Julian Brushes her hair

She rubs his back.

14. Describe a “paid scene” with your character and their LI

It would be fable just teasing and flirting with Julian at the Raven!

“I can feel my cheeks blushing from just thinking about what I could say to you”

15. Would they go on a double date?

Totally! They are both extroverts and people-people! They would be that couple that is a little too all over each other during a double date though!

16. Who pops the question?

Fable is a known Gamophobia.

This is a major charter trait for her in both my arcana and dnd cannons. It has a lot to do with her parents and how she was treated by the elf side of her family. That being said I think Julian is about the only person who could get her to settle down. They are well suited for each other being similar in a lot of ways but really different in others. Julian is quick to fall and very open with his feeling and that offers her a security she isn’t used to.

Julian is the one to propose.

He does it on a trip to Nevivon.

He takes her out to the dock at sunset.

There is a big gushy speech

The ring is a ruby from a temple of Sune: associated with love, especially faithful passionate commitment and closeness. As well as being on of Fable’s favorite colors and a call back to the “wedding” ring she gave him when they first met.

She PANICS. But does say yes.

17. Describe the wedding

They get married at sea as its a shared passion

It’s a big mish mash of their cultures.

Fable is half wood elf and her mother is fantasy Celtic and Julian is fantasy Russian Jewish.

A hand fasting & blood oath

“ Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone, I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done.” (I like outlander sue me)

A pebble toss

Couples in ancient times were often married near some sort of water source such as a lake, river or holy well, believed to be favored by the Celtic gods. Wedding guests were each given small stones to cast into the water while making a wish for the couple's future happiness.

A chuppah

A glass breaking

Lots of dancing and rowdy partying

Her family sails out for the wedding as well as all of their friends and family from Nevivon and Vesuvia.

Fables dress:

I’ve included a cute little mood board.

A big Celtic gown made mostly by her aunt and mother but also worked on by herself and Portia. It’s an important custom in her culture that all the women of the clan make the wedding dress.

She wears Julian’s mother’s pearls given to her at the masquerade

A kokoshnik that belonged to Lilinka

18. Any babies?

I’m not sure I want to make this 100% cannon but, eventually they have at least daughter named Keava! She has Fable’s eyes and Julian’s hair. She was very much unplanned but it all worked out! I kind of like the idea of them being like fergus and marsali from outlander though and keeping the population up.

19. Do they stay in Vesuvia, or eventually move somewhere else?

They travel a lot! Right after they go back to piracy for a bit but keep the shop and clinic as a home base.

20. Talk about that family life. What’s it’ like?

Julian is the best dad ever.

They are both open door policy parents

They both have strong family ties and have a multi-culti home for their kid(s).

#julian x apprentice #apprentice april #julian devorak #fable Amastacia #fan aprentice #arcanaverse

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aharris00britney · 5 years

Photo

ASKS 16

haha remember in July when I said I was gonna answer stuff every month... yeah me neither 🙈🙈 anyways lots of stuff under the cut

Anonymous said: You should get along with other Simblrs and start a new cc group now that PTS is disbanded, your hairs and clothes are always amazing! :D

Firstly thank you! Most of the clothing in AxA is 99% ayoshi with me going in after and cleaning/adding some stuff. So I give him props for the clothes :P As far as a ‘new PTS’ style group idk, there are a lot of amazing creators on simblr but I think the reason PTS was such a special thing is because the bond they all had. I feel that when working on collabs with some of my really close friends (such as the one coming out this month with @dogsill and @ayoshi) because we have known each other for over 2 years now. A group of friends built only for collabing purposes would be more of a hassle than an enjoyment imo. <3

Anonymous said: HELLLOOOO! just curious bc why not but what is your favorite creation that you have made??

It varies every month to be honest lmao. If you asked me to pick a favorite hair from each month? Easy, always the last release of the month. But favorite hair ever? Awwww shucks 🤠 lmao I would say my Madison Hair is one of my favorite hair releases, I am planning to revamp it soon to work with my Mia ombre accessories and tidy the mesh up some.

Anonymous said: hello, when will this collection be free for public download please? /post/186706149526/patreon-08-19

That came out in August luv, go to my downloads page and click AxA 2019

Anonymous said: Hi! Idk if you do wcif!!!! But if you do, wcif the freckles on the girl with the short hair on the BOP AHOOB collab?? If you know! Thank you much in advance!!!!!

Hey! You’ll need to send Bowl-Of-Plumbobs a message for that WCIF, that was his Sim otherwise I would link you. Sorry hun

@lumalinrose-sims said: Not a question, but you are like so cool I can't even--

thank you lmao I appreciate it, your profile pic it pretty cool :P

@ang3lba3 said: sarah is so pretty!!! is there a way to download how she looks in its entirety, or no? (sorry if this is a silly question im pretty new to the sims)

not silly don’t worry :P the Sarah hair is for download on the post, the sim can be downloaded here but she is a bit outdated as I have changed her somewhat since then.

Anonymous said: Hihi just stopping by to tell you how much I love your hairs!!

thank you so much! I appreciate the love<3

Anonymous said: hi! i just wanted to say that i love your cc so much i and always look forward to your posts! you make the cutest cc ever and honestly you're probably my favorite cc maker. you also seem like such a chill and genuine person we truly stan.

fgvhbjn thank you lmao I am literally TOO CHILL irl lmao I let people run over me so much but it’s whatever. Thank you again for the super sweet message. Have a great day if you’re reading this :)

Anonymous said: Heeeey we have the same name

Austin club :P great name til you’re trying to sign something and it looks awful (at least for me I can’t do my signature for shit)

Anonymous said: the collab with bop is so boring and dull it’s drier than a cracker it’s a no from me

well not everything is going to be someones cup of tea lmao I’m sure there is someone that enjoys it which counters you’re negative view <3

Anonymous said: Hi I love your cc! I have almost all of it in my game and I love your tropical punch palette so much I was wondering if you would ever consider releasing the palette.

If I ever make an ombre accessory tutorial video I will release a set of actions for the palette. If you wanna use the palette feel free to grab the hex codes from S4S.

Anonymous said: How did you become a ea game changer? Was it through Tumblr or youtube?

About a year ago SimGuruKate was the community manager and had applications for Tumblr Game Changers, I applied and got accepted. Follow SimGuruFrost on Twitter to stay up to date on when new applications are open.

Anonymous said: Are you going to upload the hair you made on your livestream? I literally love your work and am a Patreon subscriber!!!

Hey! The hair will be in my October voting (I think) and if it wins, release will be November. If it doesn’t win I will put it in November voting and so forth til it wins. Also thank you for watching the stream and supporting me on Patreon

Anonymous said: hello!! i just wanted to see if knew is there’s anyway i can save my cc and save files somehow where i can download them again if my computer breaks so i don’t have to download it all again.?

zip your Sims 4 folder and upload it to Google Drive/SimsFileShare/OneDrive. Then when you install Sims 4 again you just replace the folder made in Electronic Arts in your Documents.

Anonymous said: what face do you make when your in love with a bee?

this is an old anon so I doubt they’re gonna check for this, and I can’t find the joke on Google so.... anybody know it?

Anonymous said: i love these collab sets they are honestly gifts from above

mhmm gifts from above for every collab except those in October... those are from below 👹 😳

Anonymous said: the pack is sooooo cute i love everything omg!!!! The male stuff is so adorable i can’t wait to download

Anonymous said: you guys are the only ones i go to for packs i would love to see build buy items in the future we don’t get a lot mm stuff like that

Anonymous said:i just want to say thank you for putting in so much time and hard work and dedication to creating cc for us. i hope there's never a moment when you feel unappreciated, and i want you to know we all love you!

@primadonnaliferiseandfall said: all hail you and ayoshi for the cc pack its so pretty omg!!!!

Anonymous said: omg the kings have delivered!!

Anonymous said: since we got axa 2019 and 2018 will there be an axa 2020? 👀

Anonymous said: Great job on the pack! Everyone's items look gorgeous! Thank you for making this, you talented human being.

Anonymous said: ilysm! that’s all 💓💫

Anonymous said: just wanted to let you know that your content is absolutely amazing and i love it all :) sending love from the uk👍

Anonymous said: would you and ayoshi consider sharing the psds for some of the stuff in your collab? please?

thank you guys so much! Me and Ayoshi were super super happy with the AxA 2019 release and we are so happy with how many people have liked it. AxA 2020 will be a thing, yes. Also I have been working on PSDs that are super easy to navigate. I will get those up soon hopefully.

@graphicpickles said: Hey um, I dont know if you were aware of this but your discord link is broken ^^"

hey! this is super late sorry, discord link should be working now. If not: https://discord.gg/CtQR9tb

Anonymous said: Why would you include a cc hair in a preview for a cas review

because I liked the hair and wanted to use it 😗

@goddesssimmerina said: I just stopped by to tell you how much I LOVE your content. *_* I just went through and downloaded soooo much! xD I actually just switched to using MM hair and i'm so glad I did because I'm finding so many of you amazing creators and I thank you all sm! :*

awe thank you!! I appreciate it. Welcome to MM hair world :P

@moonbrightsims said: whats ur origin id?

AHarris00Britney

Anonymous said: how are your photos/screenshots so high quality? seriously, do you use a mod for it or idk editing? or maybe your settings?

Ultra Settings, and I use SRWE for HQ pics.

Anonymous said: if you don’t answer this ask you’re straight

It has been answered. I am no longer straight. Was a hard two months not answering this 😔😔😔

Anonymous said: Hi, would you mind teaching us how you make the LoDs of your hairs? I opened one of them in S4S and found out your LoDs are great looking. I use decimate tool in blender and they look really bad.

I edge split everything before I decimate in Blender, I also delete the hairline and extrude the mesh inside the head before decimating as well. Really confusing to explain in words sorry. Might make a tutorial.

Anonymous said: omg ur cc finds blog has apink namjoo as icon and header. i'm.. sCREAMING. austin knows royalty

yes ma’am now where is the comeback

- it was at this point I realized I have caught up with my last asks post and have answered 4 things over again from Asks 15. Well... I guess that’s it folks

see yall in asks 17 in 2 months.... maybe the end of October idk

#asks #nonsims #saviorhide #i dont even know why i decided to answer stuff tonight it is 1:32AM now and i started an hour ago #let me go be productive and do something like lay in bed playing Animal Crossing Pocket Camp for 2 hours til I pass out #actually let me post a teaser idgaf its 2am but when else am i gonna post it

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glrchmp · 4 years

Text

i’m just gonna dump all the shit i rambled about to shan last night. to give you an idea of what my leon portrayal is like ‘til i... make a proper about section on the google doc lmao

in my hc leon is desi—his family on both sides are from india (or whatever pkmn's equivalent is; copperajah is said in its dex entry it's from a far away region). his mom's parents were immigrants and his father's family had been in galar for a while. he's not too tied to his culture due to having a bit of a gap between him and his family since he became champion but he is fluent in hindi thanks to his grandparents wanting him to learn it when he was small.

during the game he's around… twenty-one? it says on his league card that he started his journey at ten, so i'd assume he became champion at ten as well. the game says he’s an adult, and also says hop remembers leon telling him he’d become champion so leon would have to be eighteen at the Least since hop is still a kid (around like fifteen imo). ANYWAYYYY he’s still pretty young!

when he was six and hop was still a few months old their father died from illness and it shook him pretty hard because he was attached to his dad, more so than his mom, and that’s such a young age to lose a parent and he never really knew how to cope with it.

the thing is though was he was forced to grow up too fast. his dad dying when he was young, he felt like he had to fill his role as hop was growing up (sonia did say leon “practically raised” hop). but going on a journey at ten and becoming champion at ten kinda tore him away from his family and… well. he had his childhood stolen from him. at ten he had already started questioning his gender identity but hadn’t come out yet, so his sense of identity being skewed while forced into the position of champion and becoming this icon and role model when he was still so young.

they called him a prodigy, becoming champion so young and on his first try, and everyone who had watched him during the league challenge had already noted he was insanely skilled as a trainer, not losing to a single trainer once. leaving his friends sonia and raihan in the dust, basically, and taking them both down in the champion cup. and then rose started saying he could be a hero — because galar needed a hero in the years to come, he could be like the old heroes of galar leon always heard stories about (and leon had excitedly asked him if he could wear a cape, since he was going to be a hero now!), and what ten-year-old wouldn’t love to hear that? the chairman himself acting like the father he had years ago, but there was something different in his eyes that leon was too young to notice.

i should mention, at ten he basically becomes his family’s main breadwinner.

at twelve he figures out his Gender Stuff and confides in his friends and hop (who excitedly calls him his big brother immediately) and at thirteen he comes out publicly and not long after manages to convince rose to help pay for his name change (and rose had agreed, of course, but his smile didn’t really reach his eyes—leon was too starstruck to notice, or care). rose also helped him with changing his image a bit, pulling any merchandise, commercials, ads, etc with his face on them and replacing them with new things more suited to who he really was now. at that point something in his relationship with rose shifted, but he was too young to notice then—when he looks back on it now, in hindsight, it gives him a foul taste on his tongue.

at sixteen he gets permission to start hormone therapy, and at seventeen he gets top surgery. sonia and raihan are there for him the entire time and leon had already started noticing he had some Big Feelings towards raihan even before this (maybe since they first met as kids, even). raihan always laughing with him, teasing him, holding his hand to lead him places whenever he got lost. raihan sitting at his bedside post-surgery showing him funny videos on his phone while he was stoned from painkillers… but leon staring at raihan’s face more than at the phone screen… basically, this boy is GAY.

once the eternatus stuff happens… this is basically what rose was grooming him for to begin with. to be the one to defeat and catch eternatus and “save” galar. to be the “hero” rose always told him he could be. but being a hero doesn’t sound so appealing anymore when it’s been drilled into you for over a decade until you don’t have a real grasp on your identity outside of hero, outside of champion (who is he now, really?). it’s not so appealing when you’re standing in front of a three-thousand-year-old, sixty-five-foot-tall monstrosity oozing venom who brings back galar’s darkest day. and then it beats you, leaves you crumbled against the ground as two children, one being your brother, brings it down and saves the day.

(he wasn’t the hero this time, and he has mixed feelings about that.)

he wakes up in a hospital bed with a searing pain along his ribs, like he’s being burned, like his skin is coming off and he cries from the pain the moment he wakes up and then the memories come rushing back, everything that happened to put him here. and he cries more. and when the nurses come in to give him medicine and change his bandages he still cries and falls unconscious again. when he wakes up again sonia is there, and then raihan is there, and raihan holds his hand and smiles at him. tells him that he may be the champ, but he shouldn’t force himself out onto the pitch just yet if he’s hurting. but leon being leon goes out there three days later.

and he loses.

(people say it’s leon’s first lost in 11 years, but eternatus was truly his first loss.)

his title of champion taken from him, and he doesn’t know who he is anymore even though he has so many people in his life that love him. so many fans that love him whether he’s champion or not. he strikes one more pose in the pitch despite the searing pain in his body and grins even if there are tears stinging at his eyes.

ughh im rambling anyway leon figures out who he is outside of being champion eventually but it’s a Process. but… he gets there! slowly but surely. and he learns how to be happy. starts the battle tower, takes the role as chairman when rose is carted off to jail. has more time to be… himself. in the league cards it even says he seems livelier in the battle tower… anyway, i love him,

#bio.#hrrngnghghf #headcanon.

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