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tosin-talks · 1 year

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Tosin Talks about residual symptoms of BPD

I haven’t really directly talked about symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder on my blog because I haven’t felt ready to discuss the real horrors of the disorder; I wasn’t even sure where to start and how to talk about my story. Additionally, I just haven’t been as affected by my symptoms as I used to be. For years, I have been working hard to recover from the diagnosis that I received in 2018 and undiagnosed symptoms that I experienced before then. Recovery is possible and I believe I’ve survived some of the worst parts of the disorder but BPD is a mental illness that greatly impacts one’s thought processes and perception of the world so I still experience the long-term effects of it.

I haven’t had a typical “BPD episode” in about 3-4 months. I don’t think I’ve self-harmed in about 6-7 months and I don't have constant urges to do so either. My reactions and responses are a lot less intense these days which probably means that my mental health has improved. Now that the life-threatening and extremely destructive symptoms aren’t a main issue, I am working on my issues with emotional impermanence, interpersonal relationships, splitting, and chronic emptiness.

I still struggle with the well known BPD concept of a “favorite person”, especially since a long-term relationship recently ended. I try to be cognizant of when I may unconsciously make someone else my new favorite person but it can be difficult to notice since my symptoms aren’t that intense anymore. Now that I process and evaluate my feelings towards someone, it’s not as easy to realize if I just really like and admire them or I’m idealizing them. The downside to when I realize that I might have idealized someone that I’m close to is the devaluation and emptiness that follows. The shift isn’t as grandiose as it used to be and rather than switching from black to white, I move between dark grey and light grey. I’ve been working really hard on not letting others’ thoughts, opinions, and worldviews become my own or heavily impact the way I perceive myself. I used to shapeshift to become whoever I assumed my favorite person wanted me to be. Now, I’m discovering my true self and learning to love her and choose her every time.

I definitely still experience mood swings but the highs and lows aren’t very high or low and they mostly occur on or around my period. Something that’s frustrating to still experience is emotional impermanence. I wish I had a better hold on an emotion and did a better job of remembering that a certain emotion will return. Another symptom that I still occasionally experience is chronic emptiness. I feel what Charles Baudelaire called “ennui”. I feel extremely detached and like I’m watching myself live this silly game of mundanity. I feel disconnected from the city I live in and some of the people I interact with and have little hope of this issue improving. I haven’t yet discovered what triggers my feelings of numbness and emptiness, it’s almost like I’m splitting on life itself. However, I’ve been combatting the emptiness by creating and stimulating my mind. I’ve been reading, learning new things, and writing a lot more.

Sometimes I get disappointed in myself for still experiencing minor symptoms. I understand that BPD can be a lifelong journey even if/when I no longer meet diagnosing criteria but I am fearful that I may never have a healthy, happy, long-term partnership or have my emotions completely in check or feel at home anywhere that I move to. I’m learning to give myself the same grace that I would give a future client or my younger self. I’ve come so far, my progress is definitely observable and I can acknowledge my effort and the results of that hard work. I’m not expected to completely rid myself of over a decade of mental health challenges in just a day. If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect myself to even live this long so I’m simply proud to be alive and sharing my story with you all.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or emotional distress, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or text “HELLO” to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. For more education, advocacy, and support about BPD, visit the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (neabpd.org) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org).

Background music by Mist3r

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trofysisters · 5 months

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Тося

Пока дети учились в университете, дела Тоси и Ильи стали совсем плохи. Вся Тосина зарплата градостроителя уходила на оплату коммунальных платежей и налогов. В отчаяние, она даже думала сдать комнаты детей в найм. (While the children were studying at the university, things got very bad for Tosya and Ilya. Tosin’s entire salary as a city planner went to pay utility bills and taxes. In desperation, she even thought about renting out the children's rooms)

Илья всё еще не мог найти работу в кулинарной сфере, поэтому хлопотал по дому как настоящая хозяюшка. (Ilya still couldn’t find a job in the culinary industry, so he busied himself around the house like a real housewife)

Вся надежда была на вернувшихся с высшим образованием детей. Пока Илона рассказывала об их с братом успехах в учебе, Илья умилялся, какие же у него целеустремленные дети, совсем как Тося. (All hope lay in the children returning with higher education. While Ilona was talking about her and her brother’s academic successes, Ilya was touched by how purposeful his children were, just like Tosya)

Илона была готова устроится на множество профессий, и ей повезло: ее взяли помощником командира в армию. А со своим характером Илона вполне могла дослужиться до генерала. (Ilona was ready to find a variety of jobs, and she was lucky: she was hired as an assistant commander in the army. And with her character, Ilona could easily rise to the rank of general)

Тимофей хотел пойти по стопам мамы, но вакансий в архитектуре не было. (Timofey wanted to become just like his mother, but there were no vacancies in architecture)

Воодушевленная Илона пообещала маме, что обязательно отвезет ее в отпуск хорошенько отдохнуть, но Тося отнеслась к этому скептически, ведь пока они едва сводят концы с концами. (Inspired, Ilona promised her mother that she would definitely take her on vacation to have a good rest, but Tosya was skeptical about this, because for now they are too poor)

Свое раздражение от безденежья Тося выплескивала на более успешных соседей. Однако грубить в лицо Анфисе или Кате она не решалась и попробовала сорваться на Катину дочь. (Tosya took out her irritation from lack of money on her more successful neighbors. However, she did not dare to be rude to Anfisa or Katya and tried to lash out at Katya’s daughter)

Но Карина оказалась вовсе не милым бессловесным ангелочком и ответила Тосе тем же. Ну и молодежь пошла! Старость не уважают! Хорошо, что не Карина станет Тосиной невесткой. (But Karina turned out to be not a sweet, dumb angel and answered Tosya in the same way. Youth are impudent! Old people are not respected! It’s good that Karina will not become Tosya’s daughter-in-law)

Сама Карина пыталась подружиться с Адой - сестрой своего возлюбленного Давида, но Ада внезапно испытала зависть к своей новой подружке, к ее успешности, упорности. (Karina tried to make friends with Ada, the sister of her beloved David, but Ada suddenly felt jealous of her new friend, her success and perseverance)

Когда Илона с братом решили позвать на прогулку Давида, Виктора и Олесю (невесту Тимофея), Карина явилась в их компанию без приглашения. Ее целью было не допустить сближения Давида с Илоной. (When Ilona and her brother decided to invite David, Victor and Olesya (Timofey’s fiancée) for a walk, Karina showed up to their company without an invitation. Her goal was to prevent David from getting closer to Ilona)

И удача ей сопутствовала. Повзрослевший Виктор привлек внимание Илоны и затмил даже Давида. (And luck was with her. The matured Victor attracted the attention of Ilona and eclipsed even David)

На радостях Карина бросилась к возлюбленному, чтобы заключить в своих объятиях, а внимание Илоны было уже полностью поглощено новым объектом обожания. (Out of joy, Karina rushed to her lover to embrace him in her arms, and Ilona’s attention was already completely absorbed by the new object of adoration)

Если Илона чего-то хочет, она это получает. Виктор был сражен ее страстью. (If Ilona wants something, she gets it. Victor was struck by her passion)

И пока остальные ребята развлекались в караоке, она лишила Виктора невинности в фотокабинке. Похоже, парень даже не понял, что произошло, хотя изучал учебник по физиологии. (And while the rest of the guys were having fun at karaoke, she deprived Victor of his virginity in the photo booth. It looks like the guy didn’t even understand what happened, although he was studying a textbook on physiology)

Илона чувствовала себя пьяной от любви и ждала момента, чтобы пригласить Виктора на настоящее свидание, а он был крайне смущен внезапно обрушившимся на него вниманием. (Ilona felt drunk with love and was waiting for the moment to invite Victor on a real date, and he was extremely embarrassed by the sudden attention that fell on him)

Однако в этот день свиданию не суждено было случиться, поскольку Тимофей решил жениться. Олеся немедленно забрала из университета диплом и приехала в Областной центр, ведь желала она того же. (However, on this day the date was not destined to happen, since Timofey decided to get married. Olesya immediately took her diploma from the university and came to the Regional Center, because she wanted the same thing)

Вся семья отправилась в ЗАГС. (The whole family went to the registry office)

Тося отнеслась к будущей невестке тепло, ведь та имела приданное в 18 000 симолеонов. (Tosya treated her future daughter-in-law warmly, because she had a dowry of 18,000 simoleons)

Мечта молодых сбылась, их брак был заключен. (The young couple's dream came true, their marriage was concluded)

Тимофей полностью доверял своей жене, и неважно, нож в ее руке или вилка. (Timofey completely trusted his wife, and it didn’t matter whether the knife was in her hand or the fork)

А кто это за столом сидит в красивом платье? Илона распустила волосы, и ее теперь не узнать. Неужели на нее так подействовала любовь к Виктору или это только в честь праздника? (Who is that sitting at the table in a beautiful dress? Ilona let her hair down and is now unrecognizable. Was it really her love for Victor that had such an effect on her or was it just for the holiday?)

Пока гости произносили тосты в честь родителей жениха, молодые исполнили свой первый танец, а Илона незаметно убирала со столов грязные тарелки, ведь официантов семья не могла себе позволить. (While the guests toasted the groom's parents, the newlyweds performed their first dance, and Ilona quietly cleared dirty plates from the tables, because the family could not afford waiters)

Наутро молодые на приданное Олеси и остатки стипендии Тимофея купили квартиру, в которую немедленно переехали. (The next morning, the young couple used Olesya’s dowry and the remains of Timofey’s scholarship to buy an apartment, into which they immediately moved)

Это был крайне опрометчивый поступок, ведь работу Тимофей так и не нашел, а на счету осталось менее 2 000 симолеонов. (This was an extremely reckless act, because Timofey did not find a job, and there were less than 2,000 simoleons left in the family account)

Олеся же не думала о материальном. Она меч��ала подружиться с новыми родственниками и поскорее родить ребенка. (Olesya didn’t think about material things. She dreamed of making friends with new relatives and having a baby as soon as possible)

Вот только как она собиралась его растить, если денег едва хватило на скудную мебель, а холодильник был предательски пуст? (But how was she going to raise him if there was barely enough money for meager furniture and the refrigerator was completely empty?)

Предыдущая семья - Ранее - Продолжение - Следующая семья

#sims 2 #devchata #tosya #Timofey #Ilona

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freedoms-wingz · 5 months

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In Time

Summery: Reiner has a nightmare and seeks his family for comfort

Warnings: Mention of Marijuana use, Domestic fluff, slightly ooc probably. Proofread by me but please point out any spelling goofs.

Notes: Hey @fromriches-tosin told you I'd consider making my own blog. This is it. Just some domestic ReiJean. I haven't written in like a year so sorry if it's a little choppy haha.

╚══ ≪ °❈° ≫ ══╝

Reiner shot awake with a gasp, his breath coming out in raspy pants. His heart raced uncomfortably fast, making him put a hand over his chest in an attempt to calm it.

He closed his eyes and took breaths like Jean had taught him. Breathe for 10 seconds, hold for 5, exhale 15.

Eventually, his heart stopped racing, and he pushed himself to sit up, glancing over at the other side of the bed, smiling to himself seeing his husband, Jean, still asleep.

At least one of them was sleeping easy. Tonight at least.

Fuck. It was almost 10 years since the rumbling, and Reiner still had terrible nightmares. Both about the rumbling and before. Jean did, too, but not nearly as often. Especially these days.

Reiner ran his hand through his platinum blonde hair (he really should cut it). He carefully got out of bed, being sure not to jostle Jean too much.

He rubbed his eyes and walked down the familiar hallway of the house he and Jean had built (litterally). He went into the kitchen and got out a cup. He put some water in the kettle to boil and searched the cabinets for the "sleepy" tea. It was a blend sold at Levi's teashop that Jean had designed. It was a blend of lavender, Hibiscus, Rose Petal, and Chamomile. Reiner hoped it would get him sleepy again, or at least relaxed.

Until recently, Reiner would maybe smoke a joint or two to calm down, but had been trying to steer away from that when they adopted their daughter, Aurora, 3 years ago. And even more so now since they had talked about potentially adopting another.

Adoption hadn't been on their plans originally, Reiner hadn't been entirely sure he was cut out, or deserved, to be a father (or that the kids would even like him, especially if/when they found out what he used to be.) But Historia had written them, saying there were a number of kids on Paradis left orphaned, both by the rumbling and now the Jeagurist uprising. They hadn't cared about ages of course, but Aurora had been given to them when she was practically a newborn.

Jean had taken to parenthood easily enough. Of course, unlike Reiner, he had come from a mostly-functional home with a mom who loved him (perhaps a little too much at times). Reiner's mom had certainly...been around, and that was all the credit he was willing to give her.

The scream of the kettle cut his thoughts off. He got it off the burner and poured it into the cup and put the tea bag into the cup and bounced it a few times, and left it to steep for a couple minutes.

His mind wandered back to the nightmare. It had been a memory, but the worst part is that it was one Reiner couldn't place. It was just a time he had killed, and sadly that didn't narrow it down much.

He closed his eyes and willed the thought away before he spiraled into a panic attack and woke up Jean. He took the teacup into his hands and let the warmth seep through his hands before taking a slow sip.

He took another series of breaths between sips.

Eventually, he felt the tea work its magic and his nerves relaxed. He rinsed the cup and put it back. He felt arms wrap around him.

"Nightmare?" Jean's voice, raspy and slightly slurred, said softly, kissing the area where Reiner's neck and shoulder met.

"Yeah..." Reiner said softly, relaxing in the embrace. He loved Jean's voice after he just woke up...

"Been a while since you've had one," Jean said softly, his head resting on his shoulder.

Reiner just nodded and chuckled as Jean pressed slow, lazy kisses along his shoulder, neck, and jaw.

"Care to talk about it?" Jean asked.

"No..." Reiner sighed.

"Okay." Jean said softly. "Come back to bed when you're ready..."

"I will." Reiner said, tempted to tease Jean but ultimately chose not to. He leaned down and kissed Jean briefly before the other went back to their room.

Reiner sighed and quietly mourned the loss of Jean's warmth.

He began to track back to his room but paused, stopping at another door instead. He cracked it open quietly and peeked inside, a small smile crossing his face.

He carefully walked in, dodging the chaotic toys on the floor (a chore for tomorrow, he noted). He made his way to the little bed that had a little head poking out.

He sat on the edge of the bed and adjusted the blanket, white with bright polka-dots, up to Aurora's chin and re-tucked her in. He smiled at the stuffed bear (gifted by Connie for her 2md birthday) she held loosely in her arm. He brushed some hair from her face, making the girl squirm.

"Daddy...?" Aurora asked in a soft voice.

"Shh. Go back to sleep, baby, " Reiner whispered softly.

Aurora looked at him with gentle brown eyes.

"Daddy was just checking on you. It's okay." Reiner said softly again. He studied her, seeing her blonde hair was turning more brown as she got older.

She nodded and squirmed, burying her face back into her pillow. "Night night Daddy..."

Reiner smiled softly and kissed her temple, getting back out of her bed, slightly awkwardly since it was a weird angle for the tall man.

He walked to her door and turned back to her. "Night, Baby girl. Love you" He said softly and closed the door behind him.

"Love you more..." He heard her little voice say, and Reiner just smiled again.

He walked to his and Jean's room and got back into bed. He wrapped an arm around Jean and pulled him closer, his thumb running long the side of Jean's arm.

He nuzzled closer and breathed in Jean's comforting scent, a mixture of Pine, cologne, Tea and a faint bit of cleaning chemcials (the last two courtesy of Levi and Jean working at his tea shop).

He kissed his cheek and adjusted his hold as he settled back into bed.

While the nightmares would never truly go away...he hoped that moments like these didn't either.

#ReiJean #Reiner x Jean #Reiner Braun #jean kirstein #Jean #Reiner #Armored Titan #Attack on Titan #Ficlit #Domestic fluff #Post-war

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lilaclotuses · 2 months

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Thank you for tagging me @fromriches-tosin! <3

1. Favourite canon scene.

How can I choose? I guess the one I like the most is the scene in the Rumbling where Jean saves Reiner and they're both dangling from Eren's ribcage. It's such a culmination of all that they've been through. (And I think what really enriches this scene is the one in the forest where Jean beats the shit out of Reiner for killing Marco.)

Because it's such a good display of their characters: Jean ready to save a man who wronged him so badly, and Reiner ready to die to repent for his sins. Jean all but talking Reiner out of his lowkey-suicidal mindset and you can literally see the click behind Reiner's eyes when he gets it.

2. A song that reminds you of them.

Mr. Brightside by The Killers. Is anyone surprised?

3. Your favourite official picture/graphic.

There's only one I can think of rn and it's the one where they're both in formal wear post-Rumbling looking like a couple.

4. Your favourite fanfic.

The Lost Boys by therealfinalgirl. Just so much tension and drama and betrayal and angst. Just how I like it.

5. Your favourite fanart.

This one! by @mikibagels. I just love how dumb (affectionate) Reiner is and I love how Jean is drawn so big like in canon. Like yes, Jean is a big boi. He is heavy. Reiner cannot lift him outside of a specific carry. Sorry, Reiner.

6. Why do you ship them?

There's so much angst potential! And tenderness potential. And just soulmates in the way of "You changed me forever and you may not even know it". I honestly think chucking Reiner at Jean was the best way to test how serious he was about being a good man (because MarcoTM). And Jean is exactly the kind of good and kind that would shake Reiner's entire worldview for the better.

#tag game

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marleysfinest · 9 months

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to fulfill ur filthy headcanons request….

1. reiner has a lactation kink which leads into his breeding kink bc once he learns how much he likes when ur lactating…..he wants u pregnant 24/7

2. jean loves to be a switch. he whimpers.

3. eren has a voyeurism kink that he’d never admit to. wants to bring another guy into the bedroom and tell the guy how to make u cum and boss him around and degrade u for enjoying being fucked by another man.

that’s it sorry for being abnormal bye!!!!!!

oh…..my god????

rei’s breeding kink is basically canon atp there is no WAY he’s not talking about fucking a kid into you at least 3 times a week.

jean IS a lil bitch when he wants to be. talks a big talk but when it comes down to it can absolutely turn into a slutty lil man. callin in resident jeanbo expert @fromriches-tosin to corroborate.

this is the MOST eren thing I've ever read tbh ur so right. just getting someone in to watch alone is so insanely hot to him istg it doesn't take him long to suggest it. or maybe he just realises one night when ur out together that he likes another man giving u the eyes or a compliment and then his lil brain just runs wild. oh god it's 8:56am and I am THINKING. @bloompompom COME GET UR MAN

PLS I LOVE THIS FILTH

#asks

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ridinroundtowntheygonfeelthisone · 11 months

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okay now im a little curious, 🍿 for the ask game

Michael Boakye (-Adrien/Afton)🍿

-Born ???? ??, 1969

-Ghanian (Asante/Ashanti)

-Has a brown skin tone similar to (@/tossellate) Tosin Bodija's

-Has dark brown, thin almond eyes,

Medium-thick, straight brows,

A flat broad nose,

Full, wide, two-toned lips, dark brown upper lip, soft pink lower lip

-Around 12 inch (past shoulder length), Brown-black, medium-thick, interlocked locs/dreads

-Subtle mustache, pretty thick but with a clean line shaven around the shape of the lips, gets thinner towards the ends before it tapers out, short balbo beard

-6'2

-38 or 32yrs (2001 or 2007, "when he had died")

-Has Autism, Maladaptive daydreaming disorder and MDD

-Had moved to America with his mother around the age of 12 during 1981, his mother met William later on that year, Michael hadn't liked William that much, his vibe was always off....

-Anyways, William chalked it up to him being a bit, shy, so he had his 10 year old daughter, Elisabeth

-Elisabeth was a bit, odd, she was bossy and seemed to act as if she was older, knew better and was overall more mature than Michael, basically acting like his older sister, it got annoying sometimes but other than that Michael didn't mind, she was pretty cool

-Michael liked drawing and sketching a lot, Elisabeth and Junior (CC) would watch him, sometimes Elisa would join him and if Michael let her, she'd hang his drawings on the fridge, though he later got a mild scolding from William for "putting junk on the fridge", Michael started letting Elisa keep some drawings if she really liked them, she just wasn't allowed to put them on the fridge, or anywhere around the house.

-He later on (around 1982-1983) started hanging out with the Evangelista's, he mostly got along with the older sister, Salem, while Elisabeth and Junior hungout with Charlie and Andrew, they had another brother called Stephan but he had only talked to him a bit, he assumed the brother was just distant, and weird, he stared at Michael, like a lot

-He ended up becoming best friends with Salem and they later on made a small friend group including one of Salem's friends, a girl named Ricky (Freddy mask), and some other guy named Fritz (Chica mask)

-During the Bite of 83 it had only been him and Elisabeth at the party so Henry had to call the ambulance AND their father (who didn't bother showing up to his own kid's birthday) while they sat at one of the tables, by the time William got there (looking pretty roughed up himself), they both weren't in the proper state to realize that their mother wasn't there...

-It was when they had sat down in the waiting room, after moments of silence, William informed the kids that their mother had "left", they both were too exhausted to say anything so they just sat there

-Him and Beth ended up getting into a fight when they got back home.

-Junior did survive, so that was something..

-William seemed more distant and became more neglectful after Michael's mom left, Michael didn't understand though, how could his mom just leave, especially without him, since he already thought he was kind of a fuck up after the Bite of '83, so he started to think that maybe there was a reason his mom left without him

-After Elisabeth's disappearance (1985) William started acting even more weird, he almost barley took care of Michael and his sister, he was 16 at this point and so started to take care of himself and his sister AND become more dependant, he absolutely hated it

-So cute how his best friend proceeds to go missing the same year his sister does and during the time he needed her to help him cope the most<3

-William abandonded them after that, like just flat out left, with zero trace, luckily it was around 1986 so Michael was 17 and worked at Fazbear Jr's Pizza, he had met and gotten along well with two of his other young co-workers, Jeremiah Fitzgerald, whose twin brother had been one of the kids who went missing and Fritz Smith a close friend of Jeremiah

-Later that year Fritz had gotten terminated, he never said why, only Jeremy had any contact with him and even he didn't know

-Ok so basically the Bite of '87 happened and Fritz was arrested for it since he got terminated for tampering with animatronics so they had reason to think that he had tampered with Mangle and y'know

-Jeremy survied and Fritz got released due to lack of evidence, though most people still thought he was guilty and he was a bit of an isolated individual soooo

-When Jeremy got better him and Fritz basically disappeared, like one day they were seen walking around the next the were gone, so once again Michael lost his only friends

-Oh did I forget to mention that later on during 1987 Junior passed away, allegedly, in her sleep

-Michael eventually got the letter from William to look for his sister then, y'know, sister location happened then Pizza Simulator happens and yeah

-He's still alive, somehow.

-Not sure what else to write so that's about it, Once again sorry it took so long

#fnaf au #fnaf #michael afton #Michael Boakye

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circular-time · 1 year

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I posted 1,535 times in 2022

That's 311 more posts than 2021!

122 posts created (8%)

1,413 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@poppiesforthirteen

@ssaalexblake

@classicwhostuff

@junkyardbluebox

@timetravelbypen

I tagged 1,113 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#other people's art - 153 posts

#thirteenth doctor - 100 posts

#queue - 90 posts

#dw spoilers - 88 posts

#thasmin - 87 posts

#doctor who spoilers - 57 posts

#doctor who - 52 posts

#tpotd - 50 posts

#jodie whittaker - 49 posts

#twitlure - 42 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

154 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

See the full post

177 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

A reminder of that powerful clip Jodie Whittaker released for fans, especially children, on March 25, 2020, two days after covid lockdown began in the UK.

186 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

So before I fall asleep and forget panels

Mandip really has loved every minute, talks about how good a "number one" is - Jodie leading the cast in a totally supportive way so everyone had lunch in her trailer just as a matter of course as they talked things out and she looked out for them; she's "the boss" to Bradley Walsh and even he was impressed by how she does that BTS job of kind of being the captain and anchoring/guiding them (Colin Spaul who did classic Who and new mentions there really isn't much time for rehearsal now, unlike the old days, so not a lot of time to plan and experiment)

S11-12 Jodie was 1, Brad 2, Tosin 3, she was 4, and she probably should've been 3 with John Bishop's experience but Jodie said absolutely not; also in scenes without the Doctor Mandip was half jokingly being 1 but had actually learned a lot from Jodie about leading a cast, a lot of bts stuff she'll take with her [parallelling Yaz!] obviously admires her as well as being really good friends

it's Mandip's first con in the states so of course she's getting really competitive trying to beat Barrowman's ribbon collection

she doesn't think of it as work (she said this at the smaller meet & greet) she really does love acting!

Mandip was a little disappointed they had to stay in wales ("I love Wales!" she hastened to add) for s13 after going to S Africa and Tenerife and Bulgaria, but she liked the continuity, getting to work with actors for several stories like past work

Her favorite stunt so far, although they're tiring, was the crane, just because she'd been doing "telly in the kitchen" right before that, and that scene told her right away this was Big (although she didn't like the heights)

upside down isn't as fun as she thought it would be; headache!

She didn't know that yaz was going to fall for the Doctor until she read those lines on the page — she and Jodie were both like "hm, yeah, we can work with this!" —although it was a natural progression. Until then had been playing it that Yaz admired and loved the Doctor in one way or another, but it totally made sense (she talked about falling in love after becoming good friends with someone, and about how Yaz's flashes of anger with the Doctor are because it hurts more when someone you love hurts you; you don't care so much "if it's a bus driver being rude")

Yes, she had her "Thasmin is canon" ribbon; it was the first thing she mentioned, to much applause. Given her by interviewer Riley Silverman

She talked about representation, understanding it as an Asian actor and why it matters to see characters like you on the media you watch.

And it was just a relaxed and comfortable interview. Riley mentioned at lobbycon that Mandip appreciated Riley had really listened to what she said, more than most interviewers do, which Riley noted as sad. [That's the trouble with prepared questions. Riley is a standup comic, so she's better at improv.]

I feel like I should have more for Sacha but his interview was before Mandips and the interviewer's questions weren't as good.

He has tremendous respect for and spent a lot of time with Waris Hussein. (Who said he did a good job, except while watching rehearsal "I was more posh."

Sacha joking about his not-posh Mancunian (Manchester) accent: he's the first Master not to call himself Maaaahst-ah with that initial posh a-sound. He's from a small village in Manchester, misses it.

Talked a lot about variable modes of his Master, that rather than wearing latex masks he rips off, he likes to settle into other roles, other lives, almost as if he's trying to escape being himself — he's the "Master of disguise" and keeps acting in new ways so you're never quite sure which is the real him.

Got down into his mind a little bit, being resentful of not being appreciated, old friends/enemies with the Doctor, etc etc etc.

Suggested a wild idea— with canon changing/refreshing in weird ways — he could be the next Doctor (I almost think he meant his Master; he's still learning the lore. But he was joking around.)

Asked if he had a controversial take on the Master, what he would have his Master say, he kind of curled around the mike and did a tortured "I love you, Doctor" which would have caused several shippers' heads to explode. I'm not sure he is aware of the shipping, although I suspect by the end of this weekend, he'll be informed.

He and the interviewer had mentioned therapy at some point, so they concluded that perhaps s14 should include the Doctor and the Master in couples therapy.

219 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The AU Two Doctors 😍

241 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #i wish u could search for and delete that longass tag #but it breaks the search function #i guess it's just a record of the fact my fibromyalgia was causing me to fall asleep while posting a LOT this year #and sometimes I would post as I was falling asleep and not catch it until the next morning #also my followers are great I love the post you made number one

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communistpartyofgallifrey · 2 years

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still extremely cranky about RTD seemingly just rocking up and turning the clock back to 2008

but...

I now see that it was absolutely the right thing to do from a business standpoint. people that have never even watched Doctor Who are talking about Doctor Who, it's trending everywhere and the people at Bad Wolf CLEARLY understand marketing better than the BBC (putting the new series on Disney+ will probably easily double the viewership numbers of Jodie's era)

I'm still extremely pissed at how everything that's happened since the announcement has stolen Jodie's thunder, they immediately posted massive news barely a day after her regeneration and all in all, it's looking like this era of the show is on the path to becoming a footnote. but I begrudgingly admit that it may have been just what the show needed. I love you Jodie, I love you Mandip, I love you John, Bradley and Tosin. and Chibnall. I love you, I was a bit harsh on you these past years, not everything you write is my thing but I connected with so much of it and at the end of the day you brought me tons of joy.

#rant #rtd salt #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #dw news #chibnall era #jodie whittaker #david tennant #ncuti gatwa #fourteenth doctor

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tosin-talks · 1 year

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Tosin Talks about the lover's loneliness

Just a fair warning that I’m being really vulnerable in this blog post. Talking about childhood trauma and struggling with BPD…not a big deal, I’ll talk about those things to help others any day. However, talking about having feelings and wanting to be truly loved and cherished? I feel disgusting and ashamed just thinking about it. Please read/listen with kindness and acceptance in your heart.

“I love my solitude but I was meant to be a lover.” I’m a certified lover girl at my core. My softness is my strength, it’s what enabled me to rise above adversity. I’m blessed to have friends that taught me what true love is. I believe that being loved by me is a blessing as well. No other feeling satiates me as much as love does. The most remarkable feeling is when I’m full of love and the most devastating feeling is when someone hurts me and I have to work tremendously hard to replenish myself of love. I end my letters to loved ones with the sweetest sign off. When I was just a little younger, I would hand out an “I love you” to almost every soul I encountered and despite the harm that I faced from doing that, I wish I had the strength to be that girl again.

Admittedly, I often have a “difficult” time being alone and recently, I’ve felt like I’m truly alone in this world. It’s a physical, emotional, and spiritual sensation that often feels like an aching, a longing, a yearning for connection. It’s not that I can’t be alone—I moved to two different cities during my adult life alone, I live alone, I make big decisions alone, I handle my business alone. I was raised not to depend on anyone and to achieve my goals on my own if others were not putting in the effort to join me. Even if I’m responsible for others and required to be a caregiver to other people, there is still loneliness in that role. I definitely know how to be alone. I always felt alone in the way I think, the way I behave, the way I love and want love. I often felt like I didn’t fit in, even within my own culture and family. If you’ve read my Tosin Talk about covid killing my friendships, you know that I’ve learned how to survive without connections but I don’t want to live in survival mode anymore.

As I mentioned earlier, the loneliness is felt on three different levels. On a physical level, I feel almost a desperation to be held but refusal to have the wrong person do so. I sleep solely on one side of my bed, hoping and waiting for someone worthy to fill the empty space on the other side. I wish to turn in my bed and into the arms of someone who cares for me deeply. With emotional loneliness, I’m not only yearning for true love but for someone to be able to handle my emotions with care. I can only hold in so much, I can only say and do so much to soothe myself. Sometimes, I wish that there was someone there to sit with me through some of those feelings. I’m used to crying to myself and I hate crying in front of people so the emotional loneliness is grand. Spiritual loneliness is a truly hollow feeling. I feel deeply disconnected to many people, many interactions make me feel like I’m lost and floating through space. I’m searching for the souls that are destined to bond with mine. I think I’ve found a few and I can feel others searching for me too but it may not be time for some of those connections to exist or be promoted to another level.

Recently, I’ve had to teach myself to be alone. I take intentional breaks from everyone and force myself to let loneliness surround me and hold me the same way that I would want another person to. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever felt, it’s definitely strange and uncomfortable though. I recently ended a relationship in which I felt lonely and was actually alone even though we were together. I would rather be genuinely alone than experience that again; that’s what parts of my childhood felt like and I won’t consciously put myself through that again. That being said, I’m learning to find comfort in my solitude and keep in mind that I am deserving of the incredible love and deep connection that I desire.

I know I won’t be forever alone (at least, I really hope that I won’t). I’m learning to be patient. I am trying to trust in the universe that, when the time is right, it’ll give me the intimacy and tenderness that I’ve been searching for all my life.

With an abundance of love,

Tosin

Background music - Backingtracks Jazz chord progression of "Solitude" by Billie Holiday

#mental health #mental health recovery #mental health awareness #borderline personality disorder #childhood trauma #living with bpd #tosin talks #tosin talk #loneliness #being alone #fear of being alone #abandonment trauma #abandonment wound #yearning #interpersonal relationships #SoundCloud

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ladyshandioftheendless · 1 year

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I posted 7,300 times in 2022

That's 1,261 more posts than 2021!

1,417 posts created (19%)

5,883 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fromriches-tosin

@kissmaidens-blog

@therockywhorerpictureshow

@80srocknroller

@slavet0thegrind

I tagged 6,408 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#awesome fanart - 311 posts

#{starchild} - 262 posts

#paul stanley - 253 posts

#nikki sixx - 190 posts

#the sandman - 187 posts

#dream of the endless - 118 posts

#gene simmons - 118 posts

#aesthetic moodboard - 111 posts

#axl rose - 107 posts

#{demon} - 106 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#lol so i think someone i have never interacted with before on tumblr randomly blocked me because i talked shit about billy in a post

My Top Posts in 2022:

France's Rock Hard Magazine celebrates the 40th anniversary of Creatures of the Night ~ January 2022

74 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

GUYS, SEND HELP BECAUSE I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS REAL. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I'M JUST GONNA CRY 💜💜💜💜💜

88 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

Never have a found a more accurate meme XD

91 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

So Guilty Gear Strive is adding an OG Testament to the roster later this month. And they are canonically enby~ I LOVE IT~ 🖤🖤

273 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Best sibling interaction that still makes me laugh~

Death: This is my brother and he's an idiot.

Dream: I'm just feeding the birds.

454 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my top posts please me~

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litcityblues · 1 year

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Doctor Whoquest Part One: Whittaker, Season 1

Doctor Who turns sixty this year and since we jumped back onto HBO Max last month, I decided I would spend the year attempting to do a deep dive on all the 'Nu-Who' Doctors starting with the most recent one (13, played by Jodie Whittaker) and working backward to the one who started it all (9, played by Christopher Eccleston.)

If this seems like an ass-backwards way to do this, well, you're probably right. But in general, I'm thinking the order will run something like this:

Whittaker Season 1

Capaldi Season 1

Smith Season 1

Tennant Season 1

Eccleston Season 1

Whittaker Season 2

Capaldi Season 2

Smith Season 2

Tennant Season 2

Whittaker Season 3

Capaldi Season 3

Smith Season 3

I know this doesn't get me through the entirety of 'Nu-Who' so I'll probably have to throw some extra posts for Smith Specials, the Tennant Specials, and Tennant Season 3 along the way, but that's the general order of events I'm aiming for.

So, let's kick things off with what's technically Series 11 of Nu-Who and the debut season of 13, played by Jodie Whittaker.

I had seen the first couple of episodes ('The Woman Who Fell To Earth' and 'The Ghost Monument') when they first debuted, so I knew what to expect there. Whittaker's gender was completely irrelevant to me. I know a lot of people lost their minds about it, but I'm unbothered. They laid the groundwork for it in the latter stages of Capaldi's era and with the Doctor getting a fresh set of regenerations at the end of Smith's era, there were some hints that 'all bets were off.' So, this shouldn't have been a galloping shock to anyone.

Whittaker is a genuinely good actress. (Go watch 'Broadchurch' if you haven't already and come talk to me.) What's important to me with the Doctor, as a role is a balancing act all actors seem to have to do with this role: how to make the Doctor still seem like the Doctor while putting their own spin on it and Whittaker nails it. Her portrayal of the Doctor feels like the Doctor and it's an unusual and different place for the show to go. If you've been on the air in one form or another for six decades at a certain point, you're going to have to take some chances and try some different things to grow the character and evolve the show a bit. It doesn't feel forced, it doesn't feel preachy and it doesn't bother me a lick.

There are some interesting/bright spots with this season worth shouting out. For a start, the Doctor has multiple companions. That's a different look from prior seasons, though the challenge then becomes making sure each character gets their moments throughout the season. I think they do a fairly credible job of that- which is understandable, as they have to establish the new Doctor and the new Companions over the course of the season.

The Companions themselves are fine. I got no quibbles-- Graham (Bradley Walsh) and Ryan (Tosin Cole) have some family issues to work through, as Ryan loses his Nan, Graham's wife, Grace (Sharon D. Clarke) in the first episodes. Yaz (Mandip Gill), if anything feels like a bit of a third wheel now and again-- but they also sort of take turns feeling like that, to be honest. It balance is out in the end.

Three Episodes I Liked:

'The Woman Who Fell To Earth'/'The Ghost Monument': Whittaker rockets off to a strong debut with this two-parter. The introduction of everyone in the first part, the ending of the first part on a cliffhanger and the resolution in the second part establish a much different tone for the show. Things seem more colorful and weirdly, almost bigger budget in a way? It feels like a step up in quality and I like it.

'Demons Of The Punjab': While I appreciate 'Rosa' for going someplace Doctor Who usually doesn't go, I think in terms of history and the exploration of historical trauma and how it can mark subsequent generations is far better encapsulated here. Ms. Marvel did an excellent job of mining similar themes over on Disney Plus, to the benefit, I think, of an American audience (maybe less so a British one more familiar with the history.) Nu-Who does a nice job here as well.

'The Tsuranga Conundrum': It was a toss-up between this and the finale, ('The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos') and I think I went with this one because it just moves along a breakneck pace and they've got to figure out what's going on and how to fix it and who the passengers are and what the threat is and how to get themselves out of danger. The gang is very much dropped into the middle of a big bag of danger and they've got to figure it out. What's not to like?

Two Episodes I Didn't Like:

'Kerblam!' This felt... familiar. And that's not bad, per say, it just... didn't work for me.

'Resolution': Star Wars finally seems to be stretching beyond the sandy confines of Tattooine with shows like Andor and Dear Lord does Nu-Who need to do that with the Daleks and to a lesser degree the Cybermen. It wasn't even a particularly fresh twist on the Daleks, either.

One Episode To Consider:

'Rosa': I don't know how to feel about this one. On the one hand, good job for tackling America. Dr. Who tends to be somewhat hit or miss on the front, but this worked out okay. I think the writers set themselves one hell of a mountain to climb with this episode and I think they might have pulled it off. I don't know if you could fully illustrate the levels of racism present in the Civil Rights era south from the daily indignities to the large, in-your-face ugliness effectively in one episode of television, but I applaud them for trying. I just don't know if they quite stuck the landing as effectively as they could have.

Overall: It was a solid debut season for Whittaker. I think Doctor Who is unique in the fact that views on Doctors can change in retrospect with the passage of time. Whittaker inhabits the role and makes it her own. I can't say it really knocked my socks off (though I was surprised to see Chris Noth show up in 'Arachnids In The UK') but it was good. Solid. A solid beginning. My Grade: 7/10

#whoquest #doctor who #13 #season 11 #jodie whittaker

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