#maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure

[snekdood]

idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.

#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct #on everything bud. #spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate #its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions #was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild. #'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as #'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything' #also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are #and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking. #so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass #maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure #oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now. #at least the ones perpetually in his chat. #also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater' #and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance. #unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with #[enter name] derangement syndrome #only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly. #keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit. #like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools #ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.

[more-better-words]

Questions yoinked from @iamstartraveller776 (hope you don't mind! ☺️)

1. Do you have a word-count goal for the upcoming year?

I don't tend to pay attention to word count so much as completing chapters. So my goal is to finish chapters.

2. Will you participate in any fandom exchanges or fic challenges, etc? 

I never have before, but @talshiargirlfriend is planning to do a small-ish one, so hopefully that won't be too intimidating!

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom this year? Which one?

Only if some new-to-me media grabs me by the throat, which always a possibility.

4. Do you think you’ll stop writing for a fandom this year? Which one?

Well, once I complete The Place We Call Home, that will likely mark the end of me writing longform ST:ENT fic. I'm sure I'll still write shorter pieces and one-offs, but completing the Built to Last series will be a capstone for me.

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

The Place We Call Home!

She slumped back, her energy suddenly and absolutely depleted. Then Doctor Jimenez was handing her a very small form, placed against her chest. The baby whimpered, unaccustomed to this huge new world, and she lifted an exhausted arm to cradle her daughter. It's all right. Everything’s all right. I'm here, just like I said I would be. She looked up at Trip, whose eyes were huge and bright with tears. “Oh my God, T'Pol,” he murmured, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “She’s here. She’s perfect.” “She is,” she agreed. She reached up, brushing at the tears on his cheeks. “You should hold her.” With infinite care, he tentatively took their daughter in his hands, a marveling, awe-struck smile on his face. “Hi,” he whispered. “It’s me. Do you recognize my voice?” T'Pol looked at them, her mate and their child, and suddenly her entire being was filled with a triumphant, roaring love like a fire in her veins. She would do anything for them, because they were hers. Trip felt her eyes on him, and shot her a tiny, tearful, adoring smile. “You did it,” he said. “We did,” she replied. “We three.”

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

The one that hasn't occurred to me yet. 😅

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers?

I don't think so? Do I need to?

*frets*

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

Mostly followups to (much) older fic that never made it out of the outline/draft stages. But I doubt I'll ever return to them - not a lot of interest in the world of Baldur's Gate 2 when we have Baldur's Gate 3.

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

By the end of January, I may have The Place We Call Home fully drafted. Maybe. Hopefully.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year?

Other than my AO3 stats, no.

11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes this year?

I finally took the plunge and tried my hand at writing...well, we'll call it smut adjacent. I think I'll keep at it, and we'll see how it evolves.

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite this year?

I don't think so...my current system works fairly well. At least I think so.

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic? 

I write because I'm no good at any of that other stuff! I'd LOVE to be able to create visual art, but...I'm just not wired for it.

14. Have you ever lost large chunks of your work in the past, due to not backing up your work? Will you change your methods this year?

I thought I'd lost two whole chapters a couple of weeks ago and I was distraught! Fortunately, I was wrong and my backups were still there.

15. Do you foresee any personal or professional obstacles this year, that would keep you from creating fanworks? 

Unfortunately, yes. But I shall soldier on!

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted?

The aformentioned Baldur's Gate stuff, and no. I just don't feel the compulsion, really.

17. Do you typically answer all comments/reviews individually? Do you plan to change the way you interact with your readers this year?

I try to! I absolutely treasure every comment and reblog - why would I change that?

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method? 

I keep a buffer of chapters - like I published chapter 13 of TPWCH a few days ago, but I've got chapter 14-16 basically complete, and I'm working on chapter 17 right now as of posting this.

It's a system that works pretty well for me, though sometimes I am left dying wanting to just share it all! Now! I want everyone to see it!

19. Would you consider non-fandom writing events, like NaNoWriMo or writing contests? 

Probably not.

20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year?

I toyed with the idea of writing original fiction years ago, and I had a few ideas, but...I find it much more stressful that fanfic. Fanfic is my hobby. I like to tell stories for fun. I don't think I want to turn it into a job.

21. Will you try writing software, like Scrivener or those programs that won’t let you stop writing?

I use Word - I've tried more specialized software, like Scrivener and Focus Writer, but I just didn't get anything out of them.

22. Do you plan to take writing classes this year?

I have never taken anything that might be even in the neighborhood of a creative writing class, and I'm scared that if I did now, they'd tell me I'm doing it all wrong!

23. Would you like to go on a writing retreat?

That sounds fascinating, but I don't even know what that would entail lol

24. By the end of this year, you want your fandom to think of you as “that author who _______.”

Wrote the best darn post-Terra Prime Trip/T'Pol fic out there. The one you recommend to anyone suffering post-TATV trauma.

25. If you answered questions from this list last year, find your answers and compare your goals to your results. How’d you do?

N/A

#writer stuff #i am serious writer ask me serious questions lol

[godofevrerything]

How Zutara Should’ve Happened (my take anyways, if Zuko still joined the Gaang in Season Three)

Alright, so I’m a Zutara shipper. Anyways, here’s my rant of the day.

So, if Zutara were to be cannon, let’s say that we wouldn’t change the cannon, other than that. Also full disclaimer, I don’t really like Kataang. It’s cute, and sweet, buuuut I think that they would be better off single or with other people. I personally ship Taang so much-

When I first watched it, I really wanted Katara to end up single. I thought that would be a fitting ending for her story. But hey, she didn’t, and that’s fine.

This is not an anti Kataang post, seriously. If you ship it, cool, I don’t, but everyone had different opinions. Just please don’t come to my inbox and yell at me.

Aight, under the cut bc it got long.

So, if we weren’t gonna change the cannon, Zuko still joins in season three and all. Katara and him would still have a rocky relationship at first, and for good reason, I mean wtf Zuko what happened at the CoTL?

Rant for another day

Anyways-

What I would think is that Katara couldn’t help but notice how Zuko is trying to gain their, and her trust. I mean, she’s pissed but still, she notices. It doesn’t make her forgive him or anything, and it shouldn’t, but she does see it.

Now, I’m thinking little moments. Like when he shoved her out of the way of the falling rocks? Yeah, she still snaps at him, but maybe after she’s a little less fiery. Just a bit.

And then after TSR, things start to change. Of course, we get the iconic hug, but!! I want another scene, when they’re coming back from the trip.

One thing that always bothers me when I read Zutara stuff is that writers rarely address Zukos betrayal in TCoTL. Like,,, maybe I haven’t read the right fanfics but c’mon guys.

I really think, no, I know that Katara and Zuko should address that. I really want a scene, when they’re coming back, while Katara is sorting out whether to forgive him or not, I want them to talk about it. And sorry if it’s OOC- But Like so:

Katara: Why did you do it?

Zuko: ...do what?

Katara: Why did you fight with Azula? I thought you changed, I thought you would’ve fought with us.

Zuko: I-

[ a moment of quiet]

Zuko: I thought about it, and I almost did-

Katara: [turns around to face him] Then why didn’t you? Why did you choose that?

Zuko: I wanted my honor. I wanted to go home, and I thought- I though that if I fought with her, I could get my honor back.

[Katara doesn’t answer.]

Zuko: But Im sorry. I am.

Katara, quietly: I thought you changed...

Zuko: I have, now, I mean.

Katara: Why was your honor so important to you anyways? And what do you mean by ‘wanted to go home’?

Zuko: I- I was banished. Until I found the Avatar, I couldn’t go back.

[Katara turns, studying him, then turns back around]

Katara: ...You couldn’t go back, ever?

Zuko: No.

[She doesn’t speak after that, and neither does he.]

Okay, so maybe that was too OOC, but they did need to have a conversation something like that. A conversation where Zuko explained, at least a bit about why he fought with Azula.

And then, after that, the hug and forgiveness. But that was a turning point in their relationship, and I don’t like that so little fic writers address that.

And then!! I want little moments. Just small moments, maybe a bit more teasing, a bit more concern on Kataras part.

Also, let’s face it: Zuko would be simping. Katara wouldn’t be lovey dovey, no, she wouldn’t. Zuko would be the simp, Zuko would be the one stuttering slightly at teasing and stuff.

Just little moments, nothing big bc c’mon, they’re kids. They’re teenagers in the belp middle of a war.

Speaking of which! I really want one more scene between them. After Aangs noncon kiss in the Ember Island Players, I want there to be a scene where Zuko finds Katara and she vents to him.

Also I’ve been losing my damn mind trying to find a gif series for that bc someone on Tumblr made it and I can’t find it- fkdndd

Okay, but along with a huge chunk of the fandom, it really makes me mad that they didn’t show more of Kataras reaction, and that Aang didn’t apologize. Like wtf Aang.

I would’ve been fine with anyone coming to Katara, or telling Aang that was wrong but- Didn’t happen. They just glossed over that part smh.

But! Say Zuko were to come and talk with her about it. And then at the end, he might ask her why she was confused, Maybe something like this:

Zuko: If you don’t mind, why are you so confused?

Katara: I don’t know! But it’s in the middle of war. It isn’t over, and now isn’t the time for... for romance.

Zuko: But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy. I mean, look at Sokka.

Katara: I’m not Sokka.

[They both go quiet for a minute]

Katara: Sorry, Im just... It’s too much to deal with right now, and we have to focus on ending the war.

Zuko: No, I get that. It’s fine.

Katara: I’m just- I’m confused, and now isn’t the time and-

[She pauses, and the two look at each other for a moment. All is quiet.]

Zuko: I.. can go, if you want. If you need some space.

Katara: Yeah, that would probably help.

[Zuko walks away. As he does, Katara is staring at his back, a thoughtful expression on her face]

Yes, yes, I think that would make sense in the romance line. Mirroring when Zuko was staring at Kataras back.

Alright, so everything would be same, up to Katara healing Zuko after the Agni Kai. But there would be subtle differences. She takes his hand and holds it instead of putting her hand on his back. No big “I love you” or whatever. Just holds his hand, and maybe a line like “We- I could’ve lost you!” Maybe.

And then! One last thing, instead of that long Kataang kiss at the end, a scene between Katara and Zuko, talking about their futures.

I’m a really big fan of Water Tribe Ambassador Katara, and it shows.

Katara: So.. Fire Lord Zuko, huh? Finally regained your honor?

Zuko: [groans] Yes, now stop it.

Katara: [laughs] Nope, never gonna stop.

[Theres a minute of quiet]

Zuko: And what about you? Are you going back to the SWT?

Katara: I am. The Northern and Southern tribes... they need to connect again, not become one, but the connection was frayed with the war, and someone has to take a step to rebuild it.

Zuko: What about the Air Temples?

Katara: That’s up to Aang. I’ll help him of course, we all will, but he’s the last air bender. He’ll take care of them, like I’ll take care of the Water tribes.

Zuko: With Sokka too, I’m guessing.

Katara: I don’t know about that, actually. Sokka may want to travel a bit, scope out the world.

Zuko: And you don’t?

Katara: I do, and I will. Sokka and I, regardless of whatever travel, we’ll work together to take care of the tribes.

Zuko: [chuckles] And I’ll be here. I’m going to try to undo the damage the war did. Open up relations again in the Earth Kingdom, sort out the colonies.

Katara: Don’t overwork yourself.

Zuko: You shouldn’t either.

[She laughs, and stops in front of the pond, looking at the turtle ducks]

Katara: Zuko..

Zuko: What?

Katara: [turns to face him] We... went through a lot. And I have something that I need to tell you.

Zuko, sweating slightly: ..yes?

Katara: Relax, it’s nothing bad!

Katara: I..

[Katara takes his hand and smiles. Zukos eyes widen and he looks down at their hands]

Katara: Well?

[Zuko looks back up and smiles at her.]

Zuko: You’re going to visit sometime, right?

Katara: Course I will.

[He smiles again, and intertwines their fingers. It’s quiet once more, then off in the distance, Sokka yells something]

Katara: [laughs] Now c’mon, your Honor. Let’s go.

[She pulls Zuko down the path towards their friends, and all their laughter can be heard. The End comes up, and the credits roll]

So!!

No big ily confession, no long kiss. Why? Because they’re kids. They’re fourteen and sixteen, there shouldnt be an ily, there shouldn’t be an uncomfortably long kiss.

Later, of course. But now? Let’s them just hold hands and tease each other and relax a bit.

Anyways, that’s my Zutara rant of the day, thanks for listening.

#zutara #Zuko #Katara #ATLA #avatar the last airbender #zuko x katara #Zutara rant

[moxfirefly]

I come bearing the gift of Angst™️ like yall this took for fucking ever and this is some sad af shit here so I’m sorry but it was an idea that hatched and I wanted to do it.

Rated Mature (18+ and up only)

TW: Blood, mentions of alcohol, death

Tagging a few Lee fans, my apologies already lol @southernblossoms @aurora-the-kunoichi @ray-jaykub

“Now I'm trying to wake you up,

To pull you from the liquid sky,

Coz if I don't we'll both end up,

With just your song to say goodbye.”

Leonardo sees the night sky above him, the hard rain falling down on him and a vision of something he finds so beautiful.

You.

He smiles at the image. He welcomes it and allows himself to be whisked away.

The cold night slips away in hues and as the rain falls down in harsh drops he refuses to give the cold pavement beneath him much thought. He sees something shiny fly across his vision and the only sound he surrounds himself is the sound of your laugh.

“I-I’m... S-“

_______________

You wake with a startle and a gasp. The coldness in the room too intense for the usual New York winter. You wrap yourself in the duvet and patter towards the heater, it’s clearly not working for some reason and you contemplate freezing and forgetting.

Sitting on the carpet, legs crossed and wrapped up you try your best to not let your thoughts stray. The cellphone in your hand is warm and your finger hovers over Donatello’s number.

There’s a large duvet on the living room window. Your eyes have refused to land there, to linger and allow for the icy sensation to run through your veins. Every so often you wonder about moving, not just from your apartment but from New York. To leave everything behind and forget that this was your reality.

-Don’t think about it-

The sentence echoes and echoes and echoes.

You press down on the number.

________________

Leonardo secretly enjoyed being babied. He emphasized secretly, even if he knew that you knew to some degree. Your eyes trail bruises that tell a story of violence but Leo was always vigilant of never dragging you down that road.

It’s a horror show.

You press a frozen bag of peas to his eye, the swelling and black ring angry. “You can’t keep this up” You whisper against the top of his head.

“I have to, nobody is going to end this. Not the cops, not nobody that ain’t us... or me” There’s leftover adrenaline in his voice and if you weren’t sure you could command him to stay he’d probably haul ass and go out again before the sun decided to rise once more and ruin plans.

Leo is convinced that only he can bring down Shredder. Only he can save everything and everyone. It’s a stupid thought you think to yourself, that only one mutant such as himself could even pull it off.

But a huge chunk of himself doesn’t want his family involved like this. He doesn’t want the risk. “Your need to control everything is really annoying” You let go of the bag, he manages to catch it and place it back. You exit the bathroom and contemplate just how much bleach you’re going to need to get all of this blood out of your carpet.

You stare and feel your eyes begging to fog. The image of Leo climbing in a mess of cuts and bruises. Something within you wants to scream and never stop. You hear Leo get up, heavy steps approaching you as you stand like a ghost in the middle of the living room.

“Y/n...” Leo’s voice is soft but that hint of guilt stabs the end of your name. “Just leave with me, why can’t we go somewhere else? We can take your family and just leave, Lee” You turn around, fingers digging into your scalp. The manic feeling rises inside of you and your tears have to spill. Leo’s eyes look broken because he wishes he could give you this and everything you’ve ever desired.

“You don’t owe these people your life, Leo” You press a hand to your mouth as a quiet sob escapes you. “Please just-“ Your tears spill and he’s there in an instant to catch you and hold you so close it almost hurts. He soothes you with kisses and caresses even as you angrily want to shove him away for making this so difficult you fall against him.

The worry eats away at your insides. Why can’t he just understand that the world will never be rid of evil? It’ll find a new host to use and bring more chaos and death. Leo holds you close, even as you collapse against him in anger and fear, he holds you and tries to quiet the loud voice in your head.

The voice that bellows, ‘This isn’t going to end well.’

_____________

Leo’s eyes flutter open, an urge stuck in his throat that chokes him. The inherit need to cough pushes him somewhat upwards but as he tries he feels copper in his mouth, the taste of pennies too strong, god he wants to vomit. Warmth spills from his mouth as he looks about, eyes scanning but the rainfall blurs his vision.

He hears screaming.

He knows Shredder’s down, the monster hasn’t moved.

Leo keeps hearing his name in the distance, his side feels a pin prick when he tries to roll over the pain shoots all over his body and liquid spills from his mouth.

It’s blood.

______________

“Sorry for calling so late but it’s either that or freezing to death” You prepared coffee as Donatello eyed the heater. “I hate winter so I understand” He picked up a wrench when you came into the room, mugs in hand and the blanket still wrapped around your cold body.

“How are you holding up?” He took a sip making a face, the harsh taste of whiskey hitting the back of his mouth. “Went too hard on the added flavoring?” You chuckled, sipping from your mug without hesitation. Donnie placed it next to his tools, his eyes had scanned you when he came over and you could see the worry.

It was safe to say you weren’t looking your best, but then again you hadn’t slept right in the last six months and the clutter of bottles in your trash bin spoke of how you’d been spending your evenings. “Miss seeing you coming around, Mikey misses you a lot” Donnie started to fix the heater, occasionally taking a sip from the spiked coffee. You held the mug tightly, it had been a few months since you stopped going mostly because you always found yourself stepping into his room...

-Don’t think about it-

“How’s everyone?” You asked avoiding the question. Donnie’s shoulders shrugged, pulling apart pieces of your dingy old heater. “Mikey’s doing okay, he’s going on solo patrols really matured you know?” The youngest turtle had changed, there was still a spark of his mischievous ways but he had taken his duties more seriously as of late. “...and Raph?” You weren’t too sure if the subject still remained sour, the brute had a falling out with the tech genius around the time of...

“Raph stops by once in a while, for Mikey’s sake and well since Dad hasn’t been too well health wise” You hang your head, the light brown liquid in your hands still in the porcelain. Splinter was old, it was understandable, maybe you should stop by and see him.

“Splinter is strong, Don” You took a generous gulp, the burn of the whiskey dulling you. “He’s gotten older Y/N, he’s frail... I’m keeping him comfortable” He dug through tools, pushing aside things he didn’t need. You couldn’t help take in Donatello’s features, he had bulked up a little more, more definition in his arms but his eyes still spoke of the little sleep he was allowing himself. Your eyes landed on his wrist, a small piece of blue fabric wrapped around it.

Your eyes burned, so you chased it with another sip of your coffee. Rest hadn’t found you either.

“You two should make up, you need each other” Donnie sighed at your retort, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Getting through Raph isn’t as easy as getting through a firewall, you know how fucking stubborn he could be” He shook the heater, it tried whirring back to life but no luck. “He’s stubborn but he’ll listen even if you think he doesn’t-“ Donnie smacked the heater, hard enough something dented, hard enough for you to flinch.

“He doesn’t comprehend that we lost him too, Y/N, he wants to blame me or himself or... but no okay? He doesn’t get to act like a fucking child because it’s been half a year and it still hurts” Donnie gripped the machine, eyes shutting tightly, all you could do was remain quiet. Your chest felt too tight, you didn’t want to hear it.

Please, don’t say it.

_____________

The rain always brought an unpleasant smell. It’s probably due to how polluted this god forsaken city is. Aside from the smell of shit, there was that coppery scent in the air too and you smelt it as soon as you got to the roof via the fire escape. The guys had been chasing Leonardo and Shredder, April and you on car the others on the truck. This solo vendetta of Leo’s had gone too far and while he had tracked down the bastard it didn’t mean he had to take this on by himself.

The rain fell in hard drops, each resonating as it smacked down onto you. You looked about the roof trying to spot anything, the calm too eerie. The blood almost swam by you, meeting your sneakers, a proverbial map to your destination.

And what a awaited you...

There was no feasible way to prepare yourself, even the small prayer you whispered under your breath not enough to silence the gut wrenching dread that befell you alongside the rain. Your knees hit the pavement hard and you couldn’t seem to see clearly enough where to press down and hold the life slipping out of him.

It’s all mute from there, you remember the sobs mixed into his name. The slow way his eyelids fluttered and the shallow breaths he took, he wanted to move so badly to hold you close and tell you it’s alright. The part of his mind crashing, slowly but surely losing light just saw the image of you as a comforting sign.

That while he laid there feeling darkness overtake him, he’d at least have the image of you above him. You begged nevertheless, telling him to remain awake that the others would be there soon, even going so far as to try and move his heavy frame but you were too small and Leo would simply just not budge. Trembling hands pushed on Raphael’s name, something akin to ‘hurry’ escaping your mouth but your shaking hands couldn’t hold the phone long enough before more blood gushed out and you tried to hold it all in for Leo.

His hand landed on your cheek, thumb caressing the spot.

“I.. I’m s-sorry” He heaved out, hand slipping, blue eyes suddenly too dark.

He wasn’t breathing.

Leo wasn’t breathing.

_____________

You felt hands on your shoulder before you snapped out of that terrible memory. Donatello’s concerned gaze on you.

“Y/N? Hey, are you okay?” You couldn’t quite catch the image of Donnie, he was distorted as your eyes welled up with tears and you fought back the urge to let them drop. Because for six months you had been crying your eyes out for him, for six months you had not known the word peace, for six months you had stared at a window that yielded no end to your pain. In one manic night you had thrown up your comforter and nailed the damn thing over that fucking window, you had contemplated tearing up the carpets that had so many specks of Leo’s blood, you had tried to quiet the urge to burn your bedroom because every corner of it had some essence of him in or on it.

Some days you were so furious that he had done this. That he had died for a cause that would go unmerited, leaving his friends, his family and you to hold on to unamended pieces.

That very night he had been taken back to the lair, each brother having a moment with him, April as well. You were given one last moment with him, to be around him, to hold his impossibly cold hand.

At some point Splinter had stepped in and sat down next to you, his hand came to rest on your shoulder. It had to be admired, even if his eyes spoke that his world was crashing before him, he remained the rock that protected against the crashing waves.

“He loved you... with everything he had” Splinter had said and while there was comfort in there, the pain was far too great. You don’t remember stepping out let alone getting up, in fact most of that night had been a blur. At some point Raphael had supposedly picked you up and laid you down on the cot April used when she stayed over. Somewhere between that you had stumbled to Leo’s room and you had stayed there for a week.

That week had turned into a month.

For thirty days you stayed among his things, among his scent, on a bed you had been countless times on in countless ways. In the misery of it all there was comfort there, even if each night you dreamt of him, even if you swore that at times you heard your name being called by him. It was worse when you woke startled feeling as if he had ran his hand down your hip.

Around the end of that first month Mikey had stepped in with some food (much like he had done everyday) but this time he had placed it on the the night table and climbed into the bed with you.

He was crying.

You both held onto each other, anchoring one another to remain in the tough currents because this storm wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

You give Mikey credit for pulling you out of that room, even if you left a good chunk of your heart there, the other portions on that forsaken rooftop, the rest with Leo. You hadn’t been to the lair every since.

Donnie cupped your face, thumbs drying the tear tracks on your cheeks. “I’m sorry” You spoke out, not really sure why but all Donnie did was pull you close and hug you and you’re sure you haven’t hugged him in six months and while his scent is nowhere near that of Leo’s and his body lean muscle the contrast of his eldest brother, you still fell apart against the familiarity of it.

You sobbed against him quietly, dropping your mug, the shattering not jarring enough to bring you or him back.

And why come back to the present? To a cold home? To a place where Leo only existed in memories and lucid dreams?

Donnie held you close, his own tears falling and whatever fortress he had built up in this time had shattered like glass.

Leonardo was dead and there was simply nothing the two of you could do.

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt leonardo x reader #leo tmnt #leonardo tmnt #leonardo x reader #tmnt leo x reader #leo x reader #tmnt Leonardo #donnie tmnt #tmnt donatello #donatello #Donnie #Leo #fem reader #female reader insert #angst #hurt

[aobakukkii]

Wanna hold hands?

Bokuto x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Bad jokes

Male Reader

Word Count: 1748

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You shouldn't have to worry about this. You shouldn't act like a 12 year old walking next to his first crush... Wait were your feelings actually much different?  

Anyway Bokuto and you decided to go to a Christmas Market together to fulfill some foodie dreams of yours and only a few minutes separated you from your date destination. Well it wasn't one officially, but this couldn't stop you from dreaming, because all hope for not hopelessly pining on the owl boy was gone for a long time. So it was only natural to indulge in your feelings.

Bokuto and you first met on a mutual friends hang out in a park many months ago. Just after you arrived however, your friend who came a bit earlier soon volunteered for the "Oh f*ck we don't have anything... Let's get some drinks!" group mission to the nearest supermarket which left you awkwardly standing at the sidelines. Two small groups had already formed, involved in whatever topic they were talking about and you being to shy to disturb anyone just played with your phone for awhile. At least until a guy way too big to go unnoticed plopped up besides you.  

"Hey you're friends with f/n aren't ya? My name is Koutarou."

You just nodded for the first statement "I'm y/n" you quietly responded.  

"Oh cool where did you meet them?"  

Introducing yourself was normally an incredibly awkward situation, but somehow it felt natural with this guy. He kept a flow of conversation, getting to know your daily responsibilities and hobbies among other things. It didn't feel forced or like he just wanted someone to yak at or anything, he kept everything on a level that made you feel comfortable although you barely knew him, except for the few things he mentioned like his huge interest in volleyball.

The spiky haired boy was genuinely interested in anything you told him and even hyped some of your interests as well.

With him you were more or less smoothly introduced back into the (luckily) small group he left earlier and despite the fact that you felt uncomfortable with all the attention of the others in the beginning, his huge presence while talking quickly took this burden away from you. For socializing with new people, it was an incredibly alright experience.  

As it turned dark he offered you to join them go and play video games at his place and even if you would have normally declined such a request from new people, "Yes" felt just right.

Looking back at it now, the massive amount of praise you received from Bokuto for your skill made the decision even better. Especially when the praise came from a guy who would deserve the title pro himself.

In general Bokuto became your hype man in no time. You could just breath and he would still be like "Yas that's my boy!".  

This wasn't anything special in particular, he was supportive of the people around him and especially his friends, but to you his intensity towards felt special. He made you feel special. And now you wanted to be his special one and make him feel just as special and happy as he made you.

However you were worried that you misread his kindness towards you. Because he really treated everyone that he liked amazing, that's just the kind of person he is. This big chunk of love called Bokuto's heart is the reason why you fell for him, but it was also was where all your anxieties came from.  

Back to the present at hand, Bokuto's hand was what you were drawn to in particular. You never wanted to grab anything that badly in your life. The thought of holding his hand made you all giddy.  

Focusing on it was another challenge you had to face, since that guy swung his arms around a lot when he was excited to go somewhere, which happened quite often. Luckily, he was focused on the story he was telling you and looking at the illuminations so your starring went unnoticed.  

That until one of his swings touched your arm and more importantly, your hand.  

"Oh sorry I wasn't paying attention" Bokuto laughed. He stopped his movements and slowed down his step a bit.  

"It's fine" you giggled to hide your massive inner panic. His hand just touched yours!  

"Hey hey hey we should focus more on the lights there! You see those around the tree over there? They remind me of your eyes bro."

You just hummed and mumbled a silent "thanks" in response, being blessed with the chance to look towards the lights on your right to hide your face from him.  

Stuff like this wasn't usually included in the all-inclusive hype man package for you. And it made your cheeks heat up even more than his usual compliments. In the past Bokuto loved to tell you that you were cute, saying that you're shy reaction to the compliment just made you even cuter.  

Honestly Bokuto crossed the line to teasing hype man a long time ago and threw really flattering stuff at you like spikes at the opponent in a game whenever he felt like it, but this was a first. He never said anything directly about your looks. In fact you never heard him point out anyone's looks like that. You heard "handsome" and "pretty", but never something specific.  

"I mean it, I never saw someone whose eyes were sparkling like yours."  

This was straight up flirting at this point.  

You hid your face behind your hand, still looking away.  

"Kou seriously stop it."  

"Can't help it if it's true."  

You knew Bokuto was good in reading you, but you thought your crush and the insecurities with it were a secret. At least until now. This setting, this compliment, the smooth delivery. You were maybe anxious about the topic of love, but not that dense. This was his sign that you were special to him.  

He did his part, so now it was time to do something yourself.  

A mix of the compliments' confidence boost, your newfound view on his feelings and the still present panic and shyness robbing you of the ability to think or act like a normal human being, you drew the most genius conclusion you had in a while. If you swing your arm a bit and touch his hand again and again, he might read you once again and notice your wish to hold hands and you guys can live happily ever after.  

"100% risk free strategy dude" you thought to yourself.  

A comfortable silence was in the air as you continued your walk. You could already see the market, but it was still far enough away to be heard clearly. Bokuto was admiring the view around you, the illuminations being his favorite part of each December.  

You tried to give it a shot. You slightly swung your arm and hit his hand with yours, so slightly that it just seemed like something that would happen normally.

Bokuto didn't react in the slightest and you were not sure if he even noticed it, but you weren't giving up just yet. Your childish tactic deserved some testing before being discarded. So you did it again with the same force and the same result. Time to step up your game.  

You planned on a slightly increased force for the next one, which your body executed as "Tackle that hand like it's a Rattata." A now fainted Rattata at that, because Bokuto suddenly stopped walking and looked directly at your face. You had just enough time to conclude that you can't read his expression at all before avoiding your face. Your mind worked on a quick list on of how often you should apologize for this awkward moment, hoping that he would interpret it as a mistake. Judging by his face and the awkward pause right now however, he noticed what you were going for, which was honestly impressive from this stupid plan. You really wanted to apologize right away, hoping that the embarrassing gesture didn't ruin your chances with him.  

Before you could say a word however, you saw a big hand around yours. You couldn't possibly believe your eyes, if not for the squeeze you felt and a small motion upwards, bringing your face to a happy and slightly pink Bokuto.  

"Geez all I wanted was a small confirmation from you before starting anything, but I didn't think you would be the type to go all the way" he said his voice although more quiet than his usual one still matched the grin on his face. "You could have asked as well you know?"  

"I just... Didn't feel like it?" you laughed between your words, being overwhelmed by the sudden confession.

Bokuto quickly pulled you to the side of the street, not wanting to accidentally block the path of anyone else right now and to give the two of you a tiny bit of more privacy.

"Y/n I really wanted to confess to you for a long long time, but I didn't dare to say anything before I could be sure that you were interested." He started rocking your arms slightly.

"When I have my moods and try to hide from the world, you're the first to come to seek me and pull me back up again. When I'm loud, you're the one who listens to my rambling anyway. I discovered so many cool games and shows thanks to you and, most importantly, I can count on you whenever I'm at my low and my highs. You make me feel special y/n, and I really didn't want to destroy that without a clear sign of you feeling the same way."

The rocking stops as he slowly starts to stroke your hand with his thumb.

"This wasn't the one I expected, but again that makes you special. Just like you make me feel." he chuckled. "Man I can't really explain it, can I just show you?"

His unoccupied hand pressed against you back, pulling you closer to his body. You were glad that he took the lead from here on because you were complete lost in the moment. He bent down to capture your lips with his. It was bit clumsy due to your excitement, but still sweet and it definitely showed what Bokuto intended.

You pulled away with flushed faces, both unable to hide your smile.

"This is what I had in mind"

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AN: So this completely self-indulgent fic is actually based on two dreams I had. When I already dream like in Fan-fictions, I might as well write them.  

Feedback would be highly appreciated. Thank you for reading ❤️

#bokuto x reader #bokuto x male reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #bokuto #koutarou bokuto #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu #hq #bokuto imagines

[readerficsbyhyaku]

Crossed orbits, may we meet (DJSS x Reader) Part 1

summary

First impressions are the most important, and they tend to stick for a while.

You don't like DJ Subatomic Supernova, your boss. It would even be fair to say you hate his guts. But something happens down the line that makes you... reconsider.

author’s note

Now that i've gotten all the smut out of my system for a bit, welcome to SLOW BURN.

Art by me

It was only your first week of working at the Planetarium, and you hated him. His superior attitude, the way he deemed you stupid and inferior to him, his annoying demands… You were patient, but this guy was rubbing you the wrong way.

And you weren’t even doing a job that required constant interaction with him. You were a technician for his set, so most of the time you just fixed whatever broke, because the Planetarium was old and had been put together as a night club a bit hastily. But DJ Subatomic Supernova – what a pompous name, you thought – also had very specific demands concerning the way his stage was set, and those were the times you had to bear with him.

Rearranging the number of planets for his shows was a thing, but when he asked you again to change the axis of one of them because, quote : “It isn’t accurate to the real one, that’s why”, you were getting a bit pissed. You were here to make sure the place ran smoothly without any of the stage apparatus falling down and flattening someone like a pancake, not babysitting a big… manchild !

You didn’t like to stand out, but your irritation was getting the best of you.

On the first days, you tested the waters by asking your coworkers if your boss was always like this.

“Yeah, you’ll get used to it. Or you could always quit, that has happened too.”

“I kinda need to eat though” you said sheepishly.

“I can understand that” they laughed, and went back to work.

As time went by, DJ Subatomic Supernova began to really get under your skin, and more often than not you started voicing your discontent by mimicking his lines with a high-pitched voice.

By the end of the month, you were openly stating that you hated his guts, sometimes even within his ear range. A part of you wanted him to know how much he annoyed you, so that maybe, maybe he would change a bit.

But of course, he didn’t.

So each day you went to work, angrier and angrier, your coworkers gradually receding from you as you revealed your true colors. Also, you had a belt full of heavy tools and they didn’t want you to use those on any of them as an outlet for your rage.

Your opinion of DJ Subatomic Supernova was now pretty much cemented into “unredeemable asshole” when something happened that made you reconsider a bit.

It was after two rockers had crashed the show and booted your boss out of his place.

The crew didn’t know what to do. The scene was full of debris and most of the equipment was now unusable, even the planets you had so painstakingly adjusted were shattered to bits. Huge gashes marred the screens on the walls, and a chunk of the roof was gone. And more importantly, the district wasn’t NSR’s anymore.

So you waited, and waited as DJ Subatomic Supernova’s assistant tried to contact him, before telling you to stay put until she found him.

He was in a pitiful state when she brought him back. Clothes torn and tattered, his orb cracked, something black and gooey dripping from it onto his chest. He didn’t have the bravado and stature he had before, even if it was discrete. His shoulders drooped slightly, he didn’t puff out his chest as much, if you had to put it in words, he was dimmer. A star that had lost his light.

And for once, you stopped considering him like an annoyance, but like a person. A person that, despite his attitude, had hopes, dreams, aspirations, and could be broken. And truly, seeing him like this made your heart ache a bit.

Once he was back on stage, even though Bunk Bed Junction fans were booing him, he took an instant to look around. He took in the stage, the ceiling, the screens… and the people. You saw him stare at each and every person, and sometimes bending towards his assistant, asking them for something. Then, he straightened a bit and cleared his throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am truly sorry to announce that our nightly occurrence ends today. I am glad to see that none of you were harmed during the battle that took place earlier, and I would like to apologize for putting you all in danger.”

You shared a look with your colleagues.

You were up in the stage lights when the battle had started, so you couldn’t get down. Since you were situated so high, you were perhaps the one that saw the altercation the best. And truly, when DJ Subatomic Supernova’s orb had cracked and the black hole had appeared… You were glad your harness was securely attached to the sturdy steel frame holding the projectors. It was a miracle nobody got caught up in that.

“I would also like to thank all of you for your work here at the Planetarium, and would like to assure you I appreciated everyone’s company during this ballad through space. I hope we can meet again in the future, but for now it is farewell, my friends.”

You could only stare a bit dumbfounded when you heard him pronounce those words. The arrogant DJ Subatomic Supernova, showing respect and thankfulness ?? But at the same time, it sounded honest. It sounded heartfelt, and it stung even more. Despite all the jests, the degrading names… you felt like a door had opened from him to you, a path to understanding, unhindered by social etiquette.

And that made you reflect on your own attitude. Maybe you took everything a bit too literally. Maybe he was just acting as his persona, and didn’t mean the nicknames he gave you and all the others. While you thought that his defeat wouldn’t affect you that much, you found yourself being truly, sincerely sad for him. Empathetic. Because you had misjudged him all this time and been an awful person behind his back. Maybe you were the pompous asshole after all.

You were lost in thought when one of your colleagues, an older guy that was appreciated by everyone, gently tapped your back.

“C’mon, it’s time to go.”

You raised your head, casting one last look towards your boss, and shuffled away with the rest of the crew.

That night, it rained on the Cast Tech district. Big, heavy drops that raced down the windows and drenched everything in grey and cold.

You thought about the open roof of the club and the damage that would cause, even though it should be none of your problem now.

You thought about your coworkers, and how they would react, even though you wouldn’t see them the next day.

You thought about how your heart felt like it was torn open like the Planetarium and emotions were gushing through, that you wanted it or not.

You couldn’t stop thinking about DJ Subatomic Supernova.

#dj subatomic supernova #dj ss nsr #no straight roads #reader insert #fanfiction #romance #slow burn #enemies to lovers

[riotwritesthings]

The Curious Witch and the Cursed Wolf

Chapter 1: A Man and A Wolf | AO3

Hello! You may have noticed, I am not doing Kinktober this year. Instead, I bring you a fairytale based on the crazy adorable art by @gayspacesprinkles​ from last October (and used with permission!). Because that’s when we became bros.

HAPPY BRO-ANNIVERSARY BRO. 100/10 would bro again.

Anywhooo updates every Saturday until the spooky day itself, when I will hopefully have a long awaited sequel. Bonus point to anyone who can guess what it will be ahaha.

Title: The Curious Witch and the Cursed Wolf (Chapter 1) Collaborator(s): Riot @buckybarnesbingo​ Square Filled: C2, AU: medieval/fantasy Ship/Main Pairing: WinterIron Rating: T Major Tags/Warnings: fantasy AU, witch!Tony, wolf!Bucky, fairytale vibes, Non-graphic injury Summary: Once upon a time there was a man, and a wolf. They both went into the forest looking for different things, and instead they found each other. Word Count: 1,288

Once upon a time, there was a man.

Far too clever, too curious, too driven to understand. He always insisted on looking to the future, finding a better way.

The rest of the village didn’t like his talk of the future. They preferred to keep themselves firmly rooted in the present, thank you very much. There was always far too much work to be done.

The man still tried. He learned everything he could, studied math and languages and science. He built fantastical machines using the meager supplies available, genius creations to try and make the work easier, but the people of his small village weren’t interested.

They didn’t like change, and they didn’t understand why the man craved it. They didn’t understand him.

They never asked him to leave, but the man could tell that they wanted to. They gave him the cold shoulder, they whispered about him as he passed in the streets, they treated him like he was already an outsider.

So the man left.

He had plenty more to learn anyways.

~~~

Tony ends up at the edge of a forest, following rumors of magic of all things.

In the tiny village he grew up in, the idea of magic was scoffed at and quickly dismissed. Everyone was too practical, too down to earth, too busy to wonder.

But Tony has always been told that he’s too curious, after all. And he’s always wondered.

So he hears the rumors, and he follows them. From cobble streets to small dirt roads, until he reaches a tiny rundown inn, built right against the edge of a thick, sprawling forest.

“In the trees,” says the wrinkled man behind the desk, in a voice that crackles like a burning log. “Lots of things in the trees, lots of strange and wonderful things.”

He tells Tony about giant beasts and shifting lights, about people who go into the forest and come out healed, stronger, different, about people who never come out at all.

Tony listens late into the night, until the candles burn low and cast wild shadows on the walls, until the inn falls quiet around them. Then he goes up to the attic room and stares at the cracks in the ceiling, the bright starlight that winks through, and struggles to sleep.

He’s too excited, too lost in imagining all the things he can learn, and he finally falls asleep to dreams of moon light on shifting leaves, of cold wind and sharp teeth.

When he leaves in the morning the inn is empty, everything covered in thick layers of dust, cold and empty. As if it’s long been abandoned.

There is undeniably something magical about the forest, as he steps into it.

The trees tower above him, as wide around as the small houses of his old village. He can hear the rustle of giant wings, the call of birds and the shuffle of animals in the brush, but he never sees a thing.

He walks deeper, until the thick leaves cast everything in shadow and the trail gets smaller, until the trail disappears entirely.

There are plants he doesn’t recognize, swirls of minerals in the stones that he’s never seen before. The old man in the inn had given him plenty of warnings, but Tony has always been too curious for his own good.

In a clearing he finds huge chunks of gemstone, bursting through a crack in the earth and splitting off into sharp peaks, surrounded by a perfect circle of flowering vines.

Even in the heavy shadows of the trees, the crystalline structure of the stone glows, as if lit from within. The forest has fallen silent around him.

Tony should know better than to touch something without thorough examination first, but the gentle glow calls him in, beckoning, and Tony reaches out without thought.

The crystal is warm beneath his fingers, almost pulsing, and then a bright light consumes him and a shockwave ripples through the clearing.

He wakes up to birdsong, golden light of sunset making the leaves above him glow, and Tony pushes himself upright slowly.

He appears miraculously unharmed, even if his clothes are a bit worse for wear, although it’s disappointing to see that the shards of crystal have gone dim.

And then Tony realizes, there is still a faint blue glow hovering around the clearing, a glow that’s coming from his chest.

~~~

Once upon a time there was a wolf.

Or maybe he was a man, just caught under a terrible curse. Because sometimes he had dreams about holding a sword, about speaking, about clutching someone’s hand in his own.

But that was a long time ago, and the wolf could barely remember it anymore. He could still make himself understood, if he really tried, and he didn’t have anyone to cling to anymore anyways.

The only constant he had was being hunted, by men and other beasts and figures in dark robes. Always hunted, always being followed, and so he was always on the move.

If the wolf had ever had a home it was a terribly long time ago now, left behind terribly far away. He’d long since stopped dreaming of going back, or of finding a new one.

All he had was running, staying on the move, trying to stay alive.

He tried not to let himself dream of something more.

~~~

The dark figures are getting closer, closer, and the wolf runs faster.

He just needs to make it to the forest, he can lose them in the trees, where the thick leaves will dull the bright light of the full moon.

They won’t follow him very deep into the forest, he knows it although he doesn’t know how. The wolf just needs to keep running.

But it seems like no matter how fast he runs, the forest never gets any closer and the field stretches out endless around him. The tall grass sways in the wind around him, nearly swallowing him whole and still the wolf pushes forward.

The hunters are catching up.

As far back as the wolf can remember, they have been hunting him, and his memory doesn’t even go back that far. Certainly not as far as it should, there’s too many gaps and holes, it doesn’t match how tired and bone-ancient he feels.

He remembers the hunters, though. They are a constant, sometimes in disguise and sometimes in their dark robes, but he always remembers the way they smell. Like lightning and brush fire, and always like blood.

He can smell them now, getting closer.

The moon is so bright above him, and the night is endless, and the field is unending.

Until suddenly the grass ends, and the ground falls away into a sharp cliff.

The wolf’s paws slide in the loose dirt, and he skids to a stop just before he goes over the edge. The ground is so terribly far away, sheer cliff face down to a wide river.

The hunters are moving closer, fanning out, preparing to strike.

The wolf snarls, bares his teeth, glances over the cliff again. The river below rushes loudly, too far down to jump.

His fur stands on end as the scent of smoke and flame grows stronger, the sound of low chanting nearly lost beneath the wind.

He can feel magic building in the air and the wolf crouches low, prepares to run. If he can follow the edge of the cliff, if he can slip past them and make it across the river, maybe he can still make it to the forest.

He has to try.

There’s a bright burst of light, of heat, moving towards him like an arrow. It catches him in the shoulder, and he falls.

#My fic #winteriron #buckytony #starkbucks #buckybarnesbingo #buckybarnesbingo2020 #bucky/tony

[theliterateape]

A Bad Landing Destroys the Entire Trip

by Don Hall

You're on a plane flying across the country. The security check-in was a breeze. You were in the mid-section but as you board the attendant moves you up to the third row. The in-flight movie is one you've been dying to see and the flight is almost completely devoid of turbulence. It's a wonderful flight.

As you descend to land, however, the turbulence gets kind of insane. At one point, the oxygen masks pop out and upon hitting the ground, the front tire of the landing gear snaps off and you screech to a long, terrifying halt in the middle of the runway.

The flight is remembered as one of the worst, most traumatic experiences of your life.

I was severely late to the Game of Thrones party. Everyone in the free world (which is actually how Twitter feels until you realize how small a percentage of sentient humans use the app) was into it. Podcasts about it. Constant raving about it. I finally caved in and decided to binge the whole thing once the ending was in sight.

I loved it. Until the landing. The last five or so episodes were so rushed, so poorly thought out, and so sloppily put together (a Starbucks cup on the set of one of the most expensive and immersive televisions shows in modern history?) that the result seems to be a wholesale rejection of everything enjoyed breathlessly for years.

The very instant Twitter discovered the tepid ending, the uprise was evident. A huge flare-up followed by...silence. These days, if I ask someone I know was a whole hog GoT fan about Westeros, I receive a shrug and the quick response of bringing up a bad break-up from a disappointing ex.

My mom and dad loved Longmire. Effectively a crime procedural set in rural Wyoming and centered on a sheriff who reminded me of nothing less than my dad if he were a sheriff in Cheyenne country. Mom and I frequently (as so many do) recommend television and film that we think the other will dig, so I bit and jumped into the first episode.

Dana didn't care for it; I thought it had some merit if for no other reasons than I love Katee Sackhoff and Lou Diamond Phillips and firmly believe neither get enough screen time. I've spent my pandemic watching long form, episodic shows so the "Crime/Investigate/Solve the Crime" in one hour format was a step backwards but I liked Walt Longmire and I especially enjoyed the themes around white people co-existing with Native Americans. I can't recall too many shows that explore Life on the Rez in too much detail so this was new and interesting.

I binged some with breaks for six seasons. The first three were produced by AMC, the show was canceled then picked up by Netflix for three more. All in all, I spent a truly enjoyable 60 hours with Walt, Vic, Henry, the Ferg, Jacob Nighthorse, and Hector. 

It was apparent that the writers knew the series was ending with Season Six, so they started wrapping things up in fairly tidy fashion. It felt a bit rushed but I was willing to go along with a lot of it until the last three episodes and then it took a shit. Like the writers all got high and told the interns to finish it up.

Now, despite digging 57 hours of the show, the last three hours prevent me from recommending it to anyone.

You decide to take your wife for a high-end meal at one of the super-swank restaurants on the Las Vegas Strip. It's beautiful and sexy inside. You are seated at a table with a view of the Bellagio Fountain.

You order and each course is better than the last. The liquor is top-shelf. The food is fresh and expertly prepared, each bite melting inside you mouth like nutritious gold.

The dessert comes and, unknown to you, the chef has left a solid chunk of dog turd in the center of it. You bite down on dogshit and instantly vomit into your wife's lap.

The dinner is remembered as the worst in your life. Your wife declares that she will never eat out again and you subsist on nothing but Ramen and canned soup for the rest of your life.

It is a fundamental truth that no matter how solid the ride is, if you can't stick the fucking landing, the landing is the only thing anyone remembers (except your mom because she loves you and will lie to you to make you not want to eat a bullet). 

Endings are almost more important than the rest of the journey.

We all loved Lost until we didn't. We all reveled in Dexter until it blew chunks. Stephen King managed to create one of the scariest creations in fiction with Pennywise then made him a giant spider who is defeated by people taunting him.

Granted, one man's shit ending may be another man's perfect ending. I've read that the conclusion of War of the Worlds (the aliens are done in by germs) is somewhat like the ending of Signs (water kills them so why hop over to a planet covered in fucking water) but for some reason I love the first and despise the second. Maybe it's Mel Gibson?

Lots of folks hated the ending of The Sopranos but I loved it.

Whatever the case, a bad landing blows the entire ride.

You have ten years of a great marriage. Lots of love, lots of sex, lots of vacations. Compromises and laughter. Fights and reconciliations.

But the last year, she has an affair with a mutual friend that she’s cast in a bunch of shows with you and it ends badly.

No matter how good the good years were, you're see that marriage as a failure.

The ending is essential to the journey.

#bad endings #GoT #Longmire

[evajellion]

Why Suketoudara is (one of) the most well-developed characters in Puyo Puyo

You ever just look back at how far the Puyo Puyo and Madou Monogatari franchise has come, and think about how much the characters have changed over the years? 

Some have become main stay recurring cast members, while sadly some others have been completely left in the dust or remain in Quest or other spin-off titles. Others become more amazing in hindsight, such as Schezo and Rulue (even if most can argue SEGA dropped the ball on their character in recent times), starting off as slightly minor characters, getting their own arcs.

Witch is also pretty incredible to think about, what once was a mere mook enemy became one of the most popular characters, obtained her own spin-off title, and co-starred in a Madou game with Schezo.

Then you have the most interesting case imo, which is Suketoudara. What makes him so incredible? When you look at his actual personality and character, and how it’s changed across games… for the better!

Since I said I would talk about this after seeing @superbuffalo007​‘s post, I decided it’s time the unspoken truth is finally said-- which is Suketoudara’s character across the games.

So originally, Suketoudara started off no differently than Witch and Draco. The only huge key difference was his character design, in which rather than being a cute humanoid girl… Suketoudara was a funny fish with human arms and legs that liked to dance. His design was goofy albeit uncanny (especially in the PC98 Madou), which probably got some designers at Compile to chuckle, nothing more.

He was a blank slate enemy, nothing more, nothing less. And once we got the first two Puyo Puyo games, which had “Manzai” based dialogue for comedic purposes. We learn that this funky fish prides himself and his beautiful legs. I mean, to be completely fair… he does. Usually in these games (and Puyo Sun), Arle was the straight man while Suketoduara was the goof.

Out of nowhere, the guy skyrocketed in popularity. He, Nasu, and Carbuncle were easily marketable characters due to their distinct, funny appearance which I assume made them very popular with younger fans. In commercials, you would probably often see this character be frequently used-- that’s how iconic his design was. His personality though, was about as shallow as everyone else’s.

This changed of course, in 1996 and onward, where Compile decided “hey, maybe we should do more with this character besides just having him dance”.

In 1996, Madou Monogatari Hanamaru Daiyouchi Enji (Big Kindergarten Kids) would be released for the Super Famicom. Rather than the usual dungeon-crawler, this game took inspiration from the likes of A Link to the Past, Final Fantasy, and Earthbound in terms of its overworld design. More importantly though, it took what was once mere mooks, the most popular characters, and made some of them into full-on major bosses you had to fight.

Amongst those characters are Nasu Grave, Skeleton-T, Mini-Zombie, and Suketoudara (called Jr. in this game).

You know who wasn’t? Uh… Witch and Draco, if you can believe that. Yeah, that’s right. Suketoudara was a major, if not the main antagonist for a good chunk of this game, while Witch and Draco remained mere mooks. That’s pretty incredible if you ask me!

He’s the typical schoolyard bully/delinquent, going around causing problems for several towns and even stooping as far as to steal eggs from dragons. Suketoudara constantly meddles in Arle’s quest, and it only comes to an end one day after sending Arle a letter, in which he challenges her directly at her school. Turns out he just happens to have the last Secret Stone.

And at the end of the game, after Arle defeats Devil, the true main antagonist? Suketoudara has a complete change of heart, asking for Arle’s forgiveness, realizing he focused too much on his training, even saying he wants to be Arle’s henchman instead.

He even calls her “sis”, in a relatively friendly way, after everything he had done.

Whether or not you consider this game canon, it added a lot to Suketoudara (if this is the same as the one in the Puyo Puyo titles, and not Jr. as in a child of his). Suketoudara was a foul-mouthed bully in his youth, a complete contrast to the innocent, playful Arle. But he changed for the better after Arle told him to reflect on himself. That is way more characterization than Draco has ever received.

Suketoudara got fleshed out further in a couple of DiscStation games, both a year before Hanamaru and two years after, we would get some really interesting development, which would of course come from his interactions with another character.

DiscStation Volume 9 is (presumably) when we would first see Suketoudara interacting with Serilly in the game “Madou Sugoroku”, a Mario Party-esque game that seems to have no real story, pairs of characters are just competing while Harpy serves as the game hostess. This would be one of the earliest instances of Suketoudara being shown to have a crush on Serilly.

DiscStation Volume 18 would give us Serilly’s Happy Birthday, a game where Serilly uses a magical stone to go up to the surface in the hopes that she’ll make a friend that will celebrate her birthday with her, rather than leaving Serilly to celebrate it alone.

While I am sadly uncertain about the full details of this visual novel, it seems that in Suketoudara’s route, he collapses due to a drug Witch had made, so Serilly nurses him back to health by making an antidote. This leads to Suketoudara, a normally brash and selfish character, to become warmer and open up to Serilly. Again though, this is a loose translation of what transpires.

Lastly for DiscStation, we have Madou RUN! 

A game featuring Arle, Schezo, Witch… and not Satan, not Rulue, not Draco, but Suketoudara! In this game, our four protagonists compete in a game of tag set up by Momomo, for an object known as the Dragon Ball, which can grant any wish.

Oddly enough, rather than it being about his dancing, the only wish on Suketoudara’s mind is that he wants to be closer to Serilly. Mind you that the other three characters are more interested in the power of the Dragon Ball to become stronger, while Suketoudara just wants to improve his relationship with a friend he has feelings for.

His attitude in this game is notably far less aggressive when compared to how overly competitive Witch and Schezo are, a far cry from how Suketoudara used to be in the earliest Puyo Puyo games.

In Puyo Puyo~n, we have yet another cheerful Suketoudara, as opposed to the grouchy, territorial one we saw in past mainline Puyo titles. Much like the previously mentioned DiscStation games, Suketoudara is primarily just interested in Serilly’s presence, stuttering in a shy manner around her, and feeling crestfallen when Serilly says that he’s only a friend.

He only starts to lash out against Arle once he thinks that Serilly only called him a friend because another person was embarrassing her. To be fair, pretty rude of Arle to make comments or butt in. Overall? It seems that Serilly has had a positive influence on Suketoudara, but he still had some of his temper.

In Puyo Puyo Box, nothing interesting happens, but Suketoudara definitely mellowed out in the Quest Mode. Similarly in Minna de Puyo Puyo, Suketoudara only wants Arle to watch him dance, which she ignores in a rude manner.

After a couple years of going missing, Suketoudara returns in Puyo Puyo! 15th, and is arguably, the most friendly of the returning Compile characters next to Zoh Daimaoh.

Unlike Satan, Rulue, and Schezo, who are rude and dismissive of the Fever characters, Suketoudara seems happy to meet new faces and actively encourages them through dialogue usually related to dance. No mention of Serilly is made, but that just proves that unlike Rulue, he can go without thinking or talking about his love interest for every two scenes.

And also unlike 90% of 15th’s roster, he doesn’t get screwed over by the fake wishing medal. He makes a simple, short wish where he says he wants to be first to do solo dances.

Puyo Puyo 7, in my opinion, is the peak, friendliest Suketoudara has been in any game. Ringo runs into him, and rather than being actively antagonistic, he explains that he was with Arle (possessed by Ecolo) and got lost, so he asks for her help. In exchange, Suketoudara assists for a short period of time. He tries to persuade Rulue out of attacking him, manages to hold a decent conversation with Satan and Carbuncle, even showing concern about Arle’s strange behavior! 

He, along with Satan, are the only Madou characters in 7 that were genuinely worried about Arle. Schezo, Skeleton-T, Draco, and Rulue did not care in the slightest. He has grown from not wanting Arle around at all to being a friend that does care about her!

Puyo Puyo 20th… sadly took a step back, with Suketoudara obsessively searching for his shoes. A lot of the characters were jerks in this game though, so it’s not a problem exclusive to him. If anything, I’d argue he’s the tamest example and just being plain comedic.

Thankfully, in Puyo Puyo Tetris and Puyo Puyo Chronicle, Suketoudara was back to being his cheery self, unlike in 20th. He just wants to show off his dance moves, has friendly enough conversations with Arle, Ringo, and Ally-- playing Puyo just for fun rather than an offense reason…

Ess on the other hand… yeah, she’s straight-up rude to him, and he rightfully defends himself. I should note that through all of these games, Serilly went completely unmentioned, which might mean that Suketoudara actually got over his infatuation for Serilly. Even with her grand return in Puyo Puyo Chronicle, the two never have a conversation.

That being said, I definitely do think that Serilly’s kind personality, and if taken as canon, Suketoudara’s rivalry with Arle in Hanamaru, definitely molded him into being one of the most grown characters in the entire series. He went from being the typical jerk with only thing on his mind, to being an upbeat, helpful character that is willing to put dancing aside when there are greater matters at hand. Puyo Puyo 7, Tetris, and Chronicle are the arguable proof of this.

That’s why I like this character so much. That’s why I feel the fan-base kinda takes him for granted-- they don’t know about his evolution throughout the games. He went from a funny jerk, to a guy with a crush, to someone with a confident and friendly personality.

Because of that… I am honestly completely fine with Suketoudara staying for future mainline games. Even if he doesn’t add much, at least he isn’t as actively unpleasant as he was in Compile’s early run.

#puyo puyo #madou monogatari #suketoudara #serilly #long analysis post!!

[autumnsscribbles]

Home

So I asked a one of my friends on the LU Discord server to give me a link or two and a prompt to try and get back into the flow of writing and warmed up. She gave me the prompt of Sky and Hyrule’s friendship. Well, I didn’t quite get it as if they were friends, but it’s something to deal with friendship!

So! I give thanks to @thetoyboxs for giving me the idea! Have some Sky and Hyrule friendship over food and the reminders of home. 

Linked Universe belongs to Jojo56830 and can be found at LinkedUniverse. Legend of Zelda is owned by Nintendo.

Rating: Gen

Word Count: 1154 words

Hyrule looked at the concoction on his plate, curious to what it was. The smell was sour, as if it'd been sitting for a while, but he could see flecks of other things hidden in the depths of the meal. Was it some type of vegetable? Or something else? He frowned as he poked at it with his fork, not sure if he trusted it.

“It's not gonna come out and bite you, Traveler,” someone stated and he looked up to the one that spoke, seeing it was Sky. Sky as dishing out chunks of this... thing, onto other plates, a smile on his face as everyone else was certainly curious. Other's made repulsed faces when they had taken a sniff of it behind Sky's back.

“What is it?” Hyrule asked, picking up one of the pieces- a cabbage leaf- and looked at it curiously as it was stained a bright red-orange color.

“It's one of our special dishes! We ferment our crops to keep over the long months, and well... it's become a bit of an art,” he offered with a shrug. Wild was the first to try it out of the others and he looked contemplative with his chewing, before his eyes widened and he fanned his mouth, bouncing with a smile on his face.

“You okay?” Warriors asked and Wild nodded, finally swallowing it down and used the back of his wrist to wipe at his face from a tear that had welled from his eye.

“Sour! But also spicy! I love it!” Wild began to eat in gusto, the other's now curiously poking at the food. It wasn't poisonous, as evident by Wild continuing to eat, and Sky would never hurt anyone! So Hyrule had no problems in trusting when he managed to pick up a piece once more to look over, before carefully putting it in his mouth.

Immediately, his mouth was assaulted with a sour taste, enveloping his taste buds and making him purse his lips. However it wasn't bad. It was... it was good! But then he found the spice suddenly pick up within a second and Hyrule sucked in air out of reflex, trying to cool his tongue. The texture was different, soft but not mushed, with bits of other pieces in to give more crunch texture through it all. It was so good though! But it was also familiar... Quickly he finished chewing his mouthful and swallowed, looking up at Sky.

“What's all in it? It's actually pretty tasty,” Hyrule questioned, putting another leaf into his mouth to eat. Sky blinked before he hummed in thought, everyone attempting to eat the food with varying reactions.

“Let's see.... salted cabbages and pumpkins, we then chop up carrots, onions, radish, and some long green onions. We then mix everything together and coat each leaf of cabbage before we store away in a cool, dark place. Usually they're stored from 2 weeks up to 3 months, some even up to a year or two. Not everyone likes this over-fermented though so it's not often made to last that long. Especially when everyone loves it so it usually is eaten quickly,” Sky explained with a soft chuckle.  Hyrule nodded as he continued to eat, relishing in how the flavors still mingled on his tongue but it no longer burned. He kinda missed the burning sensation.

“It's usually eaten with other meals, but some times we just make it with some rice. Take a leaf, put some ice in it, and stuff it in your mouth. It's a pretty good combination all together.” Here Sky noticed that Hyrule was now hesitating to eat more, looking between his plate and the jar Sky had taken out, and he just smiled to try and reassure the other.

“If you want more, just ask! I have plenty more in the jar!” Sky offered as everyone else seemed hesitant to eat anymore. Only Wild, Hyrule, and surprisingly Twilight seemed interested in eating more.

“You've gotta teach me how to make this,” Wild insisted, taking the offered portion from Legend who had gagged when attempting to eat it.

“Maybe later. I'm just enjoying this little slice of home now.” Hyrule paused in eating when he heard that.

Home... That's what it reminded him of. Home. It was like coming back after all his adventures, seeing the darkness that had enveloped the world slowly drifting away to bring a new light and new emotions to the people. It was a reminder of the small celebrations with food over a new year, or a gathering to reminisce about the times before. The tang of sour and spicy made his heart warm up and reminded him of what he had to look forward to. His adventure must have been easy, but he still saved the land of Hyrule.

He looked to Sky, who seemed to be lost in memories as well, and he smiled to himself as he went back to eating, and then he held out his plate when he realized he had none left.

“Could I have some more, Sky?” He asked, and Sky just grinned.

“Of course! This dish is always about sharing with others,” he offered and gave another portion to Hyrule.

“Well.... I think it's great. Maybe... you can share more with us? About your home?” He paused as the others looked at him, and Hyrule shrank down. “Or... Or share with me at least?”

Sky gave a smile and nodded, handing Twilight another portion of the fermented meal happily. “Of course. I'd love to tell you more! What do you wanna know first?”

Hyrule gave a hum in thought, chewing on the spicy sour leaf of cabbage thoughtfully. He finally thought of something to ask him.

“What's your home like?” It was something he had been curious about, and he hoped it was too personal. Sky hummed in thought, fork between his lips in thought as he chewed.

“It's... it's home I guess. Skyloft is high up above the clouds, the breeze is clean, the sun is warm, and it's just... peaceful. Then there's the Surface! Oh wow it's huge! No one's stepped foot there for thousands of years. It's amazing what I found in the forest! Or even the desert!” Sky began to explain to Hyrule about some of the things he saw, and while it confused him when talking about these 'robots' or about dragons and a great whale in the sky, he found it was nice to listen to another tell stories. He could feel in his chest a blossoming flower of friendship as he began to listen, and understand a bit more where Sky came from in some of his experiences.

All this friendship needed, was some food that reminded one of home and the warmth of others to nurture that curiosity.

#legend of zelda #linked universe #my writing

[artsybanchou]

I’m a big fan of 80s/90s anime and Ranma 1/2 played a big role in my childhood. The premise has sooooo much food for thought when it comes to looking at gender and specifically the performance of gender. I’m about to get INTO it, so, here’s your warning-- read more is a ramble. (LONG ramble)

Oh ho ho ho! WELCOME TO MY HELL!

Aight, so let me set the stage for you-->

Two people, who should not be parents, have a kid. The father, Genma, a fairly successful martial artist, takes their just-born son on a training journey without consulting the mother. By training journey, I mean that they travel all over the world with little to no money, either stealing from or scamming people in order to make sure they can eat, under the guise of training the son, Ranma, to become the greatest martial artist of the “Anything Goes” school of martial arts. One of the most frequent scams the father pulls is promising his son’s hand in marriage to various families in exchange for a dowry before running off with both his son and the dowry, never to be seen again. This-- inevitably-- comes back to bite them in the ass. But more on that later.

We don’t get to see a lot of Ranma’s childhood on the training journey, just the occasional incredibly horrific flashback to something that would become a national incident were it to happen in the real world. For example, at one point in time, his father finds a Chinese pamphlet of an ~ancient lost Chinese art~ that is INCREDIBLY POWERFUL!!!!! wow! It’s called Neko-ken. So he decides to teach his six-year-old this technique, although he can’t actually read Chinese so he does it based off the diagrams-- which detail a process of collecting a good number of cats, starving them for a few days straight, and then tossing his son, covered in fish sausages (possibly tied up, can’t remember), into the pit to fend for himself (and not be eaten alive) for hours on end. Surprise, surprise, Ranma comes out incredibly traumatized and with an intense fear of cats (something his father would’ve seen coming if he was able to read Chinese as the pamphlet says that someone would have to be crazy to try to teach someone this technique and that it causes severe psychological damage-- also could’ve been avoided if his father had any common sense or fatherly instincts, but hey that’s just asking too much of Genma). This is not the result his father wanted, so he tries to “fix” it by doing the exact same thing multiple times, just with different cat foods wrapped around his son because... I genuinely don’t know what his thought process was but yeah. So that’s just a tiny snapshot of what his childhood was like as well as how much of a massive idiot his father was. And since Ranma never interacted with his mother, guess who had the greatest influence in his development (yay........). (save him) (also this is based off my memory from watching the anime YEARS ago, so some small details might be wrong but the big, overarching “his dad is a terrible person” thing is still very much true even if some of these smaller details aren’t)

When Ranma is a teenager, his father brings him to a Chinese training ground full of cursed springs. The tour guide repeatedly tries to explain what exactly this place they’re visiting is, but the father and son pair are two hard-headed idiots and get right to sparring. Ranma knocks his father into a spring pretty quick only to be caught off guard when his father reemerges from said spring as a panda and grand slams our protagonist into another one of the cursed springs. Our manly man martial artist protagonist emerges from this spring as a dainty, busty teenage girl. /The horror./ The panic from both Ranma and his father’s deeply shaken fragile masculinities gives the tour guide enough time to reveal that they had fallen into the cursed springs of the drowned panda and the drowned girl (one guess who fell into which one) and that anyone who falls into a cursed spring will take on the form of the life form that drowned in it. They can return to their original bodies by being splashed with hot water but, from now on, every time they’re hit with cold (or even apparently lukewarm) water, they’ll change into these new cursed forms.

Now, I’m sure you all saw this coming from the type of man that Ranma’s father is based on everything I’ve said so far, but Genma is the worst(TM). So Genma is all, “no SON of MINE can be a GIRL! >:((((((” and Ranma, who has been raised for his entire conscious life by this man, and only this man, is also very much not Okay(TM) with this because he’s a man, a manly fighting man who was raised to be the manliest of fighting men who fight. He can’t be a GIRL. 

Except he totally can. Because these two start taking advantage of Ranma’s feminine body pretty much immediately in order to continue running scams so that they can eat and whatnot while traveling. Of course, Genma constantly shames Ranma by saying things like, “I can’t believe my son is such a failure of a martial artist, being a girl! I’m so ashamed!” and whatnot at every opportunity but especially when they are in an argument and Ranma is winning or if he needs Ranma to do something for him. He frequently manipulates his son by using this kind of guilt-tripping language as though it’s Ranma’s fault that his body is like this. Nevermind that they both frequently profit off of Ranma’s female body for scams, Genma still puts Ranma down for having it and Ranma internalizes that because he’s 15 and his father is the only person he’s ever known.

And I’m sure we all hate Genma now, as we should, because fuck Genma. What kind of woman would ever marry Genma? (And we assume a woman is married to Genma because how could a man this bigoted do anything other than marry a woman all traditional and whatnot). If only Ranma wasn’t taken from his mother so young. Maybe he would’ve turned out a better person~ Well, uh, bad news, lads :/  So, by the time we meet Ranma’s mom in the series, we’ve known most of these characters for a chunk of time. It’s already quite well established how terrible of a human being Genma is. Ranma may or may not have started the episode out admitting he doesn’t know much about his mom after being asked about her. A standard set-up. I don’t quite remember all the details of the episode, only the important things-- here’s the important thing: Genma’s wife, Nodoka, made Genma swear something to her before he took their toddler on a training journey all around the world. He had to raise Ranma to become “a Man among Men” (and we’ll talk about how she defines manliness) and, if he failed, then both he and Ranma must commit seppuku. 

Yeah, that's right. 

If her son isn’t enough of a man by her standards then he has to commit ritual suicide.

Her son who now transforms into a girl every time he is touched with at least a ladle’s worth water that isn’t steaming.

(hey have i mentioned save Ranma yet? save him seriously)

Her definition of manliness? All the shit the misandrists of tumblr swear is the inherent evils to all men. She thinks her son needs to be unapologetically forceful in /all/ he does. Especially in his romantic forays :///// (yeah this is going where you think it is)

When she does decide he isn’t manly enough (because Ranma was being sexually harassed by an old man who forcibly put him in a sailor outfit, no im not kidding, happosai, said old man, is a whole other element of the show that like holy shit) and tries to get him to commit seppuku, the solution the cast comes up with is to have Ranma “peek” at (his friend? girlfriend? fiance? frenemy? roommate? it’s weird-- technically they’re the two romantic leads but their chemistry is like -5 because she constantly physically hits him for things that really aren’t his fault and just ://) Akane while she is bathing and that will prove his manliness to his mother so that he doesn’t have to literally die. Will having Ranma be a fucking voyeur prove his manliness to his mother, you ask? Yep. This is Manly(TM) and so Ranma gets to live another day. Yay. Once again, molestation saves the day. (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) All of this is played off as a joke, for the record. No character is really acknowledged as being “a bad person” for any of this behavior-- not molester Happosai, not trying-to-kill-her-own-child Nodoka, etc. 

So these are the people who made Ranma. Who shaped this kid with the ability to spontaneously switch between male and female bodies (presuming he has water on hand). Also, obviously, Genma had more influence seeing as Ranma never saw his mother between the ages of two and (I think) 16(?), but. regardless, these are the people who shaped his understanding of gender. For all intents and purposes, our lad should be such a pressure cooker of toxic and fragile masculinity that he just about commits seppuku himself every time he ends up in his female body. 

But he doesn’t. In fact, Ranma is largely comfortable in his female body as long as his father isn’t trying to hold said body against him (wait did that come out wrong?). Ranma has no hesitations taking on his female form for something as little as a discount on ice cream. He makes the statement, “when it comes to eating out, being a girl is the only way to go”-- because he’s able to get an extra scoop for being “cute”

There’s a scene very early on in the series about exactly that which has always stuck with me. It opens with Ranma in his female body at a cafe with Akane and they both order fancy ice cream parfaits. Ranma is extremely excited and exclaims, “I’ve always wanted to try one of these!” 

Akane replies with, “don’t tell me you’ve never had ice cream before.”

And Ranma proceeds to explain that he’s never had ice cream like /this/ because it would be too embarrassing for a guy. When Akane asks if he isn’t embarrassed now, happily shoving huge spoonfuls of ice cream into his mouth, he responds with, “hey, I’m a girl now. It don’t count.” Akanes shoots back with a “REAL girls don’t eat like that” (because our lad is eating with such gusto-- he’s living, he’s thriving, he is demolishing that parfait and there is ice cream all over his face) 

He goes, “I’ll eat it however I want.” And then finishes the whole thing off and proclaims that he wants to order the chocolate one next.

Moments like that were the ones where I loved the show the most. We can see Ranma’s insecurities about his masculinity (thank you /soo/ much for that genma) in that he isn’t willing to perform an ‘unmanly’ action in public in his male body. He can’t be *seen* eating girly ice cream. But when he is admonished for not living up to feminine standards in his female body (eat more daintily), he just goes, ‘i’ll do what i want’. Young me really resonated with that, being born with a female assigned at birth body and growing up in Texas. 

It feels like there’s a trans narrative buried in the steaming hot mess that is this work by Takahashi Rumiko-- and it is abundantly clear that was never her intention so I wouldn’t exactly recommend trying to give her an award or anything. She said that she wanted to write a work with a male main character but was so worried about how many male readers she had, she made the decision to make (as she described) a half-male half-female main character (essentially so she could have her cake and eat it too if you will-- all the self aggrandizing fantasies of a male protagonist her male readers could imagine themselves as along with a copious amount of fan service-- the great majority of which was at Ranma’s unwilling expense in his female body which like ://////// (remember that old man I mentioned before??)--  with the female protagonist body). And, like, I’m not saying Takahashi Rumiko is a terrible person or anything-- I don’t know what her beliefs are, I only know her works which are quite old at this point. Takahashi Rumiko is a big deal in the mangaka world because she was one of the first big shonen mangakas who was openly a woman. Normally, men wrote shounen (which literally translates to boys) manga and women wrote shoujo (which literally translates to girls) manga-- the genres were literally divided along gender lines in terms of their intended audiences but also, to a certain extent, their creators. If a woman wanted to write/draw shounen, usually she had to use a pen name that sounded fairly masculine in order to not impact the perception of her work. Takahashi Rumiko was working in that environment so I would understand why she’d want to be careful but, at the same time, I still kind of hate a lot of the things that she normalizes in her works. Especially assault. Both physical and sexual assault she constantly used as a punchline. Not as much anymore. Her most recent work I’ve read was Rinne and the punchline with that one was that the male lead is super poor, literally penniless, and is constantly starving so hahahahha humor amirite? Pain being funny seems to be her through line now that assault is off the table. At least he isn’t constantly getting whole ass tables thrown at him by his love interest as though that’s supposed to be a cute relationship dynamic (Akaneeeeeeeee). I digress. Takahashi Rumiko’s works played a big fucking role in my childhood from Ranma to Inuyasha to Lum (which I encountered well into my teens and therefore didn’t jive with at all because I’d finally learned sexual assault =/= funny and this was one of her more dated works) and so on and just--  I don’t know if I can watch her older stuff the same way I used to. I’m scared to try, honestly. Because some of the ideas behind her works are so interesting-- like Ranma 1/2-- but then you have to sit through episode after episode of a teenage boy in a girl’s body being sexually assaulted by a remorseless old man only to try to fight back at which point he is physically assaulted but also he still has to grovel to and respect said old man because he’s his father’s master and therefore he has to learn martial arts from him but the old man is constantly wagering Ranma having to pose for him in incredibly skimpy outfits if Ranma wants to learn literally anything and alsso RANMA IS FUCKING FIFTEEN/SIXTEEN JESUS CHRIST IS THERE NO FUNCTIONING ADULT ANYWHERE IN THE VVICINITY SAVE HIM!

I NEED TO DIGRESS

It feels like there’s an unintentional trans narrative buried in this anime. It’s not a fun one (but most trans narratives aren’t either so). This is a boy who knows he’s a boy-- even when his body disagrees. He frequently asserts that “he’s a boy” even when in his female body because he is. He’s a boy. He’ll reference being a girl “in appearance” like with the ice cream parfait scene earlier, but when it comes to identity statements, he’s always a boy. This narrative is about him navigating gender presentation and societal assumptions in order to live however he wants. He’s constantly contending with his own forms of gender dysphoria, whether that be his own gripes about doing anything unmanly (eating ice cream) or the very real threat of his mother fucking killing him if he does anything unmanly (aaaaaaaaaaaa), and he navigates tons of threats by choosing how he presents himself.

There are characters that are in love with the male “version” of Ranma and want to kill the female “version” of Ranma (who, for the record, goes by the name Ranko) and vice versa. The Kuno siblings are a great example. Kodachi is in love with Ranma (and is not above literally fucking using date rape drugs on him to get to him) and wants to fucking kill Ranko whereas Tatewaki Kuno, her brother, is in love with Ranko (the lovely pigtailed girl, he calls her) and has literally sent assassins after Ranma. Ranma essentially has to choose between being sexually assaulted or physically assaulted every time he runs into either of them in terms of what body he is presenting. 

I feel like I should let you know, ye who have actually read this far, that Ranma is able to protect himself pretty well from the assault. Like, our boy ain’t dead. Later on he literally fucking kills a god because he’s really passionate about martial arts so he puts all of himself into it and god damnit does his effort show but, honestly, his ability to protect himself shouldn’t mean that it is okay to assault him. Assault is assault. And just because he can fight back doesn’t mean he always does. Akane, his main love interest, regularly sends him through roofs and across town with the force of her Up + B (aka magically appearing hammer), usually for things that aren’t his fault in any way. Akane actually came to the conclusion that Ranma was a pervert when she (fully dressed) walked in on him (naked because he was in the bath) even though the bathroom was obviously occupied. She constantly gets mad at him for things that are beyond his control and then takes her frustrations out on him by literally beating him up and he never fights back-- which is admirable of him but also made me never want to root for their relationship because that isn’t a red flag, my dude, that’s a red planet. the whole of mars is out here trying to warn everyone that this relationship is the most toxic thing since RoundUp.) 

Usually, when watching a show, you get really invested in the character’s aspirations. You want them to ‘get the girl’, ‘get the promotion’, ‘become the pokemon master’ and whatnot. All I ever wanted for Ranma was for him to fake his own death and run far, far away from everyone who ever knew him as “Ranma”. He’d have to fake his own death, obviously, because otherwise his father and Happosai would track him down because, for his father, Ranma is a walking meal ticket and, for Happosai, Ranma is a teenage girl he can sexually assault at any time. Those two would chase Ranma to the ends of the earth if they thought he was trying to get away from them so--

Ranma. Help him.

There’s so much more to dissect with this show. It’s kind of accidentally a great way to look at gender presentation, especially all the terrible negatives that come with constrained gender roles. I use He/Him pronouns when talking about Ranma because it is abundantly clear that he sees himself as a man and I respect that. Sometimes nonbinary-me is like, but think what a gender-fluid icon our boy would be-- literally switching perceived genders via fluids-- and I think that version of Ranma would be a lot happier than the canon one but, I think the canon Ranma is an important reflection of what a lot of people go through, cisgender, transgender, and beyond, when trying to parse what it means to present a gender and the roles you’re supposed to play. 

Maybe Ranma can go on a journey of self-discovery with his own gender after faking his death and escaping Nermina. 

I was all over the place writing this but this isn’t an essay and I’m not being graded so ha fuck you (excpet no not really fuck you because you either a) read this whole thing or b)scrolled down to the bottom to see if i’d get to the fucking point already-- which for the record, I don’t really-- and either way it means you were a little curious what I had to say so thanks I guess). None of this is exceptionally well-thought-out. I wouldn’t exactly stamp this with any kind of official gender discourse seal. It’s all just food for thought. 

#my art #ranma 1/2 #dont click read more seriously youll regret it #i just ramble for a really long time about nothing #technically about ranma and gender #save ranma jesus chrsit he doesnt deserve all the bullshit

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM in 2019, part 2

Yup, this was all too long, so I now have to attend to the manga.  This year, Murata kept his promise from 2018 to deliver regular chapters.  Even the passing of his father only made him take a few weeks off.   

By the numbers.  This year, Murata delivered 24 updates consisting of 624 pages.  It may not be the banner year of 2017 2018, but it still averages out at more than 50 pages a month.  He also drew 113 pages for volume releases in extra chapters, volume-only content and chapter redraws.  We thank you for your hard work, Mr. Murata!  

As to the words and pictures, much more below the cut!

beautiful and poignant -- probably the best cover this year. 

Be warned: this contains major plot spoilers

Broad Strokes

Last year focussed on the Hero Association response to the Monster Association, gathering up heroes, sorting out battle plans and sending them into the field. In the course of the war effort, the characters whom we’ve been following most consistently all got parked in one place or another.  We turned decisively away from Saitama, Genos, Garou, Fubuki, Bang, and King to focus on what the other heroes were doing, getting to know many more of them.   

This year, we’ve seen the first triumphant contact the heroes made gradually be eroded away as the monsters launch their counter-attack and one by one the parked characters have been brought back into the story to varying effect.  

2020 is promising to be the showdown year that will give us the final denouement, but I can’t promise that.  What I can promise is a closer look at the major themes of 2019.

Orochi

From half-assed plot to bad-ass plan

The first big thing is just how important Monster King Orochi has been to the story. More specifically, it's crazy how vital a linchpin he has been to Psykos’s humanity extermination plan.  The webcomic that doesn’t have Orochi makes her plan a sick joke. Like, seriously, how was Psykos planning to take over the world? In the webcomic, if things had gone to plan and she'd gotten rid of the heroes sent to the Monster Association, what then?  Not enough monsters to kill billions of people and no way to get the monsters that she does have there.  Monsters are also terribly uncooperative and undisciplined. The long-term cooperation to kill billions of people just isn’t going to happen -- without the clear, limited goal that killing Class S heroes was, they’ll just split up.  Society wasn't about to fall into a weeping puddle: we’ve seen both in the manga and the webcomic that there are loads of strong people, and that people are resilient and adaptable. It's like, that was a total idiot plot from the outset.  It’d end in failure as society adapted faster than the bickering monsters (those that didn’t leave) appreciated. 

yeah, you and what army?

On the other hand, Monster King Orochi makes Pyskos's dream a credible reality.  First, thanks to him, she got the cooperation of monsters like Elder Centipede, who was particularly important in the lead up to the Monster Association’s declaration of war.  It dug enough tunnels that monsters could appear simultaneously in multiple cities throughout the world.  Second, thanks to Orochi, she got millions of monster cells which meant that huge chunks of the population could be simultaneously monsterised in multiple locations, each able to help kill off the rest of humanity.  Their dry run two days previous to the current manga events confirmed that humanity simply couldn't cope with monsters showing up in so many places at once and yes, now they had a shot.  They could kill off the powerful organised heroes and then quickly make civilised life impossible before any credible fight back could be organised. 

This plan works.

when you realise that it’d only take a couple of hours to replenish the Monster Association’s forces

If that's all Orochi could do, it'd be plenty.  It made a bad, half-assed idiot plot into a real threat. But that's not all.  He's a crazy powerful monster, one Psykos was counting on to deal the death blow to the most powerful heroes, especially Tatsumaki.

Unfortunately for Psykos,  Saitama seems to have given Orochi a bad case of the deads.  And Amai Mask seems to have destroyed her precious store of monster cells.   Unless she have a back up depot of monster cells, her humanity extermination plan has hit a real snag. Many fans do hold out hope that Orochi isn't dead-dead and may Awaken to be real trouble.  But we'll see.

Acceptance

Speaking of Saitama and Orochi, something very important happened to Saitama’s character development that simply hasn’t happened yet in the webcomic.  Saitama accepted that yes, he’s just the strongest being alive.

We’ve seen Saitama struggle with not finding a worthy challenge.  He has bargained with it, dreaming of being weak enough to find the Subterraneans a threat.  He has been angry about it, shouting his outrage when Vaccineman died after one hit.  He has been depressed about it; we saw his whole collapse in the wake of the Superfight which led him to opening up to King.  And now, when he heard Orochi trying to introduce himself, he realised that this was just another useless blowhard like the jerk who’d kicked him to the moon and cut it short.  ‘What makes you so special?’ ‘Come at me then, but I’m expecting nothing.’

all according to expectation

It’s so rare to see Saitama show any character development, so this moment, small as it is, is really a profound step forward for the character.  We will see what happens as a result in chapters to come. 

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity

Good luck that is.  And that’s been shining on Psykos despite the setback of losing Orochi.  All the work we’ve seen her put in since chapter 57, observing heroes, sending out monsters to attack them and then seeing how they respond, has finally paid off.  

Between chapters 94 and 112, the manga really showed us precisely why the Class S heroes were so respected as the ultimate answer to the worst of the worst monsters. 

And now, by carefully siccing the right super-powerful monster on hero, Psykos has achieved what looked impossible: defeat Class S heroes en masse.

and bad luck is what happens when lack of preparation meets a challenge

It’s perfect, save monsters have a long-documented love of savouring their prey and aren’t killing the heroes as fast as they should.  Silly things: they leave the window open to rescue.

Machinations

A cyborg makes wild accusations...

Holy moly, has any hero’s stock risen and sunk as fast as Drive Knight’s has? In the space of a month, two updates, this enigmatic hero went from the new darling of the fandom to at best, a very self-interested ‘hero’ and at worst, the very traitor Metal Knight warned Child Emperor about.

We’ve known nothing about Drive Knight, what he did and just why he had a top ten ranking.  Well, we got a great masterclass in why when with a fantastic combination of power and guile, he defeated the cadre Nyan, making him the first hero other than Saitama to do so.  In fact Drive Knight is so polished in both the type of technology he has and the fluency with which he wields it that he makes Genos look like a glorified garage project. Oh wait... that’s accurate, isn’t it?

looking like Boros’s long-lost cousin, Drive Knight’s gold splendour

It’s what Drive Knight did next that set audiences against him. First, we learned that he watched the support heroes get cut down while he formulated the perfect plan. Okay, maybe he’s just a cold operator.   Second, the terrifying efficiency with which he pumped Sekingar for information on the vulnerability of the Hero Association, then failed to protect him when G-5 showed up to stop Sekingar from reporting back to the Hero Association.  Third, while we’ve known that Drive Knight is no fan of Metal Knight, accusing the latter of deliberately supplying the Monster Association is another story.  It has left us wondering whether Drive Knight is simply paranoid -- or is looking to deflect suspicion from himself.  What is not in question is that there really is a visitor from The Organisation harvesting the very data Drive Knight is worried about for the very purposes he outlines.  

Drive Knight did not look best pleased when Genos intervened in affairs and destroyed G-5, but handed over (or cut his losses?) peaceably enough.  For some reason, Drive Knight still seems to think that Genos is on his side, still going ‘we’ and making a distinction between them and the rest of humanity when explaining his desire to leave with Nyan. Why?

We have no idea when Drive Knight will reappear or quite what side he’s on, but one thing is for sure: he’s a powerful mover in this world and is bound to pose some dread challenge when he does. 

...but a greedy old man looks set to pay dearly

Top shadenfreude for me: if G5 didn't successfully remotely transmit everything it'd learned about the Metal Knight back, then Bofoi will be in the painful position of having to acknowledge that Genos got his wrinkly little nuts out of the fire. Yup, that guy Bofoi refused to help and left to die the first time he met.  That guy he started a whispering campaign against at the Hero Association.  That one. 

By the time Sekingar gets back and gives his story, Dr Bofoi will have most of the story. Once Child Emperor reports in,  Bofoi will have put all the bits together.  He’ll understand that he dodged a very large bullet as The Organisation had successfully hacked into his robot. And he was lucky their emissary didn't live to report its findings.   

How did Bofoi get in this shitty position?  By getting greedy.  He was so desperate to get a sample of Elder Centipede’s armour that he had his robot cling on and get carried into the Monster Association base.  And then let it sit and listen in. He didn’t budget on Orochi being able to disable the robot before he could trigger its self-destruct sequence. 

unfortunately for Bofoi, the Monster Association isn’t quite as selfish as he is and had no problem letting The Organisation harvest what it could of the machine they couldn’t themselves use.

It’s super unlikely that the Hero Association will take Drive Knight’s words uncritically, but they’re not stupid people -- they’ll understand that a major security breach has occurred. Suffer a little, Dr. Bofoi.

Old Players, New Roles

This year we have had no new characters introduced.  But we have had cause to re-evaluate several that we thought we knew. 

Sekingar was totally the breakout star here, surprising himself probably more than anyone else in finding that he truly did have what it took to be a hero.  I won’t go into it, full breakdown here.   What I will say is that unlike someone like Suiryu, who is just an ordinary person, Sekingar is very highly  placed within the Hero Association and looks set to be promoted further.  What he has to say and enact about the way heroes operate WILL have a disproportionate effect on the Hero Association, its future and maybe humanity’s safety. 

heroism is what you find when there are no good options but you do the right thing anyway

Genos continued to develop this year.  Last fight, he’d been devastated at not having been able to save any heroes.  This time out, saving people and showing a real resolve to take the fight to the monsters is front and centre of his actions, finally ending the hostage rescue part of the Hero Association plans.

it’s one thing to see a hero standing on top of a dead monster, but seeing this tiny guy on an armoured carrier and knowing that he could kill everybody in the convoy effortlessly did more to sell the insanity of Class S to me than many monster fights could. No wonder ordinary men call them monsters.

Two big changes from the webcomic to the manga have been first, splitting Genos off from the rest so he has to act out of his own heart rather than being carried along/supported by others. And second, giving him information about the monsters so he can descend to Hell with open eyes.  If any webcomic readers thought that Genos was being impulsive and naive when he took on the cadres rather than brave, the manga decisively lays that to rest.  This boy is truly courageous. 

Finally, the hero most known for scheming to lord it over others (in order to feel better about herself), Fubuki, closed out the year by showing an amazing side to her. 

She’s long hated dealing with strong monsters and Overgrown Pochi is her worst nightmare -- a true terror of a monster. She feels it all: inadequate, scared, frustrated, vulnerable.  Accepts that she’s almost certainly going to die.  And then uses her delusion of leading Bang and Bomb as a source of strength to bolster their bodies and protect them from harm for long enough for them to counter attack.

The bloodshot eye, the veins standing proud out of the sheer effort wrung out of her, the blood running down her face as she faces the monster.  No fucks given about decorum or looks: she’s going down swinging.  Bravo! 

Oh yeah, and Garou woke up.  He seems a bit mad. 

the second-best cover of 2019

#OPM #meta #2019 review #manga #heroes #Orochi #Psykos #Saitama #Drive Knight #Metal Knight #Dr Bofoi #Genos #Sekingar #Fubuki #Bang #Bomb #Garou #we wait to see what 2020 will bring

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

#survey #quiz #questions

[blacknpurplewarpster]

[IDW Skywarp Headcanon]

More about his awful comments/attitude towards others

I know I’ve written about this before but I cant seem to find it anywhere on my blog. I was rereading the original comic series and thought I’d elaborate a little bit more than what I had previously wrote. I was going to include a snippet from Unicron #2 

Skywarp: “Among others. Could you try bumbling into trouble a little closer to the mainland next time? This was decidedly inconvenient.”  Helix: “I think he means ‘Glad you guys are okay. Sorry it took so long to reach you.’ Isn’t that right, Skywarp?” Skywarp: “I suppose. I would have been more annoyed if we had come all this way and they were already dead.” Helix: “Do you actually know when you’re being awful?” Skywarp: “Almost always. Fortunately, showing up and being remarkable are more important to being a G.I. Joe than unnecessary human pleasantries.” 

Skywarp mentions that he knows when he is being awful with his comments and just overall to others when Helix calls him out on it after just saving part of his team. This team he has been with for a few years and is close to them, even Rock. Going through the comments, he makes snarky ass comments towards Rock and doesn’t give a shit about what his friend thinks either. I’ll come back to Rock in a bit here. Some of his comments towards Rock are rather hilarious in the way Skywarp is portrayed doing them. Not to say Rock deserves his shitty attitude. But later on, they become better and closer friends. 

Even though he is no longer a Decepticon, he still puts duty above everything else, even if it means stepping on others toes or hurting others feelings. Thing is, Skywarp doesn’t care. He feels being blunt is better than beating around the bush or sugarcoating things. He will tell others straight up what he feels and doesn’t give a shit about what it might do. 

Another example is he even says this to Thundercracker, whom he hasn’t seen in a decade or more. 

Thundercracker: “Last time I saw you, you shot me in the face.” Skywarp: “Eh, you deserved it.” 

Like jeezus straight to his face. I think it was like the second sentence he said to Thundercracker after not seeing him for YEARS. Like harsh much? 

So pretty much no one can hide from this. The one thing I have noticed, his snarky comments seem to back off once there’s a tighter bond between himself and whomever else. This happens once Skywarp has a change of heart once he realized how Rock and himself are a lot more similar than he thought. Rock repeatedly tells Skywarp about being alone but he finally realizes this at one important moment. Rock decides to own up to his mistakes of paralyzing Grand Slam and wants to sacrifice his life to blow up the Fatal Fluffies in hopes to get rid of his guilt but its also a sense of pride from him. Skywarp decides to stay back with Rock and decides to stay even when the detonator goes off--surprise surprise, he saves Rock and their bond grows close. 

Here’s some of their conversations between one another just to show you: You can skip all the way down to see my final thoughts. 

---------------------------------------------------------------- GI Joe #1: Rock: Hey, uhh, Skywarp… I was wondering… seeing as we’re teammates… you think I could ride back with you? Skywarp: Are you asking me…to open up my cockpit… and allow you to climb inside of me? Rock: Umm.. yes? Skywarp: Jets off Rock: Looks like I’m with you again.

GI Joe #4

Skywarp: “Look at them. Squabbling in the dirt like… like insects! They can’t do anything. They can accomplish nothing… without me!” Rock: “Hey Skywarp… Instead of waiting for transpo, I was thinking that if you don’t mind, maybe we could.. you know.” Skywarp: Squints hard and jets off Rock: “Jerk.”

Gi Joe #5 Skywarp: “Tell me… you geeks got your data…?” Skywarp: “This isn’t working! I’m tired of you insects leaning on me! Why am I the only one— GAAAH!” Covergirl: “Don’t worry, Skywarp…the calvary’s arrived!” Skywarp: “Now you cowards show up, after sending me ahead.” Rock: “Hey now… I offered to ride with you.” Skywarp: “You know my feelings on that.” Skywarp: “Are you even helping at all?!” Rock: “Honestly? Not really. But if you’d let me ride with—ooofh-!” Skywarp: “Gahhh!” Covergirl: “Skywarp! Come in! Do you read us?!” Skywarp: Khhkkthhhkkt Rock: “Skywarp! Are… are you ok?” Skywarp: “kkhkt No…But I will be there once we will that thing. Were you getting emotional, you sentimental insect?” Rock: “What? I was… No…”

GI Joe #6 Skywarp: “Hrmph. I’ll be the judge of that. Crude ugly thing. If this is the best you can do, no wonder you can’t fix me.” Roadblock: “Four Joes. Skywarp counts.” 

Rock: Turns into this monster from the Fatal Fluffies Skywarp: “I know what this is really about...” Rock: “Hunh?” Skywarp: “...You’re sad I wouldn’t give you a ride. But don’t worry, you’ll get what you want...When i carry you out in pieces.”

GI Joe #7 Skywarp: Is fighting mega-Rock and knows to be gentle and junk. “You are as arrogant as the rest of them! Even enlarged! even with horns and claws! You are nothing but an insec--Urlkh--!” Is being choked out.

Skywarp: “Hey! You watch your mouth!”

Rock: “I know. That’s why I’m volunteering. I’ve done enough damage more than enough. Let me redeem myself please.” Skywarp: “Sure but you aren’t going alone. Someone needs to defend your position while you set up the bomb.” Rock: “But I.. I threw you into the mole pod. the explosion was..” Skywarp: “Yeah, so another one doesn’t scare me much, besides...as soon as the bombs in place, before you hit the button... I”m getting out of here.” 

GI Joe #8 Rock: “Almost read! You gotta jet!” Skywarp: “You’ll be overrun before you can hit it! Besides...It’s an honor to stand by your side. You are a true warrior.” Rock: “No...I’m a Joe. We both are.”  Skywarp saves Rock by letting him ride inside of his cockpit in order to get away from the blast.

Gi Joe #9 Rock: “He wouldn’t let me use the radio.” Skywarp: “You haven’t earned the privilege!” Rock: “Whatever. You ready for the blast beat?”  Skywarp: “Do we have to call it that?”  Skywarp and Rock: “Yoooooooo Joooooooe!”  Rock: “Thanks to Skywarp! Hes letting me ride with him!” Skywarp: “Once! Only once!” 

GI Joe First Strike #1

Skywarp: “You need to get him his own jet!”

Scarletts Strike Force 1 Rock: Skywarp, I”m serious! Seriously! Doc: You know he’s the only one who can put up with your grouchy metal butt.. Skywarp: I thought you liked-- Doc: Nope Skywarp: .... Fine Rock: Hey! Piggyback ride! Skywarp: Start using that shotgun or I’m doing barrel rolls!

---- This is where Skywarps attitude really changes. -------

Rock: And they were chanting this name...glub? golob..goolub? Hey! Are you even listening to me? Skywarp: Its a boring story about something that didn’t actually happen! Why would I listen to it?! Rock: Because it’s stressing me out, man. It felt...different.. Skywarp: Different from your other dreams? Rock: Yeah dude Skywarp: Different from your Jem dreams? Rock: Come on man.. Skywarp: A holograms fan. You’re not metal. Rock: They have some serious riffs, alright!?

Scarletts Strike Force #2

Skywarp: Can you fix my teleportation? Or are you techgeeks just as worthless as everyone else in the Lemuria? Rock: Dude, I’m standing right here. Hey man can I help? Grand Slam: I’ve got it Rock. You only ruined the bottom half of me. Skywarp: Getting m teleportation fixed is the only reason I threw in with you insects! why havent you fixed it yet? You’ve been trying and failing since the EDC!  Grand Slam: Like I told you: We don’t have the tech, or the knowledge. or the materials.

Scarletts Strike Force #3 Skywarp: Yeah. Me. And you’re welcome. Don’t act so shocked. you insects think a giant robot doesn’t know his way around a rudimentary geothermal generator? You’ve been recruited. We’ll rendezvous in DC. You have three minutes to find yourselves a ride before surveillance is back up. Helix: Aren’t you letting people ride inside of you now? Skywarp: Only Rock ‘n Roll! 

Unicron #2 The first set of quotes goes right here in events wise. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is the end of their interactions. I know I didn’t show everything but it shows a huge chunk of how you can see how Skywarp is only “nice” to Rock really because in his optics, he isn’t respected by some of the others, especially Grand Slam. So in his mindset, why does he have to be nice if he doesn’t have the respect? 

He figures he lost his respect towards Thundercracker (or rather TC lost respect for Skywarp) because of what he’d done to him so he resets back to being an ass. He thinks their history doesn’t matter anymore, so he resorts to just tell him straight-up. Perhaps he was always straight up before their meeting with Starscream and he’s resorting back to his normal or preset attitude/maturity. That all of what has gone on from him shooting TC out of the sky onwards, smacked him so hard it woke him up from this “fantasy.” If that makes sense?? I’m tired and rambling. 

Deep down, I truly believe he cares but he isn’t going to show that side. He needs to put duty before anything else because that’s the motto Skywarp lives by. You can see a lot of this change in him throughout the entire series but it really sets out from AHM series onwards. His whole attitude flips and starts to really develop his character and we see this. I have a feeling he didn’t used to be like this but what he’s done in his life has shaped him to act in this way. Perhaps its a way of not letting others get close to him. It might very well be a defense mechanism. Who knows, we truly won’t know canon wise since the series ended. 

THANKS FOR BEING HERE FOR MY HEADCANON AND RAMBLE OF THOUGHTS. 

#[IDW Skywarp Headcanon] #//beware long af post

[traincat]

So honestly, I've always been a Spidey fan but ever since I found your tumblr, my opinion on him has changed. I like the fact that Peter is sweet funny but can easily get mad . I love violent Peter in the way that it shows a big part of him that isn't heroic. His short temper is honestly one of my new favorite things of him. My friends don't actually believe me when I tell them this. Do you think you can make post showing of some or all the moments SM has lost his temper or has been violent?

First off, I’m glad you enjoy my tumblr! Thank you for reading my posts. Second off, for me that’s it, exactly. I like that Peter has this kind duality to him – to the people he loves, he’s an incredibly loving, kind, devoted person, and his sense of humor can be very disarming in a variety of situations, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a darker side to him, and his rage is one of my favorite sides to him. I can definitely provide some examples, but like, this is representative of a huge swathe of comics: traditionally he very much does have a short temper and an angry side, so if you go back before the last couple of years, and especially before Brand New Day, you’ll find plenty of examples of this.

First and foremost, I’m going to recommend one of my favorite Amazing Spider-Man arcs, Back in Black (Amazing Spider-Man #539–543) which is basically nonstop this. Following Peter’s public unmasking and the wake of Civil War, the Kingpin has Mary Jane and May targeted; May is shot and ends up in a coma. Peter reacts violently.

“To do what I do best when I really put my mind to it, MJ. I’m going to hurt someone.” Move over, Wolverine. (Amazing Spider-Man #539)

“I break his hand. It snaps like dry wood. At another time I would’ve taken comfort in the thought that this hand would no longer be able to sell a gun to anybody, or pull a trigger. And maybe I will… later.” The lack of regret here is very notable. People love to use guilt as one of Peter’s biggest traits, without really considering what he feels guilty over. Here his reaction to breaking the hand of a man who was involved, however tangentially, in the harm of his family is that he’ll later feel comfort over it, not guilt. (ASM #539)

“He drops the gun as I break his arm”/”Pick it up. You’ve still got one good arm. Go ahead. (…) I said pick it up!” (ASM #540) It should be noted there’s heavy implication Peter would have killed this man, who fired the gun that injured Aunt May, if he hadn’t been interrupted. The story is what prevents Spider-Man from crossing the intentional kill line, not Peter’s actual morals. In case anyone tries to argue to the contrary, it’s a common error in Spider-Man fandom to attribute every instance where Peter wears the black suit to the Venom symbiote and its influence; in fact, most of the appearances where Peter Parker appears in the black Spider-Man suit have nothing to do with Venom. There’s a cloth version of the black suit, which is what Peter is wearing here. 

JMS, who wrote this stretch of Spider-Man, loved a good predator-prey metaphor, with Peter explicitly portrayed as the ultimate predator. (ASM #541)

“I turn your entire respiratory system into one big solid chunk of useless tissue and webbing. It takes three seconds.” (ASM #542) This Peter vs Kingpin fight is one of my very favorite Spider-Man fights because Peter’s so deadly effective in it. He’s not worried about anything. He’s just fighting, and Peter just fighting is canonically enough to take out cosmic threats like Firelord. Kingpin is, ultimately, when Peter is unleashed from everything else, no match for him, which Peter demonstrates here. A friend on twitter pointed out recently that there’s something particularly brutal and disturbing about the above panel where Peter lifts Kingpin up by his skin as if it was his shirt, and I agree. The whole thing is a very effective piece of storytelling when it comes to Peter’s rage. The biggest thing for Peter’s violent side for me is that, ultimately, it is rooted in love and protection. His berserk button is either events or recollections of events where the people he loves are hurt. Here, May has been hurt, maybe killed. Mary Jane has been threatened and targeted. All the rules are gone now. 

My other favorite thing is one very particular move Peter does when he’s in the depths of his rage. We’re most of us familiar with the fact that Peter can stick to things, like walls, which is a big part of how Spider-Man moves. But when Peter is really angry, he has a thing he does where he sticks his fingers to someone’s face and then pulls their skin off:

(Amazing Spider-Man #598)

(Amazing Spider-Man #637)

It’s ugly. It’s brutal. It’s some damn good storytelling. And while it’s less direct than these two examples against Norman Osborn and Sasha Kravinoff respectively, Peter also once played the psychological game and bet a child killer would rip the webbing – along with his own skin – off, rather than wait for it dissolve on its own:

(Spectacular Spider-Man #128)

More than angry or violent, I should note, Peter can be extremely brutal. But more examples of his violent side under the cut. 

Back in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1, Peter was referred to as the world’s most amazing fighting machine.

Peter takes on Harry’s drug dealers in Amazing Spider-Man #98.

As famous as The Night Gwen Stacy Died is as a story, I find it’s impact often underplayed by a lot of fans. In fact, Peter was very much intent on killing on Norman Osborn at one point within the story, and though ultimately he doesn’t go down that path, Gwen’s death is clearly something that haunts and triggers him in the future. When he thinks Felicia is being threatened on a bridge in Spider-Man/Black Cat: Evil That Men Do #6, for example, he violently reacts:

Some other examples:

Amazing Spider-Man #200 – a rematch against the burglar who killed Uncle Ben.

With Aunt May and her fiance Nathan Lubensky in Amazing Spider-Man #238.

Against both the killer and Daredevil during The Death of Jean DeWolff, a friend of Peter’s, in Spectacular Spider-Man #110.

Spectacular Spider-Man #120 – Peter confronts a thug who was paid to be part of a scheme chasing tenants from their rent controlled apartments so the property owner could sell the property for much greater profits. Peter’s sense of responsibility can, notably, make him a violent force for justice when he feels others are misusing that responsibility.

Spectacular Spider-Man #134 – note the finger grooves in the metal pole where Peter was gripping it.

Spectacular Spider-Man #135 – here Peter’s anger frightens even Mary Jane.

Spectacular Spider-Man #173 – Peter reacts to fellow photographer Nick Katzenberg making comments about Mary Jane.

Amazing Spider-Man #522 – Peter throws Wolverine out of a supposedly unbreakable glass window for making comments about Mary Jane! A pattern.

Spectacular Spider-Man #226 – here he is trying to choke out his own clone.

And here he is, baited into violently attacking Norman Osborn in Spectacular Spider-Man #250.

Violently attacking a fencer involved in the attack of his friend and first love Betty Brant in Amazing Spider-Man #665.

Breaking the new Vulture’s arms in Amazing Spider-Man #594.

Look, this is really just a scant handful of examples – if you comb through the body of Spider-Man canon, there are a lot more. Up until extremely recently, Peter has never been portrayed as someone who doesn’t have a temper, and a violent one that he works to keep in check but nonetheless occasionally slips. Anything else is a total erasure of decades worth of canon, and whether or not an individual agrees with this portrayal doesn’t erase the fact that it very much was the portrayal for years. And personally I think Peter is a much richer character for this violent side, and the recent erasure of it in both comics and the MCU, and for the past decade or so in fandom, is very disappointing to me. He’s a better character when he’s allowed to be multilayered, and traditionally he is. One thing to remember is that Peter walks around in his entire adult life with the strength of someone who can put his hand easily through unbreakable glass or concrete, and he’s not immune to having his buttons pushed. From a characterization standpoint, it’s not shocking that this is the kind of reaction he displays when he is pushed too far. 

#peter parker #spiderman #marvel comics #traincat talks comics #long post/

[emotionally-imbruised]

I’ve been thinking non-stop about gemma and y/n not knowing what to talk about now that y/n is dating harry because like they’re best friends and y/n wants to spill about the amazing sex she’s having omg ail is amazing and I’m so happy it’s getting the recognition it deserves

I love you??? Thank you so much hun wow. And ok, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it either, and with all the hontent we received the weekend of the hall of fame induction??? It just turned into this whole thing lol, enjoy. (Ok so this turned out way more dramatic than I anticipated initially but oh welllllll.)

Accidentally In Love: Didn’t Mean To Do It

Word Count: 3.4k

“Gem?”

Your best friend doesn’t look up as you speak but instead continues to type away on her phone, not realizing you had said anything at all. After she sends the message she was so focused on, she finally glances up and jumps slightly when she sees you staring back at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

“What’re you and Michal going off about now, hmm?” You ask jokingly as you glance down at her phone to see a conversation open with her boyfriend’s name at the top of it.

“Talking about you actually,” she replies with a smirk before taking a sip of her steaming coffee — winking as she does so, knowing it’ll get a rise out of you.

“Only good things I hope.”

“Mmm, maybe. Maybe not.” The two of you both let out a small laugh as she sets her mug back down and soon lets an awkward silence seemingly inflate the space between the two you.

This coffee date with Gemma has been… odd, to say the least. You flew to London from LA yesterday (Sunday) evening to begin your week-long stay in the UK for a quick little vacation from work and went out of your way to make sure that a good chunk of your time here was spent with your best friend; which naturally, she agreed to. The two of you are now currently sat in the small cafe across the street from your hotel, finally catching up, seeing as you hadn’t seen each other since when she was in LA last and well… everyone knows how that was slightly disastrous.

Having your best friend walk in on you, making out with her brother was one thing you never thought you’d experience ever, but alas, that’s precisely what happened. You hated everything about the situation (minus the finally being able to kiss Harry part) because you knew it put Gemma in an awkward place and were just very unsure of what to do next. A huge weight seemed to be lifted from your chest when she eventually came around and said she was ok with you and Harry pursuing whatever it was going on between the two of you.

However, this is the first time the two of you have been in the same place since then, and she’s been acting a little strange. Gemma’s barely said a word to you other than the initial catching up, and if there’s one thing you know about your best friend, it’s how to tell when something is bothering her — especially if whatever it is bugging her has something to do with people she cares about.

After another moment of observing her, you finally decide to ask her about it. “Hey, is everything ok?”

“Oh, uh yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” She shakes her head slightly, and it’s clear that your question caught her off guard, but you don’t let that stop you.

“You’ve just been oddly quiet. Usually, when we get the chance to meet up after a long period, it’s nearly impossible to shut either of us up… we’ve barely said anything to each other, G. Is something on your mind?”

“I… I guess I just don’t know what to talk to you about anymore,” she responds and averts her gaze from you completely.

“What do you mean by that?” You ask in a slightly defensive tone. “You know we can talk to each other about anything.”

“Can we though? Because ever since you started messing around with my brother, that hasn’t really been the case.”

And there it is. You had a feeling this might’ve been what was bugging her, but you still weren’t able to prepare yourself for the sting you felt as the words left her mouth to confirm this theory. “I-I don’t know what you want me to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” she states firmly and takes another sip of her coffee. “M’just letting you know how I feel, cause… I don’t know, it just hasn’t been the same since, well you know. We used to be able to share everything before a couple of months ago, now it’s just weird.”

“Weird? Gemma, I literally avoided Harry for two weeks after telling him how I felt out of fear that this would happen. Weird is a damn understatement when it comes to all of this, but the one thing I thought would’ve stayed consistent out of all that was our friendship. Nothing has changed, ok? I’m still me.”

“Everything has changed Y/N, how do you not see that?” The eldest Styles sibling begins, and you feel a slight sense of aggravation bubble within you at her tone. “You’re not just my best friend anymore; you’re also my brother’s girlfriend, or fuck buddy, or whatever it is the two of you call it because, hell I don’t know.”

“Is that why you’re mad? Because I haven’t gone into details about my sex or personal life as of late?” You ask incredulously and watch as she lets out a loud huff. “Honestly didn’t think you’d want to hear about that kind of thing anymore.”

“Ew no, I would never want to hear anything regarding that when my brother is involved,” she defends with a scrunched-up nose. “But Y/N, this is what I’m trying to say! We used to talk about this kind of thing completely unfazed because that’s what friends do. I just, feel like I’m losing my best friend. And it just so happens to be to Harry of all people.”

“You’re not losing me to anyone G. I know this is still so weird, and I’m still getting used to it all too, but Harry makes me really happy. The happiest I’ve been in a long time with any relationship I’ve developed because fuck, a lot of people I’ve associated with are awful. Harry is not one of those people, and he treats me really well. As my best friend, I thought you’d want that for me.”

“Of course I want that for you, you’re crazy to think otherwise. I want that for Harry too, but I haven’t quite adjusted to the thought of the two of you being that for each other. Does that make any sense?”

“Nope… Can honestly say I’m still pretty lost actually,” you respond with an unconvincing chuckle and try to ignore the fact that you can feel your eyes beginning to water out of frustration. “I mean, i-is this your way of saying you don’t want me and Harry to be together?”

“Y/N I-.”

You watch your best friend open and close her mouth a few times without finishing her sentence, making it apparent just how much she’s considering her words before she says them. A moment passes, and the awkward silence unsurprisingly resumes again. Gemma lets out a sigh of defeat, and you can’t help the scoff that leaves your mouth as you reach up to wipe away the stray tear that uncooperatively decided to escape from your eye. “That’s exactly what you’re trying to say, isn’t it?”

“I’m not even sure if that’s what I’m trying to say yet.” She replies, causing you to look at her questionably. “I’m definitely not the biggest fan of what the two of you have going on, mainly because I’m not used to it. But I’d never ask you to choose between him or me. No, I can’t do that to you or my brother, I just… almost wish it didn’t happen to begin with if m’being honest.”

This time it’s your turn to let out a sigh of defeat as you shake your head, and blink back more of the tears you feel are threatening to escape. This is exactly what you tried to avoid back in December when this whole thing with you and Harry started. Every bit of you wishes Gemma would’ve said something then about how she felt about the situation because this exact conversation could have been prevented. With how she handled everything that happened in LA, you genuinely thought she was ok with you and Harry possibly being more than just friends — but clearly, that was misinterpreted, and you have one question racing through your mind because of it; what changed her mind?

You like to think of yourself as someone Gemma would consider good enough to date her brother, someone she’d trust enough to never intentionally hurt him. Which you feel that you are as well, but with how she’s acting right now; maybe that isn’t the case, and that thought hurts a lot to even just consider.

Unsure of what to do next, you advert your gaze from hers and decide to do what you do best — plan an escape route. “Right. I uh, I think I’m going to go back to the hotel.”

“What? No,” she starts and stands up from the table at the same time you do. “Y/N, I didn’t mean to upset you. I know it probably doesn’t seem like that because of how I’ve handled everything, but I honestly didn’t, and I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know what I was feeling, please sit down so we can talk about this.”

“I need to think some things over before I have this conversation with you Gem, so I am going to leave. I uh, I’ll see you on Thursday when we get lunch with your mum.” And with that, you gather up your things before making your exit; not saying another word or bothering to give her one last glance, despite the holes you feel her gaze is burning into your back as you go.

That evening, you’re sat in the king-sized bed in the hotel room you awkwardly had to ask reception desk to book for a few more days as you figured everything out. Originally you were only supposed to stay in the hotel for just your first night in London and spend the next few nights of your stay with Harry at his apartment before he left for New York City that Thursday for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. With Harry having plans to only be in NYC for two nights before coming back to the UK, you were going to stay with Gemma before going back to Harry’s once he returned home for the remainder of your trip. But now that’s all changed because of your stupid overthinking mind and everything else that has happened today.

You’ve yet to see Harry at all since arriving here from LA, and that alone is making everything so much more difficult. He made the trip to Holmes Chapel this past weekend for a visit with some friends and just so happened to be getting ready for his drive back to London when you called him saying you wouldn’t be at his apartment when he got home. You didn’t go into details about your coffee date with Gemma, just explained how you needed to think some things over without stating what those things were; which left him even more confused. When he started pressing for more information, you panicked and ended up cutting the conversation short by saying there was poor reception in the hotel and accidentally losing cell service before he could protest.

Flash forward to the present time, and you now feel like absolute garbage about it all. You’re still unsure of what to with the whole situation you’ve created for yourself and frankly, you really just don’t want to tonight.

A small buzz from your phone goes off from under one of the many pillows on the bed to indicate another new notification from probably either Harry or Gemma, but you continue to ignore it as you let out a breath and take in your surroundings. Sprawled out around you are an open bag of potato chips and a couple chocolate bar wrappers. The half-full bottle of wine you bought earlier remains perched in easy reach on the nightstand, and finally, about seven tissues you used to wipe away your tears as you watched the final few episodes for season 2 of Grey’s Anatomy stay scattered all over the place. A girl is allowed to eat her feelings ok, and if your current setting doesn’t flawlessly display what someone who is ‘going through it looks like, you really don’t know what else will.

Your phone buzzes again as your gaze falls back to your laptop that has displayed the darkened screen asking if you’re still watching for the past few minutes now and gasp when you see your reflection. The messy bun your hair was thrown up into earlier has come loose and is now flopped to the side of your head, your eyes are noticeably puffy looking, and mascara streaks stain your now very rosy cheeks. You look like a hot mess, to say the least, but you really don’t care at this point.

After a moment, you make the executive decision that maybe you should go have a nice warm shower to recollect your so obviously clouded mind before perhaps deciding to not be a coward and actually respond to Harry. Ok, maybe not Harry, but at least Gemma. Harry will just divert your attention from thinking this whole thing through and figuring out what will be best for everyone, even if that consists of breaking someone’s heart; which you undoubtedly feel will end up being your own.

Once you’re all situated in the washroom and are about to start running the water so you can allow it to warm up, a knock sounds from out in the room. It catches you off guard momentarily, and you find yourself frozen and waiting to see if whoever is there will knock again. When they do knock for the second time, you quickly look to your naked reflection in the mirror before scrambling back into the room so you can change before answering the door. “Uh, just a second!”

“Y/N, can you let me in please?” Harry’s voice booms from out in the hall sounding rather desperate, which causes you to freeze in your tracks.

“H?”

“Yes, now would you open the door?”

With a quick shake of your head at his unexpected visit, you look over your shoulder at the fluffy towers folded up on a shelf in the washroom and make a quick dash to grab one so you can wrap it around your body before going back to answer the door. “Hey, what’re-?”

“Y/N, what the hell?” Harry stresses as he barges into the hotel room and immediately starts pacing; running a hand through his growing curls as he goes. “I’ve spent well over the last three hours trying to get a hold of you after you hung up on me for no reason thinking that something happened, or that you had someone here and this was your way of ending things with me or… or-.”

“Woah, hey, look at me, ok?” You start as you shut the door and reach out to grip onto his arms, so he stays in place; making sure to tighten your armpits, so the towel doesn’t fall loose. “I’m right here, alone, without a scratch on me. I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy and eating my feelings if you really want to know what I was doing.”

“Without me?” He scoffs and earns a chuckle from you. “What’s with the towel?”

“I was about to have a shower,” you reply, causing a pout to form on his lips at the thought of you not including him in that either. “See, you’ve got nothing to be so worked up about.”

“Sorry. Kind of an initial reaction when my girlfriend, who I haven’t seen in quite a while calls me saying I won’t get to see her out of nowhere.”

You can feel him relax under your touch and can’t help but just continue staring at him in awe without being able to respond, even as he snakes an arm around your waist to pull you against him. “Girlfriend?”

“Well… yeah,” he says as a slight blush starts tinging his cheeks, and a stupid smile stretches across your mouth. “Been calling you that for a while now to all m’friends. They think I’m pretty whipped, starting to think I might be too.”

Without another word, he leans down to connect his lips with yours, which you instinctively respond to; allowing the ache and craving you’ve felt for him during your time apart to take over as logic screams at you to not. He gently pushes you backwards until your back hits the door, before finally letting his hands roam around your body completely. As he does this, you can feel the towel beginning to slip and just as it hits the point of almost showing off everything you’ve got, you come back to your senses.

“Little impatient and touchy, yeah?” You mutter against his lips and use your hands to reposition the towel.

“When it comes to you? Always.” He responds before placing a final peck to your already swelling mouth and leaning back a little bit. His right-hand drops from where it’s placed on your hip and uses moves it to lean against the door as he continues to look down at you intensely. “You gonna tell me what that phone call was about, love? Or am I going to have to guess?”

“I-,” you begin, but stop as you try to think of what to even say. “I don’t even know H, I’m so confused.”

“Ok, well why don’t you start off by telling me what happened today then, yeah?” There’s no point in protesting, so with a simple nod, you allow Harry to lead you back over to the bed and tell him about everything that happened with Gemma.

Once you’re done telling him everything that’s happened today, he remains silent and seems to be avoiding your gaze. “Harry?”

“So that’s what you meant by needing to think things over,” he states and keeps his eyes adverted from yours. You don’t answer, but rather just nod your head; which results in him finally looking at you. “What is there to think about Y/N?”

“What- did you not listen to anything I just told you?”

“Yes, I did. Quite thoroughly actually, and the only problem I see is one you’re making bub. Gemma is an adult. She’s my sister, and I value her opinion, but she does not get to say who I can and can’t have a relationship with. I also can’t help but think that there was probably some miscommunication and the two of you let this be blown out of proportion rather than actually talking it out like you both tend to do.”

It catches you off guard just how well he really does know your friendship with his sister, but that doesn’t prevent the scoff that still leaves your mouth in defense. “It’s really not that easy, Harry.”

“Yes, it is!” He argues right back, and you start feeling a little annoyed by his stubbornness.

“I don’t want to lose my best friend, Harry!”

“Who says you’re losing anyone? Y/N, if what you want is to be with me… that’s all there is to it.”

“I’m not sure what I want, alright! Maybe all I really want is space!” A small gasp follows your words as soon as they leave your mouth, and the two of you are left in silent shock. You regret your words immediately and wish you could take them back because that is the last thing you want, especially when it comes to Harry. “H, I-.”

A small defeated sigh leaves his mouth and cuts you off before you can continue, causing a slight ache to form in your chest as he looks at you with hurt written across his features. You watch as he closes his and takes a deep breath before slowly standing up from the mattress. “Ok. If space is what you want, I’ll be on my way.”

“Harry, I didn’t mean that. I just-.”

“You’re confused.” He finishes for you, and you feel tears beginning to prick at your eyes again. “I am too right now. Maybe this whole space thing is actually what we both need.”

“No, I-I wasn’t thinking. Harry, I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m still trying to figure everything out when it comes to us. I, I wish I knew the right thing to say right now.”

“Me too,” he responds and looks away from you to the door. “Didn’t think there was anything to ‘figure’ anything out when it came to us, but I’ll leave you to it. Give me a call when you find out what it is you do want Y/N because clearly, this isn’t it.”

He doesn’t say anything else as he makes the few steps across the room to the door and opens it. The tears are fully streaming down your face as he looks back at you with an unreadable expression, and silently turns on his heel before disappearing back out into the hallway; leaving you a trembling, sobbing mess with what’s left of the broken heart he didn’t take with him when he walked out that door.

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