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#tired of being haunted

junryou · 7 months

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memories of the past

#just burn them #tired of being haunted

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senselesswanders · 9 months

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"You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting" then why does it feel like I do? God, why does it feel like I do?

#personal #tired of being haunted

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shorthaltsjester · 10 months

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i do not want to dig a hole but i am too much of a laura bailey pc enjoyer to not make this post so:

selfishness ≠ a lack of kindness

selfishness is a theme that has come up with all of laura's main campaign pcs. that doesn't mean that her characters are always making selfish choices or that they don't care about the rest of the people they're with or that they're not good. it's just that, for the most part, the first thing they're thinking of when they take action or make choices is themselves.

in jester and vex both it is more typical and obvious selfishness. vex's developed because she needed it to keep herself and vax alive and as safe as possible and it grew into a behaviour that she had to actively work to avoid. it's evident in her greed, her theft of the broom, her reaction to her own death which relied heavily on i'm okay/i survived to which keyleth reminded her that she wasn't the only one who had to witness and reckon with her death. in jester's case, she grew up in an environment that literally trained her to make every decision based on two things - her mother's opinion and her own. so, when she's out in the world without marion for the first time, her choices are those that will benefit her and her actions are those that consider her own thoughts and not really many others' (aside from the traveler's).

it isn't a criticism of either vex or jester to say that they are characters who act selfishly. in fact, i'd argue that to claim otherwise does a great disservice to exactly how immense both of their character arcs are. because the nuance of both jester and vex is that they are selfish, and they also hold extreme room for self-sacrifice and empathy. vex is much more brash than jester is, and jester is much more trusting than vex, but both of them are characters who begin with selfish impulses who grow with them. neither ever truly shed those impulses, but they use them in new ways, typically transforming them into impulses towards things that are in the best interest of the party.

you may have noticed the lack of imogen in this post about laura bailey pcs and that's because of two reasons. one, we are an unknown amount of time into her story, i can't analyse her development the same way i can vex and jester's. two, imogen's selfishness isn't the blatant quasi-self-aware selfishness that we see in things like jester complaining about her lack of money to caleb or vex stealing a broom. instead, imogen's is very internal, like a lot of laura's character work with imogen. it is a bit similar to jester’s in the sense that it comes from a lack of awareness moreso than vex’s practiced behaviour, but imogen’s is a lot more tied to inherent beliefs she has about the world and the people in it.

as a consequence of her powers, imogen sees people's thoughts as their entirety, she holds it above their actions to be the truth of who they are - to act against what they think or to say something that doesn’t cohere with what they’ve thought is akin to lying, so for her to act empathetically is to act in tandem with what someone else’s thoughts are, not how they act, which is typically not all that wanted. the same as vex’s greed and jester’s naivety, this is a trait that makes narrative sense and it’s one i find quite compelling, especially when read in the vein of someone struggling through trauma that has made them assume that the world is against them. imogen’s cynicism is coherent cynicism, i can’t say that in a similar situation i wouldn’t have the same predisposition towards the world.

the part that is particularly self-interested comes in if you look at how imogen has actually been treated in the campaign (quite well) in comparison to the cynicism that she’s developed from her past (something that speaks to a world out to get her). certainly, a bunch of shitty things have happened to imogen in the time we’ve known her, but the same can be said for everyone in bell’s hells and pretty much everyone in exandria at this point in time. but, in a fight to save the aforementioned world, imogen’s focus was getting her mother back on her side. which, while very consistent with her character and a choice that i enjoy, is a very selfish one. the fun thing (to me, obviously) about imogen is that she has, more than most, an insight into the opinions of others and she also tends to seek others’ opinions out and genuinely engages with them and supports their choices. but she still very much acts towards what she thinks is best. it’s one reason i enjoy looking at the dynamic between her and orym as one between foils, as orym tends to be stalwart in his beliefs and doesn’t care too much for other’s opinions if he’s already sure of his own, but his actions tend to favour collaboration and protecting others.

as i mentioned earlier, imogen is a harder case to look at because she is still in the process of her story. however, the circlet is clearly influencing how she interacts with the world and in the wake of the solstice, the hostile reaction towards ruidusborn people has started to become more and more apparent and i’m interested to see what route that ends up leading imogen down and how it will influence her relationship with the rest of bell’s hells. (for better, i think, based on recent conversations, but if it's for worse i will be just as seated and excited).

all of this is just to say, please stop assuming that claiming a character has a trait you think is a bad one is criticism or a hate post. in light of the fact that i know that people who don’t believe this will continue to not believe this, i’ll encourage anyone confused about the ability of a character to be good and kind and selfish all at once to look to what the text itself says, specifically scanlan’s words to pelor when asked what vex means to him:

“Her name is Vex, and she is greedy and mean sometimes, and she can steal a lot. She’s a little bit not the greatest person, but her flaws highlight everything that is right about her, which is she does all these things to protect her friends and her family. She would give her life for any of us and for anyone who was truly in need. And she’s not perfect but she’s the most perfect of all of us.”

would you look at that... an ability to be a multitude of things, some in conflict with one another. i know that's hard for fandoms to believe, especially about female characters with agency, but i promise its true!

#deeply unfair of laura to make three characters with some type of people skills and morality shaped by their loneliness #and what. i’m just supposed act like i’m normal about that?#this is me blog and i have slightly more time than usual to write nothing essays about fictional characters that haunt me #but dear god . lookin at cr characters and denying their flaws is like looking at a house and only seeing it’s doors .#if ppl demand perfection of fictional characters im genuinely curious in what media they’ve ever found that .#a single imogen post of mine broke containment and it skyrocketed my annoying phil student levels so. alas #but . if you agree that imogen had an incredibly isolating life . i will emphasize that isolation causes traits and behaviours #that aren’t just Quirky or fun or hot anger or whatever #imogen contains so much i love her so much i am bursting at the seams about it #but for some ppl. she is ur ‘girlfailure’ until someone suggests a way she might be girl failing by being selfinterested #what is the truth. do u want her to be an actual girlfailure it do u just want her to suit a . frankly tired. trope about lesbians #anyway . both text and tag rant over . goodnight #cr meta #imogen temult #vex’ahlia #vex’ahlia de rolo #jester lavorre #critical role #my posts

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fumifooms · 11 months

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Monsters and Ghosts

Monsters & Ghosts, the monstrous siblings

The Toudens Dungeon Meshi Ryoko Kui

Red song lyrics (both fonts & shades): Animal by The Living Tombstone // Black background song lyrics: This is Home by Cavetown // The two dialogue bubbles, flighted birds & swallowing: Shut Hell by Yu Ito // Blue quote: Susan Ee // White background quote: Numbers 13:32, the Bible // “Burning shadows of human hands” song lyrics: Uncanny by GHOST // Brown-gold song lyrics: My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone // Orange quote: Mira Grant Last quote below: Stephen King // Last song lyrics below: Monster from Adventure Time.

#web weaving #dungeon meshi #laios touden #falin touden #touden siblings #CORRUPTION ARC #YAYYY #-clenches fist- it’s about empowerment and the tragedy of social ostracization #and security #this is literally my fav angst narrative ever #me when flighted birds have hollow bones 😞#Canonically Laios has a monster motif while Falin has a ghot motif sorry I didn't show more of Falin being haunted #they are judged they are used they are scapegoated they are villified #they are tired.#this is more in line with what I was trying to do with the Poison Tree lyrics in my first web weaving #every new web weaving I pepe sylvia about Dunmeshi harder #THIS IS TOO BIG I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING INSANE #the target audience is me oops #i might make a more coherent remake of this one one day #cw gore #cw blood #next web weaving is either gonna be Laios corruption again or the dungeon being the demon’s digestive organ teehee #dungeon meshi spoilers #spoilers

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carefulfears · 9 months

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top 5 (or 10 if you have em) scully taking care of mulder moments <3

she said IF i have 10 😭😭😭

1/ sein und zeit

i fear i have talked about this television scene more times than anyone has ever talked about a television scene....like. one, two, three, four, i was even foolishly invited onto a podcast to talk about it more...

my tags here:

she gets down on the Ground. there's something so primal about it. there's such a lack of pretense and sense of desperation about it. the way he hits the table. we so Rarely see him lash out like that. but it's just too much to Bear. like everything in him is just Breaking the only thing that he's even remotely been able to hold onto amidst all of the unbearable loss and trauma in his life has failed. he's fumbling around for anything that might make it better. that audries fic describing him in this moment as an 'addict out of a fix' with 'newborn anger.' “this is the world? this is it?” it's the way that he spends this whole ep cooking up some elaborate mythology about missing children and how they can be found and then the last shot of the episode is that wide shot of all of the children's graves. sometimes he's just wrong. the world is so much fucking darker and uglier sometimes than the way he sees it. and that's what is crashing down around him in this moment. and she's sitting in the wreckage holding him tight.

this is such brave, brave love. i keep thinking about CSM in the following episode, standing in scully's apartment, warning her. "allow him his ignorance, it's what gives him hope."

she doesn't know what will happen to him, to her, to them, when she breaks down the only method of coping that he has. his mother lost her bedrock too, and she didn't survive. from the moment scully enters, you can watch it break her. she does it anyway. she gets down on the ground, and she cries, and she holds him. god, it all just would've been so different, if there'd been just 1 person, 27 years ago.

(thinking about mulder reaching up to hold scully when missy died, and these tags asking: did anyone hold him, when it was his sister?)

i love the show's message on grief (and trauma), in that this is all that is necessary for "closure." there is no "Truth," (and there really isn't any closure, there's no "beyond" the sea). but it matters that someone knows. it matters that someone bears witness. it matters that someone tells you the truth, even when it fucking breaks their heart. sits in the destruction with you.

the exhaustion in her voice the next morning, when she tells skinner, "it's been a hard night for him." she's still wearing her work clothes from the day before. she was up all night. she's tired, and she's scared, and she's sad. it's been a hard 7 years. it's been a hard 27 years.

it makes me tear up every time i see it, the way she blocks him in the doorway. she's not moving. this is just so scully. it's not even starbuck, it's just so scully. she would keep him in that apartment where she could cover him and control what touches him forever, if she could. (she can't, so you're not taking him anywhere without her. the way she looks her boss in the eye and tells him he better book her a flight too. brave love.)

2/ demons

god, this one just makes me sad. this might be the one that makes me saddest. she's dying. she doesn't have it in her, anymore. i talked about this in my newsletter (and i wrote a fic about it once) but this is like...the only time where she never calls him out on what he's doing. she never yells. she never rolls her eyes. she never gets frustrated with him. she doesn't have it in her. she's dying. he will be alone. she won't be here the next time. what can she even do about it?

i always think about this post:

and you know she is thinking about how if she hadn’t been there he would’ve died. and how the next time he does something like this, she won’t have enough life left in her to keep them both alive. she might not even have enough left for herself. and she’ll give whatever she does have left to him, but it won’t be enough to save either of them. she’ll die cold and pale and he’ll burn himself out. and what can she do but hold him? who will he have when she’s gone? what will he do to himself? who will he call?

and these tags:

this is so cautious and tender and apologetic. sorry for all the pain he feels constantly. and sorry that nothing can ease it. and sorry that she is dying and leaving him like this.

she started writing to him as soon as she was diagnosed, begging. begging forgiveness, begging courage, begging grace. begging for him to not feel there was anything more he could've done, to not become the next cause he is lost in. for him to keep going, as she needs to know he's "out there."

but she's seen him hold a gun to himself too many times, and she knows he's coming down with her. and it's such a loss? this is a person she gave up everything, including her life, to follow, because she believed in him and what he wanted to do in the world that much. but things are different now. he won't survive this. he won't be "out there" saving the world.

what can she do? go to rhode island at 5am, wrap him up. stay quiet, stay still, but scream and thrash at anyone who's careless with him. sink down next to him, cover him, hold him. "maybe we need every answer in the world to survive a single question: how long do we have each other?" (x)

(also, her memento mori journal, in general. she sat in that hospital alone, for days, knowing she was going to die. and she wrote letter, after letter, after letter, to him. so that he would have something. so that he wouldn’t be left alone with nothing, again.)

3/ the end

"as mulder appears. the look on his face is of a man who's seeing, smelling, and tasting the loss of everything he has worked for. it's the look of utter defeat. angle on scully at the door. she sees only mulder right now...she moves to him now. putting her arms around him, holding on to keep him from breaking. off this, we fade out. the end." (script)

i think so often about the script notes of this scene. the description of mulder, as absorbed in destruction. everything that he's worked for, literally reduced to (cigarette) ash. scully only focused on him.

in the final angle of the season, you can really see how she's standing in front of him. her fingers clutching him. but when she first grabs him, it's so tentative. it almost feels like she's trying to see if he's still there, if he exists, if his work doesn't.

this is...the whole thing! there's a reason why this was "the end." the final image of this iteration of the series, before everything changes. this is what it is all about. it's mulder walking headfirst into the devastation of the world. drenched in loss. seeing it. smelling it. tasting it. surrounded by it. and it's scully knowing what he'll find even as he's still moving (this script note, from the hallway: "reverse on scully. returning the look. knowing what mulder is going to find. and what it will mean.")

following behind. eyes on him, while he takes in the ash. just holding on for dear life; trying to keep him close, whole.

(also, i love the moment before the fire, at his apartment, after diana was shot. the way scully tells skinner that he can reach her at mulder's if he needs her, because that's where she'll be. he doesn't even have a bed, or anywhere for her to stay!! she's not leaving him.)

4/ paper hearts

oh, starbuck. we are really in it now.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode, yes. but mostly it's about grief. mostly it's about harsh awakenings. mostly it's about confrontation with fear, scully's included.

one of the most haunting moments of the series, to me, is when they speak to the father of the 14th victim, twenty-one years after his daughter went missing. and through tears, the father says, "i used to think...that missing was worse than dead, because...you never knew what happened. now that i know, i'm glad my wife's not here. she got luckier."

in that moment, as mulder looks over at the photos on the mantle, missing is not worse than dead. it is not worse than knowing. and later that day, in his first scene, roche calls it exactly as it is: "i understand you take this very personally, mulder."

i've written about this scene in the hallway so many times, because it's truly the crux of this episode (my favorite episode).

from my newsletter:

There’s something so viscerally deep about this episode that’s hard to put into words, but to me, it is most palpable in the moment in the hallway when Mulder asks Scully if she believes that his sister was abducted by aliens. And you can see in his face that he knows the answer, and he’s challenging her to come out and say it. You can see in Scully’s that she would rather admit to anything else.

he's challenging her. he's taking their entire dynamic, and throwing it in her face. not to be cruel. not to disrupt. but just to say...so what now? isn't this what you believe?

i don't think that they've ever been so fragile, as in this hallway, honestly. they rarely threaten to break it all down. their entire lives are built on him walking up to tragedy and saying: it was aliens. it was XYZ. and her following behind saying: no. it was a killer, it was a man.

what does that mean? what is she really saying?

this episode is hard on scully. mulder has never been more haunted. there has never been a bigger reminder of what they are actually doing. they are not just chasing little green men, having adventures, studying sewer worms. they are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. they are trying to find a "truth" that they do not want to know. they are living their lives in mourning, in bereavement, in remembrance, of a missing little girl, and scully is terrified that they'll find her. that it will be exactly like roche threatens. that missing is not worse than dead.

and there is no one else. there is no one else that even knows how haunted he is. how stuck he is, in that childhood bedroom, like he said all those years ago. how deeply sad it is.

it's all of the little things. it's the "you did good work, mulder" in the beginning. it's the way she asks if he's okay to go tell the 14th victim's family. it's way she exclaims "oh my god" when roche says that he just wants to see mulder's face, when he finds samantha's body. one of the few times that we ever see scully lose control, but she just stands up and screams, opens the door and wordlessly waits for mulder to get up and get out of there.

it's the way that she hears "help me, scully" and digs in the dirt, with her bare hands.

(you can tell in his eyes here that he's been crying, and it really gets to me. there's so much that we don't see.)

in the end, they're back in the basement. nothing left but one scrap of tattered fabric, one more lost failure. it's over. she just comes down to check on him.

the progression of scully's face in this last scene is just unbelievably gut-wrenching to me. her smile, when she tells him to get some sleep, and he laughs. the way it disappears when he holds her, and can't see her anymore. with his mother, flashing that smile and hugging her was all that it took to convince her not to worry. when he repeats the same actions with scully, she looks like she could break.

this post:

Episodes like this make me think how alone - not just lonely, but truly alone - Mulder was before her. Nobody lost sleep over him falling apart under the fist of decades old trauma. Nobody grappled with him, let him wrestle his grief against them, and still stayed. Nobody visited him in the hospital, flew to Alaska, lied for him, stayed by his bed for days straight without an extra change of clothes. Nobody else knew he was suffering or wanted to, knew it more than he knew. That end of Paper hearts where she tells him to get some sleep, he laughs at the ridiculousness of it, but also out of incredulity at having someone to wish for better on his behalf. The heartbroken look on her face as he’s laughing into her waist seems to be her coming to the same realisation; “Who looked after you before? How long did you feel like this on your own?”

she is heartbroken. there is so much grief, in being starbuck. there's grief in being needed. there's grief in following ghosts. there's grief in loving someone who is so encased in pain, in loss. he will not go home and get some sleep. a well-placed joke, that smile, a hug, does not convince her that he's okay. he hurts so much, for so long, and he has one person who knows it. and all they do is keep moving: closer and closer to that breaking point that she is so afraid of, and they can't stop.

5/ redux ii

remember when dana scully lied on her death bed and looked up at mulder as he told her that he was not willing to jeopardize skinner to save himself, and she replied, "well, then, you have to lay it on me."

the way he smiles and shakes his head, chokes out "i can't...i can't do that." through tears...they are so kind to each other. all that she has left in the world is her reputation, and she says: take it. take it all. take everything.

she cries when he won't do it.

6/ herrenvolk

okay, i wanna get into some slightly lighter ones, so y'all remember when she nearly fully knocked skinner into the wall, because mulder came in with a (checks notes) scratch on his face?

this is just so scully.

she is so panicked. she just wants to slow him down, to stand between him and the world for even one moment longer.

these tags:

she's almost begging him not to go in. the extent of her worry is heartbreaking. she loves him. it frightens her to know what awaits him.

one of the biggest conflicts of scully's character is that she just cannot stop him, she cannot shield him, she cannot protect him. the way she leans up here, and pulls him to her shoulder. covers him with a blanket. this is what she can do.

there is so much grief in being starbuck!! in loving someone who walks blindly into a world that you do not trust. in following someone into the worst night of their life: over, over, over. years, years, years. in being first mate, holding the responsibility on your shoulders of having to steer in a safe direction, only having one to choose from.

(i also think it's really special, all of the little moments where she checks in. in the previous episode, in the hospital hallway, the way she says "are you okay?" so softly.

in paper clip, when she makes him stop, and says "no, wait, hold on a second...i don't think you've had time to process everything that you've been through."

remnants of the girl who told him she'll cover for him and he should just go get a beer, take some time for himself, after jersey. who suggested he talk to someone, when jerry lamana died. she's always wanted so much for him, but she understands more now. there's still room to pause, for a moment, before he carries on.)

7/ anasazi

ladies, would you shoot your man with a gun, to keep him from endangering himself, while he was being laced with LSD, and then drag him across the country singlehandedly, while he was unconscious, despite him being twice your size? and this, too, is taking care.

the way she says, "i was certain they would have killed you, mulder." and the fear in her voice, his hand on her knee. (she is so young. she really doesn't know what to do, not as often as she seems like she does). the way he says, "thank you. thank you for taking care of me." they are so kind to each other. it'll break your fucking heart.

(i remember asking y'all a few weeks ago, if mulder and scully ever say "i'm sorry," if they ever apologize to each other. and we came up with a couple of times. i'll tell you what, though: not as often as they say "thank you.")

8/ fire

girlbosses when they singlehandedly solve serial murders, to get their best friend's shitty ex away from them!!! okay, i put this one on here because we were talking about it yesterday, but scully really does handle the entire situation with phoebe so perfectly, and that's hard to do, when you're dealing with friends and abusers.

trish, i loved this part of your post yesterday:

scully gives him the space to talk about it, never says too much but she says enough. her phrasing is SO important. she repeats what he just told her in a way that frames it as wrong.

she's a little rabid, lol. we can see it on her face when she's alone, or when mulder's not looking. but around him (around phoebe too) she's calm. she listens, she addresses what he tells her as bad, without pressing. when he tells her that she's off the case, that he doesn't want to expose her to what phoebe is doing, she asks one time: are you sure you don't want help?

he says yes, and she does it anyway. she catches that fucking murderer so that this woman can go home. just, like, an inspiration to us all.

trish's tweet:

really, truly, genuinely. scully solving the case in fire was the absolute best course of action she could have taken. get that woman out of here, an ocean away from mulder. (give him freedom, let him heal, teach him what real love feels like)

(her eyes locked in on him here, phoebe behind her. the way that when phoebe leaves the room, scully says, "you alright?" instantly.)

meeting phoebe just a few months into their partnership made her so fucking crazy like...i make fun of her for being sick in the head in regards to everyone he meets (men and women alike) and never wanting anyone around him other than her but like, my god, can you blame her!!! he's such a gentle person and people are so cruel and it makes her eyes bug out of her head.

yeah, i really don't have much else to say here, you guys. she solved a murder herself, a case that she wasn't even supposed to be working, so that his old gf would go away and stop being mean to him. she doesn't play!!

(also! while we're on the subject of abusive exes, honorable mention to scully cornering diana into an empty room and telling her to "just think" about who mulder is, who he was when she met him, compared to where he is now. "and then try and stand there in front of me. look me in the eye. and tell me mulder wouldn't bust his ass trying to save you.")

9/ deadalive

oh, you guys remember that time she raised him from the dead, right?

scully at 8 months pregnant, sitting in that hospital chair, holding his hand, for days. knowing he can’t feel it, knowing that there’s nothing that says he’ll ever wake up. that it’s impossible. that there is no science…yeah. she just sits there and holds his hand.

i love the moment when she finds out, and she comes barreling through that hallway. she hits skinner first, and starts yelling, “i want to see him. no, i need to see him,” slams her fists into his chest.

then she moves onto doggett. repeats, “i need to see him” through tears. and the way doggett says… “i know. but i wish you wouldn’t.”

she’s loved. they want to protect her, protect her image of mulder as she knew him. but they also both know she will fucking plow them down.

i always think of this fic and feel so ill:

“I pulled you six feet out of the ground,” she whispers, dangerously low. “Because I couldn’t live without you. I gave birth to your child.”

she fed his fish while he was in a casket. she planned a funeral and decorated a nursery alone, at the same time. she ran herself ragged all over the country, trying to keep his work going. she raised him from the dead.

(i also feel that i can throw in here, as related, the time that she busted him out of prison and then abandoned everything in her entire life including her career, her family, and everything she owns, to go on the run from the law and live secretly in seedy motels for years to be with him.)

10/ fight the future

there are too many contenders for my last spot, so i’m gonna keep it simple, and go with the most special movie moment. (of all movies).

from my newsletter:

“Mulder watches the spaceship as it flies overhead, his face glows with a heart-melting grin of childlike wonder and awe.”(x)

That’s exactly what it feels like to me, it’s an innocence and excitement that was so present in season one, that was all over him when he told Scully to come look in the second episode, but that’s rare to see in the later seasons. It’s rare to see at this point in their story, after all that’s happened. They are stranded in Antarctica, both of them injured, both of them freezing in the cold, and they are holding each other and gazing up at the sky. What a perfect thing in their big momentous feature, to bring it all back to what it started with.

there’s such a reverent sentimentality to it, in the simplicity. she had stopped breathing, a few minutes earlier. but when he passes out, she pulls herself up, and grabs onto him. keeps him alive, keeps them both alive, just by holding him close. that’s really the heart of it.

(also, i find it so moving that this film is the only time in the franchise that scully considers leaving, not working with him anymore, and it’s because she thinks she’s not good for him. that she’s holding him back. she never considers him as anything other than wanted, something worth believing in.)

some honorable mentions to: little green men, which i’ve written about here. (especially her secret-signaling him to their secret meet-up place, just to ask if he’s okay). the erlenmeyer flask, which i’ve talked about here. (she literally stops him in the street to tell him that she should have listened to him, and she’s sorry, because she should have trusted his instincts. that means so much, you guys). her telling colton she hopes he falls on his ass after he was making rude comments about mulder in squeeze, screaming at a serial killer that she’ll gas him into hell herself and no one will stop her, if mulder isn’t okay, in beyond the sea….she has threatened and shouted at and smacked around so many people for fucking with him, and this too is care!! (anger meaning you’re worth being angry over, etc etc)

how desperately she became frantic to find their son, after 17 years resigned to never ever looking for him, never ever endangering him that way…because she became convinced that it’s the only thing that would help mulder.

and how important samantha is to her. it matters. it matters, that sam is remembered. that someone else in the world knows. someone knows that they played baseball in the summers, that they fought over the television, that he’s looked for her in every room he’s ever been in. someone else cares about her; not as a white whale, not as a photo on a desk, as a little girl who broke her collarbone because she played on swings too hard. scully listened to her journal, and cried. listened to how much she suffered. how much she just wanted to see her big brother. (scully kept a journal like that, too, once. underwent those same tests. almost died at the hands of those same men. wrote her testimony to that same person.) it’s taking care of mulder, to love samantha. and she does.

#i got really really tired by the end but it is what it is #i want y'all to know #that i almost put 'trust no 1' on here #the way that she yells at doggett that she wants to see mulder 'SO BAD'#but in the end: writes to him that she just wants him to be okay even if she can't see him or hear from him #or even if he can't read what she sends him #and the way that she looks over at william in the stroller and puts her hand on his face #just like...that one semblance of mulder that she still has in her life and that she holds onto- in this baby #and he's growing up without his dad and she NEVER wanted that.#and mulder is writing to her that he just wants to come home to her and to will.#and how her voice shakes and she screams when she talks about how badly she just needs to see him. she feels so alone.#and there are only so many solar system onesies and star mobiles and lullabies from the florida woods that she can give #but ultimately she just wants him to be safe and alive and that's what she tells him and that's what she fights for with everyone else #but it's just so fucking unbearably sad and i couldnt do it after the first few i put on here ksjdfk #i would also say!! that her leaving him post-iwtb and their break-up was in a way taking care of him #getting the fuck out of that house. trying to save herself from that trap of grief.#then coming back when it was less haunted and he was healthier and it was able to be their home again #refusing to suffocate there just because he was. salvaging SOMETHING for him to come back to- and ALWAYS being available for that.#asks #sein und zeit #demons #the end #paper hearts #redux ii #herrenvolk #anasazi #fire #deadalive #ftf

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stealingyourbones · 2 years

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I have a humble request to put out there for all Danny Phantom fic writers:

Danny doing the cat “mrrp?” start up sound whoever startled.

All liminal beings able to communicate through high frequency chirps and trills. Yes they do sound cat like, no I do not make up the rules that’s simply how it is.

For the love of god if anyone makes a fic of Danny doing happy trills or chirps when excited i will cry tears of joy.

#bones speaks #danny phantom #dpxdc #writing prompts #prompts #danny fenton #u fuckers better because this shit haunts my every waking hour #I’m posting this very deliriously tired and my hands are in so much pain but I must spread the good word #for those in dpxdc: literally every batfam member BESIDES tim being able to do the sounds because tim hasn’t died

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centaurianthropology · 11 months

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I very much hope that the six supreme court justices that voted to allow businesses to discriminate against LGBT people--despite the original complaint being completely fabricated--get treated to a lifetime of businesses discriminating against them. I hope that every time one of them walks into a restaurant or requests a service, they are told that they have to leave because “we don’t serve your kind here”.

It’s only fair for those fucking ghouls to reap what they sow.

#supreme court #they aren't even trying to cover up their corruption anymore #and why should they?#it's not like there are any consequences for taking bribes or being owned by conservative billionaires #the repercussions of the 2016 elections are going to haunt us for the rest of our lives #as every generation after the one that is old and actively dying is made poorer and less equal every day #I am so fucking tired

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asksimonbelmont · 3 months

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Simon, you’re not selfish for wanting the cycle to end. In fact, far from it. I think people as a whole would benefit greatly from being safe and content with what they have - no more hunger, thirst or wars.

Also, how is Selena doing?

(Continuation of this post.)

"I appreciate your kindness. Thank you. Selena? They would like to know how you're faring. ...Selena?"

She must be exhausted.

#heart of fire #cross your heart #akumajou dracula #castlevania #haunted castle #simon belmont #selena belmont #selena (castlevania)#selena (haunted castle)#being a new parent must be tiring #thank you for asking abt Selena I am always eager to draw the two of them interacting lol

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lilacbutbackwards · 1 year

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I know some people were caught off guard by Q!Cellbit's big reveal, but just a friendly reminder that he's not the only genius among the Brazilians, those guys ar ALL incredibly smart, it just doesn't seem like it because they're also huge dumbasses (affectionate).

QSMP spoilers below (tho they're more my reading of events than 100% facts and I'm really biased)

Forever knows Cellbit's whole federation loving bullshit is a con, he knew from day one, he can't prove it, but he mentioned it as a likely possibility multiple times, he's not mad at Cellbit for joining the federation, he's mad at Cellbit because he's being a jerk about it and threatening to change Richarlyson's custody agreement, he knows it's a con, but he's smart enough to be prepared for the off chance it isn't, and even when the truth gets revealed it doesn't mean all the hurtful things Cellbit said will be forgiven.

I'll be honest I don't watch Tazercraft that often, but on the first five minutes I tapped into their streams I heard Mike saying that this all must be a plan, them and Cellbit go way back, and while part of it might be wishful thinking they know this is not Cellbit the conspiracy maniac who was completely against the federation, they know there must be something else there, they considered the possibility of him going crazy, but they're also considering the idea of it all being planned.

Cellbit thinks he fooled everyone, but his friends saw through him almost immediately, they're pissed at him not because of the betrayal, but because he's being a jerk, they don't trust him enough to be certain of the whole infiltration plan, they're definitely wary of him, but it's less because they think he's a threat and more because they're afraid that whatever plan he has might backfire badly and he decided to bet on too high stakes in line without letting anyone else in.

#qsmp #qsmp spoilers #Anyways this is not a 100% serious analysis it's just me rambling about my little dumbasses #because I'm a bit tired of seeing my boys being treated as if they're 100% unaware of things happening around them #Like Forever is a genius of networking he gets people he's Smart and resourceful #he's as crazy as Cellbit but he knows that allies are a strength not a weakness #and Tazer and Craft (calling Pac and Mike that is the most genius thing) are literal scientists boys are smart #and they're not as unaware as people make them to be they're a bit aloof but they know what's going on #Also why are people acting as if they don't know about the custody fight?#Forever told basically Everyone and they were the first ones to know about it #Was it retconned or do people just not watch Forever and Tazer?#Also I don't talk about Felps on this but my boy is still the ghost haunting the narrative #his absence speaks for itself it's the hole that makes everything start to fall apart if he was there none of this would happen

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brambletakato · 1 year

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i am cringe but i am free uhh i. redrew almost the entirety of paper descole because i was scrolling on google and saw my attempt and folded over in sheer shame I was tempted to redraw the bottom part of his boa, but when I did it didn’t exactly have the same vibe?? SO I just removed the weird tapering and called it a day ngl

*Update 2023: i redrew his head again but its such a small difference and i already spammed this blog with paper des so like . just know i fixed his stupid nose and eyeholes and earmuffs and other minor stuff

#Professor Layton #Paper Descole #Jean Descole #For those unaware Im stuck to the color palette of a specific Paper Mario game #hence the more vibrant-than-usual colors #this is probably my final version too #im tired of being haunted by paper-related designs #do NOT look for the old version it is so bad LMAOO #BrambleDrewAgain

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thedisablednaturalist · 13 days

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Banning LGBTQ+ content and people from the public view kills children

Refusing to teach comprehensive sex education kills children

Refusing to put limits on firearms/assault weapons kills children

Defunding social safety nets kills children

Homeschooling with no oversight kills children

Punishing staying home when sick kills children

Not masking in public kills children

Sweatshops and exploitative farming kills children

Lack of universal healthcare kills children

Banning the use of puberty blockers kills children

Forced birth kills children

Crumbling infrastructure especially in underfunded schools due to income tax cuts for the wealthy kills children

Environmental racism, climate change, and pollution kill children

Antivaxxers kill children

War kills children

Displacement kills children

Homelessness kills children

Genital mutilation of intersex babies kills children

Nuclear weapons kill children

Genocide kills children

Industrial deregulation kills children

Naturalization/assimilation kills children

Denial of amnesty kills children

Separation from family kills children

Antisemitism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia and racism kills children

Why do you only care about kids when they aren't born yet?

I know, it's because you'd rather your kid be dead than possibly go against your personal beliefs.

I know, because only certain groups of kids are dying

#wrenfea.exe #protect the children #think of the kids #im sick and tired of people fighting against things that aren't harmful to children #while supporting things that directly or indirectly literally lead to the child dying prematurely #supporting systems that fail them #why do you think the birth rates are going down? children are no longer safe in this world #but sure its the gay couple next door who are filling mass graves with the bodies of children and babies #you think jesus or god is on your side? one that favors violence instead of love and community?#you really think that protecting earth or appreciating the beauty and diversity of all aspects of our universe #is against god? the fucking guy you believe is all powerful and CREATED it?#im sick of kids and teens being driven to suicide #im sick of children getting raped and denied abortions #its fucking devastating that any kid is forced to go hungry #or that any kids have to drink contaminated water and play on contaminated ground #that kids have to be prepared for a guy with an easily accessible assault rifle to come and shoot them and their classmates + teachers #that kids have to watch their families be literally torn apart by bombs and gunfire #it haunts me everyday thinking about what happened to Hind #and what happened at uvaldie #shitheads will be blocked on sight

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kenobihater · 3 days

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i'm thinking about hauntings as manifestations of guilt. not "they haunt you because they deem you guilty" approach, but instead "they haunt you because you believe yourself guilty". there's the hallucination cause, of course, that the ghost stems from your own damaged psyche, but i've never seen anyone explore the concept of your own self blame disturbing the rest of the dead, dragging their specter along in your wake as a consequence of your inner turmoil. perhaps you're supernaturally attuned, perhaps there was some sort of magical bond, or perhaps your anguish is just that profound.

guilt loses its purpose when you lapse into inaction and fail to do better. guilt grows cruel when you weigh the living down with it. guilt becomes horrifying when you drag the very person you lost back from the other side just so they can witness you drive yourself to the edge and claim it's in their memory.

when do the dead get no say about what justice for them should entail? can't you see the heartlessness in that? no, because when you looked at their body, you never let yourself look away. you made them a martyr and styled yourself as damned, but this isn't justice - it's merely penance with collateral damage. you took the albatross corpse up and bound it to your own neck so tight it choked you.

won't you let it go? won't you let them rest?

#len speaks #yes this is about tom blake LEAVE ME ALONE!!!#i was thinking about blake haunting sco but i can't really see him blaming sco so i think viewing it as sco's fault is interesting #doubt i'll ever do anything with this and it's quite incoherent but it's fun to think about at least!#this morphed from analysis to lazy poem against my will. also i fell asleep writing this and have zero idea how lucid #this is due to being tired last night and also waking up 5 mins ago #analysis #poetry #len's poetry #<- new tag. never expect to post any of my poems on here again considering my main blog content lmao. still on the fence as to if this is #even a proper poem but whatever

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