#tommy miller imagines

[heartpascal]

hoping there’s somewhere to go

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader + tommy miller x platonic!reader

▹— summary: you try to navigate life after the rejection of the only family you’d ever had (part two of weight too heavy to hold alone)

▹— a/n: the song too much time in my house alone by leith ross inspired this <3 longer A/N at the end!

▹— warnings: angst (as always), isolation, and then self isolation, mention of christmas time but it’s not christmas, a winter’s dinner that isn’t christmas dinner, fears being proven correct, very little self worth, it has been a long while since i have written/posted/needed to put warnings so let me know if something is missing!!!

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915  @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa  @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being (pedro) — please let me know if you want to be added/removed

MASTERLIST

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Jackson is cold in winter.

And it’s not just because of the weather.

There’s winter festivities, holidays that you had never really had any experience with. And because of the weather, patrols were undertaken by smaller groups, leaving crowds of people wandering the streets, or trying to find work within the small community. So, not only was it cold and miserable, but it was about ten times as crowded in the communal spaces, with everybody packing into every space possible in order to preserve their warmth.

That’s not even the worst part — there’s the whole focus on family, or whatever a person in the apocalypse might have that’s close enough to it.

Holidays bring people together, Tommy had told you once, about a year ago. It wasn’t long after you had first arrived in Jackson, traipsing through the gate alone, aside from the patrollers who escorted you there.

The thing was, though, that you didn’t have people.

And it wasn’t as if you were wanting them! That definitely wasn’t the case — you couldn’t bear getting close to anybody, after what had happened last time — but you couldn’t help the more prominent feeling of isolation. You knew you weren’t alone in your feelings, after all, there were plenty of Jackson residents who had nobody, or resented the holiday season for one reason or another, but you felt alone.

You’re allowed to feel bitter about it, even if you do want to stay that way. It’s not like you had always felt this way, there was a time when you had thought yourself close to having a family — whatever the hell that was. In spring, if somebody had told you that you might feel this way, you might have disbelieved them, might have had faith in Joel and Ellie, despite your reservations. But then everything there had fallen apart, and you were left like this.

Living on your own, halfway across town, closer to Tommy, but further away than ever.

It was like that gaping hole in your chest had reopened with a vengeance, sucking any amount of trust or affection you had for the man into a void where it couldn’t be found. If Tommy hadn’t stuck you with Joel and Ellie, you might not be feeling like this — feeling so cold, and alone, and frozen despite the world moving around you. If he had just minded his business, or even, maybe, if he had just looked after you himself, rather than passing you off as nothing more than a chore, you could’ve been something at least close to happy.

Instead, you’re here. Making the short trip back from the school he had forced you to start going to, heading back to the little space you were supposed to call home. It wasn’t home, though. You had never occupied a space that had felt anything even close to that before, other than Joel’s. You’re pretty sure you’ll never live anywhere like that again.

You’ll probably live here, in the shitty garage that Tommy had someone convert for you, for the rest of your life. Either that, or until they finally have enough of you, and kick you out. Whichever came first.

Really, you should be used to being on your own. To having to do everything yourself, be responsible for every aspect of your own life, but strangely, after Joel’s, you find it hard to go back to that. Balancing things has never been your strong suit, and this only goes to prove that. And it’s aggravating, feeling as though something within you had changed, feeling as though you’re no longer capable, when you had spent your whole life looking after yourself.

Feeling like this has had you thinking some incredibly stupid things, your mind at one point trying to convince you that the only way to prove that you were capable, was to go back out into the big open world. Luckily for you, your survival instincts are stronger than that, and you’re able to remind yourself that Jackson is the best possible place for you, regardless of whatever thoughts and feelings you were having.

Besides, you wouldn’t want to give any of them — them being Joel, Tommy and Ellie — the satisfaction of your leaving. If they wanted you gone, they’d have to tell you as much, this time.

It was clear to you now, that they hadn’t wanted you there in the first place. And given the distance between you and Ellie since Joel had gotten rid of you, you gathered that, despite what you believed to be a close bond, she had never wanted you around either. She seemed happy enough, gallivanting around the town with her few friends, friends she had never even bothered to introduce you to. At least that meant you weren’t missing anything. Maybe she had actually done you a favour. Although given the way she avoided your gaze like her life depended on it, every time you happened across her, you somehow doubted that.

You’re not sure which loss was worse. Despite how close you had grown to Joel, how attached you had become, Ellie was the first person your age who you had ever trusted. You had told her things that you had never spoken aloud to anyone before. And now, you were left with a constant weight of regret, of dread, in the pit of your stomach.

Selfishly, you wanted Ellie to be angry at Joel for getting rid of you. You wanted her to fight for you, wanted her to remain in your corner when everybody else opposed you. What you really wanted, though, was for somebody to choose you. You wanted to feel important to somebody.

Though, now, you think you’ve outgrown that childish desire. You don’t want anyone around you, anymore.

Not even Tommy.

“Kid, would you just open the damn door?” Tommy asked, speaking to the plain face of your front door. He had knocked three times before opening his mouth, growing exasperated by your cold shoulder. He knew you were in there — had seen you walk home after school, when he was finishing a job just around the corner. Besides, where else would you be?

You stayed silent, sitting on the unmade sheets of your bed, staring at the door as Tommy knocked once again.

“C’mon, open the door. Please?” He repeated, and you could practically picture his stance outside, one arm resting against the doorframe and one hand resting against his hip. “Just wanna talk, alright? Then I’ll be on my way.”

You heard the heaviness of his sigh from your space across the room. But it didn’t change anything for you. How could it? Tommy had sent you to his brother, he had known what his brother was like, and he had sat idly by while you were uprooted and sent across town like you didn’t matter. Just another inconvenience. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he was also forcing you to go to Jackson’s community school, run primarily by an almost 70 year old woman, who was meant to retire a year after the outbreak.

It was ridiculous and unfair.

Ellie didn’t have to go to school.

It just felt like another method of getting you out of the way. After all, what did you need with writing and reading? Mathematics and history? The world had ended before you were even born.

Besides, you knew for a fact that Tommy had volunteered to take Ellie out shooting soon. Despite her avoiding you, you could still hear her boasting about it in the canteen to her friends.

You couldn’t help but feel like it should’ve been you. After all, weren’t you the one without anybody? Weren’t you the one who would be alone, should Jackson fall apart? Ellie would have Tommy and Maria. She would have Joel. Who would you have? Nobody.

If Tommy Miller had ever actually cared about you, perhaps he would’ve helped you work on the issues you’d been facing when you went to him for help, rather than passing you off to his older brother. You had spent your entire life depending on only yourself. Tommy had no idea what it had taken for you to approach him, for you to want help. To have that thrown back in your face, you knew, had done damage. As if you weren’t already damaged enough.

It was something you had been aware of for a long time — that there was something wrong about you. Something rotten. Like something had crawled into your chest, into the gaping cavity between your ribs, and died in there. It had been decaying over the years, leaving an air about you that told everybody exactly what you had always known: you are unsalvageable. Nothing in this world could reverse the decomposition that had occurred inside of you, just like nothing could reverse the infection that had taken the family you had never known.

The whole thing made you feel foolish, really. Your whole life, a voice inside of your head had been telling you that nobody could help you. Nobody would help you. And when you had finally gathered the courage to prove that voice wrong? It was proven right instead. It was a kick in the teeth. A thorn underneath your fingernail. Something bothersome, painful.

Tommy Miller had proven that you were just as alone as you had always felt.

He knocked against your door again, apparently content to wait you out. You had nowhere to go, but the knocking was irritating, the knowledge of his presence outside of that door was grating.

Before you could think better of it, you made your way over, and opened the door.

He looked the same as he always had done. Dressed for the weather, his favourite pair of boots on, and hair pushed away from his face, which held a surprised expression.

“Hey, kid.” He said, finally, after a moment of just staring at you in shock. It had been a while since Tommy had seen you up close. You looked more tired than he remembered.

“What do you want?” You asked, forgoing any sort of greeting towards the man. Opening the door was about as generous as you were prepared to be towards him.

His face morphed slightly, shock ebbing away, regret flowing in at the creases by his eyes, the grimace of his mouth. “Right, uh,” He paused, looking into your converted garage through the gap between you and the door. You pulled the door closer, so only you fit into the gap. “Alright, so, I know things have been… tense, between everybody, but I was hopin’ that you might join us. Me ‘n Maria are doin’ a winter’s dinner, not exactly Christmas, but it’s a day to be with family, y’know?” Tommy rambled on a bit, trying to spit all of his words out before you could decline, or shut the door in his face.

“We’re not family, Tommy.”

You watched his expression fall, which provided you with a sting that you hadn’t expected. But the sentiment remained the same — you weren’t family. Your surname wasn’t Miller. And even if it were, with the state of things between you, Tommy and Joel? It definitely wasn’t something you’d call family.

Honestly, you weren’t sure why he was coming to you with this now. Maybe before Joel had rejected you, before Tommy had watched on as any trust you had was shattered, but now? Now, he was lucky you even opened the door. You didn’t have a family, and it wasn’t a big loss to you. You’d gone this long without one, so what did it matter?

Tommy’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He was at a loss for words.

“Go home, okay?” You said, when his words continued to fail him. He swallowed, jaw clenched as his teeth gritted together. He was frustrated, though you doubted that was directed at you. More likely, was that it was directed at Joel. You knew things had been tense between the two of them recently, too.

He paused just as he was about to turn away. “Will you think about it, at least?” Tommy asked, though he didn’t look like he wanted to hear your answer. It wasn’t much of a question anyway.

You nodded, with no real intention of thinking about it. Well — no intention of thinking about attending. Thinking about the offer was a different story.

His shoulders deflated as he turned away, hearing you shut the door as he followed the path away from your place.

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Even a full twenty four hours after Tommy had approached you with his invitation, you couldn’t let it go.

It felt as though something within you had snapped, falling from a great height and landing in the pit of your stomach. For whatever reason, one that you couldn’t get into now, maybe ever, you were filled to the brim with dread. It bubbled over, pooling in your limbs and making everything feel far too heavy.

You couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just let you be? Couldn’t he see that he had done more than enough, when it came to you?

Logically, you know it isn’t fair to blame him. Tommy wasn’t in control of anything his brother or pseudo-niece did. He had always tried to look out for you, and deep down, you know that he had truly believed that his brother would be good for you. He must have thought that, given Joel’s pre-outbreak experience, and now post-outbreak too, of being a father, he could’ve been that for you. Tommy couldn’t have known that Joel didn’t want another kid.

But that illogical part of you, the part that cowers away from everybody you meet, the part that was hurt, reminds you that it was his job to know. It was his responsibility to know what he was dumping you into. And more than that, Joel was his brother. How could he not have known?

You were the one who had ended up well and truly hurt from the encounter, not the other way around. So why did you feel guilty, every time Tommy’s expression at your scathing words popped into your mind? You hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, and you hadn’t said anything that he didn’t deserve to hear. So why? Why did you feel this unending twist of dread and guilt, eating away at your bones, your tissues, your organs?

Even now, as you worked a late night shift at the canteen, washing dishes, every time the water rippled, you could see his face. Distantly, you hoped Joel had felt like this, after what he had done to you. You hoped he remembered what he said, remembered your expression when you relayed his own message to him.

If you were honest with yourself, you think that if it had been Joel, you would’ve revelled in that expression. There’s a part of you, a part that is mean and bitter and full of resentment, that wants to hurt Joel, just like he had hurt you. You settle for staying as far away from him as you possibly can.

Joel had tried to see you a few times, back when it was fresh, with no luck from you. There was nobody in this world that you wanted to see less than him. At the very least, he got the message. Sometimes, you wonder if he had only shown up those few instances just for appearances. To make himself look better. It was no secret to the people of Jackson that Joel Miller was a questionable man, with an even more questionable past. But he did more for the town than most, so it wasn’t spoken about. Nothing more than whispers, anyway.

There had been a few whispers after your outburst at the Tipsy Bison, especially when somebody shared the news of your move across town. But it was chalked up to teenage dramatics, the youth, as if there really was such a thing.

Regardless, Tommy’s invitation to dinner was coming up in a mere two days. The knowledge of where and when it was happening made you uncomfortable, like an itch underneath your collar, it was stifling. Because that part of you, the one that wants to hurt Joel, also wants company. It craves a family, and that was a craving that had only ever come close to being fulfilled once. Still, it was a natural instinct within humans. Safety came in numbers, and there was comfort in having people you could trust. You wish that part of you could just be satisfied being solitary, because you’ll never go to that dinner. Not if you have anything to say about it.

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Two hours until dinner, and the sun was beginning to set.

And here you were, axe in hand, staring down at the dwindling pile of wood that you needed to cleave into pieces. It wouldn’t last two hours. In reality, it wouldn’t even last one. Still, you stare as though the logs might multiply, hoping for the excuse out of a dinner you didn’t want to go to. And you know that you have no obligation to any of those people, you do know that, but it’s hard to believe it. Partly because you don’t want to. Because you’re torn between the satisfaction of succeeding on your own, and the fear of cutting off all ties to the only people you think you’ve truly cared about.

Being alone is a lot easier in theory.

In practice, it’s harder than you had thought. You were doing okay when they all left you to it, left you to live your own life. But an invitation means something, and that’s hard to ignore.

You bring the axe down, letting the severing of wood distract you from all thoughts of invitations and dinners and meanings.

It’s about the most physical task they’ll let you do — courtesy of Tommy, you’re sure — but you relish in it. Something about it is rewarding. Reminds you of your capabilities, your survival. The cold air burns your lungs, and each swing of the axe makes your muscles ache, but in a satisfying way. And doing it like this, alone, makes you feel unmistakably powerful.

You hear the crunch of footsteps behind you, not heavy enough to be Tommy’s or—God forbid—Joel’s. You paid them no mind, leaning down to move the chopped wood into the pile you had already assembled. You grabbed another log and placed it down, and just as you were preparing to swing the axe back up, you heard somebody clear their throat.

“Hey,” Ellie said, when you turned around. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet as you failed to reply, fiddling with the gloves on her hands. “So, uh, you having fun chopping wood?” She asked, apparently trying to clear some of the tension that surrounded the two of you, that clung. You leant the top of the axe blade on the ground, and sighed. Your breath clouded in front of your face.

“What do you want?” You asked, repeating the very same question you had asked Tommy, feeling all the more certain about your adamancy about not going to that dinner. Ellie’s brows furrowed slightly, but she quickly deflated as soon as you could see the defensive air starting to rise within her.

She shifted again, before speaking. “Just wondering if you’re coming to dinner? Tommy said he wasn’t sure.”

You did your best not to scoff, mostly succeeding, as you turned back to the wood awaiting your axe. With practiced ease, your axe rose, and swung down at the wood, separating it with a satisfying crack. “Wouldn’t count on it.” You said, as polite as you could say: no, no, I’m not fucking coming to dinner. You’re not my family. You don’t care about me. I don’t care about you. There’s nothing left here.

It was ridiculous for them to send Ellie to come and convince you to attend, of all people. Their best bet would have been Maria, who had never technically done anything that had hurt you. No, all of the fault laid with the Millers, and with Ellie.

The two of you could’ve remained friends, could’ve been something close to a family, but she didn’t want that. She chose to cut you out, to isolate you even further, to disappear from your life completely, despite being the only reason you had ever opened up to Joel. It was like she had taken a knife, and cut you open, let you warm, simmer, before leaving you out on the counter to cool. To rot.

“What happened to you?” Ellie asked, as if she didn’t know, as if she hadn’t been a part of it. Like there was no reason for your shift from being warm around her, to being ice cold. She had done this to you. At least, in part.

You didn’t say anything at first, choosing to finish chopping the wood in front of you, and piling it off to the side. Finally, you turned to her as she watched you, brows furrowed, lip curled defensively. “You people happened. You all fucking happened. Is that enough for you? Is that enough for why I don’t want to go to some stupid winter dinner?” You said, not raising your voice, but hearing more anger and irritation seep into your tone as you spoke.

She looked like she wanted to take a step back, but she stayed firm. “We all have our own problems,” Ellie told you, voice harsh and unrelenting as she spoke, and her expression hardened. “Everybody does! It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, okay?”

It would have been so easy to continue arguing with her, to descend into childish taunts and quips, to disguise genuine hurt with ridiculous arguments, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You said nothing, turning back to the depleting supply of unchopped wood.

Ellie seemed ready to burst. “Me and Joel have our own fucking problems! It’s not always good. But you can’t just give up on someone!” She said loudly, stepping towards you, ignoring the snow crunching underneath her shoes. It seemed to you that she was trying to convince herself, more than anything. Whatever she came to you with, now, wasn’t really about you. It was about her.

“I’m not the one who gave up, Ellie. You and Joel are more alike than you know. But at least he had the decency to tell me why he was giving up on me.” You told her, staying calm, despite the way your blood was rushing through your body, carrying so much adrenaline you felt like your heart may just burst.

She gaped at you, seeming more stuck on the concept of her and Joel being alike than on how she had hurt you. You figured it would go like this, though, if the two of you ever spoke again. It wasn’t a surprise to you. Everything in your life always turned out the way you expected it to. Even Joel and Ellie, in the end, had done as much, despite surprising you at first. It was inevitable. Your every worry, every fear, even the ones that Tommy had once labelled as irrational, had turned out to be true.

You wouldn’t go to the dinner.

Everything between you and the extended Miller family was in ruins, and like you, it couldn’t be salvaged. It was over with. Done.

Now, all that was left to do was wipe your hands clean of them.

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A/N: hello if you made it this far! it has been a WHILE. but in honour of ITDWS being posted a year ago today (!!!!!!!!!) i thought i’d give y’all SOMETHING!!! it’s not amazing but i hope you enjoy!!! life has been crazy + i haven’t been writing much but i still love and appreciate every single one of you <3 i think of you often.

#heartpascal writes #joel miller imagines #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller x platonic!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #tommy miller fic #tommy miller imagines #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller one shot #tommy miller angst #joel miller angst #ellie williams angst

[shyjakeh]

Please someone write tommy miller x reader! I wanna see love from u guys to tommy miller ❤

#tommy miller x reader #tommy miller imagine #tommy miller imagines #tommy miller scenario #tommy miller scenarios #the last of us imagine #the last of us imagines #the last of us #tommy miller #gabriel luna

[rrickgrrimes8]

Your Bear

summary: Joel Miller doesn’t just lose Sarah that night but his other daughter too. but maybe you can still be found. (part II)

Joel Miller x daughter!reader -- she/her pronouns used & AFAB

warnings: guns, violence, angst, mentions of death, birth, hurt/comfort, happy ending ;) (kinda), no spoilers for part 2/canon divergent

masterlist

request guidelines (new)

requests are open!

word count: 3.2k

Joel Miller was always a good father - no matter what he thought. He cared for his girls more than he cared about anything in his damn life. So when they were both taken from him... there was nothing left to care about.

It was Sarah first.

He held Sarah as she died. His shirt was still stained with her blood. The watch on his wrist shattered by his failure.

But his other daughter, you, looking back he can only imagine the worst.

It all happened so fast. He had Sarah in his arms she gasped for air that was growing distant by the second, while Tommy watched with a pained look.

You, however, no one was watching you. Only 5 years old - you didn’t understand a thing. And so when you heard a loud noise. When you saw your sister go down and hearing the cries of both your father and her you panicked.

You thought you were getting help. That’s what’s your dad always told you to do if something bad happened. “Find the nearest phone or adult. Call me or Tommy or this number, okay? 911. Remember that number babygirl.”

And you did.

You ran as quick as you could, which wasn’t all that impressive but it was fast enough for them not to notice you had gone.

By the time you had found your way back into town, Tommy had noticed. “J-Joel,” His voice wavered, fear taking hold. Tommy searched the clearing, calling your name.

Joel looked away from his limp daughter then. His heart was thumping in his chest. His ribs ached as did the wound on his side but nothing compared to the terror that tore through his whole body.

“W-where is she?” His eyes darted over the area but you were no where to be found.

“No, Tommy,” He sobbed already fearing the worst, “T-tommy not her, please.”

Tommy shuddered. This couldn’t be real. This wasn’t real. You were just here. Sarah was just here.

“Joel,” He began until he heard shrill, painfully familiar scream from off in the distance.

“No,” Joel cried looking down at Sarah, hesitating just for a moment before setting her down, “I’m sorry baby.”

Tommy was already running at that point, hoping not to be late, not like he was for Sarah. Joel screamed your name as he sprinted - he couldn’t lose anyone else. He couldn’t lose you, his babygirl.

When he got there he saw Tommy knelt beside a bloodied teddy bear.

Your bear.

He collapsed. Knees giving way. He pulled the bear of the ground, its white fur tormented by the red hue.

Tommy shouted your name a few times. Joel didn’t have the energy to bother. His answer was here.

You were only five. You’d never have survived on your own.

And he would never survive without you, without his girls. He hugged the bear as if it was your body and he never let go.

x

“Why’d you have a bear in your bag?” Ellie teased as she caught sight of an fluffy ear sticking out.

Joel clenched his jaw, stuffing the teddy back inside. “What?” She laughed innocently, “Is it for your bad dreams? Chase the monsters away?”

The man grunted, discarding the bag on one of the chairs - away from Ellie’s view, “None of your business.”

Ellie frowned as she caught his eye. The brown was darker than usual, which was really saying something. They were empty, hollow but at the same time watery. Like he was one step away from crying. She shook the thought off - this was Joel she was talking about. Joel never cried, not in front of her - not really... She didn’t even think he could cry. But his eyes told her something else. They told an unspoken story. One she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. But one, at the same time, she needed to hear.

“Sorry,” She mumbled, moving into the living room of the house Tommy and Maria had given them.

Joel sighed as she did, guilt running through his veins. “Sorry,” He called out, gruffly, stopping her in her escape. Ellie turned back waiting for him to continue. “it was...” He cleared his throat roughly, “The bear was my daughters.”

“Oh,” She whispered, looking up at the man with sympathy, “If i had known it was Sarah’s... i wouldn’t have said anything.”

Joel sucked in a breath, turning towards the cupboards behind him, grabbing a cup. “Wasn’t hers,” He corrected trying not to let his voice catch on the lump forming in his throat.

“What?” Ellie dared a step closer, “But Sarah was... is your daughter.” Joel bit his tongue, forcing himself to face her again. “Joel?”

He let out a watery sigh, eyes set on the ground, “I had... i had another daughter.” He spoke your name softly but with fear. He hadn’t said it in years - he couldn’t. He hadn’t spoken about you in nearly 20 years either. He hated to talk about you. It was hard enough letting Ellie in, letting her know about his past, about Sarah. But it was too hard to say your name. You were only a baby. His baby.

“I didn’t know. You never mentioned her,” Ellie almost felt guilty asking - like this was something she should’ve known. That she should’ve known wasn’t something you just bring up.

“Yeah,” He scrunched his face a little, the feeling of your loss rushing back.

He thought and he believed for a time that if he didn’t talk about you, about the way he failed you then all that hurt would go away. He was wrong. He saw you every night in his dreams. He saw the woman you grew up to become. He saw your smile and heard your laugh. But then he’d wake up alone. He was always alone.

The worst was when the dream felt real. You were a baby again, Sarah was young too. It was just the three of you. You’d be doing something mundane - watching TV, eating dinner, whatever. He’d have conversations with the pair of you, forgetting that none of it was real. He’d hold you to his chest, sing to you, make you laugh. He’d dance with Sarah to their beat up radio in the kitchen. He would watch you take your first steps, say your first words, form your first smile.

But he’d always wake up. He hated waking up.

“How old was she?” She dared to ask.

Shakily he replied, “Five.”

She fell silent after that. Five. Five years old. Joel lost a five year old - no wonder he didn’t want to talk about it, idiot.

Ellie thought for a moment, a question daring to fall from her lips. “But she’s wasn’t on the memorial at Tommy’s.”

Joel’s head snapped up, anger residing in his chest. Who he was mad at he didn’t know. Himself? Tommy? Ellie? You? “Tommy... he,” He huffed, “He doesn’t believe she’s gone. Holds out hope on that fucking plaque - fuckin’ delusional.”

Ellie leant against the countertop, eyes not leaving the man for just a second, “Why would he think that?”

“No body,” His voice was cold all of a sudden as if it meant nothing at all. As if he wasn’t talking about the body of his five year-old.

“But then she could be-“

“Don’t,” He snapped, “Don’t say another word.”

Ellie rolled her eyes but complied. Joel turned back to his cup, filling it with coffee he had just traded for. He didn’t speak until he was finished and even then he wished he hadn’t.

“We heard her scream... And we found-“ He grimaced, gesturing to his bag, “And we found that damn bear.”

“But,” She tried again.

“Ellie-“

“No, seriously, if all you found was a bear she could still be-“

Without another word, Joel stormed past her, ripping the bag open, slamming the bear onto her chest.

Ellie saw it now.

She understood the haunting look in his eyes. She understood the story it told. It was matted, showed its age. What once was white was red now.

All of it.

Not just a patch here and there.

Everywhere.

It reminded her of Joel.

“That look like she could be alive to you?” He shouted.

“Fuck,” She felt sick just looking at it let alone touching it.

“You kept it?” A voice called from behind her.

Joel met his brothers eyes. “‘Course i did,” He spoke defensively.

“Joel,” He simpered. They stared at each other for a while. Almost like they were having a silent conversation.

Until Joel spoke, “It’s all i have of her left.”

And there was nothing else to say.

x

Years had gone by since they had gotten to Jackson. And things were surprisingly good. Eerily good. It was the type of good that Joel knew deep down wouldn’t last. It was the type of good that only existed before this mess.

Every morning he would wake up here he had a weight on his chest. A feeling that something was going to happen. This was the calm before the storm, he’d remind himself.

He didn’t tell anyone about it. He couldn’t. He’d just sound paranoid.

Him and Ellie were on a run. It was simple - it always was. The people in charge at the commune never liked to overstep - go to far. Never liked to do what Joel craved.

All they had to do was scope out a few cabins that were spotted deep in the woods. Ellie had jumped at the proposition as soon as Tommy had suggested it. She hated being cooped up for so long - Jackson could only give you so much freedom.

And just because Ellie agreed he knew he had to as well. There was no way in hell he’d let her go out risking her life when there was no way he’d be able to save it.

Getting there was the easy part. The horses at Jackson were a godsend. When they got there the place was still. Ellie gave Shimmer a soft pat before joining Joel who was stalking up to the door. He knocked first - not out of curtesy, just to attract any infected that it may hold. Because that’s what they expected. But Joel should’ve known better.

Joel should’ve thought about their biggest threat - people.

They had only cleared two rooms when Joel felt the cold sting of mental on his temple.

Ellie gasped but kept her gun up, eyes trained on the figure that held Joel’s life in their hands. “Put it down,” The voice ordered.

“Like hell I will,” Ellie retorted, finger edging closer to the trigger.

“I said put it down or the old man gets it,” She forced the barrel against his head - so hard he was sure it would bruise.

“Jesus, fuck, okay,” Ellie mumbled, slowly setting her gun on the floor infront of her, “Just let him go?”

The woman laughed, “So you can kill me, yeah, no thanks.”

“We can work this out,” Joel tried, hands raising to show he was unarmed but it only aggravated her more. Her arm wrapped around his neck, making him stumble back into a chokehold.

“Hey!” She yelled at Ellie as she reached for a gun. The teen stopped, taking a few steps back.

“Just put it down. We can work this out,” Joel proposed, gasping as she applied pressure to his neck, “We don’t want to hurt you.”

“Bullshit,” She spat, breathing heavily, “What the fuck else are you here for then, huh?”

“Supplies,” Ellie told her, “We’re from a commune-“

“Ellie-“

“We can take you back there - help you. If you just put the gun down.”

“Bullshit,” The woman removed the gun from Joel’s head aiming it now at Ellie, “You’ll kill me the first chance you get.”

Ellie shook her head, going to respond before Joel gripped the woman’s arm flipping her over. She gasped as she forcefully hit the ground, splinters from the wooden floor embedded into her spine.

Her breathing picked up, hand scrambling to get to the gun he had knocked out of her hand but a foot stopped her.

Joel’s boot pressed harshly against her wrist, “Don’t.”

“Christ Joel,” Ellie huffed, “You scared the fuck out of me.” Joel watched her as she reached down to get her discarded gun. Ellie laughed as she caught her breath, “Where the hell did that come from? You’re like 80.”

“Ellie,” He scolded with a strict look.

“Right, sorry,” She chuckled.

“So this is when you kill me then,” The woman heaved, chest rising and falling rapidly.

Joel turned to her then, catching her eyes for the first time. He faltered, boot leaving her wrist as he took a step back.

She was a spitting image of... you.

No.

“Shouldn’t’ve tried to kill us, i guess,” Ellie retorted humourlessly.

“You came into my house,” She shot back.

“This is your house,” Ellie muttered, “Needs some work. Right, contractor?” She shot a look over her shoulder at Joel. The man was pale, breathless. His eyes were trained on his attacker with a foreign look she couldn’t decipher.

“Joel?”

“Name,” He ordered, gun pointed down at her but both of them could see it shake.

“What?” She coughed, struggling to understand the strangers.

“Your name, what is it?” He yelled.

“Jesus,” She almost let herself laugh - she would’ve if she wasn’t so shit scared.

Joel gave her a stern look so she said it. She spoke your name.

Ellie’s lips parted, confusion leaving her face, “Holy shit.”

Joel’s expression crumbled as did the grip on his gun, which now hung loosely at his side. “Last name?” He asked, voice a mere whisper.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Answer.”

“It’s Miller, Christ,” She answered, “What the hell is the matter with you people?”

Joel’s knees felt weak, his breath caught in his throat. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. You died. You were gone.

“Joel is she-“

“Stand up,” He told you.

Hesitantly you did as he said, struggling slightly as your injuries caught up to you. Seeing this Joel stepped forward, hand outstretched. With an odd look in your eye you took it - ignoring how the mans eyes lingered on it for a second too long.

“Are you alone?” Fearfully you shook your head. “Where?” He ordered.

You shook your head again, “Please don’t- You can’t. I was just trying to protect her.”

“Who?” Ellie spoke up, despite it not feeling like her place to be in this conversation.

“M-my,” You started but a cry interrupted, echoing through the cabin.

You didn’t think for a second before you ran out of the room. Joel cursed as you did, going to rush out after you before Ellie spoke up, “What are we doing here, Joel?”

“I-“ He paused, shaking his head and leaving the room.

“Is it her?” She questioned, following closely behind him, “Is it really her?”

He gave her stern look as he entered the room you escaped into. His eyes blurred as he saw you with a baby to your chest.

“Please don’t,” You held up your free hand, stopping them, “You can’t- not her.”

“Holy fuck,” Ellie gaped, “You have a fucking kid!”

“Ellie!” The baby fussed in your arms, cries escaping despite your comfort.

“Please leave,” You beg, “Just let us go. I know i messed up. I didn’t want to hurt you guys but i- i couldn’t let you find her.”

“It’s okay,” Joel spoke softly, a type of softness you wouldn’t expect a man like him to be capable of. He holstered his gun, carefully and moved his hands where you could see them.

“We’re not going to hurt you,” He told you, “Ellie, put your gun away.” Ellie did as he said.

“So leave,” You pulled your child closer to your chest.

“We can’t do that,” Joel said.

“Why?”

“Because he’s-“

“Ellie, don’t,” He cut her off, turning back to you, “We weren’t lying before. We have a commune - it’s safe. You’ll be safe there. You both will be.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, repeating the same question, “Why?”

“B-because you’ve got a kid,” He lied, “We can’t leave you here to die.”

“I don’t trust you,” You frowned. Joel mirrored your action, looking around the room at the makeshift cot you had constructed. He felt his heart ache when he spotted a blood stain on the carpet in the corner - you had given birth here, alone. You went through that alone.

“Please,” Ellie spoke up, “You won’t survive out here. You need somewhere safe. And maybe you don’t trust us, that’s okay but we’re honest. We want to help you.”

Hesitantly, you nodded after a few minutes, anxiety building in your chest.

Joel’s eyes were still stuck to the bloodied patch and he was reminded again of how he failed you. How he failed Sarah. He thought about that damn bear. The bear that he thought was the last part of you he had. And despite the pain in his chest and the ringing in his ears he was so glad he was wrong.

“What’s her name?” Ellie asked as she took a tentative step forward.

You didn’t flinch, you wanted to but a part of you, a naive, childish part, wanted to believe them. “Sarah,” You returned, pinching your girls cheeks causing her to smile.

Joel’s eyes filled with tears, tears he had been trying to suppress for the past 20 minutes. For the past 20 years.

Sarah. His Sarah. Your Sarah.

Ellie’s eyes snapped to Joel. He almost felt embarrassed, showing this side of him. Showing his weakness.

“She’s beautiful,” He whispered.

You smiled as he spoke, kissing the side of Sarah’s head. “She is,” You kissed her again before whispering - more to her than them, “My babygirl.”

#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller angst #joel miller imagine #joel miller x daughter!reader #joel miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller x platonic!reader #the last of us #the last of us imagine

[mariatesstruther]

just a reminder yall that buying the tlou 2 remaster is supporting neil, which is supporting israel and its genocide against palestinians!

i love the tlou world as much as anyone else, but financially diverting away from anyone/thing/company supporting israel is one of the simplest and easiest ways palestinians have asked us to help. i hope we all consider boycotting the remaster and pirating s2

#free palestine #boycott tlou2 #boycott israel #tlou hbo #tlou2 #tlou 2 #tlou #tlouedit #tlou 2 spoilers #tlou 2 remastered #tlou remastered #tlou2 remaster #joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #maria miller #tommy miller #ellie williams #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams x reader #neil druckmann #anti neil druckman

[elliesmistress]

MOLLY

Warnings: pure fluff, ellie being a loser ngl, mentions of drugs (molly, weed, and alcohol) drug usage (molly and alcohol), Ellie and the reader are both over 18, mentions of wanting to kill themselves (Ellie), comedown from drugs, Ellie is a bit of a love bird in this, kinda dealer ellie?? women kissing (AHHHHH), cuddling and kissing (no smut but like... read at caution bru) Tommy, Joel, and Maria are in this.

W/N: uhh, just ellie being a cutie. if you don't like it scroll :3

You were driving home from work to go to a house party Joel was hosting at his place, there were going to be maybe 20-30 people there? You weren't the best with social situations but you and Ellie usually just went up to her room and got high as fuck, go downstairs, and eat all the food (you both thought you were so smart and no one would know but it was super obvious).

You get back home, say hi to Joel and go to Ellie's room.

"Hey els" you say putting your shit down and sitting on the bed next to her. "sup babe" she says as you turn to face her, she's got this really suspicious look about her- you know this face well, ellie does this face when she's done something wrong or she's about to say something she KNOWS you're going to say no to. "What'd you do ellie?"

"I may or may not have gotten some molly," she says, you look at her, slightly dumbfounded at what you've just heard. Fucking Molly? How the fuck? You thought about it for a minute and realized you guys don't have enough fun-yes sure, there was a family event but molly couldn't be that strong right? So you both took it, you took 1 and she took 2.

"Ellie?"

"mhm?"

"I love you so much man," you say in such a whiny voice, turning to face her and giving her a shit-faced grin.

"I love you too baby, oh my lordy lord- I love you so fucking much you have no idea, c'here" She pulls you in for a big cuddle, and you smile, embracing her cuddle- by this point, you could love a rock.

You both cuddled for god knows how fucking long but it was filled with a lot of "I love you's" Ellie's phone binged and it was Joel, you open the message for her and smile at it. It was Joel.

JOEL: Hi els didn't know if you were asleep or not but didn't want to annoy you if you were Tommy and Maria are here and they want to say hi

"Ellie?" you say with a slightly worried tone, she was a lot higher than you, being the fuckhead she is she took 2 caps instead of 1. "hmh yes baby? I love you" her words were slurred, no way she could make it out as sober-

"Let's go downstairs"

That probably wasn't your smartest choice ever.. You followed Ellie around to make sure she wouldn't do or say anything stupid- both of your pupils dilated and obviously on something other than weed.

"hey joel man.... I love you man, did you know that? I love you so much, so fucking much dude" Ellie's voice is slurred and her voice high pitched she hugs Joel whilst Maria and Tommy are looking at her with slightly confused faces, Ellie was never like affectionate towards, anyone... Matter of fact, you were the only person she was "nice" to.

"You all good Ellie?" Joel asks "Yeah man, never better i just love you- same with you Maria, you're cool as fuck"

"Language!" Joel says in one of those fatherly tones "don't tell me what to do when I'm just tryna give you love. Same with you dude" she walks up to a random person and starts to try and hug them.

"Okay! i think that's enough for you- I'll get her to bed, she's had a lot to drink" you say, grabbing her shoulder quickly and dragging her away "I wanna HUG YOU ALL" her voice getting loud, Joel, Tommy and Maria are all laughing at this situation- by this point you were as well, knowing Ellie's comedown would hit her HARD and that she would wish to never do this again-

You get her back into her room and sit her down, giving her some water-

"I love you so much Ellie," you say to her, giving her a kiss on the lips. "You have... No idea. How much I fucking love you bro- like...... I love you so fucking much" Ellie laughs, voice still high, she was HIGH and HAPPY as fuck- completely stripping you both get into bed putting the fan on because let's be real, you both were overheating-

Ellie holds your waist and starts to spoon you "I love you baby, I love you so so much"

"I love you too baby"

"babe?" Ellie says. "Hmmmmm?" You reply back with. "I love you man" you giggle "I love you too Ellie" .

-

ELLIES COMEDOWN

Ellie wakes up the next day as if she's been hit by a bus, no but literally that's what she feels like- you both "blacked out" about 6 hours into the high but you assume you were just sleeping because there were no unusual messages from Joel or anyone.

You woke up later than Ellie did but when you finally woke up and got dressed, you found Ellie holding onto the toilet for dear life, looking like she's just seen a ghost.

"you good babe?" You say, luckily the comedown didn't hit you as bad- I mean, you still couldn't look yourself in the mirror without being terrified of your own fucking hand but that's besides the fucking point. "Do I look okay?" She was on the verge of fucking sobbing- you get kneel down to next to her and say "probably shouldn't have taken two caps aye?"

"shut the fuck up" she says, pushing you slightly.

"keep drinking the water babe, don't be stupid. I'll go make food" you stand up, leaving the bathroom, walking straight past Joel who you knew was going to ask questions but maybe.... If you don't acknowle-

"fun night?" Joel says, sipping his coffee, you turn around to see him and smile. "Yes, but now I should make food".

You finish making the food, going back to Ellie and handing her the plate of bacon and eggs you had just made.

"I want to kill myself" Ellie says, practically crying by this point. "I know baby, you'll be okay, I promise." You say hugging her

"let's never do this again yeah?" She nods fast and hugs you.

AHHHHH, I haven't done a oneshot in a while and I honestly didn't know what the fuck to write about so uhhh here.....

#ellie williams #the last of us #ellie imagine #ellie tlou #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x you #ellie x reader #ellie smut #ellie williams x reader #wlw post #wlw ns/fw #ellie the last of us #ellie #joel and ellie #joel miller #tommy miller

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - series masterlist (joel miller x f!reader)

series summary: Twenty years later, Joel still doesn’t know how to describe what you were to him. You’d never made any promises to each other, but you loved his daughter like she was your own. Had he known what was going to happen, he wouldn't have let you go.

description: plot inspired partially by this request. pre-outbreak! joel miller x f!reader, slow burn(ish), eventual smut. will end up covering game/tv show events. reader does not have a name, and there's no use of y/n, but she does have a fully fleshed-out backstory, friends/family with names.

warnings (will update as needed): fluff, angst, romance. multiple pov's. time jumps. smut (18+ only, minors DNI), alcohol use, marijuana use, descriptions of absent & abusive parents, eventual canon-typical violence & content. More specific warnings on each chapter.

a/n: super excited about this one, i've had so many ideas for it and it has been a pleasure to write! will try to update roughly every week or so, but i have a full-time job, so it just depends on what i can reasonably accomplish. i don't rush things out before they are ready, so please be patient. :)

I do not have a taglist. Please follow @ftcwriting and turn on notifications if you would like to be notified when I update :)

fic playlist | writing masterlist | read on a03

chapters 14/14 - complete "*" = contains smut

volume i volume ii volume iii volume iv volume v* volume vi* volume vii* volume viii* volume ix volume x volume xi volume xii volume xiii volume xiv*

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller imagine #joel miller x you #pre-outbreak! joel miller x reader #ellie williams #tommy miller #sarah miller #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfic #pedro pascal #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #tlou writing #joel miller series #troy baker #maria miller

[tightjeansjavi]

Like Real People Do

Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: @peterhollandkait came up with this tooth achingly cute idea and I just had to write it ♡ ♡ ♡

Summary: You, Joel, and Ellie arrive in Jackson for the first time. Joel sees your real smile for the first time in months, all thanks to Jackson’s horses.

~word count : 2.0k~

Warnings: some angst, protective! joel, soft! joel, established relationship, so much fluff, comforting themes, joel is so soft! you will literally feel your heart clench and tears will fall on the screen! some swearing, banter, teasing. No use of y/n, (+18) minors dni !!

Songs used:

“Like Real People Do” by Hozier

“Kiss Me” by Ed Sheeran

“You and Me” by Niall Horan

Joel Miller has not seen your true, real smile in months. He doesn’t even remember what your sweet, infectious laugh sounds like. He hasn’t heard it in so long. The journey you, Joel and Ellie endured together, was a rough one. It started with Tess dying, Bill and Frank, Sam and Henry and just minutes ago, you and Joel almost lost Ellie.

You both felt numb, weak, vulnerable when the possibility of losing her, became very real.

The ride into Jackson was a somber one. You listened to the familiar sound of horses hooves crunching beneath the snow as the three of you rode into town for the first time.

You couldn’t help but lean down from the saddle, giving the horse you were riding, a gentle pat on its neck.

Joel was riding alongside you and you could feel his gaze fall upon your face. You had yet to speak a word, and he was visibly concerned.

You had met his gaze and gave him a slight nod. There was a smile tugging on the corner of your lips, but it didn’t reach your eyes.

Ellie had noticed your demeanor had changed gradually over the course of the months that you traveled together. It was slow at first. A change that didn’t take place overnight.

The thing was, you all had gone through some form of change. It was inevitable to evade.

Ellie held the same look of concern as Joel had. She pulled her horse up alongside his leaning over as she spoke.

“Hey, is she…is she alright Joel?”

Joel let out a breath of air as he looked over the kid that he had grown so fond of as if she was his own. He used to view her as a burden, cargo to transport. Now? Ellie was practically his daughter. His daughter, that he nearly lost today.

“I’m not sure, kiddo. She’ll be okay though. Don’t go worryin’ yourself alright?”

The three of you were visibly amazed when the tall, wooden gates of Jackson were opened as you rode through. You never believed that a town like this would work. That you would ever see a community thrive like this. Kids running, laughing. Smiles, people hugging, more smiles. It felt as though you were in a simulation. The sweetest dream that you never wanted to wake up from.

Joel had halted his horse suddenly. His eyes were focused on a man, who was hauling wood to build a structure. It was Joel’s younger brother, Tommy. You could see the shock, confusion, and relief wash over Joel’s features when he realized it was his brother.

“Tommy!” He shouted. His tone laced with disbelief that his brother was actually here, in front of him, and very much alive.

You watched them embrace, hugging each other so tightly. Joel nearly had tears in his eyes as he felt an overwhelming rush of emotions course through his veins.

“What the fuck you doin’ here?” Tommy asked. He was in equal disbelief that his brother was here, in front of him, and very much alive. The last thing Tommy expected was for Joel to come all this way looking for him.

“I came here to save you.”

They embraced again, Joel laughing, with the biggest smile on his face.

Maria and Tommy had shown the three of you all that Jackson had to offer. Ellie was sticking close to your side, with your arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Joel walked behind you, always feeling like he needed to be there to protect you, and Ellie. Even in this town, this paradise, he was on guard.

As soon as you heard a familiar whinny, your ears perked up in the direction of the stables. Ellie had zoned in on the beautiful brown foal with her head curiously sticking out above the open stall door. Ellie had grabbed your hand as you two quickened your pace, stopping just outside the stall door.

Shimmer, as you came to learn her name, softly nickered as Ellie had gently started to pet her, pressing her soft velvet nose into the teen’s warm gloves.

“What’s her name?” Ellie had asked Maria.

“Shimmer.”

Ellie had given the filly a kiss on the nose. Speaking softly to her.

“Shimmer, you’re so beautiful.”

You were gently petting Shimmer’s mom, a soft Palomino mare. She immediately reminded you of your old mare, Honey. You were holding in your tears and Joel could sense it.

“How many horses are on the property?” You asked.

“Thirty. Counting our newest member.”

Ellie had given you a little nudge, a genuine smile on her face. “Did you hear that? 30 horses! We should totally go and pet them all. C’mon.” This was Ellie’s way of attempting to cheer you up. You had taught her everything you knew about horses and she wanted to share this moment with you.

You had looked back at Joel for a moment and he had given you a small nod in return.

“Would that be alright, Maria? If we went inside and checked out all the horses?” You asked.

“Of course.”

Ellie had grabbed your hand once more, finding the opened door to the stables as you walked in together.

“So, what are we thinking? Are all these guys Quarter Horses, or Mustangs?”

“I’m thinking of a mix of both. It’s hard to tell with their winter fur being so thick.” You gently touched each horse's nose, as you walked past their individual stalls. The familiar barn smells of hay, grain, and horses washed over you. It took you back to your days on your uncle's ranch, long ago.

“This one is a Paint though, right?” Ellie had stopped in front of the next stall. “Woah, this guy has a blue eye, and a brown eye. That’s so sick!”

“That’s right kiddo. This one is a Paint.” You spoke with a soft smile. “You remember the different coat colors I taught you, right?”

“Yeah! So this guy is a chestnut Paint?”

“Bingo. You’re right on the money with that one kid.”

Neither of you had heard Joel enter the stables. You both were too immersed in the horses to hear him. He had quietly leaned against one of the stall doors, his arms crossed over his chest, with a big grin on his face as he watched his girls fawn over the horses.

His heart warmed at the sight of you smiling again. He killed to see it and now here it was, written across your pretty face, that he adored, loved, fought for.

Ellie had looked up from the horse she was petting and when she spotted Joel, she had that little mischievous grin as she walked over to him. She gave him a light punch to his shoulder.

“Dude, I know you got it bad for her but like, do you really need to stare that much? She might start thinking that you’re a creep man. You’re always staring at her.” She teased him.

Joel grumbled in response as he uncrossed his shoulders from his chest and gave his kid a begrudgingly light punch back. “I ain’t starin’ that much. What’re you talkin’ about? Just admirin’ her smile is all. There somethin’ wrong with that?”

Ellie let out a soft giggle, shaking her head. “Damn, admiring her smile, really Joel? You big ole softy.”

Joel gave her a slight warning look when she called him a softy.

“I ain’t a softy.”

“Okay, old man. Whatever you say!”

“Ellie–don’t you start with that shit–” he let out a sigh, rubbing his gloved hand over his face. “You little shit.” He muttered under his breath as she was walking back over to Shimmer.

You were further down the stalls, stopped in front of the last horse that was a leopard spotted Appaloosa. Only then you could hear the heavy footsteps of Joel’s worn boots approaching you.

“Hey.” You softly spoke, gently stroking the horse's forehead, while twirling a piece of its long forelock between your gloved fingers.

“Hey, darlin’ You–you alright?”

You let out a soft sigh, your lashes fluttering as you looked up at him, giving him a small, reassuring nod.

“I’m okay, Joel.” Images of Ellie getting mauled by that dog outside of Jackson, flashed through your mind. Ellie was safe, she was alive and petting Shimmer, you silently reminded yourself.

“Are you sure? We can–we can talk about it if you want?” he spoke softly to you, fumbling over his words because he too was afraid of losing Ellie. His main concern in his mind, at that very moment, was you.

“Joel, Please. I don’t–I don’t want to talk about it.” You looked away from him feeling the tears begin to prick in the corner of your eyes as you blinked them away.

“Hey, darlin’–honey?” He gently grasped your chin between his gloved fingers, tilting your head towards him so you were looking at him once more.

You let out a shaky breath when your eyes met his concerned ones.

“Do you remember what breed of horse this is?”

“Leopard Spotted Appaloosa.” Your man didn’t miss a fucking beat.

“Between Ellie’s shitty puns, and your constant horse facts, you think for a second I wasn’t payin’ attention? I love hearin’ her shitty puns and your silly horse facts darlin’ Could listen to them all goddamn day.” Joel’s words sent the tears you were holding at bay, free falling down your cheeks.

“You really paid that close attention to my horse facts? I never thought you really cared for them.”

“Oh, Honey. C’mere.” His heart was breaking deep in his chest when he saw your tears fall. He was already pulling you into his arms, wrapping you up in his warmth as he hugged you tightly. “I love ‘em, and you taught me everythin’ I need to know about horses darlin.’”

Damn this man. Damn him for being so gentle with you. Damn him for listening to your silly horse facts and remembering them. Damn Joel Miller for loving you so tenderly.

“You’re terrible. You know that cowboy? Damn you.” You spoke with your cheek firmly pressed against his chest, listening to his heart beat, and his deep chuckle that vibrated through you.

“You don’t mean that, sweet girl. You love me for it.”

“I do.” You whispered.

He gently lifted your head from his chest, holding your face in his gloved hands as he stroked your cheekbones with his thumbs. His forehead was lightly resting against yours, lips nearly touching.

“We’re gonna be okay. All three of us. What happened back there? Ain’t ever gonna happen again. I swear to you darlin’ I'm gonna keep you and Ellie safe. Whatever it takes.”

Your arms were loosely wrapped around Joel’s middle, feeling his warmth through his thick coat. “No. We’re gonna do everything we can to keep her safe. You and me. Whatever it takes, we’re keeping her safe. We’re a team Joel, remember? I got you, you got me.”

“I got you, you got me. Always.”

Your lips lightly brushed against each other, before the gap was closed. It was the softest, sweetest, heartfelt kiss you had shared together. Joel Miller kissed you, like real people do.

Ellie had seen the whole thing go down from where she was petting Shimmer and she let out a playful gagging sound.

“Oh my god, gross! Really you guys? In front of the horses? Shimmer, close your eyes! You don’t wanna see that! Yuck!”

You pulled away from Joel’s sweet embrace with a soft, heart melting giggle as you looked over his shoulder at Ellie.

“He started it, he kissed me first!”

“Oh yeahh, I'm sure he did! Y’know there’s young eyes watching! Gonna scar these poor horses man!” Ellie said with a laugh.

Joel kissed you once more, just for good measure, and you could feel his grin slowly appearing when Ellie let out another sound of disgust at her adoptive parents making out in the middle of the fucking stables.

How fucking adorable.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us #pedro pascal characters #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel the last of us #joel miller fluff #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller blurb #joel miller imagine #joel miller the last of us #tlou #joel miller fic #the last of us fic #the last of us imagine #tlou fic #ellie williams #tommy miller #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller angst

[prentissluvr]

too cold — joel (and tommy) miller

gn!reader , (future)fatherfigure!joel (and tommy tbh) , takes place a year or two after joel and ellie settle in jackson , reader is in their mid/late teens , hurt/comfort, angst , cw : brief mentions of loss of friends and family, hypothermia , wc : 3.8K , special thanks to @piggyjeans for reading this for me and motivating me to wrap up this part and get it out to you guys !! <333

at this point, you’re beginning to wonder why you even try. you wonder if there’s a point when the scraps of any family you had left, found or biological, are long gone and you’re on the brink of freezing to death yourself. you managed a fire last night, but you’re shivering beyond control even in the daylight with your sore lack of a real coat. wherever you are, it’s cold as hell and winter is setting in far faster than you could ever combat. essentially, you’re screwed. it seems like it might snow more, there’s not a building in sight, and you’re running out of bullets and food. the cold bites at your exposed nose and takes permanent root in your bones.

night falls far too quickly, bringing the thick snow that you feared almost as much as infected or people; those you could fight, but the snow? against that you have no defense but a sputtering fire, measly shelter, and a slowly thinning sleeping bag. curled into yourself as much as you can, it takes a concerningly small amount of time for you to fall asleep.

by the time you finally come back into consciousness, the struggle to open your eyes scares you even in the muddled state of your mind. the sun is far higher than ideal; already you’ve lost precious traveling time now that your only hope is to find abandoned buildings to scavenge for supplies. and yet, the last thing you want to do is get out of your sleeping bag. it’s kept you as warm as you could be, and even now in the leftover warmth sleep, you’re all too aware of the snow that blew into the small overhand of rocks you slept underneath and the way it’s freezing temperatures will soak into your feet until it reaches every nerve of your body when you continue your trek through the forest.

but, despite that heavy question of what’s the point, there’s no way you’re going to let yourself give up and waste away in the cold without trying to save someone, even if that someone is yourself. so with every struggle, you pull your hands out from their haven in the swaths of fabric, fumbling slightly to zip open the bag and pull yourself out. you’re eternally grateful that you have gloves, but within the few minutes of packing up, the cold has already started to settle in your hands, feet, and face. begrudgingly, you swing your pack onto your shoulder and shove your hands into your pockets, looking for the most direct path to higher ground to scope out any buildings.

as you start out, it seems as though travel may not be the worst. but the thick snow from last night’s flurries and the still slowly falling flakes are quick to tire your legs from the effort, and the way that your jacket lets in too much of the numbing wind hinders your pace. you find yourself exhausted, taking moments to rest against trees that stretch into minutes, maybe longer as your mind becomes foggy and consistent shivering sets in throughout your whole body. 

you stumble a bit and clumsily grab hold of the nearest tree. what the hell am i doing? you wonder. you let your whole side press against the rough surface of the tree, squeezing your eyes shut, then opening them in attempts to clear your head. but that doesn’t seem to help when you start to wonder if you’re hallucinating. just meters away your eyes land on a tall brown horse, an animal you don’t think you’ve seen outside of pictures. you stare at it in wonder for a moment, but a feeling of panic sets in when you process the fact that there’s a man sitting on the horse, a large rifle strapped across his back.

with your shaky hands you fumble around to pull out your gun, but it does you no good when the rifle is pointed at you in seconds. 

despite the threat, the man’s voice isn’t harsh when he calls out to you. “’s alright. ’m not here to hurt you, alright? just drop your weapon.” without much resistance, you do as he says, seeing no other choice and feeling not an ounce of energy to fight back. within moments, he’s off the horse, one hand on its reins and the other put up in the air in a careful truce as he slowly moves closer to you. when he’s near enough that the snow doesn’t obstruct his view of your face, he can see the way that you’re shivering and the unfocused look in your eyes and can immediately notice that something’s not quite right.

“i need you to tell me if you’re infected. don’t lie now, alright? i’ll shoot you if i find out you do.” at this, his voice is more stern, stirring up a bit more fear in you. but you’re able to shake your head clearly.

“no. no, ’m not infected. haven’t run into any for days,” you speak aloud for the first time since you woke up this morning, and you don’t notice the way that your speech is slurred, but he does.

“alright, then. kid, i’m gonna get you somewhere warm, okay?” in the back of your head, you’re terrified to let him closer, to let some stranger lead you somewhere, but the promise of warmth is something you desperately need. even so, you flinch away when he’s finally right next to you and reaches out. “i promise ’m not gonna hurt ya. i’ve got somewhere safe and warm for you, you’re gonna freeze to death if you don't get some help now.” he’s completely right, you realize, so you just nod. “there ya go. do’y have a coat we can get on you?” he frowns when you shake your head, but doesn’t hesitate to unzip his own padded coat. gently, he pulls your pack off your back and sets it down. you don’t even realize what he’s doing until he shrugs his own coat over your shoulders and pulls it tight over your front. the leftover warmth from his own body is heavenly, but in the action, you lose your support against the tree and unconsciously lean into his firm frame. you don’t notice, but he stiffens at this, and his frown grows deeper when he feels how cold you are to the touch.

with strong hands, he pulls you away from him slightly. wordlessly, he guides your shivering arms into the sleeves of his coat, silently grateful for the warm jacket he still has on.

“we’ve gotta get on the horse, now.” 

you just nod, letting him guide you to the tall animal. but you stop short at its side, completely unsure of how you’ll get up.

“first you put your right foot in the stirrup, right here.” you don’t have to say anything for him to begin telling you what you need to. “put your hand on the saddle here to help you up. i’m gonna hold you steady, okay?” you nod, letting him place his firm hands on your waist as you put the last of your strength into lifting one foot into the stirrup. “now you’ve gotta push up with that foot to swing your other leg over the horse.” it takes all of your concentration to understand what he says, and strength that you don’t have to actually do it. it’s messy, but thanks to his help and some miracle, you find yourself on top of the horse and putting all of your effort into staying upright.

“there ya go. i’m gonna get on in front of you, don’t you fall off now.” he quickly fastens your pack onto the horse, letting out a small grunt as he pulls himself up onto the animal. his body warmth right in front of you is precious and you don’t have it in you to feel awkward in the way he does as he pulls your arms around his torso to keep you steady. “just hold on and stay awake, alright? shouldn’t be too long til we get you warm.” once again, you just nod, knowing he can feel it with the side of your face pressed against his back.

as the horse starts forward at a decent pace, his instructions of holding on prove to be harder than ideal with your weakened grip. you don’t know how much time passes until the horse’s movement stops and the man’s voice, along with another, meets your ears.

you startle when the unfamiliar voice calls out. “joel! what took you so lon– what happened?”

“sorry, tommy.” you can feel the rumble of his voice while pressed against him, and turn your head to face the source of the other voice. “found ‘em leaning against a tree just a bit off the path. think they’ve got hypothermia.”

there’s another man on a horse, probably younger, but you can’t tell much else in the snow and the state of your mind. either way, you can’t help but read him as a danger. the man in front of you, joel, you assume, must have picked up on your fear behind him

“’s alright. that’s my brother, tommy. he’s here to help too, okay?” 

another nod from you, and a “damn” from tommy.

“let’s get going, then. we’ll stay in the lookout for tonight then get them back to jackson first thing in the morning. it’ll be dark soon.”

joel agrees, and with that, you set off. every so often, his voice brings you out of your daze long enough for you to nod your head against his back when he checks if you’re still awake. your sense of time is long gone; all you know when you arrive at the mentioned lookout is a vague sense of relief. 

“kid?” his voice rings out and you realize the motion of the horse has finally come to a stop. you do your best to sit up, hating the biting air that immediately hits your front now that it’s not kept warm by joel’s back. your hands stay resting absentmindedly on his shoulders in order to keep you from slipping off of the horse. “tommy’s gonna help you off, okay?” you let out a small hum of acknowledgement as tommy dismounts his horse and comes to stand beside you.

“here we go,” he gives you a small, encouraging smile as he lifts his arms up for you. “put your hands on my shoulders, and i’ll get you down safe ’n sound, alright?” it’s a bit of an awkward reach, and you begin to slip down before you have a proper grasp, but his hands are quick to secure themselves under your armpits, preventing you from falling and instead pulling you into his chest. your knees buckle the moment they hit the ground; tommy’s strong grip keeps you upright. “there you are, ’s alright. god, you’re shivering like a leaf in the wind. we’ll get you nice and warm now.” 

there’s a bit of a struggle getting inside, your legs practically refusing to hold your weight. an immense wave of relief washes through you when you collapse onto the couch they bring you to and you let your eyes shut in exhaustion.

“now don’t you fall asleep on us quite yet,” joel warns. “we gotta get you warm first. tommy, get some hot water going.” you force your eyes back open to see him crouching in front of you. “listen, uh. some of your clothes are a little wet from the snow, and we can’t have that.” he pauses at that, studying your face to catch any sort of reaction.

“okay,” you whisper, somehow coherent enough to still understand what he’s saying and know that he’s right.

“okay,” he repeats. “can i take these jackets off?” you nod. his grip is gentle when he pulls you up from your slouched position, allowing you to lean into him when he slips off the coat he gave you, then your own slightly damp jacket. you begin to shiver even harder, your thinning cotton shirt doing nothing to keep any cold at bay. “alright, alright,” he mumbles, half to himself as he pulls his thicker, dry coat back around you. then comes a blanket, taken from the couch and wrapped securely around your shoulders. he shifts you to rest against the back of the sofa.

that’s when he pauses, at a bit of a loss of what to do because your jeans, despite your thick boots, are soaked from the snow almost up to your knees. but there’s no way in hell he’d feel comfortable taking off your pants, much less how you’d feel. 

“i’m gonna have to cut your pants,” he concludes. “promise we’ll get you new ones in town, but you’ll never get warm like this.”

“’s okay,” you mumble. so he rummages in his pack until he finds a pair of scissors, doing his best to avoid touching your bare skin with his hands or cut you with the cold metal. it’s tricky business; the jeans stick fairly close to your skin, but he manages not to even nick you with the sharp edges. the moment you’re free from any damp clothing, he wraps another blanket securely around your legs so it won’t fall off. 

moments later, tommy reappears in your line of sight with exactly what joel asked for. he leans down, holding it out to you. with shaky hands, you grasp the cup, sighing in immediate relief at the warmth that spreads right into your fingers through your gloves.

“careful, now,” tommy advises. “it’s real hot, don’t burn your tongue.” you do your best to follow his instruction, weakly blowing at the hot water when you bring it close to your mouth. resisting the urge to down the whole thing, you grip it tighter and bring it to your chest, hoping to let some of the warmth permeate through other parts of your body other than your hands. it feels like a little piece of heaven when you feel the steam rising up to warm your chin, your lips, and the tip of your nose and the heat from the cup itself travel through your thin shirt and to the skin above your collarbone.

when you finally begin to sip on the warm water, it’s almost glorious; you can feel its warmth spread through your body. so once you discover it’s no longer too hot, you take long gulps and heave heavy sighs of relief. your trembling doesn’t disappear, but with the third cup, it certainly subsides.

this, and the far more relaxed expression on your face finally convinces joel that it’s safe to let you fall asleep—you’re halfway there anyways. tommy takes the empty cup from your hands before it can slip from your hold, and joel unravels your sleeping bag. at that point, you can no longer process the softly spoken words being exchanged by the brothers, but you’re vaguely aware of tommy’s arms tucking themselves under your shoulders and knees and pulling you off of the couch. then you’re being maneuvered into the sleeping bag that now lays across the surface of the couch, tommy setting you down while joel ensures that you stay properly wrapped up in the blankets. sleep claims you so quickly that you don’t hear the agreement between the two men to take turns keeping watch over you to periodically check your temperature and breathing.

joel wakes you in the morning, his gruff voice quickly recounting the events of the previous day when your jumbled state of mind after waking from such a deep sleep launches you into a panicked confusion. his explanation and comforting hands on your shoulders calm you in moments as the memories return, however vague they are due to the haze of your sickness.

“thank you,” you whisper as he helps you to sit up, his hands still gentle and supportive on your shoulders.

“course. like i said, we’ve got somewhere safe for you if you need. and at the very least, we’ve gotta get you some new pants and make sure you don’t get sick. were you travelin’ all alone?”

“not at first,” you explain, knowing he’s probably wondering about finding someone so young alone. “but now… yeah.” he sighs as if that’s the answer he expected.

“’m sorry,” he frowns. you just give a tight-lipped smile in response. “alright. we should get moving so we can get you to the town doctor. tommy’s gettin’ the horses ready.”

your eyebrows raise at his words. “town doctor?” you question. that puts a small smile on his lips that you don’t quite understand.

“yep. it’s a good place to be,” is all he offers in explanation.

“okay.” you begin untangling yourself from the blankets and sleeping bag that did the job of keeping you warm throughout the night. still covered by his coat, your upper half stays comfortable, but the feeling of your exposed calves hitting the cold air is unwelcome, not to mention the slightly embarrassing sight of the jagged edges of your jeans at such an awkward spot. 

“sorry ‘bout that,” he comments, “but we’ll keep your legs wrapped up with blankets for now and get you new jeans in town.” once you nod, he grabs a hold of one of the blankets he laid on top of you after you feel asleep, a rather small piece of fabric, but the right size to help you out. he wraps it around your left leg, using ropes from his supplies to gently secure the fabric, then repeating his actions for your other leg.

as he does so, he keeps his gaze focused on his task, but his gravelly voice meets your ears. “realized we never asked your name,” he phrases it like a statement, but the obvious question is there.

to be honest, you hadn’t even realized either, first, mind clouded by the hypothermia, and up until now too caught up in the oddness of your situation. one moment you’re all on your own and on the brink of death, the next you’re saved and seemingly on the way to what sounds like some sort of miraculous safe haven even from the vague glimpses of information you hear.

you state your name, hoping with all you can muster up that this isn’t some kind of cruel trick, and that the kindness the two men have shown you is as genuine as it’s proved to be thus far.

“well then,” he repeats your name back to you as he secures the last knot, still not looking up at you, “let’s get you home.”

those words nearly knock the air from your lungs. he throws them out like they don’t mean much, but in the most confusing way, because you’re sure he did it on purpose. you’re sure he does know that they mean a whole lot more than a casual tone and avoided eye-contact, but you suppose you can’t blame him. it’s often easier to pretend they don’t mean anything, certainly much more with people you don’t really know at all, people like you. and yet, you can’t help but think he said it to reassure you. to tell you that this place he’s talking about is one where you can find that thing everyone in this world has lost. as if it’s somewhere you already belong without having set foot in it yet. and you can’t tell the difference between hope and fear in that moment, so you shove it all away.

“sure.” you stand just after he does, grabbing your sleeping bag and beginning to roll it to the best of your ability while still weak. but he stops you, quickly taking over the task of clearing and packing up the last few things in the lookout after handing you a cup of warm water, not too hot. you finish it quickly, still more than grateful for any warmth that can be provided.

joel motions towards the door once he’s finished, and on still slightly wobbly legs, you walk up to him, stopping before he can lead you out.

“thank you, joel,” your voice is quiet, but sure when you say it.

“of course,” he assures, genuine in the affirmation.

“and tommy. tommy, too, of course,” you stutter, suddenly feeling awkward.

“sure thing.” he clears his throat, one his occupied hands almost moving up to rub the back of his neck. at that he turns, and you follow him out, back into the cold.

the shivery weather is not welcome by you, but in a properly warm coat and definitively out of the worst of your condition, it’s far more bearable. you feel bad for taking over joel’s coat, but he seems just fine in his jacket that’s clearly far warmer than your old, lousy excuse of a winter garment.

tommy and the horses are waiting there, just as joel said, and he smiles upon seeing you.

“good to see you up and alive, kid,” he grins with a gentle pat to your shoulder.

you answer his playfully reassuring attitude with a bashful smile of your own. “yeah, the alive part is definitely a plus,” you say in attempts of matching his tone. the way his grin grows tells you the joke landed, putting you at even more ease than before. unfortunately, it doesn’t make the way you formally introduce yourself to him any less awkward, but he seems glad to know your name. by your side, joel tightens one last strap on the horse before placing a careful hand on your shoulder.

“i think we’re good to go now. it’ll only be a few hours of riding,” he informs.

“sure,” you nod. pausing for a moment, you cast eyes down before speaking, albeit a bit timidly. “could you.. could you help me up again?”

you completely miss the soft look on his face at your request. “course i can, kiddo. i’ll get up first and help you from there, okay?” at your affirmative, he easily mounts the horse before holding a hand out to you. “just put your foot here, grab my hand, and i’ll do all the work, alright?” he moves his leg away from the stirrup so that you can use it yourself, his grip on your hand steady the moment you place it in his palm. gratefully, you follow his instructions, doing your best to use your own strength in tandem with joel to ease the effort he has to put forth to help you up. as you swing your leg over the horse, he guides your hand to hold onto his shoulder for you to grip far easier than his hand and succeeds in getting you into the saddle behind him. with that, you’re off, traveling somewhere that you somehow dare to hope is the sort of paradise joel and tommy have described.

,

part two here !!

#joel miller #joel miller x platonic!reader #platonic joel miller #tommy miller #father figure joel #joel miller tlou #tlou show #joel miller x gender neutral reader #joel miller x reader #tommy miller x reader #joel miller comfort #joel miller fluff #joel miller imagine #joel miller angst #joel miller x gn!reader #joel miller hbo #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fluff #tlou joel #joel miller father figure #the last of us #tommy miller father figure #tommy tlou #tommy miller tlou

[queenshelby]

Forbidden Desire (Part 19)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader (Female/Incestuous)

Warnings: Incest, Smut

Please comment and engage xx 😘

For a fleeting moment, Tommy appeared defeated, having never expected such revelations tonight. However, regaining control swiftly, he leaned against the wall menacingly.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me sooner, eh?" Tommy roared furiously struggling to contain his anger. Sweat trickled down his forehead, making him shiver involuntarily as his mind raced through various scenarios regarding his future interaction with you and his son. 

"Because you abandoned me, Thomas! You said that you won't, but you did!" you shouted, exasperated and you could see Tommy visibly cringe upon hearing these harsh words, pain etched deeply across his features.

Inhaling sharply, Tommy turned abruptly, walking towards the window without saying anything further.

"No one can know that I am the father of your child, Y/N," he stated matter-of-factly after a brief silence, indicating his demand rather than asking for consent. "Do you understand?" he then ought to ask and you nodded. 

"I understand and I had no intention to involve you in his life until now that Polly told me about your plans for Boston," you said vehemently, standing your ground firmly. "Fucking opium, Tommy! I do not want to have any part in this business," you insisted, displaying your commitment to distancing yourself from this kind of life. 

"Do you seriously think that I would have put you in danger Y/N?" Tommy murmured softly, a pleading note laced in his question, searching your eyes earnestly before explaining the situation to you.

"Michael is taking on the opium business independently and I made sure that you are not going to be involved in these activities," Tommy explained before telling you "I still love you Y/N. I always will. And I will never put you into harm's way, I promise," Tommy declared solemnly, his tone heavy with conviction. "As much as you might hate me right now, I will always try to protect you," he told you and you looked at him, finally able to read genuine concern in his eyes - a stark contrast to the cold disregard you often witnessed.

For a split second, you considered letting go of your grudges and opening your heart once again to the man you used to love so passionately. But then, reality set in, reminding you why you chose this path and all the reasons why reconciling with Tommy wouldn't work.

Despite his claims, your trust remained broken, his promises unfulfilled. Even though you found solace in seeing him vulnerable and humanized, your resolve only strengthened as your pride refused to let you surrender to the emotional turmoil.

"I am glad, because my son means everything to me now and I need to be around for him so that he has a better life than me growing up," you replied coolly, turning away from him just as Tommy's maid, Frances, barged through the door.

"Mr Shelby, there has been an incident at the Midland Hotel," she informed urgently, her eyes wide with worry, causing your heart to skip a beat.

"There seems to be a fire," continued Frances cautiously, fear evident in her voice and, almost instantly, anxiety coursed through you as this was where your son was staying with your maid. 

"Oh my god. I need to go there, right now Tommy," you exclaimed, panicking as images of your baby flashed vividly in front of your eyes. Before Tommy could say anything, you hurried past him towards the door. 

"Wait, Y/N!" Tommy yelled but you ignored him, running frantically toward the exit. As you bolted through the house, you could hear Tommy calling your name repeatedly, ordering his staff to follow you and ensure your safety.

Tommy ran after you, following you to one of his Bentleys and helping you get inside. As he jumped into the driver seat himself, he glanced briefly at your flushed complexion and reassured you that everything would be fine.

"You don't fucking know that, Tommy. My son is there, with my maid, at the hotel. What if something happens to him?" you screamed, filled with dread and panic.

"You need to calm down Love. Panicking is not going to help you. Now focus, did anyone follow you from the docks when you arrived?" Tommy asked as, without hesitating, he pulled the vehicle onto a side street, speeding rapidly towards the hotel.

"No, no one has followed us," you replied uneasily while tightening your hold on the edge of the leather seats, anxiousness consuming you whole.

Tears brimmed silently in your eyes, ready to overflow at any moment. Gripping your hand, Tommy reached over and intertwined our fingers together in a desperate attempt to alleviate some of your stress.

All throughout the journey, his focus shifted between driving and checking on you, ensuring your comfort amidst the chaos unfolding outside.

Once arrived at the burning building, Tommy parked the car quickly and leapt out, heading towards the entrance. In the background, sirens grew steadily louder as more emergency vehicles approached.

"You cannot go in there Mr Shelby," a young policeman tried stopping Tommy, brandishing a stop sign in one hand. Despite his authority, Tommy forcefully pushed passed him, determined to find his son, dismissively ignoring the officer's protests.

You felt weak and helpless, your palms sweaty as you struggled to remain composed, clutching onto Tommy's arm for support.

As Tommy navigated through the crowd of concerned faces, pushing aside those who got in his way, a sense of relief washed over you as you saw your son being safely evacuated from the hotel along with your maid.

Your breath hitched audibly, the tension melting away like ice under sunlight.

Their clothes were singed and black smoke covered their skin, visible evidence of the horror they'd endured mere moments ago. Your instinct was to run to them immediately, but Tommy halted your movement, gently holding you back as, in the distance, he saw two men who appeared to be a thread. 

"Wait," he commanded sternly, holding you back as he watched the men closely before, with his other hand, unholstering his gun.

"Tommy, what's going on?" you demanded, steeling yourself as you squinted through the dense cloud of greyish smoke enveloping the area.

"The fire wasn't an accident..." Tommy muttered, observing the suspicious duo warily as they casually walked away from the chaotic scene. "And I think that you are the target," he then went on to say while keeping his cool.

"Me?" you asked, shocked. "But you said that I won't be in any danger with this new business deal taking place," you retorted accusingly, unable to conceal your alarm.

"It's not because of the new business venture. It's because of something Arthur got himself involved in while serving time earlier this year," Tommy explained, causing your chin to drop.

"My father went to jail? How did I not know about this?" you asked worryingly but Tommy simply told you not to worry too much about it before hushing you back into his vehicle discreetly.

"I need you to wait here for me while I clean up this mess. Promise me that you won't leave the car," Tommy ordered authoritatively, wanting to make certain that you would indeed wait for him instead of getting involved directly in potentially dangerous situations.

His commanding presence and intensity left little room for argumentation; you reluctantly agreed, feeling a mix of uncertainty and apprehension rising within you.

"Yes...but..." you began, causing Tommy to become impatient.

"Just fucking promise me Y/N! I will make sure your son...our son...is safe," Tommy finished off emphatically, locking gaze with yours to make sure you understood how serious the issue was.

Unnerved, you nodded fervently, promising to adhere to his directive.

Feeling guilty for placing you in such precarious circumstances, Tommy took another glance at you before giving you a gentle yet firm squeeze of your shoulder in reassurance. Then, turning away from you, he marched swiftly towards the hotel, disappearing into the thick clouds of grey smoke obscuring the entrance.

You watched intently, your entire frame quivering slightly in apprehension. After several tense minutes of waiting, Tommy reappeared beside your car window again, dusting the ash off his jacket which was also covered in blood. 

His intense demeanor didn't seem to waver, even in light of the terrifying events transpiring before your very eyes. 

"Where is my son?" you queried impatiently, your hands shaking nervously as you waited for an answer.   

"Moss is driving him and the maid to Arrow House as we speak. He is safe, but you and your family will need to stay with me until things settle down," Tommy responded grimly, attempting to console you as best he could in spite of the dire situation.

A wave of relief surged through you, temporarily calming your nerves. However, lingering concerns regarding your own safety persisted, forcing you to pose additional questions.

"What about the men? Will they not follow them?" you wondered aloud, wondering whether Arrow House was safe. 

"Not unless they rise form the dead," Tommy said before taking a seat in the driver's seat again. His tone was stoic and unfazed, leaving no doubt about his determination to put an end to these enemies and restore peace. 

"I made sure that message gets through to the man who sent them for you, and I will have my men guard the house to ensure your safety as well," he thus told you and, after that, an eerie silence descended upon you as Tommy drove off.

Unconsciously, you slipped your trembling hand into Tommy's, seeking warmth and security - a gesture that spoke volumes about your bond and affection for each other.

The atmosphere was sombre, tense – reminding you of the gravity of the situation and the danger this life brought with it and you knew that, for the sake of your son, things had to change.

For the first time since you met the Shelbys, you found yourself questioning whether you should continue down this path or try finding solace elsewhere. A life far away from any illegal activities perhaps but, this line of thought was interrupted by your arrival at Arrow House, which is where Moss greeted you out the front. 

Seeing your son's face caused tears well up in your eyes once more. Holding your arms open, you immediately took your baby into your arms, showering him with kisses and apologizing profusely for putting him in harm's way.

He was only six months old and still so innocent, but already experiencing terror like this, which pained you deeply as the responsibility you bore increased tenfold. The desire to provide a safer future for him intensified exponentially. All these emotions mixed together within you, creating an almost tangible weight within your heart.

"May I hold him?" Tommy asked cautiously, peeking around you at your precious boy while Moss took your maid inside. With tearful eyes, you looked over at him, nodded, and slowly handed over your cherished treasure to him.

Inhaling sharply, Tommy held the tiny infant against his chest, tenderly rocking him back and forth as if trying to absorb every last bit of fear and turmoil from the day's events. 

"What did you name him?" Tommy softly whispered, looking into the deep blue eyes of his son, whose eyebrows seemed perpetually furrowed in concentration. 

"I named him Edward," you informed him and Tommy smiled, feeling both love and admiration swell inside him as he cradled the small child in his strong arms. His gaze turned toward you, a mixture of gratitude and sorrow etched across his features. It was evident that the day's dramatic turn of events had taken its toll on him, too.

"He is perfect, isn't he?" Tommy remarked, gazing down at his son who was still nestled snugly in his arms. There was a quiet earnestness to his voice, and you couldn't help but feel moved by his sincerity. "Look at how peaceful he looks, in spite of all that happened tonight, eh" he went on to say and you couldn't agree more.

As you witnessed the tenderness with which Tommy handled the child, it became increasingly clear just how important family meant to him.

"He must be hungry. I should go inside and feed him," you offered hesitantly, making an effort to return to normalcy amidst the looming threats and escalating violence.

Without saying anything, Tommy gave you a subtle nod of approval, indicating that it was time for some respite and comfort. As you headed indoors, however, you noticed Tommy remaining outside, speaking to one of his associates. Curiosity piqued, you continued walking further into the house without interruption, passing through the grand entrance hall towards the dining room, still filled with guests.

Robert immediately acknowledged your presence, asking you what happened while Lizzie gave you a stern look and raised an eyebrow quizzically.

She knew that the child you held in your arms was Tommy's son but did not say anything, choosing to remain silent for now. Her jealousy simmered beneath the surface, and it wasn't until your father, Arthur, questioned whose child this was, that Lizzie spoke up. 

"That's your grandchild, I believe," she announced defiantly, drawing attention to everyone present. 

"My grandchild, eh? Who is the fucking father then?" Arthur demanded loudly, a hint of anger in his voice as he glared at you in disapproval.

"Just a man I met in Boston, who is not around anymore," you lied, not wanting to admit that Edward's father was no other than your very own uncle. 

Arthur scoffed at your explanation, muttering under his breath that there were never really any good men in the world anymore who were willing to take responsibility for their actions.

Meanwhile, you felt your cheeks redden as guilt crept into your conscience, knowing full well that you hadn't been entirely truthful. But you reasoned with yourself, telling yourself that lying about who the father was, served the greater good.

"Well then congratulations, Love. Welcome to fucking motherhood," Lizzie commented bitterly, unable to hide her disdain. 

Despite her animosity, you ignored her, focusing on the task at hand: ensuring your son's needs were met, especially during such tumultuous times.

"Thank you, Lizzie," you thus simply told her before she abandoned you to seek out her husband to be, who she knew had disappeared hours earlier, with you by your side.

When Lizzie finally found Tommy outside, she confronted him about bringing you and your son to his house for the engagement party. 

"Why would you bring her here, Tommy? And why bring her brat along as well?" she demanded, causing Tommy to become angry. "The child is yours, isn't it? You fathered a child with your own fucking niece!" Lizzie spat just as Tommy pulled her aside and told her to keep her voice down.

Frustrated by her accusatory tone, Tommy replied angrily, "I brought her here because she is fucking family, and so is her son. They need protection. But I didn't invite her to our fucking wedding, Lizzie! Polly did!" 

Lizzie rolled her eyes, clearly unconvinced. "Is he yours?" she asked and Tommy clenched his jaw, struggling to control his temper.

"No, he is not," he lied calmly and, again Lizzie rolled her eyes, knowing full well that he was lying. 

"I want this whore and her bastard child out of this house as soon as possible. Do you understand?" Lizzie retorted sharply, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. 

"She is my fucking niece, Lizzie! She will be staying until it is safe for her to return to Boston. Now go inside and attend to the fucking guests. I have things to do, eh" Tommy dismissed Lizzie abruptly, not bothering to conceal his annoyance. He needed to make arrangements for better security and handle various business matters related to recent developments.

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[heartpascal]

Howdy I love you and your writing, I was wondering if you'd ever write tommy x platonic reader

be your armour

▹— tommy miller x platonic!seraphite!reader

▹— summary: you escape the seraphites, and find that the world is not what they described

▹— a/n: howdy yourself lovely anon! i love you! (see the extra a/n at the end!)

▹— warnings: reader was in a cult, religious themes, religious trauma, slight tlou pt 2 spoilers (though it’s set before!), canon-typical violence, death, murder, mention of reader being malnourished (but no mention of weight/size), minor character death, transporting a dead body, tommy’s PTSD and general mental health struggles, abrupt ending

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything!) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915  @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa  @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being

masterlist

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Tommy knows Maria has a good reason for disliking sending him on patrols. He realises it every single time he agrees to go on one.

As his wife, she’s seen every ugly and terrible side to him. Being in the apocalypse means that his best side isn’t really his best. But even so, Maria has loved him and looked out for him in far more ways than he usually knows. Like when she assigns him to construction and overseeing repairs, she’s sparing him of this.

Even now, nearing three decades since his time in the military, he experiences the effects. Except now, there are far more stakes. Now, when he loses sight of where he is, when the sounds become too loud and he’s back there, people’s lives are at stake. And so is his own.

Usually, being the soldier that he is, Tommy can keep himself together in terse situations. When chaos unfolds, Tommy is there, unmoving. But today, he was caught by surprise, much like his now most likely deceased companion, Julian.

The reason he had accepted this patrol with little complaint from Maria was because it was supposed to be quiet. It was well known for being free of raiders, with only a few Infected roaming around. So both he and Julian hadn’t expected to be shot at, to be surrounded by people with guns who were shouting conflicting orders to each other.

In all the sudden chaos, Tommy had momentarily been thrust back into 20-something years ago, when he had watched a fellow soldier die needlessly at his side, whilst he survived. It was like he could reach out, and the soldier would be at his fingertips, as if he could trace the surname Keller which was stained with blood at the man’s chest.

But when Tommy blinked, Julian’s motionless body was at his side, the man’s eyes unblinking and unseeing. There was blood on his chest, too, Tommy noticed distantly, despite the way he was squinting to see through the suddenly too bright sun. When the ringing in his ears faded, he was left with an aching jaw and a lightheaded feeling that made his chest hurt.

“Where’s the Scar? Hey! You listen to me, old man, where is the Scar?” One of the raiders yelled, her voice carrying over the faint ringing that still lingered in Tommy’s ears. He heard the sound of the safety on a gun being clicked off, and squinted past the sun in his eyes to see a woman glaring at him with bared teeth.

“The fuck scar ‘re you talking ‘bout?” Tommy asked, his words fumbling together the slightest bit as he spoke, his voice grating on his too-dry throat. He swallowed thickly, trying to piece his mind back together, trying to get his head back into gear, knowing he had to survive this. Maria would kill him, otherwise.

As he was counting the people in his sights, one of the men with a shotgun pointed towards him spoke up. “He’s lying! Where the hell is that damn Scar?” He spat, apparently disbelieving of him.

“What damn Scar?” Tommy yelled back, exasperated and frustrated, not to mention completely exhausted from whatever the hell was going on here.

“The kid, about yay-high,” The woman said, voice carrying over the sounds of the others grumbling, “Big ugly scars across their cheeks. That damn Scar.” She dragged a finger from the corner of her mouth up towards her eye, demonstrating the scar, before readjusting the grip on her gun to be more threatening.

One of the others took a step towards her, looking apprehensive as she took in the situation. “Kendra, I really don’t think he knows. Maybe we should get out of here.” The voice of reason said, her gun hanging limply at her side, whilst her hands were held out, gesturing towards where Tommy lay, still coming back to his senses.

Kendra shook her head, narrowing her brown eyes at him, and held a pale palm up to the woman who had approached, silencing her. “He knows something. We know the Scar headed out this way. I’m not giving up when we’ve come this far, Janet.”

Janet sighed, turning her head to look at Tommy almost with something close to pity.

But he was already forcing his head back into the soldier mindset, pushing down all of his lingering panic and the way he didn’t quite feel real in that moment. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to do so, but it was the first time in a while. When was the last time? Two years ago? Three? Trust these people to prove Maria’s worries correct.

He was formulating a plan of action when it happened, when their attention was drawn away by the sound of something soaring through the air, cutting through any conversation. They all twisted around to face the direction the arrow came from when it landed in the trunk of a tree above Tommy’s head, and they paid him no mind.

“Come on out, Scar! Show yourself!” Kendra yelled, before firing aimlessly into the forest surrounding them. A whistle came from within, letting her know that she’d missed her target. She turned to the group around her, and nodded her head at two groups of two, pointing them in opposite directions. Obviously, she was sending them to flank whoever this Scar was.

It was clear to Tommy that this was his chance to get out of the situation without having to take down all of these people alone, but in the few moments it had taken him to grasp the gun hidden in Julian’s boot, they had caught the Scar.

He was ready to leave. Tommy was already at his feet, backing away towards the path to Jackson, but he was stopped when the two who had gone to the left emerged from the trees with you kicking and yelling at them. You, the Scar they had been talking about, were a kid. Hell, you couldn’t have been much older than Ellie was when she’d arrived at Jackson. Surely you couldn’t have been the one they were after? The one they had just killed Julian for?

“Damn Scar doesn’t even know how to use the thing.” One of the men spat out, throwing what must have been your bow to the ground in front of you. You simply bared your teeth at him, making the scars along both of your cheeks crease. Tommy wasn’t oblivious to how painful and tender they looked, as if they weren’t very old.

“But you knew how to use it when you killed my husband, didn’t you?” Kendra sneered, leering over you and pointing her gun towards your head. She pressed it to your forehead, not pulling the trigger even when you paused in your struggling. When she moved away slightly, a glare on her face, there was a dent the shape of her gun left in your skin. “We got what we came here for. Let’s go. Bring it with us.”

Janet’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? To do what?”

“To get justice for Daniel. Did you forget?” Kendra asked, her voice a leering drawl as she took a step towards Janet whilst you resumed your struggling, trying to get towards where they had dumped your arrows alongside your bow.

”I didn’t agree to—to torturing some kid, Kendra. We didn’t even see what happened.” Janet stammered, her eyes wide at what the leader of the group was seemingly suggesting.

“The kid is a Scar, Janet. That’s enough for me.” One of the men responded, glaring at you with a ferocity Tommy didn’t know someone could have towards a child. Even if you had done what they’d suggested, there was probably a damned good reason, in Tommy’s eyes.

You glared straight back at him, eyes narrowed. “May she guide you home,” You said, seemingly kind enough, though it seemed pretty… cultish, to Tommy.

He’d heard of cults even before the Outbreak. Heard of religious fanatics who indoctrinated people and held them in a sheltered world, hidden away from real life. But it seemed to have gotten more extreme since the Apocalypse occurred, with new religions popping up all over the place. FEDRA crushed most of them, but it wasn’t unheard of for them to survive, to spread, much like the Infection itself.

Clearly, at your age, you’d had to have either been born into whatever crazy world you’d come from, or brought into it. You certainly weren’t old enough to be facing a group of seven people, all on your own. Even if one of them didn’t seem inclined to make you suffer, it was clear that Janet was okay with killing you.

“You little—” The man stepped forward, going towards you, as if you had said something truly offensive. You openly glared at him, refusing to cower away, but he was interrupted by Kendra.

“That’s enough, Clive. Let’s take this little apostate back to the other Scars, make an example of them.” She said, turning to face you from where she had been looking at the man. At her words, you seemed to clam up, your skin starting to take on a sheen of sweat, your eyes visibly widening. The stretch of the scars along your cheeks gave away the way in which you ground your teeth together. “Ah, there it is. Your little cult kicked you out, huh?” She smiled at your responding gulp.

Before Tommy could think any better of it, he was throwing himself into the haphazard plan he’d cooked up in his head. It wasn’t much. Hell, it wasn’t really anything, but he couldn’t leave you. You would be safe in Jackson, just as he would. He might have lost Keller, but he wouldn’t lose you. You didn’t have to die.

The only warning the group got was the click of the safety turning off, before Tommy was opening fire into their midst.

It was almost like a trance. Like he was on autopilot. He knew what he was doing, but he didn’t really feeling like it was actually him doing it. Tommy could feel the tension of him pressing on the trigger, but it was like he was watching on from the outside.

This wasn’t the first time he had experienced such a thing. He’s pretty sure it’s what made him so effective, each time he was put into life threatening situations. It was as if he could simply remove himself and watch on, as if he was a spectator. It meant that he didn’t think twice before putting a bullet between Kendra and Clive’s eyes, or sending any of the rest of their group to an early death.

By the time he came back to himself, he was standing on the trail, surrounded by bodies. Janet’s eyes stared up at him, a trail of blood gushing from the wound on her throat. Perhaps, if he had been fully conscious at the time, he would’ve felt guilty. But Tommy was never quite himself until he could get out of the situation that made him this way.

You stared at him, wide-eyed, your skin splattered with the blood of the man who had been shot dead behind you. As soon as Tommy opened his mouth, however, you rushed for your bow and the cluster of arrows, clumsily grabbing them and raising the bow towards him with shaking fingers.

“Woah, it’s okay.” Tommy said, his voice sounding wrong to his own ears, before he was dropping the gun and holding his hands up in surrender. Not that it meant much, considering it was out of ammunition. And considering how easily you had been caught, he’s not sure how well you can use that bow in close contact.

“Stay away from me.” You responded, though your voice trembled as it left your throat. You pulled the bowstring further, as if to compensate.

Now that Tommy was looking at you, rather than those surrounding you, he was noticing things he hadn’t seen before. You looked exhausted. There were bags underneath your eyes, and your skin looked dewy, unhealthy. From the looks of it, and the sound of your growling stomach, you were malnourished.

“Alright, now let’s just calm down here.” Tommy spoke, keeping his hands raised and unmoving. Your expression didn’t change, and he could see your fingers loosening on the arrow you had notched. “I’m guessin’ your name ain’t Scar.” You shook your head, your jaw clenching. “My name’s Tommy. I—I live in a little town ‘bout forty minutes east.”

“Okay,” You said, face stony. “So go back there.”

Tommy sighed, weighing up his options. On one hand, it seemed like you were giving him a free pass, and he needed to get back to Maria, needed to get Julian home. On the other hand, Tommy’s not sure he could just leave you out here, all alone, especially when you appear to have a target on your back. “Are there more of them? Coming after you?” He asked, instead of outwardly suggesting you go back to Jackson with him.

You shrugged, though the darting of your eyes towards the bodies sprawled around you suggested that there probably was. Tommy was choosing to believe that whatever happened wasn’t your fault. Especially considering these people were willing to torture you, so they surely couldn’t have been good guys.

He could see your grip on your bow slackening, like your arm was growing tired.

“I can get you supplies, if you’d like.”

“Just like that? I can’t give you anything.” You responded, eyebrows furrowing and giving you a confused expression. He supposed it made sense, not many people were charitable in the apocalypse.

“Just like that,” Tommy confirmed, trying to look as earnest as possible. Part of him wants you to accept, to agree to come to where he knows it’s safe, but the other part of him is hoping to hell that you have more survival instincts than that. “You saved my life, ‘s the least I could do.”

“But you—you already did that, for me. You killed the wolves.” You said with increasing confusion. You didn’t understand how this man worked. Back at the Island, only the Elders got to allocate supplies, and he certainly didn’t look like an Elder.

Despite his curiosity, Tommy elected not to ask about the so-called wolves. “Listen, kid—”

“I’m not a kid.”

“Right, ‘course not. My apologies. I—I could use a hand in getting my friend here back to his family,” Tommy said, stumbling over his words the slightest bit. It was the first time he’d really realised that Julian was dead, that he would have to go to his family and explain he wasn’t coming home. If it weren’t for his concern for you, that might have just sent Tommy into another reality once more. “If you wouldn’t mind helpin’ me out, I could fetch you some supplies.”

You still looked unsure, but you lowered your bow the slightest amount, squinting at Tommy as if he was going to change his mind or alter the deal, somehow. Finally, you removed the arrow from the bow, slipping it into the quiver that was on the ground, before you tied it around your waist. “Okay. It seems fair.” You decided, mostly because you were desperate to get more supplies, and you had no idea where the wolves’ camp would be, or if there would be more of them waiting for you.

When you made your hasty exit from your fellow Seraphites, you hadn’t accounted for all the people you would anger along the way. Kendra’s husband was killed by accident, though you could see why they would suspect you. It was another Seraphite — Mary, you believe — who had shot at you, only to miss and send an arrow through the man’s throat. When they discovered him, your face had been covered in his blood, and your bow had been clutched in your hand. Unfortunately, the WLF were renowned for not listening to reason. After all, they had been the ones to kill the Prophet, despite no wrongdoing on her part.

It made sense that they’d do the same to you.

However, you hadn’t been expecting them to follow you so far. In fact, you had no idea where you were going to run in order to get away from your people, until the wolves started chasing you and you ran in the opposite direction. Since then, it had been a battle of staying one step ahead of them.

Your upbringing meant that you didn’t need to rely on things from the Old World, like they did, which meant you could traverse the terrain without having to stop at stores and towns for supplies. You’d been surviving on what you could forage from the land, which was a much harder task when it was overrun with demons and had no farms to harvest from.

Through the whole situation, you could only be glad that it was the wolves chasing after you, and not your people. Sure, it would have been nice for your family to want you to stay, but the likelihood would have been that another Seraphite would’ve caught you much sooner. And they would drag you back to the Island to make an example out of you, too, you were sure. A statement to convey what happens to apostates.

“You headed anywhere specific?” Tommy asked casually, as you grasped a hold of Julian’s limp arm and hefted him upwards with a surprising amount of strength. He did the same on Julian’s other side, and the two of you set off.

“No.” You answered, not sparing him a glance.

Tommy clicked his tongue, and let the silence linger for a little while longer. Soon enough, after almost ten minutes of dragging Julian’s body through the woods, the two of you arrived at a nearby town. “You know how to ride a horse?” He questioned, coming to a stop outside of a building with an open garage door, displaying two horses inside. You only nodded. “Alright, then. Let me note down that we’re headed back, and then we’ll get him up on my horse with me. Sound alright to you?”

He was still in a blurred state, but Tommy vaguely noticed himself writing down a very shortened version of what had happened. It was as thorough as he could make it for being two sentences, but it would have to do. He didn’t even fully understand the situation, himself, but he signed a -T at the end of his entry before turning back to find you surveying the room.

You seemed almost… fascinated by the things you were looking at. The water filter, the coffee machine, all regular items that you could find in almost any town or city. You looked at each of them like they were something to figure out, something to understand. He decided it was best not to comment, and turned back to the book for a few more moments to let you have your fill of exploring the room.

As soon as he thought you’d had long enough, or, as soon as how long he was spending at the book was getting suspicious, he was ushering you towards the horses. His horse, Sadie, was the bigger of the two, and with your help, the two of you managed to get Julian over the back of her.

The ride back to Jackson was about thirty minutes at a leisurely pace, but Tommy was about ready to get back to Maria. Especially since he had no idea if there were more of the people you’d referred to as wolves. The last thing he needed was another fight, just when he was coming back to himself. He’d take another year fixing up houses and porches before having to experience losing his senses again, before being thrust into a time he had no desire to remember.

Still, he had high hopes that you were worth it.

Even more so when he looked over at you, to see that you were looking far more comfortable on the horse than you had been on the walk over to them. You looked content, almost. As if out here, on that horse, you were in your element. But he did have to wonder if you were concealing some sort of injury, with how much you had been wincing on the walk over. He hoped it was just the exhaustion.

About three minutes away from Jackson, Tommy finally spoke up over the steady sound of hooves against the ground. “Now, listen, these people ain’t always the friendliest, but don’t go and take it personally. Everybody just wants to stay safe. When we get there, I’ll help get you set up with some food and a place to sleep, and we’ll see where we go from there, alright?”

“Al—Alright.” You stuttered out, sounding nervous once more, the creases returning to your expression. He noticed the way you gripped the reins tighter, but he didn’t say a word.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

When the two of you rode through the open gates into Jackson, Tommy had expected the rush of people coming towards him.

He realises, a moment after the two of you are surrounded, that he probably should have warned you of what was going to happen. Sure, he’d warned you of the attitudes you were likely to be on the receiving end of, but he hadn’t told you about this. With the way he can see you physically stiffen, he knows he messed up.

“It’s okay,” He tried to reassure you, though he went mostly unheard through the gaggle of people around you, asking more questions than he could answer. “Let’s just have us some space, here, alright?” He told the people around him, to little avail. It was a buzz of worry and upset at the sight of Julian’s body, which he could understand, but Tommy wasn’t quite prepared to deal with that just yet.

Luckily for him, his wife came to his rescue soon enough.

“Everybody, move!” Maria yelled, her stern tone carrying over the mutterings and questions. People were more familiar with her than they were with Tommy, and she commanded a certain amount of respect that had the residents clearing out of her way. “You alright?” She murmured to Tommy, as soon as she was close enough, her hand steady and firm on his arm. Until that moment, he hadn’t even realised that he’d dismounted from his horse, that somebody had gotten Julian’s body down.

Tommy supplied her with a jerky nod, and she nodded in return, more understanding of what he was feeling than even he was himself.

“Let’s get these two to med. Somebody go and get Daniel, I’ll need to speak to him.” Maria said, two of the surrounding people immediately rushing off to go and get Daniel, who Tommy realised must be Julian’s next of kin. He decided not to think too much about it, just yet.

A man he knows from the stables approached him, reaching a hand out to hover in the air between them. “You okay, man? You need help getting to med?” Lincoln asked, brows creased in concern. His hands were dirty, probably from taking care of the horses in the stable during the early shift. Tommy was starting to think he looked far worse than he originally realised.

He saw somebody else approaching you, and watched as you took on a defensive stance, fingers tightening around your bow. “You need a hand?” They asked, kinder than Tommy had expected, and your face creased closer to confusion. He watched Maria approach, lay a hand on their shoulder and wave them off. Tommy dismissed Lincoln a moment later.

He walked over to the two of you, hands clenched into fists as he felt the tremors begin. Maria was explaining to you what was going to happen, her voice softened the slightest bit. “We’re going to get you to a doctor, just to check you’re okay, and then we’ll get you some food and whatever else you need. Sound alright?” She told you, waiting for your responding nod before gesturing for both you and Tommy to follow her. He didn’t miss the way you winced when you stepped forward on your right foot.

The walk was quiet, with most people throughout the town minding their own business, only the occasional person shouting to check everything was okay. Tommy sort of wished that you and Maria would chat, so the silence wasn’t so overwhelming. It was like he could still hear himself firing those bullets.

You kept to yourself through the walk to the medical building, only glancing around at the town when you believed nobody was looking. It was more concerning than anything, to Tommy. It was exactly as it had been in the building the horses were in, that same expression of wonder crossing your features, a curiosity that you tried to keep secret.

He was really trying to rein himself and his paternal feelings in, here, but it was a struggle. He was trying to reason with himself — Tommy had no idea why those people were after you. For all he knew, they could have been justified in having it out for you. It wouldn’t be the first time Tommy had heard about a kid being violent and what could be called evil. Especially in a world like this.

But Tommy had done awful things in his lifetime, before and after the world ended, so he had no right to judge you without knowing your life. You were a kid, and that was enough. You didn’t deserve to be hunted down like some kind of animal before being tortured and sent to slaughter. It wasn’t right. And sure, he hadn’t been right very much in his life, but Tommy had sworn to himself that he’d do right by Maria, so here he was, with you, trying to be better.

God, he was always trying to be better.

He hoped saving your life wouldn’t prove to be as futile as all his other attempts to be better, because it never seemed to stick when it came to Tommy Miller. He was always one step away from getting worse, always a bruised ego away from making a mistake, always a moment away from losing himself, just as Maria said he would. It was exhausting. It was a never-ending cycle that Tommy had been battling since he was a kid, and to think he had made so little progress by now, when he was old and decaying? It was disheartening. It made his survival feel futile. What good was surviving if he couldn’t let go of his past? If he couldn’t learn to live with what had happened, all those years ago? How much longer could he expect to survive if he couldn’t keep his head in the game when something unexpected happened?

“Tommy.” Maria said, pulling his mind away from his spiralling thoughts, which were quickly turning to self deprecation. She looked just as concerned as she had when he’d returned to Jackson, that familiar crease to her brow, the wrinkles beside her lips deepening into a frown. He hummed in response, taking in the fact that they had entered the medical building — not quite a hospital, but the closest thing they could have to one. “Let Henry take a look at you, alright? I’m taking them to Cassie.” She told him, watching him closely for any signs that he wouldn’t be okay without her, but he only nodded.

Henry was a good man. Almost a fully qualified doctor when the Outbreak happened, which meant he was the closest thing they had to a medical professional. And he was good at what he did, Tommy would give him that. He’d brought more than a dozen medical books back to Jackson for the man, who had a craving to learn more, to save more people. Henry had certainly fixed Tommy up on more than one occasion.

And it helped that Henry was familiar with certain… unspoken psychiatric conditions. He knew what Tommy was in for the moment that Maria escorted him to the man’s door. Henry knew exactly what had happened by the way Tommy’s hand shook and his forehead sheened with sweat. It made things easier for Tommy, to not have to explain himself.

Instead, Henry prescribed him a week’s worth of expired painkillers for the aches and pains that would come shortly, and he handed Tommy a glass to drink from. He stitched the wound on Tommy’s cheekbone and said nothing as he breathed through the pain, as he clenched his trembling fingers into a fist and kept his eyes on the poster that covered the opposite wall.

When Henry finished, Tommy gave him a brief thank you, before he was exiting the room with an inhale still rattling in his chest. It was a relief to let that breath out, to exhale and feel something akin to safety as he headed towards Cassie’s space. It wasn’t far, and Tommy was surprised he hadn’t heard the commotion whilst in Henry’s room.

He entered after a brief knock to see you curled up with your bow clutched in a fist, whilst Cassie and Maria stood on the opposite end of the room with placating hands held out towards you. Despite the exhaustion filling his very bones, Tommy’s brows furrowed in concern for you, that feeling of worry gnawing at his chest.

“Woah, hey, everythin’ alright in here?” He asked, paying Maria no mind as she gave him a stern but concerned glare. He chose to pay attention to you instead, to the way your face was crumpled defensively, the way you seemingly tried to shield yourself from Cassie and Maria. From him. If you’d have given him your name, he would’ve said it then, in an attempt to connect with you. But you hadn’t, and you’d reacted badly to him calling you kid, so he was at a bit of a loss.

You glared over at the two women who had been trying to help you, looking all the more like a cornered animal. “I didn’t agree to—to you using your old world things on me!” You spat out, recoiling as if they’d done something truly awful. Tommy didn’t really understand what you were talking about, but figured that maybe to you, they had.

“Okay, alright, let’s just take a deep breath here.” Tommy told you, a hand out towards Maria and Cassie as if he was mediating the situation. He supposed that Maria would just be glad that he wasn’t in too bad of a mindset. “You don’t have to do anythin’ you don’t wanna do, you hear? We’re just trying to help you, but we’ll go at your pace. Sound alright?”

You nodded after a moment of hesitation, without wavering in your expression.

“Okay.” Tommy said with an exhale, mostly of relief as you uncurled slightly. “How about that food and some sleep, then?” He offered, relaxing further when you perked up the slightest bit. He imagined that you were probably starving from whatever chase you had been involved in, and so Tommy was prepared to give you just about whatever food you could ask for. He was glad to see your grip loosen on the bow at the mention of food.

Maria stepped forwards, unwavering in the face of your tense expression, and placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, face softened. “The garage behind us is empty.” She said, an offer, if Tommy had ever heard one. He smiled at her, the gesture tight and tense after the day he’d had, but it was true nonetheless. “I can go to the canteen.” She added, nodding her head towards the door behind him.

“Sounds good to me,” Tommy said, his creased expression loosening at his wife’s support. “How’s about we go and get you settled, then? And Maria’ll bring along some food for you.”

“Sounds… good.” You settled on, almost reluctantly, as if you were copying Tommy’s language. He sure hoped you didn’t do that too much. He could remember how many times Joel would scold him, all those years ago, for teaching Sarah all of the bad words he knew of. He was well known for having the mouth of a sailor.

Tommy nodded, gesturing towards the door for you to go first. Before he left, he turned to Cassie, who had watched the whole situation in silence, and thanked her for her time. She smiled at him uncertainly, still not very confident in her abilities despite learning from Henry for close to two years. Tommy couldn’t imagine that you and your lack of cooperation would be helpful for those confidence issues, but no matter.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

There wasn’t really a grand tour to give you, Tommy had said, when letting you through a gate into what was apparently his garden. He seemed… sheepish, almost, but mostly, he seemed tired. You could certainly relate to that. When showing you to the place you’d be staying for the night, he had explained how the house on the other end of the garden was his and Maria’s own. Strangely, he had offered for you to come in should you need them, or need anything at all.

It all seemed strange to you.

People weren’t meant to be like, well, this.

Your whole life, you had been told how the world worked, how people worked, by your family, the Elders, everyone. And sure, it had been true for each of the wolves you had encountered, but Tommy seemed different, somehow. On the walk through his town you’d seen their gardens, which were reminiscent of the ones back on the island. Though you were pretty sure they could’ve been improved. Still, it was… odd. Your parents had always told you that people who didn’t seek the Prophet’s guidance were stuck in the past, but from what you’d seen? You weren’t sure what to believe.

Tommy had been violent when you met him. But he had also been… kind. If that was the correct word to describe it. He had also seemed haunted by his own violence, afterwards, which was almost reassuring to you.

Maybe that was why you hadn’t run the moment the man who had been holding you had fallen. Perhaps the haunted look in his eyes was the very reason you had lingered. What else could it have been? These people were supposed to be animalistic. They were supposed to be reliant on the Old World, on what nature had gone to drastic lengths to eradicate.

Sure, their ways of healing screamed of the Old World, so unlike the herbs and salves you were used to, but you were starting to think that some of these Old World things weren’t as terrible as you were led to believe. After the… ritual, the rainwater that had been used to ‘soothe’ the carvings on your face had done very little, and in the deepest parts of your mind, you had always secretly wondered if the Old World’s healing could’ve helped. Even now, the slowly scarring cuts along your cheeks wreaked discomfort across you.

Besides, out from underneath the watchful eye of the other Seraphites, you could admit to yourself that the Old World technology interested you. At the very least, you found yourself able to look at what surrounded you, at what people used to be so reliant upon. It was curiosity, eating away at you, that you were finally able to indulge now that you were alone.

Even in this small garage, you couldn’t help but be interested in the lamp that lit up the farthest side of the room, bathing it in a yellowish glow that slowly started to reach you. You were so used to the flickering light of fire that the steady glow this was giving off made you feel uneasy. It was all just so new, which was ironic, really, given that the Elders had dubbed it old.

Despite being kicked from the island, from the Seraphites, there was still the inherent feeling of wrongness about it all. You had only slept on an actual mattress a handful of times in your entire life, resigned to the bedding made of straw or whatever else your family scrounged up. It was too squishy, too bouncy, and you found yourself laying on the hard flooring rather than relax into something soft. Perhaps it would’ve helped the ache in your back from napping in trees and ditches, but you weren’t ready to find out. You still felt as if your parents would jump out from around the corner to scold you, to reinforce the way of the Seraphites, the way the Prophet had foretold.

You couldn’t remove the stillness of their expressions from your mind. The way they hadn’t even grimaced as the Elder cut into your skin, carved the flesh beneath his aging blade, until you were crying and flinching away from the hands which held you. It was chilling.

You had known, of course, that the ceremony was coming.

It always does for those who finally reach the age in which they can finally become a soldier. You had heard the screams of your neighbour when he had turned of age, had seen the reddened skin of his cheeks as they healed from the Elder’s blade. You had seen the change in him as soon as they turned from wounds to scars, the way he gained that same stillness that your parents retained.

The idea that that could be you was terrifying.

When your mind became quiet, you could feel the stillness creeping up on you, trying to leech into the depths of your mind. You feared becoming the kind of numb which would allow you to be the faithful soldier they had wanted. Wasn’t life the very thing the Prophet was seeking? How far would you be willing to go, in her name? If you had allowed the stillness to take over you, you feared you wouldn’t like the answer.

Even still, it was hard not to miss what had been your home for your whole life.

You missed the familiarity, the community. You missed knowing every inch of your home, missed being able to visualise every tree and building from your memory. You missed having a home. As nice as everyone here appeared, namely Tommy, you knew well enough that people were never as nice as they seemed.

With a sigh, you closed your eyes, resting against the cold ground, and resigned yourself to leaving as soon as possible when you woke back up.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Tommy knew this moment was coming.

He knew that, no matter how much he prayed to a god he no longer believed in, he wouldn’t be able to get out of this. Of bearing his worst moments for Maria to see. Of being vulnerable with his wife, in a way he never thought he would be able to.

Maria looked after him. He knew that. Just as he looked after her. That’s what their marriage was. That’s what they had promised one another in an exchange of vows that Tommy was determined to never break. So, logically, he knew that she only asked because she needed to know, because she had to protect him and she knew he would keep it all bottled up if she didn’t ask.

But it was still hard to face her, to look at her concerned face, pinched eyebrows, and voice the fact that she was right. It was probably a matter of pride, Tommy thought. How could he admit to her that he had failed? That he thought he was capable and he wasn’t? He didn’t want her to coddle him, though he knew that Maria wasn’t exactly one for coddling. He wanted, more than anything, to be okay.

He wanted to be able to go out on a patrol without there being a risk of him losing his senses, losing his mind. He wanted Maria to be able to rely on him, to know that he could do whatever she asked of him. He wanted for Maria to not worry so much about him. He wanted to hear loud noises without his heart pounding and his palms sweating. He wanted to be the same man he was when he could take on ten men at once without blinking, without there being any risk of him losing.

Maria didn’t marry that man, but sometimes, Tommy wished she did.

“So, the kid?” She asked, breaking through the thoughts that were quickly spiralling. He blinked, not expecting that to be her question. Tommy was waiting for her to ask about Julian, the man that he had gotten killed. Not you, who was still asleep in the garage behind their house. “How’d that happen?”

Tommy cleared his throat. “I, uh— Me ‘n Julian got ambushed. They shot him dead before we could even grab our guns, and they were askin’ me about some Scar. As if I had any idea what the hell that meant.” He explained, voice gruff and sounding strange to his own ears. “They were gettin’ real agitated, probably a minute away from shootin’ me when the—the kid shot an arrow, got their attention. Didn’t take ‘em long to find them, and that was the Scar they were talking about.”

Maria’s brows furrowed, as if she was getting irritated herself. Tommy was wise enough to realise it wasn’t at him.

“They were goin’ to— fuck— torture and kill that goddamn kid, Maria. I just went into autopilot, and I killed them all. All of the ones there, at least. I don’t know if there’s more of ‘em, the kid wasn’t sure, but these people… they didn’t even know what happened.” Tommy said angrily, his words coming out with an aggression that Maria raised her eyebrows at. Tommy didn’t tend towards anger. Not really. He got upset and he got even, usually with a sort of passiveness about him. He was usually resigned to what he had to do, not so angry. The situation must’ve gotten to him more than Maria had realised.

“Okay,” Maria said, calm voice soothing Tommy’s frayed nerves, and she placed her hand on his and squeezed. “I’ll send out a patrol to the surrounding areas. And we’ll send a team to clear out the bodies. You got a number?”

He absentmindedly squeezed her hand in return as he replied, “Seven.”

She nodded, feeling her heart tighten at his expression.

Maria never liked sending him out on patrols, and especially without his older brother. Tommy always came back more himself when he went with Joel, rather than the shell that he became when patrolling with other people. It’s not that he wasn’t capable, Maria knew that he was, hell, she had seen that he was. But sometimes doing what you have to in order to survive just doesn’t get easier.

She can remember when she first pried the information of his time in the military from him. She can remember the way his eyes had looked far away, the way he became… distant. It wasn’t easy for him to talk to her about it, but he did it. He managed to explain to her what it had been like for him, all of these years.

Tommy fell into the role of soldier easily. It was being out of that role that he found difficult.

His time with the Fireflies certainly hadn’t helped. All of these battles and wars… for what? None of them had achieved much, and Tommy was all too aware of that. It was just bloodshed for the sake of bloodshed. Remembering, for Tommy, was the worst part. It left him with shaking hands and trembling lips, sweat-soaked shirts and a gaping feeling in his chest as if it was him who had been shot.

It was easy to love Tommy, for Maria. It was easy to look at him and see the man deserving of love and support. It was easy to trust him, to know he would do anything to survive, to come home. But it wasn’t easy for her to watch him battle himself, battle his past, his present. It wasn’t easy to send him on patrols, knowing how much he struggled because of them.

But Tommy, the stubborn Southern man that he was, refused not to go when they needed him. Even though he would be better off staying in Jackson, letting somebody else go, he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t who he was. He was a soldier, a survivor. He couldn’t handle people questioning that. So, she sent him, because she loved him, and that was easy.

“Jesus, Maria, what am I doing here?” He murmured, pressing their clasped hands to his forehead. “What the hell am I gonna do with some kid? As if we don’t have enough on our hands. As if you don’t.” Tommy continued, mostly muttering, shaking his head and heaving a deep sigh.

“Hey,” Maria said, interrupting him, and crouching so she could look up towards his bowed head. She held his hand tighter, pulling it away from his face. “You’re being my husband. And I love you,” She told him, squeezing his fingers tightly, smiling up towards him. “I would never want you to leave behind anybody who deserved a chance, especially this kid. You’ve given them a real chance here, and that’s not something to regret.”

Tommy sighed once more, but nodded, pressing his free hand to the side of Maria’s face to lean forward and kiss her forehead. He lingered for a moment, eyes closed, before squeezing her hand and pulling away. “The kid needs real help.” He admitted, watching his wife tilt her head from side to side before murmuring her agreement. “Not sure we got that kinda help here.”

“Well, we’ll do our best. If they can’t find it here, I don’t think they’ll find it anywhere.” She responded, standing up and cringing at the clicking of her knees. “Now, c’mon,” Maria said, pulling Tommy to his feet, “Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.”

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

When you woke up, the sky was bright, sun shining behind clouds that covered the sky. Your back was still aching, your bones creaking as you stretched out, your whole body protesting at the idea of getting up.

But you knew you needed to get out of here, to get somewhere that provided some sense of safety, which you imagined would be far away. And you had a creeping worry in the back of your mind that your hosts would change their minds about your presence, so you definitely didn’t want to overstay your welcome. So, despite your eyes itching with exhaustion, and your entire skeleton screaming with aches and pains, you got to your feet.

Your things weren’t out of arms reach, so it took you no longer than a mere moment to gather them all. Your bow was comfortable in your hand, despite your slightly poor skills using it, and the weight of the quill at your shoulder was familiar. Your makeshift bag was far too light to be comfortable, reminding you of your lacking supplies, but it would be better to collect supplies on the way, than risk staying too long.

The moment you opened the door, you were squinting against the bright light of the sky, your eyes burning as you took in the surrounding area. Lights were on in Tommy and Maria’s house, which you could see through the window, and there was the faint sound of movement from a few streets over.

It was hard to face the journey ahead when you were exhausted down to your very bones and you had no destination. But what choice did you have? You were just planning to go the opposite way from where you had come from, and hope for the best. Though you weren’t sure what the best even could be, considering there were no other Seraphites you could go to. And though you weren’t welcome with them, you couldn’t shake the beliefs that were put into your head from your youth. Even with your raging curiousity, you weren’t sure you could adapt to such a drastic change.

“Hey,” Tommy called from the doorway of his house, one arm resting on the doorframe and the other holding the door open. “Not heading out already, are ya?” He asked, eyebrows raised as you squinted towards him, brows furrowing.

“Yes, I am.” You answered firmly, squeezing your bow in your hand.

Tommy sighed, sucking his teeth. “Well, just hang on there, alright? Let me get my boots on and I’ll get you those supplies I owe you.” He told you, not waiting for a response before he was heading into his house, the door banging shut behind him.

You considered, for more than a moment, just leaving while he was in there. But it didn’t seem like a good idea to piss of the man who had shot seven people dead in the span of a few minutes. Despite him saying he owed you supplies, you still couldn’t help but feel like you owed him. Surely him killing those who had been hunting you accrued more debt than you saving him from being shot by said people, and helping transport a dead body. That was seven lives in exchange for one. It didn’t make sense, the more you thought about it.

“Alright,” Tommy said, stepping down and heading towards you. “Shall we?” You nodded.

It was a little while before anybody spoke, the walk continuing in a suffocating sort of silence. Tommy, who was debating how best to go about broaching the subject of you staying without making it seem like you have to, was uncomfortably quiet, his mouth opening and closing more than once.

His gait was slow, slower than it had been when leaving the site of the WLF slaughter, at least, but it was better for your aching bones and weak joints. You didn’t mind the slow walk as much when you thought about the journey you had ahead of you. It was better to conserve energy now, rather than use it all up before you had even made any progress in getting away. Especially since you couldn’t quell the anxiety you had about any loitering wolves, looking for even more revenge.

“You should fix your gardens.” You said, as the two of you passed the greenhouses which housed most of the crops that the people of Jackson relied on. There were people in there now, tending to the various crops that had been planted, some being harvested for the evening already.

Tommy hummed, slowing further to look at the gardens you were talking about. He was surprised to see it was the greenhouses that you were talking about. He waited for you to elaborate, his brows raised.

“Your yield is down,” You stated, slowly, as if confused as to why Tommy was questioning you, to why he didn’t already know. He was actually confused about how you knew about this year’s poor harvest. “You needed to rotate your crops. And plant them further apart.” You told him, your tone telling him that what you were saying was obvious.

“Huh,” He said, hands resting on his hips as he drew to a stop. “We don’t got many experts on farming here in Jackson. Everybody does their best, pulls their weight, but none of us did this, back in the day.” Tommy explained, sounding a touch amused by the situation, like he was still in disbelief about what his life had come to.

This information didn’t surprise you. The prophet had said that people relied too much on their technology. It was why being independent from technology was so important to the Seraphites. You were taught from a young age how to survive by relying on the world around you. These people, clearly, were not. They were doing better than a lot of other places, though, from what you had seen. The WLFs, for example.

But that wasn’t to mean that this place was good enough, in Seraphites standards. Their use of electricity would have immediately caused the Elders string these people up to make examples of them. Electricity, more than anything else, was frowned upon. Though it often seemed unachievable. To you, anyway. You had never been taught how it worked, for good reason, the Elder’s had always said. It was forbidden. More so than anything else that came from the Old World.

Weapons were allowed, provided for the soldiers on the front lines to even the playing field with the Wolves, though that had always seemed hypocritical.

It was hard to shake such beliefs, no matter how hypocritical, even after leaving. After all, it’s not like you left because you stopped believing in the Prophet’s message. Perhaps, if she still lived, you would’ve stayed.

“We could use an expert.” Tommy mentioned, when you stayed quiet, not finding an appropriate response to his previous comment. “That could be you, if you wanted.”

“You said that you’d give me supplies, so that I—I can leave.” You said, voice accusatory as you spun around to face him, brows furrowed and hand itching to clench around your bow, splinters digging into your fingertips.

Tommy’s hands immediately went up, as if surrendering, and he quickly spoke. “And you can, ‘course you can. I just meant that, well, if you wanted, you could stay. We could take care of ‘ya, and you could help out around here like everyone else. ‘S all.”

Strangely, you found yourself wanting to stay.

Not because you trusted him, or anybody, but because you were already exhausted, sick of the running. Sick of fighting for your life simply because you wanted it to be your own. You didn’t want to be a soldier, not after you learned what soldiers did. You wanted to settle down, to sleep, more than anything.

It didn’t feel like an option for you. You didn’t feel like you had any options. Would you be running for your whole life? For whatever you had left of it? Would you ever feel safe again?

Somehow, you doubted it. Perhaps you had done something in a prior life to deserve this. To warrant this treatment, this life. Why else would this be happening to you? Everything that had happened to you had to have happened for a reason. It had to. You needed something to have justified all of this.

“No, I—I need to leave. Before more wolves come for me. Before the Seraphites…” You trailed off, voice shakier than you would’ve liked it. You didn’t need to justify yourself to him, did you?

Tommy stared at you for a long moment, before nodding his head. His arms hung by his sides, before one was scratching the scruff of hair on the side of his cheek. “If that’s what you want. ‘S your choice, kid.” He told you, mustering up the most reassuring smile he could manage. “Well, then, s‘pose we’d better grab you those supplies. You’re losin’ light.”

You followed him when he set off once more, a funny feeling blooming in your chest as you looked at the swirling clouds above you.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

▹— extra a/n: hello lovely people. so this is VERY different from the seraphite!reader fic i promised so long ago. but it’s here!! the abrupt ending is because i started struggling with it, and i didn’t want to drag it on when there’s so much of this part that i like :’) im really really considering doing a part two at LEAST with this fic, perhaps where the reader finds some sense of home?? but idk if yall want that. anyway. i dont know much about ptsd and the experience people have, so i am not saying this representation is accurate in any way!! but this is how i see tommy thinking and how he and maria juggle this struggle yk? i love tommy’s character almost as much as joel’s and i think he deserves to have some more… in-depth ??? writing about his struggles??? yeah. well. that’s that. hope you guys enjoyed regardless!!!

also for those of you on the pedro taglist, i tagged you in this bc it’s tlou and will likely include joel if i do a part 2, but if you don’t wanna be tagged in stuff like this just let me know! love yall!

#heartpascal writes #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x you #tommy miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller one shot #tommy miller imagine #tommy miller fic #tommy miller imagines #tommy miller angst #tommy miller fluff #tlou one shot #tlou fic #tlou imagine #tlou imagines #tlou angst #tommy miller’s trauma #seraphite!reader #tommy miller x seraphite!reader #tommy miller father figure #(maybe) #((one day)) #joel miller imagines #joel miller one shot

[ay0nha]

Lament of My Heart | Joel Miller

SUMMARY: “Tommy…”  Joel let out a breath of frustrated laughter. He disappointingly shook his head, leaning over you, “That boy doesn’t know what he’s lost.”

Set pre-episode four & post-episode five w/ moments of pre-outbreak

PAIRING: Joel Miller x femme!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.1K

WARNINGS: SMUT (hand job), mentions of blood, mutual pining/slow burnish, skinny dipping (of sorts), canon-typical things, mentions of Tommy x reader, etc.

A/N: Need to post this before it sits in the drafts to collect dust. Joel is just on my mind all the time, so this is the product of that. Thank you as always @from-the-clouds​ for listening to my blabbering and entertaining all my ideas! Much love.

“No more questions, Ellie,” You reprimanded her lightly, trying to cover the warmth she was discovering you felt. “Get some rest.”

Ellie was a hard-headed person with the responsibility of society on her shoulders. She carried the weight well, but she was still human, still young. But her questions revealed her growing creativity and sharp wit.

“Not tired.” She hated Joel’s coffee, but the stolen sips still coursed through her veins. You knew it was partly due to the anxiety ahead of them. They all felt it, that tense air of the unknown. “You two don’t seem to get along, though.”

Your eyes flashed to the rear view mirror on instinct. Settled on the truck’s dirty cushions and the supplies being used as a pillow, Joel was asleep. But you weren’t sure how long it would last.

“Ellie-

“It wasn’t a question!” She defended quickly, toying with the edge of her sleeve. She’d been dying to know just exactly why you got under Joel’s skin the way you did. “Tell me about Tommy, at least.”

“Ask Joel.” Your eyes were everywhere. You checked the mirror as if there was traffic, but it was the only thing that kept you occupied. She was making you squirm.

“C’mon, you know he won’t-” Ellie’s own frustrations were building up. In her shoes, you’d be just as curious. “Please.”

Through a thoughtful sigh, you resigned, “Before-We just- We’ve known each other for a long time.” You’d been intertwined with the Miller brothers since before everything. You rarely said it aloud, and now, you struggled to put all the history into something coherent. “I met Tommy when he returned from deployment-

“In Texas?” Ellie hung onto every word, mind spinning tales faster than you could keep up with. “Were you in the military too?”

“I said no questions.”

The comment made her smile. Ellie always appreciated a good game. Loopholes were her specialty.

“Fine, then.” She settled in the passenger seat, knees to her chest as she faced you, “You were discharged with Tommy with more medals than you could count!” Her posture then changed with inventive excitement, “Or maybe a bad-ass sniper with too many confirmed kills to count.” You wished your life was as exciting as she made it sound. “You’re going to have to stop me before I start thinking you led an elite hit squad.”

“Close.” You quipped, “I worked on the military base in town.” It was the first job that hired you and offered some stability for someone your age. “I’d help get soldiers back on their feet once they returned…”

“Then you became friends with Tommy,” Ellie encouraged you to continue. She couldn’t stand the lulls.

Too many years passed for you to remember clearly how you became close to Tommy, but at the time, he considered you his soulmate. Not that either of you really knew what that meant.

“Then I became friends with Tommy.” You nodded. You kept your eyes steady ahead, adding, “Joel, too.” Glancing at Ellie, you finished,  “Then we all just…stuck together.”

Separation wasn’t ever questioned, even on the eve of all the destruction. That memory was vivid; the way your bloodied body held onto Joel, dragging him away from it all, Tommy trailing behind, surveilling every move. It was how you moved together for years, protecting each other as much as possible.  

“He doesn’t talk about it; before,” Ellie commented lowly. You knew she wished for more from Joel. But she couldn’t see what you saw in the way he softened for her.

“That hasn’t changed with time.” Your words felt too bitter. This time you indulged in a glance at Joel. Still settled. “I’m surprised he’s even talking to me now.”

You always described the Miller brothers as a whirlwind. They may not have necessarily meant it, but they had a knack for sweeping you up and consuming you. When Joel came to you with Ellie, there was no question of whether you would help or not, just when and where you were needed.

He’d never leave without you.

“Tell me something about them...” Ellie pleaded. She was a clever girl who picked up on the weight of his misery. But it wasn’t yours to share. “Before they…before this.”

Your shoulders relaxed while your hands moved to the bottom of the steering wheel as you allowed yourself to filter through only the fond memories.

“Alright, well…” You hesitated with your words. Only because you knew, Joel would tell the story differently. “He and Tommy were wasted…I mean…Absolutely hammered that night.”

Your words had their desired effect, and Ellie’s giggles encouraged you to continue. But it felt strange to make Joel’s drinking habits sound so lighthearted when you know how the habit haunted him now.

“Tommy called me.” The phone in Joel’s kitchen woke you up that night well past the witching hour. “The brothers always got into all kinds of mischief, usually Tommy's fault.” You were typically by his side, provoking him. “Always Tommy’s fault.”

“He sounds fun.” Ellie joined in. You knew in another world, the two would get up to all kinds of mischief if they had the chance.

“He can be, when he wants.” You glanced at the map on your lap. With the sun getting low, it meant you needed to find a safe place to stop soon. “That night, though, the two of them had the bright idea to pretend to be bouncers, only to get into a fight with the actual ones.”

“I knew Joel wasn’t a total hard-ass.”

As you continued to retell the story, you hadn’t realized how much nostalgia you carried with you. Nor were you able to see how you talked so warmly of Joel. Ellie knew exactly what to say to get the information she wanted. But you waited a long time to reminisce freely.

“...When I finally got them home,” You blew a raspberry at the unforgettable effort it took. The stench of alcohol and smoke still made your nose scrunch. “Thank god Tommy had enough sense left to make it to the couch.”

Ellie loved how you teased Joel’s hiccuping that he blamed it on being over-served tequila. It was hard even to imagine he had any of that humor left in him. You embellished the story just enough to entertain yourself. But the story's core provided fertile ground for understanding that nothing you added was too far-fetched.

“They remembered nothing the next morning,” You said. “Tommy found all these numbers written on his arm, said he’d close his eyes and pick which to call.”

“....And Joel, he must have been so hungover…”

“You’d think…” You reflected flatly.  “He just got up and went to work.”

From your side, you knew Ellie could sense you holding back.  She’d gotten more than she asked for, so she left it. She could see how the echo of that night still felt fresh, doubting you provided her with the detailed ending you lived.

----

“You alright?” The question was slowly processed by Joel, who was trying to steady his breathing before the contents of his stomach came up.

“Yeah, yeah…” Joel held onto you every step, arm slung over your shoulders, making you sway with him with each step to his room.

He was mumbling while you settled him on the edge of his bed. You got every few words while focusing on preparing him for the next day. The brothers had work, and doing this would save you the headache of hearing their complaints.

“B-been thinkin’...” His Texan drawl was heightened as he slurred.

“That so?” You half-heartedly replied, rummaging through his medicine cabinet. You looked for something for the morning.

“Mhmm…”

You could hear him shuffling around in his room. Assuming he’d been pulling his boots off and discarding his jacket, you were surprised to find him leaning on the bathroom’s door frame.

“Then you’ve been hanging around Tommy too much.”

“Tommy…” Joel let out a breath of frustrated laughter. He disappointingly shook his head, leaning over you, “That boy doesn’t know what he’s lost.”

You still held love for Tommy, but you had mistaken it for something that it wasn’t. The two of you functioned better as friends; you were his confidant and partner in crime. Neither of you would change that for the world.

“And you do?”

Your relationship with Joel had a natural ebb and flow that could be but never got to the point of being volatile. But that didn't stop you from stepping on each other's toes, constantly being on the brink of an argument that neither of you knew the point of.

“Darlin’...” You melted his resolve, helping him the way you were. Joel’s eyes flickered down. Nothing about your outfit was seductive, but the way his eyes loitered told you maybe it had been. Covering his tracks seamlessly, Joel continued, “...The things you deserve.”

Your laugh bounced off the bathroom walls, resonating deep within Joel’s chest.

"What?" Joel asked lightly, his smile starting to mirror yours, but not understanding why, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

“Shit, Joel,” Your laughter lingered, “You must be really drunk.”

“C’mon now.” He tried to stop you. He wasn’t sure he could handle any level of ridicule from you.  

But you pushed passed him, drawing his sheets back for the night to be over, “Let’s just get you to bed.”

He stumbled to you willingly, but you could see his mind turning. There was something he wanted off his chest, but you knew you weren’t ready to hear it.

“Come on now, Miller,” You tried again. “We’ve both got work in the morning.”

“What is it you do again?” Joel’s words played with chords of tension. “Besides eat all my food and sleep on my couch.”

"Get by." You joked more for your sake than his.

Joel’s eyes shifted between your own, pupils entirely dilated.  Blaming it on the alcohol helped settle your stomach.

“I know y-you don’t stick around for my benefit.”

"God forbid we enjoy each other's company, Joel." Your eyes burned into his. You enjoyed your ability to make him bashful in his stupor. Just a look, and he was crumbling.

You saw it coming. You could have stopped it, but it wasn’t even the length of a decent kiss. It was soft and fleeting because you pulled back to never speak of it again. You doubted Joel remembered, but you could never be sure what he’d admit to.

----

“Did you ever-

“Ellie…” You said her name slowly in warning.

She retracted fast, “Joel and you-

“No.”

Your answer came off harshly. You knew where she wanted to go; she’d circled the topic for hours.

“Can I ask one question?”

“That was a question.” You looked at her again pointedly, “Shoot.”

“Why’d you stay in Boston?”

Sitting with the statement, you focused on the road. Most around you was barren and destroyed but offered an unconventional peacefulness. Sometimes you imagined if you’d be better off in isolation than in a QZ. But you could never bring yourself to just disappear like that.

“As hard as you might try,” You started, pulling the car to the side, “You can’t be alone in this world. With a purpose or not, it just doesn’t work.”

The sudden sway of the car disturbed the sleeping figure in the back. Joel attempted to hide his jolt as he sat up but was already looking out the window for trouble.

“We stoppin’?” Joel’s voice filled the car while the engine cooled.

Joel looked to you for reassurance. Ellie pointed that out to you, the way he valued you despite his resentment.

“We’ve gotten far enough today.” You tossed the keys back to him. “We need food and rest.”

“Alright.”

Your exchanges were clipped.

Yet, you valued the journey with Ellie. Selfishly, the task provided a reason to see Joel again. It had become easier to spend time apart. It became a habit. But even with a quiet meal shared and conversations led by Ellie, it felt good to be with him again.

The pressure shifted. No longer were ration cards on your mind, nor were the curfews you struggled to follow. Something about the night felt freeing despite the heavy responsibility that it meant. Maybe it was the privilege of feeling safe with Joel since he created a protective bubble, sacrificing his rest for yours.

You heard Joel get up when he thought yours and Ellie’s breathing steadied. You were going to leave it, but sleep was hard to come by with your mind racing.

Joel saw your shadow first. But the hand that brushed between his shoulder blades still made him flinch. He spoke in hushed tones, looking to ensure that Ellie was still asleep, “I hope you didn’t come over here to tell me we’re safe.”

“Didn’t say that.”  You frowned. He knew you well; you wore your concerns on your face. You just wished he didn’t hold such defiance for them.  “But we’ll be alright for the night-

“Don’t.”

Joel wanted to be in control of everything down to the smallest detail.

You knew it was a way of coping, his way, but it never sat right with you. Especially now, as you watched Joel scrutinize the area you chose, you could feel the criticism he was holding back from the moment you parked the car.

Did you even survey the terrain?

Too much open space. No clear route out.

You know better than this.  

“We’re the perfect targets.”

“Joel-

“We know how this works,” He voiced over you. Even with you there, his surveillance didn’t change as he remained on a swivel.  “It was exactly what we did.”

Joel’s emotions were catching up, but he still held onto a forced restraint. He was expecting resistance, an argument from you. But you heard what he said, how Ellie needed to hear it, to believe him.

No one’s gonna find us.

It was a promise. Something Joel was determined to control.

The wind was picking up the later the night became, and any rustle was faced with a gun barrel.  It caused chills to litter your arms out of apprehension. You tried to comfort yourself with your arms tucked to your chest, but it only shifted Joel’s attention.

If you tried hard enough, you could guess what he would say to you. We need to stay sharp. You could feel Joel’s hesitation, though. It happened every time he pushed you away.

There was merit to your diversion, but Joel only allowed it for so long.

“Get some rest.” He nodded toward his forgotten sleeping bag, “No good if both of us are tired.”

----

The car was gone. The brief companions too. Your heart felt permanently caught in your throat. Adrenaline replaced everything. But it was wearing you thin.

“Where are you going?” Respite clung to Joel’s question as his eyes followed your figure up from his crouched position.

Like a cat, you stretched until something deep within your spine popped. You moved towards the shore of the small body of water you all settled by.

Time was at the forefront of Joel’s mind. Time was no longer on your side, meaning the sooner, the better pressured every minute. Daylight became the most valuable thing. And by the looks of it, you were on your way to wasting it.

“We smell, Joel.” You state as you discard the knife strapped around your waist. You were meant to be cleaning them in the water, preparing them for the next fight the way he had.

But your body was sore. You could imagine the pain Joel felt was much worse, physical or not. He put his body first rather than having you or Ellie be the brunt of it all.

Mornings were sacred to you. It was when the birds sang at dawn because the crisp, moist air carried their songs and their meanings farther through the same air that filled your lungs in fluid refreshment.

 You pulled your shirt over your head and looped your thumbs in the waistband of your pants as you wiggled them over your thighs and down your legs.

For the moment, Joel’s eyes lingered. He looked for bites. He knew he wouldn’t find anything, but he had to be sure. Instead, Joel found deep hues of bruises still healing from Kansas City.

Almost wholly above the horizon, the sun highlighted the mist rising off the body of water. It veiled your body the closer you were to where the water and the rocks met. Yet, Joel watched on until your arms maneuvered behind your back, searching for the clasp of your bra.

As if the sun was directly in his eyes, Joel looked up, avoiding seeing something that wasn’t meant for him. Except, it didn’t stop him from passing along a warning, “Don’t go out far.”

The dirt from the past days felt like a second layer of skin had embedded into your own, suffocating you. You finally waded into the freezing water to rid yourself of it.

But not before throwing a comment over your shoulder, “Join me, then.”

Your words were like an idle threat that was only met with silence. You knew he was contemplating the offer. Always thinking.

The water was cold, goosebumps littering your skin within minutes and creating peaks where Joel refused to look. He scolded himself for the way his cock twitched at just the idea.

You leaned back so you were nearly floating on your back. Above, a bird glided hypnotically in a wide circle.  It seemed you weren’t the only one seeking to rid yourself of a sense of weariness. The cool water swallowed you whole, caressing your skin and relaxing your muscles.

“Someone’s gotta stay with Ellie.” Joel voiced his decision. It was an excuse, what he was supposed to say.

There was no point in fighting it. Instead, you submerged yourself completely; the water consumed you. The longer you stayed under, the closer Joel edged to the water, ensuring you’d come up for a breath.

When you finally reemerged, you held a wicked grin.

“Don’t do that.” Joel frowned at your teasing. His eyes remained downcast, avoiding your eye. The rocks seemed more fascinating than how you became more siren-like by the minute.  “I’m gonna find Ellie.”

“She deserves some privacy.” Despite her continuous puns, you were receptive to the fact that she was still impacted.

You all were.

Hyper vigilance became the enemy that threatened to consume Joel whole. Sleep was no longer negotiable. Every movement dragged worry, invited agitation, and controlled his violence. Joel’s chest was tight, and breathing felt hard to come by. He was moments away from unraveling.

“...There won’t be another invitation, Joel.”

Joel’s loaded gaze burned right through you as he took off his clothes. While he was busy shrugging out of his shirt, you took the opportunity to tread out further. Your back was to him, but you heard the swishing of disturbed water.

You reveled in the way your skin burned for him. He’d seen you naked years ago. But not like this, never like this.

----

Joel’s eyes followed the curve of your body. Your chest swayed as you moved around freely. His pounding heart clocked how too much time had passed for him to sneak out. He was frozen.

“You’re not Tommy.” You let out a breath of relief despite your surprise.

The lace rode high on your hips, accentuating your natural curve. Your chest was perked at the sudden attention of being caught so bare.   Regardless of the incessant ringing in your ears, you stayed stone still, giving him a chance to say something.

Yet, he shook his head, backing out the door he’d come through, mumbling expected apologies.  Joel used the key under the fern and let himself in.

For days he’d been asking Tommy for his tools back. And now, they were forgotten with each hurried step.

You threw on the closest shirt, chasing after him. “Wait!”

“I didn’t mean to-

“Joel, let me explain-

“No, I shouldn’t have-I-I’ll just-”

You found a way to stand before him, blocking his escape route perfectly. “Let’s just slow down…” Your hands were up in defense, mirroring his own. “It’s not what you think.”

Of all people, you wanted Joel to hear you. But the silence was heavy and lacked a proper explanation. You could see the flush that took over his coloring. It was sweet in a way, but you were too mortified to know what to make of it. It wasn’t exactly taught how to handle these sorts of things in school, so you stalled.

“Can I make you some coffee?” An invitation to linger.

Joel looked at you and saw your bare feet moving toward him with hope. He hadn’t meant to, but his eyes scanned your bare legs; the picture of the intricate fabric underneath the oversized shirt made his skin prick. It took him a moment to realize the shirt was his, one Tommy most likely nicked under his nose.

Doubting you knew what that did to him, Joel shook his head, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“One cup.” You promised.

The air was tense when you made it to the kitchen. You insisted on a fresh pot, but the drops felt like they took ages to fill it enough for its purpose. The hem of the shirt skirted the boundary of indecency, but you thought nothing of it. Your focus was on the longing stare Joel was giving you.

“Tommy and I…” You started with a shaky breath. You were sure Joel knew all about the drifting relationship. “I thought maybe this would…” It felt strange explaining yourself the way you had. But you wanted it to be known that even to you, it felt out of character. “He doesn’t look at me the same anymore…”

Your words feigned a sense of yearning. But neither you nor Tommy could keep up the act. Your words seemed heavy, but it was so alleviating to say aloud. To be listened to.

But the smell of coffee pulled you back, reminding you to be a good host. Filling the mugs just below the brim, you broke the small barrier of the kitchen island. You held the mug close to your chest, the warmth working as emotional support while Joel toyed with the ceramic handle.

You lifted the mug to your lips, blowing lightly over the piping-hot coffee, “...But neither do I.”

“I can talk to Tommy if you…” No matter how much it made Joel regret the offer, Joel said the right thing. He couldn’t meddle where he didn’t belong. “I’m sure he’d understand.”

You laughed into your mug. “I’d rather this stay our thing.”

“You say that like this is going to happen again.”

“Joel Miller.” You said his name after a pause. He looked like a child in trouble. “Are you flirting with me?”

“No, no, I-

“Joking.” You cut in just as awkwardly as he flushed.

You wanted the mood to lighten, needed it to.

But there was clumsiness in every movement, between your ongoing jitteriness and Joel’s restless fidgeting.  So, you moved to the window. On the sill held your half-empty carton of cigarettes, the ones you were trying hard not to touch these days.

With a soft glance back to Joel, you asked, “Mind if I?”

Joel could spot the influences of Tommy in you. Or maybe you had passed along your habits. Either way, it was your home of sorts. Who was he to tell you no?

You had such dexterity with the process. It was like a ritual how you rolled the cigarette over your lips before lighting it. Then after a deep exhale, you utilized the perpetually open window to tap the beginnings of ash.  

“I don’t mean to drag you into all of this…”  You trailed off through an exhale of smoke through your nose. Joel could see the appeal now. “I just don’t-…Tommy’s my friend, and if I…I don’t know what’ll happen if we’re not…”

The end of something always hurt everyone around you. You all were just playing your roles in delaying the inescapable. But the questions of the future haunted you. You weren’t sure if you were ready to let it all go.

“I’ll let you leave…” You toyed with the lit cigarette that was on its last limb as you spoke. Joel’s silence was becoming deafening. “Promise I won’t hold you up any longer.”

You were sure he had more pressing matters than to comfort you through an inevitable breakup.

“Tommy’ll get over it.” Joel sat back with more relaxation now that he spoke his mind. “It’s you I’m worried about.”

----

Joel kept his distance deliberately. He made the venture into the water seem like another task. In and out.

“I don’t bite, you know.”

He knew you wouldn’t be able to stay quiet for too long. He knew what it meant to join you, but he made an effort to seem detached.

“Just giving you some privacy.” Joel echoed your words.

“Right.”  Your frustration was clear. You carried it with you for the handful of days that passed. Your frustrations didn’t lie with him like Joel chose to believe.

Instead, guilt filled Joel’s chest. It had been gnawing at him since he left Boston. He should have left you there if he were as reliable as everyone claimed he was. You’d be without bruises. You’d be without his burden. Leaving without you meant there would be no return.

But you knew Joel. You had to remind yourself.  You knew what he was thinking, what he wanted. That’s how you knew moving towards him would benefit the both of you.

You moved gradually, leading the interaction by brushing his hair behind his ears. The greys of his hair darkened with the water you carried on your fingertips.  He looked younger. He looked like your Joel.

You reached for him, pulling him through the cool water to you. Joel was stiff when your chest met his warmly. He thought of pulling away, but you felt so peaceful that it swallowed him. Your arms wrapped around him with comfort. Your body settled in front of his, gently pressing your hips against him, giving him only an ounce of pressure to entice him.

He noted every twitch. Shyness wasn’t questioned; that barrier was broken years ago. It enabled you to trace his face. Every detail was already committed to memory.

You imagined what he’d say to you all those years ago—anything to make a smile crack.

Careful, now.

All you’re gonna find is a whole lot of ugly.

The scar above his eyebrow marked when your feelings for Joel first latched on. You were blinded by anger then, but the blood scared you. He promised you it was a graze and that he still had his life. But that wasn’t enough proof for you.

When your thumb traced over the faint line, Joel finally found his voice again, “Your shooting’s still sloppy.”

The look Joel held was intimidating, scrutinizing, but you knew he was trying to be witty.  

“See now, when you say things like that…” You whispered softly due to the proximity, “I don’t regret shooting you.”

He hummed, appreciating your touch that ventured to his shoulders. You could feel under your hands the tension he held. You wanted nothing more than to provide relief.

“Joel.”

Just his name made your desire clear. He wanted to touch you all those years ago, but he’d never betray his brother like that. But now you invited him to you without any barriers. There was hesitancy in the hold Joel found on your hips. His mind wandered; wavered between the need and the want.

Starting at the swirl of hair on his chest, you followed the trail down until Joel’s breath hitched. Joel felt like he was about to lose it when your hand wrapped around him.

“This feel okay?” You moved your hand against him, slow and soft.

Water dripped from his nose to your shoulder as he nodded eagerly.  His groan rumbled deep in his chest, vibrating against your own. You tread in dangerous territory but recognized the privilege of his trust.

This was for Joel. You needed this just as much as he did. You didn’t worry if it functioned as a thank you for keeping you alive, an apology for the trouble you’d caused him, or a confession of your own.

It didn’t matter when you indulged in your own lust.

“Do you think of me when you’re on your own?” You asked, fingers wrapped around his shaft, squeezing him until you felt his pulse in your grip.

“Oh- Fuck-” He cut himself off before he let a pet name slip. Joel’s fingers dug into the soft flesh of your hips, imprinting his touch into your skin, burned to your very bone.

“Hmm?” You edged him further. Gently, you continued to pump him and move your thumb over his tip.

Joel’s ragged breath fell on your pulse point with each moan as you continued to pump him rhythmically. His hand came up to your throat in a tender hold. His lips hover over yours but refrained from connecting.

It would be too intimate if you had.

“Do you want me to?” The hold gave him dominance even as he shuddered under your touch. Always desiring control.

The water around you rippled with your continued movements. With his free hand, his thumb rubbed gently at the sensitive skin that was near the pebbles of your breast, but he made no effort to touch it just yet.  His words and touch were a deadly combination, the kind that made you ache.

“Would that be so bad?” You spoke on his lips, feeling the tickle of his mustache. The more you worked on his release the more you felt his warm pants turn into deep moans. “Come on now, Miller,” You coaxed softly, moving up and down his length with a lively pattern, teasingly and tauntingly. “Tell me.”

Joel’s words were caught in his throat as ecstasy flowed through his veins as the pleasure crashed. His hips jerked against you as his breathing became ragged and his moans became filthy.

He sighed with relief, abandoning himself. He groaned into you, nuzzling his nose in your neck as the aftershocks made him tremble. He could feel your hand threading in his hair, keeping him in your tight embrace.

“Yes.”

#q #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel #miller #tlou #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller x you #the last of us #joel miller fanfic #joel miller imagine #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x femme!reader #tommy miller x reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #Pedro #pascal #Joel miller smut

[squintyeyedjoel]

Look For The Light | (Joel x Reader) - Coming Soon!

Synopsis: When Joel and Ellie are on their way to find the Fireflies, they stumble across something else in an abandoned farmhouse. Something unexpected and life changing - you. ….and the three year old toddler you rescued three days ago that happens to harbor something familiar Joel has a hard time reconciling with.

(Sneak peek below the cut!)

Suddenly the handle on the door to your room jiggled, making the breath stutter in your chest.

The low voice on the other side of the wooden barrier made you jump. “I’ll give you to the count of three, otherwise I’m breakin’ this thing down.”

You gulped.

“One.”

Silence.

“Two.”

A beat more.

“Three.”

Suddenly the door swung open, the latch busting into pieces and skittering across the floor as the hulking frame of a man barreled through shoulder first. Just behind him you saw a teenaged girl peeking in curiously from the top of the steps.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, offering a timid smile. “I’d have met you at the door, but,” you looked down toward the bundle in your arms, the smile turning more genuine. “My hands are full.”

“Holy fucking shit,” the teenager mumbled, before trying to make her way around the grumpy looking man. He caught her by her backpack, not allowing her any closer, to which she turned a skeptical look his way. “Really, Joel? It’s a baby. What’s it gonna do, drool me to death?”

You snorted a laugh, arching an eyebrow at the man- Joel’s unimpressed look your way.

“It’s a toddler. They’d scream your ear off b’fore they’d drool-” He stopped when he glanced from the tiny human in your arms who looked up at him with wide, curious eyes, and focused back on the teen, finding her already looking at him with raised brows.

After a moment he released her with a sigh, and she took a few tentative steps your way, wide grin climbing up her face.

“How would you know, anyway?” She teased the man without sparing him a glance.

The look he shot at the back of the girl's head made you want to grin, but you successfully tucked it into the top of the little human’s head in your lap.

“I’m older ‘an you. Been ‘round the block a few times, is all. Know a thing or two.” His voice was a rumbling grouse, the dry tone exasperated and saying he’d been here a time or two before, this argument worn and thin.

“Yeah, because you’re ancient,” she mocked.

“Ain’t that old,” he grumbled.

“Dirt is younger, Joel.”

“Not worried I’m infected?” You kept your voice calm, not wanting to poke the angry bear known as Joel.

The girl smiled in a way that said she had more to say than what she was telling as she knelt next to you. “No. Not really.”

“Ellie,” Joel groaned, taking a step closer as the teen sat next to you, her shoulder lightly bumping against your own as her back pressed against the wall.

“I’m not, by the way,” you looked between them both. “Infected.” Looking down to the toddler in your arms, snorting as she tried to hide further into your threadbare shirt, you couldn’t help but smile softly. “Neither is she.”

“What’s her name?” Ellie reached out a finger for the little one to hold. It was taken tentatively, and given a firm shake like she had seen countless adults do around her in the QZ you’d been in before.

It made Joel snort out a laugh through his nose.

“Sarah.”

The laugh turned into a choking sound, quickly melting into a coughing fit as Joel bent over at his waist, bracing his hands on his knees as he fought for air.

“You okay, old man?”

You tried to stifle the smile Ellie’s comment brought to your face before you turned your gaze back up to Joel once again.

After a long moment, he stood up straight with a huff. “Fine.” Another long pause. “Just swallowed wrong.”

Wanna be tagged if/when I write any future Joel stuff? Here’s how to sign up!

#the last of us #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller reader insert #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfic #tlou fic #tlou fluff #tlou imagine #tlou reader insert #joel miller comfort #joel miller angst #the last of us reader insert #the last of us imagine #the last of us x reader #the last of us x you #the last of us x y/n #tommy miller #ellie williams #dina the last of us

[rrickgrrimes8]

Your Bear Part II

summary: you are found (part I)

Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Tommy Miller x niece!reader

warnings: angst, reunion, violence, infected, happy ending :))

not sure if i like this as much as the first part but i hope yall do. i just want to thank you all for the response to my past few fics (especially your bear). its been unreal. i stopped writing for a while and these were my first ones back so this was an insane response to it! thank you so much for your love and appreciation it really does mean a lot!

also! i tagged basically everybody who left a comment asking for part 2 - sorry if thats annoying idk ive never done a taglist before. thanks for the comments tho :) 

masterlist

request guidelines (new)

requests are open

word count: 2.3k

22 Years Ago...

The world around you screamed for help. People ran around, skin on fire, missing massive chunks.

You wailed as they passed, hands tightened around your ears. You just wanted to find help. You wanted to save Sarah. This wasn’t what you expected.

“D-ad,” You cried, hiccupping, “D-addy!” You missed his touch. You missed his voice and his face. His laugh. You just wanted your daddy.

But which way had you come from?

You stood, idle, in an alley way you didn’t recognize, a man lay a few feet beside you. Blood seeped from his neck, running to kiss the tips of your shoes.

He twitched.

Your breath caught in your throat, the hair on your neck stood high. “D-daddy,” You whimpered, quieter than before, “Please.”

He looked at you now. His face grotesque, the shape of jagged teeth marked his greyish skin. White, stringy tendrils extended out of his mouth as he crawled to you – his legs being left behind as he did.

You screamed when his nails scratched against your shoe. In the panic, your bear fell from your grasp, landing in the bloodbath.

You tried backing up from the monster, but his hand stopped you. His claws captured your ankle.

You didn’t realise you were falling until your back hit the wet ground. You let out a shriek as he trailed up your body. “P-please,” You sobbed, “D-ad! D-addy!”

The creature didn’t even flinch. He opened his jaws further, searching for your small neck, ready to mark you just as he had been.

But a shot sounded off and his weight settled on your petite body.

A strong force tugged him off you, the same force pulling you into their arms. You wailed, fighting against the stranger’s grip.

“It’s okay, sweetgirl, you’re okay,” She told you, rushing you away from the scene, “You’re going to be okay; I promise.”

x

You didn’t know what to make of Jackson. It was nice, you supposed. Weird though. It felt like what you imagined before felt like. Not that you remembered much. You remembered how loud cars were, how the TV remote worked, how to strum a guitar.

You remembered your sisters voice, her hair, how smart she sounded even if you didn’t understand a word.

You wished you remembered your dad. He was a blur to you. Like you had missed a chapter of a book and now a new character had no face. You remembered his laugh though. It was sweet, slow. Like a lullaby. You recalled being held to his chest and feeling the vibrations.

You wished you remembered your dad. 

Sarah had settled in quickly, at least that’s what you thought. She was happy to be around people other than her mom (you tried not to internalise it all that much).

In the week since you arrived Sarah had grown attached to the strangers that took you under their wing. You still weren’t so sure. But when Sarah made grabby hands to the older man and all she got was a dejected smile in response a part of you hurt. You didn’t understand why.

They’d kept their distance or rather he had. Ellie came round every day. She loved Sarah. She loved you, even if, like Joel, you were a little rough around the edges.

But for a reason unbeknownst to you Joel couldn’t be in a room with you for longer than five minutes. You didn’t let it bother you too much. You couldn’t. You didn’t want to make trouble and get the pair of you kicked out or worse separated. 

Ellie had come to you earlier that day, smile wide, cheeks rosy. She had a glint in her eyes, a plan. One you really didn’t want to know about nor be a part of.

Excitedly, she told you about the couple who lived across from her and Joel - his brother. Tommy and Maria and the somewhat new addition of Lily, their little girl. Ellie had told them about you - although missing out some of the major minor details. They agreed to have you over she had said. And despite the age difference between Lily and Sarah the older girl was excited to meet her.

So, there you stood, Sarah shielded from the cold into your chest. You raised your hand awkwardly, knocking a little harder than you expected.

A woman opened the door. She was beautiful, smiley, friendly. You couldn’t tell if that was a façade or not. That made the nerves in your stomach stiffen. “C’mon in, sweetheart,” Maria ushered you inside after she confirmed it was you.

You forced a smile for her, “Nice place.”

Maria nodded, looking around the room proudly, “Thank you.” She urged you to take a seat, letting you know her husband, Tommy, was just dressing Lily.

“So, you’re younger than I thought you would be,” She confessed, “Not to be rude or anything.”

“No, it’s okay,” You cleared your throat, sitting opposite her, Sarah making a home on your lap, “I’m 27.”

“Wow,” She smiled, “And what about her?”

You stroked the top of Sarah’s head, where her hair had slightly begun to grow, “Couple weeks now.”

Maria shifted ever so slightly in her seat, unspoken sympathy in her eyes, “And the father?” You stilled, escaping her gaze you looked towards the coffee table, taking inventory of the odd books they had. “I’m sorry,” She spoke quietly, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“N-no,” You cleared your throat sheepishly, “There isn’t... her dad did what he had to.” You still remembered his screams.

“I’m sorry,” Maria frowned, hands soothing over her jeans, wishing Tommy would appear to aid the situation.

“Don’t be,” You said earnestly, “He got us here, right? One way or another...” Maria wasn’t sure you really meant that. The lost look in your eyes told her what she needed to know. As did your shaking knee. You’d give anything to have him back. She bit her lip, somewhat guessing the rest.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” A males voice cut through the tension, “Wouldn’t stop squirming for the life of me.”

Maria chuckled opening her arms to grab Lily, introducing you as she did. He blanched hearing that name. He near screamed seeing that face - your face but so much different, so much more mature.

Tommy blinked a few times, wondering if his eyes were deceiving him. He whispered your name carefully, as if you were a wild animal, prone for violence.

Maria gave him an odd look, moving Lily over to you and Sarah. “And this is our sweetheart, Lily,” She told you as Lily began fussing relentlessly in her arms, desperate to touch the baby.

“Baby,” She cooed.

“Yeah, that’s right,” You mused, croakily, inching closer to the pair, “This is Sarah, Lily.”

Tommy wanted to throw up. He felt it dancing up his throat, teasing his uncertainty. He felt stuck. He truthfully didn’t know what to do or what to say. Should he straight out ask you? You didn’t seem to recognise him though. Maybe it was a clone? A doppelgänger? Should he run over to Joel’s for safety away from this confusion? 

Joel.

Did Joel know? He had to know. He needed to know.

“Tommy what’s wrong?” Maria called to him. He choked a little, eyes trailing over to the plaque that watched over their new life. The plaque he knew had no place for your name. He knew it. You were here.

Maria followed his gaze, a weird feeling in her chest as she saw her husband so unlike himself. She read Joel’s daughter’s name. Sarah. Was he freaked out because they shared the same name?

She gulped - it wasn’t just the baby whose name was shared but yours too it seemed. You couldn’t be, right? No- You died. Joel was so sure you died and despite all Tommy had told her, all the hope he had for you, she always found herself on Joel’s side. Funny that. Any other situation she would’ve made a point to oppose the eldest Miller.

But now... You were just five. You couldn’t have survived on your own. You wouldn’t have had a life in this world.

But again, hadn’t you said you were 27?

“Go,” She told him, firmly, “Make sure.” Tommy nodded, failing to hide his tears as you watched in confusion and darted out of the room with a sense of urgency that unsettled your stomach.

“Is everything okay?”

Maria’s attention snapped back to you, “Fine... everything’s fine.”

A disconcerting feeling swam under your skin and a sudden resolve to flee hit you. “I- We should probably go,” You mumbled, bringing Sarah to your chest once more.

“Wait, please,” She attempted, “Just wait.”

You shook your head, apologising softly before rushing out of the house. You caught eyes with two men across the road - Joel and Tommy. They stood on his porch, seemingly arguing with each other.

You spotted Ellie watching through the window, a guilty look on her face - what had she done?

The brothers stared at you as you left the home. Their eyes didn’t leave you for a second. Tommy called your name, desperately but when he moved to catch up with you, Joel pulled him back.

He clenched his jaw as you rushed back to your home, out of sight. “She was my niece, Joel,” He scowled, “My fuckin’ family too.”

Joel shook his head, shaking off the shame Tommy was trying to force on him.

“You don’t get to keep this kind of thing from me,” He yelled, “You- You are unbelievable, Joel.”

“Unbelievable?” He mocked, “Is it so unbelievable that I didn’t want to advertise to the whole goddamn town that she was my daughter when, hell, I don’t even know if she really is!”

“Bullshit,” Tommy spat, “You’re not stupid. You knew. Of course, you fucking knew. You knew like how I knew. One look. That’s all it woulda took you. No… you knew. You were just too scared - like always. And that, your selfishness, takes us all down with you.”

“Fuck you,” He grunted, storming back inside.

“Christ,” Tommy mumbled, turning back to his own home. 

You had a baby.

You were here, alive.

x

You steered clear from the group for a little while afterwards. The whole situation made you heart clench. It felt like a game that you didn’t know the rules of, but they did. All of them did and they were careful not to reveal anything. But you wanted to know - you needed to.

You knew it involved Joel or at least you felt like it had to. The way he looked at you when you first met. The way he spoke. The way he shook. It had to be him. He had to be the answer.

You gave up on your attempts to avoid them when you came to that realisation.

The same realisation that brought you here, at his front door in the middle of the night. You shyly knocked a few times - no response. You repeated the action with a little more force, a little too much. The door creaked open on the contact, but no one came to greet you.

You sucked in a harsh breath as you debated entering. The door was open right? Fair game? Silently you forced yourself to step inside.

Their home was dark - one lamp lighting a whole room. You frowned looking over to it. Someone had to be here, right? Where else would they be so late?

And then you saw him. Joel. The contradictory man. He was asleep. His body was sprawled all over the couch, an empty bottle of God knows what lay beside him as did what looked like... a bear?

Shakily, you took a step forward, his name dying in your throat as you saw the bear in a better light.

It was... yours.

Why would Joel have your bear? The bear that when you were a child was essentially an extension of you. The bear that chased away all the bad dreams. The bear that your dad had gotten you - your dad.

You gulped - the bear you hadn’t seen since the night you lost everything. Since the night you almost lost your life.

Joel shifted in his sleep, pulling the bear close to his chest, careful of its head as if it was a baby. Your eyes burned. A gasp escaped your lips. You could read the chapter now. You can see that character’s face - your fathers face.

Different but the same.

“D-dad,” You whispered before you could stop yourself and backed away.

Your back met the door, slamming it shut. The man jolted awake, alarmed eyes frantically searching the room before landing on you. They grew small, weaker, like he wasn’t all the way there.

Joel watched you closely, taking note of your falling tears, he spoke your name. You choked on a sob, hand clasping over your mouth. “Baby,” He shot up before he had a moment to think and approached you.

You didn’t flinch away, like he expected. You didn’t stop crying either. You studied him now. The wrinkles. The scars. The grey hairs. The same look in his eyes.

“How long have you known?”

He flinched at that. Your voice so familiar, so broken. “Since we met,” He didn’t have to try too hard to understand what you were getting at. He felt shameful, though. This shouldn’t have been the way, right? This felt too casual, too unknown.

You wanted to ask more, yell at him. Beg him to tell you why it wasn’t the first thing that he told you. But you didn’t. Instead you put one foot in front of the other, until you were mere inches from him. “Dad,” You shuddered.

He hadn’t realised how much he missed being called that, how much he missed being your dad.

“Babygirl,” He took your face in his hands, “My baby grown up.” He watched you closely, tears welling up, “I’m so sorry, babygirl. I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, slamming yourself into his chest, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Oh, baby,” Joel wrapped his arms around you, hand cradling the back of your head.

“With me, babygirl,” He smiled for moment before letting it fall, “Don’t go away again, babygirl, never go away again.”

You smiled into his chest, whimpering softly, “I won’t, dad, I promise.” 

x

@meli-blacky @zaweashtonslover @3zae-zae3 @bbciwp @cloudroomblog @white-wolf-buckaroo​ @iguessweallcrazyithinktho​ @myboyfriendisbigfoot​ @mell-bell​ @hummusxx​ @sleepdeprived-barelyalive​ @dilfsaremyfavourite​ @specialagentmonkey​ @slutforstark @lizlil​ @unsaiduglywords​ @ellaprime7​ @aphrcdites​ @zynbsblog​ @imonmykneessir​ @mandowhatnow​ @tomorrowseverything @livelovemusic0996 @icarusthefoolish​ @b-bloop @leemirna​ @hexaecana​ @littleshadow17​ @sgt-morgan​ @adorreeabbie @abbiesxox​ @leviackrmnss​ @eternallyvenus​ @hai-kbai​ @daydreamerblues​ @abbyrxx12-blog @montenegroisr​ @chxosunbound​ @shqwqrma​ @littlemissporter @wonwoosthetic @riri53 @softsakusas​ @prettysbliss​ @katiemars @kik51199 @stupidthoughtsinwriting​ @ellele19 @newavenger @19891213​ @dgraysonss​

#joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller angst #joel miller x daughter!reader #tommy miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller x niece!reader #ellie williams x platonic!reader #the last of us imagine #joel miller x platonic!reader

[peterparkersnose]

Needy

Part 2 to Give In

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 3.4k

warnings: smut (f receiving oral), broken leg, pain, depression, anxiety, longing, needy joel, reunion of sorts, cringe nickname from maria, malnutrition, descriptions of not eating and weight loss and physical changes due to that, brief grief

a/n hi i wrote smut. god help me, i hated writing it. i hope you guys like it, i tried to make it somewhat good. this takes place after the first game, or when the series ends. spoilers definitely. the middle where you don’t see ellie and joel for the four years there just living in jackson, right when joel comes back from saving ellie.

summary Y/N gets invited to Jackson by her Aunt Maria

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read time: 12 mins 25 seconds

After a few days you realized Joel wasn’t coming back. The sad realization sink in and really took its toll on you. FEDRA officers came to make sure you weren’t dead in your apartment, and with that made you go back to work.

Same day, over and over again once again. Take care of the babies in the QZ. Watch people get hung in the square. Eat the same, boring, disgusting meal FEDRA gave to you. Live in the empty memories that lingered all over town.

Tess was gone too. You figured they were both dead in a ditch or moved on to something better and bigger than this damn QZ. Part of you wondered if Joel just wanted an out; if he was sick of having you as a responsibility and left because of you. And it ate you alive.

It had been a month. You were still trying to reach your Aunt over the radio, just as Joel had been trying to reach his brother. It’s something the two of you bonded over the last few weeks he was here. Your Aunt Maria was located somewhere out west. You weren’t really sure where, but you knew she was still alive. You felt her spark. Ever since your mom and your uncle died when you were small, she had watched you until she was promised a ‘better life’ somewhere in… Wyoming? Montana? Idaho? You weren’t sure. She left you in the QZ because she thought it would be better for your safety. You were a preteen at the time, and for what it was worth it was probably a better idea than to track across country.

Sitting, scrolling through channels you hopelessly looked for Maria’s signal. She always used the lower frequencies, usually this specific one you were listening to. Just as you were about to click the machine off, you heard it.

“Lovebug?”

You gasped and cheered. Lovebug is what she called you when you were younger, a nickname of sorts.

“Auntie?” you called back, hoping this wasn’t one of your delusions seeping back in. “I’m here!” she called. You could hear a group of people cheering in the back.

She gave you a quick set of coordinates and cut off communication. It was brief and that hurt, but life finally had its purpose back. No more Joel, no more overthinking, no more hurting from how he left you.

-

You basically crawled towards the gate of Jackson. Unsure if this was even the right place, you hoped your topography skills were as good as you thought they were. From stealing four cars, foraging for gas (which there was barely any of) and walking over three thousand miles, you prayed this place was anything close to heaven. You had avoided getting bitten or scratched, but killing countless infected on the way. At least you would get to see your Aunt one last time.

The people had their guns pointed at you as you expected. “P-please.” you pleaded with your hands up. You were sure to be almost unrecognizable. Hair was greasy and matted, you had lost a significant amount of weight, and your clothes were tattered. Even in the apocalypse you liked to stay neat, but at this point in your journey you had stopped caring.

“Maria—she’s my a-aunt.”

“I’m going to need Maria at the east gate along with a medic. Stat.” a person called through the radio. The doors opened slightly.

“Y/N?” you heard your Aunt cry. You raised your head enough to see her run towards you. She held you in her arms and cried. The medics were weary behind her, letting this sweet family reunion continue.

You hugged her and tried to hold on to her shoulders the best you could. There was something different. Blinking a few times to get the icicles out of your eyelashes that had formed you realized she was pregnant.

“Y-your pregnant?” you asked. She shook her head and smiled. “I have a lot to explain. I’ll come with you to med.”

They had a makeshift stretcher with a thick piece of fabric held together by two refined pieces of wood. A blanket was placed over you as they carried you across this town. From what you could see, you were in heaven. Dead, no longer here. This whole thing was a mirage.

“It’s real, I promise you honey.” Maria assured you. “H-how?”

“I can explain once your stable. You’ve been out in the cold for too long.”

You closed your eyes, praying it wasn’t for the last time.

Awake. Is what you were. You weren’t sure where, or how, but you were awake. It was dark outside. The little log cabin you were in had a curtain hanging to divide you from other stations and medical supplies. You tried to move.

Your leg was stiff. A large groan escaped from you as you tried to move it.

“No,” you heard from your side. A man sat there. He had dark hair that was longer than the usual cut. His thick black mustache sat upon his lip. He had a tanned skin tone and from what you heard, a thick southern accent that reminded you of Joel. What was a southerner doing so far North?

“Try not to move it. You got a small fracture. Nothing serious, but you will be in the boot for a few weeks.”

His eyes darted to the medical walking boot that sat against the wall. “Who are you? Where is Maria?”

He chuckled at your enthusiasm. “I’m Tommy, Maria’s husband.”

It started to click. “Oh,”

Didn’t Joel mention his brothers name was Tommy? Or was it Timmy. You couldn’t remember. A southerner out west, you doubted it was the brother Joel was looking for. God, why are you still thinking about him? Even now, after you nearly died crossing the country? Sneaking out of the QZ? You were ashamed that your first thought after a brush with death was Joel Miller.

“I let her get some rest, she was here all day. It’s a lot of stress you know…”

Tommy was baiting to see if you knew. “For the baby.” you confirmed.

He shook his head. “Crazy, isn’t it?” he said.

Tommy explained Jackson. How it was functional, safe, and everyone was happy. Maria was right, this was heaven. He explained that there wasn’t any availability in Jackson at the moment, but Maria insisted of inviting you after she found out she was pregnant. Tommy explained something about jealousy and families, but it didn’t make sense to you. Apparently he had just gotten some family back, and Maria wanted hers back too. Since there was no availability, you were going to be staying with a girl in her house. Her name was Ellie. She was quite a few years younger than you, but Maria thought your personalities would get along well. You trusted your Aunt’s judgement, but was concerned when you found out you were to be living with a fifteen year old.

“Get some shut eye. I can help you move in tomorrow. It’s gon’ be difficult on that boot.”

-

It was early morning and Tommy was walking back to his house. Jackson was almost silent, besides for the early birds chirping in the trees and the sounds of the chefs getting ready for breakfast in the nearby mess hall. He stopped in front of Joel’s house and sighed. The large, two story garage behind the house is where Ellie lived, and where you would be staying until they could build you a house. But building a house took time and resources. He prayed that you and Ellie got along. It was either living with Ellie or Joel—Ellie definitely seemed like the safe choice in that situation. Joel wasn’t too friendly to strangers.

Slowly, he entered his own home. Maria was asleep on the couch, cradling her stomach. Tommy watched his beautiful wife for a moment, watching her chest rise and fall. She seemed so peaceful in that moment. Maria was due in a few weeks, and Tommy knew he wouldn’t have the luxury of this for much longer.

“Maria,” he whispered, stroking his hand over her hair and gently waking her up. She jolted awake, like most people did in this world, and was at ease when she found out it was just Tommy.

She put her coat on and grabbed the one she had gotten for you and followed her husband to the medic ward.

“Good morning,” Maria announced, dropping the coat on your stomach. This woke you. Groggily, you looked up at your Aunt with a displeased face. Tommy reached for the boot in the corner. You slowly moved your legs off the bed, groaning in pain. “Are you sure you don’t have anything for the pain?” you gasped. “Not for pain like this, I’m sorry.” Maria assured you. Tommy slowly guided your leg in to the medical boot and tightly strapped it close.

All night you had prepared for the depression that was going to follow with this damned boot. Not being able to move around, depending on others. It hurt too much to start to care about someone else, let alone have them take care of you. You hated to admit it, but this town could be gone within the span of a day.

“Now, you won’t need crutches. Give it a go.” Tommy said, extending his hands to you. They were coarse and dry, and that was a bit off putting to you. The second you put pressure down on your leg it felt like fire was streaming in your veins. Maria noticed your face tense and your hand grip harder on her husbands forearms. You sat back down on the bed, subduing your pain somewhat. “Shit,” Tommy sighed. “Do you think it was worse than we thought? Could the doctor have measured it wrong?” Maria whispered to Tommy. You heard bits and pieces of their conversation after that, but all you could focus on was your leg throbbing.

Ultimately, the two of them decided to get a wheelchair for you to use temporarily and be on strict bed rest. Yay.

“I dunno how I’m supposed to…” Maria said, grunting as she began to lift the handles of your wheelchair. “Don't!” Tommy yelled, stopping his very pregnant wife from potentially harming herself or the baby. “You wait here, lemme get Joel.”

Ice seemed to jolt through your veins when he said that. “Joel?” you asked suddenly in an alarmed tone. Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, he can help us get down the steps.”

You froze as Tommy began to walk away. You looked up at Maria.

“What’s his last name?”

“Miller. He did spend some time in the Boston QZ… maybe you’ll recognize him.”

No no no no, no no no. This cannot be happening. This is a fever dream, you convinced yourself. This isn’t happening. This isn't real.

“You alright?” Maria asked, looking down from behind you. She was concerned at your lack of response. As she asked that, Tommy began to return. And along side him walked the man you had to convince yourself you weren't in love with.

Maybe he wouldn't recognize you.

You had lost a significant amount of weight. You sliced off half of the length of your hair while you made your journey just simply because it was annoying. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize you. You prayed he didn't. Oh god, what if he thought you were the weird stalker girl who followed him here simply because she wanted to be with him? That’s terrifying. Stalkers existed in the fungal world, but you weren't one in the real world.

“This Ellie’s new roommate?”

His voice filled your skin with goosebumps. Not looking up, you kept your eyes glued on your feet in the wheelchair footrests. “Yup, she’s all yours.” Maria said chipperly, giving Joel jurisdiction to the wheelchair handles. Tommy counted down from four as the two men struggled to make a clear way down the wooden steps of the medical ward. Hearing Joel grunt brought back to many explicit memories, it honestly made your core begin to warm. Joel wheeled you all the way to a house. “Your gon’ have to build a ramp,” Tommy teased Joel. Joel sighed, picking up the wheelchair once again in synch with Tommy as they struggled to make sure your wheels didn’t bump the old, cracked wooden stairs of the house.

As they wheeled you inside the house, the two middle aged men were out of breathe.

“You know…” Joel said, catching his breathe by holding on to the side of his wall. “Those damned brick stairs are gonna be hell. If she wants, she’s welcome to my couch until she’s well enough to walk.”

As Tommy spun around your wheelchair, your eyes met with Joel’s for the first time in over five months.

And he recognized you. Oh, he totally recognized you. His facial structure seemed to shift as he realized that the girl he just offered to live on his couch was you.

“Alright,” Tommy said, not realizing what was going on. His smooth voice luckily interrupted the longing look you and Joel were sharing. “I’m gonna go fix you up some breakfast from the mess hall. You good from here?” You nodded your head slowly.

“Don’t bother, I got plenty here.” Joel offered. Your eyes widened, realizing he wanted to get you alone with him. “You sure?” Tommy questioned. “Go find your wife, take her to a nice breakfast.” Joel suggested. Tommy agreed and promptly left the house.

Joel sat in an old recliner across from you. Your finger scratched at the old medical sticker stuck to the wheelchair’s arm.

“How did-” “Are you-”

The two of you let out an embarrassed scoff. “You go,” he offered. “No you-” you insisted. After bantering for a few seconds, Joel broke the awkwardness.

“How did you find me?”

You sighed. So you did come off as the stalker-ish, jealous girl. “It’s not like that, I promise you. M-Maria is my aunt, the one I was trying to find when…”

“When I was searchin’ for Tommy, yeah.” Joel finished your sentence. “She invited me here, gave me coordinates. I didn’t know you were here until five minutes ago, Joel.”

His name sounded weird coming off your lips after filling your head for so many months. Joel let out a sigh of relief. “You look different,”

“Yeah, well two months across country with almost no food and no ammo can change a person.”

He sighed. “And you…?” he asked, gesturing for you to ask your question.

“Are you mad?”

Joel chuckled.

“Your wondering if I’m mad?”

“Well yeah, I mean we didn't necessarily end on good terms.”

“Good terms?” Joel laughed. “I thought about that damned kiss for months, Y/N.”

A smile sparked to your lips, but slowly left when you remembered. Tess.

“And where is Tess? I’m sure she would be happy to see me.”

Joel’s eyes darted to the floor.

“She didn’t make it,” he said bluntly.

Memories flooding back of the good times you and Tess had made you sad. She was gone. The closest thing you had to a friend was Tess.

“Well,” Joel said, breaking the awkward silence. “Would you like some breakfast? Better than those sardines…” You chuckled a bit.

“Will you help me?” you asked, looking now up at Joel. He nodded, reaching out for your hands. He pulled you up, and the wheelchair rolled backwards. As you tried to steady yourself, the movement of the wheelchair put you off and you began to slip. “Shit,” you yelped as your boot hit the floor. Joel them promptly picked you up under the armpits and held you up unnaturally high. Naturally, your good leg wrapped around his waist, as the other one did its best attempt at following your other leg. His hands rested under your butt, one hand grasping on to it. You now looked down at him as he held you. “Giving me flashbacks,” you chuckled, a hand coming to steady yourself on his back. The other hand traveled just below his hairline on his neck. It was within seconds that Joel’s mouth was on yours.

He was eager. He hadn’t been with you for a good seven months. He needed something, even if it was just a taste of you.

“Fuck,” he muttered, pulling away. “I missed that.”

Your hand had traveled up his head, now grasping his graying hair. Both of your breaths were heavy. “Joel,” you whispered. “Please.”

He nodded and slowly put you down on the couch. Your leg hit the ground with an oompf. He stood in front of you. The bulge in his pants was very prominent.

“May I?” he asked you, coming down to his knees. Joel was never this respectful back in Boston. He would take what he wanted when he wanted, with your consent of course. He never asked for permission because he was always confident that he had it; and he did. Something in him had changed. It was very obvious that it did. You weren't sure if it was Tess’s passing, the brutal crossing of the country, or the argument the two of you had before. But something had definitely changed.

With the confirmation he was granted, he slowly lifted your butt off the sofa to remove your pants. Once your pants were by your thighs he yanked them off. One leg stayed trapped over your boot. There was the Boston Joel coming back, seeping through this new shell of a man he was. Your panties were soaked per usual. “Always so wet for me,” Joel muttered, pushing your stomach back on the couch. He took his middle finger and pushed your panties aside, but also coming back and giving a quick swipe between your folds. A soft moan came from your lips. You adjusted yourself so that you were on full display. Your hips rocked back as Joel wettened his fingers from you. His other hand rested on your thigh, holding it firmly as his thumb made soft circles on your inner thigh, dangerously close. You stirred as he finally inserted two fingers. “J-Joel…” you moaned, clenching around him.

“Just like that,” he said, slowly pumping in and out. “Good girl.”

The praise was almost enough to send you over the wall. He never gave you anything like this back in Boston. It was always to satisfy himself. You feel like this time Joel really, truly cared. He moved his hand from your thigh to your lower back, moving yourself closer to his face. His thumb brushed circles around your clit. “Do you want it?” he asked you. You looked down to his eager eyes. They seemed to melt at the sight of you. You shook your head. “With words…”

Boston Joel’s dominance had returned. “Y-yes.”

“Manners?” he asked, giving another deep circle around your clit. “Please, Joel. Please.”

You knew he liked when you used his name. “Good job,”

His tongue softly darted to your folds. A plethora of slurred swears and moans came from you as he began to eat you out. The sucking and slurping noises were almost pathetic; Joel was so needy. Both of his hands rested on your thighs, tightly holding on. As he took a second to re gain some air, his lips moaned against your clit. That was almost enough to make you cum. He licked his lips, and went back in. This time he could tell you were close. You were already contracting and he could feel the release building up in your core. “Come on baby, beg for it.”

“Let me cum Joel, please! I-I… please!”

He pulled away and kissed your folds. “Since you asked so nicely,”

His tongue seemed to dissolve inside of you as your orgasm began to hit you. “So good, good job baby. Ride it out.” he said, moving away from you. His thumb delved into your clit that made your legs begin to shake. “It’s okay, you got it.” Joel re assured you, holding down your knee on your injured jeg so it wouldn’t hurt. Once you came down from your high, he helped you put your pants back on. Slowly, he helped you get up and pulled your pants back up to your waist.

Holding you in his arms, the two of you stood.

“God, how I missed this.”

“God, how I missed you.”

-

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#peterparkersnose #joel miller #pedro pascal #the last of us #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller headcanon #joel miller one shot #joel miller pedro pascal #joel miller pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #tommy miller #ellie williams #the last of us hbo #hbo the last of us #peterparkersnosework

[nervoushottee]

A Solemn Promise Ch.3 | Joel Miller Series

  

Summary: Outbreak Day.

Warnings: Violence, pregnancy, car crashing, death, guns, usual the last of us shit so please keep that in mind.

Note: THIS IS NOT EDITED. If I edit this I will hate it more than I already do an delete the whole thing. But I need to get over the hill and get this out.

I hope you enjoy!

comments and reblogs are so appreciated &lt;3

---- ---- ---- ----

2:16 AM.

You woke up to Sarah shaking your shoulders, calling your name repeatedly. You slowly blink the sleep away from your eyes. “Where’s dad?” she asks you. 

You had been sleeping on Joel’s side of the bed. A normal recurrence that you do whenever you miss him. His pillow still smelled like him and it was warm and comforting for both you and the baby. You rub your eyes to get a better look at the young girl turning on your side to face Sarah. “He went to go get Tommy. Said he'd be back in a couple of hours.”  

“Well it’s more than a couple hours.”

You grumble in confusion, taking a look over at the alarm clock. Every ounce of sleep gone from your body, your confusion now turned to worry once you read the time. Sarah was right, he should’ve been back by now. 

The two heard dogs barking, helicopters flying through the sky and a dull almost explosion sound in the distance. The sounds make Sarah jolt in shock and you sit up properly. 

“What’s going on out there?” You said out loud.  “I don’t know, I woke up and I heard a loud noise and came in here. I’m scared.” Sarah said to you truthfully.

Sarah looked at you with pleading eyes. It was the look that made you feel like you would do anything in the world to keep her from looking that way again. 

Upon hearing those words, you placed your legs on the edge of the bed, slipping in your gray sweats and rubbing Sarah’s shoulder.

 “It’ll be alright, let’s go downstairs and look for your dad, maybe he fell asleep on the couch or something.” You say, trying to give some ounce of hope. You were truly hoping for it also. 

 The preteen nodded eagerly, following you as you both walked out the bedroom door. 

Sarah grabs your hand to hold into hers and you welcome it without hesitation.  The hallway that was once warm and full of light was now dark and. “Dad?” Sarah called out. 

The two of you walked down the stairs. You went into the living room to see if Joel had in fact slept on the couch like you hoped him to. He wasn’t.

“Fuck.” you whispered to yourself quietly. “Joel, where are you?”

A loud noise came suddenly causing Sarah to gasp. You called her name, following the noise that the young girl made. You walked into the kitchen to see Mercy, the Adler’s dog, barking anxiously and whimpering.

Sarah opened the door, which welcomed the dog to climb into her lap with a cry as Sarah knelt down to pet the dog. “Easy…what are you doing here boy?” 

You suddenly felt a chill run down your arm. You felt it was due to the anxiety you felt rather than the cold chill of the night air. You muttered to Sarah that you’d be back and quickly went into the living room to grab the cardigan you had once hour merely hours before. You had left it there on the couch after the movie, planning to move it tomorrow like you usually do.

You slipped it on and put on the house slippers you had left also. 

You turn to head back in the direction where you left Sarah. The house was quiet. No sound of Sarah’s reassurance to the fearful dog. Nor the scared whines that the dog made before you left. 

“Sarah?” you called her name, but no answer. 

You didn’t need another second to walk back into the kitchen and see Sarah was gone. The door the young teen had went through was still open. “Shit.” You quickly walk out the door looking around the dark neighborhood in view of Sarah or the dog. You could only assume that Sarah took Mercy back to the Adler’s and you  hoped to God that this time your assumption was right. 

The neighborhood felt eerie. The houses now dark and uninviting, the street lights illumining the streets yet leaving such a grim light in its wake. “Mrs. Adler?” you heard Sarah call. Closing your eyes briefly and letting a sigh of relief wash over you, you briskly walk up to the neighbor’s house. 

The door was wide open and what once felt like a welcoming atmosphere turned cold and made you more nervous and antsy to get Sarah out of there. You walked inside the house slowly engulfing yourself into the dark atmosphere. “Sarah?” you whispered softly. Despite the urgency to find the young girl, something was keeping you from yelling her name. Something felt off and you think you speaking any louder would do more harm than good. You slowly but surely walked down the hallway into the kitchen. You hear a noise indicating movement in the process.  

You paused when you saw Sarah, sighing in relief as you picked up the pace to walk up to her. “Sarah, thank G-”

The words were taken out of  your mouth as you nearly slip and fall on the kitchen floor. You grab onto Sarah for balance and the your girl grips your arm with the same vigor but for a different reason. You look down at you shoes to see what you had slipped was a long line of blood. Your slippers and Sarah’s shoes now bloodied. 

Your heart skips a beat at the crimson color. Your eyes move to follow the trail of blood to see Mr.Adler on the floor acros from the two of you. Sarah’s eyes hadn’t moved from the old man since you arrived, his chest and neck covered in blood as he whispered desperately. “Help me.”

At his sudden plead Sarah grip tightened onto you as you  instinctively use the arm that Sarah was gripping to slowly push the girl behind you  for her safety. Trying not to make any noise or sudden movements, Sarah slowly gets behind you per your request. 

The old man’s eyes flickered down briefly, indicating for the two of you to look down. You do as he implies, your heart beating inside your throat. You could hear the sound of it thumping in your ears. The two of you take a few steps forward and see none other than Mrs. Adler’s mother hunched over Mrs. Adler. 

 The room was quiet with nothing but the sound of  munching. You could feel the bile trying to come out of your throat, your breath quickening beneath your chest. Sarah gasps which causes  Nana to slowly raise her head up at the sound. Her mouth her leaving Mrs. Adler’s neck as she looks up at the two of you. 

Tendrils spew out at her mouth as she stares, wide eyed.  She stands up with a quickness you had never once seen Nana do in your life. The woman in question breathes as she looks at you with a hunger in her eyes before she screams. 

“Run!” you yell to Sarah, pushing her back as you feel the girl dragging your arm with her as she runs. Before you leave you run you catch a glimpse of Nana running after you.  The two of you sprint out the door, gasping for air in fear as you step onto the street. You turn your  head at the sound of a car speeding and the bright headlights that were coming towards the two of you. 

You keep your arms wrapped around the girl, pushing her behind you for a second time that night. “Stay close to me.” And true to your word, you can feel the young girl nod her head at your demand, getting as close as she can to you. The truck stops a few feet in front of you and you quickly realize it's no other than Tommy’s truck.

Joel gets out of the car with a quickness as he walks briskly toward you two. “Get in the truck!” he yelled. “Right now!” he demands. But you and Sarah couldn’t move. Too frightened from what you had seen just seconds before. Joel grabs the both of you with each hand and guides you to the truck. From the corner of your eye you see Tommy leaving the driver side with a rifle in his hands. 

A noise coming from within the neighbor’s homes stops you. The four of you see Nana running out, throwing herself out of the home falling to the floor. She lays still for a few seconds, causing Joel to creep slowly toward the elderly woman which causes you to grab onto his arm in fear and mutter his name quickly to get him to stop. 

There was a sound coming from the house and they all saw Nana throwing herself out of the door, falling on the patio. She lifted herself up and looked at them. “What are we doin' Joel?” you hear Tommy say, turning to see the younger brother aim the rifle toward the elderly woman as he quickly walks in front of you and Sarah. 

Before Joel could respond, Nana charges at them. Running with a force none of you could begin to comprehend. You gasped, unconsciously backing away as Sarah’s arms tightened around your waist as much as she possibly could. 

 The minute Nana got any closer, Joel gripped the wrench tightly and swung it as hard as he could. The metal slammed right against Nana’s skull, causing the woman to fall on the ground still. Joel dropped the bloodied wrench letting out a quick sigh. 

The sound of his daughter cry made him turn quickly. Sarah stepped out from behind you, releasing her firm grip from around your waist. Her hands fall to her sides as she stares at Nana. “You killed her.” 

Joel goes to her side within seconds after she says those words.  “Baby, I’m sorry. Are you both okay?” he pleads in question. Almost kneeling between the two of you. Placing one of his hands against Sarah’s cheek and the other against your waist. The two of you nodding quickly. You eyes were still looking at the now dead woman. 

“Joel we gotta go.” Tommy tells him, keeping and eye out for their surroundings. You knew this wasn’t going to be the end of it. 

“You two have to listen to me, It’s not just the Adlers.”Joel explains, his eyes flickering to both yours and Sarah’s. He cups his daughters cheeks to show any sort of comfort he could give in that moment.  “But we are gonna be brave and we’re gonna get out of this.” 

An explosion of fireworks interrupted them and Joel instinctively tugged you and Sarah closer to his body to protect you. “Joel we got to get out of here.” you said wearily, your voice betraying you with cracks and shakiness. 

“She’s right Joel, we gotta go come on.” Tommy says to the three of you. “Get in the truck come on.” Joel ushers you both to the truck. You all begin to get into the car. Tommy sliding back in the front seat and Joel ushering Sarah to backseat. 

You head to the other side of the truck to get in but Joel stops you quickly with his hand.  Your head turns to him quickly, looking down to grasp onto his arm for dear life.

 “Hey, hey look at me.” Your breathing came out at a rapid pace, you tried to calm yourself down to listen to what Joel had to say to you. “We’re going to be okay.” he says to you. No ounce of fear was present in his voice. Yet in his eyes could tell you all. His was serious in what he said. He meant it, and you wouldn't doubt that for a second. But you caught the short glimpse of fear in his eyes. And you honestly couldn’t blame him. You nodded your head rapidly,  “Yeah.” agreeing, but not truly believing. 

— — — —

Go pick up Tommy and go home. 

Go pick up Tommy and go home. That was the only thing on Joel’s to do list when he left his family a few hours ago. He thought it would be the usual late night drive to the county jail. The moon out, streets dark and the roads quiet. Mostly everyone sleep and tucked into their beds. Only a few stragglers and night shift workers on the road. Joel would play some music on the radio at low volume with the windows down. 

It was just supposed to be one of those nights. 

But when he drove to get Tommy, what he saw was something unimaginable. All he could think of is to get back home.

Once Tommy was safe, he had to get back home. He had to get to you and Sarah. To your baby. To protect to protect the three of you with all his might or die trying. But dying wouldn’t be an option. Not until he could get you both out of here. 

“You take 7-”Joel states. 

“71, I know.” Tommy says to his brother as he drives. The brothers going back and forth about which directions to take. “Daddy?” Joel turns to look at Sarah. He sees the two of you, Sarah’s head placed against your chest as two of you hold on to each other for dear life. 

Joel will get his family out of here. No matter what he needs to do. 

“We don’t know.” Joel says to his daughter. “They’re saying it’s a virus, some kind of parasite.” Tommy tells them. His eyes still on the road, driving them to what they hope can be an escape from it all.  “Is it from terrorists?” his daughter asks. 

“We don’t know.” Joel repeats firmly. This time turning his head to Tommy,his eyes stern indicating “don’t bring that shit up again”. He didn’t want Sarah to worry anymore than she needed to. If he could help it. 

You still hadn’t said anything, your eyes were wide as you looked lost in your head. Joel turns back around to help his brother keep an eye out on the road. 

“Are we sick?” The words Sarah says run through out Joel’s mind. Were they sick? Were the Adler’s? What the hell was going on and how is he going to get them out of here?

Joel’s train of thought is interrupted to the sound of your voice. “Of course not.” you mutter to her. A short sense of relief washes over the man in the passenger seat at finally hearing the sound of your voice.

 Joel looks in the rear view mirror to see you place your hand against Sarah’s head as you softly brush her hair with the palm of your hand as an attempt to reassure the young girl. 

He will get you both out of this. 

“No cellphones, no radio. Minute ago, the newsman wouldn't shut up.” Tommy mocks, sitting up to get a better view of the dark road. After a minute or so that dark road soon turned bright with an orange blaze. Joel turns his head to see a house in the middle of the field was now all on fire. 

“Holy shit.” you gasp quietly. Everyone's eyes on the burning building from the right of them. 

“God. That’s Jimmy’s place.” His younger brother says as he slows down to get a better view. They drive by the old farmhouse that would soon be burned down to nothing. Tommy accelerates the gas and the trucks move faster to get to where they need to go.

 Joel's eyes flicked up into the rear view mirror to see the two people he cared most about, cradled into each other's arms. Sarah sinking herself further into you. He could hear you whispering words of reassurance to Sarah who would nod after every one.

“We’re going to be okay.” you insist to her quietly. 

You lifted your head back into the your seat’s headrest. Joel watches you close your eyes for a brief second. Almost as if you were sending a prayer to anyone who was listening. He almost didn’t hear the soft “please” that left your lips if he wasn't watching you so attentively. His eyes flicker down to your stomach and the determination rushes through him with more vigor.

 You open yours and flickered it stare at Joel in the rear view mirror. Your eyes finding his already staring at you. her eyes closed for a brief second before opening them to see Joel staring at her through the mirror. The couple stared at each other for a few seconds. The two of them didn’t speak with words but Joel hoped to every God that was out there that you understood what his eyes was pleading at you for. 

 “I will get us out of this.”

“We are all going to get out of here.”

“I love you both and will do anything I need to, to get us safe.”

Every sentence that ran through his head, he hoped you could see the determination in his eyes. 

Joel’s eyes moved back to the front of him when he hears the sound of man asking for help. 

“Here! Right here!” Tommy slows the truck down and begins to turn off the side of the road toward the stranded family. “Whoa,what are you doing?”

“They got a kid Joel.” Tommy states.

“So do we. Keep driving.” Joel demands. 

You all could hear the sounds of the father pleading for them to stop. But Joel didn’t care, he couldn’t. His main priority was making sure his family was safe and out of this mess.

“Someone else’ll come along.” 

The truck filled with silence as Tommy kept driving. The sign of the highway popping into view causes the younger brother to speed up. Antsy to get everyone out of here. As they approached the highway they say a wave of cars in front of them. All of stuck in a traffic jam to try to get out of dodge. “Fuck! Everyone had the same fucking idea.” Tommy exclaimed

Joel curses to himself as he quickly shakes his head. “Take the field. We cut across and pick up on the west side.” 

Tommy nods at Joel’s idea, muttering the direction he needed to go. Tommy turns the car to head into the field. Over the hill of the field the family of four were met with bright headlights in the far distance. “Shit! Fucking Army!” Tommy curses

“Ins’t that good?” Sarah questions her uncle, leaning more to see what’s in front of them. The younger brother shook his head, “For them, that’s the highway we’re trying to get to.”

Joel didn’t know what to do. He just knew he had to just be one step ahead. Keeping thinking about new ideas, new ways, new directions to bring them to safety. “Go North.” 

Tommy starts to protest but Joel quickly interrupts him. “We can’t go south, we can’t go east, we can’t go west. Where else are we supposed to go? Tommy, move!”

Tommy pulls the truck to head north. Joel feels like this is their best option. Their only option to get out of here. And he just hoped that they were gonna be able to find somewhere out of it. 

“What if it's everywhere?” Sarah says to everyone. Joel can feel Tommy’s stare against the side of his face. He hears you give Sarah a few comforting “shhs” but never a response. Because the truth was, no one knew that answer. And none of them thought that Texas was the only place this was happening in.

“What the fuck?!?” Tommy exclaims at the sound of  loud plane that was flying way too low near a city to be legal as it passed the truck. The family headed into a town where the streets where filled with people. So many people screaming and in disarray making it hard for Tommy to drive. “Tommy you can’t stop hear.” Joel states.

Frustrated Tommy turns to his brother, “I can’t drive through them all!” 

The two brothers going back and forth about where to go. Ever so often Joel looks back between his two girls who were looking everywhere outside the vehicle. He turns back to the front to help Tommy with trying to get away out. “We gotta keep moving.” 

“Dad?!?” Sarah says loudly to get his attention. 

“Holy fuck!” You say at the same time. 

Joel turns to see what the two of you are freaked out about. There was a plane coming down, heading right towards them. And before they could do much about it, the plane crashes behind them causing an explosion to hit their truck. 

— — — —

The muffled sound of a car alarm going off brings you back into conscious. Slowly you turn your head to the sound of it. You feel something, or someone grasping your leg, tapping it a few times in attempt to wake you up. 

“Baby, Come on darlin’ you gotta get up.” Joel pleads. 

You can hear him but he feels so far away. You groan as you open your eyes, blinking a few times to see Joel hovering over you. His arm was scratched, and he was bleeding. The blood on his arm brought you back to reality. 

The plane falling down. The explosion. The car crashing.

Your eyes go wide as you turn your body to Joel and Sarah. “you okay?”. The young girl in the cuddled into Joel's arms. Before you can get a response you feel Tommy grabbing your shoulders, slowly pulling you out of the wrecked car. The side of your stomach started to cramp up.

You groan as your feet plant to the floor. Your head hurts, feels like your eye was going to fall out of your socket. “You okay sis?” Tommy says to you once you're balanced. Looking down at you to check for any major injuries. Your head felt like it was going to explode. The side of it felt wet. You went to reach it but Tommy stops your hand. “Better not touch it, it’ll hurt more.” Tommy says to you.  “Joel and Sarah.”  you mutter out

 “We gotta get off the street.” Tommy says loudy for Joel to hear. You wince at the volume. And out of nowhere a cop car comes speeding down. Slamming itself right into what once was Joel’s truck. Tommy pushes you behind him but the impact causes you both to fall a bit. 

“Tommy?!? Baby?!?” Joel calls for you and his brother. Tommy helps you get up for the second time and heads closer to the car to get a better view at Joel. His head appeared in gap between the cars on fire. “Head to the river! I’ll find a way, and we’ll see you there.” Tommy says determined. 

“Baby.” Joel says but you interrupt him. 

“Get her out of here Joel, I’ll be okay.” 

And that's the last thing you say to each other as you part ways. Tommy tugs on the bottom of your shirt to get your attention. “Let's go, stay behind me and stay close.” You nod you head quickly. Tommy grabs your hand to place it on the belt loop of his jeans for you to keep up your pace with his. You’re grateful for his attentiveness.

The two of you go down the street of  the destructed town. With Tommy’s rifle raised in defense he walks quickly as he turns to the left. You simply keep you grip tight on the belt loop and walk as best and as fast as you can with how tired and dizzy you felt. Your hand placed against your stomach in an attempt of comfort. 

With everything going on you had almost forgot about the being inside of you. Your mind elsewhere worried about what the hell was happening. But now as Tommy walks through the street and try to get you both to the river to meet up with Tommy. The worst fear that could always keep you up at night creeps into your head. 

Please let the baby be okay. 

Please let Joel and Sarah make it to the river. 

People are still screaming and wandering, which causes you to look around in fear. Your train of thought is interrupted by Tommy. He stops in front of you, causing you to walk into the back of his shoulder. He turns to you, “Hey, you’re okay. We aren’t far, just a few more blocks.” He waits to you nod your head again, not wanting to trust your voice. 

Tommy grips his hands on the rifle and keeps walking. You follow behind attentively but a piece of debris causes you to trip and your hand releases from Tommy’s jeans. 

It only took a matter of seconds. Just seconds. 

In a blink of an eye, Tommy takes a few more steps ahead of you. He quickly stops at the sudden change of weight from your hand being gone. You watch him turn around and call out your name to come to him. 

It all felt in slow motion. Watching Tommy call your name. Seeing the steps he made to get back to you. You head feeling so heavy that you could just sleep on the dirty floor. But you persisted. You took one step and were just inches way from Tommy. But the sound of a car screeching got the attention of you both. The sedan coming toward the two of you at a fast speed. So fast the two of you didn’t comprehend it quick enough. Pieces of debris get sent underneath the car and in just one second, it swerves in disarray and head straight for you. 

The last thing you hear is Tommy calling your name. 

And the last thing you see, is the bright white headlights before it hits you. 

— — — — —

Author’s note: Holy shit this chapter was a bitch to write. I was so nervous to write this because of how close to canon this is. I’m not very good at action writing so I hope this is okay! Its not edited at all take that for what you will. I honestly hate most of it so if I do try to edit it I might scrap the whole thing. 

Chapters 1-3 were already “pre-written” or just had some substance of words since March so it was “easy” to get these out. BUT I have nothing pre-written after that so updates might be more sporadic. And honestly, Outbreak Day took a lot out of me so I might not write in this fic for a while but who knows?

Very long note but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!! IT MEANS THE WORLD TO SEE YOUR REBLOGS AND COMMENTS AND LIKES. SO DON’T HESITATE TO

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[from-the-clouds]

but at least everyone in the last of us universe all got to experience the peak of cinema before the world went to shit

#i mean like truly imagine watching this and then the world ending two days later #i'd think about this cinematic masterpiece every damn day #i love learning new things while researching for fics #school of rock #the last of us #tlou #tlou hbo #pedro pascal #joel miller #sarah miller #tommy miller