#what they do not understand is i am only good at that now bc i have studied other people since i was a child lmao

[catboygretzky]

can you pls explain what aftg is? 😭 everything i've heard makes it seem like a fever dream wattpad fic (affectionate)

i mean. yeah fever dream wattpad fic (affectionate) is a good way to describe it.

you got these books. you got a made up sport that doesn't really make sense. the first 3 books are from the pov of an 18 year old runaway orphan boy who lies as easy as he breathes. also his father is a literal serial killer (he is who this 18 year old orphan boy is running from)

runaway orphan boy signs with a college team that is pretty much a home for fucked up college kids. the foxes. they're bad but they just got this new kid who was the best exy (aforementioned made up sport) player in the world before he broke his hand. how did he break his hand? well, glad you asked.

you got this cult (sports team) that is run by the literal yakuza. new kid, who i will call prodigal son bc his mom invented the sport and he is referred to as the son of exy, was part of this cult run by the literal yakuza. they broke his hand so he couldn't play. UNTIL HE DID! :o

BUT WAIT! prodigal son and orphan boy have MET! they met when runaway orphan boy's dad cut a man to pieces in front of them (they were tweens at this time). apparently runaway's serial killer father WORKED for the yakuza the whole time!!!!!

(you'll read prodigal son and runaway's interactions the whole sreies and go 'huh this is very homoerotic do they fall in love?')

then u got this psychotic 5 foot nothing goalie (who has a twin also on the team)(they've both killed someone)(btw)(also he's blond)(and gay) who literally could stop the yakuza if need be and WAIT! does runaway orphan boy only know how to have homoerotic interactions with other men? the answer is probably yes.* blond goalie and runaway actually gay tho and make out a lot

also runaway gets tortured (twice) but he's fine or whatever. more murder. violence violence. some great side characters.

i'd say 'did that make sense' but i *know* it didn't bc even with my knowledge of the books it doesn't make sense.

so just like. an underdog sports story but the yakuza is there is how i'd jokingly describe it but it is in fact,,,,so much more than that.

if u are not enticed by my description and are not able to suspend all belief and accept there will be loose ends bc runaway is a TERRIBLY unreliable narrator with trauma up the wazoo, you will never understand. but if u ARE enticed, welcome to brain rot central. here are the trigger warnings.

there's also a fourth book that just came out but that's from a completely different pov that i am holding so deeply to my heart right now, cannot make fun of it

(*runaway, blond goalie, and prodigal son were originally a throuple and the author took it out but did nothing to erase how gay they all are)

#ur welcome for this #aftg #long post

[moeblob]

What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?

#fe warriors three hopes #mercedes von martritz #miklan anschutz gautier #we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it #i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way #so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault) #did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him #no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF #no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how #he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes #who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ? #like that npc stuck with me a while ok #just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now #i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[gunpowder-gemini]

FINALLY have wrestled my brain into sitting down and watching Good Omens and it is, in fact, very good!! Incredibly good!! Absolutely in love with it ♥️♥️♥️

It does, however, hurt terribly

#as a queer with hella religious trauma fucking OW 😭😭😭 #Aziraphale is exactly who I used to be #and Crowly is so much like who I am now #'I only ever asked questions' yeah me too 😭 #i really thought i'd kinda made peace with my religious trauma but it turns out i very much have not 🙃🙃🙃🙃 #i'm like 2 eps into season 2 currently but i do know generally what happens and I DO know how it ends #and it breaks my fucking heart bc I'm going to be so upset with Aziraphale but I'm gonna understand him better than I want to #bc fuck if I didn't think I could fix heaven once #i really hope that when that line of thinking comes crashing down around him spectacularly #it doesn't do so in a way that kills any hope and makes him act apathetic as a defense mechanism to pretend it doesn't hurt #bc Crowley and I are already here and I want Aziraphale to avoid that #and it sucks and Aziraphale is too good to end up like this I want him to be ok 🥺 #Crowley was too good to end up like this too but he's already here so I just hope he can heal better than I apparently haven't #idk I'm in love with this show and these middle-aged gay men but I'm also incredibly fucking triggered lmao #like ow mr gaiman good job but also kinda fuck you but also please I'm trusting you to give this a good end

[winterrose42]

"I can fix him" "i can make him worse"

I can put him in therapy and make him learn communication skills

#winter speaks #for legal.purposes this is just a silly rant #the i and him are boyh me #character growth ia all well and good h til.youre tge one doin it and then its like oh. oh ouch. oh big ouch wtf o want off the ride #bjt the ridw is necessary and its akin to draggimg a toddler to.the dentisg #i only vaguely understand wjats happening and what to do and im trying myndamndesy to git the square throuhh the cir le #and iyll work but no kne will be happy abouy it for at least a few weeks #and i have to do.little letters of today inlearned bc my brains so fucked right now i cannit remmeber the lessons unless #i write them fifty fuck times #i am so tired and brumpy about existance today and i am working a twelve hour shift #but tofay i learned my nose was in fact most likely broken when i was like sevem ir eigjt #and kts not a normal thing to brush your teeth til the gums bleed thats nit how they get clean #so this weekend i get to research dental heigiene bc i just never did iy bc it fuckin hurt and i finallu know #where the bump on my nose came from. my head wishes to be lut through comcrete

[kathrynmjaneway]

.

#still wild to me that i am in a relationship #itll be 3 months next week and i am obsessed with him than ever #i never couldve imagined itd actually be like this but it is literally everything i ever wanted #hes sooooo kind #and sweet and i could gush about him all day long #i mentioned in front of two of his friends how im planning to buy a ps5 in the next couple months bc i only have Nintendo consoles #and i wanna play other games #and his two friends where like well why arent you getting a gaming pc????? #important note here: they all are gaming nerds and they are all like IT guys incl my boyfriend #and i explained that its just the easiest way and that im not really a pc gamer #(but important note here is that my bf has hi gaming pc set up on his tv and plays with a controller exclusively and i do vibe with that) #and then all 3 basically were like we will literally build you a gaming pc ourselves so you dont buy a ps5!!!! #that was 2 days ago. #yesterday my boyfriend showed me his research into possible gaming pc set ups for me that would be within a certain budget #while still being definitely more than good enough #and he explained some things to me and asked my opinions #and now im sat here like ok 🥺 #i think ill let my boyfriend build me a gaming pc #mind you i wasnt planing on getting a ps5 before fall the earliest bc im planning on moving soon and money and all that #but hes already planning and gathering ideas #while still understanding why i initially wanted a ps5 (less money and i have no idea about gaming pc set ups) and leaving it fully up to me #i am also now at exactly 100 hours into elden ring with him as my backseater #which means end game shit #i am currently switching between trying to win against Malenia Mogh lord of blood and radagon #its........ going #i maxed out my number of flasks and charges?? is that what its called #and i got my +10 staved and sword/catana #its still super fun but hoh boy #the rush of adrenaline when i finally beat godfrey and my boyfriend was so hapoy for me too it was honestly super fucking adorable #personal

[silenthillbunni]

🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol????? #im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!! #im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing? #other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing????? #and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about the fact that throughout the entirety of stranger things we’ve always seen mike practically shout his love for will from the rooftops by throwing his everything into believing, protecting, and helping will no matter the stakes, and how a majority of byler moments are initiated by him, and how will has always loved him back quietly despite being the one canonically confirmed to be in love, and how will is almost always on the viewer’s right in iconic byler moments but in season four we find him on the left in what used to be mike’s spot because their “roles” have switched AND when we’re taken out of the viewer’s pov and put in jonathan’s pov we see jonathan Come To A Realization here because while mike has always made it clear how special will is to him and how different their relationship is, will has always managed to keep the true depth of his feelings a little closer to his chest and it’s only when he publicly takes up that support role that mike has played for him previously that the audience is purposely made to realize, too, how romantic it truly is, because coming from mike everyone might have thought it was his usual overzealous theatrics but when the same tenderness and earnest love comes from will they realize oh. this is... this is actually something more. this is how they are this is mike and will like nothing has changed and no time has passed but it’s now that we realize just what it is, and now that will is starting to slowly but surely come out from this curtain he’s hid behind his whole life and voice that yes he loves mike of course he does he’s always loved him and loves him in precisely the way that mike expresses he needs to be loved there is simply NO conceivable way that they can come out of this hellish slow burn miscommunication trope not in full acknowledgement and eager acceptance of this love they have for each other and have always had and always will !!!!!!!!

#byler #like. do i make sense. am i making sense. #tagging my posts is so scary now tht there's 92380923028020 of us bt. i can be brave ig .. [trembling in my boots] [sweating shaking crying] #s1-2 was mike loving will more than anyone and not being afraid to show it and s3 was him thinking he had to grow up n out of tht love #bc clearly it's just a kid thing and they'll get over it if they just get girlfriends #and it ended with him having his italicized 'oh.' moment as the byers drove away #and s4 was mike thinking he had lost will for good that time only for will to show him that he's wrong he never lost him and he won't #s4 was about will showing mike that he's always loved him back s4 was abt will showing mike what it means to be in love with someone #s4 was abt will showing him tht he's just as lost without him as mike is without him and tht he doesn't need to be normal or cool #he's absolutely perfect just the way he is and he's loved and needed for who he is not all that he can or can't do #s4 was mike stumbling and will catching him and carrying him the same way that mike carried him in s2 #and s5 will be about them supporting each other and living their complete and total truths now that they see there's no reason to hide #and then in s5 we will finally find our way out of this god awful miscommunication trope</3 #they're a team they're best friends mike needs will and mike is will's heart mike makes will feel better for being different and will shows #mike that he doesn't need to conform and be 'normal' to be worthy of love that he has no obligations to others that everything he is is what #encourages those around him to fight the good fight #and that support and love and the way that they'll come to see each other wholly and truly is what will defeat all evil <3 #it's all coming full circle is wht im saying !!!!! #mine #also when i say audience and we i mean the general audience bc i kno my brothers in byler Understand n Watch The Show With Their Eyes #<3 #also no i will not structure my posts in a way tht makes sense u will read my uninterrupted stream of consciousness and WEEP

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[zannolin]

you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.

#zanna talks #i cant like word it good yet #but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever #that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath. #like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose. #but you left us alone. you left ME alone. #YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt. #and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know #i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving #you cannot change my mind on this #not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see #the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know #anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb #putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill #let me have my little ideas. let me be. #like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then #they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up #meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now #YKNOW.

[skunkg1rll]

i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((

#it's bc i saw that he #uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty #and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all #he said that he had me as his background #so now i feel so fkn sad #i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die #i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly #and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it #or even have a 'it' with me #hurts so bad #so now im just in an awful headspace... #i hate myself so much #i wish i could go back and not do what i did #i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him #but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now #and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be #and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand #bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do #i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy #the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that #i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it #then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me #plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him #but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him #it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone #and it started w them wanting me back #who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding #that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning #i will bealone forever and i just wanna die

[doctorwhoisadhd]

im listening to the torchwood soundtrack on youtube while reading another life and huh... i guess i DO tune into non-diegetic music a lot, dont i??? and yeah sure i have a very good tonal memory especially being that i have a TON of practice with aural skills but i got to the woman on the roof and i remember thinking about how interesting the music was when i watched that episode. i remember what was happening visually on the screen when this played. and pearl and the ghostmaker, i remember this melody even though i lowkey hated that episode

#ari opinion hour #dw music #its so weird #like im really good at this point at memorizing music bc i do it ALL based on relative pitch so all i need is what it SOUNDS like #& then i can replicate it by replicating the intervals #sorta like following a recipe by rote vs what i do which is understanding the proportions and why so u can just make shit up #or colorpicking vs mixing the colors manually #but its really weird bc first figuring out that THAT was how i memorized music so fast was super weird bc its not like an obvious thing #and secondly now discovering that i pay THIS much attention to non diagetic music bc like how do you realize that? its weird #i think the reason im so good at this stuff is bc of the way my brain works- #i dont have an internal monologue & am only rarely/v sparingly able to picture stuff; what i do instead is i think VERY conceptually #its why im NOT a visual artist or a writer & why im not great at following maps or giving directions lol

[silverislander]

prof said congrats for writing up a proposal so early i am going to get a good grade in. well this is literally going to be graded. but yk the meme

#i really hope its decent proposals are really hard for me to write. i never really understand how much im supposed to say #also i dont plan stuff in advance! i hate drafts and proposals why cant i just jump in and run w my topic #i dont Know exactly what im going to cover just yet can i get back to you once ive covered it #levi.txt #i spent One page just opening the two page proposal so. i know it needs some cleaning up #but the last time i wrote one of these i only got a 75 (not a bad grade but i could do significantly better) bc. and i am not kidding. #i wrote a several page intro abt the themes of a story i was super pumped to write. and forgot the /plot characters and title/ #a 75 was honestly generous. that prof already liked me and knew my work so i got very lucky #also i just think the guy im working with for my essay is so cool and i want to impress him bfhshsk #ive taken 2 classes with him before he is so smart and so enthusiastic. i was 1 of only 3 who was there for every class both times #everyone whos helped me has been so cool and very nice to me i want to do a good job and prove that im as capable as they think #and also jesus fucking christ ive worked so hard for this degree PLEASE #if i dont get honours im walking into the forest laying down and letting the fae take me as they will #side note: i have 1.5 movies left (its late and im finishing army of the dead tomorrow + watching evil dead rise)!! thats so exciting #theyve (mostly) been really fun and i feel like i have a really good general idea of where im going w my essay now #the movie eras are starting to kind of organize themselves into coherent themes in my mind #i think its smth along the lines of racism/xenophobia -> social change -> satanic panic -> action and militarism -> prejudice/bias #and i actually think were in smth of a thematic reckoning w zombies rn as a culture that im excited to discuss!! #for so long weve accepted that zombies arent people but weve really been starting to interrogate that since abt the mid 2010s #w tropes like searching for a cure (not just a vaccine) or movies like warm bodies or evil dead where you can truly turn back #and im really excited to see where the future takes the zombie genre!!

[tendercoretroglodyke]

I have some kind of weird evil wizard curse on me where I feel deeply sad and uniquely horrible when my beloved bestie roommate is home but feel Normal and Emotionally Regulated when theyre out like literally what is wrong with me good GOD get that girl some therapy !!!!

#sorry trying this thing where i speak the thoughts that haunt me and build up in my head as 'unspeakable' anxieties to weaken their power #good thing no one can see this!!! #anyways i want to reinterate that i love my bestie so much and i love BEING with them #but when theyre home and we're not actively hanging out and sometimes even when we ARE i get. like this #i dont understand it #not to be all emo mcdarkness or whatever but i really feel so much more lonely when im around people than when im alone #whats up w that?? #like idk is it just a matter of me being jealous that my bestie spends more time with their partner than with me? #or am i jealous bc i dont HAVE a partner like that who is always there for me and considers me their number 1 #OR am i in love with my bestie and unable to admit it to myself??? #or am i just autistic and having a meltdown every time i socialize with people and realize i am not like them #and dont think i will ever have the emotional intelligence to have a healthy adult relationship like they do #and it drives me fucking crazy with grief?? #vs when im alone im like. not even a person anymore and dont need to be seen i can simply exist and do puzzles and listen to podcast #???? #no but fr this has been a major issue for a long time now and I'm only recently starting to uncover the patterns in my sadness #and im legitimately so scared im going to reach a point where i need to move out on my own and have more control over when i see my bestie #just to get a handle on this insane mood fluctuations that i truly dont understand #and i dont even know how i would begin to broach that topic with them #bc we have promised each other so many times we would always live together #please god let saying this all out loud make it easier to bear 🙏

[snekdood]

idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.

#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct #on everything bud. #spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate #its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions #was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild. #'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as #'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything' #also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are #and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking. #so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass #maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure #oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now. #at least the ones perpetually in his chat. #also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater' #and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance. #unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with #[enter name] derangement syndrome #only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly. #keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit. #like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools #ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.

[stonerzelda]

I love my job but i rally will never understand the phenomenon of when some coworkers/people that work in different departments alongside u like. Decide they dont like u lol. Like i get along with nearly everybody so so so well but there are these 2 ladies that have been so needlessly cold/rude to me and for what. Why would you create a hostile work environment on purpose like does that not just make your own life harder lmao

#theyre nurses too like....idfk what it is theyre treating me like an idiot that doesnt take covid seriously??? #i am literally the only person i know that still masks up in public + wven wears gloves if im going to a place that has high touch areas #yet ive been reprimanded twice for wearing gloves in an elevator (i didnt argue bc it was a fair assumption that i was working w cleaning #chemicals even tho i was actually wearing a fresh pair cuz i didnt wanna get my bleeding fingers to stain the sheets of the beds i make #which was pointless to argue w cuz i DIDNT WANNA BE RUDE LOL) #and then again on friday for wearing a cloth mask which Again was fair bc i shouldve been wearing a paper one #but ive been double masking with the paper + cloth now and this bitch is literally ignoring me when i greet her or wish her a good day #like she Rolled Her Eyes at me when i greeted her today WTF?? i still dont even know her name lol #she didnt even introduced herself or say hello or welcome like. she and this other nurse have just decided i suck infinity #i straight up Do Naught Understand like wtf do u gain from being an asshole. i didnt argue i thanked them both for their reminders like. #ok guess ill go fuck myself dam!!!! #ennyways a little worried now cuz i kinda got annoyed when she did that to me today i was just like 'ALRIGHT😐' and kept walking myself lol #whatever rant over sorry its just on my mind cuz its just so unnecessary #theyd know i take this shit seriously if they spent more than 15 seconds acknowledging my existence :/